April 21, 2019 Nancy Ancrum – Editorial Page Editor The Miami Herald RE: The target-rich environment of today’s Miami Herald

April 21, 2019

Nancy Ancrum – Editorial Page Editor

The Miami Herald

RE: The target-rich environment of today’s Miami Herald

Ms. Ancrum,

Easter, a day not known for irony or sarcasm, intentional or otherwise, had several surprises so far. And they were all wrapped up in the Miami Herald! Don’t you love it when a plan comes together?

Page 1 – Sunpass SNAFU to FUBAR? – What did you expect? Modern American Liberals not believing that a government/private enterprise Rube Goldberg contrivance is genetically doomed should be the thrust of your story. It is a straight line either to or from Solyndra, a disaster for which no one, save the American taxpayer, paid any consequences. 

STOP THE PRESSES!

It is just past 6:30 AM. 163 dead and counting in Sri Lanka, nee Ceylon. Based on available information, this maybe could possibly be, perhaps, I hope not, a hate crime. Is it a hate crime when Muslims kill Catholics? Is it a hate crime cubed when Muslims, not the peaceful majority, Heaven forfend, but the more feral misguided youths, do this on the greatest of all Christian holidays? Would I be branded with the Scarlet Letter “I”, as in Islamophobe, to even suggest that the spawn of a goat-humping pedophile did this, as they have been doing for 1287 years? Back to the regular news.

Page !  - “Putin sent his oligarchs to back-channel to Trump team”. A slight correction then a bitch slap from Clio. Oligarchs never carry the heavy bag. Their agents do. Thus, Nixon didn’t call Mao; he sent Kissinger through Pakistan to talk to Chou-en-Lai, remember? Did JFK call Khrushchev in 1962? No, he had RFK askl John Scali to contact the Russian Ambassador to see how far the envelope could be stretched.

Obama interfered in 2 foreign elections. #1 – The BREXIT vote in the UK and –2- the Israeli election in 2015. If it is illegal for foreigners to interfere in our elections, is it illegal for us to interfere in theirs? Our laws or theirs? 

Except in the movies, “Absence of Malice” leaps to mind, prosecutors indict and try. They do not exonerate. That task falls to History and the electors.

Since it is Pulitzer Prize time, it is well to note that in the universe of Kremlin/White House collusion, it is impossible not to mention Walter Duranty. He was a Pulitzer Prize winning columnist for the New York Times whose articles directly influenced FDR to recognize the USSR, despite the fact that Uncle Joe, that’s Stalin, killed between 6,000,000 and 10,000,000 Kulaks, with Kulak being Cyrillic short hand for Jews. Sitting quietly in Berlin, doubtless reading Margaret Sanger, his favorite American, was Adolph Hitler. He noticed that nobody in the Western Democracies seemed to give a hoot about the death of a lot of Jews. In addition to being “stiff-necked”, they were “a far away people about whom we knew little.”

Silly me.

I almost forgot to mention that Duranty was a bought and paid for agent of the NKVD, the name that Putin’s KGB used to go by. 87 years after his perfidy the New York Times still stands by their man. 

Would it be caddish or unsportsmanlike conduct if I were to mention that at Yalta, a son of extreme White Privilege and an amateur ornithologist, Alger Hiss, was the special advisor to FDR in his dealings with Stalin? He too was a bought and paid for NKVD agent, if we are to believe their personnel files and witnesses and evidence that Mueller would have killed for. 

Speaking of Mueller, Page 6A reminds us that he “led Marines in combat”. Leading Marines in combat was a pejorative term when Colonel North was cross-examined by a half-assed modern American Liberal lawyer hired by House Dems. Judge Moore, the slightly bonkers Alabama Senate candidate also led men in combat. And let’s not forget what Charles Whitmore and Lee Harvey Oswald, both combat-ready Marines were able to do with some rifle instructions. Secretary Jay Forbes Kerry may have led men in combat but we’ll never know since he still hasn’t released his DD214, despite promising to do so in October, 2004.

Page 7A proclaims proudly that “Journalists on Russia got much of it right”. Thank God that they are not held to the same standards that ophthalmic surgeons are when installing scleral buckles or Naval Aviators are when making night landings on a Nimitz-class carrier. How long would a mohel or a diamond cutter on 47^th Street last if they just “got much of it right”? My Uncle Bert worked on the Manhattan Project where getting “much of it right” was not a viable option.

Page 5C hectors us with the following headline:

“IF LAWMAKERS DON’T GIVE FORMER INMATES A SECOND CHANCE,

THEY’LL DEFY FLORIDIANS’ WILL.”

I love the “populi”, particularly when they are “voxing” but our elders and betters have been warning us of the perils of “thumbs up/thumbs down” government for 25 centuries. If we do away with the Electoral College what Logical reason is there for the Senate? Forget about Appellate Courts or even Jury Trials. Have trials, particularly the juicy, grisly ones in coliseums, be they in Rome or Los Angeles. Logic would dictate that, wouldn’t it?

The sound you hear is that of a big old turd trying to launch itself from the bottom of Grammy’s punch bowl. Speaking of “Floridians’ Will”, didn’t Florida vote against same-sex marriage a few years ago? In fact, nowhere and at no time has any electorate anywhere ever voted for it when it was on any ballot, any time. Doesn’t that expression of political will count even a little bit?

Kevin Smith

WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET

PS - Tell Lenny Pitts, another Pulitzer Prize Winner, that Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, named after one of the great, pioneering Spanish diversity spreaders, to slightly paraphrase the great Dr. Johnson – Samuel, not Lyndon – that “A O-C is a boob and that’s an end to it”.

PS – Young Bobby O’Rourke, another candidate unsure of his DNA, because if he’s Beto I’m either Kwame of Mohandas, or both. One of my favorite lines from “My Favorite Year”, one of my favorite movies, is “What a putz!” Ocasio-Cortez and O’Rourke. Perfect together!

One last windmill. The Parade insert in today’s Herald launches a Jeremiad about the perils of plastic. 2 things:

#1 - I have been hoarding plastic straws for a year. If you need some, let me know.

#2 – I have been accumulating frequent user points at various hospitals, clinics, and medical testing facilities all over Broward County. It would be completely and totally inconceivable for modern medicine to exist without plastic. Could you at least wait until I have booked my nonrefundable, one-way ticket to the “undiscovered country” before you ban it? Viva the seals! 

OK OK I lied. But this is the end. I mean just like Barack the Beneficent meant it when he said he was “drawing a line in the sand” and like when he told his pal Vlad, the Red Inmpaler, to “cool it” when he heard the Russkies were trying to fuck over the 2016 elections. The other Page 1 story, the one that tells of pizza parties for which team clears the most child abuse cases. God’s Holy Trousers, but that what your story says. I wonder why. Here’s a thought. In San Francisco, people, particularly those with a modicum of decorum who do not just take their pants down to shit in the streets, in Chicago which has killings that  would shame Tombstone in ‘82 and Hue City in ‘68, in Baltimore, where police demand nuclear hand grenades after midnight, in NYC, where a really dumb broad drives out a guy who wanted to hire 25,000 people, and in Queens no less, is looked on as a Joan of Arc [save for the ending] or at least Maeve without the cattle, questions are raised. Why is all this evil shit happening. Weren’t we told, not that many years ago, that the country was going to be “fundamentally transformed”? [I’ll skip the part about the “earth cooling and the seas calming”]

How about one-party-rule? 

I don’t want to say that they are inbred but when the first 14 people at this month’s Christening can look through a key hole with both eyes, attention must be paid.

We have had a Measles outbreak, How about a haemophilia epidemic?

The rest, today, is silence

Rasputin, call your office.

April 18, 2019 Why, pray tell, is it OK, indeed both beneficial and salutary, for a cross to be hung in a see-through vat filled with piss?

April 18, 2019

Why, pray tell, is it OK, indeed both beneficial and salutary, for a cross to be hung in a see-through vat filled with piss?

Why is it a sign of political tolerance and maturity for a miserable skank like Kathy Griffin, and Boyo, does she give miserable cunts a bad name – and in her defense, at least she isn’t feckless, right? – to hold a severed head of Donald Trump?

Why is it Islamophobic per se to say radical Islamic terrorists hijacked planes, planes that they are incapable of building, and flew them onto buildings that they never could have could have constructed? If I were to say that they, the Muslim WOGs, were just continuing the tradition begun by their feral forebears at Tours 1287 years ago, at Lepanto 448 years ago, at Vienna 336 years ago, and at Omdurman 121 years ago? Does anyone else see a pattern here?

Why did the earth tilt on its axis and the poles reversed and the masses revolted and the crops failed and the dunces ascended conspiratorially and T-Rex appeared and Lent was ruined when someone, I daresay a deplorable bitter clinger, declared publicly that Mayor Pete was a “Hoosier finocchio”?

By the by, and slightly paraphrasing Scrooge, are the Alien & Sedition laws still on the books? And speaking of that glorious time, some 20% of the Federal budget went for either ransoms or protection money. It gave rise, after one of the three dirtiest campaigns in American History, 1800, 1824, 1828, all of which were done without the benefit of electricity, to the saying “Millions for defense but not one cent for tribute.”

How many Italian-Americans and how many Germans did FDR lock up in 1942 because he thought they presented a clear and present danger to the Republic? Does anyone else remember that Lincoln locked up and deported some Congressmen in 1862?

Let’s not forget the sly beauty of Lincoln’s Emancipation Proclamation, as definitive an Executive Order as was ever issued, freed the slaves where he couldn’t and kept them in bondage where he could have freed them?

But on to other mundane things.

With the exception of her husband, no one but no one has gone as far as Michelle Obama has with so few accomplishments on her c.v.

In her senior thesis at Princeton – and yes, unlike the still sequestered one by Wide Bottomed Hillary, the one about Saul Alinsky, the noted urban reformer, I have read it – she bemoans the twin crosses of race and gender that she to bear, burdens that can’t be lessened by a 12-Srtep program. Then she realizes that she can turn chicken shit into chicken salad when she realizes that a “clean and articulate” Black chick can game the system like one of those swarthy card sharks on 46^th Street

Blacks with degrees from 2 Ivy League schools have been, are, and will be pearls of precious price in the real world. Thus, she wound up at Sidley Austin, as White Shoe a law firm as could be found then and now, she distinguished herself in 3 ways there. She couldn’t negotiate, she couldn’t litigate, and, thus, she had nobody to bill.

She was saved from the disgrace of defaulting on her ginormously proportioned student loans – Somebody had to pay for those degrees – by the public sector. The University of Chicago Hospital hired her as quasi-legal adviser to the midnight shift bed pan fetchers and ass wipers to steer them away from joining a union.

Let the record show that it was just a coincidence, kind of like when as Jeeves said to Bertie, “Sometimes you find a trout in the milk”, that her husband, well versed by Reverend Wright and Bill Ayers, who parlayed his experience as an urban activist into the Goddamn United States Senate, got a $1,000,000 “earmark” for her employer. In true Chicago fashion, this was acknowledged when her next paycheck reflected a $4,000 – repeat - $4,000 a week raise. 

Let the record show that while in the Senate he voted in favor of a wall on the Mexican border, against same-sex marriage, and in favor of a military surge in Afghanistan.

How can she top that? Easy. Put her mother in the White House, rent free, as a built-in baby sitter and then get her on the public teat to boot. And that too is the Chicago way! 

Go Bernie! But take your time before telling us whether you favor the stolid Bulgarian model of Socialism or the Mugabe School of Trotsky is too slow and we could learn from Pol Pot crash course of social upheaval. Also, don’t forget that Lenin wanted to line Moscow’s urinals with gold.

In 2016, Hillary and her hit chick, the viperish Little Debbie of Broward, dispensed with all the TLC foreplay and the political KY Jelly and gave you an ass-reaming that grows in legend each year. [It is owed to the ledger to point out that Landslide Lyndon in 1848 and Tricky Dick Daley in 1960, by virtue of their shit sandwich politics, gave us the design and the construction schedule of the Vietnam Wall. You, by virtue of your time in the barrel, gave us Trump. for which a grateful nation will always thank you. It doesn’t mean you can’t can’t be pissed off. Not too many pols could have their backs pissed on and publicly endorse the 2 pissers.]

I like you, despite your abysmal, mostly vincible, ignorance of History, of Economics, and your persistent pathological need to offend Logic every time you tell us, like some half-assed Lysenko zombie, how to get 33 ounces out of a quart bottle.

I want you to run because “you are smart and no fool” and you say things that Professor Irwin Corey wouldn’t dare. And Biden, aka as Curley, in honor of the smartest Stooge, is a boob

Do you remember when it becomes obvious, painfully obvious, to everyone except Pauline Kael – I read her review of “Dirty Harry” and ran to the nearest cinema and bought 2 tickets – that George McGovern was going to get his ass kicked in a Texas-sized ass whupping? I do. James Reston, he of the still disgraced, first Russian electoral collusionist, Pulitzer Prize winner Walter Duranty of the New York times, a bought and paid for stooge of the NKVD, successful as I recall, commanded you to keep campaigning even though there were doubts that you would vote for yourself. Old Scotty wanted the McGovern message of “corn fields all day and ballet at night” to be etched into our political tradition, even though it was going to rivla the outcome of the Israeli Air Force versus the hapless Syrians, the WOGs who make armed mullets look like Achilles Maybe Allah is Akbar but he can’t fly a jet worth a shit..

I want you out there proclaiming that not only will lunch be free but as soon as I get the attention of Congress you will be paid to eat it. Also, and this will happen within the first 100 hours, rainwater will turn into beer. Forget about free college, free Medicare, and free stuff. Free beer! Today! Tomorrow! Forever! This might tick off Sierra Nevada but you can’t make an omelet without braking eggs, right?

Then we can bring back a long-forgotten gem of William F. Buckley. 

A very simple solution to the high cost of college – and here comes Ockham’s Razor to the rescue yet again – is, providing you survive the perpetually honed scythe in the Planned Parenthood abattoir, and perpetual thanks to Margaret Sanger, Hitler’s favorite American at least until Ambassador Joe Kennedy came along, when you are born you get 2 pieces of paper. One is a birth certificate and the other is a Bachelor’s degree. Science or Arts being your choice. Fill it in when you either stop shitting in your pants or cast your first vote, whichever comes first.

Don’t forget to tell us that FDR was Mussolini’s biggest fan. He used to send high level bureaucrats to Italy to observe and report back on il Duce’s Italianate hand of governance. It is uncertain if Alger Hiss ever went to Rome to see if the trains really ran on time.

T.E. Lawrence told us that “Not much can be gained from a sure victory but a certain defeat can be priceless.”

Since all my capital is tied up in debt, I shan’t be sending you any.

Kevin Smith

WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET

PS – The Duke was right, and God Bless John Wayne for saying, “Never apologize. It’s a sign of weakness.” You are going to spend a lot of time explaining that which is metaphysically and epistemologically impossible to accomplish: Giving a tax cut to someone with no income. On the other hand, I have an example of White Privilege deeply planted in the special interest written, perpetually blooming tax code. You can root it out to great applause from the assembled Social Justice Warriors. It will be a simple tax row for you to hoe.

Do you know any Black people who own municipal bonds?

I don’t either.

White people, by a stupendously over whelming majority, own municipal bonds.

Income earned from these bonds is, by virtue of the Tax Code and divers Tax Court rulings, exempt from the lamprey-like grip of Sam, the Tax Man.

That means that the portion of the righteous tax burden not borne by the ultra-Privileged Whit folk is shifted in a blatantly obvious, racially discriminating manner to the already lashed backs of struggling Black folk, almost all of whom are both victims of life’s circumstances plus being born “unlucky in life’s lottery”.

Boy, but that sucks, doesn’t it?

Step up and rale against this racist injustice and to Hell with the freakin’ infrastructure.

OK. OK. This is the last point

Of all the dim dumb Dems running for President their tax returns show one common denominator. There once was Golden Rule in re American making charitable contributions. “Most Jews, rich Protestants, and poor Catholics” was the demographic score card of big, reach in your pocket, causes in this country. When it comes to charitable contributions – not the NRA and not NARAL – but causes such as the Rescue Squad, the animal shelter, the Little League, these cheap bastards, modern American Liberals all, are tighter than clams’ asses. And believe me when I say this, they are waterproof. I mean these skinflints toss quarters around like they were man hole covers. Correction. Person hole covers. Is it true that priority letters will no longer be delivered by a mail man but by a person person?

WAZUPWIDAT?

April 15, 2019 Nancy Ancrum – Editorial Page Editor The Miami Herald

April 15, 2019

Nancy Ancrum – Editorial Page Editor

The Miami Herald

RE: Poor Lenny One-Note or how tough must it be for a modern-day Sisyphus to push the same God Damn rock up the same God Damn hill and have it fall on him in the same God Damn way? Mr. Pitts has never met Mr. Brown put they both know Lucy pulls the same God Damn ball out at the last God Damn minute every God Damn time.

Ms. Ancrum,

I have been reading Leonard Pitts for so long I don’t have to read him to know what he is saying, has said, and/or will say on any subject, anytime,

His column yesterday, 4/14/19, the one with the catchy title “Kyle Korver is unafraid to confront the inherent privilege of a white man in America”, the one accompanied by a photograph of an extremely White basketball player wearing a Jazz Jersey – Did he get to the NBA on his own merits or was he Affirmative Actioned in as a sop to the non-Brother demographics of the Utah Jazz market? OK, OK that was deplorably mean-spirited and, in keeping with the season, I withdraw it, sort of – and with a column that proves yet again that if you only have one tool, in Lenny’s case, a well-used 9-pound hammer everything, and I mean everything, looks like a nail. In the warp & woof of the Pitts DNA that always and forever is race.

Props, a Black term I believe and, as a descendant of James Joyce, I relish it when words appear like Keats’s “new planet”, command me to mention his Pulitzer Prize. I cannot mention Pulitzer Prize winners without mentioning Walter Duranty and his employer, the New York Times. Let the record show that he won the Pulitzer Prize for Foreign Reporting while he was Moscow reporter for the NYT. [There is more than a soupcon of irony to mention that this was the first time that Russia colluded with an American to influence an election. That somewhere between 6,000,000 and 10,000,000 kulaks died – Stalin never colud match Hitler for keeping score – was no big deal, “small potatoes” indeed, when, as a result of the lobbying of Duranty and the NYT, we recognized the USSR. At this point I must mention that Duranty was a bought and paid for agent of the NKVD, the proud father of the KGB. 

Here comes the semi-submerged turd in the punch bowl.

I get to mention the simple fact that for 86 years the NYT has – A – refused to acknowledge this and – B- still proudly displays his laurel on its Wall of Honor. The other unasked, unanswered question is what would the Times have done if its next winner for Foreign Reporting, their resident correspondent in Berlin, had been similarly compromised by Hitler’s NKVD equivalent, a cheery group with the catchy name Gezstapo? 

How prescient of the Times!

 They were practicing, and let the judges note that they were doing it superbly well, one of the distinctly modern American Liberal traits; viz., eclectic indignation. The amazing thing is that they were doing it 4 years before the term was first coined. Even then they knew.

Being a modern American Liberal requires complete control of both the lumbar and cervical spine sections plus complete belief in what one of my favorite authors says, ad nauseam, “If it weren’t for tautologies these effin’ morons wouldn’t have to think at all.”

Having kept my promise to poleax and keelhaul Walter Duranty and his spineless toad employers, the New York Times, at least once a year, I can turn to the real reason for my note, that is to say that a White man, a devoted legatee of White Privilege, will reveal, at great personal risk, how White Privilege triumphed when Tiger Woods won the Masters yesterday.

It is said that Marilyn Monroe, when she came back from a hugely successful USO tour to Korea, told her husband, “Joe, you never heard such cheers.” He replied, “Yes, I have.”

I mention that as a perspective, a backdrop if you will, for the roar that tsunamied – tsunami as a verb? Why not? It would have worked for Joyce – out when Elrod drained his putt on 17. 

Let the record show that the Augusta National Club, the home of the Masters, is the Sistine Chapel of White Privilege. The pezzonovantes, good old boys all, who run it regularly make magnolias blossom weeks before Mother Nature would. They posted the member who hosted President Eisenhower for violating club rules by putting him in a fivesome. When bad weather threatened yesterday, they simply advanced everyone’s tee time by 2 hours and then told the networks.

The walk from the 17^th green to the 18^th tee and from the 18^th fairway to the 18^th green was surrounded by a roar that is usually only heard when the Gods enter the Pantheon. 

Unless a deplorably bitterly clinging MAGA-hatted, White trash Trump supporter hit him with a niblick, Tiger was going to be getting his 5^th Green jacket

Can we stipulate that the only thing Whiter than yesterday’s crowd was Obama’s first Cabinet? Can we further stipulate that there were no Section 8 tenants there as spectators?

Why then were proud practitioners of unbounded White privilege cheering their White as the driven snow arses off for a Black-Asian? I told a Jewish accountant once that one of the best ways for goyim have for hiding their wealth is to be a bit disheveled. And one of the best ways for privileged Whites to stay on the top rail is to both judiciously and exuberantly applaud the exploits of a Brother, particularly when he is of the non-threatening kind. [Vide Joe Lewis, Willie Mays, Wilt Chamberlain, Sidney Poitier, Edward Brooke, Andre Watts, Michael Jordan, Douglas Wilder, inter alia]

White people are so smart that they don’t build a wall to keep Black people out; they build a wall to keep Black people in. This rule applies in Augusta, a town close to the Bug Fug river and 12 miles past the middle of friggin’ nowhere, and not near the Rio Grande. 

The almost feral roar from the 99.4% White crowd was them, yes, cheering for him, but really cheering for themselves.

Kevin Smith

WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET

PS – What universal inferences can be drawn from the particular incident of a Black man flinging a White 3-year old from the 3^rd floor of a mall in Minnesota? Were Keith Ellison or Ilhan Omar involved? And how do you give a tax cut to someone with no taxable income? Will Senator Bernie the Bolshie or Senator SummerFallWinterWarren be the first to call out the inherent racism of tax-free municipal bonds? I almost felt sorry for Ossobucco Sambucca, the White Judas bull put up to test Tiger. Almost. Also, tell Lenny that classic White Privilege is like a constantly mutating virus. Just when you think you have identified it and catalogued it, poof, it changes. I hear they may even let Elrod become a member.

April 3, 2019

Leonard Pitts

The Miami Herald

RE: Some comments on how much disappointment can one guy can stand as spelled out today in your column today in the Miami Herald about the White Man’s version of Barack the Beneficent.

Mr. Pitts, 

“Right now, all that can be said is that, last week,

another skinny guy with a funny name told us we

are one nation, indivisible.

And maybe we are.

But that used to be a whole lot easier to believe.”

The Miami Herald

Page 19A

Today 

You

I hope that when you call the Suicide Hotline, they don’t put you on hold. Remember, unless you have Stan Laurel as a role model, you only get to eat your gun once. And worse, it is a phenomenally permanent, as in forever and ever, solution to a temporary problem. “Small potatoes,” as Hyman Roth once said. 

Would it consign me to the “undiscovered country”, the one filled with the “bitter clinging, deplorable dregs”, to remind you, a perpetual purveyor of soulless, despairing Jeremiads, that some 10 years ago we were promised that our society would be “fundamentally transformed”? And, as an afterthought, that the “earth would be cooled and the seas would be calmed”? 

As people from Bayonne are wont to say, “Sounds like bullshit to me>”

There is no sense in having a White Privilege funded elitist education if you don’t flaunt it in a most shameless manner. You say, with no hint of irony or even a soupcon of sardony or sarcasm, that you will segue from “a skinny Black guy with a funny name” who was able to make White guys’ legs “tingle” because of the “crease in his trousers” – God’s Holy Trousers, but if that doesn’t qualify to be on the receiving end of a 3 Stooges pie fight, nothing will – to a “skinny White guy with a funny name” whose main accomplishment in life, so far, was his not killing anybody because of his DUI.[If women accusing guys of misconduct “must be believed”, who speaks for Mary Jo Kopechne?]

Speaking of making his wife “proud”, the one tangible achievement of Senator Obama’s brief tenure in the Senate was getting the University of Chicago Hospital, Michelle’s employer of last resort [It seems she had a less than sterling legal career] an earmark of $1,000,000. That was transformed into a raise of $4,000 – repeat - $4,000 a week. When she went to live rent free in public housing in Washington, her job was so important that she still hasn’t been replaced. Doubtless, as Howie Carr says, “a nation-wide search is still ongoing.”

The one thing that President B.O. did that made me proud was to get his mother-in-law on the public teat for 8 years as a live-in baby sitter. Let me quickly add that she lived rent free in the friggin’ White House. There is no sense in having a business unless you can take care of your family, right? That’s the “Chicago way”, isn’t it?

 One more question, as Colombo said, why didn’t their daughters go to any of the really fine public schools located within walking distance of the White House?

The beauty of modern American Liberals, of Social Justice Workers, of statists, of Progressives, of Democratic Socialists, of Socialists, of moon-bat, wing nut goms who think Utopia is but 2 election cycles away, is that they judge themselves, not on results, but on expectations.

I used to say that I could play football as hard as Tom Brady, just not as well. When the Super Bowl is played with neither a score board nor a clock and everybody in uniform gets a varsity letter Happy Days will be here, not again, but for the first time.

For the “libtard” flame throwers, for people who think not shitting in your pants qualifies you to vote, for people who condone the stoning of adulteresses and flogging finocchios, for the elite who know Human Nature is malleable with a right minded sociologist Lysenko on steroids in charge, for those who let the color of skin triumph over the content of character, and I think they are all running for the Democratic nomination for President, there can be neither a Logical nor a Rhetorical refutation – I told you I had an elitist education – of its premises, however faulty or specious, because to oppose them means that you are not just wrong but evil.

The great Dr. Johnson summed it up nicely:

“How sad of all the things that men endure

how laws or kings can cause or cure.”

The hill is always there, as is the rock. Start pushing.

Kevin Smith

WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET

PS – On a more practical note, if, as Congresswoman Chiquita Banana Cortes says, the world is going to end in 12 years because White people just don’t care, I suggest we all get balloon mortgages of no more than 15 years. Could there be a better description of post hoc ergo propter hoc than this ninny’s blaming asthma on the Industrial Revolution? What a boob! She should be spayed.

April 1, 2019 Robert Reich has written an article in the Guardian ...

April 1, 2019

Robert Reich has written an article in the Guardian describing how Trump is the cause of all the evils and travails in the world. He focuses on the lack of lackluster regulation of the evil, profit-driven economic royalists and all-around bounders and cads who want to do away any minimum wage by repealing the Thirteenth Amendment. Honest Injun.

Full disclosure requires me to tell you that he was a favorite pinata of mine when he worked for President Handsome Billy from Hot Springs. Hot Springs, you may recall, was once the nations premier senior citizen time-share nesting spot. It also featured games of chance that really weren’t “games of chance”. I used to use words such as “biblical”, “Homeric”, “ginormous”, “Guinness Book worthy”, “7 league boot”, until I realized he was vertically challenged. Extremely vertically challenged. Brooks Brothers Size 32 extra short challenged. I found this out because the King of the One-Eyed Trouser Snakes was wont to bust his huevos pequenos about his shortness since they were classmates in England. It was Hobson’s Choice for him: Either an economist or a Panamanian jockey. And ponies, really little dwarf, midget ponies, scared him when he was a kid

His work for Clinton always involved either disregarding what used to be the fairly iron-bottomed rules involving gravity or suggesting that they can be repealed retroactively. Such repeal would involve not only reaching the horizon but then leaping over it and landing in Utopia. I’ll spare you the academic joy of discovering the etymology of the word “Utopia” but even then, it was the place where modern American Liberals raised unicorns, offered sanctuary status to any peripatetic T-Rexes, and practiced new versions of Kumbaya. The denouncing of White-Male privilege would have been a bit awkward what with Lying Billy getting hummers from zoftig Monica underneath the desk in the Oval Office while he planned a mosh pit at Camp David. Talk about planning! He had to get Wide-Bottomed Hillary at least to the Ohio River to be safe so he put her in charge of blowing up health care.

In the Guardian article, Wee Robby says that the 2 Boeing 737s, the ones that were owned by non-US airlines and flown by non-US pilots, crashed because after less than 2 months in office Trump, the source of all evil, had castrated the FAA. It is both a well-known and incontrovertible fact that Boeing builds and has built the best airplanes in the world for at least 65 years. Some of the original B-52s are approaching “three score and ten” and still fly combat missions. I am not as up to date with airplane regs as I was when I was in the international airplane parts business but, under certain circumstances, Boeing was able to certify their own planes. And as long as foreign-owned airplanes do not attempt to take off from airports in this country, their parts need not have the FAA granted 8130 Certificate of Air Worthiness, the gold standard in the industry.

Reich says the Facebook’s privacy issues were caused by Trump. If he had the slightest chance of getting away with it, Zuckerberg of Facebook would bastinado Trump on the front lawn of the White House after pissing in his soup. Trump and Zuckerberg will be BFF just as soon as Reich sells his “rainbow stew” farm to Archer Daniels Midland. ADM, by the by, is the company that got a big-time marker on an ex-President, “Clod Populist” Carter, the Boy Wonder from Plains, for less than six million dollars, most of which was debt forgiveness. No wonder the Russkies beat his sad-sacked sorry ass like a rented mule. Speaking of working for foreign governments and possibly against the interests of your own government does, anyone else remember that Billy Carter worked for Moammar Qadhafi?

Reich says that “vaping”, as presented by Altria/Philip Morris, has prospered greatly under Trump. If memory serves, Trump and his children have never smoked anything in their lives. And, if vaping is so bad, why didn’t Obama ban it? That worked with alcohol, didn’t it?

I am not sure what the record for start to finish product liability cases tried in Federal Court is but it ain’t 25 months. Reich says that that Monsanto profited greatly with their carcinogeneous lawn products under Trump. Only if Superman flies around the planet and makes time fly as if it were on steroids. Besides, why didn’t Obama, the Benevolent Protector, bring back the Delaney Amendment?

Reich castigates lobbyists. He eclectically forgets that when Tom Daschle was the Senate Majority Leader his wife lobbied for, and I’ll bet you didn’t guess it, Boeing. Incidentally, lobbying is the only job mentioned and protected by the Constitution. John Podesta lobbied for foreign governments. NARAL has them. Is Reich opposed to all lobbyists or just the ones who shill for things or people he doesn’t like?

It’s tough being a modern American Liberal, particularly if you are a half-assed, half-baked, half-pinted one.

And let’s end on a high note. [in Wee Robby’s case, not that high] I am pleased to announce that DJT, aka il Magnifico, had nothing to do with the whacking of Nipsey Wussel, noted hip-hop artist. I’d check the whereabouts of Jussie Smollett.

Kevin Smith

WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET

  

March 29, 2019

Nancy Ancrum – Editorial Page Editor

The Miami Herald

RE: Gerrymandering - Last refuge of the deplorables? Some comments on your borrowed editorial on same in today’s Miami Herald

Ms. Ancrum,

Baked v Carr notwithstanding, and I am from New Jersey, exactly how did Alcee Hastings and Mandy Dawson get to Washington and Tallahassee? If I were to say “gerrymandering” you might think me to be a cad exuding White privilege, but, by Crikey,

that’s how they got there.   

The fix was in.

The “pitch and toss” featured a two-headed penny.

They were elected in districts that would have voted for Willie Horton or Tawana Brawley. Maybe Step-n-Fetchit or O.J. would have made the race interesting but since melanin was the only prerequisite required the fix was in, really in.

Rural legislators, a euphemism for red necked, bib-overalled crackers who were deplorable before deplorable was cool, got together with some Urban legislators, that’s short hand for Black flame throwers, and cut the baby in half.

[Was it Bismarck who said that you didn’t want to se either laws or sausages made?]

Enough Black voters were, forgive me, “gerrymandered” into enough districts to get the Feds off everybody’s back. Do you think Corinne Brown would have been elected otherwise? Sweet Baby Jesus, but I hope not.

Here’s one solution.

Divide the number of seats by the population. Get a ruler, a plumb line, and a magic marker. One in a 1000 is a rounding error. Can you see where I’m going here?

Voila! That’s how you get to the capitol, be it Tallahassee or Washington.

But wait, There’s more. Herewith, Plan B

If we do away with the Electoral College, Logic would dictate that the Senate has to go.

Let’s discard 25 centuries of Political Science, History, and, possibly more precious, tradition and a collective memory.

Let’s go unicameral, like Nebraska.

Arm wrestle on a number of seats. No districts. The top 100 or 200 or 600 vote getters get to run the legislature. 

A pure Democracy

Power to the people!

Don’t you love it when a plan comes together?

Kevin Smith

WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET

March 28, 2019 Every time I hear the name Senator Richard Blumenthal [D-CT] I am sorry I don’t have 3 hands.

March 28, 2019

Every time I hear the name Senator Richard Blumenthal [D-CT] I am sorry I don’t have 3 hands.

The first is used to reach for my handy barf bag

The second is used to reach for my handy cudgel so I can smack the shit.

The third is used in case either of the first two fail to perform.

Before I get to this toad…. turd…. you know who I mean, I want to get to 3 real Marines.

#1 - Lt. William Sauer, USMC – He was a friend, a classmate, a fraternity brother, and a Marine aviator who flew combat in Vietnam as an F-4 Phantom pilot. He was killed in a training accident the same day he was accepted into astronaut training.

#2 – Lt. Brian Conlan, USMC – I drank quite a few beers with him in Cryan’s on South Orange Avenue in the Vailsburg section of Newark. That was the bar that had a hunchbacked dwarf standing on a upturned milk case cooking hamburgers. Honest. It was right next to St. Mary’s orphanage where Nick Werkman and I used to run 50/50s for its benefit, and ours. He was a big mean guy who wrestled at St. Benedict’s Prep before going to Seton Hall and then to Vietnam where he died “facing the front”.

#3 – I was honored to have breakfast last Advent with Captain Woody Woodbury, USMC, who was an aviator in 2 wars. I was a guest of Frank Loconto to whom I still owe a proper thank you for the honor and the privilege of meeting him. Before he became one of the funniest men in the world, he “saw the elephant” in the South Pacific and Korea. With wingmen named Ted Williams and John Glenn he, having “taken the sovereign’s coin”, went from propeller driven Corsairs to jet-powered Panthers. Like Henry the Fifth, he can strip his shirt and proudly show the scars he earned on his unique St. Crispin’s Day.

At the end of “The Bridges of Tok-Ri”, the Admiral, played superbly well by Frederic March, after being told that one of his aviators has been killed, asks, as only an old man who sends young men to the “undiscovered country”, can ask, “Where do we find such men?”

I can give you 3 such examples of “such men”.

Which leads me, in growing rage and increasing revulsion, to the perfidious toad, AKA, Senator Richard Blumenthal [D-CT]

He took a stint as a Marine reservist and, shall we say, puffed it up to him being on par with John Basilone, Chesty Puller, and, at the very least, Oliver North and Jim Webb. By so doing, he cheapens the legacy and the memory of Billy Sauer and Brian Conlan. It was as if he pissed on their graves. Captain Woodbury is still alive and quite capable of defending his own legacy, particularly from a “Stolen Valor” scoundrel such as Blumenthal. Do I have to add that he is the paradigmatic template of modern American Liberalism? I know I don’t but it’s the only toe tag that that coward will ever earn. 

Strong note to follow.

Kevin Smith

WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET

PS – I, as the founder, owner, and sole distributor of 3 of America’s most respected awards – Horse’s Ass of the Week, Pompous Fart of the Month, and the big one, the Granddaddy of them all, the gold standard of laurels, the Nobel of garlands,

SMARMY BASTARD OF THE YEAR

I have decided to bypass the constraints of the calendar and give the lying fraud the perpetual recognition he so ardently craves. Senator Richard Blumenthal [D-CT] is named

SMARMY BASTARD OF THE YEAR

[PERPETUAL AND FOREVER]

[FOR ALL ETERNITY]

[AND BEYOND]

And now, for something completely different

The New Republic – and is Walter Lippman still trying to do a 180 in his everyman crypt? – asked, doubtless rhetorically, “What should Stacey Abrams Do?”

Some of the answers are obvious.

#1 – Since she has more chins than a Chinese phone book and the back of her neck has more rolls than the Pride Bakery and Cushman’s had, combined, on a Sunday morning at dawn, she should head straight to the salad bar. Lay off the crème brulee IVs and the gelato enemas even if they are lo-fat.

#2 – Pay off her woefully past due student loans, her long delinquent credit card debts, and she should settle her IRS tax liens.

#3 – She should stop the bullshit about voter suppression. I had an uncle who lived in Jersey City who so loved to vote that he didn’t let death dissuade him from his sacred duty. He voted for 15 years after he died until he was struck permanently from the rolls by Judge Shaw. It must be noted that the Judge was appointed by President Eisenhower. My wife had family in Chicago. One of the great Cook County urban legends is that Mayor Daley almost despaired before he died because his creative count the votes, count the votes, count the votes in 1960 led this country straight to the Washington, DC Vietnam Wall.

#4 – She is not a “feckless cunt”. She would be worshipped as a Goddess in Haiti where rock soup and dirt salad are a good start to the traditional Voo-Doo Halloween dinner of fish heads and rice.

#5 - Her ass is so big that the Falcon tryouts feature walk-ons running around it.

#6 – On her last vacation, she killed 2 polar bears who were stalking her baby seals.

#7 – Did I mention that she owes everybody but the Bank of Vito and Nunzio? They have a different collection policy. It begins with a simple question: How well can you fly?

#8 – When she flies, she is classified as freight.

#9 – She has “eaten the Lord off the Cross.”

The article bemoans the fact that “Democrats have given Republicans free rein in many states to gerrymander and pass restrictive voting laws.” That this was given, voluntarily and eagerly, by Democrats is, as always, eclectically forgotten. How do you think Florida wound up with Alcee Hastings, a convicted felon and a derobed Federal Judge, in Congress? How about Corrine Brown, now in jail? The Florida Assembly had a member, Mandy Dawson, not to be found on the short list for Mensa, who used to fall asleep, snore, drool, and occasionally soil her knickers while the Assembly was in session. How were they elected?

Easy.

Her district, their districts, were drawn so that a composite candidate, a candidate made of equal parts of Step-N-Fetchit, Willie Horton, and Jussie Smollett would not only win, but win overwhelmingly.

Look it up.

Meanwhile, keep Rubenesque-assed Stacey out of IHOP. It still has the “All You Can Eat” pancake promo.

Is Jemima her favorite aunt?

Meanwhile, to pay for the ham hocks, greens, mac & cheese, and Moon Pies, she is writing a book. Probably the same team that helped House Speaker Jim Wright do his. It should be interesting, what with it being written without the vowels of “I”, “O”, or “U” in it.

Kevin Smith

WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET

PS – “steatyagonous”, anyone?

March 26, 2019 Before we get to the main topic here’s a tidbit like crazy Uncle Al, the kiddies’ pal...

March 26, 2019

Before we get to the main topic here’s a tidbit like crazy Uncle Al, the kiddies’ pal, the plaid does go with stripes dude who just found a new episode of “The Honeymooners” and shows up every Thanksgiving to tell us this. It is a most inconvenient truth, particularly if we are to believe empirical data, stuff that’s as real as your boot. In this instance, satellite taken photographic evidence. 

THE GREENLAND GLACIERS ARE GROWING AGAIN

And they are growing at the same rate they were previously shrinking. But here comes the scary part. They have been doing this for the last 2 years. Modern American Liberals, since they are incapable of critical thinking and rational discourse, rely on tautologies, circular reasoning, and the sincere wish that nobody else is watching. Absent argumentum ad captandum, and its evil twin, argumentum ad invidiam, otherwise known as the Chicken Little School of Good Stuff, these friggin’ morons always piss in their pants because they would keep getting lost on a ladder.

But wait, there’s more.

What’s sauce for the goose…..

Did I say that the Greenland glaciers – A – stopped melting 2 years ago and – B – started growing 2 years ago? Yes, I did. And, by crikey, I based this on the same satellite evidence that tree-hugging Eco-Nazis proclaimed every day for decades like some crazed mullah in a journalistic minaret shouting kill the Jews. The ice is melting, the polar bears are drowning, Wichita will be the new surfing capital, women and minorities are suffering disproportionately, and it’s all because of White privilege. 

Guess what, ohmadahns? It ain’t. And watch as I put post hoc ergo propter hoc into the mental lock-box so artfully designed by the brain-dead modern American Liberals. 

Without illogical constructs such as these they would be sitting in a wheel chair at the dog track, all bundled up, drool cup placed at the corner of their never quiet mouths, waiting for a compassionate Conservative to give them succor. And, hopefully, a clean diaper.

Trump was sworn in. The ice stopped melting. The ice started growing. Case closed. And if that isn’t as clear an example of res ipso loquitur, there aren’t any. Move on. Now, back to the regular lesson.

And for the second time in 4 days, the skies are as blue as they were on 9/11.

The guy on the white horse, the one with flaring nostrils, a large sabre, 6 pissed off rottweilers, and an agenda, is LEX TALIONIS, a man to be feared. He will ride into the Capitol, take names, kick ass, and lop off as many heads, maybe more, as he deems fit. Payback is a bitch.

I’ll get back to him.

Of course, the Russians interfered in our election. It’s what big boy nations do. We did it 3 years ago in Israel and 3 years ago in England over Brexit. So, what’s new?

The Russians first interfered in 1932  

Stop the presses!

Nancy Pelosi [D-CA] wants to lower the voting age to 16.

Florida Democrats want to raise the smoking age to 21.

What if Dem teenagers take over the House and lower it to 14?

And, is it too late to get John Edwards, Esq And Michael Avenatti, Esq

. on the all-time dream team? Those two bounders give miserable, 

scum sucking lawyers a bad name The cad vote alone would be huge.

Somehow, and in a way that would make both George Smiley and Karla proud, Boris & Natasha convinced Wide-Bottomed Hillary – and yes, she needs 2 gallons of industrial strength WD-40 and the Jaws of Life to get her Spandex off so she can take a dump -  to bypass Wisconsin, Michigan, Ohio, and Pennsylvania because she deserved it, with it being the Oval Office  because of all the heavy lifting she did with cattle futures – and who can forget Red Bone, her commodities grifter? – giving Ricky Ray Rector a lap dance to keep him quiet while he was being strapped into Old Sparky – and keeping quiet while Big Bill got hummers from zoftig Monica, just a few years older than their daughter. Also, it wasn’t easy throwing Lani Guiner under the bus. Backing up and throwing her into the wood chipper meant she really was willing to take one for the team. That, plus her time as a Walmart board member in a futile attempt to save the company from itself, put her next in line for the launch codes. 

A quick review of her c.v. – Saul Alinksy as her thesis topic, being fired from the Watergate hearing staff for shoplifting, being hired by the largest law firm in Little Rock which is on par with being the 3^rd tallest building in Wichita, when her husband became Attorney General, and mirabile dictu, becoming a partner when he became Governor – no glass ceiling for her, boyo - it takes more than a village to buttress an evil, phony bastard into the White House. But hey, modern American Liberals always shoot for the moon, right? Her husband wasn’t a bad President but he became the worst man ever to be President. Hillary, she of the steatyaganous arse, would  have been the worst person to ever have become President

Anyway, the first Russian meddling, the one in 1932, resulted in this country recognizing the Union of Soviet Socialist Republics, in 1933. It also resulted in a Pulitzer Prize Prize for a New York Times correspondent.

Walter Duranty was the resident Moscow correspondent for the Times. He filed story after story saying what a good guy Uncle Joe was and refuting the anti-Progressive claims that he was starving the Ukrainian kulaks to death. Subsequent events proved that he wasn’t and that he was.

The 800-pound redolent gorilla in this story is that Duranty was a bought and paid for agent of the NKVD, the predecessor of the KGB.  When the Times was made aware of this, the Sulzbergers – does the name sound familiar? – circled the wagons and said, and still say, “So? It’s no big fucking deal, is it?” 

What would have happened if their Berlin correspondent had won a Pulitzer and turned out to be a secret Nazi spy? He did but he wasn’t. The Times didn’t have to face the moral dilemma of differentiating between twin evils – Stalin & Hitler – until August 22, 1939 when Hitler started to look good. Pete Seeger, Woody Guthrie, Dr. Seuss, Alger Hiss, Julie & Ethel, and Henry Wallace had sphincters that snapped shut like Jack Benny’s vault but reopened but reopened simultaneously on June 21, 1941 Look it up. Thank God for Google.

By the time of the satanic alliance, Whittaker Chambers had walked out of the cave he had entered voluntarily, looked up, “and saw the stars”.

Speaking of American-Soviet election collusion, how did Henry Wallace almost become President? Bad enough he was Vice President but if a lot George Meany Dems and big city pols, Hague, Curley, guys who would be wearing MAGA hats today – they were the forebears of Obama’s “bitter clingers”, Clinton’s “deplorables”, Biden’s “dregs”, don’t you know? – the Berlin airlift would have been run by a guy who sang the “Internationale” every morning, would have given John Reed the Presidential Medal of Freedom, and would have had the Hollywood 10 lead the White House Easter Egg Roll and light the Goddamn Christmas Tree.

It’s 12:17 PM on Tuesday. The President just gave a press conference stating the obvious. Israel has sovereignty, and has had sovereignty, over the Golan Heights, since 1967. Does anyone else remember King of the Hill? You own it if you put your flag on top of the hill. As long as you kept it there you still won. It would seem to be as simple as that. The first question, asked by a practicing bruja, was about the Mueller report. It is time, indeed it is past time, to bring back flogging.

Jessica Tarlov, one of Fox News’s on-air Daughters of the Desert, said that some Jews think Trump could be anti-Semitic because he Twitters unfavorably about George Soros. If flogging is still verboten, I guess I shouldn’t ask about “a pound of flesh”, should I?

Time for today’s “Would not Logic dictate?” lesson. 

Addled modern American Liberals, including that chinless little shit from Douglas High School, constantly tell us that “whose wine I drink, whose song I sing” because taking donations from the NRA makes you into a stone-cold killer. Goose sauce/gander sauce time, students.

Kim Foxx, Esq., the Cook County, Illinois District Attorney, and the chick who dismissed all the felony charges against Jussie Smollett, and here’s a flash, he will not be the first Black James Bond unless its the rumored La Cage aux Folles version, took $400,000 in campaign contributions from George Soros. Would not Logic dictate that since he hates America, loathes and despises Israel, and wants to kill all the Jews that people who take $ from him also want to see Arbeit Mach Frei signs everywhere? He does and obviously if you take his money, you do, right?

If it weren’t for such ilLogical constructs, such as the above, the poor stupid bastards who think if we can stop cows from farting all will be well in the world would be devilishly idle.

Incidentally, Smollett would have been convicted in either Liberty City or Soweto. The fix was definitely in.

Would I be showing my White privilege elitist education if I were to say that the judicial shenanigans, stuff that would have made the Daleys proud, stuff that goes back to the recount in 1960 that led to the Vietnam Wall, shows the exquisite Italianate hand of the Obamas? I’ll take the risk.

Kevin Smith

WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET

PS – An important fact, overlooked, in the Boeing 737 issue: The crashed planes were owned by foreign airlines and flown by foreign pilots That means they were not held to the same standards as United States based carriers. That means that the gold standard for parts, the FAA 8130 certificate of airworthiness, need not be attached to each and every single part of each and every plane each and every time that part is replaced. If it is not, that plane, if it lands in the United States, cannot take off legally. I was in the business for 2 and ½ years. I don’t know if women, or men for that matter, still use some form of Static Cling to keep their pantyhose in shape. It was the weapon of choice to keep airplane wires free from outside static. Woe betide any carrier who tried to back-door it through Walmart, absent the 8130 that the Walton family, despite having Hillary on its Board, could not provide.

Senator Blumenthal gets to spend some quality time in the barrel tomorrow. 

March 22, 2019 I am sure this question is unique in that it has never been asked of any other

March 22, 2019

I am sure this question is unique in that it has never been asked of any other  

Congresswoman Ilhan: Did you marry your brother?

I don’t like borscht. The last time I had derma I was with Imre Rosenthal at Dubbrow’s. I can go for days, even weeks, without listening to klezmer. Max Katz is still my favorite American Jew. I have never been to Israel and I am still not a Jew. But I am as much a part of Israel philosophically, ideologically, and spiritually as I am of Athens and Rome. The divinely crafted three-legged stool codified rights that were mine “from beyond the stars” was in place when the warp and the woof were loomed, joined hands if you will, in Ballyglass and Cork. Which leads me to a paradox.

What strange virus is eating at the brain and soul of American Jews?

If Trump is a Jew hater what does that make Chomsky and Soros?

Is it a rite of passage, one that is needed to gain final acceptance into the sanctum sanctorum of modern American Liberalism, that Jewish politicians must denounce Israel as if it were a rabid dog or a coiled viper? It is like a snake eating itself. At some point, there is nothing left to bite. And meanwhile, despite the continuing du jour denial of its existence, evil, as defined by T.S. Eliot, prospers. And Jews will be the first to see the business end of the spear. I guess the idea of a universal yiddishe kup was one of the more successful parts of the world-wide Zionist conspiracy.

I don’t want to tempt the Gods but the sky is as blue today as it was on 9/11.

I love beer. I love it so much that I banned both lite beer and all Anheuser-Busch products form my daughter’s wedding reception. Skip the de gustibus part, the best beer in America is Sierra Nevada Celebration Ale. My Damascus moment was in Mexico in 1963 where I was doing the Lord’s Work as a lay missionary when I was introduced to the pleasures of Dos Equis.

I have never tasted Stella Artois. About 12 years ago I was offered some by the stick man at Waxy O’Conner’s. He called it the “wife beater”. because if you have a few of them you go home and beat your wife. I declined saying if I wanted to beat my wife, I didn’t need beer to do it.

Now Samuel Adams joins the do not drink list’.

They announced that were offering a new brew named in honor of Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg. Other than her friendship with Justice Scalia and her desire to be the new Wicked Witch when the Wizard of Oz is remade, I find nothing sudsworthy about her. In fact, she may be living proof of Shakespeare’s derisive aside about outlawing “small beer”.

Once you are on my shit list, you stay on my shit list, particularly when it comes to beer.

Congresswoman Ilhan, did you marry your brother? It goes unasked.

Nobody ever asked Sarah Palin that question.

One late night jokester mused that he wanted her teenage gang raped, remember?

Wazzupwidat?

I guess, like Judas, it’s too late for Saturday Night to redeem itself.

Kevin Smith

WARRIORBARDI@BELLSOUTH.NET

March 23, 2019 Even though they are standing tippy-toed on a shaky stool with the offal reaching their lower lips, and let me say this in admiration of the grit of modern American Liberals,

March 23, 2019

Even though they are standing tippy-toed on a shaky stool with the offal reaching their lower lips, and let me say this in admiration of the grit of modern American Liberals,

nothing stops their drive for anti-nomianalism in all things. They press on. Pete Seeger, noted Hitler bum kisser from August 22, 1939 to June 21, 1941, used to warble at LBJ about being “Waist deep in the Big Muddy but the fool pushes on”.

It would normally be a sign of senescent “eclectic indignation” or a hubris that would shame Icarus – alas, only once, as it turned out – but Barbra Streisand just leapt to the defense of Michael Jackson. It is the same Ms. Streisand who so hates our beloved President that she says he made her get a fat ass. Every time she sees or hears il Magnifico, she eats 8 pancakes with syrup and gooey stuff. “There is no end to his perfidy”, is what she didn’t say as she reaches for the industrial strength WD-40 and the Spanx. She need the Jaws of Life to take a dump.

She says that while you may not like a 50-year-old guy who wears one silver glove, walks backwards very skillfully, and keeps a monkey and a giraffe in the closet of the downstairs surprise guest play room, and who, after root beer floats and Mumbles the Clown, goes speeding down the sodomite Hershey Highway with 9-year-olds, exits at the carousel, the one with real animals ,for a refreshing “bit of the gobble”, at least the little buggered buggers weren’t murdered.

Reductio ad Absurdum, and eclectically forgetting MaryJo Kopechne, wouldn’t all the faux-outraged chick accusers, starting with Anita Hill and going up to the dizzy broad who thinks that maybe 36 or 37 years ago, in either a big house or a really big house in Virginia or maybe Maryland the frat boy named Brett Kavanaugh tried to grab some sweater meat, shouldn’t all those outraged, and I mean outraged – with the exception of the people talking about Big Bill Clinton, the King of the One-Eyed Trouser Snakes and didn’t Nina Burleigh, Time reporter, say that she would go down on him to thank him for all he did for, or to, women? – & ladies just shut up and sit down because, after all, they weren’t killed, were they? And, yes, she can and does make it worse when she says that the King of Pop didn’t do it by himself. She says the parents of the upturned, pre-pubescent hineys bear some responsibility for feeding his paedophilia. I mean it was like giving fire water and the car keys to an Injun, right?

The parents of a 10-year old who is run down by a drunk driver bear some responsibility for his death for a simple reason. They should have kept the little flirt chained to the basement wall until he was old enough to carry a gun.

Modern American Liberals – Chico O’Rourke has his dental visits Facebooked and then eats dirt to cleanse his spirit while Kamala Harris is reprising Evita and Bernie the Bolshie who honeymooned in Moscow in the ‘80s thinks Venezuela just needs a little tinkering, inter alia – have shot themselves in both feet, hacked off their nose, and now have their heads so far up their asses that they can hear those eyeballs click. Soon it will be “Neck deep in the Big Muddy”.

Now that the long-awaited Mueller Fart in Church has been sanitized, 2 things should be as clear as a Tanqueray martini straight up.

#1 – Forget about Trump colluding with the Russkies. Whatever collusion is, it ain’t a defined crime by Federal statutes.

#2 – Of course, the Reds tried to interfere in our election. They have been trying since 1932. GOOGLE Walter Duranty. If interfering in a foreign election is malum per se

what the Hell was the Obama White House doing taking sides in the last Israeli election? How about actively campaigning against BEXIT in England, another sovereign nation?

Alger Hiss was at Yalta with FDR. Laying aside the consequences of that summit but never forgetting that Uncle Joe had 2,000,000 men east of the Elbe, Hiss was a conscious Commie spy, bought and paid for just as much as the aforementioned Pulitzer Prize winning New York Times Communist columnist, Walter Duranty. Is it possible that there may have been collusion at the AM coffee/tea break or the PM cocktail hour? How about the upturned eyebrow after a double sneeze or whistling “The Gray Geese Are Flying Tonight”, a tune much beloved by spy craft practitioners of both sides in 1945?

Like the Covington Catholic MAGA hat wearing by presumptively racist students, and Catholic to boot, like the UVA fraternity rape case, like the Duke lacrosse incident, like the Tawana Brawley ignominious desecration, like the decades-long verbal diarrhea about GCGWCCCD*, like the Bermuda Triangle, like the fluoride conspiracy, like Atlantis, the Loch Ness Monster, like the Piltdown Man, all of which can be summed up by one of the most magnificent words in the English language and that word is bullshit.

Let me add Atlantis, an inside joke put out by Plato some 25 centuries ago, still holds the audience captive. Some of them never catch on.

Let’s talk about collusion.

The spineless, ink-stained toads, the coiled vipers, and the evil brujas who await the call from their non-deplorable, non-clinging leaders so they can unleash a torrent of half-truths that fits the du jour narrative of modern American Liberalism are despicable. Said narrative is well known to men of good will: America is evil and is filled with evil White people who are descended from slave owners and Injun killers who exploit 3^rd Worlders who want to live in peace and harmony with Gaia but profit-crazed 1%ers who want to drown polar bears and strangle baby Babars with plastic and weaken us with GMO food and drive us mad with militarism and think it is good that people in San Francisco drop their drawers and shit on the side walks and that while all speech is free some speech is freer than other speech but it will come right in the end as soon as we raise the minimum wage to $29.50 and the marginal tax rate to 105% which will have us farting through silk in no time because not only can the horizon be reached and jumped over because that’s where the unicorns graze and balloon juice and rainbow stew vines, organic of course, abound. And besides, women and minorities have suffered disproportionately, haven’t they?

C.S. Lewis called them “men without chests”. He died on November 22, 1963. A century from now we will still be reading him while the other guy will be but a footnote. 

The Mueller investigation is over. The premise for the investigation, the raison d’etre, that Trump won the 2016 election because the Russkies put the fix in, is gone with the morning dew, like this morning’s tingle up the leg.

What was different this time was that the intended lamb was not ready for the slaughter. This time the intended victim took a nolo me tangere cum impecunis attitude and bit back. Or bit first. And when he bit, he held on. 

At least 50 lives have been ruined. Even a bad lawyer will take you to the cleaners.

Let lex talionis prevail. Somebody’s cojones are headed to the Cuisinart. Start with Wide-Bottomed Hillary. She paid for the Steele dossier. Get the villains who lied, repeatedly. to the FISA Court to get secret wiretaps, all of which were based on lies and tautologies.

It turned out that the entire Bermuda Triangle was based on an article in the August, 1947 edition of Argosy, a pre-Playboy men’s magazine. [pre-Playboy means no nipples or yooha shots] 

It turns out that the entire Trump was a Russian agent – like Julie and Ethel on steroids – narrative was based on a tale made from whole cloth. Impound a Federal Grand Jury and get those sad sacked lying, covered in eel shit, asses under oath.

Hillary goes first. She paid for it.

Kevin Smith

WARRIORBARIDT@BELLSOUTH.NET

PS - * GCGWCCCD – GlobalCoolingGlobalWarmingClimatChangeClimateDestruction 

Pop Quiz – What ended the last Ice Age? If you said Global Warming you win.

March 19, 2019 Who in the name of Harold Stassen, Norman Thomas, Henry Krajewski, Frank Clement, Vance Hartke, George McClellan, and Shirley Chisholm is Andrew Yang?

March 19, 2019

Who in the name of Harold Stassen, Norman Thomas, Henry Krajewski, Frank Clement, Vance Hartke, George McClellan, and Shirley Chisholm is Andrew Yang? And why is he running for President? On the other hand, if Miramar Mayor Wayne Messam can open an exploratory committee to se if he should run…. run, Yang, run! And trust me, if you think the louts and churls who make up this generation of Kennedys exuding White privilege, wait ‘til you see how the Yings, evil twins of the Yangs, and the Yellow version of Black sheep, the Yelps and their handy helots, the Yawns, exude their millennia-old version of High Yeller Han Privilege.

Buckle up, President Wilson, Senators Bilbo, Gore, Barkley. Sparkman, and Ervin. You think rubbing little nappy-headed Black boys or lawn jockeys for good luck was retroactively racist, wait ‘til Yang gets to the White House. It’s going to be a bumpy ride.

One of the problems in being opposed to genetically modified foods is, if you like broccoli, you can’t eat it. Of course, and particularly since the science is settled – just ask Ptolemy and Fred Hoyle, it also rules out carrots. Long before Mendel did his work in the abbey garden, carrots became carrot-like in color to curry, so to speak, political favor. Something to do with the House of Orange. Look it up.

And since our aversion to GMOs now extends to cats, and I do miss Sharpton, my last cat, gone 12 years. But there is a lesson of White privilege to be learned here. He was an all-Black cat who wore a bell round his neck. That’s how he got his name although we called him Al for short. It cost almost $1,000 for him to die. My father, the legendary Judge Smith, told me that you never saw a cat near a Chinese restaurant. They would wind up in the Oriental goulash. A lesson to be learned from our non-Occidental brethren is that multi-tasking applies to inter-species re-cycling, no? We are catching up though. When was the last time you saw a dead pigeon by a KFC store?

The problem is not with a limp pussy. It is what we do with Nobel Prize winner Norman Borlaug. His tinkering with the DNA, shorthand for genetic modification, of wheat and rice in India, Mexico, Pakistan, and 50 other copy-cat countries – his work was not patentable – saved either side of a million lives 50 years ago.

If we were to do away with GMO foods – potatoes, salmon, chocolate, tofu, corn, sorghum, ambrosia, milo, the list is endless – we would surely starve. And we would do it in less than 12 years so we would never find out how prescient that “wise Latina”, moon bat, wing-nut AOC, aka Chiquita, really is.  Folks in el barrio call her cabeza de mierda. Cabeza de mierda? Send a SASE.

Once we get rid of all the GMO foods let’s 86 all the vaccines. It’s time we toughen these kids up. Polio, pertussis, tetanus, hydrophobia, HPV, small pox, yellow fever is what gets us ready for tertiary syphilis. “That which does not destroy makes me stronger,” right?

I actually felt sorry for Chelsea Clinton yesterday.

Not because her father was famous for getting “a bit of the gobble” on the first floor while her bruja mother was on the second floor figuring out how to screw the country again while standing up but, because of her modern American Liberal background, she did not know how to react when the snot-nosed little shit daughter of the desert said she was to blame for 50 dead Muslims in Christ Church, New Zealand. “Christ Church”? As if killing them wasn’t bad enough? “Christ Church”? Is that an example of “Inshallah” or the more nuanced “Aradh Allah”? I don’t want to have someone still pissed off about Tours and Lepanto crashing a plane into my patio when I am BBQin’ ribs.

 [Am I the only one to notice that 50 dead Muslims in Christ Church brings outrage and garment rending while 30 dead Roman Catholics in Nigeria brings waves of ennui? Why is that? Plus, does anyone know the ethnic and religious background of the guy who shot up the Netherlands? Just asking. We can rule out Norwegian Lutheran, can’t we? And, for a tie-breaker, were the guys who blew up the Boston Marathon Lubavitchers or Mennonites? I forgot.]

Mrs. Mezvinsky spent her first 21 years living as a tenant in public housing. First in Little Rock where surely one of the highlights was the execution of Ricky Ray Rector despite having 30% of the Bill of Rights pissed on by the state where her father was once the Attorney General and then the Governor. She spent the last 8 years living in Public Housing in Washington, DC. Maybe it was because the lawn was mowed by guys wearing sun glasses and Uzis that she did not develop the attitude of other tenants of other DC public housing. If her name wasn’t Chelsea but rather LaKeisha she would have smacked that nasty bitch right in the mouth. Forget all the Kumbaya crap. The bitch gets her props or somebody gets smacked.

Her sin was simple.

She married a Jew.

You would think her father-in-law, who did a stretch inside, would have told her that most interpersonal relations come down to what Joe Stalin told the guys at Stalingrad,. “Not one step back”.

The ironies of Muslims being slaughtered in Christ Church and Christians being slaughtered in Nigeria, and guess which one goes down the memory hole first, continue to abound. And, perhaps, astonish.

I don’t know if she has converted and is a mikvah maven but  with her injected Semitism plus her criticism of another WOG member of Congress, an ideological slattern who called Trump a “motherfucker”, was enough to have 3^rd World Social Justice Warriors get in her face and speak truth to power. I wonder if any of those haggard hecates suddenly realized that, and in the name of Allah, their G spots had been cut out? Can’t really “give up the pink” if there is no pink, so to speak, to give up, is there?

And does anyone else remember when NYU played Manhattan in Madison Square Garden and the young Jaspers filled the temple with shouts of NYJew? Everything old is new again.

I did do some homework on Candidate Yang. And I just know that his parents, with at least 5 degrees between them, were not slipping Benjamins to grifters posing as admission counsellors.

Kevin Smith

WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET

PS – Just 2 things more:

I am a fan of Cardhu, of Abelour 15, and of Balvennie Doubles. Toss in some Tullamore Dew Special and I am in awe of Mother Nature and her bounteous gifts. What do you think happens when the grain is spread out on the floor and the starch becomes sugar and them becomes alcohol? What do you think happens when the initial product is put in a used white oak barrel that was once filled with some fine American bourbon? Its genes get jiggled – that’s GMO at the top of its game – to give us uisgabah, the breath of life. If any of you GMO jackasses want to see your whiskys disposed of in an environmentally sensitive manner, call me.

Samantha Bee, a modern American Liberal witch, says that Ivanka Trump, daughter of the President of the United States, in an edge of the envelope marked “free speech” pronouncement, is a “feckless cunt”. 

What does that make Chelsea?