Sunday, June 21, 2015

June 20, 2015
Revealing the heretofore unknown Alexander Hamilton/Wichita connection

If it weren’t for the G/H alphabet connection this story would be fiction. Mike Garrett sat next to Rod Hatter when they both were at Columbia Law School. That they were, and grant me the freedom to condense and straight line a lot of stuff, is how I got to know Wichita, 3 and ½ years of it.

Mike Garrett to Rod Hatter to Bob Foulston to Jordan Haines to Alexander Hamilton.

Bob Foulston was a class act. He was the founder and managing partner of Foulston, Powers, Seifkin, Powers & Eberhardt in Wichita, KS. He introduced me to Jordan Haines, the Chairman of the Board of the 4th National Bank of Wichita.

Skip over the somewhat inartful name of the bank. He and it were big players in the mid-1970s American banking scene. Beyond that, the lobby of the HQ was adorned by Alexander Calder mobiles. Calder, another distinguished alumnus of Stevens Institute in Hoboken, and several bib-overalled farmers with 3000 acres of wheat under cultivation made for an unforgettable tableau of American exceptionalism. [The world is upside down when we, still waiting for the Godot of a never arriving Summer of Recovery, can look back on the 1970s as the “good old days”.]

Jordan Haines showed me the board room where corporate things got done.

I asked what the 3 foot high marble stands were for.

Olive Beech, she of the Beech Aircraft Company, was both a member of the Bank’s board and a serial cigar smoker. Small, thin, somewhat petite, definitely not androgynous – I speak both of her and her smokes – liked to wander around the room. To accommodate her, several ashtrays were strategically placed. She apparently liked to dispose of revolutionary Cuban cigarillos in an environmentally sensitive way, one at a time. The evidence of contraband went, so to speak, up in smoke.

She liked to say that she was descended 3 times out from Alexander Hamilton.
She called him an “octaroon bastard” and would ask what that would make her.

Hamilton, co-author of the Federalist Papers, Secretary of the Treasury, founder of the Bank of New York and the New York Post, a man who got a battlefield commission from George Washington, is about to get his mostly White ass booted off the $10 dollar bill so some broad can get her mug on it.

Oprah? Margaret Sanger? Madonna? Margaret Mead? Lady Macbeth? Secretariat’s mom? Goneril or Regan? Any surviving alumnae of the Boko Harum School of Lady-like conduct? Aunt Jemima? Antigone? Margaret Thatcher?

There is a passing strange sense of absurdity that is beyond, almost, comment.

If we have to put a broad on the $10 dollar bill why not Olive Beech?

What glass ceiling? She went through it like a bat out Hell. She was Jack Welch before he was.

Why not knock Jefferson off the $2 dollar bill? Replace him with Caitlin Jenner, nee Bruce Jenner, and raise the value to adjust for inflation. America’s first $3 dollar bill.
A symbol of how far we’ve come as a nation.





Kevin Smith
WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET




Wednesday, June 17, 2015

June 15, 2015
Leonard Pitts, Jr
The Miami Herald
3511 NW 91st Avenue
Miami, FL33172

RE: Justice Scalia, Justice Marshall, “eclectic indignation”, moral relativism, and the cognitively dissonant upside down world of those water carriers for modern American Liberalism as outlined by you in Sunday’s Miami Herald.

Mr. Pitts, 

Whenever I think of Pulitzer Prizes I think of Walter Duranty, I think of Janet Cook, and then I think of you.

I have been reading your column for a very long time. It is painfully obvious, indeed empirically self-evident, that you have but one tool, said tool being an ink powered 9 pound hammer. Since I have swung the real one in 3 different countries it is a tool that I respect. Alas, you aim your tool at only one thing. Race is the nail that you aim at. Everything looks like a nail.

Your Sunday Herald column takes Justice Scalia to task for his sang-froid attitude toward capital punishment. You cited his opinion as proof of your position in the flawed process of appealing a death penalty sentence.

2 things leap to mind.

#1 – How a Black columnist, a Pulitzer Prize winner to boot, can criticize a White Justice for callousness about the death penalty without mentioning Ricky Ray Rector is beyond me, it is beyond the pale, and it is beyond contempt.

Ricky Ray Rector is a name consigned to the memory hole. He was a murdering feral Black thug who was easily the moral equal of Willie Horton.

Willie Horton was a murdering Back rapist who was convicted and sentenced to life imprisonment in Massachusetts. He was furloughed by Governor Michael Dukakis for a bit of New England R&R. Instead he went to Maryland where, and can you believe it, he raped and murdered again. I mention him because it is Holy Writ in the Canons of Modern American Liberalism that George Bush used it to scare White voters into electing him as President. Just like alligators in the NYC sewers, flying saucers, and the not yet arriving Summer of Recovery, it just ain’t true. It was Senator Albert Arnold Gore, Jr. who used it repeatedly in the Democratic Presidential Primary in NYC in March/April, 1987. He lost but he went on to fame and fabulous 1% fortune as Vice President Alpha Gump. He is still pissed off because the ruptured ozone layer refuses to fall into the Rose Bowl at halftime. 

Say what you will about the Salem witch trials it’s been more than 300 years since Massachusetts has been bothered by demonic succubae. If Massachusetts had strapped 2 dozen 12 volt batteries to any and all of Willie Boy’s offending appendages the first time there wouldn’t have been a second time.

But I digress.

Ricky Ray Rector was cornered by the cops and started a “Made it Ma. Top of the world!” moment. Facing capture he decided to blow his brains out. Since the goals of Affirmative Action do not yet apply to suicide it must be reported that he only blew out half his brains. He became an “amiable dunce”, a term most beloved of modern American Liberals. Vide Clark Clifford.

That he was about as aware of his surroundings as a bowl of mustard greens awaiting the pot didn’t stop the state of Arkansas from indicting him for murder, trying him for murder, convicting him of murder, and sentencing him to death in the electric chair for said heinous crimes.

You don’t have to be a “Constitutional scholar” to know that there are 2 fatal flaws in the due process of the trial, the conviction, and the subsequent execution of a Black man with an IQ of less than 60. They are:

#1 – He was incapable of understanding the charges against him.
#2 – In no way could he assist in his defense.

My copy of the Constitution covers the above quite nicely in the 5th and 6th Amendments. Look them up.

Today is the 800th anniversary of the Magna Carta. It is remembered because it was the first time that government agreed to be bound by its citizens. The “wish of the Prince” did not always have the force of Law.

Ricky Ray Rector became the darling of the Death Row guards. His sweet nature, his good manners, and the total absence of whining were the reasons.

The first 2 were caused by his own hand.

The 3rd was because he was incapable of understanding what was behind the door at the end of the long corridor.

Appeals to the Governor were ignored because said Governor wanted to prove to the country that a Democratic Governor could be tough on crime. Ricky Ray Rector drew the ultimate short straw.

He didn’t finish the dessert portion of his last meal because he wanted to save some for when he returned. A guard told him to finish it because he was going to be gone for a long time.

There is a marvelous apocryphal story about the Governor’s wife volunteering to give him a lap dance in the chair should he become unruly. The thought of it is sufficient to invoke the 8th Amendment. If it isn’t true it should be.

You’ve probably guessed by now that the Governor was Handsome Billy Clinton from Hot Springs, the King of the one-eyed trouser snakes and the calculating ux was Hillary the Queen of all vipers. Too bad Kipling wasn’t around.

As to Justice Marshall…

Let us stipulate that he was the best trial lawyer to serve on the Supreme Court in the 20th century. That makes what he did as a Justice all the more painful.

A vote in favor of Roe was a vote in favor of abortion.

Since 1973 there have been some 65,000,000 abortions. Between 35% and 40% of them have been done on Black women who make up about 6% of the population. If we are to believe government statistics the Black men required for conception were nowhere to be found after the post-coital cigarette. Perhaps as many as 25,000,000 Black babies – a future Thomas Sowell? A future Michelle Obama? – were last seen circling the abattoir’s drain.

In 1000 millennia all the racist White cops in this country could never approach that number.

Justice Marshall wrote in his opinion that abortion was good for Black folk because it mean that they would not have to grow up in Amerika.

Somewhere Margaret Sanger is smiling. As the prime source for the 1934 Nuremberg Race Laws she was always advocating getting rid of undesirable. She is smiling because the herd is busy culling itself.

There is a classic scene in the Seinfeld episode where George Costanza, the paragon of both personal conduct and public policy, tramples a few wheelchair-bound senior citizens and a bunch of preschoolers to avoid a kitchen fire.

The fireman says, “How can you live with yourself”?

“It’s hard”, he says.

I’ll end on an up note.

Bruce/Caitlin Jenner and now Rachel Donegal have inspired me to make a fundamental change in my life.

I’ve decided to change my ethnic and racial makeup.

Both my parents, all of my grandparents and great grandparents, as far back as anyone can see, were Irish. I’ll not mention any pigs but it is impossible to be anymore Irish than I am. 

It is approaching wretched excess.

I have decided to stay 60% Irish. I now declare myself 35% Italian. The balance is to be distributed evenly between being Jewish, being Polish/Lithuanian, being Ibo/Zulu, and being Chiricahua Apache. [I once named a cat Sharpton in honor of you know who. The next feline will be called Cochise]

I am investigating what Federal resources will be available to me. I will share these – for a small fee – with anyone looking to jump into the diverse Rainbow stew pot.
Can I count on you to be a sponsor?






Kevin Smith 

Monday, June 15, 2015

June 14, 2015
Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman-Schultz
10100 Pembroke Pines Boulevard
Pembroke Pines, FL 33025

RE: “I know that my Redeemer liveth” – Some comments on your typical modern American Liberal verbal incontinence concerning Jeb Bush.

Debbie, Debbie,

“Former Governor Jeb bush ‘only cares about
himself,’ Wasserman-Schultz said. ‘He never has
and never will fight for families like yours or mine.’
She said Democrats would help introduce Bush to the
nation and ‘the more people learn about Jeb Bush,
and we’ll be happy to point it out, the less people 
are going to like him.’”
The Sun Sentinel
Page 2B
Today
You

I was feeling downcast this morning. 

I thought I’d be arm wrestling with the old ennui, particularly after losing 2 baby manatees from my traps. I figured I would have to pay retail for my sushi. I donned last year’s Father’s Day present, my PROUD GLOBAL WARMER cap, and turned to my Koch Brothers guide to increasing my Carbon Footprint and drowning a few polar bears before doing my best to add to income inequality – How you put up with being paid 78% of what Congressman Alcee Hastings, Florida’s favorite elected felon, makes is beyond me – teenage obesity, and what to make of someone who is transgendered becoming a cross dresser.

But then you came along, with your perpetual Medusa-like countenance, to buttress the universal truth that modern American Liberals, vipers such as you, piss, perpetually, on people’s backs while telling them, accompanied either by Happy Days are Here Again or Don’t Stop Thinking About Tomorrow, that it’s rain

To which I say…BULLSHIT!

You imply that your kids would have qualified for free lunches – assuming they had gone to any of the really fine public schools in Broward County – and that you work 3 days a week on your telephone playing the pitcher on the 1-800-RammingSpeed hot line.

Despite claiming to have 2 degrees your CV says that you have never worked a day in your life. It appears that you had tuition bills of $75,000 a year when your kids went to a private grammar school. Your husband is an officer and director of a bank that would not pass the famous “bag test” save for there being a corrupt Justice department. He gives crony capitalism a bad name.

I hold no brief for Jeb Bush. On the other hand anyone who grew up in Midland, Texas can’t be all bad. [I came to know Midland 4 decades ago when I was busy fracking wells out there. It, like Bayonne, is a good town to be from.] Yet you say that “the more people know about Jeb the less people will dislike him”.

If I were to mention Orwell would you think me an elitist?

He said that if you control the past you control the future.

If memory serves, and Deo Gratias for Google, wasn’t Jeb Bush elected and then re-elected as the Governor of Florida. 

Maybe they won’t like him in Gramercy Park or Zabar’s but they sure as Hell liked him in Florida.

Since it appears that this year’s Summer of Recovery will be late perhaps you can spend the time retroactively unelecting him.

You believed that free speech was reserved for you, remember?

I’ll check in from time to time.

Kevin Smith

PS – Should Kipling, the first multi-cultural Nobel Prize winning poet, reappear he would use you as a model for the updated Rikki-Tikki-Tavi stories. Guess which part you would have? Give up? Send a SASE.

 





June 14, 2015
Hillary Clinton
Ready PAC
PO Box 7705
McLean, VA 22106

RE: FDR as a role model”

You have the persistency of a stopped watch being right twice a day.

You spoke glowingly, almost tumescently, of the “vision” of Franklin Roosevelt and how it was updated, “reset” if you will, by Chicago’s most successful community organizer, the former Barry Soetoro.

Didn’t you use to channel Eleanor Roosevelt when you were in the White House?
The one thing you had in common was a never ending bimbo eruption with both of you wondering which bird was in the Oval Office for, as the Brits say, “a bit of a gobble”.

He was long dead before his afternoon horizontal tango sessions, and from a wheel chair no less, became known. Handsome Billy from Hot Springs got caught. Since he would hump a snake if someone held its head the American Disabilities Act could have forgiven him for being a serial philanderer and a perjurer.

But I digress.

Are you speaking of Roosevelt’s domestic agenda or his foreign policy?

#1 – Any and all objective standards, things such as total employment, total unemployment, bankruptcies, patents issued, businesses started, profits, dividends, taxes collected – God’s Holy Trousers but the list is endless! – scream that 6 years into the New Deal everything, no exceptions, everything was down from when he was inaugurated. The trend lines were all down, down, and down. A strong case could be made for the Depression beginning to end when Boeing went to 3 shifts at its Wichita B-17 plant.

Look it up.

#2 – Franklin Roosevelt sent 900 German Jews to the Nazi gulag, to the gas showers and then to the ovens when he refused to let the steam ship Saint Louis land at an American port.

How can you top that?

I’m not sure but, given the chance, you will, you will.



Do you know where Barry left the red paint? He used it to draw a line in the sand, remember? How’s that working out?

“We have had to choose between war and shame.
We have chosen shame; we will get war.”

I’ll check in from time to time to see how you are doing.

Your pal,





Kevin Smith
Tomorrow is Bloomsday and, yes, you can celebrate with either Molly, yes, or Buck

Thursday, June 4, 2015

June 4, 1942  -  June 4, 2015
Let us now praise valiant men, particularly those still on patrol.
Salamis – 480
Lepanto – 1571
The Armada – 1588
Trafalgar – 1805

When a naval battle is over there is usually no trace of its ferocity and its carnage. The sea yawns, swallows the dead, and goes about its business. The thing about naval battles, big ones, is that flags change or, more importantly, don’t change.

In each of the above mentioned battles an outnumbered defender stopped a mighty power from imposing its will on those it was defending. 

The Battle of Midway is the greatest day in the History of the United States Navy. Roosevelt was “lucky” he sent Nimitz to Pearl Harbor with a simple set of instructions: Don’t come home until you have won. Nimitz was “lucky” his 2 Admirals – Spruance and Fletcher – though polar opposites in everything else, complemented each other perfectly that day. America was “lucky” to have had men who lived up to the words

“And how can man die better 
Than facing fearful odds
For the ashes of his father 
And the temple of his Gods”

Anchors Aweigh!



KS



Tuesday, June 2, 2015

“Being Irish, he had an abiding sense of tragedy, which sustained
him through temporary periods of joy.”


William Butler Yeats

Monday, June 1, 2015

May 30, 2015
Judge K. Michael Moore
400 North Miami Avenue
Miami, FL 33128

It is my intention to celebrate the freedoms that are ours at birth – a “gift from beyond the stars”, if you will – and enumerated in our Constitution on July 4, 2015. I can think of no better place to do this than on the steps of the Federal Courthouse in Ft. Lauderdale.

We can also celebrate the 800th anniversary of Magna Carta. The marker set down there, that men can limit what a government can do, was enshrined in our Constitution. If we don’t exercise our freedoms we risk losing them through atrophy. If we are afraid to speak for fear of offending others we have done the work of the statist thugs who would enslave us

Subject to last minute changes the demonstration of freedom – “Free men speak with free tongues”, no? -  will consist of the burning of an American flag in which is wrapped a Bible and a Koran. Several containers of pig piss, Kosher if possible, will be nearby should the fire get out of control.

As Chief Federal Judge of the Southern District of Florida I would be honored to have you in attendance.






Kevin Smith
May 30, 2015
Judge Peter Weinstein
201 SE 6th Street
Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33301

Judge Weinstein,

It is my intention to celebrate the freedoms that are ours at birth – gifts “from beyond the stars”, if you will – and enumerated in our Constitution on July 4th, 2015 I can think of no better place to do this than the steps of the Courthouse in Fort Lauderdale, FL.

We can also celebrate the 800th anniversary of the Magna Carta. That there is a straight line from that document to our Constitution is Historically self-evident. The precedent of limiting government must be preserved, protected, and expanded. Either we bind governments by the chains of law or we will be bound by it.

Final details have not been worked out but it will be some combination of an American flag, a Bible, and a Koran. I will wrap the last two – sacred, secular, or profane – in the flag and then set them ablaze. I will have a gallon of pig piss, Kosher if possible, nearby should the fire get out of control.

I would be honored to have you as the Chief Judge of the 17th Judicial District of Florida join me on the steps to proclaim freedom throughout the land.









Kevin Smith
May 31, 2015
Senator Bernie Sanders
357 Western Avenue – 1B
St. Johnsbury, VT 05819

RE: My Mom was right!

Senator Sanders, 

“If you keep your mouth shut people might think you are a fool. If you open it there will be no doubt.”

Your public opposition to the perverse mendacity of multiple choices in deodorant and sneakers is breathtaking. On its face it has earned you permanent status as 

HORSE’S ASS OF THE WEEK.

You also qualify for the second of my 3 awards. I hereby declare you

POMPOUS FART OF THE MONTH.

You got this much sought after honor the old fashioned way: You earned it!

Anyone who can stand in front of a national TV audience and tell them that they are stupid and selfish is further proof that if you trend-line any or all of the basic tenets of the dreaded modern American Liberalism hugely addictive venom you are on the one way express to a Wasteland filled with the remains of the victims of  Lenin, Stalin, Mussolini, Hitler, Mao, Peron, Castro, Pol Pot, Chavez, inter alia.

What is the thread that binds these murderers, these comic nit-wits, these feral destroyers of dreams? They all suffer from the Fatal Conceit of knowing and believing that they and they alone possess more knowledge then all the untermenschen they rule.
Free men making free decisions, based on what they believe to be in their best rational self-interest, is like sunlight to a vampire. 

Orwell told us that “the solid world exists. Its laws do not change. Stones are hard, water is wet…if that is granted all else follows”.
Welcome to the alternative universe of Senator Sanders! It is a world where the rules governing gravity are subject to change annually. If the Congress won’t go along you can always use your phone and your pen as President B.O. does.

“Midnight Basketball”, Solyndra, “reset” foreign relations, blaming White cops when Black people kill other Black people….and you pick deodorant and sneakers to start your campaign?

God’s Holy Trousers but you are Brobdanaglianly dumb.

I did not give you my most coveted award. I did not name you

SMARMY BASTARD OF THE YEAR

because you obviously believe all the Jabberwocky jackassery you spew. 

Do you remember back in the early ‘70s when the biggest problem we faced was Global Cooling? A really smart guy, Professor Paul R. Ehrlich, told us that we were all going to die, either by starvation or by freezing, by the year 2000? I report to you that my A/C is on and I am still calorically challenged. One of my favorite past times was to release a healthy dollop of Right Guard deodorant out my bath room window after my AM ablutions. After 45 years it is time to admit that I was wrong. That feels good.

Do you think the President was correct when he told the graduating class of the United States Coast Guard Academy that Climate Change was the biggest threat facing the country?

Of course you do.

Your solution is simple and direct. And it goes without saying, which is why it must be said, that is wrong. Your head is so far up your ass that you could trim your nose hair from the inside. 

Whatever the problem the solution is the same. 

Increase taxes exponentially in the desire to make the rich poor. That way you can make the poor rich enough to fart through silk. And everybody in the country, whether they are here legally or illegally, gets a quart of Ben & Jerry’s ice cream – Do you think they have too many flavors? – plus free college and a machine that turns rain water into beer. A machine that makes $20 dollar bills will be ready before the beginning of your second term. Honest

A special tax on the Koch Brothers will easily pay for this. 

I look forward to following your campaign with much amusement, you boob.






Kevin Smith