Posts
January 29, 2012
Senator Richard Durbin
1504 3RD Avenue – 227
Rock Island, IL 61201
RE: A “Heart Starter” at dawn – You really, really said it. New verses are being prepared for “Liar, liar, pants on fire”
Senator Durbin, AKA “Little Dick”,
“There are people literally fighting and dying for
the right to vote in countries like Syria, and we are
finding ways to restrict the right to vote in Florida?”
God’s holy trousers!
Your well-earned sobriquet, “Little Dick”, has stayed with you since your days in Catholic high school. Alas, it does not do you justice. You have a pair of huevos so big and brassy that they set off TSA alarms when you get to the airport parking lot. They must wheel you through the scanner on a gurney. Forget about boxers or briefs. Your knickers must be made of Kevlar and Tyvek lined parachute cloth.
It’s been 12 years since anyone from Illinois said anything so finger nails on the blackboard excruciatingly egregious as your comments on voting in Florida.
I recall Bill Daley, a true son of Chicago as well as the son of King Richard the First, getting off a plane in November, 2000. He said, minus any visible smirks or an eyebrow arching not seen since the glory days of John Belushi, “It’s time to start the recount.”
The thought of having to listen to Vice President Alpha Gump chicken choke his “sex starved poodle” for 4 years caused a pound of kidney stones to appear spontaneously. In each kidney.
They dissolved painlessly when Grifter Daley, a man whose father, Daley of Chicago, retired the trophy for Democrats stealing elections, said “Let’s count the votes”.
Jonathan Swift and Mel Brooks could not have said it better.
It took 12 years to take out the champ.
It is only fitting that it took but one line from another Illinois man to do it.
Kevin Smith
PS – “All evidence is circumstantial”, said Bertie. “Yes sir”, said Jeeves. “Like when you find a trout in the milk.” A few years ago, when a Republican was in the White House, you regularly called American soldiers “Nazis”. There is a picture of 4 Marines peeing on the bodies of some dead Taliban thugs. Has the presence of a Democrat in the White House precluded you from singing the Horst Wessel song as you fling red paint on the Marine Memorial in Arlington or is it just a coincidence? My mother never raised a fool. I am trying to get your Wikipedia entry festooned with a new and improved sobriquet: LITTLE DICK, THE BIG HYPOCRITE
Monday, January 30, 2012
Sunday, January 22, 2012
Broward County is Ground Zero for modern American Liberalism.
January 22, 2012
Broward County is Ground Zero for modern American Liberalism. It is the mother lode for HORSES ASSES who believe, like Lysenko, that animate objects, things like turnips, like men, can be conditioned by a good government to exceed their capacities and benefit all society.
When registering as Democrats all 18 year olds in Broward County take a blood oath swearing allegiance to the innocence of Alger Hiss, the validity of price controls, a 105% tax bracket, the ability to spread wealth around without first “creating” it, that the War on Poverty needs but one more big push to break through the enemy’s lines, that Republicans are evil, that Bobby Kennedy never worked for Joe McCarthy, that the undeserving poor, particularly women and minorities, need an extra helping hand to get them through the day, that Wal*Mart’s $4 prescription plan and cheaper prices for everything else notwithstanding, it hurts poor people, particularly women of color with children in need of a good Ritalin program who are discriminated against by the lack of a public transit system, that “Custer died for our sins”, that Julie and Ethel were not only fried they were screwed, that oil companies want to kill everybody on this planet and on all others, and that all things are possible if good men [and women] just want it badly enough. OOPS! I almost forgot. The right of women to have a 5th trimester abortions shall not be infringed.
It is a self-evident fact that Broward County Democrats – modern American Liberals all – would vote for Josef Mengele, M.D. because of his progressive views on women’s reproductive rights.
Modern American Liberals have an astonishing gift. Cognitive dissonance allows them to function reasonably well – Did I say “shovel ready”? You knew I was kidding, didn’t you? - while holding distinctly disparate definitions of reality. One of them is that they universally like mankind. It’s the individual man or men with whom they have trouble. The other one is that the only acceptable deity is Gaia. To Hell with men as long as the furbish lousewort, inter alia, thrives is an article of faith for all card carrying, fire breathing mALs.
I offer Page One of this morning’s Sun-Sentinel as proof of my major premise.
There are five Page One stories.
#1 – If you sit up straight your back won’t hurt as much. Honest. Page One.
#2 – Hispanic vanity license plates are not best sellers. Honest. Page One.
#3 – Gingrich won South Carolina. Florida is next.
#4 involves shuttering a long running business and evicting long term tenants to build a park, said park being built for the enjoyment of other citizens.
I have been in Broward County for 16 years. As a lark, when dim bulb Miriam Oliphant ran the elections bureau and to validate my Hudson County roots, I got multiple voter ID cards. In 1998 I took advantage of the aggressive Affirmative Action programs of Tri-Rail, Broward County, the Broward County Board of Education, and Broward County itself to place myself at the head of the line when it was chow time. It was like there was an uncovered lactating mammary waiting to be covered by an enterprising minority. I quickly add that while my toes were on the line of illegality I did not cross it.
The other two things I still don’t understand are hospital districts and unincorporated areas.
I know that relations between the South district and the North district are similar to the relations between South Korea and North Korea.
I know that 19 years ago there was a bidding war among cities to annex the richer unincorporated areas. I remember that residents of Bonaventure were treated like Iowa caucus members. Weston won their allegiance. Would you believe that in a county where Kumbaya a capella opens the County Commission meetings nobody wanted the 3rd World areas? 3rd World is a synonym for Blacks and White Trash.
A few miles west of the end of Griffin Road sits Everglades Holiday Park. It lacks a zip code, a stop sign, a vegan restaurant, or a hair salon. What it does have is several floating docks with air boats moored to them. If you want to see where the pythons roam and the gators play just buy a ticket and go. It also has a gift shop that has its forebears in Cajun Country. It also has about 60 RVs and trailers that are home to their occupants.
Broward County wants to save the village by burning it down.
It may be legal but, by God, it’s not right.
We are reminded constantly that the Constitution is a living document. Further, Justice Brennan discovered “penumbras” and “emanations” that suggested new rights.
Here’s one: The Right to be left alone.
No one who lives there was drafted. It’s an all-volunteer community. Along comes Mrs. Grundy and some snot nosed technocrat who say with a straight face that they are from the government and they are here to help you. They decide that the greater good will be better served by dispossessing up to 100 people. Why do I feel that the same Logic would not apply to Lighthouse Point or Las Olas Boulevard? I feel that way because I always can tell the buttered side from the dry.
Broward County, a place where you can always get a good picture of our elected officials by visiting your local post office, is on the hook for repairs to the Taj Mahal hockey rink and rock arena. In the real world tenants pay the cost of capital improvements in the form of higher rent. In this case Broward County paid for the hockey rink and then gave it to the company that owned the team. Although the private company benefited mightily from this gift the donor was responsible for the upkeep, maintenance, and improvements. At least the city fathers of Plantation, where the arena is located, were able to grab a few goodies like free tickets and the comped use of several boxes for the rock shows.
It would have been better if Broward County had bought some Greek bonds. At least they’re liquid.
The great Dr. Johnson said “Such stupidity is not found in nature”. He never did get to see Broward County.
#5 involves placing the interests of turtles above men.
Cole Porter asked the question without knowing the answer. “Is it the real turtle soup or only the mock?”
We can stipulate that the inlet from the Intercostal to the ocean at Hillsboro Light can be treacherous. [The sailor’s plaintive cry to God for help – “Lord remember me. They sea is so vast and my boat is so small” – is heard again and again. This week the largest floating object ever made by man floundered in Mare Nostrum.] 4 tide changes a day, cross currents, two way traffic – Sometimes it is not always fair seas and following winds – make the sea a cruel and unforgiving mistress.
30 centuries ago men put lights on hills so that sailors would have at least one fixed point to steer by.
Today men want to take down the light so as to let turtles do their midnight meandering.
There is a legitimate dispute as to which word best describes this. Lunacy and madness both have zealous supporters. I have no particular favorite. Either one will do. In fact both will do.
The fraud perpetrated by Rachel Carson in her 1962 science fiction novel “Silent Spring” lives on.
The side that proclaims the turtle as numero uno, a step up from primus inter pares, is ably defended by someone with the majestic name of Richard White Cloud. I am sure that Manitou told him that the round eyes were saps. After shooting themselves in both feet they then cut their noses off to show their solidarity with the Luddite tree-huggers.
Only a people with their heads so far up their asses that they could do a face lift from the inside believe in such flapdoodle. Such balderdash makes one’s fingernails curl backwards.
God bless the turtles! Help them grow plump. Help them grow sweet. The highest use of a turtle is in a soup pot. Serve it with a dollop of sherry or port. That’s why God made them. He certainly didn’t make them for their looks. They won’t get you the morning paper. I have yet to come across a Seeing Eye turtle.
If turtle protectors want to turn the lights off why don’t we outlaw sea raptors who dine on them? The birds can eat them but man has to grope in the dark when coming back from the ocean?
In Broward County the two legged boobies indeed run the hatch.
It may be too late to retire to Bedlam. Bedlam is here.
KS
Broward County is Ground Zero for modern American Liberalism. It is the mother lode for HORSES ASSES who believe, like Lysenko, that animate objects, things like turnips, like men, can be conditioned by a good government to exceed their capacities and benefit all society.
When registering as Democrats all 18 year olds in Broward County take a blood oath swearing allegiance to the innocence of Alger Hiss, the validity of price controls, a 105% tax bracket, the ability to spread wealth around without first “creating” it, that the War on Poverty needs but one more big push to break through the enemy’s lines, that Republicans are evil, that Bobby Kennedy never worked for Joe McCarthy, that the undeserving poor, particularly women and minorities, need an extra helping hand to get them through the day, that Wal*Mart’s $4 prescription plan and cheaper prices for everything else notwithstanding, it hurts poor people, particularly women of color with children in need of a good Ritalin program who are discriminated against by the lack of a public transit system, that “Custer died for our sins”, that Julie and Ethel were not only fried they were screwed, that oil companies want to kill everybody on this planet and on all others, and that all things are possible if good men [and women] just want it badly enough. OOPS! I almost forgot. The right of women to have a 5th trimester abortions shall not be infringed.
It is a self-evident fact that Broward County Democrats – modern American Liberals all – would vote for Josef Mengele, M.D. because of his progressive views on women’s reproductive rights.
Modern American Liberals have an astonishing gift. Cognitive dissonance allows them to function reasonably well – Did I say “shovel ready”? You knew I was kidding, didn’t you? - while holding distinctly disparate definitions of reality. One of them is that they universally like mankind. It’s the individual man or men with whom they have trouble. The other one is that the only acceptable deity is Gaia. To Hell with men as long as the furbish lousewort, inter alia, thrives is an article of faith for all card carrying, fire breathing mALs.
I offer Page One of this morning’s Sun-Sentinel as proof of my major premise.
There are five Page One stories.
#1 – If you sit up straight your back won’t hurt as much. Honest. Page One.
#2 – Hispanic vanity license plates are not best sellers. Honest. Page One.
#3 – Gingrich won South Carolina. Florida is next.
#4 involves shuttering a long running business and evicting long term tenants to build a park, said park being built for the enjoyment of other citizens.
I have been in Broward County for 16 years. As a lark, when dim bulb Miriam Oliphant ran the elections bureau and to validate my Hudson County roots, I got multiple voter ID cards. In 1998 I took advantage of the aggressive Affirmative Action programs of Tri-Rail, Broward County, the Broward County Board of Education, and Broward County itself to place myself at the head of the line when it was chow time. It was like there was an uncovered lactating mammary waiting to be covered by an enterprising minority. I quickly add that while my toes were on the line of illegality I did not cross it.
The other two things I still don’t understand are hospital districts and unincorporated areas.
I know that relations between the South district and the North district are similar to the relations between South Korea and North Korea.
I know that 19 years ago there was a bidding war among cities to annex the richer unincorporated areas. I remember that residents of Bonaventure were treated like Iowa caucus members. Weston won their allegiance. Would you believe that in a county where Kumbaya a capella opens the County Commission meetings nobody wanted the 3rd World areas? 3rd World is a synonym for Blacks and White Trash.
A few miles west of the end of Griffin Road sits Everglades Holiday Park. It lacks a zip code, a stop sign, a vegan restaurant, or a hair salon. What it does have is several floating docks with air boats moored to them. If you want to see where the pythons roam and the gators play just buy a ticket and go. It also has a gift shop that has its forebears in Cajun Country. It also has about 60 RVs and trailers that are home to their occupants.
Broward County wants to save the village by burning it down.
It may be legal but, by God, it’s not right.
We are reminded constantly that the Constitution is a living document. Further, Justice Brennan discovered “penumbras” and “emanations” that suggested new rights.
Here’s one: The Right to be left alone.
No one who lives there was drafted. It’s an all-volunteer community. Along comes Mrs. Grundy and some snot nosed technocrat who say with a straight face that they are from the government and they are here to help you. They decide that the greater good will be better served by dispossessing up to 100 people. Why do I feel that the same Logic would not apply to Lighthouse Point or Las Olas Boulevard? I feel that way because I always can tell the buttered side from the dry.
Broward County, a place where you can always get a good picture of our elected officials by visiting your local post office, is on the hook for repairs to the Taj Mahal hockey rink and rock arena. In the real world tenants pay the cost of capital improvements in the form of higher rent. In this case Broward County paid for the hockey rink and then gave it to the company that owned the team. Although the private company benefited mightily from this gift the donor was responsible for the upkeep, maintenance, and improvements. At least the city fathers of Plantation, where the arena is located, were able to grab a few goodies like free tickets and the comped use of several boxes for the rock shows.
It would have been better if Broward County had bought some Greek bonds. At least they’re liquid.
The great Dr. Johnson said “Such stupidity is not found in nature”. He never did get to see Broward County.
#5 involves placing the interests of turtles above men.
Cole Porter asked the question without knowing the answer. “Is it the real turtle soup or only the mock?”
We can stipulate that the inlet from the Intercostal to the ocean at Hillsboro Light can be treacherous. [The sailor’s plaintive cry to God for help – “Lord remember me. They sea is so vast and my boat is so small” – is heard again and again. This week the largest floating object ever made by man floundered in Mare Nostrum.] 4 tide changes a day, cross currents, two way traffic – Sometimes it is not always fair seas and following winds – make the sea a cruel and unforgiving mistress.
30 centuries ago men put lights on hills so that sailors would have at least one fixed point to steer by.
Today men want to take down the light so as to let turtles do their midnight meandering.
There is a legitimate dispute as to which word best describes this. Lunacy and madness both have zealous supporters. I have no particular favorite. Either one will do. In fact both will do.
The fraud perpetrated by Rachel Carson in her 1962 science fiction novel “Silent Spring” lives on.
The side that proclaims the turtle as numero uno, a step up from primus inter pares, is ably defended by someone with the majestic name of Richard White Cloud. I am sure that Manitou told him that the round eyes were saps. After shooting themselves in both feet they then cut their noses off to show their solidarity with the Luddite tree-huggers.
Only a people with their heads so far up their asses that they could do a face lift from the inside believe in such flapdoodle. Such balderdash makes one’s fingernails curl backwards.
God bless the turtles! Help them grow plump. Help them grow sweet. The highest use of a turtle is in a soup pot. Serve it with a dollop of sherry or port. That’s why God made them. He certainly didn’t make them for their looks. They won’t get you the morning paper. I have yet to come across a Seeing Eye turtle.
If turtle protectors want to turn the lights off why don’t we outlaw sea raptors who dine on them? The birds can eat them but man has to grope in the dark when coming back from the ocean?
In Broward County the two legged boobies indeed run the hatch.
It may be too late to retire to Bedlam. Bedlam is here.
KS
Saturday, January 21, 2012
Steven L. Goldstein The Sun-Sentinel
January 21, 2012
Steven L. Goldstein
The Sun-Sentinel
200 East Las Olas Boulevard
Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33301
RE: Sorry I’m late – Some comments on your plan for a new order in the soon to be perfect world outlined by you in Friday’s Sun-Sentinel. My sub-theme is how modern American Liberals are secret Nazis.
My dear Professor,
I am late getting back to you because my “shovel ready” project is really starting to pay off. I hired some undeserving poor, with particular attention to women and minorities, to dig a whole string of manatee traps. Not only did I pay them an hourly wage but I promised them a share of future profits. Venture capital writ small, no?
My original plan was to herd these useless sea slugs – I know that they are on the dead end evolutionary ladder that Darwin described because the goal of the Alpha male is to swim into a whirling propeller. If it weren’t for sappy Floridians tossing brown lettuce and last month’s endives and arugula, all certified organic, off the bridge these aquatic dullards would have starved decades ago – into one canal and then force them into a 16 foot diameter Cuisinart. Sausage for the homeless. A brilliant win/win solution, or so I thought. My biggest, shrillest opposition came from abortion rights advocates. Go figure.
The sign of a good venture capitalist, one who is steeped in Schumpeter, is the ability to turn on a dime when the market changes.
Who knew, even 2 years ago, that manatee eructations are disproportionately high, by a factor of 6, in carbon dioxide? A single cow would have to weigh 16,000 pounds to equal the carbon dioxide discharge of a single manatee. Lord knows how many icebergs have been melted because of this. Lord knows how many polar bears have drowned. Lord knows how many warm and fuzzy polar bear cubs have been orphaned because of this. Lord knows how many baby seals are going to grow up to kill all the salmon.
In less than 10 years the water all the melting icebergs and the urine from monster seals Guinness Book hourly emptying of their brobdanaglian bladders will cause a tsunami that will make Wichita, KS the new surfing capital of America. The surfing seals will then eat all the corn in Kansas and Iowa. That means we will have no ethanol. That means a gallon of unleaded regular will cost more than Johnny Walker Black.
If Castro can drill off Key West with the tool pushers and rough necks helicoptering into Sloppy Joe’s for wet tee shirt contests we will be forced to drill in Biscayne Bay and the new Marlins Stadium.
My duty was clear.
Kill the manatees lest the people perish
.
I had to go one step further than Margaret Sanger. She advocated abortion and sterilization – both involuntary - to rid mankind of the defects and lesser breeds. Hitler called them untermenschen when he adapted her writings into his Nuremberg Race Laws. Honest. You could look it up.
When I found out that manatee oil was better and cleaner than whale oil for night time illumination now that we are in the twilight of fossil fuels I couldn’t wait. Think of it as an organic Solyndra.
That’s why I couldn’t get to your column until this morning.
As usual I held it up to a mirror hoping to see an image. It’s people like you who give lycanthropy a bad name. I always sprinkle it with holy water. You can never be too sure about Beelzebub, particularly when dealing with modern American Liberals.
I read your last line first.
In essence you say that we will all be farting through silk once we rid DC of those rotten Republicans.
Picture the House with 200 Nancy Pelosis. Picture 200 thugs, keen to stifle dissent, like Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
“Cement Head” Pelosi said that unemployment benefits are the best job creators. If that is so, would not Logic dictate that the best solution, indeed the quickest fix to our economic malaise – I never thought I thought I would see a worse President than that “clod populist”, Jimmy Carter – would be to put the whole country on the dole, even dead people? The dead have been voting in Hudson County and Cook County for decades. Why not give them a taste? I need a photo ID to get on a plane, rent a car, open a bank account, and so help me, give blood. Somebody should tell Eric Holder.
If someone complains Frau Oberst Debbie Wasserman-Schultz, at heart a brown shirted, hob nail booted Nazi, will silence them. She will send policemen, men with guns, badges, and the majesty of the law, to reason with them, just like she did with me. There was even a good cop/bad cop routine. FDLE Agent Thomas was the good cop. FDLE Agent Mineva was the bad cop. You would think that anyone who claims to have two degrees in Political Science like Dieter, oops, Debbie, Debbie would know that the adage “free men speak with free tongues” is as good today as it was 25 centuries ago.
She will implement carbon regulation by “suggesting” that women surrender their diamonds. Do I have to remind you that diamonds are 100% carbon?
Helping poor people, “victims of life’s circumstances”, especially women and minorities, empower themselves makes me feel special. I can’t wait for these people to become part of the 1%.
Meanwhile you have to stop those “Rainbow Soup” IVs. Alas, it’s time for the “Balloon Juice” enemas to stop. I know that your shoes will never wear out because your feet never touch the ground. Once you successfully ignore the laws governing gravity all things are possible. How else could we have gotten Midnight Basketball?
If you think someone is following you you’re right.
I have endowed, anonymously of course, a new wing at Camp Gitmo for modern American Liberals who are held for observation under the Baker Act.
Just because your paranoid doesn’t mean you don’t have real enemies.
Kevin Smith
Board Certified Life Coach
Steven L. Goldstein
The Sun-Sentinel
200 East Las Olas Boulevard
Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33301
RE: Sorry I’m late – Some comments on your plan for a new order in the soon to be perfect world outlined by you in Friday’s Sun-Sentinel. My sub-theme is how modern American Liberals are secret Nazis.
My dear Professor,
I am late getting back to you because my “shovel ready” project is really starting to pay off. I hired some undeserving poor, with particular attention to women and minorities, to dig a whole string of manatee traps. Not only did I pay them an hourly wage but I promised them a share of future profits. Venture capital writ small, no?
My original plan was to herd these useless sea slugs – I know that they are on the dead end evolutionary ladder that Darwin described because the goal of the Alpha male is to swim into a whirling propeller. If it weren’t for sappy Floridians tossing brown lettuce and last month’s endives and arugula, all certified organic, off the bridge these aquatic dullards would have starved decades ago – into one canal and then force them into a 16 foot diameter Cuisinart. Sausage for the homeless. A brilliant win/win solution, or so I thought. My biggest, shrillest opposition came from abortion rights advocates. Go figure.
The sign of a good venture capitalist, one who is steeped in Schumpeter, is the ability to turn on a dime when the market changes.
Who knew, even 2 years ago, that manatee eructations are disproportionately high, by a factor of 6, in carbon dioxide? A single cow would have to weigh 16,000 pounds to equal the carbon dioxide discharge of a single manatee. Lord knows how many icebergs have been melted because of this. Lord knows how many polar bears have drowned. Lord knows how many warm and fuzzy polar bear cubs have been orphaned because of this. Lord knows how many baby seals are going to grow up to kill all the salmon.
In less than 10 years the water all the melting icebergs and the urine from monster seals Guinness Book hourly emptying of their brobdanaglian bladders will cause a tsunami that will make Wichita, KS the new surfing capital of America. The surfing seals will then eat all the corn in Kansas and Iowa. That means we will have no ethanol. That means a gallon of unleaded regular will cost more than Johnny Walker Black.
If Castro can drill off Key West with the tool pushers and rough necks helicoptering into Sloppy Joe’s for wet tee shirt contests we will be forced to drill in Biscayne Bay and the new Marlins Stadium.
My duty was clear.
Kill the manatees lest the people perish
.
I had to go one step further than Margaret Sanger. She advocated abortion and sterilization – both involuntary - to rid mankind of the defects and lesser breeds. Hitler called them untermenschen when he adapted her writings into his Nuremberg Race Laws. Honest. You could look it up.
When I found out that manatee oil was better and cleaner than whale oil for night time illumination now that we are in the twilight of fossil fuels I couldn’t wait. Think of it as an organic Solyndra.
That’s why I couldn’t get to your column until this morning.
As usual I held it up to a mirror hoping to see an image. It’s people like you who give lycanthropy a bad name. I always sprinkle it with holy water. You can never be too sure about Beelzebub, particularly when dealing with modern American Liberals.
I read your last line first.
In essence you say that we will all be farting through silk once we rid DC of those rotten Republicans.
Picture the House with 200 Nancy Pelosis. Picture 200 thugs, keen to stifle dissent, like Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
“Cement Head” Pelosi said that unemployment benefits are the best job creators. If that is so, would not Logic dictate that the best solution, indeed the quickest fix to our economic malaise – I never thought I thought I would see a worse President than that “clod populist”, Jimmy Carter – would be to put the whole country on the dole, even dead people? The dead have been voting in Hudson County and Cook County for decades. Why not give them a taste? I need a photo ID to get on a plane, rent a car, open a bank account, and so help me, give blood. Somebody should tell Eric Holder.
If someone complains Frau Oberst Debbie Wasserman-Schultz, at heart a brown shirted, hob nail booted Nazi, will silence them. She will send policemen, men with guns, badges, and the majesty of the law, to reason with them, just like she did with me. There was even a good cop/bad cop routine. FDLE Agent Thomas was the good cop. FDLE Agent Mineva was the bad cop. You would think that anyone who claims to have two degrees in Political Science like Dieter, oops, Debbie, Debbie would know that the adage “free men speak with free tongues” is as good today as it was 25 centuries ago.
She will implement carbon regulation by “suggesting” that women surrender their diamonds. Do I have to remind you that diamonds are 100% carbon?
Helping poor people, “victims of life’s circumstances”, especially women and minorities, empower themselves makes me feel special. I can’t wait for these people to become part of the 1%.
Meanwhile you have to stop those “Rainbow Soup” IVs. Alas, it’s time for the “Balloon Juice” enemas to stop. I know that your shoes will never wear out because your feet never touch the ground. Once you successfully ignore the laws governing gravity all things are possible. How else could we have gotten Midnight Basketball?
If you think someone is following you you’re right.
I have endowed, anonymously of course, a new wing at Camp Gitmo for modern American Liberals who are held for observation under the Baker Act.
Just because your paranoid doesn’t mean you don’t have real enemies.
Kevin Smith
Board Certified Life Coach
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman-Schultz
January 17, 2012
Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman-Schultz
118 Cannon House Office Building
Washington, D.C. 20515
RE: Like Alexander, you have no more worlds to conquer
Dear Dearest Debbie, Debbie,
It took you 20 days 2011 to make yourself both a HORSE’S ASS and a SMARMY BASTARD.
It took you just 8 days in 2012 to earn Oak Leaf clusters on your HORSE’S ASS award and your SMARMY BASTARD laurels.
At this rate you’ll earn you’ll earn your 3rd consecutive HORSE’S ASS award and, more importantly, your 3rd consecutive SMARMY BASTARD cup at the coin toss for next year’s Rose Bowl.
I feel comfortable in saying that no one will either tie or break this record, particularly since I am in charge of the awards. The only winning streak you may not approach is the one held by the Israeli Air Force over the pant-loaded dudes who fly for Egypt and Syria.
You proclaimed that Congresswoman Giffords was shot last year because of a toxic political atmosphere created by Rush Limbaugh, the ghost of Richard Milhous Nixon, the infamous Koch Brothers, Right to Lifers, gun nuts, the Chamber of Commerce, and people who believe that the Rosenbergs were as guilty as sin and got off lightly.
This year you said that she was shot because the Tea Party put something in the water that sent “penumbras” and “emanations” into the brain of Jared Loughner commanding him to shoot up the parking lot in Tucson.
Another trait common to all those dodunks who call themselves modern American Liberals is that they never let facts interfere with an argument, particularly if it is buttressed in Sophistry.
If his brain were to be PET-Scanned it would show hunchbacked Tasmanian devils arm wrestling with each other. The winner gets to see how far he can projectile crap through the alleged perpetrator’s eyes without hitting the rug.
The Department of Justice, an agency run by an Attorney General who will make Janet Reno look competent [almost], an Attorney General who, if the Congresswoman were Black, would lead the lynch mob into the lockup, will not prosecute him.
The reasons are simple:
#1 – The alleged perpetrator cannot understand the charges against him.
#2 – The alleged perpetrator cannot assist in his defense.
That precludes prosecution unless your name is Ricky Ray Rector and Big Bill Clinton, the Governor of Arkansas, wants to be President. What better way for a modern American Liberal to prove he is tough on crime than by fricasseeing a Black man.
RRR was a feral criminal who murdered several people including a police officer. In a shootout with Arkansas Smokeys he vowed he would not be taken alive. He shot himself in the head but only succeeded in making himself into a batch of day old greens and hog maws. His post shooting IQ was in the low 50s.
It is obvious that Clinton would have had him disemboweled, drawn and quartered, and then he would have had to endure 60 minutes of a life insurance spiel by the current King of hip-hop rap before being buried alive at the entrance to Whitewater. His focus group drew the line at the insurance session so he had him electrocuted. Like O.J’s never ending search for the real killers I will not rest until I get to the bottom of the rumor that Hillary “Big Bottom” Clinton gave him a lap dance to keep his mind off the fact that his eyeballs were being wired up to Old Sparky.
The Tucson shooter is now in a room that has no inside door knobs. The highlight of his day is when he gets his Thorazine enema. If he has been a good boy his rectal palliative is ribbed, like a French tickler. When the dry ice he is packed in gets changed he seems to purr.
He doesn’t know the Tea Party from Midnight Basketball.
He will not be eligible for a Weekend Furlough unless Wee Mikey Dukakis takes over the program. Speaking of furloughs, how is Willy Horton doing these days
If abortion were retroactive he would end the debate on that tendentious question.
His only chance for a job will be as the abnormal brain in “Young Frankenstein” if
it is remade.
This world class wing nut couldn’t even qualify for a “shovel ready” job assuming there were any “shovel ready” jobs or even “shovels” out there.
In the meantime let me offer my highest congratulations on sweeping the field. Win, place, and show. Gold, silver, and bronze. You can cry like Alexander. You’re almost as good as Ozymandias.
I just remembered.
You were asked a simple question about the economy 6 weeks ago. Is the unemployment rate higher or lower today since Lord Barack the Beneficent was inaugurated? There are only two possible answers.
It is higher or it is lower.
I am giving you a second chance, like Willie Horton.
Higher, si? Lower, no?.
Kevin Smith
Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman-Schultz
118 Cannon House Office Building
Washington, D.C. 20515
RE: Like Alexander, you have no more worlds to conquer
Dear Dearest Debbie, Debbie,
It took you 20 days 2011 to make yourself both a HORSE’S ASS and a SMARMY BASTARD.
It took you just 8 days in 2012 to earn Oak Leaf clusters on your HORSE’S ASS award and your SMARMY BASTARD laurels.
At this rate you’ll earn you’ll earn your 3rd consecutive HORSE’S ASS award and, more importantly, your 3rd consecutive SMARMY BASTARD cup at the coin toss for next year’s Rose Bowl.
I feel comfortable in saying that no one will either tie or break this record, particularly since I am in charge of the awards. The only winning streak you may not approach is the one held by the Israeli Air Force over the pant-loaded dudes who fly for Egypt and Syria.
You proclaimed that Congresswoman Giffords was shot last year because of a toxic political atmosphere created by Rush Limbaugh, the ghost of Richard Milhous Nixon, the infamous Koch Brothers, Right to Lifers, gun nuts, the Chamber of Commerce, and people who believe that the Rosenbergs were as guilty as sin and got off lightly.
This year you said that she was shot because the Tea Party put something in the water that sent “penumbras” and “emanations” into the brain of Jared Loughner commanding him to shoot up the parking lot in Tucson.
Another trait common to all those dodunks who call themselves modern American Liberals is that they never let facts interfere with an argument, particularly if it is buttressed in Sophistry.
If his brain were to be PET-Scanned it would show hunchbacked Tasmanian devils arm wrestling with each other. The winner gets to see how far he can projectile crap through the alleged perpetrator’s eyes without hitting the rug.
The Department of Justice, an agency run by an Attorney General who will make Janet Reno look competent [almost], an Attorney General who, if the Congresswoman were Black, would lead the lynch mob into the lockup, will not prosecute him.
The reasons are simple:
#1 – The alleged perpetrator cannot understand the charges against him.
#2 – The alleged perpetrator cannot assist in his defense.
That precludes prosecution unless your name is Ricky Ray Rector and Big Bill Clinton, the Governor of Arkansas, wants to be President. What better way for a modern American Liberal to prove he is tough on crime than by fricasseeing a Black man.
RRR was a feral criminal who murdered several people including a police officer. In a shootout with Arkansas Smokeys he vowed he would not be taken alive. He shot himself in the head but only succeeded in making himself into a batch of day old greens and hog maws. His post shooting IQ was in the low 50s.
It is obvious that Clinton would have had him disemboweled, drawn and quartered, and then he would have had to endure 60 minutes of a life insurance spiel by the current King of hip-hop rap before being buried alive at the entrance to Whitewater. His focus group drew the line at the insurance session so he had him electrocuted. Like O.J’s never ending search for the real killers I will not rest until I get to the bottom of the rumor that Hillary “Big Bottom” Clinton gave him a lap dance to keep his mind off the fact that his eyeballs were being wired up to Old Sparky.
The Tucson shooter is now in a room that has no inside door knobs. The highlight of his day is when he gets his Thorazine enema. If he has been a good boy his rectal palliative is ribbed, like a French tickler. When the dry ice he is packed in gets changed he seems to purr.
He doesn’t know the Tea Party from Midnight Basketball.
He will not be eligible for a Weekend Furlough unless Wee Mikey Dukakis takes over the program. Speaking of furloughs, how is Willy Horton doing these days
If abortion were retroactive he would end the debate on that tendentious question.
His only chance for a job will be as the abnormal brain in “Young Frankenstein” if
it is remade.
This world class wing nut couldn’t even qualify for a “shovel ready” job assuming there were any “shovel ready” jobs or even “shovels” out there.
In the meantime let me offer my highest congratulations on sweeping the field. Win, place, and show. Gold, silver, and bronze. You can cry like Alexander. You’re almost as good as Ozymandias.
I just remembered.
You were asked a simple question about the economy 6 weeks ago. Is the unemployment rate higher or lower today since Lord Barack the Beneficent was inaugurated? There are only two possible answers.
It is higher or it is lower.
I am giving you a second chance, like Willie Horton.
Higher, si? Lower, no?.
Kevin Smith
Monday, January 16, 2012
Letter to the Editor The Sun-Sentinel
January 16, 2012
Letter to the Editor
The Sun-Sentinel
200 E. Las Olas Blvd.
Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33316
RE The “serious things” that Clarence Page speaks to in this morning’s paper
Sirs,
As a former 1%er I still retain a sense of noblesse oblige when it comes to enlightening non-thinking, ink stained modern American Liberal wretches – Silly me! As if there were any other kind – such as you. Your column this AM makes you today’s piñata. It is, as always, filled with fallacies of thought and reasoning that the Greeks exposed 25 centuries ago. They melt like an April snow when faced with inconvenient things like facts and the truth.
You say that “Serious Things Are In Play In Recess Appointment Fight”.
In the still uncompleted History of men governing themselves Chapter 1 begins in the agora 25 centuries ago. When “free men speak with free tongues” became known, not as a gift from government, but as a “gift from beyond the stars”, the process of controlling government, not empowering it, began.
I am going to fast forward more than 2 millennia to the very hot summer of 1787 in Philadelphia. I hoped I have piqued enough interest for you to do some homework on the intervening 22 centuries
The key thing isn’t that man’s quest for liberty always involved stopping a government from doing something. Alas, modern American Liberals and their forebears that their “non-malodorous fecal matter syndrome” will enable them to “bell the tiger”. They believe, deeply, that a government powerful enough to “help” people will not “hurt” people. The only exception to this happens when a Republican is in the White House.
It requires a mindset that substitutes feelings for ideas, that judges policy on expectations rather than on results. As proof of the above I offer into evidence the never ending War on Poverty, dysfunctional agencies as disparate as the Department of Education and the department of Energy. Crop prices are at all-time high. Why do we still pay farmers not to grow crops?
Causes de jour such as cowboy poetry, saving the whales, recycling, paper or plastic, organic produce [as opposed to the soon to extinct inorganic produce] teenage obesity and bullying – Dare I say that a fat and nerdy 13 year old, absent an athletic, dean’s list 17 year old brother, will have trouble at lunch time even if Moses should add another commandment forbidding bullying? – Midnight Basketball, drowning polar bears, causes ad nauseam suggest a lunacy so absurd that terminal enuresis can result from even casual exposure to it.
At the very least the monitum on handling sharp objects and operating heavy machinery should be made clear.
To the point at hand; viz. recess appointments.
The Constitution has clear and unqualified language giving the President the power to do some things without review.
One of these is the power to pardon. Who can forget Denise Rich giving Big Bill Clinton some private lessons up close and personal on his own saxophone and her ex-husband, convicted felon Marc Rich, getting a walk about 45 minutes later?
The power to make a recess appointment is also unreviewable provided Congress is not in session. In this particular instance Congress was still in session. Thus, the appointment is invalid.
To the typical modern American Liberal it was the case of a good man stifled by rotten Republicans overcoming a small obstacle to help those in need. In the end, the specific appointment or procedure is irrelevant. The good end, having a kinder, gentler National Labor Relations Board, is worth bypassing something as silly as the law. In this the obstacle, the law, was deterring the implementation of the greater good.
When a Democrat is in the White House it is simply a test of getting things, particularly a good thing, done. When a Republican is in the White House it is an example of the dreaded Imperial Presidency.
In the end, when the law is tossed aside because it is inconvenient we launch a whirlwind sure to consume us.
Today’s lesson ends with a warning from a 16th century lawyer:
“Would you cut a great road through the law to get at Devil?”
“I’d cut down every law in England to do that!”
“Oh. And when the last law was down and the Devil
Turned round on you where would you hide, the
Laws all being flat? Do you think you could stand
Upright in the winds that would blow then?”
Alas, his advice was not heeded. As a consequence of even offering it Thomas More’s head was cut off.
Kevin Smith
Letter to the Editor
The Sun-Sentinel
200 E. Las Olas Blvd.
Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33316
RE The “serious things” that Clarence Page speaks to in this morning’s paper
Sirs,
As a former 1%er I still retain a sense of noblesse oblige when it comes to enlightening non-thinking, ink stained modern American Liberal wretches – Silly me! As if there were any other kind – such as you. Your column this AM makes you today’s piñata. It is, as always, filled with fallacies of thought and reasoning that the Greeks exposed 25 centuries ago. They melt like an April snow when faced with inconvenient things like facts and the truth.
You say that “Serious Things Are In Play In Recess Appointment Fight”.
In the still uncompleted History of men governing themselves Chapter 1 begins in the agora 25 centuries ago. When “free men speak with free tongues” became known, not as a gift from government, but as a “gift from beyond the stars”, the process of controlling government, not empowering it, began.
I am going to fast forward more than 2 millennia to the very hot summer of 1787 in Philadelphia. I hoped I have piqued enough interest for you to do some homework on the intervening 22 centuries
The key thing isn’t that man’s quest for liberty always involved stopping a government from doing something. Alas, modern American Liberals and their forebears that their “non-malodorous fecal matter syndrome” will enable them to “bell the tiger”. They believe, deeply, that a government powerful enough to “help” people will not “hurt” people. The only exception to this happens when a Republican is in the White House.
It requires a mindset that substitutes feelings for ideas, that judges policy on expectations rather than on results. As proof of the above I offer into evidence the never ending War on Poverty, dysfunctional agencies as disparate as the Department of Education and the department of Energy. Crop prices are at all-time high. Why do we still pay farmers not to grow crops?
Causes de jour such as cowboy poetry, saving the whales, recycling, paper or plastic, organic produce [as opposed to the soon to extinct inorganic produce] teenage obesity and bullying – Dare I say that a fat and nerdy 13 year old, absent an athletic, dean’s list 17 year old brother, will have trouble at lunch time even if Moses should add another commandment forbidding bullying? – Midnight Basketball, drowning polar bears, causes ad nauseam suggest a lunacy so absurd that terminal enuresis can result from even casual exposure to it.
At the very least the monitum on handling sharp objects and operating heavy machinery should be made clear.
To the point at hand; viz. recess appointments.
The Constitution has clear and unqualified language giving the President the power to do some things without review.
One of these is the power to pardon. Who can forget Denise Rich giving Big Bill Clinton some private lessons up close and personal on his own saxophone and her ex-husband, convicted felon Marc Rich, getting a walk about 45 minutes later?
The power to make a recess appointment is also unreviewable provided Congress is not in session. In this particular instance Congress was still in session. Thus, the appointment is invalid.
To the typical modern American Liberal it was the case of a good man stifled by rotten Republicans overcoming a small obstacle to help those in need. In the end, the specific appointment or procedure is irrelevant. The good end, having a kinder, gentler National Labor Relations Board, is worth bypassing something as silly as the law. In this the obstacle, the law, was deterring the implementation of the greater good.
When a Democrat is in the White House it is simply a test of getting things, particularly a good thing, done. When a Republican is in the White House it is an example of the dreaded Imperial Presidency.
In the end, when the law is tossed aside because it is inconvenient we launch a whirlwind sure to consume us.
Today’s lesson ends with a warning from a 16th century lawyer:
“Would you cut a great road through the law to get at Devil?”
“I’d cut down every law in England to do that!”
“Oh. And when the last law was down and the Devil
Turned round on you where would you hide, the
Laws all being flat? Do you think you could stand
Upright in the winds that would blow then?”
Alas, his advice was not heeded. As a consequence of even offering it Thomas More’s head was cut off.
Kevin Smith
Sunday, January 15, 2012
Caroline, The Duke, Congressman West, & Latin
Friday the 13th
Caroline, The Duke, Congressman West, & Latin
Caroline Hanson, my middle granddaughter, my “little babe”, the only person in the world who could get me to like purple walls and lavender sheets, had her hair cut for “Locks for Love” on December 22 in Allen, Texas. I know because I cut it. She had it cut 2 years ago after Grammy lost her hair to the chemo that was used to slug it out with her uterine papillary serous carcinoma. December 22 would have been Grammy’s birthday.
When I cut the 2 nine inch pony tails I held them up like John Wayne held up Scar’s scalp in “The Searchers”.
Grammy told her that whenever the chemo made her feel bad she would think about young children getting the same medicine. That was when St. Jude Children’s Hospital became her favorite charity. Caroline asked her Mom if instead of presents at her birthday party she could ask for donations to St. Jude.
She raised $775 on her birthday. So far she has raised $5,050.
The Lovejoy School, where she is a 5th grader, gave her its “Caring Hearts” award.
In “The Searchers” Ethan Edwards, AKA The Duke, shoots out a dead Comanche’s eyes. When asked why the answer is given by Old Mose. “Without eyes he can’t enter the spirit world. Without eyes he has to wonder for all eternity.”
Comes now 3 Marines accused of the heinous crime of peeing on some dead Taliban WOGS in Kafiristan
The media will side step this story because Obama is still their boy – Remember Abu Ghraib? Wasn’t the lingerie parlor, sic torture room, one of Cheney’s “undisclosed hidden locations”? Wasn’t that the last piece of evidence needed to prove that Bush was Hitler? - and, while it may take a bit longer for that Old Black Magic to get that tumescent tingle running up the inside of their thighs, they never forget their first love.
Has Cindy Sheehan chimed in yet?
Has Senator Little Dick Durbin called them Nazis yet?
The question is not why the Marines did it. Men who have “seen the elephant” sometimes do strange things. From Homer on we have chronicled them. I say “men” because the angle of the urine flow suggests the presence of a prostate gland. It would also suggest that all the pissers have had a “short arm” inspection. Sorry, chicks. The question is why didn’t they go further? Shove a pork sausage up their asses. Give them a bacon fat bath. Sew pigs’ ears on them. Gorilla Glue boars’ teeth on to their mouths. Staple a pig tail to their peckers. Ship over some Arkansas razorback skins and wrap them in them. Drag them around the town square at Friday prayers. Plaster Mohammed cartoons all over the place. Throw the singer off the minaret and play Hava Nagilah nonstop. Anything to get their attention. Then maybe you can reason with them
Neither Norwegians nor Anabaptists led a Kamikaze attack on 9/11/01. Weren’t 4 Americans killed, disemboweled, hanged, and burned in Iraq by Islamic thugs yelling “Allah Akbar”? Maybe if we cut the bollocks off some of those feral martyrs and feed them to the goats they’ll think that maybe Allah ain’t so Akbar.
Listening to the pre-battle speech of Henry the Fifth still makes the hair on the back of one’s neck stand up. Before he got to Agincourt he was at Harfleur. Henry told the French what would happen to their wives, daughters, and children if they did not surrender.
22 centuries ago a young Roman was enslaved by Sicilian pirates. He told them if they let him go he would spare them. They didn’t. He escaped. Julius Caesar came back, and true to his word, crucified them all.
The Iliad is not a love story. The Odyssey is.
“Cry havoc and let slip the dogs of war” is not the start of a musical comedy.
Congressman West, nee Colonel West, my Congressman, said, “As for everyone else, unless you’ve been shot at by the Taliban shut your mouth. War is Hell.”
“FOR EVERYTHING THERE IS A SEASON”
CARTAGO DELENDA EST worked
MECCA DELENDA EST?
It’s time to teach Caroline Latin
KS
Caroline, The Duke, Congressman West, & Latin
Caroline Hanson, my middle granddaughter, my “little babe”, the only person in the world who could get me to like purple walls and lavender sheets, had her hair cut for “Locks for Love” on December 22 in Allen, Texas. I know because I cut it. She had it cut 2 years ago after Grammy lost her hair to the chemo that was used to slug it out with her uterine papillary serous carcinoma. December 22 would have been Grammy’s birthday.
When I cut the 2 nine inch pony tails I held them up like John Wayne held up Scar’s scalp in “The Searchers”.
Grammy told her that whenever the chemo made her feel bad she would think about young children getting the same medicine. That was when St. Jude Children’s Hospital became her favorite charity. Caroline asked her Mom if instead of presents at her birthday party she could ask for donations to St. Jude.
She raised $775 on her birthday. So far she has raised $5,050.
The Lovejoy School, where she is a 5th grader, gave her its “Caring Hearts” award.
In “The Searchers” Ethan Edwards, AKA The Duke, shoots out a dead Comanche’s eyes. When asked why the answer is given by Old Mose. “Without eyes he can’t enter the spirit world. Without eyes he has to wonder for all eternity.”
Comes now 3 Marines accused of the heinous crime of peeing on some dead Taliban WOGS in Kafiristan
The media will side step this story because Obama is still their boy – Remember Abu Ghraib? Wasn’t the lingerie parlor, sic torture room, one of Cheney’s “undisclosed hidden locations”? Wasn’t that the last piece of evidence needed to prove that Bush was Hitler? - and, while it may take a bit longer for that Old Black Magic to get that tumescent tingle running up the inside of their thighs, they never forget their first love.
Has Cindy Sheehan chimed in yet?
Has Senator Little Dick Durbin called them Nazis yet?
The question is not why the Marines did it. Men who have “seen the elephant” sometimes do strange things. From Homer on we have chronicled them. I say “men” because the angle of the urine flow suggests the presence of a prostate gland. It would also suggest that all the pissers have had a “short arm” inspection. Sorry, chicks. The question is why didn’t they go further? Shove a pork sausage up their asses. Give them a bacon fat bath. Sew pigs’ ears on them. Gorilla Glue boars’ teeth on to their mouths. Staple a pig tail to their peckers. Ship over some Arkansas razorback skins and wrap them in them. Drag them around the town square at Friday prayers. Plaster Mohammed cartoons all over the place. Throw the singer off the minaret and play Hava Nagilah nonstop. Anything to get their attention. Then maybe you can reason with them
Neither Norwegians nor Anabaptists led a Kamikaze attack on 9/11/01. Weren’t 4 Americans killed, disemboweled, hanged, and burned in Iraq by Islamic thugs yelling “Allah Akbar”? Maybe if we cut the bollocks off some of those feral martyrs and feed them to the goats they’ll think that maybe Allah ain’t so Akbar.
Listening to the pre-battle speech of Henry the Fifth still makes the hair on the back of one’s neck stand up. Before he got to Agincourt he was at Harfleur. Henry told the French what would happen to their wives, daughters, and children if they did not surrender.
22 centuries ago a young Roman was enslaved by Sicilian pirates. He told them if they let him go he would spare them. They didn’t. He escaped. Julius Caesar came back, and true to his word, crucified them all.
The Iliad is not a love story. The Odyssey is.
“Cry havoc and let slip the dogs of war” is not the start of a musical comedy.
Congressman West, nee Colonel West, my Congressman, said, “As for everyone else, unless you’ve been shot at by the Taliban shut your mouth. War is Hell.”
“FOR EVERYTHING THERE IS A SEASON”
CARTAGO DELENDA EST worked
MECCA DELENDA EST?
It’s time to teach Caroline Latin
KS
Saturday, January 14, 2012
Joy-Ann Reid The Miami Herald
January 12, 2012
Joy-Ann Reid
The Miami Herald
One Herald Plaza
Miami, FL 33132-1693
RE:
Ms. Reid,
I just got back from a 3,000 mile round trip in my gas guzzling, polar bear killing, 7 league boot carbon footprinting SUV.
In addition to frolicking with my grandchildren I visited the place where I fracked my first oil well. When I got there I realized it could be a teachable moment, especially for modern American Liberals. One of the prerequisites of initiation into the phantom world of modern American Liberalism is the ability to wear blinders, blinders both historical and moral. It is the the cognitive dissonance that “eclectic Indignation” demands if you don’t want to run the risk of your brain being projectile vomited out through your ears. Thus, the answer to the unasked question of why mALs buy so much Duct Tape and Gorilla Glue is made clear.
Thank God for Google.
Former Vice President Alpha Gump had not yet invented the Internet so Google was not even a gleam in anyone’s eye in 1974, the year I fracked my first oil well
Duval County, Texas will be famous as long as this country counts votes after an election. Sometimes you have to count them again and again to make sure the right guy wins.
In the 1948 Senate race Congressman Lyndon B. Johnson found himself losing by 4,000 votes after the first count. He sent his good friend, Abe Fortas – Yes, that Abe Fortas – to count them again. And again. And again. And again. And yet again.
Texas is a remarkable place. The story of the Resurrection is retold every 4 years. 3 people who died at the Alamo voted for LBJ. There was even an absentee ballot from Santa Ana. The only hanging chad found was hanged from a cottonwood tree as a lesson to the unbelievers.
I was born and raised in Bayonne, N.J. My wife had many relatives in Chicago. Democrats counting votes until they get the right count is nothing new. Based on History it is to be expected. As an academic exercise in Broward County I got 6 voter ID cards when Miriam Oliphant was the Election Supervisor. Please don’t think ill of me but anymore like her and Affirmative Action will get a bad name. Jeezus Haitch Keerist but she was as dumb as 5 pounds of used clam shells.
. All the “diamond merchants” in Broward, as Al Sharpton calls them, were so pleased with themselves when she was elected that there was a run on Chiropractic emergency rooms. Their patting themselves on their backs caused shoulders and elbows to go both askew and akimbo.
I tell you this because “while the light is left to burn the vilest sinner may yet return”. There is time for you to discover the thrill of replacing feelings with ideas, of avoiding millennia old fallacies, and discovering the healing presence of Tanqueray clear Logic.
I can tell you that 38 years after fracking a 10,000 acre field the grass is sparse, the creeks are mostly dry, coyotes still make weird noises, and cattle are still the dumbest 4 legged animals on God’s green earth. In other words everything is the same.
On a cultural point it must be noted that Shiner Bock has made some inroads on Lone Star Longnecks. You may wish to find out more about the Duke of Duvall County. If I were a Democrat I would be proud.
But I digress….
Your column this date has several gems.
#1 - You say that “Romney is the only candidate with the wherewithal to purchase a professional campaign apparatus”. Do you mean that George Soros, the universe’s quintessential 1 %er, is backing him?
#2 – You say that Romney[‘s] “contentment is marinated in privilege”. I am planning a big SUV tour of houses of some well-known 1%er supporters of the other 99%. As a big time media mogul could you get me the addresses of some of the following wanabee 99%ers?
A – Senator Jay Forbes Kerry [D-MA] – He had a $7,000,000 boat built in New Zealand. He has 7 houses, 6 of which are in this country, and one of which had a fire hydrant removed from the front of it. He also has a mad cap Gypsy lady for a wife. Should you want to commit suicide just jump off her wallet. You can’t be more 99% than that, can you?
B – Senator Rockefeller [D-WVA] – Maybe it’s Mordecai Rockefeller. Maybe it’s Yussuf Rockefeller. He can’t be the spawn of the absolute Robber Baron of all time, could he? Do you think he knows what steam coal is?
C – Any Kennedy who has ever gone to a public grammar school.
D – Michael Moore has so much money he hires poor people to exercise for him. If he steps on his cat’s shadow it dies. In addition to having more Chins than a Canton phone book he is able to hide 2 crème brulees in the overflap. If he stopped eating for a week he would save 30 Haitians. [Speaking of Haiti, where did all that money go?] I want to find out if he still has liquid lard IVs. Rumors of him skinny dipping in warm suet have to be addressed. I know he is about to franchise his Chocolate Malted Enema machine. How does he get to be a 99%er?
E – Could you get me the name of 2 99%ers who paid $37,500 to have dinner with Lord Barack the Beneficent? OK. OK. Just one.
F – As to Mitt “firing” people…How would you describe the GIs who will soon be turned out of their barracks? How many of them can become purple shirted SEIU thugs who knock crippled old Black men out of their wheel chairs? Would “fired” be an unfair term?
G – STOP THE PRESSES! – Check back and see if a day after clean ups at any Tea Party rallies resulted in an abandoned infant being found. It seems that the Noble Savages at the OWS rally in Washington, all of whom were singing “The Children are our Future”, left a diapered tyke behind. Don’t you hate that when it happens?
Ronald Reagan is still dead. Tim Tebow is too young. I’ll play the hand that was dealt.
All in.
Kevin Smith
PS – Do you suppose Romney has a Jeremiah Wright in his background? You are, to quote Vice President Curley Biden, a “clean and articulate Black”. If I were to tell you that between 35% and 40% of the abortions performed in this country have been done on Black women would you think that to be genocide? If not, why not?
Joy-Ann Reid
The Miami Herald
One Herald Plaza
Miami, FL 33132-1693
RE:
Ms. Reid,
I just got back from a 3,000 mile round trip in my gas guzzling, polar bear killing, 7 league boot carbon footprinting SUV.
In addition to frolicking with my grandchildren I visited the place where I fracked my first oil well. When I got there I realized it could be a teachable moment, especially for modern American Liberals. One of the prerequisites of initiation into the phantom world of modern American Liberalism is the ability to wear blinders, blinders both historical and moral. It is the the cognitive dissonance that “eclectic Indignation” demands if you don’t want to run the risk of your brain being projectile vomited out through your ears. Thus, the answer to the unasked question of why mALs buy so much Duct Tape and Gorilla Glue is made clear.
Thank God for Google.
Former Vice President Alpha Gump had not yet invented the Internet so Google was not even a gleam in anyone’s eye in 1974, the year I fracked my first oil well
Duval County, Texas will be famous as long as this country counts votes after an election. Sometimes you have to count them again and again to make sure the right guy wins.
In the 1948 Senate race Congressman Lyndon B. Johnson found himself losing by 4,000 votes after the first count. He sent his good friend, Abe Fortas – Yes, that Abe Fortas – to count them again. And again. And again. And again. And yet again.
Texas is a remarkable place. The story of the Resurrection is retold every 4 years. 3 people who died at the Alamo voted for LBJ. There was even an absentee ballot from Santa Ana. The only hanging chad found was hanged from a cottonwood tree as a lesson to the unbelievers.
I was born and raised in Bayonne, N.J. My wife had many relatives in Chicago. Democrats counting votes until they get the right count is nothing new. Based on History it is to be expected. As an academic exercise in Broward County I got 6 voter ID cards when Miriam Oliphant was the Election Supervisor. Please don’t think ill of me but anymore like her and Affirmative Action will get a bad name. Jeezus Haitch Keerist but she was as dumb as 5 pounds of used clam shells.
. All the “diamond merchants” in Broward, as Al Sharpton calls them, were so pleased with themselves when she was elected that there was a run on Chiropractic emergency rooms. Their patting themselves on their backs caused shoulders and elbows to go both askew and akimbo.
I tell you this because “while the light is left to burn the vilest sinner may yet return”. There is time for you to discover the thrill of replacing feelings with ideas, of avoiding millennia old fallacies, and discovering the healing presence of Tanqueray clear Logic.
I can tell you that 38 years after fracking a 10,000 acre field the grass is sparse, the creeks are mostly dry, coyotes still make weird noises, and cattle are still the dumbest 4 legged animals on God’s green earth. In other words everything is the same.
On a cultural point it must be noted that Shiner Bock has made some inroads on Lone Star Longnecks. You may wish to find out more about the Duke of Duvall County. If I were a Democrat I would be proud.
But I digress….
Your column this date has several gems.
#1 - You say that “Romney is the only candidate with the wherewithal to purchase a professional campaign apparatus”. Do you mean that George Soros, the universe’s quintessential 1 %er, is backing him?
#2 – You say that Romney[‘s] “contentment is marinated in privilege”. I am planning a big SUV tour of houses of some well-known 1%er supporters of the other 99%. As a big time media mogul could you get me the addresses of some of the following wanabee 99%ers?
A – Senator Jay Forbes Kerry [D-MA] – He had a $7,000,000 boat built in New Zealand. He has 7 houses, 6 of which are in this country, and one of which had a fire hydrant removed from the front of it. He also has a mad cap Gypsy lady for a wife. Should you want to commit suicide just jump off her wallet. You can’t be more 99% than that, can you?
B – Senator Rockefeller [D-WVA] – Maybe it’s Mordecai Rockefeller. Maybe it’s Yussuf Rockefeller. He can’t be the spawn of the absolute Robber Baron of all time, could he? Do you think he knows what steam coal is?
C – Any Kennedy who has ever gone to a public grammar school.
D – Michael Moore has so much money he hires poor people to exercise for him. If he steps on his cat’s shadow it dies. In addition to having more Chins than a Canton phone book he is able to hide 2 crème brulees in the overflap. If he stopped eating for a week he would save 30 Haitians. [Speaking of Haiti, where did all that money go?] I want to find out if he still has liquid lard IVs. Rumors of him skinny dipping in warm suet have to be addressed. I know he is about to franchise his Chocolate Malted Enema machine. How does he get to be a 99%er?
E – Could you get me the name of 2 99%ers who paid $37,500 to have dinner with Lord Barack the Beneficent? OK. OK. Just one.
F – As to Mitt “firing” people…How would you describe the GIs who will soon be turned out of their barracks? How many of them can become purple shirted SEIU thugs who knock crippled old Black men out of their wheel chairs? Would “fired” be an unfair term?
G – STOP THE PRESSES! – Check back and see if a day after clean ups at any Tea Party rallies resulted in an abandoned infant being found. It seems that the Noble Savages at the OWS rally in Washington, all of whom were singing “The Children are our Future”, left a diapered tyke behind. Don’t you hate that when it happens?
Ronald Reagan is still dead. Tim Tebow is too young. I’ll play the hand that was dealt.
All in.
Kevin Smith
PS – Do you suppose Romney has a Jeremiah Wright in his background? You are, to quote Vice President Curley Biden, a “clean and articulate Black”. If I were to tell you that between 35% and 40% of the abortions performed in this country have been done on Black women would you think that to be genocide? If not, why not?
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Letter to the Editor Miami Herald
January 11, 2012
Letter to the Editor
Miami Herald
One Herald Plaza
Miami, FL 33132-1693
RE: BOO! – What will happen it the BOOgeyman gets us before we all see the light? Some comments on your column in today’s Miami Herald.
Mr. Pitts,
“I am bound and determined not to be cliché ridden” is becoming a harder and harder promise to keep.
I slogged through your not quite burnt offering this AM, one that is filled, as usual,
with good guys, bad guys and what a jolly good time awaits us as soon as “Imagine” and “Kumbaya” become our twin anthems. Now that Lord Barack the Beneficent, and blessed be his name and may his tribe increase, has cooled the earth and lowered the oceans – Where did that water go, by the way? – this happy time may soon be upon us.
Could Tim Tebow be this year’s John the Baptist?
Any column that cites Meghan McCain, a “prominent conservative blogger who is not yet 30”, as proof that Sophistry still exists can’t be all bad. Wait. I meant all good. That’s what happens when tautologies rule.
It was when I got to your last paragraph that I became totally whelmed.
“The future is coming…”
Thanks for clearing that up for me.
Next, I want you to sort out the mess about the horizon. Exactly how far away is it? How long will it take us to get there? How will we know when we get there? Will there be people on the beach asking why it took so long?
One last thing;
Your picture tells me it may be time to get your drawers in the Big & Tall shop. You look like they are being used as a tourniquet for a ruptured femoral artery. Yours. Either that or have someone else put your teeth in. You are putting them in upside down and backwards. You run the risk of chewing yourself to death.
Kevin Smith
President of the Lions & Lambs Society – Do you have any extra lambs?
Letter to the Editor
Miami Herald
One Herald Plaza
Miami, FL 33132-1693
RE: BOO! – What will happen it the BOOgeyman gets us before we all see the light? Some comments on your column in today’s Miami Herald.
Mr. Pitts,
“I am bound and determined not to be cliché ridden” is becoming a harder and harder promise to keep.
I slogged through your not quite burnt offering this AM, one that is filled, as usual,
with good guys, bad guys and what a jolly good time awaits us as soon as “Imagine” and “Kumbaya” become our twin anthems. Now that Lord Barack the Beneficent, and blessed be his name and may his tribe increase, has cooled the earth and lowered the oceans – Where did that water go, by the way? – this happy time may soon be upon us.
Could Tim Tebow be this year’s John the Baptist?
Any column that cites Meghan McCain, a “prominent conservative blogger who is not yet 30”, as proof that Sophistry still exists can’t be all bad. Wait. I meant all good. That’s what happens when tautologies rule.
It was when I got to your last paragraph that I became totally whelmed.
“The future is coming…”
Thanks for clearing that up for me.
Next, I want you to sort out the mess about the horizon. Exactly how far away is it? How long will it take us to get there? How will we know when we get there? Will there be people on the beach asking why it took so long?
One last thing;
Your picture tells me it may be time to get your drawers in the Big & Tall shop. You look like they are being used as a tourniquet for a ruptured femoral artery. Yours. Either that or have someone else put your teeth in. You are putting them in upside down and backwards. You run the risk of chewing yourself to death.
Kevin Smith
President of the Lions & Lambs Society – Do you have any extra lambs?
Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman-Schultz
January 8, 2012
Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman-Schultz
10100 Pines Boulevard
Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33026
RE: One of the building blocks of being a modern American Liberal is made clear by you in your op-ed “Returning Vets Need America’s Support” in today’s Sun-Sentinel.
Dear Darling Debbie,
There is no sense in being a half-assed modern American Liberal when it takes but the blink of an eye to become a Guinness Record Book Horse’s Ass.
The only mandatory requirement to be a card carrying, fire breathing ohmadahn who thinks Midnight Basketball is sound public policy and that unemployment benefits create jobs even if said jobs are not “shovel ready” is a political cognitive dissonance exhibit put together by Rube Goldberg, Mel Brooks, Professor Irwin Corey, and that perennial Democratic favorite, Boob McNutt.
The sophistry in your article goes past regular absurdity at warp speed.
In your article you sound like an amalgam of Vercingetorix, Travis Bickel, and George Patton.
I hope you won’t think me unfair if I were to suggest that your bellicosity increased exponentially when former street organizer B. Hussein Obama was inaugurated.
It wouldn’t take a deep Google search of your public record to reveal the anti-military stand of modern American Liberals, particularly when a Republican is President.
I recall public statements during the confirmation of General Petraeus that would suggest that your military mentor was Mr. Rogers or Dr. Oz.
But the fun part begins when you announce your plan to help returning veterans get jobs.
Am I the only one to notice that tax cuts and tax credits are the best and quickest way to help them get jobs?
Would not Logic dictate that if tax incentives work for veterans they would work for the rest of the economy?
Since you oppose them for the country in general why would they work for veterans with their DD 214 in hand?
Further, if you support the Obama plan to gut the military what plans do you have for the millions of soon to be unemployed soldiers? Perhaps we could have the Army vets use the famous shovels from the “shovel ready” featherbedding [that’s a military barracks word] brigade to dig myriad holes in the ground. Then we could have the Navy fill them in. The Air Force could then dig up again. The Marines would guard the job sites. Paul Krugman would enter the kingdom of perpetual priaprism. Should it be implemented Robert Reich would be so happy that he would become the world’s third tallest midget.
If we can cut the military why can’t we cut the Department of Agriculture? Why not take a chain saw to the Department of Energy? Why not fire bomb the Department of Energy?
I mention those three because -1- crop prices are at an all-time high and -2- not one barrel of oil has ever been produced in Washington, DC and -3- Johnny still can’t read.[Speaking of reading, your kids go to public school, don’t they?]
Anyway, I am glad to see that plaid is still your favorite color.
Kevin Smith
Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman-Schultz
10100 Pines Boulevard
Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33026
RE: One of the building blocks of being a modern American Liberal is made clear by you in your op-ed “Returning Vets Need America’s Support” in today’s Sun-Sentinel.
Dear Darling Debbie,
There is no sense in being a half-assed modern American Liberal when it takes but the blink of an eye to become a Guinness Record Book Horse’s Ass.
The only mandatory requirement to be a card carrying, fire breathing ohmadahn who thinks Midnight Basketball is sound public policy and that unemployment benefits create jobs even if said jobs are not “shovel ready” is a political cognitive dissonance exhibit put together by Rube Goldberg, Mel Brooks, Professor Irwin Corey, and that perennial Democratic favorite, Boob McNutt.
The sophistry in your article goes past regular absurdity at warp speed.
In your article you sound like an amalgam of Vercingetorix, Travis Bickel, and George Patton.
I hope you won’t think me unfair if I were to suggest that your bellicosity increased exponentially when former street organizer B. Hussein Obama was inaugurated.
It wouldn’t take a deep Google search of your public record to reveal the anti-military stand of modern American Liberals, particularly when a Republican is President.
I recall public statements during the confirmation of General Petraeus that would suggest that your military mentor was Mr. Rogers or Dr. Oz.
But the fun part begins when you announce your plan to help returning veterans get jobs.
Am I the only one to notice that tax cuts and tax credits are the best and quickest way to help them get jobs?
Would not Logic dictate that if tax incentives work for veterans they would work for the rest of the economy?
Since you oppose them for the country in general why would they work for veterans with their DD 214 in hand?
Further, if you support the Obama plan to gut the military what plans do you have for the millions of soon to be unemployed soldiers? Perhaps we could have the Army vets use the famous shovels from the “shovel ready” featherbedding [that’s a military barracks word] brigade to dig myriad holes in the ground. Then we could have the Navy fill them in. The Air Force could then dig up again. The Marines would guard the job sites. Paul Krugman would enter the kingdom of perpetual priaprism. Should it be implemented Robert Reich would be so happy that he would become the world’s third tallest midget.
If we can cut the military why can’t we cut the Department of Agriculture? Why not take a chain saw to the Department of Energy? Why not fire bomb the Department of Energy?
I mention those three because -1- crop prices are at an all-time high and -2- not one barrel of oil has ever been produced in Washington, DC and -3- Johnny still can’t read.[Speaking of reading, your kids go to public school, don’t they?]
Anyway, I am glad to see that plaid is still your favorite color.
Kevin Smith
Stephen L. Goldstein The Sun-Sentinel
Boxing Day
Stephen L. Goldstein
The Sun-Sentinel
RE: “Cheer up”, I said. “Things could be worse.” “For once we are in agreement. They were, are, and they will be”, said you. – Some comments on your Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanza column, an offering that is predicated on how bad things were, are, and will be. In other words a modern American Liberal humbug to all of you!
My dear Professor,
It must be tough going through life certain that the best you can hope for is to have only one shoe that fits well and that lions and lambs will snuggle together provided we bring a new lamb to Leo every sundown.
I must tell you that I am but halfway through a long journey in my gas guzzling SUV. I find that mental games are a good way to defeat the Interstate ennui. [Incidentally, the Interstate highway system was the first example of the Military/Industrial complex showing that “shovel ready” projects can work provided you give them 3 years to get “shovel ready”. But I’m sure you knew that.] My mental game of choice was trying to figure out if my number of killed polar bears increases exponentially as my speed increased mathematically.
The law of unintended consequence demands that my math includes the following factors: The more polar bears I kill the more baby seals will grow up to be salmon killers. The dearth of salmon will result in more grizzly bears attacking intruding bi-pods, most of whom are White. They will surely kill them with weapons that are not being used “fairly”. Meanwhile the noble Inuits and the stout Fugowis will surely starve what with their totemic salmon having gone away because of the surplus of seals. Do you think if we give Alaska back to the Russians – that would solve the Sarah Palin problem, wouldn’t it? – Gaia would be pleased and we could finally reach the horizon and become the people we were waiting for?
Your first paragraph, like the credit card ad tells us, is priceless.
You make Kwanzaa the equivalent of Hanukkah and Christmas. That takes big brass cojones, huevos annealed by decades of sitting in the forge of modern American Liberalism, moral relativism, and secular humanism.
I was present at neither Hanukkah nor Christmas but I am familiar with the story of both.
I was present at the birth of Kwanzaa.
It is interesting to note that the myths of Hanukkah and Christmas were burnished by centuries, indeed millennia, of exquisite artistry. Kwanzaa was made out
of whole cloth over a long weekend on Main Street, East Orange, NJ. It was the height of the hugely successful War on Poverty. Its language is an amalgam of Jabberwocky, Esperanto, and pre hip hop rap. Its customs were designed the way a magician pulls a rabbit out of a hat and the way his cousin, the card shark, fills an inside straight.
It’s a shame that Bing Crosby died before he could record “I’m Dreaming of a Black Kwanzaa”.
I await, eagerly, very eagerly, the appearance of the first Black Scrooge. Ebenezer becomes Erastus. [Can we wait for OJ to get out?] Tupac Shakur becomes the Ghost of Christmas Past. Al & Jesse, the country’s favorite street Revs, have a Texas Steel Cage Death Match to see who becomes the Ghost of Christmas Future.
The rest of your article is made up of the quotidian persiflage – I will gild the lily. It is quotidian obfuscatory persiflage - which modern American Liberals must engage in. There are many variations but the major premise, “Not only is the glass half empty but somebody is secretly draining it even though it is toxic”, has been a staple of the Democratic Party since 1932.
Maybe I’ll take the long way home. Having gotten my quota of polar bears I want to train my death ray exhaust system on mosquitoes, coyotes, and peripatetic preachers of puerile poppycock. Plus, I will hold my breath for 10 minutes every hour. That way, when I exhale, my CO2 will be like it spent the weekend in Gahenna. Keep your gas mask handy.
I will try to find those 7 or 8 states that President B.O. told us about. As soon as I finds them the three Holy Grails of Geography, viz. Utopia, the Horizon, and Atlantis, should be a layup.
Kevin Smith
WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET
Stephen L. Goldstein
The Sun-Sentinel
RE: “Cheer up”, I said. “Things could be worse.” “For once we are in agreement. They were, are, and they will be”, said you. – Some comments on your Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanza column, an offering that is predicated on how bad things were, are, and will be. In other words a modern American Liberal humbug to all of you!
My dear Professor,
It must be tough going through life certain that the best you can hope for is to have only one shoe that fits well and that lions and lambs will snuggle together provided we bring a new lamb to Leo every sundown.
I must tell you that I am but halfway through a long journey in my gas guzzling SUV. I find that mental games are a good way to defeat the Interstate ennui. [Incidentally, the Interstate highway system was the first example of the Military/Industrial complex showing that “shovel ready” projects can work provided you give them 3 years to get “shovel ready”. But I’m sure you knew that.] My mental game of choice was trying to figure out if my number of killed polar bears increases exponentially as my speed increased mathematically.
The law of unintended consequence demands that my math includes the following factors: The more polar bears I kill the more baby seals will grow up to be salmon killers. The dearth of salmon will result in more grizzly bears attacking intruding bi-pods, most of whom are White. They will surely kill them with weapons that are not being used “fairly”. Meanwhile the noble Inuits and the stout Fugowis will surely starve what with their totemic salmon having gone away because of the surplus of seals. Do you think if we give Alaska back to the Russians – that would solve the Sarah Palin problem, wouldn’t it? – Gaia would be pleased and we could finally reach the horizon and become the people we were waiting for?
Your first paragraph, like the credit card ad tells us, is priceless.
You make Kwanzaa the equivalent of Hanukkah and Christmas. That takes big brass cojones, huevos annealed by decades of sitting in the forge of modern American Liberalism, moral relativism, and secular humanism.
I was present at neither Hanukkah nor Christmas but I am familiar with the story of both.
I was present at the birth of Kwanzaa.
It is interesting to note that the myths of Hanukkah and Christmas were burnished by centuries, indeed millennia, of exquisite artistry. Kwanzaa was made out
of whole cloth over a long weekend on Main Street, East Orange, NJ. It was the height of the hugely successful War on Poverty. Its language is an amalgam of Jabberwocky, Esperanto, and pre hip hop rap. Its customs were designed the way a magician pulls a rabbit out of a hat and the way his cousin, the card shark, fills an inside straight.
It’s a shame that Bing Crosby died before he could record “I’m Dreaming of a Black Kwanzaa”.
I await, eagerly, very eagerly, the appearance of the first Black Scrooge. Ebenezer becomes Erastus. [Can we wait for OJ to get out?] Tupac Shakur becomes the Ghost of Christmas Past. Al & Jesse, the country’s favorite street Revs, have a Texas Steel Cage Death Match to see who becomes the Ghost of Christmas Future.
The rest of your article is made up of the quotidian persiflage – I will gild the lily. It is quotidian obfuscatory persiflage - which modern American Liberals must engage in. There are many variations but the major premise, “Not only is the glass half empty but somebody is secretly draining it even though it is toxic”, has been a staple of the Democratic Party since 1932.
Maybe I’ll take the long way home. Having gotten my quota of polar bears I want to train my death ray exhaust system on mosquitoes, coyotes, and peripatetic preachers of puerile poppycock. Plus, I will hold my breath for 10 minutes every hour. That way, when I exhale, my CO2 will be like it spent the weekend in Gahenna. Keep your gas mask handy.
I will try to find those 7 or 8 states that President B.O. told us about. As soon as I finds them the three Holy Grails of Geography, viz. Utopia, the Horizon, and Atlantis, should be a layup.
Kevin Smith
WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET
Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman-Schultz
December 23, 2011
Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman-Schultz
10100 Pines Blvd.
Pembroke Pines, FL 33026
RE: Never apologize. It’s a sign of weakness. Besides, what’s wrong with an ad hominem argument if it’s true and you really mean it? Some comments on Congressman Sensenbrenner and Mrs. Obama’s soon to be Spandexed bum.
Dear Darling Debbie, Debbie,
I write to you because it’s that time of the year again and I want to share some winter solstice good feelings with you.
It appears that Congressman Sensenbrenner, himself a “calorically challenged” average White man, has apologized to today’s poster child of the conspicuous consumption of the nouveau riche, Michele Obama, for saying she had a “large posterior”. I hope he said she had a fat ass. “Posterior” should only be used when reading x-rays.
Does Michele have a fat ass?
Not yet.
What she has is “big butt” potential that borders on the Homeric.
Her first attainable goal is Aretha Franklin. You may remember when she sang at Bill Clinton’s inaugural. She wore a fur coat that “deminked” Idaho. Whenever she had to haul ass she needed a big wheel barrel and two gallons of Gorilla Glue to keep her in it. She went to the hospital a few months ago for eating a pound of uncooked sausage and a dozen Moon Pies still in its original shipping container. The ambulance was of no use so a fork lift and a flat-bed truck were summoned. Luckily, a Gardner-Denver drilling rig was nearby or the stomach pumping would not have worked. If I were to mention Aunt Jemima or Ethel Waters Eric Holder, an Attorney General who brings to mind the glory days of Palmer and Reno, would sic his dreaded word police on me so I won’t.
Michele Obama is the reason why Lycra was invented and Spandex was developed. Should she ever have to do her own shopping she would never get out of the candy aisle. Once she learns how to ignore the wrapping the world record for eating Mr. Goodbars would be hers. She is going to put Big & Tall and Ms. Plus size on speed dial.
When they are evicted from the White House and she begins to have whole hams swimming in 5 gallons of red gravy for breakfast her and B.O’s horizontal tangoes will be spoken of in biblical terms. He will have to strap a 2x4 by 4 feet onto his waist lest he go AWOL.
You know me to be to be an erudite polemicist, one who is as familiar with Greece and Rome as I am with the mendacity of Democratic politics in Hudson County and Broward County, and as one who knows how to wring a laugh out of the absurdities of modern American Liberalism and its public practitioners. You know that I lace my letters to you with literary and Historical references. I shan’t do that after today. The reason is simple: I used to think you were smart what with 2 degrees in Political Science. It is now obvious that some of those credits were transferred in from the Columbia Broadcasting School of Sophistry and the Rangoon School of Proctology.
I apologize for saying anything but “Ain’t Biden stupid”. If I were to it would be casting pearls before swine.
Do you remember when Amiri Baraka, nee Leroi Jones, noted Democratic urban activist, said that “Condoleezza was a skeeza”? “Skeeza” is hip-hop, inner city Black shorthand for an inner city Black skank whore. On bad days her pustules and fistulas would be oozing a combination of proteins, amino acids, and an alien primordial substance unknown to modern medicine. On good days they would not be in projectile mode. Whatever else can be said about a “skeeza” having a fat ass is not on the short list. Let the record show that the “skeeza” in question was Condoleezza Rice. She was this racist nation’s first Black Secretary of State.
If Baraka the Black Bard didn’t have to apologize why should Congressman Sensenbrenner?
Speaking of fat asses, Hillary Clinton has just crossed the border into Madeline Albright territory. If we could get both of them on “Dancing with the Stars” we wouldn’t need a Neilson meter. We would need a friggin’ Richter scale.
Speaking of not nice things said with no consequences and certainly no remorse shown do you remember when Senator Richard Durbin, still known to his high school gym class chums as “Little Dickie”, said the American GIs were “Nazis”? Do you remember when Congressman Murtha said that Marines were “murderers”?
If Durbin and Murtha didn’t have to apologize why should Congressman Sensenbrenner?
I would be remiss if when the subject is fat asses I didn’t mention Michael Moore. You may recall that around the same time – 9/18/01 - you sent two policemen, men with badges and guns, to my house to “question” me about something I said Fat Mikey said that he only wished that the Islamic thugs had killed more Republicans on 9/11.
Since he didn’t have to apologize why should Congressman Sensenbrenner?
Do you remember when you said, immediately after Congresswoman Giffords was shot, that Right-Wing talk radio [As if there were any other kind], gun lovers, androids in fiefdom to the notorious Koch Brothers, gun lovers, secret members of the hated Federalist Society, people who don’t think that “Midnight Basketball” and “Alternative Shopping” are sound building blocks of public policy provided the climate that allowed the shooter to plot and carry out his heinous crime?
It turns out the Department of Justice, an agency run by an AG who is making Janet Reno into a loveable character, has decided that they cannot bring the alleged perpetrator to trial. The reasons are simple: Since he is unable to understand the charges against him he is incapable of assisting in his own defense.
If you didn’t apologize why should Congressman Sensenbrenner?
You may recall that Ricky Ray Rector was similarly situated. He was deemed expendable. A White governor wanted to be President. He had to be thought of as tough on crime. Plus, frying a Black man would show that he could stand up to them.
It worked.
Just ask President Clinton.
Since the subject is posteriors – asses to the great unwashed – and I have given several examples of Brobdanaglian backsides let me end this on a high note.
There can be no doubt that the most perfect ass in Christendom belongs to and is appropriately displayed by Pippa Middleton. If we can arrange a reverse Lend Lease perhaps we could get her over here to inspire some of our more steatyagonous public officials. If not, how about a country wide road show?
By the way, Biden really is stupid but his wife has a very nice ass.
Kevin Smith
Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman-Schultz
10100 Pines Blvd.
Pembroke Pines, FL 33026
RE: Never apologize. It’s a sign of weakness. Besides, what’s wrong with an ad hominem argument if it’s true and you really mean it? Some comments on Congressman Sensenbrenner and Mrs. Obama’s soon to be Spandexed bum.
Dear Darling Debbie, Debbie,
I write to you because it’s that time of the year again and I want to share some winter solstice good feelings with you.
It appears that Congressman Sensenbrenner, himself a “calorically challenged” average White man, has apologized to today’s poster child of the conspicuous consumption of the nouveau riche, Michele Obama, for saying she had a “large posterior”. I hope he said she had a fat ass. “Posterior” should only be used when reading x-rays.
Does Michele have a fat ass?
Not yet.
What she has is “big butt” potential that borders on the Homeric.
Her first attainable goal is Aretha Franklin. You may remember when she sang at Bill Clinton’s inaugural. She wore a fur coat that “deminked” Idaho. Whenever she had to haul ass she needed a big wheel barrel and two gallons of Gorilla Glue to keep her in it. She went to the hospital a few months ago for eating a pound of uncooked sausage and a dozen Moon Pies still in its original shipping container. The ambulance was of no use so a fork lift and a flat-bed truck were summoned. Luckily, a Gardner-Denver drilling rig was nearby or the stomach pumping would not have worked. If I were to mention Aunt Jemima or Ethel Waters Eric Holder, an Attorney General who brings to mind the glory days of Palmer and Reno, would sic his dreaded word police on me so I won’t.
Michele Obama is the reason why Lycra was invented and Spandex was developed. Should she ever have to do her own shopping she would never get out of the candy aisle. Once she learns how to ignore the wrapping the world record for eating Mr. Goodbars would be hers. She is going to put Big & Tall and Ms. Plus size on speed dial.
When they are evicted from the White House and she begins to have whole hams swimming in 5 gallons of red gravy for breakfast her and B.O’s horizontal tangoes will be spoken of in biblical terms. He will have to strap a 2x4 by 4 feet onto his waist lest he go AWOL.
You know me to be to be an erudite polemicist, one who is as familiar with Greece and Rome as I am with the mendacity of Democratic politics in Hudson County and Broward County, and as one who knows how to wring a laugh out of the absurdities of modern American Liberalism and its public practitioners. You know that I lace my letters to you with literary and Historical references. I shan’t do that after today. The reason is simple: I used to think you were smart what with 2 degrees in Political Science. It is now obvious that some of those credits were transferred in from the Columbia Broadcasting School of Sophistry and the Rangoon School of Proctology.
I apologize for saying anything but “Ain’t Biden stupid”. If I were to it would be casting pearls before swine.
Do you remember when Amiri Baraka, nee Leroi Jones, noted Democratic urban activist, said that “Condoleezza was a skeeza”? “Skeeza” is hip-hop, inner city Black shorthand for an inner city Black skank whore. On bad days her pustules and fistulas would be oozing a combination of proteins, amino acids, and an alien primordial substance unknown to modern medicine. On good days they would not be in projectile mode. Whatever else can be said about a “skeeza” having a fat ass is not on the short list. Let the record show that the “skeeza” in question was Condoleezza Rice. She was this racist nation’s first Black Secretary of State.
If Baraka the Black Bard didn’t have to apologize why should Congressman Sensenbrenner?
Speaking of fat asses, Hillary Clinton has just crossed the border into Madeline Albright territory. If we could get both of them on “Dancing with the Stars” we wouldn’t need a Neilson meter. We would need a friggin’ Richter scale.
Speaking of not nice things said with no consequences and certainly no remorse shown do you remember when Senator Richard Durbin, still known to his high school gym class chums as “Little Dickie”, said the American GIs were “Nazis”? Do you remember when Congressman Murtha said that Marines were “murderers”?
If Durbin and Murtha didn’t have to apologize why should Congressman Sensenbrenner?
I would be remiss if when the subject is fat asses I didn’t mention Michael Moore. You may recall that around the same time – 9/18/01 - you sent two policemen, men with badges and guns, to my house to “question” me about something I said Fat Mikey said that he only wished that the Islamic thugs had killed more Republicans on 9/11.
Since he didn’t have to apologize why should Congressman Sensenbrenner?
Do you remember when you said, immediately after Congresswoman Giffords was shot, that Right-Wing talk radio [As if there were any other kind], gun lovers, androids in fiefdom to the notorious Koch Brothers, gun lovers, secret members of the hated Federalist Society, people who don’t think that “Midnight Basketball” and “Alternative Shopping” are sound building blocks of public policy provided the climate that allowed the shooter to plot and carry out his heinous crime?
It turns out the Department of Justice, an agency run by an AG who is making Janet Reno into a loveable character, has decided that they cannot bring the alleged perpetrator to trial. The reasons are simple: Since he is unable to understand the charges against him he is incapable of assisting in his own defense.
If you didn’t apologize why should Congressman Sensenbrenner?
You may recall that Ricky Ray Rector was similarly situated. He was deemed expendable. A White governor wanted to be President. He had to be thought of as tough on crime. Plus, frying a Black man would show that he could stand up to them.
It worked.
Just ask President Clinton.
Since the subject is posteriors – asses to the great unwashed – and I have given several examples of Brobdanaglian backsides let me end this on a high note.
There can be no doubt that the most perfect ass in Christendom belongs to and is appropriately displayed by Pippa Middleton. If we can arrange a reverse Lend Lease perhaps we could get her over here to inspire some of our more steatyagonous public officials. If not, how about a country wide road show?
By the way, Biden really is stupid but his wife has a very nice ass.
Kevin Smith
Monday, January 9, 2012
The Editors, The Sun-Sentinel
January 9, 2012
The Editors
The Sun-Sentinel
200 East Las Olas Boylevard
Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33301
RE: It’s the law, damnit! – Some comments on today’s editorial on collecting sales tax that would lead to a return of the Theory of Nullification, said theory being itself nullified on the field of battle from 1861 to 1865.
Sirs,
One of the myriad benefits of not being a lawyer is that you get to read the Constitution not as an escape route for miscreants but rather for the codified plan of free people deciding on how to govern themselves.
It contains a specific list of what our government can do. More importantly, it is offset by a list of the things that government cannot do.
We, as a people, have consented to the Supreme Court deciding thorny issues. One court can undo what another court has done; e.g. Plessey v Ferguson was overturned by Brown v The Board of Education.
Today’s editorial, the one calling on the state government in Tallahassee to collect all sales taxes deemed owed to Florida regardless of where they originated, is directed at the wrong group of citizens.
Gibbons v Ogden was decided by the Supreme Court. The court has neither reversed itself nor has Congress intervened. That means it is the Law of the Land.
It is a case that should be known to every politician and journalist, certainly in South Florida. It involves corrupt politicians willing to be bought by nefarious special interests to the detriment of the common weal. Gosh, but doesn’t that sound familiar!
The court ruled that no state may tax a
transaction that begins in another state.
Tallahassee has no power – none - to change it. The legislative, the executive, and the judicial branches cannot interfere in a Federal matter.
The remedy is simple.
Either petition the Court to reverse itself or select Judges who will.
In the meantime the following adage still applies.
“I know of no method to secure the repeal of bad
or obnoxious laws so effective as their
stringent execution.”
Ulysses S. Grant
Kevin Smith
PS. Speaking of the other side of the ledger, why should the citizens of Broward County indenture themselves in the capital amount of $7,700,000 to benefit a private company?
After paying for the construction of a hockey rink out where the gators and the pythons conspire and then transferring title to the for profit group that owns the Florida Panthers we are now expected to pay for renovations that will make yet more money for the owners. If it were to be revealed that Jon Corzine was the architect would anyone be surprised?
As bad as the deal is what makes it worse is the violation of the Truth in Lending Law. If you were to buy a used car from Sid, the suede shoed salesman on State Road 7, he must tell you to the penny how much the loan will cost you. He must explain the Rule of 78. If he has to do it why should Broward County be exempt? The Chinese do not lend us money for free. Should Broward County borrow $7,700,000 the debt service over 30 years will be more than $23,000,000 dollars. I suppose hockey in South Florida has some merit. Why should the public have to pay for it?
The Editors
The Sun-Sentinel
200 East Las Olas Boylevard
Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33301
RE: It’s the law, damnit! – Some comments on today’s editorial on collecting sales tax that would lead to a return of the Theory of Nullification, said theory being itself nullified on the field of battle from 1861 to 1865.
Sirs,
One of the myriad benefits of not being a lawyer is that you get to read the Constitution not as an escape route for miscreants but rather for the codified plan of free people deciding on how to govern themselves.
It contains a specific list of what our government can do. More importantly, it is offset by a list of the things that government cannot do.
We, as a people, have consented to the Supreme Court deciding thorny issues. One court can undo what another court has done; e.g. Plessey v Ferguson was overturned by Brown v The Board of Education.
Today’s editorial, the one calling on the state government in Tallahassee to collect all sales taxes deemed owed to Florida regardless of where they originated, is directed at the wrong group of citizens.
Gibbons v Ogden was decided by the Supreme Court. The court has neither reversed itself nor has Congress intervened. That means it is the Law of the Land.
It is a case that should be known to every politician and journalist, certainly in South Florida. It involves corrupt politicians willing to be bought by nefarious special interests to the detriment of the common weal. Gosh, but doesn’t that sound familiar!
The court ruled that no state may tax a
transaction that begins in another state.
Tallahassee has no power – none - to change it. The legislative, the executive, and the judicial branches cannot interfere in a Federal matter.
The remedy is simple.
Either petition the Court to reverse itself or select Judges who will.
In the meantime the following adage still applies.
“I know of no method to secure the repeal of bad
or obnoxious laws so effective as their
stringent execution.”
Ulysses S. Grant
Kevin Smith
PS. Speaking of the other side of the ledger, why should the citizens of Broward County indenture themselves in the capital amount of $7,700,000 to benefit a private company?
After paying for the construction of a hockey rink out where the gators and the pythons conspire and then transferring title to the for profit group that owns the Florida Panthers we are now expected to pay for renovations that will make yet more money for the owners. If it were to be revealed that Jon Corzine was the architect would anyone be surprised?
As bad as the deal is what makes it worse is the violation of the Truth in Lending Law. If you were to buy a used car from Sid, the suede shoed salesman on State Road 7, he must tell you to the penny how much the loan will cost you. He must explain the Rule of 78. If he has to do it why should Broward County be exempt? The Chinese do not lend us money for free. Should Broward County borrow $7,700,000 the debt service over 30 years will be more than $23,000,000 dollars. I suppose hockey in South Florida has some merit. Why should the public have to pay for it?
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