Posts
May 25, 1945 - May 25, 2010
GO TELL THE SPARTANS, STRANGER PASSING BY,
THAT HERE OBEDIENT TO THEIR LAWS, WE LIE.
27 years after the war to end all wars ended, 18 years after the world outlawed war, 12 years after the great naval powers decided to limit the size of warships my wife’s great uncle was blown up “in the Pacific Area”. It was 65 years ago today.
[As an aside, it is still passing strange that despite the pledges made by the signators of the London Naval Treaty 2 of them, in two different oceans, tried mightily to sink the ship my wife’s surgeon father served on. The treaty that “outlawed war” set a record for Nobel Prizes that was unmatched until they began to be handed out as consolation prizes for losing American Presidential elections and then for winning one.]
My wife’s great uncle was a 42 year old piano salesman from Jersey City, New Jersey. According to eye witnesses a Japanese mortar shell took off the upper right quadrant of his body on May 25, 1945. It was quick and clean. It happened on Okinawa.
I have the scroll signed by President Truman. It reads…
HE STANDS IN THE UNBROKEN LINE OF PATRIOTS
WHO HAVE DARED TO DIE THAT FREEDOM MIGHT LIVE,
AND GROW, AND INCREASE ITS BLESSINGS.
FREEDOM LIVES,
AND THROUGH IT, HE LIVES –
IN A WAY THAT HUMBLES THE UNDERTAKINGS OF MOST MEN.
He and Aunt Millie had no children. My search for other relatives ended in 1997.
I do something like this every May 25th. As long as I mention his name he is among the remembered. His grave number is N 1416.
I have seen the Changing of the Guard at the Tomb of the Unknowns.
I have seen the Queen place a wreath at the Cenotaph.
Corporal Leonard W. Putnam, an American soldier. Sleep well. Achilles has welcomed you.
Your country will be in your debt. Forever.
KS
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Monday, May 24, 2010
Margaret Carlson Bloomberg New Service
May 21, 2010
Margaret Carlson
Bloomberg New Service
1399 New York Avenue
Washington, D.C. 20005
RE: Tommy Atkins stumbles – Some comments on your column about Connecticut Attorney General Little Dick Blumenthal, AKA Vercingetorix, and the willingness of modern American Liberals to forgive everything but the truth.
Ms. Carlson,
One positive thing about Wee Dickie is, since he never served in Vietnam, he cannot be a tax cheat. The tax cheat reference is based on your statements during the 2000 election recount in Florida. You said that absentee ballots from American military personnel serving overseas shouldn’t be counted. Your reason for disenfranchising people potentially in harm’s way was simple; they were all” tax cheats”.
Since Dead Eye Dick didn’t go to Vietnam we can end the speculation that he was a tax cheat.
I loooooved your reference to Sarah Palin “quoting Madison from memory”. I am not sure where else you would quote him from but I’ll let that one go lest you think ill of me.
Do you suppose that Lord Barack the Beneficent and Blessed be his Name could quote “from memory” all 57 or was it 58 states? Then maybe he could recite the Austrian alphabet and show how it differs from the German. Those umlauts always get in the way.
You made one point for which I must criticize you.
You said that “Clinton lied under oath”. You also said that the Nutmeg State Audie Murphy wanabee was the “best Attorney General in Connecticut history”. He would know that lying under oath goes by a different name. Perjury has a quite different ring than fibbing, be they white lies or black.
Presidents are sometimes required to lie. My two favorite Presidential liars of the first half of the 20th century were T. Woodrow Wilson and F. Delano Roosevelt. I don’t have enough ink to do justice to the second half.
Having said that there is no requirement that a President perjure himself. When President Big Bill from Hot Springs was finding a new use for his burnished cheroot whatever he told Monica L. could never be classified as perjury.
Perhaps the following will explain it better.
“A man upon oath holds his soul in his hands
as if it were water.
He opens his fingers at his own peril.”
Your judicious use of tu quoque in mentioning the lack of military service of either Bush or Cheney is de rigueur from modern American Liberals. I know of no instance when President Bush ever said he served in Vietnam. If he did perhaps you could tell me when and where.
You say that it is OK to lie if you are a “perfectionist”. Coincident to that is the fact the Tricky Dickie is one of the modern American Liberal good guys. His transition to Progressive will be of seamless web quality.
That is a very big step.
We all have some Wormwood in us.
Congratulations are in order.
You have just become the first Aunt Screwtape.
Kevin Smith
PS – AGRB argued a case in Federal Court that state laws should trump Federal law in certain instances. You would think that a Globe and Anchor tattoed Ivy League educated Rhodes Scholar combat hardened Devil Dog would know that that issue was settled at Appomattox, Virginia when Grant made Lee say “Uncle”. Tell him to look it up.
Margaret Carlson
Bloomberg New Service
1399 New York Avenue
Washington, D.C. 20005
RE: Tommy Atkins stumbles – Some comments on your column about Connecticut Attorney General Little Dick Blumenthal, AKA Vercingetorix, and the willingness of modern American Liberals to forgive everything but the truth.
Ms. Carlson,
One positive thing about Wee Dickie is, since he never served in Vietnam, he cannot be a tax cheat. The tax cheat reference is based on your statements during the 2000 election recount in Florida. You said that absentee ballots from American military personnel serving overseas shouldn’t be counted. Your reason for disenfranchising people potentially in harm’s way was simple; they were all” tax cheats”.
Since Dead Eye Dick didn’t go to Vietnam we can end the speculation that he was a tax cheat.
I loooooved your reference to Sarah Palin “quoting Madison from memory”. I am not sure where else you would quote him from but I’ll let that one go lest you think ill of me.
Do you suppose that Lord Barack the Beneficent and Blessed be his Name could quote “from memory” all 57 or was it 58 states? Then maybe he could recite the Austrian alphabet and show how it differs from the German. Those umlauts always get in the way.
You made one point for which I must criticize you.
You said that “Clinton lied under oath”. You also said that the Nutmeg State Audie Murphy wanabee was the “best Attorney General in Connecticut history”. He would know that lying under oath goes by a different name. Perjury has a quite different ring than fibbing, be they white lies or black.
Presidents are sometimes required to lie. My two favorite Presidential liars of the first half of the 20th century were T. Woodrow Wilson and F. Delano Roosevelt. I don’t have enough ink to do justice to the second half.
Having said that there is no requirement that a President perjure himself. When President Big Bill from Hot Springs was finding a new use for his burnished cheroot whatever he told Monica L. could never be classified as perjury.
Perhaps the following will explain it better.
“A man upon oath holds his soul in his hands
as if it were water.
He opens his fingers at his own peril.”
Your judicious use of tu quoque in mentioning the lack of military service of either Bush or Cheney is de rigueur from modern American Liberals. I know of no instance when President Bush ever said he served in Vietnam. If he did perhaps you could tell me when and where.
You say that it is OK to lie if you are a “perfectionist”. Coincident to that is the fact the Tricky Dickie is one of the modern American Liberal good guys. His transition to Progressive will be of seamless web quality.
That is a very big step.
We all have some Wormwood in us.
Congratulations are in order.
You have just become the first Aunt Screwtape.
Kevin Smith
PS – AGRB argued a case in Federal Court that state laws should trump Federal law in certain instances. You would think that a Globe and Anchor tattoed Ivy League educated Rhodes Scholar combat hardened Devil Dog would know that that issue was settled at Appomattox, Virginia when Grant made Lee say “Uncle”. Tell him to look it up.
Steven L. Goldstein The Sun-Sentinel
May 23, 2010
Steven L. Goldstein
The Sun-Sentinel
200 East Las Olas Boulevard
Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33301
RE: “Boycotts Will Teach Florida a Lesson” – Today’s column proves that George Jessel was right when he told a pain in the ass to put his teeth in backwards and chew himself to death.
My dear Professor,
If I read your column correctly are you calling for a boycott of…of…Florida?
We know that Trollope was the master of the obvious so I find myself in good company when I break the sad news that you live in…in…Florida.
I can arrange for you to have access to a 36 inch hedge clipper. Here’s what you do with it. Turn it on. Stick your nose into it. We can all draw strength from the fact that there are people out there who will cut off their nose to spite their face. You shall lead us. Further, it proves that my grandfather was right when he oft times marveled at the fact that there were more horses’ asses than there were horses’ heads.
Congratulations! You ahead 2 to 0 before the game has even begun.
Perhaps it is PTDBHS [Post Traumatic Delayed Bush Hatred Syndrome] Perhaps it is WDESLRRS? [Why Does Everyone Still Love Ronald Reagan Syndrome?] Perhaps it the fierce belief that allows “hope to triumph over experience”, the one common denominator that permits modern American Liberals to know that if we double the minimum wage we will, in short order, all be farting through silk..
Whatever it is, and I for one hope that you are simply off your meds, but you seem to be more than a touch out of focus than usual. You are approaching a full bubble off plumb.
“To prove this, let facts be submitted to a candid world…”
#1 – You say that women in Florida are discriminated against because Florida didn’t pass the Equal Rights Amendment. [My son Sean, AKA the world famous attorney, is a member of the Bar in 3 states. If you can show me where a female school teacher with the exact same credentials as a male is paid less he will apply for admission to the Florida Bar for the sole purpose of trying that case.]
#2 – Even if Florida had passed the Equal Rights Amendment it still would not have become part of the Constitution.
#3 - Are you saying that states that passed the ERA are free from any discrimination based on gender? I will try to be delicate here but if that is what you are saying that is dumbness on a Homeric scale.
Continuing on your trip where facts never interfere with your argument you say the following:
#4 – “Florida loves gay and lesbian tourist dollars.” Then you say that those dudes and dudettes are discriminated against in every social exchange save for random hooking up. Your solution is to have them stay home. Why do I believe that the hotels, restaurants, bars, bistros, and dance halls that cater to them think poorly of you now? If they stop coming the first thing that happens is that waiters, waitresses, tofu wranglers, bell hops, john moppers, Brie and Chablis event planners, Akita breeders, car parkers, harness makers, rug munching teachers, cotton candy companies, and all the Village People wanabees will be out of work.
In typical modern American Liberal – or should I say Progressive? – fashion somebody else has to make the sacrifice for you to feel warm and fuzzy.
#5 – What about the latest perpetual victim class? Why did you discriminate against them by omitting them from your Hall of Fame?
I mean the cross gendered, the quasi-gendered, the non-gendered and the ungendered boys and girls of Florida. Whom can they boycott? Themselves? The Ghost of Nixon? The Taliban? Sarah Palin? AIG?
Tough choices, no?
My suggestion is that we boycott Washington, DC.
I don’t see you as a football fan but there is a NFL team there called the Redskins, the Washington Redskins.
How about all the pro teams – all the pro teams – in Florida boycott every pro team in Washington until the hatefully named Washington Redskins become the Washington Irenic Native Americans?
The Dolphins, the Bucs, the Jaguars, the Heat, the Magic, the Marlins, the Sting Rays, the Panthers, I think the soccer team is called the Copacabanas, and any other pro team in Florida will not play any team in Washington.
Until the sons of Sitting Bull, Crazy Horse, and Geronimo, AKA The American Gandhis, are satisfied the DC pro teams can play with themselves. Who says I can’t learn form Lord Barack the Beneficent? Isn’t that what he told Rush Limbaugh to do?
Once you settle that kerfuffle you can turn your boycott power on Florida State University.
Do you know that they still call themselves the Seminoles? Isn’t that a fancy name for Redskins? I say cancel the FSU/Miami game. Then it’s Goodbye Gators.
You have my permission to use my note as an example of reductio ad absurdum. It won’t be topped until the next White House press briefing.
Kevin Smith
Steven L. Goldstein
The Sun-Sentinel
200 East Las Olas Boulevard
Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33301
RE: “Boycotts Will Teach Florida a Lesson” – Today’s column proves that George Jessel was right when he told a pain in the ass to put his teeth in backwards and chew himself to death.
My dear Professor,
If I read your column correctly are you calling for a boycott of…of…Florida?
We know that Trollope was the master of the obvious so I find myself in good company when I break the sad news that you live in…in…Florida.
I can arrange for you to have access to a 36 inch hedge clipper. Here’s what you do with it. Turn it on. Stick your nose into it. We can all draw strength from the fact that there are people out there who will cut off their nose to spite their face. You shall lead us. Further, it proves that my grandfather was right when he oft times marveled at the fact that there were more horses’ asses than there were horses’ heads.
Congratulations! You ahead 2 to 0 before the game has even begun.
Perhaps it is PTDBHS [Post Traumatic Delayed Bush Hatred Syndrome] Perhaps it is WDESLRRS? [Why Does Everyone Still Love Ronald Reagan Syndrome?] Perhaps it the fierce belief that allows “hope to triumph over experience”, the one common denominator that permits modern American Liberals to know that if we double the minimum wage we will, in short order, all be farting through silk..
Whatever it is, and I for one hope that you are simply off your meds, but you seem to be more than a touch out of focus than usual. You are approaching a full bubble off plumb.
“To prove this, let facts be submitted to a candid world…”
#1 – You say that women in Florida are discriminated against because Florida didn’t pass the Equal Rights Amendment. [My son Sean, AKA the world famous attorney, is a member of the Bar in 3 states. If you can show me where a female school teacher with the exact same credentials as a male is paid less he will apply for admission to the Florida Bar for the sole purpose of trying that case.]
#2 – Even if Florida had passed the Equal Rights Amendment it still would not have become part of the Constitution.
#3 - Are you saying that states that passed the ERA are free from any discrimination based on gender? I will try to be delicate here but if that is what you are saying that is dumbness on a Homeric scale.
Continuing on your trip where facts never interfere with your argument you say the following:
#4 – “Florida loves gay and lesbian tourist dollars.” Then you say that those dudes and dudettes are discriminated against in every social exchange save for random hooking up. Your solution is to have them stay home. Why do I believe that the hotels, restaurants, bars, bistros, and dance halls that cater to them think poorly of you now? If they stop coming the first thing that happens is that waiters, waitresses, tofu wranglers, bell hops, john moppers, Brie and Chablis event planners, Akita breeders, car parkers, harness makers, rug munching teachers, cotton candy companies, and all the Village People wanabees will be out of work.
In typical modern American Liberal – or should I say Progressive? – fashion somebody else has to make the sacrifice for you to feel warm and fuzzy.
#5 – What about the latest perpetual victim class? Why did you discriminate against them by omitting them from your Hall of Fame?
I mean the cross gendered, the quasi-gendered, the non-gendered and the ungendered boys and girls of Florida. Whom can they boycott? Themselves? The Ghost of Nixon? The Taliban? Sarah Palin? AIG?
Tough choices, no?
My suggestion is that we boycott Washington, DC.
I don’t see you as a football fan but there is a NFL team there called the Redskins, the Washington Redskins.
How about all the pro teams – all the pro teams – in Florida boycott every pro team in Washington until the hatefully named Washington Redskins become the Washington Irenic Native Americans?
The Dolphins, the Bucs, the Jaguars, the Heat, the Magic, the Marlins, the Sting Rays, the Panthers, I think the soccer team is called the Copacabanas, and any other pro team in Florida will not play any team in Washington.
Until the sons of Sitting Bull, Crazy Horse, and Geronimo, AKA The American Gandhis, are satisfied the DC pro teams can play with themselves. Who says I can’t learn form Lord Barack the Beneficent? Isn’t that what he told Rush Limbaugh to do?
Once you settle that kerfuffle you can turn your boycott power on Florida State University.
Do you know that they still call themselves the Seminoles? Isn’t that a fancy name for Redskins? I say cancel the FSU/Miami game. Then it’s Goodbye Gators.
You have my permission to use my note as an example of reductio ad absurdum. It won’t be topped until the next White House press briefing.
Kevin Smith
Margaret Carlson Bloomberg News
May 22, 2010
Margaret Carlson
Bloomberg News
1399 New York Avenue
Washington, DC 20005
RE: Round 2 in the never ending war of “eclectic indignation”, a trait commonly found in liars and the more Progressive modern American Liberal ink stained wenches.
Dear Auntie Screwtapette,
And should the New York Times, soon to be a wholly owned subsidiary of El Grande Frito Bandido, be also classified as “vulgar”?
You say that “Blumenthal’s opponent, wrestling impresario Linda McMahon, star of the WWE ‘vulgar’ program “RAW”, took credit for tipping off the newspaper”. Further, you say “it must have been looking for a needle in a haystack…”.
In reverse chronological order, finding that needle in a haystack, a 2 year old haystack, was not quite akin to finding George W. Bush’s 30 year old traffic citations. And wonder of wonders, how coincidental was it finding them just 3 days before the election? As Jeeves said to Bertie, “About as coincidental as finding a trout in the milk.”
“Vulgar”?
Wasn’t that what was said about “Ulysses”? How about “Nude Descending a Staircase”? “The Rites of Spring” didn’t go to the top of the charts right out of the gate. Van Gogh sold one painting in his life. The buyer, his brother-in-law, stiffed him. Mozart died destitute. Didn’t Karen Finley cover her nude body in chocolate to great acclaim as a performance artist? Vulgar for you may not be vulgar for the other guy.
Society and culture push the edge of the envelope stamped “vulgar” all the time.
“Piss Christ” is exhibited at taxpayers’ expense. “Corpus Cristi”, a play whose major premise is that Christ was crucified because of a homosexual lovers’ quarrel with Judas, is also presented at taxpayers’ expense. Nothing is too vulgar to be accepted, toasted, and extolled by the vulgar modern American Liberal “Trousered Apes” who instinctively reach for their revolvers when the word culture is mentioned. Nothing is out of bounds save for the cartoons suggesting that Mohammed gives bestiality a bad name.
“RAW” is not like school busing. Nobody makes you watch it. Customers do not have to be coerced into watching it.
The McMahon family enterprise rents a hall. They fill it with characters that knock each other around. People pay large amounts of money to watch the characters knock each other around. What’s “vulgar” about that?
If Linda McMahon is “vulgar” what does that make the Kennedys? The Ambassador was an anti-Semitic, Hitler loving bootlegger. He was a Wall Street Buccaneer who abused his wife by repeated public affairs. His children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren seem to thrive in the world of wretched excess.
They get my vote for being the paradigmatic template for “vulgar”.
Would not the New York Times be complicit in her vulgarity? They published the second installment of Tricky Dick’s wrestling with the truth today. OOPS! If wrestling is “vulgar” what does that make General Blumenthal?
Tell Dirty Dick to release his DD214. That’s the form that Senator Jay Forbes Kerry has been threatening to release since 2004. It’s a picture of what you did and where you did it when you were in the service.
Speaking of quoting Madison from memory, as you put it in your column, his response has stood the test of time, time being two centuries.
When asked what was the most important trait to look
for in any candidate for any public office his response was
“Character. Character is all.”
If it is too vulgar to ask that someone standing for public office be truthful about something goes to the heart of man perhaps Samuel Johnson gave us the answer.
“Old men think ill of themselves that they
were not soldiers when they were young.”
Let him concentrate on fighting rapacious landlords and teenage obesity on the state level. Who knows what other sins you may have to forgive him for? Considering the goniff he wants to replace he might have been an improvement.
Kevin Smith
Margaret Carlson
Bloomberg News
1399 New York Avenue
Washington, DC 20005
RE: Round 2 in the never ending war of “eclectic indignation”, a trait commonly found in liars and the more Progressive modern American Liberal ink stained wenches.
Dear Auntie Screwtapette,
And should the New York Times, soon to be a wholly owned subsidiary of El Grande Frito Bandido, be also classified as “vulgar”?
You say that “Blumenthal’s opponent, wrestling impresario Linda McMahon, star of the WWE ‘vulgar’ program “RAW”, took credit for tipping off the newspaper”. Further, you say “it must have been looking for a needle in a haystack…”.
In reverse chronological order, finding that needle in a haystack, a 2 year old haystack, was not quite akin to finding George W. Bush’s 30 year old traffic citations. And wonder of wonders, how coincidental was it finding them just 3 days before the election? As Jeeves said to Bertie, “About as coincidental as finding a trout in the milk.”
“Vulgar”?
Wasn’t that what was said about “Ulysses”? How about “Nude Descending a Staircase”? “The Rites of Spring” didn’t go to the top of the charts right out of the gate. Van Gogh sold one painting in his life. The buyer, his brother-in-law, stiffed him. Mozart died destitute. Didn’t Karen Finley cover her nude body in chocolate to great acclaim as a performance artist? Vulgar for you may not be vulgar for the other guy.
Society and culture push the edge of the envelope stamped “vulgar” all the time.
“Piss Christ” is exhibited at taxpayers’ expense. “Corpus Cristi”, a play whose major premise is that Christ was crucified because of a homosexual lovers’ quarrel with Judas, is also presented at taxpayers’ expense. Nothing is too vulgar to be accepted, toasted, and extolled by the vulgar modern American Liberal “Trousered Apes” who instinctively reach for their revolvers when the word culture is mentioned. Nothing is out of bounds save for the cartoons suggesting that Mohammed gives bestiality a bad name.
“RAW” is not like school busing. Nobody makes you watch it. Customers do not have to be coerced into watching it.
The McMahon family enterprise rents a hall. They fill it with characters that knock each other around. People pay large amounts of money to watch the characters knock each other around. What’s “vulgar” about that?
If Linda McMahon is “vulgar” what does that make the Kennedys? The Ambassador was an anti-Semitic, Hitler loving bootlegger. He was a Wall Street Buccaneer who abused his wife by repeated public affairs. His children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren seem to thrive in the world of wretched excess.
They get my vote for being the paradigmatic template for “vulgar”.
Would not the New York Times be complicit in her vulgarity? They published the second installment of Tricky Dick’s wrestling with the truth today. OOPS! If wrestling is “vulgar” what does that make General Blumenthal?
Tell Dirty Dick to release his DD214. That’s the form that Senator Jay Forbes Kerry has been threatening to release since 2004. It’s a picture of what you did and where you did it when you were in the service.
Speaking of quoting Madison from memory, as you put it in your column, his response has stood the test of time, time being two centuries.
When asked what was the most important trait to look
for in any candidate for any public office his response was
“Character. Character is all.”
If it is too vulgar to ask that someone standing for public office be truthful about something goes to the heart of man perhaps Samuel Johnson gave us the answer.
“Old men think ill of themselves that they
were not soldiers when they were young.”
Let him concentrate on fighting rapacious landlords and teenage obesity on the state level. Who knows what other sins you may have to forgive him for? Considering the goniff he wants to replace he might have been an improvement.
Kevin Smith
Monday, May 17, 2010
Letter to the Editor The Sun-Sentinel
May 17, 2010
Letter to the Editor
The Sun-Sentinel
200 East Las Olas Blvd.
Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33301
RE: “Who will commit juvenile crime?” – A headline from today’s Sun-Sentinel
Sirs,
With neither a hint of irony nor a touch of whimsy I was confronted by the above headline in today’s pre-dawn hours. Just
“Who will commit juvenile crime?”
It was followed by a story of how cash strapped Florida is going to spend $15,000 to buy software that will tell us who will commit juvenile crime. If I save the state $15,000 can I have your support for a fee? 10% sounds OK.
I’ll spare you the suspense.
Juveniles will commit juvenile crime.
Much concern is raised about “profiling” feral youthful offenders.
Thank God for Logic!
While it is true that not all Muslims are anti-American terrorists it is equally true that all anti-American terrorists in this century have been Muslim. There is an old Russian proverb that says, “Just because the wolf shows you his teeth it doesn’t mean he’s smiling”. The follow up adage “Always keep your ax handy” is still good advice.
Is that “profiling”?
Imagine it is 70 years ago. Imagine someone is wearing a black shirt, humming Wagner, and shouting TODT JUDEN. Do you think he would have the best interests of Jews at heart? If you did you would have taken Ambassador Kennedy’s advice to heart and the Hun would still be in Paris.
The question of “juvenile profiling” is not directed at teens in Lighthouse Point or Southwest Ranches. It is directed at Black youth on Sistrunk Boulevard. Kids living in Section 8 housing in Liberty City would qualify also.
Does raising the question constitute “profiling”?
“Headless Body in Topless Bar” was one of the classic headlines. “John Garfield Still Dead” ranks high also. The London Times had a contest in the 1930s for upside down, inside out headlines. “Small Earthquake in Chile – Not Many Die” was the winner.
You told us on Saturday that there were some hidden benefits to the oil spill. Obviously if one bad well is good for the economy think how much better we would all be if 50 wells suddenly blew their tops.
Sunday’s stab at humor was the one about how Florida lags in bad doctors being reported. If I hold that one up to a mirror would it mean that Florida, lagging behind in reading scores while scoring high on teenage obesity, could be #1 in something? Admittedly, unreported bad doctors is not the most worthy of categories but it sure as Hell beats
Who Will Commit Juvenile Crime?
Kevin Smith
PS – About the hidden benefits of oil spills, you may wish to read about “the Broken Window Theory of Economic Growth”. Some time spent learning about Frederic Bastiat would not be wasted either.
Letter to the Editor
The Sun-Sentinel
200 East Las Olas Blvd.
Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33301
RE: “Who will commit juvenile crime?” – A headline from today’s Sun-Sentinel
Sirs,
With neither a hint of irony nor a touch of whimsy I was confronted by the above headline in today’s pre-dawn hours. Just
“Who will commit juvenile crime?”
It was followed by a story of how cash strapped Florida is going to spend $15,000 to buy software that will tell us who will commit juvenile crime. If I save the state $15,000 can I have your support for a fee? 10% sounds OK.
I’ll spare you the suspense.
Juveniles will commit juvenile crime.
Much concern is raised about “profiling” feral youthful offenders.
Thank God for Logic!
While it is true that not all Muslims are anti-American terrorists it is equally true that all anti-American terrorists in this century have been Muslim. There is an old Russian proverb that says, “Just because the wolf shows you his teeth it doesn’t mean he’s smiling”. The follow up adage “Always keep your ax handy” is still good advice.
Is that “profiling”?
Imagine it is 70 years ago. Imagine someone is wearing a black shirt, humming Wagner, and shouting TODT JUDEN. Do you think he would have the best interests of Jews at heart? If you did you would have taken Ambassador Kennedy’s advice to heart and the Hun would still be in Paris.
The question of “juvenile profiling” is not directed at teens in Lighthouse Point or Southwest Ranches. It is directed at Black youth on Sistrunk Boulevard. Kids living in Section 8 housing in Liberty City would qualify also.
Does raising the question constitute “profiling”?
“Headless Body in Topless Bar” was one of the classic headlines. “John Garfield Still Dead” ranks high also. The London Times had a contest in the 1930s for upside down, inside out headlines. “Small Earthquake in Chile – Not Many Die” was the winner.
You told us on Saturday that there were some hidden benefits to the oil spill. Obviously if one bad well is good for the economy think how much better we would all be if 50 wells suddenly blew their tops.
Sunday’s stab at humor was the one about how Florida lags in bad doctors being reported. If I hold that one up to a mirror would it mean that Florida, lagging behind in reading scores while scoring high on teenage obesity, could be #1 in something? Admittedly, unreported bad doctors is not the most worthy of categories but it sure as Hell beats
Who Will Commit Juvenile Crime?
Kevin Smith
PS – About the hidden benefits of oil spills, you may wish to read about “the Broken Window Theory of Economic Growth”. Some time spent learning about Frederic Bastiat would not be wasted either.
Gary Stein – Senior Editorial Writer The Sun-Sentinel
May 16, 2010
Gary Stein – Senior Editorial Writer
The Sun-Sentinel
200 East Las Olas Boulevard
Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33301
RE: “It’s good to be the King.” I am shocked, shocked when any modern American Liberal, one well on the path to morphing into a Progressive, reveals his dark side. Your column today on the advantages of not having to cope with the have-nots on our highways reads like Dynasty Lite.
Mr. Stein,
Maybe money can’t buy happiness – We know from the evidence of our own eyes that 45 years of good, really good intentions and 10 trillion dollars worth of canceled checks that it can’t buy our way out of poverty – but it sure helps when you eschew disdainfully the joys and societal benefits of mass transit when you want to get someplace in a hurry.
You write how much you like driving in the express toll lane. If your column had gone one paragraph more you would have become a la Chris Matthews certainly tumescent and possibly priapristic.
Working for a company in bankruptcy gives one a devil may care attitude. Your sprint to the dark side, the side where polluting rich Republicans, Republicans tattooed with Cheney’s snarling happy face, sit and plot how many more lashes they can give to the poor, is proof positive that this is still a great country. “Lord, make me strong”, an African said 18 centuries ago. “Tomorrow.”
Regardless of your brief visit to Xanadu it’s time to wake up and smell the hydrocarbons.
[An aside – Your headline yesterday said that the bright side of the oil spill was that it “created” many new jobs. Would not Logic dictate that if we want to see boom times before the November elections that Lord Barack the Beneficent and Blessed be his Name may want to blow up about 15 more wells? Your headline this morning about Florida lagging in the number of complaints about physicians may suggest that medical care in Florida is uncommonly good. Alas, that lacks the “Man bites Dog” mind set but the facts would support that interpretation, don’t you think?]
25% of the gasoline used in this country comes from oil produced in the Gulf of Mexico.
I don’t just want you to give up driving in the express lane. I want you to give up driving for one week each month. By the end of the year I want you to give up your car. The Sun-Sentinel can be its own Green Zone. As of January 1, 2011 no Sun-Sentinel employee can use a private automobile to drive to and from work. Unborn polar bears will thank you if only they could
Mass transit is the answer. I am not sure what the question was but since Nobel Laureate and Oscar winning former V.P. Alpha Gump told us that “the internal combustion engine is the worst invention of mankind” the choice is simple.
It’s time for you to take the lead.
But wait. There’s more.
Turn off the A/C in Sun-Sentinel HQ. Full disclosure requires me to tell you that I have been asking the Miami Herald to do the same since 1997. I am still waiting. Maybe you can get a leg up on them.
Open the windows.
Think how proud you’ll be when you bring the hand held fan industry back to our shores. You will have “created” thousands and thousands of new jobs. An added bonus will be the smile on the face of the trustee in bankruptcy when he sees how low your expenses have become. You may save enough money to give your street vendors, modern day matadors all, hospitalization and a retirement package.
50% of the electricity produced in this country comes from coal burning utilities.Ugh. Think of Black Lung and stripped mine mountain tops. Think how much better you’ll feel when you force West Virginia out of the Steam Age and into the Information Age.
We need you to set an example.
We will follow.
Maybe.
Kevin Smith
PS – Skip The Who for your last weeks behind the wheel. Some combination of Mozart and David Allen Coe is what you need. Don’t forget your passing gear.
Gary Stein – Senior Editorial Writer
The Sun-Sentinel
200 East Las Olas Boulevard
Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33301
RE: “It’s good to be the King.” I am shocked, shocked when any modern American Liberal, one well on the path to morphing into a Progressive, reveals his dark side. Your column today on the advantages of not having to cope with the have-nots on our highways reads like Dynasty Lite.
Mr. Stein,
Maybe money can’t buy happiness – We know from the evidence of our own eyes that 45 years of good, really good intentions and 10 trillion dollars worth of canceled checks that it can’t buy our way out of poverty – but it sure helps when you eschew disdainfully the joys and societal benefits of mass transit when you want to get someplace in a hurry.
You write how much you like driving in the express toll lane. If your column had gone one paragraph more you would have become a la Chris Matthews certainly tumescent and possibly priapristic.
Working for a company in bankruptcy gives one a devil may care attitude. Your sprint to the dark side, the side where polluting rich Republicans, Republicans tattooed with Cheney’s snarling happy face, sit and plot how many more lashes they can give to the poor, is proof positive that this is still a great country. “Lord, make me strong”, an African said 18 centuries ago. “Tomorrow.”
Regardless of your brief visit to Xanadu it’s time to wake up and smell the hydrocarbons.
[An aside – Your headline yesterday said that the bright side of the oil spill was that it “created” many new jobs. Would not Logic dictate that if we want to see boom times before the November elections that Lord Barack the Beneficent and Blessed be his Name may want to blow up about 15 more wells? Your headline this morning about Florida lagging in the number of complaints about physicians may suggest that medical care in Florida is uncommonly good. Alas, that lacks the “Man bites Dog” mind set but the facts would support that interpretation, don’t you think?]
25% of the gasoline used in this country comes from oil produced in the Gulf of Mexico.
I don’t just want you to give up driving in the express lane. I want you to give up driving for one week each month. By the end of the year I want you to give up your car. The Sun-Sentinel can be its own Green Zone. As of January 1, 2011 no Sun-Sentinel employee can use a private automobile to drive to and from work. Unborn polar bears will thank you if only they could
Mass transit is the answer. I am not sure what the question was but since Nobel Laureate and Oscar winning former V.P. Alpha Gump told us that “the internal combustion engine is the worst invention of mankind” the choice is simple.
It’s time for you to take the lead.
But wait. There’s more.
Turn off the A/C in Sun-Sentinel HQ. Full disclosure requires me to tell you that I have been asking the Miami Herald to do the same since 1997. I am still waiting. Maybe you can get a leg up on them.
Open the windows.
Think how proud you’ll be when you bring the hand held fan industry back to our shores. You will have “created” thousands and thousands of new jobs. An added bonus will be the smile on the face of the trustee in bankruptcy when he sees how low your expenses have become. You may save enough money to give your street vendors, modern day matadors all, hospitalization and a retirement package.
50% of the electricity produced in this country comes from coal burning utilities.Ugh. Think of Black Lung and stripped mine mountain tops. Think how much better you’ll feel when you force West Virginia out of the Steam Age and into the Information Age.
We need you to set an example.
We will follow.
Maybe.
Kevin Smith
PS – Skip The Who for your last weeks behind the wheel. Some combination of Mozart and David Allen Coe is what you need. Don’t forget your passing gear.
NCAA
May 13, 2010
NCAA
700 W. Washington St.
P.O. Box 6222
Indianapolis, IN 46206-6222
R: What to do about Arizona
Dear Head NCAA Dude,
It seems to me that if Arizona wants to be mean and nasty to people coming into their state that turnabout would be fair play.
How about you ban all NCAA member schools in Arizona from playing any other NCAA schools in any other state? The ASU and the U of A football teams can play each other home and home all season. The same for basketball, baseball, golf, bullfighting, and margarita making teams.
War is too important a thing to be left to the generals.
Sport is too important a thing to be left to the schools particularly when such important matters as a nation’s sovereignty and the Rule of Law are at stake.
If that doesn’t work the next step would be to ban any athletes from Arizona playing for any out of state school belonging to the NCAA.
If that doesn’t work we can have drive-by shootings.
Logically, the floggings will continue until they get their heads straight.
Kevin Smith
NCAA
700 W. Washington St.
P.O. Box 6222
Indianapolis, IN 46206-6222
R: What to do about Arizona
Dear Head NCAA Dude,
It seems to me that if Arizona wants to be mean and nasty to people coming into their state that turnabout would be fair play.
How about you ban all NCAA member schools in Arizona from playing any other NCAA schools in any other state? The ASU and the U of A football teams can play each other home and home all season. The same for basketball, baseball, golf, bullfighting, and margarita making teams.
War is too important a thing to be left to the generals.
Sport is too important a thing to be left to the schools particularly when such important matters as a nation’s sovereignty and the Rule of Law are at stake.
If that doesn’t work the next step would be to ban any athletes from Arizona playing for any out of state school belonging to the NCAA.
If that doesn’t work we can have drive-by shootings.
Logically, the floggings will continue until they get their heads straight.
Kevin Smith
Governor Charlie Crist
May 13, 2010
Governor Charlie Crist
The Capitol
400 S. Monroe Street
Tallahassee, FL 32399-0001
RE: Forget about the oil spill
Governor Crist,
What’s a little oil on the beach? It’s biodegradable. It’s low in cholesterol. It’s good for sunburns. Let’s try to put a good face on it, OK?
There are more important – forgive me – fish to fry.
Arizona, for instance.
I suggest that a visible response to the Cossack thugs in Arizona would be any or all of the following:
#1 – Nonstop flights originating in Arizona will not be allowed to land in Florida.
#2 – No Florida school that receives taxpayer money can play against any team from Arizona.
#3 – Any professional team based in Arizona will be subject to a 100% tax on the visitor’s share of revenue on any game played in Florida. The same rule will apply to players.
#4 – Florida has plenty of oranges. If we need any we can get them from Brazil. Ban all Arizona oranges. Have the DMV stop and examine all trucks thought to be from or having transited through Arizona.
#5 – If the Seminoles or Miccosukees are cousins of either the Chiricauha or White Mountain Apaches scalp them
#6 – Invite any harassed Mexicans to Disney World.
The above suggestions are just a start.
Call me if you want to discuss any of them.
Kevin Smith
Governor Charlie Crist
The Capitol
400 S. Monroe Street
Tallahassee, FL 32399-0001
RE: Forget about the oil spill
Governor Crist,
What’s a little oil on the beach? It’s biodegradable. It’s low in cholesterol. It’s good for sunburns. Let’s try to put a good face on it, OK?
There are more important – forgive me – fish to fry.
Arizona, for instance.
I suggest that a visible response to the Cossack thugs in Arizona would be any or all of the following:
#1 – Nonstop flights originating in Arizona will not be allowed to land in Florida.
#2 – No Florida school that receives taxpayer money can play against any team from Arizona.
#3 – Any professional team based in Arizona will be subject to a 100% tax on the visitor’s share of revenue on any game played in Florida. The same rule will apply to players.
#4 – Florida has plenty of oranges. If we need any we can get them from Brazil. Ban all Arizona oranges. Have the DMV stop and examine all trucks thought to be from or having transited through Arizona.
#5 – If the Seminoles or Miccosukees are cousins of either the Chiricauha or White Mountain Apaches scalp them
#6 – Invite any harassed Mexicans to Disney World.
The above suggestions are just a start.
Call me if you want to discuss any of them.
Kevin Smith
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Senator Dan Gelber
May 12, 2010
Senator Dan Gelber
1920 Meridian Street
Miami, FL 33139-1818
RE: A suggestion on how to mitigate the effects of the Gulf spill plus other things.
Senator Gelber,
On June 21, 2009 I asked you, a person proud of the fact that your children attend the same public school that you did, it you could find out why President Obama did not send his daughters to some of the really fine public schools in Washington. I still hope to hear from you about that.
You are quoted this morning in the Sun-Sentinel thusly:
“Anyone who thinks the oil industry is going to back down
forever is absolutely mistaken…they absolutely will bully it
[drilling] through the legislature, as they almost did last year.”
Would it be fair for me to believe that should you be elected Attorney General that you would take steps to prevent, as you say, “an army of lobbyists” from lobbying, bullying, intimidating, influencing, coercing, blackmailing, or bribing legislators in Tallahassee? By the by, are you aware of any illegal activities by any lobbyist for any “special interest” group directed toward any legislators? Do you know of any legislators on the take? I was born and raised in Hudson County, New Jersey. Trust me when I tell you that such things happen. I need not remind you that as an officer of the court you are compelled to report any and all crimes by anyone, particularly those in public life.
But that’s not why I write.
25% of the gasoline used in this country comes from oil produced in the Gulf.
Will you join in my crusade to ban the use of private automobiles for a period of not less than one week per month in Florida?
The benefits will be incalculable.
25% fewer automobiles will mean 25% fewer deaths. Who could then say that Democrats aren’t Pro Life?
25% fewer automobiles will mean 25% fewer lawsuits. This may upset some of your lawyer lodge brothers but that will give them more time to sue the oil companies.
25% fewer automobiles will mean people will live longer. This means that the formation of the misunderstood but dreaded death panels can be delayed.
I write to you because, as Don Corleone said, “you are a serious man”.
One of the ways we can help the much needed medicine go down a bit more smoothly would be to mandate that all public employees must use public transportation when going to and from work. Public employees like you. No exceptions.
All good men know that this is the right thing to do. Sometimes we just need a little nudge.
This is big thing to down in one gulp. That’s why I’ll save my plan for turning off and dismantling all air conditioners in public buildings until next time. Provided Haiti has enough electricity we could send some there. Maybe some could be sent to the Arizona border to make the burdens of the émigrés – a neutral term – better. We could paint the Mexican flag on them so they would feel more at home.
Kevin Smith
PS – Whenever a politician, particularly a modern American Liberal politician, talks about lobbyists for the evil “special interests” I reach for my copy of the Constitution. The First Amendment specifically covers the right of “special interests’ to petition the legislature for a redress of grievances. If you don’t like that part how about the other parts, the ones covering religion, speech, or the press? As Attorney General will you lead the fight to undo the First Amendment?
Senator Dan Gelber
1920 Meridian Street
Miami, FL 33139-1818
RE: A suggestion on how to mitigate the effects of the Gulf spill plus other things.
Senator Gelber,
On June 21, 2009 I asked you, a person proud of the fact that your children attend the same public school that you did, it you could find out why President Obama did not send his daughters to some of the really fine public schools in Washington. I still hope to hear from you about that.
You are quoted this morning in the Sun-Sentinel thusly:
“Anyone who thinks the oil industry is going to back down
forever is absolutely mistaken…they absolutely will bully it
[drilling] through the legislature, as they almost did last year.”
Would it be fair for me to believe that should you be elected Attorney General that you would take steps to prevent, as you say, “an army of lobbyists” from lobbying, bullying, intimidating, influencing, coercing, blackmailing, or bribing legislators in Tallahassee? By the by, are you aware of any illegal activities by any lobbyist for any “special interest” group directed toward any legislators? Do you know of any legislators on the take? I was born and raised in Hudson County, New Jersey. Trust me when I tell you that such things happen. I need not remind you that as an officer of the court you are compelled to report any and all crimes by anyone, particularly those in public life.
But that’s not why I write.
25% of the gasoline used in this country comes from oil produced in the Gulf.
Will you join in my crusade to ban the use of private automobiles for a period of not less than one week per month in Florida?
The benefits will be incalculable.
25% fewer automobiles will mean 25% fewer deaths. Who could then say that Democrats aren’t Pro Life?
25% fewer automobiles will mean 25% fewer lawsuits. This may upset some of your lawyer lodge brothers but that will give them more time to sue the oil companies.
25% fewer automobiles will mean people will live longer. This means that the formation of the misunderstood but dreaded death panels can be delayed.
I write to you because, as Don Corleone said, “you are a serious man”.
One of the ways we can help the much needed medicine go down a bit more smoothly would be to mandate that all public employees must use public transportation when going to and from work. Public employees like you. No exceptions.
All good men know that this is the right thing to do. Sometimes we just need a little nudge.
This is big thing to down in one gulp. That’s why I’ll save my plan for turning off and dismantling all air conditioners in public buildings until next time. Provided Haiti has enough electricity we could send some there. Maybe some could be sent to the Arizona border to make the burdens of the émigrés – a neutral term – better. We could paint the Mexican flag on them so they would feel more at home.
Kevin Smith
PS – Whenever a politician, particularly a modern American Liberal politician, talks about lobbyists for the evil “special interests” I reach for my copy of the Constitution. The First Amendment specifically covers the right of “special interests’ to petition the legislature for a redress of grievances. If you don’t like that part how about the other parts, the ones covering religion, speech, or the press? As Attorney General will you lead the fight to undo the First Amendment?
Michael Mayo The Sun-Sentinel
May 9, 2010
Michael Mayo
The Sun-Sentinel
200 East Las Olas Blvd.
Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33301
RE: “License to frustrate” – Some comments on your column about the travails of dealing with the dreaded DMV.
Mr. Mayo,
Before opining on whether bureaucrats are efficient or condescending or polite or just plain shits attention must be paid to the following:
“He has erected a multitude of new offices, and sent
hither swarms of officers, to harass our people
and eat out their substance.”
The Declaration of Independence
A good complaint in 1776.
Shall we stipulate that is still valid today?
Having said that I must add that my last trip to the DMV was handled quickly and efficiently. I would add that humor and manners were there but that might get the clerk in trouble with her union.
Did I say union?
I paid dues to a union that represented men doing hard physical labor. All the union bosses had names ending in vowels. I later negotiated with the UMW. These men would come out of the ground for lunch and put 20 or 30 rounds into the mountain for dessert. I marvel at how the word union has become so debased.
There is some humor in your column about clerks saying that they only follow orders. Wasn’t that what Everyman said just before he cut Thomas More’s head off? It seems that following orders was a common defense at Nuremberg, wasn’t it?
DMV clerks have the unchecked power to make life miserable for the supplicant, a person drowning in obsequiousness, standing before them. A rational system would take them off salary and put them on straight commission. It seems to work at the Broward County Commission save for the fact that those grifters still draw salaries. The lines would clear as if Moses commanded the Red Sea to part. People would leave the place smiling with the proper documents in hand. That’s a change I could hope for.
I suggested during the final days of the health care debate, that’s the one where Speaker Pelosi said “We have to pass the bill to see what’s in it”, that the most fertile recruiting ground for the soon to be mandated death panels would be the DMV. After that the Post Office. Finally, the IRS.
Churchill said, “Be of good cheer. All will come right in the end.” You can say that if you have other people standing in line for you.
When asked why an old license couldn’t be used to verify identity, the response was prompt and to the point.
“No, sir,” said the DMV worker.
“Not according to the
Department of Homeland Security.”
The Sun-Sentinel
Today
You
Having spoken of ancient documents, you may want to take a peek at the 9th and 10th Amendments of the Constitution.
By default, that’s what Arizona did.
Kevin Smith
Michael Mayo
The Sun-Sentinel
200 East Las Olas Blvd.
Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33301
RE: “License to frustrate” – Some comments on your column about the travails of dealing with the dreaded DMV.
Mr. Mayo,
Before opining on whether bureaucrats are efficient or condescending or polite or just plain shits attention must be paid to the following:
“He has erected a multitude of new offices, and sent
hither swarms of officers, to harass our people
and eat out their substance.”
The Declaration of Independence
A good complaint in 1776.
Shall we stipulate that is still valid today?
Having said that I must add that my last trip to the DMV was handled quickly and efficiently. I would add that humor and manners were there but that might get the clerk in trouble with her union.
Did I say union?
I paid dues to a union that represented men doing hard physical labor. All the union bosses had names ending in vowels. I later negotiated with the UMW. These men would come out of the ground for lunch and put 20 or 30 rounds into the mountain for dessert. I marvel at how the word union has become so debased.
There is some humor in your column about clerks saying that they only follow orders. Wasn’t that what Everyman said just before he cut Thomas More’s head off? It seems that following orders was a common defense at Nuremberg, wasn’t it?
DMV clerks have the unchecked power to make life miserable for the supplicant, a person drowning in obsequiousness, standing before them. A rational system would take them off salary and put them on straight commission. It seems to work at the Broward County Commission save for the fact that those grifters still draw salaries. The lines would clear as if Moses commanded the Red Sea to part. People would leave the place smiling with the proper documents in hand. That’s a change I could hope for.
I suggested during the final days of the health care debate, that’s the one where Speaker Pelosi said “We have to pass the bill to see what’s in it”, that the most fertile recruiting ground for the soon to be mandated death panels would be the DMV. After that the Post Office. Finally, the IRS.
Churchill said, “Be of good cheer. All will come right in the end.” You can say that if you have other people standing in line for you.
When asked why an old license couldn’t be used to verify identity, the response was prompt and to the point.
“No, sir,” said the DMV worker.
“Not according to the
Department of Homeland Security.”
The Sun-Sentinel
Today
You
Having spoken of ancient documents, you may want to take a peek at the 9th and 10th Amendments of the Constitution.
By default, that’s what Arizona did.
Kevin Smith
Saturday, May 8, 2010
Stephen L. Goldstein The Sun-Sentinel
May 7, 2010
Stephen L. Goldstein
The Sun-Sentinel
200 East Las Olas Boulevard
Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33301
RE: Let’s throw those rascals out so we can get our rascals in – a wry take on your column about those damn voters and why won’t they do what’s right.
My dear Professor,
Your column highlighting “with advantages” the good times of 32 years ago is so achingly modern American Liberal that, in addition to making my hair hurt, it makes my finger nails curl backwards. Welcome to the modern American Liberal memory hole!
1978 – 32 years ago – was the peak of the Carter years until 1979 became the peak. Then 1980 raised the bar so high that even Lord Barack the Beneficent and Blessed be His Name will be hard put to top it. I think he’s up to it, don’t you?
Let it be said of Carter, hands down the worst President of the 20th century, that the only good thing he did was to make it easy for the great Reagan to come upon the scene and save the world.
Gas lines, 13% inflation, 16.5% prime rate, killer rabbits, 19% mortgages, stagflation…God’s Holy Trousers but I miss the good old days too!
Mea culpa.
I forgot the American hostages in Iran and the Rube Goldberg attempt to rescue them. It was obvious by then that despite a degree in engineering with a concentration in physics this dunce couldn’t find his ass using his hands, his mother’s, his daughter’s, and Billy’s also. You remember Billy, don’t you? He was the guy who sold beer and shilled for Kadafi. Forget about leading a country. This nit-wit couldn’t arrange a two car funeral. Hey Jimmy! What color is an orange?
Ah, the perils of universal suffrage.
Wasn’t that the time Janet Reno began her illustrious prosecutorial career?
Halcyon days indeed.
Which lead me to your views of Florida and a lesson in vocabulary.
“First, we have to elect a Democratic Governor”
Today
You
Alex Sink is the presumptive Democratic nominee.
She worked for the Bank of America. Presumably, I hope I hope, she had nothing to do with mortgages, CMOs, CCOs, credit cards, or stock transactions. That leaves Christmas Clubs, SBA, and the United Way
What did she do there?
Further, her immediate supervisor, the man she reported to, was “Hootie” Johnson. Hootie has one big item that will appear in his obit. He kept the chicks out of the Masters. If you had ovaries the only way you would get to handle a Green Jacket was if you ironed it.
Did Ms. Sink support this?
What did Ms. Sink do for Hootie? Did she get him coffee? Did she demand gender equity? Did she help him do pushups? I think the public’s Right to Know trumps all other considerations. Don’t you agree?
“Second, we need to pass Constitutional amendments 5 and 6,
mandating the fair drawing of districts so the state’s Democratic
majority can be proportionately represented in the legislature.”
Today
You
I believe that right up to the time you submitted your column your last sentence ended thusly: regardless of how the people voted. It’s hard to prove a negative. For that matter, it’s hard to disprove one either.
Faustian bargains are always two edged swords. The drive for Affirmative Action in the legislature called for a mutual disavowal of Baker v Carr. Everybody was happy, right?
Do you mean that we should undo the artfully constructed districts that would send a Jack the Ripper to the legislature provided he answered to the name Black Jack the Ripper?
Congressman Meek got his seat the old fashioned way. His mommy gave it to him. It is not known whether Mommy gave it to him because he cleaned his room, walked the dog, or finally stopped wetting his pants. Brer Bear would have won there.
One district sent a felon, Alcee Hastings, to Congress. There was some good to come from this. It cut back on the time lost on the slippery slope of the learning curve.
Finally, the vocabulary lesson
Your last sentence contains the word tea-bagger in the lower case.
We all know that the Red Queen said “Words mean exactly what I want them to mean”.
By Red Queen I mean the one by Lewis Carroll, not the one from the Stonewall.
I thought that tea-bagger was a synonym for faggot or queer.
Did you mean to say that tea baggers are faggots or queers?
I thought some words, words like Islamic terrorist, the dreaded “N” word, cartoons of Mohammed, and any word that offends homosexuals or lesbians, unless used by them, were verboten.
Did you intend to insult the trans-gendered, cross-gendered, bi-gendered, non-gendered, non-specific gendered, ungendered or overgendered readers of your column?
Tell me, please, if your guys get to pull the strings in November will we go straight to the soon to be envied Greek model or should we stop at the California template first?
Be careful what you hope for. The change you get may not be what you had in mind.
Kevin Smith
PS – I must tell you that your cries of the “only way…for all Floridians…to give the tea-baggers a civic lesson in how real revolutions are won…” has a stirring cadence to it. The Fatal Conceit of modern American Liberals, now calling themselves Progressives, is that knowing that they alone have the truth they have no problem in putting their foot on the necks of those who say no. Isn’t that what Hitler did? How many brown shirts do you have? Is the Horst Wessel song or Panzerleid your favorite Nazi tune?
Stephen L. Goldstein
The Sun-Sentinel
200 East Las Olas Boulevard
Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33301
RE: Let’s throw those rascals out so we can get our rascals in – a wry take on your column about those damn voters and why won’t they do what’s right.
My dear Professor,
Your column highlighting “with advantages” the good times of 32 years ago is so achingly modern American Liberal that, in addition to making my hair hurt, it makes my finger nails curl backwards. Welcome to the modern American Liberal memory hole!
1978 – 32 years ago – was the peak of the Carter years until 1979 became the peak. Then 1980 raised the bar so high that even Lord Barack the Beneficent and Blessed be His Name will be hard put to top it. I think he’s up to it, don’t you?
Let it be said of Carter, hands down the worst President of the 20th century, that the only good thing he did was to make it easy for the great Reagan to come upon the scene and save the world.
Gas lines, 13% inflation, 16.5% prime rate, killer rabbits, 19% mortgages, stagflation…God’s Holy Trousers but I miss the good old days too!
Mea culpa.
I forgot the American hostages in Iran and the Rube Goldberg attempt to rescue them. It was obvious by then that despite a degree in engineering with a concentration in physics this dunce couldn’t find his ass using his hands, his mother’s, his daughter’s, and Billy’s also. You remember Billy, don’t you? He was the guy who sold beer and shilled for Kadafi. Forget about leading a country. This nit-wit couldn’t arrange a two car funeral. Hey Jimmy! What color is an orange?
Ah, the perils of universal suffrage.
Wasn’t that the time Janet Reno began her illustrious prosecutorial career?
Halcyon days indeed.
Which lead me to your views of Florida and a lesson in vocabulary.
“First, we have to elect a Democratic Governor”
Today
You
Alex Sink is the presumptive Democratic nominee.
She worked for the Bank of America. Presumably, I hope I hope, she had nothing to do with mortgages, CMOs, CCOs, credit cards, or stock transactions. That leaves Christmas Clubs, SBA, and the United Way
What did she do there?
Further, her immediate supervisor, the man she reported to, was “Hootie” Johnson. Hootie has one big item that will appear in his obit. He kept the chicks out of the Masters. If you had ovaries the only way you would get to handle a Green Jacket was if you ironed it.
Did Ms. Sink support this?
What did Ms. Sink do for Hootie? Did she get him coffee? Did she demand gender equity? Did she help him do pushups? I think the public’s Right to Know trumps all other considerations. Don’t you agree?
“Second, we need to pass Constitutional amendments 5 and 6,
mandating the fair drawing of districts so the state’s Democratic
majority can be proportionately represented in the legislature.”
Today
You
I believe that right up to the time you submitted your column your last sentence ended thusly: regardless of how the people voted. It’s hard to prove a negative. For that matter, it’s hard to disprove one either.
Faustian bargains are always two edged swords. The drive for Affirmative Action in the legislature called for a mutual disavowal of Baker v Carr. Everybody was happy, right?
Do you mean that we should undo the artfully constructed districts that would send a Jack the Ripper to the legislature provided he answered to the name Black Jack the Ripper?
Congressman Meek got his seat the old fashioned way. His mommy gave it to him. It is not known whether Mommy gave it to him because he cleaned his room, walked the dog, or finally stopped wetting his pants. Brer Bear would have won there.
One district sent a felon, Alcee Hastings, to Congress. There was some good to come from this. It cut back on the time lost on the slippery slope of the learning curve.
Finally, the vocabulary lesson
Your last sentence contains the word tea-bagger in the lower case.
We all know that the Red Queen said “Words mean exactly what I want them to mean”.
By Red Queen I mean the one by Lewis Carroll, not the one from the Stonewall.
I thought that tea-bagger was a synonym for faggot or queer.
Did you mean to say that tea baggers are faggots or queers?
I thought some words, words like Islamic terrorist, the dreaded “N” word, cartoons of Mohammed, and any word that offends homosexuals or lesbians, unless used by them, were verboten.
Did you intend to insult the trans-gendered, cross-gendered, bi-gendered, non-gendered, non-specific gendered, ungendered or overgendered readers of your column?
Tell me, please, if your guys get to pull the strings in November will we go straight to the soon to be envied Greek model or should we stop at the California template first?
Be careful what you hope for. The change you get may not be what you had in mind.
Kevin Smith
PS – I must tell you that your cries of the “only way…for all Floridians…to give the tea-baggers a civic lesson in how real revolutions are won…” has a stirring cadence to it. The Fatal Conceit of modern American Liberals, now calling themselves Progressives, is that knowing that they alone have the truth they have no problem in putting their foot on the necks of those who say no. Isn’t that what Hitler did? How many brown shirts do you have? Is the Horst Wessel song or Panzerleid your favorite Nazi tune?
Friday, May 7, 2010
Daniel Shoer Roth The Miami Herald
May 4, 2010
Daniel Shoer Roth
The Miami Herald
One Herald Plaza
Miami, Florida 33132-1693
RE: “Spill Reminds Us That Beaches Need Protection” – They sure do but not as much as the people sitting on them. Some comments on your Jeremiad about the selfishness of man in today’s Miami Herald.
Mr. Roth,
After we help the beaches, the bi-valves, the manatees, the polar bears, the pythons, the Key West deer, the peripatetic pterodactyls, the snail darter, and my personal favorite, the furbish lousewort do you think we’ll be able to help man, the most endangered species?
Logic, that cruel and unforgiving discipline, that brutal task master that knows not of parabolic curves, would dictate that we address the reasons why we drill in the Gulf.
25% of the gasoline used in this country comes from oil produced in the Gulf.
How important a first step it would be if you were to give up your car for one week each month? How important a second step it would be if you mandated that all your employees – no exceptions – use public transit getting to and from work? Finally, how important would it be if you were to turn off you’re A/C this summer?
I’ve been asking the Miami Herald to go cold turkey, so to speak, about A/C since 1997. Just turn it off. Shame the rest of us into following suit. We will. We will. Maybe.
The Age of Oil is only 151 years old. Colonel Drake saved the whales from extinction then but that’s a story for a different time. We can wean ourselves from this noxious beast.
We did well in the Age of Steam. We can do it again.
Show us the way to save ourselves. Lead. We will follow. Maybe.
Kevin Smith
Daniel Shoer Roth
The Miami Herald
One Herald Plaza
Miami, Florida 33132-1693
RE: “Spill Reminds Us That Beaches Need Protection” – They sure do but not as much as the people sitting on them. Some comments on your Jeremiad about the selfishness of man in today’s Miami Herald.
Mr. Roth,
After we help the beaches, the bi-valves, the manatees, the polar bears, the pythons, the Key West deer, the peripatetic pterodactyls, the snail darter, and my personal favorite, the furbish lousewort do you think we’ll be able to help man, the most endangered species?
Logic, that cruel and unforgiving discipline, that brutal task master that knows not of parabolic curves, would dictate that we address the reasons why we drill in the Gulf.
25% of the gasoline used in this country comes from oil produced in the Gulf.
How important a first step it would be if you were to give up your car for one week each month? How important a second step it would be if you mandated that all your employees – no exceptions – use public transit getting to and from work? Finally, how important would it be if you were to turn off you’re A/C this summer?
I’ve been asking the Miami Herald to go cold turkey, so to speak, about A/C since 1997. Just turn it off. Shame the rest of us into following suit. We will. We will. Maybe.
The Age of Oil is only 151 years old. Colonel Drake saved the whales from extinction then but that’s a story for a different time. We can wean ourselves from this noxious beast.
We did well in the Age of Steam. We can do it again.
Show us the way to save ourselves. Lead. We will follow. Maybe.
Kevin Smith
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Letter to the Editor The Miami Herald
April 30, 2010
Letter to the Editor
The Miami Herald
One Herald Plaza
Miami, FL 33132-1693
RE: Some silver bullets for the Federal Budget “crisis” – A few solutions not included in your editorial importuning us to action lest we have a need for the government to bail itself out like it did GM.
Sirs,
I thought “silver bullets” were for vampires. Budgets and the accompanying deficits are not visited upon us by some strange spirits. We are a free people. We send others to Congress to represent us. My Uncle Adam once said that “the wise running of the affairs of a household can scarce be folly in running the affairs of an empire”. We elect them and we can unelect them.
Your silver bullet comment comes in your editorial about the deficit and how to combat it. Are we overspending or are we undertaxed? Alas, you say there are no “silver bullets”.
Herewith I present you with 4.
#1 – Shut down the Department of Agriculture.
They have yet to grow a single ear of corn or fill a bushel basket with wheat.
#2 – Shut down the Department of Energy.
Since it has been in business they have not added a single barrel of oil or one ton of coal to the energy marketplace. The gas they produce is of the interminable wind bag variety. Fire a rocket the first time they add one watt, even if it’s one lonely kilo, to the grid.
#3 – Shut down the Department of Education.
It has been in business for 31 years and Johnny still can’t read. Florida teachers got their knickers in a knot because the legislature wants to hold them to the same standards as the football coach. To further their bogus claims they encouraged their students to support them by breaking the law and cutting classes.
#4 – What is the United States army doing in Europe? We are coming up to the 65th anniversary of VE Day. Leave enough troops to provide an honor guard at the cemeteries that we filled in the last century. Bring the rest of them home.
If the stout Flems and the mighty Walloons want to invade France because of war crimes at Waterloo, so be it. If the Serbs and the Croats, having been at each other’s throats for 8 centuries, want a rematch, fine.
It may be time to smell the seductive breezes of xenophobia while counting the moneys not spent on kerfuffle producing, money eating clap trap by the first 3. Starve the Potomac ca-ca machines.
Ready
Aim
Fire
Be sure to put the sharp end up the breech first.
Kevin Smith
Letter to the Editor
The Miami Herald
One Herald Plaza
Miami, FL 33132-1693
RE: Some silver bullets for the Federal Budget “crisis” – A few solutions not included in your editorial importuning us to action lest we have a need for the government to bail itself out like it did GM.
Sirs,
I thought “silver bullets” were for vampires. Budgets and the accompanying deficits are not visited upon us by some strange spirits. We are a free people. We send others to Congress to represent us. My Uncle Adam once said that “the wise running of the affairs of a household can scarce be folly in running the affairs of an empire”. We elect them and we can unelect them.
Your silver bullet comment comes in your editorial about the deficit and how to combat it. Are we overspending or are we undertaxed? Alas, you say there are no “silver bullets”.
Herewith I present you with 4.
#1 – Shut down the Department of Agriculture.
They have yet to grow a single ear of corn or fill a bushel basket with wheat.
#2 – Shut down the Department of Energy.
Since it has been in business they have not added a single barrel of oil or one ton of coal to the energy marketplace. The gas they produce is of the interminable wind bag variety. Fire a rocket the first time they add one watt, even if it’s one lonely kilo, to the grid.
#3 – Shut down the Department of Education.
It has been in business for 31 years and Johnny still can’t read. Florida teachers got their knickers in a knot because the legislature wants to hold them to the same standards as the football coach. To further their bogus claims they encouraged their students to support them by breaking the law and cutting classes.
#4 – What is the United States army doing in Europe? We are coming up to the 65th anniversary of VE Day. Leave enough troops to provide an honor guard at the cemeteries that we filled in the last century. Bring the rest of them home.
If the stout Flems and the mighty Walloons want to invade France because of war crimes at Waterloo, so be it. If the Serbs and the Croats, having been at each other’s throats for 8 centuries, want a rematch, fine.
It may be time to smell the seductive breezes of xenophobia while counting the moneys not spent on kerfuffle producing, money eating clap trap by the first 3. Starve the Potomac ca-ca machines.
Ready
Aim
Fire
Be sure to put the sharp end up the breech first.
Kevin Smith
Bob Braun The Star Ledger
May 3, 2010
Bob Braun
The Star Ledger
One Star Ledger Plaza
Newark, NJ 07102
RE: “The folly of off shore drilling” - Some comments from the quintessential, I dare say the paradigmatic template of a transplanted Jersey Guy, about your column today
Mr. Braun,
I was reading your article about the friendships formed in Newfoundland - the one in Canada, not the one in New Jersey - on September 11, 2001.
I got to your comment on “the folly of off shore drilling”.
There is no sense being a wee bit trite. It is a profoundly teachable moment.
Pay attention. I’ll write slowly.
25% of the gasoline used in this country comes from oil produced in the Gulf of Mexico. I bet that a mush brained modern American Liberal ink stained wretch, someone like you, has a car. The first thing you can do is give it up for 7 days. Do it for the oysters. Do it for the Panhandle red necks even though they all belong to the local Tea Party. I’ll bet they have lots and lots of guns.
The mantra, the siren call, of mass transit never sounded more inviting.
As we approach the summer months I suggest, expanding my “teachable moment”, that the world HQ of the Star Ledger give up A/C. Do it before the government makes you. A government that can force you to buy health insurance can force you to give up A/C. Get some of those hand held fans from the local undertaker.
Further, coal is the fuel that produces the most electricity in this country. Although I was Bayonne born and raised it’s been some time since I looked at the power make up of Public Service Gas & Electric. Thus, I don’t know the percentage of electricity that is consumed to air conditioning. I am certain of one thing.
It ain’t small.
Turn it off. Open the windows. Think of the 29 dead coal miners. Do it for them.
Speaking of windows, the last time I saw the Star Ledger HQ it had more barbed wire around it than Camp Gitmo. Does it still have as much? Did you ever put the proposed moat in? I was never sure whether those security measures were meant to keep people in a la the Berlin Wall or out a la Hadrian’s Wall. Did you have to produce documents, your papers, to get in or to get out or both?
I guess it’s OK in Newark but not in Arizona, right?
After a summer of no A/C, like the NFL training camps, the Star Ledger should ban the use of personal cars for employee commuting. Turn your parking lot into a home for displaced bi-valves and hydro-carboned red fish. They’ll be blackened red fish before they hit the grill. Maybe you can raise tofu bushes for your unicorns to graze on.
By Thanksgiving you’ll be editorializing in favor of each county in New Jersey having its own nuclear reactor.
Speaking of “folly”, France gets 2/3rds of its electricity from nuclear power and, mirabile dictu, Japan gets 3/4ths of its electricity from those wily neutrons. What do they know that we don’t? It rankles my backside a bit that these two countries, one of which we twice saved from the Hun and the other we turned the other one into goo, don’t have to worry about such “folly”. We took the advice of that noted nuclear engineer Jane Fonda on nuclear energy more than 30 years ago, years before she became a model for Bart Simpson. Res ipso loquitur.
The height of “folly” may soon be on us when Cuba begins its off shore drilling program. They have cleverly contracted with China to do the drilling. We have just finished Naval Fleet Week in Fort Lauderdale. Maybe some of those ships can monitor how well the drilling goes.
Kevin Smith
PS – It was lucky that the plane landed in Gander rather than Montreal. 15 years in Florida has convinced me that the word merde was invented for les Quebecois.
Bob Braun
The Star Ledger
One Star Ledger Plaza
Newark, NJ 07102
RE: “The folly of off shore drilling” - Some comments from the quintessential, I dare say the paradigmatic template of a transplanted Jersey Guy, about your column today
Mr. Braun,
I was reading your article about the friendships formed in Newfoundland - the one in Canada, not the one in New Jersey - on September 11, 2001.
I got to your comment on “the folly of off shore drilling”.
There is no sense being a wee bit trite. It is a profoundly teachable moment.
Pay attention. I’ll write slowly.
25% of the gasoline used in this country comes from oil produced in the Gulf of Mexico. I bet that a mush brained modern American Liberal ink stained wretch, someone like you, has a car. The first thing you can do is give it up for 7 days. Do it for the oysters. Do it for the Panhandle red necks even though they all belong to the local Tea Party. I’ll bet they have lots and lots of guns.
The mantra, the siren call, of mass transit never sounded more inviting.
As we approach the summer months I suggest, expanding my “teachable moment”, that the world HQ of the Star Ledger give up A/C. Do it before the government makes you. A government that can force you to buy health insurance can force you to give up A/C. Get some of those hand held fans from the local undertaker.
Further, coal is the fuel that produces the most electricity in this country. Although I was Bayonne born and raised it’s been some time since I looked at the power make up of Public Service Gas & Electric. Thus, I don’t know the percentage of electricity that is consumed to air conditioning. I am certain of one thing.
It ain’t small.
Turn it off. Open the windows. Think of the 29 dead coal miners. Do it for them.
Speaking of windows, the last time I saw the Star Ledger HQ it had more barbed wire around it than Camp Gitmo. Does it still have as much? Did you ever put the proposed moat in? I was never sure whether those security measures were meant to keep people in a la the Berlin Wall or out a la Hadrian’s Wall. Did you have to produce documents, your papers, to get in or to get out or both?
I guess it’s OK in Newark but not in Arizona, right?
After a summer of no A/C, like the NFL training camps, the Star Ledger should ban the use of personal cars for employee commuting. Turn your parking lot into a home for displaced bi-valves and hydro-carboned red fish. They’ll be blackened red fish before they hit the grill. Maybe you can raise tofu bushes for your unicorns to graze on.
By Thanksgiving you’ll be editorializing in favor of each county in New Jersey having its own nuclear reactor.
Speaking of “folly”, France gets 2/3rds of its electricity from nuclear power and, mirabile dictu, Japan gets 3/4ths of its electricity from those wily neutrons. What do they know that we don’t? It rankles my backside a bit that these two countries, one of which we twice saved from the Hun and the other we turned the other one into goo, don’t have to worry about such “folly”. We took the advice of that noted nuclear engineer Jane Fonda on nuclear energy more than 30 years ago, years before she became a model for Bart Simpson. Res ipso loquitur.
The height of “folly” may soon be on us when Cuba begins its off shore drilling program. They have cleverly contracted with China to do the drilling. We have just finished Naval Fleet Week in Fort Lauderdale. Maybe some of those ships can monitor how well the drilling goes.
Kevin Smith
PS – It was lucky that the plane landed in Gander rather than Montreal. 15 years in Florida has convinced me that the word merde was invented for les Quebecois.
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Fred Grimm The Miami Herald
April 27, 2010
Fred Grimm
The Miami Herald
One Herald Plaza
Miami, FL 33132-1693
RE: Oil Spill in the Gulf – Another cross for Floridians to bear as you artfully explain in your column today.
Mr. Grimm,
When you’re right, you’re right. Like the Reverend Wright said, “Chickens coming home to roost”. In our selfish quest for comfort we may have doomed the planet. If it’s not Global Cooling it’s Global Warming. If it’s not those bogeymen it’s the even worse Climate Change. You may wish to become familiar with Tony Vivaldi, an obscure Italian climatologist. He explained all this, delightfully so, centuries ago.
After more than 60 years, with as many as 6500 producing wells, it was bound to happen. Add to this the 29 dead coal miners and perhaps we have reached a tipping point.
Florida’s time has come.
More than 25% of the gasoline used in Florida comes from oil produced in the Gulf of Mexico. Coal is the main fuel used by utilities to produce electricity in this country. 50% of the electricity used in Florida goes for air conditioning.
The first thing we can do is turn off the A/Cs. Sine 1997 I have been asking the Miami Herald to show us the way, to be the first to turn off the A/C in its HQ by the bay. Open the windows. Get some of the balmy and sultry breezes to circulate. It will be good for you. As a bonus think how many polar bears you will save.
We must have a Manhattan Project for transportation. If we can split the atom we can make organic skateboards zoom.
The internal combustion engine is, as former VP Alpha Gump tells us, “the worst invention of mankind”.
Just like China’s One Child policy has led them to being our biggest creditor, our One Car policy will lead us back to greatness. Not One Car per person but rather One Car per nuclear family. Unlike voting and immigration a photo id will be required for random stops. The hugely successful odd/even day program of the 1970s will serve as the paradigm. If you have a vanity plate, one without numbers, tough. You’re a fat cat and you must suffer. That will help. Besides, it’s only “fair”.
An immediate answer, but one that will take 12 to 15 years to implement, is nuclear power. Ever since those noted nuclear engineers, Jane Fonda and Michael Douglas, warned us of the dangers of a nuclear reactor turning into Hiroshima we have been reluctant, like Ned Ludd, to embrace technology. It was a good choice, wasn’t it?
As if things weren’t bad enough word comes from Havana that those ever popular ladrones grandes, los hermanos Castro, have signed a deal with the Chi-Coms to drill off their coast. In case you’ve forgotten your geography their coast is contiguous to our coast. We may have a problem there.
There are Florida students still suffering from FCATitis who will become lawyers. In time they will litigate the issues of this spill. Alas, the only party with standing in Havana over this issue would be the United States Navy. We once went to war to make the world safe for democracy. Think how much better the dead will rest knowing that they died so that fewer glaciers would melt.
That’s why you have to start jogging to work. That your work will be done in a no carbon footprint building, one that helps to heal the hole in the ozone layer, will doubtless be of great comfort. It ain’t easy being green.
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.
You first.
Kevin Smith
PS – The time has also come to say good-bye to plastic, don’t you think?
Fred Grimm
The Miami Herald
One Herald Plaza
Miami, FL 33132-1693
RE: Oil Spill in the Gulf – Another cross for Floridians to bear as you artfully explain in your column today.
Mr. Grimm,
When you’re right, you’re right. Like the Reverend Wright said, “Chickens coming home to roost”. In our selfish quest for comfort we may have doomed the planet. If it’s not Global Cooling it’s Global Warming. If it’s not those bogeymen it’s the even worse Climate Change. You may wish to become familiar with Tony Vivaldi, an obscure Italian climatologist. He explained all this, delightfully so, centuries ago.
After more than 60 years, with as many as 6500 producing wells, it was bound to happen. Add to this the 29 dead coal miners and perhaps we have reached a tipping point.
Florida’s time has come.
More than 25% of the gasoline used in Florida comes from oil produced in the Gulf of Mexico. Coal is the main fuel used by utilities to produce electricity in this country. 50% of the electricity used in Florida goes for air conditioning.
The first thing we can do is turn off the A/Cs. Sine 1997 I have been asking the Miami Herald to show us the way, to be the first to turn off the A/C in its HQ by the bay. Open the windows. Get some of the balmy and sultry breezes to circulate. It will be good for you. As a bonus think how many polar bears you will save.
We must have a Manhattan Project for transportation. If we can split the atom we can make organic skateboards zoom.
The internal combustion engine is, as former VP Alpha Gump tells us, “the worst invention of mankind”.
Just like China’s One Child policy has led them to being our biggest creditor, our One Car policy will lead us back to greatness. Not One Car per person but rather One Car per nuclear family. Unlike voting and immigration a photo id will be required for random stops. The hugely successful odd/even day program of the 1970s will serve as the paradigm. If you have a vanity plate, one without numbers, tough. You’re a fat cat and you must suffer. That will help. Besides, it’s only “fair”.
An immediate answer, but one that will take 12 to 15 years to implement, is nuclear power. Ever since those noted nuclear engineers, Jane Fonda and Michael Douglas, warned us of the dangers of a nuclear reactor turning into Hiroshima we have been reluctant, like Ned Ludd, to embrace technology. It was a good choice, wasn’t it?
As if things weren’t bad enough word comes from Havana that those ever popular ladrones grandes, los hermanos Castro, have signed a deal with the Chi-Coms to drill off their coast. In case you’ve forgotten your geography their coast is contiguous to our coast. We may have a problem there.
There are Florida students still suffering from FCATitis who will become lawyers. In time they will litigate the issues of this spill. Alas, the only party with standing in Havana over this issue would be the United States Navy. We once went to war to make the world safe for democracy. Think how much better the dead will rest knowing that they died so that fewer glaciers would melt.
That’s why you have to start jogging to work. That your work will be done in a no carbon footprint building, one that helps to heal the hole in the ozone layer, will doubtless be of great comfort. It ain’t easy being green.
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.
You first.
Kevin Smith
PS – The time has also come to say good-bye to plastic, don’t you think?
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Stephen L. Goldstein The Sun-Sentinel
April 25, 2010
Stephen L. Goldstein
The Sun-Sentinel
200 East Las Olas Boulevard
Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33301
RE: A promise kept plus a few comments on your column today on how the Bush family still attacks nesting turtles and manatees.
My dear Professor,
I promised that I would cease and desist from playing Whack-A-Mole with your perpetually outraged psyche for Lent. [I won’t bother you with the theological details but it’s possible that my sacrifi8ce may have saved some polar bears.]
I almost got to Pentecost.
Your quasi-philippic about the evil Bush family – Barbara Bush as Ma Barker is bit of stretch, no? – and the way that it and their cabal members, Halliburton, the Bilderburgs, the Illuminati, the Tri-Lateral Commission, and the Tea Party Thugs control every aspect of our lives up to and including haute couture.
Excessive rhetorical incontinence, proof positive that you can gild a lily, is a common trait to all card carrying modern American Liberals. I salute you as being primus inter pares.
You were inches away form a clean getaway in today’s column about Jeb Bush, AKA “Warlock Magnus”, until the following sentence.
“Jeb’s been publicly mum, but his sons,
with no credential but their name,
have blessed Rubio.”
[Italics mine]
That’s a dumb thing to say. Correction. That’s a very dumb thing to say.
How can I mock thee? Let me count the ways.
In the Democratic primary for U.S. Senate Congressman Kendrick Meek is running unopposed. How did he get to Congress?
His mother, Congresswoman Carrie Meek, cheated the death tax by giving her son her seat while still breathing. Who says you have to die for primogeniture to kick in? He seems like a nice young man but if Kendrick’s last name sounded like Shipitofsky or Gonzales he’d be dodging cars like a matador as he sold the Sun-Sentinel in our busy intersections.
Speaking of other members of the Lucky Sperm Club how about Congressman Patches Kennedy? Which specific qualifications other than being Tosspot Ted’s son did he have? On top of being a world class toper and a boob he is a world class shit. The only House he could have gotten into on his own has high walls, rubber rooms, close circuit TV, no sharp instruments, and doors without inside handles. Even the garbageman has memorized the 12 Steps.
Cur Kennedy has a cousin who was Lt. Governor of Maryland. She was so dumb she made my hair hurt. Who can forget her memorable TV appearance where she confused a football with a touchdown three times? Her single greatest achievement as an adult was being able to figure out what to do with her thumbs.
He has another cousin who decided that she wanted to be the United States Senator form New York. We’ll have a party as soon as she figures out that verbs and nouns sometimes make a sentence. As the reigning Queen of No-Sequiturs…ah but I repeat myself.
It is worth noting that every Kennedy wench in the public eye uses her maiden name as a crutch. Kerry Kennedy Cuomo, Kathleen Kennedy Townsend, Caroline Kennedy Schlossberg. When you suffer from acute “non-malodorous fecal matter syndrome” [SASE] and you are not sure how to spell TV or what color an orange is you need all the affirmative action help you can get.
Locally, another pleasant young man, Evan Jenne, a self proclaimed reader of romance novels if we are to believe his CV, a man whose singular achievement as an adult was to save a lot of money by shunning barber shops, sits in the state legislature because fortuna gave him the right father. He has the perpetual look of a man who gets lost on a ladder.
The voters will have a chance to rid themselves of the hated Bush pox this year at the polls. Should they not do so perhaps you will present yourself to the electorate for their consideration? I don’t know who your father was but I am sure he would have been proud to see you trying to get something the old fashioned way. By earning it.
Kevin Smith
Stephen L. Goldstein
The Sun-Sentinel
200 East Las Olas Boulevard
Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33301
RE: A promise kept plus a few comments on your column today on how the Bush family still attacks nesting turtles and manatees.
My dear Professor,
I promised that I would cease and desist from playing Whack-A-Mole with your perpetually outraged psyche for Lent. [I won’t bother you with the theological details but it’s possible that my sacrifi8ce may have saved some polar bears.]
I almost got to Pentecost.
Your quasi-philippic about the evil Bush family – Barbara Bush as Ma Barker is bit of stretch, no? – and the way that it and their cabal members, Halliburton, the Bilderburgs, the Illuminati, the Tri-Lateral Commission, and the Tea Party Thugs control every aspect of our lives up to and including haute couture.
Excessive rhetorical incontinence, proof positive that you can gild a lily, is a common trait to all card carrying modern American Liberals. I salute you as being primus inter pares.
You were inches away form a clean getaway in today’s column about Jeb Bush, AKA “Warlock Magnus”, until the following sentence.
“Jeb’s been publicly mum, but his sons,
with no credential but their name,
have blessed Rubio.”
[Italics mine]
That’s a dumb thing to say. Correction. That’s a very dumb thing to say.
How can I mock thee? Let me count the ways.
In the Democratic primary for U.S. Senate Congressman Kendrick Meek is running unopposed. How did he get to Congress?
His mother, Congresswoman Carrie Meek, cheated the death tax by giving her son her seat while still breathing. Who says you have to die for primogeniture to kick in? He seems like a nice young man but if Kendrick’s last name sounded like Shipitofsky or Gonzales he’d be dodging cars like a matador as he sold the Sun-Sentinel in our busy intersections.
Speaking of other members of the Lucky Sperm Club how about Congressman Patches Kennedy? Which specific qualifications other than being Tosspot Ted’s son did he have? On top of being a world class toper and a boob he is a world class shit. The only House he could have gotten into on his own has high walls, rubber rooms, close circuit TV, no sharp instruments, and doors without inside handles. Even the garbageman has memorized the 12 Steps.
Cur Kennedy has a cousin who was Lt. Governor of Maryland. She was so dumb she made my hair hurt. Who can forget her memorable TV appearance where she confused a football with a touchdown three times? Her single greatest achievement as an adult was being able to figure out what to do with her thumbs.
He has another cousin who decided that she wanted to be the United States Senator form New York. We’ll have a party as soon as she figures out that verbs and nouns sometimes make a sentence. As the reigning Queen of No-Sequiturs…ah but I repeat myself.
It is worth noting that every Kennedy wench in the public eye uses her maiden name as a crutch. Kerry Kennedy Cuomo, Kathleen Kennedy Townsend, Caroline Kennedy Schlossberg. When you suffer from acute “non-malodorous fecal matter syndrome” [SASE] and you are not sure how to spell TV or what color an orange is you need all the affirmative action help you can get.
Locally, another pleasant young man, Evan Jenne, a self proclaimed reader of romance novels if we are to believe his CV, a man whose singular achievement as an adult was to save a lot of money by shunning barber shops, sits in the state legislature because fortuna gave him the right father. He has the perpetual look of a man who gets lost on a ladder.
The voters will have a chance to rid themselves of the hated Bush pox this year at the polls. Should they not do so perhaps you will present yourself to the electorate for their consideration? I don’t know who your father was but I am sure he would have been proud to see you trying to get something the old fashioned way. By earning it.
Kevin Smith
Michael Mayo The Sun-Sentinel
April 25, 2010
Michael Mayo
The Sun-Sentinel
200 East Las Olas Boulevard
Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33301
RE: Oy! What’s to be done with the noveau riche Florida aborigines – Some comments on your article about contracts and the noble Redmen.
Mr. Mayo,
You may remember the Rabbi who befriended Nixon just before he took his last living ride on Air Force One. I first saw him on local TV in NYC citing the Torah about how you can’t sue the King.
He didn’t know from sovereign immunity; he knew what the good book said.
Despite the Rabbi’s protestations, Senator Irvin, a man who spent his entire adult life keeping White 3rd grade school girls safe from the lecherous stares of Black 3rd grade school boys, and Congressman Rodino, a man who came an embarrassing short and curly from doing the perp walk and going inside with his roommate Congressman Addonizio, prevailed.
The facts are rather straight forward in the matter about which you write.
Miss Panofsky thought she had a contract with the Seminoles. In the end they said she didn’t. Further, they evicted her in a manner that would get any Florida landlord sent to Abu Ghraib on a one way ticket with “Help Me Howard” taking the Madam DeFarge part.
I am surprised that Attorney General Holder hasn’t ordered her to be flogged.
The thing about sovereign immunity – Pop Quiz – Does the bum kissing chattering class that still thinks that Barack the Beneficent and Blessed be his name should have the benefit of a new and updated Alien and Sedition Law? – is that it won’t go away.
Take the Post Office, the largest employer in the nation.
The numbers would suggest fertile ground for lawyers in the Workers’ Comp business. Not so. Try to find one who can build a practice representing injured Postal Workers. Not likely.
The reason is simple.
The Feds, the same bunch of swell guys soon to be in charge of health care, don’t respond to civil law suits.
If you trip and fall on the loading dock the sign on the door better be FED-EX or UPS or you’ll need that AFLAC duck to set up shop in your bedroom.
An unintended consequence of the Health Care bill is that it will solve the excesses of the medical malpractice law suits. Once the physicians become employees of the Federal government the same rules that the Post Office uses will apply to them. I am surprised that the Feds didn’t count the disappearing malpractice premiums as a savings toward bending the budget curve.
There’s the problem. Here’s one solution.
If the Down Low High Plains Gamboling Fugowis are a sovereign nation let’s treat them like one.
Sovereign nations control their borders as Arizona just reminded us. If they want to admit foreigners that’s their business. If they want to come back in to this country they damn well better have their papers handy.
If some one gets a bad clam at the buffet take him to their medicine man. Sovereign nations have their own hospitals, don’t they?
What if Cuba wanted to become a customer of Florid Power and Light? What would FPL do if they didn’t pay their bill? Send the American Navy? Tell the Injuns to generate their own electricity.
If a Gringo banker has a cow if someone tries to move $10,001 around how do we know what’s in those Brink’s trucks? Stop a few and find out.
Every car leaving a tax exempt cigarette teepee has to stop and listen to the state revenue agents tell the smokers that it is a sales and use tax.
If a crime is committed on their sovereign territory the Feds, the same guys who soon will be facing the “Too Much Salt is Never Enough” hardliners, should let the Constitution prevail.
Section 8, parts 10 and 11specifically enumerate the powers that the government can use to protect Miss Panofsky. The government can “punish piracies” and “grant letters of marquee and reprisal”.
We grant extraordinary powers to bail agents, powers that the good guys at Gitmo wish they had. Why not let Miss Panofsky benefit from them?
In any event my Aunt has found a new believer. Apparently the adage that made Hester Street famous, “Don’t pee on my back and tell me it’s rain”, doesn’t apply when it comes to noble Redmen.
Madness.
Kevin Smith
PS – Speaking of standing up for what’s right is there any chance the Sentinel will publish those Mohammed cartoons?
Michael Mayo
The Sun-Sentinel
200 East Las Olas Boulevard
Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33301
RE: Oy! What’s to be done with the noveau riche Florida aborigines – Some comments on your article about contracts and the noble Redmen.
Mr. Mayo,
You may remember the Rabbi who befriended Nixon just before he took his last living ride on Air Force One. I first saw him on local TV in NYC citing the Torah about how you can’t sue the King.
He didn’t know from sovereign immunity; he knew what the good book said.
Despite the Rabbi’s protestations, Senator Irvin, a man who spent his entire adult life keeping White 3rd grade school girls safe from the lecherous stares of Black 3rd grade school boys, and Congressman Rodino, a man who came an embarrassing short and curly from doing the perp walk and going inside with his roommate Congressman Addonizio, prevailed.
The facts are rather straight forward in the matter about which you write.
Miss Panofsky thought she had a contract with the Seminoles. In the end they said she didn’t. Further, they evicted her in a manner that would get any Florida landlord sent to Abu Ghraib on a one way ticket with “Help Me Howard” taking the Madam DeFarge part.
I am surprised that Attorney General Holder hasn’t ordered her to be flogged.
The thing about sovereign immunity – Pop Quiz – Does the bum kissing chattering class that still thinks that Barack the Beneficent and Blessed be his name should have the benefit of a new and updated Alien and Sedition Law? – is that it won’t go away.
Take the Post Office, the largest employer in the nation.
The numbers would suggest fertile ground for lawyers in the Workers’ Comp business. Not so. Try to find one who can build a practice representing injured Postal Workers. Not likely.
The reason is simple.
The Feds, the same bunch of swell guys soon to be in charge of health care, don’t respond to civil law suits.
If you trip and fall on the loading dock the sign on the door better be FED-EX or UPS or you’ll need that AFLAC duck to set up shop in your bedroom.
An unintended consequence of the Health Care bill is that it will solve the excesses of the medical malpractice law suits. Once the physicians become employees of the Federal government the same rules that the Post Office uses will apply to them. I am surprised that the Feds didn’t count the disappearing malpractice premiums as a savings toward bending the budget curve.
There’s the problem. Here’s one solution.
If the Down Low High Plains Gamboling Fugowis are a sovereign nation let’s treat them like one.
Sovereign nations control their borders as Arizona just reminded us. If they want to admit foreigners that’s their business. If they want to come back in to this country they damn well better have their papers handy.
If some one gets a bad clam at the buffet take him to their medicine man. Sovereign nations have their own hospitals, don’t they?
What if Cuba wanted to become a customer of Florid Power and Light? What would FPL do if they didn’t pay their bill? Send the American Navy? Tell the Injuns to generate their own electricity.
If a Gringo banker has a cow if someone tries to move $10,001 around how do we know what’s in those Brink’s trucks? Stop a few and find out.
Every car leaving a tax exempt cigarette teepee has to stop and listen to the state revenue agents tell the smokers that it is a sales and use tax.
If a crime is committed on their sovereign territory the Feds, the same guys who soon will be facing the “Too Much Salt is Never Enough” hardliners, should let the Constitution prevail.
Section 8, parts 10 and 11specifically enumerate the powers that the government can use to protect Miss Panofsky. The government can “punish piracies” and “grant letters of marquee and reprisal”.
We grant extraordinary powers to bail agents, powers that the good guys at Gitmo wish they had. Why not let Miss Panofsky benefit from them?
In any event my Aunt has found a new believer. Apparently the adage that made Hester Street famous, “Don’t pee on my back and tell me it’s rain”, doesn’t apply when it comes to noble Redmen.
Madness.
Kevin Smith
PS – Speaking of standing up for what’s right is there any chance the Sentinel will publish those Mohammed cartoons?
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Representative Jim Waldman
April 24, 2010
Representative Jim Waldman
313 House Office
412 South Monroe Street
Tallahassee, FL 32399-1300
RE: Democracy – Ain’t it grand?
Representative Waldman,
Laying aside the evils of tobacco, the coming pandemic of teenage obesity, the premise that teachers should be held to the same standards set for football coaches, the continuing heartbreak of psoriasis, the transformational change of American foreign policy towards Israel, the continuing pox visited on Florida by the merde-filled Quebecois and what any legislature can do about them I suggest yet another candidate for your political unicorn farm.
The Miami Herald shows you objecting to the never ending briar patch of redistricting. My faith in the tooth fairy and believing financial projections about any public program is strengthened whenever a supposedly rational adult says that the process should be “non-political”.
May I suggest that someone – how about you? – acknowledge the 800 pound gorilla sitting in the corner?
Baker v Carr be damned but there was a deal struck between urban Black and non-urban Whites that validated some of the premises set forth in The Federalist Papers.
I can’t speak for the needle toothed banjo strumming boy on the porch Deliverance districts. I can see that there are districts here that would elect O.J. Simpson or Michael Jackson. Taking a cue from the Gomers in North Korea or maybe giving them some ideas the Kennedys and the Meeks hand out legislative seats that would have made Trollope proud.
How the common weal is advanced by this is beyond me.
I must admit that there are some modern American Liberal Jewish districts in Broward County that would vote for Dr. Mengele because of his progressive views on abortion.
Here’s a plan.
Pick a geometric shape.
Circle, square, rhomboid, inter alia
Since only the Census is constitutionally mandated to conduct an exact head count maybe statistical sampling could be used. Whatever method is used on Sistrunk Boulevard must be used in areas where feral pigs are house pets. Use those shapes to redraw district lines.
Let free men decide!
Kevin Smith
PS – As a righteous gentile I wonder if you have had any contact with former Congressman “Toad” Wexler. How is his new job at the Lions and Lambs Institute working out?
Representative Jim Waldman
313 House Office
412 South Monroe Street
Tallahassee, FL 32399-1300
RE: Democracy – Ain’t it grand?
Representative Waldman,
Laying aside the evils of tobacco, the coming pandemic of teenage obesity, the premise that teachers should be held to the same standards set for football coaches, the continuing heartbreak of psoriasis, the transformational change of American foreign policy towards Israel, the continuing pox visited on Florida by the merde-filled Quebecois and what any legislature can do about them I suggest yet another candidate for your political unicorn farm.
The Miami Herald shows you objecting to the never ending briar patch of redistricting. My faith in the tooth fairy and believing financial projections about any public program is strengthened whenever a supposedly rational adult says that the process should be “non-political”.
May I suggest that someone – how about you? – acknowledge the 800 pound gorilla sitting in the corner?
Baker v Carr be damned but there was a deal struck between urban Black and non-urban Whites that validated some of the premises set forth in The Federalist Papers.
I can’t speak for the needle toothed banjo strumming boy on the porch Deliverance districts. I can see that there are districts here that would elect O.J. Simpson or Michael Jackson. Taking a cue from the Gomers in North Korea or maybe giving them some ideas the Kennedys and the Meeks hand out legislative seats that would have made Trollope proud.
How the common weal is advanced by this is beyond me.
I must admit that there are some modern American Liberal Jewish districts in Broward County that would vote for Dr. Mengele because of his progressive views on abortion.
Here’s a plan.
Pick a geometric shape.
Circle, square, rhomboid, inter alia
Since only the Census is constitutionally mandated to conduct an exact head count maybe statistical sampling could be used. Whatever method is used on Sistrunk Boulevard must be used in areas where feral pigs are house pets. Use those shapes to redraw district lines.
Let free men decide!
Kevin Smith
PS – As a righteous gentile I wonder if you have had any contact with former Congressman “Toad” Wexler. How is his new job at the Lions and Lambs Institute working out?
Letter to the Editor The Miami Herald
April 22, 2010
Letter to the Editor
The Miami Herald
One Herald Plaza
Miami, Florida 33132-1693
RE: How refreshing! And on Earth Day to boot. Who says satire is dead? Some comments on the Op-Ed signed by EPA acting Head Cossack Stan Meiburg.
Sirs,
Sometimes the editorial pages of the Miami Herald read like they have been “weaned on a pickle”. The constant reminder of our “better angels”, the tsk-tsking at partisanship, the unwavering belief that governments can overcome gravity, and the never ending contortions that would make Dante envious. I have just described an editorial staff in thralldom to the constantly shifting standards of modern American Liberalism. Did I just say “shifting standards”? Yes, I did.
You gave me pause today. Somewhere in that cauldron of lock step thinking there is a free spirit desperately yearning to be outed.
Stan Meiburg, acting head of the Atlanta office of the EPA, is surely a composite character. His picture shows a smiling face but if he means what he has written he could become the poster boy for Gin for Breakfast clubs.
He begins his hectoring by telling us that “the average American needs 25 acres, 3 times the world average, to support his lifestyle”. Logic, that cruel master, would suggest he wants the “average American” to give up 16 acres of good and plenties as if this will somehow make life better in Zimbabwe or Myanamar.
He begins his list by telling us to “use less water”.
#1 – The designs for Roman public baths are still available. How about we all scrub each other’s backs?
He tells us to “commute without polluting”.
#2 – I have petitioned the Miami Herald since 1997 to use its vast editorial reach to mandate that all public employees must use public transit. No exceptions. None. Further, to show that your heart is in the right place, all Herald employees must agree, as a condition of employment, never to set foot in a privately owned vehicle unless it is a Paddy wagon or a hearse.
He tells us to “save electricity”.
#3 – I have petitioned the Miami Herald since 1997 to stop the environmentally rapacious practice of air conditioning in its World HQ by the Bay. Just say no. Just turn it off. Atlanta gets pretty hot in the summer so I am sure that when Mr. Meiburg explains to his employees the nature of the problem facing humanity they will be more than willing to give up their A/C also. A bonus, a serendipitous happy event from this, is that we know that fewer polar bears will drown. That means that these lovable ice dancers will eat more baby seals. There will be fewer baby seals being poleaxed for the sake of couture. A win-win-win all around except maybe for the seals. Of course, if you care more about them then the bears turn you’re A/C up to hanging meat temperature. That way you’ll drown the bears insuring that the seals will set the Guinness Book ablaze for reproducing. As you can see, everything is interconnected. Got it?
He tells us to “reduce, reuse, recycle”.
#4 – I am glad to see that Mr. Meiburg has learned from Chairman Mao, the 20th century’s greatest murderer. Mao looked on the collective Chinese bowel movement as the world’s largest fertilizer factory. The Chi-Coms had some rough patches with it in the beginning but something must have worked. How could they have become a silent partner with Wal*Mart? How could they afford to own all those Treasury Bills if it didn’t? Maybe we could have communal collection pits, next to the public baths, before you use the public baths, working on an odd/even bonus system. I’ll get back to you when I work out the details. It sounds like a natural for some Stimulus swag, don’t you think?
He tells us to “test our homes for Radon”.
#5 – I know a bit about Radon. It is a noble gas. That means it is inert. If you think you have it check the lowest part of your house first. If you have it and you want to get rid of it in an environmentally sensitive manner open the windows and turn on a fan. Radon is measured by some very sensitive devices. All Physics is measurement. Radon is measured in pico curies. The highest concentration of Radon in the world is to be found on the outside walls of the Lincoln Memorial. If you were to press your nose to the wall and hold the meter there it could not measure the emanation. If you were to step back 2 feet it would also be immeasurable. In those 2 feet it is disbursed harmlessly into the atmosphere. The lesson to be learned from this is stunningly simple. Should you find the need to have your nose nailed to any monument in Washington, DC fight like hell to make sure it’s the one for Jefferson.
He tells us to “check your local air quality”.
#6 – We all “know” that man made CO2 is the biggest pollutant in the world. Again the simple solution is at hand. By fiat or by ukase just issue a reg limiting the number of times people can exhale. The older you are the fewer gasps you get. Naturally, some exceptions will be carved out for women and minorities since they suffer disproportionately. The dreaded “Word Police” can double in brass by being “Lung Police”.
He tells us to “use chemicals wisely”.
#7 – Stop the presses! Who knew? Avoid swimming in the fertilizer swill. Eschew plastic. All plastic. Don’t use the overflow from the polyester factory for your tofu stew or rainbow soup. By the way, fire burns. Also, as Orwell said, “Stones are hard, water is wet”. Try to remember these lessons. Teach your son.
He tells us to “enjoy the outdoors safely”.
#8 – Avoid swimming with alligators. Wear warm clothes if it is cold. Don’t get between a mother bear and her cubs. Don’t wear white after Labor Day. Drink white wine only when they run out of red. Don’t keep score at children’s games. Use sun screen Avoid the social ramble. Train cows not to fart. Also sheep. Don’t pet the pythons. Capture some manatees to make sausage for the homeless.
He tells us to “spread the word”.
#9 – Here’s the word I am going to spread…
For spreading such Godawful anti-rational claptrap, I hereby name you
HORSE’S ASS OF THE WEEK
For thinking that there are no rational adults, people with built in bullshit detectors, I hereby name you
POMPOUS FART OF THE MONTH
For having the regulatory soul so common to statist thugs, I hereby name you
SMARMY BASTARD OF THE YEAR
Kevin Smith
CC - SMEPA
Letter to the Editor
The Miami Herald
One Herald Plaza
Miami, Florida 33132-1693
RE: How refreshing! And on Earth Day to boot. Who says satire is dead? Some comments on the Op-Ed signed by EPA acting Head Cossack Stan Meiburg.
Sirs,
Sometimes the editorial pages of the Miami Herald read like they have been “weaned on a pickle”. The constant reminder of our “better angels”, the tsk-tsking at partisanship, the unwavering belief that governments can overcome gravity, and the never ending contortions that would make Dante envious. I have just described an editorial staff in thralldom to the constantly shifting standards of modern American Liberalism. Did I just say “shifting standards”? Yes, I did.
You gave me pause today. Somewhere in that cauldron of lock step thinking there is a free spirit desperately yearning to be outed.
Stan Meiburg, acting head of the Atlanta office of the EPA, is surely a composite character. His picture shows a smiling face but if he means what he has written he could become the poster boy for Gin for Breakfast clubs.
He begins his hectoring by telling us that “the average American needs 25 acres, 3 times the world average, to support his lifestyle”. Logic, that cruel master, would suggest he wants the “average American” to give up 16 acres of good and plenties as if this will somehow make life better in Zimbabwe or Myanamar.
He begins his list by telling us to “use less water”.
#1 – The designs for Roman public baths are still available. How about we all scrub each other’s backs?
He tells us to “commute without polluting”.
#2 – I have petitioned the Miami Herald since 1997 to use its vast editorial reach to mandate that all public employees must use public transit. No exceptions. None. Further, to show that your heart is in the right place, all Herald employees must agree, as a condition of employment, never to set foot in a privately owned vehicle unless it is a Paddy wagon or a hearse.
He tells us to “save electricity”.
#3 – I have petitioned the Miami Herald since 1997 to stop the environmentally rapacious practice of air conditioning in its World HQ by the Bay. Just say no. Just turn it off. Atlanta gets pretty hot in the summer so I am sure that when Mr. Meiburg explains to his employees the nature of the problem facing humanity they will be more than willing to give up their A/C also. A bonus, a serendipitous happy event from this, is that we know that fewer polar bears will drown. That means that these lovable ice dancers will eat more baby seals. There will be fewer baby seals being poleaxed for the sake of couture. A win-win-win all around except maybe for the seals. Of course, if you care more about them then the bears turn you’re A/C up to hanging meat temperature. That way you’ll drown the bears insuring that the seals will set the Guinness Book ablaze for reproducing. As you can see, everything is interconnected. Got it?
He tells us to “reduce, reuse, recycle”.
#4 – I am glad to see that Mr. Meiburg has learned from Chairman Mao, the 20th century’s greatest murderer. Mao looked on the collective Chinese bowel movement as the world’s largest fertilizer factory. The Chi-Coms had some rough patches with it in the beginning but something must have worked. How could they have become a silent partner with Wal*Mart? How could they afford to own all those Treasury Bills if it didn’t? Maybe we could have communal collection pits, next to the public baths, before you use the public baths, working on an odd/even bonus system. I’ll get back to you when I work out the details. It sounds like a natural for some Stimulus swag, don’t you think?
He tells us to “test our homes for Radon”.
#5 – I know a bit about Radon. It is a noble gas. That means it is inert. If you think you have it check the lowest part of your house first. If you have it and you want to get rid of it in an environmentally sensitive manner open the windows and turn on a fan. Radon is measured by some very sensitive devices. All Physics is measurement. Radon is measured in pico curies. The highest concentration of Radon in the world is to be found on the outside walls of the Lincoln Memorial. If you were to press your nose to the wall and hold the meter there it could not measure the emanation. If you were to step back 2 feet it would also be immeasurable. In those 2 feet it is disbursed harmlessly into the atmosphere. The lesson to be learned from this is stunningly simple. Should you find the need to have your nose nailed to any monument in Washington, DC fight like hell to make sure it’s the one for Jefferson.
He tells us to “check your local air quality”.
#6 – We all “know” that man made CO2 is the biggest pollutant in the world. Again the simple solution is at hand. By fiat or by ukase just issue a reg limiting the number of times people can exhale. The older you are the fewer gasps you get. Naturally, some exceptions will be carved out for women and minorities since they suffer disproportionately. The dreaded “Word Police” can double in brass by being “Lung Police”.
He tells us to “use chemicals wisely”.
#7 – Stop the presses! Who knew? Avoid swimming in the fertilizer swill. Eschew plastic. All plastic. Don’t use the overflow from the polyester factory for your tofu stew or rainbow soup. By the way, fire burns. Also, as Orwell said, “Stones are hard, water is wet”. Try to remember these lessons. Teach your son.
He tells us to “enjoy the outdoors safely”.
#8 – Avoid swimming with alligators. Wear warm clothes if it is cold. Don’t get between a mother bear and her cubs. Don’t wear white after Labor Day. Drink white wine only when they run out of red. Don’t keep score at children’s games. Use sun screen Avoid the social ramble. Train cows not to fart. Also sheep. Don’t pet the pythons. Capture some manatees to make sausage for the homeless.
He tells us to “spread the word”.
#9 – Here’s the word I am going to spread…
For spreading such Godawful anti-rational claptrap, I hereby name you
HORSE’S ASS OF THE WEEK
For thinking that there are no rational adults, people with built in bullshit detectors, I hereby name you
POMPOUS FART OF THE MONTH
For having the regulatory soul so common to statist thugs, I hereby name you
SMARMY BASTARD OF THE YEAR
Kevin Smith
CC - SMEPA
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Arthur O. Sulzberger, Jr. The New York Times
April 18, 2010
Arthur O. Sulzberger, Jr.
The New York Times
860 8th Avenue
New York, NY 10018
RE: “Homer nods” – A mistake, acknowledged
Muy estimado Arturo,
Actually I wanted to say “Only Allah can weave a perfect rug”. I didn’t for fear that you would sic the dreaded “Word Police” on me.
In the last paragraph of my note to you dated 4/13/10 I used the word “flounders”. I meant to say “founders”. My penance for this venial verbal transgression will be an extra hour of IVing William Safire.
On the other hand maybe “flounders” isn’t that far off.
Fish stink from the head, don’t they?
Kevin Smith
PS – My Spanish salutation is to help prepare you for the day when your gate keeper says that the Frito Bandido is here with 6 finalists in the Pancho Villa lookalike contest. He says the mortgage is past due. He says he “spoke to the Lord who told him to foreclose”. Promise me that before Zapata’s nephew comes with the sheriff and the locksmith that you’ll run the Mohammed cartoons.
Arthur O. Sulzberger, Jr.
The New York Times
860 8th Avenue
New York, NY 10018
RE: “Homer nods” – A mistake, acknowledged
Muy estimado Arturo,
Actually I wanted to say “Only Allah can weave a perfect rug”. I didn’t for fear that you would sic the dreaded “Word Police” on me.
In the last paragraph of my note to you dated 4/13/10 I used the word “flounders”. I meant to say “founders”. My penance for this venial verbal transgression will be an extra hour of IVing William Safire.
On the other hand maybe “flounders” isn’t that far off.
Fish stink from the head, don’t they?
Kevin Smith
PS – My Spanish salutation is to help prepare you for the day when your gate keeper says that the Frito Bandido is here with 6 finalists in the Pancho Villa lookalike contest. He says the mortgage is past due. He says he “spoke to the Lord who told him to foreclose”. Promise me that before Zapata’s nephew comes with the sheriff and the locksmith that you’ll run the Mohammed cartoons.
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