Posts
July 28, 2010
My need to write the great American novel is down to a quickly passing, barely noticeable, tumescent stirring about every other week. “It was a dark and stormy might” stands poised, almost priapriscally at attention, ready to pounce on whatever scenario my fertile – or is it fecund? – mind can devise.
I invest no more than $2 per month in Florida lottery tickets. I play my grandfather’s badge number or I let the machine do the picking. I allow myself no more than 4 seconds of “What if” fantasy. It’s cheaper than cocaine and, despite the odds, “What if” is still out there.
The same trap exists for my unwritten novel.
Joyce and Hemingway ain’t got nothing on me.
Then I read the local papers and I’m back to poleaxing pols.
Today’s papers tell me of a Judicial candidate who receives unemployment compensation. In 2008, as many as 2 and ½ years ago, he worked for 4 months at a law firm in Coral Springs. He says “It didn’t work out”. He has been welded on to the lactating mammary like a lamprey eel. He refuses to name the law firm saying it is “irrelevant to his campaign”. Through skill and cunning, and helped by Yahoo yellow pages, the two most likely firms would be Layback & Whackit or White Lipped and Trembling. Neither firm would comment.
The Judge wanabee, whose name on the ballot is Jordan Breslaw, was a chiropractor for 20 years. When he was decoupling lumbar subluxations his name was Jordan Jordan. He had to petition the Court to get his birth name back. Honest.
And I’m supposed to top that in a novel?
Cervantes only had to worry about his war wound and some creditors.
There could be an intriguing plot twist developing. A perpetually contentious political briar patch in Broward County is the need for a new Court House. In Florida the local pols and hacks figure if you can tear down and rebuild perfectly useful stadiums and arenas to replace them at taxpayers’ expense why not do the same with Court Houses.
Suppose the Chinese decide to finance another “shovel ready” project in poor house bound America. Broward County gets its new Court House. There are a lot of accidents in construction. I understand that in addition to the medicinal marijuana that will be grown on the roof, the water fall and salmon stream, there will be a rain forest on each floor to remind us that before Justice there was Mother Earth. There will be a lot of “Oh, my aching back” complaints. Judge Jordan Breslaw Jordan Breslaw can hear the case in Workmen’s Comp Court and then treat the injured workers. That seems like a plan to me. Who knows? If the story of a hooker from Puta Grande, Argentina and 1500 people dying on the Titanic can make it to Broadway all things are possible. How about “Justice – Blind and Dumb in Broward” as a working title?
If I were to tell you that the nation’s largest foreclosure firm, a firm that handles 100,000 cases at any one time, a firm based in Broward County but registered in the British Virgin Islands, is being sued for fraud by its investors you would think its spokesman would be Professor Irwin Corey, wouldn’t you? If it were bound for the big screen it would require the combined cinematic skills of the Coen Brothers and Mel Brooks, right? Maybe a bit of Peckinpah with a soupcon of dialogue by Larry the Cable Guy.
Wrong.
The lawyer who owns the firm, the guy who gives all lawyers a bad name, the guy who signs all those foreclosure letters, the guy being sued by his investors [A Broward County lawyer being sued by his investors doe sound familiar, doesn’t it?] is named David Stern. Two things of note: #1 – He does not run the NBA. #2 – He owns $20,000,000 worth of residential real estate free and clear in Fort Lauderdale. That means he’ll never have to foreclose on his own property. Being a member of the Florida Bar means that all things are possible for those who believe.
A lawyer named David Ice [As far as can be determined he is not related to the late, lamented, and sorely missed Ice Age. Wouldn’t a return to that happy time be the quickest, greenest, most organic, most environmentally sensitive to end the curse of Climate Change, AKA “Global Warming”? Plus, a serendipitous bonus would be the universal release of mankind’s backed up chakra and the gentle stroking of sex crazed poodles.] says that Stern was backdating all his documents. That means the dry heaves of the Florida real estate market will continue until the middle of Chelsea Clinton’s second term.
Beckett, Ionesco…maybe.
Updike, Cheever…never.
Drat.
Kevin Smith
PS – Is it not past time to honor WAL*MART for their contributions to America? We should begin by putting Sam Walton on a stamp. In fact, we probably should give him the Post Office to run. At the very least think how refreshing it would be to have an
Friday, July 30, 2010
Senator Jay Forbes Kerry
July 25, 2010
Senator Jay Forbes Kerry
222 Milliken Place
Fall River, MA 02721
RE: The boat, the whole boat, and nothing but the boat
Senator Kerry,
Yet more proof, as if any more were needed, that the key to financial security for modern American Liberals is to marry well. That you did it twice, and may I say that I miss madcap Gypsy Lady Tereza so very much since she captivated the nation in 2004, is a testament to you having a plan and sticking to it. I put no stock in the rumors that you are chatting up Teddy’s widow.
Now, about that boat…
#1 – Whatever else you do don’t let go of the sky hook that you are holding on to. You have one foot in the bi-valve scat so common to all the bottom feeding Massachusetts pols. If you let go you will be in it up to your Aquiline nose. I daresay that if you were to float on your back you would be deemed a hazard to navigation.
#2 – Since your good bud Curly Biden – God’s Holy Trousers, but isn’t he a horse’s ass of Homeric proportions? – says this is “the summer of recovery” you may have some image work to do. Try telling the Boston Globe [they’ll believe anything] that you misheard the salesman. Due to your war wounds your hearing is like an underpowered FM station. It fades in and out. You thought he said it was going to be built in Maine by workers with new zeal. What he really said was that the main thing is that we can beat the Davis-Bacon wages that you would have to pay in Maine by having it built in New Zealand. Try it, they’re so far in the tank they are starting to embarrass the New York Times.
Hey! You were for the boat before you were against it, right?
#3 – It may be a bit of a stretch to say it was a “shovel ready” project but give it a try. What’s the worst that could happen? It’s only a small lie.
#4 – I may be wrong but isn’t teak, the wood that your boat is made of, an endangered species? A few tree vipers, horny toads, assorted arboreal critters, and some Rain Forest Abos may have lost their home because of you. Buy some Carbon Offsets from VP Alpha Gump. It will get you back in good graces with the tree loving loons and it may help him release either his chakra or his sex crazed poodle.
#5 – I have been asking this question of you for 6 years. I am from Hudson County, New Jersey. I have no problem with “juice” be it local, federal, global, or
Interplanetary. You used your “juice” to get a fire hydrant moved from the front of your digs in Boston. My question is simple. Where did it go?
#6 – You just have to tough it out on the tax problem. Like I said, I have a Bayonne background. I now live in South Florida. I may be projecting too much but the only thing that could cause you permanent harm would be public necrophilia. I mean the good voters of Massachusetts kept sending Fatso Kennedy back to the Senate even after he admitted that he killed someone. Barney Frank, the Wump Wangling émigré from Bayonne, ran a whore house in his basement. It proved to be no impediment to him at election time. Who knows? Maybe his constituents got discounts. Talk about service with a smile!
The thing to remember is that you can turn this around on a dime. If guys with pitchforks show up at one of your many, many houses looking to run you out of town on a rail tell them that your favorite song is “I Love a Parade”.
#7 – Use your boat for good purposes. The aforementioned Barney Frank has a youth brigade. Bring them on board so they can learn the traditions of the Royal Navy. The children of single moms, women of color who are oppressed by the low prices at WAL*MART, could learn to water ski. You could put a few six pounders on her bow to shoot at anybody who wants to put up windmills.
#8 – I wrote to you many times in 2004. I was never really sure how many houses you had. The question, for which no answer was ever forthcoming, was how many fireplaces you had. I think it had something to do with old growth trees, spawning salmon, and a return to the Age of Steam. The truth is I have forgotten. How many fireplaces does your boat have?
#9 – While you are cruising around see if you can find copy of your DD214. That’s the paper you get on your last of military service. It says it all. The good, the bad, and the ugly. I stopped asking for it after you promised to produce it about seven hundred and forty six times and never did. The world wonders.
#10 – I wonder if Tereza knows that this is the best year ever to be on the receiving end of a will. In Florida senior python wrestling is a growing activity at the Prune Heights Nursing Home. There has been tremendous increase in the number of septuagenarian triathlons. Senior power lifting and mixed martial arts are now covered under Medicare. It sure beats the bad press that will come with the Death Panels. You won’t have to be upside down with your mortgage if you can get Granny on a safari. Does Tess have a food taster?
#11 – If the cook leaves pulp in your juice will it be a flogging offense?
#12 – You may not believe this but I have some big time media connections in Boston. You get me a white envelope swollen with Benjamins and we’ll start to get you out of this mess.
#13 – Lincoln was wrong. You can fool all the people all the time.
Kevin Smith
Senator Jay Forbes Kerry
222 Milliken Place
Fall River, MA 02721
RE: The boat, the whole boat, and nothing but the boat
Senator Kerry,
Yet more proof, as if any more were needed, that the key to financial security for modern American Liberals is to marry well. That you did it twice, and may I say that I miss madcap Gypsy Lady Tereza so very much since she captivated the nation in 2004, is a testament to you having a plan and sticking to it. I put no stock in the rumors that you are chatting up Teddy’s widow.
Now, about that boat…
#1 – Whatever else you do don’t let go of the sky hook that you are holding on to. You have one foot in the bi-valve scat so common to all the bottom feeding Massachusetts pols. If you let go you will be in it up to your Aquiline nose. I daresay that if you were to float on your back you would be deemed a hazard to navigation.
#2 – Since your good bud Curly Biden – God’s Holy Trousers, but isn’t he a horse’s ass of Homeric proportions? – says this is “the summer of recovery” you may have some image work to do. Try telling the Boston Globe [they’ll believe anything] that you misheard the salesman. Due to your war wounds your hearing is like an underpowered FM station. It fades in and out. You thought he said it was going to be built in Maine by workers with new zeal. What he really said was that the main thing is that we can beat the Davis-Bacon wages that you would have to pay in Maine by having it built in New Zealand. Try it, they’re so far in the tank they are starting to embarrass the New York Times.
Hey! You were for the boat before you were against it, right?
#3 – It may be a bit of a stretch to say it was a “shovel ready” project but give it a try. What’s the worst that could happen? It’s only a small lie.
#4 – I may be wrong but isn’t teak, the wood that your boat is made of, an endangered species? A few tree vipers, horny toads, assorted arboreal critters, and some Rain Forest Abos may have lost their home because of you. Buy some Carbon Offsets from VP Alpha Gump. It will get you back in good graces with the tree loving loons and it may help him release either his chakra or his sex crazed poodle.
#5 – I have been asking this question of you for 6 years. I am from Hudson County, New Jersey. I have no problem with “juice” be it local, federal, global, or
Interplanetary. You used your “juice” to get a fire hydrant moved from the front of your digs in Boston. My question is simple. Where did it go?
#6 – You just have to tough it out on the tax problem. Like I said, I have a Bayonne background. I now live in South Florida. I may be projecting too much but the only thing that could cause you permanent harm would be public necrophilia. I mean the good voters of Massachusetts kept sending Fatso Kennedy back to the Senate even after he admitted that he killed someone. Barney Frank, the Wump Wangling émigré from Bayonne, ran a whore house in his basement. It proved to be no impediment to him at election time. Who knows? Maybe his constituents got discounts. Talk about service with a smile!
The thing to remember is that you can turn this around on a dime. If guys with pitchforks show up at one of your many, many houses looking to run you out of town on a rail tell them that your favorite song is “I Love a Parade”.
#7 – Use your boat for good purposes. The aforementioned Barney Frank has a youth brigade. Bring them on board so they can learn the traditions of the Royal Navy. The children of single moms, women of color who are oppressed by the low prices at WAL*MART, could learn to water ski. You could put a few six pounders on her bow to shoot at anybody who wants to put up windmills.
#8 – I wrote to you many times in 2004. I was never really sure how many houses you had. The question, for which no answer was ever forthcoming, was how many fireplaces you had. I think it had something to do with old growth trees, spawning salmon, and a return to the Age of Steam. The truth is I have forgotten. How many fireplaces does your boat have?
#9 – While you are cruising around see if you can find copy of your DD214. That’s the paper you get on your last of military service. It says it all. The good, the bad, and the ugly. I stopped asking for it after you promised to produce it about seven hundred and forty six times and never did. The world wonders.
#10 – I wonder if Tereza knows that this is the best year ever to be on the receiving end of a will. In Florida senior python wrestling is a growing activity at the Prune Heights Nursing Home. There has been tremendous increase in the number of septuagenarian triathlons. Senior power lifting and mixed martial arts are now covered under Medicare. It sure beats the bad press that will come with the Death Panels. You won’t have to be upside down with your mortgage if you can get Granny on a safari. Does Tess have a food taster?
#11 – If the cook leaves pulp in your juice will it be a flogging offense?
#12 – You may not believe this but I have some big time media connections in Boston. You get me a white envelope swollen with Benjamins and we’ll start to get you out of this mess.
#13 – Lincoln was wrong. You can fool all the people all the time.
Kevin Smith
Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman-Schultz
July 18, 2010
Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman-Schultz
10100 Pembroke Pines Blvd.
Pembroke Pines, FL 33026
RE: The pot and the kettle and the eternally raging debate as to which – not who – is blacker. Some comments on your outrage about Jeff Greene spending his own money to become a United States Senator.
My dear Congressperson,
The good news is that whatever else Jeff Green was in his other life he wasn’t an Exalted Cyclops in the Ku Klux Klan. Who knows? It didn’t impede the career of Robert “Sheets” Byrd of West Virginia. Say this for Byrd, there wasn’t a lactating mammary anywhere under Federal jurisdiction that he wasn’t permanently attached to like a lamprey eel on steroids under the guise of being a thoroughly modern American Liberal.
President Big Bill Clinton, the heart throb from Hot Springs, told us it was all right for him to have been in the clan when he was younger. “You had to go along to get along” was the guide to success in West Virginia. Do you suppose there were any Nazis in those hollers way back up in the hill country? Would they be eligible for a Presidential absolution? But enough of that.
Jeff Greene is spending his own money to get elected. What cheek! He is following the trail blazed by all the Kennedys, Howard Metzenbaum, Diane Feinstein, Jane Harmon, Frank Lautenberg, Jay Rockefeller, Irv Slosberg, and Jon Corzine, inter alia.
I have a college classmate whose cousin got $25,000 from candidate Corzine to introduce him to his all Black congregation. Did you have a problem with that?
One of the problems that modern American Liberals have with free speech is that some people think it should be free for everybody, not just the anointed.
Greene has his own “shovel ready” stimulus program. He is going to take all those highly trained, unfortunately recently unemployed, census workers and put them into the highly competitive market place of ideas.
It looks like Congressman Meek is going to have to cross the street without his mother holding his hand and stopping traffic for him.
Kevin Smith
Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman-Schultz
10100 Pembroke Pines Blvd.
Pembroke Pines, FL 33026
RE: The pot and the kettle and the eternally raging debate as to which – not who – is blacker. Some comments on your outrage about Jeff Greene spending his own money to become a United States Senator.
My dear Congressperson,
The good news is that whatever else Jeff Green was in his other life he wasn’t an Exalted Cyclops in the Ku Klux Klan. Who knows? It didn’t impede the career of Robert “Sheets” Byrd of West Virginia. Say this for Byrd, there wasn’t a lactating mammary anywhere under Federal jurisdiction that he wasn’t permanently attached to like a lamprey eel on steroids under the guise of being a thoroughly modern American Liberal.
President Big Bill Clinton, the heart throb from Hot Springs, told us it was all right for him to have been in the clan when he was younger. “You had to go along to get along” was the guide to success in West Virginia. Do you suppose there were any Nazis in those hollers way back up in the hill country? Would they be eligible for a Presidential absolution? But enough of that.
Jeff Greene is spending his own money to get elected. What cheek! He is following the trail blazed by all the Kennedys, Howard Metzenbaum, Diane Feinstein, Jane Harmon, Frank Lautenberg, Jay Rockefeller, Irv Slosberg, and Jon Corzine, inter alia.
I have a college classmate whose cousin got $25,000 from candidate Corzine to introduce him to his all Black congregation. Did you have a problem with that?
One of the problems that modern American Liberals have with free speech is that some people think it should be free for everybody, not just the anointed.
Greene has his own “shovel ready” stimulus program. He is going to take all those highly trained, unfortunately recently unemployed, census workers and put them into the highly competitive market place of ideas.
It looks like Congressman Meek is going to have to cross the street without his mother holding his hand and stopping traffic for him.
Kevin Smith
Professor Akbar Ahmed American University
July 24, 2010
Professor Akbar Ahmed
American University
School of International Service / McCabe-215
4400 Massachusetts Avenue, NW
Washington, DC 20016-8071
RE: Mosque, no mosque – A brief introduction to Western Civilization, a continuing journey that seems to have gone on without your brethren, and some facts, obviously unknown to you, about America.
My dear Professor,
“Everywhere there’s a mosque, there’s a tension now.”
Yesterday
You
The Trivium, a capstone of Western Civilization, addresses your concerns on “tension” at the neighborhood mosque.
You say that Governor Palin “implies that mosques are associated with violence and terrorism”.
Logic, a discipline that does not permit parabolic curves, has an answer to that. It is true that not all Moslems are terrorists. It is also true that all terrorists since 9/11 have been Moslems. The above statements are both valid and true. You may wish to consult someone in the Philosophy department about that.
50 years ago, a combat veteran of World War 2, a Roman Catholic by birth, had to present himself to a group of Baptist ministers in Houston, TX to say that he would not consult the Pope on matters and issues either political or moral. Senator Kennedy and his family, whatever else they might have done, never flew a plane into government buildings in Boston shouting “Jesus is Great” just before impact.
Perhaps you could help me understand a few things about your religion and culture.
13 centuries after Christ Dante wrote the Divine Comedy. Its opening line is immortal. “Halfway through my journey I found myself in the dark wood of error.” It is past 13 centuries after the time of Mohammed. Where is the Muslim Dante?
Is there an undiscovered Muslim Shakespeare? How about a closeted Cervantes? Why is there no Muslim Bach? Mozart? Beethoven? For 1000 years Muslim art has consisted of drawing geometric forms well. In many instances they have been done superbly well. After the first two, maybe three, centuries a case could be made that the
Genre has been exhausted. Don’t you think it may be time to move on and try to do some people? The statue of David, the portrait of the Mona Lisa – Why are these things absent from your culture?
A quick study of Nobel Prize winners since they began to give them out shows one Muslim winner and three Muslim co-winners. Where are the scientific achievements directly attributable to Muslim culture? Do you think it may be time for some Affirmative Action there? The Shias and the Sunnis, reasonable fellows all, get to decide who gets the first one.
Why are critical inquiry, reasoned discourse, and the scientific method anathema to Muslim culture? Why did Salman Rushdie live in fear of his life? Why was Theo van Gogh sliced to death on the streets of Amsterdam? Why all the fuss and bother over cartoons of Mohammed? In this country, where you and your co-religionists choose to live, taxpayer money is used to promote, inter alia, Piss Christ. It is a clear cylinder filled with urine in which is hung a crucifix. Many people believe that Jesus is divine. If people in Muslim countries died protesting cartoons that no one saw what would happen if someone drew a picture of Mohammed carnally cavorting with pigs?
If Islam is so peace loving what where your forebears doing halfway across France less than 100 years after you religion was founded? I would rather imagine that the name Charles Martel still causes a hush when Muslim warriors gather. Look at a map and tell me what that huge Muslim fleet was doing at Lepanto? If memory serves the good guys showed up and gave you a Texas sized ass whipping What interest other than murder and mayhem did you have when you tried to occupy Vienna?
The Statue of Liberty tells the world to “Give us your tired, your poor, your hungry masses yearning to breathe free”. Which Muslim country issues the same invitation to the wretched of the earth?
If Muslims can live free in New York and Hamtramck why can’t I live free in Mecca or Medina? If Muslims can practice their religion here why can’t I practice mine there? What would happen if I began to proselytize my religion in either of those two cities? How many 13 story Catholic centers are proposed for Mecca?
I read that the proposed mosque by the World Trade Center will have “13 stories with a swimming pool, a gym, and performance space open to everyone”.
Will the “performance space” be where the cliteroidectomies are performed? I would suggest that, despite Global Warming, New York winters can be cold and wet. For the comfort and welfare of the participants I suggest that the stoning pit for women taken in adultery be inside.
In the interests of fairness, a decidedly unMulsim concept, I quote your statement in its entirety.
“Sarah Palin’s comments again were saying implicitly that mosques are associated with violence and terrorism,” Ahmed says, though he adds that he thinks that the tension over the proposed mosque is unique due to the “raw wounds” of the 9/11 attacks. “At the highest level, even in America, we have a [former] vice presidential candidate, she can openly make a statement like this.”
In re the above, several things are “owed to the ledger”.
#1 – Which Muslim country has ever had woman run for the number 2 job? I am not sure what the title would be. Vice Emir or Vice Mullah sound nice.
#2 – Pakistan had a female Prime Minister who was killed by wing nuts and numskulls in the name of Allah.
#3 – I don’t know what your degrees are in. I am certain that none of them is in English. You write that she was “saying implicitly”. That makes it “explicit”. Look it up.
#4 – It took me a while to get through the tortured syntax of your last sentence. You say that a candidate for public office, particularly a woman, has to watch what they say or risk the wrath of the great Akbar. A long dead White European Male said, 25 centuries ago, that “free men speak with free tongues”. Your co-religionists have had a problem with that for, let’s see, 15 centuries. Why should we, legatees of Western Civilization and defenders, Crusaders if you will, of same, think that a Muslim leopard would change its spots because it lives in America?
A few lines back I mentioned that what passes for Muslim art is stuck in a 1000 year old time warp. That is coincident with the time that you began to eat your own seed corn, that you began to turn inward with a vengeance.
America has always been “the shining city on the hill”. Perhaps a free society can help you overcome the inbreeding of 10 centuries. You shouldn’t begin the hejira by sticking your thumb in the eye of your host. The appearance of the banner that says “Don’t tread on me” says that there will be no turning of the other cheek.
Is it time for a bumper sticker saying “Muhammad delenda est”?
Your call.
Kevin Smith
Professor Akbar Ahmed
American University
School of International Service / McCabe-215
4400 Massachusetts Avenue, NW
Washington, DC 20016-8071
RE: Mosque, no mosque – A brief introduction to Western Civilization, a continuing journey that seems to have gone on without your brethren, and some facts, obviously unknown to you, about America.
My dear Professor,
“Everywhere there’s a mosque, there’s a tension now.”
Yesterday
You
The Trivium, a capstone of Western Civilization, addresses your concerns on “tension” at the neighborhood mosque.
You say that Governor Palin “implies that mosques are associated with violence and terrorism”.
Logic, a discipline that does not permit parabolic curves, has an answer to that. It is true that not all Moslems are terrorists. It is also true that all terrorists since 9/11 have been Moslems. The above statements are both valid and true. You may wish to consult someone in the Philosophy department about that.
50 years ago, a combat veteran of World War 2, a Roman Catholic by birth, had to present himself to a group of Baptist ministers in Houston, TX to say that he would not consult the Pope on matters and issues either political or moral. Senator Kennedy and his family, whatever else they might have done, never flew a plane into government buildings in Boston shouting “Jesus is Great” just before impact.
Perhaps you could help me understand a few things about your religion and culture.
13 centuries after Christ Dante wrote the Divine Comedy. Its opening line is immortal. “Halfway through my journey I found myself in the dark wood of error.” It is past 13 centuries after the time of Mohammed. Where is the Muslim Dante?
Is there an undiscovered Muslim Shakespeare? How about a closeted Cervantes? Why is there no Muslim Bach? Mozart? Beethoven? For 1000 years Muslim art has consisted of drawing geometric forms well. In many instances they have been done superbly well. After the first two, maybe three, centuries a case could be made that the
Genre has been exhausted. Don’t you think it may be time to move on and try to do some people? The statue of David, the portrait of the Mona Lisa – Why are these things absent from your culture?
A quick study of Nobel Prize winners since they began to give them out shows one Muslim winner and three Muslim co-winners. Where are the scientific achievements directly attributable to Muslim culture? Do you think it may be time for some Affirmative Action there? The Shias and the Sunnis, reasonable fellows all, get to decide who gets the first one.
Why are critical inquiry, reasoned discourse, and the scientific method anathema to Muslim culture? Why did Salman Rushdie live in fear of his life? Why was Theo van Gogh sliced to death on the streets of Amsterdam? Why all the fuss and bother over cartoons of Mohammed? In this country, where you and your co-religionists choose to live, taxpayer money is used to promote, inter alia, Piss Christ. It is a clear cylinder filled with urine in which is hung a crucifix. Many people believe that Jesus is divine. If people in Muslim countries died protesting cartoons that no one saw what would happen if someone drew a picture of Mohammed carnally cavorting with pigs?
If Islam is so peace loving what where your forebears doing halfway across France less than 100 years after you religion was founded? I would rather imagine that the name Charles Martel still causes a hush when Muslim warriors gather. Look at a map and tell me what that huge Muslim fleet was doing at Lepanto? If memory serves the good guys showed up and gave you a Texas sized ass whipping What interest other than murder and mayhem did you have when you tried to occupy Vienna?
The Statue of Liberty tells the world to “Give us your tired, your poor, your hungry masses yearning to breathe free”. Which Muslim country issues the same invitation to the wretched of the earth?
If Muslims can live free in New York and Hamtramck why can’t I live free in Mecca or Medina? If Muslims can practice their religion here why can’t I practice mine there? What would happen if I began to proselytize my religion in either of those two cities? How many 13 story Catholic centers are proposed for Mecca?
I read that the proposed mosque by the World Trade Center will have “13 stories with a swimming pool, a gym, and performance space open to everyone”.
Will the “performance space” be where the cliteroidectomies are performed? I would suggest that, despite Global Warming, New York winters can be cold and wet. For the comfort and welfare of the participants I suggest that the stoning pit for women taken in adultery be inside.
In the interests of fairness, a decidedly unMulsim concept, I quote your statement in its entirety.
“Sarah Palin’s comments again were saying implicitly that mosques are associated with violence and terrorism,” Ahmed says, though he adds that he thinks that the tension over the proposed mosque is unique due to the “raw wounds” of the 9/11 attacks. “At the highest level, even in America, we have a [former] vice presidential candidate, she can openly make a statement like this.”
In re the above, several things are “owed to the ledger”.
#1 – Which Muslim country has ever had woman run for the number 2 job? I am not sure what the title would be. Vice Emir or Vice Mullah sound nice.
#2 – Pakistan had a female Prime Minister who was killed by wing nuts and numskulls in the name of Allah.
#3 – I don’t know what your degrees are in. I am certain that none of them is in English. You write that she was “saying implicitly”. That makes it “explicit”. Look it up.
#4 – It took me a while to get through the tortured syntax of your last sentence. You say that a candidate for public office, particularly a woman, has to watch what they say or risk the wrath of the great Akbar. A long dead White European Male said, 25 centuries ago, that “free men speak with free tongues”. Your co-religionists have had a problem with that for, let’s see, 15 centuries. Why should we, legatees of Western Civilization and defenders, Crusaders if you will, of same, think that a Muslim leopard would change its spots because it lives in America?
A few lines back I mentioned that what passes for Muslim art is stuck in a 1000 year old time warp. That is coincident with the time that you began to eat your own seed corn, that you began to turn inward with a vengeance.
America has always been “the shining city on the hill”. Perhaps a free society can help you overcome the inbreeding of 10 centuries. You shouldn’t begin the hejira by sticking your thumb in the eye of your host. The appearance of the banner that says “Don’t tread on me” says that there will be no turning of the other cheek.
Is it time for a bumper sticker saying “Muhammad delenda est”?
Your call.
Kevin Smith
Leonard Pitts The Miami Herald
July 21, 2010
Leonard Pitts
The Miami Herald
One Herald Plaza
Miami, FL 33132-1693
RE: “Those words mean exactly what I want them to mean” would be one way to comment on your “Can’t we all just get along” column in today’s Miami Herald asking for volunteers to help build the mosque at Ground Zero at the World Trade Center.
Mr. Pitts,
Who knows but with a bit of luck and Allah’s blessings the damn thing could be dedicated on September 11, 2014? We could have some relatives of some of the people who took the express elevator from the 101st floor to the basement that day hold hands with some of the descendants of some of the peace loving murderers who flew the planes into the buildings. We could have a display of lions and lambs lying down together although History tells us to keep a goodly supply of lambs nearby. We could have the Emerald Society Pipe Band play Kumbaya.
This is one time when the saying that the boobies are running the hatch comes up short. Madness and lunacy are upon us.
Will there be a stoning pit for women taken in adultery? Will cliteroidectomies be performed there or at the soon to be constructed Mt. Sharia Hospital? Would it be “culturally arrogant” of me to ask if Obamacare will cover the above named procedure? After all, it is elective surgery. 5 Muslim countries in Africa still condone slavery. Age appears to have finally caught up with Mandela but isn’t it time for some new blood to challenge the world’s conscience out like he did with Apartheid?
Since the New York City Council has outlawed smoking, salt, teenage obesity, and nuclear war while keeping alternate side of the street parking and rent control don’t you think it could delay the issuance of the final Certificate of Occupancy until the mullahs, both Shia and Sunni, sing Hava Nagilah?
Pop Quiz
How many non-Muslim places of worship are in Mecca?
If it is OK to burn an American flag would it be OK to burn the Koran? Should some passing stranger stumble upon one ablaze would it be OK for him to pee on it solely for the purpose of saving it, there being no other liquid available?
Your too clever by half quasi-snarky comment on Sarah Palin saying “refudiate” rather than “repudiate” calls to mind several other linguistic lapses. I search, vainly, for any comments from you about them.
#1 – If the Mosque is built will Lord Barack the Beneficent send the United States Marine Corpse to guard it?
#2 – Should these Corpsemen be chosen from all 57 or 58 states? Have any new states been added? If so don’t you think it’s time to redesign the flag?
#3 – Do you think a bookstore in a place called the World Trade Center would have a copy of the elusive Austrian/English dictionary?
You title your column “A Mosque to be built on our principles”. May I ask which principles? Reasoned discourse, scientific inquiry, freedom of speech, representative democracy, freedom of religion, universal suffrage, the presumption of innocence, minority rights, habeas corpus, critical inquiry, the Rule of Law – Stop me when you find some or any to build this mosque on. Send up a flare if you find any Muslim run country where they prevail.
It occurs to me that you could be suffering from PPPTSS – Post Pulitzer Prize Traumatic Stress Syndrome. A number of other winners, Walter Duranty and Janice Cook leap to mind, were pioneers. One of the ways it manifests itself is in an excess of “eclectic indignation”.
It enables you to say, and may I add that you do it straight faced with nary a hint of wit or whimsy, that while deficits under Bush were bad multiplying them by a factor of 4 under Obama makes them divinely inspired.
It is time to hit the “reset button” on this.
When was the last time you heard a college football half time show featuring a nice little tune called “Dixie”?
Ideas have consequences.
So do songs; so do mosques.
Kevin Smith
Leonard Pitts
The Miami Herald
One Herald Plaza
Miami, FL 33132-1693
RE: “Those words mean exactly what I want them to mean” would be one way to comment on your “Can’t we all just get along” column in today’s Miami Herald asking for volunteers to help build the mosque at Ground Zero at the World Trade Center.
Mr. Pitts,
Who knows but with a bit of luck and Allah’s blessings the damn thing could be dedicated on September 11, 2014? We could have some relatives of some of the people who took the express elevator from the 101st floor to the basement that day hold hands with some of the descendants of some of the peace loving murderers who flew the planes into the buildings. We could have a display of lions and lambs lying down together although History tells us to keep a goodly supply of lambs nearby. We could have the Emerald Society Pipe Band play Kumbaya.
This is one time when the saying that the boobies are running the hatch comes up short. Madness and lunacy are upon us.
Will there be a stoning pit for women taken in adultery? Will cliteroidectomies be performed there or at the soon to be constructed Mt. Sharia Hospital? Would it be “culturally arrogant” of me to ask if Obamacare will cover the above named procedure? After all, it is elective surgery. 5 Muslim countries in Africa still condone slavery. Age appears to have finally caught up with Mandela but isn’t it time for some new blood to challenge the world’s conscience out like he did with Apartheid?
Since the New York City Council has outlawed smoking, salt, teenage obesity, and nuclear war while keeping alternate side of the street parking and rent control don’t you think it could delay the issuance of the final Certificate of Occupancy until the mullahs, both Shia and Sunni, sing Hava Nagilah?
Pop Quiz
How many non-Muslim places of worship are in Mecca?
If it is OK to burn an American flag would it be OK to burn the Koran? Should some passing stranger stumble upon one ablaze would it be OK for him to pee on it solely for the purpose of saving it, there being no other liquid available?
Your too clever by half quasi-snarky comment on Sarah Palin saying “refudiate” rather than “repudiate” calls to mind several other linguistic lapses. I search, vainly, for any comments from you about them.
#1 – If the Mosque is built will Lord Barack the Beneficent send the United States Marine Corpse to guard it?
#2 – Should these Corpsemen be chosen from all 57 or 58 states? Have any new states been added? If so don’t you think it’s time to redesign the flag?
#3 – Do you think a bookstore in a place called the World Trade Center would have a copy of the elusive Austrian/English dictionary?
You title your column “A Mosque to be built on our principles”. May I ask which principles? Reasoned discourse, scientific inquiry, freedom of speech, representative democracy, freedom of religion, universal suffrage, the presumption of innocence, minority rights, habeas corpus, critical inquiry, the Rule of Law – Stop me when you find some or any to build this mosque on. Send up a flare if you find any Muslim run country where they prevail.
It occurs to me that you could be suffering from PPPTSS – Post Pulitzer Prize Traumatic Stress Syndrome. A number of other winners, Walter Duranty and Janice Cook leap to mind, were pioneers. One of the ways it manifests itself is in an excess of “eclectic indignation”.
It enables you to say, and may I add that you do it straight faced with nary a hint of wit or whimsy, that while deficits under Bush were bad multiplying them by a factor of 4 under Obama makes them divinely inspired.
It is time to hit the “reset button” on this.
When was the last time you heard a college football half time show featuring a nice little tune called “Dixie”?
Ideas have consequences.
So do songs; so do mosques.
Kevin Smith
Anthony Man The Sun-Sentinel
July 21, 2010
Anthony Man
The Sun-Sentinel
200 E. Las Olas Blvd.
Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33301
RE: Hobson’s Choice or damned if you do and damned if you don’t – Some comments on your article about the dilemmas facing modern American Liberals in the 92nd district when choosing between a homosexual and a woman of color.
Mr. Man,
Could it be that you are telling us of an embarrassment of riches?
Gay Pride versus Black Pride.
Does it get any better than this?
Here is my suggestion for the tie breaker.
The candidates differ on the use of school vouchers.
The first one to suggest legislation mandating that children of public officials must attend the nearest public school gets the nod. As a symbol of devotion to public school education we can start in the White House with the Obama girls. No exceptions. None.
Perhaps the two long suffering minority groups would be better served if a transgendered lesbian, a woman of color who was a single mom with children in need of a good Ritalin program, a higher minimum wage, “Midnight Basketball”, alternative shopping classes, and a surcease from the economic thralldom that the low prices at WAL*MART have bound her, were to present herself to the people for their consideration. Do I sense a slam dunk?
I suppose the possibility of her being a sperm donor before her sex change operation, a condition that may have caused her to be the father of her children, may be bit of a stretch. On the other hand Obama found 7 or 8 previously undiscovered states so all things are possible. Now that would be a minority worthy of protection!
Kevin Smith
Anthony Man
The Sun-Sentinel
200 E. Las Olas Blvd.
Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33301
RE: Hobson’s Choice or damned if you do and damned if you don’t – Some comments on your article about the dilemmas facing modern American Liberals in the 92nd district when choosing between a homosexual and a woman of color.
Mr. Man,
Could it be that you are telling us of an embarrassment of riches?
Gay Pride versus Black Pride.
Does it get any better than this?
Here is my suggestion for the tie breaker.
The candidates differ on the use of school vouchers.
The first one to suggest legislation mandating that children of public officials must attend the nearest public school gets the nod. As a symbol of devotion to public school education we can start in the White House with the Obama girls. No exceptions. None.
Perhaps the two long suffering minority groups would be better served if a transgendered lesbian, a woman of color who was a single mom with children in need of a good Ritalin program, a higher minimum wage, “Midnight Basketball”, alternative shopping classes, and a surcease from the economic thralldom that the low prices at WAL*MART have bound her, were to present herself to the people for their consideration. Do I sense a slam dunk?
I suppose the possibility of her being a sperm donor before her sex change operation, a condition that may have caused her to be the father of her children, may be bit of a stretch. On the other hand Obama found 7 or 8 previously undiscovered states so all things are possible. Now that would be a minority worthy of protection!
Kevin Smith
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Tonya Alanez The Sun-Sentinel
July 18, 2010
Tonya Alanez
The Sun-Sentinel
200 East Las Olas Boulevard
Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33301
RE: The “unfairness” of the election of Judges in Broward County, as reported by you in the local section of today’s Sun-Sentinel, and a modest proposal for what to do when the results don’t come out the way they should if we live in the best of all possible worlds, a post racial society.
Ms. Alanez,
It would be anathema to the goals – not quotas – of Modern American Liberalism if maybe, just maybe, some of the Judges being opposed are plain awful. That they happen to be minority is no cause for alarm. Awful Judges are the norm in Broward County
I have experience in a number of court rooms at the local, state, and federal level. {I have had one matter resolved in the Supreme Court of the United States but that is a different matter] In the 14 years that I have been in Florida I can say without qualification or modification that the Broward County judiciary stands alone. Every time I walk into the downtown court house I recall the magic line from “Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid”. “Morons. I am surrounded by morons.” The adage, “No man’s property is safe when the legislature is in session” must be expanded exponentially to include the sad sack sorry asses who sit in Broward County.
Ticket scalping after getting the tickets through judicial extortion, Black robed grandfathers selling Girl Scout cookies to litigants, Judges borrowing money from bail bondsman, taking phone calls during a felony trial, judges running around with their pants off and their yoohas getting moonburn – these are things that would cause a returning Samuel to hide his head in shame. All of these things were done by White Judges. Maybe it is time for minority Judges to get in on the action.
After a careful reading of your article about the lack of minority judges there are some conclusions that can be reached.
#1 – Jews vote in numbers totally out of proportion to their percentage of the population as a whole. Moreover, they tend to vote in a bloc for the same candidate.
#2 – Blacks exercise their right of franchise by not voting.
#3 – Should Blacks be given 2 votes for each Jewish vote?
#4 – What if a judicial candidate has a Black parent and a Jewish parent? Do they even have to run? Shouldn’t they be appointed by acclamation?
A majority of the Broward Judiciary is so inbred that they can look through a key hole with both eyes. That some of these people passed a Bar exam is a fact that causes good men to shudder. The gene pool is weakened by the same type of person being anointed by the insiders. Thus, they are able to wrap their asses in black and use a gavel like a bung starter.
For 30 years Broward County has been a one party show. The only time a Republican got to be a County Commissioner was when a Republican Governor appointed him because his Democratic predecessor went to jail. The voters threw him out the first chance they had. Even though it’s like riding a horse the Republicans have been out of power so long they probably have forgotten how to steal.
The Broward County Commission, the Broward County Board of Education, individual city commissioners – Shortly we will have our own wing at the state pokey.
Why would a reasonable man expect the Broward County Judiciary to be different?
Black, White, or Plaid. They are all tarred with the same brush.
Kevin Smith
Tonya Alanez
The Sun-Sentinel
200 East Las Olas Boulevard
Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33301
RE: The “unfairness” of the election of Judges in Broward County, as reported by you in the local section of today’s Sun-Sentinel, and a modest proposal for what to do when the results don’t come out the way they should if we live in the best of all possible worlds, a post racial society.
Ms. Alanez,
It would be anathema to the goals – not quotas – of Modern American Liberalism if maybe, just maybe, some of the Judges being opposed are plain awful. That they happen to be minority is no cause for alarm. Awful Judges are the norm in Broward County
I have experience in a number of court rooms at the local, state, and federal level. {I have had one matter resolved in the Supreme Court of the United States but that is a different matter] In the 14 years that I have been in Florida I can say without qualification or modification that the Broward County judiciary stands alone. Every time I walk into the downtown court house I recall the magic line from “Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid”. “Morons. I am surrounded by morons.” The adage, “No man’s property is safe when the legislature is in session” must be expanded exponentially to include the sad sack sorry asses who sit in Broward County.
Ticket scalping after getting the tickets through judicial extortion, Black robed grandfathers selling Girl Scout cookies to litigants, Judges borrowing money from bail bondsman, taking phone calls during a felony trial, judges running around with their pants off and their yoohas getting moonburn – these are things that would cause a returning Samuel to hide his head in shame. All of these things were done by White Judges. Maybe it is time for minority Judges to get in on the action.
After a careful reading of your article about the lack of minority judges there are some conclusions that can be reached.
#1 – Jews vote in numbers totally out of proportion to their percentage of the population as a whole. Moreover, they tend to vote in a bloc for the same candidate.
#2 – Blacks exercise their right of franchise by not voting.
#3 – Should Blacks be given 2 votes for each Jewish vote?
#4 – What if a judicial candidate has a Black parent and a Jewish parent? Do they even have to run? Shouldn’t they be appointed by acclamation?
A majority of the Broward Judiciary is so inbred that they can look through a key hole with both eyes. That some of these people passed a Bar exam is a fact that causes good men to shudder. The gene pool is weakened by the same type of person being anointed by the insiders. Thus, they are able to wrap their asses in black and use a gavel like a bung starter.
For 30 years Broward County has been a one party show. The only time a Republican got to be a County Commissioner was when a Republican Governor appointed him because his Democratic predecessor went to jail. The voters threw him out the first chance they had. Even though it’s like riding a horse the Republicans have been out of power so long they probably have forgotten how to steal.
The Broward County Commission, the Broward County Board of Education, individual city commissioners – Shortly we will have our own wing at the state pokey.
Why would a reasonable man expect the Broward County Judiciary to be different?
Black, White, or Plaid. They are all tarred with the same brush.
Kevin Smith
Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman-Schultz
July 18, 2010
Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman-Schultz
10100 Pembroke Pines Blvd.
Pembroke Pines, FL 33026
RE: The pot and the kettle and the eternally raging debate as to which – not who – is blacker. Some comments on your outrage about Jeff Greene spending his own money to become a United States Senator.
My dear Congressperson,
The good news is that whatever else Jeff Green was in his other life he wasn’t an Exalted Cyclops in the Ku Klux Klan. Who knows? It didn’t impede the career of Robert “Sheets” Byrd of West Virginia. Say this for Byrd, there wasn’t a lactating mammary anywhere under Federal jurisdiction that he wasn’t permanently attached to like a lamprey eel on steroids under the guise of being a thoroughly modern American Liberal.
President Big Bill Clinton, the heart throb from Hot Springs, told us it was all right for him to have been in the clan when he was younger. “You had to go along to get along” was the guide to success in West Virginia. Do you suppose there were any Nazis in those hollers way back up in the hill country? Would they be eligible for a Presidential absolution? But enough of that.
Jeff Greene is spending his own money to get elected. What cheek! He is following the trail blazed by all the Kennedys, Howard Metzenbaum, Diane Feinstein, Jane Harmon, Frank Lautenberg, Jay Rockefeller, Irv Slosberg, and Jon Corzine, inter alia.
I have a college classmate whose cousin got $25,000 from candidate Corzine to introduce him to his all Black congregation. Did you have a problem with that?
One of the problems that modern American Liberals have with free speech is that some people think it should be free for everybody, not just the anointed.
Greene has his own “shovel ready” stimulus program. He is going to take all those highly trained, unfortunately recently unemployed, census workers and put them into the highly competitive market place of ideas.
It looks like Congressman Meek is going to have to cross the street without his mother holding his hand and stopping traffic for him.
Kevin Smith
Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman-Schultz
10100 Pembroke Pines Blvd.
Pembroke Pines, FL 33026
RE: The pot and the kettle and the eternally raging debate as to which – not who – is blacker. Some comments on your outrage about Jeff Greene spending his own money to become a United States Senator.
My dear Congressperson,
The good news is that whatever else Jeff Green was in his other life he wasn’t an Exalted Cyclops in the Ku Klux Klan. Who knows? It didn’t impede the career of Robert “Sheets” Byrd of West Virginia. Say this for Byrd, there wasn’t a lactating mammary anywhere under Federal jurisdiction that he wasn’t permanently attached to like a lamprey eel on steroids under the guise of being a thoroughly modern American Liberal.
President Big Bill Clinton, the heart throb from Hot Springs, told us it was all right for him to have been in the clan when he was younger. “You had to go along to get along” was the guide to success in West Virginia. Do you suppose there were any Nazis in those hollers way back up in the hill country? Would they be eligible for a Presidential absolution? But enough of that.
Jeff Greene is spending his own money to get elected. What cheek! He is following the trail blazed by all the Kennedys, Howard Metzenbaum, Diane Feinstein, Jane Harmon, Frank Lautenberg, Jay Rockefeller, Irv Slosberg, and Jon Corzine, inter alia.
I have a college classmate whose cousin got $25,000 from candidate Corzine to introduce him to his all Black congregation. Did you have a problem with that?
One of the problems that modern American Liberals have with free speech is that some people think it should be free for everybody, not just the anointed.
Greene has his own “shovel ready” stimulus program. He is going to take all those highly trained, unfortunately recently unemployed, census workers and put them into the highly competitive market place of ideas.
It looks like Congressman Meek is going to have to cross the street without his mother holding his hand and stopping traffic for him.
Kevin Smith
Senator Christopher Dodd
July 16, 2010
Senator Christopher Dodd
30 Lewis Street #110
Hartford, CT 06103
RE: Adios, ladron!
Senator Dodd,
There is a recent photo of you and your fellow yegg, Barney Frank, flanking a seated Speaker Pelosi. You are both surprised to see that her eyes are on the top of her head. That’s what a gallon of industrial strength Botox a month will do to one’s mug.
I thought perhaps Batman and Robin might describe you but I think only one of you wears a mask and a cape. Then I thought of Damon & Pythias. Then Scylla & Charybdis came to mind before I settled on the obvious – Sodom & Gomorrah. Naturally, Barney is Sodom while you have become the paradigmatic template for Gomorrah.
I was a friend of both Nunzio and Vito once. Alas, that had neither the panache nor the filthy lucre and pelf that being a “Friend of Angelo” has had for you.
I have a nephew who has very successful real estate appraisal business in Connecticut. He tells me if he were to do what you did he would be lucky to land a job as a census taker. Too bad he lacks the ferocious felonious talents that you learned at your father’s knee.
One last piece of advice:
If you go camping with Barney, Bayonne’s best, bring you own sleeping bag.
Kevin Smith
Senator Christopher Dodd
30 Lewis Street #110
Hartford, CT 06103
RE: Adios, ladron!
Senator Dodd,
There is a recent photo of you and your fellow yegg, Barney Frank, flanking a seated Speaker Pelosi. You are both surprised to see that her eyes are on the top of her head. That’s what a gallon of industrial strength Botox a month will do to one’s mug.
I thought perhaps Batman and Robin might describe you but I think only one of you wears a mask and a cape. Then I thought of Damon & Pythias. Then Scylla & Charybdis came to mind before I settled on the obvious – Sodom & Gomorrah. Naturally, Barney is Sodom while you have become the paradigmatic template for Gomorrah.
I was a friend of both Nunzio and Vito once. Alas, that had neither the panache nor the filthy lucre and pelf that being a “Friend of Angelo” has had for you.
I have a nephew who has very successful real estate appraisal business in Connecticut. He tells me if he were to do what you did he would be lucky to land a job as a census taker. Too bad he lacks the ferocious felonious talents that you learned at your father’s knee.
One last piece of advice:
If you go camping with Barney, Bayonne’s best, bring you own sleeping bag.
Kevin Smith
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Congressman Brad Sherman
July 14, 2010
Congressman Brad Sherman
5000 Van Nuys Blvd.
Sherman Oaks, CA 91403
Congressman Sherman,
You say, with no hint of sarcasm, that you are “unaware” of the Black Panther voter intimidation brouhaha in Philadelphia. That’s the one where the finalists in the Shaft wanabee contest, armed with small bats, approached White voters and said, “Kumbaya my ass, cracker. How about a smack upside the Head?” That one.
After reading your CV, and may I say it is rather impressive what with degrees from UCLA and Harvard and what appears to be some time in the real world, I ma faced with two choices.
#1 – You are a horse’s ass. My grandfather, the legendary Jack Smith from Bayonne, could never understand why there were more horses’ asses than horses’ heads. He figured the number should always be in balance. If he had stayed around to see the flummeries and persiflage of modern American Liberals he would have known instantly. Accordingly, I name you
HORSE’S ASS OF THE WEEK
#2 – You had taken advantage of the new marijuana laws. If you are half a dozen tokes over the line you probably shouldn’t be talking to your constituents. If your political mentors were/are Cheech and Chong and you walk around with a joint the size of a Genoa salami best not to get into a debate over current events. I prefer to believe that as a weeny backbencher your favorite potion of forgetfulness is organic Chablis made from grapes harvested by sensitive foreigners seeking their piece of the diminishing American Dream. I understand that the grape pickers would like to spend 2 weeks all expenses paid in Camp Gitmo. But enough of that.
Be proud of your achievement. Revel in the fact that you have once again proved Dr. Johnson right. “Such stupidity, sir, is not found in nature.”
Kevin Smith
Congressman Brad Sherman
5000 Van Nuys Blvd.
Sherman Oaks, CA 91403
Congressman Sherman,
You say, with no hint of sarcasm, that you are “unaware” of the Black Panther voter intimidation brouhaha in Philadelphia. That’s the one where the finalists in the Shaft wanabee contest, armed with small bats, approached White voters and said, “Kumbaya my ass, cracker. How about a smack upside the Head?” That one.
After reading your CV, and may I say it is rather impressive what with degrees from UCLA and Harvard and what appears to be some time in the real world, I ma faced with two choices.
#1 – You are a horse’s ass. My grandfather, the legendary Jack Smith from Bayonne, could never understand why there were more horses’ asses than horses’ heads. He figured the number should always be in balance. If he had stayed around to see the flummeries and persiflage of modern American Liberals he would have known instantly. Accordingly, I name you
HORSE’S ASS OF THE WEEK
#2 – You had taken advantage of the new marijuana laws. If you are half a dozen tokes over the line you probably shouldn’t be talking to your constituents. If your political mentors were/are Cheech and Chong and you walk around with a joint the size of a Genoa salami best not to get into a debate over current events. I prefer to believe that as a weeny backbencher your favorite potion of forgetfulness is organic Chablis made from grapes harvested by sensitive foreigners seeking their piece of the diminishing American Dream. I understand that the grape pickers would like to spend 2 weeks all expenses paid in Camp Gitmo. But enough of that.
Be proud of your achievement. Revel in the fact that you have once again proved Dr. Johnson right. “Such stupidity, sir, is not found in nature.”
Kevin Smith
Senator Harry Reid
July 14, 2010
Senator Harry Reid
600 East William Street
Carson City, NV 89701
RE: Illegal terrestrial alien construction workers in Nevada and remonstrations from the grave
Senator Reid,
“There are no illegal alien construction workers in Las Vegas.”
Yesterday
You
All that time in Las Vegas and you never figured out how those little guys get those very large pinkie rings? The world is filled with suckers who think that they can fill inside straights. Do you think they build those big buildings with water falls and bull rings and NASCAR race tracks and Gunfights at OK Corral Part 12 because people fill them?
The evidence of my own eyes suggests that you do. How else can the above statement be explained? You figured that the cards were due to turn your way. Dummy.
Accordingly I award you a most coveted laurel. You are named
HORSE’S ASS OF THE WEEK.
Attention must be paid to the fact that one of your constituents, Charlotte McCourt, has called you to task for being a HORSE’S ASS of Homeric proportions. She did it in a document just made public. It was her last will and testament. Even dead people know that you are a mooncalf given to monumental nonsense. How long before you take to the floor of the Senate and proclaim that “the war is lost”?
Now that Lard Kennedy is gone you have become the paradigmatic template for modern American Liberal horse’s asses. Ah! November approaches.
Kevin Smith
Senator Harry Reid
600 East William Street
Carson City, NV 89701
RE: Illegal terrestrial alien construction workers in Nevada and remonstrations from the grave
Senator Reid,
“There are no illegal alien construction workers in Las Vegas.”
Yesterday
You
All that time in Las Vegas and you never figured out how those little guys get those very large pinkie rings? The world is filled with suckers who think that they can fill inside straights. Do you think they build those big buildings with water falls and bull rings and NASCAR race tracks and Gunfights at OK Corral Part 12 because people fill them?
The evidence of my own eyes suggests that you do. How else can the above statement be explained? You figured that the cards were due to turn your way. Dummy.
Accordingly I award you a most coveted laurel. You are named
HORSE’S ASS OF THE WEEK.
Attention must be paid to the fact that one of your constituents, Charlotte McCourt, has called you to task for being a HORSE’S ASS of Homeric proportions. She did it in a document just made public. It was her last will and testament. Even dead people know that you are a mooncalf given to monumental nonsense. How long before you take to the floor of the Senate and proclaim that “the war is lost”?
Now that Lard Kennedy is gone you have become the paradigmatic template for modern American Liberal horse’s asses. Ah! November approaches.
Kevin Smith
Akilah Johnson The Sun-Sentinel
July 12, 2010
Akilah Johnson
The Sun-Sentinel
200 East Las Olas Boulevard
Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33316
RE: Unemployed teachers of “Life’s a stinks and then you die”.
Ms/Mr Johnson,
Your Page 1 story tells us that Marco Rodriguez, in addition to being an unemployed band director whose last job was at Crystal Lake Middle School, has a marriage “that would most likely end up in divorce” should his unemployment continue.
I must have missed the memo telling us that the “for better or for worse” part of the exchange of marriage vows is no longer operative.
Where does it say that teachers have first claim on diminishing tax revenues? Why would the claims of police officers or street sweepers be subordinate to theirs? What if public employees have sick children? Shouldn’t that bump them up in the line for the next open life boat seats?
Enrollment, the engine that provides students, the raw material for teachers such as Mr. Rodriguez, has been down in Broward County for 5 years.
Would not Logic dictate that if there are fewer students there must, perforce, be fewer teachers?
If curriculum coordinators and diversity experts were sacked perhaps the Board of Education could have a symphony orchestra. If that happens perhaps Mr. Rodriguez could practice his trade. He might even save his marriage.
I hope he doesn’t get sick. If his wife can dump the “for better or for worse” part she would have not problem with “in sickness and in health” part.
“Honor and shame from no condition rise.
Act well your part; there all honor lies.”
Kevin Smith
Akilah Johnson
The Sun-Sentinel
200 East Las Olas Boulevard
Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33316
RE: Unemployed teachers of “Life’s a stinks and then you die”.
Ms/Mr Johnson,
Your Page 1 story tells us that Marco Rodriguez, in addition to being an unemployed band director whose last job was at Crystal Lake Middle School, has a marriage “that would most likely end up in divorce” should his unemployment continue.
I must have missed the memo telling us that the “for better or for worse” part of the exchange of marriage vows is no longer operative.
Where does it say that teachers have first claim on diminishing tax revenues? Why would the claims of police officers or street sweepers be subordinate to theirs? What if public employees have sick children? Shouldn’t that bump them up in the line for the next open life boat seats?
Enrollment, the engine that provides students, the raw material for teachers such as Mr. Rodriguez, has been down in Broward County for 5 years.
Would not Logic dictate that if there are fewer students there must, perforce, be fewer teachers?
If curriculum coordinators and diversity experts were sacked perhaps the Board of Education could have a symphony orchestra. If that happens perhaps Mr. Rodriguez could practice his trade. He might even save his marriage.
I hope he doesn’t get sick. If his wife can dump the “for better or for worse” part she would have not problem with “in sickness and in health” part.
“Honor and shame from no condition rise.
Act well your part; there all honor lies.”
Kevin Smith
More about the NASA “outreach” to Muslims
July 10, 2010
More about the NASA “outreach” to Muslims
The Taliban executed a spy this week. In a daring raid they snatched the snitch from his house. They brought him to their Western Civilization free HQ and hanged him. Lacking gallows they tied a rope around his neck and lifted him off the ground and strangled him. He was 7 years old.
50 years ago Americans, none of whom observed Sharia law and all of whom were indifferent to the ongoing Sunni & Shiite dustup, volunteered to sit on top of a 5 story tall silo, said silo being filled with gasoline. If it were possible they would have struck the match themselves. They would give an electronic “thumbs up”, shoot the unseen weenie a highball, and someone in a building a mile away would push a button and “light that candle”. They would “slip the surly bounds of earth…and trod the high untresspassed sanctity of space”. Whatever their faults they did not hang 7 year old boys.
And the President wants the latter to reach out to the former?
Men who risked it all “on one turn of pitch and toss”? Men who gave the Right Stuff its true meaning are to be “outreachers” to the lesser breeds? Surely “our old certitudes and our fixed creeds are inverted”. But towards what end?
It’s too easy to say that the boobies are running the hatch.
The people in the White House haven’t lost their senses; they want us to lose ours.
We have a President who was woefully unprepared for the job. To quote the Reverend Jackson, “The only thing he ever run was his mouth”. It must be noted that he said this just before he said that he wanted “to cut his nuts off”. If he had called him a “macaca” even Attorney General Hold’em would have had to investigate.
The man in charge of this demeaning exercise is a retried Marine General. That’s the United States Marine Corps, not the United States Marine Corpse.
Another Marine General has a new job. His overall mission is to reach out and touch the Taliban. He wants to kill them. That seems to be the best way to “reach out” to them. He says it’s “fun to shoot them”. They slap women around and, as we have noted, abuse their children. Shoot them twice just to make sure. That’s the way men talk when they are in a war
Admiral William Halsey, a proud son of New Jersey, also ran an “outreach” program in the Pacific in the early 1940s. He would regularly broadcast his position in plain language so that the Japanese would know where he was. His reasoning was impeccable. He believed that” the only good Jap was a dead Jap”.
I don’t think that’s what Obama had in mind.
It was good advice then; it’s good advice now.
Mecca delenda est.
KS
PS – America is the land of the second chance. Let’s get Mel Gibson down to the Gulf to save some despoiled bi-valves to show he cares, really cares about the environment. Send him to rehab for post repressed intercontinental anger syndrome. Spruce him up a bit and have him run for the United States Senate from West Virginia. Somebody has to take the place of Exalted Cyclops Robert Byrd. Why not an Academy Award winner? Besides, he won’t have to take any money from the hated “special interests”.
More about the NASA “outreach” to Muslims
The Taliban executed a spy this week. In a daring raid they snatched the snitch from his house. They brought him to their Western Civilization free HQ and hanged him. Lacking gallows they tied a rope around his neck and lifted him off the ground and strangled him. He was 7 years old.
50 years ago Americans, none of whom observed Sharia law and all of whom were indifferent to the ongoing Sunni & Shiite dustup, volunteered to sit on top of a 5 story tall silo, said silo being filled with gasoline. If it were possible they would have struck the match themselves. They would give an electronic “thumbs up”, shoot the unseen weenie a highball, and someone in a building a mile away would push a button and “light that candle”. They would “slip the surly bounds of earth…and trod the high untresspassed sanctity of space”. Whatever their faults they did not hang 7 year old boys.
And the President wants the latter to reach out to the former?
Men who risked it all “on one turn of pitch and toss”? Men who gave the Right Stuff its true meaning are to be “outreachers” to the lesser breeds? Surely “our old certitudes and our fixed creeds are inverted”. But towards what end?
It’s too easy to say that the boobies are running the hatch.
The people in the White House haven’t lost their senses; they want us to lose ours.
We have a President who was woefully unprepared for the job. To quote the Reverend Jackson, “The only thing he ever run was his mouth”. It must be noted that he said this just before he said that he wanted “to cut his nuts off”. If he had called him a “macaca” even Attorney General Hold’em would have had to investigate.
The man in charge of this demeaning exercise is a retried Marine General. That’s the United States Marine Corps, not the United States Marine Corpse.
Another Marine General has a new job. His overall mission is to reach out and touch the Taliban. He wants to kill them. That seems to be the best way to “reach out” to them. He says it’s “fun to shoot them”. They slap women around and, as we have noted, abuse their children. Shoot them twice just to make sure. That’s the way men talk when they are in a war
Admiral William Halsey, a proud son of New Jersey, also ran an “outreach” program in the Pacific in the early 1940s. He would regularly broadcast his position in plain language so that the Japanese would know where he was. His reasoning was impeccable. He believed that” the only good Jap was a dead Jap”.
I don’t think that’s what Obama had in mind.
It was good advice then; it’s good advice now.
Mecca delenda est.
KS
PS – America is the land of the second chance. Let’s get Mel Gibson down to the Gulf to save some despoiled bi-valves to show he cares, really cares about the environment. Send him to rehab for post repressed intercontinental anger syndrome. Spruce him up a bit and have him run for the United States Senate from West Virginia. Somebody has to take the place of Exalted Cyclops Robert Byrd. Why not an Academy Award winner? Besides, he won’t have to take any money from the hated “special interests”.
Saturday, July 10, 2010
BULLSHIT
July 7, 2010
Thank God for the word BULLSHIT
NASA, the guys with the “Right Stuff”, the guys who made a living bitch slapping gravity, the guys who volunteered to sit on top of the world’s largest gasoline can, the guys who went to the moon, walked around, hit some golf balls, and come home with a sack filled with souvenirs, have been charged with the task of reaching out to the Muslim world.
It is said that NASA should recognize the scientific achievements of a people who still perform cliteroidectomies on 10 year old girls using the bottom of a Coke bottle to excise the offending member.
A strong case can be made for Islamic scientific achievements…10 centuries ago.
Around then they began to turn inward. They began to eat their seed corn.
The West built the cathedral at Chartres, nurtured Dante, helped the beginnings of representative government, made the cello, recorded the deaths of Shakespeare and Cervantes on the same day, put art and the word majestic in the same sentence and discovered that it you don’t want to get hit by a falling apple don’t sit under the apple tree. Not bad for people coming out of what were mistakenly called the Dark Ages.
The Fertile Crescent provided horses, dates and figs, some great tents, really cool knives, women who were covered from head to toe in burlap, and men from whom the spark of potential genius was absent because there was a lack of vision, a lack of spontaneity, and, worst of all, a lack of desire to see what was on the other side of the mountain. And their good book told them so.
The last time the Taliban ran Afghanistan they outlawed whistling and balloons. They also blew up 2500 year old statues of Buddha. 5 Muslim countries in Africa still have slavery. An Iranian woman was acquitted of murdering her husband but was convicted by the Judge of committing adultery. He then sentenced her to death by stoning. Lest we think that they are total brutes there are strict rules governing stoning. The woman – there is no record of a man ever being stoned to death for adultery – is buried up to her neck. The size of the stones is strictly regulated. Not too big as to kill her quickly; not too small as to prolong her agony. I rather imagine that the only thing worse would be to be stoned to death at Camp Gitmo.
And these are the people NASA is to reach out to? For what?
Of the 588 Nobel Prizes awarded since 1901 there is only one single winner who can be indentified as a Muslim. 3 other Muslims have shared prizes. I would conclude that their gene pool needs to be refreshed.
I would be remiss if I didn’t mention that the list of winners may be the best example of what happens when Affirmative Action goes on industrial strength steroids. There is an astonishing number of other “desert people” on the list. The number of Jewish winners exceeds in a most exponential manner their percentage of any population anywhere. “They” ran through the Goals barriers as if it weren’t there. Next, they blew away the Quota barrier. Not bad for a people that these WOGS have taken a blood oath to exterminate.
Reverend Wright notwithstanding but if I want to have someone to help get the country back into space wouldn’t it make sense to go to some B’nai B’rith meetings?
On the other hand wouldn’t it be nice, seeing as how Jews are overrepresented when the Nobels are given out, if they were limit themselves to two a year? The only way they win them is because of the well known Zionist Brotherhood Conspiracy. That way there would be some room to honor some WOGS who are still trying to figure out what comes after pi. That would be one way to put the recent misunderstandings with the Gazanians behind them. We could borrow some money from the Chinese and fund the Nearly Noble Nobel Prizes for Muslims.
There is a marvelous scene in “Lawrence of Arabia” that puts English engineers in the water works to run the damn thing while an Arab flag flies over it.
What’s the difference? Perhaps life does imitate art.
In any event we still have bullshit to explain matters.
KS
Thank God for the word BULLSHIT
NASA, the guys with the “Right Stuff”, the guys who made a living bitch slapping gravity, the guys who volunteered to sit on top of the world’s largest gasoline can, the guys who went to the moon, walked around, hit some golf balls, and come home with a sack filled with souvenirs, have been charged with the task of reaching out to the Muslim world.
It is said that NASA should recognize the scientific achievements of a people who still perform cliteroidectomies on 10 year old girls using the bottom of a Coke bottle to excise the offending member.
A strong case can be made for Islamic scientific achievements…10 centuries ago.
Around then they began to turn inward. They began to eat their seed corn.
The West built the cathedral at Chartres, nurtured Dante, helped the beginnings of representative government, made the cello, recorded the deaths of Shakespeare and Cervantes on the same day, put art and the word majestic in the same sentence and discovered that it you don’t want to get hit by a falling apple don’t sit under the apple tree. Not bad for people coming out of what were mistakenly called the Dark Ages.
The Fertile Crescent provided horses, dates and figs, some great tents, really cool knives, women who were covered from head to toe in burlap, and men from whom the spark of potential genius was absent because there was a lack of vision, a lack of spontaneity, and, worst of all, a lack of desire to see what was on the other side of the mountain. And their good book told them so.
The last time the Taliban ran Afghanistan they outlawed whistling and balloons. They also blew up 2500 year old statues of Buddha. 5 Muslim countries in Africa still have slavery. An Iranian woman was acquitted of murdering her husband but was convicted by the Judge of committing adultery. He then sentenced her to death by stoning. Lest we think that they are total brutes there are strict rules governing stoning. The woman – there is no record of a man ever being stoned to death for adultery – is buried up to her neck. The size of the stones is strictly regulated. Not too big as to kill her quickly; not too small as to prolong her agony. I rather imagine that the only thing worse would be to be stoned to death at Camp Gitmo.
And these are the people NASA is to reach out to? For what?
Of the 588 Nobel Prizes awarded since 1901 there is only one single winner who can be indentified as a Muslim. 3 other Muslims have shared prizes. I would conclude that their gene pool needs to be refreshed.
I would be remiss if I didn’t mention that the list of winners may be the best example of what happens when Affirmative Action goes on industrial strength steroids. There is an astonishing number of other “desert people” on the list. The number of Jewish winners exceeds in a most exponential manner their percentage of any population anywhere. “They” ran through the Goals barriers as if it weren’t there. Next, they blew away the Quota barrier. Not bad for a people that these WOGS have taken a blood oath to exterminate.
Reverend Wright notwithstanding but if I want to have someone to help get the country back into space wouldn’t it make sense to go to some B’nai B’rith meetings?
On the other hand wouldn’t it be nice, seeing as how Jews are overrepresented when the Nobels are given out, if they were limit themselves to two a year? The only way they win them is because of the well known Zionist Brotherhood Conspiracy. That way there would be some room to honor some WOGS who are still trying to figure out what comes after pi. That would be one way to put the recent misunderstandings with the Gazanians behind them. We could borrow some money from the Chinese and fund the Nearly Noble Nobel Prizes for Muslims.
There is a marvelous scene in “Lawrence of Arabia” that puts English engineers in the water works to run the damn thing while an Arab flag flies over it.
What’s the difference? Perhaps life does imitate art.
In any event we still have bullshit to explain matters.
KS
Letter to the Editor The Miami Herald
July 6, 2010
Letter to the Editor
The Miami Herald
One Herald Plaza
Miami, FL 33132-1693
RE: Judge Luzzo and the stink in the Court House
Sirs,
In your editorial today endorsing the re-election of John Luzzo to the Circuit Court you make but a passing reference to his involvement in a scam that still smells
The honorable thing for him to have done them would have been to cover his head with his black robe and exit via the back door. If true justice were possible he would have been “pursued by a bear”. Honor, “a gift we give to ourselves”, can rarely be used in conjunction with the Broward Judiciary. It can never be used with him.
The Broward Judiciary is replete with examples of terrible judgment, an astonishing lack of rectitude, and an absolute wholesale contempt for the fragile combination of law and justice.
I enclose a copy of my letter published when this lout’s antics were in full flower. His churlish petty thefts would have continued unabated save for the fact that some out of town lawyers refused to play his vile game.
The only course for honest men to take should be to reject him
Even if the stink is 10 years old it still sickens the nostrils of honest men.
Is it too late to have him flogged?
Kevin Smith
CC - JJL
Letter to the Editor
The Miami Herald
One Herald Plaza
Miami, FL 33132-1693
RE: Judge Luzzo and the stink in the Court House
Sirs,
In your editorial today endorsing the re-election of John Luzzo to the Circuit Court you make but a passing reference to his involvement in a scam that still smells
The honorable thing for him to have done them would have been to cover his head with his black robe and exit via the back door. If true justice were possible he would have been “pursued by a bear”. Honor, “a gift we give to ourselves”, can rarely be used in conjunction with the Broward Judiciary. It can never be used with him.
The Broward Judiciary is replete with examples of terrible judgment, an astonishing lack of rectitude, and an absolute wholesale contempt for the fragile combination of law and justice.
I enclose a copy of my letter published when this lout’s antics were in full flower. His churlish petty thefts would have continued unabated save for the fact that some out of town lawyers refused to play his vile game.
The only course for honest men to take should be to reject him
Even if the stink is 10 years old it still sickens the nostrils of honest men.
Is it too late to have him flogged?
Kevin Smith
CC - JJL
Congresswoman Nancy Pelosi
July 4, 2010
Congresswoman Nancy Pelosi
90 7th Street 2-800
San Francisco, CA 94103
RE: Addendum
Madam Speaker,
I re-read my letter to you dated July 2, 2010
I probably had a senior moment of forgetfulness as I await the stealthy arrival of the non-existent death panels. .
I daresay that it will take but one more quart sized syringe filled with industrial strength Gorilla Glue Botox and you will be peeing through your navel. I can’t wait to see you with eyes on the top of your head. But I digress.
The part that I left out in my last letter was that you are dumber than dirt and meaner than cat shit.
It is a not so rare malady, one common to modern American Liberals, which the November chill can cure.
“Free men speak with free tongues” was good advice 25 centuries ago.
It still is.
Kevin Smith
Congresswoman Nancy Pelosi
90 7th Street 2-800
San Francisco, CA 94103
RE: Addendum
Madam Speaker,
I re-read my letter to you dated July 2, 2010
I probably had a senior moment of forgetfulness as I await the stealthy arrival of the non-existent death panels. .
I daresay that it will take but one more quart sized syringe filled with industrial strength Gorilla Glue Botox and you will be peeing through your navel. I can’t wait to see you with eyes on the top of your head. But I digress.
The part that I left out in my last letter was that you are dumber than dirt and meaner than cat shit.
It is a not so rare malady, one common to modern American Liberals, which the November chill can cure.
“Free men speak with free tongues” was good advice 25 centuries ago.
It still is.
Kevin Smith
Letter to the Editor The Sun-Sentinel
July 4, 2010
Letter to the Editor
The Sun-Sentinel
200 East Las Olas Boulevard
Fort Lauderdale, Florida 33301
RE: How many states in the nation and stars on the Flag in 1912?
Sirs,
I know that your editorial staff is dedicated to the self evident proposition that whatever Lord Barack the Beneficent says is true. That’s why I wasn’t too shocked when your overt/covert defense of him extended to Geography.
Last year, when he said that there were 57 or 58 states, modern American Liberal journalists [as if there were any other kind!] turned their heads away. Journalists were too busy keeping their restlessly tumescent legs form releasing the full chakra to comment on trifles such as that. Besides, he hadn’t said something awful like “nuculeayour”.
You have a most interesting story on the American flag on the back page of today’s Opinion section.
I once thought I was pretty good in Geography. Alas, as Dr. Johnson explained why he was wrong on a different matter, I confess to the same malady. “Ignorance madam. Pure ignorance.”
You say that there were 56 stars on the flag in 1912. “8 rows with 7 stars”. Although I never had to face the horrors of the FCATs 8 x 7 is 56. That means when Alaska and Hawaii joined the Union the number of states in the Union became at least 58. More importantly, it means President Obama was right.
Kevin Smith
PS – I’ll be shocked, shocked if next week you announce that one of those stealth states, either White Water, South Ohio, Oz, North Utah, or Blivit is where I can find an Austrian/English Affirmative Action unicorn farm cum “ass kicking” adult sleep away camp.
Letter to the Editor
The Sun-Sentinel
200 East Las Olas Boulevard
Fort Lauderdale, Florida 33301
RE: How many states in the nation and stars on the Flag in 1912?
Sirs,
I know that your editorial staff is dedicated to the self evident proposition that whatever Lord Barack the Beneficent says is true. That’s why I wasn’t too shocked when your overt/covert defense of him extended to Geography.
Last year, when he said that there were 57 or 58 states, modern American Liberal journalists [as if there were any other kind!] turned their heads away. Journalists were too busy keeping their restlessly tumescent legs form releasing the full chakra to comment on trifles such as that. Besides, he hadn’t said something awful like “nuculeayour”.
You have a most interesting story on the American flag on the back page of today’s Opinion section.
I once thought I was pretty good in Geography. Alas, as Dr. Johnson explained why he was wrong on a different matter, I confess to the same malady. “Ignorance madam. Pure ignorance.”
You say that there were 56 stars on the flag in 1912. “8 rows with 7 stars”. Although I never had to face the horrors of the FCATs 8 x 7 is 56. That means when Alaska and Hawaii joined the Union the number of states in the Union became at least 58. More importantly, it means President Obama was right.
Kevin Smith
PS – I’ll be shocked, shocked if next week you announce that one of those stealth states, either White Water, South Ohio, Oz, North Utah, or Blivit is where I can find an Austrian/English Affirmative Action unicorn farm cum “ass kicking” adult sleep away camp.
Stephen L. Goldstein The Sun-Sentinel
July 2, 2010
Stephen L. Goldstein
The Sun-Sentinel
200 E. Las Olas Blvd.
Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33301
RE: Conflicts of Interest – They’re everywhere. Some comments on your column on that evil Judge in today’s Sun-Sentinel.
My dear Professor,
Federal Judge Martin Feldman, appointed by the great Reagan, is the man now most responsible for the despoiling of bayou bi-valves, or so you say.
Your cinematic example, the one involving a rape and murder, of how “justice” should be done is predicated on a Logic not contained in the Western Canon. A lack of Logic has never proved to be an impediment to your career of giving polemics a bad name. Facts, or lack of same, have never stopped you either. I must tell you that you missed the President most culpable. It was Eisenhower.
Have you ever heard of the Interstate Highway system? Eisenhower started it.
See if you can follow this. I’ll write slowly.
25% of the gasoline used in this country comes from oil produced in the Gulf. Are you in favor of banning all uses of any internal combustion engine for one week each month? If not, why not?
As a bonus you’ll get to save drowning polar bears. Also, since former Vice President Alpha Gump seems to be overcome by middle age Global Warming you could throw some cold air on his achingly tumescent chakra. Let me add, and strictly as an obvserver, that I know several sex crazed poodles. He ain’t one of them.
About Judge Feldman’s supposed “conflict of interest some things must be said.
#1 – Life is a conflict of interest. In the real world, the one with which you have no familiarity, it’s there all the time. How can lawyers in any legislature vote on any kind of rules concerning law suits? If you are aware of any specific felony that Judge Feldman committed you are duty bound to hot foot it to the nearest U. S. Attorney. It’s OK to do that now. With one exception they have all been appointed by a modern American Liberal President.
#2 – It could have been a “Homer nods” moment. If Judge Feldman is compromised what about Justices Ginzberg and Breyer?
Justice Ginsberg’s husband represented Ross Perot in the United States Tax Court. He won such an outstanding victory, a victory paid for by the American taxpayer, that Perot paid him a $1,000,000 bonus. Assuming that they filed a joint return should she be allowed to rule on anything concerning him, his companies, or his industries?
To say that Justice Brayer’s wife’s family is in the insurance business is like saying Pavarotti is a singer. The family is a “name” at Lloyd’s. Should he recuse himself from any cases involving insurance, investments, banks, plaintiffs’ class action suits, or anything arising from the Gulf spill?
Silly me! They were appointed by Clinton. Even though he was the first confessed perjurer he was also a modern American Liberal. That precludes conflicts of interest, right?
The movie you refer to is “Anatomy of a Murder”.
Great flick, particularly the part about the panties.
By the way, the defendant, the acquitted defendant, did it, just like OJ.
The modern American Liberal meltdown is typical.
Never confuse law with justice.
Kevin Smith
Stephen L. Goldstein
The Sun-Sentinel
200 E. Las Olas Blvd.
Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33301
RE: Conflicts of Interest – They’re everywhere. Some comments on your column on that evil Judge in today’s Sun-Sentinel.
My dear Professor,
Federal Judge Martin Feldman, appointed by the great Reagan, is the man now most responsible for the despoiling of bayou bi-valves, or so you say.
Your cinematic example, the one involving a rape and murder, of how “justice” should be done is predicated on a Logic not contained in the Western Canon. A lack of Logic has never proved to be an impediment to your career of giving polemics a bad name. Facts, or lack of same, have never stopped you either. I must tell you that you missed the President most culpable. It was Eisenhower.
Have you ever heard of the Interstate Highway system? Eisenhower started it.
See if you can follow this. I’ll write slowly.
25% of the gasoline used in this country comes from oil produced in the Gulf. Are you in favor of banning all uses of any internal combustion engine for one week each month? If not, why not?
As a bonus you’ll get to save drowning polar bears. Also, since former Vice President Alpha Gump seems to be overcome by middle age Global Warming you could throw some cold air on his achingly tumescent chakra. Let me add, and strictly as an obvserver, that I know several sex crazed poodles. He ain’t one of them.
About Judge Feldman’s supposed “conflict of interest some things must be said.
#1 – Life is a conflict of interest. In the real world, the one with which you have no familiarity, it’s there all the time. How can lawyers in any legislature vote on any kind of rules concerning law suits? If you are aware of any specific felony that Judge Feldman committed you are duty bound to hot foot it to the nearest U. S. Attorney. It’s OK to do that now. With one exception they have all been appointed by a modern American Liberal President.
#2 – It could have been a “Homer nods” moment. If Judge Feldman is compromised what about Justices Ginzberg and Breyer?
Justice Ginsberg’s husband represented Ross Perot in the United States Tax Court. He won such an outstanding victory, a victory paid for by the American taxpayer, that Perot paid him a $1,000,000 bonus. Assuming that they filed a joint return should she be allowed to rule on anything concerning him, his companies, or his industries?
To say that Justice Brayer’s wife’s family is in the insurance business is like saying Pavarotti is a singer. The family is a “name” at Lloyd’s. Should he recuse himself from any cases involving insurance, investments, banks, plaintiffs’ class action suits, or anything arising from the Gulf spill?
Silly me! They were appointed by Clinton. Even though he was the first confessed perjurer he was also a modern American Liberal. That precludes conflicts of interest, right?
The movie you refer to is “Anatomy of a Murder”.
Great flick, particularly the part about the panties.
By the way, the defendant, the acquitted defendant, did it, just like OJ.
The modern American Liberal meltdown is typical.
Never confuse law with justice.
Kevin Smith
Congresswoman Nancy Pelosi
July 2, 2010
Congresswoman Nancy Pelosi
90 7th Street 2-800
San Francisco, CA 94103
RE: An absolutely unbreakable record and it’s yours!
Congresswoman Pelosi,
You say that unemployment checks are the best way to “create” jobs.
If that is so would not Logic dictate that we must send checks to everyone be they unemployed, underemployed, overemployed, never employed, even those who are just ployed? Further, shouldn’t we encourage the quickest spending of the cashed check by color coding the money? Lavender has to be spent in January; fuchsia in May; plaid in August. How about we give them a bonus if they spend the swag in Mom & Pop stores? Moneys spent there are worth 10% more than money spent in WAL*MART. We could do the Census every quarter. Hire them then fire them. Rehire them and refire them. At every step send them unemployment checks. Let’s give unemployment checks to illegal aliens – the ones from South of the Border, not from Uranus or Io – before they get jobs. That way they will “create” more job opportunities for unemployed Americans. They’ll have to work so they can get – You guessed it! – unemployment checks.
Since there seems to have been a dearth of “shovel ready” projects how about we take those undeserving poor, those special victims of life’s circumstances, and have them walk around breaking windows using the shovels from the invisible “shovel ready” projects? Think of the ripple effect through the economy. The glass manufacturers, the glaziers, the carpenters, the insurance agents who will process the claims for broken windows. the people who make the cute café curtains that are hung on the windows, they want this stimulus. Then we send people around to break the windows again. By this time the country will be in boom times again.
Don’t you love it when a plan comes together?
For the above scenario, a scenario that you deeply, deeply believe will work if only it gets a fair chance [“Midnight Basketball” never got the chance it deserved either] you have won a most coveted award. Normally this award is given on a weekly basis. In your case I consulted with the owner – me – and I am happy to tell you that it has been upgraded.
Accordingly, you are named
HORSE’S ASS OF THE WEEK
Also,
HORSE’S ASS OF THE MONTH
It get’s better
HORSE’S ASS OF THE YEAR
But wait, there’s more
HORSE’S ASS OF THE DECADE
HORSE’S ASS OF THE CENTURY
HORSE’S ASS OF THE MILLENNIUM
Dumb is dumb but after you modern American Liberalism will need a new paradigmatic template for dumbness. Hercules cold not cleanse the stables occupied by you and your soul mates
Wear you laurels with pride.
God willing but you would look good in the unemployment line.
Kevin Smith
Congresswoman Nancy Pelosi
90 7th Street 2-800
San Francisco, CA 94103
RE: An absolutely unbreakable record and it’s yours!
Congresswoman Pelosi,
You say that unemployment checks are the best way to “create” jobs.
If that is so would not Logic dictate that we must send checks to everyone be they unemployed, underemployed, overemployed, never employed, even those who are just ployed? Further, shouldn’t we encourage the quickest spending of the cashed check by color coding the money? Lavender has to be spent in January; fuchsia in May; plaid in August. How about we give them a bonus if they spend the swag in Mom & Pop stores? Moneys spent there are worth 10% more than money spent in WAL*MART. We could do the Census every quarter. Hire them then fire them. Rehire them and refire them. At every step send them unemployment checks. Let’s give unemployment checks to illegal aliens – the ones from South of the Border, not from Uranus or Io – before they get jobs. That way they will “create” more job opportunities for unemployed Americans. They’ll have to work so they can get – You guessed it! – unemployment checks.
Since there seems to have been a dearth of “shovel ready” projects how about we take those undeserving poor, those special victims of life’s circumstances, and have them walk around breaking windows using the shovels from the invisible “shovel ready” projects? Think of the ripple effect through the economy. The glass manufacturers, the glaziers, the carpenters, the insurance agents who will process the claims for broken windows. the people who make the cute café curtains that are hung on the windows, they want this stimulus. Then we send people around to break the windows again. By this time the country will be in boom times again.
Don’t you love it when a plan comes together?
For the above scenario, a scenario that you deeply, deeply believe will work if only it gets a fair chance [“Midnight Basketball” never got the chance it deserved either] you have won a most coveted award. Normally this award is given on a weekly basis. In your case I consulted with the owner – me – and I am happy to tell you that it has been upgraded.
Accordingly, you are named
HORSE’S ASS OF THE WEEK
Also,
HORSE’S ASS OF THE MONTH
It get’s better
HORSE’S ASS OF THE YEAR
But wait, there’s more
HORSE’S ASS OF THE DECADE
HORSE’S ASS OF THE CENTURY
HORSE’S ASS OF THE MILLENNIUM
Dumb is dumb but after you modern American Liberalism will need a new paradigmatic template for dumbness. Hercules cold not cleanse the stables occupied by you and your soul mates
Wear you laurels with pride.
God willing but you would look good in the unemployment line.
Kevin Smith
Thursday, July 1, 2010
E.J. Dionne The Washington Post Writers Group
June 27, 2010
E.J. Dionne
The Washington Post Writers Group
1150 15th St. NW
Washington, DC 20017
RE: “Dems Need To Snap Out Of It” – Some comments and questions on your “look how well we’ve done and why don’t they love us” column in today’s Miami Herald.
Mr. Dionne,
When you’re right, by crikey you’re right.
And this from a Biden certified “smartass”.
[Maybe Curley Biden, named Curley in honor of the smartest Stooge, has found a shovel ready project for the money we borrowed from the Chinese to stimulate our economy. He finds and names all the “smartasses” in America. Our President, The lord Barack the Beneficent, “kicks their asses”. If a follow-up treatment is needed Secretary Salazar will come and “put his boot on their neck”. No threat to the Burke-Fox or the Lincoln-Douglas debates in the civil discourse Hall of Fame there, right?]
Obama is not like Carter.
He lacks Jimmuh’s charm, grace, wit, and most of all, that certain picaresque air about him that we all came to love.
There are three things in which they are similar.
Jimmuh had a brother who sold really bad beer and then shilled for Qadafi. Barry has a brother who lives in a mud hut in the bad section of Fugowi.
Other than his time in the Navy Jimmuh worked in heavily regulated, hugely subsidized business. When he was booted out of the White House he couldn’t even run that business. In fact, he couldn’t run a two car funeral. If it weren’t for Dwayne Andreas and Archer Daniels Midland buying him by picking up his open markers he would have wound up by the side of the road doing his best Deliverance banjo imitation. ADM picked up an ex-President for, forgive me, peanuts.
Barry never worked. Ever. The most prominent part of his CV is his stint as a community organizer. He spent a few years bellyaching about how bad the government was in Chicago. Naturally enough, having solved all the problems in Cook County, a grateful electorate, most of whom were alive when they voted for him, sent him to the Illinois legislature and then the United States Senate. In 2013 he will either take Oprah’s time slot or become Pope. Maybe he will solve Chris Matthews’ randy leg.
Among the 20th century’s other well known Community Organizers are Evita, Che, and the mother of all Community Organizers, the paradigmatic template of modern American Liberals, Adolph Hitler.
You say that Republicans are “conspicuously vague about what they would cut”. Maybe they are. Not me.
Here are the first 3 lucky winners.
#1 – The Department of Agriculture
#2 – The Department of Energy
#3 – The Department of Education.
Perhaps as part of the soon to be assembled “death panels” for Medicare patients we could have flying squads visiting the above named dead zones. You can change their order of departure as long as the stage directions are followed by “pursued by a bear”.
Perhaps you could tell me which two wars did Bush get this country into?
The one in Afghanistan that had Democratic members of Congress sounding like a cross between Vercingetorix and Patton or was it the one in Iraq that ¾s of Congress approved in a blood lust worthy of the Hoplites forming a phalanx. You can’t mean them, can you?
There is one other thing that Jimmuh and Barry share.
Neither of them likes Jews. Considering where they came from, considering who they listened to, it is not a big surprise.
You say the big issue in the fall election will be government spending. It is but a side issue. Which candidate better understands how fragile liberty is, which candidate knows that our freedoms come not from the government but are ours at birth, “a gift from beyond the stars”, is the worthy one
Obama is a technocrat without soul. He believes that the government does know better. You are his pleader. He and Carter can compare Nobel Peace Prizes and say how bad Israel is.
“Will there ever be another Ronald Reagan?”
Kevin Smith
E.J. Dionne
The Washington Post Writers Group
1150 15th St. NW
Washington, DC 20017
RE: “Dems Need To Snap Out Of It” – Some comments and questions on your “look how well we’ve done and why don’t they love us” column in today’s Miami Herald.
Mr. Dionne,
When you’re right, by crikey you’re right.
And this from a Biden certified “smartass”.
[Maybe Curley Biden, named Curley in honor of the smartest Stooge, has found a shovel ready project for the money we borrowed from the Chinese to stimulate our economy. He finds and names all the “smartasses” in America. Our President, The lord Barack the Beneficent, “kicks their asses”. If a follow-up treatment is needed Secretary Salazar will come and “put his boot on their neck”. No threat to the Burke-Fox or the Lincoln-Douglas debates in the civil discourse Hall of Fame there, right?]
Obama is not like Carter.
He lacks Jimmuh’s charm, grace, wit, and most of all, that certain picaresque air about him that we all came to love.
There are three things in which they are similar.
Jimmuh had a brother who sold really bad beer and then shilled for Qadafi. Barry has a brother who lives in a mud hut in the bad section of Fugowi.
Other than his time in the Navy Jimmuh worked in heavily regulated, hugely subsidized business. When he was booted out of the White House he couldn’t even run that business. In fact, he couldn’t run a two car funeral. If it weren’t for Dwayne Andreas and Archer Daniels Midland buying him by picking up his open markers he would have wound up by the side of the road doing his best Deliverance banjo imitation. ADM picked up an ex-President for, forgive me, peanuts.
Barry never worked. Ever. The most prominent part of his CV is his stint as a community organizer. He spent a few years bellyaching about how bad the government was in Chicago. Naturally enough, having solved all the problems in Cook County, a grateful electorate, most of whom were alive when they voted for him, sent him to the Illinois legislature and then the United States Senate. In 2013 he will either take Oprah’s time slot or become Pope. Maybe he will solve Chris Matthews’ randy leg.
Among the 20th century’s other well known Community Organizers are Evita, Che, and the mother of all Community Organizers, the paradigmatic template of modern American Liberals, Adolph Hitler.
You say that Republicans are “conspicuously vague about what they would cut”. Maybe they are. Not me.
Here are the first 3 lucky winners.
#1 – The Department of Agriculture
#2 – The Department of Energy
#3 – The Department of Education.
Perhaps as part of the soon to be assembled “death panels” for Medicare patients we could have flying squads visiting the above named dead zones. You can change their order of departure as long as the stage directions are followed by “pursued by a bear”.
Perhaps you could tell me which two wars did Bush get this country into?
The one in Afghanistan that had Democratic members of Congress sounding like a cross between Vercingetorix and Patton or was it the one in Iraq that ¾s of Congress approved in a blood lust worthy of the Hoplites forming a phalanx. You can’t mean them, can you?
There is one other thing that Jimmuh and Barry share.
Neither of them likes Jews. Considering where they came from, considering who they listened to, it is not a big surprise.
You say the big issue in the fall election will be government spending. It is but a side issue. Which candidate better understands how fragile liberty is, which candidate knows that our freedoms come not from the government but are ours at birth, “a gift from beyond the stars”, is the worthy one
Obama is a technocrat without soul. He believes that the government does know better. You are his pleader. He and Carter can compare Nobel Peace Prizes and say how bad Israel is.
“Will there ever be another Ronald Reagan?”
Kevin Smith
Fred Grimm The Miami Herald
June 24, 2010
Fred Grimm
The Miami Herald
One Herald Plaza
Miami, Florida 33132-1693
RE: “Pols Unfazed by Specter of a Submerged Coast” – Some comments on your “we are sooooo guilty” Jeremiad in today’s Miami Herald.
Mr. Grimm,
I think we can end the search for Ned Lud.
He has not been kidnapped by Somali pirates; he is alive and well and living in the aggressively air conditioned world HG of the Miami Herald.
Your phrase “thermally expanded sea” prompted me to use the soon to be totally unremembered “scientific method”. I filled a pot with water. I added salt to it. I boiled it. If that’s not “thermal expansion” I don’t know what is. The salted water went up in smoke, so to speak.
Empirical evidence, evidence as real as your boot, is lacking in these never ending “the sky is falling” scenarios.
40 years ago an academic huckster, the Bernie Madoff of PhDs., a snake oil salesman named Paul Ehrlich, told us that the only thing he wasn’t sure of was whether we would starve to death or freeze to death. He was certain one of them would happen before the end of the 20th century. Check the date on your newspaper. Also, check the meat and produce section at Publix. Get back to me.
In the 1970s we were told that we would run out of everything – except malaise – in about 10 years. There are but two things of which I am certain that are no longer on the radar screen: Disco and leisure suits.
The clear and present danger of Global Cooling morphed seamlessly into the clearer and more present danger of Global Warming. Look at the ozone layer, we were told. When it goes we’re gone. [I must confess that I added to the diminishing of the beleaguered and battered O.L. Every morning I would open the window in my bathroom and squirt some Right Guard deodorant out of it. I can probably trace my various skin cancers back to that. Hey! Who knew?]
In the summer of 1996, President Clinton warned us of the imminent dangers of Global Warming by using a tautology that is the foundation of the thought processes of modern American Liberalism.
He told us that we had Global Warming because it was hot in Washington in the summer. In case you missed that it was hot because of Global Warming which was caused by summer heat. Accompanying him was Donna Shalala, then the Secretary of No-No, who said we would all be dead from AIDS in 10 years.
Check the date on today’s paper and get back to me.
I am sure you know that the snow cap on Mt. Kilimanjaro is receding. I am sure you don’t know that the snow cap on Mt. Kilimanjaro has been receding since 1888. Incidentally, 1888 was the first year it was measured. What we do know, what we can prove, is that absent Acid Rain, an overload of CO2, Global Cooling, and Global Warming the snows of Kilimanjaro have been melting. Go figure. It started before BP was born. Go figure.
The soul of Physics is that everything is measurable.
If the icebergs are melting where is the water going? If the seas are “thermally expanding” where is the water going? The Miami Herald HQ is right on Biscayne Bay. Go out the back door. Has the water come over the sea wall? Are docks and piers awash? Have any boats gone over any bridge rather than the old fashioned way of going under it? Are insurance companies adjusting their premiums to factor in rising water levels? If not, why not? Has the Coast Guard told Miami Airport to expect water from the Miami River to cover Terminal A?
It is an unfortunate inconvenient truth but at its root the claptrap pseudo-science that rules today is anti-intellectual and anti-rational. Do you remember that tomatoes were once thought to be poisonous? Wasn’t broccoli genetically engineered? 1000 years ago we had an upward spike in temperature in Europe. We would up with the Renaissance. Do you have a problem with Dante? Alas, but it appears that you are “halfway through your journey” and you don’t know that you are in “the dark wood of error”.
It is time, it is past time, to come out and “look up and see the stars”.
Kevin Smith
PS – I must acknowledge my Italian climatological rabbi, Tony Vivaldi. His treatise on the various equinoxes is still valid after all these years.
Fred Grimm
The Miami Herald
One Herald Plaza
Miami, Florida 33132-1693
RE: “Pols Unfazed by Specter of a Submerged Coast” – Some comments on your “we are sooooo guilty” Jeremiad in today’s Miami Herald.
Mr. Grimm,
I think we can end the search for Ned Lud.
He has not been kidnapped by Somali pirates; he is alive and well and living in the aggressively air conditioned world HG of the Miami Herald.
Your phrase “thermally expanded sea” prompted me to use the soon to be totally unremembered “scientific method”. I filled a pot with water. I added salt to it. I boiled it. If that’s not “thermal expansion” I don’t know what is. The salted water went up in smoke, so to speak.
Empirical evidence, evidence as real as your boot, is lacking in these never ending “the sky is falling” scenarios.
40 years ago an academic huckster, the Bernie Madoff of PhDs., a snake oil salesman named Paul Ehrlich, told us that the only thing he wasn’t sure of was whether we would starve to death or freeze to death. He was certain one of them would happen before the end of the 20th century. Check the date on your newspaper. Also, check the meat and produce section at Publix. Get back to me.
In the 1970s we were told that we would run out of everything – except malaise – in about 10 years. There are but two things of which I am certain that are no longer on the radar screen: Disco and leisure suits.
The clear and present danger of Global Cooling morphed seamlessly into the clearer and more present danger of Global Warming. Look at the ozone layer, we were told. When it goes we’re gone. [I must confess that I added to the diminishing of the beleaguered and battered O.L. Every morning I would open the window in my bathroom and squirt some Right Guard deodorant out of it. I can probably trace my various skin cancers back to that. Hey! Who knew?]
In the summer of 1996, President Clinton warned us of the imminent dangers of Global Warming by using a tautology that is the foundation of the thought processes of modern American Liberalism.
He told us that we had Global Warming because it was hot in Washington in the summer. In case you missed that it was hot because of Global Warming which was caused by summer heat. Accompanying him was Donna Shalala, then the Secretary of No-No, who said we would all be dead from AIDS in 10 years.
Check the date on today’s paper and get back to me.
I am sure you know that the snow cap on Mt. Kilimanjaro is receding. I am sure you don’t know that the snow cap on Mt. Kilimanjaro has been receding since 1888. Incidentally, 1888 was the first year it was measured. What we do know, what we can prove, is that absent Acid Rain, an overload of CO2, Global Cooling, and Global Warming the snows of Kilimanjaro have been melting. Go figure. It started before BP was born. Go figure.
The soul of Physics is that everything is measurable.
If the icebergs are melting where is the water going? If the seas are “thermally expanding” where is the water going? The Miami Herald HQ is right on Biscayne Bay. Go out the back door. Has the water come over the sea wall? Are docks and piers awash? Have any boats gone over any bridge rather than the old fashioned way of going under it? Are insurance companies adjusting their premiums to factor in rising water levels? If not, why not? Has the Coast Guard told Miami Airport to expect water from the Miami River to cover Terminal A?
It is an unfortunate inconvenient truth but at its root the claptrap pseudo-science that rules today is anti-intellectual and anti-rational. Do you remember that tomatoes were once thought to be poisonous? Wasn’t broccoli genetically engineered? 1000 years ago we had an upward spike in temperature in Europe. We would up with the Renaissance. Do you have a problem with Dante? Alas, but it appears that you are “halfway through your journey” and you don’t know that you are in “the dark wood of error”.
It is time, it is past time, to come out and “look up and see the stars”.
Kevin Smith
PS – I must acknowledge my Italian climatological rabbi, Tony Vivaldi. His treatise on the various equinoxes is still valid after all these years.
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