December 28, 2014
Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman-Schultz
10100 Pines Blvd.
Pembroke Pines, FL

RE: Addenda, not errata, addenda

My dearest darling Debbie,

In re-reading my last note [12/26/14] to you I realized that I left a few things out.

#1 – My saying that you were a slave to “inane persiflage” was incomplete. It should have been “inane obfuscatory persiflage of a most vile, bilious, and noxious nature”. Hey, only Allah can weave a perfect rug, right?

#2 – I saw a video of you saying that Scott Walker, the thrice elected [in 4 years] Republican Governor of Wisconsin, and a major league pain in the ass to the perpetually ethically challenged sore losing modern American Liberals of whom you are the chief shill, cheerleader and, alas, head serial liar, has “given women the back of his hand and dragged us by the hair” back to the bad old days.

I add that I would neither give you the back of my hand nor would I drag you by the hair.

I would never give you the back of my hand for fear that my mother would miraculously appear and give me the back of both her hands. That is also known in the Roman Catholic tradition as anticipatory secular imperfect contrition.

Further, I would never drag you by the hair for a simple reason. Having handled barbed wire I have no need to reprove that it is sharp, it is edged and jagged, and it hurts like Hell when you grab it unprotected. Also, having had several up close and personal experiences with vipers I have no need to relive that experience. I would rather try to belly rub a dozen puff adders that grab you by the hair. It this country decides to print stamps appreciating the Gorgons of yore you will be a lock for Medusa. Somehow I am sure you knew that.

I am so overcome with the Christmas spirit that I will overlook 6 of your more obvious public failings.

Remember, it is always a sin to tell a lie. After all, being a modern American Liberal means you never have to say you’re sorry.


KS

December 29, 2014
Steven L. Goldstein
The Trendsman

RE: What to do? What to do? A plea for an updated “Guide for the Perplexed” from a willing student to the head viper of local modern American Liberals.

My dear Professor,

Two weeks ago people in the streets of New York City shouted

“What do we want? Dead cops!
When do we want them? Now!

No one but no one from the moon-bat, wing-nut sect of modern American Liberalism, or as it is better known, the Democratic Party, objected. MSNBC, the New York Times, Bill Maher, Drooling Chris Matthews, Rosie O’Donnell, Nancy Pelosi…the list goes on and on. No one objected. No one.

4 years ago, when Congresswoman Giffords was shot, Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman-Schultz, the local Queen cobra of Sophistry, proclaimed that Right-Wing talk radio in general and Rush Limbaugh – and may I add “sainted” to his name? I can? Thank you – in particular loaded and aimed the gun that shot her

One week after the call for dead cops we had, can you believe it, 2 dead cops.

I shall resist the temptation to ask if sauce is good for the goose shouldn’t it be good for the gander.

You say you have a classical education. If that is the case the adage

Qui tacet consitire
will be no problem for you.

Silence gives consent
for those who have forgotten 2nd year Latin.

If Rush Limbaugh was convicted in the modern American Liberal drum head court of public opinion shouldn’t the New York city cop murder inciters at least be questioned as to their involvement in the assassinations of 2 – let me cite usage sanctioned by the New York Times in another death – “non-White” police officers?

Guilt, both individual and collective, is genetically imbedded in double helixed DNA strands of modern American Liberalism. Once the victim/villain nexus has been established the villain, if not extinguished, must be “victimized” a la “Alinsky Rules”, so loved by Hillary Clinton, into perpetual atonement for his sins.




Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton, and divers Gay Pride covens have raised this to an art form. And we thought that buying indulgences was a thing of the past!

Since you and your ilk did not object to the calls for the death of policemen Logic would dictate that you share in the guilt of their deaths.

Since you are Broward County’s gold standard, its paradigmatic template if you will, for modern American Liberalism, I ask how does it feel to have blood on your hands even if it is vicarious? Would “all the perfumes of Arabia” cleanse the stain you must now carry like Cain? I know that with the exception of abortion, particularly 4th and 5th trimester abortions, you are opposed to capital punishment.

Yet again the perpetual cognitive dissonance that mALs must carry like Jacob Marley’s chains will weigh you down. At least Scrooge had Bedlam to retire to. MALs must wait for “the earth to cool and for the oceans to recede” for any kind of joy. Godot will appear and be like a eternal summer cold before that happens.

“How sad of all the things that men endure
how few laws or kings can cause or cure.”

By your silence you loaded and aimed the weapon.

All you had to do was say “Stop”.

Because you didn’t you’re guilty.

Your rules; not mine




Kevin Smith
WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET



PS – I miss your weekly trips to Never-Never Land. I miss your exhortations to water to flow uphill. I miss your Banshee cries that the last good Republican was Abraham Lincoln. The Sun Sentinel is the worse for your sacking. Since I am Christmasing with my Texas Ladies I know that my Redeemer liveth, Further, I know that “man will not only endure but that he will prevail”.
Great news for Professor Jonathan Gruber! In addition to his becoming an eponym – Think Judas, think Jap, Quisling, think Ponzi, think Borking, think Monicaing – he will be the half time entertainment at the 2015 super Bowl. Having been diagnosed with the worst case of “non-malodorous fecal matter syndrome” ever seen he will be held in quarantine until the big game. He will be brought out in the world’s largest antiseptic bubble. Bill O’Reilly will flip an electronic toggle switch and he will explode. The detritus will be used as rewards in a 12 step anti-lying, anti-bullshiting, and anti-pissing on peoples’ backs’ program. ObamaCare is accepted.

December 26, 2014
Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman-Schultz
10100 Pines Blvd.
Pembroke Pines, FL 33026

RE: 2014 almost gone; 2015 coming up

My dearest darling Debbie,

What is as rare as a brass monkey balls day in December – Let those sophomoric buffoons who preach Global Warming come into the Lone Star state with me – made better by me being with my 3 Texas ladies?

The only way to gild this freezing lily is to don my PROUD GLOBAL WARMER hat and visit some local cultural shrines.

Enclosed you will find receipts from Hobby-Lobby and Chick-Fil-A. I’ll toss one in from Walmart for good measure.

Anything that causes modern American Liberals to get their knickers knotted en masse is OK in my book. Hobby Lobby and Chick-Fil-A offer superior products at reasonable prices for which their happy customer base has rewarded them. They are known as great employers. Put Walmart into the mix and you have a formula for never ending Summers of Recovery.

I bought some Walmart plonk, a California merlot, in hopes of offending the ghost of Cesar Chavez. [Of course you knew that he wanted a very strict immigration policy with deportations after prison sentences. You knew that, didn’t you? Just like you knew that Margaret Sanger, a hero to modern American Liberal chicks, was a teacher of Adolph Hitler who modeled his Nuremberg Race laws on her writings. You knew that also, didn’t you?] Cesar Chavez? I like to date myself, OK?

I would be in oenological heaven if I could decant some wine whose label said made by Gallo and sold by Walmart.

And yes, I have overcome Walmart’s dalliance with Hillary Rodham Clinton as a Director. It is known and understood that since her husband was the Governor of Arkansas a little pillow talk might come in handy for a big company on the prowl. Too bad the bed was usually half empty. Nobody’s perfect. After all, Coca Cola tried New Coke and ditched it as soon as it realized it had made a grievous error. The hard edge HRC gained in the corporate world enabled her to deal with Red Bone the commodities broker, to navigate the treacherous shoals of White Water, and to be ready to give Ricky Ray Rector a lap dance to make sure his electric chair evening went smoothly.

It did.

Anyway, 2014 is measured in hours. I would like you to tell if 2015 will be the year the feral Islamic WOGs will “unclench their fists” five years after we “extended our hand”. Also, is this the year the Summer of Recovery gets here?

I shan’t ask you if “the earth has cooled and the oceans have receded”. Any party that had 3 Presidents in one century say that they “wouldn’t send American boys to fight in foreign wars” just before they sent American boys to fight in foreign wars is entitled to stretch the envelope of Sophistry.

You have had a bit of a rough go what with a few lies on TV followed by an election with results like the Syrian Air Force dog fighting over the Golan Heights. Some of your pals would like you to go quietly into that good night. Relax. I have started a PAC, non-profit of course, for you. It is called “Dems, Don’t Dump Debbie” and it is going gangbusters. As soon as I get my first $10 I am going to open an account at your husband’s bank. That will be OK, right? In spite of President BHO the price of gas is in free fall. I’ll be able to get a gas guzzler called the DebbieWingNutMoonBatMobile to drive around drumming up support for you. Its carbon foot print will be the envy of Climate Change Deniers everywhere.

You go, girl!

I’ll stay in touch.

Count on it.

By the by, I have a dark, dirty, and dangerous job keeping up with your inane persiflage, your gravity defying, offensive to Logic, and just plain dumb statements. Somebody has to do it and if I don’t who will? Plus, if I don’t, in a strange way, the terrorists win.

Not on my watch.





Kevin Smith

December 26, 2014
Assemblyman Tim Eustace
205 Robin Road #222
Paramus, NJ 07652

RE: A doubt, reasonable or otherwise – Some observations and questions on your prosed legislation banning “gay panic” as a murder defense, especially when the victim [alleged] is a homosexual and the villain [alleged] is a heterosexual with all its built-in violent predilections.

Mr. Eustace,

If a defendant, one who is presumptively heterosexual or, at least, non-homosexual cannot claim “homosexual panic” as a mitigating factor in his/her defense in a murder trial would the obverse also become part of the Garden State Rules of Criminal Procedure?

How would this be as a possible scenario?

Sluggo, the alleged perpetrator, is accused of killing Jay, the alleged victim. Jay allegedly made sexual advances to Sluggo. When Sluggo found out that Jay wanted homosexual sodomy, either as a pitcher, the catcher, or both, his mind became unbalanced. He allegedly killed him in a most gruesome manner.

Should your proposal become law Sluggo could not claim that his sudden discovery of Jay’s sexual orientation cannot be part of his defense.

Would it apply to the following scenarios?

Zazu finds Rosie attractive. She proposes “a bit of the gobble” to her. Rosie, only a few days away from her sex second sex change operation but already identifying as a male, panics and kills Zazu.

Would Rosie be precluded from using the panic defense?

What if 3 couples [M/F, M/F, M/F], having voluntarily agreed to an orgiastic tryst, wind up with a dead body by the dawn’s early light? Forensic evidence points to two alleged perpetrators. No one admits to anything but all agree that the activities would be limited to one on one, male/female, horizontal tangos.

Would the gender panic defense be precluded if your proposal were to become law?

Do modern American Liberals intentionally turn all FUBARs into clusterfucks or does your philosophical and ideological DNA compel you to do so?

I’ve been away from New Jersey a long time.

Is the Bergen Mall still closed on Sunday?







Kevin Smith

December 21, 2014
Congressman Ted Deutsch
1300 Coral Springs Drive
Pompano Beach, FL 33071

RE: Why are you opposed to free speech? – Some comments on your brief op-ed in today’s unlinkablbnvce Sun Sentinel on why less freedom of speech is good for the bitter clingers who don’t know what’s good for them. [Did I just stumble on the year’s best definition of modern American Liberalism? Yes, Virginia, I did]

Congressman Deutsch,

How’s this for a headline?

Democratic Congressman Ted Deutsch favors North Korean repression

I read in today’s Sun Sentinel that you want to prevent Tom Steyer and George Soros from spending their own money to promote their ideas and the candidates who espouse them.

Tom Steyer made his money mining and selling dirty coal to 3rd world nations

They used it to produce manufactured goods made by exploited non-union labor. These countries later sold their products to Walmart who used them to trap low income folk using the lure of low prices. That many of these were single inner city moms, usually women of color with children in need of a good Ritalin program who lack the public transportation to get them to the healing oases of Midnight Basketball. It is a horror from which men turn their eyes.

Later in his life he came to be a worshiper of Gaia, the Goddess of an environmentally sensitive, 106% organic, self-renewing world, a world where the earth will cool and the oceans will recede just as soon as the Republicans cease to exist. Plus, lambs will volunteer to sleep with lions and polar bears, having been saved, will become vegans and fierce protectors of baby seals whose skin the filthy rich 1% idle ladies want to wear.

Step 1 is to ban Republicans as if they were made of DDT.

This is what he believes and, by G-d, he is willing to spend his own money to promote and promulgate these beliefs.

George Soros, and if the Guinness Book of Records needs one picture to highlight its “Going Along to Get Along” chapter, it will be him. From working in the Nazi death camps as a teenager and then adroitly switching horses in mid-stream by abandoning one murderer, Hitler, for a far more prodigious one, Stalin, he gave new credence to the adage that if you know the buttered side form the dry only good things can happen.

He made his money by attacking and conquering countries’ currencies, and he made a ton of it. If his policies were carried to their Logic al conclusion they would result in a government whose currencies would be subject to a raider such as him. Nevertheless, his ability to ride these 2 horses simultaneously in opposite directions is astonishing.

He spent car loads of his own money to defeat George W. Bush in 2000 and unelect him in2004. He spent as much plus much more to elect Barack H. Obama in 2008 and 2012.

[It is well to note that both Steyer and Soros used hedge fund devices to shield their swag form the tax man’s scythe. I am at a loss to explain why this was bad for Mitt Romney while it was worth not a mention for either Steyer or Soros. “Eclectic indignation” may be the answer but more research is needed.]

You condemn the Supreme Court for affirming 5 of the most important words in the English language. They are

CONGRESS SHALL MAKE NO LAW…”

Since you are not familiar with them, either by choice or by ignorance, I will tell you that they are the opening words of the First Amendment of the Bill of Rights of the Constitution of the United States.

Permit me to paraphrase Orwell…

ALL SPEECH IS FREE; SOME SPEECH IS MORE FREE THAN OTHERS

The cognitive dissonance required, nay, demanded of card carrying, fire breathing modern American Liberals, a cabal of sly vixens and vipers, whose favorite color is plaid, just to get through the day, is Herculean. Plus, it’s like shaving. No matter how well you do it on Sunday you have to get up on Monday and do it again.

The ability to say, without reaching for the barf bag, that you are opposed to capital punishment while you promote the legality of 4th and 5th trimester abortion is astonishing. That you can say folderol such as the above without being defenestrated is proof the God does indeed bless and protect his exceptional nation.

Accordingly, and because I can find no saving graces, none whatsoever, I name you

SMARMY BASTARD OF THE YEAR

In addition to the above it is also self-evident that you are a putz of unparalleled proportions.

Since my contempt for you is not personal I close by extending to you a sincere non-denominational Seasons’ Greetings.




Kevin Smith
1401 S 15th Street #110
Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33316



PS – If you want to get me something for Christmas how about singing a new Carol? “All I Want for Christmas is my Constitution” is its title. Move over Rudolph and Frosty. Here comes James Madison.

CC – Mitch Berger, Esq.

December 16, 2014
Robert Steinbach
The Sun Sentinel

RE: “Substance”

Mr. Steinbach,

If I were to say that feral Islamic Pakistani WOG terrorists were so upset about Ferguson that they killed almost 12 dozen children would that suggest, as you say, Ithat I lack “substance”? If I were to beg Senator Pocahontas Warren [D-MA] and Senator Boob McNut Sanders [D-VT] to run for President would that suggest, as you say, that I lack “substance”? If I were to say that Bill Cosby is helping Hillary Clinton in her quest for the White House would that suggest, as you say, that I lack “substance”? If half of Cosby’s wick dippings are true it will make Bill Clinton look like Dudley Do Right. One less brick on her pile as she hits the glass ceiling, no? If she could get Red Bone, Wal-Mart, and Whitewater to go gently into that good night, that would be better, yes?

“Substance”, like beauty, truth, and equity oft-times lies in the eyes of the beholder. I re-read my last two love notes to Sun Sentinel people - Gary Stein and Mitch Caesar - to see if they lacked “substance”. I submitted them to the Board of Adjudicators, a jury of my peers if that is possible, for their judgment. They suggested one minor style change but that both were overwhelmingly overflowing with “substance”.

Speaking of “substance”, I mentioned Burke and Madison. Is there anywhere in the archives of liberalism, be it the au courant modern American version of old wine in new skins, or the more classic school epitomized by Cuba, Venezuela, and Zimbabwe, the equivalent? Is there a Murderers’ Row hidden out there or is Senator SummerFallWinterWarren [D-MA} and Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman-Schultz the “A” Team? The career of one is predicated on a lie while the other has the soul of a
Fascist. Can I say it may be Hobson’s Choice without you getting too mad at me?

I just go to pieces every time you get upset with me.

Please send me a list of your ideological and philosophical rabbis and I will devour their teachings.

I just sent, unintentionally, your note on my lack of “substance” down the electronic memory hole. [That’s the device that enables modern American Liberals to function, lest they go mad with cognitive dissonance] That means I am going on memory which, alas, is fading. I do remember that I am a certain target for the soon to be named ObamaCare Death Panels.

Al Sharpton is supposed to have said that the “Africans discovered everything before the Greek homos did”. How much “substance” is in that [alleged[ statement?
The collapse in the price of oil, a collapse that the Obama crew tried unknowingly for the last 5 years to prevent, is a chance for real politick in the White House. If carried out we can say goodbye to mid-East “Dancing Boy” clubs, we can watch as Venezuela descends into total chaos, and we’ll see how Stalinesque Putin can be when his checks are returned NSF. Alas, the last 5 years at the White House shout out that President B.O., a duffer who thinks foreign affairs is when Cosby and Clinton play golf in Brazil couldn’t find sand at the beach.

While it is true that not all Muslims are terrorists it is true that all terrorists in the 21st century are Muslims. [Some knowledge of the original DWEMs, all Greek, be they hetero, homo, bi, or just confused is required. Start with the Trivium.]

The death toll keeps climbing in Pakistan. Would it show “substance” to say that Pakistan needed stronger gun control laws?

Wouldn’t it be a refreshing change of villain if the perpetrators [alleged] of the victims [alleged] turned out to be Orthodox Latvians? How come – so far – no one from Paraguay has blown up himself, an airplane, or a building?

It is said that the slaughter of the innocents is in revenge for the Nobel Peace Prize going to a Pakistani teenage girl. Is that a statement brimming with “substance”?

The above funnels into my Christmas trip to see my Texas Ladies. 16, 12, & 10. Since all my capital is tied up in debt the only legacy that I can give them unencumbered by pesky creditors such as the IRS is a hunk of Western Civilization. I’ll focus on the American Exceptionalism wing. They have relatives who fought in 6 wars.
They have as part of their patrimony rights that became theirs at birth. They were “gifts from beyond the stars”. God willing they can pass them on to their grandchildren.


Today’s events remind us of the fragility of life, of culture, of humanity.

My job is simple. Like Horatius at the bridge. It is one filled with “substance”.

“And how can man better die than facing fearful odds
For the ashes of his fathers and the temples of his Gods?”

“You need me on that wall. You want me on that wall”

Send me those titles. Steinbach’s top ten, so to speak. Only the ones with “substance”.

KEVIN SMITH
WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET

December 14, 2014
Chairman Mitch Caesar, Esq.
Broward County Democratic Party
1852 N. University Drive
Plantation, FL 33322

RE: Yes, Virginia. There is a Santa Claus and I want to thank him for an early Christmas gift. Your list is in today’s unlinkable Sun Sentinel.

Ave Chairman Caesar,

Next to certifying to the Guinness Book of Records how many knives have been stuck in the back of Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman-Schultz [D-FL] and finding out whether it was an uncle or a cousin of Senator Lieawatha Warren [D-MA] who shot Custer, tore out his still beating heart, and ate it while shouting – between bites – Sic Semper White Man, the next best thing is reading what a modern American Liberal ohmadahn, with you being the paradigmatic template, writes.

“There is almost universal agreement
that the planet is getting warmer.”

I have to step back and control my breathing lest I over swing, such being the temptation of medium speed, letter high practice pitches to me, a ruthlessly literate curmudgeon.

First, “almost universal” is offensive to Logic and anathema to etymology. “Almost universal” is like “almost pregnant” or “really unique”. Those words cannot, repeat, cannot be qualified. “Almost a first down” does not give you 4 more downs. Lawyers must be held to a higher standard what with the litmus tests that contracts must undergo. Contracts have words with sharp edges and right angles as does everything subject to the scientific method. [SASE] Parabolic curves are for novels. And late night promises.

Look it up.

Second, the last time there was scientific “universal agreement” was when Ptolemy ruled the astronomical roost. His hegemony lasted for 15 centuries until someone looked in a telescope and said “It moves”.

Check with the most recent demands from the Somali pirates or with the Witness Protection Program to see if they know about his whereabouts. If there were ginormously gigantically carbon foot printing rockets back when he was defrocked he would have had his ass welded to the 3rd stage of an uberMacho Agena express rocket – one way – headed to Calisto.

Third, thank you for telling me that Florida is a peninsula and, as such, is “surrounded on three sides by water”. Next week you can conduct a tutorial on “isthmuses”. Then we can get to “estuaries” and why there is no difference between the Florida Everglades and the swamps in my beloved New Jersey.

This will lead to a discussion on “gravity”, it being the bête noire of modern American Liberals because they cannot legislate it, regulate it, or, so far at least, adjudicate it to bend the curve towards “fairness”, at least as it pertains to those “unlucky in life’s lottery”.

Fourth, I am Dallas-bound to see my Texas ladies. Thank you for telling me that I “must be vigilant in planning for the future of my children and grandchildren”. Your lips to God’s ears. Because of your insight I am planning a few more stocking stuffers. Modern American Liberal Bullshit Detector and Repellant is quite good at close quarters. It has the serendipitous benefit of depleting the ozone layer. Speaking of that, I remember former Vice President Alpha Gump telling us 25 years ago that we had 5 years to live before we were fried to death by a cruel sun untampered by ozone because of man’s desire for deodorant and air conditioning.

The last I heard Brother Gump was trying to play Hide the Salami with a masseuse. Have you heard differently?

My grandfather always marveled at the empirically self-evident fact that there were more horses’ asses than there were horses’ heads. Thanks to your predictably head up your ass bloviations the phenomenon continues.

Five – Save for an unshakeable belief in and support of abortion I know of no card carrying modern American Liberal who favors capital punishment. Allow me to introduce you to Professor Gruber. Is he a game changer? One good thing to come from him is that words will no longer be required to define “non-malodorous fecal matter syndrome”, His picture, indeed just his name, will do.

Six – Isn’t it time to get a bigger bus? The only person President B.O. hasn’t thrown under it has been his mother-in-law>hey, somebody has to keep his brats in line. He is always working on his golf game and his wife is trying to perfect her okra, endive, arugula, and tofu fat-free pop tarts.

Seven – My contempt for you is not personal. Strictly business.




Kevin Smith

December 14, 2014
Gary Stein
The Sun Sentinel

RE: Modern American Liberals and why they never let you down – some comments on your selective amnesia in re the Vietnam War in today’s unlikable Sun-Sentinel.

Big Stein,

If I were to mention that Lyndon Johnson said he would “never send American boys to fight in foreign wars”, just like Wilson and Roosevelt promised, it would be wretched excess, just like the clap. I won’t mention his other war, the hugely successful, often imitated, and never duplicated one against poverty as it could be compared to piling on.

On the other hand, in addition to finding the other glove, we have you writing

“I like to think the protests helped us get out of
Vietnam and maybe saved some lives.”

Alas, facts intrude. Clio, my Muse, tells me that in May, 1972 Nixon, AKA The Peacemaker”, mined Haiphong harbor. That got the attention of the thuggish Gomers in Hanoi. In 4 months, after doing a pavan in Paris over the size and shape of the table, a cease-fire was agreed to. Nixon won 49 states in November. Less than a month later the North Vietnamese tried to live up to their ideals by violating the agreement causing Nixon to unleash the B-52s over Hanoi. After the bad guys ran out of SAM missiles they suddenly found the Baby Jesus. Our phase of the war was over a month later.

Look it up.

Another conveniently forgotten fact, a big old turd in the modern American Liberal punch bowl of inconvenient truths, is that student protest against the war ended when Nixon stopped the draft. Here one day hoping for a high number; gone the next when the lottery stopped.

Look it up.

Allow me to extend sincere non-denominational Season’s Greetings or Happy Holidays as Gaia instructs you.

I am still waiting for Little Stein, your college kid, to tell me if Wordsworth is still on the chick-lit shit list.

Kevin Smith
WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET

December 11, 2014
Chris Cilliza
The Washington Post
1150 15th St. NW
Washington, DC 20071

RE: Knotted DC knickers – Some comments on your take on the public reaction to what 2 teenagers did when their father pardoned a turkey.

Mr. Cilliza,

Every father of every teenage daughter knows the “look”. Whether she lives in the White House and her father has access to nuclear weapons or she lives in Bug Fug, Kentucky and her father is an out of work coal miner because an unexperienced layabout boob in DC wants to save polar bears the “look” is the same.

Trust me. Having your father pardon a turkey only makes it worse.

I recall with warm memories sweeping over me like a swarm of tumescent fire ants the trips to the mall for “a” dress, for “the” dress, for “any” dress. The best part came at the cash register.

The only way it could be worse would have been if Dad said that you had to go to one of the really fine public schools in DC.

You say, with neither nary a hint of irony nor a tinge of sarcasm, that “one of the few adhered-to-commandments of political Washington” is “Thou shalt not talk about politicians’’ children”.

With the age restraints in mind I guess that made it OK to say that Sarah Palin should be sodomized by crack heads as penance for her errant ways.

Why didn’t the rule and the outrage, the protective outrage, apply to Sarah Palin’s pre-pubescent daughter when it was suggested by big time media players that she be “entertained” by uber-macho professional athletes?

Eclectic indignation, as in the above described incidents, is no longer sufficient to describe the actions of modern American Liberals when it comes to subjective comments. High dudgeon for the children of media favorites and disdain for the children of “bitter clingers” is the rule.

The facts would suggest that “hypocritical bastard” would be the best term for you. “Lower than a heaping helping of eel shit” was a close second.

Congratulations to this week’s “Turd in the Punchbowl” winner.


Kevin Smith

PS – Speaking of outrage, it costs $2,000 a week, every week, for the Obama girls to go to school. Does anyone want to bet that the lunch menu does not have tofu fingers and kale sorbet on it?

December 7, 2014
Glenn Garvin
The Miami Herald

RE: Lincoln, the Constitution, and why it is not a “suicide pact”. – Some comments on your column of 12/2/14.

Mr. Garvin,

Lincoln possessed a tunnel vison when it came to the Union. He wanted to keep it united. Anything that furthered that cause was good; anything that hindered it was bad. In addition to suspending the writ of habeas corpus he ran a Congressman out of the country. It took him 3 years to find the right generals. When he found them he made sure they had enough ammunition to do the job. Freeing the slaves where he couldn’t and keeping them in slavery where he could have freed them was a political move that was used to win the war. It worked.

Churchill said that if Hitler were to invade Hell he would at least make a favorable reference to the Devil in the House of Commons.

Madison’s Constitution tells us what government can do. Mason’s Bill of Rights tells us what government cannot do. We ignore it at our own peril.

Further, since your column of 12/2/14 another American hostage has been killed.

Hot, humid days in Philadelphia in the summer of 1787 gave, gives, us instructions for both emergencies.

Article 1, Section 9, Clause 2 gives the government the right to suspend the writ of habeas corpus “in cases of rebellion or invasion”. Article 1, Section 8, Clause 11 gives the government the right to issue letters of marque and reprisal. They are open ended hunting licenses to settle debts of national honor.

Using Osama bin Laden’s “strong horse, weak horse analogy” perhaps a period of smart phone photos of feral WOG terrorists having their eyes shoot out and then having bacon stuffed into them before being wrapped in pig skin to rot in the town square where the dogs and crows devour them will bring the other merry pranksters to their senses. If it doesn’t at least it will put paid on the bill of a dead American.

King George the Third said that if George Washington were to go back to private life after fighting the British Empire to a stand-off and serving as President for 2 terms he would be “the greatest man in the world”. He did and he was.

British, French, and German observers of Sherman’s army, particularly from late summer of 1864 to early spring of 1865, said that it would have marched through Europe in 6 weeks. After their jubilee in Washington the army disbanded. They went back to Ohio and Indiana and got on with their lives. Their sons and grandsons took up arms and were as ferocious as were their forebears. They did not. It is part of the American character.

2 Presidents – Lincoln in 1864 and Roosevelt in 1942 – broke into the supposedly sanctum sanctorum of American government, the Census Bureau, to gather information vital to the war effort; Lincoln to give Sherman the locations of the best farms on the road from Atlanta to Savannah and Roosevelt to give Earl Warren the street addresses of Japanese-Americans thus making it easier to round them up. [About 40,000 German-Americans and Italian-Americans were also interned. I find no evidence of reparations for them]

There was a time when the story of Cincannatus was told and lived in this land.

Now we have poltroons in and around the White House who say, “Stroke of the pen. Law of the land. Cool.” The sophist, Paul Begala, who said that, teaches at Georgetown Law. Prior to that he acquiesced in the death of Ricky Ray Rector, a Black man with the IQ of an egg plant. His death enabled Governor Clinton to show he was “tough on crime”. They are “men without chests”.

“And when you cut down every law to get at the Devil
Where would you hide, the laws being flat,
When he turned on you?”

“I tremble for our country when I remember that our Lord is just:.

Thank you for reminding us of that,




Kevin Smith
WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET



PS – If I were to say that there was a nip in the air today would the Word Police visit me? The aide who criticized the Obama girls just had her ass welded to the next Pioneer rocket going to Neptune. Will the same rules apply retroactively to the rotters who suggested rape for Sarah Palin and her 12 year old daughter?

December 6, 2014
K. Rupert Murdoch – Publisher
The Wall Street Journal
1211 Avenue of the Americas
New York, New York 10036

RE: “Time to say goodbye”

Mr. Murdoch,

Blame one of the most distinguished of your alumni for this “Dear John” letter.

It was Jude Wanniski who introduced me to what, after he said it, was a most self evident dictum

“Prices are struck on the margin.”

Today, pre-dawn, I drove past my usual news stand/coffee shop to buy the Wall Street Journal. For an unknown reason the paper has not been delivered to my usual stop for almost a year.

I drove the first half of a 5 mile round trip to get the paper. I gave the clerk $2.12. He said $3.18, the price having increased this week. Since I was there I gave it to him.

Today’s edition was, as usual, excellent. I am going to miss it.

$2.12 Si. $3.18 No.

If you see Arthur Siskind give him my regards.








Kevin Smith

December 1, 2014

RE: The price of oil and how we have chance to put a stake in the heart of, after shooting out their eyes with silver bullets, people who do not mean us well. Plus, answers for other vexing matters, the most vexing of which is why won’t we take “Yes” for an answer.

Ten cents
$2.65
$5.00/$13.00
$42.50
$6.00
$104.00
$40

When prices, particularly commodity prices, spike upwards 2 things happen

Whether you, you being the prototypical mush brained modern American Liberal whose first word after surviving the perilous journey to avoid the abortionist’s lethal pincers is “fairness”, is that the marginal user is shaken out. The lesson is simple: High prices decrease demand. The other thing, a thing that drives modern American Liberals mad, is that higher prices bring new supplies to the marketplace. Increased supply will bring prices down. It drives them mad because supply and demand and, yes, I am talking free markets here, are mechanisms that they can neither legislate nor regulate to their desires.

New supplies are a by-product of higher prices. Put differently, if eggs go to $5 a dozen the rooster lays.

It is a lesson quickly forgotten, one that must be relearned each time at a higher and higher cost. “Example is the school of mankind, and they will learn at no other” is why the burnt finger, having found comfort in the balm of time, returns to the flame and is shocked, shocked, when the finger is burnt yet again.

It’s been almost 40 years but the Department of Energy has yet to produce a barrel of crude, either sweet or sour, or a ton of coal, either low sulfur or high. If a mirror image is sought think of the Department of Education.

If someone can show me how or where education in this country is “better” after 35 years of ham-handed Federal nit-picking I’ll be amazed.

$2.65 was what a barrel fetched when I did my first drilling deal. The leases and equipment were assembled in the fall of 1973. In 3 months the price rose to $5.00 for “old” oil and $13 for “new” oil.

I “fracked” my first well in January, 1974. Both South Texas and I survived. It was hard by Duval County where “Landslide” Lyndon sent his goombah Abe Fortas to find those missing absentee ballots. Like a hog to truffles he found them. That they were in alphabetical order is something that still confounds actuaries. Cartographers were able to follow the trail from there to a wall in Washington with 58, 625 names of dead Americans on it.

Marvin Davis, one of the elders of the Democratic Party and a card-carrying modern American Liberal, made $1,000,000,000 making “old” oil become “new” oil. That he did this without using the centuries old, closely guarded secrets of transubstantiation is worthy of examination Concupiscence is the culprit. He did it the old fashioned way. He was a crook. He put “old” oil in “new” bottles and made 160% on the trade. A lot of teeth of children of shipping clerks were straightened and a whole bunch of bass boats were bought and put to good use because of his chicanery.

On the way back from his inauguration in 1981 the great Reagan decontrolled the price of oil. Before sundown Ralph Nader was saying that old people would freeze to death before Easter because of the high price of fuel oil. In March, 1981 I got $42.50 for oil produced on my New Mexico leases. By July, 1986 the price was $6.

I sold my last working interests in various wells in 1990. The price of WTI was $27. To celebrate I took my son Sean and the remarkable Mister Moose from Bayonne to Monument Valley where we shared a John Ford/John Wayne moment.

My daughter Courtenay got a royalty check 2 years ago for oil that sold for $104 a barrel. She got checks 5 years ago for gas that sold for $13 per MM cubic feet.

Pay attention.

Here’s where it gets interesting.

“Fracking” is 60 years old. Slant drilling has been around much longer. Usually it meant you were trying to steal your neighbor’s oil.

I first heard of the Austin Chalk formation in the last years of the glorious reign of Jimmy Carter. The Bakken formation, the Eastern and Western Overthrusts, the Monterey Basin, the Eagle Ford are geologic hydrocarbon bearing formations that were not discovered in the last 5 “Summers of Recovery”. They were there 100,000,000 years before T-Rex and prey went walkabout. Scratch that. Make it 200,000,000 years.

Drilling 5,000 feet straight down, making a right angle turn, and then drilling 5,000 more feet did not come about by ukase or government fiat. The combination of first drilling and then injecting nectar to make the rock explode and give up its treasures is a testament to free men.

Somebody said “What if”, somebody else said, “Let’s try this”, and somebody else wrote a check.

It was a solution in search of a problem.

$104 oil was both part of the problem and part of the solution.

The people who own a lot of $104 oil like to behead Christians, hijack airplanes, and blow up buildings. They stopped the futile search for the elusive G-spot by cutting it off. They think slavery is OK. They cure homosexuals by hanging them, and, possibly worse, they don’t like bacon. On top of which they, after a millennium of inbreeding, are not very bright. Count how many WOGs have won Nobel Prizes. Is there an Abdul Mozart or a Yuseff Salk or a Muhammed Disney to be found in a country ruled by Sharia law? What would they do if a Martha Graham, a Ron Popeil, a Kemmons Wilson, or an Al Pacino were to appear before them? Would Ben & Jerry prosper? How many string quartets will be playing Bach in Mecca tonight? I haven’t heard anything about the 260 kidnapped Nigerian girls in a few months. How do you suppose they’re doing? I’m in the market for some good quality, low number Mohammed cartoons. Call me if you have some.

God’s Holy Trousers but when will we wake up? Evil abounds and no amount of head up our ass nonsense about multi-culturalism, diversity, sensitivity, reaching out, or other noxious nostrums can change that. 14 centuries they were half way across Europe until they ran into the last really pissed off Frenchman. 5 centuries ago they promised to stable their horses in Saint Peter’s Basilica until they met some Venetians who convinced them otherwise

It is in the best interests of this country, indeed this civilization, to drive these sand lovers back to being full time camel jockeys and goat humping paedophiles.

Speaking of paedophiles why hasn’t the name Terry Bean been plastered all over the media? He was arrested and charged with cornholing an underage male. I suppose if you raise $500,000 for President B.O. and you get to ride with him on Air Force One the modern American Liberal press gives you a mulligan. Plus, as the founder of a national Let’s Not Be Beastly to Sodomites support group, it’s the least we can do to promote our inclusive Rainbow society.

[In 1859 a very successful cartel, one that controlled reading lamp oil in this country, decided to triple – repeat – triple the price of a barrel of its product from $2 to $6. In the same year Colonel Drake punched a hole in the ground in Titusville, PA. By 1862 the killing of whales was to be found only in the pages of Herman Melville. Many are the uses of kerosene. Making it safe for Jonah to swim with his pals was not thought to be one of them.

If you tax something, and speak not of “fairness”, it being something like the horizon, something that can neither be reached nor defined, or I will take you to the dunking pool, you get less of it.

People who drill oil wells don’t do it to make life better for “single moms, usually women of color, whose sons are in need of Midnight Basketball and who are exploited by the low prices at Wal-Mart”. They don’t do it to make it easier for Florida to aggressively air condition itself. They don’t do it to make it easier for Chrysler to go in to bankruptcy, get $12,000,000,000 from the perpetually lactating mammary of the Treasury Department, thus enabling it to sell itself to an Italian company and then make Jeeps in China.

They do it because they want to be at least as rich as Croesus.

They do it because they want to be able to have people commit suicide by jumping off their wallets.

They do it because they are driven in a way that terrifies most men.

Along the way, in a manner that assaults the belief systems of mush brained, hard core modern American Liberals, the inner city mom and the Florida curmudgeon benefit from this relentless pursuit of profit.

My Uncle Adam advised the traveler not to rely on the good intentions of the innkeeper when looking to secure a good meal and night’s lodgings. He may not have any good intentions. “Appeal, therefore, to his rational self-interest.”

The free exchange of the customer’s money for the innkeeper’s goods and services benefits both and others who are not even part of the direct transaction.

The Gods have aligned the stars in such a manner that it is within our power to blow up OPEC.

If we were to team up with Canada no one would say Boo!

If Mexico learns to behave itself it we could let them join us in being the Alpha males of the hydrocarbon world.

Just drill, baby. Just drill.

Let Russia, Iran, Venezuela, Nigeria, inter alia, live with $40 oil.

If you would prefer people who have banned whistling and balloons to charge of the world’s energy so be it.

It may be our destiny, along with the Canadians and the reformed Mexicans, to “mete and dole unequal laws unto a savage race”. Who better able than us “to bear the blame of those we better and the hate of those we guard”?

Cubans and Ibos would be allowed to join.

Moving on to other things…I am not sure whether it was Al Sharpton, noted White House insider, or Jesse Jackson, noted outhouse insider, who used “hooked nose diamond merchants” as a synonym for Jews I do know that the Duke stripper is in jail for killing her boyfriend. Al Sharpton was in the White House frothing over the death of an unarmed teenager by a policeman. I am willing to be money that I don’t have that the name Dillon Taylor never came up. He was a teenager [White] who was shot by a policeman [Black]

I don’t imagine that Eric Holder will set his Federal dragoons on the trail of the 2 Black teenagers who hammered a Bosnian to death in Chicago last week. For the uninitiated you can’t get much Whiter than a Bosnian.

An unarmed White teenager was gunned down by an alleged perpetrator who proclaimed that Allah was really Akbar at this arraignment. He was graduated from Seton Hall Prep, a school with which I have a deep and abiding interest. The accused gunman was auditioning for ISIS. Will the Federal Government send its A-Team to help the Essex County prosecutors build an airtight case? Is the “No Justice, no peace” mantra reserved for only unarmed Black teenagers?



An unarmed Black teenager is dead after being confronted by 5 New York City policemen. His crime – alleged – was selling loose cigarettes, AKA “untaxed butts”. Such is the blood lust for ever increasing tax revenues that the modern American Liberal regime that governs NYC had 5 - repeat – 5 policemen apprehending entrepreneurially inclined street salesmen. Shades of Shay’s Rebellion! First whiskey; now tobacco. It is obscene that governments at all levels prosper from the sale of these evil products. If they are bad, if people die from their use, don’t tax them

Ban them.




Kevin Smith
WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET




PS – Ten cents was the price of a barrel of oil when the East Texas oil field began to produce in 1932. Unlike farmers guys in the oil patch don’t need help from DC when prices go in the crapper. We are now in the 5th year of record farm prices. Maybe it’s time to let the American Gothic couple make their own way in the world Maybe it’s time for Willie Nelson to take the training wheels off the bike. Why should a CPA in Roseland, NJ or a bond salesman in Edina, MN have to pony up for them.

A great burden has been lifter from my shoulders. I like Ben & Jerry’s ice cream, particularly Chocolate Therapy. I also shop at Wal-Mart. Ben & Jerry is the keeper of what is left of the American business community’s soul. Wal-Mart is a heartless exploiter of lower class Americans, people who are “unlucky in life’s lottery” and are vulnerable to the siren call of low prices.

It was cognitive dissonance at its worst.

I bought B & J Chocolate Therapy at Wal-Mart last week. That means it is OK to shop there. B & J wouldn’t sell their ice cream there if they hadn’t become good guys, would they?

Having had a teenage daughter I am very familiar, as is every parent of teenaged girls, with the “look”. With the possible exception of them being told that they would have to attend any of the really fine public high schools in Washington, DC there is no excuse for the pouting pusses of the Obama chicks. Nevertheless, cut them some slack. At least they aren’t looting, pillaging, and burning any strip malls.

The Obama girls, now being officially off limits, the gimlet eye focuses on Curley Biden’s kids. His 42 year old son was busted out of the US Navy for cocaine possession His 28 year old daughter is a foul mouthed coke head.

Let’s profile them.

Why can’t the same brush that is tarring Bill Cosby for decades old sexual assault allegations be used on Big Bill Clinton. He would have humped a snake if someone held its head.

The rest is silence…almost