Monday, March 31, 2014

March 30, 2014
Stephen L. Goldstein
The Sun Sentinel

RE: Confession is good for the soul – Some comments on your unlinkable public service announcement on how to spot Florida con men

My dear Professor,

A while back you told me that you were not very familiar with The Divine Comedy.

I hope this classic example of vincible ignorance does not extend to “A Christmas Carol”.

It, like its predecessor, is a story of sin, redemption, and salvation. “While the light is left to burn the vilest sinner may return”, “The Hound of Heaven”, “Amazing Grace”, stuff like that.

Those of us who can read tea leaves, a trait not limited to the blessed and beloved Tea Partyers, know that underneath your column about the suede shoe shod, electric blue silk shirt wearing poltroons who would steal your eyes for grapes is a lifetime of guilt about to explode.

It might be best to summon a Haz-Mat SWAT team lest your toxic detritus befoul us all.

Jesus Christ, a man who more than 2,000,000,000 [and if that’s not a consensus I don’t know what is] is both the Son of God and God, said to Peter, the first Pope in a line that leads us straight to current rock star Pope Francis, “Those things that you bind up on earth I will bind up in Heaven”.

God’s mercy is infinite.

Ebenezer Scrooge was saved by it.

“They are pathological liars.”
“They are gluttons for publicity.”
“They are consummate sales people.”
“They suck up to the rich and powerful.”
“They are Pollyannas.”

I CAN THINK OF NO BETTER DESCRIPTION OF MODERN AMERICAN
LIBERALS – FLORIDA DEMOCRATIC PARTY SECT.





“You can keep your doctor if you want to.”
“We have to pass the bill to see what’s in it.”

I really shouldn’t mention the inconvenient truth that 3 times in the
20th century – 1916, 1940, 1964 - 3 progressive predecessors to the
fanged, toxic modern American Liberal Cossacks promised
that they wouldn’t send American boys to fight in foreign wars
SO I WON’T.

You have taken the most important first step.

You have looked back a la Colonel Nicholson in “The Bridge Over the River Kwai” and said, “My God, what have I done”?

Now you must seek God’s forgiveness.

When He forgives you you must face the poor saps who believed all your buncombe laden, clap-trap, balderdash and cry mea culpa, mea culpa, mea maxima culpa.

Dante ends one of his Cantos saying ‘He came out of the cave and looked up and saw the stars”.

Think how much better you’ll feel when you are to unburden yourself of the blind obedience to such sinfully folly stuff as “shovel-ready jobs” and “the summer of recovery”. “Cash for clunkers” is a burden no man should be asked to bear. Having to believe that there are 57 or was it 58 states must be like a perpetual mental proctoscopy.

“The sins we do two by two we pay for one by one” is, alas, still the coin of the realm. Your cry for help has not gone unnoticed. If you feel that you may need special help in atoning for your past sins I can arrange to have several discalced mendicant monks scourge you on the steps of the church of your choice.

It’s the least I can do.



Kevin Smith
WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET



Sunday, March 30, 2014

March 29, 2014
Douglas C. Lyons
The Sun Sentinel

RE: Higher process and the “new normal” – Some comments on your unlinkable and truly asinine column on why bacon costs more.

Mr. Lyons,

President Reagan, AKA RONALDUS MAGNUS, was spot on when he said that modern American Liberals weren’t necessarily stupid but there is just so much that they don’t know.

The price of bacon, the price of coffee, the price of corn, and the price of orange juice have risen considerably, as you say, “from a few years back”.

[Have you ever wondered why it’s OK for the price of Granny’s house to go up but not the price of 2 pounds of pork chops? Think about it.]

You say “three years ago, the free market was blamed for high bacon prices”. Why not blame umbrellas for rain storms? How about blaming the thermometer for higher temperatures or, depending on where you live, for lower temperatures? It won’t take 7 League boots to condemn dentists for toothaches or profiteroles for teenage obesity.

Ibn addition to having no knowledge of how markets work, a trait shared by all card carrying, fire breathing modern American Liberal ink stained wretches, you seem to trash the Trivium by offensively insulting Logic.

I suggest, and let me paraphrase Reverend Wright, that it may be a case of “hogs coming home to roost”.

Every month for the last 6 years the Federal Reserve “bought” up to $85,000,000,000 – that’s B as in Billion – in bonds from the United States Treasury. The Treasury quickly ran out of storage space for this swag so they “encouraged” all the nation’s banks to dip their beak, so to speak.

Imagine a monstrous turd of greenbacks floating around in a tureen filled with rainbow stew. The dough has to go somewhere.

Inflation does not occur when the Koch Brothers want some more walking around money. Inflation does not occur when a turbaned WOG, floating on a sea of oil, decides to punish the infidels. Inflation does not occur when a thuggish union wants more money for its members.





It occurs when governments, and it is irrelevant whether
they are good or bad, decide to debase their currency

Money has 2 functions. It is a storehouse of value and it is a medium exchange.

When it no longer is a storehouse of value it must be exchanged quickly, oh so quickly, into something of value.

A bag of coffee, a hog belly, a tun of OJ has value.

A fixed amount of a commodity, any commodity, some more than others, does.

When a dollar bill, something whose value is subject to the whims of the printer, becomes suspect, it is quickly learned that a herd of hogs or an ounce of gold cannot be changed by central bank fiat.

Inflation is not the only cause of rising commodity prices.

[In its irrational quest for a “green” planet, the United States decided to use corn, the world’s most commonly used food stuff, as a substitute for gasoline. There were 2 lingering consequences caused by this: #1 – The price of corn rose and #2 – a lot of non-First Worlders starved. Worse, no polar bears were saved. Honest. Look it up.]

There is one sure guarantee here.

Food prices will rise in inverse proportion to the decline
in value of the currency used to pay for it.

The God-awful inflation of the Carter years, and I could never imagine myself saying this but compared to the current ohmadahn in the Oval Office he is starting to look like Cicero and while I am at it let me tip my hat to President B.O. for shipping his wife, his kids, and his broom-riding mother-in-law off to China to gain some valuable man-time, and even better, getting everybody else to pay for it, began under Nixon in August, 1971.

10 years later T-Bills were at 16.5%, mortgages were 18.5% and the economy had the dry heaves. Let me take back what I just said about Carter. This goober, despite a degree in engineering, couldn’t get 3 helicopters in a row to work. God, what a putz! The only good thing he did for this country was that he made it easier for the Great Reagan to succeed him.




[President Reagan, Prime Minister Thatcher, Pope John Paul. There was a time when giants roamed the earth.]

The “new normal in America” – you say rising food prices – came about when the people realized that they could vote themselves free money. They were led by very smart people who were so dumb that, in addition to not being able to find their asses using both hands, they didn’t know how many states were in the Union. Honest. Look it up.

If rising food prices are bad why is a rising stock market and your home increasing in value good?

My first FAX machine weighed 40 pounds. It cost $1,800. For $1,800 today I could buy a printer that would give me 50 dead center perfect Benjamins a minute. I can’t get one because the Fed buys all that can be produced.

Argentina? Venezuela? Zimbabwe?

The United States Post Office sells “Forever Stamps”. How many will we need to get a pound of bacon in 2016?




Kevin Smith
warriorbardit@bellsouth.net



PS – Wait a minute. Maybe gravity is overrated, particularly the part about the apple falling from the tree. Maybe we can inflate ourselves to a never ending Summer of Recovery. Maybe we’ll all be farting through silk. Maybe my brother the hunchback will straighten up? Maybe happy days are here again forever. Maybe not. I’ll bet the under on that.

Saturday, March 29, 2014

March 28, 2014
Stephen L. Goldstein
The Sun Sentinel

RE: Annuit coeptis – Look it up. It is the key to my comments on your unlinkable column about God being dead and, despite those persistent rumors about His Resurrection, Him staying dead.

My dear Professor,

First, I want to report an identity theft.

Yours.

For years there have been persistent rumors that you have multiple degrees from an Ivy League institution. Quien sabe? Maybe you rebranded yourself.

To my mind it is inconceivable that an Ivy League Alumnus
could have no idea of how this country came to be.

Each and every one of those really cool guys, AKA “The Founding Fathers”, tried to outdo the other in their obeisance to God. Each and every of them speaks about “rights”, not from any government but, rather, from God.

The historic role of government was to restrict those “rights”. What made this country exceptional was that the newly formed American government –A- codified these rights and –B- swore to enforce them for its citizens. The government said it would restrict itself from the normal aggrandizement of its power to protect its citizens. [Vide “enumerated powers” and Amendments 1 through 10. Get back to me.]

It is indeed serendipitous that even a blind hog can find the occasional truffle. You say

“The First Amendment is the ultimate libertarian credo;
it is about guaranteeing everyone free speech in every
form the authors could imagine, not about anyone’s
imposing their views on anyone else.”
The Sun Sentinel
Today
You



You may recall a dozen naked men masturbating in front of Saint Patrick’s Cathedral to celebrate Gay Pride Day.

Thank you for acquiescing in my right to yell “Faggot” in a crowded theatre, particularly if that odeon is featuring “La Cage aux Folles” or “Boys in the Band”, if the dreaded word police [Homosexual branch] ever permit that play to be seen in public again.

When the Founders sought “the protection of Divine Providence” were they seeking solace and succor from the town in Rhode Island or the protection of the Creator and Grantor of those “rights”, those “certain inalienable rights”? Since these “rights” are ours “from beyond the stars” mind numbed, mush-brained modern American Liberals cannot harm them as long as free men stand guard.

The Founder of the Feast has a sense of mirth that enables Him to suffer the slings and arrows of solipsistic mortals. A strong case can be made that He encourages continuing public displays of their folly to further fortify His presence.





Kevin Smith



PS – Annuit coeptis still stumps you? It means He has blessed our undertakings. The He is not George the Third and it sure as Hell ain’t Rousseau. Was it the Columbia School of Journalism and Proctology that granted you a degree?

Wednesday, March 26, 2014

March 24, 2014
Fabiola Santiago
The Miami Herald
3511 NW 91st Avenue
Miami, FL 33172

RE: Play Ball! – Some follow up on the unfairness of it all particularly when it comes to chicks playing ball games.

Ms. Santiago,

My note of 3/22/14 to you would normally prove to be a deuced difficult lily to gild. Not impossible.

I begin by saying that I am a big fan of lady basketball. I like it for the differences, not the stretched similarities.

The ladies are not athletic ubermenschen. They do not fly, Icarus-like, pursuing an Alley-Oop slam dunk. They must, by virtue of their physical limitations, paly a more controlled, a more disciplined, a smarter game. Having played and coached long before the 3 point shot and the 35 second shot clock it is a game with which I am more familiar and comfortable,

Surely the superior coaching skills of Pat Summit and Geno Auriemma are self-evident. Still, I can’t help but wonder is he has ever been tossed into a shower by his Husky bitches.

Which brings us full circle to a tough issue.

Women reporters have full, unfettered access to all NFL and NBA locker rooms.

Are there any guys sniffing out the tension and friction present in a losing locker room, particularly if there is no need for a urinal?

I watched DePaul play, I think, Oklahoma, at Cameron Arena at Duke University. A lot of fans were disguised as empty seats. When was the last time anyone saw an empty seat when the boys are playing there?

There was a tennis match 40 years ago between Billie Jean King, reigning tennis champion, and Bobby Riggs who was about to start his second decade on Medicare.






In the drive for equality how about a Nadal or a Federer going up against a most steatyagynous Billie Jean? Although Riggs lost I think he won 5 sets in a 2 out of 3 match. Assuming that BJK could get her ax handle and a half wide ass on to a court I would give long odds that she would not score a point. Longer still for her to be able to return a serve.

Speaking of ladies playing tennis, could tell me why they all sound like they are auditioning for a C- skin flick when they serve?

Next up…distaff bare back bronco bull riding.




Kevin Smith

Sunday, March 23, 2014

March 22, 2014
Fabiola Santiago
The Miami Herald
3511 NW 91st Avenue
Miami, FL 33172

RE: “Ballparks versus Books” – Some comments on today’s column about the unfairness of it all – Part 32 or 33 – when it comes to who gets to dip his beak into the public tax trough.

Ms. Santiago,

What is the sense of being an ink-stained modern American Liberal wench if you can’t get to sing – publically, atonally, and discordantly – its anthems? “Don’t Stop Thinking About Tomorrow”, “Imagine”, and if all else fails, anything about the children leap to mind.

Part of the requirements for gaining admission to the Sanctum Sanctorum is to substitute feelings for ideas. Then, when you think no one is looking, slip in a word whose meaning is unknown to you, said word in this instance being “Machiavellian”, in the hopes that your audience will say “OOOH”.

My passion for high school football is surpassed only by my passion for the Trivium. [You may want to take a quick Google peek at that word.]

I think the English teacher should be held to same to the same exacting standards as the football coach. If Macbeth or Kipling should prove to be too much for him he should have his incompetent ass fired in a most public manner. After all, “it’s good for the children” is sauce for both goose and gander.

I say this because in the real world, a world where “tenure” is a 4 letter word, a world where “stones are hard and water is wet”, that’s how the game is played.

Alas, despite egregiously empirical evidence to the contrary, you believe, I mean really, really believe at least 2 things:

#1 – The more money we spend on schools the better those schools will be.
#2 – Along the way, a way that has no sharp edges or right angles, it’s always good to make a rich guy – Except George Soros and all the Kennedys – a bit less rich.

[How #2 will help an inner city mom, a woman of color, with children in need of a good Ritalin program who live too far away from public transportation to enjoy the benefits of “Midnight Basketball” and “Alternative Shopping” but close enough to be perpetually exploited by the low prices of Wal-Mart and, in a way not yet fully explained, the Koch Brothers, is still a mystery to me.]




I am sorry your penis envy has overcome your supposedly “wise Latina” sense of propriety.

I am going to let you in on a little secret.

The reason no one builds a stadium just to “accommodate female sports teams” is simple.

No one would buy tickets. No jobs would be “created”.
The Summer of Recovery would once again pass into autumn
with only Professor Vivaldi, the noted Italian weatherman, noticing.

Let the winner of the NCAA men’s basketball tournament and the NCAA women’s basketball tournament play each other for a gazillion dollars. Other than the usual buffoonery what good could come from it? It would probably show that there is no crying in basketball either.

OOOPS! I forgot. It’s a “shameless man’s world”, isn’t it?




Kevin Smith
March 22, 2014
Arne Duncan
Secretary of Education
400 Maryland Avenue SW
Washington, DC 20202

RE: “stark portrait of inequity” – Some comments on your imbecilic, I dare say moronic, take on public education.

Mr. Secretary,

#1 – Are any of your children enrolled or have been enrolled in any of the really really good public schools in Washington. DC?
#2 – If not, why not?
#3 – Although his family gets intercontinental spring breaks, this time in China, paid for by the American taxpayer the President, a tenant in public housing, spends over $100,000 on tuitions for his daughter’s private school educations. Why aren’t they in any of the really, really fine public schools available in Washington, DC?
#4 – I’ll take it that you are not familiar with “post hoc propter ergo hoc”. You may wish to familiarize yourself with it. It’s been around for a very long time. Take your time reading this. I will write slowly.
If “black students were 3 times as likely to be suspended and expelled as white students” is it because they are black, is it because there are 3 times as many of “them” in inner city schools, or is it because they transgress 3 times as much as their melanin challenged classmates?

Blacks make up some 12% of our population. 65% of the NFL and 80% of the NBA are non-Caucasian. What conclusions can we draw from those facts? Should we have Affirmative Action in which we compensate for some athletes having longer femurs and bigger butts giving them an unfair advantage? Shouldn’t the admirable goal of a “level playing field” apply here? Will there be a place for nerdy, fat White point guards in March Madness?

#5 – Do you know of any other non-rent paying tenants of public housing in Washington who spend more than $50,000 for each of their children’s grammar school tuition? Would not fairness dictate that some equaling provision be applied to the Obamas? How about $100 a week towards the upkeep of the Rose Garden? How about paying for the first organic non-gluten compost heap on the East Coast?




Should the need for a tie-breaker arise how many non-rent paying tenants of public housing get to ship their wives, their daughters, and their broom riding mother-in- law to China, friggin’ China for Christ’s sake, for Spring Break? OOPs! I almost forgot. And it doesn’t cost him a dime.

An anxious public awaits your answers.






Kevin Smith
March 21, 2014
Andres Viglucci
The Miami Herald
3511 NW 91st Avenue
Miami, FL 33172

RE: 1000 year old circles. What next? Penicillin? A Moon landing? Mozart? The Green Bay Packer Sweep? Obamacare? Disco? The Browning .50 caliber machine gun? Kipling? “Congress shall make no law…”? Duck Dynasty? Mendel? – Some comments on your Page 1 article about “The World Turned Upside Down” because of, you guessed it, a 1000 year old round hole in the ground.

Mr. Viglucci,

You have to love the Haitians. Whatever else they are or, maybe more importantly, what they aren’t they are very clean people. They are always washing up on the beach. [I exclude the Haitian cab driver who tried to beat my daughter out of some money last Saturday night. Particulars, regardless of their number, cannot a universal make.]

It’s les merdes from Quebec who, having escaped detection at our Northern borders, should be rounded up and sent to Gitmo.

I defy you to find 2 waitresses in a row on the boardwalk in Hollywood who have anything good to say about them other than “Thank God! They are finally gone.” Also, why would anybody put mayonnaise on their pizza?

Alas, like when you put your teeth in backwards and they don’t feel too bad, they are double-helixed into the warp and woof of quotidian Florida life.

Indeed, it is a strange tapestry that a newly arrived émigré encounters.

When I first got here, back when Monica was perfecting her knob polishing techniques, back when Donna Shalala was proclaiming with 100% absolute metaphysical certitude that we would all die from AIDS in 10 years, 3 things happened, 3 things stood out that could be correctly called uniquely South Florida.

#1 – A 350 pound Black man, a 350 pound Black man who could speak no English, a 350 Black man who could speak no English but did have 2 heads, went missing in the international arrivals section of Miami Airport.

He was flying from Haiti with a stopover here before flying on to North Carolina for medical reasons. He had a tumor growing out of the side of his jaw that looked like, to the untrained eye, a second head. Did I mention he weighed 350 pounds? Did I mention that he spoke no English? I did? Good?






He wandered away while switching planes.

Wandered away? 2 heads? 350 pound Black man? No English?

No need to wake McGriff the Crime Dog for this.

After all, how many 350 pound Black men who speak no English and have 2 heads could be wondering around the international arrivals section of Miami International Airport? First rate police work, a trait that is recognized world-wide, resulted in him being found in less than 3 days. 3 days. Honest

#2 – An armored car overturned in a Black neighborhood. Either side of $500,000 in small bills went out the door. Police, and I swear by all things that I hold with, said –A- they expected the residents to return the money right quick and then –B- if they didn’t return the money the people who picked it p off the ground would be arrested. Honest. That’s what they said.

If memory serves a calorically challenged 13 year old returned .85 cents he had found in the street. Not knowing what to do the police sent him to Disneyville for a long weekend. That was the only money recovered. Honest.

#3 – Anthony Lewis, a proud link in the distinguished chain of New York Times Pulitzer Prize winners beginning with Walter Duranty, said it was “culturally arrogant” for rich White 1st Worlders to criticize Pol Pot for murdering 1/3rd of his countrymen. Honest.

Ground was broken for a $30,000,000 condo project on a Miami estuary. A few swipes with a back hoe was all it took to uncover some unknown artifacts. A few more carefully planned shovel swipes revealed – Mirabile Dictu! – a circle. It was to be said to be 1,000 years old. Like the big cat on the mountain in Africa or Jimmy Buffett’s tattoo how it got there I haven’t a clue.

A circle. A 1,000 year old circle. The possibilities were endless.

The entrance to Avernus or Atlantis or both? The westernmost side of the Bermuda Triangle? The notorious Briar Patch? The heel stone for the first of many, many Summers of Recovery?

What is known is that development stopped.




18 years later – Ulysses had almost made it home to Penelope, Telemachus, and Bowser – and achingly dumb people, mostly White, still pay obeisance to a 1,000 year old hole in the ground. Who knows? If the North Shore Tequestas had not butchered the South Shore Tequestas into extinction perhaps they would have worked their way up to Pi.

I run the risk of being called “culturally arrogant” to suggest that Geometry – ask me how I know about rhomboids – was next on the Bucket List. Calculus? Algorithms? Imaginary numbers? Fuhgedaboutit.

Not only are we not in Kansas we aren’t even in Oz.

The boobies are running the hatch.

The loonies are in charge of the bin.

Honest.






PS – Here’s what happened to the Malaysian jet. Climate changed polar vortices, a condition caused by excessive air conditioning, swept the plane into the gravitational pull of the Bermuda Triangle. It was able to break free only to be involuntarily vectored on to a secret base that was started by Nixon in 1957. It is now funded by the Koch Brothers. No further bulletins will be issued.



Monday, March 17, 2014

March 15, 2014
Douglas C. Lyons
The Sun Sentinel

RE: Debbie & Dougie – Perfect together! – Some comments on your oh so achingly typical modern American Liberal column on how those rat bastard Republicans beat Alex Sink in Florida’s 13th district.

Mr. Lyons,

Debbie is, of course, Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman-Schultz. She is Florida’s paradigmatic template should the need for a duplicate snaggle-toothed, Medusa haired, meaner than cat shit, forked tongue shrew arise.

Alex Sink, and why didn’t anybody ask how it was to work for Hooty Johnson, one of America’s best known male chauvinistic pigs – corporate style, lost a special election for a vacant Congressional seat. She was supposed to have won it.

Little Debbie, and don’t get between her lying lips and a working TV camera, said the following:

“We had the better team. We had the better players. We had the better coach. We had the better game plan. We had the always fawning, ass-kissing media crying for us. We spent more money there. Somehow the evil Koch Brothers, the NRA, the Tea Party, the ghost of Nixon, the eternal spectre of Tail Gunner Joe, Right to Life advocates, flat taxers, Global Warming deniers – G-d but they are horrible people and so un-American – somehow got more votes.

Duffy Daugherty, a legendary American football coach, said, “It’s good luck to be ahead when the game ends”.

You say that the ideal job for Ms. Sink, a great granddaughter of a Chinese Siamese twin and if that doesn’t make you blink, gasp, and gulp nothing, absolutely nothing, will, is to lead the “resurrecting of the Florida Democratic Party”.

You then say “Democrats ran the state for more than a century”.

How good a thing was that?

Skip the corruption of Homeric proportions. I’m from New Jersey. The lesson of the “white envelope” was not lost on me. Crooked politicians? I’m shocked, shocked.

How many Blacks were lynched under Democratic administrations? Wasn’t a Black town burned down during a Democratic administration? Blacks couldn’t even use the Atlantic Ocean with White people. The friggin’ Atlantic Ocean wasn’t big enough to accommodate both Blacks and Democrats.

Speaking of Black towns, you don’t have to go to South Africa to see “Black townships. Checker boarded up and down either side of Interstate 95 are racial enclaves that would give Soweto a run for its money. God almighty but they at least had Mandela while we wound up with Alcee Hastings about whom more in a nonce.

You end by saying that “the lure to be become one of 435 members of Congress [Would you think ill of me if I were to point out, ever so gently, that Congress has 535 members, 435 of whom are in the House of Representatives? I hope not.] The irony must have been unintentional but the column opposite yours was written by the aforementioned Congressman Hastings.

You may recall that Hastings had his black robed felonious ass impeached off the Federal bench. Disgraced Judge Hastings then did a racial 2 step into a Congressional district that was created to elect Willie Horton, O.J.Simpson, Step-n-Fetchit or a poltroon like Hastings.

And you say that Ms. Sink can “resurrect this party”.

Only a “chump”, as defined by Malcolm X, could believe that. Worse, to want that.




Kevin Smith
March 15, 2014
Senator Edward Markey
975 JFK Federal Building
Boston, MA 02203

RE: You smarmy bastard! You pail of pungently acrid eel shit!

Senator Markey,

A quick review tells me that, according to you, hedge funds that Mitt Romney was involved with were bad while hedge funds that Bill Ackman are involved with are good.

Pershing Square, Ackman’s hedge fund, thinks that Herbalife is going to become worthless, like Solyndra. If he is right he will make one billion – that’s $1,000,000,000 – dollars. That’s enough money to buy a lot of support up to and including United States Senators.

You gave a speech on the floor of the United States Senate, a place where Calhoun and Webster volleyed and thundered, that failed, miserably I quickly add, the bag test.

Herbalife was the target of your high dudgeon.

Should Ackman prevail he will have a personal Summer of Recovery that will shame the money men of Xanadu. As an Irish-Catholic from Hudson County, New Jersey I know you are going to need a really big tin box for your swag. Don’t take any checks.

Coincidences occur all the time. Particularly when, as Jeeves said to Bertie, “you find a trout in the milk”.

The Senate has been in need of an impossible to shame varlet, a scroyle sans scruples since Torricelli of New Jersey slinked out one step ahead of the constable. It took 2 years to get the stench out. It’s back.

You give the typical crooked modern American Liberal Boston pol a bad name.




Kevin Smith

Monday, March 10, 2014

March 9, 2014
Gary Stein
The Sun Sentinel

RE: “I expect more from Hillary Clinton” – Some comments on your unlinkable slobbering serenade in today’s Sun Sentinel in which you chastise her ever so gently.

Big Stein,

It occurs to me that short of running off with either Rush Limbaugh or Rosie O’Donnell or both, there is nothing, absolutely nothing, that Hillary Rodham Clinton could do that would lessen the fervor that some people who should know better have for her.

On the other hand, the image of Hillary doing the horizontal tango with either or both is mindbendingly boggling.

Hillary said the Putin was like Hitler. That got your kickers knotted. Hitler permitted no smoking in his presence. He was a Teutonic vegan. He was kind to children and he loved animals. Somehow I don’t think those traits entered you’re your equation.

I’ll get back to Hitler shortly.

Can someone please tell me what this fagot has ever done?

She wrote her senior thesis on Saul Alinksy. I’ll find the fifth Gospel before I find that. Follow the bouncing ball.
She was graduated from law school.
She married a classmate.
He became the Attorney General of Arkansas
She was hired by the “largest law firm in Arkansas”
[The “largest law firm in Arkansas” is better- slightly,
Ever so slightly better than being the 3rd largest hotel in Wichita]
Her husband became the Governor of Arkansas.
She was made a partner in the “largest law firm in Arkansas”.
Ain’t no glass ceiling gonna stop this bitch!

She met a good old boy named Red Bone. She found a few dollars in Bill’s used trousers. [On&off, on&off, on&off, on&off, all before lunch will take a toll, particularly on the zipper] She called Red Bone and made $100,000 in cattle futures. Honest.

Whitewater should still raise a stink in the nostrils of honest men. Not because it failed. Hell,even Solyndra went down the tubes. It stinks after 30 years because she took Uncle Goober and Auntie Eller to the friggin’ cleaners in a manner worthy of a 3 card Monty dealer.

These boobs bought the land with the only document memorializing the sale being a time-sales contract. No mortgage. The reason is simple. If there is a default the debtor gets to tell his side of the story to a Judge. If you default on a car loan you see a large man hook your car and tow it away as the Law allows. Since the main market for this land would not fall into the category of “sophisticated investor” surely a document prepared by the “largest law firm in Arkansas” would offer some comfort. It didn’t.

What a bitch!

Her skills in retailing were such that Wal-Mart asked her to be an outside Director. The fact that she slept with the Governor like an oyster – months with no rs – had nothing to do with it. Honest.

Jeezua Haitch Keerist but my brother the hunchback will straighten up before that’s true.

It is not known whether Wal-Mart was a wee bit evil when she was there. What is known is that when she left it became a rapacious monster destroying Mom&Pop stores and luring in low income customers by lowering prices, the dirty dogs, the robber barons, the malefactors of great wealth, and secret Tea Party supporters. Plus it is obvious that they are in kahoots with the notorious Koch Brothers.

Look at a map. Kansas and Arkansas are neighbors, aren’t they? That’s all the proof anyone needs, right?

Meanwhile, her husband has been known to hump a rock pile because he thought a snake was hiding in it.

One good thing she did was to become the poster girl for publically abused “Piss on my back and tell me it’s rain” women.

And for this she thinks she should be President?

The boobies are running the hatch

As promised…Move over Adolph

Stalin killed some 8,000,000 Kulaks –The Nazis saw that the West did nothing and when they got to the plate they were better record keepers – most of whom were Jews in Ukraine when it was called the Ukraine, like the Bronx. A special shout out to Walter Duranty and the New York Times for being compliant, still compliant, in this.

Later on he killed 20,000,000 more because that is the Logical conclusion of statism on steroids.

But if you add them together they are still way short of what that lovable old, wily Oriental agrarian reformer Mao did. Try 60,000,000

Pol Pot deserves to be mentioned not because of the number [2,000,000] of his countrymen that he killed. 2,000,000 was one third of the population of his country. We’ll put an asterisk next to that number.

I’ll say this for her. She sure as Hell has some set of balls.




Kevin Smith
Warriorbardit@BellSouth.Net


PS – If Hitler had been captured alive do you think he should have been executed? Try yes or no.
March 9, 2014
Carl Hiaasen
The Miami Herald
3511 NW 91st Street
Miami, FL 33172

RE: tu quoque rears its ugly head again. Some comments on your column in today’s Miami Herald about Florida’s attempt to execute a mentally defective rapist/murderer.

Mr. Hiaasen,

A case should have been made that Freddie Lee Hall did not understand the charges against him. Further, since he could not understand the charges against him he could not aid in his defence.

A quick read of the Constitution should make grown men weep.

This dumb thug seems to be enmeshed in a bureaucratic briar patch so typical of government. Any government. The Post Office, the IRS, the DMV, and now Obamacare. There may be a pattern emerging here.

tu quoque may be an ancient synonym for “here comes the other shoe”.

Ricky Ray Rector. Remember him?

Everybody remembers Matthew Shepherd. Nobody remembers Jesse Dirkhising. We are a lesser people for that.

Thank God for Google.

I have been told by highly placed Razorback sources – sources that must remain confidential – that Hillary R. Clinton told the warden that she would give Triple R a lap dance if that is what it would take to get him to sit still in the Arkansas version of “Old Sparky”.

Ricky Ray Rector was a truly evil dude. After robbing, raping, and murdering he was cornered by Arkansas policemen. It is not known if he shouted that he would not be taken alive. It is known that after he killed one policeman he shot himself in the head.

He didn’t kill himself. The bullet blew enough of his brains out to make him either a moronic imbecile or an imbecilic moron. Either way he could neither understand the charges against him nor could he assist in his defense.

Arkansas tried him, convicted him, and sentenced him to die in the electric chair.

Governor Handsome Billy from Hot Springs wanted to take his randy romping raree to Washington, DC. One of the ways a modern American Liberal Democrat – Did I just repeat myself? – can show he is “tough on crime” is to execute a really bad guy.

That’s where Hillary came in.

She would have keelhauled him if that was what it took for her to get to 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. She would have given him a lap dance to keep him still in the chair as he was strapped in.

Franz Kafka? Billy Budd? Some Swift. Seasoned by Mel Brooks. Soon to be filmed by the Coen Brothers.

Sometimes you roll a 7.

If Freddie Lee Hill and why do I just know that he is a non-Caucasian can hold out to 2016 maybe Candidate Clinton can give him one last smile.



Kevin Smith


PS – Say a prayer for Jesse Dirkhising

Sunday, March 9, 2014

March 8, 2014
Margaret Carlson
Bloomberg News


RE: “Inches away from a clean getaway” – Some comments on your column about how North Carolina, the home of Sam Ervin, a man who devoted his entire adult life to preventing Black boys from going to school with White girls, will shortly be worse than Nigeria, North Korea, Paraguay, and even, God forgive us, Texas.

Ms. Carlson,

Almost. Almost. Right up to the end.

It’s been 14 years since you said that American GIs serving overseas were tax cheats and deserved to be disenfranchised. Honest. Remember? I do.

It was such a smarmily egregious but oh so typical of modern American Liberals, folks like you, who suffer from ginormous “non-malodorous fecal matter syndrome” that I felt, feel, compelled to remind you of it from time to time.

[I told the New York Times that Walter Duranty’s name should be sandblasted off its wall honoring NYT Pulitzer Prize winners so many times that they assigned National Editor William Borders to act as a buffer between me and wee Sulzberger the publisher and President for Life of the Lucky Sperm Club. Linda Greenhouse wrote me a note thanking me for congratulating her on her Pulitzer Prize. In it she said that she never heard of Duranty but would find out more. Perhaps Western Civilization is doomed.]

You end your column with

“The protests are called Moral Mondays as a way of
showing the Christian right that laws favoring the
rich over the poor aren’t a bit Christian. We know
what Jesus and Pope Francis would do for the
poorest and most vulnerable. Let Republicans
in North Carolina do it, too.”
Bloomberg News
You.

Speaking of the “poorest and most vulnerable” maybe you should have a serious conversation with Vice President Joe Biden, AKA “Curley” in honor of the smartest stooge. He and his wife had an adjusted gross income of more than $500,000.He and his wife live rent free in a house that is half the size of Delaware. The Secret Service cuts his lawn. The last time he did anything by himself was when he last cleared his bowel. He managed to give less than one half of 1% to the “poor vulnerable”. In addition to being a dopey bastard he is now a stingy dopey bastard. He has forgotten all that he ever learned at Auchmere Academy.

Pope Francis will probably not concern himself with alleged voter fraud, with porcine offal overflow in Tar Hell country, with whether or not the FCC should monitor speech in news organizations, with the horror, the horror of someone refusing to decorate a Mr. & Mr. wedding cake, with the awakening of the “vast Right-Wing conspiracy”, with the glass ceiling, with whether or not “you can keep your doctor” is a big venial or a small mortal sin, with drowning polar bears, with teenage obesity and the heartbreak of psoriasis……Wait a minute…..Did you say the “most vulnerable”?

There is one thing he will preach against.

ABORTION

It is inconceivable - nice play on words, right? – that he will give supposed Roman Catholics a pass on abortion. To say that you are at once a Roman Catholic and a Pro-Death advocate is impossible. One or the other. Not both. And absolutely not at the same time.

Uncle Screwtape is salivating over the squared circles, the 4 sided triangles, the “Yes, I can kiss my own elbow” nostrums of modern American Liberal Roman Catholics who say “Yes, but…” Dante has assigned Albert Speer the task of designing a new circle for them.

Your column provides a target-rich environment for rational adults who are marginally literate.

It begins, it always begins, with the modern American Liberal premise that the people, particularly when they vote, are boobs. They need the guiding hand of those who suffer, knowingly or unknowingly, from the Fatal Conceit of Democratic busybodies.
Vide Nancy Pelosi and “we have to pass the bill to see what is in it” and “Are you crazy?” when asked where in the Constitution does it say that the President can control the tides like Canute’s satraps told him he could.

You mention “voter fraud”.

I am from Hudson County, NJ. The lesson of cooking the books on voter lists was not lost on me. I live in Broward County. It is the most Liberal spot in America south of Zabar’s. The only way a Republican gets on a countywide elected board is if a Democrat gets convicted and a Republican Governor appoints a successor.

10 years ago, on a whim, I got 6 voter ID cards. If I am asked under oath if I ever used them I will take Lois Lerner’s advice and use the right against self-incrimination as a shield from prying prosecutors. It’s worked for her so far.

I am building a treasure chest of mail in vote requests.

I may or I may not use them. My Muses will guide me.

I add that there were thousands of dislocated elbows in Broward County when Miriam Oliphant was elected as Supervisor of Elections. It was bonanza time for chiropractors here. She was an attractive African-American woman with a Master’s degree in middle school hall monitoring and attendance taking in the Wi-Fi age. What could be better for modern American Liberals here? So busy were they patting themselves and each other on their backs that the use of public tennis courts pummeled after the election.

That she was dumber than a box of hammers, that she couldn’t find her attractive ass while standing in a phone booth and using both hands, that she couldn’t tell you what color an orange is never entered into the question of fitness for office.

None of that mattered to orgasmic Democrats here. What mattered was the greater good of promoting a minority and advancing the cause of social justice, truth, freedom, and the American way.

She was removed from office because of incompetence.

Why should North Carolina be exempt from concupiscence?

Like that old corsair Poppa Joe Kennedy said about buying the vote in the 1960 Democratic primary in West Virginia, “I’m not paying for a landslide. Just buy enough to win”.

Do you think the families of American GIs killed overseas should pay for the transportation costs of returning their dead bodies? That’s one way to cut the budget so that we can pay for a newly invigorated “Midnight Basketball” program.




Kevin Smith

Saturday, March 8, 2014

March 7, 2014

Letter to the Editor
The Miami Herald
3511 NW 91st street
Miami, FL 33172

RE: “Don’t Drill, Baby! – The headline above your unlinkable editorial today and how it gives me the Lenten opportunity to gain some minor indulgences by not shouting, as Logic would dictate, “Morons! I am surrounded by morons!”

Sirs,

It is empirically self-evident that Ned Lud now has the upper hand, indeed the only hand, in the editorial aerie at the Miami Herald. [As an afterthought, do you think it is too late for our country to borrow more money from the Chinese so we can have a new Solyndra every month? Get back to me on that.]

May I suggest, as I have been suggesting since 1997, that you, the Ozymandian-like Miami Herald, the guardian of knowing what is right for all of us untermenschen, even if we don’t know it, take one giant step for mankind, the environment, the Everglades – somebody has to look out for the beleaguered pythons and the South American lizards, no? - and all the victims of Wal-Mart greed and Koch Brothers perfidy?

TURN OFF ALL Y0UR AIR CONDITIONERS

Polar bears will serenade you with Ursine te deums. Lambs will volunteer to spend the night with the Lion King. Serbs and Croats will embrace. The Russians will repent. Bush will confess to all his sins. The Furbish lousewort and the Georgetown smelt will thrive, surely goodness and mercy shall follow us all the days of our lives, and the voice of the turtle will be heard again in our fair land.

All you have to do is pull the plug. Turn the damn things off. Open the windows and breathe in. There will be a Summer of Revival, certainly for the hand held fan industry.

As soon as you do that Florida and then the nation will rise as one and save our planet.

Unless I am surrounded by morons.


Kevin Smith