Posts
March 17, 2013
Steven L. Goldstein
The Sun Sentinel
RE: Habemus papam, 1978, and the Bush family – Some comments on your perpetually angst filled column on if you think things are bad now just wait.
My dear Professor,
Ave Papam Frankie!
The new Pope’s first outreach program is to grant Catholics one indulgence in the holy season of Lent. [ Who says I ain’t a multiculturalist? I have learned from our irenic Muslim brothers that anything that has anything to do with my religion will henceforth be either holy and/or sacred. Who knew that bingo was sacred? I didn’t. I do now. Next year’s all Catholic Big East basketball league will be holy. Allah damn it! Those WOGS are on to something, aren’t they? And there is no need to call them filthy WOGs. They are such per se.].
I will use my indulgence to break a vow to refrain from using you as the paradigmatic template for mush brained but meaner than cat shit modern American Liberals during the holy and sacred season of Lent. As such, you were always there for piñata poleaxing practice for me.
You mentioned in your Friday column that, should the evils of representative Democracy prevail and give you elected officials who don’t think that Midnight Basketball is good public policy, you wish to be transported back to the glory years of 1978.
1978
The Glory Years
JIMMY CARTER
The desire for a clean conscience in the holy/sacred season of Lent demands that I list 3 good things that he did.
#1 – He did not get to nominate any Supreme Court Justices.
#2 – He was so Homerically bad that he made it easy for the Great Reagan to take over and save the world from the Russkies.
#3 – He helped his brother, Billy Clyde, get a job with Muammar Khadafi.
If it were a football game I would be penalized for piling on if I mentioned that, in addition to not being able to find his ass using both his hands, he was so inept that he couldn’t get 5 helicopters to work. 16.5% T bills and 18.5% mortgages. It may have been the other way around. If you remember let me know.
If he had become Superintendent of the Sea Shore, once he found that he could not control the tides, he would have to buy sand.
On the other hand I can see you being repeatedly ravaged and ravished by a killer rabbit. There would be a line of Brer Rabbits and Peter Cottontails lined up far beyond the briar patch waiting to get their ears wrapped around you.
I search, vainly, for a synonym for putz.
But then came Sunday.
In case you’ve forgotten, Bills of Attainder are specifically forbidden by the Constitution. Because of that the sins of the father, real or imagined, cannot be visited upon the son[s]
The thought of another Bush puts your knickers in such a knot that should you require an industrial strength stool softener it would be wise not to stand close to your ears. Wearing a Haz-Mat suit would be prudent.
A quick trip down memory lane may be in order.
John Adams is most remembered for the Alien and Sedition Act and being involved in the 2nd dirtiest political campaign in American History. His son, JQ Adams, is most remembered for being involved in the dirtiest political campaign in American History.
Which brings us to the Kennedys, the Mother Lode of American dynasties.
Papa Joe, a philandering, stock swindling, boot-legger, who didn’t much like Jews. That makes it is easy to understand why he was a Hitler fan. Honest. You could look it up.
The first thing John Fitzgerald K did was to give his brother, Robert Francis K, a job. He made him Attorney General. He told the fawning press that he wanted to “give his kid brother some legal experience”. Before it was OK to “get chills up your leg”, the DC press became priapristically tumescent and learned to wear dark trousers when the President deigned to speak to them lest they embarrass themselves. Every ink stained wretch and wench save for Art Buchwald [The wenches, Sarah McClendon, Nancy Dickerson, Helen Thomas, inter alia. would immediately go into journalistic estrus when he wiggled his little finger at them.] swooned. Kennedy wanted Buchwald’s employer, the New York Herald Tribune, to send him out of the country. Honest. You could look it up.
Doubtless you remember that Bobby’s first job in Washington was as Counsel to Senator McCarthy. No, it wasn’t Gene; it was Joe. Honest. You could look it up.
The first things Bobby did were to wiretap Martin Luther King and try to kill Castro. Honest. You could look it up.
Meanwhile, there was an item since rocketed down the modern American Liberal memory hole. That’s where things go that fall under the category of “eclectic indignation”. It was his tax cuts that still drive the bug-eyed apes who think that “Midnight Basketball” is good public policy and that the way to cure poverty is to raise the minimum wage to $32.50 an hour. They were the largest tax cuts in 40 years. And they worked. Honest. You could look it up.
Jack set a record for Oval Office philandering that stood for almost 30 years. It took President Handsome Billy from Hot Springs, the King of the One-Eyed Trouser Snakes, to break it
Jack decided not to get us into Vietnam by getting us into Vietnam. Had Goldwater been elected whatever the United States did in Vietnam, whatever, go or stay, would have been over by Father’s Day, 1965. 58,000 names would not have been on the wall in DC because the wall would not have been built.
Lard, his Senator brother, had one lasting highlight in his life. He killed Mary Jo Kopechne. His nephew Joe, also a Congressman, only paralyzed one. His son Partick, yet another Congressman, proved that it is very, very good to be President of the Lucky Sperm Club. His niece, Kathleen Kennedy Townsend, the Lieutenant Governor of Maryland, was so dumb she made cold milk curdle. Honest. You could look it up.
Whatever arguments you can make about the policies of the Bushes, pere et fils et fils, it must be said that they got home for dinner, loved their wives, and raised good children. By “good” children I will use the Same Peckinpah definition: “They were able to enter their father’s house honorably.”
“People need to ask him [Jeb Bush] what he
believes are the proper roles of government.”
Sun Sentinel
Today
You
Funny you should mention that.
3 things leap to mind.
#1 – James Madison spelled out in declarative sentences what government can do.
#2 – George Mason spelled out in declarative sentences what government cannot do.
You will find both, surprisingly for you, in the same document. It is called the Constitution of the United States. It’s been around since 1787. It has been changed 27 times since with 12 of them coming before 1805
Honest. You could look it up.
#3 – This could be the most important of the three. James Madison, the same James Madison as in #1, replied when asked what was the most important trait to look for in a candidate for any public office, “Character. Character is all.”
I estimate it will take 50 Years and multiple yet undiscovered DNA contributors before any Kennedy can be said to possess “good character”. 50 years? That would bring us to 2063.
Since I am as Irish and as Catholic as those poltroons and poltroonessess, and since I am operating under a nihil obstat from Frank the First, I can say these things without fear, either temporal or eternal.
I shall go back to my long silence, said silence ending joyously on Easter Sunday.
KEVIN SMITH
WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET
Sunday, March 17, 2013
Wednesday, March 6, 2013
March 6, 2013
Michael Putney
The Miami Herald
Mikey!
Just when I thought it was going to be another day of “vainly fighting the old ennui” I came to your column. [I read the Sun Sentinel first]
Just like a Viagra enema!
I think – thought – that Crist is a toad whose favorite color is was – is – plaid. I think he would be the easiest candidate for Scott to beat. It’s always a shame when both can’t lose. But that’s not why I write.
Lower case global warming [your choice] is the reason.
One of my most treasured possessions is a 1971 copy of “The Population Bomb” by Paul Ehrlich, Ph.D. You may remember that he was a regular on the Johnny Carson Show. He came on right after the guy with the snakes and before either Don Rickles or Joan Rivers.
He said over and over that the “End of Days” was near. He said it would be a photo finish between starvation and Global Cooling. The finish line was halftime of the 2000 Rose Bowl, still the Granddaddy of Them All. He also said that the Roman Catholic Church was the main, in fact, the only culprit.
Today, March 6, 2013, finds me alive as are my creidtors, with my A/C on low, and both folliclely and calorically challenged.
As to the good Professor….
IT STILL SOUNDS LIKE BULLSHIT TO ME
Masters of Rhetoric challenge boobish Sophists by denying their major premise.
When I would finish my ever so gentle keelhauling and/or bastinadoing of a GlobalCollingGlobalWarmingClimateChange ohmadahn my wife would say to me, “That’s why people never ask us back”.
Why would anyone be opposed to saving the planet?
Follow the bouncing ball as I count the ways.
A – The earth warms.
B – More land becomes arable
C – More arable land means more protein
D – More protein means smarter people.
E – There was an upward spike in temperature 1200 years ago.
F – The Renaissance – Do you have a problem with that?
G – All those in favor of an Ice Age prepare to sit on my bayonet
H – Stand on the trap door marked “Lunatics”
I – Remove bayonet from rectum and cut off your nose.
J – Hasta la vista, you friggin’ nitwit.
In the glory days of Nixon, when he stopped the draft, introduced wage and price controls, and the EPA I would emerge from my shower and reach for the Right Guard. A quick squirt under each arm followed by a long squirt out the bathroom window. It was the least I could do to join in the fight against the dreaded ozone layer.
The entire climate change argument is based on tautologies on steroids. It makes the Bermuda Triangle folderol seem as precise as the multiplication table or Latin 1 or PI.
President Clinton announced that it was very hot in Washington in August because of Global Warming. Global Warming was then made worse by, you guessed it, hot summer days in Washington “Hot summer days in Washington” Who knew? Why didn’t someone tell me?
Pop quiz – How did Greenland get its name? Don’t know? Send a SASE.
Full disclosure requires me to tell you that my favorite climactic meteorologist is Professor Antonio “Big Red” Vivaldi.
What do cold winters, warm winters, tsunamis, fog, lake effect snow, “What is so rare as a day in June”, a confused Punxatawney Phil, hurricanes happening in Hampshire, :La Nina, El Nino, los Viejos, still born lambs, drowning polar bears, vernal equinoxes, asteroid fly-bys, the “Tea Party”, $9 beer at Dolphins Stadium, les merdes du Quebec, ginormous carbon footprints, Zap Mail, gas guzzling SUVs, coal, frost South of Frostproof, unniceness South of Niceville, summer colds, spring allergies,, autumn leaves, winter blues, Lite beer, plaid shirts and striped ties, les merdes du Quebec – There, I said it again, the perpetually heartbreaking heartbreak of psoriasis, the return of the Mayans and this time “No more Mr. Nice Guy”, the possible return of Alar, AKA the end of life as we know it on this planet, concupiscence, Big Gulps, taxing our way to prosperity, hope and change, and Michelle Obama’s exponentially burgeoning booty have in common?
They were all caused by – drum roll – man.
Having seen an infant die of malaria I would feed all the peregrine falcon eggs to Brer Fox and his extended family. Thanks to Rachel Carson 2,000,000 sub-Saharan Black babies die each year from malaria. DDT would save them. Rich White folk cared more about predatory raptors than they did about living, breathing people
Albert Arnold Gore, Jr. AKA Alpha Gump is the world’s biggest horse’s ass
I speak for man, the most endangered species of all.
I end with Faulkner.
“Man will not only endure. He will prevail.”
KEVIN SMITH
WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET
Michael Putney
The Miami Herald
Mikey!
Just when I thought it was going to be another day of “vainly fighting the old ennui” I came to your column. [I read the Sun Sentinel first]
Just like a Viagra enema!
I think – thought – that Crist is a toad whose favorite color is was – is – plaid. I think he would be the easiest candidate for Scott to beat. It’s always a shame when both can’t lose. But that’s not why I write.
Lower case global warming [your choice] is the reason.
One of my most treasured possessions is a 1971 copy of “The Population Bomb” by Paul Ehrlich, Ph.D. You may remember that he was a regular on the Johnny Carson Show. He came on right after the guy with the snakes and before either Don Rickles or Joan Rivers.
He said over and over that the “End of Days” was near. He said it would be a photo finish between starvation and Global Cooling. The finish line was halftime of the 2000 Rose Bowl, still the Granddaddy of Them All. He also said that the Roman Catholic Church was the main, in fact, the only culprit.
Today, March 6, 2013, finds me alive as are my creidtors, with my A/C on low, and both folliclely and calorically challenged.
As to the good Professor….
IT STILL SOUNDS LIKE BULLSHIT TO ME
Masters of Rhetoric challenge boobish Sophists by denying their major premise.
When I would finish my ever so gentle keelhauling and/or bastinadoing of a GlobalCollingGlobalWarmingClimateChange ohmadahn my wife would say to me, “That’s why people never ask us back”.
Why would anyone be opposed to saving the planet?
Follow the bouncing ball as I count the ways.
A – The earth warms.
B – More land becomes arable
C – More arable land means more protein
D – More protein means smarter people.
E – There was an upward spike in temperature 1200 years ago.
F – The Renaissance – Do you have a problem with that?
G – All those in favor of an Ice Age prepare to sit on my bayonet
H – Stand on the trap door marked “Lunatics”
I – Remove bayonet from rectum and cut off your nose.
J – Hasta la vista, you friggin’ nitwit.
In the glory days of Nixon, when he stopped the draft, introduced wage and price controls, and the EPA I would emerge from my shower and reach for the Right Guard. A quick squirt under each arm followed by a long squirt out the bathroom window. It was the least I could do to join in the fight against the dreaded ozone layer.
The entire climate change argument is based on tautologies on steroids. It makes the Bermuda Triangle folderol seem as precise as the multiplication table or Latin 1 or PI.
President Clinton announced that it was very hot in Washington in August because of Global Warming. Global Warming was then made worse by, you guessed it, hot summer days in Washington “Hot summer days in Washington” Who knew? Why didn’t someone tell me?
Pop quiz – How did Greenland get its name? Don’t know? Send a SASE.
Full disclosure requires me to tell you that my favorite climactic meteorologist is Professor Antonio “Big Red” Vivaldi.
What do cold winters, warm winters, tsunamis, fog, lake effect snow, “What is so rare as a day in June”, a confused Punxatawney Phil, hurricanes happening in Hampshire, :La Nina, El Nino, los Viejos, still born lambs, drowning polar bears, vernal equinoxes, asteroid fly-bys, the “Tea Party”, $9 beer at Dolphins Stadium, les merdes du Quebec, ginormous carbon footprints, Zap Mail, gas guzzling SUVs, coal, frost South of Frostproof, unniceness South of Niceville, summer colds, spring allergies,, autumn leaves, winter blues, Lite beer, plaid shirts and striped ties, les merdes du Quebec – There, I said it again, the perpetually heartbreaking heartbreak of psoriasis, the return of the Mayans and this time “No more Mr. Nice Guy”, the possible return of Alar, AKA the end of life as we know it on this planet, concupiscence, Big Gulps, taxing our way to prosperity, hope and change, and Michelle Obama’s exponentially burgeoning booty have in common?
They were all caused by – drum roll – man.
Having seen an infant die of malaria I would feed all the peregrine falcon eggs to Brer Fox and his extended family. Thanks to Rachel Carson 2,000,000 sub-Saharan Black babies die each year from malaria. DDT would save them. Rich White folk cared more about predatory raptors than they did about living, breathing people
Albert Arnold Gore, Jr. AKA Alpha Gump is the world’s biggest horse’s ass
I speak for man, the most endangered species of all.
I end with Faulkner.
“Man will not only endure. He will prevail.”
KEVIN SMITH
WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET
Tuesday, March 5, 2013
March 3, 2013
Congressman James Clyburn
130 W .Main Street
Kingtree, SC 29556
RE: White pots and Black kettles
Mr. Clyburn,
If, as you supposedly said, Justice Scalia is “white and proud”, and I know that you didn’t mean that as a compliment, could you tell me the difference between what you said about Scalia and what James Brown said about himself? If memory serves he was “black and proud”.
Do you have a position on either “yellow and proud” or “red and proud”?
Kevin Smith
Congressman James Clyburn
130 W .Main Street
Kingtree, SC 29556
RE: White pots and Black kettles
Mr. Clyburn,
If, as you supposedly said, Justice Scalia is “white and proud”, and I know that you didn’t mean that as a compliment, could you tell me the difference between what you said about Scalia and what James Brown said about himself? If memory serves he was “black and proud”.
Do you have a position on either “yellow and proud” or “red and proud”?
Kevin Smith
Saturday, March 2, 2013
March 2, 2013
Douglas C. Lyons
The Sun Sentinel
RE: Oliver Cromwell, a still relevant DWEM tradition, and trying to avoid “R”, today’s most infamous Scarlet Letter, the branding of which can never be undone. – Some comments on your column in today’s Sun Sentinel. I add, somewhat gratuitously, that your publishing on this, the infamous first day of Sequestration, is worthy of Pulitzer attention. If not Joseph, certainly Lily.
Mr. Lyons,
Oliver Cromwell, the author of a not quite big league Holocaust – Can Holocaust be quantified? – in the country of my forebears, said to a non-complying Parliament, “I beseech you in the bowels to Christ to consider that you may be wrong”.
The “still relevant DWEM tradition” that I refer to is the presumption of innocence. It is a gift of Natural Law that we receive at birth. It comes from beyond the stars. Does it cover George Zimmerman or does its comforting aegis stop with O.J. Simpson?
[As a journalist, do you think the New York Times’ characterization of George Zimmerman as a “white Hispanic” is –A- fair reportage or –B- race baiting cum pandering a la the Duke University lacrosse team, all of whom were melanin challenged and, as such, presumptively guilty Republican racist rapists?]
You exhibition of the genetic dispositions of a dedicated modern American Liberal is invoountary. Absent any concern for, or even awareness of, the permanent things, you say that the law, any law, is bad if it does not advance the Progressive policy du jour.
Modern American Liberals proclaim that they don’t want to get into any discussion between a physician and his patient, excepting one where the MD gets to ask if the patient is packing. Will he get a bonus Medicaid/Medicare payment if he tells who is carrying a hog leg?
You also say that “state law prohibits local government from creating laws regulating fire arms”.
I hate [not really] to be the one who breaks this to you but state laws and its Big Brother, Federal laws, “prohibit[s] local government from creating laws” regulating a lot of things
Fort Lauderdale cannot have its own rules governing contracts.
Palm Beach cannot lower the Florida sales tax within its borders.
Miami cannot prohibit a road sign saying that Obama is both a horse’s ass and a pompous fart and Biden is a moron.
And while ink-stained wretches can convict a perpetrator – “alleged” of course – because of the race of the victim or said perpetrator – “alleged”, of course – it does so at a great disservice to the common weal of the body politic.
Should a silver tongued advocate, say Moishe Gonzales, AKA “Werewolf”, convince a la Johnny Cochrane, 12 of George Zimmerman’s peers that he did not do it will Trayvon Martin’s extended family take to the streets and exercise their right to, as Congresswoman Maxine Waters describes it, “alternative shopping”?
Are the PC word police heating up the dreaded “R” branding iron for me?
Let me know.
KEVIN SMITH
WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET
Douglas C. Lyons
The Sun Sentinel
RE: Oliver Cromwell, a still relevant DWEM tradition, and trying to avoid “R”, today’s most infamous Scarlet Letter, the branding of which can never be undone. – Some comments on your column in today’s Sun Sentinel. I add, somewhat gratuitously, that your publishing on this, the infamous first day of Sequestration, is worthy of Pulitzer attention. If not Joseph, certainly Lily.
Mr. Lyons,
Oliver Cromwell, the author of a not quite big league Holocaust – Can Holocaust be quantified? – in the country of my forebears, said to a non-complying Parliament, “I beseech you in the bowels to Christ to consider that you may be wrong”.
The “still relevant DWEM tradition” that I refer to is the presumption of innocence. It is a gift of Natural Law that we receive at birth. It comes from beyond the stars. Does it cover George Zimmerman or does its comforting aegis stop with O.J. Simpson?
[As a journalist, do you think the New York Times’ characterization of George Zimmerman as a “white Hispanic” is –A- fair reportage or –B- race baiting cum pandering a la the Duke University lacrosse team, all of whom were melanin challenged and, as such, presumptively guilty Republican racist rapists?]
You exhibition of the genetic dispositions of a dedicated modern American Liberal is invoountary. Absent any concern for, or even awareness of, the permanent things, you say that the law, any law, is bad if it does not advance the Progressive policy du jour.
Modern American Liberals proclaim that they don’t want to get into any discussion between a physician and his patient, excepting one where the MD gets to ask if the patient is packing. Will he get a bonus Medicaid/Medicare payment if he tells who is carrying a hog leg?
You also say that “state law prohibits local government from creating laws regulating fire arms”.
I hate [not really] to be the one who breaks this to you but state laws and its Big Brother, Federal laws, “prohibit[s] local government from creating laws” regulating a lot of things
Fort Lauderdale cannot have its own rules governing contracts.
Palm Beach cannot lower the Florida sales tax within its borders.
Miami cannot prohibit a road sign saying that Obama is both a horse’s ass and a pompous fart and Biden is a moron.
And while ink-stained wretches can convict a perpetrator – “alleged” of course – because of the race of the victim or said perpetrator – “alleged”, of course – it does so at a great disservice to the common weal of the body politic.
Should a silver tongued advocate, say Moishe Gonzales, AKA “Werewolf”, convince a la Johnny Cochrane, 12 of George Zimmerman’s peers that he did not do it will Trayvon Martin’s extended family take to the streets and exercise their right to, as Congresswoman Maxine Waters describes it, “alternative shopping”?
Are the PC word police heating up the dreaded “R” branding iron for me?
Let me know.
KEVIN SMITH
WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET
Sunday, February 24, 2013
February 23, 2013
Congresswoman Frederica Wilson
10100 Pines Blvd – B Building
Pembroke Pines, FL 33025
RE: Say what? – Some comments on your op-ed article about those nasty Republicans and how they want to starve babies, kill seniors, and kill senior polar bears.
Congressperson Wilson,
I thought today would be a great day for making manatee sausage. The babies are yummy plus they are low fat and low sodium. And a big shout out to Michelle Obama for guiding us on the path to better living through tofu.
Then I read your article.
One of your on-line bios says that you have two degrees. One Bachelor’s degree and one Master’s degree. Reading your article I was certain that neither was in Logic or Math.
Several things leapt to mind.
#1 – Don’t you think you should begin calling your most recent degree a Mistress of Elementary Education? If chicks can grab a weapon and go face the elephant and maybe play catch up ball at Arlington Cemetery don’t you think society should reflect their unique contributions?
#2 – A Bachelor’s or a Master’s degree in education ranks somewhere between the widest building in Wichita and the world’s tallest midget. I was going to include “the smartest bear in the zoo” but I didn’t.
Further, you say that you were elected “overwhelmingly” by your constituents. Alas, the way your district was rigged the woman convicted of killing Rilya Wilson would have been elected. O.J. Simpson or Step-n-Fetchit would have won 2 to 1.
First, the lesson in Logic.
I know that you support increasing the minimum wage from $7.15 an hour to $9.00 an hour. I am trying to piece together a construct on how that will affect a single mom, usually a woman of color, with children in need of a good Ritalin program who are too far away from Midnight Basketball.
Train wreck, tsunami, disaster, all spring to mind.
Inner city youth – That’s one Hell of a euphemism, right? – are unemployed and, worse, unemployable at $7.15 an hour. Why would Apple and Google suddenly lust after them at $9.00 an hour?
Logic would dictate that if $9.00 an hour is good $19.00 an hour would be better. Why stop there? How about $36.50 an hour? Good, better, best.
History screams at us that the single most racist piece of Federal legislation signed into law in the 20th century was the minimum wage act. Look it up.
Now it’s time for Math
The Federal budget is three trillion six hundred billion dollars. Put in plain numbers that is $3,600,000,000,000. Evil sequestration, a Republican plan to put yet another lash on the backs of the undeserving poor, amounts to eighty eight billion dollars. That is $88,000,000,000 over 2 years. That is approaching a rounding error. [“Rounding error”? Send a SASE]
Your article says that 1,145,600 people will have to live on fish heads and rice until they get Food Stamps.
Perhaps you could tell me why President Obama campaigned for it and gleefully signed it into law? Perhaps you could tell me why he threatened to veto any Congressional attempt to change it? Perhaps not.
My Uncle Adam said “What is prudence in running the affairs of a household can scarce be folly in running the affairs of an empire”. Uncle Adam? SASE
Speaking of budgets you do know that 42% of every dollar we spend is borrowed, don’t you? Every day that Hillary Clinton was in the Senate she raled against borrowing money form the Chinese. The first foreign country she visited was China; She took Monica Lewinsky with her. Monica had certain “negotiating” skills that melted the heart of Ming, the Merciless Mandarin Moneylender.
I mention that because candidate Obama promised to cut the deficit in half by the end of his first term. I remember that. Do you?
You call for “targeted spending to proactively protect our cities”. Allah Damn it but that’s a mouthful. I won’t comment on the split infinitive. Some referees might flag me for piling on.
As people leave Detroit coyotes have returned. Like the Pilgrims of old they have quickly become self-sufficient. In addition to “cooling the earth and lowering the seas” we were told that the country would change dramatically and fundamentally. Who are we to say that suffrage is limited to bi-pods? Modern American Liberals in Broward County want manatees to vote. Why not coyotes in Wayne County?
The only cities more under control of a single unwavering political philosophy than Detroit in the Northern Hemisphere are Rome and Havana.
Forbes Magazine gave Detroit its equivalent of a Michelin 5 Star rating. It wasn’t the dirtiest. It wasn’t the most corrupt. It wasn’t the poorest. It wasn’t the most crime ridden.
IT WAS THE MOST MISERABLE
Your reflex solution, one that is genetically imprinted in the DNA of all practicing modern American Liberals is simple. In the typical mush-brained Boob McNutt way you and your Lodge sisters in the “Balloon Juice” factory you say, Spend more money!
Now I know why you wear those silly assed Dale Rogers cowgirl hats. Whatever common sense that was drilled into you as a child has been draining out of an unclosable occipital aperture. You line the hat with Duck Tape, Crazy Glue, and Velcro to keep it on to stop anything from falling out.
Accordingly, I hereby name you
HORSE’S ASS of the WEEK
[CONGRESSIONAL DIVISION – MAMMARY SECTION]
I know that God blesses and loves America. I also know that he has a great sense of humor. I am sure that when He looks at you he is sorely tempted to wash His hands and start over at where the Pioneer Space Probe is headed for.
The only positive thing you’ve done today is to save a manatee.
Kevin Smith
Congresswoman Frederica Wilson
10100 Pines Blvd – B Building
Pembroke Pines, FL 33025
RE: Say what? – Some comments on your op-ed article about those nasty Republicans and how they want to starve babies, kill seniors, and kill senior polar bears.
Congressperson Wilson,
I thought today would be a great day for making manatee sausage. The babies are yummy plus they are low fat and low sodium. And a big shout out to Michelle Obama for guiding us on the path to better living through tofu.
Then I read your article.
One of your on-line bios says that you have two degrees. One Bachelor’s degree and one Master’s degree. Reading your article I was certain that neither was in Logic or Math.
Several things leapt to mind.
#1 – Don’t you think you should begin calling your most recent degree a Mistress of Elementary Education? If chicks can grab a weapon and go face the elephant and maybe play catch up ball at Arlington Cemetery don’t you think society should reflect their unique contributions?
#2 – A Bachelor’s or a Master’s degree in education ranks somewhere between the widest building in Wichita and the world’s tallest midget. I was going to include “the smartest bear in the zoo” but I didn’t.
Further, you say that you were elected “overwhelmingly” by your constituents. Alas, the way your district was rigged the woman convicted of killing Rilya Wilson would have been elected. O.J. Simpson or Step-n-Fetchit would have won 2 to 1.
First, the lesson in Logic.
I know that you support increasing the minimum wage from $7.15 an hour to $9.00 an hour. I am trying to piece together a construct on how that will affect a single mom, usually a woman of color, with children in need of a good Ritalin program who are too far away from Midnight Basketball.
Train wreck, tsunami, disaster, all spring to mind.
Inner city youth – That’s one Hell of a euphemism, right? – are unemployed and, worse, unemployable at $7.15 an hour. Why would Apple and Google suddenly lust after them at $9.00 an hour?
Logic would dictate that if $9.00 an hour is good $19.00 an hour would be better. Why stop there? How about $36.50 an hour? Good, better, best.
History screams at us that the single most racist piece of Federal legislation signed into law in the 20th century was the minimum wage act. Look it up.
Now it’s time for Math
The Federal budget is three trillion six hundred billion dollars. Put in plain numbers that is $3,600,000,000,000. Evil sequestration, a Republican plan to put yet another lash on the backs of the undeserving poor, amounts to eighty eight billion dollars. That is $88,000,000,000 over 2 years. That is approaching a rounding error. [“Rounding error”? Send a SASE]
Your article says that 1,145,600 people will have to live on fish heads and rice until they get Food Stamps.
Perhaps you could tell me why President Obama campaigned for it and gleefully signed it into law? Perhaps you could tell me why he threatened to veto any Congressional attempt to change it? Perhaps not.
My Uncle Adam said “What is prudence in running the affairs of a household can scarce be folly in running the affairs of an empire”. Uncle Adam? SASE
Speaking of budgets you do know that 42% of every dollar we spend is borrowed, don’t you? Every day that Hillary Clinton was in the Senate she raled against borrowing money form the Chinese. The first foreign country she visited was China; She took Monica Lewinsky with her. Monica had certain “negotiating” skills that melted the heart of Ming, the Merciless Mandarin Moneylender.
I mention that because candidate Obama promised to cut the deficit in half by the end of his first term. I remember that. Do you?
You call for “targeted spending to proactively protect our cities”. Allah Damn it but that’s a mouthful. I won’t comment on the split infinitive. Some referees might flag me for piling on.
As people leave Detroit coyotes have returned. Like the Pilgrims of old they have quickly become self-sufficient. In addition to “cooling the earth and lowering the seas” we were told that the country would change dramatically and fundamentally. Who are we to say that suffrage is limited to bi-pods? Modern American Liberals in Broward County want manatees to vote. Why not coyotes in Wayne County?
The only cities more under control of a single unwavering political philosophy than Detroit in the Northern Hemisphere are Rome and Havana.
Forbes Magazine gave Detroit its equivalent of a Michelin 5 Star rating. It wasn’t the dirtiest. It wasn’t the most corrupt. It wasn’t the poorest. It wasn’t the most crime ridden.
IT WAS THE MOST MISERABLE
Your reflex solution, one that is genetically imprinted in the DNA of all practicing modern American Liberals is simple. In the typical mush-brained Boob McNutt way you and your Lodge sisters in the “Balloon Juice” factory you say, Spend more money!
Now I know why you wear those silly assed Dale Rogers cowgirl hats. Whatever common sense that was drilled into you as a child has been draining out of an unclosable occipital aperture. You line the hat with Duck Tape, Crazy Glue, and Velcro to keep it on to stop anything from falling out.
Accordingly, I hereby name you
HORSE’S ASS of the WEEK
[CONGRESSIONAL DIVISION – MAMMARY SECTION]
I know that God blesses and loves America. I also know that he has a great sense of humor. I am sure that when He looks at you he is sorely tempted to wash His hands and start over at where the Pioneer Space Probe is headed for.
The only positive thing you’ve done today is to save a manatee.
Kevin Smith
February 22, 2013
Michael Mayo
The Sun Sentinel
RE: Free Speech – How far out will that envelope go?
Mr. Mayo,
As long as the genie is out of the bottle I have been trying to get a big time media mogul to sponsor the following event. Some background is necessary.
Broward County is Ground Zero, the crucible where Progressives can blossom, the last bastion of true believers that Midnight Basketball is sound public policy, and a place where it is known that with one last big push the 49 year long War on Poverty can be won. The only divine presence in the Temple of Modern American Liberalism is Gaia, the Mother of us all. It is a place where lions and lambs lie down together. It is true that they have to get a new lamb every night but people blessed with good intentions and a unwavering belief that gravity is temporary are close to solving that problem also. There is a pilot program to make the Lion King a vegan. Results are mixed but some additional funding from the 1% will teach Simba the joys of arugula and tofu.
Who can doubt that manatee suffrage is only 2 or 3 election cycles away from fruition? And yes, interspecies dating will be encouraged.
The egregious gerrymandering that would elect O.J. Simpson or Jumbalaya Mumia, the Philly cop killer, to whichever office they ran for, is a testament to truth, justice, and the American way.
Dr. Mengele would probably win by shutout in the primary because of his strong views on women’s reproductive rights.
I won’t miss this year’s Julius and Ethel Rosenberg Memorial Walk for Justice.
Supposedly rational adults believe that if a Black teenager is unemployed and, worse, unemployable at $7.25 an hour he will have Apple and Google stalking him to hire him at $9.00 an hour. Honest. They really believe that.
With the possible exception of Barbra Streisand’s gazebo, the big one by the environmentally correct abalone rehab clinic, the one with the solar powered wind mill to shoo the furbish louseworts away without harming them, and Zabar’s on a cool, crisp Sunday morning, there is no more thoroughly modern American Liberal place North of Havana than Area Code 954.
That’s why I think it is time for this blow for freedom to be struck.
We know that burning an American flag is good.
We know that burning a bible is better.
Why not burn both of them at the same time?
I propose to wrap the bible in an American flag and burn it on the steps of the Federal Courthouse in Fort Lauderdale.
In case the fire gets out of control – We were just told that the evil Republican sequestration and how did they get Obama to sign that into law, weren’t we and that fire departments would be shut down, right? - I will have a large container of liquid available to quench it. Pig pee sounds about right.
One thing more.
Since Broward County is a recognized leader in the quest for mutli-cultural diversity – Remember Elections Supervisor Miriam Oliphant as the Poster Girl for Hire the Handicapped? I do - let’s include a copy of the sacred Koran. [Maybe you can tell me why everything those camel jockeys have is either sacred or holy?] Let’s burn them all. “God will know His own.”
If the Nazis can march in Skokie and those wing nut snake handlers can picket dead soldiers’ funerals why can’t I do the above?
Eagerly anticipating your public support, I remain
KEVIN SMITH
WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET
Michael Mayo
The Sun Sentinel
RE: Free Speech – How far out will that envelope go?
Mr. Mayo,
As long as the genie is out of the bottle I have been trying to get a big time media mogul to sponsor the following event. Some background is necessary.
Broward County is Ground Zero, the crucible where Progressives can blossom, the last bastion of true believers that Midnight Basketball is sound public policy, and a place where it is known that with one last big push the 49 year long War on Poverty can be won. The only divine presence in the Temple of Modern American Liberalism is Gaia, the Mother of us all. It is a place where lions and lambs lie down together. It is true that they have to get a new lamb every night but people blessed with good intentions and a unwavering belief that gravity is temporary are close to solving that problem also. There is a pilot program to make the Lion King a vegan. Results are mixed but some additional funding from the 1% will teach Simba the joys of arugula and tofu.
Who can doubt that manatee suffrage is only 2 or 3 election cycles away from fruition? And yes, interspecies dating will be encouraged.
The egregious gerrymandering that would elect O.J. Simpson or Jumbalaya Mumia, the Philly cop killer, to whichever office they ran for, is a testament to truth, justice, and the American way.
Dr. Mengele would probably win by shutout in the primary because of his strong views on women’s reproductive rights.
I won’t miss this year’s Julius and Ethel Rosenberg Memorial Walk for Justice.
Supposedly rational adults believe that if a Black teenager is unemployed and, worse, unemployable at $7.25 an hour he will have Apple and Google stalking him to hire him at $9.00 an hour. Honest. They really believe that.
With the possible exception of Barbra Streisand’s gazebo, the big one by the environmentally correct abalone rehab clinic, the one with the solar powered wind mill to shoo the furbish louseworts away without harming them, and Zabar’s on a cool, crisp Sunday morning, there is no more thoroughly modern American Liberal place North of Havana than Area Code 954.
That’s why I think it is time for this blow for freedom to be struck.
We know that burning an American flag is good.
We know that burning a bible is better.
Why not burn both of them at the same time?
I propose to wrap the bible in an American flag and burn it on the steps of the Federal Courthouse in Fort Lauderdale.
In case the fire gets out of control – We were just told that the evil Republican sequestration and how did they get Obama to sign that into law, weren’t we and that fire departments would be shut down, right? - I will have a large container of liquid available to quench it. Pig pee sounds about right.
One thing more.
Since Broward County is a recognized leader in the quest for mutli-cultural diversity – Remember Elections Supervisor Miriam Oliphant as the Poster Girl for Hire the Handicapped? I do - let’s include a copy of the sacred Koran. [Maybe you can tell me why everything those camel jockeys have is either sacred or holy?] Let’s burn them all. “God will know His own.”
If the Nazis can march in Skokie and those wing nut snake handlers can picket dead soldiers’ funerals why can’t I do the above?
Eagerly anticipating your public support, I remain
KEVIN SMITH
WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET
Friday, February 22, 2013
February 21, 2013
Michael Mayo
The Sun Sentinel
RE: “Free Speech For Me But Not For Thee” – Some comments on your column about whether or not Colonel West should be allowed to speak in a public arena, particularly one funded by taxpayers.
Mr. Mayo,
You may recognize the above as the title of a book on free speech by Nat Hentoff.
In 2000, when I lived in Lauderdale by the Sea, the town council debated a speech bill. They wanted to pass an ordinance banning all “crude and offensive speech” at public meetings.
In a back and forth with “them” I asked what would happen if I were to tell the female clerk to “get thee to a nunnery”? When Hamlet told Ophelia to do so “nunneries” were short hand for French Knocking Shoppes”, AKA whore houses.
My intent was to show that language is a living organism. I was even going to tell them what Yeats meant when he spoke of “dying”. I never did get to Molly’s “Yes” soliloquy. That would have gotten us to Ezra Pound who edited both of them and that would have been an invitation to the notorious chilling effect.
Hentoff told me to get arrested and that he would write a column about me in the Village Voice.
“That’s easy for you to say” was my response.
Your Voltaire-like defense of Colonel West puts you on the slippery slope to having your membership in the modern American Liberal ink-stained wretch cabal revoked. Those poltroons don’t like anyone, particularly those thought to be “theirs”, wandering off the reservation. You may have to spend some time “getting your head straight”.
On September 18, 200i, Agent Thomas and Agent Mineva of the Florida Department of Law Enforcement, men with badges and guns as my wife was quick to point out, came to my home because of something I wrote to the paradigmatic template of modern American: Liberalism, then Florida State Senator Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
It was the classic good cop-bad cop routine as any former Bayonne resident could tell you. Agent Mineva, the bad cop, told me – A – to stop writing to Little Debbie and –B – stop writing to all public officials.
My response, “Free men speak with free tongues”, was good advice when it was given by one of those pesky, still dead, White European males 2&1/2 millennia ago. It fell on deaf ears.
3 years later, when Broward Deputy Sheriff Joe Kessling came to my house about something I wrote to Miriam Oliphant [Allah almighty but that woman was world class dumb, wasn’t she?] the first thing he said to me was “You’re not in trouble”.
“What do you mean I’m not in trouble? You have a badge and a fucking gun. What do you mean I’m not in trouble?”
Do you see a pattern developing here?
If Christians are offended because a tax-payer supported play, “Corpus Cristi”, a play that says that Christ was crucified because of a lovers’ quarrel with Judas Iscariot, we are told that artistic freedom trumps your feelings.
Saturday Night Live is being criticized because for a satiric skit about the crucifixion of Christ. The criticism is marginalized because “they”, Neanderthal bitter clingers all, have no sense of the aesthete, no sense of artistic expression.
Can you imagine the uproar if Mohammed were to be portrayed as a goat humping pedophile?
I can’t either because it would never happen. Never ever. Never.
Free speech is like pregnancy. Either it is or it isn’t; either she is or she isn’t.
Have you heard the one about 2 85 year old men, one Black and the other Jewish, fighting in the street? Myron Cohen tells it better. It seems that the Black guy asks the Jew….
KEVIN SMITH
WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET
Michael Mayo
The Sun Sentinel
RE: “Free Speech For Me But Not For Thee” – Some comments on your column about whether or not Colonel West should be allowed to speak in a public arena, particularly one funded by taxpayers.
Mr. Mayo,
You may recognize the above as the title of a book on free speech by Nat Hentoff.
In 2000, when I lived in Lauderdale by the Sea, the town council debated a speech bill. They wanted to pass an ordinance banning all “crude and offensive speech” at public meetings.
In a back and forth with “them” I asked what would happen if I were to tell the female clerk to “get thee to a nunnery”? When Hamlet told Ophelia to do so “nunneries” were short hand for French Knocking Shoppes”, AKA whore houses.
My intent was to show that language is a living organism. I was even going to tell them what Yeats meant when he spoke of “dying”. I never did get to Molly’s “Yes” soliloquy. That would have gotten us to Ezra Pound who edited both of them and that would have been an invitation to the notorious chilling effect.
Hentoff told me to get arrested and that he would write a column about me in the Village Voice.
“That’s easy for you to say” was my response.
Your Voltaire-like defense of Colonel West puts you on the slippery slope to having your membership in the modern American Liberal ink-stained wretch cabal revoked. Those poltroons don’t like anyone, particularly those thought to be “theirs”, wandering off the reservation. You may have to spend some time “getting your head straight”.
On September 18, 200i, Agent Thomas and Agent Mineva of the Florida Department of Law Enforcement, men with badges and guns as my wife was quick to point out, came to my home because of something I wrote to the paradigmatic template of modern American: Liberalism, then Florida State Senator Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
It was the classic good cop-bad cop routine as any former Bayonne resident could tell you. Agent Mineva, the bad cop, told me – A – to stop writing to Little Debbie and –B – stop writing to all public officials.
My response, “Free men speak with free tongues”, was good advice when it was given by one of those pesky, still dead, White European males 2&1/2 millennia ago. It fell on deaf ears.
3 years later, when Broward Deputy Sheriff Joe Kessling came to my house about something I wrote to Miriam Oliphant [Allah almighty but that woman was world class dumb, wasn’t she?] the first thing he said to me was “You’re not in trouble”.
“What do you mean I’m not in trouble? You have a badge and a fucking gun. What do you mean I’m not in trouble?”
Do you see a pattern developing here?
If Christians are offended because a tax-payer supported play, “Corpus Cristi”, a play that says that Christ was crucified because of a lovers’ quarrel with Judas Iscariot, we are told that artistic freedom trumps your feelings.
Saturday Night Live is being criticized because for a satiric skit about the crucifixion of Christ. The criticism is marginalized because “they”, Neanderthal bitter clingers all, have no sense of the aesthete, no sense of artistic expression.
Can you imagine the uproar if Mohammed were to be portrayed as a goat humping pedophile?
I can’t either because it would never happen. Never ever. Never.
Free speech is like pregnancy. Either it is or it isn’t; either she is or she isn’t.
Have you heard the one about 2 85 year old men, one Black and the other Jewish, fighting in the street? Myron Cohen tells it better. It seems that the Black guy asks the Jew….
KEVIN SMITH
WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET
Saturday, February 16, 2013
February 14, 2013
Letter to the Editor
The Miami Herald
One Herald Plaza
Miami, FL 333132-1693
RE: The world is turned upside down – Some comments on the first section of today’s paper.
Sirs,
A faceless internet [Again, thanks to Vice President Alpha Gump] allows people to praise a killer in California.
Waiting in line to vote is now considered malum per se and prima facie proof of racism.
A gazillionaire wants the undeserving poor of Miami/Dade County to pay for his new workplace.
The shocking, shocking news that another Democratic Congressman from Hudson County, NJ would steal a hot stove after taking the pennies off a dead man’s eyes.
Indians, the ones with the red dot, not the ones with tomahawks and casinos, are aborting baby girls.
But then I got to your editorial page.
Judge Scott Silverman tells us that Franklin Roosevelt “led our country out of the great Depression…” Thank God we’re in Florida and Thank God this sad ssack sorry ass is of the bench. It takes huevos grandes for him to say say that because of one reason. It ain’t true. By any economic indicator, including some that weren’t even invented yet, the country was in worse shape 6 years after he was inaugurated. Look it up, Your Honor. Get back to me.
Next up is Senator Bill Bradley, AKA “Mumbles”. He speaks about Social Security. Should Cecil Rhodes suddenly reappear he would want his money back. I cite the following as the first count of the indictment.
“The next commissioner, unlike some predecessors, should
bring to the job a detailed historical knowledge of Social Security –
of decisions that have made the system stronger and of others
that have weakened it.”
The Miami Herald
Today
Page 19A
Bradley OP-ED
Which predecessor[s] weakened it? How was it weakened?
History tells us that it was destined to be weakened for 3 reasons.
#1 – When it first started the country had 30 people paying in for each person receiving a check. Then it was 20. Then 10. Now it is 3 to 1. Do the math.
#2 - My mother received checks, including her annual “raise’, until she was one month shy of her 95th birthday. Her sister went 4 years longer. Is it too late to shout that people are living longer?
#3 – In 1964, with the approval of both parties, the deductions from both employees and employers went directly into the general accounts of the United States of America. Once a year, the “trustees” of the Social Security system meet with the Treasury Department. [I hope it is under a bridge at night] I hope somebody brings some good liquor to this meeting. The Department of Treasury says this is how much money we took from you. They then issue an IOU, a chit, a marker. The saps who paid in have now become Wimpy’s greatest enabler. Wimpy was Popeye’s friend who would say without a hint of irony, “I will gladly pay you on Thursday for a hamburger I eat on Monday”.
It is well to note that if a private company, say McClatchy, were to do that, grim men with green eyeshades, badges, and guns would appear at your offices and begin to handcuff people and drag them out.
Would it not be incumbent on Senator Bradley to tell us who “weakened” the system and how did “they” do it?
Talk about trying to find invisible Easter eggs! Assuming I stumbled upon my own “lock box” There would be nothing in it. It would take a century of perpetual “Summers of Recovery”, coupled with Death Panels at least equal to those established by the previous century’s 3 most prominent community activists: Stalin, Hitler, and Mao, to approach solvency.
I enclose a copy of a letter I received from Senator Mumbles. If you can tell me what the second paragraph means it will end a quest lasting, like Ulysses’, 20 years.
Then I got to Kathleen Parker’s screed.
50 years ago, Betty Freidan, apparently the inspiration for Peggy Lee’s song “Is That All There Is”, acidly etched her “angst” at not being able to have it all. [The lesson that modern American Liberals of all stripes never learn is that it is called the horizon because, try, try, try the lesson of the Little Engine doesn’t cut it. The horizon can’t be reached. The Yellow Brick Road never gets to Oz. Thank God for Prozac.]
On Page 17A, the page just before the editorial pages, there is a story about “female feticide”. Talk about a place that needs an ERA! If you want to go to full term in the Punjab it is best to have a wang like a policeman’s billy. If I were in the baby clothes business I would never have to order pink. I’d rather be Ken than Barbie in utero.
One of my favorite authors said
“Focus on the absurd lest reality drive you mad.”
Sometimes the lines blur.
Anyway, thanks for starting my day.
Kevin Smith
Letter to the Editor
The Miami Herald
One Herald Plaza
Miami, FL 333132-1693
RE: The world is turned upside down – Some comments on the first section of today’s paper.
Sirs,
A faceless internet [Again, thanks to Vice President Alpha Gump] allows people to praise a killer in California.
Waiting in line to vote is now considered malum per se and prima facie proof of racism.
A gazillionaire wants the undeserving poor of Miami/Dade County to pay for his new workplace.
The shocking, shocking news that another Democratic Congressman from Hudson County, NJ would steal a hot stove after taking the pennies off a dead man’s eyes.
Indians, the ones with the red dot, not the ones with tomahawks and casinos, are aborting baby girls.
But then I got to your editorial page.
Judge Scott Silverman tells us that Franklin Roosevelt “led our country out of the great Depression…” Thank God we’re in Florida and Thank God this sad ssack sorry ass is of the bench. It takes huevos grandes for him to say say that because of one reason. It ain’t true. By any economic indicator, including some that weren’t even invented yet, the country was in worse shape 6 years after he was inaugurated. Look it up, Your Honor. Get back to me.
Next up is Senator Bill Bradley, AKA “Mumbles”. He speaks about Social Security. Should Cecil Rhodes suddenly reappear he would want his money back. I cite the following as the first count of the indictment.
“The next commissioner, unlike some predecessors, should
bring to the job a detailed historical knowledge of Social Security –
of decisions that have made the system stronger and of others
that have weakened it.”
The Miami Herald
Today
Page 19A
Bradley OP-ED
Which predecessor[s] weakened it? How was it weakened?
History tells us that it was destined to be weakened for 3 reasons.
#1 – When it first started the country had 30 people paying in for each person receiving a check. Then it was 20. Then 10. Now it is 3 to 1. Do the math.
#2 - My mother received checks, including her annual “raise’, until she was one month shy of her 95th birthday. Her sister went 4 years longer. Is it too late to shout that people are living longer?
#3 – In 1964, with the approval of both parties, the deductions from both employees and employers went directly into the general accounts of the United States of America. Once a year, the “trustees” of the Social Security system meet with the Treasury Department. [I hope it is under a bridge at night] I hope somebody brings some good liquor to this meeting. The Department of Treasury says this is how much money we took from you. They then issue an IOU, a chit, a marker. The saps who paid in have now become Wimpy’s greatest enabler. Wimpy was Popeye’s friend who would say without a hint of irony, “I will gladly pay you on Thursday for a hamburger I eat on Monday”.
It is well to note that if a private company, say McClatchy, were to do that, grim men with green eyeshades, badges, and guns would appear at your offices and begin to handcuff people and drag them out.
Would it not be incumbent on Senator Bradley to tell us who “weakened” the system and how did “they” do it?
Talk about trying to find invisible Easter eggs! Assuming I stumbled upon my own “lock box” There would be nothing in it. It would take a century of perpetual “Summers of Recovery”, coupled with Death Panels at least equal to those established by the previous century’s 3 most prominent community activists: Stalin, Hitler, and Mao, to approach solvency.
I enclose a copy of a letter I received from Senator Mumbles. If you can tell me what the second paragraph means it will end a quest lasting, like Ulysses’, 20 years.
Then I got to Kathleen Parker’s screed.
50 years ago, Betty Freidan, apparently the inspiration for Peggy Lee’s song “Is That All There Is”, acidly etched her “angst” at not being able to have it all. [The lesson that modern American Liberals of all stripes never learn is that it is called the horizon because, try, try, try the lesson of the Little Engine doesn’t cut it. The horizon can’t be reached. The Yellow Brick Road never gets to Oz. Thank God for Prozac.]
On Page 17A, the page just before the editorial pages, there is a story about “female feticide”. Talk about a place that needs an ERA! If you want to go to full term in the Punjab it is best to have a wang like a policeman’s billy. If I were in the baby clothes business I would never have to order pink. I’d rather be Ken than Barbie in utero.
One of my favorite authors said
“Focus on the absurd lest reality drive you mad.”
Sometimes the lines blur.
Anyway, thanks for starting my day.
Kevin Smith
February 15, 2013
Stephen L. Goldstein
The Sun Sentinel
RE: Close but no cigar – Some comments on your almost Damascus moment in today’s Sun Sentinel
My dear Professor,
Iwasthisclose to agreeing with you on your regular knotted knickers rant, this time about renovating JoeRobbieDolphinsLandSharkSunLifeStadium. Honest Injun!
I am rolling along thinking that my prayers have been answered. After decades of you preaching the values of modern American Liberal Kool-Aid I had my toes on the line of saying “I know that my Redeemer liveth” when I came to the part where everything went blah.
“Big football never wants to pay its fair share.”
Today
You
I underlined football so it can replaced by oil, real estate, banking, utilities, defense contractors, pharma, “special interests”, gun manufacturers, phone companies,
agriculture….So many bad guys, so little time.
Since the original community activists lined up in the French tennis court the Amen corner has been yelling “fairness” as if it can be defined and as if it can be attained. In other words, “Once a horse’s ass, always a horse’s ass.”
Was it “fair” to start America’s longest war 49 years ago? Was it “fair” to keep sending cannon fodder conscripts over the top against the well-entrenched foe, Poverty, a most decidedly “unfair” enemy? No can count the treasure or lives wasted on this Quixotic quest for the Holy Grail of “fairness”.
Just as I was about to welcome you into the company of rational thinking free men you pulled a Lucy on me. There’s poor Charlie Brown [me] believing that Lucy, the paradigmatic template of “unfairness” [you], won’t fool him again.
Splat!
Jeezus Haitch Keerist but I am too old to fall for that again. Or so I thought.
The thing that bitch slapped me back to reality was that your thoughts on government subsidies for favored businesses should have begun with….drum roll, please…Solyndra.
In the worst of all possible worlds, should the stadium get rebuilt, there might be a chance for the little people, those unfairly treated by Fortuna, the Wheel of Life, people like bartenders, working girls, carpet cleaners, linen salesmen, pool attendants, bus boys, cab drivers, program and popcorn sellers, to make a few dollars more than they would have. We could call it the Winter of Recovery, couldn’t we? That sounds “fair” to me
In the case of Solyndra’s extinct, as in gone forever like the carrier pigeon and, soon, America’s middle class, grub stake, a pile of dough totaling $586,000,000, the only winners were and will be the bankruptcy lawyers. Since we borrow 43% of all the money we spend somewhere inside the Heavenly Kingdom some mendacious Mandarin moneylenders are nodding their inscrutable noggins while chanting USA, USA.
As both a football player and coach – I picture you as a wedge buster on special teams and an offensive tight end – I think “fairness” dictates that the Dolphins get 5 downs to make a first down. Their opponents – think of the “unfairness” of having to play the Patriots twice a year – have 3 downs to go 15 yards to make a first down. Plus, 3 of their players have to wear shoes.
What could be “fairer” than that?
KEVIN SMITH
WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET
Stephen L. Goldstein
The Sun Sentinel
RE: Close but no cigar – Some comments on your almost Damascus moment in today’s Sun Sentinel
My dear Professor,
Iwasthisclose to agreeing with you on your regular knotted knickers rant, this time about renovating JoeRobbieDolphinsLandSharkSunLifeStadium. Honest Injun!
I am rolling along thinking that my prayers have been answered. After decades of you preaching the values of modern American Liberal Kool-Aid I had my toes on the line of saying “I know that my Redeemer liveth” when I came to the part where everything went blah.
“Big football never wants to pay its fair share.”
Today
You
I underlined football so it can replaced by oil, real estate, banking, utilities, defense contractors, pharma, “special interests”, gun manufacturers, phone companies,
agriculture….So many bad guys, so little time.
Since the original community activists lined up in the French tennis court the Amen corner has been yelling “fairness” as if it can be defined and as if it can be attained. In other words, “Once a horse’s ass, always a horse’s ass.”
Was it “fair” to start America’s longest war 49 years ago? Was it “fair” to keep sending cannon fodder conscripts over the top against the well-entrenched foe, Poverty, a most decidedly “unfair” enemy? No can count the treasure or lives wasted on this Quixotic quest for the Holy Grail of “fairness”.
Just as I was about to welcome you into the company of rational thinking free men you pulled a Lucy on me. There’s poor Charlie Brown [me] believing that Lucy, the paradigmatic template of “unfairness” [you], won’t fool him again.
Splat!
Jeezus Haitch Keerist but I am too old to fall for that again. Or so I thought.
The thing that bitch slapped me back to reality was that your thoughts on government subsidies for favored businesses should have begun with….drum roll, please…Solyndra.
In the worst of all possible worlds, should the stadium get rebuilt, there might be a chance for the little people, those unfairly treated by Fortuna, the Wheel of Life, people like bartenders, working girls, carpet cleaners, linen salesmen, pool attendants, bus boys, cab drivers, program and popcorn sellers, to make a few dollars more than they would have. We could call it the Winter of Recovery, couldn’t we? That sounds “fair” to me
In the case of Solyndra’s extinct, as in gone forever like the carrier pigeon and, soon, America’s middle class, grub stake, a pile of dough totaling $586,000,000, the only winners were and will be the bankruptcy lawyers. Since we borrow 43% of all the money we spend somewhere inside the Heavenly Kingdom some mendacious Mandarin moneylenders are nodding their inscrutable noggins while chanting USA, USA.
As both a football player and coach – I picture you as a wedge buster on special teams and an offensive tight end – I think “fairness” dictates that the Dolphins get 5 downs to make a first down. Their opponents – think of the “unfairness” of having to play the Patriots twice a year – have 3 downs to go 15 yards to make a first down. Plus, 3 of their players have to wear shoes.
What could be “fairer” than that?
KEVIN SMITH
WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET
February 9, 2013
Anthony Orlando
The Sun Sentinel
RE: “uninformed, lying, or not very good at math” - The highlight of your article about the virtues of Leviathan in Friday’s Sun Sentinel
Tony,
As poster boy for modern American Liberalism’s most persistent characteristic, “non-malodorous fecal matter syndrome” [Send a SASE] I know it would never dawn on you that you could be wrong. What’s the sense of being a card carrying, fire breathing modern American Liberal if you don’t know you are always right all the time? I know that because you write that anyone who says you are wrong “is either uninformed, lying, or not very good at math”.
Before I give you examples of where the Federal budget can be poleaxed like a Saracen intruder I would like to address your faceless argumentum ad hominen.
I was good enough at math to become CFO – that’s Chief Financial Officer - of a public company. That means I signed the annual reports and the 10Ks [10Ks? Send a SASE]
Lying is subjective.
In the 20th century 3 Presidents told us that they would not send Americans to fight in foreign wars. Would you believe that they were all Democrats? [Send a SASE for their names] President Handsome Billy from Hot Springs said “is” either “is” or it “isn’t”. President B.O. said he would shut down GITMO, America’s first adult sleep away camp in one year. It’s still open. He said he would cut the deficit in half by the end of his first term. He didn’t. He said he would end waterboarding. He didn’t say he would use predator drones to kill Americans. Maybe Hillary Clinton was right when she said, “What difference does it make”? After all, didn’t the great Lord Keynes say “In the long run we’re all dead”?
As to “uniformed”, I know how to attack a 2 deep zone. I know the difference between Chiaroscuro and Caravaggio. When I take my gas guzzling, polar bear drowning, Seven League Boot carbon footprinting SUV across our fair land I always have Mozart and Willie Nelson with me. I know that the conflict of rights told to us by Antigone 25 centuries ago is still unresolved. In the ‘80s I “created” more jobs than all the companies on the DJIA [DJIA? – Send a SASE] I am an alumnus of Outward Bound and Jeopardy. I have flown the Concorde. My last gun fight was 20 years ago. I gave my wife an “E” type 12 cylinder Jaguar, wrapped in a red bow, for Mother’s Day one year. My current favorite single malt whisky is Cardhu. I have drunk Cheval Blanc ’47, Lafite ’61, and both Margaux and Latour ’66. I think the Talbot ’79 will be the best ever. I prefer moonshine from West Virginia to that from Kentucky. I once was paid $5,000 to have lunch. I know what Hamlet really meant when he told Ophelia to “get thee to a nunnery”. [SASE] I know why Oedipus went to Colonnus. I know that Madison wrote in the Constitution what government could do George Mason wrote the Bill of Rights saying what the government could not do. I know that FDR not only did not end the Depression, he made it worse. I know the answer to the riddle of the Sphinx. I have at least one granddaughter who thinks, other than her Dad, that I am the best guy in the world. Dogs like me. Women are enthralled by me. Men want my company. I am the favorite patient of 3 physicians. And, to really gild the lily, I am able to detect a horse’s ass when he is 2 zip codes away.
I won’t be coy.
You, despite your puerile visage, will soon make my Hall of Fame for Horses’ Asses. And, to your credit, you got it the old fashioned way: You earned it.
As to my suggestions for amputating various Federal appendages…
#1 – The Departments of Energy and Education must go. Let us apply the empirical evidence test [empirical? Send a SASE]
How many kilowatts of electricity has the Energy Department produced in 35 years?
NONE
Can Johnny read better after 35 years of a Department of Education?
NO
Anyone who says that either our energy problem or our educational black hole has improved since their inception “is either uninformed, lying, or not very good at math”.
#2 – Why do we have 50,000 troops in Europe? The Cold War is over. We won. Bring them home. Now. A touch of isolationist xenophobia [Another SASE, no?] might be good for us.
#3 – It costs AMTRAK $16 to make a hamburger that it sells for $9.50. As is still said in Milan, “If no profit is possible the risk is obvious”. Don’t bother asking. You cannot make it up with increased sales. How about Starbuck’s? How about Subway? KFC? [The Colonel? Send a SASE] will be opening in Ghana. If they get to Africa feeding people on a train going to Boston from New York should be a walkover.
#4 – Here’s a thought for the USPS. Convene a corporate death panel and put a big DNR sign on it [DNR? Send a SASE] Maybe FedEx or UPS would be interested. It couldn’t be any worse and the counter people would be Hellaciously more polite.
#5 – Eagle Ford. Bakken. Marcellus. [Send a big SASE] These shale formations and, yes, I fracked my first well in 1974 in Texas, all of which are on private land, have the capacity to make this country energy self-sufficient in 15 years. We will be able to export energy in less than 10 years. We will be able to tell all those camel jockeys to drink their oil or shove it up their collective asses, whichever is preferable to them and their prophet. We could have a decade long “Summer of Recovery” [Send a SASE] All we have to do is keep those bird brain feather merchants in Washington in Washington. It will all come right in the end because it is in the rational self-interest of free men to do it. [Rational self-interest? [Send a SASE] My Uncle Adam said that. Who is my Uncle Adam? [Send a SASE]
Until the arrival of the great Reagan the United States did 2 things superbly well. Fighting World War 2 was the first. Being the GC on the Moon shot was the second, [GC? Send a SASE]
It is an inconvenient fact of History but, the past being prologue, if we were to put the government in charge of the desert in 2 years they would be importing sand.
America’s longest war is not Afghanistan. 49 years ago we declared war on poverty. How is that one working out?
The last time any government got the trains to run on time the express ran right to Auschwitz.
KEVIN SMITH
WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET
PS – When I get to “P” in my new dictionary – I am just finishing “H” – I will use your picture to define “putz”. Don’t forget to say Hi to the girls.
Anthony Orlando
The Sun Sentinel
RE: “uninformed, lying, or not very good at math” - The highlight of your article about the virtues of Leviathan in Friday’s Sun Sentinel
Tony,
As poster boy for modern American Liberalism’s most persistent characteristic, “non-malodorous fecal matter syndrome” [Send a SASE] I know it would never dawn on you that you could be wrong. What’s the sense of being a card carrying, fire breathing modern American Liberal if you don’t know you are always right all the time? I know that because you write that anyone who says you are wrong “is either uninformed, lying, or not very good at math”.
Before I give you examples of where the Federal budget can be poleaxed like a Saracen intruder I would like to address your faceless argumentum ad hominen.
I was good enough at math to become CFO – that’s Chief Financial Officer - of a public company. That means I signed the annual reports and the 10Ks [10Ks? Send a SASE]
Lying is subjective.
In the 20th century 3 Presidents told us that they would not send Americans to fight in foreign wars. Would you believe that they were all Democrats? [Send a SASE for their names] President Handsome Billy from Hot Springs said “is” either “is” or it “isn’t”. President B.O. said he would shut down GITMO, America’s first adult sleep away camp in one year. It’s still open. He said he would cut the deficit in half by the end of his first term. He didn’t. He said he would end waterboarding. He didn’t say he would use predator drones to kill Americans. Maybe Hillary Clinton was right when she said, “What difference does it make”? After all, didn’t the great Lord Keynes say “In the long run we’re all dead”?
As to “uniformed”, I know how to attack a 2 deep zone. I know the difference between Chiaroscuro and Caravaggio. When I take my gas guzzling, polar bear drowning, Seven League Boot carbon footprinting SUV across our fair land I always have Mozart and Willie Nelson with me. I know that the conflict of rights told to us by Antigone 25 centuries ago is still unresolved. In the ‘80s I “created” more jobs than all the companies on the DJIA [DJIA? – Send a SASE] I am an alumnus of Outward Bound and Jeopardy. I have flown the Concorde. My last gun fight was 20 years ago. I gave my wife an “E” type 12 cylinder Jaguar, wrapped in a red bow, for Mother’s Day one year. My current favorite single malt whisky is Cardhu. I have drunk Cheval Blanc ’47, Lafite ’61, and both Margaux and Latour ’66. I think the Talbot ’79 will be the best ever. I prefer moonshine from West Virginia to that from Kentucky. I once was paid $5,000 to have lunch. I know what Hamlet really meant when he told Ophelia to “get thee to a nunnery”. [SASE] I know why Oedipus went to Colonnus. I know that Madison wrote in the Constitution what government could do George Mason wrote the Bill of Rights saying what the government could not do. I know that FDR not only did not end the Depression, he made it worse. I know the answer to the riddle of the Sphinx. I have at least one granddaughter who thinks, other than her Dad, that I am the best guy in the world. Dogs like me. Women are enthralled by me. Men want my company. I am the favorite patient of 3 physicians. And, to really gild the lily, I am able to detect a horse’s ass when he is 2 zip codes away.
I won’t be coy.
You, despite your puerile visage, will soon make my Hall of Fame for Horses’ Asses. And, to your credit, you got it the old fashioned way: You earned it.
As to my suggestions for amputating various Federal appendages…
#1 – The Departments of Energy and Education must go. Let us apply the empirical evidence test [empirical? Send a SASE]
How many kilowatts of electricity has the Energy Department produced in 35 years?
NONE
Can Johnny read better after 35 years of a Department of Education?
NO
Anyone who says that either our energy problem or our educational black hole has improved since their inception “is either uninformed, lying, or not very good at math”.
#2 – Why do we have 50,000 troops in Europe? The Cold War is over. We won. Bring them home. Now. A touch of isolationist xenophobia [Another SASE, no?] might be good for us.
#3 – It costs AMTRAK $16 to make a hamburger that it sells for $9.50. As is still said in Milan, “If no profit is possible the risk is obvious”. Don’t bother asking. You cannot make it up with increased sales. How about Starbuck’s? How about Subway? KFC? [The Colonel? Send a SASE] will be opening in Ghana. If they get to Africa feeding people on a train going to Boston from New York should be a walkover.
#4 – Here’s a thought for the USPS. Convene a corporate death panel and put a big DNR sign on it [DNR? Send a SASE] Maybe FedEx or UPS would be interested. It couldn’t be any worse and the counter people would be Hellaciously more polite.
#5 – Eagle Ford. Bakken. Marcellus. [Send a big SASE] These shale formations and, yes, I fracked my first well in 1974 in Texas, all of which are on private land, have the capacity to make this country energy self-sufficient in 15 years. We will be able to export energy in less than 10 years. We will be able to tell all those camel jockeys to drink their oil or shove it up their collective asses, whichever is preferable to them and their prophet. We could have a decade long “Summer of Recovery” [Send a SASE] All we have to do is keep those bird brain feather merchants in Washington in Washington. It will all come right in the end because it is in the rational self-interest of free men to do it. [Rational self-interest? [Send a SASE] My Uncle Adam said that. Who is my Uncle Adam? [Send a SASE]
Until the arrival of the great Reagan the United States did 2 things superbly well. Fighting World War 2 was the first. Being the GC on the Moon shot was the second, [GC? Send a SASE]
It is an inconvenient fact of History but, the past being prologue, if we were to put the government in charge of the desert in 2 years they would be importing sand.
America’s longest war is not Afghanistan. 49 years ago we declared war on poverty. How is that one working out?
The last time any government got the trains to run on time the express ran right to Auschwitz.
KEVIN SMITH
WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET
PS – When I get to “P” in my new dictionary – I am just finishing “H” – I will use your picture to define “putz”. Don’t forget to say Hi to the girls.
Monday, February 4, 2013
February 2, 2013
Stephen L. Goldstein
The Sun Sentinel
RE: Addendum – Breaking news about another “penny-pinching, selfish, insensitive ingrate” when it comes to taxes, particularly when it comes to paying them.
My dear Professor,
Whodathunk? Say it ain’t so, Stevie.
I know if Rupert Murdoch were to say that the sun rises in the East you would say nay. If he were to say “stones are hard and water is wet” you would say he was in collusion with the notorious Koch Brothers to lay another lash on the backs of the undeserving poor.
I must present you with the following quote.
“Under a law passed in 1932, FDR became the first
President subject to the income tax, but he refused to
pay an increased rate that he helped enact in 1934.”
Wall Street Journal
Page A15
Today
If the great Lord Keynes had known about this – not FDR dodging the increased tax rate but the tax rate increase itself – he might have gone back to gambling and stock speculations, avocations which he was superb at. According to Keynes, raising tax rates in an economic downturn is akin to putting out a fire with gasoline. Honest. You could look it up. He was always in favor of cutting tax rates. Honest. You could look that one up also. The modern American Liberal memory hole, an eclectically indignant vortex from which no inconvenient fact ever emerges, is still unaware of the kennedy tax cuts. Honest. Look that one up also.
But back to that “penny-pinching, selfish, insensitive ingrate”, AKA FDR.
Can we stipulate that FDR did not share this upper crust, 1%, “only little people pay taxes” with his Fireside Chat audience? We can? Good
“he shall take care that the laws be faithfully executed”
The Constitution
Article 2
Section 3
The President takes an oath to uphold the Constitution; not just some of it; not a big heap of it; but, rather, all of it.
It is common for most Presidents to think that they are above the law. I can only think of one, Franklin Roosevelt or, as he is better known, a “penny-pinching, selfish, insensitive ingrate”, who did it for personal pecuniary gain.
You said yesterday that low taxes in Florida give us a “cut-rate way of life”. Further, you say that if you “don’t like taxes, move to Kabul”. At least you’ve updated “America – Love it or Leave it” – to “America – Pay up or Leave it”.
I hear strains of “Theme for the Common Man”, the theme of modern American Liberals and the one tune no Democratic Convention can go without. Wait a minute! There’s another sound I hear. It is the other shoe dropping.
More people were murdered in Chicago in January than were murdered in Kabul.
If life is so good in California, now officially the land of fruits and nuts, a land now run by the chief wing-nut moon bat, why have 3,500,000 citizens left it in the past 20 years?
GlobalCooling/GlobalWarming/ClimateChange? No. Professor Vivaldi will explain it all. Nixon? No. He’s still dead. Maybe Phil Mickelson is on to something. After all, if it is good enough for FDR it should be good enough for the rest of us, right?
Why don’t we raise the tax rate to 105%? That would balance the budget, wouldn’t it?
Modern American Liberals get their knickers in a knot when securing the border is mentioned. Should Mickleson and his foursome decide to learn a foreign language Nancy Pelosi will hire all the unemployed Berlin Wall guards to make sure they practice it here. Only here.
“Hey Lefty, you don’t need that passport, do you?”
KEVIN SMITH
WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET
Stephen L. Goldstein
The Sun Sentinel
RE: Addendum – Breaking news about another “penny-pinching, selfish, insensitive ingrate” when it comes to taxes, particularly when it comes to paying them.
My dear Professor,
Whodathunk? Say it ain’t so, Stevie.
I know if Rupert Murdoch were to say that the sun rises in the East you would say nay. If he were to say “stones are hard and water is wet” you would say he was in collusion with the notorious Koch Brothers to lay another lash on the backs of the undeserving poor.
I must present you with the following quote.
“Under a law passed in 1932, FDR became the first
President subject to the income tax, but he refused to
pay an increased rate that he helped enact in 1934.”
Wall Street Journal
Page A15
Today
If the great Lord Keynes had known about this – not FDR dodging the increased tax rate but the tax rate increase itself – he might have gone back to gambling and stock speculations, avocations which he was superb at. According to Keynes, raising tax rates in an economic downturn is akin to putting out a fire with gasoline. Honest. You could look it up. He was always in favor of cutting tax rates. Honest. You could look that one up also. The modern American Liberal memory hole, an eclectically indignant vortex from which no inconvenient fact ever emerges, is still unaware of the kennedy tax cuts. Honest. Look that one up also.
But back to that “penny-pinching, selfish, insensitive ingrate”, AKA FDR.
Can we stipulate that FDR did not share this upper crust, 1%, “only little people pay taxes” with his Fireside Chat audience? We can? Good
“he shall take care that the laws be faithfully executed”
The Constitution
Article 2
Section 3
The President takes an oath to uphold the Constitution; not just some of it; not a big heap of it; but, rather, all of it.
It is common for most Presidents to think that they are above the law. I can only think of one, Franklin Roosevelt or, as he is better known, a “penny-pinching, selfish, insensitive ingrate”, who did it for personal pecuniary gain.
You said yesterday that low taxes in Florida give us a “cut-rate way of life”. Further, you say that if you “don’t like taxes, move to Kabul”. At least you’ve updated “America – Love it or Leave it” – to “America – Pay up or Leave it”.
I hear strains of “Theme for the Common Man”, the theme of modern American Liberals and the one tune no Democratic Convention can go without. Wait a minute! There’s another sound I hear. It is the other shoe dropping.
More people were murdered in Chicago in January than were murdered in Kabul.
If life is so good in California, now officially the land of fruits and nuts, a land now run by the chief wing-nut moon bat, why have 3,500,000 citizens left it in the past 20 years?
GlobalCooling/GlobalWarming/ClimateChange? No. Professor Vivaldi will explain it all. Nixon? No. He’s still dead. Maybe Phil Mickelson is on to something. After all, if it is good enough for FDR it should be good enough for the rest of us, right?
Why don’t we raise the tax rate to 105%? That would balance the budget, wouldn’t it?
Modern American Liberals get their knickers in a knot when securing the border is mentioned. Should Mickleson and his foursome decide to learn a foreign language Nancy Pelosi will hire all the unemployed Berlin Wall guards to make sure they practice it here. Only here.
“Hey Lefty, you don’t need that passport, do you?”
KEVIN SMITH
WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET
Friday, February 1, 2013
February 1, 2013
Steven L. Goldstein
The Sun Sentinel
RE: Taxes – Some comments on your, as always, enjoyable column on taxes and why they are never high enough and why Mickelson should be ashamed.
My dear Professor,
If I were to say that Federal Judge Learned Hand said “It is a patriot’s duty to pay the least amount of taxes possible. Taxation is an enforced exactitude; it is not a voluntary contribution” would it get past the modern American Liberal mantra of “Tax and tax, spend and spend”?
Nah. It couldn’t.
If I were to tell you that the 20th century’s most successful community organizer, a dude named Lenin, said “People vote with their feet” would that register with the modern American Liberal maxim of “Children Are Our Future”?
Nah. It couldn’t.
You say that Phil Mickelson is a “selfish, insensitive ingrate”.
If he were to move to Texas, to Florida, to Monaco, or to one of Jupiter’s lesser moons to keep more of what he earned would he be breaking any law?
Nah. He wouldn’t.
Would you say that Secretary of State Jay Forbes Kerry who registered his $6,000,000 yacht, a vessel with 2 fireplaces, a yacht that was built in New Zealand because there are no unions there, in Rhode Island to avoid $500,000 in Massachusetts taxes was a “selfish, insensitive ingrate”?
Nah. You couldn’t.
[Nine years ago the Secretary said he had no money and lived on his paycheck. Last week he said he was worth $162,000,000. Do you think he used “Red Bone”, Mrs. Clinton’s successful commodities broker? Do you know how much money was paid in taxes as he went from zero to $162,000,000? I suppose his predecessor’s anguished cry, “What difference does it make?”, soon to become the anthem of modern American Liberals everywhere, applies. Maybe “60 Minutes” could do a story on that. Maybe my cousin the hunchback will straighten up.]
You advise Mickelson “For God’s sake, get good accountant. Tax laws are written with loopholes for the rich”.
The judgment of the calendar would argue against it but do you think the accountant who wrote the 1936 trust that Senator Suet Kennedy passed down to his layabout son, Patches Kennedy, is still alive? It’s been going for 77 years. Nobody knows what is in it. Nobody knows how much money has been spun out of it.
What we do know is that there ain’t no taxes been paid on the sucker.
That’s OK as long as “selfish ingrates” like Mickelson just pony up some more to pay for the Kennedy shortfall. Hey, it’s only money. He hits balls for a living. If he finishes 8th he wins $148,000 It’s not like the guy is an organizer for SEIU or is a full time protestor against Wal-Mart or some really hard job.
Shut up and pay up.
This time “Midnight Basketball” is going to work.
Speaking of “selfish ingrates”, how about renaming the entire Kennedy Kabal as such?
Nah.
You’ll get a new foreskin before you would say that.
KEVIN SMITH
WARRIOTBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET
Steven L. Goldstein
The Sun Sentinel
RE: Taxes – Some comments on your, as always, enjoyable column on taxes and why they are never high enough and why Mickelson should be ashamed.
My dear Professor,
If I were to say that Federal Judge Learned Hand said “It is a patriot’s duty to pay the least amount of taxes possible. Taxation is an enforced exactitude; it is not a voluntary contribution” would it get past the modern American Liberal mantra of “Tax and tax, spend and spend”?
Nah. It couldn’t.
If I were to tell you that the 20th century’s most successful community organizer, a dude named Lenin, said “People vote with their feet” would that register with the modern American Liberal maxim of “Children Are Our Future”?
Nah. It couldn’t.
You say that Phil Mickelson is a “selfish, insensitive ingrate”.
If he were to move to Texas, to Florida, to Monaco, or to one of Jupiter’s lesser moons to keep more of what he earned would he be breaking any law?
Nah. He wouldn’t.
Would you say that Secretary of State Jay Forbes Kerry who registered his $6,000,000 yacht, a vessel with 2 fireplaces, a yacht that was built in New Zealand because there are no unions there, in Rhode Island to avoid $500,000 in Massachusetts taxes was a “selfish, insensitive ingrate”?
Nah. You couldn’t.
[Nine years ago the Secretary said he had no money and lived on his paycheck. Last week he said he was worth $162,000,000. Do you think he used “Red Bone”, Mrs. Clinton’s successful commodities broker? Do you know how much money was paid in taxes as he went from zero to $162,000,000? I suppose his predecessor’s anguished cry, “What difference does it make?”, soon to become the anthem of modern American Liberals everywhere, applies. Maybe “60 Minutes” could do a story on that. Maybe my cousin the hunchback will straighten up.]
You advise Mickelson “For God’s sake, get good accountant. Tax laws are written with loopholes for the rich”.
The judgment of the calendar would argue against it but do you think the accountant who wrote the 1936 trust that Senator Suet Kennedy passed down to his layabout son, Patches Kennedy, is still alive? It’s been going for 77 years. Nobody knows what is in it. Nobody knows how much money has been spun out of it.
What we do know is that there ain’t no taxes been paid on the sucker.
That’s OK as long as “selfish ingrates” like Mickelson just pony up some more to pay for the Kennedy shortfall. Hey, it’s only money. He hits balls for a living. If he finishes 8th he wins $148,000 It’s not like the guy is an organizer for SEIU or is a full time protestor against Wal-Mart or some really hard job.
Shut up and pay up.
This time “Midnight Basketball” is going to work.
Speaking of “selfish ingrates”, how about renaming the entire Kennedy Kabal as such?
Nah.
You’ll get a new foreskin before you would say that.
KEVIN SMITH
WARRIOTBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET
Sunday, January 27, 2013
January 20, 2013
Gary Stein
The Sun Sentinel
RE: Nazis – A comment or two on your column in today’s Sun Sentinel
Big Stein,
Thank you for volunteering to be the big time media mogul for the recently formed “Committee to Horse-Whip Bob Schieffer”. You must remember that he compared the NRA to the Nazis. If you think it is a word too far can we expect a fire and brimstone column about it? How about a wing nut and a “moon bat” reference?
Should all of President Obama’ recommendations become law – and even if they don’t he intends to enforce them anyway, right? – do think we will ask gun permit applicants “Are you now or have you ever been a member of the Nazi Party”? Forget the Hollywood Ten. We’ll have the Pikeville, KY 6,392, the Liberty City 2,314 and Rosie O’Donnell under oath. Do you think we could get that vile succubus Lillian Hellman to make an appearance? I think it would be fair to say that she would be on the side of the inquisitors this time.
POP QUIZ
Which modern American Liberal’s writings served as the basis for
The Nuremberg Race Laws?
[Answer below]
Since you brought up Hitler and the Holocaust with the always useful admonition to “read up” on both I feel that I owe it to the ledger to point out a lingering “Black Hole”, particularly for mALs. There is no better definition of “eclectic indignation” than the comparison of the West’s reaction to the first two Holocausts of the 20th century.
Stalin gave the chop to between 6,000,000 and 10,000,000 Kulaks. That Hitler was a better record keeper than Stalin there can be no doubt. Hitler saw that the liberal democracies did nothing when Stalin turned Ukraine into an abattoir for Jews. Perhaps he knew before the poet set the line down that “after the first death there are no others”.
Speaking of “reading up” on History, a refresher course on Walter Duranty is required. Lance Armstrong has to give back his medals and some cash. He didn’t kill anybody. Duranty was a bought and paid for agent of the KGB. He was also the Moscow correspondent of the New York Times. He won a Pulitzer Prize for reporting that there were no deaths in the Ukraine. To this day the NYT still carries his name on their All-Star list. Bastards.
Hitler simply raised the stakes. Mao made both of them look like odd-lotters.
Since nobody cared about the Jews in Russia, why would they care about the Jews in Germany? Weren’t they, as Chamberlain said, “a faraway people of whom we know little”?
If you want to put any Amendment on the “slippery slope” to the dreaded “chilling effect” syndrome why not pick on the 3rd? Nobody, but nobody, likes that one.
Do you remember the novel “The Rogue Male”? Would the world have been better off if the hunter, using an admittedly unlicensed assault rifle, had put a bullet into Hitler’s eye? A big bullet, one that could take out a bear. Yes or no?
KEVIN SMITH
WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET
As promised….
MARGARET SANGER
Gary Stein
The Sun Sentinel
RE: Nazis – A comment or two on your column in today’s Sun Sentinel
Big Stein,
Thank you for volunteering to be the big time media mogul for the recently formed “Committee to Horse-Whip Bob Schieffer”. You must remember that he compared the NRA to the Nazis. If you think it is a word too far can we expect a fire and brimstone column about it? How about a wing nut and a “moon bat” reference?
Should all of President Obama’ recommendations become law – and even if they don’t he intends to enforce them anyway, right? – do think we will ask gun permit applicants “Are you now or have you ever been a member of the Nazi Party”? Forget the Hollywood Ten. We’ll have the Pikeville, KY 6,392, the Liberty City 2,314 and Rosie O’Donnell under oath. Do you think we could get that vile succubus Lillian Hellman to make an appearance? I think it would be fair to say that she would be on the side of the inquisitors this time.
POP QUIZ
Which modern American Liberal’s writings served as the basis for
The Nuremberg Race Laws?
[Answer below]
Since you brought up Hitler and the Holocaust with the always useful admonition to “read up” on both I feel that I owe it to the ledger to point out a lingering “Black Hole”, particularly for mALs. There is no better definition of “eclectic indignation” than the comparison of the West’s reaction to the first two Holocausts of the 20th century.
Stalin gave the chop to between 6,000,000 and 10,000,000 Kulaks. That Hitler was a better record keeper than Stalin there can be no doubt. Hitler saw that the liberal democracies did nothing when Stalin turned Ukraine into an abattoir for Jews. Perhaps he knew before the poet set the line down that “after the first death there are no others”.
Speaking of “reading up” on History, a refresher course on Walter Duranty is required. Lance Armstrong has to give back his medals and some cash. He didn’t kill anybody. Duranty was a bought and paid for agent of the KGB. He was also the Moscow correspondent of the New York Times. He won a Pulitzer Prize for reporting that there were no deaths in the Ukraine. To this day the NYT still carries his name on their All-Star list. Bastards.
Hitler simply raised the stakes. Mao made both of them look like odd-lotters.
Since nobody cared about the Jews in Russia, why would they care about the Jews in Germany? Weren’t they, as Chamberlain said, “a faraway people of whom we know little”?
If you want to put any Amendment on the “slippery slope” to the dreaded “chilling effect” syndrome why not pick on the 3rd? Nobody, but nobody, likes that one.
Do you remember the novel “The Rogue Male”? Would the world have been better off if the hunter, using an admittedly unlicensed assault rifle, had put a bullet into Hitler’s eye? A big bullet, one that could take out a bear. Yes or no?
KEVIN SMITH
WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET
As promised….
MARGARET SANGER
January 27, 2013
Michael Putney
Channel 10
RE: Some comments on this morning’s TV show, akin to “reaching across the aisle”.
Dear Michael,
There I was this AM, twirling my handlebars, trying to settle on the next major Texas-style ass whipping candidate, when you said that 5 Presidents had been assassinated. How could I have forgotten about…about…I don’t know. Allah be praised for Google.
As to the contretemps surrounding the proposed raid on the public treasury to build Marlins Stadium I hark back to my annual pleas to Miami Herald Big Boss Man Tom Fiedler.
I always told him to keep a watchful eye from his aerie in the posh 1%er suite at Herald HQ. As soon as he saw the water level of Biscayne Bay rising – not to be confused with tides, mind you – he was to call me collect. The phone never rang. I guess the rising water level, something that the consensus of scientists tells us is beyond dispute just like their illustrious predecessors believed that Ptolemy was right and that tomatoes were poisonous, went North where it is drowning polar bears. I’m OK with that because I don’t want to see anything happen to those oh so cute precious little adorable baby seals.
My annual main plea was simple.
50% of the electricity produced in this country comes from burning coal. 50% of the electricity consumed in this country goes to power A/Cs.
We all know that coal loves to eat the ozone layer, to kill the rain forests, to cause hurricanes, to ungild lilies, to cause Global Cooling, to cause Global Warming, to cause Climate Change, to allow mean-spirited people to prosper at the expense of the undeserving poor, to cause falling FCAT scores, to cause smoking, to cause friction between previously peaceful neighbors – Think the Flems and the Walloons + the Serbs and the Croatians – to allow children of single moms to suffer from lower self-esteem leading to teenage obesity and the heartbreak of psoriasis, and, worst of all, to cause swarms of the hated merdes les Quebecois to soil our fair land.
My solution was simple.
Turn off all the A/Cs at Herald World HQ.
Open the windows.
Another idea before its time. Just like manatee sausage for the homeless.
If Miami/Dade gets euchred into turning the other teat [The Dolphins have the first one] over to Boss Ross it must demand that no roof is to sit on a publically funded stadium within its jurisdiction.
Start the games at dawn, start them at midnight. Don’t aid the destruction of the planet so corporate types can abuse the tax code by entertaining fat cat clients.
I went to a game in Green Bay in November. The Packers should play all their home games in the Rose Bowl.
Just one thing more.
Loved that suit.
All you need is a screaming red tie and you’ll head the line for the back-up role for Nathan Detroit the next time “Guys & Dolls” comes through town.
If you are looking for a new, hip climatologist I suggest Professor Vivaldi of the Venice School of the Permanent Things.
KS
Michael Putney
Channel 10
RE: Some comments on this morning’s TV show, akin to “reaching across the aisle”.
Dear Michael,
There I was this AM, twirling my handlebars, trying to settle on the next major Texas-style ass whipping candidate, when you said that 5 Presidents had been assassinated. How could I have forgotten about…about…I don’t know. Allah be praised for Google.
As to the contretemps surrounding the proposed raid on the public treasury to build Marlins Stadium I hark back to my annual pleas to Miami Herald Big Boss Man Tom Fiedler.
I always told him to keep a watchful eye from his aerie in the posh 1%er suite at Herald HQ. As soon as he saw the water level of Biscayne Bay rising – not to be confused with tides, mind you – he was to call me collect. The phone never rang. I guess the rising water level, something that the consensus of scientists tells us is beyond dispute just like their illustrious predecessors believed that Ptolemy was right and that tomatoes were poisonous, went North where it is drowning polar bears. I’m OK with that because I don’t want to see anything happen to those oh so cute precious little adorable baby seals.
My annual main plea was simple.
50% of the electricity produced in this country comes from burning coal. 50% of the electricity consumed in this country goes to power A/Cs.
We all know that coal loves to eat the ozone layer, to kill the rain forests, to cause hurricanes, to ungild lilies, to cause Global Cooling, to cause Global Warming, to cause Climate Change, to allow mean-spirited people to prosper at the expense of the undeserving poor, to cause falling FCAT scores, to cause smoking, to cause friction between previously peaceful neighbors – Think the Flems and the Walloons + the Serbs and the Croatians – to allow children of single moms to suffer from lower self-esteem leading to teenage obesity and the heartbreak of psoriasis, and, worst of all, to cause swarms of the hated merdes les Quebecois to soil our fair land.
My solution was simple.
Turn off all the A/Cs at Herald World HQ.
Open the windows.
Another idea before its time. Just like manatee sausage for the homeless.
If Miami/Dade gets euchred into turning the other teat [The Dolphins have the first one] over to Boss Ross it must demand that no roof is to sit on a publically funded stadium within its jurisdiction.
Start the games at dawn, start them at midnight. Don’t aid the destruction of the planet so corporate types can abuse the tax code by entertaining fat cat clients.
I went to a game in Green Bay in November. The Packers should play all their home games in the Rose Bowl.
Just one thing more.
Loved that suit.
All you need is a screaming red tie and you’ll head the line for the back-up role for Nathan Detroit the next time “Guys & Dolls” comes through town.
If you are looking for a new, hip climatologist I suggest Professor Vivaldi of the Venice School of the Permanent Things.
KS
January 27, 2013
David Giambusso
The Star Ledger
Star Ledger Plaza
Newark, NJ 07102-1200
RE: Guns & Language & Logic – Some comments on your article about Newark Mayor Booker’s flaccid [sic] stance on gun control in today’s Star Ledger.
Mr. Giambusso,
You write…
“…despite Newark recording roughly six times the
numbers of murder per capita than New York –
the vast majority due to guns…”
[Italics mine]
If guns cause murders would not Logic dictate that umbrellas cause rain?
Having been in a gunfight in Newark on June 3, 1993 – Yes, that one – I know full well the power of weapons, particularly when they are used up close and personal.
Since a hole in the ten ring is usually clear and well-formed I suggest that your argument can be better made if you language is the same.
Kevin Smith
PS – It’s been quite a few years since I have been in Newark. The last time I saw your building – perhaps redoubt would be a better word – it did not yet have a moat. Is that still the case?
David Giambusso
The Star Ledger
Star Ledger Plaza
Newark, NJ 07102-1200
RE: Guns & Language & Logic – Some comments on your article about Newark Mayor Booker’s flaccid [sic] stance on gun control in today’s Star Ledger.
Mr. Giambusso,
You write…
“…despite Newark recording roughly six times the
numbers of murder per capita than New York –
the vast majority due to guns…”
[Italics mine]
If guns cause murders would not Logic dictate that umbrellas cause rain?
Having been in a gunfight in Newark on June 3, 1993 – Yes, that one – I know full well the power of weapons, particularly when they are used up close and personal.
Since a hole in the ten ring is usually clear and well-formed I suggest that your argument can be better made if you language is the same.
Kevin Smith
PS – It’s been quite a few years since I have been in Newark. The last time I saw your building – perhaps redoubt would be a better word – it did not yet have a moat. Is that still the case?
Monday, January 21, 2013
January 20, 2013
Stephen L. Goldstein
The Sun Sentinel
RE: Politics and the ever present G-d thing – Some comments on your usual upbeat column in today’s Sun Sentinel.
My dear Professor,
This time you may be on to something.
I know that you would have sent Reverend Jerry Falwell on a one-way trip to Gehanna. Alas, he’s dead. Will you join in my crusade to ban Reverend Jesse Jackson and Reverend Al Sharpton from being in the public political arena in any way, manner, shape, or form?
You wiil?
Good. Scratch that. I mean grrrreat!
The next thing is simple.
I will relieve you of all your US money – both currency and specie – that makes any reference to G-d. Begin with Annuit coeptis. “He has blessed our undertakings” not only gives you a chance to do away with G-d you get a chance to put the knock on sexism also. Two birds with one stone, so to speak. In God We Trust must cause your billfold to become unbearable.
If you give it all to me I promise to dispose of it in an environmentally sensitive manner. It depends on how much you have but some single malt whisky might be involved in the final solution.
Since G-d is now banned allow me to say AllahDamn you.
How sterile, how barren must your world be?
I’ll still pray for you if for no other reason than your knowledge of my hope of divine intervention should cause your knickers to knot like a tourniquet.
Kevin Smith
WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET
Stephen L. Goldstein
The Sun Sentinel
RE: Politics and the ever present G-d thing – Some comments on your usual upbeat column in today’s Sun Sentinel.
My dear Professor,
This time you may be on to something.
I know that you would have sent Reverend Jerry Falwell on a one-way trip to Gehanna. Alas, he’s dead. Will you join in my crusade to ban Reverend Jesse Jackson and Reverend Al Sharpton from being in the public political arena in any way, manner, shape, or form?
You wiil?
Good. Scratch that. I mean grrrreat!
The next thing is simple.
I will relieve you of all your US money – both currency and specie – that makes any reference to G-d. Begin with Annuit coeptis. “He has blessed our undertakings” not only gives you a chance to do away with G-d you get a chance to put the knock on sexism also. Two birds with one stone, so to speak. In God We Trust must cause your billfold to become unbearable.
If you give it all to me I promise to dispose of it in an environmentally sensitive manner. It depends on how much you have but some single malt whisky might be involved in the final solution.
Since G-d is now banned allow me to say AllahDamn you.
How sterile, how barren must your world be?
I’ll still pray for you if for no other reason than your knowledge of my hope of divine intervention should cause your knickers to knot like a tourniquet.
Kevin Smith
WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET
January 20, 2013
Michele Obama – FLOTUS
The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue
Washington, D.C. 20500
Mrs. Obama,
Although both you and your husband were painting furniture at Burville Elementary School in Washington, D.C. I am writing to you rather than your husband.
He has a very busy schedule what with the constant interviewing for the perfect teleprompter and his never ending quest – akin to OJ’s search for the real killers – for the elusive Austrian/English dictionary. plus he has Libya and Mali and who knows what else those mischievous Africans will do.
Two things about your maintenance work:
#1 – I admired your painting technique. At least you knew not to grab the fuzzy end of the brush.
#2 – Why isn’t your youngest daughter enrolled in Burrville Elementary School? Why isn’t your oldest daughter in one of the really fine public high schools in DC? You are a tenant in public housing, aren’t you? Why shouldn’t your daughters share the joys of DC public education like the rest of the tenants in public housing?
Some might call it hypocrisy. I call it “non-malodorous fecal matter syndrome”. Need a translation? Send a SASE.
Kevin Smith
Michele Obama – FLOTUS
The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue
Washington, D.C. 20500
Mrs. Obama,
Although both you and your husband were painting furniture at Burville Elementary School in Washington, D.C. I am writing to you rather than your husband.
He has a very busy schedule what with the constant interviewing for the perfect teleprompter and his never ending quest – akin to OJ’s search for the real killers – for the elusive Austrian/English dictionary. plus he has Libya and Mali and who knows what else those mischievous Africans will do.
Two things about your maintenance work:
#1 – I admired your painting technique. At least you knew not to grab the fuzzy end of the brush.
#2 – Why isn’t your youngest daughter enrolled in Burrville Elementary School? Why isn’t your oldest daughter in one of the really fine public high schools in DC? You are a tenant in public housing, aren’t you? Why shouldn’t your daughters share the joys of DC public education like the rest of the tenants in public housing?
Some might call it hypocrisy. I call it “non-malodorous fecal matter syndrome”. Need a translation? Send a SASE.
Kevin Smith
Wednesday, January 16, 2013
January 13, 2013
Linda Campbell
Ft. Worth Star-Telegram
PO Box 1870
Ft. Worth, TX 76001
RE: Hillary Clinton and why we should pray for her recovery because what would we do without her – Some comments on your article in today’s Sun-Sentinel
Ms. Campbell,
As a proud founding member of the “vast Right-Wing conspiracy”, the bête-noire of Hillary Rodham Clinton, the Javert-like pursuer of the truth about her, I am always glad to receive new information about the 20th century’s poster girl for publically abused spouses.
Beginning with her senior thesis on the irenic qualities of Saul Alinsky to her being hired by the largest law firm in Arkansas just after her husband was elected Attorney General of Arkansas to being made a partner by the largest law firm in Arkansas just after her husband was elected Governor of – you guessed it! – Arkansas to making $100,000 on cattle futures [Her broker was named Red Bone. That name must be preserved] just by reading the Wall Street Journal to being named an outside director of Wal-Mart because of her vast retail experience [Whatever else the big boys in Bentonville are they ain’t dumb. What better way to get an inside track, if you know what I’m saying, to Governor Handsome Billy from Hot Springs] to the ethically challenged moral slag heap that was Whitewater to containing perpetual “Bimbo Eruptions” by turning a blind eye to her husband’s wandering one-eyed trouser snake and the rumors that he would hump a snake if someone would hold its head, I have followed her career with great interest.
And that was before she got to the White House.
Your article adds a few things to my ever increasing treasure trove of truths revealed by the Church of Modern American Liberalism about her.
#1 – “Dissect” a blood clot? That’s usually done by the smartest doctor in the hospital. The only drawback is that he does it the day after she died. It’s called an autopsy and RIP Jack Klugman for putting a human face on them. Blood clots are dissolved.
#2 – You say her concussion was “announced” in mid-December. By whom? The ghost of Vince Foster? “New York lawyer” Bernie Nussbaum? [“NY lawyer” is modern American Liberal shorthand for Jew. Honest] Emily’s List? NARAL? In addition to working overtime to save everybody, even those of us who don’t want to be saved, she apparently went to medical school on line. Something, no doubt, to fill in all those hours in the air taking up the White Woman’s burden. Not since Luke the Physician and Dr. Zhivago have we had a practitioner who could both self-diagnose and treat a concussion. Perhaps this could be an answer to our never ending medical crisis. To Hell with adding an extra bedroom. Build a do it yourself E.R. It wouldn’t take long before every neighborhood would have somebody who could do a pneumonectomy. A win-win
all around, no?
#3 – You say part of her medical condition should not be made public. I like to think that Vice President Henry Wallace was dumped in 1944 for 2 reasons. A – Roosevelt was dying and –B- the wise old men, patriots all, in the Democratic Party could not imagine him in the Oval Office. Didn’t the people have a right to know about Senator Kennedy’s ailments and addictions before the election? I remember Senator McGovern saying that he was “1000%” behind Senator Eagleton before he defenestrated him.
#4 – You mention her “greatest asset”. You are a bit obtuse but I think you mean her mind.
Not so.
Her greatest asset was the decades’ long tolerance of her husband’s philandering ways. Now chastened, perhaps a loss of extramural libido helped, he is playing catch-up ball by trying to get back to the White House by getting her into the Oval Office. The last time Billy had “a bit of the gobble” with Monica he was in the Oval Office and Hillary was upstairs. She’ll be downstairs trying to make “rainbow stew” the official soup of the newly named Washington Native Americans and he’ll be upstairs playing hide the salami with zoftig Monica.
The woman would shame Ananias. She is a disaster and a train wreck waiting to happen.
If you can reach her tell her I have 5 different blood thinners in my medicine chest. Also, I have the inside skinny on leeches. I would be happy to share any or all with her, particularly since I am not a physician.
Has anyone looked into the possibility that the blood clot was self-induced? After 65 years of hearing that cacophonous cackle of a laugh, a laugh that makes one pine for finger nails on a blackboard, her brain may have said Basta!,
Meanwhile, the 4 Americans killed in Libya are going to be dead for a very long time. The only person in jail for this is the movie producer of whom she said the US would “get” because his film caused the murder and mayhem.
I would like to know, under oath, what Hillary the harridan knew and when did she know it.
If I were to say, like Wanda Sykes who said of Rush Limbaugh, “I hope his kidneys fail”, or Julianne Malveaux who said that she hoped Clarence Thomas’s wife fed him so he would have a stroke, or Michael Moore who said he “wished that more Republicans died on 9/11”, that I hope her carotid artery does a back flip would that make me “cruel and unfair”?
I hope so.
Kevin Smith
Linda Campbell
Ft. Worth Star-Telegram
PO Box 1870
Ft. Worth, TX 76001
RE: Hillary Clinton and why we should pray for her recovery because what would we do without her – Some comments on your article in today’s Sun-Sentinel
Ms. Campbell,
As a proud founding member of the “vast Right-Wing conspiracy”, the bête-noire of Hillary Rodham Clinton, the Javert-like pursuer of the truth about her, I am always glad to receive new information about the 20th century’s poster girl for publically abused spouses.
Beginning with her senior thesis on the irenic qualities of Saul Alinsky to her being hired by the largest law firm in Arkansas just after her husband was elected Attorney General of Arkansas to being made a partner by the largest law firm in Arkansas just after her husband was elected Governor of – you guessed it! – Arkansas to making $100,000 on cattle futures [Her broker was named Red Bone. That name must be preserved] just by reading the Wall Street Journal to being named an outside director of Wal-Mart because of her vast retail experience [Whatever else the big boys in Bentonville are they ain’t dumb. What better way to get an inside track, if you know what I’m saying, to Governor Handsome Billy from Hot Springs] to the ethically challenged moral slag heap that was Whitewater to containing perpetual “Bimbo Eruptions” by turning a blind eye to her husband’s wandering one-eyed trouser snake and the rumors that he would hump a snake if someone would hold its head, I have followed her career with great interest.
And that was before she got to the White House.
Your article adds a few things to my ever increasing treasure trove of truths revealed by the Church of Modern American Liberalism about her.
#1 – “Dissect” a blood clot? That’s usually done by the smartest doctor in the hospital. The only drawback is that he does it the day after she died. It’s called an autopsy and RIP Jack Klugman for putting a human face on them. Blood clots are dissolved.
#2 – You say her concussion was “announced” in mid-December. By whom? The ghost of Vince Foster? “New York lawyer” Bernie Nussbaum? [“NY lawyer” is modern American Liberal shorthand for Jew. Honest] Emily’s List? NARAL? In addition to working overtime to save everybody, even those of us who don’t want to be saved, she apparently went to medical school on line. Something, no doubt, to fill in all those hours in the air taking up the White Woman’s burden. Not since Luke the Physician and Dr. Zhivago have we had a practitioner who could both self-diagnose and treat a concussion. Perhaps this could be an answer to our never ending medical crisis. To Hell with adding an extra bedroom. Build a do it yourself E.R. It wouldn’t take long before every neighborhood would have somebody who could do a pneumonectomy. A win-win
all around, no?
#3 – You say part of her medical condition should not be made public. I like to think that Vice President Henry Wallace was dumped in 1944 for 2 reasons. A – Roosevelt was dying and –B- the wise old men, patriots all, in the Democratic Party could not imagine him in the Oval Office. Didn’t the people have a right to know about Senator Kennedy’s ailments and addictions before the election? I remember Senator McGovern saying that he was “1000%” behind Senator Eagleton before he defenestrated him.
#4 – You mention her “greatest asset”. You are a bit obtuse but I think you mean her mind.
Not so.
Her greatest asset was the decades’ long tolerance of her husband’s philandering ways. Now chastened, perhaps a loss of extramural libido helped, he is playing catch-up ball by trying to get back to the White House by getting her into the Oval Office. The last time Billy had “a bit of the gobble” with Monica he was in the Oval Office and Hillary was upstairs. She’ll be downstairs trying to make “rainbow stew” the official soup of the newly named Washington Native Americans and he’ll be upstairs playing hide the salami with zoftig Monica.
The woman would shame Ananias. She is a disaster and a train wreck waiting to happen.
If you can reach her tell her I have 5 different blood thinners in my medicine chest. Also, I have the inside skinny on leeches. I would be happy to share any or all with her, particularly since I am not a physician.
Has anyone looked into the possibility that the blood clot was self-induced? After 65 years of hearing that cacophonous cackle of a laugh, a laugh that makes one pine for finger nails on a blackboard, her brain may have said Basta!,
Meanwhile, the 4 Americans killed in Libya are going to be dead for a very long time. The only person in jail for this is the movie producer of whom she said the US would “get” because his film caused the murder and mayhem.
I would like to know, under oath, what Hillary the harridan knew and when did she know it.
If I were to say, like Wanda Sykes who said of Rush Limbaugh, “I hope his kidneys fail”, or Julianne Malveaux who said that she hoped Clarence Thomas’s wife fed him so he would have a stroke, or Michael Moore who said he “wished that more Republicans died on 9/11”, that I hope her carotid artery does a back flip would that make me “cruel and unfair”?
I hope so.
Kevin Smith
January 16, 2013
One less novice at the altar of the Western Canon
There I was, itching in anticipation, pens at the ready, wit honed, waiting for the starter’s gun, ready and eager to begin my novel. It was going to be based on Dante’s ditty, La Commedia. I was then going to adapt it for the Broadway stage. If a musical about an Argentinean hooker can run for 30 years this could go for a century.
Alas, it was not to be. Perhaps “Curses! Foiled again” will do.
I was at the critical, toes on the line, “I am born” moment when I learned that Al Roker shit in his pants in the White House.
The after-action report might read “Incontinent bowel in Federal building” but that doesn’t change the fact that Al Roker, America’s favorite non-threatening Negro weatherman, shit in his pants in the White House.
Al, having had a 40 year regimen of endless carbs, lard IV, crème brulee mouth wash, pizza is a food group, Big Mac shampoos, had bariatric lap band surgery.
It worked so well that he shit in his pants in the White House.
Honest.
I hope he was wearing a dark suit. That way, when you shit in your pants in the White House, it will feel good for a while before anyone notices that you shit in your pants in the White House.
There is a certain euphony to the line “I shit in my pants in the White House” that is not to be found “I shit in my pants in the Bada Bing Club”, no?
Someone who shits in his pants at the beginning of a 3 hour plane ride is a man,
literally, to step aside for/from.
But someone who shits in his pants in the White House indeed is a man for all seasons. Finally, the line “as welcome as a fart in church” has been topped.
But then comes word of a New York City subway rider who fell to his death as he was passing between cars because he – You guessed it! – was trying NOT to shit in his pants.
“Halfway through my journey I found myself in the dark wood of error.” That is why I put down my still-born fiction pen’
Yeats was right.
“Things fall apart, the centre cannot hold…
Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world…
The ceremony of innocence is drowned.”
Pity.
I had a great idea about a one-legged guy and a whale. Also, uno viejo fishing by himself and a green light across the pond and a….
Who knows where they could have gone?
Kevin Smith
WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET
One less novice at the altar of the Western Canon
There I was, itching in anticipation, pens at the ready, wit honed, waiting for the starter’s gun, ready and eager to begin my novel. It was going to be based on Dante’s ditty, La Commedia. I was then going to adapt it for the Broadway stage. If a musical about an Argentinean hooker can run for 30 years this could go for a century.
Alas, it was not to be. Perhaps “Curses! Foiled again” will do.
I was at the critical, toes on the line, “I am born” moment when I learned that Al Roker shit in his pants in the White House.
The after-action report might read “Incontinent bowel in Federal building” but that doesn’t change the fact that Al Roker, America’s favorite non-threatening Negro weatherman, shit in his pants in the White House.
Al, having had a 40 year regimen of endless carbs, lard IV, crème brulee mouth wash, pizza is a food group, Big Mac shampoos, had bariatric lap band surgery.
It worked so well that he shit in his pants in the White House.
Honest.
I hope he was wearing a dark suit. That way, when you shit in your pants in the White House, it will feel good for a while before anyone notices that you shit in your pants in the White House.
There is a certain euphony to the line “I shit in my pants in the White House” that is not to be found “I shit in my pants in the Bada Bing Club”, no?
Someone who shits in his pants at the beginning of a 3 hour plane ride is a man,
literally, to step aside for/from.
But someone who shits in his pants in the White House indeed is a man for all seasons. Finally, the line “as welcome as a fart in church” has been topped.
But then comes word of a New York City subway rider who fell to his death as he was passing between cars because he – You guessed it! – was trying NOT to shit in his pants.
“Halfway through my journey I found myself in the dark wood of error.” That is why I put down my still-born fiction pen’
Yeats was right.
“Things fall apart, the centre cannot hold…
Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world…
The ceremony of innocence is drowned.”
Pity.
I had a great idea about a one-legged guy and a whale. Also, uno viejo fishing by himself and a green light across the pond and a….
Who knows where they could have gone?
Kevin Smith
WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET
Saturday, January 12, 2013
January 11, 2013
Jay Carney – Press Secretary
The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue
Washington, DC 20500
RE: What else don’t you know about the Constitution? Let me count the ways.
Mr. Carney,
Your comments about the Second Amendment not being able to trump the First
Amendment indicates that you are a devout, practicing member of the Church of Modern American Liberalism. That is to say, there are no “permanent things” in your makeup. The Rule of Law may as well be from one of Jupiter’s moons. One of Jupiter’s lesser moons.
The Constitution doesn’t care whether or not Hillary Clinton has an exponentially expanding arse. It does not care if a picture of Senator Barbara Mikulski can stop a clock or soothe rampaging, ruttingly rabid Tasmanian Devils. It pays no attention to Michael Moore’s wish that “more Republicans had died on 9/11”. Bill Maher’s suggestion that Donald Trump had at least one Simian forebear is of no Constitutional concern. [As an aside, didn’t we all come from apes?] The Constitution is neutral on whether Muhammed was a goat humper before he became a paedophile or the other way around. Whether or not Bush was Hitler would cause no ruffles in the Constitutional Convention. As far as the Founders would have been concerned the New York Times was free to call Abraham Lincoln a “baboon”. The “fill in the blanks” birth certificate of Obama or the destruction of the World Trade Center being caused by “fill in the blanks” do not cause great Constitutional concern. If Joy Behar wants to work for a company that condones cliteroidectomies of pre-pubescent girls, with the instrument of choice being the ragged edge bottom of a Coca-Cola bottle, that’s OK with the Constitution. [I can picture her in a burqa.] If someone says the President, despite being tarred by VP Curley Biden as a “bright, clean, articulate Negro”, is really a dumb bastard for saying Austrian is spoken in Austria or there are 57, maybe 58, states that’s OK.
With the exceptions of protesting in front of abortion clinics or suggesting that the Gay life style may not be the best way to live to a ripe old age speech, unrestrained by the gentle hand of government, is still relatively free in this country.
There is an African-American Library in Broward County. Honest. Would it be wise, First Amendment notwithstanding, for a melanin challenged reader to go the front desk and ask for Dick Gregory’s autobiography by name? Its one word title, the “dreaded ‘N’ word that no White man dares use”, is verboten to some races.
I guess “speech is free but some speech is freer than others”.
Are the clouds parting? What’s that up there? Why it’s no larger than a man’s fist on the horizon. God’s Holy Trousers! The language couldn’t be any clearer. “CONGRESS SHALL MAKE NO LAW…” is as plain as your boot.
I shant get into Natural Law. If I were to tell you about Rights being ours “from beyond the stars” I might cause an overload. Your job is too difficult what with telling all those half, quarter, and eighth lies that other people command you to say. That was the nature of the job before you took it and it will be the nature of the job when you leave.
It would prove interesting if all White House Press Secretaries swore to tell the truth and nothing but the truth before each press conference. “A man upon oath holds his soul in his hands as if it were water. He opens his fingers at his peril” would be a tonic before claiming that 4 Americans were killed in Libya because of a bad movie.
The Federal rules on either commission or omission constituting fraud would also apply. That means you can be convicted of fraud for not saying something.
The brouhaha concerning uber cheeky Brit Piers Morgan – the thought of him being around as long as Mick Jagger makes me want to find the nearest Exit door – raises no Constitutional questions
Apparently, some 125,000 Americans, consumers all, have decided that, not only should Piers Morgan be fired, he should be deported. They have petitioned the White House to get his smarmy Limey ass on the next plane bound for Heathrow. The First Amendment speaks directly to the issue: No law shall infringe on the “right of the people peaceably to assemble and to petition the government for a redress of grievances”. Funny how things work out. The 125,000 petitioners, doubtless many of whom are homophobic red-necks, were exercising their First Amendment rights to protect the Second Amendment.
Morgan’s employer will make a commercial decision based on its customers’ wishes. Morgan, having no Constitutionally protected speech, will stay or go predicated on the rational self-interest of his employer.
A non-Governmental entity can censor its employees whenever it desires. Come to think of it the United States Government frequently silences its employees
Professed members of a religious order, having taken the vow of obedience, have willingly waived any claims of censorship should their views run counter to the views of those to whom obedience has been pledged. The Catholic Church is replete with stories of conflicts between conscience and duty. The government cannot be involved.
If an employer decides that it will be the official policy of his company that the world is flat that is the policy. Objecting employees have no Constitutional protection. Protections such as burning an American flag or dressing up as Nazis and marching through a Jewish neighborhood yelling “Todt Juden”, are protections from the Government preventing them from so doing
ESPN apologized because a football TV commentator said that a beautiful woman was….beautiful. In our present culture the commentator will soon emerge from his re-education camp and beg forgiveness for saying that a beautiful woman was…beautiful.
ESPN fired a Black announcer for saying that an empirically Black quarterback wasn’t Black enough.
ESPN made a judgment that its first duty was to protect the interests of its lenders and the equity of its shareholders. It was freedom of choice that enabled them to adopt a stance that would have impressed Dante. Rather than have one member of the Nation of Perpetually Outraged Victims become, you know what I’m saying, outraged they were quite willing to keelhaul 2 employees. They will publically flay whatever is left.
The First Amendment was not damaged. “Slippery slopes: or “chilling effects”, those precious lodestones of modern American Liberalism, are not germane here.
The aforementioned Piers Morgan sneered at a copy of the Constitution as a “little book”. Only a fan of the E.U. could show contempt for the Law like that. Maybe his country would be better off with a written tablet of what the Government can do and, more importantly, what it cannot do. I am told there are some parts of the Midlands where even the retired Judges are tarred and feathered.
You may wish to familiarize yourself with our “little book”.
If you want to shit can an amendment, I suggest the Third Amendment. You remember that one, don’t you? I’ll bet you have to look it up.
Kevin Smith
Jay Carney – Press Secretary
The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue
Washington, DC 20500
RE: What else don’t you know about the Constitution? Let me count the ways.
Mr. Carney,
Your comments about the Second Amendment not being able to trump the First
Amendment indicates that you are a devout, practicing member of the Church of Modern American Liberalism. That is to say, there are no “permanent things” in your makeup. The Rule of Law may as well be from one of Jupiter’s moons. One of Jupiter’s lesser moons.
The Constitution doesn’t care whether or not Hillary Clinton has an exponentially expanding arse. It does not care if a picture of Senator Barbara Mikulski can stop a clock or soothe rampaging, ruttingly rabid Tasmanian Devils. It pays no attention to Michael Moore’s wish that “more Republicans had died on 9/11”. Bill Maher’s suggestion that Donald Trump had at least one Simian forebear is of no Constitutional concern. [As an aside, didn’t we all come from apes?] The Constitution is neutral on whether Muhammed was a goat humper before he became a paedophile or the other way around. Whether or not Bush was Hitler would cause no ruffles in the Constitutional Convention. As far as the Founders would have been concerned the New York Times was free to call Abraham Lincoln a “baboon”. The “fill in the blanks” birth certificate of Obama or the destruction of the World Trade Center being caused by “fill in the blanks” do not cause great Constitutional concern. If Joy Behar wants to work for a company that condones cliteroidectomies of pre-pubescent girls, with the instrument of choice being the ragged edge bottom of a Coca-Cola bottle, that’s OK with the Constitution. [I can picture her in a burqa.] If someone says the President, despite being tarred by VP Curley Biden as a “bright, clean, articulate Negro”, is really a dumb bastard for saying Austrian is spoken in Austria or there are 57, maybe 58, states that’s OK.
With the exceptions of protesting in front of abortion clinics or suggesting that the Gay life style may not be the best way to live to a ripe old age speech, unrestrained by the gentle hand of government, is still relatively free in this country.
There is an African-American Library in Broward County. Honest. Would it be wise, First Amendment notwithstanding, for a melanin challenged reader to go the front desk and ask for Dick Gregory’s autobiography by name? Its one word title, the “dreaded ‘N’ word that no White man dares use”, is verboten to some races.
I guess “speech is free but some speech is freer than others”.
Are the clouds parting? What’s that up there? Why it’s no larger than a man’s fist on the horizon. God’s Holy Trousers! The language couldn’t be any clearer. “CONGRESS SHALL MAKE NO LAW…” is as plain as your boot.
I shant get into Natural Law. If I were to tell you about Rights being ours “from beyond the stars” I might cause an overload. Your job is too difficult what with telling all those half, quarter, and eighth lies that other people command you to say. That was the nature of the job before you took it and it will be the nature of the job when you leave.
It would prove interesting if all White House Press Secretaries swore to tell the truth and nothing but the truth before each press conference. “A man upon oath holds his soul in his hands as if it were water. He opens his fingers at his peril” would be a tonic before claiming that 4 Americans were killed in Libya because of a bad movie.
The Federal rules on either commission or omission constituting fraud would also apply. That means you can be convicted of fraud for not saying something.
The brouhaha concerning uber cheeky Brit Piers Morgan – the thought of him being around as long as Mick Jagger makes me want to find the nearest Exit door – raises no Constitutional questions
Apparently, some 125,000 Americans, consumers all, have decided that, not only should Piers Morgan be fired, he should be deported. They have petitioned the White House to get his smarmy Limey ass on the next plane bound for Heathrow. The First Amendment speaks directly to the issue: No law shall infringe on the “right of the people peaceably to assemble and to petition the government for a redress of grievances”. Funny how things work out. The 125,000 petitioners, doubtless many of whom are homophobic red-necks, were exercising their First Amendment rights to protect the Second Amendment.
Morgan’s employer will make a commercial decision based on its customers’ wishes. Morgan, having no Constitutionally protected speech, will stay or go predicated on the rational self-interest of his employer.
A non-Governmental entity can censor its employees whenever it desires. Come to think of it the United States Government frequently silences its employees
Professed members of a religious order, having taken the vow of obedience, have willingly waived any claims of censorship should their views run counter to the views of those to whom obedience has been pledged. The Catholic Church is replete with stories of conflicts between conscience and duty. The government cannot be involved.
If an employer decides that it will be the official policy of his company that the world is flat that is the policy. Objecting employees have no Constitutional protection. Protections such as burning an American flag or dressing up as Nazis and marching through a Jewish neighborhood yelling “Todt Juden”, are protections from the Government preventing them from so doing
ESPN apologized because a football TV commentator said that a beautiful woman was….beautiful. In our present culture the commentator will soon emerge from his re-education camp and beg forgiveness for saying that a beautiful woman was…beautiful.
ESPN fired a Black announcer for saying that an empirically Black quarterback wasn’t Black enough.
ESPN made a judgment that its first duty was to protect the interests of its lenders and the equity of its shareholders. It was freedom of choice that enabled them to adopt a stance that would have impressed Dante. Rather than have one member of the Nation of Perpetually Outraged Victims become, you know what I’m saying, outraged they were quite willing to keelhaul 2 employees. They will publically flay whatever is left.
The First Amendment was not damaged. “Slippery slopes: or “chilling effects”, those precious lodestones of modern American Liberalism, are not germane here.
The aforementioned Piers Morgan sneered at a copy of the Constitution as a “little book”. Only a fan of the E.U. could show contempt for the Law like that. Maybe his country would be better off with a written tablet of what the Government can do and, more importantly, what it cannot do. I am told there are some parts of the Midlands where even the retired Judges are tarred and feathered.
You may wish to familiarize yourself with our “little book”.
If you want to shit can an amendment, I suggest the Third Amendment. You remember that one, don’t you? I’ll bet you have to look it up.
Kevin Smith
Saturday, January 5, 2013
January 3, 2013
Steve Blow
The Dallas Morning News
PO Box 655237
Dallas, TX 75265
RE: Readin’, Ritin’, ‘Rithmetic – Pass the hat and help Johnny read – Some comments on your column in today’s DMN on the unfairness of it all.
Mr. Blow,
A cold Texas morning was made warmer by your aptly titled column “Texas Legislators Deserve Dunce Cap”. I say “aptly” because 2 centuries of empirical evidence scream at us the still unlearned lesson that “no man’s property is safe when the legislature is in session”. A one size fits all universal proof of this would be the War on Poverty. It was begun 49 years ago. The money spent cannot be counted; the enemy is still in command of the high ground. You are welcome to question my facts, my methodology, or my conclusion.
I am here from Florida, sunny warm Florida I quickly add, visiting my family, particularly my 3 Texas Ladies – 14, 10, and 8 – all of whom are in public school.
Whenever I write to any public person in re education, “a school for people who will not learn elsewhere”, I must ask certain questions.\
#1 – If you have children of school age do they attend public school? If not, why not?
#2 – If you had children of school age did they attend public school? If not, why not?
You would be surprised at the answers, or lack of answers, I get when I ask that question of people who are bound by the flexible standards set by the church of modern American Liberalism. [I’ll spare you the details of a P.T.A. meeting in West Orange, NJ where I was called a Nazi. My response was protected by the criminal libel statutes of New Jersey.]
Florida has the dreaded FCAT tests. They are given to show whether or not the student has met the minimum requirements for the aforementioned “readin, ‘ritin, & ‘rithmetic. Members of the “Spend More” school say that it forces poor schools to have students “study for the test”. I watched the mighty Allen Eagles perform last week. Certain situations shouted that absent repeated “studying for the test” drills the result would have been different. Why can’t the same Logic apply to quiscumperfecto verbs or osmotic tendencies?
Alas, my suggestion, a fundamentally diverse, multi-culturally sensitive one I might add, of raising scores and self-esteem in Geometry scores by changing Pi from 3,1416 to 3.0 has failed to gain traction in Florida.. Do you think it may have a chance here?
Full disclosure demands that I tell you that my plan to butcher manatees so as to provide sausage for the homeless. My reason is rooted in the tenets of Darwin and secular humanism. If the high point of the life of an Alpha male manatee is to float on his back and have sorry assed people fling week old endive at him to better prepare him for his apex moment, swimming into a whirling propeller, isn’t it time for them to go? If it is, why not let their demise be of some good to those who have fallen through the so called safety net?
I stopped at the point in your article where you said that “one recent study ranked Texas 49th in per-student spending”. [I have long searched for the mythical sign that says “Welcome to Arkansas. Mississippi is worse.”]
If pre-student spending is the key to educational success perhaps you can tell me why the Obama children are not enrolled in any of the fine, I mean really, really fine public schools in Washington, DC? After all, they are tenants of a public housing project. You may remember that in the heady days of February, 2009 Obama signed an executive order that essentially mandated that all children living in public housing in DC attend public schools. Was there a hidden codicil that said “Do as I say, not as I do”? [I have oft-times wondered why 50 or 60 homeless folk don’t spend the night in the white4 House. Don’t you agree that it is too big a house for just 4 people? Incidentally, the official DC homeless shelter is literally across the street from the United States Tax Court. Honest.]
I suggest, inter alia, that any system that pays bad employees as much as it pays good employees is doomed to, at best, the worst of all possible world: Mediocrity. How many times have you heard students shouting “We’re number 9”?
I suggest that any system anywhere that pays bad workers anything is offensive to Logic and inimical to the common weal. Am I a fool to assume that the Trivium is still valid in Texas? If it is the present system must be ripped out root and branch and flung as violently as possible from the highest parapet. Although their methods may today seem harsh the good people of Salem, MA solved their witch problem in the late 17th century. The evidence of your own eyes tells you that witches are no longer a problem there. The next project is the Kennedys but that is not on the table here.
Herewith 2 suggestions for helping Texas Johnny read:
#1 – Hazard pay and bonuses up to 100% of their salary for any teacher volunteering to teach in “Blackboard Jungle” schools will be a recruiting tool. Extra consideration will be given to any applicant possessing a valid concealed weapons permit.
#2 - History teachers, math teachers, biology teachers, English teachers…everybody who stands in front of a class room – the children are our future, aren’t they? – and tries to enroll new members in the Western Canon will be held to the same standards as the football coach.
Results, not effort, will the sole criterion for success. I suggest that I can still play football as hard as Johnny Manziel. I know that I can’t play it as well.
Speaking of football, one last thought.
There is still time.
You, as a big time media mogul, must try to get the NFL to cancel the playoff game between Washington and Seattle
It is safe to say that, what with the reelection of President Obama, we are now in a post-post racial society.
Isn’t it time we put away the offensive things of our past?
The only thing the name Washington Redskins has going for it is that it is marginally less offensive that the name and logo of the Cleveland Indians. Saying those names or, worse, having paraphernalia from them must be considered a hate crime and must be prosecuted as such.
How about “Hail to the Beleaguered Long Suffering, Indigenous Persons”? How about the “Washington Abos”? Instead of fans dressing up as Hogs how about having them wear outfits suggesting the benefits of tofu?
It’s almost time to get back to Florida.
My plan to reduce the burden on Medicare by having single elimination senior citizen/python wrestling contests needs to be fine-tuned before being presented to the public.
Kevin Smith
Steve Blow
The Dallas Morning News
PO Box 655237
Dallas, TX 75265
RE: Readin’, Ritin’, ‘Rithmetic – Pass the hat and help Johnny read – Some comments on your column in today’s DMN on the unfairness of it all.
Mr. Blow,
A cold Texas morning was made warmer by your aptly titled column “Texas Legislators Deserve Dunce Cap”. I say “aptly” because 2 centuries of empirical evidence scream at us the still unlearned lesson that “no man’s property is safe when the legislature is in session”. A one size fits all universal proof of this would be the War on Poverty. It was begun 49 years ago. The money spent cannot be counted; the enemy is still in command of the high ground. You are welcome to question my facts, my methodology, or my conclusion.
I am here from Florida, sunny warm Florida I quickly add, visiting my family, particularly my 3 Texas Ladies – 14, 10, and 8 – all of whom are in public school.
Whenever I write to any public person in re education, “a school for people who will not learn elsewhere”, I must ask certain questions.\
#1 – If you have children of school age do they attend public school? If not, why not?
#2 – If you had children of school age did they attend public school? If not, why not?
You would be surprised at the answers, or lack of answers, I get when I ask that question of people who are bound by the flexible standards set by the church of modern American Liberalism. [I’ll spare you the details of a P.T.A. meeting in West Orange, NJ where I was called a Nazi. My response was protected by the criminal libel statutes of New Jersey.]
Florida has the dreaded FCAT tests. They are given to show whether or not the student has met the minimum requirements for the aforementioned “readin, ‘ritin, & ‘rithmetic. Members of the “Spend More” school say that it forces poor schools to have students “study for the test”. I watched the mighty Allen Eagles perform last week. Certain situations shouted that absent repeated “studying for the test” drills the result would have been different. Why can’t the same Logic apply to quiscumperfecto verbs or osmotic tendencies?
Alas, my suggestion, a fundamentally diverse, multi-culturally sensitive one I might add, of raising scores and self-esteem in Geometry scores by changing Pi from 3,1416 to 3.0 has failed to gain traction in Florida.. Do you think it may have a chance here?
Full disclosure demands that I tell you that my plan to butcher manatees so as to provide sausage for the homeless. My reason is rooted in the tenets of Darwin and secular humanism. If the high point of the life of an Alpha male manatee is to float on his back and have sorry assed people fling week old endive at him to better prepare him for his apex moment, swimming into a whirling propeller, isn’t it time for them to go? If it is, why not let their demise be of some good to those who have fallen through the so called safety net?
I stopped at the point in your article where you said that “one recent study ranked Texas 49th in per-student spending”. [I have long searched for the mythical sign that says “Welcome to Arkansas. Mississippi is worse.”]
If pre-student spending is the key to educational success perhaps you can tell me why the Obama children are not enrolled in any of the fine, I mean really, really fine public schools in Washington, DC? After all, they are tenants of a public housing project. You may remember that in the heady days of February, 2009 Obama signed an executive order that essentially mandated that all children living in public housing in DC attend public schools. Was there a hidden codicil that said “Do as I say, not as I do”? [I have oft-times wondered why 50 or 60 homeless folk don’t spend the night in the white4 House. Don’t you agree that it is too big a house for just 4 people? Incidentally, the official DC homeless shelter is literally across the street from the United States Tax Court. Honest.]
I suggest, inter alia, that any system that pays bad employees as much as it pays good employees is doomed to, at best, the worst of all possible world: Mediocrity. How many times have you heard students shouting “We’re number 9”?
I suggest that any system anywhere that pays bad workers anything is offensive to Logic and inimical to the common weal. Am I a fool to assume that the Trivium is still valid in Texas? If it is the present system must be ripped out root and branch and flung as violently as possible from the highest parapet. Although their methods may today seem harsh the good people of Salem, MA solved their witch problem in the late 17th century. The evidence of your own eyes tells you that witches are no longer a problem there. The next project is the Kennedys but that is not on the table here.
Herewith 2 suggestions for helping Texas Johnny read:
#1 – Hazard pay and bonuses up to 100% of their salary for any teacher volunteering to teach in “Blackboard Jungle” schools will be a recruiting tool. Extra consideration will be given to any applicant possessing a valid concealed weapons permit.
#2 - History teachers, math teachers, biology teachers, English teachers…everybody who stands in front of a class room – the children are our future, aren’t they? – and tries to enroll new members in the Western Canon will be held to the same standards as the football coach.
Results, not effort, will the sole criterion for success. I suggest that I can still play football as hard as Johnny Manziel. I know that I can’t play it as well.
Speaking of football, one last thought.
There is still time.
You, as a big time media mogul, must try to get the NFL to cancel the playoff game between Washington and Seattle
It is safe to say that, what with the reelection of President Obama, we are now in a post-post racial society.
Isn’t it time we put away the offensive things of our past?
The only thing the name Washington Redskins has going for it is that it is marginally less offensive that the name and logo of the Cleveland Indians. Saying those names or, worse, having paraphernalia from them must be considered a hate crime and must be prosecuted as such.
How about “Hail to the Beleaguered Long Suffering, Indigenous Persons”? How about the “Washington Abos”? Instead of fans dressing up as Hogs how about having them wear outfits suggesting the benefits of tofu?
It’s almost time to get back to Florida.
My plan to reduce the burden on Medicare by having single elimination senior citizen/python wrestling contests needs to be fine-tuned before being presented to the public.
Kevin Smith
January 2, 2013
Pre-dawn, every January 1, is the only time a reasonably rational man can have a reasonably rational hope that this year, this Ano Nuevo, things will be different.
I am far too old and far too scarred to fall for this every year but I do, I do.
A noon press release from the Pentagon bitch slapped me out of this warm and fuzzy feeling of what could have been.
“The Department of Defense is announcing that Hillary Rodham Clinton,
AKA “Rambolina”, was awarded the Distinguished Service Brooch for
exemplary duty in the face of overwhelming odds and the Lavender Heart for wounds suffered in combat. She announced that she would have a breast cut off in honor of all the unsung Amazons, tough chicks all, who fought in obscurity for so long.”
You go, girl!
There was some good news coming out of the Middle East. Of the 30,000/50,000 Syrian rebels killed in combat at least 75% were men. No longer can the Washington Post use its traditional headline: Disaster Somewhere, Anywhere – “Women and Minorities suffer most”.
But then came the coin toss at the Rose Bowl. It was the ultimate proof, the smoking gun if you will, that the boobies remain firmly in control of the hatch.
Jane von Goodal Lawick, or maybe Junior Cakewalk von Lowick Goodfella, as big an interloping Caucasian as the dark Continent had to endure in the 20th century, after being dragged around in a dump truck filled with flowers and gremlins, winds up on the 50 yard line at the Rose Bowl. She is surrounded by really big men dressed up as Finocchios and Scaramouches who want to harm each other. She is handed a round object by a man wearing clothes selected by the winner of the bet that he lost. She stands there, totally whelmed. “These people went to the moon?”, she says while begging for a flying squad of Somali Pirates to kidnap her and bring her back to her chimps, particularly the shy one with the golden mullet who answers to the name Jay-Jay.
She did the only sensible thing she could do with the coin.
She dropped it.
Her ideas on man being descended from the apes were tested. Perhaps she had it ass backward.
This month marks the 39th anniversary of me responding to President Nixon’s call for volunteers in the fight for Project Independence. I and my band of Merry Pranksters were able to convince some 30 people, the majority of whom were jaded New Yorkers, to give us money so we could “frack” 80 wells in south Texas.
[Ah! The good old days. The oil in this field was labeled “old”. As such, it was sold for $5 a barrel. If you went across the dry creek and turned by the cottonwood {Think Lonesome Dove} grove it would have been called “new” oil. As such it would have sold for $13 a barrel. The sounds you heard then, the sounds you hear now, are the muffled guffaws and the bursting bladders of Prince Barack, Emir Hussein, and burnoose-clad WOGs praising Allah for making these pale faced round-eyes so friggin’ dumb.]
The field that we “fracked” was close by Texas standards to the King Ranch. Cattle still graze and roam there before winding up providing protein, the better to combat the ill effects of GlobalCoolingGlobalWarmingClimateChange.
It worked well for a while but not as well and not for as long as we would have liked.
That those wells, originally called the Rodriguez Field, are still producing is yet again 100% metaphysically certifiable proof that if eggs go to $5 a dozen the rooster lays.
Oil produced from that field since 1974 has sold for prices from $5 to $42 to $6 to $27 to $65 to $48 to $105 to $86 a barrel.
While this was going on the only people who became independent were those peckerheads who who pray 5 times a day, look wistfully at young lambs, like Dancing Boys, and say that Allah really is Akbar.
Meanwhile the first Horse’s Ass of 2013 has presented himself.
Congressman Edward Markey, and Surprise! he is a Democrat from Massachusetts, said that a beached drilling rig was a threat to the environment. Sea scat and piscine eructations and decaying salmon in the fragile headwaters of the estuaries and streams that feed the mighty Pacific are far more dangerous. Gaia is using the Pacific to punish us for using so much plastic. Only a fool would think those tsunamis could come along unbidden. I doubt if there is more than 500 gallons of all fluids, including coffee, lemonade, Mr. Clean, liniment, WD40, Gorilla Glue, and some sacramental wine on board. It’s a drilling rig, you ass. Assuming it strikes oil it would not be stored there, you fool. Long live Solyndra!
I name you,
Edward Markey
HORSE’S ASS OF THE WEEK
And so the New Year begins…
Pre-dawn, every January 1, is the only time a reasonably rational man can have a reasonably rational hope that this year, this Ano Nuevo, things will be different.
I am far too old and far too scarred to fall for this every year but I do, I do.
A noon press release from the Pentagon bitch slapped me out of this warm and fuzzy feeling of what could have been.
“The Department of Defense is announcing that Hillary Rodham Clinton,
AKA “Rambolina”, was awarded the Distinguished Service Brooch for
exemplary duty in the face of overwhelming odds and the Lavender Heart for wounds suffered in combat. She announced that she would have a breast cut off in honor of all the unsung Amazons, tough chicks all, who fought in obscurity for so long.”
You go, girl!
There was some good news coming out of the Middle East. Of the 30,000/50,000 Syrian rebels killed in combat at least 75% were men. No longer can the Washington Post use its traditional headline: Disaster Somewhere, Anywhere – “Women and Minorities suffer most”.
But then came the coin toss at the Rose Bowl. It was the ultimate proof, the smoking gun if you will, that the boobies remain firmly in control of the hatch.
Jane von Goodal Lawick, or maybe Junior Cakewalk von Lowick Goodfella, as big an interloping Caucasian as the dark Continent had to endure in the 20th century, after being dragged around in a dump truck filled with flowers and gremlins, winds up on the 50 yard line at the Rose Bowl. She is surrounded by really big men dressed up as Finocchios and Scaramouches who want to harm each other. She is handed a round object by a man wearing clothes selected by the winner of the bet that he lost. She stands there, totally whelmed. “These people went to the moon?”, she says while begging for a flying squad of Somali Pirates to kidnap her and bring her back to her chimps, particularly the shy one with the golden mullet who answers to the name Jay-Jay.
She did the only sensible thing she could do with the coin.
She dropped it.
Her ideas on man being descended from the apes were tested. Perhaps she had it ass backward.
This month marks the 39th anniversary of me responding to President Nixon’s call for volunteers in the fight for Project Independence. I and my band of Merry Pranksters were able to convince some 30 people, the majority of whom were jaded New Yorkers, to give us money so we could “frack” 80 wells in south Texas.
[Ah! The good old days. The oil in this field was labeled “old”. As such, it was sold for $5 a barrel. If you went across the dry creek and turned by the cottonwood {Think Lonesome Dove} grove it would have been called “new” oil. As such it would have sold for $13 a barrel. The sounds you heard then, the sounds you hear now, are the muffled guffaws and the bursting bladders of Prince Barack, Emir Hussein, and burnoose-clad WOGs praising Allah for making these pale faced round-eyes so friggin’ dumb.]
The field that we “fracked” was close by Texas standards to the King Ranch. Cattle still graze and roam there before winding up providing protein, the better to combat the ill effects of GlobalCoolingGlobalWarmingClimateChange.
It worked well for a while but not as well and not for as long as we would have liked.
That those wells, originally called the Rodriguez Field, are still producing is yet again 100% metaphysically certifiable proof that if eggs go to $5 a dozen the rooster lays.
Oil produced from that field since 1974 has sold for prices from $5 to $42 to $6 to $27 to $65 to $48 to $105 to $86 a barrel.
While this was going on the only people who became independent were those peckerheads who who pray 5 times a day, look wistfully at young lambs, like Dancing Boys, and say that Allah really is Akbar.
Meanwhile the first Horse’s Ass of 2013 has presented himself.
Congressman Edward Markey, and Surprise! he is a Democrat from Massachusetts, said that a beached drilling rig was a threat to the environment. Sea scat and piscine eructations and decaying salmon in the fragile headwaters of the estuaries and streams that feed the mighty Pacific are far more dangerous. Gaia is using the Pacific to punish us for using so much plastic. Only a fool would think those tsunamis could come along unbidden. I doubt if there is more than 500 gallons of all fluids, including coffee, lemonade, Mr. Clean, liniment, WD40, Gorilla Glue, and some sacramental wine on board. It’s a drilling rig, you ass. Assuming it strikes oil it would not be stored there, you fool. Long live Solyndra!
I name you,
Edward Markey
HORSE’S ASS OF THE WEEK
And so the New Year begins…
January 3, 2013
I include my personal kudos to Dave Barry today. It is the earliest in the year that I have ever done so. His signature line – “I can’t make this up” – is always my handy excuse for not being able to write fiction.
Jonathan Swift would have stayed a preacher if he had heard the following proclamation:
“Al-Jazeera Acquires Al Gore’s Network”
Lest we forget, Al-Jazeera, as a news reporting entity, entered our national consciousness on or about September 14, 2001. You may recall that PATH service was interrupted when 19 well-disciplined Rag Heads, each of whom was focused on the 6 dozen female, nubile, virgo intacta, infidels promised them, flew their planes into the Twin Towers of the World Trade Center. 3000 people in the buildings were killed. 350 NYPD firemen and 50 NYPD and PATH policemen were killed, remember?
I know the date was 9/11/01. It took Al-Jazeera a few days to gather background data for their first Man of the Week. Osama bin-Laden, noted Islamic community organizer cum jihadist, was the man. [You may need to be reminded of the inconvenient truth that Time Magazine named Adolf Hitler “Man of the Year”. Hell, if he was good enough for Papa Joe Kennedy he was good enough for Boss Luce.]
Albert Arnold Gore, Jr. AKA as Alpha Gump, AAKA as Cementhead, will be remembered as a man of vision who was tighter than a clam’s ass.
When he was Vice President of the United States [Not to be confused with the mini-conglomerate of slum lording, toxic waste pollution causing, tobacco handling Good Old Boy cabal he ran in Tennessee] he had a few perks.
He lived rent free in a house that had its own zip code, trout stream, and ski lift. If memory serves, Nelson Rockefeller, as Vice President, declared the place unfit for human habitation. He then dug up one of the coffee cans that his grandfather filled with some ill-gotten pelf from the good old days and buried under one of the medical schools he built. He rebuilt the place. Who says that recycling is all bad?
Alpha and Thumper Gumpster and all the baby Gumpsters had their lawns mowed by the Secret Service. Driving John Deere mowers, donning flak jackets, toting UZIs, these guys put the greens crew at the Masters to shame. Not one dandelion dared to show up until Vlad Cheney got there.
I mention the above because, if we are to believe his tax returns, this cheap bastard gave less than $1 a day to charity.
There is no sense being a modern American Liberal unless you can be a hypocritical skin-flint also. Short arms and long pockets unless it comes to everyone else’s money. Since it isn’t his he wants to give it all away. The turd should be flogged.
Al’s cut of the Al-Jazeera deal will be $100,000,000. That’s one hundred million dollars. Something else that I cannot up make up is that he wanted the deal to close before1/1/13. Something about there being a lower tax rate was factored in. After he’s flogged he should be kneecapped. Twice.
The $100,000,000, a type of reverse dhimmi, calls to mind Ned Beatty lecturing Peter Finch in “Network”.
Commerce is an inflating, rotating balloon.
Money is glued to the outside of the balloon. It is constantly expanding and rotating and always returning to its launch point.
Nothing can be allowed to interfere with this process.
For decades this cheap bastard – to which I now add self-serving - preached the evils of the internal combustion engine. He condemned anything other than a hand-held fan as a personal cooling device. He suggested baby seals on winter nights for those living in less temperate climes. He was this millennium’s Jeremiah when he told us of the bad times surely to come when the beleaguered Ozone layer went walkabout [I must confess that I contributed mightily to this tragic loss. For the better part of a decade, until it was banned in a victory against corporate greed, I squirted Right Guard out from my bathroom window. If I felt particularly tumescent I gave the button a few extra thumps.]
HIS PUBLIC LIFE CONSISTED OF PUTTING ROADBLOCKS
IN THE PATH OF AMERICA BECOMING ENERGY INDEPENDENT.
CUI BONO?
One direct beneficiary of his decades long, mind numbing perfidy was Qatar, AKA “The WOG Switzerland of the Persian Gulf”.
After decades of carrying their water, after decades of keeping hundreds of thousands of Americans from knowing the joy of having a steady job, after decades of hectoring us on the joys of the pre-Industrial Age, after decades of trying to outdo Ned Lud, after decades of aiding America’s enemies, after decades of selling his soul for a mess of porridge, his keepers have thrown him a bone.
It it weren’t for oil Qatar would be a C minus Lapland. Scorpions emigrate from the Allah-forsaken never watered wadi wannabe.
Alpha Gump, by his head up his ass policies, gave the stout Qataris so much money it had to be weighed.
They recycled some of it back to him.
Nothing lost save honor.
At least Judas had the grace to hang himself.
Kevin Smith
WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET
PS – Strong note to follow
I include my personal kudos to Dave Barry today. It is the earliest in the year that I have ever done so. His signature line – “I can’t make this up” – is always my handy excuse for not being able to write fiction.
Jonathan Swift would have stayed a preacher if he had heard the following proclamation:
“Al-Jazeera Acquires Al Gore’s Network”
Lest we forget, Al-Jazeera, as a news reporting entity, entered our national consciousness on or about September 14, 2001. You may recall that PATH service was interrupted when 19 well-disciplined Rag Heads, each of whom was focused on the 6 dozen female, nubile, virgo intacta, infidels promised them, flew their planes into the Twin Towers of the World Trade Center. 3000 people in the buildings were killed. 350 NYPD firemen and 50 NYPD and PATH policemen were killed, remember?
I know the date was 9/11/01. It took Al-Jazeera a few days to gather background data for their first Man of the Week. Osama bin-Laden, noted Islamic community organizer cum jihadist, was the man. [You may need to be reminded of the inconvenient truth that Time Magazine named Adolf Hitler “Man of the Year”. Hell, if he was good enough for Papa Joe Kennedy he was good enough for Boss Luce.]
Albert Arnold Gore, Jr. AKA as Alpha Gump, AAKA as Cementhead, will be remembered as a man of vision who was tighter than a clam’s ass.
When he was Vice President of the United States [Not to be confused with the mini-conglomerate of slum lording, toxic waste pollution causing, tobacco handling Good Old Boy cabal he ran in Tennessee] he had a few perks.
He lived rent free in a house that had its own zip code, trout stream, and ski lift. If memory serves, Nelson Rockefeller, as Vice President, declared the place unfit for human habitation. He then dug up one of the coffee cans that his grandfather filled with some ill-gotten pelf from the good old days and buried under one of the medical schools he built. He rebuilt the place. Who says that recycling is all bad?
Alpha and Thumper Gumpster and all the baby Gumpsters had their lawns mowed by the Secret Service. Driving John Deere mowers, donning flak jackets, toting UZIs, these guys put the greens crew at the Masters to shame. Not one dandelion dared to show up until Vlad Cheney got there.
I mention the above because, if we are to believe his tax returns, this cheap bastard gave less than $1 a day to charity.
There is no sense being a modern American Liberal unless you can be a hypocritical skin-flint also. Short arms and long pockets unless it comes to everyone else’s money. Since it isn’t his he wants to give it all away. The turd should be flogged.
Al’s cut of the Al-Jazeera deal will be $100,000,000. That’s one hundred million dollars. Something else that I cannot up make up is that he wanted the deal to close before1/1/13. Something about there being a lower tax rate was factored in. After he’s flogged he should be kneecapped. Twice.
The $100,000,000, a type of reverse dhimmi, calls to mind Ned Beatty lecturing Peter Finch in “Network”.
Commerce is an inflating, rotating balloon.
Money is glued to the outside of the balloon. It is constantly expanding and rotating and always returning to its launch point.
Nothing can be allowed to interfere with this process.
For decades this cheap bastard – to which I now add self-serving - preached the evils of the internal combustion engine. He condemned anything other than a hand-held fan as a personal cooling device. He suggested baby seals on winter nights for those living in less temperate climes. He was this millennium’s Jeremiah when he told us of the bad times surely to come when the beleaguered Ozone layer went walkabout [I must confess that I contributed mightily to this tragic loss. For the better part of a decade, until it was banned in a victory against corporate greed, I squirted Right Guard out from my bathroom window. If I felt particularly tumescent I gave the button a few extra thumps.]
HIS PUBLIC LIFE CONSISTED OF PUTTING ROADBLOCKS
IN THE PATH OF AMERICA BECOMING ENERGY INDEPENDENT.
CUI BONO?
One direct beneficiary of his decades long, mind numbing perfidy was Qatar, AKA “The WOG Switzerland of the Persian Gulf”.
After decades of carrying their water, after decades of keeping hundreds of thousands of Americans from knowing the joy of having a steady job, after decades of hectoring us on the joys of the pre-Industrial Age, after decades of trying to outdo Ned Lud, after decades of aiding America’s enemies, after decades of selling his soul for a mess of porridge, his keepers have thrown him a bone.
It it weren’t for oil Qatar would be a C minus Lapland. Scorpions emigrate from the Allah-forsaken never watered wadi wannabe.
Alpha Gump, by his head up his ass policies, gave the stout Qataris so much money it had to be weighed.
They recycled some of it back to him.
Nothing lost save honor.
At least Judas had the grace to hang himself.
Kevin Smith
WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET
PS – Strong note to follow
December 28, 2012
To: Matt Damon
Location: OZ, perhaps Shangri-La or the land of Nod, definitely past the Horizon and heading to warp speed, with the main fuel for his journey being the gasps of drowning polar bears providing propulsion in an environmentally sensitive and renewable manner.
Subject: Watch as a half-assed narcissist becomes a full blown modern American Liberal solipsist. And since we have survived the Mayan Day of Death and may be able to muddle through I pray to God that his children are adopted. Shallow end gene pool DNA must be exterminated with extreme prejudice.!
“The game is rigged. I’m through with politics.”
Dopey Bastard or Horse’s Ass? You’ve earned both but my rules preclude bestowing both. Usually.
Stop the presses!
You say that Howard Zinn is a serious Historian, a true son of Clio. Next you’ll tell me it’s about time for a Nobel Prize for Rod McKuen or Paul Ehrlich or Phil Donahue or Lard Kennedy or Lysenko or Che or Lady GaGa.. Jeezus Haitch Keerist but you couldn’t find sand at the beach. You would have to get a Pell Grant to learn how to pick your nose or scratch your ass.
Surprise me, you boob, and tell me that plaid is not your favorite color. I bet you think that Manual Labor is the guy who mows your lawn. See if I have to count past 3 before you can find your ass using both your hands.
People in the real world, people who know that “stones are hard and water is wet” know, know, both instinctively and from real life experience, that the game is always rigged. Always. For the overwhelming majority of people – an exception being the exponentially expanding Kennedy family and where is Atreus now that we really need him – life is 6 to 5 AGAINST. It’s what you do after you find out that betting against the house is like asking the little fat man who owns the casino why he has such a large diamond on each of his pinkies. It’s what you do after you find out that proves what another poet said….”Man will not only endure, he will prevail”.
Wee Matty is upset because his vision of the good life is not shared by everyone else. What a bummer!
Wee Matty wants to take down all the scoreboards so, at the end of the game, there are no hard feelings and everybody feels good about themselves and the voice of the turtle is heard once again in the land and that lambs are fighting to volunteer to spend the night with the now irenic lion. Honest Injun, the dumb MoFo really does.
Matty just stamped his feet and said he’s going home with his ball, his bat, and his head up his ass view of things.
Matty is really pissed off because he is suffering from Stage 4 “non-malodorous fecal matter syndrome” and doesn’t know it. That is the only benefit of not being able to smell your own shit. He can’t understand why people who sometimes bring their lunch to work hold their noses when they sprint past him.
Matty will soon be taking his kids to the really fine schools in Boston. Don’t even think about asking. It’s a chalk bet that Matty’s bairns will be attending the really fine public schools in Boston. Not.
If we change and take up his vision of the good life he will buy each of us a pair of silk underwear, the better to fart in.
Enough of this idle chit-chat!
I declare Matty a Grand slam winner!
HORSE’S ASS OF THE WEEK
POMPOUS FART OF THE MONTH
SMARMY BASTARD OF THE YEAR
DOPEY BASTARD OF THE DECADE
These awards are not given lightly. Wear them proudly. You got them the old fashioned way. YOU EARNED THEM!
Your last true friend and only honest pal,
Kevin Smith
To: Matt Damon
Location: OZ, perhaps Shangri-La or the land of Nod, definitely past the Horizon and heading to warp speed, with the main fuel for his journey being the gasps of drowning polar bears providing propulsion in an environmentally sensitive and renewable manner.
Subject: Watch as a half-assed narcissist becomes a full blown modern American Liberal solipsist. And since we have survived the Mayan Day of Death and may be able to muddle through I pray to God that his children are adopted. Shallow end gene pool DNA must be exterminated with extreme prejudice.!
“The game is rigged. I’m through with politics.”
Dopey Bastard or Horse’s Ass? You’ve earned both but my rules preclude bestowing both. Usually.
Stop the presses!
You say that Howard Zinn is a serious Historian, a true son of Clio. Next you’ll tell me it’s about time for a Nobel Prize for Rod McKuen or Paul Ehrlich or Phil Donahue or Lard Kennedy or Lysenko or Che or Lady GaGa.. Jeezus Haitch Keerist but you couldn’t find sand at the beach. You would have to get a Pell Grant to learn how to pick your nose or scratch your ass.
Surprise me, you boob, and tell me that plaid is not your favorite color. I bet you think that Manual Labor is the guy who mows your lawn. See if I have to count past 3 before you can find your ass using both your hands.
People in the real world, people who know that “stones are hard and water is wet” know, know, both instinctively and from real life experience, that the game is always rigged. Always. For the overwhelming majority of people – an exception being the exponentially expanding Kennedy family and where is Atreus now that we really need him – life is 6 to 5 AGAINST. It’s what you do after you find out that betting against the house is like asking the little fat man who owns the casino why he has such a large diamond on each of his pinkies. It’s what you do after you find out that proves what another poet said….”Man will not only endure, he will prevail”.
Wee Matty is upset because his vision of the good life is not shared by everyone else. What a bummer!
Wee Matty wants to take down all the scoreboards so, at the end of the game, there are no hard feelings and everybody feels good about themselves and the voice of the turtle is heard once again in the land and that lambs are fighting to volunteer to spend the night with the now irenic lion. Honest Injun, the dumb MoFo really does.
Matty just stamped his feet and said he’s going home with his ball, his bat, and his head up his ass view of things.
Matty is really pissed off because he is suffering from Stage 4 “non-malodorous fecal matter syndrome” and doesn’t know it. That is the only benefit of not being able to smell your own shit. He can’t understand why people who sometimes bring their lunch to work hold their noses when they sprint past him.
Matty will soon be taking his kids to the really fine schools in Boston. Don’t even think about asking. It’s a chalk bet that Matty’s bairns will be attending the really fine public schools in Boston. Not.
If we change and take up his vision of the good life he will buy each of us a pair of silk underwear, the better to fart in.
Enough of this idle chit-chat!
I declare Matty a Grand slam winner!
HORSE’S ASS OF THE WEEK
POMPOUS FART OF THE MONTH
SMARMY BASTARD OF THE YEAR
DOPEY BASTARD OF THE DECADE
These awards are not given lightly. Wear them proudly. You got them the old fashioned way. YOU EARNED THEM!
Your last true friend and only honest pal,
Kevin Smith
Friday, January 4, 2013
Hillary Clinton injured while on a Seal Team Recon into Iran
January 1, 2013
“Hillary Clinton injured while on a Seal Team Recon into Iran”
Silly, right? Even stupid, if for no other reason than she would need a block and tackle to get her fat ass into an attack helicopter. Gravity would get her out. A Sidewinder missile would have to be strapped to each cheek of her ample arse to get her off the ground. When she retires she could do some Brazilian Butt ads. She would make a perfect Before picture.
Because there is no way other than an opium den, bad acid flashback that anything approaching that could have happened is why we need a Congressional investigation.
The country needs to know, to know beyond the shadow of a doubt, that Hillary Clinton did not don a ghillie suit, that she did not have her Gurkha kukri honed so sharp that it could cut itself, that she did not have a cut down 22 inch Remington “trench sweeper” in her ditty bag, that she did not have pound of bacon fat that she would use so as to avoid waterboarding, that she did not have blowup dolls of Barbara Mikulski to throw at any advancing Dervishes, Whirling or otherwise, that she did not have buttons with myriad languages shouting RESET on them, that she did not threaten to sit on the captured Yobama Bahama Salama’s face to get secret info from him….Jeezuz Haitch Keerist! Talk about the Geneva Convention. Talk about torture. Imagine looking up seeing that! I’d give it all up in a friggin’ heartbeat. Truly a fate worse than death. If word got out it would have led to a ban on bearded clams.
Gary Sick, a properly named author, wrote a book titled “The October Surprise”. It was published in 1992.
It had a plot simple enough for a child to follow; to wit: In late October, 1980, Vice Presidential candidate George Bush took an afternoon off from campaigning to play tennis. He snookered his Secret Service detail, the Washington press corps, and all the national TV snoops and went to Andrews Air Force Base. There he flew to Paris on the Black Bird, a SR71. Since it could fly at more than 3,000MPH he got there before he took off. He met Mohammed M. Muhamed, the power behind Big Boss Man Khomieni and cut a deal on the American hostages. They were to be kept locked up until Reagan was inaugurated and boob Carter’s sorry sad-sacked ass was heading back to Bug Fug, GA. The deal was sealed in a Rive Gauche bistro called Le Grande Frog. Veal paillard from tortured cows, a bit of foie grais, obviously from tortured geese, was washed down by a 1975 Talbot and History was made. Bush got in the plane – not “on” the plane and a thank you to George Carlin - and flew back to Andrews. Once there he donned his preppy tennis whites, threw the obligatory Brooks Brothers sweater over his shoulders, and headed home. With skill and cunning he managed to avoid the Secret Service and ABC, CBS, and NBC. When he got home he told Barbara that he was having trouble with his backhand and that he needed a few Tylenols,
Honest. You could look it up.
It worked. Never argue with a canceled check.
Speaker of the House Tom-Tom Foley, second in line to the Presidency of the United States, said in 1992 that we must have an investigation. When asked why, he said, “We must have an investigation precisely because there is no evidence”.
Honest. That’s what he said. “You can”, as Casey Stengel used to say, “Look it up.”
Somehow the thought of Hillary Clinton, after making sure that the sharp end went up the breech first, then biting the throat out of a sleeping sentry and sticking some bacon fat into the hole to stop the gurgling and to send a message to the others, ain’t so far fetched, is it?
It’s time for Speaker Boehner to get his Mojo back. He is Speaker of House of Representatives. Should both Obama and Biden go down fighting enemies both foreign and domestic he would wind up in the Oval Office. The Air Force officer sitting outside his office carries an attaché case known as the “Football”. When it is opened the President can send out coded instructions that will turn the world into molten glass. That’s what he could do then.
What he can do now is to subpoena Mrs. Clinton and ask her, under oath, under TV lights, with a nasty bastard lawyer asking her for her version of the events that led to her concussion, an injury that was diagnosed by her press flack, and subsequent blood clot. He/She could ask what the threshold number of dead Americans should be for the President to call it something other than “a bit of sloppiness”. The bar is now set at 4 murdered Americans. Would 12 make it something else?
My New Year’s resolution is to shed my Mr. Nice Guy image. I have to start somewhere.
KEVIN SMITH
WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET
“Hillary Clinton injured while on a Seal Team Recon into Iran”
Silly, right? Even stupid, if for no other reason than she would need a block and tackle to get her fat ass into an attack helicopter. Gravity would get her out. A Sidewinder missile would have to be strapped to each cheek of her ample arse to get her off the ground. When she retires she could do some Brazilian Butt ads. She would make a perfect Before picture.
Because there is no way other than an opium den, bad acid flashback that anything approaching that could have happened is why we need a Congressional investigation.
The country needs to know, to know beyond the shadow of a doubt, that Hillary Clinton did not don a ghillie suit, that she did not have her Gurkha kukri honed so sharp that it could cut itself, that she did not have a cut down 22 inch Remington “trench sweeper” in her ditty bag, that she did not have pound of bacon fat that she would use so as to avoid waterboarding, that she did not have blowup dolls of Barbara Mikulski to throw at any advancing Dervishes, Whirling or otherwise, that she did not have buttons with myriad languages shouting RESET on them, that she did not threaten to sit on the captured Yobama Bahama Salama’s face to get secret info from him….Jeezuz Haitch Keerist! Talk about the Geneva Convention. Talk about torture. Imagine looking up seeing that! I’d give it all up in a friggin’ heartbeat. Truly a fate worse than death. If word got out it would have led to a ban on bearded clams.
Gary Sick, a properly named author, wrote a book titled “The October Surprise”. It was published in 1992.
It had a plot simple enough for a child to follow; to wit: In late October, 1980, Vice Presidential candidate George Bush took an afternoon off from campaigning to play tennis. He snookered his Secret Service detail, the Washington press corps, and all the national TV snoops and went to Andrews Air Force Base. There he flew to Paris on the Black Bird, a SR71. Since it could fly at more than 3,000MPH he got there before he took off. He met Mohammed M. Muhamed, the power behind Big Boss Man Khomieni and cut a deal on the American hostages. They were to be kept locked up until Reagan was inaugurated and boob Carter’s sorry sad-sacked ass was heading back to Bug Fug, GA. The deal was sealed in a Rive Gauche bistro called Le Grande Frog. Veal paillard from tortured cows, a bit of foie grais, obviously from tortured geese, was washed down by a 1975 Talbot and History was made. Bush got in the plane – not “on” the plane and a thank you to George Carlin - and flew back to Andrews. Once there he donned his preppy tennis whites, threw the obligatory Brooks Brothers sweater over his shoulders, and headed home. With skill and cunning he managed to avoid the Secret Service and ABC, CBS, and NBC. When he got home he told Barbara that he was having trouble with his backhand and that he needed a few Tylenols,
Honest. You could look it up.
It worked. Never argue with a canceled check.
Speaker of the House Tom-Tom Foley, second in line to the Presidency of the United States, said in 1992 that we must have an investigation. When asked why, he said, “We must have an investigation precisely because there is no evidence”.
Honest. That’s what he said. “You can”, as Casey Stengel used to say, “Look it up.”
Somehow the thought of Hillary Clinton, after making sure that the sharp end went up the breech first, then biting the throat out of a sleeping sentry and sticking some bacon fat into the hole to stop the gurgling and to send a message to the others, ain’t so far fetched, is it?
It’s time for Speaker Boehner to get his Mojo back. He is Speaker of House of Representatives. Should both Obama and Biden go down fighting enemies both foreign and domestic he would wind up in the Oval Office. The Air Force officer sitting outside his office carries an attaché case known as the “Football”. When it is opened the President can send out coded instructions that will turn the world into molten glass. That’s what he could do then.
What he can do now is to subpoena Mrs. Clinton and ask her, under oath, under TV lights, with a nasty bastard lawyer asking her for her version of the events that led to her concussion, an injury that was diagnosed by her press flack, and subsequent blood clot. He/She could ask what the threshold number of dead Americans should be for the President to call it something other than “a bit of sloppiness”. The bar is now set at 4 murdered Americans. Would 12 make it something else?
My New Year’s resolution is to shed my Mr. Nice Guy image. I have to start somewhere.
KEVIN SMITH
WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET
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