Congresswoman Nancy Pelosi

July 2, 2010

Congresswoman Nancy Pelosi
90 7th Street 2-800
San Francisco, CA 94103

RE: An absolutely unbreakable record and it’s yours!

Congresswoman Pelosi,

You say that unemployment checks are the best way to “create” jobs.

If that is so would not Logic dictate that we must send checks to everyone be they unemployed, underemployed, overemployed, never employed, even those who are just ployed? Further, shouldn’t we encourage the quickest spending of the cashed check by color coding the money? Lavender has to be spent in January; fuchsia in May; plaid in August. How about we give them a bonus if they spend the swag in Mom & Pop stores? Moneys spent there are worth 10% more than money spent in WAL*MART. We could do the Census every quarter. Hire them then fire them. Rehire them and refire them. At every step send them unemployment checks. Let’s give unemployment checks to illegal aliens – the ones from South of the Border, not from Uranus or Io – before they get jobs. That way they will “create” more job opportunities for unemployed Americans. They’ll have to work so they can get – You guessed it! – unemployment checks.

Since there seems to have been a dearth of “shovel ready” projects how about we take those undeserving poor, those special victims of life’s circumstances, and have them walk around breaking windows using the shovels from the invisible “shovel ready” projects? Think of the ripple effect through the economy. The glass manufacturers, the glaziers, the carpenters, the insurance agents who will process the claims for broken windows. the people who make the cute café curtains that are hung on the windows, they want this stimulus. Then we send people around to break the windows again. By this time the country will be in boom times again.

Don’t you love it when a plan comes together?

For the above scenario, a scenario that you deeply, deeply believe will work if only it gets a fair chance [“Midnight Basketball” never got the chance it deserved either] you have won a most coveted award. Normally this award is given on a weekly basis. In your case I consulted with the owner – me – and I am happy to tell you that it has been upgraded.



Accordingly, you are named
HORSE’S ASS OF THE WEEK
Also,
HORSE’S ASS OF THE MONTH
It get’s better
HORSE’S ASS OF THE YEAR
But wait, there’s more
HORSE’S ASS OF THE DECADE
HORSE’S ASS OF THE CENTURY
HORSE’S ASS OF THE MILLENNIUM

Dumb is dumb but after you modern American Liberalism will need a new paradigmatic template for dumbness. Hercules cold not cleanse the stables occupied by you and your soul mates

Wear you laurels with pride.

God willing but you would look good in the unemployment line.



Kevin Smith