June 16, 2019 Perhaps not quite on the league of “in the end is my beginning” but let’s start at the end.

June 16, 2019

Perhaps not quite on the league of “in the end is my beginning” but let’s start at the end.

A part-time Mississippi Postmaster gave a speech in 1950 that contained a life-affirming exhortation, one that if he were to give it today, would earn him venomous, vituperative obloquy.

“MAN WILL NOT ONLY ENDURE: HE WILL PREVAIL.”

We fast forward to this morning’s Miami Herald travel section. It’s as good a place as any to launch a shit-for-brains polemic cum Philippic about, you guessed it, GLOBALCOOLINGGLOBAL WARMINGCLIMATECHNAGECLIMATEDESTRUCTION.

“THE AVERAGE AMERICAN CAUSES THROUGH HIS/HER

GREENHOUSE GAS EMISSIONS SUFFERING AND/OR 

DEATHS OF TWO FUTURE PEOPLE.”

THE MIAMI HERALD

TODAY 

PAGE 12M

Before I switch to the last minute heroics that saved the piping plover, a bird closely associated with the Jersey shore – That’s New, not Isle of or specific bovine – a bird I grew up admiring and spent numerous summers trying to trap, let me add that one solution to the vexing problem of the deaths of future lads and lasses because of my narcissistic practices would be mandatory, unlimited abortion. That’s the only guaranteed way to spare future generations from being indiscriminately murdered.

Back to the friggin’ bird

A series of concerts at a Federal Sea preserve has been canceled because a gaggle of pregnant piping plovers has been found to be nesting there. 

No big deal ‘cuz the music was all geared to exercisers of White Privilege. Guys like Mozart, Frank Sinatra, Hank Williams, Rogers & Hart, and to honor our President, “Zippeedoodah”, from the long outlawed “Song of the South”, with porch Negroes doing backup and harmony.

Andy Newman wrote the article for the New York Times, a paper partly owned by famed Mexican lardon, El Frito Bandido, a paper that favored slavery, a paper that called Lincoln a “baboon”, a paper that turned a blind eye to the KuKluxKlan, a paper that ignored the deaths of either side of 8,000,000 Kulaks, with Kulaks being short hand for Jews – Jeepers! That’s some DNA, ain’t it?

Stop the presses!

Good news from Hong Kong and China.

The Chinks have announced that they will no longer

snatch people off the streets of Hong Kong and try

them – How do you say “Star Chamber” in Mandarin” – 

in Sumdumfuk province.

Florida has outlawed Sanctuary Cities. That means that 

Calhoun’s Theory of Nullification, officially outlawed at

Appomattox in 1865, is still verboten.

Start the presses!

There is a picture of Venice in the article with the attached statement. It says “Rising waters are particularly acute in place like Venice”. 2 things leap to mind:

#1 – I have memories of a huge photo spread of Venice in Life magazine in the late ‘50s. It warned us that Venice didn’t have long to live. The “Missile Gap” was upon us which Kennedy said he would fix. The United States would defend Quemoy and Matsu and tax cuts would get the county “moving again” and into the New Frontier. And Venice would sink. So there.

#2 – Around the same time, Bing Crosby was warning us of the demise of the Atlantic salmon. I am not sure but it was a short-timer. Tell that to Whole Foods.

#1A – I swear to God that the picture has a palm tree in it. I stayed in the Danielli in Venice. It was the apex of sybarism. There wasn’t a palm tree in sight.

Scribe Newman, who makes Seinfeld’s nemesis of the same name seem like a stand-up guy, is trying to justify a family trip to France flying in a jet.

He says he will “buy enough offsets to capture the annual methane emanations of a dozen cows”. He has hit the sacred gong of the Blessed Trinity of modern American Liberals in one sentence: Horse’s Ass, Pompous Fart, and Smarmy Bastard. And to think we outlawed flogging! 

I am starting a Go Fund me page for a vasectomy by commercial-sized Cuisinart for poltroon Newman. If he has children, I hope they are adopted. 

His line must end.

Kevin Smith

WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET