May 21, 2019 Thucydides and E. W. Sledge. Old men must read them before they send young men to war.

May 21, 2019

Thucydides and E. W. Sledge. Old men must read them before they send young men to war. The invasion of Sicily and the invasion of Okinawa would seem to be light years apart, not just 25 centuries. They are not; they are not. They exist on parallel tracks and can be read with chapters alternating. And the weapons don’t change that much. Surely, the men wielding them haven’t.

I have written every year since 1997 of the death of Corporal Leonard W. Putnam

On May 25, 1945 on Okinawa. He was killed – the upper right quarter of his torso was blown off – by a Japanese mortar shell.

He was a 41-year-old piano salesman from Jersey City, New Jersey who was married to Amy’s Aunt Milly. She died in 1969. They had no children.

I have always been prone to narcissism – it’s cheaper than cocaine and it is truly a private vice so I beg no forgiveness – so if I don’t write about him, he will truly die.

There is a wall-bound scroll not 8 feet from where I sit.

“He stands in the unbroken line of patriots who have dared to die

that freedom might live. And grow. And increase its blessings.

Freedom lives, and through it he lives – 

In a way that humbles the undertakings of most men.”

It is signed by the President of the United States.

I am changing the format of this year’s notice. It will include 2 other warriors: men “who have seen the elephant”.

Andy Safner was Amy’s cousin. He was a radio man on the USS Halloran [DE305]. The ship served as bait, on picket duty, North of Okinawa. 3 of his shipmates were killed in a Kamikaze attack. Destroyer escorts were small, slow, thin hulled vessels. They were expendable. That’s why they were 50 miles away from the Essex class carriers and both the North Carolina class and the Iowa class battle ships. Like I said, expendable. In the movie “Zulu”, the private asks the Color Sergeant, “Why us, Sarge? Why us?
 “Because we’re here, lad, Because we’re her. Nobody else. Just us.”

Seaman Safner came home to Bayonne, was a bartender for Felix Milwid, Amy’s grandfather, went to St. Peter’s College at night, becoming an accountant and, later, a partner of Peat, Marwick, married Alice Ozimeck, and lived happily ever after.

I had breakfast with Woody Woodbury Christmas last. 

Since 1954, he has supported his family by telling stories and making people laugh. Prior to that he flew Corsairs and Hellcats in the South Pacific against the Japanese and Panthers against the North Koreans, the Chinese, and the Russians more than 100 times. He flew with Ted Williams and John Glenn.

At the end of “The Bridges of Toko-Ri”, the Admiral asks, after being told of the death of one of his aviators, asks “Where do we find such men?”

“They are all around us. The mists of memory bedim reality. We summon 

these men from time to time. They do what we ask of them. We are made

uneasy by their excesses. We wouldn’t have survived without them. We avert 

their gaze when they remind us of what they did for us. They are ordinary men

 doing extraordinary things.”

Kevin Smith

WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET 

May 19, 2019 Nancy Ancrum – Editorial Page Editor The Miami Herald RE: OOOPS! Your official biases are showing - Some comments on your Ron DeSantis profile in today’s Miami Herald.

May 19, 2019

Nancy Ancrum – Editorial Page Editor

The Miami Herald

RE: OOOPS! Your official biases are showing - Some comments on your Ron DeSantis profile in today’s Miami Herald.

Ms. Ancrum,

Pre-dawn “gotchas” are the best!

In your not to be confused with a profile of, let’s say, Obama, that perforce would stretch the envelope of both effusive and/or fulsome, and I still get them confused, you have someone named Rodriguez saying

“It didn’t seem to matter what the people wanted,” Rodriguez 

said. “It only mattered what the governor wanted.”

[A brief aside: Rodriguez seems to be one of the “good” lobbyists. She represents the Kumbaya section of the modern American Liberal chorus, the one that leads the chant for social justice, free beer, and cheaper rents. She is not one of those moneyed, venal special interests who abuse the First Amendment by bribing legislators and thwarting the will of the people. You know who I mean.]

Please tell Ms. Mahoney and Mr., Contorno, both earnest scribes, that this is the way the system works.

Who can forget President Obama, in February 2009, gently reminding some 100 Republican legislators that there was an election and that he won which means you lost, so there. Plus, not only is the ball mine but so is the court and if you don’t like it try the voting booth and that’s where I am “drawing a line in the sand”.

Take your time and explain the difference to me.

Slowly, please, because my deplorable mind-set is confused by TMI.

Kevin Smith

WARRIROBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET

PS – A teachable moment occurs a bit later on when John Morgan, Esq., obviously between cocktails, says “I’m disappointed because to me, it goes against democracy.”

The teachable moment has 2 sharp tines.

#1 – For 25 centuries, 2 and ½ millennia, our betters have warned us about the evils of Democracy. Star with Plato; sideline with Marcus Aurelius; listen to Edmund Burke; huddle with the Founding Fathers. And yes, there will be a test.

#2 – The people of Florida, and who cares whether hate and homophobia were the deciding factors, voted overwhelmingly against same-sex marriage. [I’ll run the risk of being thought to be a deplorable homophobe if I point out that nowhere and in no time has same-sex marriage ever been approved when presented to the voters.]

Was that the White Rabbit and Alice going down the modern American Liberal memory hole. You bethca. I probably should work Orwell into this but the alarm bell on my manatee traps just went off. Manatee sushi and cheap red wine! Just another example of White Privilege.

Kevin Smith

WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET

May 16, 2019 What else, after the willing suspension of disbelief

May 16, 2019

What else, after the willing suspension of disbelief, compels people, supposedly rational, absolutely “non-deplorable people, to think that this time, with really, really smart people – not just really smart people – running “it” that this time Socialism will work.

White Privilege gives us the most obvious, the most compelling answer. It is, as the Great Dr. Johnson said

‘THE TRIUMPH OF HOPE OVER EXPERIENCE’

Capitalism, warts and all, is always judged on its results, on what it has done.  Hamlin Garland, the Beards, and Ida Tarbell spoke of a particular sub-set of Capitalism, not a universal one. Let the record also show that nowhere ever has Capitalism been given a bit-less ride like Socialism has. To state the obvious, the USSR, the 3^rd Reich, Bulgaria, North Korea, Cuba, most of Africa, Burma, & Venezuela have done what Robert Owen, Leon Trotsky, Adolph Hitler, Norman Thomas, & Michael Harrington could only dream about. [It is well to note that one of Stalin’s hit-men put a pick ax in Trotsky’s head 13 years and 8,000 away from the Workers’ Paradise, the beloved rodinya, that he was exiled from. More about that anon. It is a thread common to all true Socialists.

Imagine a man standing in a large bucket. With the best of intentions and cheered on by good people who want him to succeed, he tries mightily to lift the bucket by its handle with him in it. He may well pull the handle off. He may rip the bottom out. He may move it horizontally. But this is certain. Bet the ranch, Clock a ticket. The bucket ain’t gonna move vertically.

A wise man form Milan once said, “If no profit is possible, the risk is obvious.” As was frequently said on the assembly lines in Russia, “We pretend to work and they pretend to pay us.” Why do Indians – Kipling’s Indians, not Cochise’s Chiricahua – do so well here?

One obvious answer is that the yoke of Gandhi and the cement galoshes of Nehru stayed in Agra. Gandhi decided that homespun, veganism, and drinking your own pee were the keys to sovereignty. Nehru decided that the forward-thinking policy of exporting surgeons and importing cement plants were the keys to 2, sometimes 3, chickens in every pot.

Neither succeeded.

Having dug ditches in 3 countries, I assure you there is one universal ditch digging rule that transcends borders. 

“If you are digging in the wrong place, stop digging.”

Simple enough, right?

Yes, for ditch digging.

No, for economic systems.

The Kingston Trio asked us in 1957, “When will they ever learn?”

Never, if you are running for the Democratic nomination.

Kevin Smith

WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET

PS – Orwell, the 20^th Century’s most hated Socialist – by Socialists, of course, by Socialists – said that the face of Socialism is a boot on your neck. The really smart people who run Socialist societies know that the only chance they have to make “it” work is to put an iron fist into an iron glove. [The smartest mule in the world sometimes needs a 2by4 across its nose to get his attention.] If people won’t act in the collective interest you must kick them in their individual asses. It is not too late to say Kaddish for the Kulaks. Churchill, and it always seems to come back to him, doesn’t it, said that the essential problem with Capitalism is Capitalists while the essential problem with Socialism is, and always and forever will be, Socialism.

May 1, 2019 Eric Swalwell is a Democratic member of Congress from California

May 1, 2019

Eric Swalwell is a Democratic member of Congress from California who has joined the great unwashed, truly “lesser breeds”, who are running for the honor of getting their asses kicked in 2020 by DJT, aka il Magnifico. Although I am a proud legatee of White Privilege, I am not familiar with his district. That is to say that I am not aware if, prior to  voting, the electors, both dead and alive – I am from Hudson County, remember? – must do a “trou” drop and shit in the street like their betters in LA & SF do while pledging allegiance, obeisance, and fealty to John C. Calhoun,  a slave owning, true son of the South and the founder of the political theory that allows Sanctuary Cities. But, it being California, they will, they will.

He doesn’t like Trump. In fact, he would like to Cuisinart him and put him in a fondue pot.

He believes that DJT railroaded the Rosenbergs, that he paid for the hooker who sent out FDR with smile on his face, that he killed all those people standing in front of the Morgan Bank when KKK lover Wilson was President, that he killed McKinley and Garfield, and that he told Harrison that the rain wouldn’t last.

Out beyond the edge of credulity, or maybe not, this fucking moron believes anything bad, particularly anything particularly egregiously bad about our beloved leader. In fact, and in tribute to a hire the handicapped campaign, this dopey bastard has a law degree. He has expanded the envelope marked “presumption of innocence”, one of the 2 things that will survive the end of the British Empire with the other being the standard English breakfast as explained by Horace Rumpole, late of the Old Bailey. Swalwell’s Addendum says that any allegation against DJT, however specious or spurious it may be, must be believed until it is proved false. And not just false but false beyond the shadow of any and all doubts, including those sworn to by Michael Avenati.

Using this new precedent, I now address the allegations about Congressman Adam Schiff, [D-CA], aka “Pencil-Necked Geek”. [It is owed to the ledger to point out that “Pencil-Necked Geek” was a creation of Classy Freddie Blassie of WWE renown] It seems that he liked to cruise down the Hershey Highway, the one that Barney Frank turned into toll road ending or beginning in his basement. It is nor known now if he looked for a pitcher or a catcher just so long as he was a team player. Also, there is an allegation that he settled, with taxpayer funds, a sexual harassment suit involving pre-pubescent pederasty. Also, there was a 10b-5 alleged violation about an IPO purporting to show all the hot spots in Gomorrah. 2 of the witnesses have been turned to stone.

Let the record show that he denied the allegation but that here may be some merit to the 1934 Securities Act violation.

But using the Swalwell Doctrine, the one predicated on disproving an alleged negative allegation, the one alleged to be positively negative – By krikey, I am starting to sound like pezzonovante modern American Liberal. I am starting to feel better already, now that I don’t have to think.

Here’s the key to the whole kerfuffle. Until this tour guide to Gomorrah has been gelded, keep this slimy bucket of eel shit away from the playground.

I repeat my directive from last week.

First, ask yourself if Swift really wanted to boil and eat Irish babies. Second, ask yourself if Mel Brooks really does like Nazis. Third, does anyone other than Maxine Waters still think that Trump was sending a secret message to Putin when he asked if the KGB could find Wide-Bottomed Hillary’s 33,000 missing e-mails?  Ask if the asshole DC Councilman ever found out the meaning of “niggardly”. Then, listen to Kate Smith sing “That’s Why Darkies Are Born”. Then read the lyrics. I now speak ex cathedra. If the song is racist how did they get Paul Robeson, who while he had not yet won the coveted Lenin Peace Prize, was well on his way to earning it, to sing it and record it? If it and she are racist let’s dig up Al Jolson and make him eat trayf – oysters and fat back for starters - and rebury him wrapped in pigskin. Also, did Jeeves work for Bertie or was it the other way around? 

“Curley” Biden, and what’s the over/under on when he goes to a hospice, wants to “rebuild the middle class”.

 Trump has had the checkbook for 27 months. Whathsiface had it for 94. Of course, he was busy apologizing for all the evil shit that happened any where, any time, and any place. When did the middle class get whacked? I’ll type slowly. You said in Pittsburgh that the tax cut benefited people like Tom Steyer, George Soros, Ron Buckle, and Steven Spielberg. Take your time but will someone please tell me how you give a tax cut to someone with no income. Here’s an important lesson from “Hard-Earned Lessons of Life”. If you subsidize something you have more of it. I offer as Exhibit #1 the simple fact that 55 years after declaring War on Poverty in Ann Arbor, Michigan in 1964, each and every candidate, living or dead – [I am still from Hudson County] - has promised to do a Lazarus on the middle class. If really smart people, and there were no dumb poverty warriors, couldn’t figure it out since before the Gulf of Tonkin – Thank God for Google! – what makes you think that t his pandering mob of grifters can? BTB, if ObamaCare is so successful why are 11,000,000 people still uninsured? And speaking of socialized medicine, why did Mick Jagger have a simple heart surgical procedure done, not in England, but in Manhattan? Doesn’t Pennsylvania, the state where you spoke yesterday, just record the lowest unemployment figures and rates since they began to keep records?

I’m sorry the middle class missed this. Was it caused by 50/50s? How about cake sales or winning Lotto tickets?

I have read a lot of History. I must have missed the part about where a society taxed its way to prosperity. Could you tell me when this happened? Sumer? Gibbon’s 5 Emperors? Africa before the Dutchies landed at Cape Town? The Aztecs before Cortez? The Incas before Pizarro? The Russkies after Lenin but before Stalin? 

Happy May Day!

There are rumors that Bernie, the Bombastic Bolshie, will invoke the ghosts of Leon Trotsky and Stakhanoff, the legendary Soviet coal miner, and beg for a miracle in Venezuela. Nothing big, just arroz con pollo for everybody. 

It will be interesting to chronicle how the bird-brain loons react to Venezuela. Did it happen because of Socialism or did it happen because of bad Socialists? The genius of Hayek, author of “The Road to Serfdom” and winner of the Nobel Prize, was acknowledged by his friend and ideological adversary John Maynard Keynes. Keynes wrote to him before he died and said, “I was wrong; you are right.”

The only way Socialism can possibly work is if a very smart guy decides that all cars should be dark blue which would be bad enough for “blue haters” but that he must acquiesce in the hiring of large, unsmiling men who will punch you in the mouth if you disagree. That is the universal template in any country that proclaims itself to be Socialist. Other than the simple, irrefutable fact that it has never worked anywhere it is an interesting academic exercise, similar to the number of angels who can dance on the head of a pin, and usually best argued over a heroic amount of beer.

Socialism will work when a large man stands in a big bucket and tires to pick it up by its handle. Also, the way to stay warm in a Socialist bed in the winter is to cut a foot off the top of the blanket and sew it to the bottom. Repeat as many times as necessary, particularly if you want warm feet cum warm shoulders

I wonder if Crazy Bernie’s Perpetual Suffrage, which now extends to H. Rap Brown, the Menendez Brothers, and, maybe, Paul Manafort, will include A.G. William Barr? Will Chelsea Manning, not quite nee Bradly Manning, get 2 votes because he until gets the old-fashioned de-nutting, snip, snip, he is truly a switch hitter.

Nancy Pelosi was reminded of the good old days when her father, Tommy “The Torch” D’Alessandro, was the Mayor of Baltimore. He would regularly be treated for burns on his hands because he liked to steal hot stoves. The current Mayor Baltimore, Theresa Pugh, missing for almost a month, resigned today. Using the aforementioned Swalwell Doctrine as the predicate, it is alleged that she stole the pencils from the blind man’s tin cup and that she did, literally, steal the Lord off the Cross and ate him. She gives cunos miserables a bad name.

May 9, 2019 Daniel Shoer Roth The Miami Herald

May 9, 2019

Daniel Shoer Roth

The Miami Herald

RE: A gift that keeps on giving – More comments and updates on your Sunday article on how tough it is to be a Muslim in America.

Mr. Roth, 

As a proud legatee of DWEMs, White Privilege, and an elitist education, let me say that you are like a metaphorical case of herpes – the gift that keeps on giving.

You told us on Sunday last of the pain of a Muslim family having to tell their 11-year-old about the multiple deaths of Muslims in New Zealand on March 15^th. Understandably, no mention of the deaths of several hundred Roman Catholics by Muslims in Sri Lanka is made because it would take away from the theme of your story. All deaths because of religion are equal but some deaths because of religion are more equal than others, right?

When was the last time anyone in this country, Muslim or not, was charged with blasphemy” Beyond being charged, how about tried, convicted, and sentenced to death for it?

I mention this because this morning’s Miami Herald tells us on Page 8A of a Pakistani woman, Aasia Bibi, who was tried and convicted of blasphemy. She was sentenced to death for the crime of “insulting Islam”.

What would they have done with Dante? You have heard of The Divine Comedy, haven’t you? What would have happened if “Piss Christ” had been called “Piss Mohammed”? Would some feral WOGs have blown up the World Trade Center? Wait a minute. They’ve already done that. This story has a happy ending. She was plucked off Death Row and sent to Canada. Has CAIR – the Council on American-Islamic Relations – had any comment on that?

The picture accompanying your Sunday article shows a 9-year-old daughter, Noor Dalal. Isn’t she close to the age for her to be “de-clited”? Would it be “culturally arrogant” of me to ask if there is an official position or is it local option? Will anyone at the Islamic Center of greater Miami be competing for this year’s Profile in Courage award by condemning either or both? How Akbar is Allah?

Kevin Smith

WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET

May 11, 2019 Nancy Ancrum – Editorial Page Editor The Miami Herald Rosemary O’Hara – Editorial Page Editor The Sun Sentinel

May 11, 2019

Nancy Ancrum – Editorial Page Editor

The Miami Herald

Rosemary O’Hara – Editorial Page Editor

The Sun Sentinel

RE: Not quite a Damascus moment but, in any event, a sus ordenes

Fair Ladies,

I was not knocked off my horse to become Pro Choice. Rather, it was an act by our caring, compassionate Governor, the signing into law – no executive order for him – of the act passed by the Legislature enabling, at local option, the arming of school teachers. And, on top of the that, the law pays homage to the Constitution, particularly the 10^th Amendment.

If  deplorably prototypical Red-Neck, Cracker Counties wants its teachers to carry BARs, bazookas, and Dirty Harry revolvers, it does not mean that Progressive, Multi-Culturally inclusive, manatee suffrage supporting, 4^th and 5^th trimester abortion clinics counties must follow. [Speaking of multi-culturalism, the weapon of choice for the Mossad used to be a short barreled .22 caliber revolver with L.R. ammo. 2 in the ear and slip the roscoe back into your fanny pack.

But that’s not why I write

As my introduction suggests, I hereby volunteer my services as the debate on oil & gas drilling, both on-shore and off, heats up.

Herewith, an informal c.v. of my experience in the business.

I fracked my first oil well in January, 1974 in Duval County, Texas.

 [As an aside, Duval County was where Abe Fortas, Esq, “found” 300 votes, and would you believe that they were in alphabetical order? I would since I am from Hudson County. That put “Landslide” Lyndon into the Senate and then into the White House and then into 2 wars, neither of which ended successfully, with one of them still being fought. Architecturally, it is significant because it was where the idea for the Vietnam Wall in Washington came alive.]

I participated in drilling at least 100 O&G wells, mainly in Texas. In 1980 I became President of an operating company. In 1983 I purchased that company. I had production in Ohio, Wyoming, Texas, and New Mexico. In addition, I had 7 operating coal mines in Eastern Kentucky plus I was CFO of a publicly owned coal company on West Virginia. In the years coincident with those of the Great Reagan, I “created” 400 jobs. I am particularly proud of that because in the same time frame the net job “creation” for the companies listed on the Dow Jones industrial Average was zero.

I have sold oil at prices ranging from $2.75 to $101 a barrel. Gas prices have ranged from .40 cents to $13.10 per MMCF.

But I am sure you will oppose drilling, either wet or dry, anywhere on the planet but particularly in Florida.

 [Another aside. When the Miami Herald had its World HQ hard by Biscayne Bay, I used to threaten Tom Fiedler with an off-shore drilling rig 500 yards East of the corporate aerie, the one where all those really swell modern American Liberal editorials were spawned.]

Herewith, an action plan for those secretly opposed to the Industrial Revolution, or not so secretly if we consider AOC, a seriously “wretched unidea’d girl”, as Eliot would have described her, and her “12 years if we are lucky” only if we raise taxes to at least 105% right now. God’s Holy Trousers, but she couldn’t pour piss out of a boot.

Logic would dictate that if you oppose the way society fuels the benefits of 1^st World living that you eschew some of the delicacies.

#1 – Turn of all you’re A/Cs

#2 – Public transit, bikes, skateboards, quads of steel are the only accepted forms of transit to and from work.

#3 – Ban all plastic, particularly from the healthcare business.

#4 - Pick 5 weekdays each month and turn off all electricity

#5 - No cold beer.

#6 – Only power produced by solar, wind, tidal, or the good intentions of the climate battalion of the Social Justice Warriors regiment will be allowed.

Fracking has enabled this country to become not only energy independent but to become the arbiter world wide of production and price. If OPEC is Dracula it is about to be hit with a brilliant sun rise and fusillade of silver bullets, hopefully fired by teachers qualifying for expert.

I suggest that if you stay with your anti-rational, indeed completely bonkers energy policy, you select Ned Lud as your spokesman and BaBa Lysenko as your scientific advisor. Written as I wear my PROUD GLOBAL WARMER cap, with my copy of The Population Bomb by my side, and looking forward to fondling my growing collection of plastic straws before I launch some of them into the Intercoastal.

Kevin Smith

WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET

PS – And thank God for Global Warming! What do you think ended the last Ice Age and gave us the Renaissance?

May 15, 2019 And if there is a smarmier bastard than Senator Richard Blumenthal [D-CT],

May 15, 2019

And if there is a smarmier bastard than Senator Richard Blumenthal [D-CT], aka “Danang Dick”, will someone tell me. “Homeric”, “Brobdanaglian”, “Ginormous”, “biblical”. I need the wit of a Johnson and the resources of a Murray, the 2 great lexicographers of the English language, to begin to describe his perfidiousness. 

I had 3 classmates who were killed in Vietnam. Blumenthal lied when he said he was a combat veteran. The closest he got to Danang was the Mark Hopkins Hotel in San Francisco. His lie doesn’t lessen their deaths; it cheapens and sullies them. They are entitled to the peaceful rest of a warrior fallen in battle. This Smarmy Bastard should be pilloried and poleaxed every time he appears in public. Bad enough he chose the White Feather but then he lied about it. And, to make it worse, not only is he a Smarmy Bastard, he looks like a Smarmy Bastard. Fuck him.

Bill Nye, “the science guy”, is another addled modern American Liberal, who should have his ass kicked for saying “the earth is on fucking fire”. Not quite the same as Ptolemy having his 15 century-long “settled science” run on where the Sun is in relation to everything else becoming “unsettled” but as Gavin MacInnes said, “Deep down, all liberals know they are full of shit”. That’s why they are so condescendingly nasty. And worthy of a Texas-sized ass whupping.

Which is why il Magnifico’s trip to a LNG [short for Liquid Natural Gas] exporting terminal - repeat - LNG exporting terminal is as geopolitically significant as anything that happened this year.

AMERICA! EXPORTING ENERGY!

I know that my Redeemer liveth!

Which brings us back to the 6-day old latke hanging out by the hissing radiator. Whatever happened to Peak Oil? Remember when the boobs and fear mongers told us that we were running out of it? That there was nothing left to be discovered? That we’ve gone about as far as we can go? [In 1899, Charles Duell, director of the U.S. Patent Office pronounced, “Everything that can be invented has been invented.” Thank god nobody told the Wright Brothers or Kemmons Wilson or Jonas Salk or Ronald Reagan or Bill Gates or somebody, anybody sitting in a cramped garage or small office saying “What’s behind that hill over there? I’m going to try to find out.” Thus, the ball is “matriculated down the field” and the people in the stands all benefit. My Uncle Adam always said, “Don’t look to the better nature of the inn-keeper if you want a meal of a bed; he may not have one. Look rather to his rational self-interest.”] I remember Nancy Pelosi raling against drilling in some God-forsaken part of the arctic for fear that it would disturb the mating habits of the notoriously shy furbish lousewort. Besides, she said, it’s only10-years-worth of oil Somehow wing-nut, moon-bat AOC found us 2 more years. You go, girl!

A special word for Nancy Pelosi. I want to be the first to tell her that when she next goes back to San Francisco her constituents have a warm welcome in store for her. Ex-Pats from “A Chorus Line” and “La Cage aux Folles” will jete Bob Fosse-style in front of her house and, in her honor, will drop their drawers and shit on the sidewalk in front of her house. Why should the tourists have all the fun? But wait, there’s more. Tony Bennett is updating his song with some topical verses. “I Left My Shit in San Francisco”.

You can never become “not a Catholic”, particularly if you were ever a Catholic. You can become a Retired Catholic, a fallen-away Catholic, a heretical Catholic, an apostate Catholic, or, as is the case with Catholic politicians who are modern American Liberals and think about abortion, a hypocritical Catholic. 

For me, it only takes incense. And not even the smell of it. A picture or a mention in a sentence and I am back in the not quite settled days of pre-Vatican 2.

This morning I received tangible evidence, evidence as real as your boot, that the Church is not quite as modern as we sometimes think it is. I get quarterly reports from the Marist Brothers of North America. The Provincial, Brother Patrick McNamara, FMS, mentions another Marist Brother, Brother Henri Verges, who was martyred in Algeria. “Martyred”? Yes. Cut to pieces by this generation’s version of radical Islamic terrorists. It would not be a stretch to say, and I run the risk of being labeled not only an Islamophobe but a deplorable Islamophobe, to say the last words he heard were “Allah Akbar”. The face-off that was begun 1287 years ago at Tours continues. It, inter alia, is where “somebody did something”.

But this time its personal.

“They” killed a man with whom I had a real connection. A man who wore garments that I first saw in Bayonne in 1957; A man who conducted himself under rules laid down 200 years ago with those rules being predicated on rules laid down 15 centuries ago.

My last 2 Brothers from Marist in Bayonne, Brother Thomas Edmund and Brother Kevin Luke, died within 10 days of each other in October, 2017. Thus, the last tie was cut. In the early 90s, when Brother Kevin was doing his last overseas duty in Notre Dame College at Dadingas in Mindanao, I sent him some cassettes of Joe Finn, Marist ’59 and my daughter Courtenay’s wedding in 1995, doing his regular act. I don’t know if the Filipinos liked him but the Minnesotans did. I sent Brother Thomas some cash 5 years ago. He wrote to say thank you because he was able to give it to one of the maintenance men who was studying to become a NYC police officer. Of course, that is a bit of as non-sequitur but entirely in character

But as I said about never being able to be “not a Catholic”, you can never be “not Marist”.

46 Marist Brothers were martyred on one day, October 8, 1936 in Barcelona. That is different than the Brother in Algeria. It is possible that he knew some of the Brothers who taught me. They were Torpedo Squadron 8 in the never-ending fight against the forces of evil. In this case, godless Communism. They went into the arena like the martyrs of old. 46 is a statistic, as Stalin said. It is an abstraction. One is real. Perhaps a return to the Church Militant will lead us to the Church Triumphant.

Deo Volente

For the same reason that a sign proclaiming Organic Produce would trigger the automatic response of “Where is the Inorganic Produce?”, I have asked the following question for as long as I can remember. “It’s been around for more than 150 years. Why is Darwin’s Theory still a theory?”

I direct your attention to the Spring edition of the Claremont Review of Books. David Gelertner reviews Stephen C. Meyer’s “Darwin’s Doubt”. Meyer poses a simple question: Did Darwin suggest an Intelligent Design without a Designer?

He posits an inconvenient truth into the conversation. When Darwin was composing his work, molecular biology did not exist. Chew on that.

You may also wish to take a peek at Tom Wolfe’s last book, “The Kingdom of Speech”. Broad shoulder help if you wish to engage in public discussions, sometimes with adult beverages available, of the subject. Which is why Amy would lean over and whisper, “Just shut up”. Wives have earned that right. Since my constant Stop Sign companion is gone, I feel duty-bound to highball it down the track of questions that are uneasy to swallow, questions that fall beyond pale. A deplorable habit? Perhaps.

I have an irrational fear of running out of pinatas. The pre-dawn announcement of NYC Mayor Bill “Red” DeBlasio running for President means that I will always be in a target-rich environment.  

A word or two about Joe Finn, Marist, ’59. As far as I can tell, he made his living singing in saloons from when he was graduated from high school until the day he died. As far as I can tell, his wife and 8 children never missed a meal. And I know that the 1000s who heard him sing for 50 years still have great memories of him. A life well lived and a legacy unmatched. Slainte!

Kevin Smith

WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH. NET

  

May 5, 2019 Daniel Shoer Roth The Miami Herald RE: When the radical Islamic terrorists blew up more than 200 Roman Catholics in a church on Easter Sunday, the most sacred day in Christendom, would you call that a hate crime?

May 5, 2019

Daniel Shoer Roth

The Miami Herald

RE: When the radical Islamic terrorists blew up more than 200 Roman Catholics in a church on Easter Sunday, the most sacred day in Christendom, would you call that a hate crime? Some comments on your article in today’s Miami Herald on how tough it is to be a Muslim in America.

Mr. Roth,

And a Happy Cinco de Mayo to you! It’s like a half-assed Saint Patrick’s Day what with everybody who knows where Ireland is trying to get a half a load on. I mean it’s not like the Mexicans beat the Prussians or the British. They beat the French. It’s like striking out the pitcher; it goes into the record book as a K but, c’mon man.

It’s been some time since I responded to your by-line. Presumably, you have been at Unicorn HQ, polishing up your sterling POO – Perpetually Outraged & Offended – qualities.

One of the problems with the unease, the trepidation that Muslims feel today is because of 1287 years of inconveniently obdurate truths.

Beginning at Tours in 732 AD, as that boobette, the Congresswoman from Edina, Minnesota said, “somebody did something”. And they would have done a Hell of a lot more if it weren’t for a Frenchman named Charles Martel. He put a Texas-sized ass whupping on that century’s version of radical Islamic terrorists that stopped their raping, looting, pillaging asses cold.

I thought Muslims were peace loving. Why did they want to conquer and enslave Europe? They did, didn’t they?

Repeat that scenario, with updated details, at Lepanto on October 7, 1571.  That century’s version of the Bad Guys wanted to “stable their horses in the Sistine Chapel”. I guess Muslim horses don’t shit, particularly in church, especially if it is a Roman Catholic church.

Who can forget September 12, 1683? Certainly not the Viennese. [Let’s name a then contemporary Viennese. How about Johann Sebastian Bach? Do you remember when the radical Islamic terrorists blew up Buddha statues? They also banned balloons and whistling. What in the name of Trousered Apes everywhere would they have done with Bach? How about Mozart? Would it be “culturally arrogant” of me to ask why there are no Muslim equivalents? I have lately become a fan of Haydn and Handel. Are there any wanabees at the local Madrassas? Why in the name of Allah aren’t there any? FGMs cut out the female G-Spot. What cuts out the non-gender specific genius gene?] That day a valiant Pole named Jan Sobieski, out-numbered 4 to 1, settled the radical Islamic terrorist hash. He saved Vienna, He saved Christian Europe. And he saved Western Civilization. At the very least, a retroactive standing O for that.

Flashback: the “something that somebody did on 9/11” was refreshingly simple. 19 WOGs hijacked 4 planes and blew up 3 buildings, killing some 3,000 people. The last thing heard before the buildings were crashed into was “Allah Akbar”. I don’t think that means, “Kumbaya” or “Turn the other cheek” or “Why can’t we all get along?”. It means “Death to the infidel”. Let the record show that Flight 93, out of Newark, was supposed to blow up the Capitol, augered into some woods outside of Pittsburgh because the Jersey Guys on the plane said if we’re going to die we’ll pick when and how we roll our 7.  And yes, I am from Bayonne.

As an aside, you have an inside headline in our story: “There are many prejudices here. I have many male and female friends who were denied jobs because they are Muslim.” I know an underemployed lawyer who will take their cases in a heart-beat. Favore, send me their contact info. A huge payday awaits.

I know that “only Allah can weave a perfect rug” but do you know if the Islamic Center of Greater Miami, the religious/cultural/social group you highlight, sponsors a dance group? I don’t mean the world famous “Dancing Boys” who entertain Islamic pederasts but Nijinsky or Nureyev types. How about Fred Astaire or Gene Kelly? Will the touring company of Las Cage aux Folles be stopping at Mecca this season? Any chance a Pashto Bob Fosse will suddenly appear?

When will the number of Muslim Nobel Prize Winners approach the agreed upon Affirmative Action goals, not quotas? Why are there unbelievably disproportionately more Jewish winners than Muslims?

After they discovered that zero is a number and they did some great work with urban design what the Hell have they done – other than kill Christians – in the last 1000 years?

I had an aunt, by marriage, who used to say, “Don’t piss on my back and tell me it’s rain”. I can say that because I am a legatee of a prescient DWEM who said, 25 centuries ago, “Free men speak with free tongues”. Alas, it is a gift that has been rooted out of our culturally dead-ended Muslim brethren.

Kevin Smith

WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET

PS – 15 years ago, Tom Fiedler, your old boss, told me I “scared” you. Not so then; not so now. I am just an old curmudgeon who likes to stir things up because I still can. And, is tearing down a Confederate statue the same as blowing up Buddha? If Robert E. Lee and Buddha go, how about burning a Koran?

May 4, 2019 Nancy Ancrum – Editorial Page Editor The Miami Herald RE: Voting and how the Miami Herald regards it as but one more example of White Privilege oppressing people of color, as told in your news story of May 3, 2019.

May 4, 2019

Nancy Ancrum – Editorial Page Editor

The Miami Herald

RE: Voting and how the Miami Herald regards it as but one more example of White Privilege oppressing people of color, as told in your news story of May 3, 2019.

Ms. Ancrum,

I read the article by Alex Daugherty in Friday’s Miami Herald about voter fraud, voter suppression, and voter intimidation in Broward County with growing amazement since I was not aware that Broward had become Hudson County South or Duval County East.

Let the record show that I cast my first ballot for Lyndon Johnson in 1964. I recall being told by my betters that if Goldwater had won, we would have 2,000,000 men in Vietnam with who knows how many casualties, followed by race riots and then inflation. Who could vote for that? Not I.

Ah, the good old days!

Before I get to the nitty and the gritty of the inherently intrinsic bias of the DNA of Broward County – Wait a minute! That can’t be right. Don’t they vote for manatee suffrage and for naming the abortion clinic after Dr. Mengele? – could you tell me why having to show a photo ID to vote is akin to being Bull Connor? You remember him, don’t you? He was a delegate to the Democratic Convention in Atlantic City in 1964. Why don’t you rale against showing a photo ID to open a bank account, going to a hospital or getting on a plane? Would not Logic dictate that if requiring a photo ID to vote is prima facie racist the others would have to be also.

I see where Alcee Hastings is one of the Inquisitors, with the best part being that there is not even a hint of sarcasm or even a soupcon of slyness. Lest we forget, hos felonious ass was tossed off the Federal Bench because he was a crook. He got to Congress because the White Red-Neck Crackers from rural Florida colluder with Black urban fire eaters to give him a district that would have elected Strep-n-Fetchit or H. Rap Brown.

Your reporter implies that paying fines, fines that were part of the original sentence, is doubly racist in addition to being ex post facto or something. And further, it diminishes the will of the people. “The will of the people” is an interesting use of “eclectic indignation”, a technique without which modern American Liberals could not survive. The people “expressed their will” on the subject of same sex marriage when they voted it down, didn’t they? Why is that democratic demonstration, vox populi, if you will, ignored while the other is trumpeted? Shouldn’t that count, if only for a little bit? 

Another thing I learned in Bayonne is never to argue with a canceled check. While Little Debbie, the closeted Brown-Shirt, and Alcee the Grifter are hunting for victims of voter suppression, the long promised “Summer of Recovery”, remember that quaint term that was like Godot because it never did get here, got here. Economic numbers that are simply astonishing are being posted like a green lighted freight train hurtling across the fruited plain. “Shovel-ready jobs”, my ass. 

Keynes was right. Tax cuts, deregulation, and a “loosening of the animal spirits” will soon turn Bernie the Bolshie and Boobette AOC into boosters for Big Business and accelerated depreciation. 

For the first time since people began to keep score women and minorities, long used to being on the hind teat, are leading the percentage climb up the ladder of success. And there’s nothing the dopey Dems can do about it. 

And that’s deplorable.

Kevin Smith

WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET

April 28, 2019 Where is Meir Kahane now that we really need him?

April 28, 2019

Where is Meir Kahane now that we really need him?

Congresswoman Rashid Tlaib said she was really “terrified” after 9/11. 9/11, you may recall, was when “somebody did something”, with “somebody” being defined as 19 radical Islamic terrorists and “something” being defined as hijacking 3 passenger jets, flying them into office buildings and killing 3,000 people. 

There is a marvelous story of the scorpion begging the frog to carry him across the river. The frog says no because he is afraid that the scorpion will kill him. The scorpion promises he won’t but when he gets to the other side, he kills him. He tells the dying frog that it’s not personal. “It’s what I do. I am a scorpion.”

“Somebody” did “something” in the year 732 AD. 9/11 was just carrying on the tradition of radical Islamic terrorists killing infidels for the greater glory of Allah.

I, under similar circumstances, wouldn’t be “terrified”. I would be scared shitless.

Meir Kahane, call your office.

Gary Oldham, as Churchill, shouts at his War Cabinet, “When will you learn that you can’t negotiate with the tiger when your head is in his mouth?”

APB for Meir Kahane.

“MECCA DELENDA EST?”

As Kamala Harris, President Potential, and a proud, hard working alumna of the Mary Magdalene School of Interpersonal Relations where her specialty was the Horizontal Tango said, “We should have that conversation.” Let’s have it.

In addition to allowing Willie Horton and Sirhan Sirhan to each have 2 votes in the next election to make up for being denied the vote while they were serving their unjust sentences for their racially motivated convictions plus giving out free stuff to everybody who asks, Democratic candidates have another thing in common: Taking a cue from Obama, who had an overflowing plate what with “calming the seas and cooling the earth” besides finding all those “shovel ready jobs” and getting the country ready for the perpetual “summer of recovery,” who flew around the world to apologize to everybody for every thing that America, a land filled with rat bastards and founded by racists, ever did to anybody, anywhere, anytime. He drew a red line in the sand and apologized for things that he hadn’t even done. Plus, he apologized for things that he would have done but didn’t. These non-gender exclusive nit-wits are apologizing for picking their friends, for picking their nose, and for picking their friend’s nose

Run Hillary, run.

I sent a letter to Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman Schultz yesterday before news of the shul shooting in San Diego. When a member of Congress and a Federal Judge were killed in Arizona in 2011, she was quick to place blame. Since modern American Liberals find it genetically impossible to think that any view point, other than their own, must only be Satanic the man who made the man who pulled the trigger must have been Rush Limbaugh. It turned out that the gun man was diagnosed as being unable to understand the nature of his crime and unable to assist in his own defense. That is why the Obama Justice Department, headed by Eric Holder who told Congress to shove their subpoenas up their Article 1 asses, never prosecuted him. [As an aside, Ricky Ray Rector is still dead and will be dead for a very long time because the Clintons, eager to prove that modern American Liberals can be tough on crime, chose to prosecute, convict, and execute a Black man with an IQ that did not approach room temperature.]  On Friday, April 26, the New York Times published a cartoon that was venomously anti-Semitic.  Modern American Liberals, and despite her Medusa tresses, if Little Debbie ain’t the poster girl for them they don’t have one, constantly commit the 2500-year old Logical error of continuously and confusingly conflating correlation with causation. Still, for the feeble minded, a simple fact remains. The NYT prints a cartoon on Friday that proclaims hatred for Jews. On Saturday a guy shoots up a serious Jew synagogue. Coincidence? Sure, like when you “find a trout in the milk.” So far this Sunday there has been no comment from Debbie Debbie.

Chris Matthews, spittle spewing in a staccato-like style, said that Trump was adopting the Mussolini template of governance. Thus, he shows us that mALs have selective memories. He forgets that in the early ‘30s il Duce was one of the most popular men in the world. Studebaker, an American car maker of late and happy memory, actually named a car after him. It was called The Dictator. 2 famous world leaders, Hitler and Roosevelt admired him and his governing style. Roosevelt actually sent Executive branch big wigs to Rome to study his methods. I know he also has forgotten that FDR ran in 1932 promising to balance the budget and never to engage in deficit spending. The little lies were but a prelude to the bigger one, the one in 1940, the one where he was to become the second of three American Presidents in 48 years – 1916, 1940, 1964 - to promise “Never to send American boys to fight in foreign wars”. It ain’t easy being a mAL. Sometimes you need a scorecard to remember what you have to forget

Run Hillary, run.

Mr.Kahane, G-d needs you.

Kevin Smith

WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET

April 28, 2019 Carl Hiassen The Miami Herald

April 28, 2019

Carl Hiassen

The Miami Herald

RE: It’s my ass and I’ll get off it only if the “seas have calmed and the earth has cooled”. Some comments on your oh so achingly familiar Jeremiad about the need to return DJT to the “dreaded” private sector in today’s Miami Herald.

Mr. Hiassen, 

I treasure, absolutely treasure, you post card to me telling me how much you appreciate readers, particularly literate ones like me, who take the time to respond to your columns.

So there is no misunderstanding, I still know why Achilles stayed in his tent, why Oedipus went to Colonus, why the Constitution is a minor proof of God’s existence, of why 13 centuries after Islam appeared there still is no Muslim Dante, and the secret that Holden Caulfield left so artfully concealed in plain sight on page one.

Let’s jump to the end.

Continuing a streak that was begun in 1964 in Bayonne, New Jersey – Send a SASE for great election hacking stories including my uncle who lived on Randolph Avenue in Jersey City, right behind St. Patrick’s where Eamonn DeValera and my father were baptized – where I was told that if Goldwater had won, we would have 2,000,000 men in Vietnam and race riots in Newark, Detroit, and Watts.  Who the Hell could have voted for that? Can I get a mulligan on that vote?

Anyway, I will take your advice.

I will get “off my ass” and vote him in.

Kevin Smith

WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET

PS – Any chance we could get together and bullshit, with appropriate adult beverages at hand, about frozen lizards and Ezra Pound’s effect on 20^th Century literature? Putney will vouch for me.

April 27, 2019 Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman-Schultz

April 27, 2019

Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman-Schultz

777 Sawgrass Corporate Parkway

Sunrise, FL 33325

My Dear Congressperson,

First, let me congratulate you on your iron discipline.

It must be brutally tough for you, a true daughter of the desert and, yes, if truth be known, a sometimes “stiff-necked” one, to listen to all the bilious, Jew hating venom spewing forth from the mouths of your fellow Democrats.

Certainly not since Wilson was President and Kennedy was an Ambassador have big-time Democrats been so publicly hateful of Jews. You need not have a degree in History, which I have, to remember the liner Saint Louis was turned away from sanctuary status by a Democratic President. It pains me to say that the 900 Jews on board got an express train connection to Auschwitz, remember?

On the other hand, a political party that helped found the KKK, and, despite super majorities in both Houses, refused to pass or even consider anti-lynching legislation but did pass the Davis-Bacon Act, the single most anti-Black Federal law passed in the 20^th century, can be excused for going back to its roots.

But that’s not why I write.

You said 2 days ago, in re “offshore drilling”, that “these reckless and foolhardy goals [Presumptively, absolute energy independence] must be abandoned forever.”

It poses a bit of a quandary, what with Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, and if she isn’t a Guinness Book nit-wit boobette I don’t know who is, giving us 12 years to live unless we power trans-oceanic trains by harnessing cow farts – God’s Holy Trousers but she is so dumb she makes my hair hurt! – plus being a Jew-hating bruja but I have a plan to help you square the circle of energy.

Approximately 25% of the gasoline consumed in this country comes from the Gulf of Mexico.

25%

May I suggest that you show us the way, that you throw down the gauntlet, that you challenge us to follow your lead – Isn’t “I Love a Parade” the marching song of modern American Liberals? – by giving up gasoline one week a month?

Wind power, some of which will come from harnessing Elsie’s bovine eructations, solar power, except at night cuz there ain’t no sun at night, and maybe will power because I’m sure you know that “If wishes were horses beggars would ride them” will get you back and forth from the swift completion of your appointed rounds.

Then, next month, you can focus on coal.

25% of the electricity generated in this country comes from coal.

25%

 [As an aside, Tom Steyer, who sounds like Moses coming down from the mountain carrying those tablets, made a gazillion dollars selling “dirty” coal with “dirty” being defined as coal which, because of its sulfur content, could not be burned in this country, to China and India. Neither country shares our devotion to clean air and clean water. Steyer, who constantly hectors us on his virtue, is a friggin’ hypocrite who should be flogged.]

May I suggest, and this is so simple it is sublime, that you give up A/C one week a month?

Please lead by example. 

Plus, a lot of drowning polar bears, yes I know that they kill and eat baby seals but that’s their life style and haven’t we imposed our cultural White privileged will on to many others, will thank you.

Kevin Smith

WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET

PS – It is a self-evident fact that a lot of Democrats hate Jews but now they hate Catholics too. Catholics are being slaughtered all over the world because they publicly profess their faith in Jesus Christ. A lot of Catholics feel uncomfortable with that sentence but that doesn’t stop the filthy WOGs, this century’s version of radical Islamic terrorists, from killing them. I can’t tell you what to do with all the Jew haters in your Party but for the sake of my fellow Catholics will you at least condemn their martyrdom?

April 27, 2019 John Havlicek, late of Ohio State University and the Boston Celtics

April 27, 2019

John Havlicek, late of Ohio State University and the Boston Celtics, aka “Hondo”, died yesterday. He won a NCAA title and 8 NBA championships. I saw him play in the Holiday Tournament at the old MSG in 1960. The ticket cost 50 cents. Like all great ball players, he always wanted the ball at the end of the game.

Does anyone else remember the condescending bullshit of “shovel ready jobs” resulting in a perpetual “summer of recovery”? Does anyone else remember Rasputin look-a-like Paul Krugman, and yes, he did win a Nobel Prize but so did Yasser Arafat and the guy who invented lobotomies, when he said that Trump would cause both the economy and the stock market to tank and not just tank but tank forever”? Weren’t tax cuts supposed to benefit the 1%ers, a poser that dances around the question of how do you cut taxes for someone who has no income. The economy grew at a rate of 3.2% in the first quarter. That’s a number that the cheerless, deadly dull, statist economists – Must I add the inconvenient fact that they are all card carrying modern American Liberals? – said would never be seen in our lifetime.  

Earth Day has come and gone and while Gaia may be pissed off, she still hasn’t ended life as we know it. Some may take Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez’s prediction of 12 years left before we turn into dust as a license to do profligate things. As for me, I miss the old days when I began the practice of squirting my can of Right Guard out the bathroom window after finishing my morning ablutions. I was aiming for the accursed ozone layer. Now, on the verge of senescence, I don my ball cap, the one emblazoned with PROUD GLOBAL WARMER, fondle my collection of plastic straws, and launch some of them into the Intracoastal hoping first for a manatee or, failing that, the Gulf Stream where Europe awaits.

I have heard that “Curley” Biden, named in honor of the smartest Stooge, was called “Cheesedick” by his classmates at Auchmere Academy in Delaware. And let the record show that the only blue collars worn at Aukville were from Brooks Brothers for the students or from Nick’s Nearly New for the maintenance guys. His most recent brain surgery was not to take something out but to put something in. 

Speaking of “Curley”, why wasn’t Anita Hill believed like that Blasy-Ford dame was? Wait a minute. She was. It was Juanita Broadrick who wasn’t. Also, Paula Jones. Wait a minute for her also. Big Bill Clinton, the King of the One-Eyed Trouser Snakes had an insurance company that believed her to the tune of $800,000.  

New Jersey, and Lord but I miss the moral clarity of the place, it being the place where “I’m on the bus, ring the bell” is learned before you are weaned., has a law that makes it illegal for a service station to sell gas below what the dealer paid for it. Recently, a Superior Court Judge upheld that law saying that it provided a “rational, necessary, restraint on the market, and is in the public interest”. He is expected to rule that the laws governing gravity are not in the public interest and will get the judicial chop. Sometimes I decide that it is in my rational self-interest to sell something at a loss. Maybe I want to build interest in my snow tires by attracting customers with below market gas. Maybe I hit a $50-dollar twin double and want to share it with my customers. Maybe I want to help my single mom customers who are usually “unlucky in life’s lottery” with have children in need of a good Ritalin program. Maybe, like the guy who took his pants off and rolled in cactus, when asked why he did it said, “It seemed like a good idea at the time”. Just because you wrap a nit-witted ohmadahn’s ass in black and give him a forum with the word “Superior” in front of it doesn’t make him less of a boob. Amtrak charges $12 for a hamburger that costs them $16. And no, you can’t make it up on volume. Will this dumb Judge board the train at Penn Station and arrest the cook and any diners who are violating the public interest?

The Mayor of Baltimore has not been seen in 3 weeks because of medical reasons. She suffered 2^nd and 3^rd degree burns when she tried to steal a hot stove and forgot to ask for help. The FBI seized her files both in her office and home. She is continuing the proud tradition begun by Mayor Thomas D’Alessandro who had a daughter named Nancy who married a high class grifter named Pelosi. Yes, yes. That Nancy Pelosi.

  I miss the old NFL draft. That was when it was held on a Saturday in a theatre. In the balcony were people, most of whom had the majority of their teeth, who were tosspots disguised as Jets fans. It didn’t make any difference who was drafted. They were pissed off. And they stayed pissed off. Ah, the good old days.

Here’s your bonus for staying to the end. Stop looking for Atlantis. It was a joke, artfully assembled, and skillfully dropped into the Hellenic Internet by Plato. It’s been bobbing up and down for 25 centuries. He was kidding. Honest. Stop looking. There is no there there. Next time I’ll tell you about the Bermuda Triangle and, maybe, vaccinations. Here’s a hint. Modern American Liberals always confuse correlation with causation. That’s why they stay stupid.  

Kevin Smith

WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET

PS – With ample evidence in hand, one from Congressional public statements since January and the other from Supreme Court oral arguments, neither Bronx Latina would qualify as wise.      

April 25, 2019 I don’t know about the 2016 election but the Russkies, f

April 25, 2019

I don’t know about the 2016 election but the Russkies, famed neither for their nuanced subtleties nor gossamer-like Noel Coward lyrics, are in the 2020 election with both stumblebum feet.

I can see where it would take a disciplined Boris & Natasha, known for their deft dexterity, to convince Wide-Bottomed Hillary to stay out of Pennsylvania, Ohio, Michigan, and Wisconsin and to spend time in Arizona while eschewing any last minute blitzes in North Carolina and Florida.

My time in Texas taught me that “there ain’t a horse can’t be ridden and a rider can’t be throwed”.

Now I see where a United States Senator, a man who wants to be President, a man never signed both sides of a paycheck,  a man who spent his honeymoon in Moscow, a man who thinks that making rich people poor will make poor people rich, a man for whom the term “horse’s ass” was coined, says that imprisoned felons, people like Sirhan Sirhan, and please don’t tell me that you don’t know who he is, Willie Horton, Paul Manafort, Bill Cosby, and Charles Manson should be allowed to vote. [Spare me the “aha” moment. I know Manson is dead. I’m from Hudson County. Death has never been an impediment to counting Democratic votes.]

Bernie Sanders, welcome to the 10 ring!

At this point, I would usually quote some DWEM – That’s “Dead White European Male” for those who did not have a thickly White privileged education – starting with some Greeks, a few Romans, a few Englishmen, no WOGs, and even an odd Yank or two.

I will not do this.

I will turn to the sayings of Frank Paladino, ditch digger extraorordinaire, who may in his profession have some contemporaries, but absolutely, positively no peers.

His language is as simple and direct as Trollope or Hemingway. He has one phrase that fits all, particularly when said by a public man who wants his hand, his heavy hand, on the tax code and his itchy finger on the nuclear trigger, particularly when it comes to reconfiguring the 2^nd Amendment.

HE’S A FUCKING MORON

The beauty of old words is that they need not be subject to quotidian subjectivity. The best current example is Kate Smith singing, in 1931, “That’s Why Darkies Were Born”. Modern American Liberals, and let it be said that they never let you down, rose to the bait just like the dumbest trout in the creek. As I heard and then read the lyrics, I can say that there was no racist intent but rather a back-hand put down of it. And, if it were racist, how did the [one] ethnic music moguls - Send a SASE for the name – get Paul Robeson, who was later to win the Lenin Peace Prize, to record it?

“Dad died”, “It’s a boy”, “Not guilty”, “The biopsy was positive”, “Bingo”. No wiggle room there, right?

Not only is Bernie Sanders full of shit, he has shit for brains. Should pedophiles be given 2 votes to make up for past injustices? Maybe it’s time for Lani Guinier’s past injustice voting remedy to get another look

Frank Paladino, now back in the People’s Republic of Manhattan, wouldn’t even blink 

SANDERS IS A FUCKING MORON

Kevin Smith

WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET

PS – Speaking of “Russian Collusion”, are we sure the Rosenbergs are still dead? I know, I know their treasonous, traitorous tuckises were strapped onto Old Sparky and given a 50,000 volt send off. But Julie and Ethel are like vampires. Their power comes, in part, from the fact that very few people believe that they exist. Dig them up to be sure. Put a silver bullet into each ear, Drive a cross into their hearts. Marinade them in garlic.  Overkill? I think not or they’ll be handing out palm cards on election day.

“Curley’ Biden”, named for the smartest Stooge, just announced. Didn’t he ride with Roosevelt, the one who shot the bears, no the one in the wheel chair, during the Cuban unpleasantness?

April 21, 2019 Nancy Ancrum – Editorial Page Editor The Miami Herald RE: The target-rich environment of today’s Miami Herald

April 21, 2019

Nancy Ancrum – Editorial Page Editor

The Miami Herald

RE: The target-rich environment of today’s Miami Herald

Ms. Ancrum,

Easter, a day not known for irony or sarcasm, intentional or otherwise, had several surprises so far. And they were all wrapped up in the Miami Herald! Don’t you love it when a plan comes together?

Page 1 – Sunpass SNAFU to FUBAR? – What did you expect? Modern American Liberals not believing that a government/private enterprise Rube Goldberg contrivance is genetically doomed should be the thrust of your story. It is a straight line either to or from Solyndra, a disaster for which no one, save the American taxpayer, paid any consequences. 

STOP THE PRESSES!

It is just past 6:30 AM. 163 dead and counting in Sri Lanka, nee Ceylon. Based on available information, this maybe could possibly be, perhaps, I hope not, a hate crime. Is it a hate crime when Muslims kill Catholics? Is it a hate crime cubed when Muslims, not the peaceful majority, Heaven forfend, but the more feral misguided youths, do this on the greatest of all Christian holidays? Would I be branded with the Scarlet Letter “I”, as in Islamophobe, to even suggest that the spawn of a goat-humping pedophile did this, as they have been doing for 1287 years? Back to the regular news.

Page !  - “Putin sent his oligarchs to back-channel to Trump team”. A slight correction then a bitch slap from Clio. Oligarchs never carry the heavy bag. Their agents do. Thus, Nixon didn’t call Mao; he sent Kissinger through Pakistan to talk to Chou-en-Lai, remember? Did JFK call Khrushchev in 1962? No, he had RFK askl John Scali to contact the Russian Ambassador to see how far the envelope could be stretched.

Obama interfered in 2 foreign elections. #1 – The BREXIT vote in the UK and –2- the Israeli election in 2015. If it is illegal for foreigners to interfere in our elections, is it illegal for us to interfere in theirs? Our laws or theirs? 

Except in the movies, “Absence of Malice” leaps to mind, prosecutors indict and try. They do not exonerate. That task falls to History and the electors.

Since it is Pulitzer Prize time, it is well to note that in the universe of Kremlin/White House collusion, it is impossible not to mention Walter Duranty. He was a Pulitzer Prize winning columnist for the New York Times whose articles directly influenced FDR to recognize the USSR, despite the fact that Uncle Joe, that’s Stalin, killed between 6,000,000 and 10,000,000 Kulaks, with Kulak being Cyrillic short hand for Jews. Sitting quietly in Berlin, doubtless reading Margaret Sanger, his favorite American, was Adolph Hitler. He noticed that nobody in the Western Democracies seemed to give a hoot about the death of a lot of Jews. In addition to being “stiff-necked”, they were “a far away people about whom we knew little.”

Silly me.

I almost forgot to mention that Duranty was a bought and paid for agent of the NKVD, the name that Putin’s KGB used to go by. 87 years after his perfidy the New York Times still stands by their man. 

Would it be caddish or unsportsmanlike conduct if I were to mention that at Yalta, a son of extreme White Privilege and an amateur ornithologist, Alger Hiss, was the special advisor to FDR in his dealings with Stalin? He too was a bought and paid for NKVD agent, if we are to believe their personnel files and witnesses and evidence that Mueller would have killed for. 

Speaking of Mueller, Page 6A reminds us that he “led Marines in combat”. Leading Marines in combat was a pejorative term when Colonel North was cross-examined by a half-assed modern American Liberal lawyer hired by House Dems. Judge Moore, the slightly bonkers Alabama Senate candidate also led men in combat. And let’s not forget what Charles Whitmore and Lee Harvey Oswald, both combat-ready Marines were able to do with some rifle instructions. Secretary Jay Forbes Kerry may have led men in combat but we’ll never know since he still hasn’t released his DD214, despite promising to do so in October, 2004.

Page 7A proclaims proudly that “Journalists on Russia got much of it right”. Thank God that they are not held to the same standards that ophthalmic surgeons are when installing scleral buckles or Naval Aviators are when making night landings on a Nimitz-class carrier. How long would a mohel or a diamond cutter on 47^th Street last if they just “got much of it right”? My Uncle Bert worked on the Manhattan Project where getting “much of it right” was not a viable option.

Page 5C hectors us with the following headline:

“IF LAWMAKERS DON’T GIVE FORMER INMATES A SECOND CHANCE,

THEY’LL DEFY FLORIDIANS’ WILL.”

I love the “populi”, particularly when they are “voxing” but our elders and betters have been warning us of the perils of “thumbs up/thumbs down” government for 25 centuries. If we do away with the Electoral College what Logical reason is there for the Senate? Forget about Appellate Courts or even Jury Trials. Have trials, particularly the juicy, grisly ones in coliseums, be they in Rome or Los Angeles. Logic would dictate that, wouldn’t it?

The sound you hear is that of a big old turd trying to launch itself from the bottom of Grammy’s punch bowl. Speaking of “Floridians’ Will”, didn’t Florida vote against same-sex marriage a few years ago? In fact, nowhere and at no time has any electorate anywhere ever voted for it when it was on any ballot, any time. Doesn’t that expression of political will count even a little bit?

Kevin Smith

WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET

PS - Tell Lenny Pitts, another Pulitzer Prize Winner, that Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, named after one of the great, pioneering Spanish diversity spreaders, to slightly paraphrase the great Dr. Johnson – Samuel, not Lyndon – that “A O-C is a boob and that’s an end to it”.

PS – Young Bobby O’Rourke, another candidate unsure of his DNA, because if he’s Beto I’m either Kwame of Mohandas, or both. One of my favorite lines from “My Favorite Year”, one of my favorite movies, is “What a putz!” Ocasio-Cortez and O’Rourke. Perfect together!

One last windmill. The Parade insert in today’s Herald launches a Jeremiad about the perils of plastic. 2 things:

#1 - I have been hoarding plastic straws for a year. If you need some, let me know.

#2 – I have been accumulating frequent user points at various hospitals, clinics, and medical testing facilities all over Broward County. It would be completely and totally inconceivable for modern medicine to exist without plastic. Could you at least wait until I have booked my nonrefundable, one-way ticket to the “undiscovered country” before you ban it? Viva the seals! 

OK OK I lied. But this is the end. I mean just like Barack the Beneficent meant it when he said he was “drawing a line in the sand” and like when he told his pal Vlad, the Red Inmpaler, to “cool it” when he heard the Russkies were trying to fuck over the 2016 elections. The other Page 1 story, the one that tells of pizza parties for which team clears the most child abuse cases. God’s Holy Trousers, but that what your story says. I wonder why. Here’s a thought. In San Francisco, people, particularly those with a modicum of decorum who do not just take their pants down to shit in the streets, in Chicago which has killings that  would shame Tombstone in ‘82 and Hue City in ‘68, in Baltimore, where police demand nuclear hand grenades after midnight, in NYC, where a really dumb broad drives out a guy who wanted to hire 25,000 people, and in Queens no less, is looked on as a Joan of Arc [save for the ending] or at least Maeve without the cattle, questions are raised. Why is all this evil shit happening. Weren’t we told, not that many years ago, that the country was going to be “fundamentally transformed”? [I’ll skip the part about the “earth cooling and the seas calming”]

How about one-party-rule? 

I don’t want to say that they are inbred but when the first 14 people at this month’s Christening can look through a key hole with both eyes, attention must be paid.

We have had a Measles outbreak, How about a haemophilia epidemic?

The rest, today, is silence

Rasputin, call your office.