Friday, November 30, 2012

November 29, 2012
Margaret Carlson
Bloomberg News
1399New York Avenue
Washington, DC 20005

RE: If but her shadow were to fall on us, if we could touch the hem of her gown…how many miracles have been ascribed to Venerable Hillary, the first non-dead person to be nominated for sainthood? Some comments on the stars in your eyes column in today’s Miami Herald.

Ms. Carlson,

Having gotten the gift of a free AM hour I could think of nothing better than to get out my trusty poleax and seek out your column. And no, I won’t be mentioning anything about American GIs being tax cheats. You covered that earlier.

I was a bit unfamiliar with the person in your column. I thought the article would end with her dying on a Friday afternoon and – mirabile dictu! – showing up for breakfast on Sunday morning. It turned out it was about Hillary Clinton, the poster girl for abused wives. That Hillary Clinton.

I know that going from a senior thesis saying what a swell guy Saul Alinsky was, to shattering the glass ceiling in Arkansas – Would it brand me as a bounder if I were to point out that the largest law firm in the state hired her when her husband was elected Attorney General? Would you think less of me if I mentioned that she was made a partner after her husband was elected Governor? A case, not a very good case but a case nonetheless, can be made that those things were coincidental. Like ”finding trout in the milk” as Jeeves told Bertie - to beating the big boys in the commodities market just by reading the Wall Street Journal, to using her life-long love of yogurt to getting a seat on the board of TCBY, to using her vast retail experience to become an outside director at Wal-Mart, to doing the one thing that she did superbly well for decades; viz. covering for her husband, Handsome Billy from Hot Springs, the King of the One-Eyed Trouser Snakes, to becoming the most admired chick in the world or maybe the universe is not done easily and should be praised.

I still marvel at how she, despite being born and raised in Chicago, was able to keep her secret of being a lifelong Yankee fan.

The beauty of being a card carrying modern American Liberal ink-stained wench is that you get to write the following:

“She gets credit for handling the crisis in Libya and took
responsibility when the U.S. Consulate was attacked.”

I know of no place in the real world where style points trump a disaster. In this case the disaster involved the murder of 4 Americans. She was quick to tell the families of those who were killed in battle that we would “get” the film maker who caused all this to happen. [Do you think the poor WOG in the pokey is the new Ezra Pound?]

I am sure the mail boxes of the White Star Lines were stuffed with letters from the families of the 1500 dead passengers saying how happy they were that the band played so well as RMS Titanic went down.

You mention how she has helped the Obamas – Wasn’t B.O. just called “Our Lord and Savior”? Won’t that make it a wee bit crowded when they call the roll in the Pantheon? – and their children “who attend the same school as Chelsea did”.

Pray tell, what school is that? Is it any of the really fine public schools in Washington, DC? If not, why not? As non-paying tenants of the largest single family public housing project in the universe wouldn’t it be fair if their children had to attend public school? In fact, I think it’s time for the children of all elected officials to attend public schools.

How long has it been since anyone mentioned Whitewater?

The deal died. That happens all the time. The most galling part of it, the part that will never pass the bag test, was the purchase agreement that was written by “one of the country’s 100 best lawyers”. It was designed to hornswoggle and then trap Mr., & Mrs. Rufus Redneck.

It succeeded.

A mortgage is a personal loan secured by a lien on real property. If you miss payments the lender begins foreclosure. No matter how unbelievable the story is the person in default gets to tell it to a judge. Something called “due process” is involved. In Whitewater the buyer signed a time-sales contract. It’s just like buying a used car. If you miss a payment a nice man with a tow truck comes to your house and repos it. Case closed

And that’s how you become the “most admired woman in the world”?

So there. I managed to get through this without mentioning the GI tax cheats you managed to uncover 12 years ago. I wonder how many of them got toe-tagged?


Kevin Smith
November 29, 2012
Jay Carney – Press person
The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue
Washington, DC

Mr. Carney,

As befitting any Presidential Chief Flack, the standard being set by Pierre Salinger who was demoted to the United States Senate before he would have had to exit stage left “pursued by bears”, you end up wearing rubber lined dark suits because an average non-lying bloke would have had his sphincter explode due to the tsunami coming from his bladder. What is probably worse than perpetually lying is the 24/7 protocol of telling half truths. It must be soul numbing.

I watched your snarky smirk as you went from the Keystone Pipeline to the murder of 4 Americans in Benghazi and how rascally racist it is for Republicans to suggest that Ambassador Rice’s pants are on fire, as in “Liar, liar pants on fire”. Nice job. Well played.

Accordingly, I name you

SMARMY BASTARD OF THE YEAR

This award is not given lightly.

You got it the old fashioned way.

You earned it.






Kevin Smith

Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Sheriff Scott Israel Broward Sheriff’s Office

November 26, 2012

Sheriff Scott Israel
Broward Sheriff’s Office
Broward Boulevard
Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33312

RE: It it’s kosher for her it can’t be trayf for me. You did say that you wanted to make the Sheriff’s Office more diverse, didn’t you?

Sheriff Israel,

Accept my congratulations on your election. Sheriff Lamberti, unlike his predecessor, was a man of honor who served his constituents well. Allah willing you should do so.

Although I did not vote for you I have the macho chutzpah of someone born and raised on the mean streets of Bayonne, NJ. Thus, I am able to ask you for a favor.

On November 13th , in the Sun Sentinel, there was a marvelous photograph of 2 BSO deputies, men with badges and guns, escorting Congressperson Debbie Wasserman-Schultz on her long and treacherous walk from the x-ray machine to her departure gate at Fort Lauderdale Airport. One of them actually carried her small carry on bag to lighten her burden, a burden mostly consisting of whispering into the King’s ear. Why do I believe that she says “Yes you can” when the question of whether or not the rising and falling of tides is something that can be done by fiat by the time of the next “Summer of Recovery”?

Because of the above a minor flap, a Broward County political flap, a flap with a half-life of 48 hours, came and went down the memory hole so favored by modern American Liberals that it were as if it never happened.

I wrote a letter – copy enclosed – to the Sun Sentinel in re their editorial on the above mentioned lower case brouhaha. It was quickly consigned to the round file designated for curmudgeons, particularly erudite and literate ones.

In it I mention my various physical ailments. It is not for nothing that Broward County is also known as “God’s Waiting Room”. To the listed woes I can now add COPD. If I had known I was going to live this long I would have taken better care of myself. COPD has its own COPAY.

I chant the mantra of “equal protection”. If you can help her you can help me.

I am visiting my Texas Ladies for Christmas.

I will be flying from Ft. Lauderdale in mid-December. As my letter of 11/13/12 says, I have had cancer 3 times. I have congestive heart failure. My 2 titanium hips now have a new inorganic joint to gambol with; i.e. a metal knee I need but drive by the airport to set off the alarms. I have a magnificent scar on my head from cancer #3 that is perpetually viewable. If I wear shorts the scar from my knee replacement glows in the dark. You’ll have to take my word for the congestive heart failure and the treacherous COPD.

I am requesting a handicap accessible BSO van to get me to the airport. Like ex-Sheriff and now ex-con Kenny Boy Jenne, AKA Emperor Kenneth the Short, I would like you to help me jump the line so as to avoid the masses of tourists leading lives of quiet desperation as they buggylug their impedimenta through the airport.

So as to help you decide this matter in my favor I present 2 previously unused markers.

#! – My grandfather’s badge number was 291. He was on the job for 37 years.

#2 – There was a “1013” at the Essex County Court House in Newark, NJ at 11:14 AM on June 3rd, 1993 . 2 policemen were shot. One was dead before he hit the ground. One was hit in the sternum from 15 feet. That bullet, fired from a .357 Colt magnum, put a hole in his chest the size of a .25 cent coin. It traveled upward hitting his right shoulder. It then traveled downward became lodged behind his right elbow. I testified at the trial that convicted the police officer’s killer. I saved the life of the other officer who, 18 months later, danced at my daughter’s wedding.

Please have your office contact me to make all the arrangements. Also, please tell me if you have a new policy on tipping.

Kevin Smith

Sunday, November 25, 2012

November 24, 2012
Mitchell Kaplan
Books & Books
265 Aragon Avenue
Coral Gables, FL 33134

RE: Tom Wolfe, “eclectic indignation”, and why modern American Liberals need constant chiropractic care.

Mr. Kaplan,

Time really flies when I am enjoying myself.

December, 1996 was when you told me that as long as you owned the store Ezra Pound would not be found on its book shelves.

For years I marveled at your ability to celebrate speech in all its forms, be it written, sung, or performed.

For years I marveled at your ability to say with nary a hint of sardonicism that, while all speech is free, some speech isn’t as free as others.

For years I wrote to you saying that it was impossible to be a little bit pregnant.

Alas [for you] I have not been back in your store since.

This morning I watched you lead the televised Miami Book Fair paean to Tom Wolfe.

It is well to note that when the film version of “Bonfires of the Vanities” was in preproduction an attempt was made to rent parts of the Essex County Courthouse in Newark, New Jersey for courtroom scenes. It was stopped by New Jersey Chief Justice David Wilentz. His reasoning was simple: Cinematic depictions of stereotypical shibboleths – [Did I just repeat myself?] - concerning feral Black youth would not be permitted to be filmed in New Jersey courtrooms. [Do you think he liked “Ishtar”?] I suppose “Quis custodies custodiet” might label me as an elitist. I will settle for the majestic “Congress shall make no law….” A card carrying modern American Liberal jurist, one such as Chief Justice Wilentz, had no problem yelling “Fire” in a theatre that had not yet opened.

At least he didn’t lock Wolfe up like Ezra Pound was. You may remember that Pound spent 13 years in a Federal booby hatch. He was never arrested, he was never indicted, he was never arraigned, he was never tried, he was never convicted. The term “habeas corpus” was forgotten. At least Gitmo, America’s first adult sleep away camp, has better weather. Do you suppose that Pound’s release in 1958 marked the end of the McCarthy/HUAC Reign of Terror?

I have been addicted to Tom Wolfe since 1964.

You could have had a successful career as a “Flack Catcher”. You may have even been the head Flack Catcher. You would have not been good as the community organizers in San Francisco. They were the ones who were superbly skilled at “putting the boot in” as they did to the poor sap, the one who had the temerity to ask for “More”, when he realized that one bowl of Rainbow Soup would not get him through his busy, calorie consuming day.

All will be forgiven if you will allow me to burn an American flag in front of your store. I suppose I must tell you that a Koran, and doubtless it will be one of the perpetually “sacred” Korans as if there could be any other kind, will be wrapped in the flag. I will have a pot of pig pee nearby should the blaze get out of hand.

Join with me in striking a blow for freedom.

Who remembers “Nude Descending a Staircase” these days? Even “Piss Christ” and “Corpus Cristi” are fading from memory. I fear that Mapplethorpe’s more intense photographs will not soon be on American postage stamps.

It’s time, as Wolfe told us, to “stretch the envelope”.

Get back to me, OK?


Kevin Smith


PS – What would 20th century English Literature have been without Pound? His acolytes - Joyce, Eliot, Hemingway, Yeats – speak, still speak, of his genius. From August 22, 1939 to June 21, 1941 Dr. Seuss thought that Adolph Hitler was a really good guy. Do you stock “Green Eggs and Ham”? How about Wodehouse? Do you have any good bios on Walter Duranty?

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Gary Stein The Sun Sentinel

November 18, 2012
Gary Stein
The Sun Sentinel

Big Stein,

What’s that? Somebody broke your heart? Somebody broke the previously totally sheltered Little Stein’s heart? I am shocked, shocked to learn of this.

I can say with 100% absolute metaphysical certitude that neither you nor the recently wizened Little Stein is Irish. That I know this is simply a manifestation of a thing known to a millennium of Gaels. What’s the sense of having an Irish heart unless you know it will be broken? Isn’t Ireland known as “the land of happy wars and sad love songs”?

As a Board Certified Life Coach I hereby proclaim a teachable moment. It could be a get knocked off your ass onto your ass while traveling to Damascus moment.

It is modern American Liberalism writ large.

See if you can follow this. The clarity of my Logic can be blinding. Whether it becomes an allegory or a metaphor is a matter about which honorable men may differ.

I always vote against bond issues. No exceptions. None. It makes no difference what good or bad the money will do. I no longer read them. Count me as a NO. The reason is simple: The question is in violation of Federal law.

If you buy a used car from someone wearing suede shoes with a color matching his silk shirt who speaks with forked tongue through teeth that once belonged to someone named Babar he must tell you how much the car will cost if you finance it through his company. The total cost of the loan includes, gulp, interest.

If he doesn’t and you have Jose Werewolf and/or his brother-in-law Dracula Rosencrantz on your side you are probably going to get the car for nothing. If neither was able to get their Starbucks Mega Blood Bank Eye-opener you may wind up with the business.

It’s where the rubber of the Rule of 78 meets the road covering your ass.

Not so with bond issues.

“Do you approve of borrowing $500,000,000 for 30 years?”
Yes or No

What is not on ballot is the cost of servicing a mortgage of $500,000,000 for 30 years. $500,000,000@5% for 30 years is $25,000,000 per year every year. At the end of 30 years the voters who approved the loan will have paid a total of $1,250,000,000 to whoever it was who lent it.

[Most voters forget that the interest on the loan is tax-free to the owner of the bonds. Would not fairness dictate that the owners of these bonds, most of whom are rich White guys, be made to pay their “fair share”?]

Exactly how many “Summers of Recovery” chock-a-block filled with “not so ready Shovel Ready jobs” will we need to pay down this marker? Nowhere is this made clear.

But wait. There’s more.

If you push #4 on the modern American Liberal play list you get – with just a hint of “Fanfare for the Common Man” or “Don’t Stop Talking About Tomorrow” in the background, depending on the demographics - someone telling you that we have to make “investments” in the future. Further, we hear that the children are our future. Thus, if it is for the children, how can any man’s hand be against it?

The Logic of the above demands that, as America just did, Santa Claus be elected.

In addition to a world class, spanking new, look at all the jobs we “created” arts center, we have a world class, spanking new, look at all the jobs we “created” tunnel. The crown jewel would have to be a world class, spanking new, look at all the jobs we “created” baseball stadium.

The crown jewel would have to be a world class, spanking new, look at all the jobs we “created” baseball stadium.

How about we build a dome over Miami/Dade county and air condition with solar power – Hello Solyndra! and – Hello Canute! – tidal power?

That way we could have a world class, spanking new, look at all the jobs we “created” booby hatch.

Was there no one in Miami/Dade County who could ask for the right financials?
The Bank of Nunzio and Vito, a bank known for specializing in unsecured loans, would have known where the deep pockets were. How many underpaid, hardworking public servants were on Loria’s Christmas is the 25th of every month list?

At some point, probably just after we finally reach the horizon, modern American Liberals tell us that we all will be farting through silk and that lambs will be begging to lie down with lions.

Loria, and in a fit of multiculturalism, qualifies as a lower case Madoff or Corzine. The first thing he saw when he got here was the upturned neck waiting for a down plunging ax As Hinnissy, the noted publican, said, “He seen his opportunities and he took’em”. For this we owe him a debt of gratitude. Some people know, genetically, the difference between the buttered side of the toast and the dry. Some people don’t.

Thank you sir. May I have another?

“You’re young. You’ll get over it” is sound advice for a suitor unaccustomed to rejection. The shattering of Little Stein fills me with much sorrow. I will send via the good old, nothing world class or spanking new, look at how many jobs we’ve “created” United States Postal Service something that may assuage his pain.

Terra incognita. Pass it on at your peril.

I can’t wait for the Dolphins to say that, absent a gazillion dollars from the public, the world will end not with a whimper but with a very large bang.



KEVIN SMITH
WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET




Friday, November 16, 2012

Letter to the Editor The Miami Herald

November 16, 2012
Letter to the Editor
The Miami Herald
One Herald Plaza
Miami, FL 33132-1693

RE: “Focus on the absurd lest reality drive you mad” – Some comments on 2 separate headlines in this morning’s Miami Herald.

Sirs,

“Pentagon wants to improve ethics” and “Bond vote delayed as $45,000,000 is found”. No wonder Dave Barry retired. He thought there was a limit to how many things could not be made up. It may be time for him to unretire.

I suppose ethics can be “improved”. Body mass index, SAT scores, the good cholesterol/bad cholesterol scale, the elusive “fairness” quotient surely can be made right, can’t they? I am sure the Pentagon will send up a flare to alert the media that, the horizon having been finally reached, men will now be angels.

[It’s 6:30 in the morning and those Allahdamned parrots are squawking again. Can’t we just ban the atonal, cacophonous bastards?]

Ethics, as Aristotle says, always seeks a balance. We always come in after the fact that someone has broken their vows. Those vows can personal, spousal, religious, institutional, or civic

“A man upon oath holds his soul in his hands as if it were water.
He opens his fingers at his own peril.”

Alas, that can’t be taught at boot camp.

It is not just doing what is right but, first, knowing what is right. What is wrong, what is evil, becomes an affront to man’s nature [“the better angels on man’s nature” perhaps]] and an insult to his Creator.

My favorite African Bishop said “Love God and do what you will”.

Which leads us to

“Bond vote delayed as $45,000,000 is found”.

“Found”?

Where? Behind the water cooler? In the lunch room? In the Affirmative Action office? Did someone turn in a suspicious portmanteau?

If ever a headline called for, nay, demanded 100 lashes well laid on followed by defenestration, that is the one.

If $45,000,000 can be “found”: would it be safe to assume that $45,000,000 can be “lost”?

As a former Chief Financial Officer of a public company I know, financial ledgerdemain – that my way of spelling it – notwithstanding, debits must equal credits.

Miami/Dade County seems to have lost sight of that.

That they induced their citizens to indenture themselves for decades to build an arts center, a tunnel, and a baseball stadium while losing sight of $45,000,000 suggests a scenario starring the Marx Brothers directed by Mel Brooks.

How fitting that picture next to the story about losing and finding $45,000,000 – and that money will go down the next open modern American Liberal rabbit hole quicker than a lamb chop could get past the big, bad wolf – is a picture of earnest true believers holding up signs that scream “End Homelessness” followed by signs that say “Feed the Meters”. Presumably the out of touch 1% will circle Ocean Drive and Lincoln Road to dispose of all their pre-1964 quarters into vacant parking meters, said parking meters being the source of “Ending Homelessness”.

Clio, the Muse of History, tells us that it would be easier to end the vicious cycle of high tide/ low tide than it would be to “End Homelessness” by “Feeding the Meters”.

Curses!

I have just sentenced myself to a fruitless morning of trying to find a suitable synonym for absurd.




Kevin Smith
WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Letter to the Editor The Sun Sentinel

November 13, 2012

Letter to the Editor
The Sun Sentinel
500 Broward Boulevard
Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33394

RE: Debbie & the airport – The back story that today’s editorial about Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman-Schultz misses.

Sirs,

Full disclosure requires me to tell you that Little Debbie sent the police, specifically, Agent Thomas and Agent Mineva of the Florida Department of Law Enforcement, both of whom had badges and guns, to my house because of something I had written. My upbringing on the mean streets of Bayonne prepared me for the “good cop/bad cop” routine. I enclose my letter to Little Debbie written just after the coppers left.

She says she has two degrees in Political Science from the University of Florida. It is inconceivable that she could have spent all that class time and never have heard of the Greek adage “Free men speak with free tongues”. It is a trait common to all card carrying, fire breathing modern American Liberals. The other way you can recognize them is a genetic ailment known as “non-malodorous fecal matter syndrome”. I have heard from confidential sources who, you know what I’m saying, must remain confidential, that she usually has an escort of 10 with 6 of them carrying her in the sedan chair reserved for really important politicians

Does anyone else remember Empress Debbie’s previous escapades at the airport?

Does anyone else remember when she arrived late to the airport and gave her keys to the nearest Sheriff’s Deputy to park her car?

Does anyone else remember when she called her pal Sheriff Ken Jenne, AKA Emperor Kenneth the Short, because one of her car windows wouldn’t go up? She gave him her airport garage location and he said he would look after her car ‘til she got back from her doubtless important public service. Just an example of, as you editorialize, “discretion and good judgment” exercised by public employees, right?

Allow me to paraphrase Orwell.

“All politicians are equal. Some politicians are more equal than others.”

The only thing missing from the recently ended campaign was the “Theme for the Common Man” being played at busy intersections. Had it been played it would have been an eternally cacophonous caterwauling about – you guessed it – the common man and why more must be done for “them”. It’s too bad that “Every Man a King” has gone down the memory hole.

Little Debbie’s protestations to the contrary notwithstanding, she has an air of entitlement about her that raises a stench in the nostrils of honest men.

As my aunt from Hester Street often told me, “Don’t pee on my back and tell me it’s rain”.

I have been operated on for cancer 3 times. I am grateful I don’t have eyes in the back of my head otherwise I would have to look at a most impressive scar from the last operation. I have been diagnosed with congestive heart failure. I just added a titanium knee to my growing collection of metal joints. Neither of my hips can be classified as organic. I set the alarms off when I drive past the airport.

I mention this because I will be leaving from the Ft. Lauderdale airport next month to spend Christmas with my family in Texas.

Forget about a Deputy Sheriff carrying my bag. [Debbie’s need for 2 armed guards to carry one bag can be attributed to the wretched excess that hubris causes] Wouldn’t it be an “act of kindness” if they sent a car to pick me up? Maybe they could jump the line like they used to do when Sheriff Jenne was boss, remember? Maybe they could bump me to first class?

Should this happen I will dedicate myself “to work together [to] find solutions to the real problems facing the state and nation”.

I am too old to believe in Santa Claus but a guy can hope, can’t he?




Kevin Smith

November 11, 2012
Glenn Garvin
The Miami Herald

RE: Oliver Stone and “eclectic indignation” or how modern American Liberals always remember how to forget – Some comments on your column about the good guys and the bad guys in the “Untold History of the United States”.

Mr. Garvin,

Maybe Walter Duranty was right. Maybe 6,000,000 to 10,000,000 Kulaks died of diabetes or Tay-Sachs disease. Maybe Hitler noticed that the deaths of “a faraway people of whom we know little” didn’t upset anybody in the West. [It should be noted that Hitler turned out to be a much better record keeper, particularly when it came to abattoirs.]

Your backhand snot smack of Stone when he compared America’s relations with Mexico and Canada – “Remind me again, was it Toronto or Montreal to which President Eisenhower sent tanks to put down a revolt, as the Soviets did in Hungary in 1956” – is worthy of bronze remembrance. As an aside, if Eisenhower had sent tanks into Canada, I hope, I mean I really, really hope that his target was Montreal.

The version of the Zhukov/Eisenhower that I heard was that it didn’t make any difference to the Russians whether it was landmines or machine guns. The order was always the same: Charge! It turned out that the Russians had more men then the Germans had bullets.

Speaking of an “alternate universe”, imagine if the 1934 winner of the Pulitzer Prize For Foreign Reporting, Frederick Birchall, the New York Times correspondent in Berlin had been as much the tank for the Gesztapo as Walter Duranty, the 1932 winner and New York Times employee, had been for the KGB?

The poet was right. It was “a low dishonest decade”.

And why did Dr. Seuss, Lillian Hellman, Woody Guthrie, and the as yet unnamed Hollywood 10 think that, from August 22, 1939 to June 21. 1941, Hitler was an OK guy?

Walter Duranty, Herbert Matthews, and Harrison Salisbury…one Helluva Murderers’ Row, no?

What can you expect from a newspaper that opposed Lincoln and wanted to settle with the South? That means they favored slavery, doesn’t it?

Less than 10 feet from where I type there is a framed scroll signed by President Truman. It says that Corporal Leonard Putnam died “in the Pacific area” on May 25, 1945. The “Pacific area” was Okinawa. He was a 42 year old piano salesman from Jersey City, N.J. He was my wife Amy’s uncle.

Directly below it is an autographed picture of Paul Tibbets. He is in uniform standing beside the Enola Gay.

His successful mission cancelled the ticket for the Tokyo Express that had my Uncle John’s name on it. Also, my cousin Jim and Amy’s cousin Andy got to come home, their scars, real and prospective, having stopped on August 6, 1945.

Has there ever been a more powerful nation than the United States was on September 2, 1945? No nation before or since has had the might that we had that day. We rebuilt our enemies, we fed the world, and we gave it up.

I shant be watching it but could you tell me if Margaret Sanger, one of the heroines of modern American Liberalism, is mentioned? If she is does that episode include the inconvenient fact that her writings inspired Hitler when he was assembling the Nuremberg Race Laws of 1934?

I don’t think so.

Being a mAL means you never have to say you’re sorry.







Kevin Smith
WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET






PS – If Lysenko had been defenestrated would fewer people have starved?

Wednesday, November 7, 2012

"Though I am wounded, I am not slain. Lie me down to bleed awhile and I will rise to fight again."

"Though I am wounded, I am not slain. Lie me down to bleed awhile and I will rise to fight again."

"The triumph of hope over experience."

"The triumph of hope over experience."

Monday, November 5, 2012

November 4, 2012
Robert Lynn, Ph.D.
American Studies
Lynn University
3601 N. Military Trail
Boca Raton, FL 33431

RE: Thanks for the 50 year timeline of American History in today’s Sun Sentinel. Maybe you could produce one starting on September 11, 2012 in Benghazi.

My dear Professor,

If I read you correctly your 6 decade version of American History is not quite thus:
Franklin Roosevelt ran in 1932 promising to balance the budget and pledging never to engage in deficit financing. When his “Rainbow Soup” and “Balloon Juice
schemes failed to work he tried to “pack” the Supreme Court to make them work. The false premise there is that a legislature or a court can make water run uphill. It’s only a small turd in the punch bowl but the dirty little secret of modern American Liberalism is that none – zip, nada, zilch – of FDR’s flapdoodle claptrap worked. By every possible standard the country was worse off economically coming into 1939 than it was coming out of 1932. What got the big dog off the porch was when Boeing when to 3 shifts making B-17s at its Wichita plant. [Both the Birthers and the Truthers think that Pearl Harbor doesn’t quite pass the smell test but that’s a tale for a different time, no?] Harry Truman canceled my Uncle John’s ticket on the Tokyo Express by turning Hiroshima into sushi goo. For good measure he did the same to Nagasaki. My wife’s uncle is still on Okinawa. You may want to assign some of your more adventuresome students to prove or disprove the claim that nowhere and at no time has there ever been a country more powerful than the US was on September 2, 1945. It must be noted that Truman, your “great champion of the common man”, chose not to run in 1952 because the only man with a lower popularity rating was Julius Rosenberg. Your failure to disclose that it was a Republican President who appointed a Republican Governor as Chief Justice who ended school segregation is the stuff that civil fraud cases are built on. The same Republican President sent the 101st Airborne Division into Little Rock to enforce that decision. None of that Andrew Jackson/John Marshall stuff there, right? Senator Irvin and Senator Fulbright, both champions of modern American Liberalism, have still not been heard from in re this matter. I never fully bought into the “torch being passed” in 1960. 11 months and 2 days after the American Army landed in Europe Hitler ate his gun. The thought that the man in charge, a man then President, would place his country in peril by allowing a “missile gap” is ludicrous. You may want to ask your students if they can identify – without help from Google - Quemoy and Matsu. See if they can find out how many times Mrs. O’Leary’s cow voted in Chicago in 1960. I promise not to mention Kennedy’s tax cuts.

Which brings us to Reagan…


He beat the Ruskkies without firing a shot.

The first words of the Polish Pope were Non timere. Be not afraid! He and Mrs. Thatcher did not have to wait long for the great Reagan.

Not only did the Congressional Democrats and their whining servy boy, the New York Times, believe that Stars Wars wouldn’t work, they believed it shouldn’t work. Clio, the beloved Muse of History, tells us that at least one man thought it could work. Gorbachev played his hand superbly well before he folded. I remember crying the first time I heard the GE ad that began with the simple line “The lights are coming on again all over Europe”. Leonard Bernstein said that in moments of tragedy and triumph people yearn for Beethoven. Fidelio and the Ninth Symphony were written for the destruction of the Berlin Wall.

GOD BLEST RONALD REAGAN!

Now you tell us that Republicans, under the whip hand direction of the Koch Brothers and guided by Nixon’s ghost, do not fill pot holes. Does that mean that Interstate 5, running the length of California, a state where Republicans are not allowed to spend the night in Sacramento, its capital, is as smooth as a baby’s bum? The short answer is no. The long answer is no.

Get to work on what the President know and when did he know it about the murder of 4 Americans in Libya on September, 2012. I thought all the WOGs loved us.

By the by, I think this campaign is strictly soft ball. 1800, 1824, 1876, 1884. They were something, weren’t they? I know that Romney killed the steel worker’s wife and that Ryan did a Johnny Udo on the Medicare Grandma but like Michael Corleone said, “Nothing personal. Strictly business.”

The trap bell just wrung. I love poached baby manatee fillets! Here’s hoping.







Kevin Smith

Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Michael Putney The Miami Herald

October 31, 2012
Michael Putney
The Miami Herald

RE: As the legendary Big Mike from Bayonne still says, “What a country! That’s why never see anybody swimming to Cuba.” Some comments on your election column in today’s Miami Herald.

Mr. Putney,

Any column that begins with a back-handed swipe at the – Whodathunk – First Amendment and ends with a bow to Winston Churchill is worthy of a not quite resounding Huzzah. Relax. A muted Huzzah is better than any Harrumph.

[Is it possible that you, as a big time media mogul, could get me an absentee ballot from Miami/Dade so I could vote against Keon Hardeman, Esq.? I was once involved in a nasty dispute with Lawyer A. Lawyer B advised me against suing him. “Give him a beating in the parking lot” was his advice Lawyer Hardemon’s performance on your Sunday show is an example how sound the wisdom of Fat Jack was. And is. The only good thing to come out of it has now become an iron rule: In any contest between an ex-stewardess and a head up his ass lawyer always vote for the stewardess.]

As to the First Amendment and the Citizens United decision…

What is your problem with George Soros spending his own money to promote his political beliefs? It’s not like he is a cousin of the Koch Brothers.

Shouldn’t the SEIU – they’re the guys wearing the purple shirts that beat up old Black guys in wheelchairs, remember? – be able to take money from their members and promote candidates who advance their causes?

Are there any other parts of the First Amendment that don’t pass the Putney smell test?

Strict constructionists use the First Amendment when defending “Piss Christ” and “Corpus Cristi”. Not too many people wanted to see Nazis marching through Skokie shouting “Todt Juden” but the First Amendment begins with “Congress shall make no law…”

My plan to burn a Koran – Why are the Allahdamned things always “sacred”? - wrapped in an American flag with a bucket of pig pee nearby in case the fire spreads has failed to gain any media backing. When I go forward with it I expect the First Amendment to be my protector. I expect you to be in the front row, pike in hand, sounding like Voltaire.

Which leads me to another observation.

Where is the modern American Liberal uproar over the jailing of the film maker who portrayed Mohammed in a less than sterling manner? I guess he let his membership in the Hollywood Ten lapse. Can we assign him to a permanent Black List? I guess it depends on whose Gore is being oxed.

“When you’ve cut down every law to get the Devil where
would you hide when he turned round to face you? I’d give
the Devil the benefit of the law for my own safety’s sake.”

Which leads me to Churchill…

Full disclosure requires me to reveal that I am President of the local chapter of Churchill Forever. It is a situation up with which I will put.

Lady Astor, his American born piƱata, observed that rumors of Churchill’s drinking in his underground HQ had reached Parliament.

“Mr. Churchill, it is said that the contents of the bottles of cognac and Champagne you have drunk would fill half these rooms.”

“So much work done; so much work to be done” was his wistful reply.

I’ll save the common denominator of the White House middle of the night gambol and the House of Commons urinal for a different time.






KEVIN SMITH
WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET




PS – It will be safe to wear pink tomorrow.

Monday, October 29, 2012

He Knew

I wish I had written this.
“How dreadful are the curses that Mohammedanism lays on its votaries! Besides the fanatical frenzy, which is as dangerous in a man as hydrophobia in a dog, there is this fearful fatalistic apathy. The effects are apparent in many countries. Improvident habits, slovenly systems of agriculture, sluggish methods of commerce, and insecurity of property exist wherever the followers of the Prophet rule or live. A degraded sensualism deprives this life of its grace and refinement; the next of its dignity and sanctity. The fact that in Mohammedan law every woman must belong to some man as his absolute property, either as a child, a wife, or a concubine, must delay the extinction of slavery until the faith of Islam has ceased to be a great power among men. Individual Moslems may show splendid qualities, but the influence of the religion paralyses the social development of those who follow it. No stronger retrograde force exists in the world. Far from being moribund Mohammedanism is a militant and proselytizing faith. It has spread throughout central Africa, raising fearless warriors at every step; and were it not that Christianity is sheltered in the strong arms of science, the science against which it had vainly struggled, the civilization of modern Europe might fall, as fell the civilization of ancient Rome.”
Winston Churchill did.
The River War, Page 248, London:.Langmans, Green & Co., 1899
So what’s new?

Friday, October 26, 2012

Dr. Brenda C. Snipes Broward County Supervisor of Elections

October 25, 2012
Dr. Brenda C. Snipes
Broward County Supervisor of Elections
115 S. Andrews Avenue #102
Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33301

RE: Hanging chads to hanging chumps – What the Hell is going on with 11/6/12?

My dear Professor,

Although it may just be an open casting call from the Theatre of the Absurd it is well to note that even hard core paranoiacs have real enemies.

Something called the Organization for Security and Cooperation in Europe, and why do I just know that they are a non-profit polar bear loving gang that constantly caterwauls “Why can’t we all just get along”, is coming to this country to monitor our Presidential elections.

Pray tell me that Florida and you will not allow this.

I don’t know what Florida law says about this.
I don’t know what power you have should some of these folks show up at my polling place.
I do know what power I have.
Should some snooty snotty Frog approach me while I am voting I will pummel him about the head and shoulders to the point of senselessness. I will revive him so I can do it again.

If it weren’t for the American Army German would be the official language of France.

The thought that those “cheese eating surrender monkeys”, a people who think it is OK to torture geese to get better liverwurst, a culture that believes that Jerry Lewis is a genius, have the temerity to peek over my shoulder while I am marking my ballot fills me with rage. “Don’t tread on me.”

Govern yourself and your agency accordingly!





Kevin Smith

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

First Draft

October 23, 2012
Inaugural address – draft 1
“I do.

Thank you Mr. Chief Justice.

By the time I get back to the White House I expect to have several executive orders ready to sign.

#1 – Since my predecessor has picked and chosen which Federal laws to enforce I will direct the Justice Department – and doesn’t the place smell better knowing that Holder is gone? Yes, it does. – and the Solicitor General not, repeat, not to defend furbish louseworts or snail darters when the other side of the law suit involves the only truly endangered species in the country. Of course, that is man. “Man shall not only endure; he will prevail” will be the motto of this administration.

#2 – It shouldn’t take more than 3 sentences to approve the Keystone pipeline. Consider it done.

#3 – Willful disobedience of any part of Obamacare on religious grounds will be fully supported by this Government.

#4 – If you don’t like coal turn off your A/C/. The math is simple. It is simple enough even for a mush brained modern American Liberal to understand. 50%, one half if you will, of the electricity produced in this country comes from burning coal. 50% of that power produces A/C. I am told by confidential sources that hospitals, particularly those with a high percentage of patients eligible for review by the soon to be installed “Death Panels”, shall be required to turn off the A/C in the afternoon. This stops now.

#5 – Solar panels and windmills, having failed the common sense test of the marketplace, will now have to make it on their own. They will make it or not make it with no assistance form the perpetually lactating Federal mammary. Whatever happens, the IV of taxpayers’ money has ended.

#6 – We have Homeric amounts of natural gas. It is now at an amount that is essentially incalculable. The author of this speech tells me that when he was in the oil & gas business his main source of transport in and around Crossroads, NM in 1981 was a big old pickup powered by natural gas. It shall be the policy of this government to advance the cause of natural gas driven vehicles by giving preference to said vehicles when ordering same for use by the Federal government.

#7 – Thank you and God Bless America.”


Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Justice Elena Kagan The Supreme Court

October 22, 2012
Justice Elena Kagan
The Supreme Court
1 First Street, NE
Washington, DC 20543

RE: OY! Male, female. Smart, dumb. Semite, non-Semite, anti-Semite. BTB, are there any pro-Semites out there? Or, as, President Obama says, “You didn’t build that. Somebody else did.” Maybe you didn’t get your job the old fashioned way.

Madame Justice,

I had the pleasure of meeting Justice Fortas when he was in private practice. Yes, it’s true. His wife did smoke cigars. No, at no time during the conversation, even though I was the client, did I ask him about “Landslide Lyndon”.

“Not sure” if you would have gotten the job if you weren’t a woman?

Two things:

#1 – Being able to pee standing up is an overrated virtue. And, since more Americans die of prostate cancer than of breast cancer, there may be an additional benefit. Plus, in case you haven’t worked it out, if you didn’t get the job I wouldn’t be writing to you.

#2 – Institutions have, or should have, a collective memory. Try to find out how Justice Brennan, a Jersey guy, got his seat. All that mattered is that he got it. Was it he or was it Justice Douglas, a recess appointment, who gave us the great legal concept of “penumbras” and “emanations”?

My father’s father had two uncles who fought at Gettysburg. One of them is still there, “wrapped in his faded coat of blue”. He helped overturn the Dred Scott decision.

“The Supreme Court follows the election returns.”

Relax. You have tenure.





Kevin Smith

Friday, October 19, 2012

Michael Mayo The Sun Sentinel

October 18, 2012

Michael Mayo
The Sun Sentinel
500 Broward Boulevard
Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33394

RE: “Politicizing the [Florida] Supreme Court” – Some comments on – you guessed it –
Politicizing the [Florida] Supreme Court

Mr. Mayo,

In addition to thinking that Logic is a parabolic curve, that facts, particularly inconvenient ones, must never interfere with an argument, and that History began with Obama’s coronation – Would you brand me a racist if I were to say that the oceans have neither receded nor have they cooled? – modern American Liberals believe both sincerely and profoundly that they can eat their cake and have it too.

My father was a Judge. Perhaps that might explain my animus.

Although I am a Jersey guy through and through I was astonished by the shtick and shenanigans surrounding the Broward County judiciary. I don’t want to suggest that there is inbreeding but a majority of those Black-robed bounders can see through a keyhole with both eyes.

Judicial candidates – that has a bit of stench to it, yes? – will spend $300,000 to get a job that pays $140,000 a year. Duh?

Judges then strong arm lawyers appearing before them for campaign contributions when they run for reelection. What’s wrong with that sentence?

Was there ever a more politicized judicial hearing than the one involving Judge Bork? I mention it because NJ/NY guys know that payback is a bitch. If Judge Bork had become Justice Bork he would have voted against accepting the case from Florida in re the 2000 election. The prospect of an administration run by former VP Alpha Gump both boggles me and whelms the imagination.

Modern American Liberals speak in reverence about “power to the people” and “participatory democracy”. “Occupy Wall Street” was hailed by progressives. They loooove it when courts rule in favor of rent control and gun control, when they smile on Affirmative Action and eminent domain. Any time a Judge says yes to “diversity” or “fairness” they become tumescent.



Since the people of Florida already have the power to toss Judges off the bench why shouldn’t they exercise that power?

The American people did not agree with the Dred Scott decision. They reversed it on the field of battle.

The American people did not like Prohibition. They threw it out.

The Florida Supreme Court has given itself the power to limit what citizens can vote on. It doesn’t matter how many photo IDs you have. The Black-robed Bosses have said “NO”. Maybe the people want to say “YES”.

Isn’t it time for a chorus of “The People United Can Never Be Defeated”?






Kevin Smith

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Letter to the Editor The Sun Sentinel

October 14, 2012
Letter to the Editor
The Sun Sentinel
500 Broward Boulevard
Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33394

RE: Would being a thespian disqualify a Justice from keeping his seat. The perils of big boy Democracy as pointed out in your editorial today.

Sirs,

Having seen prospective Judges pander to special interest groups before the election, having seen sitting Judges strong arm lawyers appearing before them to finance their reelection even if there is no opposition - Might there be a cause and effect example here to explain the abysmal record of the Broward County Judiciary? – Why should politics in the retention vote of the 3 Supreme Court Justices so shock and amaze you?

The answer is to be found in the difference between a democracy and a republic. It is an absolutely straight line beginning in the agora, the forum, and running straight and true to the 1787 Constitutional Convention.

If the people in Florida get to vote who sits on the bench why can’t they vote on who gets thrown off the bench?

If the Judges chose to enter the political arena – raising money, seeking endorsements, proselytizing their beliefs – why should they be exempt from the political consequences? In this country politics “ain’t beanbag”. It’s a full contact sport. What’s the sense of having sharp elbows unless you use them?

If people can vote Judges in and vote Judgers out why can’t they vote on criminal cases? The next high profile child molestation can be held on the beach at Las Olas Boulevard. Thumbs up or thumbs down. Instant sentencing. Instant punishment. The never ending Summer of Recovery may yet see a revival of the mom and pop tumbrel industry.

Isn’t that the essence of democracy? The will of the people and all that jazz, right?

We entrust legislatures to protect our interests within specifically defined Constitutional guidelines. If we deny legislators the ability to confirm and retain Judges why should we be surprised when the people vote the way they see fit?

Incidentally, I intend to vote against the retention of the 3 Justices who are on the ballot for a reason other than ideology. Nota bene that ideology is part of the process. Not the only part, but a vital part.

Napoleon would pick 3 soldiers at random before a battle.

He would court martial them for cowardice. They would be found guilty and they would be executed.

He said “it encouraged the others”.

Nothing like vox populi being defined by someone carrying a 2 x 4.





KEVIN SMITH

Steven L. Goldstein The Sun Sentinel

October 14, 2012
Steven L. Goldstein
The Sun Sentinel
500 Broward Boulevard
Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33394

RE: “Shining City” and how Nixon lives on to torment us still. Some comments on how, just when you think things can’t get worse, they do, they do. Some comments on your typical column today on why the letters GOP should be struck from the alphabet starting in Broward County.

My dear Professor,

You call the wascally Wepublicans “conspirators”. You say it is “a strong term but accurate”.

Such is the number that I get some conspiracies confused.

Is it the one that says, despite being approved by 3/4rs of Congress, Bush invaded Iraq so that his family could get control of the gas pipe line through Kafiristan?

Is it the one that says the Tea Party was really born when they blew up the levees in New Orleans in 2005? Talk about putting minority voter suppression on the fast track!

Is it the one that says Ronald Reagan started the AIDS “epidemic” because he didn’t like Clifton Webb?

Is it the one that says Franklin Roosevelt, in thralldom to Great Britain, knew about Pearl Harbor on Labor Day, 1941 but did nothing to interfere with it?

Which conspiracy have you pledged your fealty to?

“Birthers”? Bad.

“Truthers”? Good.

Or is it the opposite.

I get confused. Enlighten me.

In re Citizens United I am searching in vain for a synonym for “stupid” or “Homerically dumb”. Failiong to find any IO must settle for the lowest common denominator: modern American Liberal is spot on.

“Corporations are people” is an legal concept that has been around since the second half of the 19th century. The Clayton and Sherman Anti-Trust acts had to go after someone, not something.

IN the 1930s the Roosevelt administration frequently used it to advance their political agenda by judicial means. When the Supreme Court turned away his power grab – Remember, Mussolini was the poster boy of progressive modern American Liberals in that “low, dishonest decade” – he tried to pack it.

Can I ask which other parts of the First Amendment do you want to “reform”>

Friday, October 12, 2012

Karen Yi The Sun Sentinel

October 11, 2012
Karen Yi
The Sun Sentinel
500 Broward Boulevard
Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33394

RE: “Race used in grading” – Some suggestions for additions to your Page 1 article on race based grading curves. The unasked question is why have we have waited so long to do this.

Ms. Yi,

Finally, one of my great ideas, perhaps a bit before its time, gains traction.

I have been advocating a 2 birds with one stone Geometry policy since the last century.

One of the great problems facing inner city youth is low self-esteem due to low grades due to low grades.

The hated, racist FCATs are now used to brand students, schools, neighborhoods, and cities with “D”, our new Scarlet Letter. It stands for “Dummy”. It also stands for “Dolt” and “Dunce”.

How simple it would be to reverse this trend!

If we were to change Pi from 3.1416 to 3.0 we would help our struggling youth in a variety of ways.

#1 - Geometry grades would improve.
#2 – FCAT scores would soar.
#3 – Potentially ferociously feral Black youth would be more inclined to be less feral because of higher grades.
#4 – A few decades out, when the bridges all start to fall down, we would have a built in, year round, Summer of Recovery. Provided, of course, that our Mandarin money lenders give their approval.

My plan to drop the past tense needs some work but I’m gaining on it.

Also, each basketball team must have a point guard who is a small, calorically challenged White guy who has at least 6 thumbs. No exceptions.

Since this is GLBT Appreciation Month perhaps we could find room for those who did not make the cut for the school production of “A Chorus Line” to make the football team? Tight end, wedge buster…the possibilities are endless.

I suppose that when the boobies are running the hatch stuff like this happens.

Madness.


Kevin Smith
Board Certified Life Coach