December 28, 2014
Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman-Schultz
10100 Pines Blvd.
Pembroke Pines, FL

RE: Addenda, not errata, addenda

My dearest darling Debbie,

In re-reading my last note [12/26/14] to you I realized that I left a few things out.

#1 – My saying that you were a slave to “inane persiflage” was incomplete. It should have been “inane obfuscatory persiflage of a most vile, bilious, and noxious nature”. Hey, only Allah can weave a perfect rug, right?

#2 – I saw a video of you saying that Scott Walker, the thrice elected [in 4 years] Republican Governor of Wisconsin, and a major league pain in the ass to the perpetually ethically challenged sore losing modern American Liberals of whom you are the chief shill, cheerleader and, alas, head serial liar, has “given women the back of his hand and dragged us by the hair” back to the bad old days.

I add that I would neither give you the back of my hand nor would I drag you by the hair.

I would never give you the back of my hand for fear that my mother would miraculously appear and give me the back of both her hands. That is also known in the Roman Catholic tradition as anticipatory secular imperfect contrition.

Further, I would never drag you by the hair for a simple reason. Having handled barbed wire I have no need to reprove that it is sharp, it is edged and jagged, and it hurts like Hell when you grab it unprotected. Also, having had several up close and personal experiences with vipers I have no need to relive that experience. I would rather try to belly rub a dozen puff adders that grab you by the hair. It this country decides to print stamps appreciating the Gorgons of yore you will be a lock for Medusa. Somehow I am sure you knew that.

I am so overcome with the Christmas spirit that I will overlook 6 of your more obvious public failings.

Remember, it is always a sin to tell a lie. After all, being a modern American Liberal means you never have to say you’re sorry.


KS