September 17, 2018 Mayor Michael Ryan

September 17, 2018

Mayor Michael Ryan

City Hall

10770 Oakland Park Blvd. West

Sunrise, FL 33351

RE: Addenda, never errata, to yesterday’s letter on “cooling the earth and calming the seas”. Wait a minute. He didn’t do that either. I guess he was too busy “drawing red lines in the sand”.

Mr. Mayor,

In my haste to point out some of the obvious shortcomings of your Homerically dumb, Biblically imbecilic, head so far up your ass that you could tend to your own back teeth, anti-rational take on the real world, the world where, to cite Orwell, “stones are hard and water is wet”, I left out some important additions to the gravity-repealing, horizon jumping list of things for you to do.

#1- I can get some good stuff from Solyndra. Call me.

#2 – Disposable diapers? Gone.

#3 – Plastic soda bottles? Plastic Baby Milk Bottles? Verboten.

#4 – Say good bye to gasoline powered lawn mowers. Ditto carwashes.

#5 – 100% organic rubber tires – no nylon, no polyester - for all city vehicles.

#6 – I’ll be starting a “GoFundMe” page for your vasectomy. Your line must end.

#7 – You are living proof that Justice Holmes was right.

#8 – You may want to think about “taking one for the side”.

Kevin Smith

PS - Please tell me that you are not Irish-Catholic. My father’s people are from Galway;  my mother’s are from Cork. Plus, I had 17 years of Catholic schools with not so much as a wink. Here’s hoping that at least you are a left-legger. Beckett and Seinfeld help me get through the day. Try them. But wait, there’s more. We are coming up to September 21^st.

I mention that because Professor Antonio Vivaldi, my favorite Eye-Tie climatologist, takes that day and three others to celebrate – Guess what? – the weather. Familiarize yourself with him and his works. It will ease the burden of you being the savior of mankind.