Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Cammy Clark McC Cammy Clark McClatchy Washington Bureau

November 28, 2010

Cammy Clark
McClatchy Washington Bureau
700 12th Street NW
Washington, DC 20005

RE: “Economy Cause Florida Lesbian Landmark to Welcome Male Guests” – Some comments on your not quite man bites dog story

Ms. Clark,

In the worst of all possible worlds what would happen if the headline read “Economy Causes Florida Heterosexual Landmark to Welcome Non-Gendered Guests”?
What if “lesbians” became “homosexuals” and “Male” became “Female”?

Has not a prima facie for discrimination – both gender and sexual preference - been made at Pearl’s Rainbow? Is this a case of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell?

Barney Frank, Congress’s leading non-heterosexual, ran a gender specific whore house in his basement. Wouldn’t a Masked Girls’ Night Out Hot Spot have lessened Pearl’s Perils? Could this qualify as a “shovel ready” project?

Perhaps an all lesbian Koran burning plus arm wrestling contest might strike a more responsive economic chord.

I have to step back through the looking glass. The bell on my manatee snare just rung. I hope it’s a small one. Domestic sushi plus organic grease for my door hinges. I love Florida.




Kevin Smith

Representative Jim Waldman

November 25, 2010

Representative Jim Waldman
4800 West Copans Road
Coconut Creek, FL 33063

RE: Lying and Perjury – There is a difference. Some comments on the Broward New Times article about where you live and where you don’t live and why it matters in a most profound and disturbing way.

Representative Waldman,

In almost 2 years of correspondence and conversations I thought you were the rarest of breeds: a principled politician. The presumptively oxymoronic clang of “principled politician” notwithstanding, particularly in Broward County, and most particularly when the “principled politician” is a true blue, fire eating modern American Liberal.

I thought I had found a virgin in a French Knocking Shoppe.

The date of birth on my driver’s license reminds me that I am much too old to fall for a bait and switch routine. At least you never said that you would “drain the swamp”.

The fact that I was born and raised in Hudson County, New Jersey, a place of political perfidy, is yet still more proof that “hope triumphs over experience”.

The Florida Constitution requires that you live in district that you represent.

At some point you committed perjury.

If your Federal tax return has an address other than your principal residence you lied to the Feds. Nothing like an afternoon in front of a Federal Grand Jury to concentrate the mind. Either way you lied to your constituents.

“Honor is a gift we give to ourselves.”

If you have any left you must go.





Kevin Smith

Stephen L. Goldstein The Sun-Sentinel

November 28, 2010

Stephen L. Goldstein
The Sun-Sentinel
200 E Las Olas Blvd
Ft. Lauderdale, FL. 33301

RE: GOVERNMENT ENEMY? “Federal Initiatives Help Us All” – Bless you. I finished your column and I stopped drinking my breakfast Gin.

My dear Professor,

If I understand your premise correctly you say that all good things come from the Government, a Government run by Democrats. Further, you say that all bad things come from selfish “malefactors of great wealth”. They are usually Republican with the exception of that old corsair, Joe Kennedy. I can’t leave Senator Jay Forbes Kerry off the list and it wouldn’t be complete without George Soros, a real sweetheart.

And now I know why baloney rejects the grinder.

You list 7 reasons why we would still be stinkers if it weren’t for our pals in D.C.

Here is my starting point.

In my lifetime, up to the arrival of the great Reagan, the United States Government did 2 things superbly well.

#1 – Fighting World War 2.
#2 – Being the General Contractor of the moon shot.

You say that the Feds gave us the Internet. Alas, you are spending too much time swooning over the speeches of former Vice President Alpha Gump. Since imitation is the most sincere form of flattery your predilection to be a HORSE’S ASS is understandable. Can you tell me which Federal agency Bill Gates or Andy Grove worked for? I think we can rule out the Post Office, can’t we?

Would it be fair to blame the National Hurricane Center for rising insurance rates? It is true that some of their employees fly into storms endangering their lives. For this they deserve our thanks. Does that mean we can expect a column praising our troops in Iraq and Afghanistan?

Your praise of the Interstate Highway System needs some fleshing out.






General MacArthur asked his clerk, Captain Eisenhower, to find out how long it would take to move a completely outfitted division across the country. Infantry, artillery, armor, trucks, field galleys, field hospitals. From ocean to ocean. When would it be ready to fight? “6 weeks”, was the answer. “Weather permitting”, was the codicil.

Thus, when the automobile industry, the oil industry, the agricultural community, the retail industry – Let me tell you that the common denominator here is Jobs, “Shovel ready jobs” – were looking to expand – That is to say more Jobs – they found a friendly ear in the White House.

It is bitter gall indeed for a modern American Liberal to credit pursuers of filthy lucre as getting Florida out of its “backwater” status. Your disdain for developers “making billions” is automatic and reflexive. It is also asinine. Why would I build a hotel if there were no way to get to it? Eleemosynary motivation is fine if you are a discalced mendicant. It’s not what makes the dog hunt. Only someone who believes that raising taxes in a recession is sound public policy would expect these things to appear as if they had sprung fully grown from Zeus’s forehead.

You mention the Intracoastal Waterway as if it was a by-product of a storm several centuries ago. Missing in your assessment is the simple fact that the citizens of the United States wanted it and paid for it. Your penance for being so uninformed is to read what Kipling thought of military engineers. He called them “sappers”.

I hope you know that your support of the Intracoastal leads to an increased use of fossil fuels, Global Warming, and drowning polar bears. Plus, you are putting our manatees at risk. And here I thought you were just another mush brained bleeding heart Liberal. I’m sorry.

In New Jersey, where I was born and raised, the Everglades would be called by its rightful name, a swamp. In New Jersey it would be sacred what with Tony Soprano using it as his corporate burial plot. The casinos would be run by Indians named Vito and Nunzio. At least we would be spared the crap about the great Manitou decreeing that slot machines provide a “green” environment. The food would be better too.

Do you remember “mad cow” disease? I suggested bringing them from England. Release them halfway across Alligator Alley as an environmentally friendly, not to mention being the ultimate in recycling, way to give the endangered Florida panther, a cursory hunter. a better shot at survival.

When Margery Stoneman Douglas died, and may I add that while she is not in the class of 20th century female fakers, chicks such as Margaret Sanger, Margaret Mead, and Rachel Carson she gave it a good shot, I suggested that she be strapped into a floating funeral pyre so that her last full measure of devotion would also give her furry and finned friends a final meal.

That one failed to gain traction.

Given the choice of rejecting Federal [read taxpayer] money or doing nothing at all for Everglades restoration I am on the side of the Angels Let nature reign! While we’re at it, let’s shoot all the alligators. How my life style is enhanced by having an 8 foot bull gator eat my dog and eyeball my 3 year old is beyond me. There is a case to be made for raising boa constrictors so we can have an alternative to Obama Death Panels. Python wrestling for Seniors will go a long way to cutting back on senior surgery.

If there is any “shovel ready” loot still left use it to fund private ownership of alligators. Unlike Beaujolais there is no need to create demand. Alligator meat, alligator shoes, and alligator luggage guarantee that buyers abound. Let the private sector take over from PETA unless you think the gropers at the TSA could do a better job.

There is a scene in “The Right Stuff” that shows President Eisenhower, after listening to some academic prattle about what type of Americans should go into space, says “Get me some jet pilots”.

Churchill we had to go to the moon to use it as a forward base for going to Mars.

And this was before the Military/Industrial complex!

NASA didn’t invent anything. They figured out what they wanted and they put it out for bid. One of the original astronauts was suppose to have said he soon would be going 18,000 miles per hour on a machine put together by the lowest bidders.

You speak of desegregation as if it occurred in a vacuum.

Start with 600,000 Americans dead in a war to free the slaves. Surely that must count for something. I have a relative who stepped off into the Wheat Field on July 2, 1863. He is still at Gettysburg, “wrapped in his faded coat of Blue”.

It is well to note that it was a Republican President who made a Republican Governor the head of the Supreme Court. This Judge was able to mold a unanimous legal opinion about school segregation. 4 years later it was the same Republican President who sent the United States Army into Arkansas to enforce that law. It was vehemently opposed by a Democratic Governor. Further, for the next 15 years, a “small band of willful men”, [Senator Gore, Senator Byrd, Senator Fulbright, Senator Irvin, inter alia] spent 100% of their working hours trying to keep Black boys from going to school with White girls. Would it make me a cad to point out the overwhelming majority of Congressional opposition came from one party? Would you think ill of me if I were to point out that the named Senators were all Democrats?

You say that absent the Federal Government “we’d be living like New Orleans after hurricane Katrina – swamped by compelling needs, with no help in sight”. I suggest that it was a failure of 4 levels of government, compounded by criminally incompetent local politicians, that prevented trucks filled with water from getting over the bridge.

The lesson here is that Government does not make a people great; it is the people who make a Government great.

It is in the nature of a free people to correct their mistakes. 2 years ago this country elected a man who had never done anything in his professional life. To quote that political sage Jesse Jackson, “He never run anything but his mouth.” [He said this before he threatened to “cut his nuts off” but that’s a different story] We were told he was “clean and articulate”. Reason enough to make him President. This month we began to correct that error.

You bemoan the fact that Florida is now a one party state. I search in vain for any columns bemoaning the same set of facts for the country 2 years ago. As we began to change the country Election Day last we can do it again.

One of the “fatal conceits” of modern American Liberalism, an unfocused set of ideas that is being proved wrong on a perpetual basis, a belief system that lacking any coherent past is unprepared for the future, is that they don’t trust the people.

It was the people, not the Department of Commerce, who developed the Internet, who built the Intracoastal Waterways, who built the Interstate Highways, and went to the moon. Along the way we freed the slaves, beat polio, saved and fed the world, built the DC-3, ran the Green Bay Packer sweep, ended the scourge of Disco, beat the Russkies, and became the “shining city on the hill”.

It is in the nature of free men, who when finding an unclimbed mountain, climb it.

It is in the nature of government to tell us why we can’t climb it.

In the end, as the legendary Big Mike from Bayonne, sportsman, restaurateur, and now leading public servant, always says, “That’s why you never see anybody swimming to Cuba”.

May God continue to bless America.



Kevin Smith

E. J. Dionne Washington Post Writers’ Group

November 26, 2010

E. J. Dionne
Washington Post Writers’ Group
1150 15th Street NW
Washington, DC 20017

RE: Year End Honors List and some comments on “Tackling the Runaway Deficit” as proclaimed by you in today’s Miami Herald.

Mr. Dionne,

Congratulations!

Even though it is still November I hereby name you

HORSE’S ASS OF THE YEAR

As much as I would like to I cannot grant you the exalted status of

POMPOUS FART OF THE YEAR
OR
SMARMY BASTARD OF THE YEAR

Your Logic would dictate that the quickest way to “balance” the budget would be to institute a much more progressive personal income tax rate. By your definition the lowest rate would be 116%.

You may wish to spend particular attention to the trusts created in 1936 by that “malefactor of great wealth” Joe Kennedy, a big fan of Hitler. Even then he knew that his youngest son would never be able earn a living on his own. Studies show that the public favors the President’s overseas jaunts. The thought is that if he is on a perpetual hadj he can’t do that much harm in Washington. If you were to break those trusts the proceeds would pay for a year’s worth of high test for Air Force 1.

As to balancing the budget through spending cuts try these on.

#1 – Stop buying oil for the Strategic Petroleum Reserve.
#2 – Start selling oil from the Strategic Petroleum Reserve.
#3 – Save for honor guards at cemeteries get all GIs out of Europe.
#4 – Give the Post Office to UPS and FedEx.
#5 – Crop prices are at historic highs. Shut down the Department of Agriculture.






#6 – You are sentenced to be tied to horse facing his. – You guessed it – ass. My grandfather, Jack Smith, always marveled at the fact that there were more horses’ asses than there were horses’ heads. Making allowances for Eyetie gangster movies the number should always be in balance.

One of the unintended consequences of modern American Liberalism is an argument against Darwin’s theories. [Incidentally, are there any other theories 150 years old that haven’t been proved?] That the asses outnumber the heads may be the Missing Link needed to convince the scientific community that man indeed has descended, not from apes, but from bears. Go figure.

Once you are secured to the saddle you are to be pelted with cream pies. In addition to the lactic fusillade your are to be serenaded by atonal Tea Partiers. It’s not a Gershwin tune but “You are a horse’s ass” has certain panache of jennysayqwa to it, don’t you think?

And this brings us to a “teachable moment”.

History and a whole pile of inconvenient facts are irrelevant when you preach Dionne’s upside down, inside out laws of pseudo-economics. Despite a wish fulfillment syndrome inspired by Peter Pan, and I almost hate to tell you this, corporations don’t pay taxes. It becomes a cost of doing business, like salaries, rent, and 3 martini lunches. The customer, the end user, pays it.

I’ll try to use cream pies made from milk from cows who swear they will not engage in bovine eructations. At least you’ll know that you did your part to save the polar bears.

Brittany Wallman The Sun-Sentinel

November 26, 2010

Brittany Wallman
The Sun-Sentinel
200 E. Las Olas Blvd.
Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33301

RE: Ethics and the Public Arena – Some comments on your article about “fretting politicians”.

Ms. Wallman,

Damn Aristotle, that old dead Greek! Without his writings we wouldn’t be in this mess. He always sought a mythical “balance” in behavior be it public or private.

The Sun-Sentinel is neither competing with the Onion nor is it sponsoring any “modest proposals” for 5th trimester abortions. Since its Page 1 headline is about Black Friday I assume your reportage is a straight news story.

Thus the unintended consequence of your article is to cast the members of the Broward County Commission as nit-wits, poltroons, or grifters. In this assessment you are spot on.

Particular attention should be paid to Commissioner Lois Wexler

Consumed as she is by an internal raging debate over bottled water versus tap it would take a Dante to describe the ethical contortions she needs just to get through the day.

And this from a woman whose Page 1 picture and story on a Sunday Sun-Sentinel showed her dressed as a bag lady rooting through someone else’s garbage. The story was about where she lived versus the affidavit she signed attesting to the inconvenient fact that she lived somewhere else.

Since she is part of the Broward tradition, a tradition started by Robert Wexler and apostles Stacy Ritter and James Waldman, that says only the convenient laws have to be obeyed it might be wrong to single her out. [The law in question is the one that says you must live in the district that you represent] On the other hand, in a burst of out reaching multi-culturalism, she proclaims that she is more Catholic than the Pope.

I search in vain for the Latin word for chutzpah.

Either Samuel Johnson or Harry Truman said that if you heard too much noise in the Amen corner it was time to count the silverware.




James Madison had a one word answer when ever asked what was the most important thing to look for in a candidate for any public office,

“Character”

Who tells the Commissioners what is acceptable public behavior? What special gifts do they have that the Commissioners don’t? Quis custodes custodiet?

A good place to start would be for them to say, when they are sworn in, that they will not lie, cheat, or steal nor will they tolerate those among them who do.

I’ll send a copy of this to Commissioner Wexler but I am not sure of her address.





Kevin Smith

Thomas L. Friedman The New York Times

November 25, 2010

Thomas L. Friedman
The New York Times
620 Eighth Avenue
New York, New York 10018

RE: “Our Destiny Linked to Better Teachers” – Some comments on your Thanksgiving Day “Woe Is Us” article in the Sun-Sentinel about why our disdain for teachers will have us all swimming to Cuba searching for the good life.

Mr. Friedman,

This country gave Albert Einstein much to be thankful for.

One of the things he marveled at was that he could get tomorrow’s newspaper today.

That was how I found out about Sputnik.

The New York Daily News told us about the Russian moon in Saturday’s paper on Friday night.

This happened because we were deficient in math and science. 12 years later we flew to the moon, walked around, picked up some souvenirs, and flew home. Not a bad result from people deficient in imaginary numbers and arguing about whether or not to renew Avogadro’s Law.

Now you say that “we have been getting out-educated for years”.

What’s to be done?

#1 – Let’s start by sending the Obama girls to public schools in Washington, DC.
Since the elder Obamas have a rent free 4 year lease on their public housing unit the least they can do is send their kids to public school. Any member of Congress with school age children must send them to public schools or they won’t get paid. [Can you believe that the last President to send his children to public school was George W. Bush? Go figure.]

Public education will improve exponentially.

If the flying public continues to demand that they be treated at least as well as the occupants of Gitmo, America’s adult sleep away camp, just make members of Congress run the gauntlet of rubber gloved closet lechers. Watch how quickly that changes.




#2 – Public school teachers should be held to the same high standard as the football and basketball coach are. If Johnny can’t read the teacher winds up as the head of the department. If Johnny can’t tackle or post up the coach is fired. Do you know of any football or basketball coach who has tenure? As a coach?

#3 – It is offensive to Logic that bad teachers are paid as much as good teachers. A simple question, a question that is out there like a turd bobbing insouciantly [How else could they bob?] in a punch bowl, is why are bad teachers paid at all.

At least 63 members of the House of Representatives were fired 3 weeks ago. The Republic has so far survived.

In case you haven’t noticed the economy is in a “non-shovel ready” ditch. There are a lot of multi-degreed, scientifically trained professionals available. Why not give them the chance?

Fire every 10th tenured teacher. Fire every 5th principal. This will, as Napoleon said when he shot 3 randomly selected soldiers for cowardice before every battle, “encourage the others”.

Hang a “Help Wanted” sign out. See who turns up.




Kevin Smith





PS – Why did the oh so smart Chinese, after spending all those decades on getting oh so smart, lend us all that money?

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Janny “Incompitano” Napolitano

November 22, 2010

Governor Ed Rendell [D-PA], so notoriously wrong in his predictions about the 2010 elections, was spot on in his assessment of Janet Napolitano.

The Secretary, AKA Janny “Incompitano” Napolitano, and let us pause and pay homage to the first “Janny”, Janet Reno, and wouldn’t we have to get on the Pioneer space probe to find a dumber, more incompetent Attorney General anywhere in this solar system or beyond, was the perfect choice for the job. “She has no life”, said Governor Rendell.

Janet Reno began her illustrious Federal career by charbroiling 7 dozen of her fellow citizens at Waco. It was downhill for the rest of her term The next time the Gods meet they will vote on whether or not to include her 8 years as AG as worthy of inclusion in the list that was exclusive to Hercules. The only positive thing she did was to make two of her predecessors, Mitchell and Palmer, into Thomas More-like characters.]

As the paradigmatic template of the modern American Liberal bureaucrat – scratch one any of them and you get a secret Nazi yearning to call the class to order – she would be just as comfortable keeping the line straight and moving briskly at Treblinka or Dachau as she is in ordering dirty old men or women to play stinky finger with nuns, 3 year olds, and double amputees.

The lesson of History must be taught yet again.

While it is true that not all Muslims are terrorists it is equally true that all terrorists in the 21st century have been Muslims.

Back in the 1980s my son Sean, nee “The World Famous Attorney”, lived in England. I told him to limit his flying to 3 airlines, [Aeroflot, British Air, & El-Al] The reasons were simple: No one ever hijacked a Russian airliner. If someone snatched the last two Margaret Thatcher and Menachem Begin were coming after you.

I worked with Milton Spatz for 5 years. We shared #6612 in the Empire State Building. His El-Al plane had just pulled away when it stopped and returned to the gate. A half a dozen agents got on the plane, walked past Miltie, and dragged a middle seat passenger from the plane. They gave him a beating as they dragged him, by the heels, up the aisle. Not one passenger – mostly American Jews returning home from the Jewish Haj – made one sound.

No 3 year old boys were strip searched. No colostomy survivors were made to pee in their pants. I daresay dreaded profiling techniques were used before we knew how bad they were.




There is picture of a TSA agent, a man with a moustache and look of approaching tingly tumescence, as he probes the pubic bone of a compliant passenger. He is looking for weapons of mass destruction. [BARs, bazookas, German 88s, Jimmy Carter’s inaugural address, weapons grade cholera, a “shovel ready” shovel, “Yes, We Can” stink bombs, a bag of Big Macs, inorganic endives, stuff like that.] This zombie could have been the model for those thick glasses, fake big nose, and upper lip bearded clam disguises so popular among bank robbers. You know that this guy’s favored method of relaxation involves a big box of candy, tickets to the ball game, a long rain coat, argyle socks, and a bag of boys’ underwear [slightly randy]

Milton Friedman gave us all a lesson in pronouns.

“What kind of people do they think we are?” was the question asked by an outraged politician over some long forgotten insult.

“What kind of people do we think we are?” was the lesson that day from the good Professor.

Why have we allowed these contemptible refugees from the 11th centur, “bug-eyed apes all”, to dictate how we can get on an airplane in our own country?

They fly planes into our buildings. They try to blow up planes over our cities. They shoot and kill American soldiers in this country. They outlawed balloons and whistling. They stone women.

And then they tell me that I must be sensitive to their culture?

Bullshit.

As free men we have acquiesced in this lunacy.

It is time to end it.

George Washington sent troops into Pennsylvania. Adams made criticism a capital crime. Lincoln suspended the writ of habeas corpus and exiled a Congressman to Canada. Wilson sent his Attorney General out with myriad “no knock” warrants. Roosevelt put American citizens into concentration camps because their eyes were almond shaped.

Free men have protected themselves by putting an iron fist into an iron glove.








They know that the solution to this problem is not to be found in patting down Granny. The solution is to be found in attacking the bad guys wherever they are. Yemen, MSNBC, Somalia , O’Hare Airport, Kafiristan, the New York Times. Wherever.

I have two artificial hips. My wife has a permanent chemotherapy port by her neck. O.J. Simpson, Osama Bin Laden, or Charles Manson would have a better chance of getting past security at the Fort Lauderdale Airport than we would.

Rule #1 – The next person whose genitals are to be groped will be Janet Napolitano. I know it is dark, lonely, and dangerous work but I volunteer to do it. It’s the least I can do for my country. Perhaps Senator Barbara Mikulski will volunteer as tunnel rat to get into every nook and cranny of her doubtless Guinness Book colon.

Rule #2 – Ellen DeGeneres and Rosie O’Donnell will arm wrestle to see who gets to examine Congresswoman Pelosi’s still impressive “sweater meat” rack. The loser gets an autographed copy of her beaver X-ray shot.

Rule #3 – We will have a national lottery, with all proceeds going to deficit reduction, to see who gets to examine Mrs. Obama’s burgeoning broadsiding backside. She could hide a Hum-Vee armed with IEDs, Sidewinder missiles, and a case of MREs there. Finally, a “shovel ready” project worthy of the name!

Modern American Liberals had no problem finding the “penumbras and emanations” in the Constitution that created the heretofore undiscovered Right to/of/for Privacy. I humbly submit that the rights to “domestic tranquility”, the “common defense”, and to “secure the blessings of liberty” are already there. There will be no need for any Black robed ohmadahn to spend 70 pages on an assault on Logic and History to find them. Try reading the preamble.

The Founders could not have envisioned airports, let alone airport pat-downs, but the sure as Hell knew something about “the right of the people to be secure in their persons”. William Pitt was madder than Hell and was not going to take it anymore when the prospect of the King “crossing the threshold of a ruined tenement” uninvited was thought to be imminent.

What would he have thought about probing pudendas or making 3 year olds cry before getting on the plane to see Granny?








President Grant said the best way to get rid of a bad law was to enforce it.

Let’s have a separate line for all members of Congress departing Reagan Airport on Wednesday.

It may be in a lame duck session but it will come down the home stretch like Secretariat at the Belmont Stakes.





Kevin Smith

Robert Watson, PhD Lynn University

November 21, 2010

Robert Watson, PhD
Lynn University
3601 N. Military Trail
Boca Raton, FL 33421

RE: Biographies and ghost writers – A word or two before leaving on your article, “Hidden History”, in today’s Sun-Sentinel

My dear Professor,

I still confuse “smarmy” and “snarky”. Worse, I make them into adverbs, adjectives, collective nouns, and throw away expletives.

Then I toss “tu quoque” into the mix and all I need is “eclectic indignation” to make for a perfect morning.

President Truman [“Captain Harry”, given his druthers] did not savor his stamp collection as his Boss did in the afternoon in the White House. Truman, the failed haberdasher, read Plutarch. And was there ever a more noble Roman that Cicero?

Speaking of Truman’s Boss, he, unlike Bush in 2004, did replace his Vice President. In the tantalizing game of “What If”, a game where any thesis will fit, can you imagine what would have happened if Henry Wallace were Vice President in 1945? Hiroshima and Nagasaki? Containment? NATO? Alger Hiss as Secretary of State? The Berlin Air Lift? Korea? Would the Rosenbergs have gotten the Presidential Medal of Freedom?

Speaking of ghost writers, whom do you think contributed more to “Profiles in Courage”? Schlesinger or Sorenson?

Speaking of President Kennedy, whom do you think authored the line “missile gap”? Who got the country “moving again” by using tax cuts? Who wrote “any place if defensible if free men want to defend it”? Where did that line about “the long twilight struggle” come from?

I mention the above because your subtitle, “Bush Shifts Blame in his Memoirs”, give me pause.

If Lincoln had written his memoirs would he have focused on McClellan or Grant? Would he have focused on the Democratic Party and the New York Times being pro-slavery by their opposition to him prosecuting the war? Would he have spent a lot of time explaining why he suspended the Writ of Habeas Corpus? Would there have been much mention of Sherman’s “surge”? How much time would FDR spent on how he raided the Census Bureau to help him round up all those Japanese-Americans? And why, if we paid “I’m Sorry” money to them, why haven’t we paid anything to 40,000 German and Italian Americans we locked up. Would Woodrow Wilson have spent a lot of time explaining his racism and bigotry? I’m not sure but did Clinton spend any time at all explaining the difference between lying and perjury?

It is in the nature of man perhaps to explain but always to defend himself when going on record. Perhaps Dante would be an exception but his journey was complete when he came out of the cave and “looked up and saw the stars”.

When the roll is called for 20th century memoirs that will last into the next century start with “Witness” and Sword of Imagination”.

Perhaps your students could benefit from them.

Perhaps you could.




Kevin Smith

Tonya Alanez The Sun-Sentinel

November 17, 2010

Tonya Alanez
The Sun-Sentinel
200 E. Las Olas Blvd
Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33301

RE: Rainbow Soup – Maybe this time it will work. Some comments on your article on Rick Scott’s economic advisers in the Sun-Sentinel on 11/16/10.

Ms. Alanez,

I waited a day before commenting on your article about Rick Scott’s economic advisors. I waited because I was trying to soften the blow. Alas, there is no way around the fact that you are ignorant of the consequences, however unintentional, of trying to defy gravity when discussing economics. Be of good cheer. Your ignorance falls under the category of “vincible”. That means it can be cured.

You say that the “Laffer Curve” is the cause of deficit spending.

If you think that through you must, perforce, believe that umbrellas cause rain.

Here comes a nut that modern American Liberals find impossible to digest.

Deficit spending is caused by, you guessed it, spending more money than you have. It is not, repeat, not caused by taxing too little.

It may be an inconvenient truth but money is fungible. It doesn’t know what it is being spent on. Manatee suffrage, 5th trimester abortions, prisons, senior citizen python wrestling in lieu of death panels, deporting all Les Quebecois, banning Happy Meals, – the list is endless.

You quote a Professor Nissen as saying “Anybody who’s on the lower 60 or 70% of the economic spectrum, they’ll be losers.” [Lower end of the spectrum” – Is that ultra violet or sub rosa?]

How so?

52% of the people pay 100% of income taxes. 48% pay nothing.

The lower 48 benefit when the 52 hire them. Weren’t “they” the people for whom the term “shovel ready” was crafted?

Unless you have quarterly reprises of the decennial census it should be self evident, even to you, that the only way to make poor people richer is to make rich people richer.



The first proof of this is chronicled by Gibbon when he describes the Reign of the 5 Emperors 21 centuries ago.

A mistaken repeal of part of the Corn Laws in England in the 1830s led to an economic boom.

Tax cuts in 1921, 1961, 1981, and 2001 did what they were supposed to do. “Animal spirits” were released. Revenues soared. Jobs were created. The people prospered. Nobody will change Granny’s stuffing recipe next Thanksgiving unless Granny’s recipe is horrible.

Tell me, please, why, if Bush’s deficits were ‘bad’, how did Obama’s deficits become ‘good’?

In February, 2009 President Obama somewhat smarmily told a group of Republican Congressmen that there was an election and that he had won. Elections, like ideas, have consequences.

Rick Scott ran. Rick Scott won.

Since the people of Florida have chosen him to steer the ship would not Logic dictate that he be allowed to pick his crew?

I envy you as you begin your quest for economic knowledge. I hope it leads to economic wisdom.


Kevin Smith



PS – Minimum wage? Strong dollar v weak dollar? Send a SASE

Joe Cardona The Miami Herald

November 13, 2010

Joe Cardona
The Miami Herald
One Herald Plaza
Miami, FL 33132-1693

RE: “Kiss the Middle Class Goodbye” – What a column! The Miami Herald returns to its roots.

Mr. Cardona,

I must tell you that after reading your column this morning I was tempted, sorely tempted, to restart my campaign to amend the First Amendment. I want it to read “Congress shall make no law prohibiting newspapers from hiring horses’ asses”. That I resisted should be self evident. I say “self evident” somewhat guardedly because you have a penchant for never letting facts, and aren’t they Damned inconvenient things, interfere with your argument.

Let’s begin with the obvious.

#1 – You put the “Robber Barons” in the “Roaring Twenties”. Alas, you’re off by more than 60 years.

I suppose you could call Papa Joe Kennedy, the anti-Semitic, Nazi loving corsair a “Robber Baron”. He stole so much that his swag is now down to his fourth generation of layabouts.

Say what you will about the original “Robber Barons” but they built things. How do you think those oil wells, steel mills, railroads, grain mills, department stores, cattle ranches, light bulbs, baseball, and breweries came about? The American invitation read that you could be free and that you could work. They came by the millions. The Maxim gun and the Titanic were products of American capital. The first library I read in was built by Andrew Carnegie. All Kennedy ever did was to employ lawyers. They were experts in tax planning and criminal defense. They had to be.

Is that what you meant when you wailed about “income inequality”?

A strong case can be made for the excesses of said “Robber Barons” giving us Samuel Gompers, the Wagner Act, George Meany, Jimmy Hoffa, ERISA, OSHA, EPA, and the purple shirted thugs of SEIU. That’s known as the Law of Unintended Consequences.

#3 – Keynes called it “animal spirits”. Johnson spoke of “growing rich beyond the dreams of avarice”.







Your premise, essentially a political one that requires no thought, none whatsoever, but does require a firm belief that the laws governing gravity can be suspended by a caring progressive Congress, is a reaffirmation of “the triumph of hope over experience”.

I know not of your economic background but try this one on for size.

Were you ever hired by someone poorer than yourself?

How’s this for a thought.

Rich people hire poor people for two reasons.

A – They want to stay rich
B – They want to get richer.

Unless you want to have decennial censuses 3 or 4 times a year you have to accept the bitter truth that the only way for poor people to get rich is for rich people to get richer.

#4 – Words have consequences.

You say that “most Americans” are without medical insurance. Perhaps you may want to back up on that.

Beyond the cognitive dissonance required of all acolytes of modern American Liberalism – por ejemplo, Bush deficits were bad; Obama deficits are good. – there is a need to frame all arguments either as Jeremiads or captandum or absurdum.

The world will end if the minimum wage
is not raised, it being better to be
unemployed at a higher hourly rate.

Why not have unemployment insurance last until you die? Once you get your first check they don’t stop until you get hit in the face with a shovelful of dirt. That’s “fair”, isn’t it?

Having pointed out the problem of “income inequality” your solution will involve making the rich poorer. Your Logic dictates that this will make the poor richer. All it will


take is making the rich pay their “fair share” of taxes. Once that happens the poor will be farting through silk

Let me stick a needle into that “balloon juice” non-idea.

Can you show me one example in History, and don’t limit yourself to this planet, where that has worked?

As the legendary Big Mike from Bayonne always says, “That’s why you never see anybody swimming TO Cuba”.







Kevin Smith

Leonard Pitts The Miami Herald

November 10, 2010

Leonard Pitts
The Miami Herald
One Herald Plaza
Miami, FL 33132-1693

RE: “The Media’s Credibility is Priceless” – Yet again more proof that Gresham’s Law is not limited to money. A take on your column in today’s Miami Herald.

Mr. Pitts,

Once again I am in your debt.

If I read your column correctly you are telling me – I think, I think – that it’s OK to listen to NPR if I have a discrete barf bag nearby. Of course, you didn’t mention NPR but your major premise – journalistic objectivity, hard to define, is so subjective that your proud pennant is plaid – grants me a literary “letter of marquee and reprisal” to pursue brigands and villains wherever they may be secreted.

Your two examples – Breitbart and Olberman – are confusing.

Breitbart enjoys turning over a rock and discovering and disclosing what modern American Liberals do when they think no one is looking

Olberman has anointed himself the keeper of the sacred seals of modern American Liberalism. As such he is able to issue journalistic fatwas against those contemptible rotters who wander beyond the pale of progressive public policy.

That was pretty objective, right?

[Has it been 6 years since Dan Rather objectively said “So what if the story was made up? It fits my narrative.”]

By the by, do you know if Jesse Helms died of AIDS?

If he did would you tell Nina Totenberg? She is the NPR horse faced horse’s ass, a true paragon of progressive political propriety. She also wanted his grandchildren to die in a most agonizing manner. She is a true paragon of progressive political propriety. What a sweetheart she is!

Does she qualify for the blanket amnesty that modern American Liberals extend to their own?







A personal note.

I made it to the round of 16 in a murder trial ion New Jersey. New Jersey sits at least 14 for a jury trial. At the end 12 names are picked. The pool was down to 16.

The defendant, the “alleged perpetrator” if you will, was Black. He was wearing a well tailored 3 piece red suit. His nickname was “The Worm”.

Both sides kept asking the same question.

“Are you prejudiced?”

The answers would suggest that the followers of Saint Francis of Assisi and Gandhi had joined forces that day to cause the jury pool to overflow.

I said that I was the sum total of all my biases and prejudices. I said that I believed that it would not prevent me from rendering a just verdict.

My neck still hurts from the hook that yanked me out of the jury box and dumped me into the parking lot

Objectivity is like fairness. It is also like truth, beauty, justice, and equity. It lies in the eye of the beholder.

I am reminded of what Justice Stewart said about pornography. He couldn’t define it but he knew it when he saw it.

Was Gwen Ifill “objective” or, in your words, “disinterested” when she interviewed President-elect Obama without disclosing that she had written a laudatory book about him that was soon to be published?

How would you characterize the tumescent tingle running up the restless leg of Chris Matthews? If he had a picture hanging from his bathroom wall of the President emerging from the surf would that cloud your judgment of him? Would that cloud his judgment of him?

It seems that objectivity is like the horizon. It’s there but we can never quite get there. I daresay that the quest is Sisyphean in that Utopia means nowhere.






You mention, “objectively” of course, that Breitbart had “two video hit jobs [Shirley Sherrod and ACORN]”.

Would not objective fairness demand that you include the fact that it was the post-racial Obama administration that fired her? Wouldn’t their caving into a “bitter gun clinging” troglodyte warrant a bigger story?

If ACORN had been more sinned against than sinning why have they gone to ground? Are they awaiting the next large cash transfusion from George Soros so they can reemerge with new identities?

Did not the President tell us the oceans would begin to recede once his investiture was completed? Today I am told that the oceans are rising. Is it too late to blame the Republicans for that clusterflub?

Objectivity?

Honesty?

Mutually exclusive or synonymous?






Kevin Smith

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

E. J. Dionne The Washington Post

November 7, 2010

E. J. Dionne
The Washington Post
1150 15th St, NW
Washington, DC 20017

RE: Some things never change. A primer on how Progressive Democrats and their shills make hot equal cold, up equal down, and why gravity is optional in the 57, or was it 58, state country ruled by the Lord Barack the Beneficent. For this we are thankful to the Miami Herald for not printing it in disappearing ink today.

Mr. Dionne,

The concept of “the permanent things” [vide Eliot and Kirk] is not only alien to modern American Liberals it is anathema to the ink stained elitist statists who, in addition to suffering from acute “non-malodorous fecal matter syndrome”, believe, deeply believe, that their role in life is to tell other people how to live.

Having said that, I must say that there are some constants in their, your, screeds.

For instance, facts are never allowed to intrude upon an argument. That Logic is a discipline that must be constantly offended is a prerequisite to tenure in the hive that searches, alas vainly, for the Austrian/English dictionary that has become one of the sacred tablets of the Obama satrapy.

This morning’s column tells us the following:

#1 – “Obama should push forward an infrastructure bank.”

This may come as a shock to you put banks require capital. Before your favorite widget maker can make your favorite widget some widget material must come in the back door of the factory. The raw material of banks is money. Sorry pal but we don’t have any. I am sure the Chinese will line up with woks filled with Benjamins to finance the double decking of the New Jersey Turnpike. Why stop at the Bridge to Nowhere? How about the Tunnel to Nowhere? Start in Wynona, MN and keep digging until you reach the Great Wall. Why inconvenience the people who use the Bayonne Bridge by shutting it down to raze it in order to raise it? Let’s just lower the river. A win/win in my book. Newly “created” jobs plus the indigenous fish, the white eel, will love it. All these projects are shovel ready, aren’t they? Just like last year, right?

#2 – “And if Republicans continue to insist on tax cuts for the wealthy, they should have to identify spending cuts to cover the costs.”

The “costs”? Only people who know that all social problems can be solved if only men of good will want them solved would say that taking less money from someone puts a burden on the payer to make up the difference. Madness. Lunacy.

Here are two. One is symbolic; the other isn’t. Maybe it’s the other way around.

A – Not one penny of taxpayer money will ever again go to NPR or its affiliates. Also, a Congressional investigation into why Miss Piggy, Big Bird, and Bill Moyers have had a 40 year free ride on the backs of the American taxpayer. I love Elmo. I’d love him even more if he paid his “fair share”.

B – The tax deduction of interest and local real estate taxes on home mortgages is racist. It must be stopped. A higher percentage of White people own homes than Black people. Why should Blacks subsidize Whites? Why can’t Black renters deduct from their taxes the percentage of their rent that goes to pay the landlord’s interest on his mortgage and his real estate taxes? Lord knows but that’s “fair”, isn’t it?

#3 – “Obama must press on with reforms to the bureaucracy…” Shall I alert the media? For 234 years this country has been acutely aware of this. The exact language is “He has erected a multitude of new offices, and sent hither swarms of officers, to harass our people, and eat out their substance”. That is from the Declaration of Independence. It was written after the original Tea Party. You should try to become familiar with it. Then I will introduce you to the Constitution.

As bad as Carter and Clinton were – Carter was the worst President in the 20th century while Clinton “was the worst man ever to be President” - they were light years ahead of the head up his ass boob who is now in India trying to sell some cement plants. They were Governors. They ran something. All this neddy dunce ever ran, to quote Jesse Jackson, “was his mouth”. Ain’t Chicago better for the time he spent there? He was sent to Washington to get him the Hell out of town.

#4 – I understand why your new photo shows you with such a silly ass grin. You are ambling onto the back 9 of life and, so far, you’ve gotten away with it. Mush from the wimp to soothe the saps has worked for you so far. “Lost in the dark wood of error” and clueless. The paradigmatic template of modern American Liberalism has a new poster boy.




Kevin Smith

Steven L. Goldstein The Sun-Sentinel

November 5, 2010

Steven L. Goldstein
The Sun-Sentinel
200 E. Las Olas Blvd
Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33301

RE: If ever a “shovel ready” job existed today’s column described it.

My dear Professor,

Baker v Carr notwithstanding, the reason why Congressman Kendrick Meek was able to give such a gracious concession speech Tuesday last is what has your knickers in such a knot. By your words that knot – Dare I say Herculean? – was done in by the passage of Amendments 5 & 6.

The first sentence of both amendments says that legislative and Congressional districts shall be drawn with lines so straight that Euclid would be proud. The second sentence of each of them contradicts the first. That is of no import to mush brained modern American Liberals who revel in the parabolic curves of political cognitive dissonance. I suggest the mantra of bad Bush deficits as opposed to good Obama deficits becomes res ipso loquitur.

The second sentence says that no one will be disenfranchised by the first.

The reality, the way things work in a world where “rocks are hard and water is wet”, a world where gravity is defied at your own peril, is that Congressman Meek’s mother was elected to Congress in a district that would have sent OJ Simpson or Michael Jackson, Michael Jackson alive or dead, to Washington with a majority vote approaching those found in Havana.

Can you think of any reason how an impeached and convicted Federal Judge could have been elected and reelected to Congress like he was a member in good standing of the old line Stalinist Politburo? Alcee Hastings, having lost his law license, would have spent the last 18 years working at the Swap Shop save for the fact that he was Black.

I can’t think of any other reason either.

Perhaps presaging Amendment 5 & 6 Colonel Alan West tiptoed into my Congressional district and gave the incumbent Ron Klein, the local paradgimatic template of modern American Liberalism, a big time ass whipping.

I can still say “ass”, can’t I?

Anyway, Congresswoman Meek really beat the death tax by willing her seat to her son Kendrick while she was living. The last I heard she is still living. I think it would be fair to say that she is living large what with a free Cadillac Escalade that she uses on her trips to Publix.

I don’t think her grandchildren are old enough to flip a coin to see who gets to be a member of Congress. I’m sure that when an Appeals Court tosses out the two amendments, and the old way becomes the norm again, they’ll start jockeying to see who gets to reclaim the “rotten boro”. Yet another legacy from the Kennedys!

Looking at the calendar I am reminded that today is Guy Fawkes’ Day. You have
two years to conjure up another “Gunpowder Plot”.

“Rainbow stew” plots. “Balloon juice” conspiracies. The morons in the mob labeled modern American Liberals are good at that.

I’ll keep you posted on how Senator Rubio and Congressman West are doing.





Kevin Smith

Congressgal Debbie Wasserman-Schultz

October 23, 2010

Congressgal Debbie Wasserman-Schultz
10100 Pembroke Pines Blvd.
Pembroke Pines, FL 33026

RE: Hell hath no fury like a modern American Liberal chick mocked.

My dear Congresslady,

Why do modern American Liberal gals become like Nazis when they read something unflattering about themselves?

I know whereof I speak.

September 18, 2001. A day that will live, perhaps not in infamy, etched in my treasure chest of cherished memories. It is a day guaranteed to be a first round selection to the Hallowed Hall of Fame of Hypocrisy That was the day that you sent 2 Florida Department of Law Enforcement Agents, Agent Thomas and Agent Mineva, to my house because you didn’t like something I wrote.

So there is no misunderstanding these men had badges. That means that they had the force of law with them. They also had guns. Each had a deadly dull black ugly Glock 40. Depending on the configuration each could have had as many as 15 cartridges in them. 30 bullets for something I wrote.

One of them, Agent Mineva, actually asked me what my particular political beliefs were. He also told me, using his best grim visaged Bad Cop look, that I should stop writing to you.

So much for “Congress shall make no law…”

[As an aside, your resume says that you have 2 degrees in Political Science from the University of Florida. I am at a loss to understand how you could have gotten them without ever stumbling upon the History of Political Speech. Here’s a hint: Start at the agora. Your actions say that you know nothing of the History of Political Speech. To say that you know anything about it is like saying that you play the cello and have never heard of Bach. Shame on you! When I get around to writing “Free Speech for Dummies” I’ll dedicate it to you.]

You “did not accuse West of personally writing anything derogatory toward women, but she said his association with the magazine, “Wheels on the Road”, was bad enough”. Oy! Haven’t we heard that before? Didn’t Wisconsin Senator Joseph McCarthy do that in the 1950s? “Guilt by Association” was a badge of honor worn by Com-Symps, Fellow Travelers, and useful idiots everywhere. [Full disclosure demands that I tell you that his first Senate lawyer was Robert F. Kennedy.] If Lillian Hellman could get her randy knickers in a knot over guilt by association why can you do it? Why not start a 21st century HUAC? It may be painful for mALs to remember but HUAC was a creature of an overwhelmingly Democratic House.

You say that another article in the magazine called you a yenta. I have street knowledge of what a yenta is but I can’t find the Yiddish term for hypocritical harridan. Further, you say you are distressed by the part in the article that asks readers to imagine having sexual relations with you. It may serve to ease your distress to learn that I have conducted an informal poll and can find no one who can imagine having any kind of sexual relations with you.

If, as you say, “there is no place in Congress for disgusting images and language…” it falls to me to break some bad news. Congressman Barney Frank [D-MA], a man who proudly proclaims that he favors Freddy’s fanny, ran a whore house in his cellar. Are you telling us that that is acceptable behavior for a member of Congress as long as he doesn’t write about it?

The magazine, “Wheels on the Road”, probably will not compete with Modern Age or The New Criterion. It took 30 years for Ulysses – not the one by Tennyson but, rather, the one by Joyce – to be read legally in this country. Grace Metalious, John O’Hara, John Cheever, Mark Twain, John Updike, Philip Roth, inter alia, are American authors who trafficked in “disgusting images and language”. Should they be banned from the Library of Congress?

With the possible exceptions of “Wheels on the Road” producing Lord Barack’s real birth certificate or pictures of Nancy Pelosi, the Queen of Face Lifts, peeing through her navel, you have given them more publicity then they could have gotten anyway else.

“Eclectic indignation” is the intellectual mother’s milk of modern American Liberal politics. It enables you to be in two places at the same time. It enables you to lie and tell the truth at the same time. It enables you to be for something and against it at the same time.

How many chiropractors do you have on call? Your back must be killing you.



Kevin Smith

Friday, November 5, 2010

Edmund Burke

“AN ENTAILED INHERITANCE

DERIVED FROM OUR FOREFATHERS,

AND TO BE TRANSMITTED

TO OUR POSTERITY.”



EDMUND BURKE