Monday, November 20, 2017

November 19, 2017

Marty Kiar
Broward County Property Appraiser
115 S. Andrews Avenue
Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33301

RE: Some comments about your mini Op-Ed in today’s Suns Sentinel about the horror, the horror, of racist street names besmirching the pristine escutcheon of Broward County.

Mr. Kiar, 

Please note that I have not mentioned, nor will I mention, the name of Napoleon Broward who, whatever else he was or wasn’t, would not be heard humming “We Shall Overcome”. His name is on all the tax bills you send out, not to mention your paycheck.

First, and for the record, is Forrest Street named after the founder of the Ku Klux Klan, the social group that President Wilson invited to the White House to celebrate the premiere of “Birth of a Nation”? And yes, Wilson was a Democrat and in many ways the intellectual forebear of today’s modern American Liberals. Is it the same men’s scholarship and night riding club that Senator Hugo Black and later Supreme Court Justice Hugo Black that he was a proud member. And yes, he was a Democrat also. Is it the same KKK that Senator Robert Byrd, one time recruiter, robe inspector, and cross burner on his ascent to exalted Kleagle status, belonged to” And yes, he was a Democrat.
Wasn’t he the Senator who fulsomely eulogized as a modern-day Cicero by younger dumb Democrats? Yes, he was. Does anyone remember how Cicero cashed in his toga?

I don’t expect you to change Broward County to Willie Horton County, at least not until you get the official OK from the downtown boys. 

Here’s a name you can move on right away. Plantation.

The high school is nick-named the Colonels. Honest. The picture of a portly bearded courtly gentleman sitting on the porch with a few obeisant hounds at his feet waiting for the young field hands to walk by so he can pick one or two for the post-prandial entertainment is a bit more than today’s students shouldn’t have to see have to see when they enter or exit the school.

I expect you to do your duty before the Klan reclaims its heritage. Do it to spite Trump.

Kevin Smith
November 19, 2017

Anna Fusco – President
Broward Teachers’ Union
6000 North University Drive
Tamarac, FL 33321

RE: Some comments on your asinine, damn near imbecilic, mini Op-Ed in today’s Sun Sentinel.

Boss Fusco,

I’ve been out of school a long time.

Is putz too gender specific or is putzette needed to be more precise?

Either way, it’s you sweetheart.

You go, girl!

Kevin Smith

November 19, 2017

Mayor Walter Campbell
City Hall
9551 West Sample Road
Coral Springs, FL 33065

RE: “Unconscionable judicial nominations”. Some comments on your highly dudgeoned mini Op-Ed in today’s Sun Sentinel on, you guessed it, “unconscionable judiciable nominations”.

Mayor Campbell,

The pot calling the kettle black or is that adage verboten? How about sauce for the goose being sauce for the gander or would that make me a specieist?

Anyway, guess who was a 39-year-old lawyer with no, as in none, judicial experience – nada, zippo, zilch – who was nominated and confirmed to the Supreme Court? You remember him, don’t you? His name was William O. Douglas.

I won’t mention William Brennan, a proud son of New Jersey as am I, who was a recess appointment. There are some fascinating back stories about him, his father who was a Newark police department Captain, NJ Chief Justice Arthur Vanderbilt, and AG Herbert Brownell but they are for a different time.

As to the ABA seal of approval you must remember that Senator Schumer once said that it was the gold standard just before he smarmily and savagely destroyed a Bush 43 nominee

I guess it’s OK when a modern American Liberal pulls shit like that.

Kevin Smith
November 19, 2017

Fabiola Santiago
The Miami Herald

RE: Either “water is wet and stones are hard”, and I am sure you know who said that, or they aren’t. Read carefully. I will type slowly.
Sra Santiago,  

In my quest to point out the errors of your economic ways, a quest grounded in agape and caritas, in Christian charity if you will, I may have overlooked some double-helixed truths, things that “deplorables” have learned the hard way but have learned. Alas, when it comes to modern American Liberals, they have long reveled in the denial of Edmund Burke’s maxim that says “Experience is the only school where some people may learn”. 

Modern American Liberal economic thought is based on a blind obedience to au courant shibboleths, non-sequiturs, and tautologies. The premise that the best and quickest way to make the poor rich is by making the rich poor is stuff and nonsense. Progressive pinheads, in particular ink-stained scroyles such as you, can and do frequently get lost on a ladder. 

Let me, in the words of the immortal Ricky Ricardo, “splain” some things to you.

#1 – Realistically, the ideal minimum wage is zero. My lowest hourly wage was $1.05, a job from which I was fired 3 weeks after I was hired. I was paid $1.65 an hour to mop bathrooms. I learned that there is a good way and a dumb way to mop. I also learned an important lesson: to wit; I did not want to mop johns anymore. The point is why settle for $15.00 an hour? Why not $38.50 an hour? Of course, that would include full benefits, a 401k, and lunch on the Boss. That sounds kosher to me. What do you think?
#2 – Double the deduction for SALT – state and local taxes – and increase the interest deduction on all mortgages to 150% of the amount paid. We “pay” for this – and pray tell why must tax cuts be “paid” for? – by raising the maximum tax rate to 112.50%. Is there a household in America, with the exception of the West side of Manhattan and Malibu, where if a financial crisis occurs, the first thing, the instinctive thing, the correct thing, is to cut expenses? [Watch what will be in the Christmas stockings of up to 50,000 GE employees this year.] The obvious choices in the Swamp in D.C. are the Department of Education and the Department of Energy. In 1978 Johnny couldn’t read. 40 years later he still can’t read. He is now joined by Jose, Fatima, and Keisha. Yet the Wangs and the Chans both survive and prosper. I don’t know how that happens. Do you? Fire the whole lot of them. Take whatever money is left and distribute it pro rata through the states. The Department, in its 40 years of being wet-nursed at taxpayers’ expense, has yet to produce a ton of coal, a barrel of oil, or a single kilowatt of electricity. A second Trump term will guarantee that the USA, even now a major exporter of hydrocarbons, will be the dominant producer of same for decades to come. This came about because of unheard of drilling techniques and fracking, much of which the DOE opposed. Fire their sad-sacked sorry asses and give the America energy vouchers for the gross amount saved. They can be spent on anything to do with energy or they can be sold to 3rd parties. Let the people choose. Wasn’t there a song that said “Everything’s Free in America”? Didn’t the Department of Agriculture give away cheese”?
#3 – How do you give a tax cut to someone with no taxable income?
#4 – Start with Herald. Try to find a CFO [Full disclosure. I was once one, and of a public company.] who does not come to work drunk. Ask them what they think of 10 year projections. Stand back as they laugh their asses off. Modern American Liberals believe them as if they were Holy Writ. Let me back that up a bit. Holy Writ is optional to mALs what with the 10 commandments being subjective or situational. Didn’t the Democrats boo God at their convention? Did you ever think that maybe, just maybe, that’s why Biscayne Boulevard and Broward Boulevard might soon be under water?
#5 – If Clinton “balanced” the budget why didn’t the national debt not go down by a single penny? Look it up.
#6 – Why are tax cuts bad if they are done by Trump but good if done by Kennedy?
#7 – Show me someplace, anywhere, anytime, anywhere a society taxed itself to prosperity? I’ll exclude Cuba, Venezuela, Zimbabwe, and North Korea.
#8 – Czarist Russia was a net exporter of durum wheat until 1917. Russia again  exported wheat in 1993. Might there be a pattern here? If Kansas, Nebraska, and the Dakotas did not exist there may not have been a need for the great Reagan. Possibly there would not have been a Cold War because the Russkies would have all starved to death. Agree? Disagree?
#9 – Why do all mALs suffer from “non-malodorus fecal matter syndrome”? Send a SASE if you are confused.

Kevin Smith

PS – Knowing of your abhorrence of “divisiveness” in American politics, do you think the Virginia TV ad showing a red neck “deplorable” trying to run down some Dreamer children in a pick-up truck festooned with a Confederate flag and Gillespie stickers was “divisive” or inclusive”? Also, Senator Schumer signed a money mailer saying that Republican tax cuts were Nazi-like. On a scale of 1 to 10 with 1 being the newly discovered 10th  circle of Hell for those favoring “divisiveness” and 10 being the Utopian-like world of perpetual veganism and countless loops of “Imagine”, “Happy Days Are Hera Again”, and perpetual nocturnal emissions – non gender specific - caused by a phantasmagoric tableau of all the Kennedys and Eleanor Roosevelt taking a warm shower and swapping body fluids, what number would you assign to that letter?

November 19, 2017
Fred Grimm
The Sun Sentinel
500 E. Broward Blvd. 
Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33394

RE: Ugh! Those God-damned rich White guys, none of whom care for the down-trodden, those “unlucky in life’s lottery”, those who would surely perish save for the beneficence of the same good guys in D.C. who gave us the war in Vietnam, the post office, the IRS, and “Midnight Basketball”. And I guess they all own gazillion dollar boats, financed by the Bank of Sark, and domiciled on Gannymede. [Is that where Jay Forbes Kerry hid the yacht his 2nd wife bought him? That was the boat built in New Zealand to beat the higher labor costs here. That’s the boat that although he had been a resident of Massachusetts  all his life he swore he lived in Rhode Island where the sales tax on boats with bowling alleys, koi ponds, and a Sanctuary Boat status was cheaper. That was made clear in your unlinkable Op-Ed in today’s Sun Sentinel.]

Mr. Grimm,

It was said the reason why Pecksniffian New Englanders were so adamantly opposed to bear baiting was not because of the bear but rather that someone, somewhere might be enjoying themselves. Your column this morning says that as much as you are opposed to the idle rich if they going to flaunt their wealth it may as well be here. It may be that some trickle-down dough could benefit single moms, usually women of color with sons who are in need of a good Ritalin program but lack public transit to get to the clinics. And, wonder of wonders, even though they are unemployable at $8.00 an hour, raising it to $15.00 dollars an hour will put them on the fast track to farting through silk at Apple or Amazon. Jeezus Haitch Keerist but that is Guinness Book dumb!

I leave you with one name. Judge Learned B. Hand. He said

“It is a patriot’s duty to arrange his affairs in such a way
that he pays the least amount of taxes possible.
At best, taxation is an enforced exactitude. It is 
not a voluntary contribution.”

Kevin Smith

PS -  Have you ever seen Spielberg’s yacht? It’s the one with the ski slope at the stern with 5 acres of organic tofu on the bow. He is a rapacious defender of $15 an hour. He’s a big modern American Liberal, isn’t he? Maybe Obama was right. Sometimes you don’t need any more money.

November 20, 2017

Rosemary O’Hara – Editorial Page Editor
The Sun Sentinel
500 E. Broward Blvd
Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33394

Editor O’Hara,

The thick part of the envelope comes from the deadly combination of no NFL and Maugham’s enervating elixir, “cheap red wine’. And yes, it pays to hunt where the ducks are. For that I am most grateful.

The thin enclosure comes from some late-night comments on your editorial on letting the people choose. The problem with that is that the bastards overwhelmingly chose to make same sex marriage the law in Florida. “Deplorable”, no?

Your editorial pandering for “fairness” in the revision of Florida’s Constitution is, of course, obscured, dog whistle stuff smoothing the road to the modern American Liberal road that reaches and crosses the horizon and enters the promised land of fairness, equality, inclusiveness, games played with none keeping score, low cholesterol, and higher test scores.

You seem to be calling for Congressional districts to be drawn by Google, Map Quest, drones, and the census. Very precisely, very scientifically, and with no regard to, ahem, “special situations”. Do you honestly think, Baker v Carr notwithstanding, That Alcee Hastings and Corinne Brown would have been elected to Congress other than by running in a district that would have elected Willie Horton and Step-N-Fetchit?

What would happen if the people passed an amendment outlawing abortion? The Cuomo exception, the one that says an elected official can personally oppose abortion but must obey it because of the primacy of Federal law, [US v Peters] is OK on abortion but not on Immigration. The “seamless web” of the law becomes unraveled when it is subject to individual interpretation and subjective judgment. There is a marvelous scene in “Gandhi” where the Mahatma, having been found guilty, has to tell the Judge what he must do. “You must send me to jail.” Saint Paul, Thomas More, Thoreau, and Martin Luther King said the same thing.

The overriding problem, the turd in the punch bowl, if you will, is that all non-deplorable, right-minded Progressives get their knickers knotted when the “people”, with all their base instincts get to, you know what I’m saying, choose.

The possibility of a Governor and the Attorney General being from different parties, a high ball express, pedal to the metal, “short route to chaos”, must be examined. The obvious answer, appointment of the AG by the Governor, might be too obvious.

When in doubt, vide Federalist X

Kevin Smith
November 19, 2017

Wayne Roustan
The Sun Sentinel

RE: The Broward County Fair

Mr. Roustan, 

Who owns the Broward County Fair?
Who does the books?
Who gets to see the books?
Who assumes the risk?
At the end of the day, who gets to keep the money?

Kevin Smith

Saturday, November 18, 2017

November 17, 2017

Mayor Cathy Sheehan
City Hall
24 Eagle Street
Albany, NY 12207

RE: TV is good except when it is bad. Some comments on your Tucker Carlson appearance last night.

Mayor Sheehan,

Having read your bio I must do some housekeeping.

One of my 2 favorite teachers ever was Bernard Sternsher, Ph.D. He was a classmate of Coach Bear Bryant at Alabama. I had the pleasure of taking 6 credits of American History with him at Seton Hall University. This was back when Lyndon Johnson
led our country into 2 wars. One of them ended with 58,000 names on a wall in Washington while the other, the hugely popular and very successful War on Poverty, is still being fought. And yes, the term exit strategy is still valid.

Professor Sternsher wound up at Bowling Green from which you were graduated. Perchance, did you have him?

The other shot in the dark is Dick Campbell, Esq. His law degree is from Albany. He represented me faithfully in U.S. Tax Court during my travails with Uncle Sam’s bean counters. It did not end well. Since your degree is also from Albany the slim chance exists that you shared torts with him. Just asking.

Now comes the nettlesome part. 

How do Catholic politicians square the circle on abortion? And yes, it does apply to the chimeric Sanctuary City soufflé that had you phumphering on TV last night.

Since you are in Albany, I must tell you that I have been asking Governors Cuomo, pere et fils, a simple question. Mario, AKA the Hamlet of the Hudson, gave a speech at Notre Dame where he said that while he was personally opposed to abortion, he had no choice but to permit, allow, countenance, acquiesce, in it because it was the law of the land. 

I asked them both what would have happened if Dred Scott had been captured on their watch. Would they have honored the writ of rendition and put his fugitive ass on the midnight train to Georgia or would they have said, “Not on my watch”? I still await an answer. [The operative part of the Constitution is Article 4, Section 1. You may wish to familiarize yourself with it.]

Saint Augustine said, “Love God and do what you will.” It was Chesterton who said, “Catholicism has not been tried and not found wanting, rather it has been tried and found difficult.” Saint Thomas More said, “When statesmen forsake their private conscience for the sake of their public duties they lead their countries by a short route to chaos.” All of which brings me back to you last night doing the modern American Liberal 2 step on why not enforcing Federal law is a good thing, a moral thing.

Except when it isn’t.

“Eclectic indignation”, the illogical construct without which modern American Liberals would surely go mad, enabled you to appear on national TV and say that up is down and wet is dry. Hopefully, your pants did no go ablaze. Also, and it may have been an internal prosthetic device, but no one could call you Pinocchio.

The sound you hear may be the Hound of Heaven gaining on you.

Kevin Smith

PS – As one RC to another, have you made your Easter duty? [That’s inside baseball talk for Catholics only] If you did, how difficult was the walk up the aisle?

November 18, 2017

Fabiola Santiago
The Miami Herald

RE: “Divisive”? – O yah. Sez who?

Sra. Santiago,

In Houston, Texas, a disgruntled Hillary Clinton supporter – as if there were any other kind – festooned her pick-up truck with a “F#&K Trump” sign. She added “F#&K you if you voted for him”. Not exactly reminiscent of the Burke/Fox or the Webster/Calhoun debates but, more importantly, do you think it was “divisive”?

Forget his politics for the nonce. By any standards, standards being something not to be found in the typical modern American Liberal lock box, Congressman Carlos Curbelo is Hispanic. He was denied membership in the Hispanic Congressional Caucus
because he is a Republican. Do you think it was “divisive”?

Clio, my dominant Muse, commands me to go Historical. 3 times in 48 years American Presidents promised “to not send American boys to fight in foreign wars”. A case could obviously be made for lying but, worse, do you think it was “divisive”?

There is a billboard in New Jersey, my home state, thank you, that shows a shooter in the kneeling position aiming his rifle. The caption reads “the only time we take a knee”.
Naturally, the POO [Perpetually Outraged and Offended] are, you guessed it, outraged and offended. The NAACP, and when was the last time you could use the word “colored” without having a visit from the dreaded Word Police, says it is racist. Again, and more importantly, do you think it is “divisive”

Cuba, Venezuela, Zimbabwe, and North Korea have 2 things in common. Other than the 1% holding the whip handle they are disastrous, totally and abjectly, for the people living there. The other thing is that they are, top to bottom, front to back, Socialist. 
Senator Sanders and Senator Lieawatha Warren tell us of the inevitability of Socialism .Is it time to have Kumbaya replace the National Anthem? Again, do you think it is “divisive”?

Get back to me, por favor. I am here on my unicorn ranch and manatee sushi plant trying to get a bumper crop from my rainbow stew bushes and balloon juice trees. All organic, of course, with no carbon footprint. Just trying to undrown those baby seal eating polar bears. “Inclusive”, no?

Kevin Smith

Wednesday, November 15, 2017

November 14, 2017

Steve Strunsky
The Jersey Journal

RE: More on speech, political speech, hate speech and the Sikh Mayor of Hoboken.

Mr. Strunsky,

I don’t know if you remember when, in the height of the glorious reign of the great Reagan, all the Democrats, particularly those in the Senate who thought that they should be President or thought that they were President, couldn’t wait to collude with the Kremlin – Look it up – and Hoboken voted itself a nuclear free zone. 

I was in Hoboken as much as 8 times a week back then. I must tell you how much better that made me feel, knowing that the Kremlin would spare Hoboken the worst of a thermonuclear exchange. It was something that enabled Terry Malloy and Johnny Friendly to reach across the aisle and settle their differences. [You can look that up also]

Back to business.

Please tell me which law or laws have been broken in the election mailer pogrom about to begin. Please be specific. Cite the particular statute or statutes.

Does there exist a scintilla of suspicion, a soupcon of doubt, a feeling expressed by Poirot in “Murder on the Orient Express” when he said, “There are too many clues”.

Think about Tawana Brawley.
Think about the Duke lacrosse team.
Think about the UVA fraternity rape case.
Think about the Air Force Academy hate language brouhaha.

Yet again I cite an original DWEM


We ignore this at our own peril.

Kevin Smith
November 14, 2017

Congressman Ted Deutch
111 Las Olas Blvd
Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33301

RE: More fallout from your mini Op-Ed in Sunday’s Sun Sentinel in which you bemoan the horror, the horror of Trump’s jobs program, the one that is coupled with an undiluted paean to “Let the people keep more of the money they make”.

Congressman Deutch,

So eager was I to point out a typical modern American fallacy, the one that says with a straight face, that tax cuts must be paid for or Grammy will be eating dog food on holidays and dumpster diving with her lead poisoned and rickets infected grandchildren on an odd/even schedule installed to prevent gun fights at the good locations that I overlooked the obvious gorilla in the room.

“Their plan to slash taxes for the biggest corporations and
 wealthiest Americans will add $1.7 trillion to budget deficits
 and trigger automatic and immediate cuts to vital
programs to cover the costs.”
The Sun Sentinel

[A brief digression: Did you announce the above in person or did your office issue a press release? If you did it front of a microphone or TV camera were you wearing a diaper or rubber knickers? No supposedly intelligent adult could say something like the above without wetting his pants.]

If you are apoplectically opposed to Trump potentially adding $1.7 trillion dollars to the federal budget – Is it true that women and minorities suffer disproportionately when governments operate in the ether world of misfeasance, malfeasance, antifeasance, and. worst of all, just plain dirty rotten feasance, particularly when a Republican in in office? -  what did you do when Barack the Beneficent added $10 trillion to our burdensome deficit and debt. If memory serves he borrowed the first chunk of it from some clever Mandarin bankers. Let me spell it out. $10,000,000,000,000.

Did that bother you then and, if not, why not? Economic “eclectic indignation”?

Kevin Smith

Friday, November 10, 2017

November 7, 2017

Bruce Reed
The Broad Foundation
801 Brickell Avenue #2350
Miami, FL 33131

RE: Congratulations!

Mr. Reed,

I was watching you on C-SPAN yesterday talking, wistfully, about the good days about President Handsome Billy, the King of the One-Eyed Trouser Snakes, as he ducked ash trays flung at him by Wide Bottomed Hillary – What’s the word for female cuckold? – and played “Hide the Salami”, dreamed of new places to use Presidential privilege, and honed the fine edge of perjury.

“What”, said I? Where was the mention of Webb Hubbell? How about Lani Guinier? Has Craig Livingstone gone down the modern American Liberal memory hole? And has anyone yet figured out how George Stephanopoulos got the mortgage to buy the office building on DuPont Circle? To be precise, the 115% mortgage. That means the Riggs Bank lent him the down payment and working capital. His loan application showed 2 things: #1 His business address > 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue and #2 the name of his immediate supervisor > President William Jefferson Clinton, hopefully from Hope, Arkansas but really from Hot Springs, Arkansas. Just asking. [Try to find another similar loan where the borrower lived in the Anacostia section of D.C.

Anyway, I was enjoying it because, to paraphrase Samuel Johnson, “A man on political inscription is not under oath”.

Then I heard you say something that sounded like finger nails on the blackboard, said sound causing one to catch his embarrassing short and curlies in the zipper as you did an emergency zip up after, in true modern American Liberal fashion, you were pissing on some deplorable’s back while telling them it was rain. 

That kind of sound. OOOOOH!

You said the 1988 campaign was “hate-filled and racist”. Talk about dog whistles. That means but one thing and that thing is called Willie Horton.

That also means that you have lost your soul, your raison d’etre, in the amoral labyrinth known as modern American Liberalism.

Let us stipulate that Willie Horton was a rapist who murdered several people in Massachusetts. He was sentenced to life without parole. Massachusetts, a place that solved its chronic witch problem by hanging a few of them – and has Salem been bothered by witches since? No – locked him up forever in the Northeastern Correctional pokey in Concord, MA. Governor Michael Dukakis, [“Wee Mikey” to his friends] a firm believer in “There is no such thing as a bad boy”, gave him a weekend furlough. As difficult as this may be to believe, he went to Maryland where, so help me, he raped and murdered yet again. The families of the Maryland victims came to Massachusetts but, because of scheduling obstacles, the Governor could not see them. Willie is currently in jail in Maryland where he is not eligible for their furlough program.

A terrible story made worse by the politicization of it.

Did I mention that Willie was Black? Does it make me a racist if I do?

As to the “hate filled and racist” 1988 campaign you, as a card carrying, fire breathing modern American Liberal, perhaps better put by C.S. Lewis when he described your class as “men without chests”, did Goebbels proud by repeating and repeating the lie that it was Bush 41 who sent that ball down the chute.

Your repetition of that blood libel is why I began my note with Congratulations! When I found out who one of your past employers was I knew that you were going to be the winner of my most prestigious award:


You worked for former Vice President Alpha Gump. [Again, a brief digression. Which of the really fine DC public schools did Alpha and Thumper Gump send their baby Gumpsters to?] I mention him because he was the one who introduced Willie Boy to the American public. He did it in the Democratic Primary in New York in 1988. He repeatedly told the story of how Governor Dukakis let the raping murderer out for a weekend. All he had to do was promise that he would not rape and murder again. Willie did not keep his promise. Your old Boss, that “crazed sex poodle”, thought that the Democratic voters of New York should be apprised of this. 

Let me stipulate that I am talking about former Senator Albert Arnold Gore, Jr. I want to distinguish him from his father, Senator Albert Arnold Gore, Sr who was the noted segregationist, tobacco farmer, slum lord, and the bought and paid for lap dog of Armand Hammer who was in Lenin’s and Stalin’s pocket. Talk about Kremlin collusion!

Anyway, it was your former boss who introduced the world to Willie Horton. He may well have been a victim of life’s circumstances as this is a country founded on slavery and racial oppression not to mention misogyny and the “White Man’s Burden” leading to the looting and pillaging of lands populated by “noble savages” just starting their climb up the ladder of civilization.

It is owed to the record to point out that 2 states found Willie guilty of rape and murder. The second state, Maryland, now is responsible for his creature comforts because the Byzantine rite, secular humanist Governor of the first state freed him for a long weekend and made him promise to be back by lunch Tuesday. Senator Gore pilloried and poleaxed Dukakis over this. I know because I heard him from my office at 11 Broadway in Manhattan.

For 30 years the meaner than cat shit reptiles who make up the Democratic party and their stooges in the media have promulgated the lie that Bush 41 and his principal pitchman, Lee Atwater, constructed the myth of Willie Horton out of whole cloth. It is inconceivable that anyone alive during the New York primary of 1988 would not have known this. Anyone suggesting otherwise should be flogged.

Let the record show that the ad telling the story of Willie the felon in 1988 had the advantage of being 100%, straight as a plumb line, true.  And it worked. Vide Bush 41. 

Do you think the lying ad in Virginia, the one showing a red neck cracker – you can tell by the mullet and, doubtless, a “bitter clinging deplorable” – driving a pick-up truck festooned by a Confederate flag and a Gillespie sticker trying to run over some minority and WOG kids, worked?

Perhaps an update on “Nothing lost save honor” but it’s business as usual for people who, at long last, have no shame.

I don’t want to get too melodramatic but “when statesmen forsake their private conscience for the sake of their public duties they lead their country by a short route to chaos”.

Anyway, Congratulations, you SMARMY BASTARD! No Affirmative Action here. You got it the old-fashioned way. You earned it.

Kevin Smith
November 9, 2017

Mitchell Berger, Esq,
Berger, Singerman
350 Las Olas Blvd
Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33301

Yo, Mitchie!

Your “scientific consensus”, the one that puts all theorems to a subjective vote, the one that will shortly make pi 3.0 rather than 3.1416 so that inner city youth can get better geometry scores, thereby increasing their self-esteem while decreasing their disproportionate reliance on bullying, has yet another mitzvah to perform.

I watched a show on NOVA, and since American taxpayers paid for a portion of it, I, as a taxpayer, should have been listed as a co-producer. It was about the formation of the Badlands of Western Montana. It left me confused.

We all “know” that, despite the promises of Barack the Beneficent to “cool the earth and calm the seas”, the sea is neither calm nor has the earth cooled. It is a well-known fact that modern American Liberals judge a claim on its expectations rather than its results. For example, why is there no after action report on the War on Poverty? 

Use 1964 as a base line. Use all the indices that go into the economic/cultural pie chart that Democratic illiterates adore, the reason being that it cuts out the thought part of the conclusion process. Modern American Liberals, by their very nature, exemplify and proselytize “the triumph of hope over experience”. It didn’t work.

Some notable examples would be 3 Democratic Presidents in 48 years promising not to send American boys to fight in foreign wars, remember? A more recent example would be “shovel ready jobs” and “If you like your doctor you can keep your doctor” and “I will draw a red line in the sand”, shit like that. And nobody but nobody, particularly true believers, say squat. The horizon, always there, always visible, never reachable, is the goal. For modern American Liberals, it is the journey rather than the destination. [There may be a bit too much Aquinas in the last statement to sit well with mAL secular humanists]

But enough of me limning your psychological & political shortcomings. 

An ice wall burst releasing some 500 cubic miles of water into Western Montana. How did the wall form? Global Cooling? How did the wall burst? Global Warming?

We know that there were no slave owning, misogynistic DWEMs lurking about when these things happened. We know that there were no coal fired power plants around spewing acid rain and drowning polar bears. [We do know that if there were, your hypocritical Green, lower than eel guvna buddy, Tom Steyer, would have sold them the dirty coal to burn in them.]
It comes down to some simple questions.

Where did the ice come from? Why didn’t it form earlier? Or later? Why did it melt causing a 1,000-foot-high tidal wave that fundamentally changed the geography of 4 states? Is the ice coming back? If you give up your limo and bike to work will that stop it? Or are we doomed regardless?

Favore, get your crack consensus working on this. Time is of the essence. I got rid of the last of my cashmere collection two Christmases ago. Should I try to retrieve it? I’m planning on dying in a few years and I want to be sure to cross over the “bar” to the “undiscovered country” properly clad.

The clock is ticking.

Kevin Smith

Monday, November 6, 2017

November 4, 2017

Mitchell Berger, Esq.
Berger Singerman
350 Las Olas Blvd
Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33301

RE: What’s a guy supposed to believe?


I hate to bring bad news but did you know that “tofu comes from organic whale snot”? I say that because when you had dumber than a box of hammers, former VP Alpha Gump, over for dinner last week. your wife probably had tofu on the menu. [I hope she didn’t have carrots or broccoli because they were the original success stories on modifying, in a most profoundly genetic way, food. But you knew that, didn’t you?]

But that; not why I write. 

The ozone layer is closing.

Did you know that VP Alpha Gump had a unique Secret Service handle? “Cementhead” says it all., doesn’t it? “Angler” was Cheney’s because he liked to fish. “Curley” was Biden’s name because he reminded everyone of the smartest Stooge.

But enough of this idle chit-chat

I remember the head Gumpster telling the United States Senate in 1991 that we were all going to die horribly because the ozone layer was collapsing. The reason was simple: the rise of SUVs and the promiscuous use of aggressive air conditioning, with the non-vegan death of baby seals by meat eating polar bears being collateral damage.

26 years later and I still don’t know why we got that reprieve. Did he say what this year’s “scientific consensus”, like the trolls at Delphi or the grifters at a traveling circus, is telling us? Caesar dixit, eh?

Confusion, “like a wine dark sea”, is sweeping over me. Do I still need sun screen 45, or are you all just full of shit? That’s the consensus over here.

Get back to me, OK?

Kevin Smith

November 4, 2017

Craig McCarthy
New Jersey Advance Media

Mr. McCarthy,

“Authorities are looking into whether the MEGA [Make Edison Great Again]
anti-Indian and Anti-Chinese school board election mailers sent to 
township residents violated any campaign regulations or criminal laws.

The postcards, which read ‘The Chinese and Indians are taking over our
Town. Chinese school! India school! Cricket field! Enough is enough’, do not
Identify a group that footed the bill for the mailers.

Two Board of Education candidates, Jerry Shi and Falguni Patel, are
 pictured with a ‘deport’ stamp covering part of their faces.”

First things first:

#1 – Did the mailer have a union stamp on the bottom? If not, think Putin? 
#2 – Less than a week from the election I have a feeling that his outrage was maybe, just maybe, self-inflicted.
#3 – What ever happened to old fashioned billingsgate?
#4 – Did I tell you that I was born and raised in Bayonne, NJ and that I still have my built-in Hudson County bullshit detector?
#5 – At least the mailer didn’t say “Allah Akbar”, thank God.

November 4, 2017

April Ryan
American Urban Radio Network 
938 Penn Avenue #701
Pittsburgh. PA 15222

RE: If not genocide, then what?

MS. Ryan,

“Seriously”, your head is so far up your ass that all those shibboleths, tautologies, and non-sequiturs that modern American Liberals in general and modern American Liberal Black female journalists in particular, live by are beginning to make sense.

I say this because you can use it as a mitigating factor when you face the awful truth I am about to reveal.

Black women, who make up about 6% of the population, have between 35% and 40% of all abortions in this country.

Thurgood Marshall, surely the best trail lawyer in the 20th century to sit on the Court, a fact that did not prevent him from being among the 9 worst Justices since John Jay swung the gavel, voted in favor of Toe v Wade.

His reasoning was simple. Abortion was good for Blacks because it meant that they did not have to grow up to face the horror, the horror of being Black in America. “Seriously” but that’s what he said. Would not Logic dictate that a reverse tontine in inner cities kill every 10th urban youth when they get a driver’s license? How about tattooing DNR on their foreheads? How about harvesting them for spare parts?

Not to put too fine a point on it but since 1973 there have been about 66,000,000 abortions performed in this country. Of that egregiously ghastly number about 30,000,000 have been performed on Black babies being borne by Black women.

Thomas Sowell or Willie Horton? Ben Carson or H. Rap Brown?

“Seriously” when that blob of Black fetal tissue circles the abattoir’s drain, who cares?

Anyway, and thanks to the vision of Margaret Sanger, Hitler’s favorite American, the culling techniques of modern science are always improving. Best of all, there is no end of victims because they fight to get in line at the chopping block.

“Seriously” folks, I can’t make this stuff up.

How does this affect you?

You are, in today’s semi-literate world of quarte baked world of communications, a star. That you got there by being a seriously snarky and smarmy chick is irrelevant. You’re there. You have the stage. You have the mike and the red light is flashing.

Your choice is simple.

“Qui tacet consentire” – Another DWEM assault on Black folk
“Silence gives consent”

Either you acquiesce in the slaughter of your own kind, innocents all, or you don’t.


Kevin Smith
November 5, 2017

Congressman Ted Deutch
111 E. Las Olas Blvd.
Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33316

RE: Some comments on your mini Op-Ed on anti-Semitism in today’s Sun Sentinel.

Congressman Deutch,

How would you define a “New York lawyer”?

I imagine if Pat Buchanan had used that term.  Cries of pogrom and krisalnacht would have been heard. But when “unnamed White House sources” used “it” your then lanschmen just grabbed their ankles and said “Thank you sir, May I have another?” It is an admirable – scratch that – significant trait common to specific modern American Liberals. [For the record, Bernie Nussbaum, Esq. was the “New York lawyer” who cleaned up after Vince Foster, Esq. Wide Bottomed Hillary’s special friend, ate his gun, remember?]

Speaking of anti-Semitism…. where on the pecking order would you place Jesse Jackson? Al Sharpton? [Can I offer a late kaddish or a Mass for Yankel Rosenbloom?] Reverend Wright? Keith Ellison? Sheila Jackson Lee? Maxine Waters?

I think I see a pattern emerging here.

Any comments?

And yes, I am a constituent.

Kevin Smith

PS – Roman Catholics today are the most persecuted religious group in the world. As a Roman Catholic I would appreciate it if you, a Jewish Congressman, would at least raise this issue from your Congressional pulpit. And I am a righteous gentile
November 5, 2017

Fred Grimm
The Sun Sentinel

RE: Alas, my last New Year’s resolution has come a cropper. At least it lasted until Guy Fawkes Day.

Mr. Grimm, 

The last resolution to go was my blood oath to stop spiking, A La NFL end zone TD celebrations, bay seals, particularly injured bay seals.

Let’s start at the end.

“As Francesca Guerrera told me, along the 2400 block,
where sandbags are kept at the ready, the king tides
have washed away the debate about climate change.”
The Sun Sentinel
Page 21A

That you commit the typical modern American Liberal sin of confusingly conflating correlation and causality and by saying it enough times – think of Goebbels – dim bulb readers will believe it, is expected. Once again, it fails.

I am going to risk being labeled an elitist by citing a bunch of DWEMs by asking you if are you in any way familiar with Post Hoc Ergo Propter Hoc.

 I’m sorry. You are not. You could not go through life saying “Global Warming is caused by hot days which, you know what I’m saying, and hot days are caused by Global Warming because life is a circle that shows what goes around comes around eventually. Didn’t a really smart guy tell you that if it weren’t for tautologies and non-sequiturs you would never have to use your brain?

We’ll have to come back to the vexing questions of why, if sea levels are rising, why aren’t beach front or littoral property prices falling? Why, if the risk is obvious, do banks compete to grant mortgages to buy such properties? Why haven’t non-governmental insurance rates skyrocketed? Why, if the sea level rise in inexorable, is the Federal government still in the flood insurance business?

I am going to let you in on a little secret. I love Climate Change. 4 times a year, the next time will be just before Christmas, I gather an increasingly larger band of Merry Pranksters, and we celebrate the writings of our favorite Italian climatologist, Professor Antonio Vivaldi. Some decent potables are close at hand.
The other tradition is that the newest member of the group has to read from my 1969 copy of “The Population Bomb” by Professor Paul Ehrlich. You may find this hard to believe but he said then that we would either starve to death or freeze to death by the drop-dead date of 2000.

Then we play the tape of former VP Alpha Gump telling the United States Senate in 1991 when he occupied the seat that his father Senator Albert Gore, Sr., noted segregationist, gave him, not to worry about either starving or freezing because we were going have our asses fried because there was not going to be an ozone layer to protect us from an overload of Vitamin D or maybe Vitamin C. Whatever.

One of the great American words is “bullshit”.
No legitimate conversation about
can take place without the word
being paramount.

You say earlier in your “Oh God, but I hate the 21st century almost as much as I hated the 20th century, electricity, the Industrial Revolution, plastic, CAT Scans, the Cassini space probe, keeping score at ballgames, teenage bullying and obesity but not “Imagine”, Midnight Basketball, and endless loops “We Shall Overcome” and “Kumbaya”, that “9 years ago, flooding has become an ever-worsening aggravation”.

This could be one of those uncomfortable “turd in the punch bowl” moments but didn’t Barack the Beneficent tell us “9 years ago,” that

A - “We are the ones that we have been waiting for” and
B – “I will cool the earth and calm the seas”

Yikes, but I took Professor Ehrlich at his word. Since the consensus of my scientist
 is that man is descended from the bears I stuffed myself. My favorite t shirt, the one that says 

no longer fits. Naturally, I disposed of it in an environmentally sensitive manner.

Your open book extra credit assignment is to find our all you can about how the Shinnecock inlet came about. It wasn’t here before the hurricane of 1937. It’s still there. Fish and boats use it regularly. When it comes to barrier islands, the ocean always wins.

Kevin Smith

Tuesday, October 31, 2017

October 31, 2017

Andres Viglucci
The Miami Herald

RE: Walmart is evil, particularly after Wide Bottomed Hillary left its Board, but Amazon is neutral? Some comments on your news article about, in a trend reversing trend, a trendy book store is opening in a trendy South Florida neighborhood.  Why it doesn’t open in Liberty City is a discussion for a different time. Shouldn’t poor folks, particularly people of color, have an equal opportunity to read?

Mr. Viglucci,

The two things that stand out about Irish Alzheimer’s are that, while you forget you have it, the last thing you forget is a well-earned grudge.

A brief digression.

Modern American Liberals raled against Walmart because they shut down Mom & Pop stores. Forget that Walmart greatly benefited single moms, usually women of color, with their huge inventories and phenomenally low prices – por ejemplo, prescription drugs. They disturbed, indeed ruptured, the limited inventory, high price, delivery extra, model that had existed for decades. Vide “Creative Destruction” by Schumpeter

Progressives, the natural descendants of modern American Liberals, must take a blood oath swearing that they have never purchased a book from Amazon before they will be allowed to criticize Walmart.

But back to the main track.

By 1997 I was a big-time fan of “Books & Books” in Coral Gables. Just before Christmas I was there looking to score a 2 book combo as a Christmas present.

I found several options for #1 – T. S. Eliot - but none for #2 – Ezra Pound. I asked a knowledgeable sales person where I could find Pound.

“We don’t stock him,” she told me.

“Why not,” I asked. 

“Ask him,” she said.

“Him” was the bearded, gaunt, almost Jesuitical, owner, Mitch Kaplan.

He told me he wouldn’t stock Pound because he was an anti-Semite and that since he owned the store he could stock or not stock anybody.
Quickly remembering that the natural law right to use one’s property as you want – sui juris -  is paramount in the pantheon of God-given rights – “gifts from beyond the stars” – I said, “You’re right”, and I haven’t been back since.

Again, a brief digression.

Try to imagine 20th century literature – N.B. that I specifically didn’t say 20th century English literature – without Joyce, without Eliot, [Eliot called Pound il miglior fabbro] without Hemingway, without Yeats. While you are at it, try to imagine Bach absent the cello, cell phones without Jobs, or the 20th century without the Polish Pope and the Great Reagan. 

Harvey Weinstein produced some great films. Roman Polansky directed some great films. Meryl Streep called the former “God” and publicly wet her drawers clapping for the latter in 2003. Weinstein ruined it for a lot of rain coat flashing dirty old men while Polanski queered the pitch for fledgling paedophiles. Sould that grant us a license to burn their films?

Since Mitch’s new business plans don’t interfere with mine I wish him the best.

Let me report that, indeed, plaids do go with stripes, and that I have discovered 2 new episodes of The Honeymooners. On the other hand, it is best to hard boil your Easter eggs before you bury them.

Kevin Smith

Monday, October 30, 2017

October 29, 2017

Congresswoman Lois Frankel
2500 North Military Trail #490
Boca Raton, FL 33431

RE: Some comments on your moronic mini Op-Ed in today’s Sun Sentinel on your plan to raise unicorns to tend the Rainbow Stew and non-GMO balloon juice bushes that will be used to feed the anti-gravity 3D droids that modern American Liberals so devoutly wish for.

Congresswoman Frankel,

Since you never had the courtesy of responding to me when I was your constituent I shan’t be shattered if you continue that proud Democratic tradition.

Meanwhile, here is some useful, of course organic, cud to chew on.

#1 – How do you give a tax cut to someone with no taxable income? [The unspoken corollary to that, a subject for a different discussion, is how do homeless people, those “unlucky in life’s lottery”, mange to remain obese?
#2 – Why do tax cuts have to be “paid” for?
#3 – Approximately 20% of the taxpayers pay about 75% of all taxes. Would not Logic dictate that any tax cut, be it income, personal, corporate, estate, or pass through would disproportionately benefit those who are feeding the cow rather just being welded to the perpetually lactating teat? Udderly offensive to said Logic, right?
#4 - Here’s a plan. Double, maybe triple, the deduction from Federal taxes, of local and state taxes. If you spend $25,000 locally you get to deduct $50,000 or $75,000 from your Federal taxes. Raise the highest bracket to 105% and we will all be farting through silk before you can say “Midnight Basketball”. Great idea, right?
#5 – You may remember that we borrowed $1,000,000,000,000 from the Chinese in 2009 to fund “shovel ready jobs”. How did that work out? Exactly which year did the “Summer of Recovery” take place? As far as I can tell, it all went to Blue States to fund public unions’ salaries, benefits, and pension schemes. Does that pass the “bag test”? #6 – Check your meds. You may be substituting Xanax for B-12.

We had Obama for 8 years and you tell me with apparently a straight face that our bridges are falling down, Keisha still can’t read, and Granny is either dumpster diving or eating discarded cat food.


You can respond or not respond at my new address: Bedlam

The old address is still the same.

Kevin Smith
October 29, 2017

State Senator Lauren Book
967 Nob Hill Road
Plantation, FL 33324

RE: 70% is more than 60% but, gosh almighty, that doesn’t make 60% “small potatoes”, does it? Some comments on your mini Op-Ed on marijuana in today’s Sun Sentinel.

Senator Book,

You’re right in your Trollope-like observation that a more than 70% yes vote on the question of legalizing marijuana should count for something.

For more than a century, led originally by that old bigot Woodrow Wilson, initiative and referendum have been the twin horizon-like Gods of Progressives. They morphed into today’s permanent scolds and nags, AKA modern American Liberals.

The problem with universal suffrage and the lack of literacy tests or property qualifications is that sometimes the wrong people vote for the wrong things. For example, it can be argued that absent the XV11th Amendment, the United States would have sat out World War 1.

What do you make of the 62% majority that voted to oppose same-sex marriage?

Doubtless, they were all “bitter clinging deplorables”, but if modern American Liberals are determined to give the vote to ex-cons – think of OJ Simpson – illegal aliens, returning ISIL/ISIS combat veterans, even those suffering from PTSD, how can we ignore this “silent majority”?

Only the modern American Liberal gift of “eclectic indignation” allows you to proclaim, without wetting your knickers, that plaid is your favorite color.

You go, Girl!

Kevin Smith
October 27, 2017

Mitchell Berger, Esq.
Berger Singerman
350 Las Olas Blvd
Ft. Lauderdale, FL 30001

RE: Can’t make it tonight. Sorry.


Last minute opening at the Seminar for Increasing my carbon footprint while convincing the addle-brained modern American liberal boobs that I Really, Really Care about baby seal eating polar bears. It is sponsored by the Alpha Gump School of Making America Dumber. Its motto is “Who Cares If There are More Horses’ Asses than Horses’ Heads As Long As I Can Make a Buck?” 

So far, it’s worked for him.

Ask Al tonight what happened to the exponentially expanding hole in the ozone layer, the one that was going to cook us. He told us that in 1991, remember?

Ask him if he ever hears from Paul Ehrlich, Ph. D. who told us in 1969 that the Race was on. We would either freeze to death or starve by the year 2000, remember?

Ask him if he ever hears from Paul Krugman, PH. D. & Nobel Prize who was a shill for Enron a $50,000 a pop – Some country, right? – who told us that if Trump beat Wide-Bottomed Hillary that the market would tank and 401ks would become 201ks. I’m glad Buffett took his advice. He did, didn’t he?

Lastly, if sea levels are rising why aren’t beach front property values falling?

Kevin Smith

PS – Do you hike or bike to work? Have you turned off the A/Cs in your office, in your house? Is bupkes kosher for vegan meals?

October 28, 2017

Letter to the Editor
The Star Ledger
Star Ledger Plaza
Newark, NJ

RE: Some comments on your unlinkable editorial on the horror, the horror oc Climate chnagr and the government’s inability to tell its citizens that the sky is falling.

Sirs, Madames, Undecideds,

First of all, it was not Hurricane Sandy. It was big, nasty, mean spirited, divisive, particularly to women and minorities, Sandy the Storm.

It’s a small thing but it’s important for two reasons.

A – God is in the details.
B – The words “consensus” and “science” do not belong, never ever, in the same sentence. It would be like saying “almost a virgin” or “almost malignant” or “almost the truth”.

I am going to take a break here. I am going to put my “Proud Global Warmer” hat on. It – Global Warming – is what caused the Renaissance. Unless you have a problem with Dante just nod and say “Deo Gratias”. Besides, it’s what guys born and raised in Bayonne do.

I spent several summers as a child in Sea Bright.

I spent several summers as an adult in Bay Head.

If, as you say, the sea level is rising, how much have the property values gone down?

If, as you say, the sea level is rising, why is the United States government insuring property owners against the absolutely, positively, guaranteed risk of destruction from which there is no escape?

If, as you say, the sea level is rising, why are banks still financing the purchases of these properties? The instruments are called mortgages and, I know you’ll find this hard to believe, but in our post-racial society the government buys this debt thereby enabling the lenders to do it all over again. Honest.

I greatly treasure my copy of Paul Ehrlich’s 1969 forgotten masterpiece, “The Population Bomb”. It said we were doomed to die by the year 2000. We would either starve or freeze. Talk about a Hobson’s Choice!
Does the word “bullshit” still have the same panache it had when I was a resident Jersey Guy?

Kevin Smith

Ps – I loved it when you said to “incorporate under-represented populations in the decision-making process”. Does that include illegal aliens, border jumpers, DACA whelps, Sanctuary City refugees, ISIS/ISIL veterans, and undocumented flotsam and jetsam? How will you know if you can’t ask them? It must be tough to be a card carrying, fire breathing modern American Liberal these days. Deep down you know that you are all full of shit.
October 29, 2017

Fred Grimm
The Sun Sentinel

RE: Some things never change. Some comments on your lachrymose-ridden, achingly familiar column on the unfairness of it all, as written down by you in today’s Sun Sentinel.

Brother Grimm, 

I thought that when you left the Miami Herald you would become Chairman Emeritus and chief tsk-tsker of the Harriet van Horne Rest Home for POO Pundits, POO being short hand for “Perpetually Outraged and Offended”.

It being close to Halloween you have adopted the Dracula guise and refuse to stay dead. You succeed in giving lycantrophy and vampirism a bad name.

Life would be good if only we could get rid of those wascally Wepublicans. “All them corn fields and ballet at night”, as Fred Kite, the noted British Labour leader used to say. 

Here’s the only solution to your eternal agida.

Unelect those Republicans

Elect some head up their ass Democrats.

Think Cuba, Venezuela, Zimbabwe. Think big time Midnight Basketball.

Get back to me, OK?

Kevin Smith