September 28, 2017

Eleanor Holmes Norton

2235 Shannon Place SE

Washington, DC 20020

Ms. Norton,

So there is no misunderstanding, I am addressing you as “Ms” as opposed to Congresswoman or Representative ‘cuz you ain’t. It is a vile, condescending form of racism, one that allowed guilty Whites, mostly modern American Liberals, to give you an office in the House, to give you a Congressional salary, but no vote. It is akin to Lucy holding the football for dumb-ass Charley Brown who will always fall on his sad=sacked sorry ass. Of course, the district that you represent would have sent Step-n-Fetchit or Willie Horton to fill your seat.

The Founders, doubtless White supremacists all plus DWEM descendants, decided with their God-given wisdom, that the capitol city was to be outside the regular country. 3 other major countries have decided likewise. We are now ion the 4^th century of this arrangement. Get used to it. It’s not going to change.

But that’s not why I write.

You said that the best way to get the calorically challenged NORK – Did you give Kim the name of your barber? – to give up his nuclear weapons is for us to give up ours. And for us to give up ours first.

For that statement alone you have earned one of my most prestigious awards. You are hereby named

HORSE’S ASS of the WEEK

I quickly add that there was no Affirmative Action here. There were no set asides, no quota-less goals, none of that Sophistry-soaked balderdash. You got your award the old-fashioned way;

You earned it!

I suppose I could suggest that the DC police give up their weapons, hoping that the armed and dangerous feral Black youth of Baltimore and Chicago would not cross the Potomac and the Anacostia in search of target-rich environment. I won’t do that because that would be like clubbing a one flippered, learning disabled baby seal.

Pop quiz – Did former DC Mayor Marion Barry say “Other than the murder rate, DC is a very safe city” before or after he said “The bitch set me up”?

When can I expect you to lead a bombing raid on the Jefferson Memorial?

Kevin Smith

September 27, 2017

Mayor Frank Ortiz

601 City Centre Way

Pembroke Pines. FL 33025

RE: Is it always an ill wind… - Some comments on your radio interview this morning about Irma and “fairness”.

Mr. Mayor,

I heard you bloviate this morning on picking up the detritus – Thank God it’s mostly organic – from Irma.

I heard you say that the $7.50 fixed price [per ton, per yard, per truck was not made clear] was not attracting any bidders. [As is oft-times said in Milan, “If no profit is possible, the risk is obvious.”] Further, there is anecdotal evidence of “price gouging” with such “price gouging” leading for calls to the Attorney General to reinstitute public floggings.

I presume $7.50 is the “fair price’, a price set by mind-numbed administrators, droids who couldn’t find their asses using both their hands, led by a guide dog equipped 

with a NASA GPS.

, 

All of which leads me back to Diocletian.

He was not one of the 5 great emperors, the ones who Gibbon praised so highly 16 centuries later. I say that because he governed with the best of intentions, such as setting a “fair price” for everything.

Bread was a problem.

The “fair price”, the price that 4^th century administrators, in their wisdom, decided was fair had some problems. Yikes, but even then, the law of unintended consequences would rise up and bite you on the gluteus.

Alas, neither my Uncle Adam nor George Orwell had yet appeared on the scene. Gravity is one of things, inter alia, that is immune to the machinations of modern American Liberal planners.

The Eye-Tie bakers could not pay for the materials to make bread and sell it at the posted “fair price”. Pretty soon there was no bread at the “fair price”. But right behind the curtain, offered at an “unfair price”, was as much bread as you could carry out. I know, I know, that’s not “fair” but it’s also not “fair” that Brady and Belicheck win all those Super Bowls either. I used to be able to play basketball as hard as Michael Jordan, just not as well. Let me tell you that that ticked me off. 

But I digress.

Diocletian’s solution, one still envied by wage & price control fascists, the ones that Jefferson warned us about in the Declaration of Independence, was simple. toe. No bread today, no bread next year. He arrested the bakers and cut their hands off. Maybe it’s time to try it again.

There is an important lesson to be learned here. [Since I mentioned Gibbon I’ll now mention Edmund Burke. He said, “Unfortunately, experience is the only school where some people can learn.” Except when they don’t.]

#1 – When the price of a commodity, any commodity, be it bread, trash removal, Amazon stock, Granny’ silver tea set, successful high school football coaches, por ejemplo, spikes, 2 things happen.

A – The marginal user is shaken out.

B – New supplies are attracted to the marketplace.

Put the word out that the fair price is negotiable. $7.50 is now $15.00. It is now $25.00. It is now whatever it takes to get the crap off your streets. I have been a guest in several magnificent homes in Pembroke Pines. Charge the owners. They won’t mind. Since I don’t see any Social Justice Warriors, Black Lives Matters legions, or Antifa thugs volunteering to clean your streets why not try it? If anyone hectors you on “fairness” Baker Act his ohmadanish sad sacked sorry ass into the pokey for a few days. By the way, were any looters shot in Pembroke Pines

The worst thing that happens is that your streets are still dirty but you will have bent your knee obeisantly at the Altar of Fairness.

Kevin Smith

PS – I mentioned Adam Smith and George Orwell. My Uncle Adam said, “If you are looking for a meal and a bed for a night look not to the inn-keeper’s charitable instincts; he may not have any. Look rather to his rational self-interest.” Orwell said, “Stones are hard; water is wet. Objects unsupported fall towards the earth’s center…If that is granted all else follows.” Let it sink in. Here are 2 factoids that may prove useful at your next press conference: A – the Declaration of Independence and The Wealth of Nations were published on the same day and B – Orwell was detested by modern American Liberals and their European forebears from 1938 until he died

September 12, 2017

Dear Jim,

I am not sure what “karma” or “harmonic convergence” mean but I know that they are upset, they are gone awry, when a husband buries his wife. I know first-hand. Now, you do.

In Spanish “lo siento mucho” means that you fell it very much. I did; I do. Now you do.

In “The Informer”, Victor McGlaglen tells Mrs. McPhillips, just after having her son killed, “I’m sorry for your troubles”.

I still feel it and I am.

Meanwhile, you have a son and 2 grandsons nearby.

Grandfathers are like libraries. If I didn’t tell my youngest that she had 2 relatives that fought at Gettysburg with the Irish Brigade, one of whom is still there “wrapped in his faded coat of Blue”, who would?

Let me tell you about my 3 granddaughters, my “Texas Ladies”.

The oldest, Caitlin, will soon – weather permitting – be entering her second year at Savannah College of Art & Design. The youngest, Julia, twice Texas State Champion gymnast, has a legitimate shot at the 2020 Tokyo Olympics. The middle one, Caroline, still thinks I am the best guy she knows. I am playing with a pat hand.

Live for your lads.

 And be sure to tell them about their grandmother. When you have their attention tell them why “Ireland is the land of happy wars and sad love songs”.

KS

September 13, 2017

Bob Iger – CEO

The Disney Corp

500 S. Buena Vista

Burbank, CA  91521

Mr. Iger,

Lenin, the original and still most successful “community activist:” and apparently the most imitable hero to many of the “useful idiots” who work at ESPN said, “People vote with their feet”.

Let me update that.

Couch potatoes, particularly curmudgeonly ones with a sense of History and the God given ability to detect meaner than cat shit smarmy bastards, now vote with their thumbs

You have a non-Caucasian commantratess who spills her noxious billingsgate on ESPN. She said that “Trump is a White supremacist and a bigot”. If so, what does that  make Woodrow Wilson? Hugo Black? Carl Vinson? John Stennis? Robert Byrd? Do you suppose Jemima or whatever the Hell her name is has ever heard of or, really stretching the envelope, knows what tu quoque means? No chance. She’s dumber than a box of hammers. That, coupled with a terminal case of “Non-malodorous fecal matter syndrome”, makes her a malevolent bruja. 

If she’s free to pour her flotsam into the arena I’m free to shove my flotsam into the same place, right?

If I were to point out that there were no White looters in Florida and that the Black Lives Matter relief trucks have still not shown up or that the Antifa water wagons have not yet been spotted or that the Southern Poverty Law Center, a bogus non-profit that has $58,000,000 parked overseas, has done nothing except to issue black bandanas to brown shirted street thugs, would that make me a racist? I know, I know. I can’t construct a universal from a particular or particulars but Jeepers Creepers shouldn’t a Kumbaya chanting White social justice warrior stepped up and sacked and pillaged a 7-11? That would have been known as taking one for the team by destroying the optics of Black only snaffling plunderers. Just asking.

There is a marvelous duet featuring Andrea Bocelli and Sarah Brightman singing “Time to Say Goodbye”.

I hereby declare my home to be a safe zone, a sanctuary manse if you will, free of ESPN hate speech. I will enforce this with pepper spray, hammers, 2x4s, brass knuckles, hob nailed boots, inter alia. Who says you can’t teach an aging deplorable bitter clinging sumbitch some new tricks?

Kevin Smith

PS – I watched part of the ESPN special on scabs in football last night. As a former dues paying member of 2 unions, including the Tony Pro-run Teamsters local in Union City, NJ, I was expecting a cameo appearance by the ghost of Joe Hill or some reference to the horror, the horror of breaking the Pullman Strike. Maybe they were in the part I didn’t see. Also, I will not be taking any of my granddaughters to Disney World. And say hello to your wife.

September 11, 2017

Congresswoman Maxine Waters

10124 South Broadway #1 

Los Angeles, CA 90003

Congresswoman Waters,

Live, you melanin-laced Hecate!

Stay out of Chicago and Baltimore. Black folk have a better chance of getting through the weekend at Simon Legree’s joint way down South in Dixie than at those two Black run abattoirs. Since you stay out of South Central LA, going there only to judge the looting contests. You should be safe there. Besides, the people who travel with you have enough weapons to take over a small African duchy.

Would it be racist of me to cite a Yahoo story about 15 deadbeat ex-NFL players? I ask that because only 2 of them are White with one of them being dead. The rest of them are, and I bet you guessed it, African-American. They have fathered some 69 children by close to two dozen women. #1 has 6 children by 6 women, a new record for monogamy for a goat.

I don’t want you to get shot. Since you were the one who gave us “Midnight Basketball” you are far too valuable to be exposed to random street violence. Further, when looking at video of feral urban Blacks looting in Watts you coined the phrase “alternative shopping”. Priceless. Beyond parody. Beyond the pale. 

Breaking news from Fort Lauderdale. No White looters. All those arrested are Black. Who says Affirmative Action doesn’t work?

By the by, has your husband looted any banks lately? It’s indoor work plus there’s no heavy lifting. He got his start sacking and pillaging a 7-11 after the Rodney King verdict, right?

Don’t wear any gang colors and always remember to shoot first.

Kevin Smith