December 19, 2017

Dean Trantalis

PO Box 81241

Boca Raton, FL 33481

Candidate Trantalis,

Even if there were no other reason to vote against you – and believe me, there are many – your return address is more than sufficient. The office you seek is that of the Mayoralty of Ft. Lauderdale. Were no PO boxes available here?

#1 – You tout your vote against the Bahia Mar project as something approaching a “Profiles in Courage” moment, if not a Thomas More scenario. How did it turn out?

#2 – Thank you for protecting “public land from private profit? May I infer that while you are opposed to “private profit” you are not opposed to public profit or, heaven forefend, generic, sectarian, or non-denominational profit?

#3 – Should a minor te deum be raised because you are opposed to “poor planning”? Logic would dictate, with Logic being the bete-noire of modern American Liberals, that you are in favor of “good planning”. Which is your favorite model?  Cuba? Zimbabwe? Venezuela? Candidate Obama, a noted community activist cast in the successful templates of Lenin and Hitler, promised in 2008 to “cool the earth and calm the seas”. How did that work out? Can you say less?

#4 – Congratulations on getting a law degree without ever reading the Constitution. Which part of the First Amendment don’t you understand? The only occupation specifically mentioned and protected by the Constitution is lobbying. Look it up, you twit.

The First Amendment, the one that allows, indeed encourages, NARAL, NAMBLA, and the Westboro Baptist Church to make public nuisances of themselves, is the same one that protects “the pursuit of private profit from public lands” and the accompanying advocacy thereof.

The same right – “Free men speak with free tongues” – that allows Kathy Griffin to parade around with severed head of Donald Trump is the same right that allows me to say that if, God help us, you become Mayor you probably shouldn’t stand too close to anybody named Moscone.

When Steven Colbert said that “Trump’s mouth was a cock holder for Putin” could that have been seen as a homophobic slur?

Kevin Smith

PS – The front of your mailing piece shows a maritime setting of boats and condos. In addition to the photo being out of focus, I have reason to believe that while the ocean is visible it is not the ocean directly East of Fort Lauderdale. That’s the ocean that will take you to the Bahamas and to Bayonne, France. Could you tell me the name of the South/North street between the marina and the potentially raging and perpetually rising sea? While you’re at it, what is the name of the East-West street between the condos and the marina?

Another, perhaps touchier subject. 

George Moscone and Harvey Milk were murdered during the glorious reign of Jimmuh Carter. They both are still dead and will be dead for a long time. Whatever the panoply of Moscone’s public/private peccadilloes were, paedophiliac pederasty, unlike Milk’s plentiful CV, is not to be found. Why is Milk on a stamp while the just as dead Moscone is not? Roman Polanski went on the lam to avoid the consequences of paedophilia. Judge Moore, accused of the same, will be opening a riding school soon. Harvey Milk gets a ship named after him. Go figure.

December 17, 2017

Commissioner Tim Ryan

115 South Andrews Avenue

Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33301

RE: Tax breaks, tax cuts…and who gets the shit end of the stick? The undeserving poor, victims of life’s circumstances all, the wretched of the earth, that’s who! Some comments on your unlinkable mini op-Ed in today’s Sun Sentinel, on how fire-breathing modern American Liberals, nit-wits, jackanapes, and mountebanks like you, always can tell the buttered side from the dry.

Commissioner Ryan,

Tell me again, and in time for Festivus, why tac cuts have to be “paid for” but spending increases and tax increases don’t have to be counter balanced?

You speak of the Broward County Commission doing some inside baseball, lateral arabesque maneouvers that will enable property owners who are mostly White and decidedly upper middle class to tax shelter $ from the clutches of the tax man.

Tell me again how this benefits inner city moms, all of whom are women of color with children in need of a good Ritalin program who are denied the benefits of Midnight Basketball because of a lack of affordable public transit.

Residents of Section 8 housing, at least in Broward County, are invariably people of color and almost all of whom are “are unlucky in life’s lottery”, don’t own municipal bonds. The melanin-challenged landlords do. How can you proclaim your devotion to the succor of the former while serving the economic interests of the latter? It sure as Hell sounds like bullshit to me, particularly from someone who is devoted to manatee suffrage.

I figured you to be a zealot for Ida Tarbell, the Beards, and Howard Zinn, but it seems that you have sent them to Coventry. You say it will save taxpayers “millions”. Even though I am not from Ferguson, another trip wire for modern American Liberals, can I ask you to “show me”?

Kevin Smith

PS – Poor Black folk subsidizing rich White folk? Whodathunk? Do something with that picture. It looks like you have your too small, no exit,l tighty-whiteys on backwards

December 13, 2017

Randy Schultz

Randy@bocamag.com

One of the acceptable minor vices of modern American Liberals, and let there be no argument that you are the paradigmatic template of same, is the constantly unconscious need to prove over and over that Orwell was right.

Your Op-Ed in today’s Sun Sentinel, the one titled “Prepare for next attack on the Ag Reserve”, proves my point.

“Animal Farm” and “1984”, 2 Orwell books that your ideological and political forebears tried to blacklist and ban because they were thought – and rightfully so – to be disrespectful of Stalin, said “All pigs are equal; some pigs are more equal than others”. Hold that thought.

The Ag Reserve, a scheme that proves that Progressives love mankind but hate people, denies citizens use of their land for living purposes. The most endangered species in America is a rational, working bi-pod who wants to provide for his family. Some citizens of Palm Beach County cannot afford to live on Worth Avenue or Manalapan or Wellington. A wily capitalist, doubtless aided and abetted by the notorious Koch Brothers and their pursuit of the filthy lucre dangled as bait by an insidious Mammon, wants to use public land to build private houses. Perish the thought.

In your first paragraph, herein printed in its entirety, you write

“For the third time in six months, a proposal to undermine the will of Palm

   Beach County voters has been withdrawn, supposedly for further review.”

The Sun Sentinel

Today

You

[italics mine]

You speak of the will of the people as if it were holy writ, as if it came ex cathedra. How can anyone tamper with the will of the people?

Vox populi is great.

Some vox populi is not as great as others.

There is no sense being a modern American Liberal unless you Major in Eclectic Indignation and Minor in Eclectic Memory

62% of Florida’s voters voted against same-sex marriages. In fact, no state where it appeared on the ballot voted in favor of it. Would that qualify as “undermining the will of the people”?

I guess “the will of the people” only counts when it corresponds with the will of those who know what’s best for the “people”. If it doesn’t, tough tittie.

Another common point shared by modern American Liberals is hating all lobbying and all lobbyists. I may have to walk that remark back. “All” is too catholic a term. NARAL hacks are good; anyone representing SEIU thugs is OK; feral felons, the non-melanin challenged ones, caterwauling about Black Lives are just fine…. there may be a pattern developing here, no?

I mention lobbying because it is the only profession mentioned in the Constitution. It’s right there in the First Amendment. “…the right of the people to peaceably to assemble and to petition the government for a redress of grievances” shall not be abridged.

Look it up. Get back to me.

Kevin Smith

WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET

December 10, 2017

“Mayor” Commissioner Beam Furr

115 S. Andrews Avenue

Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33301

RE: Climate Change, “settled science”, and why do modern American Liberals always want more power? Some comments on your mini Op-Ed in today’s Sun Sentinel

“Mayor” Commissioner Furr,

Pop Quiz

What ended the last Ice Age?

Global Warming. Honest. You could look it up.

Speaking of “settled science”, Ptolemy’s version of the universe was “settled” for 15 centuries. What “unsettled” it? Hint. Google Galileo.

Since we all know that sea levels are rising – Think stone crabs cavorting in the Sawgrass Mall by next June – do you have Plan B for dealing with dropping water front property values and the concomitant drop in tax revenues? Do you think mortgage applicants should be apprised of the certain risk of their indentured property becoming a manatee refuge? Why should the Feds insure water front property?

Other than being compared to the world’s tallest midget or the 3^rd largest non-commercial building in Wichita, what does the “Mayor” of Broward County do?

Kevin Smith

PS – I know life ain’t easy for a boy named Sue. How about Beam?

December 10, 2017

Former Mayor Barbara Sharief

Broward County Commission

115 S. Andrews Avenue

Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33301

RE: Some comments on your earth-shattering mini Op-Ed in today’s Sun Sentinel.

Former Mayor Sharief,

If it wasn’t a misprint or sabotage, you are in danger of having your epaulets ripped off and your name being struck from the rolls of the “I Love Margaret Sanger and Dr. Mengele Amazon Brigade”.

You say that pregnancy is to be included in the Broward County Human Rights Act as a protected status.

Logic would dictate that you must begin to condemn abortion in as loud a voice as you have. Since 35% to 40% of all the abortions performed in this country since 1973 have been done on Black women there is also the genocide factor to consider. The force of law is on your side.

You go, girl!

Kevin Smith

December 10, 2017

Mayor Mike Ryan

City Hall

10770 West Oakland Park Blvd.

Sunrise, FL 33351

RE: The people have spoken, the reptiles – Some comments on your mini Op-Ed in today’s Sun Sentinel

Mr. Mayor,

Do remember Sheriff Kenneth the Short? He backed a referendum that would have made him Mayor for Life. His first act would have been to invade and occupy Palm Beach.

And when he picked up more Black Hawk helicopters he and his Praetorian Guard would have taken over the Bahamas.

In a fit of common sense, something not commonly found in Broward County the paradigmatic template of modern American Liberalism, the people said nyet to his skinny little tight ass. In a fit of pique, he turned to a life of crime and went to prison.

Speaking of the populi voxing, the “deplorable” electors voted overwhelmingly against same-sex marriage, remember?

Maybe the next time an important question is on the ballot all votes should be made public.

Kevin Smith

December 6, 2017

Michael Putney

The Miami Herald

RE: Specifically, all hail the Bramans for funding an art museum in Miami. Universally, all hail dead rich White guys for funding all sorts of good stuff.

Michael, 

A digression of sorts, one that takes me back to Bayonne.

I am without a phone or computer since Monday afternoon. And when was the last time you heard Spiro Agnew being cited in other than damning terms? It was he who was on the receiving end of a technological SNAFU approaching FUBAR when he declaimed “the perversity of inanimate objects” as the culprit.

The uptick is that I went back – temporarily – to newspapers. The Sun Sentinel is  D to D+ while the Herald is making progress to being B-.

And there you were praising the Bramans for spending their money on things other than undrowning polar bears, supporting the right to arm bears, 4^th trimester abortions, and finding miracles attributable to Wide-Bottomed Hillary. 

Which brings me back to Bayonne.

I grew up thinking all libraries were as big and beautiful as mine was. As I grew older it became majestic. This was not a “shovel ready” job, financed by mendacious Mandarins. [Speaking of Chinese money-lending, Hillary spent her entire time in the Senate raling against borrowing money from the Chinese. When she was confirmed as Secretary of State she filled a plane with Monica Lewinsky wanabees to convince the same wily Orientals to continue to do so.] It was built and paid for by Andrew Carnegie.

Back from Holy Cross and into the land of counterpane

but my electronic escape routes have been restored

Thank God for wretched excess! Thank God he made it, kept it, and then gave it away.

One of the physicians who treated me today has a daughter at Vanderbilt. I told him to offer a minor te deum for dead rich White guys.

Caitlin the Fair, my eldest granddaughter, is on the Dean’s List at SCAD. And she had 3 5 credit courses! She has had several big sales. Maybe you could use your considerable juice to slip her into the not quite starving student section of the new museum.

KS

PS – Leonard Pitts, who use to be one of my favorite polemicists, has devolved into a “one tool fits all” polemicist. Since his tool is a hammer, everything must be a nail. His universal nail is race with all its divers diverse diversions and divisions

December 3, 2017

Commissioner Barbara Sharief

115 S. Andrews Avenue

Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33301

RE: You cite an impressive list of accomplishments when you were “Mayor” of the Broward County Commission in your mini Op-Ed in today’s Sun Sentinel. Pray, permit me to take a peek behind the curtain.

Commissioner, nee Mayor, Sharief,

Are you familiar with the term “tits on a bull”? That is the only valid description for “Mayor” of the Broward County Commission.

You say the unemployment rate “dropped to 3.3%” when you were Mayor. Before I get to the 25 century-old Logical fallacy, a fallacy discovered and codified by the original DWEMs – Dead White European Males, not to put too fine a point on it – can I ask you if you are responsible for the Patriots winning the last Super Bowl? It happened when you were Mayor, didn’t it? My eldest granddaughter made the Dean’s List this semester. Should I send you flowers also?

The Dow Jones Industrial Average has been growing like Topsy. Did you have a hand in that? How about the weather? Was it you or Vivaldi? We have an opioid crisis, plus the ongoing teen-age bullying and obesity crisis. They happened when you were “Mayor”. Are you responsible for any of them?

I can say “tits on a bull” for 2 reasons.

#1 – “Free men speak with free tongues”

#2 – “tu quoque” – If Kathy Griffin can walk around with a severed head looking like Trump I can say “tits on a bull”, right?

Today’s Logic lesson, a gift from those long dead – 25 centuries – DWEMs. Dead White European Males for the great unwashed. It is called post hoc ergo propter hoc. Also, add tautologies and circular reasoning. As a card carrying, fire breathing modern American Liberal it sure as Hell beats thinking. You go, girl!

Kevin Smith

December 3, 2017

Representative Kristin Jacobs

4800 W. Copans Road

Coconut Creek, FL 33063

Ms. Jacobs,

It is painfully obvious that the experimental stem cell treatment, the one that was trying to get your IQ over the ambient temperature, hasn’t worked. I am loath to pile on when you say something so egregiously dumb – think spiking an injured baby seal in the end zone – so I will spare you the much-needed lecture on the Theory of Nullification.

Nullification was the theory posited by John C. Calhoun that was proved wrong at Appomattox in April, 1865.

You not only – think flogging a dead horse – do CPR on it but you are attempting to expand it exponentially. [“Exponentially”? Send a SASE] 

Welcome to the world of Sanctuary Swamps!

I’m from New Jersey.

You can call everything north or south of Alligator Alley anything you want. Everglades has a nice euphonic ring to it. [“Euphonic”? Send a SASE] In Jersey, it would go by its proper name: Swamp.

You congratulate one state official for disobeying another state official, with the latter having jurisdiction over the former. It is not quite a Thomas More moment [Thomas More? Send a SASE] But it is yet one more example of the smarmy modern American Liberal contempt for the Rule of Law.

The not-quite Thoreau “Why aren’t you in jail, Ralph?” moment – [“Thoreau/Ralph/jail” Send a SASE] – is all about issuing drilling permits in the aforementioned swamp.

Full disclosure requires me to tell you that I fracked my first well in January, 1974.

Logic would dictate that if you are opposed to drilling you must therefore be opposed to the so-called benefits of drilling. Logic would dictate [Logic? For a modern American Liberal? Send a big SASE] that you must do the following:

#1 – Turn off all the A/Cs you control

#2 – Ban the use of cars for all public employees.

#3 – Ban all plastics, particularly in hospitals.

#4 – Ban all bovine, porcine, corvine, and equine eructations.

#5 – Manatee suffrage. Immediately

Jeezus Hiatch Keerist but you are a boob.

Kevin Smith

December 3, 2017

Fred Grimm

The Sun Sentinel

500 E. Broward Blvd. 

Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33394

RE: How dare they pay a coach for failing? Some comments on your award-winning homage to Harriet van Horne, the Queen of Lachrymosity [“Another lash on the backs of the poor!] in the glory days of the pre-Murdoch New York Post when Schiff and Wechsler kept us apprised of the latest Republican outrages as outlined in your Op-Ed column in today’s Sun Sentinel. And God Bless Coach Bear Bryant.

Mr. Grimm,

It’s easy being an ink-stained modern American Liberal when it gets down to “nut-cutting” time, “lick-log” time in mixed company, if you prefer. Something is either “fair” or it isn’t. Once that determination has been made, one made much simple by removing the thinking portion of the decision equation, the rest is easy. Fill in the blanks, paint by the numbers, no?

[Jeff Bezos had his net worth increase by $20,000,000,000 in one day last week. That is a prima facie case of “unfair” but since he likes to stick a sharp stick in the Trump’s eye so modern American Liberals will withhold judgment.]

How “unfair” is it for the University of Florida to give fired coach Jim McElvaine a $7.5 million-dollar golden parachute when inner city Moms, usually women of color, with children destined to be feral teenagers who could have been helped by the salubrious effects of Midnight Basketball but were denied access to a Ritalin clinic because of the lack of public transit to serve those neighborhoods filled by people who are “unlucky in life’s lottery. Don’t forget that these gallant ladies are constantly abused and victimized by the siren-call of low prices at Walmart. It must be Hell!

Anyway, and listen up you horse’s ass. It was in his contract. Both parties agreed to it. There was no duress, no subterfuge, no Luca Brasi holding a gun to someone’s head. One solution to the existential “unfairness” of it all would be to do away with scholarships, followed quickly by getting out of the TV contracts. Naturally, there would be no charge for tickets. Only Florida residents could play for the Gators. Saturday day games would start at 8:00 AM before the afternoon sun gets too hot. You may want to take a peek at the University of Chicago, Johns Hopkins University, and New York University as example of athletic powerhouses changing directions 

As to Coach Bryant…when he began to win championships by the bushel he decided that he would be paid one dollar less than the chancellor of the university. When the Bear got a raise, everybody got a raise.

That was “fair” wasn’t it?

Kevin Smith

November 29, 2017

George Will

The Washington Post

1301 K Street

Washington, DC 20071

Mr. Will,

“None, however, have excessive tryptophan”

The Washington Post

November 23, 2017

You

Either it is a sign of the coming end of days or perhaps it is further proof that only Allah can weave a perfect rug but when none is the subject have can never be the verb and I hope that I am not the only one to point it out.

Your reader from when the American Spectator was known as The Alternative and came from Bloomington, Indiana.

Kevin Smith

November 26, 2017

Broward Commissioner Tim Ryan

115 South Andrews Avenue

Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33301

RE: “One people, one county, one Mayor” – Some comments on your full-throated cry for power, the power to do good for the people, especially the children, as written by you in your mini Op-Ed in today’s unlinkable Sun Sentinel.

Commissioner Ryan, 

Kudos and congrats on showing your true colors!

Before manatee suffrage, before a $15 minimum wage, before the end of teenage bullying and obesity, modern American Liberals want, lust after, must have, power. How else can they do what they know is what the people need, even if they don’t know it. 

This primal call for power, like the opening of a Howard Fast novel, “from the barrel of a gun” as was told to us by Chairman Mao, the great agrarian reformer, would logically result in you being Mayor, primus inter pares, if you will.

Funny thing about History. It is like an inconvenient truth, a big old turd in the punch bowl, bobbing and weaving like Brer Fox, and coming back and popping up at the most inopportune time. Broward County had a referendum on a “strong” Mayor a while back. Sheriff Kenneth the Short supported it because he wanted to be on the big white horse telling people what to do. [This was before he went to prison for petty theft. I am from Hudson County, New Jersey. He was not a stand-up guy.] The people said no.

Scratch a modern American Liberal and you get a power crazed Cossack, like you.

Kevin Smith

November 26, 2017

Fred Grimm

The Sun Sentinel

RE: Darwin and, like Colombo, I have just one more question. Some comments on your Op-Ed piece in today’s Sun Sentinel on Darwin and why won’t those deplorables just go along with what their betters know is true. 

Mr. Grimm, 

I know about Linear B.

I know why Oedipus went to Colonnus.

I know the difference between Chiaroscuro, Caravaggio, and Carpaccio.

I know what Hamlet meant when he told Ophelia to “get thee to a nunnery”.

I can teach you about the 4 Source Theory of Pentateuch Composition.

I am an experienced Heimlicher.

I fracked my first oil well in January, 1974.

I was in a gun fight on June 3, 1993.

I’ve drunk ’61 Lafite, ’66 Margaux, ’66 Latour, and ’66 Petrus.

I’ve flown the Concorde and I am an alumnus of Outward Bound and Jeopardy.

I know that there are 58, 318 names on the wall in DC. At least that LBJ war ended.

I know that 2 Broward County modern American Liberal pols – Debbie Wasserman Schultz and Miriam Oliphant - sent policemen, men with badges and guns, to my house, because of something I wrote. “Slippery slope” or “Chilling effect”?

I know that my Redeemer liveth but I don’t know why, 159 years after he posited it, Darwin’s interesting theory, is, you know what I’m sayin’, still a theory.

In 159 years, we have harnessed electricity, cracked the atom, bitch slapped gravity and gone to the moon where we spent a few days picking up some interesting souvenirs and came back with some fab fotos. We also figured out DNA and its myriad genomes, perfected the Green Bay power sweep, survived disco, leisure suits, and Carter.Also,“MidnightBasketball”,“shovelready”jobs, disappearing and reappearing ozone layers, GlobalWarmingGlobalCoolingClimateChangeClimateDestruction, and are now enjoying the fruits of Obama’s post racial society. So why can’t somebody tie up all the loose ends and prove that man descended from the apes. Personally, I would prefer to be part of the bear line. Get back to me when the “consensus” settles on something, anything. Ya know, if you believe in nothing you’ll believe in anything.

Kevin Smith

PS – One of the obvious solutions to the problems caused by one man/one vote is to unelect those mountebanks and catamounts who don’t see things your way. It is also an
“inconvenient truth” but gerrymandering”, that evil institution funded by the Koch Brothers, is what enabled Florida to send felon Alcee Hastings to Congress, Carrie Meek to Congress where the only positive thing she did was to will her seat to her son Kendrick the Dull without dying, and Corrine Brown who, when she arrived in DC placed every hot stove and all the quarters on dead men’s eyes, in limitless peril.  You may wish to familiarize yourself with Federalist 10. Maybe “A Confederacy of Dunces” or some Seinfeld episodes.

You would think that after more than a century and a half of solidly empirical kicks in the ass, with dead people numbering in the hundreds of millions, that we could stipulate that Socialism, and call it what you will Bolshie Sanders and Lieawatha Warren, doesn’t work. Never has and, based on History, never will.

November 26, 2017

Mayor Jim Kenney

City Hall

Philadelphia, PA 19107

RE: Verbal incontinence such as yours is worthy of a pog mo thoin greeting to which I add, as a show of diversity and multi-culturalism, kishin mein tuchis.

Mayor Kenney,

Can I call you Seamus? It brings out the Gael in me, plus I like things Erse.

Perhaps it was your 4 years with Spanish-oriented neo-ascetic Jesuits or your 4 years with French monks who go through life saying they are not those Christian Brothers; the res ipso loquitur, the QED, if you will, being Saint Joseph’s Prep followed by LaSalle University, but then your cart went into the ditch.

I looked at the official web site of Philadelphia and was flabbergasted to see the Mayor’s Office of Black Achievement sharing space with Parking Violations Bureau, the Cheese Steak Olympics, “Don’t Forget Shibe Park”, “It wasn’t Gene Mauch’s Fault” and “Thank God a Black Mayor, Wilson Goode, napalmed a Black Only Street”. Could you imagine if Frank Rizzo were still the Mayor and he ordered Tokyo/Hamburg saturation fire-bombing of a heretofore peaceful enclave of “unlucky in life’s lottery” non-Whites? There would have been a tax on White people crossing the Ben Franklin Bridge and the Walt Whitman Bridge to pay for the reparations.

Black Achievement? 

Other than setting the land speed record for getting out of town on Father’s Day and being willingly condescendingly patronized by rich modern American Liberals who will not send their children to the really fine inner city schools they insist that Black children go to and being the largest source of income to Planned Parenthood by virtue of the 35% to 40% of all abortions in this country being performed on Black women, what have they done?

But I digress.

You have cojones grandes, huevos magnificos, to say that Irish-American politicians, presumptively Roman Catholic, must vote to support Dreamers and their ilk or they will be lessened as Irish, as Americans, and as Roman Catholics. [Let me add that I had 2 relatives who fought at Gettysburg with the Irish Brigade, the New York 69^th.  One of them is still there, “wrapped in his faded coat of Blue”.] If you don’t know what “non-malodorous fecal matter syndrome” is first look in the mirror and then send a SASE, you boob, you stulty, yappy noddy.

Shall we seek guidance from the ghost of Cesar Chavez? He was the non-Gringo who took the L out of BLT sandwiches and who granted Kumbaya indulgences for eschewing corporate grapes. He also pre-dated Trump on border security. Not only did he want a wall on the Mexican border, he wanted armed guards on it with bayonets fixed pointing South to keep cheap Mexican labor out of American farms. Talk about Confederate statues? The United States Navy named a ship after him. Jingoistic xenophobe. Who next? Willie Horton? And yes, you can look it up.

Back to the fine art of squaring circles and drawing four sided triangles….” A statesman who forsakes his private conscience for the sake of his public duties leads his country by a short route to chaos”….how do purportedly Catholic politicians do the Michael Flatley two-step around abortion?

Maritain told us that “man is a bit of straw that God has breathed life into”

 I live in Broward County, Florida. Modern American Liberals would vote in a Democratic primary for Dr. Mengele for his enlightened views on 4^th and 5^th trimester abortions. Your abattoir keeper, Dr. Gosnell, a Philly guy who outnumbered Nicky Scarfo on the Murder for Hire list, would be the unanimous choice for perpetual Grand Marshall of the LGBTQU parade. 

It’s tough being a modern American Liberal politician, what with having to carry a portable fire extinguisher because your pants are always on fire and having to Gorilla Glue your nose to your upper lip lest you begin to look like a rutting macaw. And there is always the sound, the never-ending sound of the Hound, on your trail.

Augustine said, “Love God and do what you will”. He also said, “Make me strong. Lord. Tomorrow.” All those priests and brothers just standing there, Seamus, just standing there. And always with a gimlet eye. Is He gaining on you? Is it time for a Damascene moment? 

Kevin Smith

November 19, 2017

Marty Kiar

Broward County Property Appraiser

115 S. Andrews Avenue

Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33301

RE: Some comments about your mini Op-Ed in today’s Suns Sentinel about the horror, the horror, of racist street names besmirching the pristine escutcheon of Broward County.

Mr. Kiar, 

Please note that I have not mentioned, nor will I mention, the name of Napoleon Broward who, whatever else he was or wasn’t, would not be heard humming “We Shall Overcome”. His name is on all the tax bills you send out, not to mention your paycheck.

First, and for the record, is Forrest Street named after the founder of the Ku Klux Klan, the social group that President Wilson invited to the White House to celebrate the premiere of “Birth of a Nation”? And yes, Wilson was a Democrat and in many ways the intellectual forebear of today’s modern American Liberals. Is it the same men’s scholarship and night riding club that Senator Hugo Black and later Supreme Court Justice Hugo Black that he was a proud member. And yes, he was a Democrat also. Is it the same KKK that Senator Robert Byrd, one time recruiter, robe inspector, and cross burner on his ascent to exalted Kleagle status, belonged to” And yes, he was a Democrat.

Wasn’t he the Senator who fulsomely eulogized as a modern-day Cicero by younger dumb Democrats? Yes, he was. Does anyone remember how Cicero cashed in his toga?

I don’t expect you to change Broward County to Willie Horton County, at least not until you get the official OK from the downtown boys. 

Here’s a name you can move on right away. Plantation.

The high school is nick-named the Colonels. Honest. The picture of a portly bearded courtly gentleman sitting on the porch with a few obeisant hounds at his feet waiting for the young field hands to walk by so he can pick one or two for the post-prandial entertainment is a bit more than today’s students shouldn’t have to see have to see when they enter or exit the school.

I expect you to do your duty before the Klan reclaims its heritage. Do it to spite Trump.

Kevin Smith

November 19, 2017

Anna Fusco – President

Broward Teachers’ Union

6000 North University Drive

Tamarac, FL 33321

RE: Some comments on your asinine, damn near imbecilic, mini Op-Ed in today’s Sun Sentinel.

Boss Fusco,

I’ve been out of school a long time.

Is putz too gender specific or is putzette needed to be more precise?

Either way, it’s you sweetheart.

You go, girl!

Kevin Smith

November 19, 2017

Mayor Walter Campbell

City Hall

9551 West Sample Road

Coral Springs, FL 33065

RE: “Unconscionable judicial nominations”. Some comments on your highly dudgeoned mini Op-Ed in today’s Sun Sentinel on, you guessed it, “unconscionable judiciable nominations”.

Mayor Campbell,

The pot calling the kettle black or is that adage verboten? How about sauce for the goose being sauce for the gander or would that make me a specieist?

Anyway, guess who was a 39-year-old lawyer with no, as in none, judicial experience – nada, zippo, zilch – who was nominated and confirmed to the Supreme Court? You remember him, don’t you? His name was William O. Douglas.

I won’t mention William Brennan, a proud son of New Jersey as am I, who was a recess appointment. There are some fascinating back stories about him, his father who was a Newark police department Captain, NJ Chief Justice Arthur Vanderbilt, and AG Herbert Brownell but they are for a different time.

As to the ABA seal of approval you must remember that Senator Schumer once said that it was the gold standard just before he smarmily and savagely destroyed a Bush 43 nominee

I guess it’s OK when a modern American Liberal pulls shit like that.

Kevin Smith

November 19, 2017

Fabiola Santiago

The Miami Herald

RE: Either “water is wet and stones are hard”, and I am sure you know who said that, or they aren’t. Read carefully. I will type slowly.

Sra Santiago,  

In my quest to point out the errors of your economic ways, a quest grounded in agape and caritas, in Christian charity if you will, I may have overlooked some double-helixed truths, things that “deplorables” have learned the hard way but have learned. Alas, when it comes to modern American Liberals, they have long reveled in the denial of Edmund Burke’s maxim that says “Experience is the only school where some people may learn”. 

Modern American Liberal economic thought is based on a blind obedience to au courant shibboleths, non-sequiturs, and tautologies. The premise that the best and quickest way to make the poor rich is by making the rich poor is stuff and nonsense. Progressive pinheads, in particular ink-stained scroyles such as you, can and do frequently get lost on a ladder. 

Let me, in the words of the immortal Ricky Ricardo, “splain” some things to you.

#1 – Realistically, the ideal minimum wage is zero. My lowest hourly wage was $1.05, a job from which I was fired 3 weeks after I was hired. I was paid $1.65 an hour to mop bathrooms. I learned that there is a good way and a dumb way to mop. I also learned an important lesson: to wit; I did not want to mop johns anymore. The point is why settle for $15.00 an hour? Why not $38.50 an hour? Of course, that would include full benefits, a 401k, and lunch on the Boss. That sounds kosher to me. What do you think?

#2 – Double the deduction for SALT – state and local taxes – and increase the interest deduction on all mortgages to 150% of the amount paid. We “pay” for this – and pray tell why must tax cuts be “paid” for? – by raising the maximum tax rate to 112.50%. Is there a household in America, with the exception of the West side of Manhattan and Malibu, where if a financial crisis occurs, the first thing, the instinctive thing, the correct thing, is to cut expenses? [Watch what will be in the Christmas stockings of up to 50,000 GE employees this year.] The obvious choices in the Swamp in D.C. are the Department of Education and the Department of Energy. In 1978 Johnny couldn’t read. 40 years later he still can’t read. He is now joined by Jose, Fatima, and Keisha. Yet the Wangs and the Chans both survive and prosper. I don’t know how that happens. Do you? Fire the whole lot of them. Take whatever money is left and distribute it pro rata through the states. The Department, in its 40 years of being wet-nursed at taxpayers’ expense, has yet to produce a ton of coal, a barrel of oil, or a single kilowatt of electricity. A second Trump term will guarantee that the USA, even now a major exporter of hydrocarbons, will be the dominant producer of same for decades to come. This came about because of unheard of drilling techniques and fracking, much of which the DOE opposed. Fire their sad-sacked sorry asses and give the America energy vouchers for the gross amount saved. They can be spent on anything to do with energy or they can be sold to 3^rd parties. Let the people choose. Wasn’t there a song that said “Everything’s Free in America”? Didn’t the Department of Agriculture give away cheese”?

#3 – How do you give a tax cut to someone with no taxable income?

#4 – Start with Herald. Try to find a CFO [Full disclosure. I was once one, and of a public company.] who does not come to work drunk. Ask them what they think of 10 year projections. Stand back as they laugh their asses off. Modern American Liberals believe them as if they were Holy Writ. Let me back that up a bit. Holy Writ is optional to mALs what with the 10 commandments being subjective or situational. Didn’t the Democrats boo God at their convention? Did you ever think that maybe, just maybe, that’s why Biscayne Boulevard and Broward Boulevard might soon be under water?

#5 – If Clinton “balanced” the budget why didn’t the national debt not go down by a single penny? Look it up.

#6 – Why are tax cuts bad if they are done by Trump but good if done by Kennedy?

#7 – Show me someplace, anywhere, anytime, anywhere a society taxed itself to prosperity? I’ll exclude Cuba, Venezuela, Zimbabwe, and North Korea.

#8 – Czarist Russia was a net exporter of durum wheat until 1917. Russia again  exported wheat in 1993. Might there be a pattern here? If Kansas, Nebraska, and the Dakotas did not exist there may not have been a need for the great Reagan. Possibly there would not have been a Cold War because the Russkies would have all starved to death. Agree? Disagree?

#9 – Why do all mALs suffer from “non-malodorus fecal matter syndrome”? Send a SASE if you are confused.

Kevin Smith

WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET

PS – Knowing of your abhorrence of “divisiveness” in American politics, do you think the Virginia TV ad showing a red neck “deplorable” trying to run down some Dreamer children in a pick-up truck festooned with a Confederate flag and Gillespie stickers was “divisive” or inclusive”? Also, Senator Schumer signed a money mailer saying that Republican tax cuts were Nazi-like. On a scale of 1 to 10 with 1 being the newly discovered 10^th  circle of Hell for those favoring “divisiveness” and 10 being the Utopian-like world of perpetual veganism and countless loops of “Imagine”, “Happy Days Are Hera Again”, and perpetual nocturnal emissions – non gender specific - caused by a phantasmagoric tableau of all the Kennedys and Eleanor Roosevelt taking a warm shower and swapping body fluids, what number would you assign to that letter?

November 19, 2017

Fred Grimm

The Sun Sentinel

500 E. Broward Blvd. 

Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33394

RE: Ugh! Those God-damned rich White guys, none of whom care for the down-trodden, those “unlucky in life’s lottery”, those who would surely perish save for the beneficence of the same good guys in D.C. who gave us the war in Vietnam, the post office, the IRS, and “Midnight Basketball”. And I guess they all own gazillion dollar boats, financed by the Bank of Sark, and domiciled on Gannymede. [Is that where Jay Forbes Kerry hid the yacht his 2^nd wife bought him? That was the boat built in New Zealand to beat the higher labor costs here. That’s the boat that although he had been a resident of Massachusetts  all his life he swore he lived in Rhode Island where the sales tax on boats with bowling alleys, koi ponds, and a Sanctuary Boat status was cheaper. That was made clear in your unlinkable Op-Ed in today’s Sun Sentinel.]

Mr. Grimm,

It was said the reason why Pecksniffian New Englanders were so adamantly opposed to bear baiting was not because of the bear but rather that someone, somewhere might be enjoying themselves. Your column this morning says that as much as you are opposed to the idle rich if they going to flaunt their wealth it may as well be here. It may be that some trickle-down dough could benefit single moms, usually women of color with sons who are in need of a good Ritalin program but lack public transit to get to the clinics. And, wonder of wonders, even though they are unemployable at $8.00 an hour, raising it to $15.00 dollars an hour will put them on the fast track to farting through silk at Apple or Amazon. Jeezus Haitch Keerist but that is Guinness Book dumb!

I leave you with one name. Judge Learned B. Hand. He said

“It is a patriot’s duty to arrange his affairs in such a way

that he pays the least amount of taxes possible.

At best, taxation is an enforced exactitude. It is 

not a voluntary contribution.”

Kevin Smith

PS -  Have you ever seen Spielberg’s yacht? It’s the one with the ski slope at the stern with 5 acres of organic tofu on the bow. He is a rapacious defender of $15 an hour. He’s a big modern American Liberal, isn’t he? Maybe Obama was right. Sometimes you don’t need any more money.

November 20, 2017

Rosemary O’Hara – Editorial Page Editor

The Sun Sentinel

500 E. Broward Blvd

Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33394

Editor O’Hara,

The thick part of the envelope comes from the deadly combination of no NFL and Maugham’s enervating elixir, “cheap red wine’. And yes, it pays to hunt where the ducks are. For that I am most grateful.

The thin enclosure comes from some late-night comments on your editorial on letting the people choose. The problem with that is that the bastards overwhelmingly chose to make same sex marriage the law in Florida. “Deplorable”, no?

Your editorial pandering for “fairness” in the revision of Florida’s Constitution is, of course, obscured, dog whistle stuff smoothing the road to the modern American Liberal road that reaches and crosses the horizon and enters the promised land of fairness, equality, inclusiveness, games played with none keeping score, low cholesterol, and higher test scores.

You seem to be calling for Congressional districts to be drawn by Google, Map Quest, drones, and the census. Very precisely, very scientifically, and with no regard to, ahem, “special situations”. Do you honestly think, Baker v Carr notwithstanding, That Alcee Hastings and Corinne Brown would have been elected to Congress other than by running in a district that would have elected Willie Horton and Step-N-Fetchit?

What would happen if the people passed an amendment outlawing abortion? The Cuomo exception, the one that says an elected official can personally oppose abortion but must obey it because of the primacy of Federal law, [US v Peters] is OK on abortion but not on Immigration. The “seamless web” of the law becomes unraveled when it is subject to individual interpretation and subjective judgment. There is a marvelous scene in “Gandhi” where the Mahatma, having been found guilty, has to tell the Judge what he must do. “You must send me to jail.” Saint Paul, Thomas More, Thoreau, and Martin Luther King said the same thing.

The overriding problem, the turd in the punch bowl, if you will, is that all non-deplorable, right-minded Progressives get their knickers knotted when the “people”, with all their base instincts get to, you know what I’m saying, choose.

The possibility of a Governor and the Attorney General being from different parties, a high ball express, pedal to the metal, “short route to chaos”, must be examined. The obvious answer, appointment of the AG by the Governor, might be too obvious.

When in doubt, vide Federalist X

Kevin Smith

November 19, 2017

Wayne Roustan

The Sun Sentinel

RE: The Broward County Fair

Mr. Roustan, 

Who owns the Broward County Fair?

Who does the books?

Who gets to see the books?

Who assumes the risk?

At the end of the day, who gets to keep the money?

Kevin Smith

November 17, 2017

Mayor Cathy Sheehan

City Hall

24 Eagle Street

Albany, NY 12207

RE: TV is good except when it is bad. Some comments on your Tucker Carlson appearance last night.

Mayor Sheehan,

Having read your bio I must do some housekeeping.

One of my 2 favorite teachers ever was Bernard Sternsher, Ph.D. He was a classmate of Coach Bear Bryant at Alabama. I had the pleasure of taking 6 credits of American History with him at Seton Hall University. This was back when Lyndon Johnson

led our country into 2 wars. One of them ended with 58,000 names on a wall in Washington while the other, the hugely popular and very successful War on Poverty, is still being fought. And yes, the term exit strategy is still valid.

Professor Sternsher wound up at Bowling Green from which you were graduated. Perchance, did you have him?

The other shot in the dark is Dick Campbell, Esq. His law degree is from Albany. He represented me faithfully in U.S. Tax Court during my travails with Uncle Sam’s bean counters. It did not end well. Since your degree is also from Albany the slim chance exists that you shared torts with him. Just asking.

Now comes the nettlesome part. 

How do Catholic politicians square the circle on abortion? And yes, it does apply to the chimeric Sanctuary City soufflé that had you phumphering on TV last night.

Since you are in Albany, I must tell you that I have been asking Governors Cuomo, pere et fils, a simple question. Mario, AKA the Hamlet of the Hudson, gave a speech at Notre Dame where he said that while he was personally opposed to abortion, he had no choice but to permit, allow, countenance, acquiesce, in it because it was the law of the land. 

I asked them both what would have happened if Dred Scott had been captured on their watch. Would they have honored the writ of rendition and put his fugitive ass on the midnight train to Georgia or would they have said, “Not on my watch”? I still await an answer. [The operative part of the Constitution is Article 4, Section 1. You may wish to familiarize yourself with it.]

Saint Augustine said, “Love God and do what you will.” It was Chesterton who said, “Catholicism has not been tried and not found wanting, rather it has been tried and found difficult.” Saint Thomas More said, “When statesmen forsake their private conscience for the sake of their public duties they lead their countries by a short route to chaos.” All of which brings me back to you last night doing the modern American Liberal 2 step on why not enforcing Federal law is a good thing, a moral thing.

Except when it isn’t.

“Eclectic indignation”, the illogical construct without which modern American Liberals would surely go mad, enabled you to appear on national TV and say that up is down and wet is dry. Hopefully, your pants did no go ablaze. Also, and it may have been an internal prosthetic device, but no one could call you Pinocchio.

The sound you hear may be the Hound of Heaven gaining on you.

Kevin Smith

PS – As one RC to another, have you made your Easter duty? [That’s inside baseball talk for Catholics only] If you did, how difficult was the walk up the aisle?

November 18, 2017

Fabiola Santiago

The Miami Herald

RE: “Divisive”? – O yah. Sez who?

Sra. Santiago,

In Houston, Texas, a disgruntled Hillary Clinton supporter – as if there were any other kind – festooned her pick-up truck with a “F#&K Trump” sign. She added “F#&K you if you voted for him”. Not exactly reminiscent of the Burke/Fox or the Webster/Calhoun debates but, more importantly, do you think it was “divisive”?

Forget his politics for the nonce. By any standards, standards being something not to be found in the typical modern American Liberal lock box, Congressman Carlos Curbelo is Hispanic. He was denied membership in the Hispanic Congressional Caucus

because he is a Republican. Do you think it was “divisive”?

Clio, my dominant Muse, commands me to go Historical. 3 times in 48 years American Presidents promised “to not send American boys to fight in foreign wars”. A case could obviously be made for lying but, worse, do you think it was “divisive”?

There is a billboard in New Jersey, my home state, thank you, that shows a shooter in the kneeling position aiming his rifle. The caption reads “the only time we take a knee”.

Naturally, the POO [Perpetually Outraged and Offended] are, you guessed it, outraged and offended. The NAACP, and when was the last time you could use the word “colored” without having a visit from the dreaded Word Police, says it is racist. Again, and more importantly, do you think it is “divisive”

Cuba, Venezuela, Zimbabwe, and North Korea have 2 things in common. Other than the 1% holding the whip handle they are disastrous, totally and abjectly, for the people living there. The other thing is that they are, top to bottom, front to back, Socialist. 

Senator Sanders and Senator Lieawatha Warren tell us of the inevitability of Socialism .Is it time to have Kumbaya replace the National Anthem? Again, do you think it is “divisive”?

Get back to me, por favor. I am here on my unicorn ranch and manatee sushi plant trying to get a bumper crop from my rainbow stew bushes and balloon juice trees. All organic, of course, with no carbon footprint. Just trying to undrown those baby seal eating polar bears. “Inclusive”, no?

Kevin Smith

WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET

November 14, 2017

Steve Strunsky

The Jersey Journal

RE: More on speech, political speech, hate speech and the Sikh Mayor of Hoboken.

Mr. Strunsky,

I don’t know if you remember when, in the height of the glorious reign of the great Reagan, all the Democrats, particularly those in the Senate who thought that they should be President or thought that they were President, couldn’t wait to collude with the Kremlin – Look it up – and Hoboken voted itself a nuclear free zone. 

I was in Hoboken as much as 8 times a week back then. I must tell you how much better that made me feel, knowing that the Kremlin would spare Hoboken the worst of a thermonuclear exchange. It was something that enabled Terry Malloy and Johnny Friendly to reach across the aisle and settle their differences. [You can look that up also]

Back to business.

Please tell me which law or laws have been broken in the election mailer pogrom about to begin. Please be specific. Cite the particular statute or statutes.

Does there exist a scintilla of suspicion, a soupcon of doubt, a feeling expressed by Poirot in “Murder on the Orient Express” when he said, “There are too many clues”.

Think about Tawana Brawley.

Think about the Duke lacrosse team.

Think about the UVA fraternity rape case.

Think about the Air Force Academy hate language brouhaha.

Yet again I cite an original DWEM

“FREE MEN SPEAK WITH FREE TONGUES”

We ignore this at our own peril.

Kevin Smith

November 14, 2017

Congressman Ted Deutch

111 Las Olas Blvd

Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33301

RE: More fallout from your mini Op-Ed in Sunday’s Sun Sentinel in which you bemoan the horror, the horror of Trump’s jobs program, the one that is coupled with an undiluted paean to “Let the people keep more of the money they make”.

Congressman Deutch,

So eager was I to point out a typical modern American fallacy, the one that says with a straight face, that tax cuts must be paid for or Grammy will be eating dog food on holidays and dumpster diving with her lead poisoned and rickets infected grandchildren on an odd/even schedule installed to prevent gun fights at the good locations that I overlooked the obvious gorilla in the room.

“Their plan to slash taxes for the biggest corporations and

 wealthiest Americans will add $1.7 trillion to budget deficits

 and trigger automatic and immediate cuts to vital

programs to cover the costs.”

The Sun Sentinel

Sunday

You

[A brief digression: Did you announce the above in person or did your office issue a press release? If you did it front of a microphone or TV camera were you wearing a diaper or rubber knickers? No supposedly intelligent adult could say something like the above without wetting his pants.]

If you are apoplectically opposed to Trump potentially adding $1.7 trillion dollars to the federal budget – Is it true that women and minorities suffer disproportionately when governments operate in the ether world of misfeasance, malfeasance, antifeasance, and. worst of all, just plain dirty rotten feasance, particularly when a Republican in in office? -  what did you do when Barack the Beneficent added $10 trillion to our burdensome deficit and debt. If memory serves he borrowed the first chunk of it from some clever Mandarin bankers. Let me spell it out. $10,000,000,000,000.

Did that bother you then and, if not, why not? Economic “eclectic indignation”?

Kevin Smith