Tuesday, August 21, 2018

August 20, 2018 Governor Andrew Coumo

August 20, 2018

Governor Andrew Coumo,

Brother William Francis, FMS; Brother Ignatius Anthony, FMS; Brother Vincent Jerome, FMS; Brother James Gerard, FMS; Brother Christopher Robert, FMS; Brother Kevin Luke, FMS; Brother Raymond Richard, FMS; Brother Thomas Alban, FMS; Brother Hugh Arthur, FMS; Brother Leo Francis, FMS, Brother Charles Marcelin, FMS; and, of course, Brother Leo Sylvius, FMS. 

Recognize any of those names? 

They were some of the Marist Brothers at Marist High School in Bayonne, NJ. That there may have been some overlap when you were at Archbishop Malloy in Queens. That you were always available as a RC,mAL –[Retired Catholic, modern American Liberal] beach balloon-sized target of opportunity, there is no doubt. That I pulled back, not out of fear of missing the target, but rather out of concern that I may have, as is my wont, of hitting it too well and disturbing some of the above-mentioned Brothers

I am cured of that dread because whatever your academic strong points were American History was not one of them.

[I cannot mention the name Cuomo, father or son, without mentioning 2 letters, both unanswered. One went to your father while the other went to you. Your father gave a speech at Notre Dame where he said that while he was personally opposed to abortion he had no choice but to uphold it because it was the law of the land. I avoided the obvious Thomas More example, the Gandhi example, the Maximillian Kolbe example, the Solzhenitsyn example, the MIndszenty example, the Martin Luther King example, the Mandela example – Doubtless we can stipulate that the above is a list of super stars, yes? – of men, who facing the same choice, chose the heroic path. The question I asked was what if you were the Governor when Dred Scott was on the loose and he was captured in New York. Would you have ignored the legal request for his extradition, remembering that the Constitution specifically mentions it, in Article IV, Section 1? “Full faith and credit shall be given in each State to the public acts, records, and judicial proceedings of every other state”. At least Hobson gave you a choice, however limited. Here, none was allowed. Would you have succumbed to the discredited on the field of battle Theory of Nullification of John C. Calhoun or would you have put his felonious Black ass back on the midnight train to Dixie? I am not going to get an answer from your father but how about you?]

Thus the template, not the paradigmatic template of “eclectic indignation” and political cognitive dissonance, without which modern American Liberals would surely go quite mad, I mean absolutely bonkers, if they possessed even a sliver of their souls, but the one that I hope you did not learn from either of the first 2 mentioned Brothers.

I can begin my History lesson with a clear conscience and a light hand.
Can we make America “great” again? Or, to quote you, “It never was that great”, remember?

Let us count the ways and note the dates.

July 4, 1776 – The Declaration of Independence. The codification of rights “that were ours from beyond the stars”. If that’s not great you will not like the next one.
September 17, 1787 – The Constitution. What government can do, and more importantly, what government cannot do. That’s pretty great too.
April 12, 1865 – Appomattox, Virginia – Dred Scott is repealed. Also great, too.
September 2, 1945 – Tokyo Bay - “These proceedings are closed.” Was there ever a country more powerful than we were that day? We rebuilt our enemies and guarded the World. If that ain’t “great” what the Hell is?
July 21, 1969 – The moon. Or to cite The Onion, “the firggin’ moon”. And back.
November 30, 1989 – The Wall comes down, the Russkies are beaten and the World is saved, Thanks Ron, plus a tip of the hat to the Polish Pope and Lady Thatcher.

And now, if we listen to the wing-nut moon bats who serenade you like you were a half-assed Ulysses, the only thing holding back mankind from reaching and stepping over the horizon, is that silly law involving gravity. That’s the first thing on the list next time you get the whip hand.

Kevin Smith
Marist High School – 1961

PS – addendum – I mentioned a few big great things. Here’s a little great thing that shows how “great” America was and how great she can be. No apologies. No excuses. No global mea culpa tour. September 22, 1948 – Captain Gale Halverson, United States Air Force, commanding a C-54, opened his window and “parachuted” out a whole bunch of Hershey Chocolate Bars, all of which had almonds. He was on final approach to Templehof Air Field, Berlin. It was the Berlin Air Lift. A whole lot of kids thought he was “great” and that America was “great”. Do you? Does “Breathes there a man with soul so dead who never to himself has said, ’This is my own, my native land’”? I guess you haven’t. Your loss. As Marley said, “Save yourself” or “your fate is stark and plain, unwept, unhonour’d, and unsung”.

Tuesday, August 14, 2018

August 12, 2018 Rosemary O’Hara – Editorial Page Editor The Sun Sentinel

August 12, 2018

Rosemary O’Hara – Editorial Page Editor
The Sun Sentinel

RE: A target-rich environment – Everything except the classified ads enters the ten ring in today’s Sun Sentinel plus the serendipitous arrival of the New York Times. Modern American Liberalism at its tumescent best.

Ms. O’Hara,

Where to begin?

Let’s start with “Should Broward School Superintendent Runcie be fired?”

For decades I have been advocating that educators be held to the same high standards that are demanded of high school football coaches.

17 people were killed on his watch.

Eisenhower wrote a letter of resignation in case D-Day turned out like Dieppe. Either Killer Cruz was in the Promise Program or he wasn’t. It can’t be both. Runcie tried to square that circle. [Am I the only one to notice that Promise, an evil spawn of Obama, Holder, and Duncan, is predicated on the bed-rock modern American liberal premise that man is perfectible and that human nature, unlike the stripes on a cat, can change? It may work if Father Flanagan is the paradigmatic template for forming social policy, with a thankful bow to the George Costanza School of Public Policy and Personal Probity, but only if you forget the Chicago example of this weekend. That’s the one where the adage “Never bring a knife to a gun fight” and its corollary, “Get in their face” was proved empirically correct.

 Let me ask, somewhat gratuitously, ‘cuz I know the answer, whether those 3 DC swells sent their children to public schools? Don’t be silly. And since Obama lived rent-free in public housing he was better able to afford the $60,000 tuition, lunch included, for each of his children in a school that was redolent with classic White Privilege.

As to Runcie, “Fire his ass”. Yesterday.

Doug Hyde, your lachrymose sports commentator who really, really wants to toil for the Nation – Whatever happened to just telling me who won the Goddamn game? – just informed me of the right of NFL players to protest. They don’t have that right. If they choose to protest and are willing to accept the consequences – think Socrates, Saul of Tarsus, Abelard, Thomas More, Sydney Carton, Joseph Smith, Thoreau, Norman Thomas, Gandhi, Maximillian Kolbe, Martin Luther King, Nelson Mandela, Curt Flood – go for it.
 Life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness? si. Long snapper, wedge buster, or 3rd down nickel back? No.

Your endorsement of Ashley Moody for Attorney General in the Republican primary includes the damning with faint praise, dog whistle words “smart, attractive and well spoken”. That’s almost as good as Curley Biden’s praise of Senator Barack H. Obama, noted Chicago community activist, whose first job as a Senator was to get his wife a $4,000 a week raise, paid for by a $1,000,000 earmark to the University of Chicago Hospital where she was in charge of midnight shift bed pan inventory and single-use plastic environmentally sensitive disposal procedures, taking into account the wishes of the indigenous population. Biden said Obama was “clean and articulate”.

You may want to look both up.

You condemn her opponent, Frank White, thusly: “White has never so much as prosecuted a single case.” 

Neither did Bobby Kennedy.

 Earl Warren and William O. Douglas never donned silk until their nominations to the Supreme Court. [Indeed, Brennan was a recess appointment] Eric Holder’s main experience was vetting pardons – a task for which Hillary Clinton’s brothers were well paid, remember? – for President Handsome Billy from Hot Springs, the King of the One-Eyed Trouser Snakes.

Would it be showing a bit too much cheek if I were to point out that before Senator Hugo Black became Justice Black he was a cross burning, Nigrah whippin’, lynching Kleagle in the Ku Klux Klan? Ditto Senator Robert Byrd [D-WVA] who despite being a top recruiter for the Klan went on to become the “Cicero of the Senate”. If he had he would not have died in his bed.

You criticize Frank White for spending his family’s money. How did we wind up with a plague of Kennedys in pubic office? Is it morally neutral for Jeff Greene to spend his own money, money made by betting against the American housing industry? What about Murphy of Pam Beach, proud member of the Lucky Sperm Club, who used his daddy’s swag to contend for a statewide office? Tom Steyer, he of the sainted resistance, made his swag by selling “dirty” coal, coal which could not be legally burned in any state in this country, to the Chinese and the Red Dot Indians. What the Hell, they’re “lesser breeds”, right? George Soros went from being a zonderkommando for Hitler to being a party apparatchik for Stalin before he started to rob banks. I don’t recall any highly dudgeoned modern American Liberal editorials condemning his money

Greene made a fortune betting against American homeowners while Steyer actively supported the release of millions of tons of sulfur dioxide. Baby seals must love him because he killed so many polar bears that the seals are about to invade Minnesota, Michigan, New York, and Maine. Maybe we should rethink getting rid of ICE, no?

Irela Bague tells us in her mini Op-Ed that the California fires were caused by the “trends of global warming of the last century”. Yet again the confusing conflation of causation and correlation and why, absent tautologies, modern American Liberals would never ever have to use their brain. It was Samuel Johnson who warned us of the troubles caused by “wretched, un-idea’d girls”. Is it too late to support Margaret Sanger’s ideas on eugenics?

But I digress.

All right-minded people hate political gridlock. Let’s run this up the old political flag pole and see who salutes. A Governor of one political party tells the Attorney General of a different political party to pursue a particular legal policy. He refuses. An unlike-minded AG gets a court order that the Governor refuses to enforce. And you think it’s bad in Washington? How about gun fights in Tallahassee?

All my Texas ladies are in town. In addition to some early Sunday AM goodies they got me the Sunday NY Times. It has not been in my house for 15 years.

I stopped doing the NYT crossword puzzle on Monday, October 3, 1999.  I did my last puzzle, in ink of course, in ink, on a flight from Dallas to Fort Lauderdale. It was witnessed by Tom Fiedler, one-time Big Boss of the Miami Herald and now head of all the ink-stained wench and wretch wanabees at Boston University. When I stopped I was approaching B+ status.

 I stopped reading the Times during the first week of March, 2003.

 You may recall that the United States was preparing to go to war, a war that was authorized by some 3/4s of Congress, against Iraq. I stopped reading the NYT because, by then, it had devoted more Page 1 coverage to whether or not chicks would be allowed to join the August National Golf Club, home of the Masters. To coin a word – gravitas – a word made fashionable by Bush-loathing modern American Liberals – “Bush-loathing modern American Liberals”? Did I just repeat myself in a regrettably redundant manner? You betcha - in 2000 when he picked Cheney because he lacked gravitas and Cheney, despite his lamentable myriad faults, didn’t. Who cares about the ladies’ tees as long as they get the meat loaf right and the shirts lightly starched and ironed and only say no when someone tries to sell them magazines.

My decision to stop reading the NYT was not made lightly. Despite their acquiescence in calling Lincoln a “baboon” in 1864, coupled with their tacit approval of slavery the same year and then, 68 years later, their collusion with the Russkies, the wardens of the Evil Empire, in their attempt to take over the world [vide Walter Duranty] I grew up with the NYT. My father used to read the 2 Arthurs – Krock and Daley – to me every Sunday beginning when Truman was first President.  Does anyone else remember that H.L. Matthews indeed did help Fidel Castro get his job? How about Harrison Salisbury canonizing Ho Chi Minh? How About Howell Raines canonizing himself? How about various Sulzbergers offering proof positive that there should be a 105% estate tax whenever the media is involved. Jayson Blair, who worked the Affirmative Action White guilt trip life plan, like a Swiss watch, Allesandra Stanley who couldn’t lie straight in bed, Ali Watkins, who minored in the famous Horizontal Tango and banged her way to the top, and now Sarah Jeong, who is the opposite of Will Rogers in that she never saw a Caucasian she liked are, to cite noted pundit Willie Nelson, “Reasons to Quit”, in this case the New York Times

It didn’t take a 12-Step program.

I don’t know whether it’s terminal but their “non-olfactory fecal matter syndrome” is suffocating. In Sunday’s NYT Book Review, a man named Michael Roth takes aim at Roger Scruton and his book “Conservatism” by saying that while Edmund Burke may have opposed slavery a lot of conservatives did not.

Pot, I would like you to meet kettle. Or maybe having a working knowledge of the NYT is not necessary to review books as long as the “good guys”, modern American Liberals all, come out on top.

Sandra Barnard-Bastien, in her mini Op-Ed takes somewhat neutral view on whether or not the Sandy Hook shooting occurred. Hillary Clinton implied that Obama may have been born in Kenya. Van Jones and Rosie O’Donnell said that the WTC was blown up by the Feds. 

What is truth?


PS – Tell Fred Grimm that when Florida’s coral reefs finally, finally die I will say an environmentally sensitive kaddish for them. Also, the NYT business section is simply terrible. Basic info and its accompanying data are not to be found. If God is in the details maybe He is dead.

Monday, August 6, 2018

August 6, 2018 Rosemary O’Hara – Editorial Page Editor The Sun Sentinel

August 6, 2018

Rosemary O’Hara – Editorial Page Editor
The Sun Sentinel

RE: Jeff Greene for Governor – Some comments on your editorial endorsement for Governor, a one-time devoted capitalist.

Ms. O’Hara,

Your editorial endorsement of Jeff Greene, coupled with his myriad TV ads promising to “stop Trump on day one”, led me to some serious Historical head scratching. Clio, my favorite Muse, was pestered with my inquiries.

Revealing my elitist background – I went to private schools and I read a lot – convinced me that John C. Calhoun was still dead.

By any standard, save for results, the one fluid template that modern American Liberals must never acknowledge lest they go mad and drown in the River Styx, the one where the freshet of “false news” is always at flood stage, Calhoun was one of the most interesting characters this country has ever produced. Not too many of today’s pols can claim to be fluent in Latin and Greek and to being an honors graduate of Yale College. It must be noted that he was no stranger to the Trivium. Also, no one else ever resigned from the Vice Presidency over a matter of principle. It must also be noted that Andrew Jackson, the President under whom he served and the man that today’s Democrats, spineless shits all, stopped using his name to sell mid-winter dinner tickets, said his biggest public regret was not executing him for treason.

I told you I read a lot.

Unless Governor Greene orders the Florida National Guard to shoot down Air Force One when it enters Florida air space how can he “stop him on day one”?

Lyndon Johnson stopped construction on Interstate 10 in Plaquemines Parish, Louisiana because he didn’t like Boss Leander Perez’s views on education. Johnson nullified the nullifier which brings us back to Calhoun.

Calhoun’s Theory of Nullification, simply put, says that states don’t have to follow Federal law if they don’t like it. [Governor Faubus, Governor Barnett, Governor Wallace, call your offices]

His interesting theory was put to test on the field of combat and found wanting, woefully wanting. Except when “eclectic indignation” allows modern American Liberals to stand athwart History and say “Stop”.

But there is no sense in being a half-assed modern American Liberal.
He said he would fully fund Planned Parenthood.
He said he would support single payer health care.
Did he say he would “cool the earth and calm the seas”? Not yet, but he will.
Will “Midnight Basketball” be made mandatory?
Will manatees vote?
Will he build affordable housing by shorting the mortgage market like last time?
62% of Florida’s voters said “NO” to Same sex marriage. If fact, it has never been approved by voters anywhere and any place it has been on any ballot. How will he “stand up to Trump” on this? The Supreme Court has signed off on this. Can he tell us of any other Supreme Court decisions he will support?
One of my children was bullied in grammar school. I stopped it the old-fashioned Bayonne, NJ way. Interested? Send a SASE.
If, as his ads say, he “has experience in building affordable housing”, why didn’t he? Did any of his “experience” use tax shelters, schemes, or quasi-fraud artifices to get the Federal government to bear a disparate share of the risk? 

There is one positive thing he has done.

He has made Philip Levine, he of the magical Miami Beach pumps [Where does that water go?] look like an odd-lotter.

The Brothers Koch, George Soros, Tom Steyer, he of the dirty coal, and now Jeff Greene. At least they’re spending their own money.


PS – Indeed, a touching story about his father dying at the age of 51 as he worked to support his family. My father was 26 years old before he went to high school. When he died he was a Judge. His law school yearbook says he would “hark to a wager”.

Sunday, August 5, 2018

I am less than 10 feet from an autographed picture of the “Enola Gay”.

August 3, 2018

I am less than 10 feet from an autographed picture of the “Enola Gay”. It is signed by the chief negotiator of the most successful arms limitation treaty of the 20th century. He was also the pilot of the B29 that delivered the first atomic bomb dropped in anger. Paul Tibbetts led the negotiations, and it must be said that they were full and frank with an open discussion of opposing viewpoints. The talks lasted 3 days – August 6, 1945 to August 9, 1945. The treaty was signed on September 2, 1845 in Tokyo harbor with 1000 American planes flying overhead. General MacArthur, with his customary flourish, said “These proceedings are closed”. 

73 years later and we still enjoy a nuclear-free zone, viz, the Earth. Way to go, Paulie!

Directly above the picture is a scroll memorializing the death of Corporal Leonard W. Putnam who died “in the Pacific area on May 25, 1945”. It was signed by President Harry Truman. His upper right torso was blown off by a Japanese mortar shell on Okinawa. He was a 42-year-old piano salesman from Jersey City, NJ who married my wife’s Aunt Millie.

At the end of “The Bridges of Toko-Ri”, the Admiral, played superbly well by Frederic March, says, upon being informed of the death of a Naval aviator on this mission,  “Where do we find such men?”

Would I be “painting the lily” if I were to point out that these men weren’t snowflakes and that these men created their own safe spaces wherever they went and that we are forever in their debt?


“The whole earth is the sepulchre of famous men.”

Kevin Smith

Tuesday, July 31, 2018

July 29, 2018 Rosemary O’Hara – Editorial Page Editor The Sun Sentinel

July 29, 2018

Rosemary O’Hara – Editorial Page Editor
The Sun Sentinel

RE: Some comments on your “Profile in Courage”, I dare say almost “A Man For All Seasons”, perhaps “The Crucible”, editorial endorsement of modern American Liberal Gary Farmer for the Florida Senate.

Ms. O,

Sometimes you make it too easy.

Your editorial endorsement of Florida State Senator Gary Farmer makes for a pre-dawn “target-rich environment”.

Empirical evidence in re Senator Farmer strongly suggests that he played football far too long without a helmet.

If, as you say, he understands “the need to address problems caused by a rising sea level”, will you let me in on his “secret plan”? Other than trying to get the Feds out of the flood insurance business, a decision to be made in D.C., what can he do in Tallahassee? And the Canute model is broken, remember? Also, in the case of barrier islands versus the ocean it makes sense to bet on the ocean. Do you think Trump made it worse by pulling out of the Paris Climate chazzerai?

Congressman Ron DeSantis referred to Democratic Socialist candidate Alexandria Ocasio Frito Bandido as “that girl”. The lock step lemmings who make up the modern American Liberal press reacted as if he called her a “feckless cunt” or if he carried a severed head or he stopped on his way to his office for a hummer from his daughter.

As soon as she decides whether to adopt the traditional Cuban model of scientific socialism or the more innovative Venezuelan template she will cement her place as a wing-nut moon bat. 

Will someone tell me how many polar bears she drowned on her 10 trips a week from the south Bronx to Westchester County to go to school? Do you suppose she used plastic straws? Ulysses would envy her if he knew.

Back to Gary.

“They know 60% of parents don’t want guns in the hands of teachers.” Has anyone told him that 62% of Florida’s voters opposed same sex marriage? And the difference is….?

Further, you say he “sent shock waves through the Democratic community” when he suggested that Senator Lauren Book might not have the time to be the Senate leader “because she has twins”. Shouldn’t she have maternity leave times two?

At least he didn’t say she was “feckless”. I hope.

Kevin Smith

PS – In the Letters to the Editor section a Mr. Ed Rubin of Boynton Beach says that “Medicare and Medicaid will be cut by $1.5 trillion”. Then he says that will increase the budget “as the United States borrows more money”. Run that past me again. Cutting the budget causes us to borrow more money? Maybe Mr. Rubin has a future as a financial advisor to Chiquita Banana, AKA the Bronx Boobette.
I have in front of me a Federal petit jury questionnaire. The first question, the very first question, asked is if I am a US citizen. Indeed, the first question. As George Costanza said, “That’s not fair”. Is it?

Thursday, July 26, 2018

July 15, 2018 Rosemary O’Hara – Editorial Page Editor The Sun Sentinel

July 15, 2018

Rosemary O’Hara – Editorial Page Editor
The Sun Sentinel

Ms. O,

It’s probably a bent hobin pin or a frazzled frammis but the Romantic in me is thinking that it’s further proof that the “Vast Left-Wing Conspiracy” still wants to silence me by putting the dreaded modern American Liberal malochio kibosh on my beloved printer.

Because of this intervention – Collusion? Perhaps – I am unable to communicate directly with some of your mini Op-Ed contributors, all of whom are identified by the shared belief the Bernie Sanders will repeal the laws governing gravity, that Pocahontas Warren lied about her Injun background but who cares, that Curley Biden is a friggin’ moron but so what, that “Midnight Basketball” didn’t get a fair shot last time, and that all it will take to reach the horizon this time will be if enough people, both guys and gals, of good will promise to work really hard, and I mean really, really hard, to get those rainbow stew bushes on the unicorn ranch to give us 6 crops a year. As Fred Kite, noted British Labour Leader, used to say, “All them corn fields and ballet at night”. Isn’t Nancy Pelosi, a mAL, a noted mAL, still officially neutral on whether illegal immigrants should be given sanctuary if they shit on the streets of San Francisco?

Shades of the hugely successful War on Poverty!

If I were to say that the task is Sisyphean would that make me a deplorable elitist?

Herewith my list of jackasses, morons, grifters, and buffoons.

#1 – Mitchell Berger, Esq. – An environmental virtue signaler whose flaccid attempt at “wall” humor demands that he must keep his day job. Please ask him who paid for the wall that keeps radical Islamic terrorists – As if there is any other kind! – from slaughtering idyllic Israelis or peripatetic Gentiles. Also, ask him if he has shut off all the A/Cs in his offices to show his solidarity with drowning polar bears and America’s newly discovered endangered species, the San Diego fairy shrimp? I know that he opposes a wall on the Rio Grande but how about one keeping les merdes du Quebec out? Oops! I almost forgot the soon to be mourned dusky gopher frog who will be an addendum when George Carlin’s “Earth Day” Youtube is updated. Him and T-Rex. Gone but not forgotten. 

#2 – Ex Senator Eleanor Sobell – She said “thousands of juveniles”, all Broward County students, “went to jail for misdemeanors”. “Thousands”?  Can I see the numbers please? Can I see the schools they attended? How many of them were non-White? How many of them were here illegally? Why hasn’t this wimg-nut broad been Baker Acted? What a boob! At the very least, retroactive tubal ligation is required. She’s a big fan of Margaret Sanger, isn’t she?

#3 – Michael DeLucca, President of the Broward Regional Health Planning, and exactly what in the name of straightforward obfuscatory persiflage and Jabberwocky is that, said Starbucks should be canonized a la Mother Teresa, for banning plastic straws. “Such stupidity, sir,” to quote the great Dr. Johnson, “is not to be found in nature.”

If the Broward Regional Health Council has something, anything, to do with health, I suggest a far easier target. This plague, soon to be an epidemic, of “single use plastic” is growing like Topsy. Have you investigated the trash generated by any health care facility? For the sake of drowning polar bears, ravaged tortoises, perpetually endangered and bullied manatees, the beleaguered delhi smelt, the Javert-like pursued furbish louse wort, and the newly discovered, hanging on by its fingertips – Scratch that. They don’t have fingertips – San Diego fairy shrimp. Hospitals must ban all single use plastic devices. No more plastic syringes, the answer is obvious No more plastic catheters. No more plastic stents. No more plastic wrappings for gauze pads or surgical sponges, no more plastic heart valves. I have 3 titanium joints, each of which is, you guessed it, wrapped in plastic. I have a scleral buckle on my left eye, made of, right again, plastic. My pacemaker and defibrillator are made of, do I have to say it, plastic. I have had 6 kidney operations, 3 to put it in and 3 to take it out. It is a 10-inch piece of, am I repeating it, plastic. You are unconscious when it is put in but wide awake when it is removed. I have them available for inspection. I had a melanoma removed from my occipital bone. The dressing was a piece of left-over material from when Cristo was in his hey-day. It is also known as plastic. The staples securing it were not. The not quite final indignity was my head being wrapped like a half-assed Flying Nun, with the wound protecting wimple being made, and I can’t make this up, of plastic.

Any suggestions as to what can take its place?

But I digress.

Your editorial on the 1st Amendment has a provocative sib-title. “Sit down, shut up” was the dog whistle commands for deplorables before the species was identified by Wide-Bottomed Hillary. “Sit down and shut up” was an old-fashioned way of preventing AIDS, remember? That’s not what you meant, was it? 

3 separate times, men with badges and guns, accompanied by the full majesty of the law, have questioned me about things I wrote to or about elected officials.

The first one was begun by then State Senator Debbie Wasserman-Schultz. This Medusa-coifed Hecate likes to use her shit lip on her adversaries but forgets the words to “Stick and Stones” when it is incoming. Then she calls the cops. I sent everything I ever wrote to her to Tom Fiedler, then the Editorial Page Editor of the Miami Herald for his review. I told him if he found one obscene or threatening word I would apologize to her and never write to or about her again. She is still, after all these years, my favorite default piñata.

Agent Thomas and Agent MIneva, both of the Florida Department of Law Enforcement, “good” cop and “bad” cop respectively, came to my house to investigate my libel and/or sedition. They succeeded in scaring my wife. The “good” cop, Agent Thomas, said that he and everybody in his group “loved” my stuff. The “bad” cop, Agent Mineva, said I should stop writing to all public officials. Honest.

 It pays to be from Bayonne, NJ. Lessons like this are learned at your mother’s breast.

Does that constitute a “slippery slope” or the more treacherous “chilling effect”?

Broward Sheriff’s Detective Joe Kessling, whose wife was a Palm Beach County Detective, came to my house at the behest of Elections Bureau Supervisor Miriam Oliphant because of something I wrote. It wasn’t like I was walking around carrying her severed head or suggesting that she was having sex with her children or something so fittingly modern American Liberal. The term you can’t quite get your arms around is “eclectic indignation”. 

The first thing he said to me was “You’re not in trouble”. I said, mindful of John Peter Zenger, “What do you mean I’m not in trouble? You have a badge and a fucking gun. What do you me ‘I’m not in trouble?’”

Let me add 2 things about Miriam Oliphant:

#1 – She was the dream candidate of every modern American Liberal voter in Broward County. She was an attractive, well dressed, superficially educated [degrees in education, not the subject taught, don’t count] well coifed, and more presentable than most people in general and NegroColoredAfricanAmericans in particular provided she kept her mouth Gorilla-Glued, stapled, and welded because she was, and I’m being charitable here, because she is sooooo

#2 – Homerically dumb. She is so Goddamn dumb that she made my hair hurt and my fingernails curl backwards. If you gave her a map and a Life Line she still couldn’t find her shapely ass using both hands, a GPS, and matching magnets, one on her hip and one in her gloved hand.

I asked Detective Kessling why he was wearing a long sleeve shirt. “Boss’s orders”, he said, with the Boss being Sheriff Ken Jenne, AKA Emperor Kenneth the Short.
By the by, Jenne is the only man in America who wanted to repeal the 3rd Amendment. 

Palm Beach County Commissioner Addie Green would, could, and did steal a hot stove and the pennies off a dead man’s eyes for which she went to jail. Before she went inside I wrote to her cataloging some of her public shortcomings. In due course I was contacted by a Palm Beach County Detective with whom I struck an immediate rapport. He asked me if there weren’t enough feather merchants and 5 Finger shoppers in Broward to keep me busy. I agreed.

These charlatans have several things in common:

A – They are all card-carrying, fire breathing modern American Liberals.
B – Despite “Congress shall make no law…”, they sent the cops to my house because of something I wrote.
C – Repeat ‘A’

Did I say they were all modern American Liberals?

One of them went to jail. Another one should have but her diminished capacity, despite a Master’s degree – Should that be so gender specific? - precluded any prosecution. The 3rd one, the meaner than cat shit one, should have been bastinadoed prior to be strapadoed. Save for the 8th Amendment she would have.

Speech is either free or it isn’t. It’s 10 yards for a first down. Not almost 10 yards You are either pregnant or not. The tumor is either malignant or it is not. If Kathy Griffin can walk around with a severed head of il magnifico, if Robert DeNiro can say “Fuck Trump” – Why is there no YouTube memory of a male, a non-finochio male, saying “Fuck Hillary”? – I can say Hillary Clinton has an Oliver Hardy ass and that Liawatha Warren is a lying sack of eel shit. 

And who says “Trousered Apes” are an endangered species?

The above is an example of tu quoque wondering into argumentum ad hominem. That’s 2/3rds of the Trivium. Jeepers, as an old dead Greek said before he was old and dead,


        Kevin Smith

PS – Sorry I used “Topsy”. The Word Police have designated it “racist”. [I wonder what they would make of Dick Gregory’s autobiography? Do you suppose if I went to the African-American Library I should ask for it by name or would that be a foolish display of White Privilege?] And when are you going to publish those Mohammed cartoons? I think you have published a picture of “Piss Christ”? The title of Dick Gregory’s book? Send a SASE.

July 25, 2018 Rosemary O’Hara – Editorial Page Editor The Sun Sentinel

July 25, 2018

Rosemary O’Hara – Editorial Page Editor
The Sun Sentinel

RE: “Solar Energy a Viable Option” – A comment or two on the Op-Ed about doing away with oil, gas, coal, and nuclear energy in addition to making us a better people.

Ms. O’Hara,

Before I get to whether “Solar Energy is a Viable Option” or is just modern American Liberal balderdash, poppycock, and tommyrot consisting entirely of tautologies, la di da shibboleths, and endless non-seqjuiturs, I must ask why the rules that apply to oil and gas executives [full disclosure requires me to say that I once was one] and coal barons [ditto, also] don’t apply to Lynn Jurich, the CEO of SUNRUN, “the nation’s largest dedicated provider of solar, storage and energy services” and the author of the screed.

Whenever an energy executive, particularly one who is in the employ of a huge fossil fuel company, is quoted there is always the subtle, read-between-the-lines, semi-detached monitum that the author drowns polar bears before they can eat baby seals, that he makes manatees into sushi, and that he promotes both teen-age bullying and obesity and, to make it worse, he is not at all moved by eleemosynary motives, and that he pursues filthy lucre, the spawn of Mammon, the bitch Goddess who suckles at the cold teat of profit.

Ms. Jurich wants to sell everybody in America at least 8 solar panels, each of which comes with a consumer-friendly maintenance contract. She even provides her NASDAQ symbol – RUN. If I remember the rules that run NASDAQ it was understood that intentionally non-profit entities need not apply.

Good luck to her and her company.

Don’t forget the Mark Twain rule of investing. Buy a stock and when it goes up sell it. If it doesn’t go up, don’t buy it.

Speaking if solar panels and clean energy and renewable resources and virtue signaling all the good intentions that drive people to not only reach but leap over the horizon…. was Boss Jurich or anyone at the company and its outside lawyers, accountants, consultants, and contractors ever and in any way, however tangentially, connected, associated, or involved with Solyndra? Could you ask her whatever happened to the unsold inventory of their really fine, for Chinese made, solar panels.

As to modern American Liberal “balderdash, poppycock, and tommyrot”, I suggest an in-depth perusal of the SUNRUN 10K might provide some succour.

I almost forgot. Have you turned off all the A/Cs at Sun Sentinel World HQ? Somebody has to set an example, to show us the way, lest we all perish, right?

Kevin Smith

PS – You have a Page 1 story, complete with pictures, about the growing problem of sea weed. Let me add, and let us be thankful for small blessings, that it is both organic and bio-degradable. The follow-up story says that “no one knows the direct cause of the seaweed increase”. This is said after you list several reasons, all given in ex cathedra style, as to what caused this man-made pox. Regardless of the exact reason, and with the earth in the balance who needs metaphysical certitude, we know the real reason our terrestrial roulette pistol now has no empty chambers. When Trump left the Paris Peace Conference he doomed us. Maybe it was the Paris Climate Accord. Whatever

Wednesday, July 11, 2018

July 8, 2018 Rosemary O’Hara – Editorial Page Editor The Sun Sentinel

July 8, 2018

Rosemary O’Hara – Editorial Page Editor
The Sun Sentinel

RE: Some comments on your Woe is me. Alas & Alack and the sky is really, really falling this time editorial on that old, reliable modern American Liberal chestnut stare decisis. And speaking of turds in the punch bowl, would it make me a cad to point out that on Page 3B – local news – you have a news story with the come-hither headline “Man Indicted for Murder of his Unborn Child”?

Ms O’Hara,

All hail Justice Ginsburg!

Senator Patrick Leahy – [D-VT] – the ohmadanish & hypocritical R.R.C. [Retired Roman Catholic] had an intriguing colloquy with RBG during her confirmation process. “If I ask you about Roe v Wade you won’t tell me, will you?”, asked this Granite State buffoon. “That’s right. I won’t”, replied the nominee.

She later said that she was “sorry” that the Supreme Court had decided Roe v Wade. She wished the political process had been allowed to play out. Perhaps, she thought, that might have tempered the ongoing cantankerous acrimony.

A brief digression:

“Black Lives Matter” turns a blind eye to Chicago, the charnel house by Lake Michigan, the Illinois abattoir when it comes to Blacks killing Blacks. I guess Black on Black killing is easy to condone if you are faced with the God-awful number of abortions performed on Black women since Roe v Wade. Between 35% and 40% of the abortions since 1973 have been performed on women of color. As many as 25 million – that’s 25,000,000 – Willie Hortons, Maxine Waters, O.J. Simpsons, Andre Watts, Colin Kaepernicks, Herman Cains, H. Rap Browns, and Thomas Sowells have gone down the drain. If that ain’t racial genocide what the hell is?

Meanwhile, back to your editorial.

“Under Chief Justice John Roberts, the Court has demonstrated an emphatic disregard for precedents.” Do you mean bad precedents like Plessy v Ferguson or good precedents like Roe v Wade? Who gets to pick and choose the good from the bad or as Juvenal said, Quis custodes ipso custodiet?”

By the by, the Dred Scott decision was overturned on the field of battle, remember? Meanwhile, back to Page 3B, Local News. The headline reads

“Grand Jury Indicts Man for Death of his Unborn Child”
Assuming Roe v Wade is still valid when the perpetrator – alleged, of course, alleged – goes to trial he can claim that it is not murder since the government has acquiesced in 60 million – that’s 60,000,000 – such procedures since 1973.

Jumping back to why Roman Catholic modern American Liberal politicians have a chiropractor on speed dial it is because their backs are always disjointed. While it is very easy to have your cake and eat it, it is impossible to eat your cake and have it. In a Logical construct that would shame wily Jesuits, the Governors Cuomo, pere et fils, both proclaim their personal opposition to abortion but say that their hands were and are tied because public policy takes precedence. To which an observer might add that Thomas More addressed that choice when he said just before his head was chopped off. “When a statesman forsakes his private conscience for his public duties he leads his country on a short path to chaos”.

It is safe to say that the Cuomos, if Dred Scott were to have been captured in New York state on a fugitive warrant, both of them would have slapped his felonious Black ass on the midnight train to Georgia, right quick.

Did not candidate Trump promise to nominate people to the Supreme Court who traveled within certain navigational buoys so clearly and repeatedly laid down and lighted by him? Maybe the Russkies convinced Hillary not to campaign in Ohio, in Michigan, in Wisconsin. Trump made a promise. Unlike “I will never send American boys to fight in foreign wars” – 1916, 1940, 1964 – or “I will balance the budget” FDR, 1932 or “If you like your doctor you can keep him” or “I will draw a red line in the sand over poison gas”. 

He is keeping the promise he made

Ideas and elections have consequences.

Kevin Smith

PS – Speaking of the Supreme Court…did I ever tell you that I am responsible for Justice Thomas? In the middle of a 7b year trial in US Tax Court my wife and I joined a petition on a procedural matter wending its way through the Federal Courts. The tradition in the Supreme Court is when the verdict is unanimous the Senior Justice has the option of writing the opinion. Justice Marshall, surely the best trial lawyer in the 20th century ever to sit with the Supremes, exercised that option. As he signed it he noticed my name was on it. Realizing that there were no more worlds to conquer he resigned. The next day Judge Thomas was nominated. Ergo….

July 2, 2018 Margaret Sullivan The Washington Post,

July 2, 2018

Margaret Sullivan
The Washington Post,

RE: Causality and correlation and what would modern American Liberals do if they couldn’t confusingly conflate them? Some comments on how you say that the murders in Annapolis go straight back to Trump without saying it.

Ms. Sullivan,

I was not familiar with you or your work until I read your column on Sunday. Knowing nothing of your background I bet - it was almost chalk – that somewhere, sometime the fine hand of the Jesuits was involved in the mélange of who struck John but, needless to say, Trump is a prick

A brief digression. Why shouldn’t “verbal abuse” be rampant? Didn’t you have the
First Amendment tattooed on the inside of your eyelids? A DWEM – Sophocles, Zorba, Aeschylus, Dukakis, whoever – said, “Free men speak with free tongues”. Do you have a problem with that? 

Trump didn’t cause the shooting in Annapolis? If we use your Sophistry as an example would not Logic dictate that Bernie Sanders caused Congressman Steve Scalise to be shot? No other conclusion is possible.

Is there an 800 number for Hoya alumni and alumnae – Actually alumnae is redundant. In days of yore, to seek help on nouns covering both genders was always masculine. Look it up – to seek help on things conundriums Logical and Rhetorical? OK OK. Conundra.

I just spotted you 2 out of 3 in the Trivium. Do you know the 3rd? Send an electronic SASE.

Kevin Smith

PS – Smarmy bastard? You? You betcha!

Tuesday, July 3, 2018

June 26, 2018 preterition

June 26, 2018

It goes without saying that any chance I get to use my recently discovered new favorite word – preterition, and it’s a beaut, ain’t it? – to check up on my fellow Irish Catholics, particularly if they walk on the dark side and traffic in ordure, I will.

The two specific donkeys, bordering on ohmadanish save for their petty nastiness, are permanent fixtures in my free fire zone. Curly Biden and Lard Kennedy are two public pustules, who should be struck regularly, like gongs.  Curly was named in honor of the smartest Stooge, and Lard, someone William F. Buckley, another Irish Catholic, said was akin to a “moral slag heap” are two OED, QED definitions of “meaner than cat shit” Irishmen. And, yes, it may be damning with faint praise but at least Curly never drowned anybody. But that doesn’t get him completely out of Purgatorio

I’ll say this for them, and the rules of de morituis do not apply to the still dead Kennedy, but as paradigmatic templates of modern American Liberalism, they never let you down. No matter how low you set the bar of high expectations they always slither under it. Fatso Kennedy, King of Suet, needed 4 gallons of industrial strength WD40 that was laced with a lot of slip sliding away KY Jelly to get under it. Curly, known as Cheese Dick to his classmates at the ultra-expensive, super snobbish, White only [except for the cooks and the guy who put up the Christmas decorations] prep school, had to be flung through it because he was still confused with what to do with his thumbs. 

Today’s lesson involves Robert Bork.

Not only did churl Kennedy and the loutish Biden defeat him, they savaged him in a way that was memorialized in an eponym that more than 3 decades later is still used to describe someone being waterboarded with billingsgate: to Bork someone is the main cause of involuntary tumescence and estrus for modern American Liberal lads and lasses.

If you were Borked, a la Richard Jewel, you took it to your grave. Today it is called doxing. At least, “Does she Monica?” hasn’t changed. 

Fast forward from 1987 to 2000. An election unlike any other election in American History provided you forget, conveniently forget, 1800, 1824, 1828, and 1876. N.B. The first three were before electricity came into its own and if you wanted to read at night you killed whales.

The Supreme Court vote was 7 - 2, not 5 – 4. The vote to accept the case was 5 – 4. 

Here is the fun part, the part that says payback is a bitch, peckerheads. If Bork had been confirmed the vote would have been 5 – 4 against accepting the case. Alpha Gump would have been President. Thumper Gump would have been in charge of the Easter Bunny raree and the White House would have been filled with the merry prankster sounds of frolicking Gumpsters, and Armand Hammer, Lenin’s pal and Gore, Sr’s sugar daddy, would have wet his pants non-stop.

Also, the radical Islamic terrorists would have opened an office in the WTC [WTC? That’s short hand for World Trade Center] to promote tourism and Saddam Hussein would still have been practicing his unique brand of Jeffersonian Democracy.

Shoulda, woulda, coulda, let’s go to the video tape and Bush wins again. Alito and Roberts, as much as they enjoy Gorsuch, are beside themselves with thoughts of the next one. Scalia is smiling

And yes, today’s Supreme Court decisions would have gone the other way.

The other thing is that these 2 turds, Kennedy & Biden, are still having their asses bit by a dead curmudgeonly deplorable “piece of shit”.

“Vengeance is a dish best eaten cold” is an adage made famous by someone named Niccolo. He was Catholic but not Irish. 

Kevin Smith

PS – Problems with preterition? Needless to say, try paralipsis. And you may want to check my blog – WARRIORBARDIT.BLOGSPOT.COM – on January 23, 2016 when I discovered it went from no choice to Hobson’s Choice to the only choice and I issued a plenary indulgence to anyone who was thinking of voting for Trump. There were 3 reasons: #1 – She, of the fat ass, would have ben the worst person ever to have been elected President. #2 – The possibility existed that he could have been as bad as Carter. A te deum is needed because by any standard he is not and, further, he is keeping the promises he made. #3 – He gets to pick the Judges

Sunday, June 24, 2018

If you need plastic straws, I have them

June 23, 2018
If you need plastic straws, I have them

40 years ago, during the glorious Carter reign, I would exit the shower and open the bathroom window for my obligatory morning ritual. It was a paean to Gaia, the Earth Goddess. I would squirt a healthy dollop of Right Guard out at an unsuspecting ozone layer.

I kept my copy of The Population Bomb by distinguished Stanford Professor Paul Ehrlich. He was a frequent guest on the Johnny Carson Show. As America’s favorite climate Jeremiah, he posited his ca-ca theory that America would either freeze to death or starve to death with those gruesome fin du siècle things happening before halftime of the Rose Bowl 2000.

That was when Time Magazine was confidently telling us in a manner that only full throated modern American Liberal yardbirds and feather merchants can muster that Global Cooling would shortly do us in.

There was something in the Devil’s Brew in the Right Guard that screwed up the ozone layer or some such folderol. [How Global Cooling became Global Warming became Climate Change became Climate Destruction is a horse of a different color, worthy of inclusion in the great bullshit infused myths of years past. Think of all those dead witches in Salem and the tulip craze and Ponzi and wage and price controls and rent control as the first steps to prosperity with higher taxes and a higher minimum wage as the first steps to farting through silk, perpetually, and poisoned cranberries and Alared apples and Y 2000 panic.] There is a section of Queens’s County named Ozone Park given truth to the lie that New Yorkers don’t care.

The key here, the “unbarking dog”, is “40 years ago”.

The Polish Pope, the Iron Lady, and the Great Reagan sealed the fate of Clod Carter, the worst President of the 20th Century and, not serendipitously, the guy in charge 40 years ago.

Yesterday it was 94 degrees F in Ft. Lauderdale and I am still calorically challenged. The stupid bastards who told us not buy any green bananas when Carter, a nuclear engineer by training who couldn’t get 3 helicopters in a row to work in the desert – When Napoleon promoted a field grade officer he expected them to be brilliant but he demanded that they be lucky – who told us that we would die of self-inflicted wounds, wounds that only ungrateful legatees of Western Civilization could inflict, before the next full moon, now tell us that plastic straws pose an existential threat to Patagonian Saw Tooth sea bass who, heretofore, were destined for the tables of the conspicuous consumers who populate Whole Foods.

To which I say, “Sounds like bullshit to me”.

Straws for Intra-Coastal launching leading to piscatorial and reptilian mayhem – not for DQ shakes – are available on a first come, first served basis.

Kevin Smith

PS – If you are conflicted by the horses’ asses – My father’s father, the holder of the first Black Seal operating engineer’s license granted in New Jersey, always marveled at the seemingly contradictory theorem that posited that there were more horses’ asses than horses’ heads which empirical evidence, save for an occasional Eye-Tie gangster movie, would demand that they always be in balance – who warble and croon about saving the whales, I suggest you spend some time with “Earth Day” on You-Tube featuring Professor George Carlin. Send a SASE and I’ll tell you how Colonel Drake saved the whales by drilling oil wells in Pennsylvania. Honest.
Some things are always owed to the ledger. It has been some time since I have highlighted 3 of my favorite broads of the 20th century: Margaret Sanger, Margaret Mead, and Rachel Carson. Sanger was Hitler’s favorite American. He based his Nuremberg Race laws on her writings. Look it up. When Margaret Mead was born the doctor slapped her and then bludgeoned her parents. She was so ugly that even Helen Keller wouldn’t play with her. She had to go to Samoa to get a male to fiddle with her yoo-ha. Then she wrote a book about it that even Jerry Springer didn’t believe. It did influence a generation of Sociology majors though. Figures. And then we have Rachel Carson who has killed more people than Margaret Sanger has. She made it easy for rich White people to feel warm and fuzzy about themselves by banning DDT. Each year at least 2,000,000 sub-Saharan Black babies die from malaria. It is a disease that DDT almost knocked out. Look it up. Never underestimate the power of White chicks, particularly the smarmy ones.
There are several ways, one being politically metaphorical and one being Eye-Tie latent finocchioismo, that Trump could be fucked. But can anyone with even the tiniest fragment of a long decaying sense of the aesthete imagine any circumstances or conditions that anyone not under heavy drugs could say “Fuck Hillary”? Me neither.
It wouldn’t take but 2 or 3 passes from a wing of A-10 Warthogs using that big ass 30  millimeter canon to stem the tide of “Camp of the Saints” wanabees. If some of them got shot to shit on the Mexican side of the border….too bad. I’m still pissed of about the Alamo and Poncho Villa’s last visit to Columbus, New Mexico. Look it up. 

Thursday, June 21, 2018

June 19, 2018 Senator Bernie Sanders

June 19, 2018

Senator Bernie Sanders
357 Western Ave #1B
St. Johnsbury, VT 05819

RE: “How long must we endure…?”

Senator Sanders,

I watched you in the Senate yesterday ranting about filthy lucre driven defense contractors and their obscenely overpaid, sons of Mammon, CEOs. Just now I saw on one of the hate filled Fox stations that Jeff Bezos, a man who gets up every morning trying to figure out how he can fuck Trump – fuck now fits quite comfortably into the envelope marked “civil discourse”, as defined by modern American Liberals, all of whom suffer from genetically irreversible “non-malodorous fecal matter syndrome”. Think severed heads, blowing up the White House, and oval office incest – using the Washington Post, his Washington Post, as his personal cudgel.

I mention the Washington Post because the workers there, all of whom are doing the Lord’s work, are grossly underpaid. They demand, inter alia, a living wage. And, at the very least, corporate tuition vouchers because and despite having the highest per pupil expenditures in the known universe, the DC school system, other than small arms tactic and eternal opposition to the word “niggardly”, can’t challenge Herschel, Jr. or Chloe.

Concomitant with this is the newly revealed factoid that Jeff Bezos is the richest man in the History of the world, the universe, including the unknown parts, the places where Pioneer One won’t reach for another1000 millennia. A bit longer for Pioneer Two.

142 billion
or, put in terms that “deplorable, stupid pieces of shit” understand

How about you arguing for 100% raises? How about free benefits? How about a free lunch? How about a free lunch for everybody? How about 24-hour access for Life Coaching, of course by Board Certified Life Coaches? [Full disclosure: I am a Board-Certified Life Coach so I am arguing for my rational self-interest.] How about a Valhalla of milk and honey, filled with vegan lions and still nervous sheep? How about a vineyard of balloon juice bushes? How about 40 acres of rainbow stew trees? How about we have the above run by the ohmadahns who run Cuba and Venezuela?

Go get it, big guy!  All the rump swab snow-flakes will love you even more

Kevin Smith

Monday, June 18, 2018

June 17, 2018 Rosemary O’Hara – Editorial Page Editor The Sun Sentinel

June 17, 2018

Rosemary O’Hara – Editorial Page Editor
The Sun Sentinel

RE: As usual, a target rich environment


Ah, the vagaries of age have taken me away from the lists for far too long! One particular mini Op-Ed and a tangentially related news story have had a Finnegan’s Wake – yesterday was Bloomsday, remember? – effect on me. I am returning to the arena, avenging sword in hand, “not to rust unburnished, but to shine in use”, in defense of truth, justice, and the ‘permanent things’.

The first piñata is Donna Fusco, the big and I mean big as in the legendary “really big salad” big, Boss lady, il ducerina, if you will, of the Broward Teachers’ Union. [There is something distinctly uneuphonic, jarring as in tinkling brass, about saying, even writing, Teachers and union in the same sentence. FDR was right when he said public employee unions were a Logical impossibility. Whom do they negotiate with? Themselves?] Before I unleash my trusty poleax on her let me pay her a backhanded compliment.

Do you remember Bobby Jones? 

It being the last day of the US Open it is both fitting and proper to use the game of golf as a metaphor for life. It’s been almost a century since he and 3 other shooting stars lighted up the sky of American sport. His athletic feats are still legendary but his life lessons grow more important.

He once emerged from a bocage-like rough to announce that having touched his ball, however inadvertently, he was penalizing himself one stroke. He was told that it did not improve his lie and that no one had seen it. He responded, somewhat Socratically, that just because a man walks past a bank and doesn’t rob it, he hasn’t earned a medal.

I compliment the steatyaganous Boss Lady Fusco – Rubenesque fails ot describe her properly – for breaking the mold of South Florida teacher union head thugs in that she is neither a paedophile nor is she a pick pocket, nor a no hot stove is safe, grifter. 

Alas, no medal for her and that is the extent of my magnanimity.

She mentions the Florida Retirement System and its “appointed managing trustees”, and by stretching the envelope of confusingly conflating correlation and causation, she says that they and Governor Scott, by owning stock in companies that make guns, had a hand in the Parkland shooting.

If it weren’t for tautologies modern American Liberals wouldn’t have to think at all.

I shan’t confuse all by invoking Logic, the capstone of the Trivium, but that, Ms Fusco’s description of culpability, is so colossally dumb that I am rendered almost speechless, with almost being the key word. 

Deo gracias for my recuperative abilities but I have a solution. Let’s stop appointing trustees and elect some real people. How about Warren Buffett for some needed gravitas? How about Kim Kardashian for some new age accounting? How about a crack whore from Liberty City as a nod to diversity? [And speaking of diversity, why aren’t there any women caddies, particularly at chicks only tournaments?

But the story goes on and on.

The Sentinel believes, profoundly and deeply, that any social problem – say education – can be solved by raising taxes. A child born of modern American Liberal parents will not receive a silver spoon. What goes inside the swaddling clothes and then into the crib is a recycled, biodegradable tax rate CD with the words “raise it” and “more” etched into it in an environmentally sensitive manner.

You have a news story about a referendum in Palm Beach County to raise taxes just a teeny-weeny bit to “fund” better education. 

Don’t think ill of me for asking but why will paying teachers who can’t teach Johnny to read more money make them better teachers? If you tell me that higher salaries will attract better teachers what should we do with the older ones who have failed to teach Johnny to read?

Here’s a plan.

Hold them to same high standards to which football coaches are held. Also, and this may be a vocabulary quiz but let us defenestrate at random with decimation as our template, every self-proclaimed educational administrator who can be found. Put that $ into a slush fund for superior teachers.


Look it up.

Kevin Smith

Monday, June 11, 2018

June 7, 2018 Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman Schultz

June 7, 2018

Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman Schultz
1114 Longworth Office Building
9 Independence Avenue SE
Washington, DC 20515

RE: Funny thing about Logical Constructs. And since you claim to have 2 degrees from a major university the term “Logical Constructs” should not be alien to you. Buckle up, bitch. It’s going to be a bumpy ride.

Debbie, Debbie,

Did your husband beat you? When did he stop? I saw stories in 2 major outlets, both of which were written by modern American Liberals ink-stained turds - Let me add that both weren’t just run of the mill mALs but rather card carrying, fire breathing, Trump is the anti-Christ jihadists – that said Melania Trump faked an operation to give time for her facial wounds to recover from the beating her husband gave her.

I used the same dialectic that the two supra used. It led to the obvious question about your husband beating you.

Well, did he? And, more importantly, when did he stop? Say what you will about the MacBeths, at least she never got any knuckle sandwiches from him. Can you make the same claim?

Confidential sources, which by their very nature, must remain confidential, tell me there is a picture of you leaving your mikvah carrying Nancy Pelosi’s severed head. The original picture showed Hillary Clinton’s ginormous ass, the ass that inspired Kim Kardashian and boosted, exponentially, sales of industrial strength WD40 for ingress/egress purposes in case of an emergency dump. That picture would have been too heavy for you to carry so it was cropped. 

If Ivanka Trump is a “feckless cunt” what does that make you?

I understand that the Paki IT dude, the Jew hating one, the one you hired to work on the computers of 4 dozen Democratic Congressmen, is about to take a plea.

Does that make you a contemporary zonderkommado? Do your Congressional filings indicate that you learned how to do the above from George Soros? 

We are coming up to the anniversary of you sending 2 policemen, men with badges and guns, to my house over something I wrote.

If you do it again, be quick about it. My most recent cancer operation and follow-up procedures suggest that the time for me to see you in an orange jump suit being frog- marched to the pokey may be shortening. And since mALs share several traits in common, viz; #1 – no sense of humor and #2 – “Non-malodorous fecal matter syndrome”- you would be about as funny as a rubber crutch.

“Free men speak with free tongues”

You go girl!

Kevin Smith

PS- Despite your oft-repeated claim of 2 degrees, and in Political Science no less, I just had a little bird, after an immunity deal, whisper in my ear that Trivium, as honorable a word as ever has existed, is both an alien word and a four-letter word to you. I used a rhetorical device known as tu quoque to make my point. Forgive me if I have condemned you to a difficult summer. I know and you may yet find out that “a little learning is a dangerous thing” And since any Pierian spring you jump into will be way over your head I suggest you exit your dog-eared Dr. Seuss collection cautiously. I did say it was going to be a bumpy ride, didn’t I?

Monday, June 4, 2018

June 3, 2018 Senator Gary Farmer

June 3, 2018

Senator Gary Farmer
111 E. Las Olas Blvd.
Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33301

RE: Numbers don’t lie but liars can count. Some comments on your mini Op-Ed on the sometimes sanctity of the will of the people in today’s Sun Sentinel.

Senator Farmer,
First, let me congratulate you for not shouting out like a half-assed Jeremiah that hurricanes are about to happen because June is here. And since this is usually accompanied by shouts of “Trump did it, the rat bastard”, you are to be doubly congratulated.

But that’s not why I write.

If, as you say in an achingly predictable modern American Liberal fashion, that when the populi vox – 71% in favor of Maryjane [that used to be a street name for marijuana] – that the matter is closed a la ex cathedra, why isn’t the same weight given to the 62% vote against same sex marriage?

71 for versus 62 against…. but that’s not how modern American Liberals think, is it?

Coach Bowden was wrong to let you pass block all those years without a helmet.

Kevin Smith

June 3, 2018 Fred Grimm The Sun Sentinel

June 3, 2018

Fred Grimm 
The Sun Sentinel

RE: One man, one vote, sometimes – A comment or two in passing on your anatomically untenable [your head usually doesn’t belong up your ass] column in today’s Sun Sentinel about the horror, the horror of politicians doing, y’know what I’m saying, political things.

Mr. Grimm,

Any time an ink-stained modern American Liberal wretch uses the words “inarguable” and “existential” in the first few sentences about how rich White guys, living and/or dead – and that’s what it is always and forever about, right? – get to screw the planet and piss upstream from those perpetually “unlucky in life’s lottery”, I know I’m in for a special treat.

One of the great accomplishments of my young life was when I learned how to spell and pronounce the name Ptolemy. 

He was the first paradigm of “settled science”, remember? For 15 centuries, 1,500 years, a friggin’ millennium and a half, the books were closed on where the earth, the moon, the sun, and all those things floating around out there stood in relation to one and another. Then, voila, along comes a Pole and an Eye-Tie and all that science, the stuff that had been “settled” for so long, became “unsettled”.

That this happened for me around the same time that another “settled” scientific fact, the Steady State theory, became “unsettled”.

I see one and only one truly “existential” threat to civilization. It is not feral WOGS, screaming Allah Akbar and killing non-Muslims – they have been doing that for almost 15 centuries – it is, rather, when fargin’ arseholes see and proclaim the threat of bad haircuts, traffic jams, the lack of affordable housing, Johnny and Juanita still not being able to read, and being overserved in a saloon, as an “existential threat”.

You say it is not only wrong but it is “existentially” wrong for Delaware to have the same number of Senators as Florida.

Logic would dictate that as that problem is addressed the nagging question of the electoral college will be dealt with, right?

It is an inconvenient truth that Alcee Hastings, Corinne Brown, Maxine Waters, Sheila Jackson Lee and B. Hussein Obama would never have found indoor work with no heavy lifting if rich White guys did not make deals with 3rd world firebrands in precisely the way that Madison, Jay, and Hamilton envisioned.

I may be going too fast for you so I will type more slowly. Plus, you may want to send a SASE.

White farmers whose asses were welded to state senate seats carved out districts that would have elected O.J. Simpson, Step-n-Fetchit, or Willie Horton. Good or bad, that’s what passed for progress a few decades ago, remember?

You say “conservative values trump [italics mine] progressive values embraced by New York and California”.

One of the hallmarks of existentialism is the acceptance of empirical data even if they are inconveniently and unacceptably antithetical to long held beliefs. Sort of like “settled science” becoming unsettled.

Pray tell but why if life is so good in “progressive states” like New York and California - toss in New Jersey and Illinois also - why are people leaving like the Grim Reaper is chasing them? 

The 20th century’s most successful community activist, V.I. Lenin, said “People vote with their feet”.

They sure as Hell ain’t moving to Sweden.

They are going to Texas and Florida. They are going to places where “deplorables” are welcomed and made to feel comfortable.

I can see how this would give you an existential itch. Before you get to Sartre I suggest an investment in Epictetus.

Does gin help you get through the day? I imagine it must be maddening to live where “Midnight Basketball” is an object of scorn, where bullying will soon be legal, and where manatees still can’t vote.

Maybe there is something to this “existential threat” business after all.

Kevin Smith

PS – Lessen the burden of modern American Liberal guilt. Take a peek at George Carlin on You Tube discussing Earth Day. And yes, Philosophy was one of my 3 minors in college.