Michael Mayo The Sun-Sentinel

July 31, 2011

Michael Mayo
The Sun-Sentinel

RE: Debbie and the Colonel – Some comments about your column about a saint and a knave in today’s Sun-Sentinel

Mr. Mayo,

There is one constant about modern American Liberals.
They never let you down.
I was reading your column about the brouhaha between perky, snippy Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman-Schultz and boorish, insensitive Congressman Alan West. When I got to the part about Little Debbie being “courageous” because she’s had cancer and had a friend shot I stopped to marvel at what passes for reasoned discourse these days.
Another constant of modern American Liberals is that the absence of knowledge of the “permanent things” allows, indeed encourages, the morphing of their innate narcissism into a warm, fuzzy solipsism. Think “We are the World…”
You say her speech is “benign”. Not so, not so. She is, to use one of her favorite words, “literally” incapable of being benign. She gives rabid shrews a bad name. Kipling would have recognized her as Nagaina, the queen of all vipers.
She has said the Republicans “literally” want to bring flogging, the strapado, and the vigorous dunking of shrill female ideologues. Giving the devil her due but she may be on to something.
One of Cossack wanabee Debbie’s favorite words is literally “literally”. It would suggest that her academic background in English Grammar and Composition was of the non-traditional type. Perhaps she was a correspondence student at the prestigious Rangoon School of Proctology and Origami. Wherever she studied she makes both Strunck & White cringe.
If Debbie’s ailments and travails “literally” make her courageous what honors can I expect?
I have had cancer 3 times. The last operation left a scar so memorable that my granddaughter used me and it in a show and tell session at Lovejoy Elementary School in Allen, Texas. Let me add atrial fibrilation lead to congestive heart failure for which I was treated less than a month ago. Two titanium hips plus a bone on bone knee prepared me for two torn rotator cuffs – one on each side, thankfully. Tomorrow, early in the AM, a urologist gets a shot at me.
I have a hangnail and dandruff compared to my wife.

As an aside, I can’t wait for full blown ObamaCare. [Do you remember when Debbie wanted that word struck from debate in the House? I forget. Was it “bile” or its evil twin “vitriol”?] Why do you think we have had an explosion in the number of TSA agents? Can you think of better training for Death Panel work? When the Post Office collapses the ex-employees will run it. Somebody will have to deliver the one way tickets for the nighttime cruises on the River Styx. A “shovel ready” job will be done by DMV agents. It’s tough to convince Granny and Gramps to get into senior power lifting so they can compete in the python wrestling contests. As masters of customer service who is better qualified? The real estate recovery will be led by the explosion of time share abattoirs and ossuaries in the “undiscovered country”
My last gun fight was in 1993. The first officer was dead before he hit the ground. The officer whose life I saved had a hole the size of a twenty five cent piece just off his sternum.
Even though I know that Jimmy Carter, Alpha Gump, and Lord Barack the Beneficent have debased and greatly cheapened the Nobel Prize I would gladly accept the soon to be created prize for Courage. Maybe my wife and I could be the Brad and Angelina of the newly Valiant and Courageous.
I saved the best for the last.
Little Debbie says she is shocked and disappointed at Congressman West’s reaction to her comments on the floor of the House. She says it is called “debate”. Further, she says “it’s our job”.
Shades of Cato! Burke/Fox and Webster/Hayne redux?
I’ve writing to you since the last century.
Do you recall any threats?
I ask you that because maybe you can get her to explain why she sent 2 Florida Department of Law Enforcement agents, men with badges and gun, to my house on September 18, 2001. Agent Thomas, the “good cop”, said he enjoyed my writings and shared them with other officers. Agent Mineva, the “bad cop”, strongly suggested not only that I stop writing to Czarina Debbie but that I stop writing to all public officials.
Slippery Slope? Don’t be silly
Chilling effect? Fuhgedaboutit.
Hell hath no fury like a modern American wench who objects being objected to.
I consider it my “job”.
She considered it a “threat”.
I would say “existential” threat but for a woman who claims to have 2 degrees in Political Science to have gotten this far in life with no knowledge – none, zip, nada – of Natural Law, Common Law, or Constitutional Law “existential” would have put entirely too much on her plate.
It didn’t take much for the world to find out where Congressman West lived. Her friends, doubtless purple shirted SEIU thugs, posted his address, phone number, Social Security number, blood type, rifle number, shoe size, boxer or briefs, one lump or two, inter alia, on the Internet. [Let me take this opportunity to thank Alpha Gump, that old sexed crazed poodle, for inventing it] Say this for him. Unlike her pal Congressman Toad Wexler he lives in Florida.
You end by saying that if the good Colonel were to apologize to Florida’s favorite Hecate the debt ceiling will be raised, Wong, our increasingly nasty Mandarin moneylender, will forgive us our debts, and “the voice of the turtle will be heard in the land”.
Eliot, yet another Nobel Prize winner, said “In our end is our beginning”.
I began today’s tutorial by saying that ”modern American Liberals never let you down”.
Thank you for the perfect ending.


Kevin Smith

Stephen L. Goldstein The Sun-Sentinel

July 24, 2011

Stephen L. Goldstein
The Sun-Sentinel

RE: Some comments on the miraculous appearance of altruistic “nonprofits” and their quest for truth, justice, and the Goldstein way as reported by you in this morning’s Sun-Sentinel.

My dear Professor,
Although a strong case, a very strong case, can be for you being a horse’s ass of Homeric, Brobdanaglian proportions, it is one that I do not normally subscribe to. It’s just that there is so, so much that you don’t know.
Your opening sentence – “Nonprofits are the heart and soul of America” – is worthy of inclusion in the soon to be built “Jeezus Haitch Keerist but that’s really, really dumb” wing at the Guinness Hall of Fame. I am told that while there will be no charge to get in there will be a huge charge to get out. It takes an educated man, you, to believe and spread such incoherent, anti-rational ca-ca as the inclusion of Rainbow Stew in the basic daily food groups.
Lest you think me a heartless curmudgeon who would rival the unredeemed Scrooge I funded and ran a merit based scholarship fund beginning in 1979. As further proof that acorns never far from the tree, Caroline Hanson, my 10 year old granddaughter and the middle one of my 3 Texas ladies, recently raised almost $3,000 for St. Jude’s Children’s Hospital.
What is absent from your opening paragraph is any mention of how “nonprofits became the heart and soul of America”.
It is an inconvenient truth that without “profits” there would be no “nonprofits”.
The first library I wandered around in was in Bayonne, NJ. It was built by the non-profit Carnegie Foundation. By the time I moved to Orange, NJ Carnegie had already been there.
This magazine insert in today’s Sun-Sentinel has Bill and Melinda Gates on its cover. Their foundation gives away 3 billion dollars – that’s $3,000,000,000.00 – a year. Every year.
Carnegie and Gates have many things in common. First and foremost is that they made mind boggling, Olympian amounts of money. They made so much money that modern American Liberals would have a reverse quiver running down their legs. One of the revealed truths of modern American Liberalism is that for someone to win someone has to lose. It is belief premised on the non-fact that life is a zero sum game.
It isn’t.
Candidate Obama said that he “wanted to spread the wealth around”. It is a mindset that fails to realize, is incapable of realizing, that wealth must be “created” before it can be ”spread around”.
“Creation” of wealth, like the “creation” of a symphony or a family or a novel can be a messy business. Maybe that’s why modern American Liberals shy away from it like Dracula from Holy Water. “Fairness”, whatever the Hell that means, trumps the turmoil of the marketplace. Wouldn’t “fairness” dictate that every sporting event ends in a tie?
I don’t know who the next Andrew Carnegie or Bill Gates will be. I do know that he is out there tinkering with an idea, failing with it, trying another one until man, moment, and magic meet.
I believe it is a testament to American exceptionalism that there is another Sam Walton out there. When he succeeds in squaring his circle he will be as rich as Croesus. If History is a guide he will consume conspicuously while simultaneously giving it away. Both tasks will “create” more jobs than all the “shovel ready not quite shovel ready projects” could ever dream of. Think of all the lawyers and claims adjustors who have found gainful employment because of the Kennedy family. That’s why, as the legendary Big Mike from Bayonne says, “You never see anybody swimming to Cuba”.
The only thing better than giving away other peoples’ money is giving away your own. Ask the Koch Brothers. Ask George Soros.

Kevin Smith


PS – Would you think ill of me if I were to suggest that the United States Post Office is a nonprofit?

Michael Putney The Miami Herald

July 13, 2011

Michael Putney
The Miami Herald
One Herald Plaza
Miami, FL 33132-1693

RE: No questions for Rick Scott? Some answers for Mikey Putney

Mr. Putney,
Ouch!
The governor stood you up?
I volunteer to fill in for him. I have more hair than he does plus I would make a better guest.
I spent time as a missionary in rural Mexico. I was hit in the head by a policeman during a Civil Rights march. Neither the Marines nor the Army wanted me. I am an alumnus of Outward Bound. I know why Oedipus went to Colonnus. I “created” infinitely more jobs in the 1980s than all of the companies on the DJIA. I am a world class hackle raiser plus a much envied buckler of swashes. I am an alumnus of Jeopardy. I saved a policeman’s life. I testified at the murder trial of the man who shot the one I couldn’t save. Tom Fiedler has tolerated me since 1997. I have actually read Keynes. I never confuse Chiaroscuro and Caravaggio. I once was paid $5,000 for lunch. I have been 1000 feet underground mining for coal. I owned North American rights to 47 English movies. The only significant sale we made was to WCIX-TV, a Spanish language station in Miami. I can’t understand why my manatee sausage program for the homeless never caught on. I spent 7 years on trial in Federal Tax Court. I “focus on the absurd lest reality drive me mad”.
Those are some of the reasons why I look at your column today like a big bad wolf looks at Bo Peep’s sheep.
#1 – High Speed Rail –Please show me somewhere where this has worked. Cost overruns and astronomical operating expenses are never mentioned. I mention them because in the real world, “the solid world where stones are hard and water is wet”, these things matter. Government conducts its business in a place where the rules governing gravity are suspended. Sometimes “shovel ready” isn’t quite as “shovel ready” as people who dine daily on “rainbow stew” would have us believe. I confess that I am not the first person to say that this month.
You say “a lot of us want it [it being tax dollars sent to DC where they are recycled back to us minus the ATM fee] back for useful, productive projects”. Would you care to mention a few?
Johnny couldn’t read before the Department of Education was begun. How is that working out? How much electricity has the Department of Energy produced since it’s been here? Crop prices are at all-time highs. Is that because of or in spite of the Department of Agriculture? Deep six those dinosaurs.
Pass the word. I just solved the Federal debt ceiling crisis. Speaking of which, I tell you that as a former CFO of a public company it should be a flogging offense for a CEO to announce that if he can’t roll over some paper on a Tuesday he can’t meet current obligations on a Wednesday. If anything his cash flow position is improved because he’s not making any note payments.
#2 – I ran 2 nursing homes in the 1980s. Inter alia, I could get a Federally guaranteed mortgage on a golf course if the property was contiguous to mine. Nursing home honchos never drive small cars. The more expensive the car the bigger the Federal reimbursement, it becoming part of your cost basis. This was 25 years ago. Why do I know it hasn’t changed?
#3 – Private sector vs. Public sector – When it “absolutely, positively has to get there” where do you go? FedEx or UPS, right?
The Post Office is analogous to public education. Let us stipulate that many bright, hardworking people work in both places. A system that can neither reward excellence nor punish failure is destined, in fact it is preordained, for failure.
#4 – As a big time media mogul, even if it is the “lamestream” media, maybe you can tell me what happened to the War on Poverty. Thucydides tells us that the Athenians and the Spartans settled their differences in less time than we have been fighting this troll. We have had 47 years to pick the “useful, productive programs”. Can you name two? Have you heard anything about an “exit strategy”? Maybe it’s time for a “surge”. How will we know when we win? Will we all be farting through silk? Here’s a thought. Let’s raise taxes. That’s always “created” jobs, hasn’t it?
In my life time, until the arrival of the great Reagan, the United States government did 2 things superbly well: A – Fighting World war 2 and - B – Being the General Contractor on the moon shot.
#5 – Where would you have Governor Scott sign his bills? Why not have Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman-Schultz host a reception? I mention her because I get to tell of the time when she sent policemen, men with guns and badges, agents of the Florida Department of Law Enforcement, to my house because of something I wrote. Don’t you just love it when modern American Liberals proclaim their belief in free speech? I’ll risk the “chilling effect” of being out on that “slippery slope” but that Hecate is, at heart, a friggin’ Nazi.
#6 – Spending cuts, particularly painful ones – You don’t say who should get the last bucks in the state budget. Should Farm Share, a presumably not-for-profit entity that feeds poor people, or the Dan Marino Foundation, a presumably not-for-profit entity that tends afflicted children, get the money? Who gets to pick? You? Me? The guy behind the tree? Who gets to pick who gets to pick?
Last summer candidate Scott went all over the state, on his own dime, telling people what he would do if they elected him. He was elected. As Governor he is doing what he promised he would do. The Constitution guarantees Florida a republican form of government. The people have spoken just like they spoke in 2008. They will have a chance to correct any mistakes that they have made. These self-correcting mechanisms are called elections
I can’t wait for ObmaCare to be run by DMV and TSA rejects
Elections as well as ideas have consequences.
Single malt whiskys enhance conversation. What is your policy in re on air potables?



Kevin Smith


PS – I just saw a news story where HHS, the people in charge of the Death Panels, is sending survey letters to predominantly Black and Latino zip codes requesting some minority feedback on Medicare tontines. Each of the letters contains 2 one dollar bills. I hope nobody tells Uncle Wong, our increasingly unfriendly Chinese lender. That’s why I can’t write fiction.

Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman-Schultz

July 18, 2011

Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman-Schultz
Democratic National Committee
430 Capitol Street, NE
Washington, DC 20003

RE: Reporting for duty, frau oberst!

Dearest Debbie,
Who says you can’t learn from a card carrying modern American Liberal? Not I, at least not anymore.
In February, 2009 Congressman Ron Klein spoke to a group of blue collar factory workers in Pompano Beach. These are the kind of people who drive 11 year old cars, send their kids to public schools, know all the words to the Pledge of Allegiance, and know how to use coupons. Limousine Liberals, people like you, like to adopt them for political purposes.
Congressman Klein, your former colleague, told these workers to be “the eyes and ears of the Obama Stimulus Program”. Honest.
Using that as precedent I hereby volunteer to be your “eyes and ears” in your never ending search for the “bile and vitriol that is tearing us apart”.
Here is my first report.
Several days ago, Bill Maher, a man on the short list to be the keynote speaker at next year’s Democratic Convention, had a man named Marc Moron on his show. He said that he would “like to fuck Michelle Bachman angrily”. While modern American Liberals believe profiling is wrong an exception may be made here.
At the very least Mr. Moron should be asked to explain – How about in front of a Federal Grand Jury? – the “bilious vitriol” that threatens a sitting member of Congress. Unlike Jared Loughner, the man who shot your other colleague, Congresswoman Giffords, the man who until it was shown that he had snakes for brains, was inspired, as you said, by Rush Limbaugh, the Koch Brothers, the Tea Party, and the survivors of the original “vast Right-Wing conspiracy” to shoot a sitting member of Congress. Mr. Moron seems to be in full control of his faculties.

I don’t know if rape falls under the bile category or if it is more properly described by vitriol, its evil twin. I do know that a sitting member of Congress has been publically threatened with it. Would not common sense and a respect for the collegiality that is supposed to be double-helixed into the warp and the woof of Congress command you to “drop a dime” on this Trousered Ape? After all, you sent the cops, men with badges and guns, after me for suggesting that your politics and policies were a bit stupid.
Men with badges and guns, men with the full force and majesty of the law behind them, came to my house to inquire about something I wrote about you. “Slippery slope” and “chilling effect” notwithstanding, I do believe that I would have been hauled out of my home in cuffs if either of the policemen, Agent Mineva in particular, thought I was hatching a plot to rape you. [I absolutely waive my 5th Amendment rights and declare that at no time – before, during, and since – was rape ever on my mind. What’s the opposite of Viagra?]
On the same show gay rights activist Dan Savage said “I sometimes think about fucking the shit out of Rick Santorum”. Far be it for me to say that homosexual rape is different from heterosexual rape but listening to these two modern American Liberal favorites I don’t think I would want or would want any member of my family to be a catcher on any javelin team featuring Mr. Moron or Mr. Savage. I imagine that “don’t ask, don’t tell” may have reached its natural limits here but that’s a tale – tail? – for a different time. Do you suppose the irenic Savage cut his teeth, so to speak, at the Barney Frank Happy Bottom French Knocking Shoppe? Just kidding…maybe.
Anyway, you can count on me to be your “eyes and ears”. I add that is passing strange that modern American Liberals, a loosely defined cabal of which you are the chief doyenne, want citizens to snitch on fellow citizens. I don’t think Lillian Hellman, and if there is a better definition of modern American Liberal than she I don’t want to see it, would approve. Thank God that she is still dead!
I think Lord Barack the Beneficent, your main airborne squeeze, should walk back his “don’t bring a knife to a gunfight”. On the other hand maybe he can use it the next time he talks to House Republicans. Michelle Bachman comes to mind.


Kevin Smith

Douglas C. Lyons – Senior Editorial Writer The Sun-Sentinel

July 30, 2011

Douglas C. Lyons – Senior Editorial Writer
The Sun-Sentinel

RE: A teachable moment? – Some comments on your column in today’s Sun-Sentinel about the beauty of the income tax and the heretofore hidden modern American Liberal tendencies of A. Lincoln and R. Reagan.

Mr. Lyons,
First, I sentence you to a major timeout in the ethnic no-no sensitivity woodshed.
120 years ago my father’s father left Ballyglass, Ireland to come to this country. His 3 bothers chose 3 other countries, one of which was Wales. That makes me an honorary Welshman. [I get chills when I hear a Welsh Choir sing “Men of Harlech”] Thus, when I read your sentence “The United States is close to welshing on its debts…” I was shocked. I was hurt and diminished. Not since August, 2008 has the Sun-Sentinel published such an insensitive term. You remember when pre-Tea Party thugs took over the front page of your paper and, acting on direct orders from the Koch Brothers and Rush Limbaugh, published the headline Michele Obama – Her Time To Shine? I do. I understand that reproductions of that headline are the walls of every NRA Confederate flag waving club in South Florida.
If you can use the word “welsh” with impunity would it not put you on the slippery slope to “sneaky Japs” of “drunken Irish”? How about “cowardly French” or “Eye-Tie Gangsters”? Would “greasy Mexicans” or “smelly Pakis” be allowed? Would “cheap Jew” or its buzz word cousin, “hook nosed diamond merchant” be acceptable? Would “African-Americans not overwhelmed by ambition” be inside the Pale?
But I digress.
You say that Lincoln imposed an income tax on America 150 years ago. You imply that we have had one since. Not so, not so. On February 3, 1913 the 16th Amendment, the one permitting an income tax, was ratified. It ended a 58 year income tax holiday.
Since you introduced Lincoln to the conversation it is only fair to mention a few other things he did.
#1 – His goal was to preserve the Union. He was perfectly willing, at the beginning of his first term, to allow slavery to continue if it kept the Union together.
#2 – He suspended the writ of habeas corpus.
#3 – He arrested a Congressman for sedition and exiled him to Canada.
#4 – The Emancipation Proclamation was a masterstroke. He freed the slaves where he couldn’t. He kept then in bondage where he could have freed them. He set the nation on a noble cause while keeping an anchor to windward. He followed one of Napoleon’s maxims to a tee. “If you’re going to take Vienna, take Vienna”
#5 – I may be having a senior moment here. I can’t remember whether it was June or July, 1864 that the Union Army had 50,000 casualties. Maybe it was both. And we thought the phrase “pay any price and bear any burden” was original when we heard it one hundred years later.
#6 - Your snarky suggestion that Republicans are stuck in a time warp fails to disclose the inconvenient fact that during the Civil War the Democratic Party and its official mouthpiece, the New York Times, favored a negotiated settlement with the South. No matter how you spin that it meant that both of them were OK with slavery. “Baboon” was one of the more interesting terms used by the Democrats in the 1864 election to call Lincoln. Do you think Congresswoman Wasserman-Schultz would place that term in her eclectically chosen “bile and vitriol” list?
#7 – He approved Grant’s decision to turn Sherman loose in the late fall of 1864. That means he allowed the implementation of America’s first “surge”. It was so successful that Pershing, Patton, and Petraeus copied it. Did you support the 2007 “surge”?
About the debt ceiling…
The last time Bush 43 proposed a raise in the debt ceiling every Democratic Senator – each and every one of them with no exceptions – voted against it. I am not sure what the difference 5 years makes but you either you cover your marker or you don’t. Is it possible to “welsh” retroactively?
The President has said that if the debt ceiling is not raised by Tuesday he won’t be able to pay any bills by Wednesday. I am shocked, shocked that 2 and ½ years into his administration no one has yet mastered the budgeting process. Do you think we could get some money back from those not quite shovel ready “shovel ready projects”? In 2009 his administration was filled either with grifters, crooks, and masters of the famous five finger discount, or it was filled with incompetents and incompetency not seen since the glory days of Jimmy Carter. Do you remember when you couldn’t find two West Wingers in a row who could find their ass using both hands? I do. The worst possible nightmare would have been if both possibilities are true. The evidence would support that interpretation.
In hindsight, 2009 will prove to be the highlight of his administration. All things considered, he has done exactly what a man who had done nothing in his adult life would do. Maybe he spent too much time with his non-Black grandmother whom he described as “an average White woman”. Maybe the combination of Saul Alinsky and Reverend Wright proved to be a Sophist too far. Maybe he thought being a community organizer was something useful, something of which to be proud. It is indeed passing strange that the community he was organizing against sent him to the Illinois legislature and then the United States Senate. I guess we’re lucky the job in the Vatican was filled.
Weren’t we told that the Social Security system was chockablock filled with assets? Why are we dependent on Wong, an increasingly hostile Mandarin Shylock, to pay current operating expenses? Where did almost 80 years of American workingmen’s dollars go? This makes Bernie Madoff look like a penny chiseler.
The President, and may I say that he is the best President we have, wants to raise the debt ceiling so it does not interfere with the November, 2012 election. You cite the great Reagan and how he is close to political canonization. As a Roman Catholic I would be opposed to that. Mt. Rushmore is a suitable alternative. You say he raised the debt ceiling 18 times. That means he had to go to Congress every 6 months. Using that formula we would revisit the question in January, 2012 and June, 2012.
Put the question to the electorate. Put it right into the election cycle. I know that this is anathema to modern American Liberals but what’s wrong with that?
If nothing else the debt debate proves that Shakespeare was right. “…borrowing dulls the edge of husbandry”.
Did you hear the one about the old Black man and the old Jew?
The police see an old Black man and an old Jew wrestling in the street….



Kevin Smith

PS – I cannot lay my finger upon the word summon anywhere in the Constitution Do you think James Madison, wherever he might be, is smiling?

Michael Putney The Miami Herald

July 28, 2011

Michael Putney
The Miami Herald

RE: Burke/Fox? Webster/Hayne? McCarthy/Symington? – And now some comments on Debbie the Put Upon and the good Colonel

Mr. Putney,

“…and for any speech or debate in either House,
they shall not be questioned in any other place.”
The Constitution [of the United States
Article 1, Section 6, Sub Section 1

The obvious exception is that the same Constitution recognizes the right of anybody, even journalists, to say whatever they want about members of Congress. What normally would rate a 911 call and a police investigation about a violent felony is given a pass under the guise of political speech. Thus, when a guest on Bill Maher’s TV show says that he would “like to f**k Michelle Bachman angrily”, there is little recourse save for a sense of outrage that the “Trousered Apes” are in the ascendancy.
Would it be unfair of me to suggest that if someone had said the same thing about Debbie Debbie the dudgeon of modern American Liberals would have been unmatched? I can say with absolute metaphysical certitude – a phrase to which I shall return – that Hell hath no fury like that of a modern American Liberal ink stained wretch provided the victim fits the paradigmatic template. Michelle Bachman and Sarah Palin need not apply.
January last Little Debbie told us that “bile and vitriol were tearing us apart”. You may recall that she blamed the Koch Brothers, the tea Party, Rush Limbaugh, the NRA, the “vast Right-Wing conspiracy, all the usual suspects, for the shooting of Congresswoman Giffords. The gun man, a wing nut with snakes for brains, was like putty in their hands. Maybe you, a big time media mogul, could me a copy of her speech defending her colleague. I seem to have lost mine. My last 2 letters to her office have been returned marked as “not known – unable to forward”. I am sure she, as a big time public defender of rights, will be very mad when she finds out that I have been ostracized.
Are we to assume that a threat of rape is to be taken seriously only if the potential victim believes that the road to prosperity begins with a tax increase? If the potential victim does not swear allegiance to glory of 4th and 5th trimester abortions she’s on her own. She probably deserved it anyway, right?
Would I risk the wrath of the true believers, harridans all, if I were to suggest that Darling Debbie’s diatribe about the good Colonel “cracking under pressure” is, being charitable, ass backwards?
He is a man who knows you can do anything with a bayonet except sit on it.
He is a man who has felt time compress and expand in a heartbeat.
He is a man who “has seen the elephant”.
The thought that a Medusa wanabee could cause him to “crack under pressure” is believable only if you believe that “shovel ready” meant “shovel ready”.
Debbie’s CV lists two degrees in Political Science. That would presuppose knowledge of the agora, the forum, Runnymede, the Glorious Revolution, Philadelphia in 1787, the tennis court in Paris, inter alia. Of these things her public statements suggest that she has none. It would be akin to her saying that she loves the cello but has never heard of Bach. Czarina Debbie, proclaimed for the splendor of her wardrobe, is dressed in tatters.
Among the Muses Clio is my favorite. History suggests that Colonel West should expect a visit from men with badges and guns.
On September 18, 2001 Debbie sent two men, “men with badges and guns”, to my house because of something I wrote.. Agent Thomas [good cop] and Agent Mineva [bad cop] wore badges and carried guns issued by the Florida Department of Law Enforcement. The scary “chilling effect” and the dreaded “slippery slope” meant nothing to Agent Mineva when he suggested that I stop writing to or about her. In fact, he “suggested” that I stop writing to all public officials. And this is from a vixen who supports manatee suffrage and would endorse Dr. Mengele because of his progressive views on abortion should he present himself to the voters of Broward County!
I mentioned metaphysics because this virago mentioned Rhetoric Since she knows neither I suggest yet again that she may not be as degreed as she says she is. When she says Rhetoric she means Sophistry.
She’s some broad. A cross between Lucrezia Borgia and Leona Helmsley. Alas, she lacks the charm of either.


Kevin Smith

Leonard Pitts The Miami Herald

July 20, 2011

Leonard Pitts
The Miami Herald
One Herald Plaza
Miami, FL 33132-1693

RE: OOOPS! Some comments on your “Drat the rotter” analysis in today’s Miami Herald of the damage done by K. Rupert Murdoch to your sacred profession.

Mr. Pitts,
Since I am not a journalist I rather think I am not bound by the code – ill defined, flexible, and gossamer like – that ties, binds, and defines the ink stained wretches who try to make us, if not better people, certainly more informed. I suppose if I were I would be required to disclose that in a different world in the last century K. Rupert Murdoch was a partner of mine. He owned 2.857% of Bowling Green Associates, a limited partnership of which I was General Partner. Therefore I won’t.
Why limit your dudgeon to those “fabricators and plagiarizers”, AKA journalists, who have besmirched your profession in recent years? Any listing of terrible rotten liars who have doubled as American journalists must include Walter Duranty, the Pulitzer Prize winning foreign correspondent of the New York Times.
I suppose the statute has run on the New York Times supporting slavery by calling for a negotiated settlement with the South and opposing Lincoln’s reelection. Also, calling him a “baboon” falls well within the accepted limits of political speech.
What Duranty did falls into a quite different category.
Duranty was a bought and paid for agent of the Soviet Union.
His laudatory reportage was used by the Roosevelt administration to buttress their drive to recognize the USSR. He ignored the murder by starvation of between 6,000,000 to 10,000,000 Kulaks by Stalin. He reported rather the opposite. It was almost as if teenage obesity had become a problem in Odessa. Hitler noticed that the West did nothing. He became a better record keeper.
The journalists you mention – Stephen Glass, Jayson Blair, Chris Cecil – committed egregious acts that fell into the category “malum prohibitum”. Duranty, much beloved by the early 1930s version of modern American Liberals, is the poster boy, the paradigmatic template, of “malum per se”.
Your examples either stole from the petty cash box or cribbed some answers. Duranty’s “fabrications” led to the bloodiest 15 years in all of History.
His monstrous crime is exponentially expanded by the refusal, the 8 decade long refusal, of the New York Times either to abjure him or his award.
You say that you are “unbearably credulous”.
I don’t know whether to say “You’re young. You’ll get over it” or “Aren’t you too old to be so surprised?”
In your “How could this have happened” homily you seem to have bent some of the rules yourself.
You write “News Corp has seen its value crumble”. Au contraire. The stock price is above what it was when the scandal came public. If you want to see an example of “crumbling value” I suggest you look at the stock price record of McClatchy. It has lost 90% of its value. It still may be overpriced. All it would have taken was a quick trip to a stock quote engine. Punch in the symbols NWSA and MNI. Read them. Isn’t that what reporters are supposed to do?
The other rule is the one that infuses journalists with an overabundance of a chronic illness known as “non-malodorous fecal matter syndrome”. That, with narcissism morphing into solipsism, allows you to proclaim that the crimes have been committed against you.
They haven’t.
You speak of your profession as a “noble craft”. If it is it is because of the people in it, not because of what they do.
“Honor and shame from no condition rise. Act well your part. There, all honor lies.”



Kevin Smith

Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman-Schultz

July 14, 2011

Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman-Schultz
Democratic National Committee
430 Capitol Street, NE
Washington, DC 20003
RE: Tu quoque
Dearest Daring Darling Debbie,
If it’s OK for Jon Stewart or whatever his name is, was, or will be to say that Michelle Bachman’s husband is homosexual is it OK for me to ask if you and Lord Barack are doing the horizontal Mandingo Mambo?
Every time I see you skipping down the stairs of Air Force One with a big “Yes, I will, Yes” gleam in your eye being followed by the Big Boy pole vaulting down same stairs after you I and a lot more Americans think maybe you weren’t up in the wild blue yonder talking about ObamaCare Death Panels or Debt Ceiling deadlines.
When he says he wants to ”get” you in a foxhole do you think he wants a “short arm” inspection?
James Carville, another really great modern American Liberal sophist, once said of Paula Jones, “If you drag a $100 bill through a trailer park no telling what you’ll catch”.
I guess that all the stimuli don’t have to be “shovel ready”.
Since nothing I have said falls under the “bile” or “vitriol” that you warned us about in January I presume I am safe from your hob-nailed Federal storm troopers. As we approach the 10th anniversary of you dispatching the Florida Gezstapo after me for something I wrote – 10 years? Isn’t it amazing how time flies when you’re enjoying yourself? – who knows what surprises are in store?
May I suggest that if the debt ceiling deadline is missed that to lessen the disproportionate burden on women and minorities all members of Congress give up their paychecks?
Who needs a salary when your F-16 escort fires off some rockets to bring the Mile High Club to the new business section of the meeting?




Kevin Smith


PS – I hear that the Marine Band is working up some new arrangements of some golden oldies. “Come on Baby, Light my Fire” and “All We Are Saying is Give Piece a Chance” will be launched, so to speak, shortly.

Grammy, Caroline, and St. Jude’s Children’s Hospital

June 10, 2011



Grammy, Caroline, and St. Jude’s Children’s Hospital


Uterine papillary serous carcinoma has a sterile, almost arid sound to it. Stage 3C neither limits nor expands it. It just classifies it.

Grammy [many of you know her as Amy, the long suffering wife of Kevin Smith] was diagnosed with it and operated on in August, 2009. She lost her hair during the subsequent chemo-radiation-chemo cycle.

Caroline, our middle granddaughter, had her hair cut that Christmas just so she could say “I love you Grammy”. Not quite 10 inches of her light brown hair went to “Locks for Love”.

A tiny spot was discovered on Grammy’s lung this March past.

By May it had gone to her liver, her lungs, her lymph nodes, and her stomach. This time it was classified as Stage 4. There is no Stage 5.

She began anew her trips to the Chemo Café. There, the drip, drip of the man made poison was begun to stanch the flow of the other poison.

Caroline’s birthday is in April. She has a pool party in June hoping for better weather.

She told her mom that rather than presents for herself she wanted to raise some money for St. Jude’s Children’s Hospital.

Grammy had told her that whenever she was feeling bad during her chemo she thought about the children getting their drip, drip at St. Jude’s. St. Jude’s makes it as easy as possible for these kids. St. Jude’s relies on people like Caroline to pay for the stuff that goes into the IV, into these kids.

Caroline got $775 at her party.

Now that I have your attention I ask you to continue her “It’s A Wonderful Life” moment.


Please send her a check payable to

St. Jude’s Children’s Hospital

Her address is

Caroline Hanson
2110 Country Brook Lane
Allen, TX 75002


Most of you know me as an acid-tongued curmudgeon who takes no prisoners. I have told many of you that I don’t seek to convert but, rather, I seek to confront. It is true that if I catch myself saying something nice about someone I bite down very hard on my lower lip. If that doesn’t work I picture myself in a 4 man shell with Michael Dukakis and Alpha Gump and the ghosts of Bella Abzug and Teddy Kennedy fighting for the 4th seat. Hillary Clinton is in the coxun’s chair, rope’s end in hand, trying to steer us clear of the never ending “vast Right-Wing conspiracy” shoals. That always gets me back to basics.

I promise to go back to being what I am known and loved for after this note.

Thank you,



Kevin Smith

The Editors The Sun-Sentinel

June 6, 2011

The Editors
The Sun-Sentinel
200 E. Las Olas Blvd
Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33301

RE: Homer nods?

Sirs,

I hope I am not the only one to lament the absence of D-Day from your list of things of note on this date. In case you’ve forgotten, Europe was invaded on June 6, 1944. 11 months and 2 days later the war was over.




Kevin Smith

Scott Powers The Sun-Sentinel

May 24, 2011

Scott Powers
The Sun-Sentinel
200 E. Las Olas Blvd.
Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33301

RE” “After 2 Years $4.6 Billion Is Still Not Spent” – Some questions on your Page4 1 story on the Stimulus Program and its supposed legatee, Shovel Ready Projects.

Mr. Powers,

2 ½ years ago, despite 8 years of admonitions from then Senator Clinton about the dangers of borrowing money from the Chinese, we lay prostrate before Wong, our inscrutable Mandarin – What’s the Chinese word for loanshark? – lender, to finance the still unrealized Summer of Recovery.

Now you tell me that $4,600,000,000 of the monies earmarked for Florida still haven’t been spent.

#1 – Exactly where is the money? Don’t say it’s in the pipeline. It isn’t. It is an account somewhere. Whose name is on the account?

#2 – Federal Highway, south of the tunnel, Route 1 to vacationers, has had 4 blocks of what appeared to be well maintained medians torn up. Is their repair part of the Shovel Ready Projects part of the Stimulus Program? In a bit more than 2 ½ years this country designed, built, and tested an atomic weapon. If it is part of the SPSRP – that’s short for Stimulus Program Shovel Ready Projects – why did it take 2 ½ years to get some back hoes to crack the concrete? Weren’t we told that it would take about 10 days for the infrastructure, the aging infrastructure, to spring back to life? Does it take 2 ½ years for a shovel ready project to become, y’know what I’m saying, shovel ready?

#3 Why is a job in the public sector worth more than a job in the private sector? If you cut a private sector employee won’t he bleed as much as a public sector employee? Doesn’t he have to feed his children at least as much as a public sector employee? Whatever happened to “equal protection under the law”? I would be shocked, shocked if I were to find out that politics and the public employee unions had something to do with it.

#4 – One of my favorite political pundits, Samuel Johnson, said that “any public policy that involvers robbing Peter to pay Paul will always have Paul’s support”. Sound advice in the 18th century; still good today.






#5 – Do you know if China has a Powerball lottery? Do you think we can buy some tickets before they realize that they are lending us the money to gamble? If we win do we have a choice of currency?

The President said in February, 2009 that “there was an election. We won.”

There is still one coming up, isn’t there?






Kevin Smith

Gary Stein The Sun-Sentinel

June 1, 2011

Gary Stein
The Sun-Sentinel
200 E Las Olas Blvd
Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33301

RE: That’s the trouble with elections. Anyone can vote. Anyone can win. Yikes!

Big Stein,

With the same scientific method that was used to prove GlobalCoolingGlobal WarmingClimateChange beyond any reasonable doubt I can say, Caesar dixit if you will, that FOX-IT IS is both caused and cured by TU QUOQUEOSIS.

Begin with a simple premise:

If Sarah Palin is as fill in the blank as you and your coven members think she is wouldn’t it be in the best interests of modern American Liberalism to see that she gets the Republican nomination for President?

Despite shutting down Camp Gitmo on the way back from his inauguration, despite having convinced Europe that Rambo and Maverick were banished, despite having campaigned against deficit financing before increasing it 4 times, despite enduring a winter of discontent that so far has not led us to the summer[s] of recovery, despite causing the oceans to recede – Jeepers! He’s done a lot, hasn’t he? Do you think we really need an election?

As an American I am very proud that the legendary RESET button has given us one great triumph in foreign policy. Giving head WOG Bin Laden a 3rd eye will rank with the Berlin Wall coming down.

Whatever her academic and intellectual failings, and God knows that only Allah can weave a perfect rug [Pretty neat, don’t you think? Getting God and Allah into the same sentence] I will accept all wagers that she has known for a long time that there are only 50 states in the Union.

Ditto that Austrian is not spoken in Austria.

I too have trouble when someone is called a Nazi.

Of course, the exception that proves the rule is when Senator Richard “Little Dick” Durbin [D-IL] uses the term on the floor of the Unites States Senate. Also Bush is Hitler gets a pass because his father blew up the World Trade Center to get the gas pipeline across Kafiristan, remember? Who can forget Darth Cheney bringing back the lost art of Bayoneting Babies? Not me.

Of course, if Lord Barack the Beneficent and Hitler are mentioned in the same zip code modern American Liberal knickers get knotted. [Would unknotting them be an example of “kinetic” tailoring?]

If Big Ed Schultz, and how about using his picture in the new dictionary category of “putz”? can call Laura Ingraham, a breast cancer survivor and a single mom of two, a slut, if radio talk dude Mike Malloy can ask for Seal Team 6 to “double tap” George W. Bush before strangling Rush Limbaugh, and they go uncondemned in the Sun-Sentinel then perhaps it’s time for a refresher course in “eclectic indignation”.

As a wanabee righteous Gentile I say that if Obama is good for Israel Colonel Sanders is great for chickens.

In 1993 Bernie Nussbaum was described by the Clinton White House as a “New York lawyer”. Imagine if any Bush White House had said that. Imagine if Pat Buchanan had said that. By the way Nussbaum worked for Clinton. I know several “New York lawyers”. Several of my best friends are “New York lawyers”. Some of them are “stiff necked”. Is that a “blood libel”?

Alan Dershowitz, a “New York lawyer” from Brooklyn, is cool with the term “blood libel” being used by “non-New York lawyers”. I’ll stop there because I don’t want to cause a family feud.

If “Sarah Who’s neighborhood” is one step short of the “undiscovered country” from which no politician ever returns why are the shock troops of modern American Liberalism training their big guns on her?

You would almost think she was Nixon incarnate.

Forget about one hand clapping; methinks I hear the sounds of sphincters snapping shut.




Kevin Smith

Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman-Schultz

June 3, 2011

Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman-Schultz
Democratic National Committee
430 S. Capitol St. NE
Washington, DC 20003

RE: Bile and vitriol in the ascendancy – Will Bush & Cheney ever leave us alone?

Debbie, Debbie,

I know. I know. It’s been a kidney stone of a week what with you trying to convert your 2010 Lexus into a 1942 Jeep. If that’s not bad enough you had a tough go at trying to demonize the Republicans by making the very sound modern American Liberal argument that “they” want to make illegal immigration…what’s the word…”illegal”.

I must confess that I feel like a fool.

I used to think you were smart.

You may not be as dumb as your Florida legislative gal pal Stacey “Cementhead” Ritter but you’re gaining on her. Miriam Oliphant, the deposed Broward County Elections Supervisor, was so dumb she made my fingernails curl backwards. In fact, you and Ms. Oliphant have two things in common: #1 - You both have Masters degrees in fuzzy subjects and #2 - You both sent the cops after me for something I wrote.

That appears to be a trait common to modern American Liberals.

The iron fist in an iron glove is the typical response. Since you can neither tolerate criticism nor can you comprehend the thought that you may be wrong the responses is immediate. Send men with badges and guns to “explain” it. “Slippery slope”? Don’t be silly. “Chilling effect”? Nonsense.

Since you’ve had such a tough week you probably haven’t heard about the brouhaha in the Illinois legislature. That’s the place where Abraham Lincoln, he of the “better angels of our nature” speech, served.

Senator Kyle McCarter [R-Lebanon] was punched by Senator Mike Jacobs [D- East Moline] on the floor of the Senate. Senator Jacobs [D-East Moline] was pushing a bill in which his father had a direct financial interest. Senator McCarter [R-Lebanon] noted and questioned this. Senator Jacobs [D-East Moline] walked over to Senator McCarter[R-Lebanon], called him a “motherfucker”, and then smacked him.

The puncher is a Democrat. The punchee is a Republican.



Is this an example of the legendary Chicago School of Politics? Didn’t the country’s most successful street hustling, scam spreading, community organizer tell his acolytes “Never bring a knife to gun fight”?

In the normal course of events someone with a Master’s degree in Political Science would not have to be reminded of the Burke-Fox debates. The names Webster, Hayne, Calhoun, Clay, Douglas, and Lincoln should peal gloriously in the temples of civil debate and reasoned discourse. Since your academic background is based on having purple shirted SEIU union thugs transported from polling place to polling place to intimidate voters those names are foreign, probably alien, to you.

That’s probably a good thing.

It enables you to do your hatchet job with suffering any pangs of conscience.

There is one pang worth poking at.

Why didn’t the Ya-Ya Sisterhood of Congressional Chickies rise up in defense of Laura Ingraham? Despite her politics she is still a single mom of 2 who is also a breast cancer survivor. Why didn’t the Word Police section of the Amazon Brigade of Perpetually Outraged Broads track down Foul Mouthed Ed Shultz – he’s the one who called her a “slut”, remember? - and give him a beating? It couldn’t be politics, could it?

Speaking of being “torn apart at the seams” what’s up with Congressman Weiner? I suppose it is OK for a one-eyed trouser snake to get out in front of an issue, particularly if its handler is a modern American Liberal. As a devoted follower of King Priapris it would seem that the Stimulus program was really working for him, if you get my drift. I am told that Haines Underwear will make a substantial donation to the PAC of your choice if they can have an ad campaign featuring him and “friend” dancing to the lovely tune of “Leave it to Beaver”.

James Madison, another American with whom you are not familiar, when asked what was the most important qualification of any candidate for public office said, “Character. Character is all.” You said the matter of Congressman Weiner was “personal”. What if John Edwards had been elected President?

I know where I can get my hands on a Studebaker should you need proof of your love of American cars.




Kevin Smith

Gary Stein The Sun-Sentinel

June 8, 2011

Gary Stein
The Sun-Sentinel
200 E. Las Olas Blvd.
Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33316

RE: Sometimes it’s OK to construct a universal from a particular – Some comments on your column about government waste on a Brobdanaglian scale in Broward County.

Big Stein,

Having heard about the $4,500 windows I biked from Bayonne to Jersey City to see them. The new school building there also had $900 student desks and $100 wastebaskets. Not bad for 1958.

15 years ago I went to the Broward County Board of Education to get some financial information. No one seemed to know the difference between capitol items and expense items. My explanation to the pleasant enough young lady is still valid. The big steel boxes, AKA refrigerators, in kitchens are capitol items. The milk, eggs, and cheese in them are expense items. I may as well have been speaking Kurdish.

[Incidentally, the Federal budget, making no distinction between an aircraft carrier and “Midnight Basketball”, can never be “balanced” in the sense that people in the real world understand the term. Adam, my uncle from my father’s side, said “What is prudent in running the affairs of a family can scarce be folly in running the affairs of an empire”. Valid when he said it; even more so today. At no time in the ‘90s, the time when the budget was supposedly balanced, did the Federal debt go down by one penny. Ever. As Casey Stengel used to say, “You could look it up”.

What is one common denominator, a trait shared by Hudson County and Broward County that might explain how these things happen?

How about one party rule?

The Democrats, people who know ab ovum the difference between the buttered side and the dry, always take Mr. Hinnisy’s advice to heart. “They seen their opportunities and they took’em.”

Rather than listing all the bills of indictment floating around it should be sufficient to say that the Broward County Board of Education and the Broward County Commission are extremely ethically challenged. Rumor has it that the largest renters of commercial property in Broward County are the various Federal investigative agencies.

Although they lack the panache of the Democrats I am sure that the Republicans would quickly master the art of stealing a hot stove. The problem is simple. By the time they get to the stove it’s cold

Until last year the only way a Republican got on the Broward County Commission was when a Republican Governor got to name the replacement for the Democratic Commissioner who went to jail for stealing from himself.

So long as Democratic primary voters will vote for Dr. Mengele because of his progressive stance on abortion, so long as district boundaries insure the near unanimous election of an OJ Simpson or a Michael Jackson, so long as the odds on manatee suffrage get closer to chalk each election cycle you will find pools that Seal Team 6 could use to prepare for their next target.

[Allow me to segue to the national scene. The outstanding foreign policy achievement of an alumnus of the Cook County School of Politics, the man who, “Ask not what you can do for your country” or “Tear down this wall” being taken, enjoined us to “Never take a knife to a gun fight” is the shooting in the head of the head WOG terrorist, is just another example of palm cards and bullet voting]

Perhaps Napoleon has the solution.

Before a battle he would select 3 soldiers at random. He would then court-martial them and shoot them for cowardice. He said it “encouraged the others”. It worked right up to Waterloo. And that you may recall, as the Iron Duke said, was a “damn close run thing”.

It may be worth trying for a few years.



Kevin Smith



PS – Lest you think I am prejudiced just against Democrats I offer as Exhibit A the United States Postal Service. It matters not one whit which Party is in the White House or which Party controls Congress. Beyond SNAFU, beyond FUBAR it should be obvious that that dog won’t hunt. Worse than there being no method for punishing failure there is also no method for rewarding success. Let FedEx and UPS have a shot at it. How much worse could it be? Conversely, the main argument against teacher tenure is not that a bad teacher gets paid as much as a good teacher but why does a bad teacher get paid at all.

.

Leonard Pitts The Miami Herald

June 8. 2011

Leonard Pitts
The Miami Herald
One Herald Plaza
Miami, FL 33132-1693

RE: Tu quoque? – Some comments on the missing name in your column on the academic deficiencies of public officials in today’s Miami Herald.

Mr. Pitts,

If Sarah Palin’s Paul Revere reference – one which turned out to be correct – is proof of “intellectual mediocrity” what would you call the gaffes, phumferings, and laugh out loud statements of a public official whose singular achievement after 2 ½ years in office is not messing up the execution of Osama Ben Laden?

#1 - I have been searching for those missing “7 or 8” states that the President told us about in 2008.

#2 – Maybe in one of those missing states I will the elusive Austrian/English dictionary. Since President Obama told us that Austrian is spoken in Austria would it not stand to reason that a country listing Bach and Mozart as alumni would have produced a dictionary? As soon as I find it I will begin my hunt for Icelandic/English dictionary, the Belgian/English dictionary, and the Mother of All Dictionaries, the Swiss/English dictionary.

#3 – It may well be that “Teutonic shifts” occur in Western North Dakota or South Central New Mexico or in one of those states that we have yet to find. In Alaska they are called “Tectonic shifts”. Teutonic, Tectonic…you say potato and I say potatoe. No big deal, right? If all else fails blame it on the teleprompter.

You say that “Palin’s gaffe speaks to her considerable limitations”. What would Obama’s gaffes speak to?

The tuition at Punahou Prep, the school with a $500,000,000 endowment, the high school that Obama attended, is $17,800 [not counting fees] per year. He attended Occidental College. He was graduated from Columbia University and Harvard Law School. The tuitions there would be astronomical.

Sarah Palin went to Wasilla High School. She attended the University of Hawaii, Hawaii Pacific University, and North Idaho College. I daresay that the tuition at all of them would not equal one year at Punahou Prep.

Do you recall one of the arguments used when Judge Clarence Thomas was nominated to the Supreme Court?

He was admitted to and was graduated from the College of the Holy Cross and from Yale Law School because of Affirmative Action.

Could it be that President Obama, a man with as thin a resume as any candidate for President in my lifetime, is the ultimate end product of Affirmative Action?

You may recall when he first campaigned in South Florida. He was at the convention center cum hockey rink in Sunrise. He jumped towards the platform and shouted “Hello Sunshine”. Getting no response he said it again. “HELLO SUNSHINE!” It was rumored that Darth Cheney, the Vice President’s evil twin, had installed the teleprompter. Nothing was ever proved.

Is there a non-racial way to hint, to suggest, that the President suffers from “intellectual mediocrity”? Would the Word Police pay me a visit if I were to suggest that he has “considerable limitations”

Other than “I want to spread the wealth around” and “Never bring a knife to a gun fight” are there any quotes from him that would suggest he was not afflicted with “intellectual mediocrity” made worse by his “considerable limitations”?

Maybe he has them secreted away in the undiscovered state of Utopia. By the way, Utopia means “nowhere”.

Call me a cockeyed optimist but I hope, audaciously perhaps, that he never changes.




Kevin Smith

Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman-Schultz

June 7, 2011

Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman-Schultz
Democratic National Committee
430 S. Capitol St NE
Washington, DC 20003

RE: Words, like Ideas, have consequences

My dear Debbie,

Your speech in January about “bile and vitriol tearing us apart” seems to be gaining ground as a blueprint for modern American Liberal action.

“You’re fucking dead” was what one Democratic Wisconsin legislator said to a Republican legislator.

That morphed into a Democratic legislator in Illinois walking across the floor while the Assembly was in session and calling a Republican member a “motherfucker” before punching him.

It was but one small step for comedian Chris Titus to say “I am going to literally – if she gets elected president, I’m going to hang out on the grassy knoll all the time, just loaded and ready…”

Let the record show that “she” is Sarah Palin. The “grassy knoll’ is where the second shooter was supposed to have fired from on 11/22/63. “Loaded and ready” means that the sharp end of the cartridge has gone up the barrel first, the safety is off, and Mr. Titus wants to “literally” do to Sarah Palin what Seal Team 6 did to an early proponent of new Israeli borders. That the recently deceased head WOG terrorist wanted those borders to start 50 miles into the Mediterranean is not relevant in a “literal” sense. There may be an existential relevance but I don’t want to put too much on your plate. As your website says your Masters degree is in political campaigning, not in Philosophy. For that matter, you seem to have avoided all History classes also.

You sent the cops after me because I disagreed with some – scratch that - all of your policies. Although the policemen who came to my door had guns I did not. I never said, I never wrote, I never hinted, I never inferred, I never suggested, and, in a “literal” sense, never wanted or wished that someone should give you a 3rd eye. Left Wing Hate Radio Host Mike Molloy wanted Seal Team 6 to “double tap” George W. Bush. The “literal” meaning of “double tap” is to shoot someone in the head twice. The Mossad method is twice behind the ear but that’s a story for a different time and place.

The thought of having to find a replacement piñata for you would be more than I could bear. It would interfere with main pursuits: manatee trapping, swash buckling, and hackle raising.
As head of the Democratic Party you have the “absolute moral imperative” and obligation to disown violence done in your name.

Assaults have been committed. Murder, assassination in the “literal” sense, has been threatened on national TV.

I say that these people are your agents because, as the public face of the Democratic Party, your silence speaks thunderously. In fact, the Law, another subject with which you are not familiar, says “Silence gives consent”. I was going to give you the adage in Latin but you might think me an elitist.

Until you condemn both violence and the threat of violence [Shooting Sarah Palin would be violence in, I daresay, the “literal” sense, wouldn’t it?] your votaries will grow bolder and more violent.

Let there be peace in our land and let it begin with you.




Kevin Smith

Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman-Schultz

June 6, 2011

Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman-Schultz
10110 Pembroke Pines Blvd.
Pembroke Pines, FL

RE: Maybe you didn’t know it but things get very, very dark before they go completely black. Worse, maybe you did.

My dear Debbie,

Who but the Republicans have caused all the evil in the world?

The American people have come to expect you to blame Republicans for everything. The scourge of collapsing soufflés, your Cousin Ed Shultz [of Laura Ingraham is a slut fame] farting at the bris, the coming repeal of the 13th, 14th, and 15th Amendments, the despicable action of trying to make illegal immigration “illegal”, inter alia, is but a partial list of their perfidy.

There is a rumor that Nixon’s ghost is trying to disinter the Rosenbergs so they can be electrocuted again. That may not be a bad idea. You can never be too sure.

I tell you these things because your spirited defense of President Obama’s call for Israel to return to pre1967 borders by blaming – Guess who? – the Republicans may have caused you to lose sight of some of the more rabid of the boobies in your caucus.

One of the ways to make something indefensible seem reasonable is to propose something more indefensible. Thus, when 7 members of Congress, each of whom is a card carrying, fire breathing member of the Democratic Party, all of whom are shining exemplars of modern American Liberalism, announce that they want Israel to go back to pre1947 borders it makes Obama seem like a life member of B’nai B’rith. It almost makes him seem, and I hate to use the word, conservative.

Democratic Congressman John Conyers
Democratic Congresswoman Donna Edwards
Democratic Congressman Raul Grijlava
Democratic Congresswoman Barbara Lee
Democratic Congressman Jim McGovern
Democratic Congresswoman Lynn Woolsey
Democratic Congressman Denis Kucinich

What do they have in common?

Other than replacing “Happy Days Are Here Again” with an oompah band
filled with guys in lederhosen playing the Horst Wessel song, nothing.

Are the inmates running the asylum?

What in the name of G-d is going on in your Party?

The city that Nancy Pelosi represents wants to ban circumcision. Will unemployed mohels be eligible for retraining under the Chinese funded ObamaCare program as charter members of the dreaded Death Panels?

Mark Twain was right. Wagner’s music isn’t as bad as it sounds.

I guess you want Israel to get used to it.

The Flight of the Valkyries played by Palestinian Youth Orchestra by the Wailing Wall will probably not challenge Mozart in the Piazza San Marco in Venice right away. Give it a few years and everybody will forget Klezmer music.




Kevin Smith

May 25, 1945 - May 25, 2011

MAY 25, 1945
MAY 25, 2011


The line that began with Joshua, the line of men who fought for freedom without even knowing what it meant, the line that ran through Thermopylae and Tours, Lepanto and Trafalgar, the Alamo and Shiloh, Leyte and Afghanistan, the line with names like Leonidas and Martel, Cervantes and Nelson, Crockett and Grant, Evans and Murphy has never wavered.

Corporal Leonard Putnam, a 42 year old piano salesman from Jersey City, added his name “to the unbroken line of patriots who have dared to die that freedom might live, and grow, and increase its blessings”. That’s what it says on the scroll signed by President Harry Truman. He died “in the Pacific area”, Okinawa to be precise.

The long gray line has never failed us. Were you to do so,
A million ghosts in olive drab, in brown khaki, in blue and gray,
Would rise from their white crosses thundering those magic words:

DUTY, HONOR, COUNTRY

Douglas MacArthur spoke of the profession that he knew and loved. The call to duty from Horatius still resounds:

“To every man upon the earth
Death come soon or late.
And how can man die better
Than facing fearful odds
For the ashes of his fathers
And the temples of his Gods.”

A young soldier, Joe Tierney by name, just completed his basic training at Fort Benning, GA. He has been assigned to Fort Lewis, WA. Corporal Putnam was his grandmother’s great uncle.

There is a marvelous scene in “The Bridges of Toko-Ri” where the Admiral asks his aide “Where do we find such men?”

God bless Corporal Putnam!
God protect Private Tierney!




KS

Senator Eleanor Sobel

May 27, 2011

Senator Eleanor Sobel
2600 Hollywood Blvd
Hollywood, FL 33020

RE: Holocaust trains – Mass transit at its finest

Ellie! Sweetheart!

It’s been too, too long.

How have you been?

You seem to be holding up well considering that the voters of Florida, ungrateful reptiles all, have sent your party to the Coventry of minority status. Among other things it means that 4th trimester abortions and manatee suffrage won’t even get a hearing. To a modern American Liberal that would be like Dracula tossed into a pool filled with Holy water, mirrors, garlic, and wooden stakes.

There may be a solution coming up.

“Senator Eleanor Sobel, D-Hollywood, blasted Scott for
eliminating $250,000 for renovations to rail cars used to
transport thousands of Jews to their deaths during the
Holocaust at the Hollywood Holocaust Documentation center.”

The Miami Herald
Page 2B
Today
You

Why should Jews have all the fun?

I think the survivors of all Holocausts should have their own documentation center.

The survivors of the Irish famine should theirs in a good saloon.

The survivors of Wounded Knee should have theirs at the Hard Rock.

My less than serious take on Holocaust Documentation Centers is predicated on the fact that these human freight trains may yet be sold as government surplus.

In case you missed it President Herr Oberst Klaus Obama has just told Israel that he will sent it 7,000,000 American made bayonets if every Jew in Israel agrees to sit on them.

There is no bus big enough for an entire nation to be thrown under but this President – Can we stipulate that he is the modern American Liberal? – tried

I think we should use some Stimulus Program money, money that we borrowed from the Chinese, to start the long delayed Summer of Recovery by getting these railroad cars into tip-top shape. Of course they will have the lead paint and asbestos removed in an environmentally sensitive manner. There will be no need for bar cars, heating or air conditioning nor will there be a need for Pullman berths. They will only be filled for the one way trip to the “undiscovered country from which no traveler ever returns”. In the truest sense of the term they will then deadhead back to the terminal from whence they came.

I see Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman-Schultz, and if there is a better Judas Bull anywhere I want to see it, to hold hands and sing “Happy Days are Here Again” as the President awards a no-bid contract to GE to start building crematoria. There is an extra bonus if the source of incineration is strictly from Green Energy sources. If it isn’t it’s no big deal. Natural gas is as clean burning a fuel as there is.

I see you kvetching because you can’t get the deck chairs on the Good Ship Yiddish Titanic recovered and repainted.

One good thing, maybe the only good thing, to come from this is that an ethnic shibboleth has come undone.

Do you remember when everyone thought that Jews were smart?

Not anymore.

Kevin Smith


PS – I have heard that President Obama has instructed the Marine Band to replace “Ruffles and Flourishes” with some of Wagner’s greatest hits. “The Ride of the Valkyries” is a snappy tune for introducing the ObamaCare Death Panels, don’t you think?

Congressdoll Debbie Wasserman-Schultz

May 26, 2011

Congressdoll Debbie Wasserman-Schultz
Democratic National Committee
430 S. Capitol Street NE
Washington, DC 20003

RE: Bile & Vitriol, with the mandatory tearing us apart at the seams and you can pick your friends but you can’t pick your relatives. Still, you had a better week than Israel.

Debbie, Debbie!

I was going to bring you up to date in re the Arizona shooter and the Constitution. The shooter is the guy who, in the parlance of Seal Team 6, put one in the head of Congresswoman Giffords. He shot and killed quite a few others that day.

As a modern American Liberal your reaction was instantaneous and your duty was obvious. You told America that “bile and vitriol” was the cause of the shooting. It may have once been known as free speech but when Rush Limbaugh, Fox News, Darth Cheney, and the Koch Brothers orchestrate a take down mayhem follows. In the words of Hillary Rodham Clinton, when the Monica Lewinsky story broke, there was a big story here if some serious reporters wanted to follow it. That there was a “vast Right-Wing conspiracy” behind it there could be no doubt. Fingerprints from the ghost of Ronald Reagan were all over it.

You warned us in your most lachrymose Jeremiad style that we were being “torn apart at the seams”. Since your history of lower case Fascism in matters of opposition speech is well known – in my case, first hand – the inference was that all it would take for a serene comity to descend on us would be for anyone who thinks that your policies are asinine and egregiously offensive to Logic to shut up.

Alas, but the Constitution, that’s the document that I would have expected someone with 2 degrees in Political Science would have some working knowledge of, intervened. Since your website says that your academic concentration was in Political Campaigning I can now see how the finer points of due process would have escaped. In fact, many of the things you did over the years now make sense. Since you spent your time in college cozying up to bullet voting, palm cards, the dead rising on Election Day, and a perpetual Row A designation the 6th Amendment would have been Greek to you. For years you got away with saying that you loved the cello but never heard of Bach.

A brief history of Ricky Ray Rector is in order.

He was an evil man who lived in Arkansas. He murdered several people in the Razorback State. [It is not known if the Whitewater Land Development Company, Webster Hubble, or yogurt was in his background]. In a shootout with police he swore he would never be taken alive. Although he shot himself in the head he didn’t kill himself. That task would be accomplished by the Clintons.

By now he was as aware of his surroundings as a pot of collard greens would be of its.

He was incapable of understanding the charges against him. He was incapable of assisting in his defense.

Alas, the Clintons were running for President.

Ricky Ray Rector was convicted of murder and sentenced to die in the electric chair.

By now, because he had blown a big chunk of his head off, he was serene, sweet, and extremely docile. The guards said that he wouldn’t hurt a fly. When his appeals ran out his execution date was set. Governor Clinton could have commuted his sentence to life imprisonment without parole. What better way for a modern American Liberal to show he was tough on crime than to wire up Ricky Ray Rector and light up the Arizona sky. Here’s the best part. Ricky Ray Rector was a Black man. A win/win for Billary!

How better to show he was tough on crime than by killing a Black man?

It is said that when his last meal was served he told the guard that he wanted to save some pie for when he got back from Old Sparky. The guard told him to eat the pie. It is rumored that if he objected Hillary would have given him a lap dance to relax him and send him out with a smile on his face. The only negative thing was that he forgot to say, a la Billy Budd, God Bless Governor Clinton! The one thing about being electrocuted is that there are no Mulligans.

Which brings us back to the Arizona shooter.

A Federal Judge has ruled that since Loughner can neither understand the charges against him nor can he assist in his own defense he cannot stand trial. He will be placed in a rubber room and given a series of Thorazine enemas while the experts try to find out exactly how many snakes he has in his head.

One of the conclusions to be drawn from this is that not even a steady diet of Michael Moore cartoons of Noam Chomsky’s plans to destroy Israel could be classified as “bile’ or “vitriol” as you defined it. The sound you don’t hear is the sound of the garment of civilization not being “torn apart at the seams”.

To him “bile and vitriol” are akin to “ham and eggs” or “apple pie and ice cream” like Ricky Ray Rector finally finished before he became a big boost to the Clinton campaign.


But the really bad news is that Ed Shultz, your husband’s cousin, Uncle Morty’s son, the one who wet his pants at your wedding, the one who picked up the handkerchief under the chuppa to blow his nose because his mother was embarrassed by him picking it, the one who asked your Aunt Sylvia if she had ever seen a one eared elephant, the one who somehow got a radio show, is a potty mouth.

There is a classic photo of a dozen or so female members of the House of Representatives walking over to the Senate to protest Judge Clarence Thomas’s nomination to the Supreme Court.

It is classic because all that was required for the modern American Liberal Judicial Death Panel to be set in motion was for a woman, one of their own, to say that Judge Thomas was debasingly disrespectful to her.

The other classic part of it was Congresswoman Barbara Boxer scratching her ass in a most vigorous fashion. It was almost as if Pedro, her undocumented Mexican gardener cum handy man, had put some los frijoles Mexicana in her knickers to see how she could shake her Gringo booty.

Anyway, Cousin Ed says on the radio that Laura Ingraham “is a slut”.

This is not to say that an alumna of Dartmouth College, a graduate of the University of Virginia School of Law, a law clerk to a Supreme Court Justice and a single mom of two who is a breast cancer survivor is incapable of sluttiness.

Who knows? The Mary Magdalene/Madonna gene may be in all women just waiting to break out. In her case, and yours, I rather think not.

He said this 3 days ago.

Shouldn’t the Hecates and harridans be in full voice over this?

Imagine if a modern American Liberal woman commentator has that said about her?

Rachel Maddow, the Sapphic slut? Joy Behar, the loud mouthed slut? Whoopi Godlberg, the calorically challenged, sometimes “nappy haired ho”, slut? Barbara Walters, the ancient slut?

I added “nappy haired ho” because when Don Imus said that he was fired from MSNBC. He wasn’t suspended for one week. He was fired.

Is it possible, and pray God it is not so, that there is a double standard in broadcasting?



Anything said by a modern American Liberal is OK.

Anything said to a modern American Liberal is not OK. In fact, it is automatically assumed to be “bile and vitriol”. Left unchecked it “will tear us apart at the seams”.

So long as we are pushing the edges of free speech we can stipulate that when a Democratic legislator tells a Republican legislator that she’s “fucking dead” it’s OK, that it is within the boundaries of fair comment.

If it is OK for your cousin Ed, and let’s hope that the vasectomy “took”, to call someone he disagrees with a “slut” is it OK for me to say that the Democratic Party, a party that is devoid of ideas, a party that knows not of Political Science, floats on a sea of bullshit?

I just took a poll of all the rational adults in the house. The answer is YES.

That was a great picture of you coming down the stairs of Air Force One. It looks like you’ve added a few pounds. One way to work them off would have been if President Klaus Obama had told you, like he told Israel, to bend over and kiss your ass goodbye. Do it 40 or 50 times a day and you’ll look like you spent the last 3 months on Dancing with the Stars.






Kevin Smith