Posts
October 26, 2009
Carl Hiaasen
The Miami Herald
One Herald Plaza
Miami, Florida 33132-1693
RE: “Lawmakers Love Affair with Big Oil” – Some comments on your article about how important the vertical smile and the horizontal tango can be when legislation is on the line. Also, tu quoque makes a triumphal return.
Mr. Hiaasen,
If it weren’t for the hugely successful mercantile firm of Scrooge & Marley, a firm whose social benefits such as providing capital for Victorian “shovel ready” projects were almost incalculable and the lachrymose travails of the youngest Cratchit, Trollope rather than Dickens would have been the most popular 19th century English novelist.
I say that because Trollope was known for his devoted attention to quotidian minutiae. Thus, when I read “especially after what happened to the shore lines of Louisiana and Mississippi when Katrina struck”, I asked myself if I missed something.
Maybe Katrina was a foreclosure avenger with John Edwards’s mortgage company. Maybe she was a pox-filled pole dancer. Maybe she was both; maybe she was neither. Either way you imply that the major damage to Louisiana and Mississippi was either caused or exacerbated by drilling in the Gulf of Mexico.
Not so, dear chap, not so.
I am not sure why you exclude Texas, Alabama, and Florida from your hydrocarbon death march. Maybe, if Kanye West is right and George Bush really doesn’t like Black people, he directed the storm to those states because more Blacks lived there. I don’t know.
I do know that I have taken the littoral route 5 times to visit my granddaughters in Texas.
The biggest amount of petroleum damage that I saw was caused when a storage battery came off its foundation and dumped 5000 gallons of heating oil into a New Orleans suburb. The facility would have been there whether or not production platforms were in the Gulf.
[I confess to depleting the ozone layer, drowning polar bears, and hurrying up the coming end days of Global Warming, a crisis that British Prime Minister Gordon Brown says we have 41 days left to solve or we will all die, by driving my gas guzzling SUV back and forth. The only remotely political statement I made was to avoid all commercial contact with any CITGO gas stations and 7/11 pit stops. You should do the same what with your journalist credentials, shouldn’t you?]
You comment on lobbyists being married to state legislators as if it were a reason for automatic disqualification of either or both. I don’t suppose full exploitation or denial of the rights of consortium should be a discloseable matter on an ethics form. Should video evidence of wretched excess be required?
I suggest a trip up to the Broward County Board of Education and the Broward County Commission to examine the full uses of marital persuasion. The most in shape thing there is the world famous Broward Bearded Clam. I am told that there are more Federal agents, agents being defined as sworn officers with badges, guns, subpoenas, in Broward County per capita than any other county in the United States. As an émigré from Hudson County, New Jersey that wounds my civic pride. Up there public crooks were crooks whether they got any QMT [Quality Mattress Time] or not.
Down here it would take a Dante to unravel the interlocking directorates and limbs.
There is a Broward County Commissioner who uses her married name when she lobbies in Tallahassee. A special award goes to the member of the Board of Education whose husband got a $500,000 contract over which she had direct influence. She got the award not for double dealing self interest but rather for saying with a straight face and without wetting her pants that she knew nothing about it. As to the former what name does her husband call out at the magic moment? As to the latter what do they talk about at night if not about $500,000?
One of the benefits of being a modern American Liberal is the gift of “eclectic indignation”. It is genetically implanted at birth.
Pillow talk of lobbyists and legislators is not limited to Florida.
The champion was Senator Tom Daschle [D-SD]
When he was majority leader of the United States Senate his wife was the chief lobbyist for Boeing. One year she made $3,500,000. That’s three and a half million dollars. Do you think they ever talked about planes the United States Air Force would buy? How about the Navy?
I rather imagine the reason he was about as heavy as Gandhi was because she had him on a Viagra IV with Cialis in the inhaler. She got perfect tens from all the judges, including the hard to please Bulgarian judge, for her Viennese Butterfly. The poor worn out Dakota dude would beg for mercy. He would vote to give Boeing the contract for Santa’s sleigh to get a good night’s rest.
One solution for the Save our Shores lobbying group, a group whose chief arm twister is named Ned Ludd, is at hand.
I have been asking the Miami Herald since 1997 to turn off the air conditioning at world HQ by the bay.
Think of the consequences of the act.
It would shame other businesses into following their courageous lead. The citizens of Florida, particularly those moronic nit-wits who concern themselves with returning to the good old days of the pre-industrial era, would buy three of your papers every day. You could afford to retire those poor matadors who daily dodge cars in our intersections to sell your paper. You could retire them with an indexed pension and a full benefit package. That’s
The next time you lower the thermostat you become an accomplice in environmental rapine.
Half the electricity in this country is generated by coal burning utilities.
2/3rds of the electricity consumed in Florida is used to air condition our homes and businesses.
We wouldn’t have to worry about strategic coupling, dirty beaches, drowning polar bears, and excessive use of the First Amendment. Also, we might delay the ending of the world. Saving British PM Gordon Brown, Albion’s preeminent public Horse’s Ass, would be serendipitous.
The whole thing begins with you turning off your A/C.
Think globally; act locally.
Kevin Smith
Monday, October 26, 2009
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Fred Grimm The Miami Herald
October 22, 2009
Fred Grimm
The Miami Herald
One Herald Plaza
Miami, Florida 33132-1693
RE: Approaching the “barking mad’ stage of public discourse. Some comments on your column about the racial composition of this year’s entering class at the Univeristy of Florida School of Medicine
Mr. Grimm,
I am shocked, shocked that it took you so long to find out that money buys influence – politicians like to cal it “access”, particularly when they are on the catching end of all that loot – up to and including medical school admissions.
Then you use your training in formal Logic to deduce that the 2 and only 2 Black, African-American, Negro, and/or Colored students in this year’s class at the University of Florida School of Medicine [1.56% as cardiologist Edward Holifield, M.D. reminds us] is proof positive of pernicious, deep rooted, systemic racism. As soon as the paucity of Black actuaries, the shortage of Blacks in the ongoing Serbian/Croatian dustup, the absence of Black bassoonists, and the total absence of transgendered Black Chasidic Jews is revealed it will be a short step to blame Bush the Elder, Bush the Younger, the great Reagan, and, of course, Nixon for all these woes. I can predict with great confidence that the solution to the above will involve a substantial tax increase particularly among the undeserving rich.
I remind you, probably to no avail, that correlation is not causation. I could include a bit of post hoc ergo propter hoc but that would probably be a bit too much.
Speaking of statistics, how about an article on all those potential non-White medical students who have been aborted since 1973? Black women make up 6% of this country. They have had 35% of the abortions performed. That number is about 15,000,000. That’s 15 million fewer potential entrants into the underrepresented class at medical school. Margaret Sanger would have been proud. Her goal was to “cull the herd”. Hitler liked her ideas so much he used them as the basis for his 1934 Nuremberg Race Laws. Modern American Liberals have made abortion the major sacrament in their secular church. Is this an example of too much Affirmative Action?
Speaking of money, influence, and how they supersede Affirmative Action can you tell me how Teddy Kennedy got into Harvard? OOPS! Permit me an addendum. How did he get into Harvard twice?
Blacks being but 1.56% of the incoming class at the University of Florida School of Medicine suggests something other than racism. To suggest otherwise is akin to saying that the oceans are not rising, polar bears are not drowning, and, further, that Global Warming is a good thing. [The last time we had a significant upward spike in temperature we got the Renaissance. Do you have a problem with Dante?]
I run the risk of excessive opprobrium and being pelted with billingsgate but I have to do it lest the terrorists, both foreign and domestic, win.
Blacks being 1.56% of a first year class at any medical school suggests that there are factors other than racism to blame. I can state – hopefully in a “non-divisive” manner that we may have to look elsewhere.
Because all my capital is tied up in debt and because my accountant tells me that I will qualify neither for TARP funds nor will I qualify for “shovel ready” Stimulus stuff I have decided against being a minority owner of a National Football League franchjise.
#1 – Where’s Dad?
“The obvious and true have got to be defended” as Orwell told us. Families need fathers. Families function better with fathers. I suggest the evidence of your eyes as a clue as to why Black families are dysfunctional.
#2 – Public schools suck.
Inner city schools, a euphemism for Black schools, don’t work. The teachers, the administrators, the Boards of Education are not doing their job. For years I have been trying to get Broward County educationists held to the same standard as football coaches. Begin with the fact that it is an offense to Logic that a bad teacher is paid as much as a good teacher. That brings up the unasked and apparently unanswerable question as to why bad teachers are paid at all. If it were simply a question of finances the daughters of Lord Barack the Beneficent and blessed be his name would be enrolled at one the world famous Washington, D.C. public schools. D.C. spends almost $25,000 per student per year. I believe a quick fix would be to mandate that the children of everyone who takes a Federal paycheck in Washington attend D.C. public schools. The Obama girls have parents who pay over $1,000 a week to keep them out of those educational sewers.
Something about that stinks.
As to minority med school students, I have had several major heart procedures in the last 16 months. I have had a dark skinned Black man, a not so dark skinned Mexican, a swarthy 3rd worlder with an unpronounceable name, a Vietnamese [not from the North] plus a couple of average White guys [“average”, like Obama’s grandmother] from countries other than this one poking and prodding at me. Also there was a White guy from Georgia and a White guy from the Bronx. You know how they are.
I don’t know how they got into medical school.
I like to think that some knowledge of inorganic chemistry was required.
It didn’t hurt if you picked the right set of parents who also picked the right set of parents.
That brings us back to Teddy Kennedy again, doesn’t it?
Did race, money, and political influence have something to do with it? Of course it did.
Now what?
By the way, how many of the non-minorities in the underrepresented class do you throw out to make everybody feel good? What criteria will you use? Will there be quotas for the progeny of Dead White European Males who specialize in treating endometrial cancer?
Get back to me before we have a “public option” based on the health care system of Haiti.
Kevin Smith
Fred Grimm
The Miami Herald
One Herald Plaza
Miami, Florida 33132-1693
RE: Approaching the “barking mad’ stage of public discourse. Some comments on your column about the racial composition of this year’s entering class at the Univeristy of Florida School of Medicine
Mr. Grimm,
I am shocked, shocked that it took you so long to find out that money buys influence – politicians like to cal it “access”, particularly when they are on the catching end of all that loot – up to and including medical school admissions.
Then you use your training in formal Logic to deduce that the 2 and only 2 Black, African-American, Negro, and/or Colored students in this year’s class at the University of Florida School of Medicine [1.56% as cardiologist Edward Holifield, M.D. reminds us] is proof positive of pernicious, deep rooted, systemic racism. As soon as the paucity of Black actuaries, the shortage of Blacks in the ongoing Serbian/Croatian dustup, the absence of Black bassoonists, and the total absence of transgendered Black Chasidic Jews is revealed it will be a short step to blame Bush the Elder, Bush the Younger, the great Reagan, and, of course, Nixon for all these woes. I can predict with great confidence that the solution to the above will involve a substantial tax increase particularly among the undeserving rich.
I remind you, probably to no avail, that correlation is not causation. I could include a bit of post hoc ergo propter hoc but that would probably be a bit too much.
Speaking of statistics, how about an article on all those potential non-White medical students who have been aborted since 1973? Black women make up 6% of this country. They have had 35% of the abortions performed. That number is about 15,000,000. That’s 15 million fewer potential entrants into the underrepresented class at medical school. Margaret Sanger would have been proud. Her goal was to “cull the herd”. Hitler liked her ideas so much he used them as the basis for his 1934 Nuremberg Race Laws. Modern American Liberals have made abortion the major sacrament in their secular church. Is this an example of too much Affirmative Action?
Speaking of money, influence, and how they supersede Affirmative Action can you tell me how Teddy Kennedy got into Harvard? OOPS! Permit me an addendum. How did he get into Harvard twice?
Blacks being but 1.56% of the incoming class at the University of Florida School of Medicine suggests something other than racism. To suggest otherwise is akin to saying that the oceans are not rising, polar bears are not drowning, and, further, that Global Warming is a good thing. [The last time we had a significant upward spike in temperature we got the Renaissance. Do you have a problem with Dante?]
I run the risk of excessive opprobrium and being pelted with billingsgate but I have to do it lest the terrorists, both foreign and domestic, win.
Blacks being 1.56% of a first year class at any medical school suggests that there are factors other than racism to blame. I can state – hopefully in a “non-divisive” manner that we may have to look elsewhere.
Because all my capital is tied up in debt and because my accountant tells me that I will qualify neither for TARP funds nor will I qualify for “shovel ready” Stimulus stuff I have decided against being a minority owner of a National Football League franchjise.
#1 – Where’s Dad?
“The obvious and true have got to be defended” as Orwell told us. Families need fathers. Families function better with fathers. I suggest the evidence of your eyes as a clue as to why Black families are dysfunctional.
#2 – Public schools suck.
Inner city schools, a euphemism for Black schools, don’t work. The teachers, the administrators, the Boards of Education are not doing their job. For years I have been trying to get Broward County educationists held to the same standard as football coaches. Begin with the fact that it is an offense to Logic that a bad teacher is paid as much as a good teacher. That brings up the unasked and apparently unanswerable question as to why bad teachers are paid at all. If it were simply a question of finances the daughters of Lord Barack the Beneficent and blessed be his name would be enrolled at one the world famous Washington, D.C. public schools. D.C. spends almost $25,000 per student per year. I believe a quick fix would be to mandate that the children of everyone who takes a Federal paycheck in Washington attend D.C. public schools. The Obama girls have parents who pay over $1,000 a week to keep them out of those educational sewers.
Something about that stinks.
As to minority med school students, I have had several major heart procedures in the last 16 months. I have had a dark skinned Black man, a not so dark skinned Mexican, a swarthy 3rd worlder with an unpronounceable name, a Vietnamese [not from the North] plus a couple of average White guys [“average”, like Obama’s grandmother] from countries other than this one poking and prodding at me. Also there was a White guy from Georgia and a White guy from the Bronx. You know how they are.
I don’t know how they got into medical school.
I like to think that some knowledge of inorganic chemistry was required.
It didn’t hurt if you picked the right set of parents who also picked the right set of parents.
That brings us back to Teddy Kennedy again, doesn’t it?
Did race, money, and political influence have something to do with it? Of course it did.
Now what?
By the way, how many of the non-minorities in the underrepresented class do you throw out to make everybody feel good? What criteria will you use? Will there be quotas for the progeny of Dead White European Males who specialize in treating endometrial cancer?
Get back to me before we have a “public option” based on the health care system of Haiti.
Kevin Smith
Gordon Brown – Prime Minister
October 20, 2009
Gordon Brown – Prime Minister
10 Downing Street
London, England
RE: “The World Turned Upside Down”
Mr. Prime Minister,
Congratulations!
An explanation is in order. One of our founding documents says “that a decent respect for the opinions of mankind” demands that we explain what we are doing.
I am the owner in fee simple of 3 of the most prestigious awards given in America. Unlike the most recent recipient of the noble Nobel Prize for Peace to win any of my awards you have to do something.
You have won one.
Adding to the prestige and luster of the award itself is the fact that this is the first time that any of these awards has been given to anyone not native to my country. No matter how high I raise the bar we seem never to run out of candidates. That is the reason I have never ventured from our shores. We have enough home grown buffoons and poltroons that I felt I didn’t have to get my passport renewed and my ass tattooed with a foot long typhus shot.
The 3 awards are, in order of magnitude…
HORSE’S ASS OF THE WEEK
POMPOUS FART OF THE MONTH
SMARMY BASTARD OF THE YEAR
You said on Sunday that the world had 50 days to live. That means that this being Tuesday we have but 48 days to go. With advice such as that I intend to borrow a lot of money. I think a 60 day maturity has a nice ring to it. Scratch that. I’ll make it 90 days. I want to get Christmas and the BCS game in.
By the powers invested in my by me I hereby name you
HORSE’S ASS OF THE WEEK
If you actually believe the balderdash you are spouting about the end of the world I will upgrade your prize with oak leaf clusters. A cash award used to accompany it but I since I am “in disfavor with fortune and men’s eyes” I use my remaining cash to replenish my dwindling supply of single malt whisky before the EU outlaws it for being too nationalistic.
I now that every time the planet heats up…Are you sitting down?...good things happen. More land becomes arable. People get more protein. If they eat better they get smarter.
The world had an upward spike in temperature about 1000 years ago. England got the Magna Carta. Italy gave us the Renaissance. Do you have a problem with reining in Prince John or with Dante?
Less that 10 miles due East from where I am writing this is something called the Gulf Stream. Try to imagine your country without its warming effects. Wordsworth wouldn’t have any daffodils to write about. Your country would have been Lapland South. That vile vertically challenged Corsican thug wouldn’t have worried about English “shopkeepers” because there wouldn’t have been any. Whatever cows that were left would have produced butter from their bovine teats.
The only consolation that I see for your long suffering and now greatly embarrassed constituents is that you have not yet risen to the standards set by American politicians. Chief among them is Academy Award winner, Nobel Peace Prize winner, and former Vice President Alpha Gump. He was 16 years old before he knew what to do with his thumbs. His shoes have notes on them that read “toes in first”. He is such a boob he makes my hair hurt. He is so stupid he makes Ned Ludd look good. Lysenko is his favorite scientist. The words reasoned discourse, scientific method, and critical enquiry are like holy water, a crucifix, and sunrise to a vampire.
Call me Don Quixote or maybe Flashman but I am going to try to rescue a drowning polar bear. If I do I would like your permission to call him Gordo. I know it will be step down for the bear.
Maybe I could bring him to Parliament for that delightfully British reality show when the Prime Minister takes questions from the House. I don’t suppose you’re trying to get Monte Python back together again.
Today’s pop quiz has but one question. Who said, “Such stupidity, sir, is not found in Nature”?
Kevin Smith
Gordon Brown – Prime Minister
10 Downing Street
London, England
RE: “The World Turned Upside Down”
Mr. Prime Minister,
Congratulations!
An explanation is in order. One of our founding documents says “that a decent respect for the opinions of mankind” demands that we explain what we are doing.
I am the owner in fee simple of 3 of the most prestigious awards given in America. Unlike the most recent recipient of the noble Nobel Prize for Peace to win any of my awards you have to do something.
You have won one.
Adding to the prestige and luster of the award itself is the fact that this is the first time that any of these awards has been given to anyone not native to my country. No matter how high I raise the bar we seem never to run out of candidates. That is the reason I have never ventured from our shores. We have enough home grown buffoons and poltroons that I felt I didn’t have to get my passport renewed and my ass tattooed with a foot long typhus shot.
The 3 awards are, in order of magnitude…
HORSE’S ASS OF THE WEEK
POMPOUS FART OF THE MONTH
SMARMY BASTARD OF THE YEAR
You said on Sunday that the world had 50 days to live. That means that this being Tuesday we have but 48 days to go. With advice such as that I intend to borrow a lot of money. I think a 60 day maturity has a nice ring to it. Scratch that. I’ll make it 90 days. I want to get Christmas and the BCS game in.
By the powers invested in my by me I hereby name you
HORSE’S ASS OF THE WEEK
If you actually believe the balderdash you are spouting about the end of the world I will upgrade your prize with oak leaf clusters. A cash award used to accompany it but I since I am “in disfavor with fortune and men’s eyes” I use my remaining cash to replenish my dwindling supply of single malt whisky before the EU outlaws it for being too nationalistic.
I now that every time the planet heats up…Are you sitting down?...good things happen. More land becomes arable. People get more protein. If they eat better they get smarter.
The world had an upward spike in temperature about 1000 years ago. England got the Magna Carta. Italy gave us the Renaissance. Do you have a problem with reining in Prince John or with Dante?
Less that 10 miles due East from where I am writing this is something called the Gulf Stream. Try to imagine your country without its warming effects. Wordsworth wouldn’t have any daffodils to write about. Your country would have been Lapland South. That vile vertically challenged Corsican thug wouldn’t have worried about English “shopkeepers” because there wouldn’t have been any. Whatever cows that were left would have produced butter from their bovine teats.
The only consolation that I see for your long suffering and now greatly embarrassed constituents is that you have not yet risen to the standards set by American politicians. Chief among them is Academy Award winner, Nobel Peace Prize winner, and former Vice President Alpha Gump. He was 16 years old before he knew what to do with his thumbs. His shoes have notes on them that read “toes in first”. He is such a boob he makes my hair hurt. He is so stupid he makes Ned Ludd look good. Lysenko is his favorite scientist. The words reasoned discourse, scientific method, and critical enquiry are like holy water, a crucifix, and sunrise to a vampire.
Call me Don Quixote or maybe Flashman but I am going to try to rescue a drowning polar bear. If I do I would like your permission to call him Gordo. I know it will be step down for the bear.
Maybe I could bring him to Parliament for that delightfully British reality show when the Prime Minister takes questions from the House. I don’t suppose you’re trying to get Monte Python back together again.
Today’s pop quiz has but one question. Who said, “Such stupidity, sir, is not found in Nature”?
Kevin Smith
Monday, October 19, 2009
Steven Ross The Miami Dolphins
October 18, 2009
Steven Ross
The Miami Dolphins
2269 Dan Marino Boulevard
Miami Gardens, Florida 33056
RE: Rush Limbaugh, the “divisiveness” of slatternly, potty mouth minority owners, and how does this help on 3rd and long?
Mr. Ross,
Let us stipulate that Jennifer Lopez has the most perfect ass in Christendom. I intentionally exclude the Muslim world for fear that I will offend them. Presumably Muslim women have shapely asses also but who can tell what with them all wrapped up in adult swaddling clothes, 9 yards of Muslim muslin mizzen, and a catcher’s mask
But that’s not the reason why I will no longer be buying tickets to Dolphin games at Joe Robbie/Pro Player/Landshark Stadium.
I read her song lyrics.
“motherfuckin’”, “pussy niggahs”, “pussy hoes”.
If Lord Barack the Beneficent and blessed be his name can win a Nobel Prize for not doing anything she can win one for expanding our language. I am a big fan and a constant re-reader of Ulysses – the one by Joyce, not the one by Tennyson. If I believed that those lyrics would help the Wildcat work better or would get Bob Kuechenberg into the Hall of Fame I would have her lead the crowd in a sing along before every kick off.
It won’t.
I am so far behind the curve of pop culture that I thought Fergie was the toe sucking ex-wife of Randy Andy. He once was #2 in line to the British throne. The thought of her being so close to the Crown Jewels might have given rise to a re-make of “Kind Hearts and Coronets” or maybe an updated version of “Richard the 3rd”.
This Fergie is also a song writer.
Neither Lorenz Hart nor Hank Williams have to worry about being replaced in the Hall of Fame of lyricists.
“Myhumpmyhumpmyhumpmyhumpmyhump”
“I’ma getgetgetget you drunk
Get you drunk off my hump.”
I don’t know what that means. I don’t know if anyone other than a certified “Trousered Ape” could know what that means. It could mean Hook and Ladder like the one used against the Chargers. It could mean to keep Ypremian from carrying the ball.
If it increased hang time or gave a quick read on a rotating two deep zone there might be a place for it.
It won’t and there isn’t.
I know that Rush Limbaugh got clotheslined for something he didn’t say.
I know that these two potty mouthed bimbo wanabees got their varsity letter and privileged parking for using words in public that their fathers would have probably given them a major league ass whipping. Maybe part of the deal was a bit of the gobble for you. If so, well you go guy! Nothing more undivisive than some trim.
Hey! It’s your club. You can do whatever you want to do with it except if its “divisive”.
You can do it without me.
I must add that I stopped going to NBA games 17 years ago.
Why should I part with a Benjamin to be surrounded by Shaft lookalikes using “niggah” as a noun, a verb, an adjective, a gerund, an expletive [I used to use my own euphemism for “niggah”. It was “the dreaded “N” word that no White man dare to use”. That sounds stilted now, doesn’t it?] If I had used it then I would have been assaulted by the “Boyz in the Hood” and probably been arrested for committing a hate crime.
Footballs take funny bounces.
We are in a Looking Glass time.
Verdict first; then the trial or, better, no trial.
Include me out.
Kevin Smith
Steven Ross
The Miami Dolphins
2269 Dan Marino Boulevard
Miami Gardens, Florida 33056
RE: Rush Limbaugh, the “divisiveness” of slatternly, potty mouth minority owners, and how does this help on 3rd and long?
Mr. Ross,
Let us stipulate that Jennifer Lopez has the most perfect ass in Christendom. I intentionally exclude the Muslim world for fear that I will offend them. Presumably Muslim women have shapely asses also but who can tell what with them all wrapped up in adult swaddling clothes, 9 yards of Muslim muslin mizzen, and a catcher’s mask
But that’s not the reason why I will no longer be buying tickets to Dolphin games at Joe Robbie/Pro Player/Landshark Stadium.
I read her song lyrics.
“motherfuckin’”, “pussy niggahs”, “pussy hoes”.
If Lord Barack the Beneficent and blessed be his name can win a Nobel Prize for not doing anything she can win one for expanding our language. I am a big fan and a constant re-reader of Ulysses – the one by Joyce, not the one by Tennyson. If I believed that those lyrics would help the Wildcat work better or would get Bob Kuechenberg into the Hall of Fame I would have her lead the crowd in a sing along before every kick off.
It won’t.
I am so far behind the curve of pop culture that I thought Fergie was the toe sucking ex-wife of Randy Andy. He once was #2 in line to the British throne. The thought of her being so close to the Crown Jewels might have given rise to a re-make of “Kind Hearts and Coronets” or maybe an updated version of “Richard the 3rd”.
This Fergie is also a song writer.
Neither Lorenz Hart nor Hank Williams have to worry about being replaced in the Hall of Fame of lyricists.
“Myhumpmyhumpmyhumpmyhumpmyhump”
“I’ma getgetgetget you drunk
Get you drunk off my hump.”
I don’t know what that means. I don’t know if anyone other than a certified “Trousered Ape” could know what that means. It could mean Hook and Ladder like the one used against the Chargers. It could mean to keep Ypremian from carrying the ball.
If it increased hang time or gave a quick read on a rotating two deep zone there might be a place for it.
It won’t and there isn’t.
I know that Rush Limbaugh got clotheslined for something he didn’t say.
I know that these two potty mouthed bimbo wanabees got their varsity letter and privileged parking for using words in public that their fathers would have probably given them a major league ass whipping. Maybe part of the deal was a bit of the gobble for you. If so, well you go guy! Nothing more undivisive than some trim.
Hey! It’s your club. You can do whatever you want to do with it except if its “divisive”.
You can do it without me.
I must add that I stopped going to NBA games 17 years ago.
Why should I part with a Benjamin to be surrounded by Shaft lookalikes using “niggah” as a noun, a verb, an adjective, a gerund, an expletive [I used to use my own euphemism for “niggah”. It was “the dreaded “N” word that no White man dare to use”. That sounds stilted now, doesn’t it?] If I had used it then I would have been assaulted by the “Boyz in the Hood” and probably been arrested for committing a hate crime.
Footballs take funny bounces.
We are in a Looking Glass time.
Verdict first; then the trial or, better, no trial.
Include me out.
Kevin Smith
Roger Goodell National Football League
October 18, 2009
Roger Goodell
National Football League
280 Park Avenue
New York, New York 10017
RE: Rush Limbaugh, “divisiveness”, law breakers, Caesar’s wife, and maybe it’s time to clean out the Augean Stables that is the NFL.
Mr. Goodell,
If Rush Limbaugh can get the yard sticks shoved up his ass for something he didn’t say maybe it’s time to root out the “divisive” and criminal elements in the NFL.
The Mara family still owns a substantial stake in the New York Giants. The founders, the Mara Brothers, were bootleggers, speakeasy owners, and bookmakers, just like Al Capone. My family was in all of the above named businesses. They can be professions that are run in an honorable way. Nevertheless they were illegal. Would it be fair to say that the NFL was founded by lawbreakers?
What exactly did Art Rooney, Sr. do for a living? Was he an insurance salesman? Was he a biology teacher? Wasn’t he in the race track business? Didn’t he raise horses? Who hangs out at tracks? How many families were ruined by him taking the father’s action?
Did Jerry Jones play in the old oil/new oil scam in the 1970s? By using accounting legerdemain [maybe ledgerdemain would be a better way to put it] $5 oil became $15 oil. During that time there were 210,000 producing oil wells in Texas with 160,000 of them being owned by individuals. The only ones hurt by this were the rancher, the government, and the people who used gasoline and fuel oil.
Shouldn’t Jones be required to prove that he didn’t do this? If he can’t prove he didn’t do it shouldn’t his franchise be forfeit? How about giving it to ACORN? That would be a blow against “divisiveness”, wouldn’t it?
As further proof that God has a sense of humor the team in question, the St. Louis Rams, has a colorful history.
They once were the Baltimore Colts.
The owner, Carroll Rosenberg, was a man who would “hark to a wager”. THE Game, the sudden death overtime NFL Championship Game against the New York Giants, was decided when the Colts scored a touchdown rather than kick a field goal because, as Johnny Unitas said, “the boss had big money on it and needed 6 points to cover”.
He then swapped his franchise for one in Los Angeles. That club wound up in St. Louis.
Along the way, and I‘m trying to be charitable here, he met a show girl/dancer/adult entertainer – pick one. When he married her it proved yet again the power of the “bearded clam”, right?
I wonder who was in her circle of friends?
Rosenberg’s death was suspicious to say the least. He drowned in the Atlantic Ocean with Ted Kennedy nearby. Talk about grassy knolls!
I enclose a copy of a letter I sent to the Miami Dolphins.
I am pleased to tell you that even though it is still October you have already won a most prestigious annual award. You are hereby named to the pantheon. You are named
SMARMY BASTARD OF THE YEAR
What if it turns out that our revulsion at and your suspension of Michael Vick was predicated on “cultural arrogance”? What if it turns out that only White folk are upset with killing dogs? Will you give him the Atlanta Falcons franchise for restitution?
HORSE’S ASSES OF THE WEEK, dudes like Donovan McNab, Al Sharpton, DeMaurice Smith, inter alia, are well represented by you.
Kevin Smith
PS – Speaking of things “divisive”, isn’t it time for team names like the Redskins and the Chiefs to get the Rush Limbaugh treatment? Isn’t the name Packers hurtful and insensitive to homosexuals everywhere? The New Orleans team plays in a stadium paid for with public funds. How can they use a religious name? Whatever happened to the separation of church and state? How divisive is that? How about banning players from Holy Cross –the Crusaders- and the University of Illinois –the Illini- from playing in the NFL? How “divisive” and insensitive are those names?
Roger Goodell
National Football League
280 Park Avenue
New York, New York 10017
RE: Rush Limbaugh, “divisiveness”, law breakers, Caesar’s wife, and maybe it’s time to clean out the Augean Stables that is the NFL.
Mr. Goodell,
If Rush Limbaugh can get the yard sticks shoved up his ass for something he didn’t say maybe it’s time to root out the “divisive” and criminal elements in the NFL.
The Mara family still owns a substantial stake in the New York Giants. The founders, the Mara Brothers, were bootleggers, speakeasy owners, and bookmakers, just like Al Capone. My family was in all of the above named businesses. They can be professions that are run in an honorable way. Nevertheless they were illegal. Would it be fair to say that the NFL was founded by lawbreakers?
What exactly did Art Rooney, Sr. do for a living? Was he an insurance salesman? Was he a biology teacher? Wasn’t he in the race track business? Didn’t he raise horses? Who hangs out at tracks? How many families were ruined by him taking the father’s action?
Did Jerry Jones play in the old oil/new oil scam in the 1970s? By using accounting legerdemain [maybe ledgerdemain would be a better way to put it] $5 oil became $15 oil. During that time there were 210,000 producing oil wells in Texas with 160,000 of them being owned by individuals. The only ones hurt by this were the rancher, the government, and the people who used gasoline and fuel oil.
Shouldn’t Jones be required to prove that he didn’t do this? If he can’t prove he didn’t do it shouldn’t his franchise be forfeit? How about giving it to ACORN? That would be a blow against “divisiveness”, wouldn’t it?
As further proof that God has a sense of humor the team in question, the St. Louis Rams, has a colorful history.
They once were the Baltimore Colts.
The owner, Carroll Rosenberg, was a man who would “hark to a wager”. THE Game, the sudden death overtime NFL Championship Game against the New York Giants, was decided when the Colts scored a touchdown rather than kick a field goal because, as Johnny Unitas said, “the boss had big money on it and needed 6 points to cover”.
He then swapped his franchise for one in Los Angeles. That club wound up in St. Louis.
Along the way, and I‘m trying to be charitable here, he met a show girl/dancer/adult entertainer – pick one. When he married her it proved yet again the power of the “bearded clam”, right?
I wonder who was in her circle of friends?
Rosenberg’s death was suspicious to say the least. He drowned in the Atlantic Ocean with Ted Kennedy nearby. Talk about grassy knolls!
I enclose a copy of a letter I sent to the Miami Dolphins.
I am pleased to tell you that even though it is still October you have already won a most prestigious annual award. You are hereby named to the pantheon. You are named
SMARMY BASTARD OF THE YEAR
What if it turns out that our revulsion at and your suspension of Michael Vick was predicated on “cultural arrogance”? What if it turns out that only White folk are upset with killing dogs? Will you give him the Atlanta Falcons franchise for restitution?
HORSE’S ASSES OF THE WEEK, dudes like Donovan McNab, Al Sharpton, DeMaurice Smith, inter alia, are well represented by you.
Kevin Smith
PS – Speaking of things “divisive”, isn’t it time for team names like the Redskins and the Chiefs to get the Rush Limbaugh treatment? Isn’t the name Packers hurtful and insensitive to homosexuals everywhere? The New Orleans team plays in a stadium paid for with public funds. How can they use a religious name? Whatever happened to the separation of church and state? How divisive is that? How about banning players from Holy Cross –the Crusaders- and the University of Illinois –the Illini- from playing in the NFL? How “divisive” and insensitive are those names?
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Beth Reinhard The Miami Herald
October 17, 2009
Beth Reinhard
The Miami Herald
One Herald Plaza
Miami, Florida 33132-1693
RE: Public schools, vouchers, and the bifurcation of modern American Liberal politicians as not told by you in your column this morning in the Miami Herald.
Ms. Reinhard,
Why are modern American Liberals in general and Democratic politicians in particular big fans of chiropractors?
Simple.
Their public stand on many issues comes with a huge price tag. One of the physical manifestations of the cognitive dissonance required of all card carrying mALs is reflected by the yelp of “Oh, my aching back”.
Let me give you some examples.
Deficits under a Republican President were bad. Deficits under a Democratic President are good.
Congressional Democrats wanted to fight in Afghanistan when Bush was President. Now, they’re not so sure. Congresschick Debbie Wasserman-Schultz said in February that all that was needed to win in Afghanistan were some “adjustments”. The suggested “adjustment” calls for 40,000 more troops. “Gulp”, said Debbie Debbie, as she hit the speed dial number for her universal option chiropractor.
The one sure fire way to make those discs contract and expand simultaneously is to talk about public schools. It’s like jabbing a flat head screw driver into the sciatic nerve.
One of my Hoy Grail goals is to find a Kennedy child, any Kennedy child, in this century or the last to attend a public grammar school or a public high school. I know it’s Quixotic but still I carry on.
Senator Gelber proudly proclaims that his children go to the same public school that he did. When he was thinking of running for the United States Senate I wrote to tell him that he had a chance to be a true pioneer of public education.
If he had made a campaign promise that, should he win, he would enroll all his children in the really fine public schools in Washington, DC he would have earned my praise. Not my vote; just my praise.
How about a law mandating that the children of elected officials must attend public schools?
Bill and Hillary’s kid went to private school.
Alpha and Thumper Gump sent all the baby Gumpsters to private schools.
President BO and his lovely lady spend more than $1,000 a week to keep their daughters out of the DC public schools.
The aforementioned Little Debbie sends her kids to a private school that is so snooty that the basketball coach drives a Bentley.
I know it’s hard to believe but President George W. Bush sent his daughters to a public high school. Honest. You could look it up. It was Westlake High School in Austin, TX.
We can add the term “hypocritical smarmy bastard” to all the crook back pols who loudly proclaim their love for public education. Send their kids there? You must be joking.
I don’t know if you have kids.
If you do are they going to go to public schools?
If not, why not?
Kevin Smith
Beth Reinhard
The Miami Herald
One Herald Plaza
Miami, Florida 33132-1693
RE: Public schools, vouchers, and the bifurcation of modern American Liberal politicians as not told by you in your column this morning in the Miami Herald.
Ms. Reinhard,
Why are modern American Liberals in general and Democratic politicians in particular big fans of chiropractors?
Simple.
Their public stand on many issues comes with a huge price tag. One of the physical manifestations of the cognitive dissonance required of all card carrying mALs is reflected by the yelp of “Oh, my aching back”.
Let me give you some examples.
Deficits under a Republican President were bad. Deficits under a Democratic President are good.
Congressional Democrats wanted to fight in Afghanistan when Bush was President. Now, they’re not so sure. Congresschick Debbie Wasserman-Schultz said in February that all that was needed to win in Afghanistan were some “adjustments”. The suggested “adjustment” calls for 40,000 more troops. “Gulp”, said Debbie Debbie, as she hit the speed dial number for her universal option chiropractor.
The one sure fire way to make those discs contract and expand simultaneously is to talk about public schools. It’s like jabbing a flat head screw driver into the sciatic nerve.
One of my Hoy Grail goals is to find a Kennedy child, any Kennedy child, in this century or the last to attend a public grammar school or a public high school. I know it’s Quixotic but still I carry on.
Senator Gelber proudly proclaims that his children go to the same public school that he did. When he was thinking of running for the United States Senate I wrote to tell him that he had a chance to be a true pioneer of public education.
If he had made a campaign promise that, should he win, he would enroll all his children in the really fine public schools in Washington, DC he would have earned my praise. Not my vote; just my praise.
How about a law mandating that the children of elected officials must attend public schools?
Bill and Hillary’s kid went to private school.
Alpha and Thumper Gump sent all the baby Gumpsters to private schools.
President BO and his lovely lady spend more than $1,000 a week to keep their daughters out of the DC public schools.
The aforementioned Little Debbie sends her kids to a private school that is so snooty that the basketball coach drives a Bentley.
I know it’s hard to believe but President George W. Bush sent his daughters to a public high school. Honest. You could look it up. It was Westlake High School in Austin, TX.
We can add the term “hypocritical smarmy bastard” to all the crook back pols who loudly proclaim their love for public education. Send their kids there? You must be joking.
I don’t know if you have kids.
If you do are they going to go to public schools?
If not, why not?
Kevin Smith
Lori Nance Parrish Cohen Broward County Property Appraiser
October 16, 2009
Lori Nance Parrish Cohen
Broward County Property Appraiser
115 South Andrews Avenue #111
Fort Lauderdale, Florida 33301
RE: Pots & kettles and various shades of black – The Broward County Two Step on political ethics, as opposed to personal and private ethics and why do I just know that Aristotle is squirming mightily, as exemplified by super lobbyist Neil Sterling continues in this morning’s Sun-Sentinel.
Ms. Nance Parrish Cohen,
First, congratulations are in order.
You broke the Broward County administrator’s tradition of being able to get lost on a three step ladder over and over and over again. Compared to Miriam Oliphant you have run your department in an exemplary manner. Updated editions of Deming and Drucker will hail your husbandry.
Second, and I cite today’s Sun-Sentinel quoting you thus:
“I love him, he’s an honest person.”
Perhaps it’s damnation with faint praise such as “He’s my idea of a great shoplifter” or “She’s a good hooker. Her customers say she earns her money.”
I do know that when politicians talk about honesty it’s like the Anvil Chorus in the Amen corner with background music being provided by atonal banshees. Plus, it’s time to count the silverware.
Perhaps it’s a remembrance of things past. Things like you as a Broward County Commissioner, the Swap Shop, and a past due bill of $300,000 owed to the Broward Sheriff’s Office.
You were an officer and director of the Swap Shop, the Swap Shop being one of the few times that the words unique and Broward County can be used non-pejoratively in the same sentence.
The Swap Shop contracted with the BSO [Broward Sheriff’s Office] to provide uniformed, off duty deputies to provide security at the company that you worked for.
The deputies were paid by the BSO.
The Swap Shop was supposed to pay the BSO.
The Swap Shop didn’t.
The indebtedness was more than $300,000.
The Sun-Sentinel quotes you thus:
“Nobody pays up front, it’s the American way.”
The possibilities were/are/shall be endless.
Perhaps the company of which you were an officer and director had a case of the financial shorts. If so you earned your fees. You arranged for an interest free loan of more than $300,000 from another company [BSO] over which you had fiduciary responsibility. In addition to approving the budget of the BSO you had a responsibility to the citizens of Broward County. At some point you swore to uphold the Constitution and the laws of the land. [You may want to ask your husband to explain the difference between lying and perjury.]
It is indeed fitting and proper to note that when you were a Broward County Commissioner you served with such ethical heroes as Scott Cowan and Sylvia Poitier.
I am surprised that a Broadway musical hasn’t been written about those times. The Airport Lease, the minority owned hotel, and a host of minor peccadilloes have become the stuff of legend. Only a Mel Brooks or a Professor Irwin Corey could do justice to those times. Plays about a hooker [Evita], a murder most foul [Umbrella Man], the drowning deaths of 1500 people [Titanic] have opened on Broadway. Why not “Welcome To Broward County – Hold On To Your Wallet”? I know it’s too long but it’s just a working title.
You may remember that we had Judges who scalped tickets. We had Judges who owed $100,000 to a local bail bondsman. We had Judges who played hide the salami with their clerks. We had Judges who sold Girl Scout cookies in the court room before the trial began. We had Judges so dumb that the had tutorials on what to do with their thumbs.
Thank God Justice was blindfolded. If she had known she would have asked for a cigarette and put the mask back on.
Commissioner Scott Cowan went to prison because he stole from himself. Commissioner Sylvia Poitier had some money backdoored into the minority hotel deal. If memory serves she demanded and got a second legal opinion paid for by the Broward County taxpayers. The new lawyer told her that what she did was a no-no and could make her the subject of a major time out. The time out would have been spent in prison.
Talk about quoting my aunt from Hester Street. “Don’t pee on my back and tell me it’s rain.” You can never have enough dry clothes.
If the matter had gone to trial you could have testified for both sides. You had markers in both camps. You were like a bookmaker covering both sides of the bet and making a living on the vig. You were at once a debtor and a creditor. Ask your husband about that combination.
People born in Hudson County, New Jersey, as I was, frequently face this ethical dilemma. It is decided, not in the confessional, but rather from the innate ability to tell the buttered side from the dry.
I am glad you said you “love him”.
It would take a Dante to chronicle the couplings of Broward County politics.
I may have stumbled on a name for the upcoming musical;
“Nothing lost save honor.”
Kevin Smith
Lori Nance Parrish Cohen
Broward County Property Appraiser
115 South Andrews Avenue #111
Fort Lauderdale, Florida 33301
RE: Pots & kettles and various shades of black – The Broward County Two Step on political ethics, as opposed to personal and private ethics and why do I just know that Aristotle is squirming mightily, as exemplified by super lobbyist Neil Sterling continues in this morning’s Sun-Sentinel.
Ms. Nance Parrish Cohen,
First, congratulations are in order.
You broke the Broward County administrator’s tradition of being able to get lost on a three step ladder over and over and over again. Compared to Miriam Oliphant you have run your department in an exemplary manner. Updated editions of Deming and Drucker will hail your husbandry.
Second, and I cite today’s Sun-Sentinel quoting you thus:
“I love him, he’s an honest person.”
Perhaps it’s damnation with faint praise such as “He’s my idea of a great shoplifter” or “She’s a good hooker. Her customers say she earns her money.”
I do know that when politicians talk about honesty it’s like the Anvil Chorus in the Amen corner with background music being provided by atonal banshees. Plus, it’s time to count the silverware.
Perhaps it’s a remembrance of things past. Things like you as a Broward County Commissioner, the Swap Shop, and a past due bill of $300,000 owed to the Broward Sheriff’s Office.
You were an officer and director of the Swap Shop, the Swap Shop being one of the few times that the words unique and Broward County can be used non-pejoratively in the same sentence.
The Swap Shop contracted with the BSO [Broward Sheriff’s Office] to provide uniformed, off duty deputies to provide security at the company that you worked for.
The deputies were paid by the BSO.
The Swap Shop was supposed to pay the BSO.
The Swap Shop didn’t.
The indebtedness was more than $300,000.
The Sun-Sentinel quotes you thus:
“Nobody pays up front, it’s the American way.”
The possibilities were/are/shall be endless.
Perhaps the company of which you were an officer and director had a case of the financial shorts. If so you earned your fees. You arranged for an interest free loan of more than $300,000 from another company [BSO] over which you had fiduciary responsibility. In addition to approving the budget of the BSO you had a responsibility to the citizens of Broward County. At some point you swore to uphold the Constitution and the laws of the land. [You may want to ask your husband to explain the difference between lying and perjury.]
It is indeed fitting and proper to note that when you were a Broward County Commissioner you served with such ethical heroes as Scott Cowan and Sylvia Poitier.
I am surprised that a Broadway musical hasn’t been written about those times. The Airport Lease, the minority owned hotel, and a host of minor peccadilloes have become the stuff of legend. Only a Mel Brooks or a Professor Irwin Corey could do justice to those times. Plays about a hooker [Evita], a murder most foul [Umbrella Man], the drowning deaths of 1500 people [Titanic] have opened on Broadway. Why not “Welcome To Broward County – Hold On To Your Wallet”? I know it’s too long but it’s just a working title.
You may remember that we had Judges who scalped tickets. We had Judges who owed $100,000 to a local bail bondsman. We had Judges who played hide the salami with their clerks. We had Judges who sold Girl Scout cookies in the court room before the trial began. We had Judges so dumb that the had tutorials on what to do with their thumbs.
Thank God Justice was blindfolded. If she had known she would have asked for a cigarette and put the mask back on.
Commissioner Scott Cowan went to prison because he stole from himself. Commissioner Sylvia Poitier had some money backdoored into the minority hotel deal. If memory serves she demanded and got a second legal opinion paid for by the Broward County taxpayers. The new lawyer told her that what she did was a no-no and could make her the subject of a major time out. The time out would have been spent in prison.
Talk about quoting my aunt from Hester Street. “Don’t pee on my back and tell me it’s rain.” You can never have enough dry clothes.
If the matter had gone to trial you could have testified for both sides. You had markers in both camps. You were like a bookmaker covering both sides of the bet and making a living on the vig. You were at once a debtor and a creditor. Ask your husband about that combination.
People born in Hudson County, New Jersey, as I was, frequently face this ethical dilemma. It is decided, not in the confessional, but rather from the innate ability to tell the buttered side from the dry.
I am glad you said you “love him”.
It would take a Dante to chronicle the couplings of Broward County politics.
I may have stumbled on a name for the upcoming musical;
“Nothing lost save honor.”
Kevin Smith
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Letter to the Editor The Sun-Sentinel
October 14, 2009
Letter to the Editor
The Sun-Sentinel
200 East Las Olas Boulevard
Fort Lauderdale, Florida 33301
RE: Hoist on whose petard? A comment on your editorial on political speech in today’s edition.
Sirs,
I am bound and determined not be cliché ridden but whatever happened to “slippery slope” and its more evil twin “chilling effect”?
They have become the paradigmatic template, the fixed North Star that guides modern American Liberal newspapers, ones like the Sun-Sentinel when the discussion is about art or theatre.
You, the generic you, say that “Piss Christ”, a piece of work that features a cross suspended in a see-through vat of urine, and one that received tax payer funded subsidies from the National Endowment for the Arts, must be tolerated lest we become a nation of troglodytes untouched by more aesthetical things.
“Corpus Christi”, a play subsidized by the American taxpayer, says that the real reason for the crucifixion of Christ was a lovers’ quarrel. Jesus and Judas, his lover, had a spat. Judas had a hissy fit and dropped a dime on Him. The result was Good Friday.
In both instances the First Amendment, the one that starts with the majestic words “Congress shall make no law…” is the hammer you, the generic you use to keep us, the great unwashed, in line.
Your editorial shines the light of high dudgeon and righteous indignation on defendant Alan Mendelsohn. His indictment so far includes 32 corruption charges. The question of his guilt or innocence will be decided in a different forum. His punishment has already begun. He is a one man stimulus program for the Broward County Bar. As that noted New Jersey community organizer and urban activist, Tony Soprano, says, “He has lawyer bills that would make you gargle with Drano”.
You focus not on his alleged perfidy but rather on his use of “527” groups. They are used to circumvent the limits on individual campaign donations. You have particular scorn for “deep pocketed special interest groups” Right Wing millionaire Richard Mellon Scaife and Left Wing billionaire George Soros use them to advance causes that they believe in. It is important to note that they are spending their own money.
I was absolutely thunderstruck when “deep pocketed special interest groups” got the Protect Pregnant Pigs Amendment into the Florida Constitution. I am sure the porcine world still rejoices. The question of whether or not we offended our Islamic brethren will be decided by to the soon to be appointed Political Speech czar.
My copy of the Constitution has a First Amendment that specifically spells out the right of the people to “peaceably assemble to petition the government for a redress of grievances”.
The Founders did not give us these rights during the hot summer in Philadelphia in 1787. They merely enumerated them. We were born with those rights, “a gift from beyond the stars”.
Who among us is wise enough to “control interest groups”?
The model for vicious, mudslinging campaigns, one filled with anonymous charges, was the Presidential campaign of 1800. In the end the people got it right.
Quis custodiet ipso custodes, a question asked by Juvenal 20 centuries ago, is still timely, is still valid.
Who will guard the custodians?
Tread lightly.
Kevin Smith
Letter to the Editor
The Sun-Sentinel
200 East Las Olas Boulevard
Fort Lauderdale, Florida 33301
RE: Hoist on whose petard? A comment on your editorial on political speech in today’s edition.
Sirs,
I am bound and determined not be cliché ridden but whatever happened to “slippery slope” and its more evil twin “chilling effect”?
They have become the paradigmatic template, the fixed North Star that guides modern American Liberal newspapers, ones like the Sun-Sentinel when the discussion is about art or theatre.
You, the generic you, say that “Piss Christ”, a piece of work that features a cross suspended in a see-through vat of urine, and one that received tax payer funded subsidies from the National Endowment for the Arts, must be tolerated lest we become a nation of troglodytes untouched by more aesthetical things.
“Corpus Christi”, a play subsidized by the American taxpayer, says that the real reason for the crucifixion of Christ was a lovers’ quarrel. Jesus and Judas, his lover, had a spat. Judas had a hissy fit and dropped a dime on Him. The result was Good Friday.
In both instances the First Amendment, the one that starts with the majestic words “Congress shall make no law…” is the hammer you, the generic you use to keep us, the great unwashed, in line.
Your editorial shines the light of high dudgeon and righteous indignation on defendant Alan Mendelsohn. His indictment so far includes 32 corruption charges. The question of his guilt or innocence will be decided in a different forum. His punishment has already begun. He is a one man stimulus program for the Broward County Bar. As that noted New Jersey community organizer and urban activist, Tony Soprano, says, “He has lawyer bills that would make you gargle with Drano”.
You focus not on his alleged perfidy but rather on his use of “527” groups. They are used to circumvent the limits on individual campaign donations. You have particular scorn for “deep pocketed special interest groups” Right Wing millionaire Richard Mellon Scaife and Left Wing billionaire George Soros use them to advance causes that they believe in. It is important to note that they are spending their own money.
I was absolutely thunderstruck when “deep pocketed special interest groups” got the Protect Pregnant Pigs Amendment into the Florida Constitution. I am sure the porcine world still rejoices. The question of whether or not we offended our Islamic brethren will be decided by to the soon to be appointed Political Speech czar.
My copy of the Constitution has a First Amendment that specifically spells out the right of the people to “peaceably assemble to petition the government for a redress of grievances”.
The Founders did not give us these rights during the hot summer in Philadelphia in 1787. They merely enumerated them. We were born with those rights, “a gift from beyond the stars”.
Who among us is wise enough to “control interest groups”?
The model for vicious, mudslinging campaigns, one filled with anonymous charges, was the Presidential campaign of 1800. In the end the people got it right.
Quis custodiet ipso custodes, a question asked by Juvenal 20 centuries ago, is still timely, is still valid.
Who will guard the custodians?
Tread lightly.
Kevin Smith
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Eugene Robinson The Washington Post
October 12, 2009
Eugene Robinson
The Washington Post
1150 15th Street NW
Washington, DC 20071
RE: Congressman Charles Rangel and the obligatory shroud fitting session as told by you in this morning’s Miami Herald.
Mr. Robinson,
Thank God for the stimulus program! That plus taking care of your own and covering your markers are hallmarks of urban politics.
Mayor Daley [D-Chicago] has a nephew whose wife has a cousin whose family is big in the bus business.
When it came time to order a new White House bus, that time arriving on the trip back to the White House after the inauguration when the fledgling czars and czarettes realized that the old one would not be big enough for all the bodies that President BO would be tossing under, Rahm “Potty Mouth” Emanuel called his cut-out in Chicago.
“I need a bus. A big bus. A very big bus. A very big bus that the loony tree huggers will love. A bus that is fueled by bovine borborygymy, flotsam, jetsam, and green relish, the kind that you put on hot dogs. A very big bus that can handle all the bodies that will be tossed under it in the coming year. It’s what Auden called “necessary murders.”
Daley’s man said thank you. A check for two tables at the Mayor’s surprise birthday party was forthcoming. Three feather merchant jobs were “created” for the shovel ready bus project. One was to check that the tires were on and, most important, that they were round and not flat on the top. The other job was to check that the windshield was see-through. The third job was to supervise the other two.
The above is prelude to the end game for Charlie Rangel.
When you have an ethically challenged and calorically challenged Congressman who forgets that he had at least $500,000 in two checking accounts he becomes a serious hazard to navigation in the swamp that Speaker Pelosi has been draining since she took over.
Charlie “had a heart – how shall I say this? – too soon made glad.” The White House gave commands. Soon all smiles will stop.
The “plausible deniability” comes when African-American chattering class finger pointers, modern American Liberals all, turn on him. Old Chuck, who came into office on a white horse charging after that “moral slag heap” Adam Clayton Powell, reminds me of the song from Fiorello, the musical that said Mayors of New York were to be judged on their intentions. Results were secondary. There is a continuing legacy from his time in office. In 1942 New York City passed a law mandating rent control. It would expire in one year. That law has been renewed every year since. To Hell with 9/11! New York City is still pissed off about Pearl Harbor and how it effects renters. Need I note that there are more renters than landlords?
The song was “A Little Tin Box”. It tells the story of a civil servant who managed to amass a fortune equal to 30 times his annual salary. And this was before OTB or LOTTO! His wife said that every payday she took some of the house money and put it in a little tin box. It just grew and grew.
That’s why Charlie shouldn’t buy any green bananas. He probably should hire a food taster. When I read that you got your ax out the fat lady is singing.
But that’s not why I write.
You almost get out clean. Too bad you didn’t.
You say that he did “long and tireless work… for the needy and dispossessed”.
Damian the Leper, Saint Damian as of last weekend, did long and tireless work for the needy and dispossessed. So did Mother Teresa.
I have been to Glassboro, New Jersey. The only way he winds up with two lots there is because he finished second in the hot stove stealing contest.
Maybe Charlie was needy when he was the night manager of the Hotel Teresa in Harlem. He took the advice that Hinnisy, the Chicago publican, gave to a young pol. “When you see your opportunities, take ‘em”.
Will lunch be served after he looks at the bus from the ground up?
Kevin Smith
PS – I checked with my sources in Rome. Notwithstanding his somewhat premature Nobel Prize he will still have to die to become a Saint. This is not a threat so don’t tell the Secret Service.
Eugene Robinson
The Washington Post
1150 15th Street NW
Washington, DC 20071
RE: Congressman Charles Rangel and the obligatory shroud fitting session as told by you in this morning’s Miami Herald.
Mr. Robinson,
Thank God for the stimulus program! That plus taking care of your own and covering your markers are hallmarks of urban politics.
Mayor Daley [D-Chicago] has a nephew whose wife has a cousin whose family is big in the bus business.
When it came time to order a new White House bus, that time arriving on the trip back to the White House after the inauguration when the fledgling czars and czarettes realized that the old one would not be big enough for all the bodies that President BO would be tossing under, Rahm “Potty Mouth” Emanuel called his cut-out in Chicago.
“I need a bus. A big bus. A very big bus. A very big bus that the loony tree huggers will love. A bus that is fueled by bovine borborygymy, flotsam, jetsam, and green relish, the kind that you put on hot dogs. A very big bus that can handle all the bodies that will be tossed under it in the coming year. It’s what Auden called “necessary murders.”
Daley’s man said thank you. A check for two tables at the Mayor’s surprise birthday party was forthcoming. Three feather merchant jobs were “created” for the shovel ready bus project. One was to check that the tires were on and, most important, that they were round and not flat on the top. The other job was to check that the windshield was see-through. The third job was to supervise the other two.
The above is prelude to the end game for Charlie Rangel.
When you have an ethically challenged and calorically challenged Congressman who forgets that he had at least $500,000 in two checking accounts he becomes a serious hazard to navigation in the swamp that Speaker Pelosi has been draining since she took over.
Charlie “had a heart – how shall I say this? – too soon made glad.” The White House gave commands. Soon all smiles will stop.
The “plausible deniability” comes when African-American chattering class finger pointers, modern American Liberals all, turn on him. Old Chuck, who came into office on a white horse charging after that “moral slag heap” Adam Clayton Powell, reminds me of the song from Fiorello, the musical that said Mayors of New York were to be judged on their intentions. Results were secondary. There is a continuing legacy from his time in office. In 1942 New York City passed a law mandating rent control. It would expire in one year. That law has been renewed every year since. To Hell with 9/11! New York City is still pissed off about Pearl Harbor and how it effects renters. Need I note that there are more renters than landlords?
The song was “A Little Tin Box”. It tells the story of a civil servant who managed to amass a fortune equal to 30 times his annual salary. And this was before OTB or LOTTO! His wife said that every payday she took some of the house money and put it in a little tin box. It just grew and grew.
That’s why Charlie shouldn’t buy any green bananas. He probably should hire a food taster. When I read that you got your ax out the fat lady is singing.
But that’s not why I write.
You almost get out clean. Too bad you didn’t.
You say that he did “long and tireless work… for the needy and dispossessed”.
Damian the Leper, Saint Damian as of last weekend, did long and tireless work for the needy and dispossessed. So did Mother Teresa.
I have been to Glassboro, New Jersey. The only way he winds up with two lots there is because he finished second in the hot stove stealing contest.
Maybe Charlie was needy when he was the night manager of the Hotel Teresa in Harlem. He took the advice that Hinnisy, the Chicago publican, gave to a young pol. “When you see your opportunities, take ‘em”.
Will lunch be served after he looks at the bus from the ground up?
Kevin Smith
PS – I checked with my sources in Rome. Notwithstanding his somewhat premature Nobel Prize he will still have to die to become a Saint. This is not a threat so don’t tell the Secret Service.
Carol Rosenberg The Miami Herald
October 11, 2009
Carol Rosenberg
The Miami Herald
One Herald Plaza
Miami, Florida 33132-1693
RE: “Banned in Gitmo” – The horror, the horror of all those misguided youths being denied the comforts of Noam Chomsky while they dream of 72 virgins. It’s all explained by you in today’s Miami Herald.
Ms. Rosenberg,
I am sorry that the burnoosed bomb throwing WOGs currently trussed up at Camp Gitmo are denied access to Noam Chomsky and his obfuscatory persiflage. Translating his books into something approaching readable English would be an example of cruel and unusual punishment.
I have been trying to read him since 1962.
I take a stab at it during every lunar eclipse. I hold a copy of Ulysses – Joyce, not Tennyson – upside down in front of a mirror. Then I go forward with the knowledge that even though it is dark and dangerous work somebody has to do it lest the terrorists win. When the EKG goes to flat line I will have his tomes IVed into me lest I cross the bar absent the joy of figuring out just what in the Hell the old grifter is talking about.
Speaking of books being banned at Camp Gitmo, maybe you can tell me why the Mohammed cartoons are banned in Miami? I thought the Miami Herald abhorred ”slippery slopes” and “chilling effects”. The chattering classes have granted a full pardon to Roman Polanski for canoodling a 13 year old girl. What is the big deal if Mohammed, that old goat humper, set his sights on a 6 year old 14 centuries ago? Publish and be damned!
Would you, as an influential member of the old media, care to join me on the steps of the Court House in Fort Lauderdale for a celebration of our freedoms? First, I will burn the American flag. Then I will burn the bible. Then I will burn the Koran.
Lest the fires burn out of control I will have a real life replica of Piss Christ handy to douse the flames.
Speaking of getting a book on the approved list…
I have one that qualifies on 17 of 30 criteria established by the wanabee Catos.
Las Commedia, The Divine Comedy, by Dante.
Some of the best parts are about Muslims. Since he is extremely critical of his own faith there should be tolerance for how he speaks of other faiths.
“Halfway Through My Journey I Found Myself In the Dark Wood Of Error”
That’s how Dante started his poem. It’s still good advice for mid-life crises. It might turn some of those misguided youths away from the dark side.
Ezra Pound, and try to imagine 20th century literature without him, spent 13 years nicked up in a looney bin. He was never indicted. He was never tried. He was never convicted.
Do think his books were banned from him?
Come to think of it reading Chomsky is like reading Pound for the first time without the funny parts.
Kevin Smith
PS – Any chance of slipping Salman Rushdie into the Gitmo library?
Carol Rosenberg
The Miami Herald
One Herald Plaza
Miami, Florida 33132-1693
RE: “Banned in Gitmo” – The horror, the horror of all those misguided youths being denied the comforts of Noam Chomsky while they dream of 72 virgins. It’s all explained by you in today’s Miami Herald.
Ms. Rosenberg,
I am sorry that the burnoosed bomb throwing WOGs currently trussed up at Camp Gitmo are denied access to Noam Chomsky and his obfuscatory persiflage. Translating his books into something approaching readable English would be an example of cruel and unusual punishment.
I have been trying to read him since 1962.
I take a stab at it during every lunar eclipse. I hold a copy of Ulysses – Joyce, not Tennyson – upside down in front of a mirror. Then I go forward with the knowledge that even though it is dark and dangerous work somebody has to do it lest the terrorists win. When the EKG goes to flat line I will have his tomes IVed into me lest I cross the bar absent the joy of figuring out just what in the Hell the old grifter is talking about.
Speaking of books being banned at Camp Gitmo, maybe you can tell me why the Mohammed cartoons are banned in Miami? I thought the Miami Herald abhorred ”slippery slopes” and “chilling effects”. The chattering classes have granted a full pardon to Roman Polanski for canoodling a 13 year old girl. What is the big deal if Mohammed, that old goat humper, set his sights on a 6 year old 14 centuries ago? Publish and be damned!
Would you, as an influential member of the old media, care to join me on the steps of the Court House in Fort Lauderdale for a celebration of our freedoms? First, I will burn the American flag. Then I will burn the bible. Then I will burn the Koran.
Lest the fires burn out of control I will have a real life replica of Piss Christ handy to douse the flames.
Speaking of getting a book on the approved list…
I have one that qualifies on 17 of 30 criteria established by the wanabee Catos.
Las Commedia, The Divine Comedy, by Dante.
Some of the best parts are about Muslims. Since he is extremely critical of his own faith there should be tolerance for how he speaks of other faiths.
“Halfway Through My Journey I Found Myself In the Dark Wood Of Error”
That’s how Dante started his poem. It’s still good advice for mid-life crises. It might turn some of those misguided youths away from the dark side.
Ezra Pound, and try to imagine 20th century literature without him, spent 13 years nicked up in a looney bin. He was never indicted. He was never tried. He was never convicted.
Do think his books were banned from him?
Come to think of it reading Chomsky is like reading Pound for the first time without the funny parts.
Kevin Smith
PS – Any chance of slipping Salman Rushdie into the Gitmo library?
Leila Fadel The Miami Herald
October 11, 2009
Leila Fadel
The Miami Herald
One Herald Plaza
Miami, Florida 3312-1693
RER: “Muslims in U.S. Feel Unfairly Implicated” – Some comments on your article appearing in this morning’s Miami Herald telling me about the faults of this country/
Ms. Fadel,
There are pictures of a man praying and two boys running to their mosque in Maryland.
It’s a pretty good country, isn’t it?
Please tell me of one country that is Muslim where there would be a picture of a mane praying in a Christian church in that country. Please tell me how many countries under Muslim rule, be it Sunni or Shiite that permits the existence of places of worship other than those devoted to Islam.
You say that Muslims feel singled out for scrutiny since 9/11. Orwell told us that “the obvious and the true have got to be defended”. As an aside, could you tell me where I can find an Islamic Orwell?
It is both “obvious and true” that the attacks on this country on 9/11 were Muslim planned, Muslim directed, and Muslim led.
What do you think the reaction should have been?
This country locked up 120,000 Japanese, many of whom were American citizens, after 12/7/41. As a point of reference more people died on 9/11 than died on 12/7. A lesser known fact is that we locked up about 30,000 Germans and Italians.
In the American Civil War President Lincoln exercised the powers specifically given to him under the American Constitution and suspended the right of habeas corpus. Does that right exist in any Muslim country? Where can I find a copy of any Constitution in any Muslim country?
Leila Fadel
The Miami Herald
One Herald Plaza
Miami, Florida 3312-1693
RER: “Muslims in U.S. Feel Unfairly Implicated” – Some comments on your article appearing in this morning’s Miami Herald telling me about the faults of this country/
Ms. Fadel,
There are pictures of a man praying and two boys running to their mosque in Maryland.
It’s a pretty good country, isn’t it?
Please tell me of one country that is Muslim where there would be a picture of a mane praying in a Christian church in that country. Please tell me how many countries under Muslim rule, be it Sunni or Shiite that permits the existence of places of worship other than those devoted to Islam.
You say that Muslims feel singled out for scrutiny since 9/11. Orwell told us that “the obvious and the true have got to be defended”. As an aside, could you tell me where I can find an Islamic Orwell?
It is both “obvious and true” that the attacks on this country on 9/11 were Muslim planned, Muslim directed, and Muslim led.
What do you think the reaction should have been?
This country locked up 120,000 Japanese, many of whom were American citizens, after 12/7/41. As a point of reference more people died on 9/11 than died on 12/7. A lesser known fact is that we locked up about 30,000 Germans and Italians.
In the American Civil War President Lincoln exercised the powers specifically given to him under the American Constitution and suspended the right of habeas corpus. Does that right exist in any Muslim country? Where can I find a copy of any Constitution in any Muslim country?
Monday, October 12, 2009
Beth Reinhard The Miami Herald
October 10, 2009
Beth Reinhard
The Miami Herald
One Herald Plaza
Miami, Florida 33132-1693
RE: Ethics, lobbyists, the First Amendment, and how confusing it all gets. A different take on your small case smirking hissy-fit column in today’s Miami Herald.
Ms. Reinhard,
I imagine the precedent for appointing a somewhat ethically challenged former legislator/lobbyist/businessman was established by President Roosevelt, “the one in the wheelchair, not the one who shot bears” to quote that noted American sage P.J. O’Rourke, when he made that old corsair, Poppa Joe Kennedy, the first head of the Securities and Exchange Commission.
Although I am bound and determined not to be cliché ridden talk about putting the fox in charge of the hen house! A Mother Teresa type, whatever her good qualities might be, would not be a thief among thieves. Hence, she would not be able to clean the Augean stables made foul when men discover that they are not angels.
Before Poppa Joe went off the London to become a bit of a cheerleader for Hitler he got the Securities and Exchange Act of 1934 passed. That’s the one that said you can commit fraud by doing nothing. It’s the commission/omission part in case you’re interested.
I point this out because most comments on ethics – particularly in the political arena – are, perforce, lacking any knowledge of the etymology of “ethics”.
I don’t know what your reading habits are but you may want to include Aristotle’s Nicomachean Ethics in your unread/must read list.
Suffice to say that the Ancients sought a balance in all things.
I mention the First Amendment because it begins with 5 majestic words. “Congress shall make no law…”
The same law that allows me to burn both the bible and the American flag, and why do I think that the Koran will not be included on the modern American Liberal of things that can and should be burned, also says that I can petition the legislature for a redress of grievances. I have been asking the Miami Herald for several years to show their solidarity with the First Amendment by publishing those over the top funny cartoons about Mohammed. If American taxpayers can subsidize “Piss Christ” why can’t we have an exhibition of art poking fun at that silly old goat humper?
I find it amusingly contradictory that that modern American Liberals, particularly those who qualify as ink stained wretches and wenches, revel in the common universal sin of “eclectic indignation”.
You say that the wife of John Trasher, he being the subject of chastising column, is “lobbying for offshore drilling”.
Florida has lobbyists for aging greyhounds and pregnant pigs. Billy Carter, Jimmuh’s beer swilling, nose picking, ass scratching brother, was a lobbyist for Moamar Kaddafi.
The wife of former Senator Tom Daschle made $4,000,000 lobbying for Boeing. The United States Senate said, “So what.”
Broward County has a Commissioner – Ilene Lieberman – whose name changes when she lobbies the legislature in Tallahassee. As soon as she exits Area Code 954 she becomes Ilene Michelman.
Now that Speaker Pelosi has “drained the Washington swamp” and rooted out the “culture of corruption in Congress” perhaps she could spend some time down here. Our Augean stables are just as befouled as those in Washington. It took Christ to rid the temple of its money changers. Maybe she could bring President B.O. with her. He’s the closest thing to divinity in this country. By the by, my confidential sources, sources that must remain confidential, tell me that Bo, President BO’s dog, has won next year’s Best in Show at Westminster.
The great Nechemie told me about the bag test for making determinations about situations that may be improper or, worse, unethical.
If you are uncertain about whether something is ethical or not put it in a paper bag and put the bag in a closet. Pull it out a day later and stick you head in. If it stinks throw it out.
It’s almost too simple.
Kevin Smith
Beth Reinhard
The Miami Herald
One Herald Plaza
Miami, Florida 33132-1693
RE: Ethics, lobbyists, the First Amendment, and how confusing it all gets. A different take on your small case smirking hissy-fit column in today’s Miami Herald.
Ms. Reinhard,
I imagine the precedent for appointing a somewhat ethically challenged former legislator/lobbyist/businessman was established by President Roosevelt, “the one in the wheelchair, not the one who shot bears” to quote that noted American sage P.J. O’Rourke, when he made that old corsair, Poppa Joe Kennedy, the first head of the Securities and Exchange Commission.
Although I am bound and determined not to be cliché ridden talk about putting the fox in charge of the hen house! A Mother Teresa type, whatever her good qualities might be, would not be a thief among thieves. Hence, she would not be able to clean the Augean stables made foul when men discover that they are not angels.
Before Poppa Joe went off the London to become a bit of a cheerleader for Hitler he got the Securities and Exchange Act of 1934 passed. That’s the one that said you can commit fraud by doing nothing. It’s the commission/omission part in case you’re interested.
I point this out because most comments on ethics – particularly in the political arena – are, perforce, lacking any knowledge of the etymology of “ethics”.
I don’t know what your reading habits are but you may want to include Aristotle’s Nicomachean Ethics in your unread/must read list.
Suffice to say that the Ancients sought a balance in all things.
I mention the First Amendment because it begins with 5 majestic words. “Congress shall make no law…”
The same law that allows me to burn both the bible and the American flag, and why do I think that the Koran will not be included on the modern American Liberal of things that can and should be burned, also says that I can petition the legislature for a redress of grievances. I have been asking the Miami Herald for several years to show their solidarity with the First Amendment by publishing those over the top funny cartoons about Mohammed. If American taxpayers can subsidize “Piss Christ” why can’t we have an exhibition of art poking fun at that silly old goat humper?
I find it amusingly contradictory that that modern American Liberals, particularly those who qualify as ink stained wretches and wenches, revel in the common universal sin of “eclectic indignation”.
You say that the wife of John Trasher, he being the subject of chastising column, is “lobbying for offshore drilling”.
Florida has lobbyists for aging greyhounds and pregnant pigs. Billy Carter, Jimmuh’s beer swilling, nose picking, ass scratching brother, was a lobbyist for Moamar Kaddafi.
The wife of former Senator Tom Daschle made $4,000,000 lobbying for Boeing. The United States Senate said, “So what.”
Broward County has a Commissioner – Ilene Lieberman – whose name changes when she lobbies the legislature in Tallahassee. As soon as she exits Area Code 954 she becomes Ilene Michelman.
Now that Speaker Pelosi has “drained the Washington swamp” and rooted out the “culture of corruption in Congress” perhaps she could spend some time down here. Our Augean stables are just as befouled as those in Washington. It took Christ to rid the temple of its money changers. Maybe she could bring President B.O. with her. He’s the closest thing to divinity in this country. By the by, my confidential sources, sources that must remain confidential, tell me that Bo, President BO’s dog, has won next year’s Best in Show at Westminster.
The great Nechemie told me about the bag test for making determinations about situations that may be improper or, worse, unethical.
If you are uncertain about whether something is ethical or not put it in a paper bag and put the bag in a closet. Pull it out a day later and stick you head in. If it stinks throw it out.
It’s almost too simple.
Kevin Smith
Carol Rosenberg The Miami Herald
October 11, 2009
Carol Rosenberg
The Miami Herald
One Herald Plaza
Miami, Florida 33132-1693
RE: “Banned in Gitmo” – The horror, the horror of all those misguided youths being denied the comforts of Noam Chomsky while they dream of 72 virgins. It’s all explained by you in today’s Miami Herald.
Ms. Rosenberg,
I am sorry that the burnoosed bomb throwing WOGs currently trussed up at Camp Gitmo are denied access to Noam Chomsky and his obfuscatory persiflage. Translating his books into something approaching readable English would be an example of cruel and unusual punishment.
I have been trying to read him since 1962.
I take a stab at it during every lunar eclipse. I hold a copy of Ulysses – Joyce, not Tennyson – upside down in front of a mirror. Then I go forward with the knowledge that even though it is dark and dangerous work somebody has to do it lest the terrorists win. When the EKG goes to flat line I will have his tomes IVed into me lest I cross the bar absent the joy of figuring out just what in the Hell the old grifter is talking about.
Speaking of books being banned at Camp Gitmo, maybe you can tell me why the Mohammed cartoons are banned in Miami? I thought the Miami Herald abhorred ”slippery slopes” and “chilling effects”. The chattering classes have granted a full pardon to Roman Polanski for canoodling a 13 year old girl. What is the big deal if Mohammed, that old goat humper, set his sights on a 6 year old 14 centuries ago? Publish and be damned!
Would you, as an influential member of the old media, care to join me on the steps of the Court House in Fort Lauderdale for a celebration of our freedoms? First, I will burn the American flag. Then I will burn the bible. Then I will burn the Koran.
Lest the fires burn out of control I will have a real life replica of Piss Christ handy to douse the flames.
Speaking of getting a book on the approved list…
I have one that qualifies on 17 of 30 criteria established by the wanabee Catos.
Las Commedia, The Divine Comedy, by Dante.
Some of the best parts are about Muslims. Since he is extremely critical of his own faith there should be tolerance for how he speaks of other faiths.
“Halfway Through My Journey I Found Myself In the Dark Wood Of Error”
That’s how Dante started his poem. It’s still good advice for mid-life crises. It might turn some of those misguided youths away from the dark side.
Ezra Pound, and try to imagine 20th century literature without him, spent 13 years nicked up in a looney bin. He was never indicted. He was never tried. He was never convicted.
Do think his books were banned from him?
Come to think of it reading Chomsky is like reading Pound for the first time without the funny parts.
Kevin Smith
Carol Rosenberg
The Miami Herald
One Herald Plaza
Miami, Florida 33132-1693
RE: “Banned in Gitmo” – The horror, the horror of all those misguided youths being denied the comforts of Noam Chomsky while they dream of 72 virgins. It’s all explained by you in today’s Miami Herald.
Ms. Rosenberg,
I am sorry that the burnoosed bomb throwing WOGs currently trussed up at Camp Gitmo are denied access to Noam Chomsky and his obfuscatory persiflage. Translating his books into something approaching readable English would be an example of cruel and unusual punishment.
I have been trying to read him since 1962.
I take a stab at it during every lunar eclipse. I hold a copy of Ulysses – Joyce, not Tennyson – upside down in front of a mirror. Then I go forward with the knowledge that even though it is dark and dangerous work somebody has to do it lest the terrorists win. When the EKG goes to flat line I will have his tomes IVed into me lest I cross the bar absent the joy of figuring out just what in the Hell the old grifter is talking about.
Speaking of books being banned at Camp Gitmo, maybe you can tell me why the Mohammed cartoons are banned in Miami? I thought the Miami Herald abhorred ”slippery slopes” and “chilling effects”. The chattering classes have granted a full pardon to Roman Polanski for canoodling a 13 year old girl. What is the big deal if Mohammed, that old goat humper, set his sights on a 6 year old 14 centuries ago? Publish and be damned!
Would you, as an influential member of the old media, care to join me on the steps of the Court House in Fort Lauderdale for a celebration of our freedoms? First, I will burn the American flag. Then I will burn the bible. Then I will burn the Koran.
Lest the fires burn out of control I will have a real life replica of Piss Christ handy to douse the flames.
Speaking of getting a book on the approved list…
I have one that qualifies on 17 of 30 criteria established by the wanabee Catos.
Las Commedia, The Divine Comedy, by Dante.
Some of the best parts are about Muslims. Since he is extremely critical of his own faith there should be tolerance for how he speaks of other faiths.
“Halfway Through My Journey I Found Myself In the Dark Wood Of Error”
That’s how Dante started his poem. It’s still good advice for mid-life crises. It might turn some of those misguided youths away from the dark side.
Ezra Pound, and try to imagine 20th century literature without him, spent 13 years nicked up in a looney bin. He was never indicted. He was never tried. He was never convicted.
Do think his books were banned from him?
Come to think of it reading Chomsky is like reading Pound for the first time without the funny parts.
Kevin Smith
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Rob Berry & Michael Sallah The Miami Herald
October 7, 2009
Rob Berry & Michael Sallah
The Miami Herald
One Herald Plaza
Miami, Florida 33132-1693
RE: An “integrity adjustment” vis-à-vis Clark Clifford, Esq. Why “some things are owed to the ledger”.
Sirs,
I wrote to you on October 4th in re high powered lawyers doing high powered things for high powered clients.
You suggest that Greenberg Traurig, an international law firm with over 1000 attorneys, may have gone over the line for its client, The Sanford Bank. The paper trail is labyrinthine to say the least. Gazillions of dollars, indicted politicians, Caribbean nights combined with concupiscence; perhaps Carl Hiaasen can make a novel out of it.
I mentioned Clark Clifford, Esq. doing some work for Knight-Ridder, the former owner of the Miami Herald. A quick review of the record shows we can stipulate that both client and attorney had their toes over the edge of propriety. My first knowledge of this came about because the former Chairman of Knight-Ridder, Alvah Chapman, offered a written eulogy of Clark Clifford that quickly went from effusive to fulsome. Regardless of the particulars of this sub rosa mid-American shenanigan – it was in Detroit as opposed to Antigua – attention must be paid to Clark Clifford, Esq.
In his autobiography, a weighty tome given over to a narcissistic hagiography whose blurbs told us that he, and he alone, had saved America from the clutches of evil Republicans. In his book he called Ronald Reagan an “amiable dunce”.
You may wish to Google Bank of Credit and Commerce International, AKA BCCI.
BCCI was one of those speed bumps from the ‘80s that has gone down the memory hole so lovingly cared for and maintained by modern American Liberals. Whatever else can be said them it must be noted that they never leave their wounded on the battlefield.
BCCI appeared fully grown one morning as if it had sprung from a green eye shaded accountant’s forehead.
The Chairman of the Board was Clark Clifford, Esq.
The President was Robert Altman, Esq. who was – Surprise! – another high powered lawyer. He was graduated from an intense weekend course called “This Weekend Banks. Next Weekend Heart Transplants. You CAN Do It.”
Another vital piece of his CV was that he was married to Linda Carter, AKA “Wonder Woman”. Her magic ring, the one that deflected villainous death rays, was to come in handy for him later in the decade.
When he married LWWC a surprise guest gave her a $38,000 Jaguar sedan. That’s $38,000 in 1983 dollars.
BCCI distinguished itself by becoming a failed bank. It did it with no outside help. It had help from neither Christopher Dodd nor Barney Frank. It was not just a failed bank but was the cause of other banks failing. It raised the bar for stealing hot stoves to almost Olympic Game status. It would have been the first sport in both Summer and Winter Games. It fell from within.
In due course both high powered lawyers were subpoenaed to tell Congress how it all happened. Robert Altman, Esq. used his wife’s magic ring to deflect criticism and to preclude the soon to be famous “perp walk”.
Clark Clifford, Esq. faced a different dilemma.
Richard Armey, a former high line wireman for the phone company with a PhD in Economics, was a Congressman from Texas. My daughter was his constituent for 6 years.
In the discovery process prior to testimony it was revealed that one man owned 40% of the common stock of BCCI. The owner was the prototypical Sheikh of Araby. He was the surprise donor of the $38,000 Jaguar.
By this time high powered lawyer Clark Clifford had lost a bit off his fast ball. Still, he was in his milieu. 40 years of deflecting sunlight, 40 years of controlling rivulets before they could do great damage, 40 years of serving the high and mighty, 40 years of papering over peccadilloes from both sides of the aisle did not prepare him for Congressman Armey.
Clark Clifford testified that he “did not know that 40% of the bank that he was Chairman of was owned by one man”. His reply to why he didn’t know was “Nobody told me”. He further testified that he did not who any of the shareholders were.
I was an officer and director of a public company. I knew the names of every shareholder, be they an individual or an institution, who owned more than 1% of the common stock. It was, is, and shall be inconceivable that the Chairman of the Board of a public company, particularly a bank with all its regulatory issues, would not know if someone owned a 40% stake in said company. In the real world a 40% owner can have the Board Room painted lavender. He can order the company to serve only tofu and groats in the company dining room if he so desires.
That brings us back to Congressman Armey.
Clark Clifford, Esq. was the Alpha Male of DC high powered insiderdom. He was the man that companies, companies like Knight-Ridder, turned to when they wanted something done. More importantly he was them man who could get something “undone”. Alvah Chapman chose wisely.
Congressman Armey read the passage that Clifford had written about Ronald Reagan being an “amiable dunce”. He asked him, based on his testimony, how he would characterize himself.
40 years of “juice” was drained from him in the time between the question being asked and the phumfering answer being given. The look on his face was akin to a baby seal a nanosecond after the ax has entered his brain.
His indictments for bank fraud, money laundering, and self dealing were vacated because of his age. His claim to being the Chairman of the Board of the largest banking failure in history stood for about 15 years.
Compared to Clifford shenanigans the Greenberg firm was trying to get reckless driving tickets downgraded.
As I said in the beginning “some things are owed to the ledger”. It is never too late to make an “integrity adjustment”.
Kevin Smith
Rob Berry & Michael Sallah
The Miami Herald
One Herald Plaza
Miami, Florida 33132-1693
RE: An “integrity adjustment” vis-à-vis Clark Clifford, Esq. Why “some things are owed to the ledger”.
Sirs,
I wrote to you on October 4th in re high powered lawyers doing high powered things for high powered clients.
You suggest that Greenberg Traurig, an international law firm with over 1000 attorneys, may have gone over the line for its client, The Sanford Bank. The paper trail is labyrinthine to say the least. Gazillions of dollars, indicted politicians, Caribbean nights combined with concupiscence; perhaps Carl Hiaasen can make a novel out of it.
I mentioned Clark Clifford, Esq. doing some work for Knight-Ridder, the former owner of the Miami Herald. A quick review of the record shows we can stipulate that both client and attorney had their toes over the edge of propriety. My first knowledge of this came about because the former Chairman of Knight-Ridder, Alvah Chapman, offered a written eulogy of Clark Clifford that quickly went from effusive to fulsome. Regardless of the particulars of this sub rosa mid-American shenanigan – it was in Detroit as opposed to Antigua – attention must be paid to Clark Clifford, Esq.
In his autobiography, a weighty tome given over to a narcissistic hagiography whose blurbs told us that he, and he alone, had saved America from the clutches of evil Republicans. In his book he called Ronald Reagan an “amiable dunce”.
You may wish to Google Bank of Credit and Commerce International, AKA BCCI.
BCCI was one of those speed bumps from the ‘80s that has gone down the memory hole so lovingly cared for and maintained by modern American Liberals. Whatever else can be said them it must be noted that they never leave their wounded on the battlefield.
BCCI appeared fully grown one morning as if it had sprung from a green eye shaded accountant’s forehead.
The Chairman of the Board was Clark Clifford, Esq.
The President was Robert Altman, Esq. who was – Surprise! – another high powered lawyer. He was graduated from an intense weekend course called “This Weekend Banks. Next Weekend Heart Transplants. You CAN Do It.”
Another vital piece of his CV was that he was married to Linda Carter, AKA “Wonder Woman”. Her magic ring, the one that deflected villainous death rays, was to come in handy for him later in the decade.
When he married LWWC a surprise guest gave her a $38,000 Jaguar sedan. That’s $38,000 in 1983 dollars.
BCCI distinguished itself by becoming a failed bank. It did it with no outside help. It had help from neither Christopher Dodd nor Barney Frank. It was not just a failed bank but was the cause of other banks failing. It raised the bar for stealing hot stoves to almost Olympic Game status. It would have been the first sport in both Summer and Winter Games. It fell from within.
In due course both high powered lawyers were subpoenaed to tell Congress how it all happened. Robert Altman, Esq. used his wife’s magic ring to deflect criticism and to preclude the soon to be famous “perp walk”.
Clark Clifford, Esq. faced a different dilemma.
Richard Armey, a former high line wireman for the phone company with a PhD in Economics, was a Congressman from Texas. My daughter was his constituent for 6 years.
In the discovery process prior to testimony it was revealed that one man owned 40% of the common stock of BCCI. The owner was the prototypical Sheikh of Araby. He was the surprise donor of the $38,000 Jaguar.
By this time high powered lawyer Clark Clifford had lost a bit off his fast ball. Still, he was in his milieu. 40 years of deflecting sunlight, 40 years of controlling rivulets before they could do great damage, 40 years of serving the high and mighty, 40 years of papering over peccadilloes from both sides of the aisle did not prepare him for Congressman Armey.
Clark Clifford testified that he “did not know that 40% of the bank that he was Chairman of was owned by one man”. His reply to why he didn’t know was “Nobody told me”. He further testified that he did not who any of the shareholders were.
I was an officer and director of a public company. I knew the names of every shareholder, be they an individual or an institution, who owned more than 1% of the common stock. It was, is, and shall be inconceivable that the Chairman of the Board of a public company, particularly a bank with all its regulatory issues, would not know if someone owned a 40% stake in said company. In the real world a 40% owner can have the Board Room painted lavender. He can order the company to serve only tofu and groats in the company dining room if he so desires.
That brings us back to Congressman Armey.
Clark Clifford, Esq. was the Alpha Male of DC high powered insiderdom. He was the man that companies, companies like Knight-Ridder, turned to when they wanted something done. More importantly he was them man who could get something “undone”. Alvah Chapman chose wisely.
Congressman Armey read the passage that Clifford had written about Ronald Reagan being an “amiable dunce”. He asked him, based on his testimony, how he would characterize himself.
40 years of “juice” was drained from him in the time between the question being asked and the phumfering answer being given. The look on his face was akin to a baby seal a nanosecond after the ax has entered his brain.
His indictments for bank fraud, money laundering, and self dealing were vacated because of his age. His claim to being the Chairman of the Board of the largest banking failure in history stood for about 15 years.
Compared to Clifford shenanigans the Greenberg firm was trying to get reckless driving tickets downgraded.
As I said in the beginning “some things are owed to the ledger”. It is never too late to make an “integrity adjustment”.
Kevin Smith
Monday, October 5, 2009
Michael Sallah & Rob Berry The Miami Herald
October 4, 2009
Michael Sallah & Rob Berry
The Miami Herald
One Herald Plaza
Miami, Florida 33132-1693
RE: The Sandford Bank, Greenberg Traurig, money laundering, big business, big law firms, and who comes with clean hands to discuss this. Some comments on your Page 1 story about Caribbean shenanigans.
Sirs,
I am shocked, shocked to discover that you are shocked, shocked to discover that high powered clients hire high powered law firms to do high powered things.
I must disclose that I have broken bread, drunk some wine, and shared confidences with a former partner of Greenburg Traurig. Since he did not represent me I don’t have to reveal his name. Further, Antigua is one of my favorite spots on earth.
Speaking of high powered lawyers doing high powered things perhaps you should check the history of the Miami Herald in its Knight-Ridder days.
My Florida introduction to the nexus of high powered lawyers and high powered clients came about when K-R Chairman Alvah Chapman eulogized Clark Clifford, Esq. If ever one man fit the template for high powered lawyers it was Clark Clifford.
K-R once got its corporate dick caught in a legal wringer in Detroit. A Federal agency had the temerity to rule against K-R as they tried to do an end run around some prickly regulations. Chairman Chapman called his pal, Clark Clifford, who was able to get the first ruling overturned. Next he was able to get a new ruling that brought a contented smile to his client’s face.
That’s what high powered lawyers do.
If Greenburg Traurig were involved in a Caribbean scam it is a subject for a different forum. At least they had the good sense to avoid Detroit. The charms of Devil Night and hockey pale when compared to February in Antigua.
Kevin Smith
Michael Sallah & Rob Berry
The Miami Herald
One Herald Plaza
Miami, Florida 33132-1693
RE: The Sandford Bank, Greenberg Traurig, money laundering, big business, big law firms, and who comes with clean hands to discuss this. Some comments on your Page 1 story about Caribbean shenanigans.
Sirs,
I am shocked, shocked to discover that you are shocked, shocked to discover that high powered clients hire high powered law firms to do high powered things.
I must disclose that I have broken bread, drunk some wine, and shared confidences with a former partner of Greenburg Traurig. Since he did not represent me I don’t have to reveal his name. Further, Antigua is one of my favorite spots on earth.
Speaking of high powered lawyers doing high powered things perhaps you should check the history of the Miami Herald in its Knight-Ridder days.
My Florida introduction to the nexus of high powered lawyers and high powered clients came about when K-R Chairman Alvah Chapman eulogized Clark Clifford, Esq. If ever one man fit the template for high powered lawyers it was Clark Clifford.
K-R once got its corporate dick caught in a legal wringer in Detroit. A Federal agency had the temerity to rule against K-R as they tried to do an end run around some prickly regulations. Chairman Chapman called his pal, Clark Clifford, who was able to get the first ruling overturned. Next he was able to get a new ruling that brought a contented smile to his client’s face.
That’s what high powered lawyers do.
If Greenburg Traurig were involved in a Caribbean scam it is a subject for a different forum. At least they had the good sense to avoid Detroit. The charms of Devil Night and hockey pale when compared to February in Antigua.
Kevin Smith
Monday, September 28, 2009
Letter to the Editor The Sun-Sentinel
September 29, 2009
Letter to the Editor
The Sun-Sentinel
200 East Las Olas Boulevard
Fort Lauderdale, Florida 33301
RE: To drill or not to drill. That’s the question. Some thoughts on your editorial on the subject of drilling in the Gulf of Mexico off the pristine coast of Florida.
Sirs,
Wait a minute. There is drilling in the Gulf of Mexico.
Texas, Louisiana, Mississippi, and Alabama permit, I dare say encourage, drilling off their coasts.
Tourism, particularly beach tourism, is a vital part of their economy. I can walk to a restaurant from my home that features sea food from the Gulf of Mexico. They advertise where in Louisiana their oysters come from.
How do these states manage to combine tourism, a thriving seafood industry, both commercial and sport, and off shore drilling?
Speaking of off shore drilling, what will Florida do Cuba starts to drill? They have contracted with a Chinese company to drill on their sovereign territory. Short of leasing some United States Navy warships – a carrier, an attack submarine, and a frigate would do nicely – how can we stop them? Further, should an accident occur do you think they will subject themselves to the jurisdiction of American courts?
Would not Logic and a loosely defined Moral Imperative demand that since Florida will not permit drilling it should eschew any of the benefits gained from those states that do?
How about a special tax on sea food products from any state that permits off shore drilling?
How about 2 or 3 days a week without air conditioning?
How about a speed limit of 30 miles per hour?
Think of the benefits.
We would reduce our carbon footprint.
We would save the drowning polar bears.
We would be able to extend the life of our crumbling infrastructure because we wouldn’t be using it as much.
We would be secure in the knowledge that we were in the forefront of the great crusade to return to the glory days before the Industrial Revolution, before trains and planes, and before plastic. Speaking of plastic try to imagine a hospital without plastic. You can’t.
Florida has been getting a free ride on oil and gas and the benefits from them.
Either we pay our way or we stop living off the work of others.
Kevin Smith
PS – Shouldn’t we stop using electricity made in coal burning plants? Shouldn’t we stop using electricity made in nuclear plants?
Letter to the Editor
The Sun-Sentinel
200 East Las Olas Boulevard
Fort Lauderdale, Florida 33301
RE: To drill or not to drill. That’s the question. Some thoughts on your editorial on the subject of drilling in the Gulf of Mexico off the pristine coast of Florida.
Sirs,
Wait a minute. There is drilling in the Gulf of Mexico.
Texas, Louisiana, Mississippi, and Alabama permit, I dare say encourage, drilling off their coasts.
Tourism, particularly beach tourism, is a vital part of their economy. I can walk to a restaurant from my home that features sea food from the Gulf of Mexico. They advertise where in Louisiana their oysters come from.
How do these states manage to combine tourism, a thriving seafood industry, both commercial and sport, and off shore drilling?
Speaking of off shore drilling, what will Florida do Cuba starts to drill? They have contracted with a Chinese company to drill on their sovereign territory. Short of leasing some United States Navy warships – a carrier, an attack submarine, and a frigate would do nicely – how can we stop them? Further, should an accident occur do you think they will subject themselves to the jurisdiction of American courts?
Would not Logic and a loosely defined Moral Imperative demand that since Florida will not permit drilling it should eschew any of the benefits gained from those states that do?
How about a special tax on sea food products from any state that permits off shore drilling?
How about 2 or 3 days a week without air conditioning?
How about a speed limit of 30 miles per hour?
Think of the benefits.
We would reduce our carbon footprint.
We would save the drowning polar bears.
We would be able to extend the life of our crumbling infrastructure because we wouldn’t be using it as much.
We would be secure in the knowledge that we were in the forefront of the great crusade to return to the glory days before the Industrial Revolution, before trains and planes, and before plastic. Speaking of plastic try to imagine a hospital without plastic. You can’t.
Florida has been getting a free ride on oil and gas and the benefits from them.
Either we pay our way or we stop living off the work of others.
Kevin Smith
PS – Shouldn’t we stop using electricity made in coal burning plants? Shouldn’t we stop using electricity made in nuclear plants?
Sunday, September 27, 2009
Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman-Schultz
September 27, 2009
Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman-Schultz
10100 Pembroke Boulevard
Pembroke Pines, Florida 33026
RE: “Government can…improve one’s quality of life” – Some comments on your homily in this morning’s Sun-Sentinel.
My dear Congressperson,
So soon after the anniversary [9/18/01] of you sending the police, men with badges, guns, and “the force of Law” to my house because you didn’t like something I wrote you are back with the rhetorical incontinence for which you are justifiably famous. Since you are the poster girl for modern American Liberalism, the “triumph of hope over experience”, the paradigmatic template for intentions not results being the measuring stick, the political mindset that means you never have to say you’re sorry whenever you mess up a two car funeral, I could only expect the worse.
I’ll say this for you.
You never let me down.
Your second sentence says “Our soldiers were dying in a war of choice that most Americans opposed”. Facts are hard things. I suppose it’s the burden of flying with Congressman Meek, to and from Washington, D.C. that has dulled the memory part of your brain. 3/4s of the Congress voted to send American soldiers into that war. Don’t you remember? You can check the Congressional Record. It’s there.
You said in February that “some adjustments” were all that was needed to finish the job in Afghanistan. Those “adjustments” now include 40,000 additional troops. I hope that that change is minor because I would hate to see a major change.
Speaking of that neck of the woods, do you think we should encourage the Israelis to take out the Iranian nuclear facilities? They have the experience. You remember the raid at Osirak, don’t you? Imagine if Saddam Hussein had had nuclear weapons?
I know that you have your lovely knickers in a row over the minor dust up in Honduras. Whatever else they do down there they don’t flog women for being raped or stone them for adultery. Is there an Iranian clone of Barney Frank in their legislature? Can Christians or Jews publicly profess their faith anywhere in that country? Bibles and flags are regularly burned in our country. When they run out of toilet paper like Cuba would it not be environmentally wise and sensitive to use old Korans?
Why don’t we give the Israeli Air Force the green light? Our lips will say no but our hearts will say yes.
They’ll get the bad press but they will also get the silent thanks of the Saudis and the Egyptians. But enough about foreign policy.
You say that “Americans want to believe that their government is on their side, working for them”.
Shall we use the Post office as an example? How about AMTRAK? On the local level let’s include any Motor Vehicle office. If 4 levels of government couldn’t get a truck filled with ice and water across one bridge into New Orleans after Katrina why do you think they can manage health care?
One solution is close at hand. Put Granny and Gramps on the last unmelted iceberg. Float them out to sea towards some undrowned polar bears. Let the bears eat them. Offer them a credit against their death tax. [Who says the Lord Barack the Beneficent is opposed to all tax cuts?] There are multiple benefits there. By decreasing the surplus population you lessen the strain on Medicare. The notorious carbon footprint is diminished. The bears don’t eat the baby seals. Maybe Margaret Sanger was right. A periodic culling of the herd is good for society. At least that’s what her apt student, an out of work author named Adolph Hitler, thought.
If the government were to run health care the way they run public education I tremble. The main reason that Johnny can’t read is because failure is not punished. A good teacher is paid as much as a bad teacher. That is offensive to Logic and detrimental to the common weal. Bad football coaches are fired, sometimes in the middle of the season. What a high colonic it would be if group of parents were to toss the worst teacher in each school out the front door. They could have a raffle to see who gets to throw the pie at that thief of dreams.
Will bad doctors have tenure like bad teachers? Will pediatric patients have to sing the praises of Barack Hussein Obama to get their meds? Will welfare mothers be spayed after 2 births?
You end your hagiographical account by telling us what makes Little Debbie run.
You say that “I entered public service 17 years ago for the same reason that I remain in public service today: I want to help people make their lives better, and I believe that government can and should improve one’s quality of life.”
Not since I heard Bill O’Reilly say “I’m looking out for you” have I been so moved.
Here’s a plan to help make peoples’ lives better.
It concerns the Swine flu vaccine.
Get TV coverage for when you take your kids out of the public school they attend, they do attend public school, don’t they, and bring them over to the nearest clinic for their flu shots.
You will inspire all working moms to do the same.
I sent a note to Speaker Pelosi asking her to come down to Broward County. Now that she has “drained the swamp” and “changed the culture of corruption n Washington” she may have some spare time on her hands. It seems that some of your lodge brothers and sisters have raised the bar for stealing hot stoves. I wish I could say that the corruption is bi-partisan but it been so long since any Republicans have been in a position to steal that they probably have forgotten the play book. They would need at least a full term before they could get up to speed.
Meanwhile, the Affirmative Action tableau played out at the Federal Courthouse gladdens my heart. One woman and two African-Americans doing the perp walk was a refreshing sight.
Who says women and minorities are second class citizens here?
Kevin Smith
PS – Your detritus made it into the Miami Herald. In an article about the differences in health care in Hialeah and Weston you say that insurers cannot be allowed to exclude anyone for a pre-existing condition. Would not the Logic of your statement dictate that multiple offense drunk drivers be able to get automobile coverage? Would not the hospices be able to turn a profit if they could sell guaranteed issue life insurance to their patients? Just asking.
Does Weston have any low income or senior citizen housing? Why not put some of the “undeserving poor” from Hialeah on environmentally sensitive hybrid buses and send them to Weston? Just asking.
The average income in Weston is $99,000. The average income in Hialeah is $31,000. Why should Westoners have so much? Wouldn’t the quest for a “level playing field” demand that Weston give up a lot so that Hialeah can get more? Just asking.
Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman-Schultz
10100 Pembroke Boulevard
Pembroke Pines, Florida 33026
RE: “Government can…improve one’s quality of life” – Some comments on your homily in this morning’s Sun-Sentinel.
My dear Congressperson,
So soon after the anniversary [9/18/01] of you sending the police, men with badges, guns, and “the force of Law” to my house because you didn’t like something I wrote you are back with the rhetorical incontinence for which you are justifiably famous. Since you are the poster girl for modern American Liberalism, the “triumph of hope over experience”, the paradigmatic template for intentions not results being the measuring stick, the political mindset that means you never have to say you’re sorry whenever you mess up a two car funeral, I could only expect the worse.
I’ll say this for you.
You never let me down.
Your second sentence says “Our soldiers were dying in a war of choice that most Americans opposed”. Facts are hard things. I suppose it’s the burden of flying with Congressman Meek, to and from Washington, D.C. that has dulled the memory part of your brain. 3/4s of the Congress voted to send American soldiers into that war. Don’t you remember? You can check the Congressional Record. It’s there.
You said in February that “some adjustments” were all that was needed to finish the job in Afghanistan. Those “adjustments” now include 40,000 additional troops. I hope that that change is minor because I would hate to see a major change.
Speaking of that neck of the woods, do you think we should encourage the Israelis to take out the Iranian nuclear facilities? They have the experience. You remember the raid at Osirak, don’t you? Imagine if Saddam Hussein had had nuclear weapons?
I know that you have your lovely knickers in a row over the minor dust up in Honduras. Whatever else they do down there they don’t flog women for being raped or stone them for adultery. Is there an Iranian clone of Barney Frank in their legislature? Can Christians or Jews publicly profess their faith anywhere in that country? Bibles and flags are regularly burned in our country. When they run out of toilet paper like Cuba would it not be environmentally wise and sensitive to use old Korans?
Why don’t we give the Israeli Air Force the green light? Our lips will say no but our hearts will say yes.
They’ll get the bad press but they will also get the silent thanks of the Saudis and the Egyptians. But enough about foreign policy.
You say that “Americans want to believe that their government is on their side, working for them”.
Shall we use the Post office as an example? How about AMTRAK? On the local level let’s include any Motor Vehicle office. If 4 levels of government couldn’t get a truck filled with ice and water across one bridge into New Orleans after Katrina why do you think they can manage health care?
One solution is close at hand. Put Granny and Gramps on the last unmelted iceberg. Float them out to sea towards some undrowned polar bears. Let the bears eat them. Offer them a credit against their death tax. [Who says the Lord Barack the Beneficent is opposed to all tax cuts?] There are multiple benefits there. By decreasing the surplus population you lessen the strain on Medicare. The notorious carbon footprint is diminished. The bears don’t eat the baby seals. Maybe Margaret Sanger was right. A periodic culling of the herd is good for society. At least that’s what her apt student, an out of work author named Adolph Hitler, thought.
If the government were to run health care the way they run public education I tremble. The main reason that Johnny can’t read is because failure is not punished. A good teacher is paid as much as a bad teacher. That is offensive to Logic and detrimental to the common weal. Bad football coaches are fired, sometimes in the middle of the season. What a high colonic it would be if group of parents were to toss the worst teacher in each school out the front door. They could have a raffle to see who gets to throw the pie at that thief of dreams.
Will bad doctors have tenure like bad teachers? Will pediatric patients have to sing the praises of Barack Hussein Obama to get their meds? Will welfare mothers be spayed after 2 births?
You end your hagiographical account by telling us what makes Little Debbie run.
You say that “I entered public service 17 years ago for the same reason that I remain in public service today: I want to help people make their lives better, and I believe that government can and should improve one’s quality of life.”
Not since I heard Bill O’Reilly say “I’m looking out for you” have I been so moved.
Here’s a plan to help make peoples’ lives better.
It concerns the Swine flu vaccine.
Get TV coverage for when you take your kids out of the public school they attend, they do attend public school, don’t they, and bring them over to the nearest clinic for their flu shots.
You will inspire all working moms to do the same.
I sent a note to Speaker Pelosi asking her to come down to Broward County. Now that she has “drained the swamp” and “changed the culture of corruption n Washington” she may have some spare time on her hands. It seems that some of your lodge brothers and sisters have raised the bar for stealing hot stoves. I wish I could say that the corruption is bi-partisan but it been so long since any Republicans have been in a position to steal that they probably have forgotten the play book. They would need at least a full term before they could get up to speed.
Meanwhile, the Affirmative Action tableau played out at the Federal Courthouse gladdens my heart. One woman and two African-Americans doing the perp walk was a refreshing sight.
Who says women and minorities are second class citizens here?
Kevin Smith
PS – Your detritus made it into the Miami Herald. In an article about the differences in health care in Hialeah and Weston you say that insurers cannot be allowed to exclude anyone for a pre-existing condition. Would not the Logic of your statement dictate that multiple offense drunk drivers be able to get automobile coverage? Would not the hospices be able to turn a profit if they could sell guaranteed issue life insurance to their patients? Just asking.
Does Weston have any low income or senior citizen housing? Why not put some of the “undeserving poor” from Hialeah on environmentally sensitive hybrid buses and send them to Weston? Just asking.
The average income in Weston is $99,000. The average income in Hialeah is $31,000. Why should Westoners have so much? Wouldn’t the quest for a “level playing field” demand that Weston give up a lot so that Hialeah can get more? Just asking.
Carl Hiaasen The Miami Herald
September 27, 2009
Carl Hiaasen
The Miami Herald
One Herald Plaza
Miami, Florida 33132-1693
RE: Live sighting confirmed. Now what?
Mr. Hiassen,
Yesterday, around 2:00 PM, I serendipitously encountered a group of what you would call “beet faced droolers”. They were at the corners of Oakland Park Boulevard and what native Floridians, with the obviously ingenious Tequestas excluded, call Federal Highway.
I heard no Wagner. I saw no goose stepping. No one was waving a little red book. I saw no Trotskyites. No one was doing a Robert Byrd impression with the white sheets, the pointed hoods, and the burning crosses. There were no children there chanting “Barack Hussein Obama, we love you dear leader”.
One of the non-ACORN protestors was carrying a neatly printed sign that said
3 LITTLE WORDS
“WE THE PEOPLE”
Please advise.
Your favorite Broward County
“beet faced drooler”
Kevin Smith
Carl Hiaasen
The Miami Herald
One Herald Plaza
Miami, Florida 33132-1693
RE: Live sighting confirmed. Now what?
Mr. Hiassen,
Yesterday, around 2:00 PM, I serendipitously encountered a group of what you would call “beet faced droolers”. They were at the corners of Oakland Park Boulevard and what native Floridians, with the obviously ingenious Tequestas excluded, call Federal Highway.
I heard no Wagner. I saw no goose stepping. No one was waving a little red book. I saw no Trotskyites. No one was doing a Robert Byrd impression with the white sheets, the pointed hoods, and the burning crosses. There were no children there chanting “Barack Hussein Obama, we love you dear leader”.
One of the non-ACORN protestors was carrying a neatly printed sign that said
3 LITTLE WORDS
“WE THE PEOPLE”
Please advise.
Your favorite Broward County
“beet faced drooler”
Kevin Smith
David Bositis Joint Center for Political and Economic Studies
September 22, 2009
David Bositis
Joint Center for Political and Economic Studies
1090 Vermont Avenue, N.W.
Washington, D.C. 20005-4928
RE: Mea Culpa or, lest you think me a loutish elitist who is blissfully unaware of modern argot, My Bad.
Mr. Bositis,
Thank you for your delightful letter of September 8, 2009.
The reason I didn’t get back to you sooner was that I was asked by the White House to find the one day in September that would signal the death, dismemberment, and environmentally sensitive disposal of the remains of Ramboism, Reaganism, and the Dark Age of George W. Bush. [I was able to include President Kennedy “We will pay any price and bear any burden in defense of liberty…”, remember? and President Truman “If the A-Bomb works, use it.” at no additional cost. My check will come from the Stimulus Program – Cash for Clunkers section soon or so I am told.]
The day I chose, September 17, was easy. That was the day in 1939 that Stalin, Hitler’s pal, invaded Poland.
I doubt if you will know who said “They are a far away people of whom we know little”. I’ll end the suspense. It was Neville Chamberlain, freshly returned from Munich to a hero’s welcome .The only dissenting voice in Parliament that day in 1938 was from Winston Churchill. He told the House “We have had to choose between shame and war. We choose shame; we will have war.”
I feel honored that Lord Barack the Beneficent, and blessed be his name, took my advice and announced the end of the SDI program in Eastern Europe on said day. It was a two for one offer. The Poles and the Czechs are now comfortably under the bus that is in the back of the White House. It is soon to be replaced with a larger, more environmentally sensitive version, one that is powered by windmills producing “balloon juice”.
I had a suggestion about ACORN that, alas, could gain no traction. It involved SBA loans, necrophilia, bestiality, and harvesting manatees to make sausage for the homeless. The “vast Right-Wing conspiracy”, the snake handling, gun toting racists who run everything, thought it to be a bit much.
They went with tax fraud, bank fraud, and underage and undocumented 3rd World prepubescent hookers.
Based on results to date it worked. That’s why they get the big bucks.
As you can see my plate has been quite full since Labor Day. In the tradition of modern American Liberals everywhere I am sorry only if I offended you by not getting back to you sooner.
But let me tell you the real reason why I write.
I have 3 awards, highly prized and much coveted, that I dispense, Ulysses-like, unto an increasingly savage race. With the exception of the Kennedy family, all of whom are awarded all of them at birth, people come by them the old fashioned way: They earn them. You have already received one – HORSE’S ASS OF THE WEEK.
As official keeper of the scrolls of the Guardians of the Permanent Things [soon to be a 501C thing] I hereby award you the second laurel. You are now recognized as and are entitled to all the goodies of a POMPOUS FART OF THE MONTH.
With two awards in hand I can guarantee that you will win the next one. Soon you will be named SMARMY BASTARD OF THE YEAR.
America is still the land of opportunity. That’s why, in the words of Big Mike from Bayonne, the legendary sportsman and restaurateur, “You never see anybody swimming to Cuba”.
We’ll meet on the barricades at the Death Panels.
Kevin Smith
PS – Your ankle biting comment about my ass cut me to the quick. I must tell you that it is an object of admiration, affection, and in certain circles, awe. I await undismayed your continued assault on same.
That Jimmy Carter was the worst President in the 20th Century there is neither doubt nor dispute. Say what you will about him, and there are so, so many bad things to say about him, he never let his brother live in a mud hut and worry about being eaten by a lion. He encouraged him to make a few bucks by selling his beer and being photographed sitting on his porch scratching his ass while he shilled for Kadaffi. I guess Chicago tough trumps brotherly love. It was said of the “clod populist from Plains” that he changed the world. Under his rule it was marginally dangerous to be an enemy of the America but it was fatal to be a friend.
Think of all those sphincters tightening in the Republic of Georgia and Ossetia. They are even further away than Prague was.
David Bositis
Joint Center for Political and Economic Studies
1090 Vermont Avenue, N.W.
Washington, D.C. 20005-4928
RE: Mea Culpa or, lest you think me a loutish elitist who is blissfully unaware of modern argot, My Bad.
Mr. Bositis,
Thank you for your delightful letter of September 8, 2009.
The reason I didn’t get back to you sooner was that I was asked by the White House to find the one day in September that would signal the death, dismemberment, and environmentally sensitive disposal of the remains of Ramboism, Reaganism, and the Dark Age of George W. Bush. [I was able to include President Kennedy “We will pay any price and bear any burden in defense of liberty…”, remember? and President Truman “If the A-Bomb works, use it.” at no additional cost. My check will come from the Stimulus Program – Cash for Clunkers section soon or so I am told.]
The day I chose, September 17, was easy. That was the day in 1939 that Stalin, Hitler’s pal, invaded Poland.
I doubt if you will know who said “They are a far away people of whom we know little”. I’ll end the suspense. It was Neville Chamberlain, freshly returned from Munich to a hero’s welcome .The only dissenting voice in Parliament that day in 1938 was from Winston Churchill. He told the House “We have had to choose between shame and war. We choose shame; we will have war.”
I feel honored that Lord Barack the Beneficent, and blessed be his name, took my advice and announced the end of the SDI program in Eastern Europe on said day. It was a two for one offer. The Poles and the Czechs are now comfortably under the bus that is in the back of the White House. It is soon to be replaced with a larger, more environmentally sensitive version, one that is powered by windmills producing “balloon juice”.
I had a suggestion about ACORN that, alas, could gain no traction. It involved SBA loans, necrophilia, bestiality, and harvesting manatees to make sausage for the homeless. The “vast Right-Wing conspiracy”, the snake handling, gun toting racists who run everything, thought it to be a bit much.
They went with tax fraud, bank fraud, and underage and undocumented 3rd World prepubescent hookers.
Based on results to date it worked. That’s why they get the big bucks.
As you can see my plate has been quite full since Labor Day. In the tradition of modern American Liberals everywhere I am sorry only if I offended you by not getting back to you sooner.
But let me tell you the real reason why I write.
I have 3 awards, highly prized and much coveted, that I dispense, Ulysses-like, unto an increasingly savage race. With the exception of the Kennedy family, all of whom are awarded all of them at birth, people come by them the old fashioned way: They earn them. You have already received one – HORSE’S ASS OF THE WEEK.
As official keeper of the scrolls of the Guardians of the Permanent Things [soon to be a 501C thing] I hereby award you the second laurel. You are now recognized as and are entitled to all the goodies of a POMPOUS FART OF THE MONTH.
With two awards in hand I can guarantee that you will win the next one. Soon you will be named SMARMY BASTARD OF THE YEAR.
America is still the land of opportunity. That’s why, in the words of Big Mike from Bayonne, the legendary sportsman and restaurateur, “You never see anybody swimming to Cuba”.
We’ll meet on the barricades at the Death Panels.
Kevin Smith
PS – Your ankle biting comment about my ass cut me to the quick. I must tell you that it is an object of admiration, affection, and in certain circles, awe. I await undismayed your continued assault on same.
That Jimmy Carter was the worst President in the 20th Century there is neither doubt nor dispute. Say what you will about him, and there are so, so many bad things to say about him, he never let his brother live in a mud hut and worry about being eaten by a lion. He encouraged him to make a few bucks by selling his beer and being photographed sitting on his porch scratching his ass while he shilled for Kadaffi. I guess Chicago tough trumps brotherly love. It was said of the “clod populist from Plains” that he changed the world. Under his rule it was marginally dangerous to be an enemy of the America but it was fatal to be a friend.
Think of all those sphincters tightening in the Republic of Georgia and Ossetia. They are even further away than Prague was.
Steve Rothaus The Miami Herald
September 12, 2009
Steve Rothaus
The Miami Herald
One Herald Plaza
Miami, Florida 33132-1693
RE: Matthew Shepherd & Jesse Dirkhising – Some comments on your article in today’s Miami Herald.
Mr. Rothaus,
Why brush up against the 3rd rail of American culture, that rail being the one that says remarks critical of any aspect of homosexuality will not be tolerated, when you can do a back flip right on to it?
Mathew Shepherd – and please, please correct me if any of my facts are wrong – was a 21 year old homosexual who was picked up by 2 heterosexuals in a bar that catered to homosexuals. They tortured him, “pistol whipped” him as you say, and left him to die tied to a fence.
Jesse Dirkhising – and please, please correct me if any of my facts are wrong – was an 11 year old boy, thus a pre-teen and legally incapable of consenting to any sexual activity be it heterosexual or homosexual, was kidnapped by 2 predatory homosexuals. For 2 days they raped and sodomized him. They suffocated him by stuffing rags soaked with drain cleaner into his mouth.
Which one is more dead?
Why was one a victim of a “hate crime” while the other was not? I’ll end the suspense. The 21 year old bar hopper is now in the hagiography of victims. The 11 year old is in free fall down the memory hole
You end your article by praising Matthew Shepherd’s mother who says “she’ll keep fighting until the Federal law is in place and gays have full protections”. I may be showing my naïveté but do you think any law could have prevented the murder of Matthew Shepherd? What law could have protected Jesse Dirkhising?
The Kellogg-Briand Treaty outlawed naval warfare. Why did the Japanese and the German navies try to sink the ship my wife’s father sailed on? There are a large number of laws that cover bank robberies. Banks still get robbed.
“How sad of all the things that men endure
how few laws or kings can cause or cure.”
There is no law against the moral and intellectual dry rot of “eclectic indignation”. It allows you to mourn the loss of Matthew Shepherd while forgetting the death of…of the kid what’s his name.
One will wind up on a stamp; the other will soon need Google and a GPS system to bring his tale of woe to light.
I’ll say a prayer for the repose of the souls of both.
Kevin Smith
Steve Rothaus
The Miami Herald
One Herald Plaza
Miami, Florida 33132-1693
RE: Matthew Shepherd & Jesse Dirkhising – Some comments on your article in today’s Miami Herald.
Mr. Rothaus,
Why brush up against the 3rd rail of American culture, that rail being the one that says remarks critical of any aspect of homosexuality will not be tolerated, when you can do a back flip right on to it?
Mathew Shepherd – and please, please correct me if any of my facts are wrong – was a 21 year old homosexual who was picked up by 2 heterosexuals in a bar that catered to homosexuals. They tortured him, “pistol whipped” him as you say, and left him to die tied to a fence.
Jesse Dirkhising – and please, please correct me if any of my facts are wrong – was an 11 year old boy, thus a pre-teen and legally incapable of consenting to any sexual activity be it heterosexual or homosexual, was kidnapped by 2 predatory homosexuals. For 2 days they raped and sodomized him. They suffocated him by stuffing rags soaked with drain cleaner into his mouth.
Which one is more dead?
Why was one a victim of a “hate crime” while the other was not? I’ll end the suspense. The 21 year old bar hopper is now in the hagiography of victims. The 11 year old is in free fall down the memory hole
You end your article by praising Matthew Shepherd’s mother who says “she’ll keep fighting until the Federal law is in place and gays have full protections”. I may be showing my naïveté but do you think any law could have prevented the murder of Matthew Shepherd? What law could have protected Jesse Dirkhising?
The Kellogg-Briand Treaty outlawed naval warfare. Why did the Japanese and the German navies try to sink the ship my wife’s father sailed on? There are a large number of laws that cover bank robberies. Banks still get robbed.
“How sad of all the things that men endure
how few laws or kings can cause or cure.”
There is no law against the moral and intellectual dry rot of “eclectic indignation”. It allows you to mourn the loss of Matthew Shepherd while forgetting the death of…of the kid what’s his name.
One will wind up on a stamp; the other will soon need Google and a GPS system to bring his tale of woe to light.
I’ll say a prayer for the repose of the souls of both.
Kevin Smith
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