The Warriorbard

Senator Richard Durbin

2012-01-30T16:29:00.002-05:00

January 29, 2012
Senator Richard Durbin
1504 3RD Avenue – 227
Rock Island, IL 61201

RE: A “Heart Starter” at dawn – You really, really said it. New verses are being prepared for “Liar, liar, pants on fire”

Senator Durbin, AKA “Little Dick”,

“There are people literally fighting and dying for
the right to vote in countries like Syria, and we are
finding ways to restrict the right to vote in Florida?”

God’s holy trousers!

Your well-earned sobriquet, “Little Dick”, has stayed with you since your days in Catholic high school. Alas, it does not do you justice. You have a pair of huevos so big and brassy that they set off TSA alarms when you get to the airport parking lot. They must wheel you through the scanner on a gurney. Forget about boxers or briefs. Your knickers must be made of Kevlar and Tyvek lined parachute cloth.

It’s been 12 years since anyone from Illinois said anything so finger nails on the blackboard excruciatingly egregious as your comments on voting in Florida.

I recall Bill Daley, a true son of Chicago as well as the son of King Richard the First, getting off a plane in November, 2000. He said, minus any visible smirks or an eyebrow arching not seen since the glory days of John Belushi, “It’s time to start the recount.”

The thought of having to listen to Vice President Alpha Gump chicken choke his “sex starved poodle” for 4 years caused a pound of kidney stones to appear spontaneously. In each kidney.

They dissolved painlessly when Grifter Daley, a man whose father, Daley of Chicago, retired the trophy for Democrats stealing elections, said “Let’s count the votes”.

Jonathan Swift and Mel Brooks could not have said it better.

It took 12 years to take out the champ.

It is only fitting that it took but one line from another Illinois man to do it.

Kevin Smith

PS – “All evidence is circumstantial”, said Bertie. “Yes sir”, said Jeeves. “Like when you find a trout in the milk.” A few years ago, when a Republican was in the White House, you regularly called American soldiers “Nazis”. There is a picture of 4 Marines peeing on the bodies of some dead Taliban thugs. Has the presence of a Democrat in the White House precluded you from singing the Horst Wessel song as you fling red paint on the Marine Memorial in Arlington or is it just a coincidence? My mother never raised a fool. I am trying to get your Wikipedia entry festooned with a new and improved sobriquet: LITTLE DICK, THE BIG HYPOCRITE

Broward County is Ground Zero for modern American Liberalism.

2012-01-22T18:18:00.002-05:00

January 22, 2012

Broward County is Ground Zero for modern American Liberalism. It is the mother lode for HORSES ASSES who believe, like Lysenko, that animate objects, things like turnips, like men, can be conditioned by a good government to exceed their capacities and benefit all society.
When registering as Democrats all 18 year olds in Broward County take a blood oath swearing allegiance to the innocence of Alger Hiss, the validity of price controls, a 105% tax bracket, the ability to spread wealth around without first “creating” it, that the War on Poverty needs but one more big push to break through the enemy’s lines, that Republicans are evil, that Bobby Kennedy never worked for Joe McCarthy, that the undeserving poor, particularly women and minorities, need an extra helping hand to get them through the day, that Wal*Mart’s $4 prescription plan and cheaper prices for everything else notwithstanding, it hurts poor people, particularly women of color with children in need of a good Ritalin program who are discriminated against by the lack of a public transit system, that “Custer died for our sins”, that Julie and Ethel were not only fried they were screwed, that oil companies want to kill everybody on this planet and on all others, and that all things are possible if good men [and women] just want it badly enough. OOPS! I almost forgot. The right of women to have a 5th trimester abortions shall not be infringed.

It is a self-evident fact that Broward County Democrats – modern American Liberals all – would vote for Josef Mengele, M.D. because of his progressive views on women’s reproductive rights.

Modern American Liberals have an astonishing gift. Cognitive dissonance allows them to function reasonably well – Did I say “shovel ready”? You knew I was kidding, didn’t you? - while holding distinctly disparate definitions of reality. One of them is that they universally like mankind. It’s the individual man or men with whom they have trouble. The other one is that the only acceptable deity is Gaia. To Hell with men as long as the furbish lousewort, inter alia, thrives is an article of faith for all card carrying, fire breathing mALs.

I offer Page One of this morning’s Sun-Sentinel as proof of my major premise.

There are five Page One stories.

#1 – If you sit up straight your back won’t hurt as much. Honest. Page One.
#2 – Hispanic vanity license plates are not best sellers. Honest. Page One.
#3 – Gingrich won South Carolina. Florida is next.

#4 involves shuttering a long running business and evicting long term tenants to build a park, said park being built for the enjoyment of other citizens.

I have been in Broward County for 16 years. As a lark, when dim bulb Miriam Oliphant ran the elections bureau and to validate my Hudson County roots, I got multiple voter ID cards. In 1998 I took advantage of the aggressive Affirmative Action programs of Tri-Rail, Broward County, the Broward County Board of Education, and Broward County itself to place myself at the head of the line when it was chow time. It was like there was an uncovered lactating mammary waiting to be covered by an enterprising minority. I quickly add that while my toes were on the line of illegality I did not cross it.

The other two things I still don’t understand are hospital districts and unincorporated areas.

I know that relations between the South district and the North district are similar to the relations between South Korea and North Korea.

I know that 19 years ago there was a bidding war among cities to annex the richer unincorporated areas. I remember that residents of Bonaventure were treated like Iowa caucus members. Weston won their allegiance. Would you believe that in a county where Kumbaya a capella opens the County Commission meetings nobody wanted the 3rd World areas? 3rd World is a synonym for Blacks and White Trash.

A few miles west of the end of Griffin Road sits Everglades Holiday Park. It lacks a zip code, a stop sign, a vegan restaurant, or a hair salon. What it does have is several floating docks with air boats moored to them. If you want to see where the pythons roam and the gators play just buy a ticket and go. It also has a gift shop that has its forebears in Cajun Country. It also has about 60 RVs and trailers that are home to their occupants.

Broward County wants to save the village by burning it down.

It may be legal but, by God, it’s not right.

We are reminded constantly that the Constitution is a living document. Further, Justice Brennan discovered “penumbras” and “emanations” that suggested new rights.
Here’s one: The Right to be left alone.

No one who lives there was drafted. It’s an all-volunteer community. Along comes Mrs. Grundy and some snot nosed technocrat who say with a straight face that they are from the government and they are here to help you. They decide that the greater good will be better served by dispossessing up to 100 people. Why do I feel that the same Logic would not apply to Lighthouse Point or Las Olas Boulevard? I feel that way because I always can tell the buttered side from the dry.

Broward County, a place where you can always get a good picture of our elected officials by visiting your local post office, is on the hook for repairs to the Taj Mahal hockey rink and rock arena. In the real world tenants pay the cost of capital improvements in the form of higher rent. In this case Broward County paid for the hockey rink and then gave it to the company that owned the team. Although the private company benefited mightily from this gift the donor was responsible for the upkeep, maintenance, and improvements. At least the city fathers of Plantation, where the arena is located, were able to grab a few goodies like free tickets and the comped use of several boxes for the rock shows.

It would have been better if Broward County had bought some Greek bonds. At least they’re liquid.

The great Dr. Johnson said “Such stupidity is not found in nature”. He never did get to see Broward County.

#5 involves placing the interests of turtles above men.

Cole Porter asked the question without knowing the answer. “Is it the real turtle soup or only the mock?”

We can stipulate that the inlet from the Intercostal to the ocean at Hillsboro Light can be treacherous. [The sailor’s plaintive cry to God for help – “Lord remember me. They sea is so vast and my boat is so small” – is heard again and again. This week the largest floating object ever made by man floundered in Mare Nostrum.] 4 tide changes a day, cross currents, two way traffic – Sometimes it is not always fair seas and following winds – make the sea a cruel and unforgiving mistress.

30 centuries ago men put lights on hills so that sailors would have at least one fixed point to steer by.

Today men want to take down the light so as to let turtles do their midnight meandering.

There is a legitimate dispute as to which word best describes this. Lunacy and madness both have zealous supporters. I have no particular favorite. Either one will do. In fact both will do.

The fraud perpetrated by Rachel Carson in her 1962 science fiction novel “Silent Spring” lives on.

The side that proclaims the turtle as numero uno, a step up from primus inter pares, is ably defended by someone with the majestic name of Richard White Cloud. I am sure that Manitou told him that the round eyes were saps. After shooting themselves in both feet they then cut their noses off to show their solidarity with the Luddite tree-huggers.

Only a people with their heads so far up their asses that they could do a face lift from the inside believe in such flapdoodle. Such balderdash makes one’s fingernails curl backwards.

God bless the turtles! Help them grow plump. Help them grow sweet. The highest use of a turtle is in a soup pot. Serve it with a dollop of sherry or port. That’s why God made them. He certainly didn’t make them for their looks. They won’t get you the morning paper. I have yet to come across a Seeing Eye turtle.

If turtle protectors want to turn the lights off why don’t we outlaw sea raptors who dine on them? The birds can eat them but man has to grope in the dark when coming back from the ocean?

In Broward County the two legged boobies indeed run the hatch.

It may be too late to retire to Bedlam. Bedlam is here.

KS

Steven L. Goldstein The Sun-Sentinel

2012-01-21T21:57:00.002-05:00

January 21, 2012
Steven L. Goldstein
The Sun-Sentinel
200 East Las Olas Boulevard
Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33301

RE: Sorry I’m late – Some comments on your plan for a new order in the soon to be perfect world outlined by you in Friday’s Sun-Sentinel. My sub-theme is how modern American Liberals are secret Nazis.

My dear Professor,

I am late getting back to you because my “shovel ready” project is really starting to pay off. I hired some undeserving poor, with particular attention to women and minorities, to dig a whole string of manatee traps. Not only did I pay them an hourly wage but I promised them a share of future profits. Venture capital writ small, no?

My original plan was to herd these useless sea slugs – I know that they are on the dead end evolutionary ladder that Darwin described because the goal of the Alpha male is to swim into a whirling propeller. If it weren’t for sappy Floridians tossing brown lettuce and last month’s endives and arugula, all certified organic, off the bridge these aquatic dullards would have starved decades ago – into one canal and then force them into a 16 foot diameter Cuisinart. Sausage for the homeless. A brilliant win/win solution, or so I thought. My biggest, shrillest opposition came from abortion rights advocates. Go figure.

The sign of a good venture capitalist, one who is steeped in Schumpeter, is the ability to turn on a dime when the market changes.

Who knew, even 2 years ago, that manatee eructations are disproportionately high, by a factor of 6, in carbon dioxide? A single cow would have to weigh 16,000 pounds to equal the carbon dioxide discharge of a single manatee. Lord knows how many icebergs have been melted because of this. Lord knows how many polar bears have drowned. Lord knows how many warm and fuzzy polar bear cubs have been orphaned because of this. Lord knows how many baby seals are going to grow up to kill all the salmon.

In less than 10 years the water all the melting icebergs and the urine from monster seals Guinness Book hourly emptying of their brobdanaglian bladders will cause a tsunami that will make Wichita, KS the new surfing capital of America. The surfing seals will then eat all the corn in Kansas and Iowa. That means we will have no ethanol. That means a gallon of unleaded regular will cost more than Johnny Walker Black.

If Castro can drill off Key West with the tool pushers and rough necks helicoptering into Sloppy Joe’s for wet tee shirt contests we will be forced to drill in Biscayne Bay and the new Marlins Stadium.

My duty was clear.

Kill the manatees lest the people perish
.
I had to go one step further than Margaret Sanger. She advocated abortion and sterilization – both involuntary - to rid mankind of the defects and lesser breeds. Hitler called them untermenschen when he adapted her writings into his Nuremberg Race Laws. Honest. You could look it up.

When I found out that manatee oil was better and cleaner than whale oil for night time illumination now that we are in the twilight of fossil fuels I couldn’t wait. Think of it as an organic Solyndra.

That’s why I couldn’t get to your column until this morning.

As usual I held it up to a mirror hoping to see an image. It’s people like you who give lycanthropy a bad name. I always sprinkle it with holy water. You can never be too sure about Beelzebub, particularly when dealing with modern American Liberals.

I read your last line first.

In essence you say that we will all be farting through silk once we rid DC of those rotten Republicans.

Picture the House with 200 Nancy Pelosis. Picture 200 thugs, keen to stifle dissent, like Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.

“Cement Head” Pelosi said that unemployment benefits are the best job creators. If that is so, would not Logic dictate that the best solution, indeed the quickest fix to our economic malaise – I never thought I thought I would see a worse President than that “clod populist”, Jimmy Carter – would be to put the whole country on the dole, even dead people? The dead have been voting in Hudson County and Cook County for decades. Why not give them a taste? I need a photo ID to get on a plane, rent a car, open a bank account, and so help me, give blood. Somebody should tell Eric Holder.

If someone complains Frau Oberst Debbie Wasserman-Schultz, at heart a brown shirted, hob nail booted Nazi, will silence them. She will send policemen, men with guns, badges, and the majesty of the law, to reason with them, just like she did with me. There was even a good cop/bad cop routine. FDLE Agent Thomas was the good cop. FDLE Agent Mineva was the bad cop. You would think that anyone who claims to have two degrees in Political Science like Dieter, oops, Debbie, Debbie would know that the adage “free men speak with free tongues” is as good today as it was 25 centuries ago.

She will implement carbon regulation by “suggesting” that women surrender their diamonds. Do I have to remind you that diamonds are 100% carbon?

Helping poor people, “victims of life’s circumstances”, especially women and minorities, empower themselves makes me feel special. I can’t wait for these people to become part of the 1%.

Meanwhile you have to stop those “Rainbow Soup” IVs. Alas, it’s time for the “Balloon Juice” enemas to stop. I know that your shoes will never wear out because your feet never touch the ground. Once you successfully ignore the laws governing gravity all things are possible. How else could we have gotten Midnight Basketball?

If you think someone is following you you’re right.

I have endowed, anonymously of course, a new wing at Camp Gitmo for modern American Liberals who are held for observation under the Baker Act.

Just because your paranoid doesn’t mean you don’t have real enemies.

Kevin Smith
Board Certified Life Coach

Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman-Schultz

2012-01-18T08:17:00.001-05:00

January 17, 2012

Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman-Schultz
118 Cannon House Office Building
Washington, D.C. 20515

RE: Like Alexander, you have no more worlds to conquer

Dear Dearest Debbie, Debbie,

It took you 20 days 2011 to make yourself both a HORSE’S ASS and a SMARMY BASTARD.

It took you just 8 days in 2012 to earn Oak Leaf clusters on your HORSE’S ASS award and your SMARMY BASTARD laurels.

At this rate you’ll earn you’ll earn your 3rd consecutive HORSE’S ASS award and, more importantly, your 3rd consecutive SMARMY BASTARD cup at the coin toss for next year’s Rose Bowl.

I feel comfortable in saying that no one will either tie or break this record, particularly since I am in charge of the awards. The only winning streak you may not approach is the one held by the Israeli Air Force over the pant-loaded dudes who fly for Egypt and Syria.

You proclaimed that Congresswoman Giffords was shot last year because of a toxic political atmosphere created by Rush Limbaugh, the ghost of Richard Milhous Nixon, the infamous Koch Brothers, Right to Lifers, gun nuts, the Chamber of Commerce, and people who believe that the Rosenbergs were as guilty as sin and got off lightly.

This year you said that she was shot because the Tea Party put something in the water that sent “penumbras” and “emanations” into the brain of Jared Loughner commanding him to shoot up the parking lot in Tucson.

Another trait common to all those dodunks who call themselves modern American Liberals is that they never let facts interfere with an argument, particularly if it is buttressed in Sophistry.

If his brain were to be PET-Scanned it would show hunchbacked Tasmanian devils arm wrestling with each other. The winner gets to see how far he can projectile crap through the alleged perpetrator’s eyes without hitting the rug.

The Department of Justice, an agency run by an Attorney General who will make Janet Reno look competent [almost], an Attorney General who, if the Congresswoman were Black, would lead the lynch mob into the lockup, will not prosecute him.

The reasons are simple:

#1 – The alleged perpetrator cannot understand the charges against him.
#2 – The alleged perpetrator cannot assist in his defense.

That precludes prosecution unless your name is Ricky Ray Rector and Big Bill Clinton, the Governor of Arkansas, wants to be President. What better way for a modern American Liberal to prove he is tough on crime than by fricasseeing a Black man.

RRR was a feral criminal who murdered several people including a police officer. In a shootout with Arkansas Smokeys he vowed he would not be taken alive. He shot himself in the head but only succeeded in making himself into a batch of day old greens and hog maws. His post shooting IQ was in the low 50s.

It is obvious that Clinton would have had him disemboweled, drawn and quartered, and then he would have had to endure 60 minutes of a life insurance spiel by the current King of hip-hop rap before being buried alive at the entrance to Whitewater. His focus group drew the line at the insurance session so he had him electrocuted. Like O.J’s never ending search for the real killers I will not rest until I get to the bottom of the rumor that Hillary “Big Bottom” Clinton gave him a lap dance to keep his mind off the fact that his eyeballs were being wired up to Old Sparky.

The Tucson shooter is now in a room that has no inside door knobs. The highlight of his day is when he gets his Thorazine enema. If he has been a good boy his rectal palliative is ribbed, like a French tickler. When the dry ice he is packed in gets changed he seems to purr.

He doesn’t know the Tea Party from Midnight Basketball.

He will not be eligible for a Weekend Furlough unless Wee Mikey Dukakis takes over the program. Speaking of furloughs, how is Willy Horton doing these days

If abortion were retroactive he would end the debate on that tendentious question.

His only chance for a job will be as the abnormal brain in “Young Frankenstein” if
it is remade.

This world class wing nut couldn’t even qualify for a “shovel ready” job assuming there were any “shovel ready” jobs or even “shovels” out there.

In the meantime let me offer my highest congratulations on sweeping the field. Win, place, and show. Gold, silver, and bronze. You can cry like Alexander. You’re almost as good as Ozymandias.

I just remembered.

You were asked a simple question about the economy 6 weeks ago. Is the unemployment rate higher or lower today since Lord Barack the Beneficent was inaugurated? There are only two possible answers.

It is higher or it is lower.

I am giving you a second chance, like Willie Horton.

Higher, si? Lower, no?.

Kevin Smith

Letter to the Editor The Sun-Sentinel

2012-01-16T19:40:00.001-05:00

January 16, 2012
Letter to the Editor
The Sun-Sentinel
200 E. Las Olas Blvd.
Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33316

RE The “serious things” that Clarence Page speaks to in this morning’s paper

Sirs,
As a former 1%er I still retain a sense of noblesse oblige when it comes to enlightening non-thinking, ink stained modern American Liberal wretches – Silly me! As if there were any other kind – such as you. Your column this AM makes you today’s piñata. It is, as always, filled with fallacies of thought and reasoning that the Greeks exposed 25 centuries ago. They melt like an April snow when faced with inconvenient things like facts and the truth.

You say that “Serious Things Are In Play In Recess Appointment Fight”.

In the still uncompleted History of men governing themselves Chapter 1 begins in the agora 25 centuries ago. When “free men speak with free tongues” became known, not as a gift from government, but as a “gift from beyond the stars”, the process of controlling government, not empowering it, began.

I am going to fast forward more than 2 millennia to the very hot summer of 1787 in Philadelphia. I hoped I have piqued enough interest for you to do some homework on the intervening 22 centuries

The key thing isn’t that man’s quest for liberty always involved stopping a government from doing something. Alas, modern American Liberals and their forebears that their “non-malodorous fecal matter syndrome” will enable them to “bell the tiger”. They believe, deeply, that a government powerful enough to “help” people will not “hurt” people. The only exception to this happens when a Republican is in the White House.

It requires a mindset that substitutes feelings for ideas, that judges policy on expectations rather than on results. As proof of the above I offer into evidence the never ending War on Poverty, dysfunctional agencies as disparate as the Department of Education and the department of Energy. Crop prices are at all-time high. Why do we still pay farmers not to grow crops?

Causes de jour such as cowboy poetry, saving the whales, recycling, paper or plastic, organic produce [as opposed to the soon to extinct inorganic produce] teenage obesity and bullying – Dare I say that a fat and nerdy 13 year old, absent an athletic, dean’s list 17 year old brother, will have trouble at lunch time even if Moses should add another commandment forbidding bullying? – Midnight Basketball, drowning polar bears, causes ad nauseam suggest a lunacy so absurd that terminal enuresis can result from even casual exposure to it.
At the very least the monitum on handling sharp objects and operating heavy machinery should be made clear.

To the point at hand; viz. recess appointments.

The Constitution has clear and unqualified language giving the President the power to do some things without review.

One of these is the power to pardon. Who can forget Denise Rich giving Big Bill Clinton some private lessons up close and personal on his own saxophone and her ex-husband, convicted felon Marc Rich, getting a walk about 45 minutes later?

The power to make a recess appointment is also unreviewable provided Congress is not in session. In this particular instance Congress was still in session. Thus, the appointment is invalid.

To the typical modern American Liberal it was the case of a good man stifled by rotten Republicans overcoming a small obstacle to help those in need. In the end, the specific appointment or procedure is irrelevant. The good end, having a kinder, gentler National Labor Relations Board, is worth bypassing something as silly as the law. In this the obstacle, the law, was deterring the implementation of the greater good.

When a Democrat is in the White House it is simply a test of getting things, particularly a good thing, done. When a Republican is in the White House it is an example of the dreaded Imperial Presidency.

In the end, when the law is tossed aside because it is inconvenient we launch a whirlwind sure to consume us.

Today’s lesson ends with a warning from a 16th century lawyer:

“Would you cut a great road through the law to get at Devil?”
“I’d cut down every law in England to do that!”
“Oh. And when the last law was down and the Devil
Turned round on you where would you hide, the
Laws all being flat? Do you think you could stand
Upright in the winds that would blow then?”

Alas, his advice was not heeded. As a consequence of even offering it Thomas More’s head was cut off.

Kevin Smith

Caroline, The Duke, Congressman West, & Latin

2012-01-15T21:09:00.002-05:00

Friday the 13th

Caroline, The Duke, Congressman West, & Latin

Caroline Hanson, my middle granddaughter, my “little babe”, the only person in the world who could get me to like purple walls and lavender sheets, had her hair cut for “Locks for Love” on December 22 in Allen, Texas. I know because I cut it. She had it cut 2 years ago after Grammy lost her hair to the chemo that was used to slug it out with her uterine papillary serous carcinoma. December 22 would have been Grammy’s birthday.

When I cut the 2 nine inch pony tails I held them up like John Wayne held up Scar’s scalp in “The Searchers”.

Grammy told her that whenever the chemo made her feel bad she would think about young children getting the same medicine. That was when St. Jude Children’s Hospital became her favorite charity. Caroline asked her Mom if instead of presents at her birthday party she could ask for donations to St. Jude.

She raised $775 on her birthday. So far she has raised $5,050.

The Lovejoy School, where she is a 5th grader, gave her its “Caring Hearts” award.

In “The Searchers” Ethan Edwards, AKA The Duke, shoots out a dead Comanche’s eyes. When asked why the answer is given by Old Mose. “Without eyes he can’t enter the spirit world. Without eyes he has to wonder for all eternity.”

Comes now 3 Marines accused of the heinous crime of peeing on some dead Taliban WOGS in Kafiristan

The media will side step this story because Obama is still their boy – Remember Abu Ghraib? Wasn’t the lingerie parlor, sic torture room, one of Cheney’s “undisclosed hidden locations”? Wasn’t that the last piece of evidence needed to prove that Bush was Hitler? - and, while it may take a bit longer for that Old Black Magic to get that tumescent tingle running up the inside of their thighs, they never forget their first love.

Has Cindy Sheehan chimed in yet?

Has Senator Little Dick Durbin called them Nazis yet?

The question is not why the Marines did it. Men who have “seen the elephant” sometimes do strange things. From Homer on we have chronicled them. I say “men” because the angle of the urine flow suggests the presence of a prostate gland. It would also suggest that all the pissers have had a “short arm” inspection. Sorry, chicks. The question is why didn’t they go further? Shove a pork sausage up their asses. Give them a bacon fat bath. Sew pigs’ ears on them. Gorilla Glue boars’ teeth on to their mouths. Staple a pig tail to their peckers. Ship over some Arkansas razorback skins and wrap them in them. Drag them around the town square at Friday prayers. Plaster Mohammed cartoons all over the place. Throw the singer off the minaret and play Hava Nagilah nonstop. Anything to get their attention. Then maybe you can reason with them

Neither Norwegians nor Anabaptists led a Kamikaze attack on 9/11/01. Weren’t 4 Americans killed, disemboweled, hanged, and burned in Iraq by Islamic thugs yelling “Allah Akbar”? Maybe if we cut the bollocks off some of those feral martyrs and feed them to the goats they’ll think that maybe Allah ain’t so Akbar.

Listening to the pre-battle speech of Henry the Fifth still makes the hair on the back of one’s neck stand up. Before he got to Agincourt he was at Harfleur. Henry told the French what would happen to their wives, daughters, and children if they did not surrender.

22 centuries ago a young Roman was enslaved by Sicilian pirates. He told them if they let him go he would spare them. They didn’t. He escaped. Julius Caesar came back, and true to his word, crucified them all.

The Iliad is not a love story. The Odyssey is.

“Cry havoc and let slip the dogs of war” is not the start of a musical comedy.

Congressman West, nee Colonel West, my Congressman, said, “As for everyone else, unless you’ve been shot at by the Taliban shut your mouth. War is Hell.”

“FOR EVERYTHING THERE IS A SEASON”

CARTAGO DELENDA EST worked

MECCA DELENDA EST?

It’s time to teach Caroline Latin

KS

Joy-Ann Reid The Miami Herald

2012-01-14T08:36:00.002-05:00

January 12, 2012
Joy-Ann Reid
The Miami Herald
One Herald Plaza
Miami, FL 33132-1693

RE:

Ms. Reid,

I just got back from a 3,000 mile round trip in my gas guzzling, polar bear killing, 7 league boot carbon footprinting SUV.

In addition to frolicking with my grandchildren I visited the place where I fracked my first oil well. When I got there I realized it could be a teachable moment, especially for modern American Liberals. One of the prerequisites of initiation into the phantom world of modern American Liberalism is the ability to wear blinders, blinders both historical and moral. It is the the cognitive dissonance that “eclectic Indignation” demands if you don’t want to run the risk of your brain being projectile vomited out through your ears. Thus, the answer to the unasked question of why mALs buy so much Duct Tape and Gorilla Glue is made clear.

Thank God for Google.

Former Vice President Alpha Gump had not yet invented the Internet so Google was not even a gleam in anyone’s eye in 1974, the year I fracked my first oil well

Duval County, Texas will be famous as long as this country counts votes after an election. Sometimes you have to count them again and again to make sure the right guy wins.

In the 1948 Senate race Congressman Lyndon B. Johnson found himself losing by 4,000 votes after the first count. He sent his good friend, Abe Fortas – Yes, that Abe Fortas – to count them again. And again. And again. And again. And yet again.

Texas is a remarkable place. The story of the Resurrection is retold every 4 years. 3 people who died at the Alamo voted for LBJ. There was even an absentee ballot from Santa Ana. The only hanging chad found was hanged from a cottonwood tree as a lesson to the unbelievers.

I was born and raised in Bayonne, N.J. My wife had many relatives in Chicago. Democrats counting votes until they get the right count is nothing new. Based on History it is to be expected. As an academic exercise in Broward County I got 6 voter ID cards when Miriam Oliphant was the Election Supervisor. Please don’t think ill of me but anymore like her and Affirmative Action will get a bad name. Jeezus Haitch Keerist but she was as dumb as 5 pounds of used clam shells.
. All the “diamond merchants” in Broward, as Al Sharpton calls them, were so pleased with themselves when she was elected that there was a run on Chiropractic emergency rooms. Their patting themselves on their backs caused shoulders and elbows to go both askew and akimbo.

I tell you this because “while the light is left to burn the vilest sinner may yet return”. There is time for you to discover the thrill of replacing feelings with ideas, of avoiding millennia old fallacies, and discovering the healing presence of Tanqueray clear Logic.

I can tell you that 38 years after fracking a 10,000 acre field the grass is sparse, the creeks are mostly dry, coyotes still make weird noises, and cattle are still the dumbest 4 legged animals on God’s green earth. In other words everything is the same.

On a cultural point it must be noted that Shiner Bock has made some inroads on Lone Star Longnecks. You may wish to find out more about the Duke of Duvall County. If I were a Democrat I would be proud.

But I digress….

Your column this date has several gems.

#1 - You say that “Romney is the only candidate with the wherewithal to purchase a professional campaign apparatus”. Do you mean that George Soros, the universe’s quintessential 1 %er, is backing him?

#2 – You say that Romney[‘s] “contentment is marinated in privilege”. I am planning a big SUV tour of houses of some well-known 1%er supporters of the other 99%. As a big time media mogul could you get me the addresses of some of the following wanabee 99%ers?

A – Senator Jay Forbes Kerry [D-MA] – He had a $7,000,000 boat built in New Zealand. He has 7 houses, 6 of which are in this country, and one of which had a fire hydrant removed from the front of it. He also has a mad cap Gypsy lady for a wife. Should you want to commit suicide just jump off her wallet. You can’t be more 99% than that, can you?

B – Senator Rockefeller [D-WVA] – Maybe it’s Mordecai Rockefeller. Maybe it’s Yussuf Rockefeller. He can’t be the spawn of the absolute Robber Baron of all time, could he? Do you think he knows what steam coal is?

C – Any Kennedy who has ever gone to a public grammar school.

D – Michael Moore has so much money he hires poor people to exercise for him. If he steps on his cat’s shadow it dies. In addition to having more Chins than a Canton phone book he is able to hide 2 crème brulees in the overflap. If he stopped eating for a week he would save 30 Haitians. [Speaking of Haiti, where did all that money go?] I want to find out if he still has liquid lard IVs. Rumors of him skinny dipping in warm suet have to be addressed. I know he is about to franchise his Chocolate Malted Enema machine. How does he get to be a 99%er?

E – Could you get me the name of 2 99%ers who paid $37,500 to have dinner with Lord Barack the Beneficent? OK. OK. Just one.

F – As to Mitt “firing” people…How would you describe the GIs who will soon be turned out of their barracks? How many of them can become purple shirted SEIU thugs who knock crippled old Black men out of their wheel chairs? Would “fired” be an unfair term?

G – STOP THE PRESSES! – Check back and see if a day after clean ups at any Tea Party rallies resulted in an abandoned infant being found. It seems that the Noble Savages at the OWS rally in Washington, all of whom were singing “The Children are our Future”, left a diapered tyke behind. Don’t you hate that when it happens?

Ronald Reagan is still dead. Tim Tebow is too young. I’ll play the hand that was dealt.

All in.

Kevin Smith

PS – Do you suppose Romney has a Jeremiah Wright in his background? You are, to quote Vice President Curley Biden, a “clean and articulate Black”. If I were to tell you that between 35% and 40% of the abortions performed in this country have been done on Black women would you think that to be genocide? If not, why not?

Letter to the Editor Miami Herald

2012-01-11T10:47:00.000-05:00

January 11, 2012

Letter to the Editor
Miami Herald
One Herald Plaza
Miami, FL 33132-1693

RE: BOO! – What will happen it the BOOgeyman gets us before we all see the light? Some comments on your column in today’s Miami Herald.

Mr. Pitts,

“I am bound and determined not to be cliché ridden” is becoming a harder and harder promise to keep.

I slogged through your not quite burnt offering this AM, one that is filled, as usual,
with good guys, bad guys and what a jolly good time awaits us as soon as “Imagine” and “Kumbaya” become our twin anthems. Now that Lord Barack the Beneficent, and blessed be his name and may his tribe increase, has cooled the earth and lowered the oceans – Where did that water go, by the way? – this happy time may soon be upon us.
Could Tim Tebow be this year’s John the Baptist?

Any column that cites Meghan McCain, a “prominent conservative blogger who is not yet 30”, as proof that Sophistry still exists can’t be all bad. Wait. I meant all good. That’s what happens when tautologies rule.

It was when I got to your last paragraph that I became totally whelmed.

“The future is coming…”

Thanks for clearing that up for me.

Next, I want you to sort out the mess about the horizon. Exactly how far away is it? How long will it take us to get there? How will we know when we get there? Will there be people on the beach asking why it took so long?

One last thing;

Your picture tells me it may be time to get your drawers in the Big & Tall shop. You look like they are being used as a tourniquet for a ruptured femoral artery. Yours. Either that or have someone else put your teeth in. You are putting them in upside down and backwards. You run the risk of chewing yourself to death.

Kevin Smith
President of the Lions & Lambs Society – Do you have any extra lambs?

Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman-Schultz

2012-01-11T10:46:00.001-05:00

January 8, 2012

Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman-Schultz
10100 Pines Boulevard
Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33026

RE: One of the building blocks of being a modern American Liberal is made clear by you in your op-ed “Returning Vets Need America’s Support” in today’s Sun-Sentinel.

Dear Darling Debbie,

There is no sense in being a half-assed modern American Liberal when it takes but the blink of an eye to become a Guinness Record Book Horse’s Ass.

The only mandatory requirement to be a card carrying, fire breathing ohmadahn who thinks Midnight Basketball is sound public policy and that unemployment benefits create jobs even if said jobs are not “shovel ready” is a political cognitive dissonance exhibit put together by Rube Goldberg, Mel Brooks, Professor Irwin Corey, and that perennial Democratic favorite, Boob McNutt.

The sophistry in your article goes past regular absurdity at warp speed.

In your article you sound like an amalgam of Vercingetorix, Travis Bickel, and George Patton.

I hope you won’t think me unfair if I were to suggest that your bellicosity increased exponentially when former street organizer B. Hussein Obama was inaugurated.

It wouldn’t take a deep Google search of your public record to reveal the anti-military stand of modern American Liberals, particularly when a Republican is President.
I recall public statements during the confirmation of General Petraeus that would suggest that your military mentor was Mr. Rogers or Dr. Oz.

But the fun part begins when you announce your plan to help returning veterans get jobs.

Am I the only one to notice that tax cuts and tax credits are the best and quickest way to help them get jobs?

Would not Logic dictate that if tax incentives work for veterans they would work for the rest of the economy?

Since you oppose them for the country in general why would they work for veterans with their DD 214 in hand?

Further, if you support the Obama plan to gut the military what plans do you have for the millions of soon to be unemployed soldiers? Perhaps we could have the Army vets use the famous shovels from the “shovel ready” featherbedding [that’s a military barracks word] brigade to dig myriad holes in the ground. Then we could have the Navy fill them in. The Air Force could then dig up again. The Marines would guard the job sites. Paul Krugman would enter the kingdom of perpetual priaprism. Should it be implemented Robert Reich would be so happy that he would become the world’s third tallest midget.

If we can cut the military why can’t we cut the Department of Agriculture? Why not take a chain saw to the Department of Energy? Why not fire bomb the Department of Energy?

I mention those three because -1- crop prices are at an all-time high and -2- not one barrel of oil has ever been produced in Washington, DC and -3- Johnny still can’t read.[Speaking of reading, your kids go to public school, don’t they?]

Anyway, I am glad to see that plaid is still your favorite color.

Kevin Smith

Stephen L. Goldstein The Sun-Sentinel

2012-01-11T10:45:00.001-05:00

Boxing Day
Stephen L. Goldstein
The Sun-Sentinel

RE: “Cheer up”, I said. “Things could be worse.” “For once we are in agreement. They were, are, and they will be”, said you. – Some comments on your Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanza column, an offering that is predicated on how bad things were, are, and will be. In other words a modern American Liberal humbug to all of you!

My dear Professor,

It must be tough going through life certain that the best you can hope for is to have only one shoe that fits well and that lions and lambs will snuggle together provided we bring a new lamb to Leo every sundown.

I must tell you that I am but halfway through a long journey in my gas guzzling SUV. I find that mental games are a good way to defeat the Interstate ennui. [Incidentally, the Interstate highway system was the first example of the Military/Industrial complex showing that “shovel ready” projects can work provided you give them 3 years to get “shovel ready”. But I’m sure you knew that.] My mental game of choice was trying to figure out if my number of killed polar bears increases exponentially as my speed increased mathematically.

The law of unintended consequence demands that my math includes the following factors: The more polar bears I kill the more baby seals will grow up to be salmon killers. The dearth of salmon will result in more grizzly bears attacking intruding bi-pods, most of whom are White. They will surely kill them with weapons that are not being used “fairly”. Meanwhile the noble Inuits and the stout Fugowis will surely starve what with their totemic salmon having gone away because of the surplus of seals. Do you think if we give Alaska back to the Russians – that would solve the Sarah Palin problem, wouldn’t it? – Gaia would be pleased and we could finally reach the horizon and become the people we were waiting for?

Your first paragraph, like the credit card ad tells us, is priceless.

You make Kwanzaa the equivalent of Hanukkah and Christmas. That takes big brass cojones, huevos annealed by decades of sitting in the forge of modern American Liberalism, moral relativism, and secular humanism.

I was present at neither Hanukkah nor Christmas but I am familiar with the story of both.

I was present at the birth of Kwanzaa.

It is interesting to note that the myths of Hanukkah and Christmas were burnished by centuries, indeed millennia, of exquisite artistry. Kwanzaa was made out
of whole cloth over a long weekend on Main Street, East Orange, NJ. It was the height of the hugely successful War on Poverty. Its language is an amalgam of Jabberwocky, Esperanto, and pre hip hop rap. Its customs were designed the way a magician pulls a rabbit out of a hat and the way his cousin, the card shark, fills an inside straight.

It’s a shame that Bing Crosby died before he could record “I’m Dreaming of a Black Kwanzaa”.

I await, eagerly, very eagerly, the appearance of the first Black Scrooge. Ebenezer becomes Erastus. [Can we wait for OJ to get out?] Tupac Shakur becomes the Ghost of Christmas Past. Al & Jesse, the country’s favorite street Revs, have a Texas Steel Cage Death Match to see who becomes the Ghost of Christmas Future.

The rest of your article is made up of the quotidian persiflage – I will gild the lily. It is quotidian obfuscatory persiflage - which modern American Liberals must engage in. There are many variations but the major premise, “Not only is the glass half empty but somebody is secretly draining it even though it is toxic”, has been a staple of the Democratic Party since 1932.

Maybe I’ll take the long way home. Having gotten my quota of polar bears I want to train my death ray exhaust system on mosquitoes, coyotes, and peripatetic preachers of puerile poppycock. Plus, I will hold my breath for 10 minutes every hour. That way, when I exhale, my CO2 will be like it spent the weekend in Gahenna. Keep your gas mask handy.

I will try to find those 7 or 8 states that President B.O. told us about. As soon as I finds them the three Holy Grails of Geography, viz. Utopia, the Horizon, and Atlantis, should be a layup.

Kevin Smith
WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET

Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman-Schultz

2012-01-11T10:44:00.002-05:00

December 23, 2011
Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman-Schultz
10100 Pines Blvd.
Pembroke Pines, FL 33026

RE: Never apologize. It’s a sign of weakness. Besides, what’s wrong with an ad hominem argument if it’s true and you really mean it? Some comments on Congressman Sensenbrenner and Mrs. Obama’s soon to be Spandexed bum.

Dear Darling Debbie, Debbie,

I write to you because it’s that time of the year again and I want to share some winter solstice good feelings with you.

It appears that Congressman Sensenbrenner, himself a “calorically challenged” average White man, has apologized to today’s poster child of the conspicuous consumption of the nouveau riche, Michele Obama, for saying she had a “large posterior”. I hope he said she had a fat ass. “Posterior” should only be used when reading x-rays.

Does Michele have a fat ass?

Not yet.

What she has is “big butt” potential that borders on the Homeric.

Her first attainable goal is Aretha Franklin. You may remember when she sang at Bill Clinton’s inaugural. She wore a fur coat that “deminked” Idaho. Whenever she had to haul ass she needed a big wheel barrel and two gallons of Gorilla Glue to keep her in it. She went to the hospital a few months ago for eating a pound of uncooked sausage and a dozen Moon Pies still in its original shipping container. The ambulance was of no use so a fork lift and a flat-bed truck were summoned. Luckily, a Gardner-Denver drilling rig was nearby or the stomach pumping would not have worked. If I were to mention Aunt Jemima or Ethel Waters Eric Holder, an Attorney General who brings to mind the glory days of Palmer and Reno, would sic his dreaded word police on me so I won’t.

Michele Obama is the reason why Lycra was invented and Spandex was developed. Should she ever have to do her own shopping she would never get out of the candy aisle. Once she learns how to ignore the wrapping the world record for eating Mr. Goodbars would be hers. She is going to put Big & Tall and Ms. Plus size on speed dial.

When they are evicted from the White House and she begins to have whole hams swimming in 5 gallons of red gravy for breakfast her and B.O’s horizontal tangoes will be spoken of in biblical terms. He will have to strap a 2x4 by 4 feet onto his waist lest he go AWOL.

You know me to be to be an erudite polemicist, one who is as familiar with Greece and Rome as I am with the mendacity of Democratic politics in Hudson County and Broward County, and as one who knows how to wring a laugh out of the absurdities of modern American Liberalism and its public practitioners. You know that I lace my letters to you with literary and Historical references. I shan’t do that after today. The reason is simple: I used to think you were smart what with 2 degrees in Political Science. It is now obvious that some of those credits were transferred in from the Columbia Broadcasting School of Sophistry and the Rangoon School of Proctology.

I apologize for saying anything but “Ain’t Biden stupid”. If I were to it would be casting pearls before swine.

Do you remember when Amiri Baraka, nee Leroi Jones, noted Democratic urban activist, said that “Condoleezza was a skeeza”? “Skeeza” is hip-hop, inner city Black shorthand for an inner city Black skank whore. On bad days her pustules and fistulas would be oozing a combination of proteins, amino acids, and an alien primordial substance unknown to modern medicine. On good days they would not be in projectile mode. Whatever else can be said about a “skeeza” having a fat ass is not on the short list. Let the record show that the “skeeza” in question was Condoleezza Rice. She was this racist nation’s first Black Secretary of State.

If Baraka the Black Bard didn’t have to apologize why should Congressman Sensenbrenner?

Speaking of fat asses, Hillary Clinton has just crossed the border into Madeline Albright territory. If we could get both of them on “Dancing with the Stars” we wouldn’t need a Neilson meter. We would need a friggin’ Richter scale.

Speaking of not nice things said with no consequences and certainly no remorse shown do you remember when Senator Richard Durbin, still known to his high school gym class chums as “Little Dickie”, said the American GIs were “Nazis”? Do you remember when Congressman Murtha said that Marines were “murderers”?

If Durbin and Murtha didn’t have to apologize why should Congressman Sensenbrenner?

I would be remiss if when the subject is fat asses I didn’t mention Michael Moore. You may recall that around the same time – 9/18/01 - you sent two policemen, men with badges and guns, to my house to “question” me about something I said Fat Mikey said that he only wished that the Islamic thugs had killed more Republicans on 9/11.

Since he didn’t have to apologize why should Congressman Sensenbrenner?

Do you remember when you said, immediately after Congresswoman Giffords was shot, that Right-Wing talk radio [As if there were any other kind], gun lovers, androids in fiefdom to the notorious Koch Brothers, gun lovers, secret members of the hated Federalist Society, people who don’t think that “Midnight Basketball” and “Alternative Shopping” are sound building blocks of public policy provided the climate that allowed the shooter to plot and carry out his heinous crime?

It turns out the Department of Justice, an agency run by an AG who is making Janet Reno into a loveable character, has decided that they cannot bring the alleged perpetrator to trial. The reasons are simple: Since he is unable to understand the charges against him he is incapable of assisting in his own defense.

If you didn’t apologize why should Congressman Sensenbrenner?

You may recall that Ricky Ray Rector was similarly situated. He was deemed expendable. A White governor wanted to be President. He had to be thought of as tough on crime. Plus, frying a Black man would show that he could stand up to them.

It worked.

Just ask President Clinton.

Since the subject is posteriors – asses to the great unwashed – and I have given several examples of Brobdanaglian backsides let me end this on a high note.

There can be no doubt that the most perfect ass in Christendom belongs to and is appropriately displayed by Pippa Middleton. If we can arrange a reverse Lend Lease perhaps we could get her over here to inspire some of our more steatyagonous public officials. If not, how about a country wide road show?

By the way, Biden really is stupid but his wife has a very nice ass.

Kevin Smith

The Editors, The Sun-Sentinel

2012-01-09T09:44:00.002-05:00

January 9, 2012

The Editors
The Sun-Sentinel
200 East Las Olas Boylevard
Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33301

RE: It’s the law, damnit! – Some comments on today’s editorial on collecting sales tax that would lead to a return of the Theory of Nullification, said theory being itself nullified on the field of battle from 1861 to 1865.

Sirs,

One of the myriad benefits of not being a lawyer is that you get to read the Constitution not as an escape route for miscreants but rather for the codified plan of free people deciding on how to govern themselves.

It contains a specific list of what our government can do. More importantly, it is offset by a list of the things that government cannot do.

We, as a people, have consented to the Supreme Court deciding thorny issues. One court can undo what another court has done; e.g. Plessey v Ferguson was overturned by Brown v The Board of Education.

Today’s editorial, the one calling on the state government in Tallahassee to collect all sales taxes deemed owed to Florida regardless of where they originated, is directed at the wrong group of citizens.

Gibbons v Ogden was decided by the Supreme Court. The court has neither reversed itself nor has Congress intervened. That means it is the Law of the Land.

It is a case that should be known to every politician and journalist, certainly in South Florida. It involves corrupt politicians willing to be bought by nefarious special interests to the detriment of the common weal. Gosh, but doesn’t that sound familiar!

The court ruled that no state may tax a
transaction that begins in another state.

Tallahassee has no power – none - to change it. The legislative, the executive, and the judicial branches cannot interfere in a Federal matter.

The remedy is simple.

Either petition the Court to reverse itself or select Judges who will.

In the meantime the following adage still applies.

“I know of no method to secure the repeal of bad
or obnoxious laws so effective as their
stringent execution.”
Ulysses S. Grant

Kevin Smith

PS. Speaking of the other side of the ledger, why should the citizens of Broward County indenture themselves in the capital amount of $7,700,000 to benefit a private company?

After paying for the construction of a hockey rink out where the gators and the pythons conspire and then transferring title to the for profit group that owns the Florida Panthers we are now expected to pay for renovations that will make yet more money for the owners. If it were to be revealed that Jon Corzine was the architect would anyone be surprised?

As bad as the deal is what makes it worse is the violation of the Truth in Lending Law. If you were to buy a used car from Sid, the suede shoed salesman on State Road 7, he must tell you to the penny how much the loan will cost you. He must explain the Rule of 78. If he has to do it why should Broward County be exempt? The Chinese do not lend us money for free. Should Broward County borrow $7,700,000 the debt service over 30 years will be more than $23,000,000 dollars. I suppose hockey in South Florida has some merit. Why should the public have to pay for it?

JOHN STUART MILL

2011-12-29T11:13:00.001-05:00

“SOCIALISM IS THE END OF ALL INVENTION;
IT IS THE HAPPY FACE OF SLAVERY.
MANKIND ARE GREATER GAINERS BY
SUFFERING EACH OTHER TO LIVE AS
SEEMS GOOD TO THEMSELVES THAN
BY COMPELLING THEM TO LIVE AS
SEEMS GOOD TO THE REST.”

JOHN STUART MILL

Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman-Schultz

2011-12-23T19:41:00.001-05:00

Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman-Schultz

2011-12-14T22:15:00.005-05:00

December 14, 2011
Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman-Schultz
10100 Pines Blvd.
Pembroke Pines, FL 33026

Dearest Darling Debbie Debbie,

First, I love your hair. You are a trend setter in the “All I Want for Christmas is my own Medusa Barbie”.

Second, it may be an inconvenient truth to modern American Liberals of whom you are the paradigmatic template but numbers are hard and fast things.

Think of “3 strikes” or “First and 10”. For the more cerebral there is always pi, 3.1416. One way to raise test scores in geometry would be to make pi 3.0. Alas, the good intentions of educators who think student self-esteem is the reason for schools would not be good for future bridge construction.

[As an aside, my daughter was .008 short of graduating with honors. That’s why yardsticks are still 36 inches long. Case closed.]

The question you were asked on TV was “Is unemployment higher today than when Obama took office” for which there are but 2 answers. They are “Yes” or “No”. Any other answer would be akin to the gynecologist telling you that you were a little bit pregnant.

Empirical evidence – the evidence of your own eyes, things that are as real as your boot – evidence of which 100% metaphysical certitude is possible tells us, in fact it screams at us, that the answer is “Yes”.

When Obama was sworn in the unemployment rate was X%... Whatever methodology is used if the answer is more than X% it must be higher. If I am going too fat for you just tell me. I’ll type slowly and I’ll use block letters...

Notwithstanding the not quite shovel ready shovel ready jobs, notwithstanding the increasing reliance on an increasingly unreliable and increasingly menacing Ming, the mendacious Mandarin moneylender, anything but “Unemployment is higher” is poppycock packaged in persiflage. I need not add obfuscatory persiflage because that is the only kind you deal in.

You have updated the Democratic Party playbook, one that is replete with palm cards, bullet voting, cemetery voters, inter alia, to include public lying on a scale not seen since the halcyon days of Big Bill Clinton, the King of the One-Eyed Trouser Snakes. Your saying that unemployment is not higher than when Obama was sworn in reminds me of the great Jimmy Durante. In a movie he is trying to steal a 10 foot tall elephant. He is tip-toeing out of the tent with Dumbo in tow. A policeman says, “What are you doing with that elephant?” “Elephant?” says the great Schnozola, “What elephant?”

What you engage in is not Rhetoric, an honorable term. It is Sophistry, a dishonorable term. Since you claim to have Master’s Degree in Political Science, a degree that once was impossible to get without working knowledge of the agora and the forum you should be aware of the difference.

Two things:

#1 – Putz is used in a non-gender specific way.
#2 – You have caused me to bring back my Year End Honors’ List.

Accordingly, you are hereby named the first winner of 2011. The honor of being proclaimed

SMARMY BASTARD OF THE YEAR

is not to be taken lightly.

Wear your laurels proudly, particularly if they cover your hair.

KEVIN SMITH

PS – You may want to consult with Vice President Curley Biden about his Chia-Pet hair transplants. Senator Levin, he of the armpit comb over, would not be a good role model for you.

Leonard Pitts, Jr. The Miami Herald

2011-12-05T09:05:00.001-05:00

December 4, 2011
Leonard Pitts, Jr.
The Miami Herald

RE: “More Reports on Missing White Woman” – An early, truly astonishing, Christmas present from you, one which you shared with everyone, in today’s Miami Herald.

Mr. Pitts,

Your column begins with words of compassion for missing White women and their families. The next point you make is a call for Affirmative Action for missing non-White women.

I thought perhaps it was a sign of coming End of Days. But then I realized it was the Logical conclusion to the multitudinous mendacious mantras of modern American Liberalism. For every victim there must be a villain. Since kidnapped non-White women are not given the same amount of media coverage they are victimized twice, once by their abduction and then by media non-attention. Still more proof of the perfidy of Fox News, no?

A Pulitzer Prize winning columnist says all he wants for Christmas is for more non-White women to be kidnapped

God’s Holy Trousers! The inmates are running the asylum. I proclaim that the hatch has a new booby in charge.

And to think that Walter Durant once was the template for the smelly bag test.

I have another thought in re the briar patch of Affirmative Action.

Since 1973 there have been approximately 50,000,000 abortions. Between 35% and 40% of these have been performed on Black women

You mention the lynching of Black men by White men. In the 20th century there have been approximately 3,800 lynchings of Black men by White men. As many as 20,000,000 Black babies have been aborted.

Under the rules of Affirmative Action – “level the playing field”, remember? – should the number of abortions on Black women be halted until the number of abortions
On White women reflects their percentage of the population?

Forget the mainstream White media. Why hasn’t the Black media responded to this Holocaust? No other word can be used when 20,000,000 people are killed. Hitler only got 12,000,000, half of whom were Jews. Stalin and Mao took out far more but we have “reset” relations with the Russkies and we owe the Chinese far too much money to get Wong, our Mandarin moneylender, mad at us
Black women make up about 6% of the population. Perhaps we should set a quota for White abortions. Apparently goals don’t work. Think of the positive effect it would have on the valiant struggle against GlobalCoolingWarmingClimateChange. I am sure there is a formula for the number of abortions that must be preserved to save one drowning polar bear.

Anyway, I thank you for the early Christmas present. The only way to top it will be to start the ObamaCare Death Panels before Christmas.

KEVIN SMITH
WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET

Douglas C. Lyons – Senior Editorial Writer The Sun-Sentinel

2011-12-03T10:20:00.002-05:00

December 3, 2011
Douglas C. Lyons – Senior Editorial Writer
The Sun-Sentinel

RE: “Interest Trumps Ideology” – Some comments on your article today on why the country would be better off if Herman Cain were to be strapped to a rocket flying in pursuit of the Pioneer space probe.

Mr. Lyons,

“…especially my small but earnest fan club that
Routinely blows up my online comment space…”

Curses! “Outed” again!

I felt honored when George Soros came to my house and told me that he had my name on a list that said I was a founding member of the “vast Right-Wing conspiracy”. I immediately fessed up. I also told him that I was a devoted disciple of Edmund Burke and a proud hoplite in the Milton Friedman phalanx.

Your major premise – Blacks are more dependent on the Government – must Logically end with said government being the be all and end all of life. It is a premise against which men have argued since the first days of the agora. It is a premise against which free men and men who wish to be free still argue.

If, as you say, Blacks “are just looking out for their interests”, would not Logic dictate that Blacks should be in the forefront of the fight for school vouchers? We can stipulate that American education, particularly when it is modified by the term “inner city”, a euphemistic term for Black, no, just doesn’t work.

No school district in the universe spends more money per pupil than Washington, D. C. The modern American Liberal mantra of more money equals better schools seems not to be working for residents of Section 8 housing

Have you seen the big yellow school bus pull up in front of the White House?

President B.O. and the Missus, both residents of public housing, have decided it is neither in their best interests nor in the best interests of their daughters for them to attend public school. What’s $70,000 for day school tuition when the guys wh mow the lawn carry Uzis? [I still have an ongoing investigation into whether and Kennedy ever attended any public school anywhere, anytime in the 20th century.]

Is that what you meant by self-interest? I must ask if you are a closet follower of Ayn Rand.

I have long held that the English teacher and the Chemistry teacher should be held to the same standard as the football coach. Further, the universal ethic common to all successful sports teams, the one that rewards performance and punishes failure, is anathema to the union thugs who have huge chunks of the American education system by the “embarrassing short and curlies”.

American Blacks who march lock step to the constant caterwauling of heads up their asses condescending Democrats are acting and voting against their own self-interest.

“The gray geese are flying tonight” is a code that tells all members of the Douglas C. Lyons – Senior Editorial Writer Fan Club to meet at noon at secret place #3 to swear in new members.

All this and before breakfast!

Merry Christmas or a non-denominational Season’s Greetings as the spirit, a culturally neutral spirit, moves you.

KEVIN SMITH
WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET

Stephen L. Goldstein The Sun-Sentinel

2011-11-25T23:39:00.001-05:00

November 25, 2011
Stephen L. Goldstein
The Sun-Sentinel

RE: The end of Reaganism as foretold by you in your column in today’s Sun -Sentinel

My dear Professor,

If, as you say, the Reagan Revolution is finally, final dead and should President B.O. be returned to office would not Logic dictate, in the spirit of international comity, that the first “shovel ready” project of the new administration must be the reconstruction of the Berlin Wall?

On a different note, if it’s OK to call Michele Bachman a “bitch” is it OK to call Michele Obama a “ho”?

Kevin Smith
WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET

PS – I never thought I would Jimmy Carter. So what if his brother Billy worked for Kaddafi. At least he didn’t let him live in a mud hut.

Douglas C. Lyons – Senior Editorial Writer The Sun-Sentinel

2011-11-23T11:57:00.003-05:00

November 19, 2011
Douglas C. Lyons – Senior Editorial Writer
The Sun-Sentinel

RE: “The world Turned Upside Down” - It’s a catchy tune, particularly at Yorktown, but not compared to your marvelous column in today’s Sun-Sentinel.

Mr. Lyons,

It’s been more than a few years since I wandered in the Groves of Academe but surely I should have remembered the class that said the way to make the poor rich was to make the rich poor.

Incidentally, it is reported by Granma, Cuba’s answer to both Tass and Pravda, that sugar production in now at the level reached in 1905. Keep it to yourself but the goons running the country have decided to fire ½ the people employed in that industry. Please keep this info from the Occupy Wall street crowd. Whatever else Cuba is it is no place to test the limits of free speech. The reaction of los jefes to a collective trou drop followed by projectile ca-caing in the calle would rival anything Mel Brooks could put on the screen.

I thought your oh so achingly familiar modern American Liberal polemic against wealth would at least have made passing reference to the estate of Senator Fatso Kennedy. One of the listed assets was a trust created in 1936 by his father, Corsair Joe. In addition to being a secret admirer of Hitler and a not so secret anti-Semite he knew he would have to provide for Teddy. Just imagine how many sessions of Midnight Basketball the emptying of that bag of pelf could have provided. The mind boggles!

Surely George Soros, a man who has so much money that if the Koch Brothers, the demonically infamous Right-Wing malefactors of middle mega wealth, should decide to commit suicide, they would jump off his wallet, can be counted on to drop an extra fiver in the collection plate for the undeserving poor. He does, doesn’t he?

Speaking of subsidies for the rich…

Why is the interest on municipal bonds exempt from Federal income tax? Why should renters, already burdened by the hellacious Bush deficits and a sluggish economy that is caused by the Reagan tax cuts, subsidize their rapacious landlords?

If you wish to “means test” the recipients of every government program – Don’t worry about the equal protection foo-fah in the Constitution. There is no sense in being a modern American Liberal unless you are a fire breathing, card carrying one – how about lowering the price for certain items that the poor must have? We can start with ½ price stamps. Not food stamps; postage stamps. Alas, a photo ID will be required to get the Federal tax on gasoline dropped. It makes no sense to charge the poor tolls on the Turnpike, does it? Isn’t it time for the Sun-Sentinel to give their paper to the poor for free?

Modern American Liberals are always discovering new rights. Isn’t it time to add Comcast or DIRECT-TV to the list? The self-esteem of the children of the poor would be greatly strengthened if the premium package became the new norm for them.

Why not make Senator Kohl give the poor a 50% discount card for when they shop in his stores? The poor are entitled to a bountiful Christmas, aren’t they?

How about making Senator Rockefeller go back to West Virginia this Christmas? Logan, where I mined coal, is as good a place as any. Have him light the yule log using his money as tinder. Think how warm and cuddly that will make the country feel.

It is an inconvenient truth but college costs rise in direct proportion to the amount of “free money” available to potential students. The people who run these monuments to mediocrity may be stupid but they are not dumb. No other segment of American life – not the military/industrial complex, not the idle trust fund layabouts, not the evil speculators, not the notorious “middlemen” – has enjoyed such an explosion in revenues.

Logic would dictate that as the pool of dough expands someone will build a department of Lithuanian trans-gendered lesbian poets and what role Nixon had in ignoring them. Fairness would say that preference for admission to the graduate programs of this emerging discipline should be given to Lithuanian trans-gendered lesbian poets. Don’t worry about the pool of potential students. As soon as the federal money trough is opened you’ll be shocked, shocked to know how many Lithuanian trans-gendered lesbian poets we have.

You say that “2,362 millionaires collected roughly 20.8 million dollars in unemployment insurance”. As a nation we can’t let this stand. If we can require people to buy health insurance we can require them to buy unemployment insurance. Then, when a claim is put in, it is denied because of their successful capital accumulation. Whether it comes from being a member of the lucky sperm club or from being a big time grifter like Jon Corzine is irrelevant. Perhaps it is time to change the Scarlet Letter from A to M. It will make it easier when Madame DeFarge starts collecting overtime

Maybe we could use some of it to pay for tutorials for modern American Liberal ohmadahns – ink stained wretch division – on the futility of hoping for a change in the laws governing gravity. It ain’t going to happen

KS

PS – You may wish to examine the novel schemes to raise revenue in Zimbabwe. Some of them may work here. .

Michael Putney The Miami Herald

2011-11-23T11:57:00.001-05:00

November 16, 2011
Michael Putney
The Miami Herald

RE: “Thanks for a warm hand on a cold morning” – Some comments on your column about books – one of the great donors of guiltless tactile sensation – in today’s Miami Herald.

Mr. Putney,

I wait, sometimes years, to use that line. I know it’s not a cold morning but, what with Florida now being vouchsafed from Gaia’s revenge because hurricanes hardly ever happen after the official No More Hurricanes date, it is time to break out the virtual cashmere.

Let me add to the growing legend of Norman Mailer.

He was a champion head-butter. One of the great activities at the bar in the Players’ Club in Gramercy Park, NYC was the selection process for the evening’s main event. A 3 inch difference could inadvertently result in smashed noses and chipped teeth.

Only a very, very bright guy could give himself absolution for causing the death, by murder, of an absolutely innocent bystander. His citing Martin Luther King is proof positive of his status as a “Smarmy bastard of the Year”. In Mailer’s case we grant him eternal status. The Sacrament of Penance requires a duet. In the world of modern American Liberalism, a world without boundaries, a world with no knowledge of the “Permanent Things”, all that is required for perfect contrition is for the alleged perpetrator to say, “OOPS”.

In addition to scratching a throbbing itch the library I built in my house in West Orange was a jobs creator. 7 shelves, each one 12 inches high, 12 inches deep, and not quite a yard wide times 13 separate cases was a lasting reminder of my gilded age when conspicuous consumption was the norm. It was the class project of the 11th grade woodworking class at Glen Ridge High School. I don’t know what the teacher paid his students. I know that I paid him cash. It was a win, win, win situation for all concerned. And, very importantly, not one cent was borrowed from the Chinese.

I had an English teacher whose job when he was in graduate school at Columbia
University was to fetch Dylan Thomas from the White Horse Tavern on Hudson Street in lower Manhattan. Nothing compares to hearing a poet read his poems. Thomas’s voice made Richard Burton, his literary executor, sound like Pee Wee Herman. It will be a test of my failing powers of persuasion to keep my 3 Texas ladies attentive to all of “A Child’s Christmas in Wales” this year.

I had another teacher who was taught by T.S. Eliot. He said his voice was like an egg shell.

I always keep my Plutarch handy. Harry Truman read him every day he was in the White House.

I suggest that you keep a copy of “The Dictionary of Cultural Literacy” close at hand. It was compiled by E. D. Hirsch. It beats Wikipedia.

I search vainly for a segue to why I am writing today.

Mitchell Kaplan

I moved to Florida in October, 1996. I found Books & Books by Halloween. I in possession of an early edition of “The Wasteland” that I intended to give to my son for Christmas. I went to Books & Books to get a selection of prose by Ezra Pound. Not finding any I asked a most attentive sales lady where I could find him. She told me that the store didn’t carry him. I was speechless. Almost. Imagine, said I to her, 20th century literature without him. Joyce, Eliot, Yeats, Hemingway. He edited them all. Why, said I.
She pointed to a thin man with a black beard. Ask him, she said. He’s the owner. He told that it was his store and he would never have Pound in it, the reason being that he hated Jews

.As a champion of private property – I suggest “Property and Freedom” by Richard Pipes – I agreed with him. I walked out of the store. I haven’t been back since.

Every time I would see him getting an award for championing some oppressed group, said group being well within the boundaries that “eclectic indignation” allows, I would write to him recalling the incident. Surprisingly, such surprises being proof positive that there’s no fool like and old fool, he never wrote back.

“Chilling effect” and “slippery slope” notwithstanding, it all depends on whose Gore is being oxed.

I have yet to come to the 140 character world of Twitter. It is well to note that 5 words can say a lot. “Mom’s dead”, “Fire One”, “It’s a boy”, “Todt Juden”, “Of course I love you”, “Next”, “You’re fired”, “Strike 3”, “Cuba Libre”…..

To which I can only add

A little says a lot

Have a nice day

KS

Rene Rodriguez The Miami Herald

2011-11-23T11:56:00.001-05:00

November 20, 2011
Rene Rodriguez
The Miami Herald

RE: Some comments on your article on Michael Moore in today’s Miami Herald

Mr. Rodriguez,

One of the many benefits of being calorically challenged is that when you say that someone else’s ass is so fat that it has its own zip code it is never ad hominem. As anyone from Northern New Jersey [I’m from Bayonne. That’s on the good end of Hudson County] will tell you the name Fat Mike is a term of respect.

When you report that Michael Moore said that he was shocked, shocked when Bill Hemmer told him in 2004 that “people wanted him dead” I was confused.

On September 12, 2001 the Pillsbury Dough Boy cum cineaste said he wished that the terrorists had killed a lot more Republicans.

The disconnect is that it is OK to wish for the death of generic Republicans but not for the death of a specific modern American Liberal. Further, it is OK in the universe occupied by modern American Liberals to want a group of people dead. It just isn’t kosher to ask someone about it. Wazupwidat?

If it is OK to wish for the fiery deaths of people who want lower taxes is it OK for me, a “bitter clinger”, doubtless “lazy”, gun toting fierce defender of capitalism to say that, should we meet, I would kick his ass so hard that he would have to take his socks down to crap?

Could you tell Fat Mikey that if he doesn’t want to get his ass kicked we could toss crème brulees at each other at 10 paces?

I shant tell him to go to Cuba. If a campesino family got hold of him they could have the entire village over for Christmas dinner.

Kevin Smith

Douglas C. Lyons – Senior Editorial Writer The Sun-Sentinel

2011-11-11T09:06:00.001-05:00

November 5, 2011
Douglas C. Lyons – Senior Editorial Writer
The Sun-Sentinel

RE: At last! A teachable moment. The line – Could it be a penumbra? – between the price of bacon and the war on terror is made more clear in your thoughtful article in today’s Sun-Sentinel.

Mr. Lyons,

As a practicing modern American Liberal, ink stained wretch division, and thus a permanent resident in the fuzzy world of cognitive dissonance, your thoughts on the possibility of pulled pork sandwiches going walkabout are helpful.

Some thoughts from a curmudgeonly observer, one who has signed both sides of a pay check:

#1 – Rising prices are bad when they hit your pocketbook. Since you work for a bankrupt company you most assuredly want some prices to rise. Your home, your 401K, your stash of pre-1964 American coins are but a few examples. Sorry. You don’t get to pick and choose which prices. No amount of really earnest true believers singing “Don’t Stop Thinking About Tomorrow” will cause the law of rational self-interest to be repealed.

#2 – It is entirely irrelevant whether the money was borrowed from the Chinese or confiscated from the 1936 trust created when Senator Lard Kennedy was born or from the swag bag of George Soros. Since 2009 about $2,000,000,000,000 – that’s two trillion dollars – has been force fed into a system that couldn’t handle it.

Markets make no distinctions as to intentions. Markets are comprised of millions of people who observe data and make decisions. As such it is beyond the control of modern American Liberals. That is one of the causes of their group madness. If they can’t control it they want to kill it.

#3 – Independent data, readily accessible in the world of search engines, reveal some inconvenient truths. Commodities are the first canary in the coal mine. When governments debase their currency because they are too cowardly to cut back on the goodies commodity prices rise in inverse proportion to the cheapening of printed money. When you toss in a Homerically stupid head up your ass idea – Let’s make gasoline from corn - the law of unintended consequences takes over.

In this country the overwhelming majority of corn was raised to feed hogs. Farmers were subsidized to grow corn, not for feed, but as a gasoline substitute. When a raiser of hogs asked a grower of corn for the old price the farmer laughed. Thus, when the price ran, Dougie in Florida had to pay more for his BLT. There was to be one more disastrous unintended consequence that I will get to later.

For people who believe that making rich people poorer will make poor people richer, for people who believe that raising the minimum wage is a good thing for poor people, for people who believe that Wal-Mart’s low prices exploit their low income customers, for people who believe that correlation is causation will be hard pressed to make the connection.

#4 – “Nowadays the price of bacon is enough to make my blood sizzle.”

Here’s a plan.

Stop eating it.

Read carefully.

I’ll type slowly.

When the price of a commodity spikes upward two things happen. The marginal user stops using it and the upward price attracts new supplies to the marketplace. There are some exceptions to this.

Thoroughbred yearlings and 150 point perfect diamonds enjoyed decades of rising prices until the run ended in the ‘80s. The price of gasoline in this country is undisturbed by reality. Both parties have taxed it and regulated it as if it were toxic. The failure of both Parties to allow the exploitation of existing energy sources guarantees but one thing: higher prices. [I used the words toxic and exploitation intentionally]

In an age where new rights are daily discovered have we found a heretofore unknown one? Does Dougie have a right to cheap pork products? Several years ago the owners of Coral Ridge Country Club were told that they had to continue to subsidize a smaller course on their property. It was a public course on private property. The main users were senior citizens. Their ad hoc committee earned the nickname “Golf for Geezers”. I guess there is no fool like an old fool. Unless of course if a “senior editorial writer” feels that the rest of the world should subsidize his meat choices. Fools, old, young, or middle aged seem to be in the ascendancy.

#5 – There is a more sinister answer to your quandary.

3 years ago President B.O. said that “we would extend our hand if you will unclench your fist”. So there is no confusion about the identity of “you” 19 0f “them” attacked this country on 9/11/01 and killed 3,000 people.

The President’s wife, a woman whose backside was why Spandex was invented, wants us to eat more wholesome food. There is no truth to the rumor that she wants to replace cocaine with granola. What better way to reach out to the Muslim world than to “outlaw” pork by making it prohibitively expensive? Then she has some feral morons dress up as Guy Fawkes – Does anyone else remember what happened to him? - and run around Wall Street with signs that say “Jew Bastard Bankers are Killers”. Just like the Tea Party, right? If she is successful it will be easier for you to get Bald Eagle soup or Whooping Crane salad than a plate of ribs. By the way, I prefer the St. Louis style to the slightly foo-foo baby backs.

#6 – You mention the death by starvation of “someone every 3.6 seconds”. I mentioned the unexplained consequences of this country subsidizing ethanol. Despite corn dogs, corn bread, or Corn Flakes corn is not a grain staple in this country. It is in the rest of the world. If you can be as precise as to a death every 3.6 seconds perhaps you could get a number of those who died because they could no longer afford corn.

Perhaps you could tell me why we pay farmers not to raise crops .Perhaps you could tell me why, when Zimbabwe was called Rhodesia, it fed all of Southern Africa. Today its fertile lands are as sterile as Carthage when Scipio got through with it. A crow would starve flying over it. Perhaps you could tell me why Cuba, a country so fertile that sugar used to grow on unused runways, still has, despite the earnest efforts of Los Hermanos Castro for 50 years, the same 3 problems. They are called breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Russia did not export a single bushel of wheat from 1919 until 1993.

I think there may be a pattern here. Do you?

#7 – Have you ever been to Arthur Bryant’s?

KEVIN SMITH
WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET

Steven L. Goldstein The Sun-Sentinel

2011-11-04T18:00:00.001-04:00

November 4, 2011
Steven L. Goldstein
The Sun-Sentinel

RE: Yet further proof that God is kind to animals and small children when He blesses them with short memories – Some comments on your column in today’s Sun-Sentinel about how we will become the land of milk and honey once we get rid of all Republicans even if we do it in less than an environmentally unsound manner.

My dear Professor,

I am greatly heartened at the progress you have made in your medical comeback to the slippery world – Not “slippery slope”, mind you. That’s a term that causes modern American liberals to react as if they were Dracula being waterboarded with holy water – of current events.

Your column today about how perfidious Congressional Republicans, a “small group of willful men” as another Democratic President referred to them, have prevented Lord Barack the Beneficent from “cooling the planet and making the oceans recede” – he did say that, didn’t he? – is proof that you have far, far to go before you are able to overcome both “eclectic indignation” and its evil spawn, a selective memory.

A quick review is in order.

#1 – The Founders, in their divinely inspired wisdom, a wisdom that enabled them to see that man’s rights came from “beyond the stars”, created a lower case troika of government. Each can check the other. Each one can control the other. Each one guards its fiefdom like a she bear guards her cubs. It is a system that has made this country “a shining city on a hill” and the envy of the world.

#2 – Power corrupts. When one party controls both ends of Pennsylvania Avenue – That’s the White House and Congress if you are geographically challenged – bad things are more likely to happen. Vide 1964. The Democrats were in charge. They gave us the war in Vietnam and the War on Poverty. At least the first one ended.

#3 – Here comes a hard fact. Here comes a very inconvenient truth. For the first two years of the glorious reign of the Obama administration, a time not soon to be compared to the rule of the 5 Emperors, Democrats had an unbreakable death grip on both ends of Pennsylvania Avenue. His control was so complete that there was talk of bringing Craig Livingstone back.

#4 – His caterwauling that he can’t do all the marvelous things he wants to do now begs the question of why he didn’t do them then.

#5 – I am still a bit confused. You told us constantly, harping might be a better verb, that Bush borrowing billions from the Chinese was bad. I await your pronouncement from the mountaintop as to why Obama borrowing twice as much from the Chinese is good.

#6 – As a card carrying, fire breathing modern American Liberal you always confuse Rhetoric with Sophistry. You would do well to spend some familiarizing yourself with the noble Trivium. Do it before you slip back into the lotus land of “eclectic indignation” and the selective forgetting of inconvenient facts.

#7 – You say Americans “overwhelmingly support raising taxes”. “Not so, not so” as the great Rumsfeld was wont to say. The people of Colorado, a state that voted “overwhelmingly” for President B.O. in 2008, just 3 days ago voted “overwhelmingly” against raising taxes. Wazzupwidat?

#8 – Another relic of the past, one that is anathema to all modern American Liberals, is the Rule of Law. Thomas More said “This country is planted thick with laws. When you cut them down and the devil turns on you where will you hide, the laws all being flat”? While you applaud Obama’s governing by fiat, by a flick of his wrist causing something to become the law of the land, I suggest that your knickers would be in a Gordian knot if a Republican President were to do the same.

#9 – You end your discordant caterwauling – Did I just repeat myself? - by suggesting, as did the American GI in Vietnam did, that we have to destroy the village to save it. In your case you want the country to go into chaos so that a true believer in Midnight Basketball will be returned to the White House. A Black man, just as long as his first name isn’t Herman, on a White horse, with no nasty Republicans to deter him, will lead us to a cholesterol free Utopia. There will be sightings of Eleanor Roosevelt giving her blessing. Alger Hiss and the Rosenbergs will be honored, Deo gratias, posthumously. God’s Holy trousers! If abortion were retroactive everyone would be in favor of it.

If the Congress cannot find a political solution perhaps we can borrow some money from Greece to finance Michelle’s drive to replace cheeseburgers and milk shakes with tofu and beet juice.

We should be grateful that we only have 12 months of obfuscatory persiflage left. I know that I can count on you to hold up, figuratively speaking, your end of the verbal incontinence soon to be loosed upon us.

Meanwhile, don’t forget your meds.

KEVIN SMITH
WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET

Margaret Carlson Bloomberg News

2011-10-30T11:04:00.001-04:00

October 28, 2011
Margaret Carlson
Bloomberg News
1399 New York Avenue
Washington, DC 20005

RE: The rise of “working class” status as a necessary stepping stone to success as a modern American Liberal politician – Some comments on your column in today’s Miami Herald.

Ms. Carlson,

First, I won’t mention that you called all overseas deployed American military personnel “tax cheats” after the 2000 election. Some of them may have come home and gone back. Some of them may have been wounded. Some of them may have been killed. As an aside, will there be an asterisk on the headstone if the GI died in the “good” war under Obama rather than the “bad” war under Bush?

Don’t you think it passing strange that Obama’s foreign policy successes consist of Americans shooting bad guys, one of whom was an American citizen, in the head? Was GITMO filled? Wouldn’t the Arab world become Baptist if we had captured bin Laden and sent him to re-hab.

Your desire to see Vice President Alpha Gump, he of the unreleased shakra and tumescent poodle fame, get into the White House in 2000 was such that you tossed out a blood libel as if it were yesterday’s newspaper. Being a modern American Liberal means that lying is good if it produces a desired end. Having no knowledge of the “permanent things” makes it easier.

Your later apology, “I’m sorry if I offended anyone”. Is typical of the breed.

But, as I promised, that’s not why I write to you today.

The major premise of your article on Curly Biden – I call him Curly in honor of the smartest stooge – is that he isn’t a world class, call the Guinness hotline, horse’s ass.

You’re wrong.

He is.

Whom do you think told the President that there were 57 or 58 states? Who told B.O. about Austrian, the glorious language of Goethe and Hitler?

He wears his Chia Pet hair proudly. His teeth, made from ivory taken from elephants that died peacefully in their dotage, glisten and gleam.

In the end, to paraphrase Johnson – Samuel, not Lyndon – “the man’s a boob and that’s an end to it”.

Twice you use the term “working class” as if it were a call to prayer or as evidence of miracles sure to happen.

You say that Curly Biden was “born into a working class family”. Later in your article you say that Hillary Clinton would be good for Obama because she would “shore up his standing with ‘working class’ white women”. Why you exclude black, café-au-lait, oriental or unclassified swarthy 3rd worlders is not explained. Do you think Hillary could get some wavering Tea Partiers to vote for B.O.?

If “working class” or its evil twin “blue collar” is a necessary first step to political success as a modern American Liberal how did the Kennedys overcome their lack of it? Congressman Patrick Kennedy, son of Tosspot Ted, AKA Senator Lard Kennedy, would not know the business end of a shovel from a ball peen hammer .Can you picture him shaping up on a loading dock? How did Senator Rockefeller become Senator Rockefeller? Did he burn his family’s money? Nancy D’Alessandro Pelosi’s family had so much cash that people could commit suicide by jumping off her father’s swag bags. The only “blue collar” these people were familiar with came from Brooks Brothers. Later, Ralph Lauren took over.

The Vice President, the only man I know who can put his foot in his mouth and his head up his ass simultaneously, attended Auchmere Academy. [His classmates still call him “Cheesedick”.] Thel tuition now is $25,000. I don’t k now what it was when he went there but I guarantee you that he never took any shop classes or carpentry courses.

As to Hillary Clinton’s “working class” connections, I must ask you if we are talking about the publically abused wife of Handsome Billy from Hot Springs. He was also known as Big Bill, King of the One-Eyed Trouser Snakes, when he was in the White House having “a bit of the gobble” with Monica before he sold pardons and stole the silverware.

If memory serves, her father paid for her to go to 2 of the most expensive schools on the planet. There is no record of either scholarship assistance or student loans. A “blue collar working class” ‘60s chick would have had both. Perhaps she was so traumatized by her lack of “working class” credentials that she wrote her senior thesis on Saul Alinsky.

Her attempts to crash the sit down to pee glass ceiling are closely tied to her husband’s political career.

A cynic might point out that she was hired by the largest law firm in Arkansas – Is that like being the world’s tallest midget? – after her husband was elected Attorney General. Would it brand me as a cad if I were to point out that she was made a partner after her husband was elected Governor?

The trailer parks in Posssum Fart, Arkansas are filled with “working class” broads. That these ladies have gotten this far in life without the wonders of modern dentistry is a testament to American exceptionalism. They regularly turn $1,000 into $100,000 in the cattle futures market. They stay in their “double wides” – their Air Streams, not their asses – to hide their wealth.

Only in America can a “working class” lady, one who testified that she had no knowledge of how a business is supposed to be run –Whitewater, remember? – be asked to serve on the Board of Directors of TCBY and WAL*MART. Would you think less of me if I were to suggest that her husband, then the Governor, flung her through the glass ceiling? The facts would support the interpretation that he wanted her out of the house so he could have advanced saxophone lessons.

I just put on my “vast Right-Wing conspirator” cap. It is my way of honoring Hillary. Her quest to find out who bankrolled the hit job on her husband is going as well as OJ’s search for the real killers. I twice transited Delaware this week. My hat for Curly Biden was “I’m With Stupid”.

I have a nephew who is being deployed to Afghanistan. Should he vote early and often? Since you don’t want his vote to count in this country would it be OK for him to register in Kandahar?

Kevin Smith

October 7, 2011 FAMOUS THINGS THAT HAPPENED TODAY

2011-10-30T11:02:00.002-04:00

October 7, 2011
FAMOUS THINGS THAT HAPPENED TODAY

#1 – The good guys beat the bad guys at Lepanto.
#2 – I was born.
#3 – Let us raise a TE DEUM for both.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Such is my love for potatoes – boiled, mashed, roasted, fried, baked, raw - that I will tolerate any spelling to support my favorite tuber. Thus, it was no great concern to me when Vice President Quayle stumbled over an extra “e”. That it caused modern American Liberals to become visibly tumescent had an unintended benefit: The creation of the spelling police.

Yesterday I heard the President of the United States obfuscatorily answer a question about “Operation Fast and Furious”.

As near as I can figure it out “Fast and Furious” was a program designed to see how long it would take a gun to make the trip from Washington, DC to Huejutla, Mexico and then to East Los Angeles. Things of a logistical nature were tested. Did FedEx positively, absolutely deliver overnight? How many BARs or mortars would it take before arousing suspicion? A Sidewinder missile can be fired by one person but can it be classified as a personal weapon? Should napalm be shipped in a Haz-Mat container? Most importantly, what should be done if a Federal Law Enforcement Agent gets killed with a gun, a gun that began its odyssey in the mail room not 20 yards from the office of Attorney General, Eric Holder.

Holder has done 2 notable things in his professional life. #1 – As a big time Clinton ass kisser he provided cover for the bought and paid for pardon of Marc Rich on the last day of the glorious reign of Bill and Hillary. Speaking of that pardon if you remember the way Mrs. Rich blew the saxophone there can be no doubt how she got Big Bill’s attention. Monica taught all her followers well.

Since the reptiles occupying the cistern of modern American Liberal journalism have made the weight of New Jersey Governor Christie fair game can I say retroactively that Hillary Clinton’s steatyagonous role model was Secretary of State Madeline Albright? Hillary never reached the legendary “ax handle and a half wide” status by which Arkansas measures female arses. That must be taken as a testament to Spandex, 2 fat sucking lamprey eels, and having Rosie O’Donnell chase her around the Lincoln bedroom. If memory serves, Janet Reno – “Janny” to her friends, as cold as the month she was named after - was no slouch in the pound department either. You weren’t going to find her hanging out in the petite department at Burdine’s. Speaking of bountiful booties, FLOTUS is about one week of extra mac & cheese away from having “a bum you could set a ashtray on”. #2 – Holder told us in his capacity as Attorney General that White folk still don’t much like Black folk. He also told us that as long as the club wielding thugs were Black it was OK for them to intimidate White voters.

What POTUS said brought back memories of Jimmy Durante trying to sneak a 10 foot tall elephant past a policeman. “What are you doing with that elephant?” asks the startled copper. “Elephant? What elephant?” answers the great Schnozola.

President B. O. said that he had never heard of “Fast and Furious” until he heard Rush Limbaugh mention it. He said he called his BFF, the Attorney General, and said “Wazzupwidis?” Holder said “Say what”. The President then said if he had heard of it he would have “forbaded” it.

Too many potatoes – potatos? – Whatever – might qualify as “forbaded fruit”, no?

At the same press conference he answered a question about Solyndra and the 587,000,000 American taxpayer dollars, dollars that we borrowed from the Chinese .It has gone to the “undiscovered country” of Chapter X1. The Chinese will get their money back because they hold a first mortgage on Nantucket Island. The American people will get it in the neck. Maybe we can borrow money from Greece.

The President then said, “We knew there was risk.”

Gulp.

Where does it say in the Constitution that the government of the United States is allowed to be in the risk taking business? How does the Government measure the risk-reward ratio? Dr. Johnson wrote of “the potentiality of growing rich beyond the dreams of avarice”. Men regularly “risk it all on one turn of pitch and toss”. If they win society benefits. Having won they hire people to help them keep what they have. Then they hire people to help them get more. There is a penalty for failing. In a world where “stones are hard and water is wet” when you fail you go the back of the line and start over. It is in the nature of man to see what is beyond the horizon. All any government can do is slow the column of progress. There is no penalty to be paid by the government because Solyndra failed. After all, $587,000,000 is less than $2 per person. If you exclude the non-tax paying portion it is still less than $4 per person. If it had succeeded it we could, maybe, perhaps, have saved drowning polar bears. The baby seals may not have benefited but that’s the price you have to pay when Ned Lud becomes your God.

That’s the price paid when “The Gods of the Copybook Ledgers” are ignored.

I have a play want to bring to Broadway.

Its plot includes putting an absolute dunderhead, a man with no experience save for “running his mouth” and getting his wife a $4,000 – four thousand dollars American – a week raise in exchange for getting her employer a $1,000,000 “earmark”, in charge of America. Also, it was said that his “sharply creased trousers” would serve us well when he got to the Oval Office.

What he has done is to give horses’ asses all over the world a bad name.

If Broadway can have a hit musical about an Argentinean hooker why can’t it have one about a morospoph ohmadan who has his finger on the nuclear trigger? Maybe Homer Simpson could play Curly Biden.

Nah. Who would believe it?

Besides, I don’t want to spoil my birthday.

KEVIN SMITH
WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET

Douglas C. Lyons The Sun-Sentinel

2011-10-17T15:42:00.001-04:00

October 17, 2011

Douglas C. Lyons
The Sun-Sentinel

RE: Photo IDs and a post racial society

Mr. Lyons,

An article by Jason Schultz in today’s Sun-Sentinel [Page 5B] on “boundary jumping” in Palm Beach County caused me to reread my October 8th note to you.

Was I showing my “cultural arrogance” by saying that requiring a photo ID of prospective voters need not be prima facie racist? After all, banks, DMV offices, liquor stores, and post offices require it.

`The article says that as much as 8% of the students in certain Palm Beach County schools may be “boundary jumpers”. Let us stipulate that “boundary jumpers” are enrolled in schools that they are not legally entitled to attend.

Brookdale School is 2 blocks from where I live. In addition to being an “A” rated school it had some serious renovations last year. By all accounts it is a desirable place to send your child to school

Since ethnicity is now an integral part of our Census data it is easy to profile citizens racially on a city, zip code, neighborhood, block, and an individual building basis. The evidence of your own eyes would suggest that there is a serious discrepancy between the students’ declared addresses and where they actually live.

I suggest that a parent motivated by his rational self-interest – a concept that is both alien and forbidden to worshippers at the Church of Modern American Liberalism – by being a “boundary jumper” is to be praised. Why should a parent settle for second best for his child when a bit of legerdemain could profoundly affect a student’s life?

It should be a self-evident fact that this educational osmosis will never see students jumping from a “good” school to a “bad” school. Why not offer bonuses – How does 25% sound – to teachers, “good” teachers only, to teach at the “bad” schools. If “bad” is too harsh a word, a word that could cause self-esteem issues, I’ll settle for “underperforming”.

If schools were to require photo IDs of parents and students would that be as racist as requiring them of prospective voters?

KEVIN SMITH
WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET

Letter to the Editor The Miami Herald

2011-10-16T12:55:00.002-04:00

October 15, 2011

Letter to the Editor
The Miami Herald
One Herald Plaza
Miami, FL 33132

RE: “Let’s Stop This Killer” - Some comments on today’s editorial on the perennial favorite disease.

Sirs,

“Breast Cancer Epidemic Can’t Be Ignored”

“Epidemic”? “Ignored”? I thought journalists were supposed to be precise with words. If breast cancer rates use of the word “epidemic” do you think it’s time to change what we called the Influenza scourge of 1918? Once the death toll reached 60 million – that’s 60,000,000 - in 18 months the world stopped counting. What word would best describe the number of deaths caused by bubonic plague 500 years ago? In fact, numbers weren’t used. Percentages were. 1/3rd of this area. I/4th of that country, ½ of that city, inter alia.

Can we stipulate that those were epidemics?

It was but 25 years ago when the words AIDS and epidemic were always used in the same sentence. 15 years ago Donna Shalala, now the head of the University of Miami, then the Secretary of Health and Human services, told us we would all die from AIDS in 10 years. Check the calendar. Even if your blood count is alop and askew it’s OK to buy green bananas.

If we were to adopt “statistical sampling”, once the darling new math of modern American Liberals, we would have to face the inconvenient truth that more Americans die of prostate cancer than of breast cancer.

I asked a lady swathed in pink – head band, shirt, striped shorts, and sneakers – which color was used for the prostate cancer ribbon.

No answer was forthcoming; I did not ask again.

Lest you think I am an insensitive curmudgeonly misogynist 2 facts need to be revealed.

#1 – Marie Smith, my mother, lived for 49 years after her breast cancer surgery.

#2 – Amy Smith, my wife, died of uterine papillary serous carcinoma on August 25, 2011. What color is her ribbon?

I know that since 1971 the people of America have paid almost as much money fighting cancer as has been spent paying farmers not to grow crops. If the starting date is 1978 the amounts spent on not finding energy sources – the Department of Energy – and not teaching Johnny how to read – the Department of Education – would have been sufficient to cure cancer, male pattern baldness, mixing plaids and stripes, and the horrors of overcooked rib-eye and single malt whisky diluted with club soda.

Who speaks for heart failure and diabetes?

Do you mind if I smoke?

Kevin Smith

Douglas C. Lyons The Sun-Sentinel

2011-10-08T15:33:00.002-04:00

October 8, 2011
Douglas C. Lyons
The Sun-Sentinel

RE The joys and perils of voting – Some comments on your article in today’s Sun-Sentinel

Mr. Lyons,

Alas, when the only tool you have is a hammer everything looks like a nail.

In your article about the electoral process and how some people are always stuck on hind teat I come with a different perspective.

#1 – I was born and raised in Bayonne, NJ. That’s on the good end of Hudson County. Voting districts reporting 110% of registered voters casting ballots were not uncommon. I had an uncle who voted until June, 1971 despite having died in May, 1956. That he voted “Row ‘A’ All The Way” - The Regular Democratic Organization should not come as a surprise. I saw a Congressman’s mother engage in “voter suppression” in 1958. After she punched a hostile questioner in the mouth the Bayonne police dragged the Republican agent provocateur out of the back yard.

#2 – My wife had relatives in Chicago. I was there in 1971 when the original Mayor Daley – King Richard the First – responded to a question about his family’s insurance agency getting almost all its business from City Hall on a non-bid basis. [Maybe Halliburton was taking notes.] He leaned over the podium and said, “You can kiss my ass”. Yet one more endorsement of the First Amendment! There is a story – perhaps apocryphal, perhaps not – about Daley. As a practicing Catholic he sought to cleanse his soul before he died. His biggest regret was fixing the 1960 election for Kennedy. He had become convinced that if he had let Nixon win Vietnam would not have played out the way it did. Elections, even rigged ones, have consequences.

#3 – You say “Arguably there hasn’t been any real voter fraud in Florida since the 2000 election”. The unspoken assumption then becomes another example of modern American Liberal group think: Republicans were acting like they were Democrats from either Hudson County or Cook County or both.

Let’s begin with the hard, unforgiving fact. Correlation is not causality. In the unreal universe occupied by modern American Liberals it is a commonly accepted truth – does the phrase “settled science” fit there? - that for every victim there is a villain. These villains, all of whom were founding members of the “vast Right-Wing conspiracy” before founding the even more sinister “Tea Party”, conveniently fit the parameters of your premise. Everybody “knew” that 2000 election was fixed. If it weren’t for tautologies modern American Liberals would not be able to think at all.

I heard former mAL idol, Broward Sheriff Ken Jenne, AKA “Emperor Kenneth the Short”, now a convicted felon and ex-con who failed the Hudson County “Stand Up” Guy test because he set up his secretary to take the fall, tell Civil Rights Commissioner Mary Frances Berry that not only was there no fraud in Broward County in the 2000 election but that there were no reports of fraud or intimidation

. The Miami Herald reported in January 2001 that not one vote had been fraudulently cast in Florida save for one example. Almost 8,000 registered voters in Palm Beach County also voted in Queens County, New York. Queens, Brooklyn, and The Bronx do not collectively have 8,000 Republicans. Whom do you think those presumptive felons voted for?

#4 – You end by implying that there is a cabal of gun-toting “bitter clingers”, most of whom are named Bubba, who gather at a hunting club hard by Lake Jemoke and perpetually plot how to keep the Brothers from voting.

Perhaps I am showing my “cultural arrogance” but how does requiring a photo ID as a prerequisite for voting become racist? The United States Post Office requires a photo ID to pick up a certified letter. A photo ID is required for gaining admission to a hospital. If you try to open a bank account or get on an airplane without one the banker or the agent will trip the silent alarm.

As to “African American [voter] turnout” it seems to me that Jesse Jackson has made a very good living from the Democratic Party for the last 7 Presidential election cycles. Every 4 years he promises vast voter registration among African-Americans. Every 4 years the Democratic Party gives him a platform and a credit card. Wannabet that next year it will be 8 in a row? By the by, is he registering the same voters over and over again? Would comparing the voter lists and the obituary columns be racist?

I confess to a personal polling peccadillo. I got 6 separate voter ID cards when Miriam Oliphant ran the voting bureau in Broward County. I wanted to see if you could go home again. You can.

2 things more before moving on to more productive hackle raising and the never ending buckling of myriad swashes.

#1 – If people have the right to vote don’t they have the right not to vote? Maybe those who present themselves to the electorate are found to be wanting. Maybe I don’t like any of them. Didn’t Sadam Hussein get 99.4 % of the vote the last time he ran? The only pols to get a higher percentage were Castro, Brezhnev, and whatever the name of the fat little Gomer running the prison in North Korea is. Of course, if the Hudson County Democratic Party ran the election the people wouldn’t have to go to the polls. The totals would be in before Election Day. No more “Hanging Chads”.

#2 – A trait common to all modern American Liberals is that the link in the double helix chain that governs reason and allows for experience to count for something other than a reprise of Golden Oldies is missing.

Somehow it has settled into the modern American Liberal orthodoxy that more people voting will result in better mail service and nicer Motor Vehicle agents. Everybody voting will guarantee a kinder, gentler IRS. Maybe if we all march to the polls singing “Kumbaya” the earth will cool and the oceans will recede. You believe with all your heart that it everybody votes – as many times as is necessary - it will take just one more great “surge” to win the War on Poverty.

Do you remember when you couldn’t get a drink on Election Day?

Maybe we should buy a round before anyone votes.

It can’t be any worse.

“How sad of all the things that men endure
How few laws or kings can cause or cure.”

KEVIN SMITH
WARRIORBARDIT @BELLSOUTH.NET

Gary Stein The Sun-Sentinel

2011-10-07T17:32:00.002-04:00

September 28, 2011
Gary Stein
The Sun-Sentinel

RE: “Booing Buffoons” – Some comments on your column in today’s Sun-Sentinel about why the knuckle dragging GOP should be…should be…ashamed?

Big Stein,

God’s Holy Trousers but I just loooove it when a card carrying modern American Liberal goes into high dudgeon. Knotted knickers occur just before you have to reach for your handy drool cup when you tell us about the latest outrages perpetrated by those knuckle dragging poltroons, all of whom are Tea Party members

You take members of the audience at the most recent GOP “debate” to task for expressing their displeasure at things you yearn for. That list includes, but is not limited to, inter alia, the following: The right of 2 consenting GI adults to bugger each other – Would rank determine the role of the pitcher and/or the catcher unless it is a Tango Threesome in the PDA portion of this leisure time activity? If so, shouldn’t there be a law about that also? – hard by the stoning pit in Afghanistan without regard to its effect on the rest of the platoon shall not be infringed. After all “men in barricks ain’t plaster saints”. The other one, the right of killers t, y’know what I’m sayin’, to kill again still needs some work.

Let me give a long delayed shout out to then Senator Albert Arnold Gore, Jr. for being the first politician to tell us about Governor Dukakis’s furlough program. That’s the one that let convicted rapist/killer Willie Horton out of prison where he – Can you believe this? – raped and killed again. You do remember the New York Democratic primary in 1988, don’t you?

Speaking of debates…Do you remember what Governor Dukakis said when he was asked what his reaction would be if his wife and daughter were raped and murdered? The only acceptable answer, even for a less than Alpha male, would be “I would track the bastards down and kill them.” Instead, Wee Mikey chose to channel Father Flanagan. “Was he abused as a child?” “Did drugs or alcohol have a part in it?” “Were his actions caused by the racist society he was raised in?” Finally, in a moment of truth seldom expressed publically by a modern American Liberal, “There is no such thing as a bad boy.”

Nobody booed. The whispered word “putz” swept around the room and the nation.

If, as you say, the “booing buffoons at the GOP debate should be ashamed” what about the Minnesota legislator – A Democrat, damnit – who began a dialogue with another legislator by calling him a “Motherfucker”?

Whatever else calling someone a “motherfucker” is it is not as bad as the Wisconsin legislator – another Democrat, damnit! – beginning his dialogue with a fellow legislator, doubtless a Republican, with “You are fucking dead”.

What about the Gandhi-like utterances of the less than irenic thug, Junior Hoffa? Although it is “settled science” it’s always good to validate Mendel. I search in vain for “Let’s take those sons of bitches out” in any of the Federalist Papers. Considering the fact that his father was a pioneer in the recycling business – he so loved his 1959 Ford that he decided he wanted to be buried in it before it and he went to Gillette to make a whole batch of razor blades – I expected kinder and gentler things from him.

Watching a “debate” is like watching NASCAR. Nobody cares how fast the car is going. The audience just wants to see it hit the wall. Thus, when Gerald Ford freed the Poles in 1976, Democrats went tumescent. In 2008, when Hillary Clinton began cackling in a way that would unclog arteries, Republicans began to think Big Bill was OK to step out on her. The NASCAR and the Debate rule would apply to bull fights also. No one cares how skillful the hombre in the girly man suit is. All they want to see is Manolete redux.

Campaigning is tough, particularly in a country that has been doing it as long and as viciously as we have.

The race between Brian Williams asking a dumb ass question and Big Stein having his sensitivities offended is never a pretty sight.

I hope the Republic will survive.

Kevin Smith
WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET

Robert Watson, Ph.D. American Studies Lynn University

2011-10-07T17:31:00.000-04:00

September 27, 2011

Robert Watson, Ph.D.
American Studies
Lynn University
3601 N. University Trail
Boca Raton, FL 33431

RE: Addenda? Si. Errata? no – on your “10 Lessons” column in the Sun-Sentinel

My dear Professor,

Just to show you that I am a multi-cultural guy – Kipling is my favorite 3rd World bard – I believe that “only Allah can weave a perfect rug”. I used to say “Homer nods” but too many people thought I was referring to Simpson of Springfield.

In my letter to you dated 9/25/11 I quoted Admiral Halsey in connection with your Lesson #2 – “Fear is a powerful emotion”. He called the Japs “lousy yellow rat monkey bastards”. I put an asterisk after it to indicate a footnote. Alas, I did not complete it. The quote is to be found on Page 38 of “The Battle of Leyte Gulf” by Thomas J. Cutler. The book was published by Harper Collins in 1994. I called him “another proud son of New Jersey”. New Jersey, the land of the Sopranos and Snooki, paid Halsey its highest honor when it named a Turnpike toll booth – Exit 13 – after him. Vince Lombardi has a truck stop named after him.

Like herpes, a gift that keeps on giving, a second glance at your article reveals yet another egregiously erroneous modern American Liberal shibboleth.

You say that the “nation’s richest corporations” should pay more taxes. It is an article of faith for people who believe that an increase in the minimum wage is a good thing for poor people that corporations should pay more taxes. Whatever their “fair share” is it isn’t enough. It is “settled science” that no corporation ever pays enough in taxes. If General Electric would only pay its “fair share” the Feds could issue loan guarantees to 6 more Solyndras. Maybe it’s time for “Electric Windmills” to make a comeback.

The reason for this real life lesson is going to shock and amaze you.

Corporations don’t pay taxes. They never have and they never will. Anyone who has ever signed both sides of a paycheck knows this from empirical observation. Taxes are an expense item. It is just like paying the insurance bill, the 3 martini lunch tab, the Super Bowl tickets, the retainers for the lawyers, the special interest lobbying fees, the private jet charges, the cost of raw material, and the wages of the blue collar workers all of whom are overworked, underpaid, and exposed to unknown toxic predators.

Taxes become part of the cost of whatever it is that you are selling. It makes no difference if your product is metaphysical or epistemological. If your customers buy your product they pay your taxes. If high taxes price your product out of the marketplace the rate is irrelevant. If you can’t sell your product and you go out of business to whose benefit does that redound?

You probably will shocked, shocked to learn that, as is said in Milan, “If no profit is possible the risk is obvious”.

Try to follow this bouncing ball. It is rooted in Logic. Logic to a modern American Liberal is like holy water to a vampire. Try anyway.

When was the last time a poor person hired anybody?

Rich people hire poor people for two reasons: #1 – They want to stay rich and #2 – They want to get richer.

Poor people work for rich people for two reasons: #1 – They want to get rich and #2 – They want to live better.

There is no record anytime, anywhere of a public policy predicated on making rich people poorer resulted in making poor people richer.

The great Lord Keynes, a man more quoted than read, would have been as strong as advocate for cutting taxes today as any of the first term Republican/Tea Party Congressmen. Further, he spoke of “animal spirits” as one way to get the dog to hunt.

Here’s a plan to think about. Shut down the Department of Education and the Department of Energy. They both are as useful as teats on a bull. Think of all the money, 43% of which is borrowed from the Chinese, we will save. Use that money, not to fund the next Solyndra, but rather to enable the “animal spirits” of the American enterprise system, the greatest economic engine yet seen, to come roaring out of their hibernation. The thought of someone becoming as rich as Croesus may be anathema to you but it sure beats the Hell out of “shovel ready jobs” and the Waiting for Godot “summer of recovery”.

Kevin Smith

Stephen L. Goldstein

2011-09-26T13:51:00.001-04:00

August 12, 2011
Stephen Goldstein
The Sun Snetinel

RE: Shades of Janet Cook! – Some comments on your prototypical “balloon juice” column in today’s Sun-Sentinel
My dear Professor,
Your nomination of Emmett, the Boston cab driver, as Everyman bespeaks another ailment common to practicing modern American Liberals.
Apparently fewer and fewer of us still remember the lessons of formal Logic.
It trained you, not what to think, but how to think.
One of the ways it did that was by pointing out how not to think.
I shant burden you with tales of the Trivium lest I overload your already overtaxed synapses.
I am loath to put too much on your plate so I will stick to one.
Particulars do not make universals.
You say that Barney Frank’s loud televised public eructations notwithstanding, he will be re-elected because Everyman Emmett “prizes free public education”. [An unasked and therefore unanswered question is why doesn’t the President share his feelings. No “free” public school system spends more per pupil than Washington, D.C. Could there be a more dramatic affirmation of “free” public education than to have a D.C. yellow school bus pull up in front of the White House and pick up the Obama children? I don’t think so either.]
Further, you quote Everyman Emmett thus: “We need jobs.”
Does he mean “shovel ready” jobs like those promised in February, 2009?
Does he mean jobs like those “created” in the legendary 2010 Summer of Recovery?
You say that Everyman Emmett wants Congress to “pass the Federal budget”.
Did you tell him that when Democrat was in the White House and had overwhelming majorities in both Houses no budget was ever introduced?
Silly me!

Stephen L Goldstein, The Sun Sentinel

2011-09-26T13:50:00.002-04:00

September 4, 2011
Stephen L Goldstein
The Sun-Sentinel
RE: Modern American Liberalism, pet peeves, and your brutally honest explanation of the connection between them in your column in today’s Sun-Sentinel.
My dear Professor,
I can’t stand ending sentences with prepositions. There are but two exceptions to this hard and true rule. [Exceptions to rules – moral relativism - are one of the driving forces of modern American Liberalism, no?]
#1 – It is acceptable to end a sentence with a preposition if there is a proposition attached to it. #2 – It is acceptable to end a sentence with a preposition if you are a fan of Winston Churchill.
As to signing a statement, any statement, I suggest you remove the 2x4 from your eye before trying to get the mote out of your neighbor’s eye. When will the editorials of the Sun-Sentinel be signed? I have been told by a highly placed source, one that must remain confidential, that you will resign should your policy of signing everything not be adhered to. ”Adhered to”? Count me as a big fan of Churchill.
The next time a “highly placed source who must remain confidential” tips you on a private sin of a public servant you must instantly “out” him lest you wish to confirm that as a card carrying modern American Liberal your favorite color is still plaid.
I have been in Texas on personal business. Because of my international acclaim as a ditch digger I volunteered for the “shovel ready” moat project on the Rio Grande. Since I am from Florida I volunteered to bait my man eater traps with live baby manatees to secure a few dozen 10 to 12 foot bull gators for the soon to be finished moat. It was the least I could do for the Waiting for Godot “summer of recovery”.
I got to your column on the Internet. I never did thank Vice President Alpha Gump for his timely discovery of same. That was a busy time for him. His main job then was keelhauling Governor Dukakis – “Competence, not character”, remember? – for giving a weekend furlough to convicted rapist murderer Willie Horton who, mirabalie dictum, raped and murdered again. That’s one of the beauties of modern American Liberals. “They never let you down.”
“People should be required…” is the war cry of the Democratic Party. It is the iron fist in the iron glove. It doesn’t matter what the subject is. Light bulbs, teenage obesity, Gibson guitars, 5th trimester abortions, drowning polar bears, Affirmative Action, furbish louseworts, Global WarmingCoolingClimateChange, bad war vs. good war, green jobs, “Pass the bill so we can see what’s in it”, the minimum wage, bad Bush deficits vs.
good Obama deficits, believing that making the rich poorer will make the poor richer, skipping the part where Keynes says tax cuts are must in a recession, “Will no one rid me of that damned Constitution”? airport groping, eating your seed corn, “fairness”, Debbie Wasserman-Schultz as the prototypical modern American Liberal Nazi, “reset” buttons – Thank God that tomorrow is a holiday! Listing all those sins could cause terminal carpal tunnel syndrome. I’ll dip both hands in freezing pickle brine like the morning after medicine.
“People should be required…” must be offset by “Quis custodes custodiet?”. Translation? Send a SASE.
“Average Americans are probably the world’s least informed people.” Would it mark me as a knuckle dragging, homophobic, gun toting, Tea Partying, Global Warming denying zealot if I were [N.B. the use of the subjunctive] to ask for the whole list?
Where do we rank compared to the Uighurs? How about the mighty Flems and their eternal foes, the stout Walloons? Serbs? Croats? The unfairly rich swells who summer on Martha’s Vineyard? The Kikuyus? The Goths? The people of Paraguay? The people of Zimbabwe? Les merdes du Quebec? The people who vote for Charles Rangel and Maxine Waters? The non-swimming Cubans? Los aficionados de Chavez? The people still yearning for Midnight Basketball? Wal*Mart haters? Moderate Muslim terrorists?
The election in 2008 of a total non-entity, a man devoid of any experience beyond that of perpetual victimhood, a man who would be hard pressed to find his ass using both his hands, may well buttress your argument.
I ask you to remember 1976 and 1980.
On the trip back to the White House after his inauguration in 1977 it became obvious to those Americans still capable of rational thought that America had blundered in electing Jimmy Carter. It took less than 3 years for him to convince the rest of America that he was without doubt the worst President of the 20th century. As soon as the Constitution allowed the “least informed average Americans” unelected him.
It may be too soon – it’s only 11 years into the new century – to give Lord Barack the Beneficent the same laurel earned by Clod Carter. He has set the bar of ineptitude so high that it would take 7 league boots to get near it.
One thought and one suggestion before getting back to the border for armed. night patrol.
Walls work very well when they are built to keep people. out Take a peek at China and the wall that Hadrian built. Both worked. The one best remembered for keeping people in, the Berlin Wall, worked for almost 30 years.
Obama said he wanted to “transform society”. I’ll start by transforming the way English is taught in this country. Serious thought must be given to Napoleon’s rule before a battle. 3 soldiers were chosen at random and tried for cowardice. They were found guilty and executed. He said it “encouraged the others”. It would work wonders with syntactically challenged teachers.
The thought is that the hiring of English teachers should be given the same status as the hiring of the football coach. Macbeth must be on par with the tight end coach. The retention and promotion of both should be on parallel track. Diagramming a sentence should be as important as attacking a two-deep zone. Shoulda, Woulda, Coulda holds no water in the post-game film review. It should be given less tolerance in the FCATs. Try it. In fact it should be “required”.

Kevin Smith

PS – As to “conferring lifetime titles”…My father was born before man flew. He was graduated from grammar school on a Friday night. Saturday morning he was shoveling coal at the end of 22nd street in Bayonne, NJ. He was 26 years old before he went to high school. He was 36 years old when he passed his Bar exam. He won a lot of money betting on Truman in 1948. When he died, after man went to the moon, walked around, and came back, and after his time on the Bench, he was still called “Judge”. What’s your problem with that?

Robert Watson, Ph.D. Lynn University

2011-09-25T17:16:00.000-04:00

September 25, 2011

Robert Watson, Ph.D.
American Studies
Lynn University
3601 N. Military Trail
Boca Raton, FL 33431

Boca Raton, FL

RE: “A little knowledge is a dangerous thing. Quaff deeply…” – Some comments on your “Kick me, please kick me” column in today’s Sun-Sentinel.

My dear Professor,

I’ve been away.

The manatee trapping – think low cholesterol sausage for the homeless – season doesn’t begin until Halloween. I’ve scheduled my Obamacare/Medicare cost reduction campaign – senior citizen python wrestling in a single elimination mode – to begin on Thanksgiving. With far too much time on my hands I seek targets of opportunity.

Bingo!

Guess whose ass is in the 10 ring?

#1 – “AMERICANS ALWAYS RALLY AROUND THE FLAG” – They did not fully do so in the American Revolution. They did not do so in the War of 1812. They did not do so in the Mexican War. They did not do so in the American Civil War. They did not do so in World War 2 until the modern American Liberals of the day were shocked, shocked when Hitler, Stalin’s best friend forever, invaded the rodinya. They did not in Vietnam. They did not in Iraq. I wonder where Cindy Sheehan was when this country supported the invasion of Libya.

#2 – “ FEAR IS A POWERFUL EMOTION” – You’re right. You may wish to add “Stones are hard and water is wet” to Watson’s List of really Useful Aphorisms”. Would you retroactively condemn Admiral Halsey, another proud son of New Jersey, for saying “the Japs are lousy yellow rat monkey bastards”?*

No navy in the History of the world was as ferocious and as victorious as the American Navy in 1942. Salamis, Lepanto, and Trafalgar were not 5 carnage filled days combined. Jutland was but a bloody afternoon.

Some portion of this staggering accomplishment – Tokyo to Midway to Ironbottom Sound – has to be attributed to the salutary effects of fear. The later Battles of the Philippine Sea and of Leyte Gulf followed by the invasion of Okinawa were won partly by the fear instilled in the American Navy in 1941.

#3 – “NO ONE POLITICAL PARTY OWNS PATRIOTISM” – True. True. I remember the call to arms issued by Senator John Pastore [D-RI]. He said that when the bad guys “looked down the barrel of the Kennedy/Johnson cannon” they knew that the American people were serious. How did that work out?

#4&5 – “IT IS NOT ENOUGH FOR AMERICA TO BE STRONG MILITARILY” & “A NATION CANNOT FIGHT 2 WARS SIMULTANEOUSLY” - The evidence of your own eyes demands acceptance of the fact that a nation can neither borrow nor can it tax its way to prosperity and power. No nation, anywhere, anytime has ever done so. I search vainly for answer to the poser that asks, if deficits under Bush were bad, why are they good under Obama.

As to the two front war I suggest that you familiarize yourself with World War 2. I had an uncle who went everywhere MacArthur went. I had another uncle who made 3 forced landings: North Africa, Sicily, and Anzio. My wife’s father was 8000 yards off the coast of Normandy on June 6, 1944. She had an uncle who ran convoys to Murmansk. 4 oceans, 3 continents, at least 9 countries.

There is no better definition of a two front war than that.

#6 – “THE OLD CONVENTIONAL, BI-POLAR WORLD” – You end by saying that “America is strongest when it is respected around the world”. I must have missed those lectures. Did Hellenic architecture enable a polyglot collection of city states to conquer the mightiest power on earth? Did Aeneas and Juvenal empower Rome to be able to enforce Pax Romanica?

Is it Ritalin or Thorazine that is the drug of choice for bi-polar disorders? If you are referring to the 45 year dust up with the Russkies, the one that Reagan won without firing a shot, what was the alternative therapy? If Walter Mondale had pushed the 1985 equivalent of the famous RESET button what would have happened?

Was there ever a stronger, more feared, and more respected power on earth than America on September 2, 1945? When MacArthur said, “These proceedings are closed”, he turned to Admiral Halsey and said, “Bill, where the Hell are those planes?” As if by magic 1000 planes overflew the USS Missouri. They blocked out the sun in a way not seen since Thermopylae.

That we chose to give away our treasure and our power is the subject of a different discussion.

#7 – “THERE ARE DANGERS IN GROUP THINK” – Right again. When I think of all the buffoonish Luddite nitwit ohmadans who swear allegiance to the
“settled science” of Global Warming the dangers of “Group Think” are writ large. Darwin’s Theory of Evolution is supposedly “settled science”. After more than 150 years it is still called a theory. Why is that? Just 2 days ago the “settled science” of Einstein was challenged in a way not seen in a century. You may remember that tomatoes were long thought to be poisonous. I’m glad that got cleared up. What would we do without pizza? Wasn’t it “settled science” that the sun revolved around the earth. It didn’t make Gus Ptolemy a bad guy.

If you are referring to “group think” when it comes to war time leaders making war time decisions a different dynamic applies. Information to a war time leader is like water to a garden. It takes a long time to judge the crop. Thus, when President Roosevelt called Governor Warren in 1942 and told him that he was sending him the 1940 Census data to him to help him lock up all the slopes, he was acting on what he thought was the best information available and in the nation’s best interest. One of those conveniently forgotten facts is that in addition to the 150,000 Japanese-Americans interned there were almost 30,000 German-Americans and Italian-Americans also locked up. Their “We’re sorry. We didn’t mean it. Please forgive us” compensation package is, I think, still being negotiated. Compared to the surgeon the pathologist has a far simpler task. Autopsies stop for lunch. Emergency pneumonectomies can’t.

#8 – “Iraq had nothing to do with 9/11.” – So what? The Logic that enabled Obama to join in the invasion of Libya is just as compelling as when it is applied to Sadam Hussein. Both were bad guys. Both killed a lot of people. All the world’s intelligence services plus a majority of Congressional Democrats thought he posed a clear and present danger to this nation. There are no mulligans in poker or realpolitik. Are dead American soldiers killed in Iraq – the bad war – anymore dead than American soldiers killed in Afghanistan – the good war?

#9 – “Ten years later…” – Your argument that we have created a “terrorism industrial complex” and that we have “established a monstrous bureaucracy” proves the History does repeat itself. I’ll leave it to you place the nametags of “tragedy” and “farce” on the proper chests.

The longest war in American History, the 48 year war on poverty, a war that we entered into without any stated goals and certainly no exit strategy, and if we are to believe the Congressional Black Caucus, is a continuing failure. The second longest, the war against drugs, is also a quagmire. About the latter at least it can be said that it has created thousands of “shovel ready” jobs. Alas, they are all South of the border. Why don’t we have a peace conference on a joint Oprah/Doctor Phil show and surrender?

Speaking of a “monstrous bureaucracy” what do you think will happen should Obamacare be fully implemented? Think of the best of the IRS, the DMV, and the Post Office on steroids cubed. “Anticipation is the greater joy” is still in force, yes?

#10 – “We were attacked by a handful of radical individuals” – Right again. You say it caused us to “weaken civil liberties and suspend constitutional rights”. Whatever Darth Cheney, the evil puppet master, made Bush do he did not suspend the writ of habeas corpus as Lincoln did. He didn’t arrest and exile a Congressman as Lincoln did.

The problem with the “radical individual” premise is that their forebears did the same thing. If Islam is a religion of peace what were they doing half way across Europe less than a century after the religion was begun? How did the basilica of Saint Sophia become a mosque? Who was Cervantes fighting when he was wounded?

If Camp Gitmo, America’s first Caribbean based adult sleep away camp, is used to recruit terrorists, how did the 20 WOG terrorists get together to kill 3000 people on September 11, 2001? If it so bad why didn’t Salama Yomama, as Senator Lard Kennedy used to call him, shut it down as promised?

The eternal conflict, to cite Burke, is between order and freedom.

There are lessons to be learned from History.

Nolo me tangere cum impecunis still rings true

Maybe it’s time to update Cartago delenda est to Mecca delenda est.

Look at the time! I have to get back to judging my essay contest “Why it is ‘settled science’ that polar bears should drown”.

Kevin Smith

AN UPDATE ON FRAU OBERST DEBBIE WASSERMAN-SCHULTZ

2011-09-22T13:18:00.000-04:00

TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN

AN UPDATE ON

FRAU OBERST DEBBIE WASSERMAN-SCHULTZ
9/21/11

I Let the 10th anniversary of Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman Schultz, she of the Medusa wanabee hair, she of the perpetual giving her husband’s bank a wink, a nod, and a long swig from the public teat, she of forgetting which President signed the homophobic “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” reg, she of the great civility speech given after a mad man shot her friend but before Chip off the old block Young Thug Hoffa, Jr, said, “Let’s take those bastards out”, she of “We own the economy” – Giving the devil her due, every time she stands up she should get a standing O, such is the burden of carrying big brass asymmetrical cojones – sending the cops [Agent Thomas as the Good Cop and Agent Mineva as the Bad Cop, both members of the Florida Department of Law Enforcement]] to my house because of something I wrote.

SEPTEMBER 18, 2001

2 men with badges and guns, 2 men with the full majesty of the law behind them, 2 men following their orders because an elected official, one who claims to have 2 degrees in Political Science, forgot the majestic 5 words at the start of the First Amendment – “CONGRESS SHALL MAKE NO LAW…”

“Free men speak with free tongues” was a good start to a free society when it was first used 25 centuries ago. For someone to say that she has 2 degrees in Political Science and not to be familiar with the agora and parrhesia would indicate that the only classes she ever attended were Chilling Effect 101 and Slippery Slope Seminar. Come to think of it there could be no better academic training for a modern American Liberal than those. “Free Speech For Me But Not For Thee” [Nat Hentoff] is one the books that Little Debbie uses to start her annual book burning raree.

I used to think Debbie was smart.

Smart was replaced by shrewd.

Now I know she’s dumb.

That she is not as dumb as her co-conspirator Commissioner Stacy Ritter is meant to be taken as “damning with faint praise”. Ms. Ritter is so dumb she thinks manual labor is the hombre who mows her lawn. She’s not called “Cementhead
for nothing. Debbie is gaining on her.

The reason for this harsh and cruel but valid and truthful judgment is because of her take on the special election in Brooklyn’s 9th Congressional District.

Move over Baghdad Bob! Here comes Debbie, Debbie!

She said “The Democratic Party has always had a problem with this district”.

Her tongue should have been rocket propelled out of her mouth and into a place of honor at Katz’s Deli.

They solved the problem when Warren Harding was President. That was 90 years ago. Sam Ervin and John C. Stennis, 2 lifelong Democrats and defenders, fierce defenders, of segregation – Did I just repeat myself? - marveled at the ability of the 9th district to elect any Democratic Son or Daughter of the Desert who drew breath on Election Day. District 9 encourages dead men voting. It draws the line at dead candidates winning. If they didn’t FDR would win every election for everything everytime.

Bugsy Siegel and Dutch Schultz [Schultz? Perhaps a DNA check is in order] thought about running there. If they had they would have received 106% of the vote.

This is a district where delis are not permitted to advertise bacon, lettuce, and tomato sandwiches.

This is a district where anything less than medium well roast beef earns a visit from the dreaded Food Police and a trip to the culinary side of Camp Gitmo.

This is a district where, thanks to Chinese legerdemain, pork becomes chicken.

This is a district where bi-valve mollusks are allowed to pass through only if they are on sealed trucks and never on Shabbos.

This is a district where the vote to name a park after Julius and Ethel Rosenberg is always close.

This is a district where being a junior mohel can earn you a merit badge.

This is a district where any mention of chicken liver and mayonnaise in the same
sentence can lead to a one-way trip to the stoning pit.

This is a district where Weiner, the eponymously named Congressman, waved his foreskinless weenie around for a month before a late night visit from the Stern Gang convinced him to fall on his sword. That’s the metaphorical sword, not the one eyed trouser snake that now is yet more proof of the law of diminishing returns.

This is a district that just elected a Roman Catholic Republican. It gets better. He was a TV executive who was instrumental in putting Rush Limbaugh on national TV.

And Debbie, Debbie, now the face of the Democratic Party, henceforth to be known as Dizzy Debbie, says that Democrat always had a problem with the 9th district?

The loonies are running the bin. The boobies are running the hatch.

In the big picture, the one that will be unveiled in November, 2012, that may be good.

On the other hand, 2 of the last 3 Vice Presidents – Alpha Gump and Curley Biden – have been, to be charitable, developmentally disabled. Can you imagine them on a tandem bike pedaling in opposite directions? I can. How many ways could they FUBAR a two car funeral? Thank God for logarithms!

This chick knows her base.

Kevin Smith
WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET

Leonard Pitts Jr., The Miami Herald

2011-09-22T13:16:00.002-04:00

September 18, 2011

Leonard Pitts Jr.
The Miami Herald
One Herald Plaza
Miami, FL 33316

RE: Death penalty? Death penalties? Some comments on your column “The Roman Arena of the Death Penalty” in today’s Miami Herald.

Mr. Pitts,

I found two conflicting numbers – 1173 & 1266 – about the number of executions in this country since Gary Gilmore restarted the hangman’s serenade in 1975. [ I was at the 10th Circuit Court of Appeals on an entirely different matter when Gilmore’s last stay was denied.]

Since statistical sampling was once the darling of modern American Liberals I will use 1224.5 as my paradigmatic template for the number of toe-tagged executed killers, alleged or otherwise.

What I can’t find, save for one example, is the alleged number of the alleged victims killed by the alleged perpetrators.

The poet was right. “After the first death there are no others.”

Missing from your feelings filled column about justice denied is the racial element. Usually, not today, there is an argumentum ad captandum decrying the racial disproportionality of the death penalty.

There is one death penalty that is applied in such a racially disproportional manner as to demand a genocide investigation. There is a backlog of cases in The Hague for participants in never ending ax fight between the Serbs and the Croats. For the most part they involved consenting adults killing for their culture. Why is there no outcry about abortion?

Black females make up about 6% of population.

They have had between 35% and 40% of the abortions in this country since 1973.

A social scientist would be comfortable with 20,000,000 as the number of Black babies being aborted in this country since Roe v Wade.

Has a potential Barack Obama or maybe even a Leonard Pitts been sucked out of a Black woman’s innards and sent on a one way trip to the “undiscovered country”?
You spoke of the “thumbs up-thumbs down” death penalty process in this country. In New Jersey, my home state, there are two basic rules concerning murder trials.

#1 – The alleged perpetrators cannot plead guilty.
#2 – A guilty verdict triggers an automatic appeal.

An about to be aborted baby – Black or White – has no access to due process. It can neither plead guilty nor can it enter an appeal. Some convicted murderers have waived any appeal and have demanded that death penalty be imposed post haste. There is no record of a foetus so doing.

You end your column thus:

“A reverence for life can still trump a need for death.
Consider this column a lonely cheer for life.”

An about to be aborted baby – White or Black – has no one speaking for it.

If not you then who?

Kevin Smith

PS – No mention of the death penalty in America is complete without mentioning the name Ricky Ray Rector. Whatever else Bill Clinton did to Sister Souljah he didn’t kill her.

Dwight Garner @ the New York Times

2011-09-22T13:15:00.002-04:00

September 16, 2011

Dwight Garner @ the New York Times

RE: Michael Moore and your inclusion of him in the hagiography of modern American Liberal wafflers, wimps, weasels, and wussies as recorded by you in the New York Times.

Mr. Garner,

Mother Jones? Woody Guthrie? Phil Ochs? Rachel Carson? [Why not Margaret Sanger? How did Margaret Mead miss the cut?] Harvey Pekar?
Mighty fine company for Michael Moore, America’s favorite fat man, now that Fatty Arbuckle and Oliver Hardy have gone to that great big Ben & Jerry’s in the sky, the one where Chunky Monkey and Death by Chocolate can be mainlined. Jowl liposuction on his moon pie puss could give Haiti a good, sit down Sunday dinner. But enough of that ad hominen stuff.
Your first five templates used to nominate Michael Moore, AKA “Pant Load Lard Ass”, to the Hall of Fame of Loutish Ohmadahns are either narcissistic phony bastards, Homerically dimensioned frauds, or world class “moonbat” wingnuts. Rachel Carson earns special mention for being a scientific faker worthy of Guinness Book accolades. Her book, Silent Spring, is helping to restore the unfairly tarnished reputations of Lysenko and the Piltdown Man.
It is your mention of Woody Guthrie that stirs the embers of an almost forgotten fire. It is one that has gone down the memory hole that modern American Liberals quickly dig when yet another of their gravity defying “balloon juice” pipe dreams runs into reality.
I’m glad that his guitar “fought Fascists”. It was a bit late in joining the fray but so was “Papa Doc” Joe Kennedy, the Hitler loving anti-Semite.
Some things are owed to the record.
From August 22, 1939 to June 21, 1941 Woody Guthrie’s guitar was not fighting Fascists. His weekly tract, aptly named Woody the Red, said that Hitler was an OK guy. In case you are not familiar with the above mentioned dates you’ll be shocked, shocked to learn that they cover the period when Hitler and Stalin were pals. “BFF” as the new social networks would say.
Would I be too far out of line to say that Woody was OK with the flattening of Poland, the defeat and occupation of France, the bombing of London, and the construction of the abattoirs and charnel houses that were used to kill and cook the Jews? Qui tacet consentit still means Silence gives consent, doesn’t it?
No off handed reference to Christopher Hitchens can be allowed to pass without mentioning George Orwell. Orwell, one of Hitchens’s favorites, will not be in your Progressive Hall of Fame. “Homage to Catalonia”, “Animal Farm”, and “1984”, books that pilloried the brutal tactics of Stalin, would never pass the muster of the modern American Liberal word police who are in charge of such things.
I like to ask hacks of the New York Times if there have been any sightings of Walter Duranty. He was the bought and paid for KGB agent who won a Pulitzer Prize for Foreign Reporting when he was the Moscow correspondent of – you guessed it – the New York Times.
Duranty began the “low, dishonest decade” that ended with Guthrie, who ignored the massacre of the Kulaks and the Moscow show trials because of his slavish devotion to Stalin, giving Hitler the green light to give a new meaning to murder.
Would it earn me permanent curmudgeon status if I were to say that Woody had a lot of really smart friends – Mr. & Mrs. Rosenberg, Lillian Hellman, and Alger Hiss leap to mind – who, believing in nothing, believed that Stalin’s shit didn’t stink? I hope so.
Why doesn’t Saint Fatso do a documentary movie on the “unpleasantness” at the Katyn Forest or the Gulag?
Just one more sign of my never ending naiveté’
Sorry about that.

Kevin Smith

Stephen L Goldstein, The Sun Sentinel

2011-09-04T17:19:00.000-04:00

September 4, 2011

Stephen L Goldstein
The Sun-Sentinel

RE: Modern American Liberalism, pet peeves, and your brutally honest explanation of the connection between them in your column in today’s Sun-Sentinel.

My dear Professor,

I can’t stand ending sentences with prepositions. There are but two exceptions to this hard and true rule. [Exceptions to rules – moral relativism - are one of the driving forces of modern American Liberalism, no?]
#1 – It is acceptable to end a sentence with a preposition if there is a proposition attached to it. #2 – It is acceptable to end a sentence with a preposition if you are a fan of Winston Churchill.
As to signing a statement, any statement, I suggest you remove the 2x4 from your eye before trying to get the mote out of your neighbor’s eye. When will the editorials of the Sun-Sentinel be signed? I have been told by a highly placed source, one that must remain confidential, that you will resign should your policy of signing everything not be adhered to. ”Adhered to”? Count me as a big fan of Churchill.
The next time a “highly placed source who must remain confidential” tips you on a private sin of a public servant you must instantly “out” him lest you wish to confirm that as a card carrying modern American Liberal your favorite color is still plaid.
I have been in Texas on personal business. Because of my international acclaim as a ditch digger I volunteered for the “shovel ready” moat project on the Rio Grande. Since I am from Florida I volunteered to bait my man eater traps with live baby manatees to secure a few dozen 10 to 12 foot bull gators for the soon to be finished moat. It was the least I could do for the Waiting for Godot “summer of recovery”.
I got to your column on the Internet. I never did thank Vice President Alpha Gump for his timely discovery of same. That was a busy time for him. His main job then was keelhauling Governor Dukakis – “Competence, not character”, remember? – for giving a weekend furlough to convicted rapist murderer Willie Horton who, mirabalie dictum, raped and murdered again. That’s one of the beauties of modern American Liberals. “They never let you down.”
“People should be required…” is the war cry of the Democratic Party. It is the iron fist in the iron glove. It doesn’t matter what the subject is. Light bulbs, teenage obesity, Gibson guitars, 5th trimester abortions, drowning polar bears, Affirmative Action, furbish louseworts, Global WarmingCoolingClimateChange, bad war vs. good war, green jobs, “Pass the bill so we can see what’s in it”, the minimum wage, bad Bush deficits vs.
good Obama deficits, believing that making the rich poorer will make the poor richer, skipping the part where Keynes says tax cuts are must in a recession, “Will no one rid me of that damned Constitution”? airport groping, eating your seed corn, “fairness”, Debbie Wasserman-Schultz as the prototypical modern American Liberal Nazi, “reset” buttons – Thank God that tomorrow is a holiday! Listing all those sins could cause terminal carpal tunnel syndrome. I’ll dip both hands in freezing pickle brine like the morning after medicine.
“People should be required…” must be offset by “Quis custodes custodiet?”. Translation? Send a SASE.
“Average Americans are probably the world’s least informed people.” Would it mark me as a knuckle dragging, homophobic, gun toting, Tea Partying, Global Warming denying zealot if I were [N.B. the use of the subjunctive] to ask for the whole list?
Where do we rank compared to the Uighurs? How about the mighty Flems and their eternal foes, the stout Walloons? Serbs? Croats? The unfairly rich swells who summer on Martha’s Vineyard? The Kikuyus? The Goths? The people of Paraguay? The people of Zimbabwe? Les merdes du Quebec? The people who vote for Charles Rangel and Maxine Waters? The non-swimming Cubans? Los aficionados de Chavez? The people still yearning for Midnight Basketball? Wal*Mart haters? Moderate Muslim terrorists?
The election in 2008 of a total non-entity, a man devoid of any experience beyond that of perpetual victimhood, a man who would be hard pressed to find his ass using both his hands, may well buttress your argument.
I ask you to remember 1976 and 1980.
On the trip back to the White House after his inauguration in 1977 it became obvious to those Americans still capable of rational thought that America had blundered in electing Jimmy Carter. It took less than 3 years for him to convince the rest of America that he was without doubt the worst President of the 20th century. As soon as the Constitution allowed the “least informed average Americans” unelected him.
It may be too soon – it’s only 11 years into the new century – to give Lord Barack the Beneficent the same laurel earned by Clod Carter. He has set the bar of ineptitude so high that it would take 7 league boots to get near it.
One thought and one suggestion before getting back to the border for armed. night patrol.
Walls work very well when they are built to keep people. out Take a peek at China and the wall that Hadrian built. Both worked. The one best remembered for keeping people in, the Berlin Wall, worked for almost 30 years.
Obama said he wanted to “transform society”. I’ll start by transforming the way English is taught in this country. Serious thought must be given to Napoleon’s rule before a battle. 3 soldiers were chosen at random and tried for cowardice. They were found guilty and executed. He said it “encouraged the others”. It would work wonders with syntactically challenged teachers.
The thought is that the hiring of English teachers should be given the same status as the hiring of the football coach. Macbeth must be on par with the tight end coach. The retention and promotion of both should be on parallel track. Diagramming a sentence should be as important as attacking a two-deep zone. Shoulda, Woulda, Coulda holds no water in the post-game film review. It should be given less tolerance in the FCATs. Try it. In fact it should be “required”.

Kevin Smith

PS – As to “conferring lifetime titles”…My father was born before man flew. He was graduated from grammar school on a Friday night. Saturday morning he was shoveling coal at the end of 22nd street in Bayonne, NJ. He was 26 years old before he went to high school. He was 36 years old when he passed his Bar exam. He won a lot of money betting on Truman in 1948. When he died, after man went to the moon, walked around, and came back, and after his time on the Bench, he was still called “Judge”. What’s your problem with that?

Stephen L. Goldstein The Sun-Sentinel

2011-08-25T16:35:00.002-04:00

August 24, 2011

Stephen L. Goldstein
The Sun-Sentinel

RE: New Tea Party outrage! Red men give Black men the boot! Kemo Sabe wants to know wazupwidat.
My dear Professor.
In my Western travels I came across what may be the worst offense yet to have been caused by the accursed Tea Party.
It seems that the “sovereign” Cherokee nation, a nation soon to be part of the Security Council of the beloved United Nations, a nation with a better credit rating than its former keeper, has decided to deport their ubermenschen. [And I’ll bet you thought Arizona was hard on undocumented visitors]
The evil White man exiled the noble Red man from the Eastern United States in 1838. They were allowed to take their personal property with them. They took their Black slaves. After all, somebody had to clean the teepee when Chief Kickapoo was talking to Manitou.
Fast forward to today.
Descendants of those Black slaves, long considered Cherokees, have been voted off the island. Not only have they been denied more than 150 years of a common heritage of scalping, cattle rustling, and buffalo hunting they are now cut off from owning casinos.
Who but a Sarah Palin could have orchestrated such an evil symphony? That she was able to turn these irenic Noble Savages into heartless rotters is a testament to her growing demonic power. Say what you will about the excesses of the Salem witch trial but when was the last time you had a witch problem there? Let’s not rule it out for her.
I tell you because you are my favorite ink-stained modern American Liberal wretch. I hope you will rally to the cause of these Diaspora bound Black/Red men. I know of your concern for tran-gendered, nongendered, u-gendered, and degendered teens. Imagine being Black and Red and trending androgynous. Oh, the horrors of it!
At the very least you can reach out to Broward’s resident Hecate, Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman-Schultz, our own Medusa wanabee, to save some shovel ready jobs in Summer of Recovery 2. Maybe you could get some of Florida’s own abos, the Seminoles, the Osceolas, and the fiercely feral Fugowis to teach these displaced persons how to hire Eye-Ties to run their soon to be built casinos. The first one featuring a nightly replay of Little Big Horn will be so popular it will be able to put a triple zero slot on its roulette table.

I hope that these not quite Red men don’t get the Wounded Knee treatment. As the paradigmatic template used to measure guilty White men I want you to open your modern American Liberals bag of tricks to help these undeserving victims of life’s circumstances. It’s not too late to prevent a replay of Last of the Mohicans.
I was going to sign off on this when word reached me in Texas, the Reddest of the Blessed Red states, of the earthquake in Washington. I am sure that the spirit of Woodward and Bernstein lives on. If you set some of your more inquiring hounds on the trail – What’s Janet Cook doing these days? Can you find any of Walter Duranty’s spawn? – I am sure you will find the fine hand of Halliburton behind the sudden shift of tectonic plates, not Teutonic plates as Birdbrain Bozo Barack said.
Where was Congressman West when the Richter scale went minor league berserk? How about Senator Rubio? You know that there are no coincidences in political life. Don’t you think it a bit too passing strange that Darth Cheney’s bilious bio, “Snarling Lies I Told The American People” is published and then the Washington Monument cracks?
Do you know if Van Jones, the Blackest Green man man in America, will speak at the 10th anniversary of the WOG terrorist attack?

Kevin Smith

Gary Stein The Sun-Sentinel

2011-08-18T15:15:00.002-04:00

August 17, 2011

Gary Stein
The Sun-Sentinel

RE: “Artwork Isn’t the Best Use Of $610,000 In Public Funds” – Your column on the uses of public moneys, “what were you thinking?” the rule of “de gustibus”, and, perhaps, a sublimely teachable moment.

Big Stein:

Before revealing two things about public money and public art and the unspoken nexus between them and modern American Liberalism full disclosure demands that I reveal that I spent much unhappy time in a Federal Courthouse in lower Manhattan. It was the one made famous by Tom Wolfe’s comments on “Tilted Arc”. It was a 4 inch thick, 10 feet high, and 25 feet long parabolic hunk of rusted metal plopped down in the interior courtyard. Too bad the construction couldn’t have waited until we borrowed the money from the Bank of Wong to finance it. If enough nouveau riche Mandarin or Hunanese tourists saw it they might have gone home and tossed their inscrutable rascals out for wasting their money.
#1 – Broward County Mayor Sue Gunzberger, a title sometimes worn by the smartest bear in the zoo or the county’s tallest midget, says, with absolutely no hint of wryness or absurdity, says “beauty and solitude” are important in front of a to be built courthouse because sometimes the day inside will be “heavy”. If the day inside includes the possibility of the Judge asking if you brought your tooth brush it could be very “heavy”. If it involves something as mundane as the Judge saying that contracts are not only binding at parties it still could be “heavy”.
Commissioner Gunzberger, being one of the legion of mush brained modern American Liberals nesting in Broward County, not only proselytizes such “balloon juice”, she votes her conscience in such matters.
She confirms one of the unassailable truths of contemporary American life. Giving a modern American Liberal access to any check book other than her own is like giving your hormone raging 17 year old the keys to your car, said car having a case of beer in the front seat. I was going to say firewater to the Indians but I can’t risk a nocturnal visit from the PC speech squad of the Perpetually Outraged Sons of Cochise.
But then I got to #2. I quote in its entirety
“Conservatism is not my one of my favorite words.”
That’s what my copy said. Honest. Have the proof reader flogged. A dozen well laid on will suffice if it’s a first offense.
It wasn’t as bad as Al Sharpton saying that adjectives can double as gerunds and snarling that the subjunctive is racist. Any use of litotes by him is absolutely and positively unintended. It wasn’t as bad as Barney Frank’s televised eructation. It wasn’t as bad as Senator Stabenow [D-MI] saying that if you want proof of Global Warming fly from Utopia to the Land of Rainbow Stew and feel how hot it is at 35,000 feet.
It wasn’t as bad as the Quixotic quest of Lord Barack the Beneficent to find a rare first edition of “The Ivy League Guide to English/Austrian Grammar and Composition”. I hope he won’t have to go to all 57 or was it 58 states to find it. His Death Star Debt Laden Bus – Ken Kesey would have loved it [Tom Wolfe, yet again] – gets an MPG rating not as bad as an F-16 but not as good as an Abrams A1A tank. As an alumnus of the Concorde I am pretty sure that it is as good as that proud bird. Talk about carbon footprints! It’s about the same as Chicago. Perhaps he can find the “shovel ready” jobs promised in last year’s “Summer of Recovery”. Perhaps not. Can I mention the inconvenient fact that the Damn thing was made in Canada? I can’t? Drat.
I spent a big part of yesterday reading yet more about Russell Kirk.
You can’t read Kirk without bumping into Edmund Burke. Fast forward and you find yourself arm wrestling with T.S.Eliot. Kirk without Burke or Eliot would be like Damian without Pythias or Achilles without Patroclus.
One of the mental warm ups I do when any name from the above paragraph enters the arena is to construct a parallel universe that has but one free flying Death Star; modern American Liberalism.
Who is the counterpart to Edmund Burke in the writings, assuming there are any, of modern American Liberalism?
Which 20th century modern American Liberal poet speaks to modern man like T.S.Eliot? Please don’t say Rod McKuen.
Is there a modern American Liberal chronicler like Kirk?
Kirk can draw from Johnson, Madison, Randolph, Wadsworth, Tennyson, Brownson, Newman, Disraeli, Kipling, Chesterton, Yeats, Babbit, Faulkner, Orwell, von Mises, Tate, Koestler, Dos Passos, Warren, Chambers, Friedman, Hayek, Bradford, Nash, Dulles….the list goes on and on.
Waiting to be summoned are Plato, Aristotle, Cicero, Epictetus, Marcus Aurelius, Aquinas. Do you agree that we can call that a deep bench?
Let’s assume a modern American Liberal chronicler was to appear.
Saul Alinsky, Gore Vidal, Norman Mailer, John Dewey, Margaret Sanger, Margaret Mead, Rachel Carson, Charles Reich, Alvy Singer, Paul Ehrlich, Alpha Gump….an absolute Murderers’ Row, no? I know that when you strike the pitcher out it goes into the scorebook as a K. Shouldn’t it be asterisked?

KS

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!

2011-08-15T14:46:00.001-04:00

If you thought a government capable of spending $600,000.00 – 40% of it borrowed – to study the relationship between the size of a man’s penis and whether or not the short stick holder will be the catcher on the Hershey Highway Traveling Javelin Team would be incapable of doing anything great you would be forgiven.
Buttressing that argument is the news that the President and his Readin’, Ritin’, & Rithmetic Czar, neither of whom has any of their children in any of the really fine public schools in Washington, D.C., decided that the “No Child Left Behind” law is too tough on the tots. It seems that not enough of the nippers can pass it. Their solution, the paradigmatic template so beloved by modern American Liberals, was simple. Don’t enforce the law. Specifically, don’t enforce the law in states where the kids don’t do well on tests. [Only a cad would suggest that a poorly hitting Little League team be given 4 strikes or that a very tall basketball team be forced to have an obese melanin challenged point guard]

Is it permitted to ask how an admitted Constitutional scholar could have forgotten Article 2, Section 3 of said Constitution? It says “…he shall take care that the laws be faithfully executed”. There are no exceptions for ones that the President doesn’t like. In fact, there are no exceptions.

Maybe it’s time to bring back my idea to change pi to 3.0

Doing that would increase everyone’s geometry grade. Self-esteem would soar. Perhaps it would lead to a decrease in teenage bullying. In a real “Git’r done” mood it would be a Win/Win/Win/Win deal.

It might be tough on any future Bridges to Nowhere but, to quote the great Lord Keynes, “In the long run we’re all dead”.

It is hard to believe but this country once did great things.

We are within the octave of the 66th anniversary of the most successful arms control treaty of the 20th century. It is so successful that it is in the 2nd decade of the 21st century. In an age where less than 30 year old football stadiums are considered out of date it is an achievement worthy of a secular Te Deum.

In less than 4 days of intense negotiation, beginning in the skies above Hiroshima and ending with a bang at Nagasaki, the United States of America ended World War 2.

Nobody, specifically Harry Truman or Paul Tibbets, got a Nobel Peace Prize for what they did. The framers of the Kellogg-Briand Naval Treaty got a passel of them. Not until Arafat, Rigoberta Menchu, Billy Carter’s brother, Potty Mouth Alpha Gump, and Lord Barack the Beneficent became winners in the International Affirmative Action Big Time Poke Uncle Sam in the Eye sweepstakes have more laurels been granted. Despite solemn promises about lions and lambs two of the signators, Germany and Japan, tried to sink the ship my wife’s father, Lt. Cdr. Walter Chapman, served on. It was General Quarters on two oceans. As bad as that was – 11 years – it was exponentially better than the deal at Munich. That one lasted about ½ the time needed for a decent rendition of Flight of the Valkyries.

Truman, “Captain Harry” to the men he commanded in World War 1, said, “If the American people knew that I had a weapon that could end the war and didn’t use it they would have been right to run me out of town on a rail”. The United States and Great Britain were taking 1,000 casualties a day. It is estimated that Operation Olympic Coronet, the invasion of the home islands of Japan, would bring an additional 1,000,000 casualties. The short, still correct retort to the mush brained cry “No More Hiroshimas” is “No More Pearl Harbors”. Nolo me tangere cum impecunis is still on the books.

Eisenhower commanded 10,000,000 men. He ended the war in Western Europe 11months and 4 days after his armies landed. When he said, “I will go to Korea” the boys in the Kremlin knew he wasn’t going there for the waters. The shooting stopped 6 months after he was sworn in.

Admiral Arleigh Burke, John McCain’s father’s boss in WW2, said he did 2 things well when he was in the Navy: he improved the landscaping at the Pentagon and he was responsible for the Polaris missile. It would have made no sense to shoot something 3,000 miles into the men’s room window at the Kremlin and have it filled with water balloons.

1962 and 1973 validated yet again the unilaterally imposed treaty. The jury is still out on whether or not President Bush, invoking the Cartago delenda est maxim, should have used some of the small ones to open Friday prayers in a half a dozen mosques.

Since it was OK to start the Israeli/Egyptian/Syrian/Hashemite/Shia/Sunni/WOG war on Yom Kippur and since turnabout is fair play maybe Ramadan would have been a lovely day to start a war.

It could end tomorrow.

We know it didn’t end yesterday.

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!

Kevin Smith

Stephen L. Goldstein The Sun Sentinel

2011-08-15T14:45:00.002-04:00

August 7, 2011

Stephen L. Goldstein
The Sun Sentinel

RE: “3 Incidents Give Strong Message” – Some comments on today’s typical Jeremiad laced column and how the Republicans, those rotters, those bounders, caused them.

My dear Professor,

As to your first 2 incidents I suggest a possible response, not an answer, can be found in poetry.
“Honor and shame from no condition rise.
Act well your part. There, all honor lies.”
As to your 3rd incident, the one where the knuckle dragging, gun toting, snake handling, homophobic, racist, Koch Brothers financed, Tea Partying, Global Warming denying louts were able to overcome the oodles of cash from that great Hungarian-American George Soros, a man whose CV lists employment experience under the Nazis and the Communists, were able to impose their evil will on the country, doubtless to the disproportional detriment of women and minorities, my mind boggles.
All and all a good day’s work from the Nixon, Reagan, Bush stalkers, don’t you think?
As an aside, let me show you one of my unknown qualities. It is my attempting to fulfill a Spiritual Work of Mercy. Christ instructed His followers to “instruct the uninformed”. Whether you are able to differentiate between Caravaggio and Chiaroscuro is of no great import. Based on your writings you are abysmally ignorant of how the real world works. I reach out in the spirit of non-denominational charity to show you that, in the end, debits always equal credits.
The vote to increase the Federal debt limit, a vote similar to the one that Senator Obama and all, all as in 100%, of the Democratic members of the Senate voted against in 2007, has nothing to do with default. I tremble when I think you may call me a cynic if I mention that a Republican was President in 2007.
Try to imagine the Federal debt limit as the limit on your credit card. When you “max out” the card it does not – repeat – trigger default. As long as you service the debt, that means to the uninitiated that you are paying it down, you are not in default. No number of really wretched rascally Republicans can undo that. Got it? Want me to repeat it? There will be a test. In your case, it will be an open book quiz.
Alas, we live in a world where “stones are hard and water is wet”. This is hard for a fire breathing, non-thinking modern American Liberal to grasp let alone understand. That’s why you are able to write your last sentence.

“But we should honor everyone like them, living and dead,
by having the guts to take back America”
“Them” are your first two “incidents”.
#1 – Young victims of Progeria, a brutally cruel disabling and disfiguring disease are interviewed by Barbara Walters.
#2 – A friend of yours, a man already on the 18th green, a nonagerian who has had a stroke, has had his ticket stamped for the one way voyage to the “undiscovered country”.
Pray tell how will “taking back the country” benefit them?
Speaking of “taking back the country” I may be having a senior moment. Wasn’t there an election in 2008? Didn’t the country elect a man who never once in his adult life did anything save getting his wife a $4,000 a week raise as payment for getting her employer a $1,000,000.00 earmark?
Didn’t he travel to either 57 or 58 states and promise to calm the seas, reverse the tides, and cool the earth? Did not the country give him overwhelming majorities in both Houses?
Couldn’t some people say that the country was “taken back”?
What will you do if the ones who exercise “raw revenge” and “take back America” are the wrong people? What will the fire breathing, card carrying, mush brained, pointy headed modern American Liberals do if the people throw Bozo Barack out?
I had hoped that I would never have to compare another President to Jimmy Carter. That he was the worst President in the 20th century there can be no doubt, debate, or dispute. It only took the boob in the White House 3 years to have an insurmountable lead for honors in the 21st century. And he has 15 months to go! He could turn a 2 car funeral into a FUBARed train wreck.
He is modern American Liberalism at its best or worst. To an adult, even an “average” one, the words are interchangeable.
On behalf of all “decent, average Americans”, people like his “average white grandmother”, let him be gone.

Kevin Smith

Gary Stein The Sun-Sentinel

2011-08-03T11:28:00.000-04:00

August 3, 2011

Gary Stein
The Sun-Sentinel

RE: Cricket fields and modern American Liberalism – Their nexus and how your column today fails to make the fatal connection.

Big Stein,
I decided to vote against all – no exceptions, none – bond issues in 1990. I believed, believe, that they are in violation of Federal law, specifically the Truth in Lending Law.
A $100,000,000.00 bond issue to save the manatees, to fight teenage obesity and the bullying of tentative trans-gendered artistes, to shelter women of color who are single moms with children in need of a good Ritalin program AND Midnight Basketball who lack access to public transportation that could get them to a Wal*Mart where $4 prescriptions will exploit them, anything, everything, is illegal on its face.
Imagine you stumble into a used car lot. There, an enterprising suede shoe shod, electric blue slacked, with a matching restrained hibiscus shirt entrepreneur, sells you a gas guzzling, carbon belching, and polar bear drowning SUV.
He says he can arrange financing.
He must tell you how much the loan will cost if carried to term. He must tell you, doubtless invoking the sacred rule of 78, what the pre-payment penalties are. He must spell this out so that even Curly Biden will get it. Should he fail to do so you will get your car free plus 2 or 3 years of walking around money. If you have an above average werewolf on your side you could end up owning his lot.
Why are municipal bonds exempt from this?
Broward County built a cricket stadium to proclaim that they were not culturally arrogant. [Alas, the facts would support the interpretation you may be] Any sport that has a position called “silly mid-off” deserves to have a world class venue, right? The good people of Broward County should feel proud that they have been chosen to pay for this. Should cricket become part of March Madness it would be better to have a wave of tea drinking Pakis rather than a boatload of English fans, right?
Follow the math. I’ll try to write slowly.
$100,000,000.00 @ 5% for 30 years ain’t $100,000,000.00 in 30 years.
There is $150,000,000.00 in interest. Think 30 year mortgage.
The true cost of the loan is $250,000,000.00. That’s two hundred and fifty million dollars. “Pretty soon”, as Everett McKinley Dirksen used to say, “It adds up to real money.”
15 years ago, as a fresh faced newly arrived émigré, I had to explain to an earnest information officer of the Broward County Board of Education the difference between an expense budget and a capital budget. Although I spoke English it may as well have been Linear B or Pashto. She looked at me “like my nose was being eaten by weevils”. By now she’s probably a finalist for head customer service rep on the ObamaCare – That’s the word that head Hecate and the paradigmatic template of modern American Liberalism, Debbie Wasserman-Schultz, wanted outlawed on the floor of the House, remember? – Death Panels.
Any chance for a bull ring?
It would be a Win/Win/Win.
It would show our multi-cultural streak.
It would cut back on excessive bovine methane eructations.
It would provide fresh beef for the homeless.
Broward County residents would be overjoyed to hit that 3 run homer.

Kevin Smith
Board Certified Life Coach

Michael Mayo The Sun-Sentinel

2011-07-31T15:17:00.000-04:00

July 31, 2011

Michael Mayo
The Sun-Sentinel

RE: Debbie and the Colonel – Some comments about your column about a saint and a knave in today’s Sun-Sentinel

Mr. Mayo,

There is one constant about modern American Liberals.
They never let you down.
I was reading your column about the brouhaha between perky, snippy Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman-Schultz and boorish, insensitive Congressman Alan West. When I got to the part about Little Debbie being “courageous” because she’s had cancer and had a friend shot I stopped to marvel at what passes for reasoned discourse these days.
Another constant of modern American Liberals is that the absence of knowledge of the “permanent things” allows, indeed encourages, the morphing of their innate narcissism into a warm, fuzzy solipsism. Think “We are the World…”
You say her speech is “benign”. Not so, not so. She is, to use one of her favorite words, “literally” incapable of being benign. She gives rabid shrews a bad name. Kipling would have recognized her as Nagaina, the queen of all vipers.
She has said the Republicans “literally” want to bring flogging, the strapado, and the vigorous dunking of shrill female ideologues. Giving the devil her due but she may be on to something.
One of Cossack wanabee Debbie’s favorite words is literally “literally”. It would suggest that her academic background in English Grammar and Composition was of the non-traditional type. Perhaps she was a correspondence student at the prestigious Rangoon School of Proctology and Origami. Wherever she studied she makes both Strunck & White cringe.
If Debbie’s ailments and travails “literally” make her courageous what honors can I expect?
I have had cancer 3 times. The last operation left a scar so memorable that my granddaughter used me and it in a show and tell session at Lovejoy Elementary School in Allen, Texas. Let me add atrial fibrilation lead to congestive heart failure for which I was treated less than a month ago. Two titanium hips plus a bone on bone knee prepared me for two torn rotator cuffs – one on each side, thankfully. Tomorrow, early in the AM, a urologist gets a shot at me.
I have a hangnail and dandruff compared to my wife.

As an aside, I can’t wait for full blown ObamaCare. [Do you remember when Debbie wanted that word struck from debate in the House? I forget. Was it “bile” or its evil twin “vitriol”?] Why do you think we have had an explosion in the number of TSA agents? Can you think of better training for Death Panel work? When the Post Office collapses the ex-employees will run it. Somebody will have to deliver the one way tickets for the nighttime cruises on the River Styx. A “shovel ready” job will be done by DMV agents. It’s tough to convince Granny and Gramps to get into senior power lifting so they can compete in the python wrestling contests. As masters of customer service who is better qualified? The real estate recovery will be led by the explosion of time share abattoirs and ossuaries in the “undiscovered country”
My last gun fight was in 1993. The first officer was dead before he hit the ground. The officer whose life I saved had a hole the size of a twenty five cent piece just off his sternum.
Even though I know that Jimmy Carter, Alpha Gump, and Lord Barack the Beneficent have debased and greatly cheapened the Nobel Prize I would gladly accept the soon to be created prize for Courage. Maybe my wife and I could be the Brad and Angelina of the newly Valiant and Courageous.
I saved the best for the last.
Little Debbie says she is shocked and disappointed at Congressman West’s reaction to her comments on the floor of the House. She says it is called “debate”. Further, she says “it’s our job”.
Shades of Cato! Burke/Fox and Webster/Hayne redux?
I’ve writing to you since the last century.
Do you recall any threats?
I ask you that because maybe you can get her to explain why she sent 2 Florida Department of Law Enforcement agents, men with badges and gun, to my house on September 18, 2001. Agent Thomas, the “good cop”, said he enjoyed my writings and shared them with other officers. Agent Mineva, the “bad cop”, strongly suggested not only that I stop writing to Czarina Debbie but that I stop writing to all public officials.
Slippery Slope? Don’t be silly
Chilling effect? Fuhgedaboutit.
Hell hath no fury like a modern American wench who objects being objected to.
I consider it my “job”.
She considered it a “threat”.
I would say “existential” threat but for a woman who claims to have 2 degrees in Political Science to have gotten this far in life with no knowledge – none, zip, nada – of Natural Law, Common Law, or Constitutional Law “existential” would have put entirely too much on her plate.
It didn’t take much for the world to find out where Congressman West lived. Her friends, doubtless purple shirted SEIU thugs, posted his address, phone number, Social Security number, blood type, rifle number, shoe size, boxer or briefs, one lump or two, inter alia, on the Internet. [Let me take this opportunity to thank Alpha Gump, that old sexed crazed poodle, for inventing it] Say this for him. Unlike her pal Congressman Toad Wexler he lives in Florida.
You end by saying that if the good Colonel were to apologize to Florida’s favorite Hecate the debt ceiling will be raised, Wong, our increasingly nasty Mandarin moneylender, will forgive us our debts, and “the voice of the turtle will be heard in the land”.
Eliot, yet another Nobel Prize winner, said “In our end is our beginning”.
I began today’s tutorial by saying that ”modern American Liberals never let you down”.
Thank you for the perfect ending.

Kevin Smith

Stephen L. Goldstein The Sun-Sentinel

2011-07-31T15:16:00.000-04:00

July 24, 2011

Stephen L. Goldstein
The Sun-Sentinel

RE: Some comments on the miraculous appearance of altruistic “nonprofits” and their quest for truth, justice, and the Goldstein way as reported by you in this morning’s Sun-Sentinel.

My dear Professor,
Although a strong case, a very strong case, can be for you being a horse’s ass of Homeric, Brobdanaglian proportions, it is one that I do not normally subscribe to. It’s just that there is so, so much that you don’t know.
Your opening sentence – “Nonprofits are the heart and soul of America” – is worthy of inclusion in the soon to be built “Jeezus Haitch Keerist but that’s really, really dumb” wing at the Guinness Hall of Fame. I am told that while there will be no charge to get in there will be a huge charge to get out. It takes an educated man, you, to believe and spread such incoherent, anti-rational ca-ca as the inclusion of Rainbow Stew in the basic daily food groups.
Lest you think me a heartless curmudgeon who would rival the unredeemed Scrooge I funded and ran a merit based scholarship fund beginning in 1979. As further proof that acorns never far from the tree, Caroline Hanson, my 10 year old granddaughter and the middle one of my 3 Texas ladies, recently raised almost $3,000 for St. Jude’s Children’s Hospital.
What is absent from your opening paragraph is any mention of how “nonprofits became the heart and soul of America”.
It is an inconvenient truth that without “profits” there would be no “nonprofits”.
The first library I wandered around in was in Bayonne, NJ. It was built by the non-profit Carnegie Foundation. By the time I moved to Orange, NJ Carnegie had already been there.
This magazine insert in today’s Sun-Sentinel has Bill and Melinda Gates on its cover. Their foundation gives away 3 billion dollars – that’s $3,000,000,000.00 – a year. Every year.
Carnegie and Gates have many things in common. First and foremost is that they made mind boggling, Olympian amounts of money. They made so much money that modern American Liberals would have a reverse quiver running down their legs. One of the revealed truths of modern American Liberalism is that for someone to win someone has to lose. It is belief premised on the non-fact that life is a zero sum game.
It isn’t.
Candidate Obama said that he “wanted to spread the wealth around”. It is a mindset that fails to realize, is incapable of realizing, that wealth must be “created” before it can be ”spread around”.
“Creation” of wealth, like the “creation” of a symphony or a family or a novel can be a messy business. Maybe that’s why modern American Liberals shy away from it like Dracula from Holy Water. “Fairness”, whatever the Hell that means, trumps the turmoil of the marketplace. Wouldn’t “fairness” dictate that every sporting event ends in a tie?
I don’t know who the next Andrew Carnegie or Bill Gates will be. I do know that he is out there tinkering with an idea, failing with it, trying another one until man, moment, and magic meet.
I believe it is a testament to American exceptionalism that there is another Sam Walton out there. When he succeeds in squaring his circle he will be as rich as Croesus. If History is a guide he will consume conspicuously while simultaneously giving it away. Both tasks will “create” more jobs than all the “shovel ready not quite shovel ready projects” could ever dream of. Think of all the lawyers and claims adjustors who have found gainful employment because of the Kennedy family. That’s why, as the legendary Big Mike from Bayonne says, “You never see anybody swimming to Cuba”.
The only thing better than giving away other peoples’ money is giving away your own. Ask the Koch Brothers. Ask George Soros.

Kevin Smith

PS – Would you think ill of me if I were to suggest that the United States Post Office is a nonprofit?

Michael Putney The Miami Herald

2011-07-31T15:13:00.002-04:00

July 13, 2011

Michael Putney
The Miami Herald
One Herald Plaza
Miami, FL 33132-1693

RE: No questions for Rick Scott? Some answers for Mikey Putney

Mr. Putney,
Ouch!
The governor stood you up?
I volunteer to fill in for him. I have more hair than he does plus I would make a better guest.
I spent time as a missionary in rural Mexico. I was hit in the head by a policeman during a Civil Rights march. Neither the Marines nor the Army wanted me. I am an alumnus of Outward Bound. I know why Oedipus went to Colonnus. I “created” infinitely more jobs in the 1980s than all of the companies on the DJIA. I am a world class hackle raiser plus a much envied buckler of swashes. I am an alumnus of Jeopardy. I saved a policeman’s life. I testified at the murder trial of the man who shot the one I couldn’t save. Tom Fiedler has tolerated me since 1997. I have actually read Keynes. I never confuse Chiaroscuro and Caravaggio. I once was paid $5,000 for lunch. I have been 1000 feet underground mining for coal. I owned North American rights to 47 English movies. The only significant sale we made was to WCIX-TV, a Spanish language station in Miami. I can’t understand why my manatee sausage program for the homeless never caught on. I spent 7 years on trial in Federal Tax Court. I “focus on the absurd lest reality drive me mad”.
Those are some of the reasons why I look at your column today like a big bad wolf looks at Bo Peep’s sheep.
#1 – High Speed Rail –Please show me somewhere where this has worked. Cost overruns and astronomical operating expenses are never mentioned. I mention them because in the real world, “the solid world where stones are hard and water is wet”, these things matter. Government conducts its business in a place where the rules governing gravity are suspended. Sometimes “shovel ready” isn’t quite as “shovel ready” as people who dine daily on “rainbow stew” would have us believe. I confess that I am not the first person to say that this month.
You say “a lot of us want it [it being tax dollars sent to DC where they are recycled back to us minus the ATM fee] back for useful, productive projects”. Would you care to mention a few?
Johnny couldn’t read before the Department of Education was begun. How is that working out? How much electricity has the Department of Energy produced since it’s been here? Crop prices are at all-time highs. Is that because of or in spite of the Department of Agriculture? Deep six those dinosaurs.
Pass the word. I just solved the Federal debt ceiling crisis. Speaking of which, I tell you that as a former CFO of a public company it should be a flogging offense for a CEO to announce that if he can’t roll over some paper on a Tuesday he can’t meet current obligations on a Wednesday. If anything his cash flow position is improved because he’s not making any note payments.
#2 – I ran 2 nursing homes in the 1980s. Inter alia, I could get a Federally guaranteed mortgage on a golf course if the property was contiguous to mine. Nursing home honchos never drive small cars. The more expensive the car the bigger the Federal reimbursement, it becoming part of your cost basis. This was 25 years ago. Why do I know it hasn’t changed?
#3 – Private sector vs. Public sector – When it “absolutely, positively has to get there” where do you go? FedEx or UPS, right?
The Post Office is analogous to public education. Let us stipulate that many bright, hardworking people work in both places. A system that can neither reward excellence nor punish failure is destined, in fact it is preordained, for failure.
#4 – As a big time media mogul, even if it is the “lamestream” media, maybe you can tell me what happened to the War on Poverty. Thucydides tells us that the Athenians and the Spartans settled their differences in less time than we have been fighting this troll. We have had 47 years to pick the “useful, productive programs”. Can you name two? Have you heard anything about an “exit strategy”? Maybe it’s time for a “surge”. How will we know when we win? Will we all be farting through silk? Here’s a thought. Let’s raise taxes. That’s always “created” jobs, hasn’t it?
In my life time, until the arrival of the great Reagan, the United States government did 2 things superbly well: A – Fighting World war 2 and - B – Being the General Contractor on the moon shot.
#5 – Where would you have Governor Scott sign his bills? Why not have Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman-Schultz host a reception? I mention her because I get to tell of the time when she sent policemen, men with guns and badges, agents of the Florida Department of Law Enforcement, to my house because of something I wrote. Don’t you just love it when modern American Liberals proclaim their belief in free speech? I’ll risk the “chilling effect” of being out on that “slippery slope” but that Hecate is, at heart, a friggin’ Nazi.
#6 – Spending cuts, particularly painful ones – You don’t say who should get the last bucks in the state budget. Should Farm Share, a presumably not-for-profit entity that feeds poor people, or the Dan Marino Foundation, a presumably not-for-profit entity that tends afflicted children, get the money? Who gets to pick? You? Me? The guy behind the tree? Who gets to pick who gets to pick?
Last summer candidate Scott went all over the state, on his own dime, telling people what he would do if they elected him. He was elected. As Governor he is doing what he promised he would do. The Constitution guarantees Florida a republican form of government. The people have spoken just like they spoke in 2008. They will have a chance to correct any mistakes that they have made. These self-correcting mechanisms are called elections
I can’t wait for ObmaCare to be run by DMV and TSA rejects
Elections as well as ideas have consequences.
Single malt whiskys enhance conversation. What is your policy in re on air potables?

Kevin Smith

PS – I just saw a news story where HHS, the people in charge of the Death Panels, is sending survey letters to predominantly Black and Latino zip codes requesting some minority feedback on Medicare tontines. Each of the letters contains 2 one dollar bills. I hope nobody tells Uncle Wong, our increasingly unfriendly Chinese lender. That’s why I can’t write fiction.

Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman-Schultz

2011-07-31T15:12:00.000-04:00

July 18, 2011

Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman-Schultz
Democratic National Committee
430 Capitol Street, NE
Washington, DC 20003

RE: Reporting for duty, frau oberst!

Dearest Debbie,
Who says you can’t learn from a card carrying modern American Liberal? Not I, at least not anymore.
In February, 2009 Congressman Ron Klein spoke to a group of blue collar factory workers in Pompano Beach. These are the kind of people who drive 11 year old cars, send their kids to public schools, know all the words to the Pledge of Allegiance, and know how to use coupons. Limousine Liberals, people like you, like to adopt them for political purposes.
Congressman Klein, your former colleague, told these workers to be “the eyes and ears of the Obama Stimulus Program”. Honest.
Using that as precedent I hereby volunteer to be your “eyes and ears” in your never ending search for the “bile and vitriol that is tearing us apart”.
Here is my first report.
Several days ago, Bill Maher, a man on the short list to be the keynote speaker at next year’s Democratic Convention, had a man named Marc Moron on his show. He said that he would “like to fuck Michelle Bachman angrily”. While modern American Liberals believe profiling is wrong an exception may be made here.
At the very least Mr. Moron should be asked to explain – How about in front of a Federal Grand Jury? – the “bilious vitriol” that threatens a sitting member of Congress. Unlike Jared Loughner, the man who shot your other colleague, Congresswoman Giffords, the man who until it was shown that he had snakes for brains, was inspired, as you said, by Rush Limbaugh, the Koch Brothers, the Tea Party, and the survivors of the original “vast Right-Wing conspiracy” to shoot a sitting member of Congress. Mr. Moron seems to be in full control of his faculties.

I don’t know if rape falls under the bile category or if it is more properly described by vitriol, its evil twin. I do know that a sitting member of Congress has been publically threatened with it. Would not common sense and a respect for the collegiality that is supposed to be double-helixed into the warp and the woof of Congress command you to “drop a dime” on this Trousered Ape? After all, you sent the cops, men with badges and guns, after me for suggesting that your politics and policies were a bit stupid.
Men with badges and guns, men with the full force and majesty of the law behind them, came to my house to inquire about something I wrote about you. “Slippery slope” and “chilling effect” notwithstanding, I do believe that I would have been hauled out of my home in cuffs if either of the policemen, Agent Mineva in particular, thought I was hatching a plot to rape you. [I absolutely waive my 5th Amendment rights and declare that at no time – before, during, and since – was rape ever on my mind. What’s the opposite of Viagra?]
On the same show gay rights activist Dan Savage said “I sometimes think about fucking the shit out of Rick Santorum”. Far be it for me to say that homosexual rape is different from heterosexual rape but listening to these two modern American Liberal favorites I don’t think I would want or would want any member of my family to be a catcher on any javelin team featuring Mr. Moron or Mr. Savage. I imagine that “don’t ask, don’t tell” may have reached its natural limits here but that’s a tale – tail? – for a different time. Do you suppose the irenic Savage cut his teeth, so to speak, at the Barney Frank Happy Bottom French Knocking Shoppe? Just kidding…maybe.
Anyway, you can count on me to be your “eyes and ears”. I add that is passing strange that modern American Liberals, a loosely defined cabal of which you are the chief doyenne, want citizens to snitch on fellow citizens. I don’t think Lillian Hellman, and if there is a better definition of modern American Liberal than she I don’t want to see it, would approve. Thank God that she is still dead!
I think Lord Barack the Beneficent, your main airborne squeeze, should walk back his “don’t bring a knife to a gunfight”. On the other hand maybe he can use it the next time he talks to House Republicans. Michelle Bachman comes to mind.

Kevin Smith

Douglas C. Lyons – Senior Editorial Writer The Sun-Sentinel

2011-07-31T12:27:00.002-04:00

July 30, 2011

Douglas C. Lyons – Senior Editorial Writer
The Sun-Sentinel

RE: A teachable moment? – Some comments on your column in today’s Sun-Sentinel about the beauty of the income tax and the heretofore hidden modern American Liberal tendencies of A. Lincoln and R. Reagan.

Mr. Lyons,
First, I sentence you to a major timeout in the ethnic no-no sensitivity woodshed.
120 years ago my father’s father left Ballyglass, Ireland to come to this country. His 3 bothers chose 3 other countries, one of which was Wales. That makes me an honorary Welshman. [I get chills when I hear a Welsh Choir sing “Men of Harlech”] Thus, when I read your sentence “The United States is close to welshing on its debts…” I was shocked. I was hurt and diminished. Not since August, 2008 has the Sun-Sentinel published such an insensitive term. You remember when pre-Tea Party thugs took over the front page of your paper and, acting on direct orders from the Koch Brothers and Rush Limbaugh, published the headline Michele Obama – Her Time To Shine? I do. I understand that reproductions of that headline are the walls of every NRA Confederate flag waving club in South Florida.
If you can use the word “welsh” with impunity would it not put you on the slippery slope to “sneaky Japs” of “drunken Irish”? How about “cowardly French” or “Eye-Tie Gangsters”? Would “greasy Mexicans” or “smelly Pakis” be allowed? Would “cheap Jew” or its buzz word cousin, “hook nosed diamond merchant” be acceptable? Would “African-Americans not overwhelmed by ambition” be inside the Pale?
But I digress.
You say that Lincoln imposed an income tax on America 150 years ago. You imply that we have had one since. Not so, not so. On February 3, 1913 the 16th Amendment, the one permitting an income tax, was ratified. It ended a 58 year income tax holiday.
Since you introduced Lincoln to the conversation it is only fair to mention a few other things he did.
#1 – His goal was to preserve the Union. He was perfectly willing, at the beginning of his first term, to allow slavery to continue if it kept the Union together.
#2 – He suspended the writ of habeas corpus.
#3 – He arrested a Congressman for sedition and exiled him to Canada.
#4 – The Emancipation Proclamation was a masterstroke. He freed the slaves where he couldn’t. He kept then in bondage where he could have freed them. He set the nation on a noble cause while keeping an anchor to windward. He followed one of Napoleon’s maxims to a tee. “If you’re going to take Vienna, take Vienna”
#5 – I may be having a senior moment here. I can’t remember whether it was June or July, 1864 that the Union Army had 50,000 casualties. Maybe it was both. And we thought the phrase “pay any price and bear any burden” was original when we heard it one hundred years later.
#6 - Your snarky suggestion that Republicans are stuck in a time warp fails to disclose the inconvenient fact that during the Civil War the Democratic Party and its official mouthpiece, the New York Times, favored a negotiated settlement with the South. No matter how you spin that it meant that both of them were OK with slavery. “Baboon” was one of the more interesting terms used by the Democrats in the 1864 election to call Lincoln. Do you think Congresswoman Wasserman-Schultz would place that term in her eclectically chosen “bile and vitriol” list?
#7 – He approved Grant’s decision to turn Sherman loose in the late fall of 1864. That means he allowed the implementation of America’s first “surge”. It was so successful that Pershing, Patton, and Petraeus copied it. Did you support the 2007 “surge”?
About the debt ceiling…
The last time Bush 43 proposed a raise in the debt ceiling every Democratic Senator – each and every one of them with no exceptions – voted against it. I am not sure what the difference 5 years makes but you either you cover your marker or you don’t. Is it possible to “welsh” retroactively?
The President has said that if the debt ceiling is not raised by Tuesday he won’t be able to pay any bills by Wednesday. I am shocked, shocked that 2 and ½ years into his administration no one has yet mastered the budgeting process. Do you think we could get some money back from those not quite shovel ready “shovel ready projects”? In 2009 his administration was filled either with grifters, crooks, and masters of the famous five finger discount, or it was filled with incompetents and incompetency not seen since the glory days of Jimmy Carter. Do you remember when you couldn’t find two West Wingers in a row who could find their ass using both hands? I do. The worst possible nightmare would have been if both possibilities are true. The evidence would support that interpretation.
In hindsight, 2009 will prove to be the highlight of his administration. All things considered, he has done exactly what a man who had done nothing in his adult life would do. Maybe he spent too much time with his non-Black grandmother whom he described as “an average White woman”. Maybe the combination of Saul Alinsky and Reverend Wright proved to be a Sophist too far. Maybe he thought being a community organizer was something useful, something of which to be proud. It is indeed passing strange that the community he was organizing against sent him to the Illinois legislature and then the United States Senate. I guess we’re lucky the job in the Vatican was filled.
Weren’t we told that the Social Security system was chockablock filled with assets? Why are we dependent on Wong, an increasingly hostile Mandarin Shylock, to pay current operating expenses? Where did almost 80 years of American workingmen’s dollars go? This makes Bernie Madoff look like a penny chiseler.
The President, and may I say that he is the best President we have, wants to raise the debt ceiling so it does not interfere with the November, 2012 election. You cite the great Reagan and how he is close to political canonization. As a Roman Catholic I would be opposed to that. Mt. Rushmore is a suitable alternative. You say he raised the debt ceiling 18 times. That means he had to go to Congress every 6 months. Using that formula we would revisit the question in January, 2012 and June, 2012.
Put the question to the electorate. Put it right into the election cycle. I know that this is anathema to modern American Liberals but what’s wrong with that?
If nothing else the debt debate proves that Shakespeare was right. “…borrowing dulls the edge of husbandry”.
Did you hear the one about the old Black man and the old Jew?
The police see an old Black man and an old Jew wrestling in the street….

Kevin Smith

PS – I cannot lay my finger upon the word summon anywhere in the Constitution Do you think James Madison, wherever he might be, is smiling?

Michael Putney The Miami Herald

2011-07-31T12:26:00.002-04:00

July 28, 2011

Michael Putney
The Miami Herald

RE: Burke/Fox? Webster/Hayne? McCarthy/Symington? – And now some comments on Debbie the Put Upon and the good Colonel

Mr. Putney,

“…and for any speech or debate in either House,
they shall not be questioned in any other place.”
The Constitution [of the United States
Article 1, Section 6, Sub Section 1

The obvious exception is that the same Constitution recognizes the right of anybody, even journalists, to say whatever they want about members of Congress. What normally would rate a 911 call and a police investigation about a violent felony is given a pass under the guise of political speech. Thus, when a guest on Bill Maher’s TV show says that he would “like to f**k Michelle Bachman angrily”, there is little recourse save for a sense of outrage that the “Trousered Apes” are in the ascendancy.
Would it be unfair of me to suggest that if someone had said the same thing about Debbie Debbie the dudgeon of modern American Liberals would have been unmatched? I can say with absolute metaphysical certitude – a phrase to which I shall return – that Hell hath no fury like that of a modern American Liberal ink stained wretch provided the victim fits the paradigmatic template. Michelle Bachman and Sarah Palin need not apply.
January last Little Debbie told us that “bile and vitriol were tearing us apart”. You may recall that she blamed the Koch Brothers, the tea Party, Rush Limbaugh, the NRA, the “vast Right-Wing conspiracy, all the usual suspects, for the shooting of Congresswoman Giffords. The gun man, a wing nut with snakes for brains, was like putty in their hands. Maybe you, a big time media mogul, could me a copy of her speech defending her colleague. I seem to have lost mine. My last 2 letters to her office have been returned marked as “not known – unable to forward”. I am sure she, as a big time public defender of rights, will be very mad when she finds out that I have been ostracized.
Are we to assume that a threat of rape is to be taken seriously only if the potential victim believes that the road to prosperity begins with a tax increase? If the potential victim does not swear allegiance to glory of 4th and 5th trimester abortions she’s on her own. She probably deserved it anyway, right?
Would I risk the wrath of the true believers, harridans all, if I were to suggest that Darling Debbie’s diatribe about the good Colonel “cracking under pressure” is, being charitable, ass backwards?
He is a man who knows you can do anything with a bayonet except sit on it.
He is a man who has felt time compress and expand in a heartbeat.
He is a man who “has seen the elephant”.
The thought that a Medusa wanabee could cause him to “crack under pressure” is believable only if you believe that “shovel ready” meant “shovel ready”.
Debbie’s CV lists two degrees in Political Science. That would presuppose knowledge of the agora, the forum, Runnymede, the Glorious Revolution, Philadelphia in 1787, the tennis court in Paris, inter alia. Of these things her public statements suggest that she has none. It would be akin to her saying that she loves the cello but has never heard of Bach. Czarina Debbie, proclaimed for the splendor of her wardrobe, is dressed in tatters.
Among the Muses Clio is my favorite. History suggests that Colonel West should expect a visit from men with badges and guns.
On September 18, 2001 Debbie sent two men, “men with badges and guns”, to my house because of something I wrote.. Agent Thomas [good cop] and Agent Mineva [bad cop] wore badges and carried guns issued by the Florida Department of Law Enforcement. The scary “chilling effect” and the dreaded “slippery slope” meant nothing to Agent Mineva when he suggested that I stop writing to or about her. In fact, he “suggested” that I stop writing to all public officials. And this is from a vixen who supports manatee suffrage and would endorse Dr. Mengele because of his progressive views on abortion should he present himself to the voters of Broward County!
I mentioned metaphysics because this virago mentioned Rhetoric Since she knows neither I suggest yet again that she may not be as degreed as she says she is. When she says Rhetoric she means Sophistry.
She’s some broad. A cross between Lucrezia Borgia and Leona Helmsley. Alas, she lacks the charm of either.

Kevin Smith

Leonard Pitts The Miami Herald

2011-07-31T12:25:00.003-04:00

July 20, 2011

Leonard Pitts
The Miami Herald
One Herald Plaza
Miami, FL 33132-1693

RE: OOOPS! Some comments on your “Drat the rotter” analysis in today’s Miami Herald of the damage done by K. Rupert Murdoch to your sacred profession.

Mr. Pitts,
Since I am not a journalist I rather think I am not bound by the code – ill defined, flexible, and gossamer like – that ties, binds, and defines the ink stained wretches who try to make us, if not better people, certainly more informed. I suppose if I were I would be required to disclose that in a different world in the last century K. Rupert Murdoch was a partner of mine. He owned 2.857% of Bowling Green Associates, a limited partnership of which I was General Partner. Therefore I won’t.
Why limit your dudgeon to those “fabricators and plagiarizers”, AKA journalists, who have besmirched your profession in recent years? Any listing of terrible rotten liars who have doubled as American journalists must include Walter Duranty, the Pulitzer Prize winning foreign correspondent of the New York Times.
I suppose the statute has run on the New York Times supporting slavery by calling for a negotiated settlement with the South and opposing Lincoln’s reelection. Also, calling him a “baboon” falls well within the accepted limits of political speech.
What Duranty did falls into a quite different category.
Duranty was a bought and paid for agent of the Soviet Union.
His laudatory reportage was used by the Roosevelt administration to buttress their drive to recognize the USSR. He ignored the murder by starvation of between 6,000,000 to 10,000,000 Kulaks by Stalin. He reported rather the opposite. It was almost as if teenage obesity had become a problem in Odessa. Hitler noticed that the West did nothing. He became a better record keeper.
The journalists you mention – Stephen Glass, Jayson Blair, Chris Cecil – committed egregious acts that fell into the category “malum prohibitum”. Duranty, much beloved by the early 1930s version of modern American Liberals, is the poster boy, the paradigmatic template, of “malum per se”.
Your examples either stole from the petty cash box or cribbed some answers. Duranty’s “fabrications” led to the bloodiest 15 years in all of History.
His monstrous crime is exponentially expanded by the refusal, the 8 decade long refusal, of the New York Times either to abjure him or his award.
You say that you are “unbearably credulous”.
I don’t know whether to say “You’re young. You’ll get over it” or “Aren’t you too old to be so surprised?”
In your “How could this have happened” homily you seem to have bent some of the rules yourself.
You write “News Corp has seen its value crumble”. Au contraire. The stock price is above what it was when the scandal came public. If you want to see an example of “crumbling value” I suggest you look at the stock price record of McClatchy. It has lost 90% of its value. It still may be overpriced. All it would have taken was a quick trip to a stock quote engine. Punch in the symbols NWSA and MNI. Read them. Isn’t that what reporters are supposed to do?
The other rule is the one that infuses journalists with an overabundance of a chronic illness known as “non-malodorous fecal matter syndrome”. That, with narcissism morphing into solipsism, allows you to proclaim that the crimes have been committed against you.
They haven’t.
You speak of your profession as a “noble craft”. If it is it is because of the people in it, not because of what they do.
“Honor and shame from no condition rise. Act well your part. There, all honor lies.”

Kevin Smith

Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman-Schultz

2011-07-31T12:25:00.000-04:00

July 14, 2011

Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman-Schultz
Democratic National Committee
430 Capitol Street, NE
Washington, DC 20003
RE: Tu quoque
Dearest Daring Darling Debbie,
If it’s OK for Jon Stewart or whatever his name is, was, or will be to say that Michelle Bachman’s husband is homosexual is it OK for me to ask if you and Lord Barack are doing the horizontal Mandingo Mambo?
Every time I see you skipping down the stairs of Air Force One with a big “Yes, I will, Yes” gleam in your eye being followed by the Big Boy pole vaulting down same stairs after you I and a lot more Americans think maybe you weren’t up in the wild blue yonder talking about ObamaCare Death Panels or Debt Ceiling deadlines.
When he says he wants to ”get” you in a foxhole do you think he wants a “short arm” inspection?
James Carville, another really great modern American Liberal sophist, once said of Paula Jones, “If you drag a $100 bill through a trailer park no telling what you’ll catch”.
I guess that all the stimuli don’t have to be “shovel ready”.
Since nothing I have said falls under the “bile” or “vitriol” that you warned us about in January I presume I am safe from your hob-nailed Federal storm troopers. As we approach the 10th anniversary of you dispatching the Florida Gezstapo after me for something I wrote – 10 years? Isn’t it amazing how time flies when you’re enjoying yourself? – who knows what surprises are in store?
May I suggest that if the debt ceiling deadline is missed that to lessen the disproportionate burden on women and minorities all members of Congress give up their paychecks?
Who needs a salary when your F-16 escort fires off some rockets to bring the Mile High Club to the new business section of the meeting?

Kevin Smith

PS – I hear that the Marine Band is working up some new arrangements of some golden oldies. “Come on Baby, Light my Fire” and “All We Are Saying is Give Piece a Chance” will be launched, so to speak, shortly.

Grammy, Caroline, and St. Jude’s Children’s Hospital

2011-06-12T14:36:00.001-04:00

June 10, 2011

Grammy, Caroline, and St. Jude’s Children’s Hospital

Uterine papillary serous carcinoma has a sterile, almost arid sound to it. Stage 3C neither limits nor expands it. It just classifies it.

Grammy [many of you know her as Amy, the long suffering wife of Kevin Smith] was diagnosed with it and operated on in August, 2009. She lost her hair during the subsequent chemo-radiation-chemo cycle.

Caroline, our middle granddaughter, had her hair cut that Christmas just so she could say “I love you Grammy”. Not quite 10 inches of her light brown hair went to “Locks for Love”.

A tiny spot was discovered on Grammy’s lung this March past.

By May it had gone to her liver, her lungs, her lymph nodes, and her stomach. This time it was classified as Stage 4. There is no Stage 5.

She began anew her trips to the Chemo Café. There, the drip, drip of the man made poison was begun to stanch the flow of the other poison.

Caroline’s birthday is in April. She has a pool party in June hoping for better weather.

She told her mom that rather than presents for herself she wanted to raise some money for St. Jude’s Children’s Hospital.

Grammy had told her that whenever she was feeling bad during her chemo she thought about the children getting their drip, drip at St. Jude’s. St. Jude’s makes it as easy as possible for these kids. St. Jude’s relies on people like Caroline to pay for the stuff that goes into the IV, into these kids.

Caroline got $775 at her party.

Now that I have your attention I ask you to continue her “It’s A Wonderful Life” moment.

Please send her a check payable to

St. Jude’s Children’s Hospital

Her address is

Caroline Hanson
2110 Country Brook Lane
Allen, TX 75002

Most of you know me as an acid-tongued curmudgeon who takes no prisoners. I have told many of you that I don’t seek to convert but, rather, I seek to confront. It is true that if I catch myself saying something nice about someone I bite down very hard on my lower lip. If that doesn’t work I picture myself in a 4 man shell with Michael Dukakis and Alpha Gump and the ghosts of Bella Abzug and Teddy Kennedy fighting for the 4th seat. Hillary Clinton is in the coxun’s chair, rope’s end in hand, trying to steer us clear of the never ending “vast Right-Wing conspiracy” shoals. That always gets me back to basics.

I promise to go back to being what I am known and loved for after this note.

Thank you,

Kevin Smith

The Editors The Sun-Sentinel

2011-06-12T14:35:00.004-04:00

June 6, 2011

The Editors
The Sun-Sentinel
200 E. Las Olas Blvd
Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33301

RE: Homer nods?

Sirs,

I hope I am not the only one to lament the absence of D-Day from your list of things of note on this date. In case you’ve forgotten, Europe was invaded on June 6, 1944. 11 months and 2 days later the war was over.

Kevin Smith

Scott Powers The Sun-Sentinel

2011-06-12T14:35:00.001-04:00

May 24, 2011

Scott Powers
The Sun-Sentinel
200 E. Las Olas Blvd.
Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33301

RE” “After 2 Years $4.6 Billion Is Still Not Spent” – Some questions on your Page4 1 story on the Stimulus Program and its supposed legatee, Shovel Ready Projects.

Mr. Powers,

2 ½ years ago, despite 8 years of admonitions from then Senator Clinton about the dangers of borrowing money from the Chinese, we lay prostrate before Wong, our inscrutable Mandarin – What’s the Chinese word for loanshark? – lender, to finance the still unrealized Summer of Recovery.

Now you tell me that $4,600,000,000 of the monies earmarked for Florida still haven’t been spent.

#1 – Exactly where is the money? Don’t say it’s in the pipeline. It isn’t. It is an account somewhere. Whose name is on the account?

#2 – Federal Highway, south of the tunnel, Route 1 to vacationers, has had 4 blocks of what appeared to be well maintained medians torn up. Is their repair part of the Shovel Ready Projects part of the Stimulus Program? In a bit more than 2 ½ years this country designed, built, and tested an atomic weapon. If it is part of the SPSRP – that’s short for Stimulus Program Shovel Ready Projects – why did it take 2 ½ years to get some back hoes to crack the concrete? Weren’t we told that it would take about 10 days for the infrastructure, the aging infrastructure, to spring back to life? Does it take 2 ½ years for a shovel ready project to become, y’know what I’m saying, shovel ready?

#3 Why is a job in the public sector worth more than a job in the private sector? If you cut a private sector employee won’t he bleed as much as a public sector employee? Doesn’t he have to feed his children at least as much as a public sector employee? Whatever happened to “equal protection under the law”? I would be shocked, shocked if I were to find out that politics and the public employee unions had something to do with it.

#4 – One of my favorite political pundits, Samuel Johnson, said that “any public policy that involvers robbing Peter to pay Paul will always have Paul’s support”. Sound advice in the 18th century; still good today.

#5 – Do you know if China has a Powerball lottery? Do you think we can buy some tickets before they realize that they are lending us the money to gamble? If we win do we have a choice of currency?

The President said in February, 2009 that “there was an election. We won.”

There is still one coming up, isn’t there?

Kevin Smith

Gary Stein The Sun-Sentinel

2011-06-12T14:34:00.004-04:00

June 1, 2011

Gary Stein
The Sun-Sentinel
200 E Las Olas Blvd
Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33301

RE: That’s the trouble with elections. Anyone can vote. Anyone can win. Yikes!

Big Stein,

With the same scientific method that was used to prove GlobalCoolingGlobal WarmingClimateChange beyond any reasonable doubt I can say, Caesar dixit if you will, that FOX-IT IS is both caused and cured by TU QUOQUEOSIS.

Begin with a simple premise:

If Sarah Palin is as fill in the blank as you and your coven members think she is wouldn’t it be in the best interests of modern American Liberalism to see that she gets the Republican nomination for President?

Despite shutting down Camp Gitmo on the way back from his inauguration, despite having convinced Europe that Rambo and Maverick were banished, despite having campaigned against deficit financing before increasing it 4 times, despite enduring a winter of discontent that so far has not led us to the summer[s] of recovery, despite causing the oceans to recede – Jeepers! He’s done a lot, hasn’t he? Do you think we really need an election?

As an American I am very proud that the legendary RESET button has given us one great triumph in foreign policy. Giving head WOG Bin Laden a 3rd eye will rank with the Berlin Wall coming down.

Whatever her academic and intellectual failings, and God knows that only Allah can weave a perfect rug [Pretty neat, don’t you think? Getting God and Allah into the same sentence] I will accept all wagers that she has known for a long time that there are only 50 states in the Union.

Ditto that Austrian is not spoken in Austria.

I too have trouble when someone is called a Nazi.

Of course, the exception that proves the rule is when Senator Richard “Little Dick” Durbin [D-IL] uses the term on the floor of the Unites States Senate. Also Bush is Hitler gets a pass because his father blew up the World Trade Center to get the gas pipeline across Kafiristan, remember? Who can forget Darth Cheney bringing back the lost art of Bayoneting Babies? Not me.

Of course, if Lord Barack the Beneficent and Hitler are mentioned in the same zip code modern American Liberal knickers get knotted. [Would unknotting them be an example of “kinetic” tailoring?]

If Big Ed Schultz, and how about using his picture in the new dictionary category of “putz”? can call Laura Ingraham, a breast cancer survivor and a single mom of two, a slut, if radio talk dude Mike Malloy can ask for Seal Team 6 to “double tap” George W. Bush before strangling Rush Limbaugh, and they go uncondemned in the Sun-Sentinel then perhaps it’s time for a refresher course in “eclectic indignation”.

As a wanabee righteous Gentile I say that if Obama is good for Israel Colonel Sanders is great for chickens.

In 1993 Bernie Nussbaum was described by the Clinton White House as a “New York lawyer”. Imagine if any Bush White House had said that. Imagine if Pat Buchanan had said that. By the way Nussbaum worked for Clinton. I know several “New York lawyers”. Several of my best friends are “New York lawyers”. Some of them are “stiff necked”. Is that a “blood libel”?

Alan Dershowitz, a “New York lawyer” from Brooklyn, is cool with the term “blood libel” being used by “non-New York lawyers”. I’ll stop there because I don’t want to cause a family feud.

If “Sarah Who’s neighborhood” is one step short of the “undiscovered country” from which no politician ever returns why are the shock troops of modern American Liberalism training their big guns on her?

You would almost think she was Nixon incarnate.

Forget about one hand clapping; methinks I hear the sounds of sphincters snapping shut.

Kevin Smith

Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman-Schultz

2011-06-12T14:34:00.002-04:00

June 3, 2011

Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman-Schultz
Democratic National Committee
430 S. Capitol St. NE
Washington, DC 20003

RE: Bile and vitriol in the ascendancy – Will Bush & Cheney ever leave us alone?

Debbie, Debbie,

I know. I know. It’s been a kidney stone of a week what with you trying to convert your 2010 Lexus into a 1942 Jeep. If that’s not bad enough you had a tough go at trying to demonize the Republicans by making the very sound modern American Liberal argument that “they” want to make illegal immigration…what’s the word…”illegal”.

I must confess that I feel like a fool.

I used to think you were smart.

You may not be as dumb as your Florida legislative gal pal Stacey “Cementhead” Ritter but you’re gaining on her. Miriam Oliphant, the deposed Broward County Elections Supervisor, was so dumb she made my fingernails curl backwards. In fact, you and Ms. Oliphant have two things in common: #1 - You both have Masters degrees in fuzzy subjects and #2 - You both sent the cops after me for something I wrote.

That appears to be a trait common to modern American Liberals.

The iron fist in an iron glove is the typical response. Since you can neither tolerate criticism nor can you comprehend the thought that you may be wrong the responses is immediate. Send men with badges and guns to “explain” it. “Slippery slope”? Don’t be silly. “Chilling effect”? Nonsense.

Since you’ve had such a tough week you probably haven’t heard about the brouhaha in the Illinois legislature. That’s the place where Abraham Lincoln, he of the “better angels of our nature” speech, served.

Senator Kyle McCarter [R-Lebanon] was punched by Senator Mike Jacobs [D- East Moline] on the floor of the Senate. Senator Jacobs [D-East Moline] was pushing a bill in which his father had a direct financial interest. Senator McCarter [R-Lebanon] noted and questioned this. Senator Jacobs [D-East Moline] walked over to Senator McCarter[R-Lebanon], called him a “motherfucker”, and then smacked him.

The puncher is a Democrat. The punchee is a Republican.

Is this an example of the legendary Chicago School of Politics? Didn’t the country’s most successful street hustling, scam spreading, community organizer tell his acolytes “Never bring a knife to gun fight”?

In the normal course of events someone with a Master’s degree in Political Science would not have to be reminded of the Burke-Fox debates. The names Webster, Hayne, Calhoun, Clay, Douglas, and Lincoln should peal gloriously in the temples of civil debate and reasoned discourse. Since your academic background is based on having purple shirted SEIU union thugs transported from polling place to polling place to intimidate voters those names are foreign, probably alien, to you.

That’s probably a good thing.

It enables you to do your hatchet job with suffering any pangs of conscience.

There is one pang worth poking at.

Why didn’t the Ya-Ya Sisterhood of Congressional Chickies rise up in defense of Laura Ingraham? Despite her politics she is still a single mom of 2 who is also a breast cancer survivor. Why didn’t the Word Police section of the Amazon Brigade of Perpetually Outraged Broads track down Foul Mouthed Ed Shultz – he’s the one who called her a “slut”, remember? - and give him a beating? It couldn’t be politics, could it?

Speaking of being “torn apart at the seams” what’s up with Congressman Weiner? I suppose it is OK for a one-eyed trouser snake to get out in front of an issue, particularly if its handler is a modern American Liberal. As a devoted follower of King Priapris it would seem that the Stimulus program was really working for him, if you get my drift. I am told that Haines Underwear will make a substantial donation to the PAC of your choice if they can have an ad campaign featuring him and “friend” dancing to the lovely tune of “Leave it to Beaver”.

James Madison, another American with whom you are not familiar, when asked what was the most important qualification of any candidate for public office said, “Character. Character is all.” You said the matter of Congressman Weiner was “personal”. What if John Edwards had been elected President?

I know where I can get my hands on a Studebaker should you need proof of your love of American cars.

Kevin Smith

Gary Stein The Sun-Sentinel

2011-06-12T14:33:00.002-04:00

June 8, 2011

Gary Stein
The Sun-Sentinel
200 E. Las Olas Blvd.
Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33316

RE: Sometimes it’s OK to construct a universal from a particular – Some comments on your column about government waste on a Brobdanaglian scale in Broward County.

Big Stein,

Having heard about the $4,500 windows I biked from Bayonne to Jersey City to see them. The new school building there also had $900 student desks and $100 wastebaskets. Not bad for 1958.

15 years ago I went to the Broward County Board of Education to get some financial information. No one seemed to know the difference between capitol items and expense items. My explanation to the pleasant enough young lady is still valid. The big steel boxes, AKA refrigerators, in kitchens are capitol items. The milk, eggs, and cheese in them are expense items. I may as well have been speaking Kurdish.

[Incidentally, the Federal budget, making no distinction between an aircraft carrier and “Midnight Basketball”, can never be “balanced” in the sense that people in the real world understand the term. Adam, my uncle from my father’s side, said “What is prudent in running the affairs of a family can scarce be folly in running the affairs of an empire”. Valid when he said it; even more so today. At no time in the ‘90s, the time when the budget was supposedly balanced, did the Federal debt go down by one penny. Ever. As Casey Stengel used to say, “You could look it up”.

What is one common denominator, a trait shared by Hudson County and Broward County that might explain how these things happen?

How about one party rule?

The Democrats, people who know ab ovum the difference between the buttered side and the dry, always take Mr. Hinnisy’s advice to heart. “They seen their opportunities and they took’em.”

Rather than listing all the bills of indictment floating around it should be sufficient to say that the Broward County Board of Education and the Broward County Commission are extremely ethically challenged. Rumor has it that the largest renters of commercial property in Broward County are the various Federal investigative agencies.

Although they lack the panache of the Democrats I am sure that the Republicans would quickly master the art of stealing a hot stove. The problem is simple. By the time they get to the stove it’s cold

Until last year the only way a Republican got on the Broward County Commission was when a Republican Governor got to name the replacement for the Democratic Commissioner who went to jail for stealing from himself.

So long as Democratic primary voters will vote for Dr. Mengele because of his progressive stance on abortion, so long as district boundaries insure the near unanimous election of an OJ Simpson or a Michael Jackson, so long as the odds on manatee suffrage get closer to chalk each election cycle you will find pools that Seal Team 6 could use to prepare for their next target.

[Allow me to segue to the national scene. The outstanding foreign policy achievement of an alumnus of the Cook County School of Politics, the man who, “Ask not what you can do for your country” or “Tear down this wall” being taken, enjoined us to “Never take a knife to a gun fight” is the shooting in the head of the head WOG terrorist, is just another example of palm cards and bullet voting]

Perhaps Napoleon has the solution.

Before a battle he would select 3 soldiers at random. He would then court-martial them and shoot them for cowardice. He said it “encouraged the others”. It worked right up to Waterloo. And that you may recall, as the Iron Duke said, was a “damn close run thing”.

It may be worth trying for a few years.

Kevin Smith

PS – Lest you think I am prejudiced just against Democrats I offer as Exhibit A the United States Postal Service. It matters not one whit which Party is in the White House or which Party controls Congress. Beyond SNAFU, beyond FUBAR it should be obvious that that dog won’t hunt. Worse than there being no method for punishing failure there is also no method for rewarding success. Let FedEx and UPS have a shot at it. How much worse could it be? Conversely, the main argument against teacher tenure is not that a bad teacher gets paid as much as a good teacher but why does a bad teacher get paid at all.

.

Leonard Pitts The Miami Herald

2011-06-12T14:32:00.004-04:00

June 8. 2011

Leonard Pitts
The Miami Herald
One Herald Plaza
Miami, FL 33132-1693

RE: Tu quoque? – Some comments on the missing name in your column on the academic deficiencies of public officials in today’s Miami Herald.

Mr. Pitts,

If Sarah Palin’s Paul Revere reference – one which turned out to be correct – is proof of “intellectual mediocrity” what would you call the gaffes, phumferings, and laugh out loud statements of a public official whose singular achievement after 2 ½ years in office is not messing up the execution of Osama Ben Laden?

#1 - I have been searching for those missing “7 or 8” states that the President told us about in 2008.

#2 – Maybe in one of those missing states I will the elusive Austrian/English dictionary. Since President Obama told us that Austrian is spoken in Austria would it not stand to reason that a country listing Bach and Mozart as alumni would have produced a dictionary? As soon as I find it I will begin my hunt for Icelandic/English dictionary, the Belgian/English dictionary, and the Mother of All Dictionaries, the Swiss/English dictionary.

#3 – It may well be that “Teutonic shifts” occur in Western North Dakota or South Central New Mexico or in one of those states that we have yet to find. In Alaska they are called “Tectonic shifts”. Teutonic, Tectonic…you say potato and I say potatoe. No big deal, right? If all else fails blame it on the teleprompter.

You say that “Palin’s gaffe speaks to her considerable limitations”. What would Obama’s gaffes speak to?

The tuition at Punahou Prep, the school with a $500,000,000 endowment, the high school that Obama attended, is $17,800 [not counting fees] per year. He attended Occidental College. He was graduated from Columbia University and Harvard Law School. The tuitions there would be astronomical.

Sarah Palin went to Wasilla High School. She attended the University of Hawaii, Hawaii Pacific University, and North Idaho College. I daresay that the tuition at all of them would not equal one year at Punahou Prep.

Do you recall one of the arguments used when Judge Clarence Thomas was nominated to the Supreme Court?

He was admitted to and was graduated from the College of the Holy Cross and from Yale Law School because of Affirmative Action.

Could it be that President Obama, a man with as thin a resume as any candidate for President in my lifetime, is the ultimate end product of Affirmative Action?

You may recall when he first campaigned in South Florida. He was at the convention center cum hockey rink in Sunrise. He jumped towards the platform and shouted “Hello Sunshine”. Getting no response he said it again. “HELLO SUNSHINE!” It was rumored that Darth Cheney, the Vice President’s evil twin, had installed the teleprompter. Nothing was ever proved.

Is there a non-racial way to hint, to suggest, that the President suffers from “intellectual mediocrity”? Would the Word Police pay me a visit if I were to suggest that he has “considerable limitations”

Other than “I want to spread the wealth around” and “Never bring a knife to a gun fight” are there any quotes from him that would suggest he was not afflicted with “intellectual mediocrity” made worse by his “considerable limitations”?

Maybe he has them secreted away in the undiscovered state of Utopia. By the way, Utopia means “nowhere”.

Call me a cockeyed optimist but I hope, audaciously perhaps, that he never changes.

Kevin Smith

Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman-Schultz

2011-06-12T14:32:00.001-04:00

June 7, 2011

Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman-Schultz
Democratic National Committee
430 S. Capitol St NE
Washington, DC 20003

RE: Words, like Ideas, have consequences

My dear Debbie,

Your speech in January about “bile and vitriol tearing us apart” seems to be gaining ground as a blueprint for modern American Liberal action.

“You’re fucking dead” was what one Democratic Wisconsin legislator said to a Republican legislator.

That morphed into a Democratic legislator in Illinois walking across the floor while the Assembly was in session and calling a Republican member a “motherfucker” before punching him.

It was but one small step for comedian Chris Titus to say “I am going to literally – if she gets elected president, I’m going to hang out on the grassy knoll all the time, just loaded and ready…”

Let the record show that “she” is Sarah Palin. The “grassy knoll’ is where the second shooter was supposed to have fired from on 11/22/63. “Loaded and ready” means that the sharp end of the cartridge has gone up the barrel first, the safety is off, and Mr. Titus wants to “literally” do to Sarah Palin what Seal Team 6 did to an early proponent of new Israeli borders. That the recently deceased head WOG terrorist wanted those borders to start 50 miles into the Mediterranean is not relevant in a “literal” sense. There may be an existential relevance but I don’t want to put too much on your plate. As your website says your Masters degree is in political campaigning, not in Philosophy. For that matter, you seem to have avoided all History classes also.

You sent the cops after me because I disagreed with some – scratch that - all of your policies. Although the policemen who came to my door had guns I did not. I never said, I never wrote, I never hinted, I never inferred, I never suggested, and, in a “literal” sense, never wanted or wished that someone should give you a 3rd eye. Left Wing Hate Radio Host Mike Molloy wanted Seal Team 6 to “double tap” George W. Bush. The “literal” meaning of “double tap” is to shoot someone in the head twice. The Mossad method is twice behind the ear but that’s a story for a different time and place.

The thought of having to find a replacement piñata for you would be more than I could bear. It would interfere with main pursuits: manatee trapping, swash buckling, and hackle raising.
As head of the Democratic Party you have the “absolute moral imperative” and obligation to disown violence done in your name.

Assaults have been committed. Murder, assassination in the “literal” sense, has been threatened on national TV.

I say that these people are your agents because, as the public face of the Democratic Party, your silence speaks thunderously. In fact, the Law, another subject with which you are not familiar, says “Silence gives consent”. I was going to give you the adage in Latin but you might think me an elitist.

Until you condemn both violence and the threat of violence [Shooting Sarah Palin would be violence in, I daresay, the “literal” sense, wouldn’t it?] your votaries will grow bolder and more violent.

Let there be peace in our land and let it begin with you.

Kevin Smith

Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman-Schultz

2011-06-12T14:31:00.001-04:00

June 6, 2011

Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman-Schultz
10110 Pembroke Pines Blvd.
Pembroke Pines, FL

RE: Maybe you didn’t know it but things get very, very dark before they go completely black. Worse, maybe you did.

My dear Debbie,

Who but the Republicans have caused all the evil in the world?

The American people have come to expect you to blame Republicans for everything. The scourge of collapsing soufflés, your Cousin Ed Shultz [of Laura Ingraham is a slut fame] farting at the bris, the coming repeal of the 13th, 14th, and 15th Amendments, the despicable action of trying to make illegal immigration “illegal”, inter alia, is but a partial list of their perfidy.

There is a rumor that Nixon’s ghost is trying to disinter the Rosenbergs so they can be electrocuted again. That may not be a bad idea. You can never be too sure.

I tell you these things because your spirited defense of President Obama’s call for Israel to return to pre1967 borders by blaming – Guess who? – the Republicans may have caused you to lose sight of some of the more rabid of the boobies in your caucus.

One of the ways to make something indefensible seem reasonable is to propose something more indefensible. Thus, when 7 members of Congress, each of whom is a card carrying, fire breathing member of the Democratic Party, all of whom are shining exemplars of modern American Liberalism, announce that they want Israel to go back to pre1947 borders it makes Obama seem like a life member of B’nai B’rith. It almost makes him seem, and I hate to use the word, conservative.

Democratic Congressman John Conyers
Democratic Congresswoman Donna Edwards
Democratic Congressman Raul Grijlava
Democratic Congresswoman Barbara Lee
Democratic Congressman Jim McGovern
Democratic Congresswoman Lynn Woolsey
Democratic Congressman Denis Kucinich

What do they have in common?

Other than replacing “Happy Days Are Here Again” with an oompah band
filled with guys in lederhosen playing the Horst Wessel song, nothing.

Are the inmates running the asylum?

What in the name of G-d is going on in your Party?

The city that Nancy Pelosi represents wants to ban circumcision. Will unemployed mohels be eligible for retraining under the Chinese funded ObamaCare program as charter members of the dreaded Death Panels?

Mark Twain was right. Wagner’s music isn’t as bad as it sounds.

I guess you want Israel to get used to it.

The Flight of the Valkyries played by Palestinian Youth Orchestra by the Wailing Wall will probably not challenge Mozart in the Piazza San Marco in Venice right away. Give it a few years and everybody will forget Klezmer music.

Kevin Smith

May 25, 1945 - May 25, 2011

2011-05-28T13:04:00.002-04:00

MAY 25, 1945
MAY 25, 2011

The line that began with Joshua, the line of men who fought for freedom without even knowing what it meant, the line that ran through Thermopylae and Tours, Lepanto and Trafalgar, the Alamo and Shiloh, Leyte and Afghanistan, the line with names like Leonidas and Martel, Cervantes and Nelson, Crockett and Grant, Evans and Murphy has never wavered.

Corporal Leonard Putnam, a 42 year old piano salesman from Jersey City, added his name “to the unbroken line of patriots who have dared to die that freedom might live, and grow, and increase its blessings”. That’s what it says on the scroll signed by President Harry Truman. He died “in the Pacific area”, Okinawa to be precise.

The long gray line has never failed us. Were you to do so,
A million ghosts in olive drab, in brown khaki, in blue and gray,
Would rise from their white crosses thundering those magic words:

DUTY, HONOR, COUNTRY

Douglas MacArthur spoke of the profession that he knew and loved. The call to duty from Horatius still resounds:

“To every man upon the earth
Death come soon or late.
And how can man die better
Than facing fearful odds
For the ashes of his fathers
And the temples of his Gods.”

A young soldier, Joe Tierney by name, just completed his basic training at Fort Benning, GA. He has been assigned to Fort Lewis, WA. Corporal Putnam was his grandmother’s great uncle.

There is a marvelous scene in “The Bridges of Toko-Ri” where the Admiral asks his aide “Where do we find such men?”

God bless Corporal Putnam!
God protect Private Tierney!

KS

Senator Eleanor Sobel

2011-05-28T13:02:00.003-04:00

May 27, 2011

Senator Eleanor Sobel
2600 Hollywood Blvd
Hollywood, FL 33020

RE: Holocaust trains – Mass transit at its finest

Ellie! Sweetheart!

It’s been too, too long.

How have you been?

You seem to be holding up well considering that the voters of Florida, ungrateful reptiles all, have sent your party to the Coventry of minority status. Among other things it means that 4th trimester abortions and manatee suffrage won’t even get a hearing. To a modern American Liberal that would be like Dracula tossed into a pool filled with Holy water, mirrors, garlic, and wooden stakes.

There may be a solution coming up.

“Senator Eleanor Sobel, D-Hollywood, blasted Scott for
eliminating $250,000 for renovations to rail cars used to
transport thousands of Jews to their deaths during the
Holocaust at the Hollywood Holocaust Documentation center.”

The Miami Herald
Page 2B
Today
You

Why should Jews have all the fun?

I think the survivors of all Holocausts should have their own documentation center.

The survivors of the Irish famine should theirs in a good saloon.

The survivors of Wounded Knee should have theirs at the Hard Rock.

My less than serious take on Holocaust Documentation Centers is predicated on the fact that these human freight trains may yet be sold as government surplus.

In case you missed it President Herr Oberst Klaus Obama has just told Israel that he will sent it 7,000,000 American made bayonets if every Jew in Israel agrees to sit on them.

There is no bus big enough for an entire nation to be thrown under but this President – Can we stipulate that he is the modern American Liberal? – tried

I think we should use some Stimulus Program money, money that we borrowed from the Chinese, to start the long delayed Summer of Recovery by getting these railroad cars into tip-top shape. Of course they will have the lead paint and asbestos removed in an environmentally sensitive manner. There will be no need for bar cars, heating or air conditioning nor will there be a need for Pullman berths. They will only be filled for the one way trip to the “undiscovered country from which no traveler ever returns”. In the truest sense of the term they will then deadhead back to the terminal from whence they came.

I see Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman-Schultz, and if there is a better Judas Bull anywhere I want to see it, to hold hands and sing “Happy Days are Here Again” as the President awards a no-bid contract to GE to start building crematoria. There is an extra bonus if the source of incineration is strictly from Green Energy sources. If it isn’t it’s no big deal. Natural gas is as clean burning a fuel as there is.

I see you kvetching because you can’t get the deck chairs on the Good Ship Yiddish Titanic recovered and repainted.

One good thing, maybe the only good thing, to come from this is that an ethnic shibboleth has come undone.

Do you remember when everyone thought that Jews were smart?

Not anymore.

Kevin Smith

PS – I have heard that President Obama has instructed the Marine Band to replace “Ruffles and Flourishes” with some of Wagner’s greatest hits. “The Ride of the Valkyries” is a snappy tune for introducing the ObamaCare Death Panels, don’t you think?

Congressdoll Debbie Wasserman-Schultz

2011-05-28T13:02:00.000-04:00

May 26, 2011

Congressdoll Debbie Wasserman-Schultz
Democratic National Committee
430 S. Capitol Street NE
Washington, DC 20003

RE: Bile & Vitriol, with the mandatory tearing us apart at the seams and you can pick your friends but you can’t pick your relatives. Still, you had a better week than Israel.

Debbie, Debbie!

I was going to bring you up to date in re the Arizona shooter and the Constitution. The shooter is the guy who, in the parlance of Seal Team 6, put one in the head of Congresswoman Giffords. He shot and killed quite a few others that day.

As a modern American Liberal your reaction was instantaneous and your duty was obvious. You told America that “bile and vitriol” was the cause of the shooting. It may have once been known as free speech but when Rush Limbaugh, Fox News, Darth Cheney, and the Koch Brothers orchestrate a take down mayhem follows. In the words of Hillary Rodham Clinton, when the Monica Lewinsky story broke, there was a big story here if some serious reporters wanted to follow it. That there was a “vast Right-Wing conspiracy” behind it there could be no doubt. Fingerprints from the ghost of Ronald Reagan were all over it.

You warned us in your most lachrymose Jeremiad style that we were being “torn apart at the seams”. Since your history of lower case Fascism in matters of opposition speech is well known – in my case, first hand – the inference was that all it would take for a serene comity to descend on us would be for anyone who thinks that your policies are asinine and egregiously offensive to Logic to shut up.

Alas, but the Constitution, that’s the document that I would have expected someone with 2 degrees in Political Science would have some working knowledge of, intervened. Since your website says that your academic concentration was in Political Campaigning I can now see how the finer points of due process would have escaped. In fact, many of the things you did over the years now make sense. Since you spent your time in college cozying up to bullet voting, palm cards, the dead rising on Election Day, and a perpetual Row A designation the 6th Amendment would have been Greek to you. For years you got away with saying that you loved the cello but never heard of Bach.

A brief history of Ricky Ray Rector is in order.

He was an evil man who lived in Arkansas. He murdered several people in the Razorback State. [It is not known if the Whitewater Land Development Company, Webster Hubble, or yogurt was in his background]. In a shootout with police he swore he would never be taken alive. Although he shot himself in the head he didn’t kill himself. That task would be accomplished by the Clintons.

By now he was as aware of his surroundings as a pot of collard greens would be of its.

He was incapable of understanding the charges against him. He was incapable of assisting in his defense.

Alas, the Clintons were running for President.

Ricky Ray Rector was convicted of murder and sentenced to die in the electric chair.

By now, because he had blown a big chunk of his head off, he was serene, sweet, and extremely docile. The guards said that he wouldn’t hurt a fly. When his appeals ran out his execution date was set. Governor Clinton could have commuted his sentence to life imprisonment without parole. What better way for a modern American Liberal to show he was tough on crime than to wire up Ricky Ray Rector and light up the Arizona sky. Here’s the best part. Ricky Ray Rector was a Black man. A win/win for Billary!

How better to show he was tough on crime than by killing a Black man?

It is said that when his last meal was served he told the guard that he wanted to save some pie for when he got back from Old Sparky. The guard told him to eat the pie. It is rumored that if he objected Hillary would have given him a lap dance to relax him and send him out with a smile on his face. The only negative thing was that he forgot to say, a la Billy Budd, God Bless Governor Clinton! The one thing about being electrocuted is that there are no Mulligans.

Which brings us back to the Arizona shooter.

A Federal Judge has ruled that since Loughner can neither understand the charges against him nor can he assist in his own defense he cannot stand trial. He will be placed in a rubber room and given a series of Thorazine enemas while the experts try to find out exactly how many snakes he has in his head.

One of the conclusions to be drawn from this is that not even a steady diet of Michael Moore cartoons of Noam Chomsky’s plans to destroy Israel could be classified as “bile’ or “vitriol” as you defined it. The sound you don’t hear is the sound of the garment of civilization not being “torn apart at the seams”.

To him “bile and vitriol” are akin to “ham and eggs” or “apple pie and ice cream” like Ricky Ray Rector finally finished before he became a big boost to the Clinton campaign.

But the really bad news is that Ed Shultz, your husband’s cousin, Uncle Morty’s son, the one who wet his pants at your wedding, the one who picked up the handkerchief under the chuppa to blow his nose because his mother was embarrassed by him picking it, the one who asked your Aunt Sylvia if she had ever seen a one eared elephant, the one who somehow got a radio show, is a potty mouth.

There is a classic photo of a dozen or so female members of the House of Representatives walking over to the Senate to protest Judge Clarence Thomas’s nomination to the Supreme Court.

It is classic because all that was required for the modern American Liberal Judicial Death Panel to be set in motion was for a woman, one of their own, to say that Judge Thomas was debasingly disrespectful to her.

The other classic part of it was Congresswoman Barbara Boxer scratching her ass in a most vigorous fashion. It was almost as if Pedro, her undocumented Mexican gardener cum handy man, had put some los frijoles Mexicana in her knickers to see how she could shake her Gringo booty.

Anyway, Cousin Ed says on the radio that Laura Ingraham “is a slut”.

This is not to say that an alumna of Dartmouth College, a graduate of the University of Virginia School of Law, a law clerk to a Supreme Court Justice and a single mom of two who is a breast cancer survivor is incapable of sluttiness.

Who knows? The Mary Magdalene/Madonna gene may be in all women just waiting to break out. In her case, and yours, I rather think not.

He said this 3 days ago.

Shouldn’t the Hecates and harridans be in full voice over this?

Imagine if a modern American Liberal woman commentator has that said about her?

Rachel Maddow, the Sapphic slut? Joy Behar, the loud mouthed slut? Whoopi Godlberg, the calorically challenged, sometimes “nappy haired ho”, slut? Barbara Walters, the ancient slut?

I added “nappy haired ho” because when Don Imus said that he was fired from MSNBC. He wasn’t suspended for one week. He was fired.

Is it possible, and pray God it is not so, that there is a double standard in broadcasting?

Anything said by a modern American Liberal is OK.

Anything said to a modern American Liberal is not OK. In fact, it is automatically assumed to be “bile and vitriol”. Left unchecked it “will tear us apart at the seams”.

So long as we are pushing the edges of free speech we can stipulate that when a Democratic legislator tells a Republican legislator that she’s “fucking dead” it’s OK, that it is within the boundaries of fair comment.

If it is OK for your cousin Ed, and let’s hope that the vasectomy “took”, to call someone he disagrees with a “slut” is it OK for me to say that the Democratic Party, a party that is devoid of ideas, a party that knows not of Political Science, floats on a sea of bullshit?

I just took a poll of all the rational adults in the house. The answer is YES.

That was a great picture of you coming down the stairs of Air Force One. It looks like you’ve added a few pounds. One way to work them off would have been if President Klaus Obama had told you, like he told Israel, to bend over and kiss your ass goodbye. Do it 40 or 50 times a day and you’ll look like you spent the last 3 months on Dancing with the Stars.

Kevin Smith

Congressgal Debbie Wasserman-Schultz

2011-05-23T13:29:00.004-04:00

May 21, 2011

Congressgal Debbie Wasserman-Schultz
Democratic National Committee
430 S. Capitol Street NE
Washington, DC 20003

RE: Thinking of you and the undoing of “a stiff necked people”

Congressperson Little Debbie,

It’s been good week [so far] and a bad week [so far]

I passed a kidney stone which was good news because I then was able to avoid the dreaded Death Panels of ObamaCare. Speaking of ObamaCare, how has your campaign to make ObamaCare into a hate word been going? Yet “Go ObamaCare yourself” is still better than the Wisconsin Democratic legislator who told his Republican counterpart that “she was fucking dead”.

I was a bit groggy when I saw you pitching some new synthetic polar bear friendly fuel. Not being sure whether it was made from manatee eructations with all the manatees being range fed and kept free of hormones, pesticides, herbicides, and rubella inoculations or from recycled tofu fistulas I went to your website to get some follow-up info. Alas, none was to be found.

What I did find has caused me to issue a public apology.

For years I have been bothered by your claim to have two degrees in Political Science. How, with those academic credentials, I asked, could you not be aware of the last 25 centuries of Western Civilization? Greece, the agora, Rome, England, Runnymede, Philadelphia? It was as if they never existed. Our rights, “rights that were ours from beyond the stars”, were never given their proper respect. Your oft-stated belief that only good government could make people good was and is bizarre. What else would explain your public endorsement of lower case Fascism?

The answer was hiding in plain sight.

Your website now says that your academic concentration was in Political Campaigning. I guess, to paraphrase one of my favorite politicians, “Cactus Jack” Garner, “that’s better than a bucket of warm spit”. It’s almost as good as being the 3rd or 4th largest land fill in Broward County.

I now realize that all my appeals to reason, said appeals being buttressed by references to History, and Heaven forefend! Political Science, were like casting pearls before swine

That’s a fancy way of saying you were clueless

Your peroration on energy appears to be a paean to super ethanol.

You show how simple a segue it is from being clueless to being a HORSE’S ASS. As the prototypical modern American Liberal the Law of Unintended Consequences has no meaning for you.

Listen up. I’ll type slowly. And, now that I am aware of your academic deficiencies, verrrry sloooowly.

Ethanol, be it economy, industrial strength, premium, or super intergalactic premium is made from corn.

From my time as a missionary in rural Mexico I assure you that corn is the staple of 3rd World existence.

In the United States of America the main use was feeding hogs.

In the United States of Mexico the main use was feeding the people.

Only in the world of modern American Liberalism, a world that you are entranced by and speak for, would taking food from the mouths of non-White people be looked on as something good. In the muddled brains of mALs, a world that equate feelings with ideas, the psychic balance sheet of how many Brown or Black babies are worth one polar bear is always open ended. That every truck load of corn that goes to an Ethanol plant causes someone to die there can be no dispute.

Only wealthy people, mostly White 1st Worlders, can afford to be environmentalists. A huge number of people still are ruled by the Hogarthian dictum that life is “nasty, poor, brutish, and short”. [If only the successes of the Obama Shovel Ready Stimulus Plan and its underappreciated spawn, the legendary Summer of Recovery, were universally available! If only rain water was beer! If only men were angels!]

While no one was looking the price of corn doubled. That matters not one whit to the makers of Ethanol. The reason is simple: They enjoy subsidies that Big Oil can only dream of. The use of corn for fuel, a use where price is not a factor, has caused the price to skyrocket. Having confused correlation with causation you have entered into a nonsensical – I wish it were Quixotic - crusade that puts the interests of the struggling snail darter and the valiant furbish lousewort above the needs of the most endangered species. The most endangered species being, of course, man.

Why should evil profit mongers care about the dietary deficiencies of Jose or Abdul? Since they are lionized by charlatans such as you they don’t care about the “collateral damage”.

If you think the Arab Spring has come about because Cicero has suddenly come into vogue you would be mistaken. If you think the Arab states have decided that they want to try Jeffersonian Democracy think again. If you think that a Parliamentary Democracy is close at hand in the Fertile Crescent think again.

They’re pissed off because they can’t afford to feed themselves. They live in a society that has no political escape valve. Political criticism is met with gunfire. After they blame Israel and the United States they still can’t feed themselves. Maybe Allah ain’t so Akbar after all. Lacking the tap root of free men governing themselves they can only roar at each other when they can’t feed their children.

Better we power our cars with windmills.

Just one more question.

3 years ago I heard you and your truly despicable pal, former Congressman “Toad” Wexler, preaching in assorted shuls, shivas, Mah-Jongg tournaments, and pre-Tea Party kvetching sessions that Obama would be good for Israel.

Maybe your devotion to synthetic fuels and keeping Mt. Kilimanjaro snow covered prevented you from seeing what he just did to Israel.

If Obama is good for the Jews Colonel Sanders is great for chickens. Obama is as big a liar as you were/are a fool.

I would be remiss if I failed to point out that the President used the term “Teutonic shift” during his lecture to the State Department about Israel. The ring tone on all White House issued cell phones has been changed from Berlin tunes – Irving, not the city - to the Best of Wagner. I thought he was humming the Horst Wessel anthem as he described the “slippery slope” he was putting our ally on. All he needs is a Brown shirt.

When dining with the Devil it is best to have a long spoon. As a righteous Gentile I would trust those WOGs about as far as I could throw the final version of ObamaCare. Since I am still within the octave of passing a kidney stone I couldn’t even lift that 12 stone tree eater.

Maybe W wasn’t quite as bad as he was made out to be. He certainly kept faith with Israel. His successor looks like he wants to be the engineer on the next Auschwitz express.

Kevin Smith

Tonya Alanez The Sun-Sentinel

2011-05-23T13:29:00.000-04:00

May 19, 2011

Tonya Alanez
The Sun-Sentinel
200 East Las Olas Blvd
Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33301

RE: A bad apple that stayed bad – Some comments on your story about Judge Luzzo, a man with neither honor nor shame and, now, a man without ambition.

Ms Alanez,

Maybe it’s better for the commonweal of Broward County if Judge Luzzo, a champion of the five finger discount, keeps his sad sacked Black robed slocking ass off the Bench.

That he hasn’t tried a case in several months can only be as something good for the sorry state of Justice here.

If memory serves, in addition to his full time job of gavel swinging, he had a part time job of scalping tickets. The problem was that he got his tickets from litigants appearing before him. He would ask before the trial began if anyone had any “extras” for the Dolphins, the Heat, the Panthers, the Marlins, the Hurricanes, inter alia. As bad as that was it got worse.

It was a real life Maltese Falcon. “The stuff that dreams are made of.” It was a Business School dream. His cost basis was zero. He resold them. His return was infinite. I would say that he could have worked for Enron but, since he favors the public sector, I’ll make that Fanny Mae. Imagine a drug dealer who gets his stash of blow and horse for free. Cristal for lunch.

In the real world of litigation, in the real world of trial prep, a zealous advocate for his client would get tickets for an up close and personal reprise of the greatest hits of Seal Team 6. 2 for the next Papal Conclave would not be too much to ask. Or, in his instance, to expect.

The Florida Supreme Court censured and suspended him. He should have been suspended by his short and curlies from the world famous Andrews Avenue Bridge scrotum stretcher.

I would have had him driven from his court room by a mob with whips and snarling dogs. He would have been met in the lobby by a Board Certified Master of Bastinado and Strapado who was eager to try out some new combos.

The Sun-Sentinel saw fit to publish my letter on this subject. A copy is enclosed.

At least when he was on the pad he showed up for work.

Every time this poltroon signs the back of his pay check he sticks his dirty fingers deeply, very deeply, into the eyes of probity.

The ethical make up of the Broward Judiciary is rotten.

Let me amend that.

The ethical make up of the Broward Judiciary is still rotten.

Kevin Smith

Congressperson Debbie Wasserman-Schultz

2011-05-23T13:28:00.003-04:00

May 10, 2011

Congressperson Debbie Wasserman-Schultz
Democratic National Committee
430 S. Capitol Street, SE
Washington, DC 20003

RE: Poetry in motion – Why not Rod McKuen?

My dear Congressperson cum Chair,

You are probably not familiar with him but Alan Tate said that “when we argue with others we get Rhetoric; when we argue with ourselves we get Poetry”.

Although your CV says that you have two degrees in Political Science your public record indicates that robbing Peter to pay Paul – in your instance taking care of your husband’s business a la in the great modern American Liberal tradition of Broward County – is the driving force of your political existence. Having raised pandering to an art form your Party has rewarded you with a national audience.

Since you don’t know Political Science, since History is an alien subject you are probably deficient in the Poetry department.

That’s why it is possible that you don’t even know what is going on the White House in re Poetry.

Laura Bush tried to have a poetry session featuring the works of Emily Dickinson. Some of the invited guests said that they would disrupt it because of their opposition to her husband’s policies. It is not a big deal when modern American Liberals stifle speech. You sending the police after me for something that I had written is cut from the same cloth that allows purple shirted SEIU thugs to beat up old people in wheelchairs. When a Democratic legislator screams “You are fucking dead” to a Republican legislator it is further proof that acorns never fall far the tree.

The homily you preached to a grateful nation in January, the one about “bile and vitriol tearing us apart at the seams”, seems not to have reached the White House.

Mrs. Obama is having a poetry day at the White House.

One of the featured speakers will be Lonnie Rashid Lynn, AKA “Common”.

In one of his poems he praises killing of policemen.

In another one he recommends the assassination of President Bush by burning.

Whatever I wrote to or about you I never threatened you. I never wanted you “fucking dead”. I never wanted to “burn” you, even in a metaphorical sense. [Based on your public record you do a good job by yourself. Plus, your public utterances fall under the category of “She never lets you down”. Where could I get such material?]

A man who recommended the death of policemen in general and a specific President by name will shortly be in the White House reading his threats to a much large audience. Maybe we cold take the advice of another modern American Liberal, radio shock jock Mike Malloy, and get SEAL Team 6 to drop in on him and “double tap” him in the head. Nothing like some fireworks to get the party rolling, right?

It is ironic enough that perhaps a bard should comment on the lunacy of borrowing money from the Chinese to pay the expenses of listening to a man in the White House suggesting both unlimited murders and the assassination of a President.

I personally would give him the largest audience possible.

Your past record of selective prior restraint, perhaps best expressed by “There are no enemies on the Left”, would suggest that a collective blind eye is already blinking.

Kipling, Pound, Eliot, Yeats, Auden. There is a common thread.

Reading them aloud to a coven of modern American Liberals would be like throwing Dracula into Lake Holy Water.

Kevin Smith

Stephen L. Goldstein, The Sun-Sentinel

2011-05-09T16:08:00.002-04:00

May 1, 2011

Stephen L. Goldstein
The Sun-Sentinel
200 E. Las Olas Blvd.
Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33301

RE: How crowded does the theatre have to be before I can’t yell “Fire”? – Some comments on your column suggesting that everyone but you and your true believers can do with a few “chilling effects” on that notorious “slippery slope”.

My dear Professor,

First, since I believe that “modesty is an overrated virtue” I congratulate myself for turning a promise made into a promise kept.

I “eschewed obfuscation” and, as a serendipitous bonus, the persiflage so required of fire breathing, card carrying modern American Liberal for all of Lent.

It was easy. I stopped reading you for Lent.

Laus tibi Cristi! He is Risen!

As a reward for my good deed I get to come back at you with a poleax, wit, a scalpel, irony tinged by a sardonic view, History, or all as the situation dictates.

Your topic today is free speech with the usual modern American Liberal caveat of while all speech is free some speech is more free than others. As much as I would like to take credit for that line I must tell you that Orwell beat me to it.

May I suggest some reading material as you wait for this year’s “summer of recovery” to kick in? Nat Hentoff, as true a modern American Liberal as can be found save for his apostasy on abortion, wrote a book titled “Free Speech For Me But Not For Thee”. One of his premises is that when “eclectic indignation”, that is to say your guy versus their guy, rules standards shift. Of course, if standards shift they can’t be standards can they?

As a personal example my daughter missed graduating from college with honors by .008 of a point. Ouch! When the chains are stretched out it sill takes 10 yards to get four more downs, doesn’t it?

Despite never having met you I hereby name you Czar Stevie the First. Instead of a mace and scepter you have the world’s boniest, sharpest pointing finger. You need this digit when you lecture from the esteemed Mrs. Grundy Chair at the prestigious Pecksnifian Institute.

I am sure it will surprise you when you find out that all your negative examples, all, with no exceptions, are Republicans. I rather imagine that the last Republican you liked was Abraham Lincoln. Speaking of “free speech”, I don’t know if you aware that the Democrats called him a “baboon” in the campaign of 1864. Further, the Democratic Party wanted a settlement with the South. The only Logical conclusion to be drawn from that would be that the Democrats supported slavery.

I recall Mr. Justice Marshall saying that the most bigoted, most racist President in the 20th century was T. Woodrow Wilson. When he ran for re-election in 1916 he said “he would not send American boys to fight in European Wars”. That seems to be a lie associated with several other Democratic Presidents in both the 20th and 21st centuries. Is it OK if I say that? Do you suppose there was a connection when Wilson sent his Attorney General, A. Mitchell Palmer, he of Palmer Raids fame, after all the bad guys? From a management stand point he would have made Peter Drucker proud. He didn’t let the First, Fourth, Fifth, and Sixth Amendments get in the way. Whatever the 1919/1920 version of waterboarding was called he did it.

15 years later, at the urging of a Democrat White House, an overwhelmingly Democratic House gave us HUAC, the House Un-American Activities Committee. Packing the Supreme Court made sense too. You can’t make an omelet without breaking eggs. Later, when Governor Earl Warren was asked to round up all the Japs and put them into the 1942 version of Gitmo, he did it willingly. The results of the 1940 Census proved invaluable in separating the Japanese from the Chinese.

Am I a “loudmouth” yet?

Like a typical mush brained modern American Liberal you confuse and misuse terms. Thus, when you say “rhetorical sparks are flying” you display a total ignorance of Rhetoric. Rhetoric is a vital part, one third of a troika known as the Trivium. The other two, Logic and Grammar, are capstones of what can be called Western Civilization. Since modern American Liberals recoil at both the standards and proscriptions that make up a civilization it is understandable that “those words mean exactly what you want them to mean”. A wink is as good as a nod to a blind mule, right? What you meant to say was that “sophist sparks are flying”.

Did not Candidate Obama promise us that when he was elected “the oceans would stop rising”? The truth is I never believed that but I never said it. Did the fact that he said it make him a liar? If so would my calling him that make me a “loudmouth” who is guilty of sedition?

I ask this because I have had members of various police departments, men with badges and guns, come to my house because of things that I wrote. You’ll be surprised to know that in each and every instance the aggrieved public official was a modern American Liberal. Is that the mAL solution to criticism? Send in the cops?

We have had a Democratic member of the Wisconsin legislature tell a Republican member that she was “fucking dead”. Where would you rate that on the “loudmouth” scale?

Have the Brown shirts of the ‘30s been replaced by the Purple shirted SEIU thugs who beat up people in wheelchairs? The Attorney General has said that it is OK for armed Black men to intimidate White voters? Imagine the clamor if a Meese or an Ashcroft has said “my people” like Holder did. At least we know that Palmer’s brand is still on the Justice Department.

Since you confuse sophistry and Rhetoric there is no chance that the following will be known to you either.

“FREE MEN SPEAK WITH FREE TONGUES”

Don’t tell me to shut up.

Kevin Smith

Robert Watson, Ph.D.

2011-05-09T14:17:00.000-04:00

May 8, 2011

Robert Watson, Ph.D.
American Studies
Lynn University
3601 N. Military Trail
Boca Raton, FL 33431

RE: Lies, damned lies, and statistics – Some comments on your Sun-Sentinel article about “court packing” and some other “truths” about the New Deal which, alas, aren’t true.

My dear Professor,

“There is broad support among scholars [never mind recent
attacks by historical revisionists and radio shock jocks on
the ideological right] that FDR played a vital role in
creating jobs, getting America back on its feet, and
helping to save American capitalism.
The Sun-Sentinel
Today
You
Italics mine

One of the many glories of Western Civilization is something called the scientific method. It says that every claim is subject to independent analysis and verification. [Einstein would submit his work to his universe as quickly as possible. He said that he only had to be proved wrong once and that better it be done quickly so he could get on to something else.]

Your one sentence paean to FDR is now going to be subjected to some independent analysis.

When he appointed Corsair Joe Kennedy to keep the other pirates in line he little dreamed that one of his creations would come back 85 years to bite his unsuspecting, somewhat naifish acolytes on their non-inquisitive, all believing asses.

The Investment Act of 1934 said fraud could be committed two ways. Either something you did or something you didn’t do was sufficient to bring down the wrath of the SEC. You say that Roosevelt did a lot of things that he didn’t do. You forget, perhaps as a way of bolstering your thesis, that while Happy Days are Here Again is still a catchy tune it simply does not reflect the times of which it sings.

#1 – Roosevelt ran in 1932 promising to balance the budget. He excoriated Hoover for, can you believe it, deficit financing.

#2 – If March 4, 1933 is the base line for all the recognizable economic data I search in vain for any indicator that was up until the middle of 1940. When Boeing went to 3 shifts at their B-17 Wichita plant the “summer of recovery” was, finally, upon us. Thus, 7 years of “shovel ready grandfather of QE and QE2 stimulus programs” were a failure.

An argument could be made that if had followed Keynesian theories, particularly the one about drastically cutting all taxes in an economic downturn, he may have been able to speed up the process.

An argument could be made that the Civilian Conservation Corps [CCC] had at its greatest success the temporary removal of unemployed urban youth from the streets of America. It’s tough to build a road with a pick and shovel but at least they weren’t going to rallies for Mussolini, the darling of modern American Liberals in the ‘30s. When it came time to build a road in wartime – the Al-Can Highway, for example – bulldozers replaced picks.

One of my favorite publicans, Mr. Hinnisey, a superb practioner of the poetry of proffering potables and one of the founders of the Chicago School of Politics, the school that teaches us the etiquette of gun fights and why you shouldn’t bring a knife to them, said “The Supreme Court follows the election returns”.

It is well to note that three of the members of the Court when FDR was sworn in had been appointed by a Democratic President. Notwithstanding the inconvenient truth of the fact the T. Woodrow Wilson was the most racist, most bigoted President in the 20th century he nominated Justice Brandeis, Justice Clarke, and Justice McReynolds.

Your offhanded remark that “after a decade of Republican Presidents the High Court had a conservative tilt and dashed several of FDR’s New Deal initiatives” glosses over 2 facts.

President Obama reminded us, when he invoked executive cloture by telling a Republican Congressman in February, 2009 “there was an election and I won”, that the best way to “pack” a Supreme Court is to win the Presidential election. Winning Presidents get to nominate Justices, subject to the advice and consent of the Senate, to the Supreme Court.

Another one of those inconvenient facts is that 5 – count’em - Republican Presidents nominated Chief Justice Warren, Justice Brennan, Justice Blackmun, Justice Stevens, Justice Kennedy, and Justice Souter to the Supreme Court. Was there a “conservative tilt” there?

I consider it one of the great judicially ironic moments that the high dudgeon of modern American Liberals that caused Judge Bork’s nomination to the Supreme Court to be rejected came back to poleax them 13 years later. Everyone thinks that the vote was 5 – 4 in the Bush/Gore brouhaha in 2000. The vote to accept the case was 5 – 4. The vote that confirmed the Bush election was 7 – 2. If Bork had been sitting on the Supreme Court he would have voted against accepting the case. If you’re weak in math 5 - 4 for would have been 5 – 4 against.

Alpha Gump would have been President. 9/11 wouldn’t have happened. Thumper, his charming wife, would have used pillow talk to outlaw bad language in rap music. Hurricanes Katrina and Wilma would not have dared to make landfall here. Samuel Alito and John Roberts would still be Appellate Judges. Lord Barack the Beneficent would have discovered those 7, or was it 8, missing states on his search for the still missing Austrian/ English dictionary. And, trust me; we would be all farting through silk

Life’s a bitch, ain’t it?

The thing about the Supreme Court following the election returns is that if History is a guide the Governor will start to get some calls. Great coaches always jump on the refs in the first quarter. They get the calls at the end of the game.

After FDR’s Court packing plan failed he never lost another case in the Supreme Court.

The Founders, in their wisdom, made it deuced difficult to amend the Federal Constitution. It’s only been done 16 times since 1789. Florida will probably do likewise. The Constitution clearly enables us to overturn any Supreme Court decision

You say, as if you mean it, that “courts must remain independent and beyond the political manipulation of political parties”.

Have you been to any NARAL meetings lately?

Kevin Smith

Michael Mayo, The Sun-Sentinel

2011-05-09T14:14:00.000-04:00

May 8, 2011

Michael Mayo
The Sun-Sentinel
200 E. Las Olas Blvd.
Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33301

RE: The soon to be arrived at Dark Ages as dictated by the Republican legislature and documented by you in today’s column in the Sun-Sentinel. “Slouching towards Bethlehem”, no?

Mr. Mayo,

Only someone who is a perfect clone cut from the edges of the template of modern American Liberalism, someone who believes that help is on the way when someone else says “I’m from the government and I ‘m here to help”, would say without a hint of nuance that the 1929 Florida legislature censured First Lady Lou Henry Hoover for inviting the black wife of a Congressman to the White House for something other than a music lesson.

It should have read the Democratic Florida legislature censured Republican Mrs. Herbert Hoover for having a Negro in for tea. [In 1929 there were no African-Americans]

That would have given a counterbalancing tint to the list of the many lashes on the backs of Florida’s undeserving poor, middle class, seniors, juniors, wise fools, single moms who are women of color, undocumented aliens from earth and elsewhere, people who try to fill inside straights, and any and all other exploited groups I may have missed.

It seems that there has been a collective loss of memory.

There was an election last year.

The candidates presented themselves to the electorate.

The people, God damn them, voted.

In the sense that even a blind pig can find a truffle, I am reminded that in February, 2009 President Obama lectured a Republican Congressman thus: “There was an election. I won.”

Some good has been gleaned from the Obama legislative process.

You say,

“This year, so many things got tucked into last-minute
“conforming bills” and “committee reports”, you never
know what might pop up when somebody
actually reads all of them.”

It sounds like somebody read the ObamaCare bill, not to understand the law – reading James Joyce in Gangsta rap with Linear B footnotes would be easier – but how to stuff 4 pounds of blivit into a 2 pound bag.

I am told that there is a provision in ObamaCare that pays a bounty for 4th trimester abortions. That way it cuts down on the dreaded Death Panels.

Laws and sausages. It’s tough to watch either being made. It’s brutal to watch both being made.

Here’s a plan.

If you don’t like the way things are going in Tallahassee change it.

We have a tried and true method for that.

Elections.

If you win them you get to lead the band.

Kevin Smith

PS – I guess manatee suffrage, an idea whose time has not yet come, is not going to happen soon. Too bad.

Stephen L. Goldstein, The Sun-Sentinel

2011-05-09T14:12:00.000-04:00

May 4, 2011

Stephen L. Goldstein
The Sun-Sentinel
200 E. Las Olas Blvd.
Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33316

RE: Bilious vitriol and modern American Liberals

My dear Professor,

In your column on Sunday last, the one where you varied from your formulaic rendition of how Cheney’s great grandfather caused Krakatoa to blow its top and how George Bush helped Pol Pot in his ambitious urban renewal plans, you called anyone who disagreed with you a “loudmouth”. Further, you said that perhaps “prior restraint” wasn’t that bad an idea as long as you were doing the restraining.

Comes now to the marketplace of ideas a really nice guy named Mike Malloy. I swear on the sacred Koran, the one I intend to burn wrapped in an American flag at noon on July 4th on the steps of the Federal Court House in Ft. Lauderdale, that one, that I never heard of him until about 30 minutes ago.

On his radio show he said “So when does Seal Unit 6, or whatever it’s called, drop in on George Bush”? He also said that he wanted to “strangle Rush Limbaugh”.

Would those statements qualify him as a “loudmouth”? Any chance that the dreaded Word Police would drop by and give him some Lefts as they read him his Rights? Incidentally, have the terms “slippery slope” and “chilling effect” gone down the modern American liberal memory hole?

CongressChickster Debbie Wasserman-Schultz, and if there is a better example of a Hecate Ascendant I have neither seen nor have I heard of her, told us in January that “bile and vitriol are tearing us apart”.

Would a radio commentator suggesting on the air that some Navy Seals drop in on President Bush and “double tap him in the head” make him a “loudmouth filled with bile and vitriol”? Would his on air wish of “strangling Rush Limbaugh” make him a candidate for the Michael Moore Excellence in Broadcasting award? If you remember Fat Mikey was upset that more Republicans didn’t die on 9/11. Honest. You could look it up.

Can you think of any substitutes for friggin’ hypocrites? Get back to me ASAP.

Kevin Smith

Glenn Garvin The Miami Herald

2011-04-28T12:30:00.003-04:00

April 26, 2011

Glenn Garvin
The Miami Herald
One Herald Plaza
Miami, FL 33132-1693

RE: It didn’t start with Sam Tanenhaus – Some comments on your column in today’s Miami Herald on the New York Times.

Mr. Garvin,

Prior to typing this I reached out and touched Tanenhaus’s astonishing biography of Whitaker Chambers. It sits next to a book titled Alger Hiss, Whitaker Chambers and the Schism in the American Left.

In your Bill of Indictment against the New York Times Book Review section you mention The Surrender [a ballerina’s encomium to the liberating qualities of Sodom]. No endorsement of the “liberating qualities of sodomy” can pass without inserting Churchill as the codicil. “Rum, sodomy, and the lash” were listed among the great traditions of the British Navy by the then First Sea Lord. Later, when asked about the qualifications of an opponent, he said that “he gives sodomy a bad name”. Will we ever see his likes again?

It must be noted that the 20th century moral decline of the New York Times started at the beginning of the 1930s, a “low, dishonest decade”.

Walter Duranty was a foreign correspondent stationed in Moscow in 1932. He had 2 paymasters. One was the New York Times. The other was the KGB. His reportage earned him a Pulitzer Prize. A case can be made to show that the imprimatur of the Times led to the recognition of the USSR by Roosevelt in 1933.

A Kaddish for the Kulaks is always in order.

Anywhere from 6,000,000 to 10,000,000 Ukrainian Kulaks – mostly Jews – were starved to death in the early 1930s. Stalin lied about it. Duranty swore to it. The carnage continued. Hitler saw that the West did nothing. The road to Auschwitz, to Treblinka, began in the Moscow office of the New York Times. The Germans, being better record keepers than the Russians, put 12,000,000 into the ovens.

It must be noted that there is an evil imprint in the DNA of the New York Times from the 19th century. Forged into the corporate double helix of the Times is what they did and what they didn’t do in the Presidential campaign of 1864. They acquiesced in the Democratic Party calling Lincoln a “baboon” while they editorially advocated a negotiated settlement with the South.

One of the great traits of modern American Liberalism, a belief system for whjch the Times serves as the paradigmatic template, is “non-malodorous fecal matter syndrome”. It blesses them with an eclectic memory. In this instance a negotiated settlement with the South would have kept slavery in place. As men were dying to undo this “peculiar institution” the New York Times said it kept the unemployment rate down.

[I wonder if Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman-Schultz, AKA Democratic National Chairgal cum local Hecate gone big time, who warned us in January that “bile and vitriol were tearing us apart at the seams” would characterize the ad hominem argument – imagine the outcry if someone were to comment on the simian qualities of Lord Barack the Beneficent – and the support of slavery as “bile and vitriol”?]

For 20 years I asked the New York Times why it did not repudiate Walter Duranty. Linda Greenhouse, a 1997 winner, in responding to my note of congratulations to her and admonition of her employer, told me she had no idea of the consequences of his perfidy. The paper assigned a Mr. William Borders, listed as a National Editor, to be the designated catcher on my javelin team.

Some things are owed to the ledger.

The stain from the scroyle Duranty and the stain from the Times’ steadfast refusal to acknowledge same can never be offset. It can only be acknowledged with shame. The “eclectic indignation” that enables the January, February, March 2003 Page 1 of the Times to have more ink spent on the gender brouhaha of a golf tournament than this country’s Congressionally approved invasion of Iraq suggests a warped mind set.

The various Sulzberger family trusts are the best advertisement for why the estate tax should begin at 105%. The Kennedy trusts taxes should start at 205%.

The Washington Post made Janice Cook a non-person when it was shown that she lied to get her Pulitzer Prize. The New York Times has done nothing to cleanse its soul of this foul crime.

It is only fair to ask what it would have done if the 1934 Pulitzer Prize winner, Frederick Birchall, a New York times employee, had been so compromised by the security forces of the country where he served. It is almost the stuff of afternoon TV that the 1934 winner was stationed in Berlin. I can imagine the entire Sulzberger family submitting itself to “a dozen, well laid on” on the anniversary of the award, every year, if it had been shown that the Gestapo had owned their man in Berlin.

My father, the legendary Judge Smith, used to read the Two Arthurs, Krock and Daley, to me every Sunday. The first time I finished a Sunday puzzle was a time of joy.

There is a tangential Miami Herald connection to ending my New York Times connections.

On October 3, 1999, at the departure gate at DFW airport, I encountered a certain Mr. T. Fiedler. We exchanged pleasantries and then boarded the flight to Ft. Lauderdale. If memory serves he, as a big time media mogul, rode in the front. He came into the back section to see if there were any government programs available to help the coach passengers. Again we exchanged pleasantries. He observed that I was doing the New York Times crossword in ink. I allowed that there was no other way to do it. He walked to the back of the plane and on his return leg noticed that I had finished.

That was my last puzzle and the last time I bought the paper.

12 years later and both of us have survived.

At least I don’t owe any money to the Frito Bandido.

Kevin Smith

Glenn Garvin The Miami Herald

2011-04-28T12:30:00.000-04:00

April 25, 2011

Glenn Garvin
The Miami Herald
One Herald Plaza
Miami, FL 33132-1693

RE: I guess the old line “If you’re White you’re all right” is still in vogue. Some comments on your article about skin color in the 4/19/11 edition of the Miami Herald.

Mr. Garvin,

Walking back from my first day on the job as a construction worker cum minor league missionary in Huejutla, Mexico – a long, long way from Bayonne, New Jersey – I was struck by two things that have stuck with me.

#1 – Once you drink Mexican beer [La Cerveza Superior and Dos Equis], or for that matter, any beer other than the slop proffered in Norte Americano cantinas back then, you know that “Beer is proof that God loves us”. You learn that Budweiser is the anti-Christ.

#2 – Why were those little Indian kids, kids for whom Spanish was a second language, pulling the hair on my arms?

As to #1…God Bless Samuel Adams for leading the renascence of beer in America! The rule of de gustibus applies but Sierra Nevada Celebration Ale is my new Numero Uno. I was in England when the Campaign for Real Ale began. Simultaneously, Budweiser had begun a huge ad campaign. I told everyone I could that it was a terrible beer, that they wanted Argentina to take over the Falklands, that the company was filled with Francophiles, and that drinking it led to terminally toxic eructations.

As to #2…The first time I saw a well dressed, well spoken, well spoken in that she spoke better English than I spoke Spanish, Mexican woman, a woman whose family was delighted to entertain los gringos jovenes, you couldn’t help but notice [‘cuz you were supposed to] that she had more external hair [underarms, legs, lip] than Cheetah.

The reason was simple:

That was the best way to say “Soy Blanco”. “I am White.”

Nothing has changed in cuarenta y ocho anos.

Kevin Smith

PS – Shakespeare said that he would make it a crime to drink “small beer”. I take that to mean it was the Elizabethian equivalent of Lite Beer. At my daughter’s wedding reception – as a matter of contract - I banned all Lite Beer and all Budweiser products.

Margaret Carlson Bloomberg News

2011-04-28T12:29:00.002-04:00

April 21, 2011

Margaret Carlson
Bloomberg News
1399 New York Avenue
Washington, DC 20005

RE: First rate reportage – Some comments on your column about civic responsibility and lack of same in Washington.

Ms. Carlson,

I was reading your charming article [4/19/11] about the Air Traffic Controller situation and how it got from plain SNAFU to Homeric FUBAR. Oh serendipitous occurrence! I stumbled on 3 gems.

Gem #2 was “Nobody’s ever wrong. Nobody’s ever sorry.”

If embroidered pillows ever come back I’m putting that one in my catalog for recovering modern American Liberals. It’s as if St. Augustine is holding your hand as he says “Halfway through your journey you found yourself in the dark wood of error”. Results don’t count. Intentions are every thing.

Res ipso loquitur…

47 years into the War on Poverty [Thucydides tells us that the dustup between Athens and Sparta only took 29 years. Start to finish it took 6 years to take out the Krauts and the Japs] and there is not even the benefit of an oncoming train for us to stand in front of so it will run us down and end the lingering water boarding of our fellow citizens. Maybe you could get our AMTRAK loving Vice President, the best one we have, the one whose Secret Service name is Curly in honor of the smartest stooge, to get some high ball expresses rolling.

Exit strategy? Don’t be silly.

Mission Creep? Of course.

Results? “Are you serious?” as former Speaker Pelosi, she of the face lift that requires her to pee through her navel, said when asked by an unserious reporter about some racist Tea Party notion called “enumerated powers”.

Intentions? Who could be opposed to helping the chronically underunemloyable? Even worse, they are flogged constantly by the low prices at Wal-Mart, by the dearth of neighborhood Thorazine clinics, and the absence of public transit to get their soon to be feral children to the glories of Midnight Basketball. Their pleas for help can never go unanswered.

“You break it you own it.” That’s what you call a Government created permanent under class.

“Any public policy that involves robbing Peter
to pay Paul will always have Paul’s support.”

“Unfortunately, experience is the only school
where some men will learn.”

The first is how all those modern American Liberals wind up in Washington. The second happens when the country, the culture, and politics skip school.

Gem # 3 was the discovery – and, may I add, I smell Pulitzer – of a typically evil Republican who endangered lives when he exhibited his cavalier attitude while landing his plane. We know that that is worse that driving a car off a bridge and leaving a girl to drown. It is, isn’t it?

Plus, if you dig deeply enough you will find out that this poltroon, Senator Inhofe by name, doesn’t much care if the drowning polar bears, y’know what I’m saying, drown. He figures the fewer the bears the better it is for the baby seals. The Inuit granny on the Eskimo Death Panel iceberg might make it to Russia.

I bet he’s in favor of tax cuts too.

Which leads us back to Gem #1.

You say that “President Bush gave the Presidential Medal of Freedom to 3 three architects of the war in Iraq”.

He got 3/4ths of the members of Congress to vote for him to go to war. Would it be churlish of me to ask if some of the Democrats who sounded like Vercingetorix were “mentioned in dispatches” even if they didn’t win the medal?

Would you think me a cad if I were to point out that at least he went to Congress before he invaded a Muslim country? Would I be uncivil if I were to point out that Libya is a Muslim country? Maybe Senator Reid could give us a definition of “kinetic military action” concomitant with his declaring the “the war is lost’.

It could have been worse.

He could have given the medal to any of tax dodging Florida GIs, the ones who joined up to avoid paying their “fair share”, who were killed in combat. Thanks to you we were able to disenfranchise all those layabouts who thought just because they were in harm’s way their obligation to support ObamaCare was covered.

Speaking of dodging taxes, do you know if Senator Jay Forbes Kerry, AKA Mad Cap Gypsy Lady Tereza’s Boy Toy, ever paid his “fair share” of the taxes due on his New Zealand built boat? Boat is somewhat inadequate to describe that floating Xanadu. I understand it has a ski [snow] slope and an organic cattle ranch inside. Cuba was trying to lease it as their first aircraft carrier. They would use it to protect their soon to be drilled oil wells, the ones that will be within casting distance of Key West.

One of the benefits of being a modern American Liberal is that God blesses them with short memories.

Laus tibi Cristi! I ain’t one of you.

Kevin Smith

Robert Watson, Ph.D.

2011-04-28T12:28:00.004-04:00

April 24, 2011

Robert Watson, Ph.D.
American Studies
Lynn University
3601 N. Military Trail
Boca Raton, FL 33431

RE: “Even paranoiacs have real enemies” – A “tone and tint” lesson in context on your column in today’s Sun-Sentinel Opinion section about the conflict between order and freedom in the Truman era.

My dear Professor,

Any discussion of HUAC, the House Un-American Activities Committee, must include the fact that it was the creature of an overwhelmingly Democratic House and that it was greatly welcomed by a Democratic President.

It must be noted that Senator McCarthy’s first counsel was Robert F. Kennedy, Esq. Yes, that Robert Kennedy. Modern American Liberals, in addition to raising “eclectic indignation” to an art form, have been doubly blessed with “eclectic memories” about which more a bit later.

The right of Congress to investigate, a right that includes both subpoena power and contempt citations, was used by Congress throughout the 20th Century. The Hollywood Ten, Frank Costello, Lillian Hellman, Jimmy Hoffa, John Dean, Oliver North…Day time television at its best!

The highlight of the Watergate Hearings was the morphing of Senator Sam Ervin, a man whose entire public life was dedicated to the proposition that little Black boys would not be in the same classroom with little White girls, into a heroic slayer of evil Republicans.

One of the strong points of modern American Liberalism is the handy paradigmatic template they possess that enables them to turn a lump of coal into a diamond. Thus, Senator Ervin, as strong a segregationist as Senator Bilbo or Senator Fulbright, became a folk hero to the permanently outraged American Left. The rebirth of Senator Byrd [D-WV], nee Deputy Grand Kleagle of the Ku Klux Klan, into a modern day Cicero was spectacularly mind and soul numbing.

You say that

“Truman was aware that, in a larger sense, the anti-Communist paranoia
he faced was the latest manifestation of America’s long and inglorious
struggle against xenophobia, jingoism, and ultra-nationalism as seen in the
Salem witch trials, the Alien and Sedition laws, and the Ku Klux Klan.”

Perhaps the Salem witch trials were a colonial example of “irrational exuberance”. Perhaps it was a case of a community organizer overreaching because he had no czar to rein him in. Res ipso loquitur. When was the last time you heard about witches in Salem?

The Alien and Sedition law did nothing to prevent the Presidential campaign of 1800 from being the dirtiest campaign ever. That they did it without the benefit of Twitter, of e-mail, or even of electricity redounds to their credit.

The campaign of 1864 was marked by the acquiescence of the Democratic Party and the New York Times calling President Lincoln a “baboon”. They also wanted a negotiated settlement with the South, a settlement that would have left slavery in place.

Who said that Democracy was pretty?

Did the ascension of Senator Byrd to a position of great influence in the government, forgive me, white wash the Klan?

As to the general “paranoia” of the era it is also well to note that there really was a bear in the woods. Further, that bear meant to harm us.

Recently revealed Russian documents show a conscious pattern of duplicity and of deceit designed to dominate us. They used “useful idiots”, people such as Walter Duranty, Margaret Sanger, and Henry Wallace, to further their ends.

One of the other “inconvenient truths” of this age of paranoia is that there were 170,000 American casualties in Korea. Of these some 54,000 were killed. 18,000 a year. 1,500 a month. 400 a week. Almost 60 a day. 2.5 an hour.

While this butcher’s bill was being paid Lillian Hellman was caterwauling about how she only made $100,000 in 1952. I’m sorry that the Weavers never got to produce a Christmas album. The ideological biases of NPR and PBS are just a case of same feet, different shoes.

As to the Rosenbergs, I believe that History would be well served if we were to disinter them once a year to make sure that they really are dead. Just to be sure have their sad sacked treasonous asses wired up and fired up again. An armed guard, with bayonets pointing in, should be used the other 364 days of the year lest they escape and, like the infamous ideological incubus/succubus combination that they were, do yet more harm to the common weal.

Kevin Smith

Congressperson Debbie Wasserman-Schultz Democratic National Chairgal

2011-04-28T12:28:00.001-04:00

April 21, 2011

Congressperson Debbie Wasserman-Schultz
Democratic National Chairgal
430 S. Capitol St. SE
Washington, DC 20003

RE: Here are two questions his bum kissers at Tweeter missed

Dear Debbie the Democratic Doyenne,

It seems that the President, AKA Lord Barack the Beneficent, had a rigged Q&A session.

His planted acolytes at Twizzle asked him questions that he knew were coming. Doubtless, he rehearsed his answers. That’s why, when asked how old he was when he first walked on water, he was able to deflect it with such ease. When asked if it were necessary to touch but the hem of his garment to cure the heartbreak of psoriasis or would having his shadow pass over the sick person he showed genuine modesty. The goons at Twexxle were quite impressed.

Once you can fake “genuine” ObamaCare was a snap.

I would like you to ask him what his favorite color is.

I vote for plaid but motley has much support.

Get back to me ASAP, please.

Kevin Smith

Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman-Schultz Democratic National Chairperson

2011-04-20T13:48:00.002-04:00

April 20, 2011

Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman-Schultz
Democratic National Chairperson
430 S. Capitol Street, SE
Washington, DC 20003

RE: Kerygma with strong note to follow

Dearest Darling Debbie-Debbie,

First, the good news.

657 islands have just been discovered.

It is not known whether the islands or their discovery or both were caused by the Obama Stimulus Program. What is known is that they weren’t there before the Great One was sworn in. I remember him saying, just before he walked on water, that the “oceans would stop rising” as soon as soon as he became the Big Boss Man.

Since it happened on his watch he gets the credit.

I was going to give you a primer, a refresher tutorial if you will, on Rhetoric and its evil spawn, Sophistry. Since you claim to have two degrees in Political Science you would be academically familiar with them. [You are, aren’t you?] It is always good to have a refresher course that focuses on the fundamentals.

I was interrupted by news of Congressman Russ Carnahan [D-MO] telling Congressman Lacy Clay [D-MO] to engage in the anatomically impossible act of monogenesis. The exact language was “Go fuck yourself”. I don’t know whether that could be construed as a hate crime but I do know that no Member may be held accountable in any other place for anything said on the floor. Thus, when Congressman Clay said, “Fuck me? Fuck you!” there could be no untoward consequences save for the fast disappearing notion of civil discourse and reasoned debate.

You were like a modern day Jeremiah when you told us that “bile and vitriol were tearing us apart at the seams”.

Was the exchange “bile”? Was it “vitriol”? Which seams were being rended?

The preponderance of evidence says it was neither Rhetoric nor was it Sophistry. It was just 2 potty mouthed modern American Liberals who didn’t get your memo about being nice, particularly if you are a Republican. No big deal.

Yesterday, Lord Barack told a room filled with college students – perhaps whining narcissists would be a better way of describing them – that “we can’t spend what we don’t have”. The students nodded approvingly. A quick survey would have confirmed that Women’s Studies, 3rd World Karma, Black Studies and Veganism – A Way of Life were the predominant Majors. If the Emcee
- said “Free Ockham’s Razors” there would have been a stampede to the beauty supply store.

Most of them would have bet that the word “fallacy” was first found in “The Vagina Monologues”.

He did this while he still had writer’s cramp from signing a budget that has a projected deficit of $1,400,000,000,000. I hope I have enough zeros. The projected deficit of $1,400,000,000,000 is almost four times the actual deficit of President Bush’s last budget. You’ve been in Congress long enough to know that projected and actual are like parallel lines: they never meet.

$1,400,000,000,000

Oh filthy lucre but I love writing that number. I would normally mention a drunken sailor but that demeans drunken sailors. They earn it before they spend it. Lord BoBo borrowed it.

$1,400,000,000,000

If I keep writing that I will need massive doses of ObamaCare for carpal tunnel syndrome. [I understand that the secret protocol he signed on his Muslim apology tour last year includes the adoption of Sharia rehab practices. “If thy hand is cramped cut it off, praise Allah!”] OOPS! I forgot. You think the term ObamaCare is offensive and should be banned as being “disrespectful” to the President. I don’t know whether it falls into the ordure emanating vat labeled “bile” or into the noxious urn labeled “vitriol”.

Would you think it “ironic” – Damn those Greeks! – that the 2008 Nobel Peace Prize winner has the jailer of the 2010 Nobel Peace Prize Winner over for dinner? And in the White House?

This week’s message should be the new islands. Talk about Going Green!

Don’t send the cops after me. My wife is unwell.

Kevin Smith

Debbie Wasserman-Schultz Democratic National Committee

2011-04-20T13:47:00.006-04:00

April 17, 2011

Debbie Wasserman-Schultz
Democratic National Committee
430 S. Capitol Street, SE
Washington, DC 20003

RE: Do let’s be beastly to the Brits!

Dear Debbie, Debbie, the Doyenne of Democratic Divas

I know how devoted you are to over representing under represented groups, in particular any group that has never enjoyed a prostrate gland. That’s why I have some bad news for you.

The only way a girl gets to be Queen of England is when she kills her brothers.

Who knew?

I am not talking about marrying the King. I am talking about opening Parliament, having all those Guards Regiments salute you, and having your mug on coins, currency, and stamps. If there are any British war ships left the letter “H” on the stern stands for you.

The Crown of Saint Edward will not be worn by any Edwina unless she takes a cue from that old crookback, Richard the 3rd, and kills her nephews. Subtlety was not his strong suit. He had their throats sliced in the game room of the Tower. Who says a chick can’t do it? Think Lady Macbeth.

Henry the 5th, AKA “The Scourge of God”, did not exhort the “band of sisters” to kill the French. It’s time to put an end to centuries of discrimination. If the UK can survive an Edward the 8th it can survive a Queen Gaga.

Use the above as a brief History lesson.

Although you claim to have 2 degrees in Political Science your public statements and subsequent actions would suggest that your knowledge of politics begins with Tammany Hall scams, Hudson County kickbacks, and Cook County recounts. It ends with purple shirted SEIU Nazi thugs beating up old people in wheelchairs and treating America to Kristallnacht Lite.

The perfect codicil would include “You suck” and “You’re fucking dead”.

Maybe you were right when you said “bile and vitriol are tearing us apart at the seams”.

Since your lack of knowledge about Political Science is painfully obvious I shudder if your knowledge of History were ever subject to independent measure. An adult FCAT, if you will.

Hence, the thumbnail History lesson of English monarchial succession. Since it is Palm Sunday consider it an act of Christian charity.

It’s easy to point out a problem. In this case it’s as blatant a case of gender discrimination this side of Mecca. If you are a girl and the first born of a reigning monarch your shot at prime time hinges on one word – vasectomy.

Having pointed out the problem I now proffer a solution.

It will not involve “kinetic military action”.

It will be a burn your bra, ERA forever, I’ll hold my own Goddamn door, so what if I have to sit down to pee, let Princess Ann be a striker for MAN-U, full blown chickies only, MASS MOON when Kate and Billy Boy get married.

A gaggle of females gathering in front of the British Embassy in DC, the one where Kim Philby worked, will do a massive “drawer drop” when those crazy kids get married.

As befitting your position as head Hecate you will be in charge.

Some names leap to mind.

Hillary Clinton and her rechanneled buddy, Eleanor Roosevelt. Just to show that there are no hard feelings, Monica Lewinsky. Nancy Pelosi. Madeline Albright. Barbara Mikulski. Whoopi Goldberg. Janet Reno. Cher. Bella Abzug. Kate Smith [no relation] Aunt Jemima. Barbara Boxer. Sonia Sotomayor, and if she can’t make it, Elena Kagan.

Tight. Ax handle and a half wide. Dead. Steatyagonous. Homeric. Black. Frequently scratched. Never snuggling. Maybe you should have an open casting call.

The highlight, the show stopper, will be Michele Obama.

You may need the Marine Chinook helicopter to get her there. She’s the only woman I know whose foundation garments are also known as flying buttresses. Her sun glasses look like they came from Chartres. Her sun hat doubles as a main sail on a 12 meter yacht. Scratch the last one. Since we’re berating the Brits let’s say her sun hat is such that Nelson could have used it at Trafalgar.

If we can get a skilled Torah writer her keister could contain the Declaration of Independence, the Paris Treaty of 1783, the Lend Lease Act, and all the Rolling Stone lyrics.

British governments have fallen for less.

If that doesn’t work we can ban all products with the name Macallan on the label. Next to go will be bangers and mash followed by Spotted Dick and Boxing Day

If that doesn’t change their perfidious ways – What do you expect from a country nicknamed Albion? – we’ll bring back Guy Fawkes.

Queen GaGa the 1st has a regal sound, doesn’t it?

Kevin Smith

Debbie Wasserman-Schultz Democratic National Committee

2011-04-20T13:47:00.003-04:00

April 16, 2011

Debbie Wasserman-Schultz
Democratic National Committee
430 S. Capitol St. SE
Washington, DC 20003

RE: “Are manners dead”?
Dearest Debbie-Debbie,

It is, of course, a play on words, words snatched from a movie line.

In “The Private Lives of Henry the Eighth” Charles Laughton, playing the King superbly well even though he was cast against type, tears a roast chicken apart as he complains about the crudity of his court. “Manners are dead”, he roars.

On March 19, 2011 Lynn Martinez, a local TV anhcorette, interviewed President Obama, AKA Lord Barack the Beneficent.

Two things became instantly obvious:

#1 – He did not stand up when she came into the room.
#2 – He did not know her name.

I know we are still trying to get our etymological arms around “kinetic military action”. I know that $4.29 a gallon gasoline and deficits that are uncountable, while horrendous when the President’s name is Bush, are OK when the President was a community organizer and an alumnus of the Chicago School of In Your Face Don’t Bring a Knife to a Gunfight Interpersonal Relations. I know that 100% of the Democratic Senators who voted against raising the debt ceiling in 2006 will vote 100% for it in 2001. [Don’t bother checking. There was a Republican in the White House in 2006] I knot that a special “Chicks Only” wing is going to have to be built at the Broward County Pokey to handle all the indicted, convicted, and imprisoned distaff crooks, all of whom are modern American Liberals.

What I don’t know is why no one ever told your boss, that swine, anything about manners.

Even if you only had an “average White grandmother” you would have been told to get up when a woman entered the room. Perhaps cross cultural differences can explain it; perhaps not. He has a half-brother living in a mud hut who bites the heads off chickens and an aunt in Boston who has worked the system as well as he has. Maybe it’s a genetic thing.

Presumptively, the Secret Service knew what Sra. Martinez had for breakfast and what color her bloomers were. Couldn’t someone have written her name on a 3x5 card and given it to him? Maybe part of his culture discourages manners.

I haven’t yet decided whether to call him BaBa or BoBo.

Either one will not change the fact that he is an ill mannered lout.

Why don’t you put together a “Miss Debbie-Debbie’s Guide to PC Etiquette”? Skip the part about which fork or spoon to use.

Just tell him he shouldn’t pick his nose [in public]

I hope it is not necessary to tell him that he shouldn’t pick his friend’s nose either in public or in private.

Tell him anyway.

Kevin Smith

Gary Stein The Sun-Sentinel

2011-04-20T13:46:00.002-04:00

April 13, 2011

Gary Stein
The Sun-Sentinel
200 E. Las Olas Blvd.
Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33301

RE: What were you thinking? Some comments on your column about elections, the legislature, and the people, God Damn them.

Mr. Stein,

On a day when Nancy Pelosi, former Speaker of the House, a person #3 on the list to sit in the Oval Office should a disaster of Homeric proportions have befallen Washington, says “elections shouldn’t matter as much as they do” you compound her gaffe by revealing another modern American Liberals secret when you cite uber Liberal Florida State Senator Nan Rich thus:

“She really wanted to get it settled in the courts,
where it belongs.”

Where it belongs?

I suggest that the political turmoil surrounding abortion would have been less if it had gone through a legislative process rather than being imposed by judicial ukase.

In the end, abortion is the only sacrament and the only major creed in the church of modern American Liberalism. You can vote for or against debt ceilings depending on which party has the White House. Also, invading a Muslim country is OK as long as your name isn’t George W. Bush. No one, but no one, dares to break ranks with the NARAL play book. So strong is the blood oath that modern American Liberals, particularly the noxious Broward County version, take that Dr. Mengele would win any Democratic primary he entered here. He was decades ahead in his progressive views on abortion.

This country is a representative Democracy. “A Republic, if you can keep it”, being Benjamin Franklin’s still valid answer when asked what was given to the country in 1787 by the Constitutional Convention.

Would you be so sanguine about getting it “settled”, getting anything settled, in a Court where the majority opinion was authored by Justice Scalia? Would you use Justice Alito or Justice Breyer as the paradigmatic template for the one perfect Judge?

I would mention Edmund Burke and The Federalist Papers but I fear you might think me an elitist. Why is the Rule of Law thought to be from one of Jupiter’s minor moons?

In February, 2009, when asked a question by a Republican Congressman, Lord Barack the Beneficent said, “There was an election. We won.” The people began to reverse 2008 in 2010.

The people of Florida will have a chance to reverse 2010 should they so desire. Perhaps you feel, a la Nancy Pelosi, that “elections shouldn’t matter as much as they do”. Didn’t the President say that the Chinese have a better way of doing things?

I guess one of the problems that modern American Liberals always face on any Election Day is that sometimes the wrong guys win.

Should we bring back literacy tests?

Kevin Smith

Debbie Wasserman-Schultz Democratic National Committee

2011-04-20T13:45:00.003-04:00

April 15, 2011

Debbie Wasserman-Schultz
Democratic National Committee
430 S. Capitol St. SE
Washington, DC 20003

RE: Tax Day, the anniversary of the RMS Titanic failing to make port, happy talk, and Broward county Pols who will soon have their own chapter in the next Guinness Book under the heading “Girl Pols Gone Wild”.

Debbie, Debbie,

You may not have noticed what with having to keep Curly Biden – Curly? Named in honor of the Smartest Stooge and the rumor that you should address is that he wears dark suits because he wets his pants a lot – awake when Lord Barack the Beneficent is telling lies in public but some other turds are popping up in the punch bowl. For the record let me say that I know that he is lying in public because there is a teleprompter in front of him and, yes, he is moving his lips. It is a Fail-Safe test. When his pants go on fire it’s like gilding a lily.

It’s been a tough month for Broward County pols, particularly the ladies, and may I say God Bless ‘em. These broads are running out of glass ceilings to crash through. Even though Broward County pol and thoroughly modern American Liberal are interchangeable terms it is always good to announce who and what they are.

Tom Eliot, that old English cat lover, was right.

“April is the cruelest month…”

Diana Wasserman-Rubin, Broward’s first Juban to have a mug shot taken, with her husband tip-toeing up the steps of the Federal Court House to the door marked “plea bargains”…

Sylvia Poitier, and if Gone With The Wind has a second life there will be no need to call Central Casting, whose husband may not be a Prince but that’s his name…

Stacy Ritter, Lois Wexler, Deputy Mayor Calabash Tobasco-Flashman, Beverly Gallagher, Cindi Hutchinson, inter alia. The reason why I feel like I am in a coven of felonious Amazons who belong to a sorority with an initiation rite of stealing the pennies off a dead man’s eyes is because I am.

I speak for my gender when I say it is time for some male crooks.

Didn’t you prattle on about your generation – “particularly females” – being “underrepresented”? Imagine if the ERA had passed. We would be building prisons on the friggin’ moon to keep these thieving “Colonels’ ladies and Rosie O’Gradys” locked up.

Don’t tell that to the defense lawyers, bail bonders [note the androgynous term], and people who tailor the orange suits so favored by “alleged perps” when they come shackled to their arraignment.

Forget about any Mexican cartels.

This is the Little Women, and who says you need testicles to have Big Brass Balls, Ladies with Red Hats, the hats doubling as Loot Bags, and the steps at City Hall are up for grabs, sewing circle and remember that Fagin and Dismas had daughters marching society, book club, and doyennes of the Five Finger Discount Ladies’ Auxiliary. Imagine if the ERA

We may have to use some “kinetic military action” to get “regime change” in Broward County. It sounds like a job for Wonder Woman. Why don’t you try it?

As ChairChick of the National Democratic Party I feel it is my duty to tell you that some of your charges are going off message.

You gave a speech in January about civil discourse and reasoned debate. You said “bile and vitriol” were “tearing us apart at the seams”. The net result was one Democratic member of the Wisconsin legislature shouting “You suck” at another member. That was followed up with a member screaming “You’re fucking dead” at another member. Alas, there is no mystery here. The “bile and vitriol” pitchers were both Democrats. The catchers were both Republicans.

Now we have a Democratic member, Margo David, of the Pennsylvania legislature who asked while she was on the Floor and the Assembly was in session if it would be “OK to blow Republican member Daryl Metcalfe’s brains out”. In Ms. David’s defense let it be said that she did not engage in hate speech. It is a well known fact that Ms. David believes that Islam is a religion of peace.

Since today is the traditional Tax Day I think you should tell Secretary of State Clinton to file an extension. [I am pretty sure that her husband, Handsome Billy from Hot Springs, now a citizen of the Republic of Soros files his taxes on the Kingdom of Sark.] She owes anywhere from $400,000 to $7,000,000 to Democratic pollster Mark Penn since 2007. The reason why the discrepancy is so huge is that the crack green eye shades from Fanny Mae, Freddy Mac, Sallie Mae, and Daisy Mae are doing the books. This may shock and amaze you but pollster Penn got several millions of dollars form the hugely successful Obama Stimulus Program. Nothing like finding a “shovel ready” job when you really need one.

The Titanic reference is straightforward.

Sometimes things right in front of you can’t be seen.

There is an iceberg forming now that is the size of Rhode Island. Pretty soon it is going to be as big as New England. By November, 2012 it is going to be so big that the only valid comparison will be with the deficit, the debt, and the cascading realization that the guy with his hand on both the button and our wallets is a horse’s ass.

All ahead full!

Kevin Smith

Senator Barbara Mikulski

2011-04-20T13:44:00.002-04:00

April 13, 2011

Senator Barbara Mikulski
212 W. Main St, #200
Salisbury, MD 21801

RE: Debt ceiling vote and “Easter Duty”

Senator Mikulski,

I read your bio before writing this letter.

You say that you are undecided about your vote on raising the Federal debt ceiling. Further, you say that Republicans are “extreme” and that “they don’t know anything about economics”.

From your bio it seems that you missed a chance to learn economics from the ground up.

Your parents ran a corner grocery store. At the end of the day the cash register told them whether they had made the right choices. Cheese. How many kinds? Salads. What kind of pickles? How much rice pudding compared to tapioca. Who gets credit? Rye with seeds versus without. Chrischicki. Prune or cheese Danish. How many of each? Who doesn’t get credit? At some point the books had to balance or the key wouldn’t work the next day. The cash register was the umpire. It was a game without Mulligans.

Too bad you didn’t learn from them.

My Uncle Adam said it perfectly.

“What is prudent in running the affairs of a household
can scarce be folly in running the affairs of an empire.”

As to Easter Duty…I count 16 years of Catholic education fused into your DNA. How do you square the circle of abortion for a modern American Liberal who was a Catholic before debt ceilings became important? Either it’s a sin or it isn’t. Easter Duty, anyone?

Kevin Smith

Debbie Wasserman-Schultz Democratic National Committee

2011-04-20T13:43:00.007-04:00

April 13, 2011

Debbie Wasserman-Schultz
Democratic National Committee
430 S. Capitol Street, SE
Washington, DC 20003

RE: The hits just keep coming!

Darling Debbie, Debbie,

You probably don’t even now where the Executive John – Excuse me. The Executive Jane. – is and already your plate is filled.

Before I get to some of the foot in mouth national Democrats – Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid – I have some refreshing news from Broward County.

Deerfield Beach Commissioner Sylvia Poitier, nee Broward County Commissioner Sylvia Poitier, she of the minority hotel scam, is about 2 or 3 “embarrassing short and curlies” away from being indicted.

To her credit she was trying to help her brother.

He was owed $47,000 by an “out reach” agency. The mission statement of all political entities with the words “out reach” in them is to make Mother Teresa seem like Scrooge at his pre-redemption best. They are best at “out reaching” into the tax payers’ pocket. Thus, they are a favorite cul-de-sac for modern American Liberal pols to get a promising new comer some valuable community organizer experience. They have been known as a place to give an aging hack one more bite of the public apple before he heads to the sunset. Sometimes debts are settled via the public teat.

Her brother was owed $47,000 by one such nest of vipers. How he got $47,000 and why he lent it to them is the stuff of afternoon TV. She tried to get a $75,000 grant to cover his bill and to provide some walking around money. The problem is simple. She didn’t tell any one that the swag would benefit her brother. Now she’s telling it to a Grand Jury. Look for her to be making the Perp Walk shortly.

Don’t you just hate it when bad things happen to bad people?

I’ll say this for her.

She ain’t just another pretty face.

But I digress.

Former Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi, a woman who was on the short list to become President if a disaster were to befall Washington, said she didn’t much like elections. To be precise:

“But the fact is that elections shouldn’t matter as much as they do.”

The presumption, much buttressed by facts, “the evidence of your own eyes” so to say, is that she knows better than the Great Unwashed, untermenschen all. She will help them even if they don’t want to be helped. After all, they are just “bitter clingers”, aren’t they?

“Are you serious?” was her response to a question about where it said in the Constitution that ObamaCare was within the province of Congress. [You may wish to familiarize yourself with the antique concept of “enumerated powers”.]

The woman reeks of “non-malodorous fecal matter syndrome”. Search and rescue dogs begin to howl like crazed canine Banshees if they come within a quarter mile of her.

You have your work cut out for you today.

I expect you to stand in front of a national TV camera and say that while she said it she didn’t mean to say it and are you going to believe me or your lying ears.

Your problem with Senator Reid is small potatoes.

When he recites the Pledge of Allegiance he omits the words “under G-d”.

Solzhenitsyn, a victim of G-dless statism if ever there were one, said that man’s woes began when he “turned away from G-d”. Modern American Liberals are very uncomfortable when talking about any deity save for Allah.

People in your job have to spend some time in the barrel.

Good luck.

I’ll be taking notes.

Kevin Smith

PS – About your hair. I think you risk losing part of your message if your audience thinks you are auditioning for “Dancing with Medusa”.

Debbie Wasserman-Schultz Democratic National Committee

2011-04-20T13:43:00.005-04:00

The Editors Human Events

2011-04-20T13:43:00.002-04:00

April 17, 2011

The Editors
Human Events
One Massachusetts Avenue, NW
Washington, DC 20001

RE: America’s Sweetheart – Debbie Wasserman-Schultz

Sirs,

The picture of Little Debbie shows her in her not quite open casting call mode for Medusa – The Musical.

Standing behind her is former Congressman Kendrick Meek.

What ever her faults, and they are legion, Debbie Debbie is bright and shrewd. He much reminds me of a box of hammers. Plus, he couldn’t find his ass using both his hands. His shoes have notes on them that say “toes to the front”. His mother, former Congresslady Carrie Meek, isn’t exactly a day at the beach either.

Debbie and I go back a long way.

I enclose two letters, one of which is dated September 18, 2001. The other is of more recent vintage. There have been many more before and in between.

I’ll say this for her: She never lets you down.

Kevin Smith

Debbie Wasserman-Schultz Democratic National Committee

2011-04-20T13:42:00.002-04:00

April 12, 2011

Debbie Wasserman-Schultz
Democratic National Committee
430 S. Capitol St. SE
Washington, DC 20003

RE: News from the home front plus a new threat from an old enemy

Ms. Debbie-Debbie,

This morning’s Sun-Sentinel has a headline that says, “In Florida, women make $7,013 less than men”.

Yesterday, the same paper reported that you stood for the “Middle class and less fortunate”. Further, you said that you ran for office to help a “generation of under-represented women”.

This wage disparity cannot stand. Why having a penis is worth almost $600 a month than a vagina is incomprehensible.

The thought that lady teachers, lady letter carriers, lady basketball players, lady talk show hosts, lady neurosurgeons, and lady members of Congress are paid $7,013 less than their piggish male counterparts – How in the name of Kumbaya and “Can’t we all just get along” and “Don’t stop thinking about tomorrow” can Congressman Alan West make $7,013 more than you? - makes me want to have a big league hissy-fit. My knickers will be knotted for the rest of the morning, that’s how enraged am I.

The solution is simple.

Each year, at half time of the Orange Bowl, every female in Florida gets a check for $7,013. Although this will not qualify as a “shovel ready” job left over from the “summer of recovery” it will go a long way to easing the burden of the undeserving poor. How many unemployed, underemployed, and underunemloyabled census workers do we have? Quien sabe? Once they distribute the checks they will qualify for life time unemployment benefits. In fact, a case can be made for unemployment checks being made perpetual. Once you’re in the system they become part of your estate. You can will them to your heirs. You remember that former Speaker Pelosi – “former Speaker Pelosi” defines euphony, doesn’t it? - told us that the two quickest ways to stimulate the economy were food stamps and unemployment checks.

The hardest part of this job will be to convince Uncle Wong, our Cheshire Cat smiling Chinese banker, to lend us the money. Since you are known for your charm, your wit, your sense of humor, your grace, your jennysayqwa, you may want to take a shot at the old guy yourself. Besides, I hear the food is great. If he demurs tell him you’ll tell the world about foot binding.

As always, you go girl!

The “new threat from an old enemy” is far more serious.

I remember how your eyes went up and down and side to side like a Seminole slot machine when oil went to $147 a barrel and gasoline was $4.25 a few years ago.

The reason this happened when George W. Bush was President was simple: His Vice President, Darth Cheney, in league with his evil invisible twin, the satanic Vlad Cheney, manipulated the oil market and then the gasoline market. We both thought they were gone when Lord Barack the Beneficent ascended into the White House. Silly us!

Highly reliable sources, sources that must remain anonymous, inform us that they are holed up in the Energy Department. They are disguised as upper level weenie bureaucrats. The reason they fit in so well is that their cover story says that they never worked a day in their lives, that they never spudded a well, that they never lost a tool down the hole, and that they never dealt with a cracked pipe. In other words, they never produced a barrel of oil. Other than having a government issued credit card that enables them to say “Fill’er up” with sassy insouciance they exhibit no knowledge, no knowledge as in none, of the energy business. What a perfect cover! Talk about hiding in plain sight!

Here’s my plan. I hope you adopt it.

You lead a raid on the Department of Energy.

The tip of the spear will consist of a brigade of Amazons who are paid $7,013 a year less than their male counterparts. Have the ladies of NPR with you. No offers of a truce to discuss terms, no nonsense about non-combatants being allowed to leave, none of the Geneva Convention clap trap about rules. Napalm, poison gas, Predators, looping tapes of The View, Star Wars, Big Bertha, Bigger Bertha, Biggest Bertha, most of Michael Moore fired from a Spud Gun, Colonel North strapped to the front of the lead tank, and former Congresswoman Carrie Meek leading the charge in her ill-gotten Escalade.

Once you are about to give the order to open fire one of those reluctant Boedacias from NPR will probably say that we have some friends in there. Your answer, the only answer possible or acceptable, will be “Kill them all. God will know His own.”

You may never again have to define “kinetic military action”

Kevin Smith

PS – About that $7,013 a year male/female pay differential…It has been documented that some male pole dancers have to pay $7,013 just to get a shot at the pole. I thought you should know.