July 21, 2019 Father O’Toole would be mad but talking about Puerto Rico,

July 21, 2019

Father O’Toole would be mad but talking about Puerto Rico, the latest example of a Latin American country flirting with “shit-hole” status, leads to constructing durable universals from never ending tangible, God-awful examples of particulars. No matter how many particulars there are, there are never enough to construct a truthful or valid universal, or so the above-named priest taught me decades ago. Thank God that Clio, my favorite muse, was lingering nearby.

Haiti is a place that makes Cook county look like Geneva. What the Hell happened to all the loot that Clinton/Bush raised after the last hurricane, earthquake, tsunami. plague, famine, cholera outbreak, psoriasis outbreak, mass identity theft, an outbreak of alopecia, locusts, boils, a cyclone of stripes and plaids? Truly there is no end to troubled days.

And I hate to be a judge but what happens after each and every single tree is cut down for firewood? There are better ways to cook dinner, aren’t there?

I’ll say this for Poppa Doc. 

If he had trains, they would run on time.

Which brings us to Argentina.

200 years of SNAFU to FUBAR.

If God ever blessed a place it was Argentina.

Snap shot memories of Argentina, not to be confused with Rich Coast or Rich Port, must include a President who cherished his autographed picture of Hitler, his hooker wife being considered for sainthood, predictable default on international obligations, a continuous disregard for the rule of law, a climate and soil that has allowed omadhauns to grow wheat and raise cattle, and the grifter’s ability to recognize that if fools have money it is his duty to separate them.

Papa Francisco was raised in Buenos Aires by an upper middle-class family. His father, like Curly Biden’s father, was quick to recognize the “buttered side from the dry”. And when he saw his opportunities, “he took’em”. Alas, he still thinks that that is the business model that enabled this country to put a man on the moon, perfect the ZIPPO lighter, the hula hoop, the TV remote, and cure polio. Which is why people come from all over the world and are willing to die to get in.

And that’s why he proves, every time he speaks about the City of Man, that William F. Buckley Jr. was right when he spoke about the Catholic Church post Vatican 2 as Mater si, Magistra no.

Natural resources – What else, other than the work product of its intellect, does Hong Kong or Switzerland export? – an excess of protein – Did protein give us the Renaissance? Send a SASE – it should be in the top tier of countries. It isn’t. In almost 200 years of identifiable sovereignty it has made but one lasting contribution to the Western Canon: the tango. And let the record show that they stole that from the Eye-Ties. From the South, I believe

Must I speak of Paraguay? 

Which brings us back to Puerto Rico.

3 years before I was a Peace Corps volunteer there, I worked 2 years for a frozen food company whose sole overseas customer was the Puerto Rican food industry. Although hot stoves were seldom needed there, trust me, if they appeared in bulk los ladrones would have stolen them in bulk. And they wouldn’t have been too proud to ask for help.

My Hudson County, New Jersey background came in handy when I was building what would be called low income housing near Utuado. I knew, being from Bayonne, what it meant when the inspector was always hanging around.

Thievery in Puerto Rico, corruption in government are double-helixed into its DNA. It’s what they are born to do. 

The Governor and the loud mouth bruja alcalde de San Juan should be flogged.

I look, in vain, for Latin American success stories. Individuals? Si como no; countries? No!

If I were to mention Cuba and Venezuela would that be piling on?

Puerto Rico is the catcher on the shot-put team because that’s what they want. If they didn’t want it, they would change it. Colombia did.

I won’t cry for you.

WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET

July 18, 2019 Why This Country’s Best Days Are Ahead of Us

July 18, 2019

Why This Country’s Best Days Are Ahead of Us

Since I am folliclely challenged hair care is not high on my “to do” list. From time to time, and to express my undying support of Israel, I sport the Ben-Gurion look. Smooth as a baby’s bottom on top but sporting stiff necked dreadlocks and unable to find any more Kirkman’s Octagon soap, I went to the Dollar Store.

Cuidado! Muy Peligroso!

Don’t buy anything edible there,

particularly the $1 rib-eye.

I have in front of me a 12.5 oz plastic bottle of Alberto VO5 Strawberries & Cream with soy milk protein but without paraben and silicone. I am not sure what paraben is but I sure as Hell don’t want any of it in my ear.

I think Publix sells it for about $4.50 a bottle. Thanks to “creative destruction”, as outlined by the great Schumpeter, I was able to lavage my locks for a buck a bottle.

Somewhere a business selling the above was entering a death roll. Some dreaded middle-men swooped in and bought all the inventory prior to the coroner’s final report. It wound up on the shelves of the local Dollar Store where I, a disabled senior citizen living on a fixed income, was able to enjoy the benefits of a softening and shining shampoo.

Is this a great country or what? The still legendary Big Mike from Bayonne still says, “That’s why you never see anybody swimming to Cuba.” We have the innate ability to turn chicken shit into chicken salad.

And that’s why it’s morning in America again

Prudence dictates that you still give the fish-eye the $1 rib-eye

I just watched Ken Langone of EDS and Home Depot fame announce that he will give $100,000,000 to the NYU Langone School of Medicine. That will bring his total to $450,000,000. With his last donation he will try to make the school tuition free.

White Privilege?

I spent an uncomfortable, somewhat distressful, afternoon at the Phil Smith Neuroscience Center at Holy Cross Hospital in Fort Lauderdale, last September. How do you get your name on a hospital? In the first example, $450,000,000 changed hands. In the second, the agio was $7,500,000.

I met Langone several times. I had lunch with Phil Smith, a devoted e-mail fan, 3 times. Their commercial success was predicated on a Thoreau simplicity; he bought cars wholesale and sold them retail. In Langone’s case it was a bit less simple. He convinced people to give him money so he could give it to other people who had strange ideas. One, Ross Perot and his company EDS, provided much more efficient bookkeeping services while the other, Arthur Branch and Home Depot, thought the world was ready for a better hardware store. Despite Senator Lieawatha Warren’s protestations to the contrary, they built it themselves. Their success, a success rivaling Croesus, enabled them to release the eleemosynary hounds chained up inside them.

Send up a flare when someone from Cuba or Venezuela or Nicaragua does anything remotely similar. Skip that. How about a business with 15 employees, benefits, and a company happy hour once a month?

I know where we find such men.

Here.

MAGA!

The last time I heard a crowd roar in such a semi-Teutonic fashion was at the Democratic Convention in Madison Square Garden in NYC in 1980. A reluctantly sober, not quite svelte Senator Lard Kennedy, gave a concession speech after losing the nomination to “Clod Populist” Carter. I remember Carole Bellamy, the Sapphic NY state comptroller, keening tumescently at the lost prospect of “rainbow stew” and a line to the horizon of lambs volunteering to snuggle with lions., otherwise known as the good old days. 

The latest roar, “Send her back”, was chanted by people without masks who did not seek out Asian homosexual journalists so as to beat the shit out of them. It will be an interesting academic exercise to see whether brother/sister humping began in Kentucky or Somalia.  

Virtual reality or real reality demands that the William F. Buckley, Jr. rule be re-imposed. When Congresswoman Bella Abzug, world famed for her snarling steatyagousness, was at the depths of her “Trousered Ape” period, a lot of good people wanted her out of Congress. 

“Au contraire,” said Buckley. “As long as she is in Congress we know where she is.” Loose and unaccounted for, she could be wreaking havoc to the commonweal before we were aware of it. Keep her in Congress, for our own safety’s sake.

Plus, is there a hidden streak of diversity in MS Ilhan’s DNA? How many shuls or basilicas are in countries governed by Sharia law? Yet her last marriage certificate was signed by a Christian minister. Wazupwidat? Is she from an extremely reform branch of radical Islamic terrorism?

Speaking of religious persecution, a large group of survivors of same were greeted in the White House by President Trump, aka il magnifico. We think of the Christian being fed to the lions, of the priests being burned at the stake by Henry the 8^th, of the missionaries being tortured by the 5 Tribes of the Hudson Valley, of Father Kolbe, Bishop Walsh, and Cardinal Mindszenty.

Attention must be paid to other men who bore witness and paid the price.

47 Marist Brothers were shot to death on October 6, 1936 by the “good guys”; or so modern American Liberals tell us, in the Spanish Civil War. 47. One day. The same day. 47.

There is another martyr I must mention. Brother Henri Verges, FMS was martyred on December 8, 1994. If he was killed the same way that Fra Bernardo Oliveros, CSO was the last thing he saw was a group pf feral thugs, wielding machetes and barongs, yelling Allah Akbar!. 

I mention him because he was born in 1930. It is possible that through the years of international travel, of overseas postings, of educational seminars, he could have known some of the men who taught me. Thus, a bond would have been created.

Christians, particularly Roman Catholics, are afraid to stick their heads up in the public arena. Roman Catholic politicians, pols who are able to square the demonic circle of abortion, are allowed ort assume a mora superiority not to be found in nature.

I have no wish to be martyred but I will gladly hold the coat of any who so choose. And God Bless them. I was made better by being close to them.

Does anyone else remember the kerfuffle over the Census and “statistical sampling” in 2000? Modern American Liberals saw a way to increase their pelf and swag by doing away with the deadly mandated Constitutional chore of counting each and every person, by hand if you will, in the shire. Naturally enough, and true to their cause, racist Republicans opposed this and they prevailed.

Trump, having been temporarily derailed in his effort to return the xenophobic citizenship question to the Census form, will use “statistical sampling” to find out. And ain’t that a kick in the ass. Deep down, as Gavin Mcleod says, “Liberals know they are full of shit.” Go Donny!

Kevin Smith

WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET

July 17, 2019 Rosemary O’Hara – Editorial Page Editor The Sun Sentinel RE: Trump, the villainous scoundrel whose perfidy knows no boundaries and this time it’s the environment. Some comments on this morning’s polemical philippic on our crumbling environment and why Herr Trump is the dybukk*

July 17, 2019

Rosemary O’Hara – Editorial Page Editor

The Sun Sentinel

RE: Trump, the villainous scoundrel whose perfidy knows no boundaries and this time it’s the environment. Some comments on this morning’s polemical philippic on our crumbling environment and why Herr Trump is the dybukk*

Ms O,

There are so many turds in this morning’s editorial punch bowl that I would need both a flotation device and a faithful scheiss hound should I go in head first.

The backdrop:

#1 – Speaking of “settled science”, The Ptolemy Fan Club will have its monthly meeting in the uber aggressively air-conditioned lobby of the Sun Sentinel. The Fred Hoyle/Steady State Chowder and Marching Society will have its annual meeting in the last remaining phone booth in Broward County as soon as it is found. A cash bar will be available at both functions

#2 – Congresswoman AOC, and she’s so dumb she makes my toe nails curl and my cat howl, gives us 11 years and then…. poof, gone, as if we were never here. Prince Charles, aka Alfred E. Newman, gives us 18 months to develop cows that swallow their own farts or we will put our teeth in backwards and chew ourselves to death. The great Dr. Johnson said, “Such stupidity is not to be found in nature.” It’s obvious he never met these two. In the soothing words of Frank Paladino, Manhattan’s premier ditch digger, “Fucking morons”. I can’t speak to her DNA but his is the result of centuries of continuous inbreeding. It is said that Chucky can see through a keyhole with both eyes. He is dumber than a box of hammers.

#3 – You say that greenhouse gas emissions are down “because so much electricity comes from natural gas, which runs cleaner than coal”. Somebody with a blue pencil – Are they still around? – should have pointed out that the reason for that is fracking. [Please note that I fracked my first well 150 miles South of where and when the Dolphins won their last Super Bowl.] You may recall, however reluctantly, that the Obama Energy crew, manned entirely by strident Luddites, opposed fracking the way Dracula opposes dawn. Toss in the Keystone Pipeline also and for the same reason.

#4 – How can you mention coal without mentioning Tom Steyer, King of the hypocritical modern American Liberal bastards? 

When I mined and sold coal in this country there was no market, none, for coal with more than 1% sulfur in the United States

Steyer, a scurrilous poltroon if ever one existed, decided that there was a market among the “lesser breeds”, the Chinese and the Indians. 4% sulfur was no problem for them as long as the price was right. Spoken like a true Robber Baron who has since come to know the Baby Jesus.

And he has los cojones grandes to tell me I should live without plastic? Thank God the retirement community at the “undiscovered country” is almost ready.

#5 – Speaking of “settled science”, I have my copy “The Population Bomb”, an astonishingly astoundingly asinine book, written by, and it goes without saying, a really, and I mean really, really bright guy named Paul Ehrlich, Ph.D. He told us, and many times on the Johnny Carson Show, that the race was on. At the finish line, in the year 2000, was death, either by freezing or starving or both. Further, there was nothing we could do to stop it. And that the real villain in the piece was the Roman Catholic Church. I told you he was really smart, didn’t I?

The proof of the pudding is in the eating is almost scientific. Here it is 2019. It’s so hot the iguanas are bitching and I am still calorically challenged. Why, a confused public ask, isn’t this Homeric horse’s ass tied backwards on a mule and made to wear a dunce cap while jeering villagers pelt him with bags of flaming cat shit? And why not a second mule, this one for Paul Krugman, PhD, and a one-time shill for Enron who, the day after the country rejected Wide-Bottomed Hillary, told us the stock market was going into a shit house reserved for hell-hole countries? Remember?

#6 – We are coming up to the 21^st anniversary of Donna Shalala telling us that “we would all die from AIDS in 10 years”. That was the same day that President Handsome Billy from Hot Springs, King of the One-Eyed Trouser Snakes, told us, on live TV, from the White House Rose Garden that it was hot in DC in August because of Global Warming which we all know is caused by hot days in August. He actually, rooting tooting, said that.

Thus, he consigned the Trivium, the crowing glory of Western Civilization for 25 centuries, to the dust bin occupied by addled modern American Liberals.

I will write it out in a verse before the dreaded Word Police ban it.

POST HOC ERGO PROPTER HOC

Of course, if it weren’t for tautologies mALs wouldn’t have to use their brains at all.

#7 – I have a good supply of plastic straws should you ever need any.

#8 – You have turned off you’re A/C, haven’t you?

Kevin Smith

WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET

PS - * - dybbuk – A good old Jewish word, meant to confuse the goyim. I mention Jewish because, as we all know, and boy oh boy is the science settled on the following: Democrats are uncomfortable with “Jews”. Modern American Liberals, particularly those Social Justice Warriors who wear masks and beat the shit out of gay Vietnamese journalists, truly despise Israel and, this time, would kill them all, should be made to face this inconvenient truth every time they tell me what is wrong with the deplorable country we live in.

Is it true that in addition to polluting the skies of China and India Steyer made a lot of money privatizing prisons? How eclectically indignant of the butt-sucking media elite not to comment on this.

July 10, 2019 Randy Schultz The Sun Sentinel RE: “Climate Change”

July 10, 2019

Randy Schultz

The Sun Sentinel

RE: “Climate Change”

Red,

Time is becoming more precious so rather than do the column autopsy for which I am widely acclaimed I held a phone board meeting of fellow deplorable anti-modern American Liberal curmudgeons.

We decided to “speed the plow” and the calendar and name you this year’s winner of the coveted

HARRIET VAN HORNE FACTS DON’T COUNT AND LOGIC IS IRRELEVANT award.

Her sentence, “Another lash on the backs of the poor”, became the battle cry of POO – Perpetually Outraged and Offended – Social Justice Warriors everywhere. It is a heavy yoke to bear but you can do it.

Whenever I hear the words Climate Change I no longer reach for my revolver. Rather, I reach for the personal journals of Tony Vivaldi, my favorite Eye-Tie weather dude. Try him.

Your pal

Kevin Smith

WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET

PS – You’re gaining on the ghost of Little Stevie Goldstein. 

July 2, 2019 I went through 5 dermatologists in14 years before I found a gem, Stacy Frankel, M.D.

July 2, 2019

I went through 5 dermatologists in14 years before I found a gem, Stacy Frankel, M.D. So yesterday, when I handed her a copy of my PET-Scan report from 5 days ago, one that had my name on it and featured the words “metabolically aggressive right middle lobe malignancy metastatic to mediastinum subcarinal and right paratracheal and high suspicion left side,” I asked her but one question after she read it. 

“Is it OK if I get a tattoo?”

No one will ever accuse Dr. Frankel, daughter of a surgeon, first in her class at medical school, wife of a urologist, mother of 3, of being the public head of the Totie Fields fan club.

“No”

I’d get the tattoo but I don’t want to piss her off because a good dermatologist is hard to find.

Why is it malum per se to say that Congresswoman Alexandria Octavio-Cortez is a cuno miserable who gives the expanding universe of miserable cunts laboring mightily in their chosen profession a bad name while it is borderline morally acceptable to beat the shit out of gay Conservative journalist in Portland, Oregon? Get back to me on that, OK?

The condition described in the first paragraph is also known as lung cancer.

I never read “Moby Dick”

1960 – Ray Guertin, Don Fiscella - 2 games, 4 touchdowns, same play, 210 counter on 1, Go Marist!

Kevin Smith

WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET

July 3, 2019 Randy “The Red” Schultz The Sun Sentinel RE: “Fail-Safe” – The ultimate litmus test for modern American Liberals, the vile vipers who befoul our precious environment, as highlighted by you in this morning’s Sun Sentinel.

July 3, 2019

Randy “The Red” Schultz

The Sun Sentinel

RE: “Fail-Safe” – The ultimate litmus test for modern American Liberals, the vile vipers who befoul our precious environment, as highlighted by you in this morning’s Sun Sentinel.

Sinner Schultz, 

C.S. Lewis was right when he described yesterday’s Liberals as “men without chests” whose favorite color is plaid.

It’s what happens when believing in nothing leads you, inexorably and inevitably, to believing in anything.

I know that Logic is a four-letter word to people who believe that no tax is ever high enough and that the following sentence, written by Thomas Jefferson, a bigoted child molester, in his infamous Declaration of Independence – “He has erected a multitude of new offices, and sent hither swarms of officers, to harass our people, and eat out their substance.” – is no longer valid but how does that lead to your following sentence?

“That is especially true in moderate districts….in

Pennsylvania, Michigan and Wisconsin, where a  

shift of 80,000 combined votes would have made

HILLARY CLINTON

PRESIDENT”

The Sun Sentinel

Today

Page 17A

You

It is owed to the ledger to point out that her husband became the worst man ever to be President and that, had she been elected, she would have been the worst person ever to be elected President.

That’s like saying the cunning runts from Thailand would have beaten the mighty chicks from America with a shift of 14 goals.

The sun isn’t even up and you have won today’s coveted

CABEZA DE CA-CA

Award.

Wear it proudly, you churl

You got it the old-fashioned way.

You earned it!

Kevin Smith

WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET

PS – Do you thin the Jappos would have won World War 2 if the Enola Gay augered in on Tinian? If the Colts had scored 17 points in the 4^th quarter they would have beaten the Jets, right? Check GOOGLE. They didn’t. If the Rebel fuses had worked at Gettysburg Colin Kaepernick would still be a slave, right? Do you think the Dems should have promised free Nikes? I have been hoarding plastic straws for 2 years. If you need any you need but aks.