Posts
September 30, 2014
Congressgal Little Debbie
RE: addendum [That’s Latin – Don’t confuse it with erratum]
Dearest Darling Debbie,
My note of the 29th includes 2 potential alma maters for you. It should have included 3. Obviously a curriculum containing Boiling water for rice, Boiling water for pasta, and a 4 credit course, Boiling water for eggs as required courses before moving on to Making pi from scratch and the age old toughie Which fork, Which spoon will not be found everywhere.
I asked if you went to the University of Florida or the University of Floriduh. I should have asked if you had gone to the University of Floridum. The last one has the theme song “Plaids & Stripes – Perfect together”. That one.
I forgot.
I’m sorry.
And so no man may doubt my commitment to multi-cultural diversity I add that “only Allah can weave a perfect rug”.
DEMS!
DON’T DUMP DEBBIE
is really taking off. We’re having a fund raiser at Waxy O’Connor’s in Fort Lauderdale next Tuesday, October 7, starting at noon. Stop by and meet some of your real fans. Plus, it is the 443rd anniversary of the good guys giving the bad guys a Texas-sized ass whupping at Lepanto. Based on 17 years of public statements it is self-evident that you never had any History courses. Thank God for Google. Look that one up also. Cash bar.
Your proud global warming pal,
KS
Tuesday, September 30, 2014
Monday, September 29, 2014
September 28, 2014
Mayor Jack Seiler
100 North Andrews Avenue
Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33301
RE: Sounds like bullshit to me – Some comments on your blurb in today’s Sun Sentinel
Mr. Mayor,
It is with heavy hand and even heavier heart that I write to you in a less than positive way. I say that because we have several mutual acquaintances who assured me that you were smart and, more importantly, a stand-up guy. These names shall remain a pectore because it is my experience with modern American Liberal politicians in Broward County that they are vindictively nasty.
I don’t know about you but I do know the company you keep.
Maybe you have been to dinner too many times at Mitch Berger’s house. By the way, how was the kale and bromeliad consommé? I am sure you know that it was P.J. O’Rourke who discovered that all tofu comes from whale snot. You knew that, didn’t you?
The speaker at the Berger’s dinner was Tom Steyer. He has expanded, exponentially, the edges of the envelope that contains the specs for modern American Liberal hypocrisy. After making a gazillion dollars mining and selling “dirty coal” to the Chinese, said “dirty coal” having been unsaleable in this country for 35 years, he has come to know the Baby Jesus. His penance for being part of the 1% of the 1% is to undo the Industrial Revolution.
What was the dessert that night? Clam shell flambé? Sea weed sorbet? Kudzu cognac?
My grandfather, the legendary Jack Smith, was right. He noticed, shortly after legally arriving in this country, that there were more horses’ asses than there were horses’ heads. Even the temporary imbalance created by Don Corleone would have been corrected when both parts went to the glue factory, right?
I did say “heavy hand and heavier heart”. I am still a fan of meritocracy. By your public statements I am obligated to give you my entry level award. I add that the science of giving this award is long “settled”. Remember Ptolemy?
You are hereby named
HORSE’S ASS OF THE WEEK
with all the rights and privileges attendant thereto.
I am sure your attempt to undrown all those vegan polar bears, for preventing the angry sea, the one which has not yet responded to Obama’s command to make it recede, from roaring down Broward Boulevard and swamping City Hall, plus your concern for transgendered LGBT bullied teenagers who are slaves to tweeting and obesity will cause you to do the one thing that will have an immediate impact on the environment and your electorate.
TURN OFF ALL THE A/Cs IN CITY BUILDINGS
Be the first Mayor in Broward County with environmental cojones.
Lead.
We will follow.
I think.
Maybe.
FROM A PROUD GLOBAL WARMER
Kevin Smith
PS – County Commissioner Kristin Jacobs was one of your fellow blurbers in today’s unlinkable Sun Sentinel. [Relying on Latin rules of grammar, “blurber” is decidedly non-gender specific. Look it up] I hope she puts away a lot of Tanqueray in the morning. No one sober could say such God-awful stupid things. She is the perfect example of why literacy tests should be brought back, not for voters but for candidates. She doesn’t handle any sharp instruments or operate heavy machinery, does she? I may be creating a new award for her. Fred Kite, an almost forgotten British Labor leader, once said, “All them corn fields and ballet at night”. This week this Broward version of Boob McNutt spoke tumescently of “beautiful urban bike trails” and of buses running on yak farts. I hope she will make no further contributions to our depleted gene pool. Jeezus Haitch Keerist but she is making Stacy Ritter and Miriam Oliphant look like runners up for Jeopardy. We’ll have a party when she finds out what to do with her thumbs.
Mayor Jack Seiler
100 North Andrews Avenue
Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33301
RE: Sounds like bullshit to me – Some comments on your blurb in today’s Sun Sentinel
Mr. Mayor,
It is with heavy hand and even heavier heart that I write to you in a less than positive way. I say that because we have several mutual acquaintances who assured me that you were smart and, more importantly, a stand-up guy. These names shall remain a pectore because it is my experience with modern American Liberal politicians in Broward County that they are vindictively nasty.
I don’t know about you but I do know the company you keep.
Maybe you have been to dinner too many times at Mitch Berger’s house. By the way, how was the kale and bromeliad consommé? I am sure you know that it was P.J. O’Rourke who discovered that all tofu comes from whale snot. You knew that, didn’t you?
The speaker at the Berger’s dinner was Tom Steyer. He has expanded, exponentially, the edges of the envelope that contains the specs for modern American Liberal hypocrisy. After making a gazillion dollars mining and selling “dirty coal” to the Chinese, said “dirty coal” having been unsaleable in this country for 35 years, he has come to know the Baby Jesus. His penance for being part of the 1% of the 1% is to undo the Industrial Revolution.
What was the dessert that night? Clam shell flambé? Sea weed sorbet? Kudzu cognac?
My grandfather, the legendary Jack Smith, was right. He noticed, shortly after legally arriving in this country, that there were more horses’ asses than there were horses’ heads. Even the temporary imbalance created by Don Corleone would have been corrected when both parts went to the glue factory, right?
I did say “heavy hand and heavier heart”. I am still a fan of meritocracy. By your public statements I am obligated to give you my entry level award. I add that the science of giving this award is long “settled”. Remember Ptolemy?
You are hereby named
HORSE’S ASS OF THE WEEK
with all the rights and privileges attendant thereto.
I am sure your attempt to undrown all those vegan polar bears, for preventing the angry sea, the one which has not yet responded to Obama’s command to make it recede, from roaring down Broward Boulevard and swamping City Hall, plus your concern for transgendered LGBT bullied teenagers who are slaves to tweeting and obesity will cause you to do the one thing that will have an immediate impact on the environment and your electorate.
TURN OFF ALL THE A/Cs IN CITY BUILDINGS
Be the first Mayor in Broward County with environmental cojones.
Lead.
We will follow.
I think.
Maybe.
FROM A PROUD GLOBAL WARMER
Kevin Smith
PS – County Commissioner Kristin Jacobs was one of your fellow blurbers in today’s unlinkable Sun Sentinel. [Relying on Latin rules of grammar, “blurber” is decidedly non-gender specific. Look it up] I hope she puts away a lot of Tanqueray in the morning. No one sober could say such God-awful stupid things. She is the perfect example of why literacy tests should be brought back, not for voters but for candidates. She doesn’t handle any sharp instruments or operate heavy machinery, does she? I may be creating a new award for her. Fred Kite, an almost forgotten British Labor leader, once said, “All them corn fields and ballet at night”. This week this Broward version of Boob McNutt spoke tumescently of “beautiful urban bike trails” and of buses running on yak farts. I hope she will make no further contributions to our depleted gene pool. Jeezus Haitch Keerist but she is making Stacy Ritter and Miriam Oliphant look like runners up for Jeopardy. We’ll have a party when she finds out what to do with her thumbs.
September 28, 2014
Congressperson Debbie Wasserman-Schultz
10100 Pembroke Pines Blvd.
Pembroke Pines, FL 33026
RE: My pen is at your command
Dearest Darling Debbie,
DEMS!
DON’T DUMP DEBBIE!
Don’t Dump Debbie is the name of my new PAC.
What in the name of modern American Liberal wackamoles would I do without you?
I have waited longer than Vladimir and Estragon waited for the impolite Godot to arrive for the much heralded Summer of Recovery. Now that my manatee sushi business has been derailed by Wal-Mart I have far too much time on my hands.
That’s where you come in.
I am unable to keep up with your verbal incontinence but I rejoice in the fact that it is always there. I have an internal clock, like the one I use to limit my daily take of whooping cranes to 2, which prevents me from liquidating my vast 1% holdings and devoting myself to nothing else by hurling flaming bags of cat scat at you.
STOP THE PRESSES!
2 weeks ago you said “10 years of Coca-Cola and M&Ms gave you breast cancer”. You never said whether it was Diet Coke or M&Ms with nuts. This is important. You could just as easily have said that 10 years of Nancy Pelosi and tuition bills gave you breast cancer. How about the hole in the ozone layer? How about the hole in the ozone layer closing? Cash for Clunkers and the Summer of Recovery? The combination of being paid only 78% of what Congressman Alan West got when he was in Congress and the Koch Brothers polluting the airwaves could be carcinogenic.
I name the above examples because your CV says you have 2 degrees from the University of Florida. If you do you managed to get through at least 5 years of college without ever once tripping over tautologies, circular reasoning, post hoc ergo propter hoc, and why correlation is confused with causation. The last one is the comfort zone for oafs, blockheads, and modern American Liberal dunces.
It also allows you to bypass one of the wonders of Western Civilization; viz, the scientific method. It does away with thinking. Let me give you an example. Global warming is caused by hot summers which are caused by Global Warming, high tides are caused by Global Warming which also causes Global Colling which causes it to be cold in winter, ad infinitum. Once you get the hang of it it makes everything easy. Alas, it also makes it wrong but in the mAL world of only expectations, never results, counting you can reach the horizon while defying gravity.
It sure as Hell beats thinking.
I even thought you were engaging in some Noel Coward drawing room comedy but that would have been cruel to you. Whatever your strong points are sly wit and satire are to be found nowhere in your slim quiver.
As you were saying…
“He gives women the back of his hand and he drags us by our hair.”
I know you said that because you apologized for saying it
I have too many strong women in my family to give you or any woman “the back of my hand”.
As to “pulling you by your hair”, I fracked my first well in Duval County, Texas. One of my jobs was to re-wire fences. [Speaking of Duval County, why isn’t there a modern Americana Liberal shrine there? In 1948 Lyndon Johnson thought he had lost the Democratic Primary for United States Senate, “Not so fast”, said his good pal Abe Fortas. They counted the votes, they recounted the votes. They recounted the recounted votes. It was touch and go until, mirabile dictu, Abe Fortas found several hundred missing absentee ballots. I know it’s hard to believe but they were lined up alphabetically. Honest. I mean really honest. Would it be too far of a reach to suggest that, absent typical modern American mendacity, there would have been no wall in Washington with 58, 416 names of dead Americans on it? If you are not aware of it I am talking about the wall for the Americans who died in Vietnam. That wall. That war. At least that war ended. The other modern American Liberal war, the hugely successful War on Poverty, is rivaled only by the Punic Wars. How about a few pyramids? Thank God for Google.]
I look at your hair and I think “barbed wire”. Jagged, twisted, rusty, viper tongued, meaner than cat shit barbed wire. Rest easy. If anyone grabs you by those Medusa-like appendages it won’t be me
DON’T DUMP DEBBY
is a section 201, 301, 401, 501, 601, C3, C4, C4, DC3, and C47 non-profit PAC.
Any contribution you can make will be greatly appreciated.
Maybe your husband’s bank could help out.
Any way, hang tough. I got your back.
FROM A PROUD GLOBAL WARMER
Kevin Smith
PS – Was it the University of Florida or the University of Floriduh?
Congressperson Debbie Wasserman-Schultz
10100 Pembroke Pines Blvd.
Pembroke Pines, FL 33026
RE: My pen is at your command
Dearest Darling Debbie,
DEMS!
DON’T DUMP DEBBIE!
Don’t Dump Debbie is the name of my new PAC.
What in the name of modern American Liberal wackamoles would I do without you?
I have waited longer than Vladimir and Estragon waited for the impolite Godot to arrive for the much heralded Summer of Recovery. Now that my manatee sushi business has been derailed by Wal-Mart I have far too much time on my hands.
That’s where you come in.
I am unable to keep up with your verbal incontinence but I rejoice in the fact that it is always there. I have an internal clock, like the one I use to limit my daily take of whooping cranes to 2, which prevents me from liquidating my vast 1% holdings and devoting myself to nothing else by hurling flaming bags of cat scat at you.
STOP THE PRESSES!
2 weeks ago you said “10 years of Coca-Cola and M&Ms gave you breast cancer”. You never said whether it was Diet Coke or M&Ms with nuts. This is important. You could just as easily have said that 10 years of Nancy Pelosi and tuition bills gave you breast cancer. How about the hole in the ozone layer? How about the hole in the ozone layer closing? Cash for Clunkers and the Summer of Recovery? The combination of being paid only 78% of what Congressman Alan West got when he was in Congress and the Koch Brothers polluting the airwaves could be carcinogenic.
I name the above examples because your CV says you have 2 degrees from the University of Florida. If you do you managed to get through at least 5 years of college without ever once tripping over tautologies, circular reasoning, post hoc ergo propter hoc, and why correlation is confused with causation. The last one is the comfort zone for oafs, blockheads, and modern American Liberal dunces.
It also allows you to bypass one of the wonders of Western Civilization; viz, the scientific method. It does away with thinking. Let me give you an example. Global warming is caused by hot summers which are caused by Global Warming, high tides are caused by Global Warming which also causes Global Colling which causes it to be cold in winter, ad infinitum. Once you get the hang of it it makes everything easy. Alas, it also makes it wrong but in the mAL world of only expectations, never results, counting you can reach the horizon while defying gravity.
It sure as Hell beats thinking.
I even thought you were engaging in some Noel Coward drawing room comedy but that would have been cruel to you. Whatever your strong points are sly wit and satire are to be found nowhere in your slim quiver.
As you were saying…
“He gives women the back of his hand and he drags us by our hair.”
I know you said that because you apologized for saying it
I have too many strong women in my family to give you or any woman “the back of my hand”.
As to “pulling you by your hair”, I fracked my first well in Duval County, Texas. One of my jobs was to re-wire fences. [Speaking of Duval County, why isn’t there a modern Americana Liberal shrine there? In 1948 Lyndon Johnson thought he had lost the Democratic Primary for United States Senate, “Not so fast”, said his good pal Abe Fortas. They counted the votes, they recounted the votes. They recounted the recounted votes. It was touch and go until, mirabile dictu, Abe Fortas found several hundred missing absentee ballots. I know it’s hard to believe but they were lined up alphabetically. Honest. I mean really honest. Would it be too far of a reach to suggest that, absent typical modern American mendacity, there would have been no wall in Washington with 58, 416 names of dead Americans on it? If you are not aware of it I am talking about the wall for the Americans who died in Vietnam. That wall. That war. At least that war ended. The other modern American Liberal war, the hugely successful War on Poverty, is rivaled only by the Punic Wars. How about a few pyramids? Thank God for Google.]
I look at your hair and I think “barbed wire”. Jagged, twisted, rusty, viper tongued, meaner than cat shit barbed wire. Rest easy. If anyone grabs you by those Medusa-like appendages it won’t be me
DON’T DUMP DEBBY
is a section 201, 301, 401, 501, 601, C3, C4, C4, DC3, and C47 non-profit PAC.
Any contribution you can make will be greatly appreciated.
Maybe your husband’s bank could help out.
Any way, hang tough. I got your back.
FROM A PROUD GLOBAL WARMER
Kevin Smith
PS – Was it the University of Florida or the University of Floriduh?
Wednesday, September 24, 2014
September 24, 2014
Letter to the Editor
The Miami Herald
3511 NW 91st Avenue
Miami, FL 33172
RE: “The Urgency of Climate Change” – Some comments on today’s “The sky is falling” editorial on why electricity, frozen foods, plastic, carrots, broccoli, potatoes, and cable TV are bad.
Sirs,
Alas, there are several inconvenient facts that Worshippers at the Luddite Church of Undoing the Industrial Revolution always turn a blind eye to. There is a growing chorus of believers in reasoned discourse and, most importantly, the scientific method whose voices will be heard. That we have to bear the slings and arrows of outrage from boobs and mountebanks is a burden we gladly take up.
#1 – Carbon Dioxide – Should we outlaw photosynthesis? Should we burn down all the rainforests? How about forbidding all bovine, orvine, and porcine eructattions? GlobalCoolingGlobalWarmingClimateChangeClimateDestruction is a problem at least equal to ADHD children whose Moms are women of color who are single parents and the plight of transgendered, lactose intolerant LGBT overweight teens who are being bullied. Should we encourage parents to train their children to hold their breaths?
#2 – Global Warming – Follow the bouncing ball. I’ll type slowly. As temperatures rise more land becomes more arable. That leads to an increase in protein which leads to smarter people. 12 centuries ago temperatures spiked upward in Europe. We wound up with the Renaissance. Do you have a problem with Dante? That’s why I wear a ball cap proclaiming me as a PROUD GLOBAL WARMER.
#3 – Think Globally; Act Locally – Since the last century I have been begging the Miami Herald to lead the charge against fossil fuels. About ½ of the electricity generated in this country comes from burning coal. About ½ of that electricity is used to run A/Cs. You must lead the way! Turn off all your A/Cs! We will follow. I think. Maybe. If we don’t, you will have earned that warm and fuzzy feeling that modern American Liberals so desperately want. In this case it will be a very warm feeling. Then you can mandate the use of public transportation by your employees.
#4 – Thank God for Leonardo the Benevolent – Horse’s Ass of the Week, Pompous Fart of the Month, Smarmy Bastard of the Year. I raise a major Te Deum that He has revealed Himself to us. Lambs and goats are slaughtered to show how happy we are that He has appeared. So seldom does a ninny such as he appear that it reminds me of Keats “seeing a new planet swim into his ken”. This jackass flies here in a private jet that burns more fuel than an F-16. He takes an SUV that burns so much gas that NSA satellites can track it. It also tracks the dozen or so polar bears he killed, including 2 nursing sows. Before addressing the assembled serfs, he accepts an award from Bill Clinton, the King of the One-Eyed Trouser Snakes. The award is on par with the one given to the 3rd tallest building in Wichita, KS. It is a leg up on the world’s second tallest midget laurel. Can enough flaming bags of cat shit be prepared to fling at Him before he returns to his gas-guzzling world? No.
#4 – Water front property – Why, if it is so obvious that the ocean levels are rising – Would it make me a racist to point out that President Obama, and let me say that he is the best President we have, told us that he would make the oceans recede? It is a risk that I have to take. If I don’t, in a strange way, the terrorists win. – do people still strive to buy waterfront property? The hated 1% can afford to hire very smart people who should tell them that the oceans are rising and soon, very soon, boat trips to Key West will start in Ocala. An acre of waterfront property in Miami was sold last month for $1,000,000. One million dollars. And no one told them? Shame on us.
#5 – The problem with modern American Liberals, in addition to suffering from “non-malodorous fecal matter syndrome” and an overload of “eclectic indignation”, is that they confuse feelings with ideas. Having cleared that very low bar they now graduate to feeling that correlation and causation is the same thing. They ain’t. Anyone who puts “consensus” and “science” in the same sentence should be flogged. Repeatedly. Nobody but nobody had the “consensus of scientists” like Ptolemy. He had it for 15 centuries. Has anybody heard about him lately?
Speaking of missing persons, did the Somali pirates snatch up Cindy Sheehan?
I am hard pressed to prevent the word bullshit from drowning out all else, particularly from “know-nothing” editorial writers.
Kevin Smith
PS – Dial 1-800- VIVALDI for emergency weather lessons 24/7
Letter to the Editor
The Miami Herald
3511 NW 91st Avenue
Miami, FL 33172
RE: “The Urgency of Climate Change” – Some comments on today’s “The sky is falling” editorial on why electricity, frozen foods, plastic, carrots, broccoli, potatoes, and cable TV are bad.
Sirs,
Alas, there are several inconvenient facts that Worshippers at the Luddite Church of Undoing the Industrial Revolution always turn a blind eye to. There is a growing chorus of believers in reasoned discourse and, most importantly, the scientific method whose voices will be heard. That we have to bear the slings and arrows of outrage from boobs and mountebanks is a burden we gladly take up.
#1 – Carbon Dioxide – Should we outlaw photosynthesis? Should we burn down all the rainforests? How about forbidding all bovine, orvine, and porcine eructattions? GlobalCoolingGlobalWarmingClimateChangeClimateDestruction is a problem at least equal to ADHD children whose Moms are women of color who are single parents and the plight of transgendered, lactose intolerant LGBT overweight teens who are being bullied. Should we encourage parents to train their children to hold their breaths?
#2 – Global Warming – Follow the bouncing ball. I’ll type slowly. As temperatures rise more land becomes more arable. That leads to an increase in protein which leads to smarter people. 12 centuries ago temperatures spiked upward in Europe. We wound up with the Renaissance. Do you have a problem with Dante? That’s why I wear a ball cap proclaiming me as a PROUD GLOBAL WARMER.
#3 – Think Globally; Act Locally – Since the last century I have been begging the Miami Herald to lead the charge against fossil fuels. About ½ of the electricity generated in this country comes from burning coal. About ½ of that electricity is used to run A/Cs. You must lead the way! Turn off all your A/Cs! We will follow. I think. Maybe. If we don’t, you will have earned that warm and fuzzy feeling that modern American Liberals so desperately want. In this case it will be a very warm feeling. Then you can mandate the use of public transportation by your employees.
#4 – Thank God for Leonardo the Benevolent – Horse’s Ass of the Week, Pompous Fart of the Month, Smarmy Bastard of the Year. I raise a major Te Deum that He has revealed Himself to us. Lambs and goats are slaughtered to show how happy we are that He has appeared. So seldom does a ninny such as he appear that it reminds me of Keats “seeing a new planet swim into his ken”. This jackass flies here in a private jet that burns more fuel than an F-16. He takes an SUV that burns so much gas that NSA satellites can track it. It also tracks the dozen or so polar bears he killed, including 2 nursing sows. Before addressing the assembled serfs, he accepts an award from Bill Clinton, the King of the One-Eyed Trouser Snakes. The award is on par with the one given to the 3rd tallest building in Wichita, KS. It is a leg up on the world’s second tallest midget laurel. Can enough flaming bags of cat shit be prepared to fling at Him before he returns to his gas-guzzling world? No.
#4 – Water front property – Why, if it is so obvious that the ocean levels are rising – Would it make me a racist to point out that President Obama, and let me say that he is the best President we have, told us that he would make the oceans recede? It is a risk that I have to take. If I don’t, in a strange way, the terrorists win. – do people still strive to buy waterfront property? The hated 1% can afford to hire very smart people who should tell them that the oceans are rising and soon, very soon, boat trips to Key West will start in Ocala. An acre of waterfront property in Miami was sold last month for $1,000,000. One million dollars. And no one told them? Shame on us.
#5 – The problem with modern American Liberals, in addition to suffering from “non-malodorous fecal matter syndrome” and an overload of “eclectic indignation”, is that they confuse feelings with ideas. Having cleared that very low bar they now graduate to feeling that correlation and causation is the same thing. They ain’t. Anyone who puts “consensus” and “science” in the same sentence should be flogged. Repeatedly. Nobody but nobody had the “consensus of scientists” like Ptolemy. He had it for 15 centuries. Has anybody heard about him lately?
Speaking of missing persons, did the Somali pirates snatch up Cindy Sheehan?
I am hard pressed to prevent the word bullshit from drowning out all else, particularly from “know-nothing” editorial writers.
Kevin Smith
PS – Dial 1-800- VIVALDI for emergency weather lessons 24/7
Monday, September 22, 2014
September 21, 2014
Joy-Ann Reid
The Miami Herald
RE: a touchy subject
Ms. Reid,
“Crist needs to fire up black voters”
The Miami Herald
9/18/14
You
I am a proud, self-proclaimed descendant of DWEMs. Ergo, I am at high risk of being branded with the dreaded scarlet “R” and then being consigned to the netherworld of bigoted White guys, an “undiscovered country from which no traveler ever returns”.
“Ferguson has made it crystal clear to the African-American
community that we’ve got to go to the polls,” Rep. John Lewis,
D-Ga, told the New York Times.
The Sun Sentinel
Today
Pray tell, why do African-Americans and other people of color need to be goaded and/or cajoled to vote? Los Angeles, and when was the last time anyone but a card carrying modern American Liberal was elected to anything there, is considering paying people to vote.
You mention “longer wait times” as if the ghosts of Senator Bilbo or Senator Sparkman ran the polls. Google them.
I am a disabled senior citizen. It took me 1 hour and 47 minutes to vote in 2012. It was hot and sticky, plus my various ailments did not react well to standing in the sun.
Exactly what is that proof of?
Didn’t Jess Jackson have a great election scam that he ran on a quadrennial basis?
The Democratic Party figured it was better to have him “inside the tent pissing out rather than outside the tent pissing in”.
Every Labor Day he got a corporate credit card, an inside 800 travel agency phone number, and a sack filled with cash. His job was to register Black voters.
Why did he have to do it every 4 years? Did he have to re-register them every 4 years? If so, why didn’t they stay registered?
If, things are as bad for African-Americans as Congressman Lewis says, why do they have to be cattle prodded to register? It’s not as if a proctologic exam is required to get a voter ID card.
It is an inconvenient truth that if every black man in America had voted twice for Obama he would not have been elected without White support.
If waiting in line is proof of racism what are the elections of 2008 and 2012 proof of?
One more thing.
You criticize Governor Scott for wearing boots showing a Confederate flag as one of 5 flags that flew over Florida.
If the flag is removed will that mean – think Orwell – it never flew here?
If we burn all copies of “Birth of a Nation” will that mean that Democratic President Woodrow Wilson never showed it in the White House”
If we don’t mention the Davis-Bacon Act, the most anti-Black Federal law passed in the 20th century, will that mean it never happened?
If we take the name Russell off the Senate Office Building, if we take the names Stennis and Vinson off the bows of 2 nuclear powered aircraft carriers will that make the History of the Democratic Party read that it wasn’t the most racist political party in American History?
Is it racism per se to mention that, so far, all the lady beaters and child abusers in the NFL are African-American or am I confusing correlation with causation?
Of the 60,000,000 abortions in this country since 1973, about 3/8ths have been performed on Black women. The facts would support the use of the word “genocide”, no? Why is there no outrage at that? 23,000,000 African-Americans have gone, absolutely and literally, down the drain. Why are there no choruses of “No justice, no peace” over that?
Alas, we are told that “permutations and emanations” now decide Constitutional issues. Perhaps the right to vote implies an equally vital right not to vote.
Either way, as long as Blacks vote blindly for Democrats they’ll be tossing a two-headed coin that will never come up tails.
Kevin Smith
WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET
Joy-Ann Reid
The Miami Herald
RE: a touchy subject
Ms. Reid,
“Crist needs to fire up black voters”
The Miami Herald
9/18/14
You
I am a proud, self-proclaimed descendant of DWEMs. Ergo, I am at high risk of being branded with the dreaded scarlet “R” and then being consigned to the netherworld of bigoted White guys, an “undiscovered country from which no traveler ever returns”.
“Ferguson has made it crystal clear to the African-American
community that we’ve got to go to the polls,” Rep. John Lewis,
D-Ga, told the New York Times.
The Sun Sentinel
Today
Pray tell, why do African-Americans and other people of color need to be goaded and/or cajoled to vote? Los Angeles, and when was the last time anyone but a card carrying modern American Liberal was elected to anything there, is considering paying people to vote.
You mention “longer wait times” as if the ghosts of Senator Bilbo or Senator Sparkman ran the polls. Google them.
I am a disabled senior citizen. It took me 1 hour and 47 minutes to vote in 2012. It was hot and sticky, plus my various ailments did not react well to standing in the sun.
Exactly what is that proof of?
Didn’t Jess Jackson have a great election scam that he ran on a quadrennial basis?
The Democratic Party figured it was better to have him “inside the tent pissing out rather than outside the tent pissing in”.
Every Labor Day he got a corporate credit card, an inside 800 travel agency phone number, and a sack filled with cash. His job was to register Black voters.
Why did he have to do it every 4 years? Did he have to re-register them every 4 years? If so, why didn’t they stay registered?
If, things are as bad for African-Americans as Congressman Lewis says, why do they have to be cattle prodded to register? It’s not as if a proctologic exam is required to get a voter ID card.
It is an inconvenient truth that if every black man in America had voted twice for Obama he would not have been elected without White support.
If waiting in line is proof of racism what are the elections of 2008 and 2012 proof of?
One more thing.
You criticize Governor Scott for wearing boots showing a Confederate flag as one of 5 flags that flew over Florida.
If the flag is removed will that mean – think Orwell – it never flew here?
If we burn all copies of “Birth of a Nation” will that mean that Democratic President Woodrow Wilson never showed it in the White House”
If we don’t mention the Davis-Bacon Act, the most anti-Black Federal law passed in the 20th century, will that mean it never happened?
If we take the name Russell off the Senate Office Building, if we take the names Stennis and Vinson off the bows of 2 nuclear powered aircraft carriers will that make the History of the Democratic Party read that it wasn’t the most racist political party in American History?
Is it racism per se to mention that, so far, all the lady beaters and child abusers in the NFL are African-American or am I confusing correlation with causation?
Of the 60,000,000 abortions in this country since 1973, about 3/8ths have been performed on Black women. The facts would support the use of the word “genocide”, no? Why is there no outrage at that? 23,000,000 African-Americans have gone, absolutely and literally, down the drain. Why are there no choruses of “No justice, no peace” over that?
Alas, we are told that “permutations and emanations” now decide Constitutional issues. Perhaps the right to vote implies an equally vital right not to vote.
Either way, as long as Blacks vote blindly for Democrats they’ll be tossing a two-headed coin that will never come up tails.
Kevin Smith
WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET
Sunday, September 21, 2014
September 18, 2014
Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman-Schultz
10100 Pines Blvd
Pembroke Pines, FL 33026
RE: An award earned the old fashioned way
Debbie, Debbie,
After reading of your dispute with the Democratic National Committee over their refusal to buy your clothes I then read of your winning a lifetime achievement award from the Suzan G. Komen Breast Cancer Foundation
The only criterion for winning the award is a positive biopsy for malignancy and the ability to be upright and breathing when you receive it.
I enclose an autographed dollar bill. Please use it to offset the cost of whatever frock you wear you receive this award. I suggest you visit Nick’s Nearly New Shoppe. They have a great selection of – you guessed it – nearly new schmatta.
Lest you think I am a far worse lout than the one who caused you to send the police to my house 13 years ago today – If memory serves that was for something I wrote. So much for the vaunted modern American Liberal love of the First Amendment –
for using cancer as a spring board for scorn and ridicule I too am a cancer survivor.
If you were afflicted with terminal glossolalia you would still be worthy of scorn and ridicule. Come to think of it you are showing some of the symptoms, most notably your ability to sound like different persons when talking about Israel. In Washington you sound like Neville Chamberlain. In Broward County you sound like a cross between Ari ben Canaan, Moshe Dayan, Meir Kahane, and Hyman Roth. So much for the shibboleth that all Jews are smart.
Since 2004 I have had 6 surgeries, a month of radiation and 2 rounds of chemo.
And here’s something I cannot make up.
I am currently being treated for breast cancer.
Were I to win an award for getting cancer and being able to talk about it I promise to pay for whatever clothes I would wear when receiving it
Smarmy, as in smarmy bastard, is a word that usually cannot be modified, quantified, or qualified.
I have spoken to the Elders of the Shrine of Fowler, Strunck & White. They have allowed me the privilege of one specific exception for one today and only if it applies to you.
We know that you are the paradigmatic template used to construct a working model of smarmy bastards, gender bias free and lactose intolerant LGBT friendly.
I add a well and truly earned addition to your crown.
ALL HAIL LITTLE DEBBIE!
THE DOYENNE OF SPENDING OTHER PEOPLE’S MONEY!
CHEAP SMARMY BASTARD!
KEVIN SMITH
Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman-Schultz
10100 Pines Blvd
Pembroke Pines, FL 33026
RE: An award earned the old fashioned way
Debbie, Debbie,
After reading of your dispute with the Democratic National Committee over their refusal to buy your clothes I then read of your winning a lifetime achievement award from the Suzan G. Komen Breast Cancer Foundation
The only criterion for winning the award is a positive biopsy for malignancy and the ability to be upright and breathing when you receive it.
I enclose an autographed dollar bill. Please use it to offset the cost of whatever frock you wear you receive this award. I suggest you visit Nick’s Nearly New Shoppe. They have a great selection of – you guessed it – nearly new schmatta.
Lest you think I am a far worse lout than the one who caused you to send the police to my house 13 years ago today – If memory serves that was for something I wrote. So much for the vaunted modern American Liberal love of the First Amendment –
for using cancer as a spring board for scorn and ridicule I too am a cancer survivor.
If you were afflicted with terminal glossolalia you would still be worthy of scorn and ridicule. Come to think of it you are showing some of the symptoms, most notably your ability to sound like different persons when talking about Israel. In Washington you sound like Neville Chamberlain. In Broward County you sound like a cross between Ari ben Canaan, Moshe Dayan, Meir Kahane, and Hyman Roth. So much for the shibboleth that all Jews are smart.
Since 2004 I have had 6 surgeries, a month of radiation and 2 rounds of chemo.
And here’s something I cannot make up.
I am currently being treated for breast cancer.
Were I to win an award for getting cancer and being able to talk about it I promise to pay for whatever clothes I would wear when receiving it
Smarmy, as in smarmy bastard, is a word that usually cannot be modified, quantified, or qualified.
I have spoken to the Elders of the Shrine of Fowler, Strunck & White. They have allowed me the privilege of one specific exception for one today and only if it applies to you.
We know that you are the paradigmatic template used to construct a working model of smarmy bastards, gender bias free and lactose intolerant LGBT friendly.
I add a well and truly earned addition to your crown.
ALL HAIL LITTLE DEBBIE!
THE DOYENNE OF SPENDING OTHER PEOPLE’S MONEY!
CHEAP SMARMY BASTARD!
KEVIN SMITH
Tuesday, September 16, 2014
September 16, 2014
Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman-Schultz
19200 W. Country Club Drive
Aventura, FL 33180
RE: You are like herpes. A gift that keeps on giving
Ms Wasserperson-Schultz,
How tough must it be to be a modern American Liberal, particularly one who is daily in the public eye squaring the circle of lunacies that are demanded of tis votaries?
For example, any discussion of the First Amendment cannot go 2 paragraphs, indeed sometimes 2 sentences, with the obligatory obeisance to the twin Gods of “Slippery Slope” and “Chilling Effect”.
The contradiction is that no one dares to point out that the United States Senate, under the toxic thumb of Harry the Hack and his faithful companion, Little Dick, just spent 4 days trying to undo the First Amendment.
Who can forget, not I surely, that you sent the Florida Department of Law Enforcement, men with badges, men with guns, and men with the full majesty of the Law behind them, to my house, because of something I wrote.
“Free speech for thee but not for me” is the hallmark of wanabee Brown Shirts, AKA modern American Liberals.
There was a time when I thought you weren’t – How to say this delicately? – dumber than a box of hammers. I thought you had broken out of the tight circle of Broward County chick pols who couldn’t tell you what color an orange was.
Stacey Ritter, Miriam Oliphant, Beverly Gallagher, Phyllis Wasserman-Rubin, Sylvia Poitier, Kristin Jacobs leap to mind. What an argument for birth control!
I’ll say this for modern American Liberals.
THEY NEVER LET YOU DOWN
You say, with no fear of being pelted with flaming bags of cat shit, that 10 years of Coca-Cola and M&Ms gave you cancer.
That construct relies heavily on the reasoning that Global Warming causes hot summers which cause Global Warming which causes polar bears to drown and, you guessed it, more Global Warming. And to think that Leonidas and his loyal Spartan Hoplites died at Thermopylae defending critical thinking and Logic from the Persian feral thugs.
I suppose since you haven’t said whether it was M&M plain or M&Ms with nuts that caused all those carcinoid incubuses to visit you the jury is still out as whether you are a Horse’s Ass of truly Homeric proportions or just a regular Horse’s Ass with potential.
I’ll spare you the notion that correlation is not causation, it being a bit too much for the plate of a modern American Liberal since it demands the discipline of critical thinking. People who think raising the minimum wage and taxes will bring an economic resurgence are incapable of either critical thinking or reasoned discourse.
This morning’s attempt for automatic entry into the “What, me worry?” Hall of Fame is your kvetching about bureaucracy in the Army Corps of Engineers.
For a card carrying, fire breathing modern American Liberal, someone who believes that the horizon can be reached if enough good people work hard enough at it – Hey! The war on Poverty worked didn’t it? – to complain about bureaucracy is like the vixen complaining that there are too many chickens. In your case, it would be like Nagaina, the Queen Cobra, complaining that there were too many legs to bite.
You complain that it is taking too long to deepen the channel at Port Everglades so as to allow larger ships access. [Here’s a diabolically inconvenient fact to chew on. Since you are boycotting Chick-Fil-A for the odious practice saying what they believe and are contemplating boycotting Burger King for not drinking the Kool-Aid what in the name of Cesar Chavez are you are going to do after I tell you that half of the ships that will benefit from your disturbing manatees and damaging coral reef are carrying stuff bound for Wal-Mart? Since those Midwestern rich White guys stick together the expeditious widening of the ship channel will benefit the Koch Brothers also. Chew on that for a while.]
But here’s where it gets interesting.
Didn’t Candidate Obama pronounce in a most ex cathedra manner while standing in front of the faux Greek columns that he would make the oceans recede? Taking him at his word, after all Camp Gitmo is closed and we are now in our fifth Summer of Recovery, he has made the problem worse.
It will be task for an aquatic Sisyphus.
No matter how much the channel is deepened it will never be deep enough for the big ships to get through. The reason is simple. The damn water is receding. Didn’t the President tell us so? By the way, does anyone know where the water goes? Is this why polar bears are drowning? Did it inspire ISIS/ISIL? How about Ebola? Did it cause teen age bullying, the heartbreak of psoriasis, or discrimination against lactose intolerant transgendered Ritalin resistant ADHD inner city youth?
I guess the Army Corps of Engineers didn’t get the memo.
If the United States sends military personnel wearing Air Jordans to fight on the ground would that fall with the parameters of “No boots on the ground”?
FROM A PROUD GLOBAL WARMER!
Kevin Smith
PS – I hope your husband’s bank merger went smooth and easy. I would hate to think you would need to use Congresswoman Maxine Waters rules of engagement. She described TV shots of her constituents looting a 7-11 as “alternative shopping”, remember? She and her husband are known as Mr. & Mrs. Jesse James. She must have pictures of Obama and Holder doing the two-step in matching tu-tus while being two or three tokes over the line.
Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman-Schultz
19200 W. Country Club Drive
Aventura, FL 33180
RE: You are like herpes. A gift that keeps on giving
Ms Wasserperson-Schultz,
How tough must it be to be a modern American Liberal, particularly one who is daily in the public eye squaring the circle of lunacies that are demanded of tis votaries?
For example, any discussion of the First Amendment cannot go 2 paragraphs, indeed sometimes 2 sentences, with the obligatory obeisance to the twin Gods of “Slippery Slope” and “Chilling Effect”.
The contradiction is that no one dares to point out that the United States Senate, under the toxic thumb of Harry the Hack and his faithful companion, Little Dick, just spent 4 days trying to undo the First Amendment.
Who can forget, not I surely, that you sent the Florida Department of Law Enforcement, men with badges, men with guns, and men with the full majesty of the Law behind them, to my house, because of something I wrote.
“Free speech for thee but not for me” is the hallmark of wanabee Brown Shirts, AKA modern American Liberals.
There was a time when I thought you weren’t – How to say this delicately? – dumber than a box of hammers. I thought you had broken out of the tight circle of Broward County chick pols who couldn’t tell you what color an orange was.
Stacey Ritter, Miriam Oliphant, Beverly Gallagher, Phyllis Wasserman-Rubin, Sylvia Poitier, Kristin Jacobs leap to mind. What an argument for birth control!
I’ll say this for modern American Liberals.
THEY NEVER LET YOU DOWN
You say, with no fear of being pelted with flaming bags of cat shit, that 10 years of Coca-Cola and M&Ms gave you cancer.
That construct relies heavily on the reasoning that Global Warming causes hot summers which cause Global Warming which causes polar bears to drown and, you guessed it, more Global Warming. And to think that Leonidas and his loyal Spartan Hoplites died at Thermopylae defending critical thinking and Logic from the Persian feral thugs.
I suppose since you haven’t said whether it was M&M plain or M&Ms with nuts that caused all those carcinoid incubuses to visit you the jury is still out as whether you are a Horse’s Ass of truly Homeric proportions or just a regular Horse’s Ass with potential.
I’ll spare you the notion that correlation is not causation, it being a bit too much for the plate of a modern American Liberal since it demands the discipline of critical thinking. People who think raising the minimum wage and taxes will bring an economic resurgence are incapable of either critical thinking or reasoned discourse.
This morning’s attempt for automatic entry into the “What, me worry?” Hall of Fame is your kvetching about bureaucracy in the Army Corps of Engineers.
For a card carrying, fire breathing modern American Liberal, someone who believes that the horizon can be reached if enough good people work hard enough at it – Hey! The war on Poverty worked didn’t it? – to complain about bureaucracy is like the vixen complaining that there are too many chickens. In your case, it would be like Nagaina, the Queen Cobra, complaining that there were too many legs to bite.
You complain that it is taking too long to deepen the channel at Port Everglades so as to allow larger ships access. [Here’s a diabolically inconvenient fact to chew on. Since you are boycotting Chick-Fil-A for the odious practice saying what they believe and are contemplating boycotting Burger King for not drinking the Kool-Aid what in the name of Cesar Chavez are you are going to do after I tell you that half of the ships that will benefit from your disturbing manatees and damaging coral reef are carrying stuff bound for Wal-Mart? Since those Midwestern rich White guys stick together the expeditious widening of the ship channel will benefit the Koch Brothers also. Chew on that for a while.]
But here’s where it gets interesting.
Didn’t Candidate Obama pronounce in a most ex cathedra manner while standing in front of the faux Greek columns that he would make the oceans recede? Taking him at his word, after all Camp Gitmo is closed and we are now in our fifth Summer of Recovery, he has made the problem worse.
It will be task for an aquatic Sisyphus.
No matter how much the channel is deepened it will never be deep enough for the big ships to get through. The reason is simple. The damn water is receding. Didn’t the President tell us so? By the way, does anyone know where the water goes? Is this why polar bears are drowning? Did it inspire ISIS/ISIL? How about Ebola? Did it cause teen age bullying, the heartbreak of psoriasis, or discrimination against lactose intolerant transgendered Ritalin resistant ADHD inner city youth?
I guess the Army Corps of Engineers didn’t get the memo.
If the United States sends military personnel wearing Air Jordans to fight on the ground would that fall with the parameters of “No boots on the ground”?
FROM A PROUD GLOBAL WARMER!
Kevin Smith
PS – I hope your husband’s bank merger went smooth and easy. I would hate to think you would need to use Congresswoman Maxine Waters rules of engagement. She described TV shots of her constituents looting a 7-11 as “alternative shopping”, remember? She and her husband are known as Mr. & Mrs. Jesse James. She must have pictures of Obama and Holder doing the two-step in matching tu-tus while being two or three tokes over the line.
Sunday, September 14, 2014
September 13, 2014
Mitchell Berger, Esq.
Berger Singerman
350 E. Las Olas Blvd
Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33301
RE: “Slippery slope” or “chilling effect”, 2 of the most terrifying things caused by Republicans who don’t like dirty movies.
Mr. Berger,
One of the beauties of being a practicing modern American Liberal, one of the most revealing, is the ability to say completely opposite things and make them mean whatever you want them to mean. Move over, Alice.
The United States Senate, under the wise and benevolent hand of Harry the Hack, and his faithful troll, Little Dick Durbin, spent 4 days trying to amend the First Amendment. In case you’ve forgotten it the one that starts with “Congress shall make no law…” That one, remember?
That they wanted to tweak the edges by using a flame thrower is proof that they never bring a knife to a gun fight. At its essence it wants to make money spent by the Koch Brothers on elections illegal whole allowing pelf from George Soros to be spread around like organically grown, vitamin and hormone free, bullshit to swamp the Republic. Orwell was right. All bullshit is equal but modern American liberal bullshit is more equal.
The point here is that smarmy modern American Liberals are paramount purveyors of POO, Perpetually Outraged and Offended. Beyond that they are “eclectically indignant” about what to be eclectically indignant about.
Debbie Wasserman-Schultz, she of the woeful countenance, the toxic tongue, and hair that makes Medusa wince, says that Republicans are “waging a war on women”. How is that #Bring Back Our Girls working out?
An unarmed Black teenager is shot and killed by a White police officer. Al Sharpton and his bitch butt boy, Eric Holder, have severely knotted knickers over this.
An unarmed White teenager is shot and killed by a Black police officer. Case closed. In fact, case never opened.
Michael Brown and Dillon Taylor. Look them up.
The comparison to Matthew Shepherd and Jesse Dirkhising is apt.
Jesse Dirkhising? It is important to mention his name, like Solzhenitsyn did for his dead jail mates in The Gulag Archipelago, lest he be forgotten.
One of my avocations is raising environmentally sensitive hackles. I now know that the ozone layer, the rascally imp that Vice President Alpha Gump told us was going over the hill 20 years – scratch that – 23 years ago has a great effect on my precious hackles. It has come back with a vengeance suggesting that based on their spectacular growth the Summer of Recovery may yet be upon us.
Nah. Just kidding.
Anyway, I was whelmed by a plethora of ozone. I had to work double time to get the crop in.
My next big move is to sell the stuff.
Market research indicates that the pompous farts who declare themselves to be part-time vegans will buy the stuff by the car load. It is always good to note that Hitler was, inter alia, the first prominent vegan of the 20th century.
Scratch a modern American Liberal and you get a browns shirt wanabee.
Is it ISIL or ISIS?
Is it a war or is it “round up the usual suspects”?
How is #bringbackourgirls working out?
Get back to me.
Kevin Smith
Mitchell Berger, Esq.
Berger Singerman
350 E. Las Olas Blvd
Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33301
RE: “Slippery slope” or “chilling effect”, 2 of the most terrifying things caused by Republicans who don’t like dirty movies.
Mr. Berger,
One of the beauties of being a practicing modern American Liberal, one of the most revealing, is the ability to say completely opposite things and make them mean whatever you want them to mean. Move over, Alice.
The United States Senate, under the wise and benevolent hand of Harry the Hack, and his faithful troll, Little Dick Durbin, spent 4 days trying to amend the First Amendment. In case you’ve forgotten it the one that starts with “Congress shall make no law…” That one, remember?
That they wanted to tweak the edges by using a flame thrower is proof that they never bring a knife to a gun fight. At its essence it wants to make money spent by the Koch Brothers on elections illegal whole allowing pelf from George Soros to be spread around like organically grown, vitamin and hormone free, bullshit to swamp the Republic. Orwell was right. All bullshit is equal but modern American liberal bullshit is more equal.
The point here is that smarmy modern American Liberals are paramount purveyors of POO, Perpetually Outraged and Offended. Beyond that they are “eclectically indignant” about what to be eclectically indignant about.
Debbie Wasserman-Schultz, she of the woeful countenance, the toxic tongue, and hair that makes Medusa wince, says that Republicans are “waging a war on women”. How is that #Bring Back Our Girls working out?
An unarmed Black teenager is shot and killed by a White police officer. Al Sharpton and his bitch butt boy, Eric Holder, have severely knotted knickers over this.
An unarmed White teenager is shot and killed by a Black police officer. Case closed. In fact, case never opened.
Michael Brown and Dillon Taylor. Look them up.
The comparison to Matthew Shepherd and Jesse Dirkhising is apt.
Jesse Dirkhising? It is important to mention his name, like Solzhenitsyn did for his dead jail mates in The Gulag Archipelago, lest he be forgotten.
One of my avocations is raising environmentally sensitive hackles. I now know that the ozone layer, the rascally imp that Vice President Alpha Gump told us was going over the hill 20 years – scratch that – 23 years ago has a great effect on my precious hackles. It has come back with a vengeance suggesting that based on their spectacular growth the Summer of Recovery may yet be upon us.
Nah. Just kidding.
Anyway, I was whelmed by a plethora of ozone. I had to work double time to get the crop in.
My next big move is to sell the stuff.
Market research indicates that the pompous farts who declare themselves to be part-time vegans will buy the stuff by the car load. It is always good to note that Hitler was, inter alia, the first prominent vegan of the 20th century.
Scratch a modern American Liberal and you get a browns shirt wanabee.
Is it ISIL or ISIS?
Is it a war or is it “round up the usual suspects”?
How is #bringbackourgirls working out?
Get back to me.
Kevin Smith
Wednesday, September 3, 2014
September 3, 2014
Mitchell Berger, Esq.
Berger Singerman
350 E. Las Olas Blvd.
Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33301
RE “Guide for the Perplexed”? Mite auxilium!
Mr. Berger,
Although I am not Jewish the man who founded my Church was. Indeed, I am proud to say that many of my friends, especially some of my best friends, are Jewish.
So when I heard the President of the United States say last week that he “had no strategy” I was dumbfounded. Even if he didn’t why in the name of History would he say that? Franklin Roosevelt sent Chester Nimitz to Pearl Harbor on Christmas, 1941 with the following strategy: “Don’t come back until you’ve won.” Admiral William Halsey had a strategy of broadcasting his position in plain language if he had not contacted the enemy in 3 days.
Then I heard the Vice President of the United States say it was time to “take our country back”. Now that’s a strategy. Even though the Attorney General of the United States said 2 weeks ago that saying “take our country back’ is prima facie proof of racism that didn’t stop Curley. [I call him Curley in honor of the smartest Stooge. By the by, his classmates at Auchmere Academy, a posh prep school on par with, I don’t know, the Buckley School, called him Cheese Dick. Even though the only “blue collar” this ninny saw there was from Brooks Brothers, Polo not yet having arrived, or the guy stoking the furnace, he the mAL friend of the working class. Go figure.]
Then I heard the President of the United States imitating Mrs. Clinton when she took a futile White modern American Liberal middle-aged calorically challenged yenta stab at trying to sound like she grew up in Liberty City. [Another trait common to mALs is the duo of having no shame plus the impossibility of ever embarrassing them]
Can you believe that Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman-Medusa, the official shill for the Democratic Party, expanded her spiel by announcing that, having eaten M&Ms and having drunk Coca-Cola for 10 years, her brand loyalty was rewarded with cancer?
It that’s true we can save a barge filled with dough by shutting down the Sylvester Clinic at the University of Miami, Sloane-Kettering and the Langone Clinics in Manhattan, M.S. Anderson in Houston, and MD Farber in Boston.
All those years, all those patients, all that chemo, all that jazz about cancer being cured when all along it was right in front of us.
She doesn’t say if all M&Ms were carcinogenic or just the peanut ones.
I said, half-jokingly, that your penance would be to ride down Las Olas Boulevard, tied to a mule and facing backwards, so the children could pelt you with flaming bags of cat shit. That’s a strategy.
Get 3 more.
One for the President, one for the Vice President, and one for the Attorney General. You’ll have to double up with Debbie. That’s another strategy.
Since you mentioned Churchill there is a needed addendum.
Chamberlain in Parliament said the Czechs were “a faraway people of whom we know little”. Churchill said that we had to choose “between shame and war and having chosen shame we will have war”.
5 years ago the President went all over Wogsville apologizing for supposed sins 1,000 years old. He said that if you “unclench your fist we will extend our hand”. The Arab Spring died aborning. So much for that strategy.
Perhaps he may want to pardon Sirhan Sirhan. No one in this country has been imprisoned longer for the same type of crime. Free him for the sake of peace. Take a chance. That’s a strategy
Kipling was one of Churchill’s favorite poets. He warned against “paying the Dane his geld”. That was then; this is now.
Strategy, strategy. My kingdom for a strategy.
The Clerk implores God to bless the United States as the Supreme Court comes to order. When have we ever needed God’s blessings more than now?
Kevin Smith
PS – Speaking of strategy, the takeover of Chrysler by Fiat is now complete. Thus we have a former iconic American company, now owned by an Italian company, making Jeeps in China. The Eye-Ties are doing un grande tarantella because it was financed by the American taxpayer. Talk about strategy! Maybe we can get the Shias interested in bringing a resurrected Solyndra to Detroit. If we could get the Sunnis interested we could have a bidding war. “I’ll retire to Bedlam.” Now that’s a strategy.
Mitchell Berger, Esq.
Berger Singerman
350 E. Las Olas Blvd.
Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33301
RE “Guide for the Perplexed”? Mite auxilium!
Mr. Berger,
Although I am not Jewish the man who founded my Church was. Indeed, I am proud to say that many of my friends, especially some of my best friends, are Jewish.
So when I heard the President of the United States say last week that he “had no strategy” I was dumbfounded. Even if he didn’t why in the name of History would he say that? Franklin Roosevelt sent Chester Nimitz to Pearl Harbor on Christmas, 1941 with the following strategy: “Don’t come back until you’ve won.” Admiral William Halsey had a strategy of broadcasting his position in plain language if he had not contacted the enemy in 3 days.
Then I heard the Vice President of the United States say it was time to “take our country back”. Now that’s a strategy. Even though the Attorney General of the United States said 2 weeks ago that saying “take our country back’ is prima facie proof of racism that didn’t stop Curley. [I call him Curley in honor of the smartest Stooge. By the by, his classmates at Auchmere Academy, a posh prep school on par with, I don’t know, the Buckley School, called him Cheese Dick. Even though the only “blue collar” this ninny saw there was from Brooks Brothers, Polo not yet having arrived, or the guy stoking the furnace, he the mAL friend of the working class. Go figure.]
Then I heard the President of the United States imitating Mrs. Clinton when she took a futile White modern American Liberal middle-aged calorically challenged yenta stab at trying to sound like she grew up in Liberty City. [Another trait common to mALs is the duo of having no shame plus the impossibility of ever embarrassing them]
Can you believe that Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman-Medusa, the official shill for the Democratic Party, expanded her spiel by announcing that, having eaten M&Ms and having drunk Coca-Cola for 10 years, her brand loyalty was rewarded with cancer?
It that’s true we can save a barge filled with dough by shutting down the Sylvester Clinic at the University of Miami, Sloane-Kettering and the Langone Clinics in Manhattan, M.S. Anderson in Houston, and MD Farber in Boston.
All those years, all those patients, all that chemo, all that jazz about cancer being cured when all along it was right in front of us.
She doesn’t say if all M&Ms were carcinogenic or just the peanut ones.
I said, half-jokingly, that your penance would be to ride down Las Olas Boulevard, tied to a mule and facing backwards, so the children could pelt you with flaming bags of cat shit. That’s a strategy.
Get 3 more.
One for the President, one for the Vice President, and one for the Attorney General. You’ll have to double up with Debbie. That’s another strategy.
Since you mentioned Churchill there is a needed addendum.
Chamberlain in Parliament said the Czechs were “a faraway people of whom we know little”. Churchill said that we had to choose “between shame and war and having chosen shame we will have war”.
5 years ago the President went all over Wogsville apologizing for supposed sins 1,000 years old. He said that if you “unclench your fist we will extend our hand”. The Arab Spring died aborning. So much for that strategy.
Perhaps he may want to pardon Sirhan Sirhan. No one in this country has been imprisoned longer for the same type of crime. Free him for the sake of peace. Take a chance. That’s a strategy
Kipling was one of Churchill’s favorite poets. He warned against “paying the Dane his geld”. That was then; this is now.
Strategy, strategy. My kingdom for a strategy.
The Clerk implores God to bless the United States as the Supreme Court comes to order. When have we ever needed God’s blessings more than now?
Kevin Smith
PS – Speaking of strategy, the takeover of Chrysler by Fiat is now complete. Thus we have a former iconic American company, now owned by an Italian company, making Jeeps in China. The Eye-Ties are doing un grande tarantella because it was financed by the American taxpayer. Talk about strategy! Maybe we can get the Shias interested in bringing a resurrected Solyndra to Detroit. If we could get the Sunnis interested we could have a bidding war. “I’ll retire to Bedlam.” Now that’s a strategy.
Monday, September 1, 2014
September 1, 2014
Mitchell Berger, Esq.
Berger, Singerman
350 E. Las Olas Blvd.
Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33316
RE: Thanks a lot
Mr. Berger,
Thanks for ruining my Labor Day celebration.
I was a Teamster.
I personally paid dues to Anthony “Tony Pro” Provenzano at the local HQ on Bergenline Avenue in Union City, NJ. He was a remarkable guy who was known for 2 things: 1 – He was always good for a table of 10 at any decent charity dinner in Hudson County. The people who got the comped tickets were straight from the open call for a revival of “Guys and Dolls” and – 2- he gave new meaning to the term “Never take no for an answer”.
I negotiated with coals miners for 7 years.
The UMW tradition of coming up for lunch and putting 20 or 30 rounds into the side of the mountain was ongoing when I got there. If hand guns are ever banned in this country don’t worry about the South Bronx, Liberty City, or all of Chicago. Forget about “Boots on the Ground” in Iraq or Kafiristran. Harlan County, Kentucky and Herndon, West Virginia will be competing for the Charlton Heston “From my cold dead hands” award. Trust me.
I used to get empty mayonnaise jars filled with shine from my West Virginia miners. [There is a classic scene in John Ford’s “Fort Apache” involving Henry Fonda, Victor McLaglen and some confiscated, contrbandv whiskey. Since those 3 shared X Academy Awards it has to be good. Fonda asks McLaglen for his opinion of the whiskey. He takes a second drink while still grimacing from the first and says, “Well sir, it’s better than no whiskey at all”. After 3 decades its taste still astonishes my palate.]
I was going to kick back with some manatee sushi and some cheap red wine and think of the glory days of John Altgeld, Joe Hill, Samuel Gompers, Joe Yablonsky, Cesar Chavez, the SEIU thugs beating up old Black guys in wheelchairs, and the AFSCME goons telling the lady members of the Wisconsin legislature to go fuck themselves.
Then I read your blurb in the Sun Sentinel about the next Governor of Florida being able to have 4 low tides a day, to improve education by giving everyone a bachelor’s degree at birth, by doing away with both good and bad cholesterol by banning hogs and chocolate ice cream and by substituting Demerol and lidocaine with tofu, by introducing high speed public transit powered by excessive bovine and orvine eructations, and by guaranteeing the sanctity of our environment by giving manatees and alligators a preferential vote – no photo ID required.
You cite Winston Churchill, surely as famous a high school dropout as we have ever seen. Churchill was huge fan of Dr. Johnson – Samuel, not Lyndon. One of his great lines was “Such stupidity, sir, is not to be found in nature”.
To which I add, “Present company included”.
This note began life with one sentence:
On the 7th day I rested.
You are like the Sirens of yore. Irresistible.
Kevin Smith
Mitchell Berger, Esq.
Berger, Singerman
350 E. Las Olas Blvd.
Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33316
RE: Thanks a lot
Mr. Berger,
Thanks for ruining my Labor Day celebration.
I was a Teamster.
I personally paid dues to Anthony “Tony Pro” Provenzano at the local HQ on Bergenline Avenue in Union City, NJ. He was a remarkable guy who was known for 2 things: 1 – He was always good for a table of 10 at any decent charity dinner in Hudson County. The people who got the comped tickets were straight from the open call for a revival of “Guys and Dolls” and – 2- he gave new meaning to the term “Never take no for an answer”.
I negotiated with coals miners for 7 years.
The UMW tradition of coming up for lunch and putting 20 or 30 rounds into the side of the mountain was ongoing when I got there. If hand guns are ever banned in this country don’t worry about the South Bronx, Liberty City, or all of Chicago. Forget about “Boots on the Ground” in Iraq or Kafiristran. Harlan County, Kentucky and Herndon, West Virginia will be competing for the Charlton Heston “From my cold dead hands” award. Trust me.
I used to get empty mayonnaise jars filled with shine from my West Virginia miners. [There is a classic scene in John Ford’s “Fort Apache” involving Henry Fonda, Victor McLaglen and some confiscated, contrbandv whiskey. Since those 3 shared X Academy Awards it has to be good. Fonda asks McLaglen for his opinion of the whiskey. He takes a second drink while still grimacing from the first and says, “Well sir, it’s better than no whiskey at all”. After 3 decades its taste still astonishes my palate.]
I was going to kick back with some manatee sushi and some cheap red wine and think of the glory days of John Altgeld, Joe Hill, Samuel Gompers, Joe Yablonsky, Cesar Chavez, the SEIU thugs beating up old Black guys in wheelchairs, and the AFSCME goons telling the lady members of the Wisconsin legislature to go fuck themselves.
Then I read your blurb in the Sun Sentinel about the next Governor of Florida being able to have 4 low tides a day, to improve education by giving everyone a bachelor’s degree at birth, by doing away with both good and bad cholesterol by banning hogs and chocolate ice cream and by substituting Demerol and lidocaine with tofu, by introducing high speed public transit powered by excessive bovine and orvine eructations, and by guaranteeing the sanctity of our environment by giving manatees and alligators a preferential vote – no photo ID required.
You cite Winston Churchill, surely as famous a high school dropout as we have ever seen. Churchill was huge fan of Dr. Johnson – Samuel, not Lyndon. One of his great lines was “Such stupidity, sir, is not to be found in nature”.
To which I add, “Present company included”.
This note began life with one sentence:
On the 7th day I rested.
You are like the Sirens of yore. Irresistible.
Kevin Smith
September 1, 2014
Mary Sanchez
The Kansas City Star
RE: I say you said she said he did – Some comments on your column in today’s Miami Herald proclaiming permanent beatific status for Anita Hill while lamenting that not enough calumny and billingsgate has been heaped on the head of Clarence Thomas who, among his other crimes, stays silent during oral arguments before the Supreme Court
Ms. Sanchez,
It’s been awhile. I hope your list of targets is ever increasing. Exactly how close to Wichita is Kansas City? Watch out for the Koch Brothers. They have knives longer than their memories, particularly for modern American Liberal chick scribes who cross them.
I am sure you are aware of POO. It stands for Perpetually Outraged and Offended. As the founder and owner I hereby make you head of the Kansas City coven. For a small emolument, a tax-deductible one, I can grant regional manager status. This gives you the authority to grant other franchises enabling you to have a permanent Summer of Recovery without having to dirty your hands with “shovel ready” jobs.
But I digress.
Would not Logic dictate that if Anita Hill is to be believed solely on her allegations that Paula Jones and Juanita Broderick should be also?
Modern American Liberals, living in the surreal world of believing that expectations - e.g. End Poverty Now – are more important than results – e.g. The 50 year old War on Poverty – and believing that the accusation is far worse, you know what I’m saying, then what actually happened, always make the narrative and the facts, however parlous, mesh.
I am sorry you are afflicted by genderaphobia. As a Board Certified Life Coach I discovered that some chicks need the handy excuse of testosterone deprivation for absolutely everything bad that has happened or will happen to them, their family, their gender, their country, or their planet.
Back in the glory days of Jimmy Carter – And is it possible for the dude in the White House now to make the world miss that putz? He’s trying, Lord knows he’s really trying – I told my daughter that she was throwing like a girl. “I am a girl”, was her profoundly appropriate response.
[One of the reasons why girls throw like girls is because their humerus is shorter in relation to their radius and ulna than it is in boys. Honest. Look it up. As long as I am digressing still more let me ask if you know whether or not Wordsworth is still on the ChickLitShitList? As I am in the panful process of “unbooking” myself I need professional help as to which ones I should keep, which ones I can safely give to others, and which ones I should consign to the paper shredder, book burning being frowned on by strict environmentalists.]
In re Supreme Court nominations and the Conservative War on Women it is still wonderfully ironic how the process derailed Judge Bork
One of the things he was accused of was taking a part-time job editing law articles while he was on the Bench. His wife was dying of cancer and he needed some extra income to make her final time a bit less painful. It is something with which I am very familiar. It was an extra thumb on the scale.
The irony comes from the fact that had Judge Bork become Justice Bork Alpha Gump, AKA Senator Albert Arnold Gore, Jr. would have been President.
Anyway, it is still confusing. That’s why I can’t wait for Hillary who will have a Rubenesque ass an ax handle and a half wide and a gut that will make Buddha look like Gandhi by the time she is sworn in to explain things.
The country needs a purgative.
Her RESET button will do wonders for us. A country –wide colonic, delivered by a caring, nurturing lady is all we need.
Kevin Smith
WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET
Mary Sanchez
The Kansas City Star
RE: I say you said she said he did – Some comments on your column in today’s Miami Herald proclaiming permanent beatific status for Anita Hill while lamenting that not enough calumny and billingsgate has been heaped on the head of Clarence Thomas who, among his other crimes, stays silent during oral arguments before the Supreme Court
Ms. Sanchez,
It’s been awhile. I hope your list of targets is ever increasing. Exactly how close to Wichita is Kansas City? Watch out for the Koch Brothers. They have knives longer than their memories, particularly for modern American Liberal chick scribes who cross them.
I am sure you are aware of POO. It stands for Perpetually Outraged and Offended. As the founder and owner I hereby make you head of the Kansas City coven. For a small emolument, a tax-deductible one, I can grant regional manager status. This gives you the authority to grant other franchises enabling you to have a permanent Summer of Recovery without having to dirty your hands with “shovel ready” jobs.
But I digress.
Would not Logic dictate that if Anita Hill is to be believed solely on her allegations that Paula Jones and Juanita Broderick should be also?
Modern American Liberals, living in the surreal world of believing that expectations - e.g. End Poverty Now – are more important than results – e.g. The 50 year old War on Poverty – and believing that the accusation is far worse, you know what I’m saying, then what actually happened, always make the narrative and the facts, however parlous, mesh.
I am sorry you are afflicted by genderaphobia. As a Board Certified Life Coach I discovered that some chicks need the handy excuse of testosterone deprivation for absolutely everything bad that has happened or will happen to them, their family, their gender, their country, or their planet.
Back in the glory days of Jimmy Carter – And is it possible for the dude in the White House now to make the world miss that putz? He’s trying, Lord knows he’s really trying – I told my daughter that she was throwing like a girl. “I am a girl”, was her profoundly appropriate response.
[One of the reasons why girls throw like girls is because their humerus is shorter in relation to their radius and ulna than it is in boys. Honest. Look it up. As long as I am digressing still more let me ask if you know whether or not Wordsworth is still on the ChickLitShitList? As I am in the panful process of “unbooking” myself I need professional help as to which ones I should keep, which ones I can safely give to others, and which ones I should consign to the paper shredder, book burning being frowned on by strict environmentalists.]
In re Supreme Court nominations and the Conservative War on Women it is still wonderfully ironic how the process derailed Judge Bork
One of the things he was accused of was taking a part-time job editing law articles while he was on the Bench. His wife was dying of cancer and he needed some extra income to make her final time a bit less painful. It is something with which I am very familiar. It was an extra thumb on the scale.
The irony comes from the fact that had Judge Bork become Justice Bork Alpha Gump, AKA Senator Albert Arnold Gore, Jr. would have been President.
Anyway, it is still confusing. That’s why I can’t wait for Hillary who will have a Rubenesque ass an ax handle and a half wide and a gut that will make Buddha look like Gandhi by the time she is sworn in to explain things.
The country needs a purgative.
Her RESET button will do wonders for us. A country –wide colonic, delivered by a caring, nurturing lady is all we need.
Kevin Smith
WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET
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