Wednesday, May 25, 2016

May 24, 2016
Tim Canova, Esq.
Box 22-1868
Hollywood, FL 33022-1868

Mr. Canova, 

I tried to think of you as an avenging Saint George riding forward on a valiant steed to slay the dragon in her lair.

Alas, as in most things political, I was disappointed.

Be advised that the snarling dragon, Debbie Wasserman-Schultz, is meaner than 2 pounds of cat shit stuck behind the water heater for 10 days. Plus, if she feels threatened, she will send men with badges and guns to your house to “chat” with you. I know this because she sent 2 agents from the Florida Department of Law Enforcement, men with badges, guns, and the full majesty of the law, to my house because of something I wrote about her. “Because of something I wrote”? In America? With an amendment that begins with the majestic words “Congress shall make no law…”? In a country that uses to tax payer money to subsidize a play called Corpus Cristi? Its premise is that Christ was crucified because of a lovers’ quarrel with Judas Iscariot. The envelope of free speech was wide enough to include that but not enough to include my gentle chastisements of her as a public person 

Yes.

When she did this to me she was a Florida Senator. Now that she’s in DC she may send Seal Team 6 after you.

Having said that I suggest you heed the recommendation of Mayor Rahm Emanuel of Chicago, and if it weren’t for Bagdad it would be called the murder capitol of the world, and “never bring a knife to a gun fight”.

I guess it depends on whose Gore is being oxed.

Go get her. Just keep an eye on your “six”.

But that’s not why I write.

May I say that modern American Liberals never let you down?  

Witness your astonishing ability to send both inconvenient facts and truths down the memory hole so fast that its carbon foot print is measured by Hercules in leagues. It is place “from which no visitor ever returns”.

I heard you say on TV that the Federal Reserve financed the infrastructure boom of the 1930s.

Buckle up, you boob. It’s going to be a bumpy ride.

#1 – 6 years into the New Deal things, things a real as your boot, things that could be measured, were worse than when it started. A strong case can be made for the Depression ending when the Boeing B-17 plant in Wichita went to 7 day a week, 24 hours a day production.

[That presents us with an uncomfortable fact. 3 times in 48 years, the years being 1916, 1949, and 1964 the 3 most Progressive Presidents of the 20th century – Do I have to add that they were all Democrats? – promise that they would not send American boys to fight in foreign wars. Honest. You could look it up.]

#2 – Not only did the Fed not accommodate the imagined infrastructure boom of the ‘30s they acted against it. The money supply shrunk by 25% squelching any recovery and horrifying the great Lord Keynes. Empirical evidence tells me that your knowledge of business, of what makes the dog hunt, of what role “animal spirits” play in “job creation” is limited to the mantras of “Occupy Wall Street” and the never ending Holy Grail-like quest for the horizon-like goal of “fairness”. Aisle stretchers, environmentally sound, organically grown buckets to carry steam, unicorn ranches, aisle stretchers, vegan undrowned polar bears, raising taxes to “grow” the economy, and bull shit as a business plan is proof that you have zero knowledge of how the world works, it being a world where “stones are hard and water is wet”.

Meanwhile, Good Luck fighting Debbie, Debbie. 

Be sure to put your boot in first because she, as the prototypical modern American Liberal, the paradigmatic template against which all pretenders are mentioned, will be coming after you with poison snakes, poison gas, lies, damn lies, and worst of all, statistics.

Viva Midnight Basketball!



Kevin Smith


PS – If modern American Liberals hector us about keeping the government out of our bed rooms why is it OK to let them into our bathrooms? 



May 25, 1945


“Where do we find such men”?

The line is from the last scene of The Bridges of Toko-Ri

Of course the Naval Aviator is dead.
Of course he has a wife and children
Of course the Admiral sits stoically.
Of course the ship sails on.

I have been writing since 1997 about the death of Corporal Leonard Putnam
“who died in the service of his country on May 25, 1945 in the Pacific area”

He was 42 year old  piano salesman form Jersey City, NJ who had the upper right quadrant of his torso blown off by a Japanese mortar shell. The “Pacific area” mentioned in the Presidential scroll was Okinawa.

He was my wife Amy’s great uncle. He and his wife Millie had no children. As long as I write about him “he lives in a way that humbles the undertakings of most men”.

When he was killed the United States and the United Kingdom were taking 1,000 casualties a day.

“Soldier, rest! Thy warfare o’er,
Sleep the sleep that needs no breaking;
….
Huntsman, rest! Thy chase is done,
Think not of the rising sun,
For at dawning to assail ye,
Here no bugles sound reveille.”

Paul Fussell was an American infantry officer in Europe in the spring of 1945. He got what he thought was a “$1,000,000 wound”. It knocked him down, it made him bleed, it did not maim him, it got him a few months in a hospital in England, and, most importantly, it got him  a ticket home. As an officer he got decent accommodations and good chow. Only the ship didn’t go home. It went through the Panama Canal and was heading straight to Okinawa, a place made peaceful by Corporal Leonard Putnam. It was to be the forward staging area for Operation Olympic Coronet, the invasion of Japan. The blood calculus was estimated at 1,000,000 American casualties. 1,000,000.

In the middle of August, 1945 the ship he was on made a 180 degree turn in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. The Captain got on the PA system and said that the war was over. Something called the Atomic Bomb had ended it.

Bushido bullshit notwithstanding, it came down, as it always does, to how many Corporal Putnams were willing to go “once more into the breach” and end it. It also helps if you have a bigger gun. Perhaps if August 6, 1945 and August 9, 1945 were just 2 more war days a nephew of Lieutenant Fussell would be writing a remembrance of him. They weren’t. Because they weren’t he got to write a book titled “Thank God for the Atomic Bomb”.

I write this several days before the President of the United States speaks at Hiroshima. If he apologizes, however artfully, he will be pissing on Corporal Putnam’s grave.

The childless piano salesman “stands in the unbroken line of patriots who have dared to die that freedom might live, and grow, and increase its blessings. Freedom lives and through it he lives – in a way that humbles the undertakings of most men”

His life must be remembered; his death honored: his memory preserved.

God Bless Corporal Putnam!
A grateful nation thanks him
Raise a glass
He came home on his shield.

May 25, 2016



Kevin Smith
WAQRRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET



PS – Six decades after the movie was made, Grace Kelly, the widow of Lieutenant Brubaker, is still spectacular.





Sunday, May 22, 2016

May 19, 2016
Agent Mineva. Agent Thomas. Call your office!
Debbie, Debbie, she of the smooth tresses and dulcet toned harangues, is now the head of the Democratic Party. She was also the mean little Nazi wannabe who sent you to my house because of something I wrote. It is important to note that she was a Florida state Senator and fell comfortably inside the tent of criticism that the New York Times/Sullivan case that the Supreme Court decided. Talk about stretching the envelope! For a chick who says she has 2 degrees in Political Science she sure is ignorant about political speech. Apparently the words “Congress shall make no law…” don’t mean much to modern American Liberals. OOPS I forgot to mention that you were agents of the FDLE, the Florida Department of Law Enforcement, and carried badges, guns, and the full majesty of the law when you came knocking on my door because of something I wrote.
Looking back, I can say that I enjoyed the visit. My wife didn’t but you know how the ladies are. She knew that if I had kept my pen sheathed men with badges and guns would not have come to our house because of something I wrote.
The good cop/bad cop routine, a technique well known to anyone, particularly community organizers and agitators who were born and raised in Bayonne, N.J., was well received. The Manichean nature of the alternating carrot and stick casual interrogation was a thing of joy to participate in.
As an aside, I sent copies of every letter I ever sent to her to the only media mogul I knew in Florida. He ran a big daily paper. I told him that if he found but one threatening word I would stop writing to or about her. He did not. That is why I am able to pursue my avocation of pelting her with flaming bags of cat scat, all of which she greatly deserves. Usually my gentle rebukes were caused when she revealed the one quality common to all modern American Liberals. 
You need but scratch the surface to find that they are closeted Nazis.
I suppose if you can get financing for a play about an Argentinean hooker or 1500 people drowning you might be able to bring this plot to Broadway.
A 74 year old wing nut, “moon bat”, a guy who believes in the tooth fairy, a guy who never got a pay check until he was 40 years old, a guy who went to Moscow on his honeymoon, is running for President. His opponent is Hillary Clinton. Her candidacy has been compared, rather unfavorably I quickly add, to that of Senator Vance Hartke and Governor Robert Meyner. She cackles like a Rhode Island Red trying to avoid the guy with the hatchet. If she’s not doing that she is barking like a junk yard dog. [Where in the name of the furbish lousewort is PETA when you really need them?] Plus, if her ass gets any fatter she’ll be the first passenger flying freight on Air Force One. Shades of Oliver Hardy, Alfred Hitchcock, and in a bow to Affirmative Action, Aunt Jemima. Either that or she’ll have to be Gorilla Glued to her Twin Broomstick Witch Mobile when she goes to Walmart. I’ll bet you didn’t know that she worked for them.
Bernie is a Socialist. We are not certain whether his model is the stern Bulgarian/East German type, the more humanistic Cuban/Venezuelan edition, or the uber Progressive Zimbabwean prototype.
History tells us that there are three problems common to all of them.
Breakfast
Lunch
Dinner

Here is another inconvenient truth about Socialism.

It doesn’t work.
It never has worked.
It never will work.

There are some exceptions. The followers of Mother Teresa and the members of Seal Team 6 seem to have learned to alter human nature and work for a greater good. 

It breaks down, repeatedly and predictably, every time it has been tried. “The triumph of hope over experience” is the non-carbon foot printing, polar bear undrowning fuel on which it feeds.

“Speed the Plow”, “Force the Spring”, “Don’t Stop Thinking About Tomorrow”, “It’s For The Children, “Imagine”, and a new one, “You’ve Got a Friend”, brought to us by Jay Forbes Kerry, the Secretary of State are the bullshit mantras that cause Bernie Believers to go over the top and charge, Somme-like, straight into 20 miles of machine guns disguised as History.

His dopey bastard Bolshie believers know that this time it will be different, that this time it will work. And the saps fall for it every time

I recall, like finger nails on the blackboard, the current chief poltroon telling an audience of addled asses, a collection of ohmadahns so vast that Guinness should have been notified that “We are the people we have been waiting for”. He said that just before he told them that he would “calm the sea and cool the earth’. 

Icarus had nothing on this world class faker. In fact, the Gods wet their togas as if on command.

That’s why Debbie Debbie needs you.

Her job is to get Hillary into the White House as President. She already has the interns lined up to give her a bit of Oval Office gobble.

She has to get Bernie Sanders to go to an environmentally sensitive Kibbutz/Ashram/Commune – New Harmony comes to mind – and raise unicorns. Also, his vital work on 4 crops a year rainbow stew/balloon juice clinging vines can continue. He could help Ben & Jerry work on their no fat tofu, kale, and diatomaceous earth sorbet. 

In her heart she would like you to take him to the 13th floor of the world HQ of Solyndra and give him his complimentary flying lesson. OK OK I’ll take that back. Give him a basic tune up followed by a wood shampoo. “basic tune up”? “wood shampoo”? Send a SASE.

  Do something, anything.

Just get this cantankerous SOB out of the race. We owe it to Hillary. Tell him we’ll ban Adam Smith. Tell him that Milton Friedman and William F. Buckley, Jr go down the memory hole. Tell him that Keynes gets his face on a stamp. Tell him we’ll dig up Joe McCarthy so he can kill him. Tell him he’ll be in charge of the next war on poverty. Tell him that we won’t keep score in the next Super Bowl. Tell him we’ll blow up the New York Stock Exchange. Tell him we’ll outlaw urinals. Forget about photo ID voting laws. We’ll have manatee suffrage. We’ll apologize to the Carthaginians for excessive force. We’ll give Arizona to the Apaches and South Dakota to the Sioux. The Fugawis and the Mohicans get Las Vegas.  Tell him we’ll have universal Midnight Basketball.

Just make sure he doesn’t promise free beer.

If he does we’ll all be out of work.

Meanwhile, I want you to become familiar with the word “defenestration”.




Kevin Smith
WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET




Monday, May 16, 2016

May 14, 2016
Gary Stein
The Sun Sentinel

RE” “Chops” and Project Innocence and yes, there is a connection

Big Stein,

You recently wrote that Hillary Clinton, a former Goldwater Girl and a lady who heretofore has given shrieking banshees – as if there were any other kind – and howling hectoring hecates a bad name has the “chops” required to be President.

Naturally, when someone of your stature makes such a gravity defying statement I, as a devout follower of reasoned discourse and critical enquiry have no choice but to re-examine my opinion of her.  

I have come to some conclusions that I want to share with you.

#1 – She flunked the DC Bar exam, a virtually impossible thing to do in 1970.
#2 – She was an assistant counsel to the House Committee to impeach Nixon. There is no doubt that she was fired. The reasons after all those years are still clouded in the obfuscatory persiflage of which modern American Liberals are justifiably proud.
#3 – She was hired by the largest law firm in Little Rock. It is akin to being the tallest midget in Arkansas. It is an inconvenient fact that she was hired by the firm just after her husband was elected as the Attorney General of Arkansas is a coincidence. It’s like when you “find a trout in your milk”.
#4 – No glass ceiling for her! She went through it like a bat out of Hell. It was as if her ample ass was welded to a JATO-assisted broom stick. She became a partner just after her husband was elected Governor. Don’t you like it when good things happen to good people? I do. You go, girl!
#5 – She turned $1,000 into $100,00 in one month by reading the pre-Murdoch Wall Street Journal and following the investment advice of her wily commodities broker, a chap with the decidedly Dickens-Faulknerian caconym of Red Bone. It is understood that should the Gods wish to punish us more by making her President his investment philosophy will become the 5th Gospel at both the Treasury Department and the Federal Reserve.
#6 – As bad as Whitewater was she made it unconscionably worse by using a time sales contract with its dreaded “Rule of 78” language. A mortgage is the usual instrument used to construct the financing the real property. The one thing the mortgage guarantees is that if it goes into foreclosure you will have a chance to tell it to a judge. At that point something called due process kicks in. If you miss but one payment on a time sales contract someone can come to your double wide or RV and take back the bass boat or the stereo or the Mossberg 12 gauge – some caution is needed with the last item on the repo man’s list – without telling you. Rich White lawyers from the largest law firm in Little Rock figured that the dentally challenged, blue collared red necked Yahoos who were buying these lots wouldn’t much notice the difference.
#7 – Would you think me a cad if I were to suggest that Hillary became a Director of The Country’s Best Yogurt and then Walmart, both domestic Arkansas companies, because her husband was the Governor of Arkansas? I hope not.
#8 – Chicken or egg? Did Walmart become “bad” when she was a Director or when she resigned?
#9 –The only criminal case she ever tried was defending an accused rapist. She “won” in part by destroying the 13 year old girl’s reputation.  
#10 – Ricky Ray Rector deserves his own chapter. She would have given him a lap dance to keep him from noticing that he was being strapped into “Old Sparky”, the ultimate hot seat in Razorback country. By the time he was executed he had an IQ of about 55. That’s a good number when you’re driving but not when you are being sacrificed to show that a modern American Liberal politician could be tough on crime. Hey! You can’t make an omelet without breaking eggs, right? I guess this was one Black life that didn’t matter. I guess I forgot to mention that he was Black. Sorry about that. Please tell me if you were retroactively opposed to that execution.

And I’m only up to 1990.

Please tell me it gets better after that. If you can’t perhaps you may wish to redefine “chops”

KEVIN SMITH
WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET





PS – As to Project Innocence….It is a group that wishes to overturn death sentences, even if it is done posthumously. Since your silence on whether Eichmann should have been executed implies that your blanket condemnation of death penalties has one exception, The Latin adage “qui tacet consentit” applies. Whichever side of the death penalty you occupy it can be stipulated that they all began with an act of violence. Since 1973 we have had at least 60,000,000 abortions. It is owed to the ledger to report that between 35% and 40% of them have been performed on Black women. Al Sharpton has no concern for them. Neither did Thurgood Marshall when he was alive. Maybe you could help. Doesn’t Saint Hillary have campaign signs saying she’s fighting for us? Maybe you could get Little Stein, the perpetual student, involved in this. It sure beats installing urinals in the Ladies’ Loo.

Wednesday, May 11, 2016

May 7, 2016
Rosemary O’Hara – Editorial Page Editor
The Sun Sentinel
500 E. Broward Blvd.
Ft. Lauderdale, FL33394

MS O’Hara,

Even I know that there are some dudes who give chauvinistic misogyny a bad name. That’s why I turn to modern American Liberal spokesmen-women-people for guidance. Can you help me with the following?

#1 – Should Hillary Clinton become President would it require Congressional approval or would  an Executive Order be sufficient for her to be paid as much as her predecessor?
#2 – Is there any truth to the persistent rumor that Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman-Schultz’s hair looks like it does not because of her doyenne status of the Medusa fan club but rather because anytime she sees Congressman Alcee Hastings she goes crazy when she remembers that she is paid only 78% of what she is. There is, I am told, a female gene that makes her Rapunzel tresses go corkscrew out of rage for the unfairness of it all.
#3 – All hail the founder of You-Tube be it a he, a she, or an it! It allows you to pick 3 minutes out of a 3 hour opera and binge on it. If there is anything to rival Nessun Dorma it has yet to be written. A strong case could be made for it being a minor proof of the existence of God. There is one little turn in the punch bowl It’s OK to hear it in classic Eye-Tie but the English version is not to be believed. If you think women are made into sex objects by filthy lucre chasing men who are insecure in their own sexuality who need to dominate the horizontal tango –Think Al Goldstein, High Hefner, Bill Clinton, Larry Flint – do not, repeat, do not read the English translation. Please don’t think I am using q Tom Sawyer “paint the fence” ploy. I am not. Its language may be too tough for the fairer sex to read. Just like the Mohammed cartoons are too tough to see.
Maybe it should be banned in any language.
#4 – I read of serial rapists roaming the campuses of Spelman and Morehouse Colleges, America’s premier all Black schools. [I can’t resist the temptation to ask how that would read if one word was to be changed. Run “America’s premier all White schools” up the flag pole and see who salutes.] Do you think the Duke Lacrosse team is on a comeback tour?
#5 – Is there a Tawana Brawley connection?  Is the world turned upside down?

Happy Mother’s Day!




Kevin Smith
May 8, 2016
Michael Mayo
The Sun Sentinel

Mr. Mayo,

“Perhaps it’s time to ditch the death penalty overall”
The Sun Sentinel
Today 
You

I have been asking Sun Sentinel opinion columnists and editorial writers, all of who qualify as card carrying, fire breathing modern American Liberals, about the death penalty.

Taking a cue from any and all of Hillary Clinton’s various testimonies I can recall no one ever being in favor of it. Alas, their universal condemnation of it still has not provided me with an answer to the question I have been asking since 1997

Now it’s your turn.

Should Adolph Eichmann have been executed?

Try “Yes” or “No”

Thank you 



Kevin Smith

WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET
May 8, 2016
Commissioner Stacey Ritter 
Broward County Commission
115 S. Andrews Avenue
FT. Lauderdale, FL 33301

RE: “carbon footprints” and urinals

Commissioner Ritter,

What a treat it was yesterday to hear your Jabberwocky on “carbon footprints”.  I congratulate you on plumbing Guinness Book depths of vacuous inanities with your interminable ramblings about how proud you are about the polar bear undrownings caused by the construction techniques used in the new Court House.

May I suggest a simpler solution to the never ending climate crisis, one that should be #1 on the agenda of modern American Liberals, all of whom are addle-brained dunces?

Turn off all the A/Cs in Broward County buildings.

If you show us the way we will gladly follow. We need a push from our betters to do the right thing. I am sure that Broward County, a place that is no more than 2 election cycles away from manatee suffrage, would leap at the chance to sweat a bit for the sake of flora and fauna, and of course, the children. Lead. We will follow. Honest.

As to the urinals….

I have heard that the toilet seats in heretofore single sex bathrooms have been welded to the toilets lest the sight of a raised one be thought of as a micro-aggression. Until they can be unwelded in an environmentally sensitive manner is it true that temporary urinals will be put in the Ladies’ Loo? Also, will Broward General Hospital be forced to offer prostate tests to POO chicks, POO being shorthand for Perpetually Outraged and Offended?

You were in Tallahassee the last time I wrote to you. I asked if it were true that you were known as “Cementhead”. If so, I think it was patronizing. How did the brouhaha over where you actually live work out? You can only have one address on a driver’s license or a tax return, right? Did you use the modern American Liberal politician exception of multiple voter ID cards?




Kevin Smith

Tuesday, May 3, 2016

May 2, 2016

Rosemary O’Hara – Editorial Page Editor
The Sun Sentinel
500 E. Broward Blvd.
Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33394

MVEMJSUNP

Beyond giving us “settled science” the pointy headed intellectuals gave us a mnemonic device that enabled school boys – Silly me! School girls also – to rattle off the way the planets stepped out from the sun. You may remember that for 15 centuries, 1,500 years, a millennium and a half, the science was settled. The Sun was the center of the universe, remember?

My Very Eager Mother Just Sent Us Nine Pizzas

Mercury, Venus, Earth, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, Neptune, Pluto

And then a merry prankster with a really big telescope, a nerd known for a strange sense of humor, gave Pluto the chop.

The lesson to be learned here is that “settled science” maybe ain’t so “settled”.

And then there is bad news out of Omaha.

Warren Buffett, the favorite multi-billionaire of modern American Liberals, an investor who likes Hillary Clinton, a citizen who thinks his tax rate should be higher [It is an inconvenient fact that despite his love of higher taxes he intends to give 99% of his wealth to the Gates Foundation while living thereby depriving the ghoulish Federal tax man, a true carrion feeder, of his “fair share’ of the Death Tax. There is something fundamentally unfair about that, don’t you think?] thinks that Climate Change, by whatever du jour name it goes by, is bupkis.

To be precise, this decade’s Loch Ness, Piltdown Man, the scam of Climate Change, should go by its official name

GlobalCoolingGlobalWarmingClimateDestructionClimateChange
or is it
GlobalCoolingGlobalWarmingClimateChangeClimateDestructtion?

Either way, that’s one tough name to put on a bumper sticker.

Beginning in 1968 with The Population Bomb by Professor Paul Ehrlich, a TV star cum academic, a snake oil salesman who learned well from P.T. Barnum, made a comfortable living as Chicken Little. He told us that in the long run we were all dead. For him, the long run ended in the year 2000. The only thing in doubt was whether we would starve to death before we froze to death. Further, he said that the main culprit in this was the Catholic Church. I must tell you that 16 years into extra time I am still calorically challenged. I am now without any cashmere or down jackets.

Time magazine had covers featuring cadavers whose only sustenance was chilblains and frostbite. 

Before you could say Sasquatch Global Cooling became Global Warming. I must disclose that I may have had a hand in all this. Every morning, after my dawn ablutions, I would spray some Right Guard out the bath room window. Where it went no one knows. I think it was coincident with the drowning of polar bears.

Along with this the terms “scientific method”, “reasoned discourse”, and “critical inquiry” became Yahoo intellectual ass wipes. Look it up.

Along came a horse’s ass of truly Homeric proportions. Former Vice President Alpha Gump, after he discovered the Internet, was the first to discover that the beleaguered ozone layer was going walkabout. He told us we had only 5 years to change course. The solutions were simple: Raise taxes and turn off all the A/Cs. 

Would I be considered a cad if I were to point out that he told us that 28 years aqo? I’ll take that risk
Even though the Great Reagan beat the Russkies, one of the vestiges of the Commies lives on. The 5 year plan is like Dracula. Nothing but nothing, up to and including holy water, perpetual dawn, silver bullets, crosses driven into its heart, can kill the 5 year plan of Dracula, the incubus corsair of Climate Change. If the Rockies don’t tumble, if Gibraltar doesn’t crumble, don’t worry. Just give it 5 more years. Hey! Even a stopped watch is right twice a day.
Which leads us to the prospect of Hurricane Noah flooding Broward Boulevard up to the second floor of the world HQ of the Sun Sentinel.
Warren Buffett says it ain’t going to happen.
If the Gods decide to punish us further they will send two signs. Two klxons will sound.
#1 – Waterfront property prices will go down. They aren’t.
#2 – Insurance rates would go up. They aren’t.

Perhaps you could help me with a question that no public official in Miami/Dade County wants to answer.

Miami Beach gets credit for mitigating the rising sea level by installing new, more powerful pumps. Can you tell me where the pumped water goes? If it is pumped East, North, or South it will come back with a vengeance as quickly as it is pumped out. If it is pumped West into Biscayne Bay was an environmental impact statement filed. Was any provision made for the welfare of hakes, skates, snooks, and eels? Have we all forgotten about the poor manatee? If water is promiscuously pumped West would that not be a violation of the Constitutional protections provided to property owners by the last 12 words of the Fifth Amendment?

I think it is time to consult with my favorite Eye-Tie climatologist. Professor Vivaldi of Venice has long been considered an expert on Climate Change. I think I’ll listen to what he has to say on these things.




Kevin Smith


PS – Just a few more things. Temperatures spiked upwards in Europe some 10 or 11 centuries ago. Higher temperature means more land becomes arable. That means more protein for more people. More protein means smarter people. Using the tautologies so favored by boobs who worship at the altar of Climate Change would it be OK to say that the Renaissance happened because of Global Warming? Conversely, the Medieval Ice Age happened some 5 centuries back. The cold weather caused the trees aroiund the Adriatic to have sporadic growth. A century later a man named Stradivarius made stringed instruments that can make people cry. I say that not only is Climate Change not bad it is a positive good for civilization. The other thing is that the earth is 14,000,000,000 years old. That’s 14 billion. I hope I put enough zeros in. The thought that puny man could undo that in 200 years suggests hubris beyond calculation. We remember what happened to Icarus. “Man will not only endure; he will prevail.”


Monday, May 2, 2016

April 28, 2016
Brian Cornell – CEO
Target
1000 Nicollet Mall
Minneapolis, MN 55403

RE: Some good news at last…….

Mr. Cornell,

I will not join the boycott of Target. The sound you hear is the other shoe being flung violently at your head which is, as usual, stuck way up your ass. 

The reason I will not be joining the throng of people shortly to be protesting your micturition policy, a policy that is offensive to both Logic and the common weal, because I have already used the most effective weapon I have at my disposal.

2 prescriptions accounts, one of 12 years and one of 10 years, were transferred to Walmart on Tuesday.

I have 2 female friends for whom I provide some medical services. Trips to various physicians followed by a run to Target to fill any prescription were the norm.

The thought of these dear ladies, one being 78 and the other 82, having to face a Percy Dovetonsil wanabee as they go about their WC routine was not going to happen on my watch. It may not have been an Antigone moment but it IL non passarant pas would have been the order of the day. And it would have been obeyed.

You can scratch one potential Horatius moment. In fact, if you want to have touring companies of A Chorus Line, La Cage aux Folles, and the Barney Frank Happy Bottom Rump Riding Club put on their Holiday Review so be it. 

If you have any stores in countries run by Sharia law I would expect them all to be closed by the end of Friday prayers. Not to do so would make your perfidy worse.







Kevin Smith
May 1, 2016
Gary Stein
The Sun Sentinel

RE: The conversion continues – Some comments on your now apparent journey from the dark side to truth, justice, and the American way

Big Stein, 

I see the spectre of John Stossel descending, penumbra-like, on you like it was propelled down the slippery slopes of the dreaded chilling effects.

Pop quiz – When it absolutely, positively has to be there the next day do you ever, ever think of the Post Office? Remember, God is watching.

Your column on the Broward Board of Education spending – scratch that – not spending the $800,000,000 [eight hundred million dollars] fraudulently obtained from the credit cards of the voters of Broward County November last would have gained a favorable nod from Milton Friedman.

I will spare you the sermon about the failures of modern American Liberalism. If I were to list them and then print them I would need a quire of foolscap and several large ink cartridges. 

Here it is in a nutshell in one simple sentence. 

They all spring form the sacred spring called “not for profit”.

It enables Bernie Sanders, and God Bless him because compared to Hillary Clinton, as foetid a sack of redolent eel shit as ever seen and smelled by the body politic, to sound like Disraeli. A thriving unicorn ranch, tended by non-feral sasquatches, will be found in Atlantis, a place which settled science says is at the bottom of the Bermuda Triangle where ever the Hell that might be, before anything he says begins to make sense. Modern American Liberalism is sustained, it thrives on and cannot prosper without the existence of the continuing “triumph of hope over experience”.

Stay with me on this.

2 car funerals.
Wet dreams.
Hitting the floor if you fell out of bed.
Finding your ass using only one hand.

What they have in common is that they are things that the apostles of and true believers in modern American Liberalism can and do mess up. And they do it over and over and over again.

Modern American Liberalism is judged on expectations. Results are not pratr of the equation. It’s what you say you are going to do rather than what you actually do that counts.  Red Lines, calm seas, cooling earth, shovel ready jobs, keep your doctor ad nauseam.

                             Read the next sentence carefully. I’ll type slowly.

If you can’t punish failure you can’t reward success.

I will grant you 2 “not-for-profit” exceptions. Mother Teresa and Seal Team 6

Continue your journey. You have many fans rooting for you.





Kevin Smith
WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET







May 1, 2016
Mayor Walter “Skip” Campbell
9551 W. Sample road
Coral Springs, FL 33350

RE: “Follow the money” - Some comments on your mini Op-Ed in today’s Sun Sentinel on, let’s presume innocence, the “misplaced” dollars from the school budget.

Yo! Skiperino!

I’m from Hudson County, New Jersey. One of the highlights of the 1958 Jersey City school construction variety show was the school with the $4,500 windows, the $1,800 desks, and still my favorite to this day, the $900 waste baskets.

Keep that in mind.

You say that money budgeted in this year’s school budget has gone walkabout. The phone number of the state’s attorney office on public corruption is 954/831/7487. Dial it. Tell whosoever answers that you have something that does not pass the bag test. If you don’t know what the bag test is send a SASE.

Lead a full court press to get an indictment. At the very least fire some asses and run some of the more egregious ones out of town on a rail.

After all, it’s for the children, isn’t it?

If you need help in connecting the dots of the Democratic Party in Hudson County and the coven made up of modern American Liberals in Broward County call me.






Kevin Smith
May 1, 2016
“Mayor” Marty Kiar
Broward County Commission
119 S. Andrews Avenue
Ft. Lauderdale, FL. 33301

RE: Dumber than a box of hammers – Some comments on your mini Op-Ed on gender discrimination in today’s Sun Sentinel.

“Mayor” Kiar,

God’s Holy Trousers but spare me from the modern American Liberal outrage over LGBTQU discrimination or I ‘ll have to re-categorize you to being dumber than 2 boxes of hammers, broken hammers to be precise.

“The county commission voted unanimously to hold an
    upcoming press conference with business leaders and 
     other elected officials to stand in solidarity with local
      governments that no longer have the right to enact
                 protections that prohibit discrimination.”
                                     The Sun Sentinel
  Today
                                               You
Inspired by the ghosts of Strunck & White I held that sentence up to a mirror hoping that it would make sense that way. Alas, it was not to be. But I digress.

The first thing we do is to rule out you and your likeminded pandering ilk from risking an Antigone moment. Ditto for Horatius at the gate. Shaking your fist at gender, transgendered, regendered, degendered, or worse, ungendered discrimination does not put you at risk for a Saint Thomas More moment when your protest is over.

I’ll save you the Google time. All the people mentioned save you died for their beliefs.

I understand that the Broward county Commission will begin its meetings by pledging allegiance to androgyny. The Epicene Creed shall replace the outdated Nicene Creed. Broward County wants to be the first place to approve manatee suffrage. It is a well known fact that Dr. Mengele would win any primary he ran in because of his enlightened view on women’s reproductive rights and for his support of 4th and 5th  trimester abortions.

Speaking of freedoms….

I have been planning on burning the sacred Koran, the equally sacred Bible, and the American flag on the steps of the court house on July 4th at noon. I will have a gallon of pig piss handy if a conflagration breaks out. Can I count on your support on this? 

I would like to have a showing of the Mohammed cartoons. Will you support me in support of free speech?

If I  show up at your Profiles in Courage press conference with a sign that says
NO URINALS IN THE LADIES’ LOO
will you protect me from the dreaded Word Police?

Is “putz” a gender specific term?

Have you ever heard of Socrates? If I send you some hemlock will you promise to take it? Meanwhile, keep your mouth shut and people will only think you are a horse’s ass. When you open it you remove all doubt.







Kevin Smith