Tuesday, September 19, 2017

September 12, 2017

Dear Jim,

I am not sure what “karma” or “harmonic convergence” mean but I know that they are upset, they are gone awry, when a husband buries his wife. I know first-hand. Now, you do.

In Spanish “lo siento mucho” means that you fell it very much. I did; I do. Now you do.

In “The Informer”, Victor McGlaglen tells Mrs. McPhillips, just after having her son killed, “I’m sorry for your troubles”.

I still feel it and I am.

Meanwhile, you have a son and 2 grandsons nearby.

Grandfathers are like libraries. If I didn’t tell my youngest that she had 2 relatives that fought at Gettysburg with the Irish Brigade, one of whom is still there “wrapped in his faded coat of Blue”, who would?

Let me tell you about my 3 granddaughters, my “Texas Ladies”.

The oldest, Caitlin, will soon – weather permitting – be entering her second year at Savannah College of Art & Design. The youngest, Julia, twice Texas State Champion gymnast, has a legitimate shot at the 2020 Tokyo Olympics. The middle one, Caroline, still thinks I am the best guy she knows. I am playing with a pat hand.

Live for your lads.

 And be sure to tell them about their grandmother. When you have their attention tell them why “Ireland is the land of happy wars and sad love songs”.


September 13, 2017

Bob Iger – CEO
The Disney Corp
500 S. Buena Vista
Burbank, CA  91521

Mr. Iger,

Lenin, the original and still most successful “community activist:” and apparently the most imitable hero to many of the “useful idiots” who work at ESPN said, “People vote with their feet”.

Let me update that.

Couch potatoes, particularly curmudgeonly ones with a sense of History and the God given ability to detect meaner than cat shit smarmy bastards, now vote with their thumbs

You have a non-Caucasian commantratess who spills her noxious billingsgate on ESPN. She said that “Trump is a White supremacist and a bigot”. If so, what does that  make Woodrow Wilson? Hugo Black? Carl Vinson? John Stennis? Robert Byrd? Do you suppose Jemima or whatever the Hell her name is has ever heard of or, really stretching the envelope, knows what tu quoque means? No chance. She’s dumber than a box of hammers. That, coupled with a terminal case of “Non-malodorous fecal matter syndrome”, makes her a malevolent bruja. 

If she’s free to pour her flotsam into the arena I’m free to shove my flotsam into the same place, right?

If I were to point out that there were no White looters in Florida and that the Black Lives Matter relief trucks have still not shown up or that the Antifa water wagons have not yet been spotted or that the Southern Poverty Law Center, a bogus non-profit that has $58,000,000 parked overseas, has done nothing except to issue black bandanas to brown shirted street thugs, would that make me a racist? I know, I know. I can’t construct a universal from a particular or particulars but Jeepers Creepers shouldn’t a Kumbaya chanting White social justice warrior stepped up and sacked and pillaged a 7-11? That would have been known as taking one for the team by destroying the optics of Black only snaffling plunderers. Just asking.

There is a marvelous duet featuring Andrea Bocelli and Sarah Brightman singing “Time to Say Goodbye”.

I hereby declare my home to be a safe zone, a sanctuary manse if you will, free of ESPN hate speech. I will enforce this with pepper spray, hammers, 2x4s, brass knuckles, hob nailed boots, inter alia. Who says you can’t teach an aging deplorable bitter clinging sumbitch some new tricks?

Kevin Smith

PS – I watched part of the ESPN special on scabs in football last night. As a former dues paying member of 2 unions, including the Tony Pro-run Teamsters local in Union City, NJ, I was expecting a cameo appearance by the ghost of Joe Hill or some reference to the horror, the horror of breaking the Pullman Strike. Maybe they were in the part I didn’t see. Also, I will not be taking any of my granddaughters to Disney World. And say hello to your wife.

September 11, 2017

Congresswoman Maxine Waters
10124 South Broadway #1 
Los Angeles, CA 90003

Congresswoman Waters,

Live, you melanin-laced Hecate!

Stay out of Chicago and Baltimore. Black folk have a better chance of getting through the weekend at Simon Legree’s joint way down South in Dixie than at those two Black run abattoirs. Since you stay out of South Central LA, going there only to judge the looting contests. You should be safe there. Besides, the people who travel with you have enough weapons to take over a small African duchy.

Would it be racist of me to cite a Yahoo story about 15 deadbeat ex-NFL players? I ask that because only 2 of them are White with one of them being dead. The rest of them are, and I bet you guessed it, African-American. They have fathered some 69 children by close to two dozen women. #1 has 6 children by 6 women, a new record for monogamy for a goat.

I don’t want you to get shot. Since you were the one who gave us “Midnight Basketball” you are far too valuable to be exposed to random street violence. Further, when looking at video of feral urban Blacks looting in Watts you coined the phrase “alternative shopping”. Priceless. Beyond parody. Beyond the pale. 

Breaking news from Fort Lauderdale. No White looters. All those arrested are Black. Who says Affirmative Action doesn’t work?

By the by, has your husband looted any banks lately? It’s indoor work plus there’s no heavy lifting. He got his start sacking and pillaging a 7-11 after the Rodney King verdict, right?

Don’t wear any gang colors and always remember to shoot first.

Kevin Smith

Monday, August 28, 2017

August 27, 2017

Fabiola Santiago
The Miami Herald

RE: Dems missed the boat on Venezuela? Did Debbie Wasserman-Schultz say, “He arado en el mar?” Your column in today’s Miami Herald may have revealed a bit too much of what’s going on behind the curtain of modern American Liberalism. The Elders, the Keepers of the Tablets that rule the tribe and its scribes, will be mad at you for forgetting your place and hinting at the truth.

Ms. Santiago,

Buckle up you boob. It’s going to be a bumpy ride. Democrats, particularly the modern American Liberal kind [As if there were any other kind] looooove dictators, particularly the good kind.

George McClellan, when he ran against Lincoln in 1864 called him a “baboon”. The New York Times, then as now the drumbeater for the Democrats, acquiesced in this when they endorsed McClellan. In so doing, they supported an armistice that would have kept slavery. Just think. If McClellan had won there would have been no arguments about the statues.

Margaret Sanger, heroine of modern American Liberals, was Hitler’s favorite American with Ambassador Papa Joe Kennedy being a close second. Indeed he credited her with being the inspiration for being his 1934 Nuremberg Race laws

If we are to believe Justice Thurgood Marshall President Woodrow Wilson was the most bigoted, racist President in the 20th century. Is there anybody demonstrating to take his statues down?

Democrats have shouted themselves hoarse whining that Trump is a card-carrying KGB agent. It didn’t bother them when Walter Duranty, let me quickly add that Walter Duranty of the New York Times won a friggin’ Pulitzer Prize, was abought and paid for butt boy of the KGB. Ditto for Alger Hiss. Hiss actually accompanied FDR to Yalta where Uncle Joe took his pants down and burned his ass.

Harry Dexter White and Henry Wallace were proud Democratic names – Wallace was the Vice President, remember? – who danced to the tune of the KGB puppet masters. 
Vito Marcontonio sat in Congress. Paul Robeson wet his pants when he won the coveted Stalin Prize. Lillian Hellman left her estate to the study of Marxism.

MALs were positively tumescent when Hitler and Stalin played kissy-face for almost 2 years, remember? FDR sent a lot of Federal bureaucrats to study Mussolini’s management techniques. I think it had something to do with public transit. At the same time, he nominated former Klan member Hugo Black to the Supreme Court. And, as previously mentioned, he made Henry Wallace, a bed wetting pinko Commie rat bastard, his Vice President. And democrats complained about Nixon.

 Again the New York Times hits one for a six. Herbert L. Matthews helped Fidel Castro get and keep his job. Ho Chi Minh didn’t need any more SAM missiles as long as he had Harrison Salisbury, also of the Times, blocking for him. 

The Democratic Party, true believers in “Midnight Basketball” and raising both taxes and the minimum wage while fighting America’s longest, bloodiest war, the hugely successful one against poverty, lionized Castro. The Hollywood stooges adored Hugo Chavez. All the tin-pot dictators in Africa were given a pass. Anthony Lewis, another New York Times rump-swabber, told us that we were “culturally arrogant” to question Pol Pot of Cambodia when he killed 1/3rd of his countrymen.

Democrats love dictators.

“We were over to Russia to see the future. And it works!” “You can’t make an omelet without braking eggs”. Guess what? No one in the Tea Party said that.

Maybe next time Kumbaya and trying to get water to run uphill and passing a law outlawing gravity will work. Maybe the lion and the lamb can get along but why is there never a call for a new lion when it’s bed time?

And maybe my brother the hunchback will straighten up.

Kevin Smith

August 27, 2017

Andres Oppenheimer
The Miami Herald

RE: Some comments on your column in today’s Miami Herald, the one that highlights the moral relativism expected of modern American Liberal ink-stained wretches, even those foreign born.

Senior Oppenheimer,

Compared to Kabul or Chicago on a long weekend who wouldn’t want to go to Huejutla?

On the other hand…

Your column reminds me of a press release from the office of D.C. Mayor Marion Barry, and let me add that except for “the bitch who set him up”, he would Have been one of the truly exceptional Americans. He said, “Other than the murder rate, Washington is a very safe city.” 

God’s Holy Trousers, but he actually said that. You could look it up.

The United States State Department has reminded its fellow citizens that Mexico, “so far from God and so close to the United States”, is a dangerous place. OK Corral, Valentine’s Day massacre, Hatfield/McCoy type danger. 

I suggest that people from anywhere don’t go to Bedford-Stuyvesant, East Baltimore, and the South side of Chicago. They should probably be verboten for Mexican spring breakers. Also, avoid any American city with a Democratic mayor and strict gun control laws. You run a much greater risk of having your ass shot off, a la “The Magnificent Seven”. The more Draconian the law the greater the chance of getting a cap in your ass. Look it up.

Mexico es muy peligroso. Chicago tambien.

Here’s a plan.

Stay home.

Meanwhile, callete 

Kevin Smith

August 27, 2017

Howard Saltz – Publisher & Editor-in-Chief
The Sun Sentinel
500 E. Las Olas Blvd.
Ft. Lauderdale, FL33394

RE: Time for the “Last Post & Chorus”?

Mr. Saltz,

There will be “no mourning at the bar when you put out to sea”.

Sports News Alert!

Saint Thomas Aquinas beat Saint John Bosco 9 to 3 on Friday, August 25, 2017. Your sports section on Sunday, August 27, 2017 had an action photo that read “The game was not complete for this edition”.

And that was after your Page 1 told me that Delray Beach is going after parking ticket scofflaws. Not pederasts or spouse abusers or Congressional ITers maybe selling government stuff to the Russkies but serial overtime parkers. Another story told me of   the outrage of pajama-clad snowflake POOs [Perpetually Outraged & Offended] being, you know what I’m saying, outraged & offended by street names. [As an aside, and in the spirit of us all coming together, can we all join hands in a long overdue Kumbaya moment and forbid any government vehicle from using Dixie highway? Gridlock for the masses. Move over Gandhi & King.] Then you had a Page 1 promotion of a restaurant promotion aimed at the upper middle class. Section 8 tenants can’t afford the restaurants that you feature. Maybe those who are “fighting for $15” know these restaurants from the kitchen and the slop chute/dumpster connection but from where the starched table cloth sections are. I hope you were paid for Page 1 product placement or didn’t a stint in Chapter X1 bankruptcy teach you anything? And then there was tiny toss-away for a little storm in Texas, a storm that would cause Noah to soil his knotted knickers.

Put differently, I ain’t buying your paper anymore. It doesn’t mean I’ll stop reading it. I have sympathetic neighbors who encourage my mooching. I am trying to expand my mooching list to include single malt whisky but, alas, not successfully.

Your editorial on medical marijuana shows how to ugh it is to be an ink-spattered modern American Liberal today. I know, I know 72% of those who voted favored the legalization of pot. [62% of those who voted on same sex marriage oppose it but that’s different, right? Referenda are good but only when the right thing wins, right?] Possession of marijuana is a violation of Federal law. Thank God for John C. Calhoun, the slave owning architect of the theory of nullification. It is a straight line from him saying the Feds could not tell states what to do in re slavery to sanctuary cities. In for a pence, in for a pound.  Get Cheech & Ching down here to do a reverse Anita Bryant. Stoned Gator wrestling. One Toke Over the Line colonoscopies by the sea. Bongs for LQBGTUs. Page 1 promotes upscale meals for upscale folks – mostly White. You editorialize in favor of weed for the working man. Blue collar Hawaiian Gold.

Your editorial feature the polls and votes – vox populi? – on the subject. Why not have the trials of all heinous crimes decided that way? All kidnap/rape/torture/murder cases – Think Matthew Shepherd and Jesse Dirkhising – will be decided by the people gathered on the steps of the courthouse. Seems like a good idea to me.

Your paper is so thin, both figuratively and literally, that I can almost read my 2 favorite summer books: The Wit & Wisdom of Debbie Wasserman-Schultz & The Fun Side of Little Debbie with an introduction by Bernie Sanders. I mention her because if she were a Republican and “I am Debbie, hear me roar because I am a modern American Liberal who is a liar, liar, pants on fire fan of 4th & 5th trimester abortions and please don’t throw me into the briar patch of my husband’s bank business” you would have flayed her over and over and over and over and over ad nauseam. And deep dpwn, you know I’m right, right?

Kevin Smith

PS – And thanks for telling me on Sunday morning which sport shows I could watch on Saturday. 

Monday, August 21, 2017

August 20, 2017

Brother Kevin O’Neill, F.M.S.


If “Boston only hates the Yankees” would it be fair to say that the Missouri state legislator, and would you believe that she is a Black female, who called for the “assassination” of President Trump, isn’t a “proper” Bostonian who knows neither the Cabots nor the Lodges and probably should be “banned”? [Imagine the high dudgeon if she had been a he and he had been a Republican and the President had been named Obama. Further imagine he had been known to whistle Dixie and had a secret stash of “Song of the South” CDs. And, to make it worse, he was a fan of John C. Calhoun before Sanctuary Cities. He would have had his ass welded to the next available Pioneer “Let’s Go to See Pluto” rocket, don’t you think?]

As Ulysses said, “[I] am not now that strength which in old days moved heaven and earth…” I must rise to the bait of the following.

“We are people of a God who embraces and upholds
the dignity of every person.
And yes, the italics are mine.

The list of signators of the above is today’s A-Team, spiritual descendants of the teachers of my youth.

 I have a clear memory of 2 large Marist Brothers, under the capable hand of Brother Leo, toting a pre-World War 2 Frigidaire down the front steps of my home on 50th street in Bayonne in 1954. The next time I saw it was in 1967 in the new school on 57th Street. It had been restored, restarted and was filled with cold beer.

As to “We are people of a God….” the signators, not quite at risk as the Founders on July 4, 1776 – there are no anti-anti Nazis, are there? – specifically included African-Americans. I am forced to heed Brother Leo’s last bit of advice about “not hiding my light under a bushel”.

“Every person”, while it is surely not an abstract noun, is assuredly universal in its definition.

Wasn’t it Stalin, the idol of modern American Liberals in the “low, dishonest decade” of the ‘30s, who said, “One death is a tragedy; a million is a statistic”.

There have been at least 62,000,000 abortions since 1973. It is passing strange that while the number of pneumonectomies and installed scleral buckles can be stated with 100% metaphysical certitude the number of aborted babies flushed down the drains of myriad abattoir charnel houses is vague. Modern American Liberals are not known for their devotion to precise numbers

Speaking of African-Americans….the sound you hear is the other shoe as it approaches Mach 1.

Somewhere between 35% and 40% of the abortions done in this country since 1973 have been performed on, as you say, “African-American” women. 20,000,000 to 25,000,000 million are gone. How many of them would have loved to have seen a statue, any statue, even one of the Johnny Reb who fired the shot that killed my grandfather’s uncle, a private in the Irish Brigade, in the Wheat Field at Gettysburg on July 2, 1863?

Margaret Sanger, Hitler’s favorite American, won. Dorothy Day lost.

Walker Percy, a man to make Catholics proud as the name Roger Taney should make us feel ashamed, said the “back door of an abortion clinic goes straight to Auschwitz”.

Who will say Kaddish for these dead Black people?

It is a self-evident fact that the Black modern American Liberal female Missouri legislator had a mother who avoided the Sirens’ call. She steered her corporal temple past both the Scylla of hedonism and the Charybdis of moral relativism. And we wind up with the daughter calling for the murder of a White President and why do I know this will not be treated as a hate crime?

Did Trump kill those people in Spain? How about in Finland? Is Allah still Akbar?

The hip is good today but the kidney is acting up.

I would be upset if you did not forward this to all the Brothers on the letter, if not for their comments then certainly for their prayers.

Kevin Smith – Marist High School – 1961

PS – Skip the statues. Bring back Sherman and have him do to Charleston what the Romans did to Carthage. Losers don’t get to put up statues.

Thursday, August 17, 2017

August 14, 2017

Congressman Ted Deutch
111 E. Las Olas Blvd
Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33301

RE: Help!

Congressman Deutch,

#1 – I am a constituent of yours.
#2 – I have written to you 4 separate times without the courtesy of a response.
#3 – You said yesterday that President Trump plans to “cut” Social Security.
#4 – As a disabled senior citizen I would like to know the amount and the timing of these “cuts” so that I can plan accordingly.
#5 – I never know when modern American Liberal pols, people such as you, are serious because you say such silly things.
#6 – Can I expect the courtesy of a reply or will I be like Charlie Brown waiting for Lucy to fool me again?

Kevin Smith

August 14, 2017

Mitchell Berger, Esq.
Berger, Singer
350 Las Olas Blvd
Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33301

Mr. Berger,

I heard this morning that, despite promises to jackass Kerry and ohmadahn Obama, the Iranians have increased their ICBM production.

I read where you said yesterday in the mini Op-Ed section of the Sun Sentinel that the Iranian nuclear accord – Do accords have to be submitted to the Senate for its advice and consent? Silly question, right? I’m just a tease when it comes to joshing with modern American Liberals – should be a model, indeed the paradigm, for negotiations with North Korea.

Should we give the irenic NORKs $150,000,000,000 as a gesture of good will or should we keep the money and just bend over and grab our ankles?

Kevin Smith

PS – Did the Koch Brothers cause the latest Alpha Gump movie on drowning polar bears to bomb? No telling with that pair. They should be altruistic and eleemosynary like Tom Steyer and George Soros, right? Did green house gases cause the eclipse? Congratulations on refusing to represent either the buyer or the seller of waterfront properties. You did do that, didn’t you? I must have missed it. 

Saturday, August 12, 2017

August 10, 2017

Larry Merlo – CEO
CVS Corporation
1 CVS Drive
Woonsocket, RI 02895

RE What a way to start the day at CVS, 1700 South Federal Highway Ft Lauderdale, FL 33316, Store #3285 

Mr. Merlo,

“I Just Wet My Pants”

There are many “rules” governing retail but the one that makes the most sense for both parties is when the buyer says “I am profit and everybody else is overhead”.

I tried to pick up a prescription this morning that I had dropped off for filling Wednesday afternoon around 3:00 PM. I was told it would take 60 minutes. I pulled into your drive-thru lane around 3:00 AM, Thursday. If you check my pick-up history, you will see that most of my pick-ups are pre-dawn.

There appeared to be a computer problem and let us stipulate that I did not cause said problem.

Time went by sooooo slowly…

The pharmacist made several attempts, from different phones and from different terminals, to fix it. Alas, it was not to be.

Then, a woman appeared, visible through the glass, and gave me renewed hope. Alas, it was not to be.

The only thing of which I was apprised was that the prescription was entered into the system incorrectly on Wednesday afternoon. Again, the entry was something over which I had no control.

The woman, grim visaged and stridently voiced, took the attitude that it was my fault. It wasn’t. Is it possible to pray that there is a photographic record of this?

I stressed to both employees that I was having a renal stent removed at 11:00 AM. Renal stents, whether they be coming or going, can and have caused involuntary physical reactions.

I know this because this is my 3rd.

That was when I asked for my license and cash to be returned. That was when the lady told the pharmacist that “she couldn’t talk to me anymore”. That was when I said “I wet my pants”. OK! OK! It wasn’t “Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall!” but to me it was memorable.

The pharmacist called at 4:45 AM to tell me that the prescription was ready. I told him that I was not, what with a full load of laundry half way through the wash cycle.

I will pick it up today, probably pre-op.

Kevin Smith

PS – Silly me! I’ll bet you thought the prescription was written by the urologist, today’s designated stent fetcher. It was not. It was written by my orthodpaedist. The 1:30 PM x-rays taken at Holy Cross Hospital confirmed that indeed I had fractured my left hip. And how did you start your day?

August 9, 2017

Senator Bill Nelson
413 Clematis Street #210
West Palm Beach, FL 33401

Senator Nelson,

Sine I have been in Florida you have struck me as trying to becoming as publicly dumb as former Vice President Alpha Gump and how is his movie doing, and former Vice President Curley Biden and of course his hair is real, it just ain’t his.

Every now and then, e.g.; days ending in “y”, your office issues statements screaming that maybe you couldn’t find your ass using both hands. Even better, sometimes you give a live press conference, not quite breathlessly, in which you say that umbrellas cause rain or some such witless flapdoodle [I’ll end the suspense. Umbrellas don’t cause rain.]

Watch out, you boob. The other shoe, the one weighing 9 pounds, has been launched. It is on target, said target being the bridge of your nose.

In this morning’s Florida Politico by Mark Caputo you criticize Governor Scott for not criticizing Goldman Sachs for “buying” Venezuelan bonds. Let the record show that if a state does not do business with Goldman Sachs they are probably deficient in their fiduciary responsibilities.

 If they are buying them for a client what business is it of yours? If they are buying the deeply discounted Venezuelan bonds for their account, so what? It’s their money, isn’t it? One thing is certain. 

They are not underwriting them. I may have erred in assuming that you know the difference. The other side of that coin is that since you, in typical modern American Liberal fashion, favor raising both taxes and the minimum wage as the shibboleth ladenly-larded solution to any and all economic posers you may be the one to prove Dr. J wrong when he said “Such stupidity is not to be found in nature”. You go, guy

Did you have any objection when Secretary of State Wide-Bottomed Hillary allowed the sale of 20% of this country’s uranium to Russia? If you did could you send it to me.

Did the Treasury’s, [or more precisely put, the people of America] guarantee of $500,000,000 of Solyndra bonds cause you any agida? 

If doing business with Venezuela is malum per se why don’t you lead a boycott of

Why don’t you and your pal Senator SummerFallWinterWarren [D-MA] organize a SEAL Team 6 weekend reunion to take out the CITGO sign slouched behind the “Green Monster” at Fenway Park in Boston? Why don’t you offer her a compromise to the brouhaha of the Cleveland Indians’ Indian?

Put her picture on the ball cap in White face for the
 plaid rainbow crowd. Put a tasteful feather behind her ear.

Meanwhile, you would be well advised to keep your mouth shut because if you don’t open it people can only assume that you are a horse’s ass. If you open it you will remove all doubt. If you had been Henry the Fifth at Harfleur you never would have made it to Agincourt. Queen Simone Catorze would open Parliament every year by singing the catchy Bastille Day frog ditty. And, yes, widows would still be charbroiled in India. Who knows how many A.G. fundamentalist crispy critters Janet Reno could have gotten at Waco?

Kevin Smith

PS – Is it true that you need a GPS to get off a ladder?

Wednesday, August 2, 2017

July 30, 2017

Gray Stein 
The Sun Sentinel

RE: “I Get No Kick From….” Some comments on your so achingly familiar modern American Liberal POO [POO? – Perpetually Outraged and Offended, of course] – Sunday morning Jeremiad.

Big Stein,

Forgive me but 2 things first.

Thank you yet again for proving with your column that Ronaldus Magnus, AKA The Great Reagan, was right when he said that modern American Liberals were not stupid “it’s just that there is so much that they don’t know”. I’ll get to the second thing later.

I announce that I too am opposed to texting while driving, the object of your scorn, derision, and, almost, billingsgate, in today’s column. I’ll go a step beyond your usual extreme. I am opposed to texting on all levels.

Heads up because here comes the other shoe.

You say, in robot-like modern American Liberal goose step style, that “charter school and gun lobbyists are slinking around Tallahassee”. Later on, you say, suggesting the quid pro quid of bribery, that “our legislators are too busy taking NRA $”.

[Forgive my frequent use of asides, but as much as you hate the Trump Justice Department, as much as you miss the Loretta Lynch telling Bill Clinton about Hillary’s investigation Justice Department, not to mention the “Let’s char-broil 7 dozen Americans in Waco to show them who the Boss is” Janet Reno Justice Department, your obligation is to run to the nearest FBI office with your evidence of bribery. I think the statute has run on the Palmer Raids, another modern American Liberal hallmark.]

Why is it bad for the NRA to support legislators who favor their point of view? Doesn’t EMILY’s List do the same? NARAL regularly showers supporters of 4th & 5th trimester abortion. Do you have a problem with that pelf flying around? Shouldn’t manatee supporters be able to favor pols who think like them?

Thank God for Orwell!
“All speech is free. Some speech is more free than others.”

How many other parts of the First Amendment would you change?

Lobbying is the only occupation specifically mentioned and supported in the Constitution. The First Amendment says that “the right of the people peaceably to assemble to petition the government for a redress of grievances” …shall not be infringed upon.

I don’t think the Law, be it natural or constitutional, requires that urinals be retrofitted to include toilet seats lest the chicks and the chick wanabees feel slighted. Remind me to have plenty of film in the camera when the modern American Liberal dog and pony sow explains this itty-bitty change in public policy to a mosque at Friday prayers or a Lubavitcher shul on Shabbos.

What these anti-nomianalists, “trousered apes” all, want is surely offensive to the Western canon and to Logic, but who am I to deny them their right to advocate it. Besides, wouldn’t the rule of quis custodies custodiet apply? Unless of course, like the Mohammed cartoons, anything that upsets “getting one head’s straight” becomes a 4-etter word. 

Tell me why $ from the Koch Brothers is verboten while $ from George Soros is good?

You know of course that if Tom Steyer, the modern American Liberal keening hypocrite du jour, had not sold all that dirty coal to China and India he wouldn’t have the $ to support the candidates who want to do away with air conditioning, plastic, and the Internet. 

Alas, the Constitution supports him too.

Allah Akbar, I think.

He’s exempt from the “establishment clause”, right?
He? That’s presumptive. Try to picture “he” as “”she”.
God’s Holy Trousers but the WOGs will burn down 
the Aswan Dam if they find out about this kaffir heresy.

Kevin Smith

PS – I am still waiting for the “all clear’ from Little Stein, your perpetual college student, about Wordsworth. Is he still on the chick-lit shit list? Get back to me, OK? I am getting sick of reading Maya Angelou.

Wednesday, July 26, 2017

July 26, 2017

Fabiola Santiago
The Miami Herald

Abuela Santiago,

I’ve been away awhile so I cOme back with a little trepidation. I thought that the sin of “eclectic indignation”, a sin common to the acolytes worshipping at the shrine of modern American Liberalism, a religion to be found in the 57 or was it 58 states that Barack the Beneficent had discovered, might have been indulgenced away. Silly me! That’s why, had I been born a broad I would have been a big fan of abortion. I would have always been pregnant.

I read in your column in today’s Miami Herald, the one about the Boy Scouts and Trump’s “nasty politics”, about your granddaughter being shocked, shocked about the horror, the horror of an adult using the word “hell” in conversation.

Speaking of little girls being shocked when adults violate their “safe space” and use bad words – Sorry about that James Joyce and Henry Miller – I wonder if you could send me your column about SEIU thugs invading the Wisconsin assembly in 2011? That was the glorious day in participatory democracy when the SEIU community activists went to each female Republican member and said “Go fuck yourself, you miserable fucking cunt”. I remember that because one of my granddaughters asked me about it.

She didn’t ask me about the language but why was the really big guy so mad at the really little lady.

Later on in your column you mention your 7-year-old grandson screaming “that’s nasty, that’s nasty” when watching the Republican convention in 2016. You say you turned the TV off “as if I had been watching porn”. And just think, assuming that that is still possible, Trump wasn’t even the President!

What would have been your reaction a few years earlier if you had to explain to your grandson or your granddaughter what a blow job was and why a President was not just lying about it but perjuring himself about it.

Wait a minute! The last good Republican was Earl Warren and before him it was Abraham Lincoln. Thank God for the Miami Herald scroyles.

Nothing ever changes

Kevin Smith


July 26, 2017

Secretary of State Dean Acheson, a man whose mustache was clipped hourly lest an errant strand mar his visage – it could be said that he was the poster boy for the modern American Liberal sin of “non-malodorous fecal matter syndrome – once famously [or infamously] said “I will not turn my back on Alger Hiss”.

[Alger Hiss, for those with selective memories, memories predicated on the principles of modern American Liberalism, one of which is “there are no enemies on the Left”, was a superbly educated [Johns Hopkins and Harvard Law School] career Federal civil servant who was a closeted Communist and a Russian spy. He was an ardent New Dealer who handed over U.S. secrets to his Commie masters for a decade. He accompanied the President of the United States to his meeting with Stalin, the Butcher of the Kulaks and one-time Hitler ally and accomplice. While there, and by any means necessary, he made known the plans of his country to his Bolshy masters. And that’s who he was. [Vide Witness and the Venona Papers]

Substitute Imam Awan for Alger Hiss. Substitute Debbie Wasserman-Schultz for Dean Acheson. Guess what?

Imam Awan, a suspected radical Islamist terrorist and an IT and computer employee of Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman-Schultz, was arrested as he tried to make a mad dash for the border. He was fired by Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman-Schultz less than 24 hours ago. His first reaction was to get back to Kafiristan, the ancestral home of other technologically attuned radical Islamic terrorists. He is in the federal pokey awaiting arraignment and, hopefully, a one-way ticket to Gitmo, America’s adult Caribbean sleepaway rehab center.

I will bet a dime to a dollar that the first reaction from Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman-Schultz, AKA the paradigm of irenic mAL Medusas, will be straight from her uncle, Sergeant Schultz, America’s favorite Wehrmacht stalag guard. “I know nothing and whatever happened Trump and Putin did it.”

If Debbie had a dick it would be fully and totally in the wringer from which no appendage ever returns.

Alger Hiss can’t be mentioned without mentioning Whittaker Chambers, without mentioning the Pumpkin Papers, without mentioning Royal typewriters, without mentioning bird watching, without mentioning dead Americans, without mentioning treason.

It was, as Winston Churchill said of a different dance, “a time of limitless peril”.

Hiss went to prison where, regrettably, he spent but 4 years, not for treason for which the Rosenberg treatment would have been an option, but for perjury.

Hiss was a stench in the nostrils of honest men and is still a pox on the body politic. He should be disinterred annually and flogged just to make sure he is still dead. A 24 hour, 7 day a week guard, bayonets facing in, should be assigned to his grave to make sure he does not escape like an ideological incubus and infect us mortally’

At least Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman-Schultz, South Florida’s favorite Nazi wanabee book burning thug, doesn’t have a mustache. On the other hand, it might be an improvement.

Kevin Smith

Tuesday, July 25, 2017

July 23, 2017

Mary Reidel – Distressed Woman
Mini Op-Ed section
The Sun Sentinel
500 E. Broward Blvd.
Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33394

RE: Chicks get paid less! Some comments on your mini Op-Ed in today’s Sun Sentinel on the horror, the horror of testicles and the testosterone-laden imbalance of bodies buried at Arlington Cemetery leading to gender discrimination on pay day.

Ms. Reidel;

No wonder wide=bottomed Hillary had such a perpetual sour puss. And here I thought it was due to lack of cross gender horizontal tangoing. Silly me. All along it was the humiliating prospect of being paid 78% of what Obama was paid that gave her that unique suck a lemon, gargle Drano, and Gorilla Glue her soft palate to her tongue that gave her the look that enabled the voters of Pennsylvania, Ohio, Michigan, and Wisconsin the joy of telling her NO! Hot damn, but I would have been pissed off too.

Do you think I should tell my daughter, an experienced L&D RN, that she is paid 78 % of what Jose, her 5:00 shadow impaired first year contemporary, is paid? She has 3 talented daughters, and who could expect less from my progeny, who will have to make different life choices, no?

Have you addressed the sex-based wage gap that the Sun Sentinel so fiercely defends? If not, why not?

Finally, have you ever considered bangs? I understand the Fall collection of Greek fishermen caps has some interesting models.

Kevin Smith

Tuesday, July 18, 2017

July 2, 2017

Mary Reidel – President
Women in Distress
1153 S. Andrews Avenue
Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33301

RE: Oh great Logic! How can I offend thee? Let me count the ways. Some comments on your error filled mini Op-Ed in today’s Sun Sentinel.

Madame President. 

I am glad you beat Wide Bottomed Hillary through the glass ceiling

I am mixing my metaphors because while it is impossible to insult Logic, the crown jewel of the Trivium, you have grievously wounded it. Apparently your time as a student at the Colombia School of Proctology Volunteers never led to a degree.

You say that “gunfire kills 25 children each week” and “what more will it take to convince us about the terrible toll that gun violence is taking on our youngest citizens?”

Did you know that umbrellas cause rain? Alas, I can’t label it invincible ignorance but you are committing the classic modern American Liberal sin of confusing and conflating causation and correlation. Since your genial, high-browed visage suggests that you have no chance of grasping the obvious you are condemned to the nether world of mistaking feelings for ideas.

It almost got Hillary into the White House. At least you’re President of something.

Kevin Smith
July 2, 2017

Ron Klein, Esq.
Holland & Knight
515 E. Las Olas Blvd.
Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33301

RE: The History of health care legislation – A “moveable feast” – 1 from column A & 2 from column B as explained by you in today’s mini Op-Ed section in the Sun Sentinel.

Mr. Klein,

God – Am I risking being cited for a hate crime by invoking His name? – is kind to animals and small children in that He blesses them with short memories. To that we can now add modern American Liberals, particularly when it comes to health care legislation.
Simply put, there was no bi-partisan effort at compromise. None whatsoever.

It began in February, 2009.

President Obama took time off from his campaign promise of “cooling the earth and calming the seas” to have 60 Republican members of Congress over to the White House. He greeted the guests with the Chicago gambit of “Shit in your hat, pull it down over your ears ‘cuz you look good in brown”. He then said. “Listen up you red neck cracker peckerheads! There was an election. I won. You lost. Get used to it, you swine.”

Then there were briberies that would have made Dem pols in Hudson County and Cook County both proud and envious. [Vide – Louisiana and Nebraska] Then he told egregious lies to Congressmen from Michigan and Wisconsin.

Who the Hell needed Republicans?

The classic codicil was when Nancy Pelosi – Is she off her meds or is she starting to bury her own Easter eggs full time? It’s time for a new episode of the Honeymooners’, right? – said, “We’ll have to pass it to see what’s in it.”

God’s Holy Trousers but that’s what happened, remember?

Kevin Smith

PS – A bit of New Jersey pride is about to be proclaimed. Congressman Robert Kean [R-NJ], in addition to be one of the first Americans to be proclaimed a “righteous gentile” by the state of Israel, was proclaimed “Mr. Social Security” by Franklin D. Roosevelt. FDR knew the need for bi=partisanship when passing immense social legislation. You may wish to take a peek at the civil rights legislation of the ‘60s. They would not have passed the Senate save for the Republican minority. It’s OK to name a building after Senator Russell [D-GA] and nuclear ships of the line after Senator Stennis [D-MS] and Congressman Vinson [D-GA] but if it weren’t for Senator Case and Senator Javits and Senator Dirsken and Senator Hruska and Senator Scott and Senator Smith  the damn things wouldn’t have passed. You may remember or you could look it up that Senator Irvin and Senator Gore and Senator Fulbright took a pass on it.

Tuesday, June 27, 2017

June 24, 2017

Chief Justice Jorge Labarga
Florida Supreme Court
500 South Duval Street
Tallahassee, FL 32399-1925

RE: Law & Justice…and do they ever meet?

Justice Labarga,

When it comes to reading the Constitution, the one drawn up in the taverns of Philadelphia during the hellacious summer of 1787 – Doubtless a precursor of the scourge of Global Warming or perhaps Climate Destruction or whatever du jour malady will soon be upon us – not being a lawyer has certain advantages. That is to say I can appreciate the History, the language, and the connection to the Natural law, a gift that is ours from birth, “a gift from beyond the stars”.

I don’t know if this note constitutes judicial notice but I think I have your attention.

I was cited for a parking violation on January 24, 2017.  The specific offense was blocking access to a handicapped space. At this point a combination of Samuel Beckett and Mel Brooks enter the tale. Since I have a duly authorized handicapped card, one that was properly displayed when I parked in the designated handicapped spot, I wondered to whom could I be denying access. Denying access to myself? To someone who wanted to steal my car? I searched in vain for the injured party.

I got my handicapped sticker the old fashioned way: I earned it. 3 titanium joints, 4 strokes, breast cancer, congestive heart failure, a hole the size of a shot glass on the top of my head, a scar that scares vampires on the back of my head, a scleral buckle on my left eye to keep it in, A-Fib, and COPD…. I will not be competing in the senior citizen anaconda wrestling contests, the ones that lighten the Medicare lists while getting senior citizens some much needed outside activities.

On June 13, 2017, I was operated on at Holy Cross Hospital in Fort Lauderdale. The probe, to which was attached a laser beam and, thankfully, a miniature TV camera, was inserted through my penis, into my bladder, through my ureter, and into my damaged kidney. Not halfway through the procedure the anesthesiologist noticed that my heart was heading towards an off sides penalty.  I woke up in ICU where I was destined to have the worst night ever in a hospital. When I was discharged it was with several powerful painkillers, some diuretics, some blood thinners and some unknown kidney drugs. 2 days later I called my attorney and suggested a continuance of my June 21st traffic court date. He called me back and said continuances are not granted in traffic court.

2 matters leap to mind:

#1 – 1/24/17 to 6/21/17, my hearing date, does serious damage to the speedy trial doctrine, no? Keep in mind that I was not accused of a felony.
#2 – I was therefore unable to assist counsel in the presentation of my defense because everything hurt. Not quite like Ricky Ray Rector but at least in the same area code. The highlight of our trip to the court room, a court room just east of Alligator Alley, was the 3-emergency pit pee stops. Seeing as how I neglected to bring a back-up pair of trousers I used 2 johns and one large bush lest I appear in court wearing slacks with publicly announced micturition stains.

The story gets better as the hits kept coming and coming.

The professional and courteous hearing officer announced that the officer who issued the summons need not be present. Somewhere, “in the sacred chords of memory” I remember that someone wrote “to be confronted with the witnesses against him”. I thought that became double-helixed into the warp and woof of our basic freedoms. Those are the freedoms that Judges can neither modify nor amend. They can only confirm. I guess that only counts in Big Boy court.

The hearing office explained the appeals process very clearly. She explained to me that I should take pictures to present during the appellate process. My wit was sufficiently dimmed – better living through chemistry – that I did not ask how I could take pictures of something that wasn’t there. How about a picture of one hand clapping?  “A man upon oath holds his soul in his hands as if it were water. He opens his fingers at his peril.” Suppose I swore that my car was in Allen, Texas the day the [alleged] transgression took place? Why is the word of the mysterious traffic enforcer – I say “mysterious” because I did not have the opportunity to cross examine him. He could be a unicorn rancher in the Bermuda Triangle or have a Sasquatch grandparent. He might even believe in Global Warming – worth more than mine?

The hearing officer then presented me with a payment plan to ease the burden of my fine. Since the amount of the payments was greater than the amount of the fine the difference is implied interest with said interest not being disclosed as such. That clearly places it under the Truth in Lending law – a Federal law, I might add. There is ample precedent saying that the remedy for failing to disclose interest charged is the cancellation of the debt. 

Speaking of debt, that is where all my capital is. I say this because I cannot afford to appeal. It leaves me with a Hobson’s Choice. 

[By the by, should any matters concerning Uber or Lyft come before your tribunal Hobson of Hobson’s Choice may be useful in buttressing your decision, either way.]

N.B. that I began this note by contrasting law and justice. I think I have raised serious issues here. I remember, “with advantages”, Rumpole of TV fame. He said the 2 great English institutions, the ones that deserve to last, are the English breakfast and the presumption of innocence.

I can still get the former. The latter is in mortal peril. Can I use the terms, hackneyed as their promiscuous use makes them, “chilling effect” and “slippery slope”?

It is a small thing, “no bigger than a man’s fist on the horizon”, but one worthy of your attention.

The last time I appealed a lower court decision I wound up in the Supreme Court of the United States. Since the vote was unanimous it fell to the senior Justice to write the opinion. Thus, I became Thurgood Marshall’s last decision. The next day he resigned. I like to think I was the man responsible for Justice Clarence Thomas. At least there was some compensation for my efforts. 

The courtesy of a prompt reply would be greatly appreciated.

Kevin Smith

PS – At least 3 separate Constitutional issues, no? Plus, one in common law and Federal law, yes? Or will it be “He arado en el mar” yet again?

Friday, June 23, 2017

June 22, 2017

Congressman Cedric Richmond
Kommandant – Congressional Black Caucus
200 Derbigny Street #3200
Gretna, LA 70053

Congressman Richmond,

I don’t know if you succeeded Congressman Livingstone, another Black ladron who would and did steal a hot stove, but if you did you have big boots to fill. 

I consider it a sign of racial progress that corrupt Black legislators are increasing at a rate that Affirmative Action advocates can only dream of.  I daresay the big word exponential could be used. Congresswoman Brown of Florida, she of the clock stopping face and meaner than cat shit demeanor, actually said that she stole money to help her keep her boyfriends.  Then we had Alcee Hastings who, after having his black-robed ass impeached and thrown off the Federal bench, was elected from a “safe” seat, a seat so “safe” that Step-N-Fetchit would have been elected. [It would have been unanimous if OJ had run.] The people of Florida, in their collective wisdom, chose to send a convicted felon to Congress rather than send a naïf who would have been corrupted. It saved the time and uncertainty of the learning curve.

But that’s not why I write.

I am going to show my White-privileged elitism by using some terms from traditional Logic. Logic was first constructed by dead White European males to confuse addled 3rd Worlders. It has worked superbly well for 25 centuries  Buckle up, you tomnoddy.

Once you construct a universal from a particular, say for example the melanin overloaded Professor of Sociology at Trinity College who said “White people are inhuman” and, further, should they be shot, EMTs “should let them fucking die”, you have grievously offend Logic. He was referring to your colleague Congressman Scalise whose only sin was that he had an uncle who used to hum “Old Black Joe”. His father liked Amos & Andy and he was thought to have some Heckle & Jeckle comic books when he was 6. That’s reason enough to shoot his cracker ass and let him die. Plus, his Aunt Scarlett thought that the Davis-Bacon Law was a very good way to keep uppity Nigrahs in their place.  Although the law is 85 years old it is still a touchstone of today’s Democratic Party. Maybe they haven’t told you yet but if the Koch Brothers in congress try to repeal it….yikes….will you get your marching orders, right quick. You will be like a swarthy Horatius at the bridge doing your Massa’s bidding. Count on it. Horatius?

[As an aside, how did 8 years of Hope and Change work out for you and yours? How many of the Brothers are farting through silk while they take their first pre- breakfast sip of their first 40 ouncer? 80 years after public housing - Who can forget the glory days of  Pruitt-Igoe and Currie’s Woods? I can’t – there is still one common denominator: nobody, and I mean nobody, wants to live there. The only contender for Hellhole Housing is called Section 8 Housing. Look it up. Get back to me if I’m wrong.]

This ties into your refusal to meet with President Trump how?

Simple enough, you dunce. 

Here’s a scissors. Cut off your nose. Look in the mirror and say “I told you so.”

Have a press conference and insult the guy with the “juice”. Tell him next time it’s Adios to your orejas, Then your thumbs. Then, finally, your Johnson. That will show him, you betcha. [Sometimes I wonder if the things that melanin deprived Professor Murray are falsely accused of saying just might be true.]

More than 60 years after Brown v Board of Education why can’t Kwame and Keisha read as well as Herschel and Hephzibah? More than 60 years after the hugely successful War on Poverty, a war with treasure wasted and lives lost 10 times, 20 times, the amounts charged to all other wars, why are “you” still poor?

And yet “you” march off like zombies to vote for your slave masters. The only thing dumber is Charley Brown falling for Lucy promising that this time she won’t drop the football. Wait a minute. He comes out of an ink bottle. “You” come out of an unaborted womb.  If you are interested in Black genocide try to figure out why 6% of the population [Black women] accounts for more than 35% of the abortions every year. Talk about Affirmative Action on steroids! No confusion about goals not being quotas there.

If OJ gets sprung next month can H. Rap Brown and Willie Horton be far behind?
Why not try to get them a talk show? OJ can talk about how close he is to finding the real killers, Willie can talk about White racism, and can there be any other kind, and how it made him rape and murder, and Brother Brown can talk about his marvelous book “Die Nigger Die”. Now that Oprah is canoodling with Gayle there is a TV opening for articulate Black folks with an edge. 

If you do get to rap with the big guy tell him how much you enjoyed his Comey tapes shtick. [Jews are everywhere, aren’t they?] Tell him it reminded you of Plato and the fast one he pulled on the world with that Atlantis caper. OK, OK it didn’t go 25 centuries but Trump’s heart was in it.

Kevin Smith

PS – Any chance of an autographed copy of “Die Nigger Die”?

Sunday, June 4, 2017

June 2, 2017

Terence T. McDonald
The Jersey Journal
One Harmon Plaza
Jersey City, NJ 07004

RE: Rich Kushner & poor Jersey City -  Some comments on your article about how those “unlucky in life’s lottery” have not shared in the largess and lucre “created” by the conniving 1%ers.

Mr. McDonald,

Did you say the Trumpsters are renting apartments in Jersey City for $5,300 a month? Each month? Every month?

Are they anywhere near Henderson Street? I loaded trucks there for Merchants Refrigerating in 1961. I made $2.80 an hour. [Tony “Pro” was the local Teamsters President] To be fair, it was before the New Frontier and the Great Society kicked in. At that rate I couldn’t afford to drive past the place.

I was born and raised in Bayonne, NJ. And yes, I can tell you stories about Row A All the Way, about why the Hudson County jail was known as the Taj Mahal, about Snake Hill being sold for land fill, about Hague’s 3% kickback and how Beneficial Finance became, after gin mills, the largest commercial renter in Hudson County, about the $900 waste baskets and $4,500 school windows in 1958, and about Uncle Willie, my grandmother’s baby brother, and his time as a sand hog and beer seller in the Holland Tunnel.

After more than a century of modern American Liberal benevolent despotism sections of Jersey City, specifically the non-Trump sections, could be used as a back drop for a sit-com about being an obese, bullied teen in Kabul.

Is there a pattern here?

Chicago, AKA, Baghdad West. Detroit, once known as America’s Athens, now has its urban predators both, 2-legged and 4, Washington, DC, where the Mayor once said, “If you don’t count the murder rate it’s a very safe city”, can’t forget Newark and Camden, [I can’t leave Paterson, Passaic, and Atlantic City off the Garden State urban honor roll, can I?]  St. Louis, Baltimore, Los Angeles…… and on and on and on and on

It would be offensive to Logic to confusingly conflate correlation with causation but I see a pattern developing here.

Where Democrats rule, chaos reigns.

If you have evidence, empirical data as real as your boot, to contradict my imperfect thesis please present it for my perusal.

Do you remember when Hoboken declared itself a nuclear-free zone? I miss the moral clarity of the good old days, don’t you?

Kevin Smith

PS – Do you remember when the Jersey City Medical Center was run by Jersey City? There was a Mayor, would you believe one of 3 who went to prison in a period of less than 20 years with another one having to resign because he wasn’t a citizen, who Xed out the Psychiatry department saying “We’ll have none of the voo-doo in Jersey City”. $63,000 a year in rent? Thank God we have, as you tell us, “Chris Perez, a 40 year old community activist”, to remind us of the fundamental unfairness of it all.
One more thing. 

How in the name of Gene Scanlan, Fred Cranwell, and Cas Rakowski did the Jersey Journal wind up in Secaucus? Why not Short Hills or Essex Fells?
June 2, 2017

Mayor Philip Levine
One Convention Center Drive
Miami Beach, FL 33139

RE: Just two more questions, maybe 3, maybe more

Mayor Levine,

Shades of Peter, the Big Fisherman!

I saw you on TV last night thrice deny the question of “How will the US sending the $3,000,000,000 that Obama promised to the wowsers, bounders, grifters, scalawags, and poltroons of the Paris Accord lower the waters on the gentle streets of Miami Beach? 

Asked 3 times; not answered 3 times.

For the 4th and last time, how will it mitigate the rising seas that threaten to inundate South Beach? Your modern American Liberalism gives you the perfect cover for not answering. Why muss the waters, so to speak, by confusing the issue with inconvenient facts?

BTB, how will you cope with dropping property values, particularly water front properties? 

You mention how proud you are of the pumps you use to lower the rising seas as they cascade on to your streets. [Didn’t Bahama Salama, as Fatso Kennedy used to call him, promise to “cool the earth and calm the seas”? Wasn’t that a “red line in the sand” promise? You don’t have to answer because it may incriminate you.] 

I have asked you, also 3 times, where does the water you pump go? It can’t go East because it would come right back on to Lincoln Road. If you pump it North, the 1%ers at Indian Creek would have your guts for garters. If you pump it South Joe’s Stone Crab will take you off their pol comp list. If you pump it West the EPA will be on you for piscatorial insensitivity like the KKK robes that Senator Robert “Sheets” Byrd [D-WV], the Cicero of the Senate, used to wear.

 Where does the water go?

Kevin Smith
June 4, 2017

75 years after Midway, I can state, unreservedly and unequivocally, that Auden was wrong. Not only wrong, but gravity defyingly wrong. In “September 1, 1939” he said “We must love another or die”.

He wrote that “in a dive on 52nd street at the end of a low, dishonest decade”.

Only one aide: By the time I started to search for that “dive” it had been urban-renewaled out of existence, to be replaced by condos and cocktail lounges. I did find the dive where Dylan Thomas and Brendan Behan hung out. I was most pleased to introduce my son to it. As to the “low, dishonest decade’, ask Walter Duranty or Ambassador Kennedy or Lillian Hellman or any other of the Hitler-loving modern American Liberals who bent over frontwards, backwards, and sidewards to help the thug in the Kremlin.

It is the burnt finger syndrome – The Banality of Evil? – a condition that protects the extended digit from current or future pain, pain caused by past pain, pain coupled with the willing disbelief of civilized people confronting uncivilized people doing what they were genetically coded to do.

Yet again the snarls of “Allah Akbar” fill the night air and yet again innocents are slaughtered by votaries of a religion that considers independent thought or a healthy skepticism that is a hallmark of Western Civilization an apostasy punishable by death. It is a religion that only requires a dull mind, a large van, a sharp knife, a pipe bomb, and a large crowd of unsuspecting infidels. And yes. I and my children have walked on that bridge in London

 2 months after Pearl Harbor we began the messy task of rounding up 150,000 dirty yellow Jap bastards, savage Kraut pricks, and thuggish Dagos. Harsh language? I don’t think so. If Madonna can stand a block from the White House and exhort the mind-numbed robots listening to her to “blow the place up”, if Kathy Griffin, that old side-splitting, knee-slapping comediennecan hold up a severed, bleeding head of Donald Trump that succeeded in scaring the bejeezus out of his 11 year old son – Ken Jennings, listen up, I only have one good leg left but I will kick your ass so hard that you will have to take your socks down to evacuate your bowel – if they can say that and be shielded by the First Amendment, I can say “dirty yellow Jap bastards”, “savage Kraut pricks”, and “thuggish Dago thugs”, can’t I? In fact, if such noted modern American Liberals such as Senator Robert Byrd [D-WVA] and Bill Maher can say the dreaded ‘N’ word, the word that guilt-filled White men dare not say, I can say “nigger” too, can’t I? If I can’t, why can’t I? “Nigger, nigger” because before he came to be known as a modern-day Cicero – the Roman, not the crime town next to Chicago – Byrd, the head Kleagle of the KUKluxKlan, said it twice on national TV.

Nobody, particularly those sages afflicted with “eclectic indignation”, ever cared to comment that FDR, in a stroke of pure political genius, got Earl Warren, the hero of American Progressives, to do the dirty work and heavy lifting of internment by invading the supposedly sacred Census Bureau, just like Sherman did in 1864, and what a glorious surge it led to, and Salama Yobama commanded Lois Lerner to do likewise in 2012. If it ain’t broke don’t fix it.

The people who stormed London Bridge last night, the people who thought they were at Tours, at Malta, at Lepanto, at Vienna, at Omdurman, at the World Trade Center - and who says time doesn’t fly because I just blew through 14 centuries in pursuit of 72 infidel virgins – have chosen to step outside the wide circle of civilized society. Those still inside the circle must react overwhelmingly, disproportionately, indiscriminately, and incessantly.

Since they have no compunction about blowing up little girls, how about, before enhanced interrogations, we have them sleep on a lard bed? How about pig fat IVs? How about pork loin suppositories? How about the menu choice be limited to 2 items? Hog bellies or hog shit. How about giving them either hog skin winter coats or wet tee shirts? How about treating them like they treat us? Dare I say “Kill them all, God will know his own”?

Auden said “In the end we must love one another”.

Attention Englishmen! “Bomber” Harris took 1000 Lancasters over Germany to say “We are coming”. Must we also sharpen the knives of these “filthy little guttersnipes”?

Saint Francis of Assisi, Dorothy Day, and Mother Teresa can only survive in a society that nurtures, protects, and supports them Could Saint Paul go to a Sharia-run country and preach in the temple to the unknown God? No and No. And, unlike the Romans, they would cut his head off because there are no unknown Gods.


Kevin Smith

PS – Speaking of Midway…All hail Torpedo Squadron 8, America’s 20th century Spartans. Also, praise to Cdr. Walter I. Chapman, MD, Corporal Leonard Putnam, Staff Sergeant John Lonergan, PFC Frank Rickey, Denis Greenough, and Steven Gregg. They told us to sleep well because they were on the wall protecting us. Having “seen the elephant” they know what must be done. lest we perish.