November 29, 2018 Beyond parody...

November 29, 2018

Beyond parody:

 “449,000 Californians turned down jury duty because they were not citizens. The courts got their names from voter registration rolls.”

 Let me add that my last gun fight happened on June 3, 1993 in the Essex County Court House in Room 1104 with Judge Leonard Ronco presiding in a car-jacking trial. One Newark detective was shot and killed. One Essex County deputy sheriff was shot in the chest. I saved his life and prevented the gun man from getting into the courtroom. 2 and ½ years later Ralph Rizzolo danced with my daughter at her wedding reception at the High Lawn Pavilion in West Orange, NJ. One of the highlights, particularly for her Minnesota mishpuca, was Joe Finn, my classmate, singing and entertaining long into the night. Another highlight for the upper Midwesterners was a crystal clear, cold Christmas season night – Friday, December 15, 1995 – with a straight on 12 mile away view of the doomed World Trade Center. It was a view never available in Edina, Minnesota. 

Before the trial, John S. Redden, Esq., Deputy First Assistant Prosecutor, came to my house to tell me that there was a rumor that William Kunstler might be the defense counsel and would that bother me. I said, “Only if you didn’t give me enough tickets.” He was a no-show.

I was juror #2 and the Judge turned out to be a bit of a weasel.

Beyond ridicule:

Empty seats, disguised as rabid Clinotnistas to throw off the Vast Right-Wing Conspiracy driven media, were at the Clintons’ first walking, talking tour. Sales of divers tsotchkes, such as mugs, shirts, hats, and personalized condoms worked for the Rolling Stones. Why not for Handsome Billy and Wide Bottomed Hillary? The only sour note was when she began to cough uncontrollably, of course uncontrollably, as she continues her national hacking tour to be Miss Emphysema. Big Bill, of course, was trolling for “a bit of the gobble”. Senior citizens rock!

Victor Davis Hanson – and you must read “Carnage and Culture”, it being his superbly elegant and rousing saga of how free men defend themselves, always against numerically superior overdogs, who would strangle them in their cribs. By the time you get to Midway, the battle that doomed Japan, you almost feel sorry for the Nips – writes in National Review about the uncanny parallels between Shane and Donald Trump. [As an amateur cinephile I must point out the continuing factual error of crediting Travis Bickle/

Robert De Niro with the classic line “Are you talking to me?” It was rather Shane/Alan Ladd talking to Chris Calloway/Ben Johnson in Grafton’s before the classic fight scene.

BTB, “Shane” should be a favorite of modern American Liberals. Alas, it is not and for the wrong reason. It is a story about the 99% versus the 1% and kind of winning. It is story about the working poor taking on the special interests and kind of winning. It is a story about “raging against the machine” and kind of winning, it is story of Horatius at the gate and kind of winning. It is a story about good overcoming evil with, dear to the hearts of mAls everywhere, man perfecting himself, a basic tenet of all statist public policy. However, the film’s love of the 2^nd Amendment doomed it in the eyes, even if retroactively, of Pauline Kael and her pseudo-wanabes, Ditto for “The Searchers” and “The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance”. 

The search for the origin of the mask that Michael Meyers wore in all those Halloween movies has ended. The Israeli Antiquities Authority exhibited a 9,000 year old stone mask yesterday. It is his doppleganger. Which leads to another poser. It couldn’t have been his death mask so was he alive then? And how is this tied into Stonehenge, the Bermuda Triangle, and Sasquatch or are the Israelis just being “stiff-necked” again?

Not since Lard Kennedy’s concession speech at the Democratic Convention in 1980 at Madison Garden, the one where Jimmy Carter, the worst President of the 20^th century, chased him around the podium so he could give him a French kiss, has a more unctuously untrue speech, one unburdened by facts, been given equal to the one given yesterday at the Baker Institute at Rice University by Obama, B.H. If Obama is the reason for the United States being the leading producer of oil & gas, the hydrocarbonic killers of polar bears, then I will be running back punts for the Dolphins this Sunday before accepting Maestro James Brooks-Bruzesse’s gracious invitation to play solo cello in place of the injured YoYo Ma. If memory serves the Big O obdurately opposed fracking on Federal leases, he opposed any and all pipe lines – Thank God we weren’t fighting the firiggin; Nazis. If it weren’t for “Big Inch”, look it up, they still would be speaking Kraut in Paree. As bad as that was he then made it worse by saying, and in conjunction with Wide Bottomed Hillary, that anyone opposed either to him or her were stupid, deplorable, racist, 

Homophobic, xenophobic, and, as if it couldn’t get any worse, shitheadaphobic. 

And speaking of oil and gas, isn’t it time for an investigation of Big Oil? It’s obvious that the cabalisitc cartel is cutting the price of gas to get Millennials to use some of the money they save by living in Mom’s basement because she rented out their bedroom to make ends meet to buy gas guzzling cars. I’m mad as Hell and I’m not going to put up with it anymore. Bernie the Bolshie and Chiquita Ocasio-Cortez should get to the bottom of this. The Dems are going to have a majority in the House. Why not pass legislation outlawing profits? Why not make altruism the official policy of corporate America? Why not use the hugely successful Post Office as the paradigmatic template for a caring, humane society? North Korea, Venezuela. Why not here? “All them corn fields and ballet at night”, as noted British Labour leader Fred Kite, Sr. used to say.

I am watching as Mickey Cohen, Trump’s one-time daily lawyer, just took a plea and promised to cooperate with the Man in order to avoid being sent to SuperMax in Colorado where the specter of John Gotti still rules. So would I. I might even make some shit up. In year 4 of my 7-year trial in US Tax Court I was contacted at night by Vice Assistant Deputy Attorney General Moira Sullivan, Esq. I believe she was married to a New Jersey Superior Court Judge. Of course I knew that ex parte conversations were verboten, not to say forbidden. I mentioned this to her and, so help me God and on the eyes of my Texas Ladies, she said, “let’s keep this to ourselves”, like a child molester. She wanted the names of my contacts, particularly the lawyers, accountants, brokers, and bankers who directed me to my investors I joshed, partly, that she could give me credit against my geometrically expanding tax bill, $42,500,000. There was no direct answer. I did not file a complaint or even tell my lawyers because, by then I knew that even if I were to win, which I didn’t, I had already lost because the process is the punishment. I went along with a real life Seinfeld episode. One good thing to come out of it was Justice Clarence Thomas. Justice Thurgood Marshall, possibly the Court’s best ever trial lawyer but one of its worst Justices – Read his concurrent opinion in Roe V Wade - noticed my name on the petition he had just voted against and, realizing he had no other worlds to conquer, resigned. Maybe there are no Trump Judges or Obama Judges as Chief Justice Roberts says but there sure as Hell are Black Judges. The next day Bush nominated Thomas and, if nothing else, it showed how civil modern American Liberals, the polecats, can be. 

Melanoma #3 was discovered yesterday. Its excision has been scheduled.

I see where Hauptman Muller is now investigating decades old Trump transactions. When I was in the witness chair I was asked about a transaction that was in no way connected to the matter at hand – 7 coal leases in Kentucky – and, as such, had no bearing on the matter at hand. In a moment tinged with humor Judge Powell told the government to move on. So, what’s new?

Obama led the drilling boom in America? I  am going to draw a line, a big red line, in the sand, and say I haven’t had such a guffaw since the pigs ate my little sister.

Kevin Smith

WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET