Friday, December 14, 2018

December 13, 2018 The marauding thugs trying to invade the United States made a non-negotiable demand of Trump yesterday. “Let us in or give each of us $50,000 to go home.”

December 13, 2018

The marauding thugs trying to invade the United States made a non-negotiable demand of Trump yesterday. “Let us in or give each of us $50,000 to go home.”

I have a better plan, one that will not require us to go to China, hat in hand, to borrow money from the meretricious Mandarin moneylenders. They were the ones that Wide-Bottomed Hillary warned us about every day she was in the Senate because she was “smart and no fool”. When she became Secretary of State she filled up Air Force 2 with a couple dozen Lewinsky wanabees to do some serious Oriental knob polishing to borrow money, to close the deal, so to speak. 

But I digress.

Here’s my plan. It is taken straight from the tutorial given by Alfred P. Doolittle in his negotiations with Professor Henry Higgins concerning compensation for the loss of his daughter, Eliza.

“10 pounds is too much. It gives a man visions and aspirations. 5 pounds will do it.”
Don’t give me $50,000. The tax implications would be unbearable. $585 will do quite nicely. I could get several bang-up lunches with a few pals, including some decent plonk and deviled eggs. Give me $585 and you’ll see the back of me right quick.

Who the bloody Hell is this Juncker? He lists himself as the President of the European Union, plus he is a serial wanker. Talk about tits on a bull! This pissant little shit is trying to make a living “snarling so boldly at the British lion” like the Guru, Young Toad Face’s proud papa, in “Gunga Din”.

I am on retainer to several British trusts and a few 1%ers.

Here’s my advice. 

Tell him to bugger off.

Bring back the classic headline “Storm in the Channel. Continent isolated.”

Send H.M.S. Warspite to Antwerp to see if those 15- inch naval rifles, as we call them, still work.

I read where Her Majesty’s Government will owe these cheese-eating grifters 60 billion – that’s 60,000,000,000 – somethings. Pounds, Euros, Dollars, quien sabe, certainly not Lira or pesos. I don’t know how the green-eye shade boys in Brussels came by that number but there is precedent for these things. Gorbachev gave Lithuania a departing bill of some gazillion rubles. The boys in Vilnius did their own calculation and said you’re right but you owe us the same plus a buck. Let’s do an Oklahoma transfer and we’ll toss in the buck for good will. Dozvadania, tovarich! There’s always the Argentinean template. Every couple of years, when the bar tab gets too high, they say no vale la pena y adios amigos.

As the great Lord Keynes, one of the most interesting characters in the 20th century and the man who predicted WW2 in 1920, said “If you owe the bank a thousand pounds you have a problem. If you owe the bank a million pounds they have a problem. 

In any event, I volunteer to be in charge of Accounts Payable for Old Blighty. “Prudence,” as my Uncle Adam said, “in running the affairs of a small household can scarce be folly in running the affairs of a great empire.”

The EU and the peckerheads who hector free men on the angle of sausage and such nonsense seem to have adopted King George the Third as their role model handling men born free with that gift “coming from beyond the stars”. We took care of that little dust-up rather well, didn’t we? I suggest a reading of the grievances listed in our Declaration of Independence. One of my favorites is, “He has erected a multitude of new offices, and sent hither swarms of officers, to harass our people and eat out their substance.” Thus, the sausage reference. 

The line from Runnymede to here and now is straight and true. Make sure it stays that way.

An American football coach, Bill Belicheck, says with Zen-like clarity and precision, “Do your job.”  I remember Harold MacMillan giving a speech in the House of Lords in 1984. “Your grandfathers beat the Kaiser. Your fathers beat Hitler.” This is, as Denis Greenough, AKA “Pinky”, a D-Day veteran – not Omaha. Gold – and dear friend, told me in re the Falklands in 1982, “A spot of bother”

I have been asking for some time for someone, anyone to tell me what “Diversity is our strength” means. Declarative sentences only. Any persiflage is to be decidedly non-obfuscatory. Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg will not be asked.

 She is the Judge who sipped Chianti during an Inaugural Address, assuming that no one would notice, and then passed out and wet her knickers – Thank God she was wearing an oversized judicial robe – when the President promised to repeal all the laws governing gravity. I mention the above because despite her toss-pot status, she is the favorite of the addled modern American Liberal court watchers who care for one thing and done thing only, Roe v Wade. [Don’t ask Congresschick Chiquita Ocasio-Cortez about either Roe or Wade. She thinks it is how most Mexicans get to this country.] 

Justice Ginzburg has been on the Supreme Court for 25 years. She was on the Appellate Court for 13 years. I don’t know of her employment record at the Appellate Court level but I do know of it at the Supreme Court. In 25 years and either side of 100 judicial clerk appointments she has had one – repeat – one Black clerk.  Obviously she has a problem with successful Black law students, particularly overachievers who tend to be “uppity”, if you know what I mean. Well, Jesse Jackson or maybe Al Sharpton was right. You know how “hook nosed diamond merchants” [particularly the ‘stiff necked’ ones] can be. They give the Brothers bupkis.

10 years ago today, December 13, 2008, former Vice President Albert Arnold Gore, Jr, AKA Alpha Gump, said that the North Pole, the place where polar bears are drowning at record rates despite modern American Liberal efforts to ban plastic straws as a way to save the icebergs [and probably sink another RMS Titanic], would be ice-free in 5 years. The consensus of scientists says that 2008 and 5 equals 2013. It is now 2018 and the place is still ice bound.  We can conclude from this that Gore/Gump is -A- a friggin’ moron or -B- a horse’s ass or -C- a money hungry fraudulent charlatan or -D- a “sex crazed poodle” or -E- all of the above. Anytime anybody puts the words “science” and “consensus” into the same sentence reach for your legally concealed weapon. And to think that we outlawed flogging.

The midnight headline on “Drudge” was “Human heart found on Southwest flight”.
Can’t top that but we found 45 billion more barrels of oil last week. And we found it in this country, to boot. Can’t top that, either.

Kevin Smith

Thursday, December 13, 2018

December 12, 2018 I always got the Aztecs and the Incas confused...

December 12, 2018

I always got the Aztecs and the Incas confused until I began to host monthly luncheons with the boys from Lima, the A-Team from Aero-Peru, in John Martin’s in Coral Gables, Florida. 

Aero-Peru became my biggest customer in the aviation parts business. I wound up in Florida because my dear friend, the still dead Bob Brown, threw me a life line after the cart went completely into the ditch in New Jersey. While it is demonstrably true that most financial wounds are self-inflicted, I had a 632-pound gorilla, the Internal Revenue Service lurking nearby. $42,000,000 plus 7 years in United States Tax Court with Judge Carleton Powell presiding – the US Tax Court is a circuit court which means it sits wherever a vacant court room is to be found – has its own court house that sits, with unintended irony, across the street from the not quite posh DC homeless shelter. That’s the place where Mitch Snyder, the homeless guru, hero of the Left and role model of all modern American Liberals and the subject of a fawning TV movie starring Martin Sheen, hanged himself before he could be arrested for being a drug dealer .A side trip to the United States Supreme Court, late night ex-part phone calls from the assistant US Attorney trying the case and, no I didn’t tell my lawyers because what good other than starting over again for the 3rd time could come from it, and my but how time flies when you are enjoying your self and that’s how I wound up in Florida a step ahead of the Sheriff but not the Feds.

A word or two about Amy.

Attention must be paid to the fact that despite Easters in Antigua and Barbados, several Rolexes, one of which I got her because she thought it inconvenient to remove her Baume & Mercier while trying to make chrischicki or Spotted Dick, some dead animal coats, the houses in Bay Head, the E-Type Jaguar for Mother’s Day, the Danielli in Venice, the Concorde, the Stafford in London for 2 weeks one Christmas, back door $ envelopes for some of her family members, all the usual signs of conspicuous consumption, she was better in bad times then she was in the good.

Anyway they’re all dead and I’m in sight of the 18th tee what with my 3rd melanoma being ripped out on Monday and I owe it to Rabbi Dov Fischer, Esq who pointed out that one of the ongoing “wet your pants” moments in the upcoming public life of Congresschick Chiquita Ocasio-Cortes is that she shares a name with Hernan Cortes, the middle age paradigm of DWEMdom because he beat the Aztecs – I knew I would remember -  who were a pretty impressive empire. Did you ever wonder why a lot of Mexicans wear pencil-thin mustaches? I did, particularly when I lived there as a lay missionary 55 years ago. Some women, particularly those married to hombres con mustachios, had visible hair hanging from their arm pits, to show that they were Blanco which is the Spanish word for White. Then and there, I vowed never ever to accept a single word of criticism about my country from SJW hypocrites such as they, be they foreign or domestic.

Maybe that’s why Chiquita chose to identify as a Jew. Is she more of a Semite than Senator PrincessSummerFallWinterWarren is a Redskin? We are in to some pretty tall cotton here. “Show Boat” tells us that one drop of darky blood makes you non-White. Margaret Sanger, Hitler’s favorite American and the major non-Teutonic contributor to his 1934 Nuremberg Race Laws, said it took far more than one drop in 1,024 to make someone Juden. Are there any non-gender specific mikvahs in the South Bronx? Ole y Oy. Being named after an exemplar of White privilege is tough enough but now that she’s a Jewess I suppose she’ll be better able to accept having a rabbi named Shlomo Hitler.

Was it a New Yorker cartoon that showed a debutante telling her tennis opponent that “My friends don’t hit to my back hand?” Anyway, don’t ask Golda Cortez about either Roe or Wade. Up until late last week she thought that was how most Mexicans got here.

Comes word from Strasbourg, home of good geese and good beer, that your basic radical Islamic terrorist, a true WOG, as opposed to the more acceptable irenically idyllic mainstream moderate Muslim “Why are you asking me about Sharia law and jihad?” Ayrab shot up the town square killing a handful of infidels because what else could he give Allah for Christmas? I’ve been asking since October if anyone can explain what “Diversity is our strength” means. Still no answers. France is finished. Notre Dame Cathedral will soon be a mosque. Let the Sunnis and the Shias figure out who runs the place but one thing for sure, Quasimodo is out of a job, as is his brother, whose face sure rings a bell. Also, in addition to Strasbourg’s goose being cooked, the future of Martell cognac is shaky. These Sons of the Desert have long memories and longer knives.

Trump, il magnifico, to his myriad admirers, says that Obama, who once voted against same sex marriage and for a wall on the Southern border, gave $150,000,000,000 in cash – that’s one hundred and fifty billion to Iran for which we got either ugotz or bupkis [Ask Chiquita Cortez what bupkis means]

Google or Facebook, and I do get them confused, share one common trait. They reek of “non-malodorous fecal matter syndrome”. That means to the “deplorable” unwashed that their shit don’t stink. One of them said last month that they will not be working for the Defense Department because the dudes who work there kill people and break things and sometimes those people and things should be left alone because, you know what I’m saying, they are caring, sensitive people who want to save the planet from uberprivileged White people who just don’t give a shit. They did say that they don’t mind working for the Chinks who have at least 1,000,000 – that’s one million – Muslims, of all stripes, under some form of confinement. Go figure. The rules that govern adherents of modern American Liberalism were defined and delineated by Sir Arnold Lunn, an English Catholic – think Thomas Becket, Thomas aKempis, Thomas More, John Henry Newman, G. K. Chesterton, The Waughs, J.R. Tolkien and whoever crawled into those “priest holes” because Protestant England burned far more heretics than Catholic Spain di in the same time frame – almost 80 years ago when he euchered Goebbels over the Winter Olympics and coined the term “eclectic indignation”.

  Bush 41 was lionized in death by people who despised him in life. What would the journalistic reptiles have done if he said there were 57 or 58 states, like Obama did? What would they have done of he had said that the guys who fly his helicopter, play music when he has formal dinners, open and hold the door when he enters or leaves, were members of the “Marine Corpse} as Obama did. They would have pilloried him with billingsgate before condemning him to an open elitist grave. They praised him for breaking a campaign promise and raising taxes. Let the record show that the same Queen Cobras will piss on Trump’s leg and in his soup, if possible, for keeping a campaign promise about building a wall on the Southern border. Would it make me a cad if I were to point out that Senator Clinton, Senator Obama, and Senator Schumer voted for the wall? Probably.

Kevin Hart gets his Black ass sent to Coventry as a way station for his one-way trip to Kafiristan for saying something a few years ago that may have upset Barney Frank and the ghosts of Rock Hudson and Oscar Wilde. Mika Brzezinski and Steven Colbert say downright nasty and vile things that even uberhheteros know is one toke over the line and get away with it. All de gustibus matters come down to quis custodes custodiet. How’s a guy to know? And yes, I am available to host the Oscars.

 Is it true that Clifton Webb was buried upside down so his friends would recognize him?

Kevin Smith

Wednesday, December 12, 2018

December 11, 2018 “He arado en el mar” Las palabras ultimas? Simon Bolivar

December 11, 2018

“He arado en el mar”
Las palabras ultimas?
Simon Bolivar

I was unable to scale the pay wall the Wall Street Journal has erected to monetize their asset but I did catch glimpse of the headline on Drudge. 

“NDak passes Venezuela in oil production”

North Dakota, AKA, so help me, The Flickertail State, up until someone decided to marry “fracking” with “slant drilling”, was known for a few non-hydrocarbon things. #1 – It provided, you betcha, the backdrop for “Fargo” which led to “The Big Lebowski” which will make the state a Mecca for serious amateur cinephiles and #2 – It had more nuclear armed ICBMs and B-52s per capita than any place on the planet and #3 – the mighty NDSU Bison has given us almost as many pre-Christmas treats as Bing Crosby.

Those Luddites who constantly caterwaul about drowning polar bears being harbingers of the coming end of days and that oil has peaked and that plastic is evil – I spent Saturday and Sunday in 2 different hospitals and I can offer unequivocal empirical evidence that, absent plastic, modern  medicine would return to shamans with sticks thtough their noses shaking amulets filled with bones of slain sheep and disemboweled owls – and that Solyndra will rise again just as soon as we get Bernie the Bolshie and Congresschck Chiquita in charge. “Fracking”, now being used here for almost 70 years, and “slant drilling”, a technique once frowned on by oil royalty owners, was combined by a bunch of guys in North Dakota, doubtless driven by Mammon, to show those morons in Venezuela how to drill, produce, ship oil, and more importantly, by making the dog hunt and the mule plow.

The people who own the shovel hire people to use the shovel because they want the stuff that the shovel produces. That enables them to buy more shovels and hire more people to use them. People learn to use the shovel for 2 reasons: A – They want to feed both themselves and their family and -B- They want to get their own shovel.

Lenin/Stalin/Hitler/Mao/Nkrumah/Castro/Mugabe/Chavez/Maduro decided to cut out the middle man. They all failed. Beyond that, they all failed miserably. With the exception of “strict constructionist” Trappist monks, there is no example of successful communal ownership. The continuing attempt to deconstruct History by promising that enough rainbow stew and balloon juice will enable a properly motivated proletariat to overturn gravity and jump the so far unjumpable horizon shark. Listen up, peckerheads. It ain’t going to happen.

The first thing I did when I exploited the earth and tore away from her bosom those somnambulant riches in Ohio and New Mexico was to send a check to the local rescue squad. The “unintended consequences” of my contribution was that it was good for business. Ditto for Kentucky, Wyoming, West Virginia, and New York.

Bill McGuinness, an alumnus of Xavier High School where he was a classmate of Antonin Scalia, and the Merchant Marine Academy, where he learned to steer big oil tankers, told me that the best thing the gobierno de Venezuela did was to keep the shipping lanes open and well buoyed. Chavez and Maduro stopped doing that.

That’s why the country is a Hellish shithole where the people kill and eat perros y gatos and zoo animals. A “service dog” has a new definition.

Warren Buffett bought a railroad to ship the oil from North Dakota because he knew that the wing-nut moon bats who worked for Obama would never let a pipe line be built. [BTB, we probably wouldn’t have been able to beat Hitler before the Russkies got to Normandy from the East without the “Big Inch”. Look it up.] As that continues to change – Viva Trump! – we will be able to export more oil and gas. Follow the bouncing ball, please. That means we will be able to tell people who stone women and fly planes into buildings and martyr priests and outlaw balloons and ban whistling and blow up 2,500-year-old statues to consider a career change.

“Creative destruction” leads to progress. Maybe we have a Renaissance in the future. Too bad the WOGs have never had one.

“He arado en el mar”
“I have plowed in the sea.”

Sorry, Che. You killed all those people for nothing.

Kevin Smith 

PS – I see where Seth Curry, he of the long distance 3-pointer, doesn’t believe that Man landed on the moon. He’s a step away from buying into Bush 41 taking a SR71 Black Bird to Paris in October, 1980 to meet with the Iranians and fix the ’80 election or that Lee Harvey Oswald worked for J. Edgar Hoover who was the second gun man, the one on the Grassy Knoll, who wore a black sheath dress with a side slit to avoid detection and that FDR gave the Japs the passwords to fly undetected to Pearl Harbor and that Sasquatch will step out of a flying saucer at half-time of the next Rose Bowl with the answers to the Bermuda Triangle and the cure for the heartbreak of psoriasis. Honest. Keep those feet straight, square those shoulders, and follow through, you putz

Monday, December 10, 2018

December 7, 2018 In addition to the Guinness Book-sized, beyond Brobdanaglian, Homericaly and biblically sized discovery off the coast of Guyana...

December 7, 2018

In addition to the Guinness Book-sized, beyond Brobdanaglian, Homericaly and biblically sized discovery off the coast of Guyana, with Guyana being known previously for but 2 things: Papillion and Jonestown, the Secretary of the Interior announced the confirmed discovery of a new field, one that is underneath and contiguous to the Permian Basin. Midland, Texas is like the blind side of an unnamed minor moon of Jupiter that George H. W. Bush took his bride from Greenwich, CT to live on and raise a family. And it will dwarf the field off Guyana. It is now 10 times the size of the Guyana field. 10 times. Times 10

Burning books is a no-no, except when they offend modern American Liberals. Now the POO – Perpetually Outraged and Offended – are sending their snowflake balistas at “To Kill a Mockingbird” and “Baby, It’s Cold Outside”. Surprise me for Christmas and try to get me a copy – samizdat if need be – of “Sexual Suicide” by George Gilder. Maybe some tickets for the next Charles Murray lecture, the one with a Seal Team 6 escort that will prevent him from being stoned by Jack-booted, Brown-shirted thugs acting in the Name of free speech for me but not for thee. Nota bene Orwell! “All speech is free but some speech isn’t as free as others.”

“Peak oil” and “we’re running out of fossil fuels” are currently being fitted for shrouds, shrouds like the ones the Hindu widows wore when were tied, trussed, trundled, and tossed onto the funeral pyre, burning of course, burning, the dearly departed Mr. Gupta. They will be consigned to obscurant dictionaries and journals of forgotten words. The late Shah of Iran, “our son of a bitch”, always said that Americas knew 2 things about oil: the price of gasoline and the price of heating oil, forgetting the other 10,000 uses of petroleum. And, by the way, it is past time to 86 the term “fossil fuels”. Michael Crichton cubed exponentially could not have conjured up enough dead dinosaurs and ferns to have powered a week of the Industrial Revolution. Stalin was right. Oil and gas did not come from dying T-Rexes and mulching crab grass.  

In 1978 I looked at a deal to drill below the Austin Chalk. I passed, not because I was risk adverse – Back then I played Russian Roulette with one empty chamber – but because the deal was too one-sided in favor of the driller who was also the lease hound. After offering me the sleeves off his vest, he was miffed that I didn’t jump at it. “Things have a way of coming around” as Charles Bronson said in “Hard Times”. It will be the next big play, and when I say big it is an understatement because it is 250 miles long, 100 miles wide and 2 to 3 miles deep. 

The Marcellus, the Bakken, the Andarko, the Overthust, the Eagle Ford, not exactly names from Agincourt, but hydrocarbon zones that are completely within the borders of the United States and, as such not subject to the whims of women-stoning zealots who don’t like cartoons of their Mo or the Paris Climate Accord. [[I choose not to mention the Utica because it is mostly in New York state, a state that is governed by a cabeza de ca-ca Governor and represented in Congress by Chiquita Ocasio-Cortez who want to do away with tuition at the Electoral College and who thinks that Roe and Wade are how Mexicans get to this country. Plus, Barry O, who told us 9 years ago that he would calm the seas and cool the earth while he searched for the elusive Austria/English dictionary in the newly discovered 8 states, also said that ‘we didn’t build that” and then drew a red line in the sand to stress his point. “I tremble when I remember that God is just.” And does anyone wonder why Ayn Rand books still sell]

A month ago, I asked if anyone could define the following sentence. “Diversity is our strength.” I’m still waiting.

“Property and Freedom” by Richard Pipes is an astonishing book. It shows how they are intertwined and speak truth to power and how you cannot diminish one without diminishing the other. Word comes from South Africa where 350 years ago the first bi-pods – homus erectus - for 1200 miles from what became Cape Town were White and from Northwestern Europe that Marshall Nookyfugowi, the HNIC, has introduced an amendment hat says it is OK for Black folk to take land from White folk without paying them anything. Bow your heads when you read the last 12 words of the 5th Amendment: “nor shall private property be taken for public use without just compensation”. As one of the King George’s said to Gibbon, the Historian, “Word, words, words.”  

Linda Sansour, the strident Sharia law shill, is the vilest, most bigoted woman in the public arena. Unlike Maxine Waters, a grifter who mastered the “Five Finger Discount” before she got to Congress, she cannot claim “diminished capacity” – How about Maxine is dumber than a box of hammers and would have to cheat to tell you what color an orange is? – this Islamic cross between a banshee and a Hecate is smart enough to convince a lot pf modern American Liberals that when she yells “Death to the Jews” she doesn’t mean the good ones, Jews like Noam Chomsky, but the bad stiff-necked ones like Meir Kahane and Menachem Begin. G-d knows but nobody liked them anyway..[When Kahane up showed one Sunday on the steps of Saint Patrick’s Cathedral, the big one, the one on 5th Avenue in Manhattan, to prevent feral Black thugs form disrupting services, because he knew that, after the Catholic church, they would head to the shuls, he earned an eternal and perpetually renewable plenary indulgence from the semi-retired Roman Catholic .I state so that the record is clear that this rarely extended ex cathedra mitzvah is indeed freely given to a true Son of the Desert.]

Has anyone seen any Solyndra stuff at any house sales? Grab it.

What the Hell is going on in Paris? Weren’t we supposed to learn from the Froggies? It seems that they don’t want to pay taxes either. It seems that given a choice between saving the planet and maybe getting a bottle of Grand Cru well, the drowning polar bears are on their own. Trump was right to pull us out of the Paris Climate Accord. He was so right that the Parisians want out of it also. It fell to me, after I got here, to debunk the Cinco de Mayo myth. Yes, yes it was the first time that brown-skinned Americanos beat a European army in battle. If the  

Tickets to the Bill & Hillary Farewell tour, the one that will both either cause and/or cure diarrhea and/or both, will make fine stocking stuffers, no? If the meztisos, the ones without the pencil-thin mustache to prove that they were White, had beaten the English or the Germans, I would lead the oles. They beat the French. It’s like striking out the pitcher or getting a leg over on your wife. It counts in the record book but not really. Witness the sons of Evita versus the Brits 36 years ago. It is well to note that when the Americans went into Iraq in 2003, General Schwarznegger had Her Majesty’s regulars on his right.

Kevin Smith

PS – On Saturday, I was privileged to have breakfast with 2 Marine Aviators, one of whom flew in WW2 and Korea, both of whom “saw the elephant”, as their Distinguished Flying Crosses will attest. At the very least, they have “grown old”. God Bless them and thank them.  “Where do we find such men?”
When the East Texas field came in the early ‘30s oil fell to a dime a barrel. 10 cents. It turns out that we have drilled our way to energy independence.

Thursday, December 6, 2018

December 5, 2018 $2.29 a gallon for regular unleaded.

December 5, 2018

$2.29 a gallon for regular unleaded. “You didn’t do that.” I did, sort of. If Bullshit Barack can claim credit for the United States of America, not Mexico, being the top dog in hydrocarbon production in the whole, entire world well…screw him ‘cuz I was there first.

I fracked my first well in 1974 in Duval County, Texas. [In addition to that significant achievement, Duval county is where Honest Abe Fortas “found” the votes, and would you believe that they were in alphabetical order, that sent “Landslide Lyndon” to the Senate and then to the White House and then to the Vietnam Wall, the one with 59,319 names of Americans killed there on it.] I also had significant production in the Permian Basin, sometimes as much as 500 barrels a month. That, plus the wells in Ohio and Wyoming, the coal mines in Kentucky and West Virginia, signaled a well-earned “thumbs up” and “not bad” for a guy from Bayonne, NJ.

When I started oil was $2.75 a barrel.

If “Ca-Ca for Brains” Obama, a modern American Liberal Luddite & Lysenkoite, can claim credit for ham-stringing OPEC then I can claim credit for the Nazis getting a Texas-sized ass whupping at Kursk in 1943 because that was the year I was born. Also, I claim credit for Marist beating Bayonne on Thanksgiving, 1965 because that was the year my son Sean was born.

The above is what happens when you ignore the legacy that was shaped, fought over, fought for, and handed down to us by a variety of DWEMs – Dead White European Males – in the form of the Trivium, the capstone of which is Logic.

Only someone with his head so far up his ass that he could pull his own eye-teeth from inside could confusingly conflate correlation with causation. Also, the perpetual error of constructing universals from particulars and hoping no one notices is noted.
What a putz! Is that racist?

Meanwhile, speaking of Presidents….

The youngest Naval Aviator ever.
118 carrier take-offs
58 combat missions
116 carrier landings
Varsity letter winner
Ambassador to China
Head spook
Vice President
Great Grandfather

Damned impressive resume, right?

The most impressive part of his CV, the one that is glossed over, is that he got his wife, also a child of wealth and privilege, to move to Midland, Texas and raise a family there. And, he got her to move from Greenwich, Connecticut. I’ve been to both. “Friday Night Lights”, a Midland/Odessa phenomenon, exists only in the abstract in Greenwich.

For that alone he has earned his F-18 flyover.

Kevin Smith

PS – It is owed to the ledger to note that the basest, vilest canard that has followed Biush41 for 30 years still has legs. Willi Horton was a convicted rapist and murderer who was imprisoned in Massachusetts. When Michael Dukakis was Governor Horton was granted a weekend furlough. He went to Maryland where, surprise, he raped and murdered again. Some family members went to Massachusetts to ask Governor Wee Mikey what the Hell happened. He refused to meet with them. Did I mention that Horton, the rapist/murderer, convicted in 2 states, was Black? Somehow the above narrative became an example of racist Republican politics hatched by the notorious hit man Lee Atwater. True enough, but the story was told before Bush told it. I heard it during the New York primary in April/May, 1988. It was told over and over and over by Senator Albert Arnold Gore, Jr. in his effort to win the primary election. It must be noted that this is the same Gore, also a child of wealth and privilege who was raised in the Shoreham Hotel by white gloved Black men attendant to his quotidian needs, who gave us 10 years to live 30 years ago. 20 years ago, he gave us 10 years to live.10 years ago he gave us an additional 10 years. 9 years ago, we were told that the world would be cooled and the seas calmed. Maybe that’s what keeping us going. Thanks for that Alpha Gump and also for the thrilling saga of Willie Horton.
When was the last time you heard the term “Peak Oil”? It was used by moronic nit-wits, people who are troubled by progress and human advancement to say that our way of life is doomed because we are running out of oil, gas, out of everything that makes life better. The argument about the glass is half filled or half empty forgets that he glass can be refilled. The Untied States is now the biggest producer of oil and gas in the world. Fracking and slant drilling, uniquely American things, are responsible. In addition, Exxon, now  a Texas-based energy company with its roots in New Jersey, a company that employed my grandfather and father, announced yesterday that its discovery field off the coast of Guyana now has recoverable reserves in excess of five billion barrels of oil. That’s 5,000,000,000. Production of 750,000 barrels per day is expected to begin in less than 2 years. Nature and Nature’s God have a way of rewarding human aspiration and achievement with accomplishments that are still incomprehensible to modern American Liberal professional Jeremiad trollers. When my children were in Saint Cloud Grammar School in West Orange, NJ they would come home with notes from school importuning us to conserve energy, to keep the house cool in the winter and warm in the summer. Also, gas guzzlers were to be shunned if not banned. I told them, gently, that since their father was always a net producer of energy, that is to say that it was impossible for me to use more energy than I produced, it was OK for me to be able to hang meat in the library, and yes, I built one, in August and raise orchards in the dining room in January. And the 12-cylinder Jaguar E-type 2+2 that I got their Mom one Mother’s Day fit nicely into the envelope of conspicuous consumption but gave surprisingly good gas mileage.
Late breaking news! The Jersey Journal has an obituary listing today for Kevin Smith. I agree with Mark Twain: “Reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated”

Friday, November 30, 2018

November 29, 2018 I was trying to find a kinder, gentler way of saying that Obama is full of shit...

November 29, 2018

I was trying to find a kinder, gentler way of saying that Obama is full of shit but since the diagnosis yesterday of melanoma #3 I am running out of cats to offer to Charon, the ticket taker of the one-way Stygian crossing. I will stop trying to add sugar to the medicine but he really is full of shit. I heard him say, without a tinge of humor or a hint of sardonic wit, God forbid, irony, and believing that no one else was listening, that he was responsible for America becoming the leading producer of hydrocarbons in the world, maybe in the entire universe, Fred Hoyle notwithstanding. Move your lying ass over Baron Munchausen. We have a new sheriff in town.


I know, I know, but you’re going to say why would you bring up something that an unknown DWEM, some of whom are dead for 25 centuries, to say that a Black ex-President is full of shit. To which I say, in a post-racial world, a world in which it is obvious that “the world has cooled and the seas have calmed”, why not? As my sainted mother used to say, “Shit in your hat and pull it down over your ears because you look good in brown.”

If Obama can claim to being the cause of becoming the world’s leader in hydrocarbon production because he was in the White House when it happened then he must be responsible for the decline in the life expectancy of the average American? Would not Logic dictate that he is also responsible for the massive increase in mass shootings? I would certainly so claim because It happened on his watch.

Am I boring you with Logic?

Here’s a tip.

It doesn’t care.

It sits out there, like gravity, like pi, like The Gods of the Copybook Ledgers, taking notes, keeping score. Say what you will, write what you want but “Stones are hard and water is wet” and there ain’t nothing you can do about that.

As a disabled senior citizen, albeit a highly literate curmudgeonly one, and how many melanomas do I get before they travel to my lungs and/or my liver before I am allowed to say that Obama is a lying sack of eel shit horse’s ass of Homeric, indeed biblical proportions, without being called a racist?

I’ll just die if you tell me I can’t.

Kevin Smith

PS – I just learned of a “Trousered Ape” attempt of removing a Thomas Hart Benton mural because it shows a member of the KKK in a way that the POO – Perpetually Outraged and Offended -  don’t like. The Frogs rioting because “Nude Descending a Staircase” wasn’t nude enough or the Taliban blowing up a 2,500 year old Buddha because it somehow offended Mohammed who wasn’t born until Buddha was dead a thousand friggin’ years are noteworthy – it’s like saying that Wagner was a Nazi even though he died 9 years before Hitler was born and besides, Mark Twain was right when he said that Wagner’s music wasn’t as bad as it sounds, but this is different. Thomas Hart Benton taught Jackson Pollack who was married to Lee Krasner. I spoke at some length this morning with a dear friend, a soul mate and potable companion, a physician, who treated them both. I worked for 2 years with Salman Rushdie’s wife. My oldest granddaughter, Caitlin the Fair, is an honor student at SCAD. My sense of the aesthete is greatly offended and I am not going to put up with this any more.

Thursday, November 29, 2018

November 29, 2018 Beyond parody...

November 29, 2018

Beyond parody:
 “449,000 Californians turned down jury duty because they were not citizens. The courts got their names from voter registration rolls.”
 Let me add that my last gun fight happened on June 3, 1993 in the Essex County Court House in Room 1104 with Judge Leonard Ronco presiding in a car-jacking trial. One Newark detective was shot and killed. One Essex County deputy sheriff was shot in the chest. I saved his life and prevented the gun man from getting into the courtroom. 2 and ½ years later Ralph Rizzolo danced with my daughter at her wedding reception at the High Lawn Pavilion in West Orange, NJ. One of the highlights, particularly for her Minnesota mishpuca, was Joe Finn, my classmate, singing and entertaining long into the night. Another highlight for the upper Midwesterners was a crystal clear, cold Christmas season night – Friday, December 15, 1995 – with a straight on 12 mile away view of the doomed World Trade Center. It was a view never available in Edina, Minnesota. 
Before the trial, John S. Redden, Esq., Deputy First Assistant Prosecutor, came to my house to tell me that there was a rumor that William Kunstler might be the defense counsel and would that bother me. I said, “Only if you didn’t give me enough tickets.” He was a no-show.
I was juror #2 and the Judge turned out to be a bit of a weasel.

Beyond ridicule:
Empty seats, disguised as rabid Clinotnistas to throw off the Vast Right-Wing Conspiracy driven media, were at the Clintons’ first walking, talking tour. Sales of divers tsotchkes, such as mugs, shirts, hats, and personalized condoms worked for the Rolling Stones. Why not for Handsome Billy and Wide Bottomed Hillary? The only sour note was when she began to cough uncontrollably, of course uncontrollably, as she continues her national hacking tour to be Miss Emphysema. Big Bill, of course, was trolling for “a bit of the gobble”. Senior citizens rock!

Victor Davis Hanson – and you must read “Carnage and Culture”, it being his superbly elegant and rousing saga of how free men defend themselves, always against numerically superior overdogs, who would strangle them in their cribs. By the time you get to Midway, the battle that doomed Japan, you almost feel sorry for the Nips – writes in National Review about the uncanny parallels between Shane and Donald Trump. [As an amateur cinephile I must point out the continuing factual error of crediting Travis Bickle/
Robert De Niro with the classic line “Are you talking to me?” It was rather Shane/Alan Ladd talking to Chris Calloway/Ben Johnson in Grafton’s before the classic fight scene.
BTB, “Shane” should be a favorite of modern American Liberals. Alas, it is not and for the wrong reason. It is a story about the 99% versus the 1% and kind of winning. It is story about the working poor taking on the special interests and kind of winning. It is a story about “raging against the machine” and kind of winning, it is story of Horatius at the gate and kind of winning. It is a story about good overcoming evil with, dear to the hearts of mAls everywhere, man perfecting himself, a basic tenet of all statist public policy. However, the film’s love of the 2nd Amendment doomed it in the eyes, even if retroactively, of Pauline Kael and her pseudo-wanabes, Ditto for “The Searchers” and “The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance”. 

The search for the origin of the mask that Michael Meyers wore in all those Halloween movies has ended. The Israeli Antiquities Authority exhibited a 9,000 year old stone mask yesterday. It is his doppleganger. Which leads to another poser. It couldn’t have been his death mask so was he alive then? And how is this tied into Stonehenge, the Bermuda Triangle, and Sasquatch or are the Israelis just being “stiff-necked” again?

Not since Lard Kennedy’s concession speech at the Democratic Convention in 1980 at Madison Garden, the one where Jimmy Carter, the worst President of the 20th century, chased him around the podium so he could give him a French kiss, has a more unctuously untrue speech, one unburdened by facts, been given equal to the one given yesterday at the Baker Institute at Rice University by Obama, B.H. If Obama is the reason for the United States being the leading producer of oil & gas, the hydrocarbonic killers of polar bears, then I will be running back punts for the Dolphins this Sunday before accepting Maestro James Brooks-Bruzesse’s gracious invitation to play solo cello in place of the injured YoYo Ma. If memory serves the Big O obdurately opposed fracking on Federal leases, he opposed any and all pipe lines – Thank God we weren’t fighting the firiggin; Nazis. If it weren’t for “Big Inch”, look it up, they still would be speaking Kraut in Paree. As bad as that was he then made it worse by saying, and in conjunction with Wide Bottomed Hillary, that anyone opposed either to him or her were stupid, deplorable, racist, 
Homophobic, xenophobic, and, as if it couldn’t get any worse, shitheadaphobic. 

And speaking of oil and gas, isn’t it time for an investigation of Big Oil? It’s obvious that the cabalisitc cartel is cutting the price of gas to get Millennials to use some of the money they save by living in Mom’s basement because she rented out their bedroom to make ends meet to buy gas guzzling cars. I’m mad as Hell and I’m not going to put up with it anymore. Bernie the Bolshie and Chiquita Ocasio-Cortez should get to the bottom of this. The Dems are going to have a majority in the House. Why not pass legislation outlawing profits? Why not make altruism the official policy of corporate America? Why not use the hugely successful Post Office as the paradigmatic template for a caring, humane society? North Korea, Venezuela. Why not here? “All them corn fields and ballet at night”, as noted British Labour leader Fred Kite, Sr. used to say.

I am watching as Mickey Cohen, Trump’s one-time daily lawyer, just took a plea and promised to cooperate with the Man in order to avoid being sent to SuperMax in Colorado where the specter of John Gotti still rules. So would I. I might even make some shit up. In year 4 of my 7-year trial in US Tax Court I was contacted at night by Vice Assistant Deputy Attorney General Moira Sullivan, Esq. I believe she was married to a New Jersey Superior Court Judge. Of course I knew that ex parte conversations were verboten, not to say forbidden. I mentioned this to her and, so help me God and on the eyes of my Texas Ladies, she said, “let’s keep this to ourselves”, like a child molester. She wanted the names of my contacts, particularly the lawyers, accountants, brokers, and bankers who directed me to my investors I joshed, partly, that she could give me credit against my geometrically expanding tax bill, $42,500,000. There was no direct answer. I did not file a complaint or even tell my lawyers because, by then I knew that even if I were to win, which I didn’t, I had already lost because the process is the punishment. I went along with a real life Seinfeld episode. One good thing to come out of it was Justice Clarence Thomas. Justice Thurgood Marshall, possibly the Court’s best ever trial lawyer but one of its worst Justices – Read his concurrent opinion in Roe V Wade - noticed my name on the petition he had just voted against and, realizing he had no other worlds to conquer, resigned. Maybe there are no Trump Judges or Obama Judges as Chief Justice Roberts says but there sure as Hell are Black Judges. The next day Bush nominated Thomas and, if nothing else, it showed how civil modern American Liberals, the polecats, can be. 
Melanoma #3 was discovered yesterday. Its excision has been scheduled.

I see where Hauptman Muller is now investigating decades old Trump transactions. When I was in the witness chair I was asked about a transaction that was in no way connected to the matter at hand – 7 coal leases in Kentucky – and, as such, had no bearing on the matter at hand. In a moment tinged with humor Judge Powell told the government to move on. So, what’s new?
Obama led the drilling boom in America? I  am going to draw a line, a big red line, in the sand, and say I haven’t had such a guffaw since the pigs ate my little sister.

Kevin Smith

November 28, 2018 There is only one Christmas movie...

November 28, 2018

There is only one Christmas movie.

A Christmas Carol
With Alastair Sim

I revel when people call me Scrooge. [Let me digress. For 6 years – absent the 12 days of Christmas spent in London in 1985 – one of my delights was a raree performed on the mezzanine in the North Tower of the World Trade Center I did all the great lines of “A Christmas Carol” – “Are there no prisons?”, “I wish to be left alone,”, “You’d feel yourself ill-used if I were to stop you half a crown”, “Humbug!” – and yes, alcohol was involved. I did it one year with a 5-foot Teddy bear alongside me. The bear didn’t seem to mind.

In the movie, “Hark the Herald Angels Sing” accompanies the opening credits. The most important line, the line that transcends and glorifies, is “God and sinner reconciled”. And that leads us to this morning’s History and Culture lesson. 1300 years after the appearance of Christ, Dante wrote a poem with the great opening line of “Halfway through my journey I found myself in the dark wood of error”.1300 years after the appearance of Mohammed, and because we are entering the holy season of Advent I will not call him a goat-humping paedophile, we still wait for a Muslim Dante. I suppose that just after he appears we will see and hear an Islamic Mozart or an unDervished Shakespeare. Yeah. Don’t forget that Tiny Tim turned out OK so all things are possible.
I never got to say, “It was said he could keep Christmas well, if any man alive knew how”. It is the greatest line of all. Sin, misery, hope, redemption. Dare I say it’s what Christmas is all about or is the cultural rot too deeply affixed to our souls, to our psyches?

No one does it better than Alastair Sim. You can make egg nog in May.

This morning I checked the Irish sports pages of the Jersey Journal. If you’re not from Bayonne you may know them better as the obituary pages. Not recognizing any of the names I nevertheless offered a Christian Kaddish for the happy repose of the souls about to begin the journey to the undiscovered country. It’s what old people do.

I then read of a complaint filed by a Black Hudson County employee against his supervisor. The supervisor allegedly said that his hair was “nappy”. I e-Mailed the author, one Xmcdonald with some questions. Alas, since I am technologically challenged it was returned. Enclosed is the text of the messages.

“Is truth an absolute defense against libel?” What if his hair is “nappy”? Exactly what is “hate speech”? Have you read Dick Gregory’s autobiography? Don’t ask for it by name. This was sent at 7:31 AM to

The next one was sent at 7:59 AM. It too was returned.

“Maybe you can help me. Governor-elect Ron DeSantis used the word “monkey” as a verb and was immediately branded with “R” as in Racist, today’s Scarlet Letter. Perhaps not as racist as Woodrow Wilson or Sam Ervin or Al Gore or Al Sharpton but definitely brandable using the single drop theory made familiar by “Show Boat” and codified by the Margaret Sanger inspired Nuremberg Race Laws of 1934. As a working journalist, could you send me a list of verboten words, almost verboten words, and used to be verboten words. As a disabled senior citizen, it would be most appreciated. Plus, what should I do about my “monkey” wrench?”

Anyone care to help me?

PS – To all Bayonne ex-pats. The Jersey Journal is now based in Secaucus. Speaking of Secaucus, I called a local pizza place for a late night pick up order. He told me he was shutting down but then he asked if, in fact, I was the Kevin Smith. I told him that indeed I was. In due course I went to pick up the pie, he told me that I wasn’t the real Kevin Smith. I showed him my non-racially motivated photo ID, a Florida license, and then I told him, in the best Bayonne tradition to shove the pie up his ass.

I bought a 12 pack of Sierra Nevada Celebration Ale, still the best non-craft beer in America. It was $3 less for the case then it would have been for 2 six packs. Act accordingly.

  Speaking of Margaret Sanger, I am going to yield to the pressure of my reading public and bring back my 3 prestigious awards. They are


I will start with 3 previous winners of the annual award.


Even though they are still dead – Deo Gratias! – their perfidy, treachery, intellectual dishonesty, and murder live on. Attention should be paid to them. As long as I draw breath their scandalous behavior will be highlighted. Armed guards, with bayonets pointed in, should be posted at their graves lest they escape and work their evil on the body politick.
Be aware that their proselytizing acolytes are everywhere. And they knavishly set traps for fools. Be advised.
Let me honor the first winner of the SMARMY BASTARD award. New Jersey Superior Court Judge Carole Ferentz was a meaner than cat shit, fat-assed Hecate who took great delight in humiliating lawyers and pro se defendants. If she were on fire I wouldn’t piss on her to put it out. And if you don’t believe me, strike a match. When I returned to her court room with a stay signed by a New York Appellate Court Judge she pfumpered a bit. I then explained, slowly and deliberately, very slowly and very deliberatively, that Article 4, Section 1 of the Constitution, the one written by James Madison, gave her no choice but to accept my petition and grant me the relief sought. She actually began to dribble and drool when I read the exact language. Wonder of wonders! 
I have long argued that if pre-existing conditions don’t count when applying for health insurance they shouldn’t count for auto – So what if you have DUIs – and homeowner’s – What’s a little arson? – but I missed the big one. Why should it count when trying to get life insurance? Let the race begin for franchises at hospices. As a concession to the insurance companies nothing less than a quarterly premium is acceptable. Age? No problem. In fact, why not a universal premium that averages all ages? Why should young folk get a better deal than old folk? Aren’t actuarial tables, like the Constitution, a living, breathing document? It should be, shouldn’t it? Another thing for Bernie the Bolshie and Chiquita Octavio-Cortez to work on, right?

President Obama, and how can I miss him if he won’t go away, claimed credit for America’s boom in oil and gas production. Next, he’ll be claiming credit for Chicago’s booming murder rate. Then he’ll claim credit for the burgeoning student loan default rate. The man has no shame. I don’t know whether it is genetic, racial, cultural, or ideological. I do know, and it is owed to the ledger to point it out, that production on Federal oil and gas leases was down in his 8 years. All of the increase came from privately owned lands and said increase is almost entirely due to fracking. Let the record further show I fracked my first well in Duval County, Texas. In addition to that famous fact, Duval County is where Honest Abe Fortas found the votes necessary for “Landslide Lyndon” to get to the US Senate and to begin the journey that ended with the Vietnam Wall in Washington, DC. That’s the wall with 58,515 names on it, with the names being limited to Americans killed in combat there.

I enjoy being the highly literate curmudgeon who points out that the number of horses’ asses should always, always equal the number of horses’ heads. Alas, it doesn’t. 
Take settled science, for instance. Ptolemy was numero uno for 15 centuries. That’s a millennium and a half. Along came Copernicus and Galileo and the only time anyone remembers him because the United States Navy named its PT boats after him. Ditto for Fred Hoyle. Has anyone ever heard of a sitcom called the Steady State Theory?

Kevin Smith

PS – Modern American Liberals regard pacts and accords, particularly on subjects dear to their hearts, as Holy Writ. Thus, when Trump blew up the Paris Climate shakedown, their knickers knotted. Flash, you nit-wits. Global Warming ended the last Ice Age. The Little Medieval Ice Age gave us cellos by Stradivarius. Look it up, you boobs  

November 27, 2018 The first mistake, the one that allowed all the others to be made, was letting Lee Iacocca...

November 27, 2018

The first mistake, the one that allowed all the others to be made, was letting Lee Iacocca, a superb Eye-Tie snake oil salesman, convince two administrations that if Chrysler went into the crapper, the world would end. And not with a whimper, but with a large bang.

Chrysler should have gotten one in each ear. Chaos in the market, which is why you have markets, isn’t it, would have been over shortly. GM and Ford would have filled the gap. Having let that window of opportunity close, we wound up with Government Motors financed by Mandarin money lenders 27 years late. r 

Chrysler never borrowed money from the American taxpayer. Rather, they had a loan guarantee from Sam. It enabled them to secure financing because their credit was worse than mine. [There aren’t enough months left in this millennium to bite into the $42,000,000 IRS-held chit. And that’s before penalties and interest.]

I’ll say this for Iacocca. He tried to get the Treasury to give back the warrants that were issued for the loan guarantee. Taking a shot doesn’t make you a bad guy. He had as much a chance of getting that past Donald Regan, Secretary of the Treasury, a combat Marine and head of Merrill Lynch, as dawn had of getting past a rooster.

“Fucking Jews” – A Somali man holding a Koran, symbolic of the more irenic elements of Islam, was heard to shout that as he was trying to mow down Jews exiting their shul. It is not known if he supports Trump.

Attention must be paid to Venus. It lies like low hanging fruit in the almost Southeast pre-dawn sky. But how can you mention Venus without mentioning Mars? Yesterday, after a 6-month trip, NASA landed a mini-lab on Mars. It is a tribute to American exceptionalism that the majority of work was done by the low bidder. I remember the glory days when we got to the Moon, and more importantly for the guys on the bus, and back cum recuerdos. No sense bitch slapping gravity unless you can come back and brag about it. Just like we did. It’s almost 50 years and there is still no race to see who will be #2. Maybe we should go back to show how easy it is.

It’s been several years since I asked the guardians of our freedoms at the Miami Herald and the Sun Sentinel to publish the Mohammed cartoons. Perhaps I was too quick and too acerbic when I pointed out that their modern American Liberal genetically induced caterwauling about “slippery slopes” and “chilling effects” seems to pause when it came to Islam. Let me paraphrase Orwell here. “All speech is free; some speech isn’t as free as other speech”. I used the example of “Piss Christ” to buttress my argument. “Piss Christ”, an example of taxpayer subsidized art, shows a vat of piss, and I don’t know if it is human or porcine, into which a crucifix is hung. And just think, Marcel Du Champ’s “Nude Descending a Staircase” caused a riot when it was first shown. It may have led to the Great War. Their silence is deafening. Perhaps Fascism, long familiar with a more enlightened and humanistic Europe, is coming to America. If so, it will be self-imposed. And, of course, it gives more credence to the legendary Big Mike from Bayonne who has been asking for decades why he never sees anybody swimming TO Cuba.

Does anyone else remember Sewell Avery? He ran a company called Montgomery Ward. There is a picture of him being carried out of his office. Still sitting in his chair, by several US Army regulars. It didn’t pay to piss off Harry Truman. [BTB, Montgomery Ward is a favorite of archaeologists who specialize in dead retailers. Too bad Sears and Lord & Taylor didn’t read the autopsy report]
President Kennedy told his kid brother Bobby to wake up J. Edgar Hoover and to have him send the FBI on a 3:00 AM raid on the home of Roger Blough, the CEO of US Steel. His “crime” was to raise the price of steel. Also, his father, Papa Joe, had told him that “businessmen were SOBs”. It didn’t pay to piss off JFK.
Now comes GM. It used to be known as General Motors but after we gave them enough money to end teenage bullying, lower everyone’s bad cholesterol, ban all GMO foods, and end the heartbreak of psoriasis, it is now known as Government Motors.
Modern American Liberals were quick to remind us during the Kavanaugh show trial that much weight must be given to stare decisis, except when it came to Plessy v Ferguson. If the past is prologue President Trump would be well within his rights to order an air strike, a few wings of A-10s would be enough to take out world HQ of GM in beautiful downtown Detroit. Besides, they’re used to gun fire. A dozen or so Apache helicopters would take care of any wounded stragglers.

The G20 is meeting in Argentina. That’s like a gaggle of hookers meeting for a novena in a French Knocking Shoppe. A word or two about Argentina: It is the birth place of Papa Francisco. His father was a successful businessman under Peron. That meant he knew of mordidas, of white envelopes followed by a wink or a nod from the inspector. And he’s telling us about business? Dulce nino Jesus! The boobies are running the hatch! But I digress. Argentina is a land blessed by God. On what the land and the sea provide it should be in the first row of nations. It is not. In almost 2 centuries of existence their only contribution to the Western canon has been the tango. And, truth be known, they stole that from the Eye-Ties. They will not be planning any Moon shots either.

Kevin Smith

PS – Late Breaking News! – The Supreme Court ruled unanimously in favor of people over Mississippi dusky gopher frogs. One of the interesting contentions made by the government was that even though the friggin’ frog was never seen on the land so what ‘cuz it might show up later. T. Jefferson covered this in 1776 thus. “He has erected a multitude of new offices, and sent hither swarms of officers, to harass our people, and eat out their substance.” Move over furbish lousewort and delhi smelt.

Monday, November 26, 2018

November 26, 2018 Why would anyone give a rat’s ass about the little fat gomer in North Korea?

November 26, 2018

Why would anyone give a rat’s ass about the little fat gomer in North Korea?

There is only one answer.

He has nuclear weapons.

Charles De Gaulle had one fixed idea, one undeviating North Star, to build his life on. That this raison d’etre was shaped and strengthened by his secondary school educators, the Marist Brothers, there can be no doubt. He, like Churchill, was destined for great things, that God put him on earth to save his country.

If it weren’t for Churchill he would have been another souless poilu in London in 1940. He created a persona out of nothing. After returning to France he waited for 15 years for Apellons a De Gaulle. [“All History is biography and all biography is anecdote”.] It is said that he wasn’t concerned about his bad breath because he was too tall to speak into most people’s faces. It is also said that after Kennedy’s disastrous meeting in Vienna with Khrushchev, the one that convinced Nicky that JFK was a cheese dick rich kid who would fold like a cheap suit, De Gaulle told Kennedy that he would have to criticize him publicly but if it came down to nut-cutting time with the Russkies he would be with us. A man not to trifle with.

De Gaulle got his country out of NATO and then he got nuclear weapons.

 All those little islands in the South Pacific finally paid their way. He wasn’t going to test his new weapons in Bordeaux, was he? Years after he died, the replacement head Frog got Russia’s attention by stating his defense national policy. If they feared imminent invasion they would use 1/3rd of their nuclear arsenal to repel the attack. If they were attacked they would go to zero inventory. Gromyko, in particular, was very upset by this. Since they weren’t in NATO, there were no restraints on them. This time they didn’t need Michelin to get the world’s attention.

Does anyone else remember what Mrs. Gandhi said, after successfully testing nuclear weapons, they would only be used for peaceful purposes? Pakistan, mindful of the fact there were no lamb volunteers to spend the night with the Lion King, said that they would eat dirt to get nuclear weapons. They did and then they did. The peace-loving Muslims in Pakistan don’t much love the peace-loving Hindus in India. In fact, when the English left, it triggered a blood bath that far exceeded the butcher’s bill that Hitler extracted from the Jews. And they did it in 4 less years. Not a place to be outgunned by your neighbor.  

An interesting codicil to the above happened in the glory days of the Clinton administration. Brooklyn Bernie Schwartz, the CEO of the Loral Corporation, and the founder of the $25,000 coffee with Big Bill and Spend a Night in the Lincoln Bedroom, sold a rocket guidance to the Red China. It took the 10 ring for its missiles from ½ a mile to less than 100 yards. Loral wouldn’t sell to either India or Pakistan. They did the only thing they could. They vastly increased their nuclear inventories. If our aim is off let’s try a rolling barrage It worked in WW1, didn’t it?

People with nuclear weapons fear 2 kinds of nations:
#1 – Those who have them.
#2 -  Those who don’t.

If treaties worked why did my wife’s father, my wife’s uncle, and my wife’s cousin “see the elephant” in 3 different oceans in 3 years? The Kellogg-Briand Pact, the Washington Naval Arms Limitation Treaty – I don’t know what the term is in German or Japanese for “laugh your ass off” but it was used a lot in Berlin and Tokyo – was supposed to prevent that, right? Incidentally, 2 Nobel Peace Prizes were awarded for the Kellogg-Briand Pact. Should they be “unawarded”, kind of like “unfriending”?

 While we are at it, there are a few more Nobel Prizes that should be recalled. Woodrow Wilson, because he was vile, bigoted racist who entertained the Ku Klux Klan in the White House. Paul Muller, because he discovered DDT. Antonio Moniz, because he perfected the lobotomy. Norman Bourlaug, because he pioneered in the genetic modification of food. And Rudyard Kipling, just because

If the Taliban can blow up 2500-year-old Buddha statues because they are somehow offensive to Allah – Do you think Allah ever met Nietzsche? – and if the POO, defined as the Perpetually Outraged and Offended, can tear down statues of soldiers who last fought 153 years ago and outlawing whistling Dixie, then Logic would dictate that the bounders, cads, and poltroons named above must go. 

Which brings us back to North Korea and then to Crimea. 

The only reason anyone pays attention to that fat, little twerp is because somewhere in his country, a country filled with starving people - and why doesn’t Chiquita Octavio-Cortez use North Korea as an example of a Socialist success? – he’s got a slew of little bombs with a big bang. How he gets them to their target is easier said than done but he already has finished the hard part. He has them. On to Crimea!

In 1994, after the Reagan-caused breakup of the Evil Empire, in a time when History supposedly stopped, the United States bought all the nuclear weapons that were housed in the Ukraine. [I’ll stop saying the Ukraine just after I stop saying the Bronx] In addition to de-nuclearizing the neighborhood, President Handsome Billy from Hot Springs guaranteed them protection against invasion. This never reached treaty status because that would require 2/3rds Senate approval and modern American Liberals don’t like that. Vide the Ukrainian Accord, the Kyoto Protocols, the Paris Climate Agreement, and the Iranian Nuclear Pact.

Does anyone think Putin would have been pissing in their soup and giving them atomic wedgies if the Ukrainians still had nuclear weapons? I think not. The Russians are still like Senator Henry ‘Scoop” Jackson [D-WA] described them 45 years ago. “They’re like sneak thieves in a hotel. If they find an open door, they will go in. If it’s locked, they move on to the next target of opportunity.”

 Try to imagine a Senator Jackson in today’s Democratic Party. Bernie the Bolshie and Spartacus Booker would kidnap him. The moon-bat chick from Hawaii would give him a lava shampoo and Chuck U Schumer would plant white toast slathered in mayo as his preference for pastrami as proof of his anti-Semitism.

Kevin Smith

PS – After the hordes of illegal aliens who wanted to enter this country began to assault them, the Border Patrol – not ICE, the Federal agents that wing-nut Kamala Harris says is like the Klan – began to use pepper spray to defend themselves. I just heard Chiquita Octavio-Cortez - and wasn’t Plato, a true DWEM, right when he warned us of the dangers of unfettered Democracy? -  compare it to the Holocaust. On November 25, 2013 pepper spray was used on  potential felon at the border. I doubt if any Holocaust comparisons were made then. Could it be because Barack Obama was President? Only a deplorable post-racial stinker would think so.
It is said, and in the same snarling voice used when Judge Kavanaugh was being rubber hosed by modern American Liberal Senators and called a “serial rapist”, that Cindy Hyde-Smith, the Republican candidate for the Senate, went to a “segregated academy”. Maybe she did but the only Black people the first 2 generations of Kennedy whelps saw in their school daze were either janitors or pot wallopers. And, by the way, my offer of serious prizes still stands if anyone can find any example of any Kennedy snot nosed kid going to any public grammar school or public high school in the 20th century.
Never bring a knife to a gun fight, particularly if you live in a bad neighborhood

“Always keep your ax handy”.

November 25, 2018 El Alclade de Tijuana dijo “No mas”. The Mayor of Tijuana said “No mas”.

November 25, 2018

         El Alclade de Tijuana dijo “No mas”.
The Mayor of Tijuana said “No mas”.

He took no official position on whether or not everybody anywhere in the world had the absolutely unfettered right – A – to come to his country whenever for whatever reason and - B- and to demand that this country accept them, feed, clothe, and shelter and give them PTSD succor plus premium cable. He does note that they lacked basic personal hygiene habits plus they were crooks, rapists, and murderers. He did not comment on whether climate change had adversely affected them. He learned well from North American modern American Liberals who shriek at and hector the deplorables about the need for homeless shelters, AIDS clinics, pet refuges, mass transit, safe spots, and gluten-free zones with the solipsistic exception of NIMBY. NIMBY, for the uninitiated, is short for “Not in My Backyard”. Which is why the latest homeless shelter in Broward was built over a semi-toxic landfill, not on Las Olas or in Westin.

He did not tell them to go to Columbus, NM, like Pancho Villa did in 1916. President Wilson sent 10,000 men under the command of “Black Jack” Pershing to invade Mexico, track him down, and kill him. He also sent 75,000 troops to the border to secure it against invasion as the Constitution mandates. [Article 1, Section 8, Parts 11 & 15; Article 4, Section 4]

It is owed to the ledger that the mere mention of Wilson’s name must bring to mind Justice Thurgood Marshall’s comments on him, comments that I heard him deliver. “He was the most racist, bigoted President of the 20th century.” He didn’t get Villa but the country was never invaded again. 

Until now.

Which brings us to Antigone.

Antigone was written 2459 years ago by Sophocles. It must be noted that Sophocles was the quintessential DWEM – Dead White European Male. I met Antigone 56 years in South Orange, NJ. She was the daughter of an extremely dysfunctional family who, when her brother was killed, buried him indirect defiance of King Creon’s orders. For this he imprisoned her where she killed herself. Not exactly Pee-Wee’s Playhouse, is it? That the play is now in its 3rd millennium is testament to then never-ending, never solved dilemma of rights in conflict. She, as a mourning sister, had the right to bury him. He, as the King, had the right to prevent it.

What is our obligation when a stranger shows up at our door and asks or demands shelter?

Christ commanded us to “sell all and give to the poor”. Logic would dictate that we can only do that once. Once the well is empty who can say when it will be or if it will be filled again? Chesterton said that people underestimated God’s sense of mirth. A mother bear is not to be trifled with when her cubs are in danger. I committed a felony 41 years ago to protect my daughter, an act that I would do again for the benefit of her daughters, AKA, My Texas Ladies. 

The other person’s rights end where my nose begins. Let me “revise and extend” my remarks to include an addendum: persons’.  You can wear your hair as long as you want so long as you keep it out of my soup. Edmund Burke said that the conflict in any society is always between order and freedom. I can argue for the hounds while enjoying the exploits of the fox. Corey Booker, a horse’s ass of a United States Senator, alas, from New Jersey, said he was very close to his only “Spartacus moment” when he called Judge Kavanaugh a “serial rapist”. Let the record show that he is a Democrat. And further, that he has read far too much Howard Fast and Howard Zinn to engage in rational, big boy, conversation.

Europe is doomed because the arc of demographics has turned against them. Whatever the deficiencies of the children of the desert may be, and they are legion, breeding is not one of them. France in particular, because of its negative birth rate, Mediterranean exposure and the flotsam and jetsam left over from the time of Robespierre – and wasn’t Burke right? – has the quickest falling hour glass. Go and check les vins of Bordeaux because the end is in sight. Raisins have many uses. Fromage is neutral. Chateau Talbot is not. Remember that the Taliban outlawed whistling.

If you believe in nothing you will believe in anything.

Kevin Smith

PS - I wrote last week about Lt. William Sauer, USMC. He was a Marine aviator who was killed in his F-4 Panther in 1967. He was a classmate, a fraternity brother, and, most of all, a friend. I said of him that “He shall not grow old…and that I will remember him.” Let me add Lt. Brian Conlan, USMC who was blown up in a rice paddy in Vietnam in 1968 We spent many afternoons in the original Cryan’s on South Orange Avenue, diagonally opposite form Paul’s and across the street from Sacred Heart Church in Vailsburg. Cryan’s was distinguished by the hunchbacked midget cook who would stand on a wooden case to make hamburgers with hamburgers being the only thing on the menu. Along with Billy Sauer he was a good guy. Vaya con dios amigos!

Saturday, November 24, 2018

November 21, 2018 I cannot get through a night before Thanksgiving without the memories of our Bayonne kitchen – 50th Street, not 15th Street – as my mother began her Thanksgiving cooking.

November 21, 2018

I cannot get through a night before Thanksgiving without the memories of our Bayonne kitchen – 50th Street, not 15th Street – as my mother began her Thanksgiving cooking. She used a 10/12-inch see-through Pyrex skillet [“see-through Pyrex skillet”?] to prepare her stuffing. It was not an old family recipe. My Mom kept a tin of drippings from previous meals on top of the stove. If you were born when Truman was President you know what I mean. If you were born when Eisenhower was creating the missile gap it was Pam for the pan before there was Pam.

Onion, celery, bacon, an odd bit of ham from the back of the fridge – “fridge”? – with some shakes from a few spice cans using the Justin Wilson measurement method. My job was simple. Some loaves of unsliced white bread would appear on Sunday and they would be opened so they could become a bit hard by Wednesday night. I had to tear them into bite size chunks so the juices from the Pyrex would be absorbed. The bread would be put into a 5-gallon pot and mixed with the stuff simmering on the stove. “Stove Top Stuffing” before there was stove top stuffing. Into the ice box – I bought a broken-down ice box in 1970 for $5. I spent about $80 getting it refinished. I sold it for $450 when I was hot-footing it out of Jersey in 1996 – along with the turkey, with the size of the turkey being decided by the number of plates at the table.

And the aroma is coming back to me. Where are the snows of yesteryear?

I grew up in a library. Thank God Andrew Carnegie made all that money. He took some of it and built a magnificent one in Bayonne, across the street from where Amy was raised. 2 things of note about 700 Avenue C: #1 – The brick, intended for the construction of Bayonne High School, somehow wound up at an empty lot. #2 – Felix Milwid, great great grandfather of my Texas ladies, gave it to their great grandmother as a wedding present. Not your typical wedding present but a story that speaks well of Bayonne.

When I left Bayonne for Orange, NJ, I was pleased to find another Carnegie library. It was a smaller version of the one in Bayonne but it was an architectural gem. [I think the ugliest public building I have ever seen is Northeast High School in Oakland Park, FL. No owned Johnny can’t read. His latent sense of the aesthete is overwhelmed by banal mediocrity.]

I mention libraries because I went to the main library in Ft, Lauderdale last March. One of the benefits of being from Bayonne is that you have a 6th sense, an eye behind your ear, a double-helix infused feeling of what the Hell is going on. I found out that the esplanade by the front door is now Ground Zero for the homeless in Broward County. As I got to the front door, a door that was locked at 11:00AM for good reason, the personal DEW system went off. [DEW system? Does anyone else remember the string of Texas Towers in the North Atlantic?] Followed? Stalked? Who cares? I am a disable senior citizen with 3 titanium joints. Easy picking for feral vagrants. Not that day. I have an impressive cane that can be used for multi-tasking. 

I mention the above because in the almost six months since my interrupted library trip -  WARRIORBARDIT.BLOGSPOT.COM March 3, 2018 – it has gotten worse. To Hell with the mob coming to break into our country. We have one running rampant in our country!

I watched a bit of “The Great McGinty” last night. After a week of Jemima Abrams bitch about voting procedures, I turned to Hollywood for guidance. I have previously mentioned “Key Largo” where Thomas Gomez puts flesh on Joe Stalin commenting on elections. “Who cares who votes. It’s who counts the votes that matters.” Gomez says that you count them and count them and count them until you get the right number. Governor Scott went from 52,000 to 12,000 in the blink of an eye. McGinty is promised $2 for every vote he casts for Mayor Tillinghast. He earns $74 for his work that day. Director Preston Sturges served as a role model for the Coen Brothers. I get confused. Is it art imitating life or the other way around? Duval County 1948, Chicago 1960, Oregon 1998, Minnesota 2004. Row A, All the Way. Hot stoves, anyone?
The “wine dark sea” of confusion is rising.

Trump criticizes the 9th Circuit Court of Appeals. The Chief Justice says there are no Trump Judges, that there are no Obama Judges, and surely there are no Bush or Clinton Judges. The modern American Liberals who make up the “loony Left”, as recently retired Senator McCaskill, [D-MO] pre-election described them, have spent 8 years in true venomous snarl mode criticizing the Citizens’ United decision. Presumably, Diane Feinstein, the meaner than cat shit Senator [D-CA]who called Judge Kavanaugh a “serial rapist” because she thought his judicial temperament was beyond the pale. 2 women have told me, and since they are broads they must be believed, that she tutored Monica Lewinsky on certain interpersonal body fluid exchanges. My sources must remain confidential. “Eclectic indignation” can be a bitch sometimes.

See if you can clear this one up for me.

Walmart is evil. Chick-fil-a is Satanic. Amazon is OK, even though they treat their employees like shit, as long as Jeff Bezos keeps pissing in Trump’s soup and gets a gazillion dollars from raging Socialist Mayor DeBlasio with full support from Governor Cuomo, a Papa Francisco Socialist. Where’s Dorothy Day when you really need her?

Kevin Smith

PS – Speaking of Presidents not getting along with Judges, does anyone else remember FDR trying to “pack” the Court? The idea went nowhere but the Court never ruled against him, again. Look it up. I guess “the wish of the Prince has the force of Law” still applies. How about Andy “By God” Jackson telling John Marshall to shove his writ up his ass? Look that one up also.