Thursday, December 30, 2010

Governor Ed Rendell

December 28, 2010

Governor Ed Rendell
225 Main Capital Building
Harrisburg, PA 7120

RE: A nation of “wussies” - The Eagles and the Vikings and other lessons of life

Governor Rendell,

Acting on the best information at hand - “intelligence”, perhaps? - and weighing certainties and doubts against the maddeningly fuzzy world of “What if...” the NFL canceled the Vikings v Eagles game 8 hours before the scheduled kickoff.

Commissioner Goodell, unlike President Bush, did not need Congressional approval, an approval that 3/4ths of both Houses gave him, before he decided to act. If memory serves President Bush waited 6 months before he used the authority that the Constitution gave him.

His actions, anyone’s actions, can be faulted after the fact. Pearl Harbor, the Gulf of Tonkin, inter alia... sometimes the truth can’t be known. As a former District Attorney you surely remember that the rule “beyond a reasonable doubt” is not to be confused with “beyond a shadow of a doubt”.

President Bush’s actions were subject to a “booth review” 18 months after the fact. “The play stands” was the verdict of the American people.

If the Eagles make it to the Super Bowl perhaps Michael Vick can host a special showing of “Old Yeller”.

The game would be over by halftime.







Kevin Smith

Adam Smith

“It is not from the benevolence of the butcher, the brewer, or the baker that we expect our dinner, but from regard to their own self interest. We address ourselves, not to their humanity but to their self love, and never talk to them of our own necessities
but of their own advantage.”


Adam Smith
July 4, 1776


Happy New Year!

from George Orwell

“If someone drops a bomb on your mother, go and
drop two bombs on his mother. The only apparent
alternatives are to smash dwelling houses to powder,
blow out human entrails and burn holes in children with thermite or be enslaved by people who are more
ready to those things than you are yourself,
As yet no one has suggested a practical way out.”

Good advice then; good advice now.

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Daniel Shoer Roth The Miami Herald

December 14, 2010

Daniel Shoer Roth
The Miami Herald
One Herald Plaza
Miami, FL 33132-1693

RE: It’s better than no job at all.

Mr. Roth,

“Welcome to the land of ignorance and denial”
The Miami Herald
Today
You

I am reluctant to say that the opening line of your article that shows once again that men are not angels should be the motto of the Miami Herald so I won’t.





Kevin Smith

Margaret Carlson Bloomberg News

December 13, 2010

Margaret Carlson
Bloomberg News
1399 New York Avenue
Washington, D.C. 20005

RE: “Yes, makin’ mock o’ uniforms that guard you while you sleep is cheaper than them uniforms an’ there starvation cheap…” From our first multicultural poet.

Ms. Carlson,

The first time I heard the phrase “integrity adjustment” was when Mikey, the lawyer from Brooklyn, used it. He told it happened when something “owed to the ledger” became a bit more than a debit.

It’s been 10 years since we went through the Looking Glass in search of a secular holy grail, the perfect modern American Liberal chad. The 2000 election, remember?

“If ever there comes a perfect chad…”

It is indeed fitting and proper to note that the Florida recount would have been moot if former Vice President Alpha Gump had carried Tennessee, his home state. Despite having been raised in DCs Shoreham Hotel he was a loyal Volunteer at heart. When he was younger he worked – or so he said – in the tobacco fields and tobacco barns. Before he became a slum lord and a serial polluter he set a record that was worthy of Guinness Book of Records notice: He flunked out of two graduate schools in one semester. Put a bit differently that means after he flunked out of one he flunked into another one which he promptly flunked out of. The people of Tennessee are worthy of high praise indeed. After having endured him and his finger nails on the blackboard voice they could have sent him to “eat out our substance” as President. A major Te Deum should be sung in honor of their accomplishment.

[Jimmy Carter, Al Gore, Barack Obama – What do they have on those people who vote in the Noble Prize elections? Are they from Hudson County? Are they from Cook County? Who gets it next? Barney Frank? Nancy Pelosi? Oprah? That there are more horses’ asses than there are horses’ heads was once a sign of American exceptionalism. Now we export it.]

You may wish to read the speech of November 11, 2010 by Lt. Gen. John F. Kelly, USMC. Beyond being a first rate example of Rhetoric it was given 4 days after his son, Lt. Robert Michael Kelly, USMC, was killed in Afghanistan.




General Kelly, USMC, has served in Kuwait, Iraq, and Afghanistan.

Lt. Kelly, USMC, served in Afghanistan.

Captain Kelly, USMC, the General’s oldest son and the “best big brother ever”, is serving in Afghanistan.

By the standard that you set down 10 years ago, the standard that said military absentee ballots in Florida should not be counted because they are all “tax dodgers”, the three of them were “tax dodgers”. If they were one of them no longer is.

You can find him just across the Potomac.

“He shall not grow, as we that are left grow old.
Age shall not weary him, nor the years contemn.
At the going down of the sun and in the morning,
We will remember him.”

He is, will be, on permanent patrol. He is buried in Arlington National Cemetery. That’s just across the Potomac. Should you wish to find out what he thought of the death tax pay him a visit. He won’t be going anywhere.




Kevin Smith

Thursday, December 9, 2010

The Hitler/Stalin Mutual Defense Pact & tax cuts - The connection.

December 7, 2010

The Hitler/Stalin Mutual Defense Pact & tax cuts
The connection.


My litmus test for modern American Liberals, at least those who have more than a modicum of knowledge about their despicably sordid past, at least for those who can hold their noses long enough to see evil writ large, involves that magic time, the “happy time” between August 22, 1939 and June 21, 1941.

In the summer of 1939 Foreign Minister Herr Ribbentrop and Foreign Minister Tovarich Molotov agreed on the details of a non-aggression pact between Germany and Russia. One week later, a bit more than 20 years after the war to end all wars ended, the world was at war again.

A tie breaking trivia question:

Q – Which was the last country to invade Poland?
A – Russia invaded Poland from the East 3 weeks after Germany invaded Poland from the West. It was in their treaty.

The dance that modern American Liberals did in that “happy time” was one that only a Dante could describe. If you start by believing in nothing eventually you will believe in anything. Walter Duranty gave them the first paradigmatic template by which modern American Liberals could swear.

One half of it was no problem. Since they already loved Stalin it was easy to love him more.

The hard part was easier than it was thought.

Hitler.

Having said to Hell with the Kulaks, having said to Hell with the coming perfidy of Alger Hiss and the Rosenbergs, having said the pick-axe in Trotsky’s head was OK, having seen the Scottsboro Boys denigrated by the Show Trials, it was easy to snuggle up to Hitler. After all, he was a Socialist, wasn’t he? After all, Stalin and Hitler were heading to same destination, weren’t they? After all, the “future” was where they wanted to go, wasn’t it? “It works”, we were told about Russia. Maybe it could work in Germany.

Sure, Hitler had some sharp edges but how else can you make an omelet or a paradise?




Margaret Sanger, an American heroine, and Justice Oliver Wendell Holmes [“3 generations of idiots are enough” - Buck v Bell] gave him the cover for the Nuremberg Race laws. Guernica was a problem but other than a few artists, and Damn that Orwell, it could be overcome.

The big gulp, the sound of a snapping shut sphincter, was the one caused by Hitler and the Jews.

Perhaps Germany had a right to occupy the Sudetenland. Perhaps Germany had a right to occupy the Ruhr. Perhaps Germany had a right to occupy Austria. Perhaps Germany had a right to swallow Czechoslovakia. Didn’t Chamberlain say that “they were a faraway people of whom we know little”?

Kristalnaacht was a bit harder to swallow. They did. It was.

What was worse was that the first wave of Stukas and Focke-Wollfs had not yet returned to their bases when the first calls to Save Stalin sounded. The Panzers – the Tigers were to come later – had not yet burned their first tank of diesel when the term “Second Front” clanged out. Not all the 88s had gotten off their first shells when we were told that we must save the Soviets.

Say this for those vile varlets: The call for a 180 turn on 2 years worth of lying came and it was answered instantly.

Not quite 48 hours ago we were told that “tax cuts for the rich” were the reason for the tsunami in Thailand. Cholera in Haiti and the curse of low prices at Wal*Mart were directly attributable to the phasing out of the “Death Tax”. Teen age obesity and snarky comments about transgendered and nongendered teens lead straight back to the lesser rates on dividends if you connect the dots.

Today we are told that not only are they not bad but, in a Damascus moment not seen since August 22, 1939 and again on June21, 1941, they are not just good but that they are essential for our existence.

The hop, step, and the jump necessary to go from disliking Hitler, to loving Hitler, to hating Hitler was easy to make, particularly if you have no principles, no “permanent things” to guide you.

The “I hate tax cuts” to “I love tax cuts” was a snap.

Nothing changes.


KS

Douglas C. Lyons – Senior Editorial Writer The Sun-Sentinel

December 4, 2010

Douglas C. Lyons – Senior Editorial Writer
The Sun-Sentinel
200 E. Las Olas Blvd.
Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33301

RE: “Do Legislators Feel Your Pain” – Some comments on your article in today’s Sun-Sentinel in which you bemoan and bewail those rascally rich Republicans in Tallahassee and why Joe the Plumber – OOOPs! – Joe the Carpenter is in for a rough ride.

Mr. Lyons,

If rich Republicans in the Florida legislature make you think that life is really unfair and drive you into modern American Liberal hissy fits I suggest you shield your eyes from another “inconvenient truth”.

The top 6 wealthiest members of the United States have at least one thing in common. They are all Democrats.

They have an average net worth of not quite $120,000,000.

Of the 6 one got it by starting a company in a garage. He and his partners made it grow by force of their wills. They created an industry where none had existed. The company is a world wide leader in what is now an indispensable part of the modern world wide economy.

Of the other 5 three got there by being members emeritus of the Lucky Sperm Club. The other two got it there the other old fashioned way. They said “I do”. More precisely, they got somebody else to say “I do”. One of them did it twice. He married up both times.

You point out, in an intellectually dishonest way, and in a factually and morally incorrect manner, a made up fact – We can’t call it a lie, can we? – about the supposed coming tax cuts for millionaires.

President Bush proposed and the Congress voted approval of his tax plan. That made it the law of the land. The law was “sunsetted” for 12/31/10.

If Congress renews it the tax cuts for millionaires will not take place at the Rose Bowl. By an affirmative vote they will not be taken away. The way the law reads the millionaires – 6 of whom are Democratic Senators – will keep their tax cuts.

Buckle up. It’s going to be bumpy ride.







Only mush brained moronic modern American Liberals, and if there are any other kind they are certainly keeping to themselves, could believe that tax cuts have to pay for themselves. Incidentally, taxes are never cut. What has been cut is the tax rate. That is a very important distinction lost on people who believe that umbrellas cause rain.

Interest paid on mortgages is deductible from Federal income taxes. How is that paid for? Local real estate taxes are deductible from Federal income tax. How is that paid for? Interest paid on municipal bonds is not even reported on Federal income tax returns. How is that paid for? Wages paid when on sick leave are not subject to Federal taxes. How is that paid for? Cash contributions to qualified charitable or non-profit institutions, institutions like the ACLU or the NRA, are deductible from Federal income taxes. How are they paid for?

If History is a guide we know that cutting tax rates increases tax revenues. We have 20 centuries of empirical data.

There is no evidence anywhere, anytime of a society or country taxing itself into prosperity

Let me add that the great Lord Keynes, a man more quoted than read, if he were here, would have been standing on top of the Capitol dome demanding, pleading that not only should the existing rates be kept but they should be reduced further. His way out of a depression was to stimulate demand by all means possible.

What the Tea Party members knew instinctively and by experience in a percentage much, much higher than the top 6 Democratic millionaires is that the economic woes in this country are not caused by being undertaxed. They are caused by overspending.

What to cut?

Crop prices are at all time high. Close the Department of Agriculture. Stop buying oil for the Strategic Petroleum Reserve. Start selling oil from the Strategic Petroleum Reserve. Why is NATO still around? Why do we have troops in Europe? Keep some as Honor Guards at military cemeteries. Bring the rest home. After 46 years of fighting most valiantly the War on Poverty it’s time to say the truth. We lost. Surrender. We have had a Department of Education since the glorious reign of Jimmy Carter. Johnny still can’t read. Shut that down.




As bad as the periodic African genocide can be we have a much worse example of it here. African Americans make up not quite 12% of the population. Since men can’t have abortions we can say that 6% of the population has 35% of the abortions. Since Roe v Wade the number of abortions in this country is ca 45,000,000. Do the math. Darfur and Rwanda are chump change compared to that butcher’s bill.

You say that the rascally rich Republicans in Tallahassee have never had to “hock the dinette set to keep a roof over their heads”. That can be taken in a number of different ways. One thing is certain. None of the Democrats in the Senate has either.

If you think that you need to pay more Federal taxes I suggest that you go back to 2002 and recalculate your tax bill. There is the rate you paid and there is the rate you would have paid had Federal taxes not been cut.

Pay the higher rate.

If you still feel guilty pay some more.

Keep paying until it hurts. Keep paying until you feel your pain. Keep paying until the legislatures, both state and Federal, feel your pain.


Kevin Smith

Blake Gopnik The Washington Post

December 2, 2010

Blake Gopnik
The Washington Post
1159 15th Street NW
Washington, DC 20017

RE: Is sauce for the goose still sauce for the gander? Some comments on your article about the ant covered crucifix exhibit at the National Portrait Gallery.

Mr. Gopnik,

First, let me tell you that you have surged to the front in the race for the coolest name in the media. I hope you didn’t change it

I am an absolutist when it comes to the First Amendment. I hark back to former Ku Klux Klan member Justice Hugo Black. He would take out an old copy of the Constitution and ask counsel if the words “Congress shall make no law…” were still there.

Three times I have had policemen – to be precise, men with guns and badges and the majesty of the Government – come to my house because of something I wrote to public officials.

One of them actually said, “You’re not in trouble”. I said, “What do you mean I’m not in trouble? You have a badge and a fucking gun. What do you mean I’m not in trouble?”

I live in Broward County, Florida. With the possible exception of one of Nancy Pelosi’s soon to ended exciting flying adventures there is no more modern American Liberal place in America. We are 2, maybe 3 election cycles away from manatee suffrage. 5th trimester abortions are available to qualified buyers. Kumbaya is sung before the Broward County Commission convenes. The Pledge of Allegiance is verboten. Instead, a mixed group of non-gendered vocalists warble “Bush deficits are bad but Obama deficits are good” to the original tune of “I Dreamed I Saw Joe Hill”. The newest school is named after Henry Wallace. Full disclosure demands that I tell you that it is as ethically challenged as any governing body to be found in Hudson County or Cook County. We may soon have a majority of its members in the pokey.

I tell you this because I am at a loss to explain why I cannot get support for my First Amendment Celebration Festival.

My idea was to burn an American flag on the steps of the Federal Court House on Broward Boulevard at noon on July 4th. Inside the flag would be copies of the Holy Bible and the Sacred Koran. Should the fire get out of control I would have some bottles filled with pee to put it out.




Not one politician, city, county, state, or national has come forward to help me with this.

Almost free is like almost pregnant or almost malignant. There is no middle ground. If there were you could be almost a virgin, or almost pregnant, or the tumor could be almost malignant. There ain’t no Mulligans either.

That’s why, based on your article, I know you’ll support my plan for a “Let Freedom Ring” exhibit at the Smithsonian.

It will be a healthy mixture of the past, the present, and the future.

Start with the Mohammed cartoons. Let’s show Allah being not so Akbar when he is shagging sheep, little girls, or little girls dressed as sheep.

Andres Serrano hung a crucifix in a see through vat of urine. In this he was partly subsidized by the American taxpayer.

Let’s hang an Islamic Crescent in a see through vat of urine. Not just itinerant pee but pee collected from Orthodox Jews at the loo by the Western Wall. We can have a Robert Mapplethorpe wanabee photograph it. Cool so far, right?

Let’s update “Corpus Cristi”. That is the play, an American taxpayer supported play, which has as its major premise the little known fact that Jesus and Judas were canoodling each other up and down the Hershey Highway under the table at the Last Supper. They had a spat, a lovers’ quarrel, if you will; Judas dropped a dime on him; the Eye-Ties crucified Jesus the next day. Hence the title “Corpus Cristi”.

A lot, a lot being defined as more than 1,000,000,000, of people believe that Jesus is divine. That Christians have not risen up in righteous indignation is proof of our maturity as a people. Lest we forget, the Divine Comedy wasn’t exactly a best seller when it came out in 1321.

A lot, a lot being defined as more than 1,000,000,000, of people believe that Allah is divine. Let’s turn Jesus into Allah. Let’s have Him being canoodled under the Rock by someone named Shylock using lard as a KY substitute.

That’s only fair, right?

I think it’s time to bring back the word diorama.


Isn’t this something that modern American Liberals would love to support? They spend a lot of time telling the Right-Wing troglodytes that there can be no limits to the frontiers of art. If artistic expression is suppressed anywhere, and particularly in the nation’s capitol, it is suppressed everywhere. It might be a hard sell for the first 2 or 3 centuries at the big Odeon in Medina but it’s for their own good, isn’t it?

If Catholics can be made to understand that artistic medicine, medicine prescribed by their betters, is good for them why can’t the Muslims? Quien sabe? It might bring the Sunnis and the Shias together.

In a world filled with “Trousered Apes” you have a chance to strike a blow for freedom. Won’t you join in my great crusade – OOPS! Bad word when we’re talking about the Fuzzy Wuzzies. Make that endeavor – to make them better people?

One small thing. Your negative example of censorship is not quite spot on.

“Goya’s great nudes? Gone.
The Inquisition called them porn.”

You should have made it clearer that you didn’t mean Francisco Goya. His paintings paralleled the Peninsula War featuring Napoleon. That was a bit more than 2 centuries ago. You may have meant Murray Ladron Goya, his black sheep great, great, great uncle who was wounded at Lepanto. Perhaps you meant his son from the other side of the blanket, Momzer Goya. In addition to being an artist who painted in the nude, he was in piece goods. Either one is more than 4 centuries ago. Too bad there is no Fact Check to go with Spell Check.





Kevin Smith





PS – Speaking of the Inquisition, here’s a question that can be used as a tie breaker at a Trivia throw down that really, really smart people so enjoy. In the 16th century which country – Spain or England - killed more people for religious reasons? If you don’t know send a SASE.

Douglas House The Miami Herald

December 1, 2010

Douglas House
The Miami Herald
One Herald Plaza
Miami, FL 33132-1693

RE: Unemployment “benefits”, Broken Windows, Candle makers – Some comments on your marvelous column on the heretofore unknown economic benefits of a successful anti-gravity machine.

Mr. Hanks,

“The World Turned Upside Down” is a military march made immortal in 1781. It was the tune played by the British Army, commanded by Lord Cornwallis, as they marched out of Yorktown after surrendering their redoubt.

I mention this because the only way to make any sense at your entire article calling for eternal unemployment benefits is to assume that an “Upside World” is now the norm. It gives new meaning to the term “paradigm shift”.

If, as you say, extending unemployment benefits to beyond the horizon is the key to reviving the economy would not Logic dictate that they be made as permanent as Mount Rushmore?

Your arguments, straight forward as they are, are slightly askew. In fact, they are upside down through the Looking Glass and chockablock straight into the Land of Oz.

You say that the unemployed, rather than feeding their undernourished 401Ks to finance their golden years, put the unemployment cash straight back into the economy.

In your words….

“The money ripples through the economy, into supermarkets,
gasoline stations, utilities, convenience stores. That allows those
businesses to hire more people, who, in turn hire more people.”

Following your path to boom times may I suggest that once a month we all rob a bank. Naturally enough, we’ll have to make a getaway. 3 out of the 4 examples you use will benefit. I’ll load up on snacks. I’ll be constantly filling my gas tank and I’ll be stopping at the 7-11 to get my copy of the Wall Street Journal to see how the economy is doing.

If becoming a full time yegg is too big a step for you I suggest you follow the advice of Freddy Bastiat, another proud son of Bayonne.



Break some windows. In fact, break all the windows. Think of the immediate economic benefits. Think not just of glaziers. That is obvious, too obvious.

Handy men with brooms at the ready will benefit. Insurance adjusters whose only tool is a check book will benefit. Factories making glass will benefit. People feeding the factory workers who make the glass will benefit. Truckers who ship the glass will benefit. They need food, fuel, clothes, and entertainment. Cash strapped municipalities who can finance their deficit with speeding tickets on the truckers who ship the glass will benefit. The bumper sticker makers whose only bumper sticker reads “Shovel Ready” will benefit. At some point everybody will sue everybody else so the lawyers will benefit .The people who provide security at the court houses will benefit because of the increased traffic and the possibility of over time. Maybe some unemployed gropers from the TSA can get a second chance. The lawyers will need new suits to go to court so the clothing manufacturers will benefit. Good lawyers will need good restaurants so the servers will benefit. Meat, fish, and whiskey drummers who sell to restaurants will benefit.

All this from an outbreak of broken windows? Indeed.

In fact, in less than 6 months we will all be farting through silk.

If we extend the unemployment benefits – now more than 4 times their original contractual obligation – benefits as you tell us that are instantly injected into the economy I will gladly sell the undeserving poor some bricks. I offer instant credit. Enough bricks through enough windows and we will be on the yellow brick road to the land of milk and honey. When we get there it will non-stop “rainbow stew” and non-stop “balloon juice” rides.

Where can I send you your complimentary brick? You can be like Moses. You throw first. We will all follow.


“Such stupidity, sir, is not found in Nature.”




Kevin Smith


PS – It may be time to update the “Candle Makers’ Petition to Block Out the Sun”, don’t you think?