Posts
July 15, 2018
Rosemary O’Hara – Editorial Page Editor
The Sun Sentinel
Ms. O,
It’s probably a bent hobin pin or a frazzled frammis but the Romantic in me is thinking that it’s further proof that the “Vast Left-Wing Conspiracy” still wants to silence me by putting the dreaded modern American Liberal malochio kibosh on my beloved printer.
Because of this intervention – Collusion? Perhaps – I am unable to communicate directly with some of your mini Op-Ed contributors, all of whom are identified by the shared belief the Bernie Sanders will repeal the laws governing gravity, that Pocahontas Warren lied about her Injun background but who cares, that Curley Biden is a friggin’ moron but so what, that “Midnight Basketball” didn’t get a fair shot last time, and that all it will take to reach the horizon this time will be if enough people, both guys and gals, of good will promise to work really hard, and I mean really, really hard, to get those rainbow stew bushes on the unicorn ranch to give us 6 crops a year. As Fred Kite, noted British Labour Leader, used to say, “All them corn fields and ballet at night”. Isn’t Nancy Pelosi, a mAL, a noted mAL, still officially neutral on whether illegal immigrants should be given sanctuary if they shit on the streets of San Francisco?
Shades of the hugely successful War on Poverty!
If I were to say that the task is Sisyphean would that make me a deplorable elitist?
Herewith my list of jackasses, morons, grifters, and buffoons.
#1 – Mitchell Berger, Esq. – An environmental virtue signaler whose flaccid attempt at “wall” humor demands that he must keep his day job. Please ask him who paid for the wall that keeps radical Islamic terrorists – As if there is any other kind! – from slaughtering idyllic Israelis or peripatetic Gentiles. Also, ask him if he has shut off all the A/Cs in his offices to show his solidarity with drowning polar bears and America’s newly discovered endangered species, the San Diego fairy shrimp? I know that he opposes a wall on the Rio Grande but how about one keeping les merdes du Quebec out? Oops! I almost forgot the soon to be mourned dusky gopher frog who will be an addendum when George Carlin’s “Earth Day” Youtube is updated. Him and T-Rex. Gone but not forgotten.
#2 – Ex Senator Eleanor Sobell – She said “thousands of juveniles”, all Broward County students, “went to jail for misdemeanors”. “Thousands”? Can I see the numbers please? Can I see the schools they attended? How many of them were non-White? How many of them were here illegally? Why hasn’t this wimg-nut broad been Baker Acted? What a boob! At the very least, retroactive tubal ligation is required. She’s a big fan of Margaret Sanger, isn’t she?
#3 – Michael DeLucca, President of the Broward Regional Health Planning, and exactly what in the name of straightforward obfuscatory persiflage and Jabberwocky is that, said Starbucks should be canonized a la Mother Teresa, for banning plastic straws. “Such stupidity, sir,” to quote the great Dr. Johnson, “is not to be found in nature.”
If the Broward Regional Health Council has something, anything, to do with health, I suggest a far easier target. This plague, soon to be an epidemic, of “single use plastic” is growing like Topsy. Have you investigated the trash generated by any health care facility? For the sake of drowning polar bears, ravaged tortoises, perpetually endangered and bullied manatees, the beleaguered delhi smelt, the Javert-like pursued furbish louse wort, and the newly discovered, hanging on by its fingertips – Scratch that. They don’t have fingertips – San Diego fairy shrimp. Hospitals must ban all single use plastic devices. No more plastic syringes, the answer is obvious No more plastic catheters. No more plastic stents. No more plastic wrappings for gauze pads or surgical sponges, no more plastic heart valves. I have 3 titanium joints, each of which is, you guessed it, wrapped in plastic. I have a scleral buckle on my left eye, made of, right again, plastic. My pacemaker and defibrillator are made of, do I have to say it, plastic. I have had 6 kidney operations, 3 to put it in and 3 to take it out. It is a 10-inch piece of, am I repeating it, plastic. You are unconscious when it is put in but wide awake when it is removed. I have them available for inspection. I had a melanoma removed from my occipital bone. The dressing was a piece of left-over material from when Cristo was in his hey-day. It is also known as plastic. The staples securing it were not. The not quite final indignity was my head being wrapped like a half-assed Flying Nun, with the wound protecting wimple being made, and I can’t make this up, of plastic.
Any suggestions as to what can take its place?
But I digress.
Your editorial on the 1st Amendment has a provocative sib-title. “Sit down, shut up” was the dog whistle commands for deplorables before the species was identified by Wide-Bottomed Hillary. “Sit down and shut up” was an old-fashioned way of preventing AIDS, remember? That’s not what you meant, was it?
3 separate times, men with badges and guns, accompanied by the full majesty of the law, have questioned me about things I wrote to or about elected officials.
The first one was begun by then State Senator Debbie Wasserman-Schultz. This Medusa-coifed Hecate likes to use her shit lip on her adversaries but forgets the words to “Stick and Stones” when it is incoming. Then she calls the cops. I sent everything I ever wrote to her to Tom Fiedler, then the Editorial Page Editor of the Miami Herald for his review. I told him if he found one obscene or threatening word I would apologize to her and never write to or about her again. She is still, after all these years, my favorite default piñata.
Agent Thomas and Agent MIneva, both of the Florida Department of Law Enforcement, “good” cop and “bad” cop respectively, came to my house to investigate my libel and/or sedition. They succeeded in scaring my wife. The “good” cop, Agent Thomas, said that he and everybody in his group “loved” my stuff. The “bad” cop, Agent Mineva, said I should stop writing to all public officials. Honest.
It pays to be from Bayonne, NJ. Lessons like this are learned at your mother’s breast.
Does that constitute a “slippery slope” or the more treacherous “chilling effect”?
Broward Sheriff’s Detective Joe Kessling, whose wife was a Palm Beach County Detective, came to my house at the behest of Elections Bureau Supervisor Miriam Oliphant because of something I wrote. It wasn’t like I was walking around carrying her severed head or suggesting that she was having sex with her children or something so fittingly modern American Liberal. The term you can’t quite get your arms around is “eclectic indignation”.
The first thing he said to me was “You’re not in trouble”. I said, mindful of John Peter Zenger, “What do you mean I’m not in trouble? You have a badge and a fucking gun. What do you me ‘I’m not in trouble?’”
Let me add 2 things about Miriam Oliphant:
#1 – She was the dream candidate of every modern American Liberal voter in Broward County. She was an attractive, well dressed, superficially educated [degrees in education, not the subject taught, don’t count] well coifed, and more presentable than most people in general and NegroColoredAfricanAmericans in particular provided she kept her mouth Gorilla-Glued, stapled, and welded because she was, and I’m being charitable here, because she is sooooo
#2 – Homerically dumb. She is so Goddamn dumb that she made my hair hurt and my fingernails curl backwards. If you gave her a map and a Life Line she still couldn’t find her shapely ass using both hands, a GPS, and matching magnets, one on her hip and one in her gloved hand.
I asked Detective Kessling why he was wearing a long sleeve shirt. “Boss’s orders”, he said, with the Boss being Sheriff Ken Jenne, AKA Emperor Kenneth the Short.
By the by, Jenne is the only man in America who wanted to repeal the 3rd Amendment.
Palm Beach County Commissioner Addie Green would, could, and did steal a hot stove and the pennies off a dead man’s eyes for which she went to jail. Before she went inside I wrote to her cataloging some of her public shortcomings. In due course I was contacted by a Palm Beach County Detective with whom I struck an immediate rapport. He asked me if there weren’t enough feather merchants and 5 Finger shoppers in Broward to keep me busy. I agreed.
These charlatans have several things in common:
A – They are all card-carrying, fire breathing modern American Liberals.
B – Despite “Congress shall make no law…”, they sent the cops to my house because of something I wrote.
C – Repeat ‘A’
Did I say they were all modern American Liberals?
One of them went to jail. Another one should have but her diminished capacity, despite a Master’s degree – Should that be so gender specific? - precluded any prosecution. The 3rd one, the meaner than cat shit one, should have been bastinadoed prior to be strapadoed. Save for the 8th Amendment she would have.
Speech is either free or it isn’t. It’s 10 yards for a first down. Not almost 10 yards You are either pregnant or not. The tumor is either malignant or it is not. If Kathy Griffin can walk around with a severed head of il magnifico, if Robert DeNiro can say “Fuck Trump” – Why is there no YouTube memory of a male, a non-finochio male, saying “Fuck Hillary”? – I can say Hillary Clinton has an Oliver Hardy ass and that Liawatha Warren is a lying sack of eel shit.
And who says “Trousered Apes” are an endangered species?
The above is an example of tu quoque wondering into argumentum ad hominem. That’s 2/3rds of the Trivium. Jeepers, as an old dead Greek said before he was old and dead,
“FREE MEN SPEAK WITH FREE TONGUES”
Kevin Smith
WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH. NET
PS – Sorry I used “Topsy”. The Word Police have designated it “racist”. [I wonder what they would make of Dick Gregory’s autobiography? Do you suppose if I went to the African-American Library I should ask for it by name or would that be a foolish display of White Privilege?] And when are you going to publish those Mohammed cartoons? I think you have published a picture of “Piss Christ”? The title of Dick Gregory’s book? Send a SASE.
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