November 20, 2019 Randy Schuiltz The Sun Sentinel RE: It’s been awhile – I didn’t want to exceed my annual bag limit – but today’s unlinkable whackaloon polemic with this particular one being filled to 108% of capacity, with 108% being, coincidentally, the bottom tax rate for your Plaid New Deal, led me, inexorably, to an unmatched teaching moment.

November 20, 2019

Randy Schuiltz

The Sun Sentinel

RE: It’s been awhile – I didn’t want to exceed my annual bag limit – but today’s unlinkable whackaloon polemic with this particular one being filled to 108% of capacity, with 108% being, coincidentally, the bottom tax rate for your Plaid New Deal, led me, inexorably, to an unmatched teaching moment.

Mr. Schultz,

“If the system ‘ain’t broke,’ why are 44% of Floridians living in

poverty or paycheck to paycheck? That was the conclusion

 of the United Way’s statewide report in 2017.”

The Sun Sentinel

Page 21A

Today

You

What to do? What to do?

For a moon-bat modern American Liberal loon, one who has never signed both sides of a paycheck, the solutions are obvious, right?

#1 – Raise taxes.

#2 – Raise the minimum wage.

#3 – Repeat #1 & #2 as many times as necessary.

#4 – Make it easier to fill you own teeth, do self-pneumonectomies, and learn how to play the cello by infomercial than it is to start your own business.

#5 – Turn Flower Power & Light into Pacific Gas & Electric

#6 – Eliminate all stock dividends because they proclaim White Privilege.

#7 – Bring back “Midnight Basketball”, with it being properly funded this time.

#8 – Bring back “shovel ready jobs” Have half the 44% living in poverty dig big ditches. Have half the 44% living in poverty fill the ditches with vehicles from “Cash for Clunkers”. Have the next half dig them out. Repeat #1 a new location. Use the non-felonious [misdemeanor allegations are acceptable] border jumpers do cleanup work while they wait for their Medicare for All and their scholarships to kick in. Support legislation giving them automatic Masters’ degrees when they become registered voters. Waive the requirement for photo IDs and the ban on firearms – with an exception for assault rifles, obviously – when getting on an airplane. 

#9 – Pay them to go to Nancy Pelosi’s house in San Francisco, Have them do a synchronized trou-drop and shit in her honor.

#10 – Unicorn ranches, Rainbow Stew canneries, balloon juice vending machines at cow fart refilling stations, “Peace in our Time, this time forever,” “All them corn fields and ballet at night” ….Why not? Particularly if men of good will come together to “Speed the Plow”, reach the horizon keeping us from entering Utopia and, as easily as water runs uphill and the leopard changes is spots, jump into the land of milk and honey.   

That sounds suspiciously like Bernie the Bolshie and Lieawatha Warren, doesn’t it? Sorry about that. I mean this to be as non-partisan as Joe Friday’s “just the facts.” Wait a minute. I did, didn’t?

I am going to give you, in anticipation of the Holy season of Advent, an early Christmas present. Alas, since you are a card-carrying, fire breathing, modern American Liberal you will like this as much as Dracula would like an hour of Outward Bound – I am an alumnus - drown proofing lessons in a pool illuminated by perpetual sunrises. [I was going to include a sigmoidoscope with ground glass, cucaracha beans, and inserting an 11-inch stent made of barbed wire but chose not to]

You mention corporations having to pay their “fair share” of taxes. [Putting corporations and “fair share: into the same sentence is almost as bad as putting “science  and consensus” into the same sentence is both non-complementary and contradictory, pus it is offensive to Logic, And yes, I will explain.] People living in what used to be known as the rea world know that “fairness” is like truth, beauty, equity, justice, and the American Way in that they lie strictly in the eye of the beholder. Herewith some puffballs. Jus like batting practice.

Define “fairness” without using tautologies.

Don’t tell me that summer is hot because winter is cold.

Give me the bid & asked of “fairness”

Post hoc ergo propter hoc is verboten

If the above sounds like a day trip to Babel on the 

Glossolalia Express send a SASE

Here comes the “smoking gun”. It is, to cite former Vice President, Alpha Gump, still the underappreciated inventor of the internet, and thus the guy most responsible for cyberbullying, an “inconvenient truth”.

I am sure you have heard about 3 Martini lunches, about companies paying lobbyists to buy Congressmen, about faceless, rapacious cabals despoiling the mortally wounded Mother Nature and her hand-maiden, the irenic Gaia, about private jets with polar bear killing carbon footprints, but I am willing bet that, absent satanic corporate concupiscence, they have another thing in common.

All of the supra activities are tax deductible. 

Let us turn to an unabashed judicial hero of the Progressive Left, Federal Circuit Judge Learned B. Hand. Among the many of his legal adages and maxims  that have entered the “seamless web” of the nexus of law and culture is the following:

“It is a patriot’s duty to arrange his affairs in such a manner that he

pays the least amount of taxes as possible. At best, taxes 

are an enforced exactitude, not a voluntary contribution.”

Speaking of tax dodges, why is the interest paid on municipal bonds exempt frpm Federal income taxes? Do you know nay of the 44% of Floridians “living in poverty: who own municipal bonds? Do you know any tenants of Section 8 housing who own municipal bonds? Do you know of any inner-city single Moms, almost always women of color, with children in need of a good Ritalin program but without access to cheap, reliable public transportation which we all know is woefully underfunded?

I don’t either. 

But I digress. 

POW! BOOM! ZAP!

Corporations don’t pay taxes, Never have; never will.

It is simply an additional expense, one more part of the cost basis of the product. It is paid by the end user or the customer. The heartless corporation merely becomes the collection agent for the state.

I was given a tour in the mid-80s of the new World HQ of an international law firm. The partner tour guide told me that they were going to have “a big monthly nut to crack”. [That’s dreaded private sector jargon] “Don’t worry,” I told him. “I’m going to pay it.”

Just like taxes, you ohmadhan.

Kevin Smith

PS – How many times can you debone a Golden Goose before you can’t? And what hell odes a Hedge Fund – Alden Capital-going to do with 25% of the Sun Sentinel. What happens if they like Trump? Are you familiar with the phrase “Whose wine I drink whose song I sing “” Should I send you a MAGA hat? I suggest that you get your resume in order and that you update your c.v.