August 27, 2017

Fabiola Santiago

The Miami Herald

RE: Dems missed the boat on Venezuela? Did Debbie Wasserman-Schultz say, “He arado en el mar?” Your column in today’s Miami Herald may have revealed a bit too much of what’s going on behind the curtain of modern American Liberalism. The Elders, the Keepers of the Tablets that rule the tribe and its scribes, will be mad at you for forgetting your place and hinting at the truth.

Ms. Santiago,

Buckle up you boob. It’s going to be a bumpy ride. Democrats, particularly the modern American Liberal kind [As if there were any other kind] looooove dictators, particularly the good kind.

George McClellan, when he ran against Lincoln in 1864 called him a “baboon”. The New York Times, then as now the drumbeater for the Democrats, acquiesced in this when they endorsed McClellan. In so doing, they supported an armistice that would have kept slavery. Just think. If McClellan had won there would have been no arguments about the statues.

Margaret Sanger, heroine of modern American Liberals, was Hitler’s favorite American with Ambassador Papa Joe Kennedy being a close second. Indeed he credited her with being the inspiration for being his 1934 Nuremberg Race laws

If we are to believe Justice Thurgood Marshall President Woodrow Wilson was the most bigoted, racist President in the 20^th century. Is there anybody demonstrating to take his statues down?

Democrats have shouted themselves hoarse whining that Trump is a card-carrying KGB agent. It didn’t bother them when Walter Duranty, let me quickly add that Walter Duranty of the New York Times won a friggin’ Pulitzer Prize, was abought and paid for butt boy of the KGB. Ditto for Alger Hiss. Hiss actually accompanied FDR to Yalta where Uncle Joe took his pants down and burned his ass.

Harry Dexter White and Henry Wallace were proud Democratic names – Wallace was the Vice President, remember? – who danced to the tune of the KGB puppet masters. 

Vito Marcontonio sat in Congress. Paul Robeson wet his pants when he won the coveted Stalin Prize. Lillian Hellman left her estate to the study of Marxism.

MALs were positively tumescent when Hitler and Stalin played kissy-face for almost 2 years, remember? FDR sent a lot of Federal bureaucrats to study Mussolini’s management techniques. I think it had something to do with public transit. At the same time, he nominated former Klan member Hugo Black to the Supreme Court. And, as previously mentioned, he made Henry Wallace, a bed wetting pinko Commie rat bastard, his Vice President. And democrats complained about Nixon.

 Again the New York Times hits one for a six. Herbert L. Matthews helped Fidel Castro get and keep his job. Ho Chi Minh didn’t need any more SAM missiles as long as he had Harrison Salisbury, also of the Times, blocking for him. 

The Democratic Party, true believers in “Midnight Basketball” and raising both taxes and the minimum wage while fighting America’s longest, bloodiest war, the hugely successful one against poverty, lionized Castro. The Hollywood stooges adored Hugo Chavez. All the tin-pot dictators in Africa were given a pass. Anthony Lewis, another New York Times rump-swabber, told us that we were “culturally arrogant” to question Pol Pot of Cambodia when he killed 1/3^rd of his countrymen.

Democrats love dictators.

“We were over to Russia to see the future. And it works!” “You can’t make an omelet without braking eggs”. Guess what? No one in the Tea Party said that.

Maybe next time Kumbaya and trying to get water to run uphill and passing a law outlawing gravity will work. Maybe the lion and the lamb can get along but why is there never a call for a new lion when it’s bed time?

And maybe my brother the hunchback will straighten up.

Kevin Smith

WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET

August 27, 2017

Andres Oppenheimer

The Miami Herald

RE: Some comments on your column in today’s Miami Herald, the one that highlights the moral relativism expected of modern American Liberal ink-stained wretches, even those foreign born.

Senior Oppenheimer,

Compared to Kabul or Chicago on a long weekend who wouldn’t want to go to Huejutla?

On the other hand…

Your column reminds me of a press release from the office of D.C. Mayor Marion Barry, and let me add that except for “the bitch who set him up”, he would Have been one of the truly exceptional Americans. He said, “Other than the murder rate, Washington is a very safe city.” 

God’s Holy Trousers, but he actually said that. You could look it up.

The United States State Department has reminded its fellow citizens that Mexico, “so far from God and so close to the United States”, is a dangerous place. OK Corral, Valentine’s Day massacre, Hatfield/McCoy type danger. 

I suggest that people from anywhere don’t go to Bedford-Stuyvesant, East Baltimore, and the South side of Chicago. They should probably be verboten for Mexican spring breakers. Also, avoid any American city with a Democratic mayor and strict gun control laws. You run a much greater risk of having your ass shot off, a la “The Magnificent Seven”. The more Draconian the law the greater the chance of getting a cap in your ass. Look it up.

Mexico es muy peligroso. Chicago tambien.

Here’s a plan.

Stay home.

Meanwhile, callete 

Kevin Smith

WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET

August 27, 2017

Howard Saltz – Publisher & Editor-in-Chief

The Sun Sentinel

500 E. Las Olas Blvd.

Ft. Lauderdale, FL33394

RE: Time for the “Last Post & Chorus”?

Mr. Saltz,

There will be “no mourning at the bar when you put out to sea”.

Sports News Alert!

Saint Thomas Aquinas beat Saint John Bosco 9 to 3 on Friday, August 25, 2017. Your sports section on Sunday, August 27, 2017 had an action photo that read “The game was not complete for this edition”.

And that was after your Page 1 told me that Delray Beach is going after parking ticket scofflaws. Not pederasts or spouse abusers or Congressional ITers maybe selling government stuff to the Russkies but serial overtime parkers. Another story told me of   the outrage of pajama-clad snowflake POOs [Perpetually Outraged & Offended] being, you know what I’m saying, outraged & offended by street names. [As an aside, and in the spirit of us all coming together, can we all join hands in a long overdue Kumbaya moment and forbid any government vehicle from using Dixie highway? Gridlock for the masses. Move over Gandhi & King.] Then you had a Page 1 promotion of a restaurant promotion aimed at the upper middle class. Section 8 tenants can’t afford the restaurants that you feature. Maybe those who are “fighting for $15” know these restaurants from the kitchen and the slop chute/dumpster connection but from where the starched table cloth sections are. I hope you were paid for Page 1 product placement or didn’t a stint in Chapter X1 bankruptcy teach you anything? And then there was tiny toss-away for a little storm in Texas, a storm that would cause Noah to soil his knotted knickers.

Put differently, I ain’t buying your paper anymore. It doesn’t mean I’ll stop reading it. I have sympathetic neighbors who encourage my mooching. I am trying to expand my mooching list to include single malt whisky but, alas, not successfully.

Your editorial on medical marijuana shows how to ugh it is to be an ink-spattered modern American Liberal today. I know, I know 72% of those who voted favored the legalization of pot. [62% of those who voted on same sex marriage oppose it but that’s different, right? Referenda are good but only when the right thing wins, right?] Possession of marijuana is a violation of Federal law. Thank God for John C. Calhoun, the slave owning architect of the theory of nullification. It is a straight line from him saying the Feds could not tell states what to do in re slavery to sanctuary cities. In for a pence, in for a pound.  Get Cheech & Ching down here to do a reverse Anita Bryant. Stoned Gator wrestling. One Toke Over the Line colonoscopies by the sea. Bongs for LQBGTUs. Page 1 promotes upscale meals for upscale folks – mostly White. You editorialize in favor of weed for the working man. Blue collar Hawaiian Gold.

Your editorial feature the polls and votes – vox populi? – on the subject. Why not have the trials of all heinous crimes decided that way? All kidnap/rape/torture/murder cases – Think Matthew Shepherd and Jesse Dirkhising – will be decided by the people gathered on the steps of the courthouse. Seems like a good idea to me.

Your paper is so thin, both figuratively and literally, that I can almost read my 2 favorite summer books: The Wit & Wisdom of Debbie Wasserman-Schultz & The Fun Side of Little Debbie with an introduction by Bernie Sanders. I mention her because if she were a Republican and “I am Debbie, hear me roar because I am a modern American Liberal who is a liar, liar, pants on fire fan of 4^th & 5^th trimester abortions and please don’t throw me into the briar patch of my husband’s bank business” you would have flayed her over and over and over and over and over ad nauseam. And deep dpwn, you know I’m right, right?

Kevin Smith

PS – And thanks for telling me on Sunday morning which sport shows I could watch on Saturday. 

August 20, 2017

Brother Kevin O’Neill, F.M.S.

KO,

If “Boston only hates the Yankees” would it be fair to say that the Missouri state legislator, and would you believe that she is a Black female, who called for the “assassination” of President Trump, isn’t a “proper” Bostonian who knows neither the Cabots nor the Lodges and probably should be “banned”? [Imagine the high dudgeon if she had been a he and he had been a Republican and the President had been named Obama. Further imagine he had been known to whistle Dixie and had a secret stash of “Song of the South” CDs. And, to make it worse, he was a fan of John C. Calhoun before Sanctuary Cities. He would have had his ass welded to the next available Pioneer “Let’s Go to See Pluto” rocket, don’t you think?]

As Ulysses said, “[I] am not now that strength which in old days moved heaven and earth…” I must rise to the bait of the following.

“We are people of a God who embraces and upholds

the dignity of every person.”

And yes, the italics are mine.

The list of signators of the above is today’s A-Team, spiritual descendants of the teachers of my youth.

 I have a clear memory of 2 large Marist Brothers, under the capable hand of Brother Leo, toting a pre-World War 2 Frigidaire down the front steps of my home on 50^th street in Bayonne in 1954. The next time I saw it was in 1967 in the new school on 57^th Street^. It had been restored, restarted and was filled with cold beer.

As to “We are people of a God….” the signators, not quite at risk as the Founders on July 4, 1776 – there are no anti-anti Nazis, are there? – specifically included African-Americans. I am forced to heed Brother Leo’s last bit of advice about “not hiding my light under a bushel”.

“Every person”, while it is surely not an abstract noun, is assuredly universal in its definition.

Wasn’t it Stalin, the idol of modern American Liberals in the “low, dishonest decade” of the ‘30s, who said, “One death is a tragedy; a million is a statistic”.

There have been at least 62,000,000 abortions since 1973. It is passing strange that while the number of pneumonectomies and installed scleral buckles can be stated with 100% metaphysical certitude the number of aborted babies flushed down the drains of myriad abattoir charnel houses is vague. Modern American Liberals are not known for their devotion to precise numbers

Speaking of African-Americans….the sound you hear is the other shoe as it approaches Mach 1.

Somewhere between 35% and 40% of the abortions done in this country since 1973 have been performed on, as you say, “African-American” women. 20,000,000 to 25,000,000 million are gone. How many of them would have loved to have seen a statue, any statue, even one of the Johnny Reb who fired the shot that killed my grandfather’s uncle, a private in the Irish Brigade, in the Wheat Field at Gettysburg on July 2, 1863?

Margaret Sanger, Hitler’s favorite American, won. Dorothy Day lost.

Walker Percy, a man to make Catholics proud as the name Roger Taney should make us feel ashamed, said the “back door of an abortion clinic goes straight to Auschwitz”.

Who will say Kaddish for these dead Black people?

It is a self-evident fact that the Black modern American Liberal female Missouri legislator had a mother who avoided the Sirens’ call. She steered her corporal temple past both the Scylla of hedonism and the Charybdis of moral relativism. And we wind up with the daughter calling for the murder of a White President and why do I know this will not be treated as a hate crime?

Did Trump kill those people in Spain? How about in Finland? Is Allah still Akbar?

The hip is good today but the kidney is acting up.

I would be upset if you did not forward this to all the Brothers on the letter, if not for their comments then certainly for their prayers.

Kevin Smith – Marist High School – 1961

WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET

PS – Skip the statues. Bring back Sherman and have him do to Charleston what the Romans did to Carthage. Losers don’t get to put up statues.

August 14, 2017

Congressman Ted Deutch

111 E. Las Olas Blvd

Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33301

RE: Help!

Congressman Deutch,

#1 – I am a constituent of yours.

#2 – I have written to you 4 separate times without the courtesy of a response.

#3 – You said yesterday that President Trump plans to “cut” Social Security.

#4 – As a disabled senior citizen I would like to know the amount and the timing of these “cuts” so that I can plan accordingly.

#5 – I never know when modern American Liberal pols, people such as you, are serious because you say such silly things.

#6 – Can I expect the courtesy of a reply or will I be like Charlie Brown waiting for Lucy to fool me again?

Kevin Smith

August 14, 2017

Mitchell Berger, Esq.

Berger, Singer

350 Las Olas Blvd

Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33301

Mr. Berger,

I heard this morning that, despite promises to jackass Kerry and ohmadahn Obama, the Iranians have increased their ICBM production.

I read where you said yesterday in the mini Op-Ed section of the Sun Sentinel that the Iranian nuclear accord – Do accords have to be submitted to the Senate for its advice and consent? Silly question, right? I’m just a tease when it comes to joshing with modern American Liberals – should be a model, indeed the paradigm, for negotiations with North Korea.

Should we give the irenic NORKs $150,000,000,000 as a gesture of good will or should we keep the money and just bend over and grab our ankles?

Kevin Smith

PS – Did the Koch Brothers cause the latest Alpha Gump movie on drowning polar bears to bomb? No telling with that pair. They should be altruistic and eleemosynary like Tom Steyer and George Soros, right? Did green house gases cause the eclipse? Congratulations on refusing to represent either the buyer or the seller of waterfront properties. You did do that, didn’t you? I must have missed it. 

August 10, 2017

Larry Merlo – CEO

CVS Corporation

1 CVS Drive

Woonsocket, RI 02895

RE What a way to start the day at CVS, 1700 South Federal Highway Ft Lauderdale, FL 33316, Store #3285 

Mr. Merlo,

“I Just Wet My Pants”

There are many “rules” governing retail but the one that makes the most sense for both parties is when the buyer says “I am profit and everybody else is overhead”.

I tried to pick up a prescription this morning that I had dropped off for filling Wednesday afternoon around 3:00 PM. I was told it would take 60 minutes. I pulled into your drive-thru lane around 3:00 AM, Thursday. If you check my pick-up history, you will see that most of my pick-ups are pre-dawn.

There appeared to be a computer problem and let us stipulate that I did not cause said problem.

Time went by sooooo slowly…

The pharmacist made several attempts, from different phones and from different terminals, to fix it. Alas, it was not to be.

Then, a woman appeared, visible through the glass, and gave me renewed hope. Alas, it was not to be.

The only thing of which I was apprised was that the prescription was entered into the system incorrectly on Wednesday afternoon. Again, the entry was something over which I had no control.

The woman, grim visaged and stridently voiced, took the attitude that it was my fault. It wasn’t. Is it possible to pray that there is a photographic record of this?

I stressed to both employees that I was having a renal stent removed at 11:00 AM. Renal stents, whether they be coming or going, can and have caused involuntary physical reactions.

I know this because this is my 3^rd.

That was when I asked for my license and cash to be returned. That was when the lady told the pharmacist that “she couldn’t talk to me anymore”. That was when I said “I wet my pants”. OK! OK! It wasn’t “Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall!” but to me it was memorable.

The pharmacist called at 4:45 AM to tell me that the prescription was ready. I told him that I was not, what with a full load of laundry half way through the wash cycle.

I will pick it up today, probably pre-op.

Kevin Smith

PS – Silly me! I’ll bet you thought the prescription was written by the urologist, today’s designated stent fetcher. It was not. It was written by my orthodpaedist. The 1:30 PM x-rays taken at Holy Cross Hospital confirmed that indeed I had fractured my left hip. And how did you start your day?

August 9, 2017

Senator Bill Nelson

413 Clematis Street #210

West Palm Beach, FL 33401

Senator Nelson,

Sine I have been in Florida you have struck me as trying to becoming as publicly dumb as former Vice President Alpha Gump and how is his movie doing, and former Vice President Curley Biden and of course his hair is real, it just ain’t his.

Every now and then, e.g.; days ending in “y”, your office issues statements screaming that maybe you couldn’t find your ass using both hands. Even better, sometimes you give a live press conference, not quite breathlessly, in which you say that umbrellas cause rain or some such witless flapdoodle [I’ll end the suspense. Umbrellas don’t cause rain.]

Watch out, you boob. The other shoe, the one weighing 9 pounds, has been launched. It is on target, said target being the bridge of your nose.

In this morning’s Florida Politico by Mark Caputo you criticize Governor Scott for not criticizing Goldman Sachs for “buying” Venezuelan bonds. Let the record show that if a state does not do business with Goldman Sachs they are probably deficient in their fiduciary responsibilities.

 If they are buying them for a client what business is it of yours? If they are buying the deeply discounted Venezuelan bonds for their account, so what? It’s their money, isn’t it? One thing is certain. 

They are not underwriting them. I may have erred in assuming that you know the difference. The other side of that coin is that since you, in typical modern American Liberal fashion, favor raising both taxes and the minimum wage as the shibboleth ladenly-larded solution to any and all economic posers you may be the one to prove Dr. J wrong when he said “Such stupidity is not to be found in nature”. You go, guy

Did you have any objection when Secretary of State Wide-Bottomed Hillary allowed the sale of 20% of this country’s uranium to Russia? If you did could you send it to me.

Did the Treasury’s, [or more precisely put, the people of America] guarantee of $500,000,000 of Solyndra bonds cause you any agida? 

If doing business with Venezuela is malum per se why don’t you lead a boycott of

CITGO?

Why don’t you and your pal Senator SummerFallWinterWarren [D-MA] organize a SEAL Team 6 weekend reunion to take out the CITGO sign slouched behind the “Green Monster” at Fenway Park in Boston? Why don’t you offer her a compromise to the brouhaha of the Cleveland Indians’ Indian?

Put her picture on the ball cap in White face for the

 plaid rainbow crowd. Put a tasteful feather behind her ear.

Meanwhile, you would be well advised to keep your mouth shut because if you don’t open it people can only assume that you are a horse’s ass. If you open it you will remove all doubt. If you had been Henry the Fifth at Harfleur you never would have made it to Agincourt. Queen Simone Catorze would open Parliament every year by singing the catchy Bastille Day frog ditty. And, yes, widows would still be charbroiled in India. Who knows how many A.G. fundamentalist crispy critters Janet Reno could have gotten at Waco?

Kevin Smith

PS – Is it true that you need a GPS to get off a ladder?

July 30, 2017

Gray Stein 

The Sun Sentinel

RE: “I Get No Kick From….” Some comments on your so achingly familiar modern American Liberal POO [POO? – Perpetually Outraged and Offended, of course] – Sunday morning Jeremiad.

Big Stein,

Forgive me but 2 things first.

Thank you yet again for proving with your column that Ronaldus Magnus, AKA The Great Reagan, was right when he said that modern American Liberals were not stupid “it’s just that there is so much that they don’t know”. I’ll get to the second thing later.

I announce that I too am opposed to texting while driving, the object of your scorn, derision, and, almost, billingsgate, in today’s column. I’ll go a step beyond your usual extreme. I am opposed to texting on all levels.

Heads up because here comes the other shoe.

You say, in robot-like modern American Liberal goose step style, that “charter school and gun lobbyists are slinking around Tallahassee”. Later on, you say, suggesting the quid pro quid of bribery, that “our legislators are too busy taking NRA $”.

[Forgive my frequent use of asides, but as much as you hate the Trump Justice Department, as much as you miss the Loretta Lynch telling Bill Clinton about Hillary’s investigation Justice Department, not to mention the “Let’s char-broil 7 dozen Americans in Waco to show them who the Boss is” Janet Reno Justice Department, your obligation is to run to the nearest FBI office with your evidence of bribery. I think the statute has run on the Palmer Raids, another modern American Liberal hallmark.]

Why is it bad for the NRA to support legislators who favor their point of view? Doesn’t EMILY’s List do the same? NARAL regularly showers supporters of 4^th & 5^th trimester abortion. Do you have a problem with that pelf flying around? Shouldn’t manatee supporters be able to favor pols who think like them?

Thank God for Orwell!

“All speech is free. Some speech is more free than others.”

How many other parts of the First Amendment would you change?

Lobbying is the only occupation specifically mentioned and supported in the Constitution. The First Amendment says that “the right of the people peaceably to assemble to petition the government for a redress of grievances” …shall not be infringed upon.

I don’t think the Law, be it natural or constitutional, requires that urinals be retrofitted to include toilet seats lest the chicks and the chick wanabees feel slighted. Remind me to have plenty of film in the camera when the modern American Liberal dog and pony sow explains this itty-bitty change in public policy to a mosque at Friday prayers or a Lubavitcher shul on Shabbos.

What these anti-nomianalists, “trousered apes” all, want is surely offensive to the Western canon and to Logic, but who am I to deny them their right to advocate it. Besides, wouldn’t the rule of quis custodies custodiet apply? Unless of course, like the Mohammed cartoons, anything that upsets “getting one head’s straight” becomes a 4-etter word. 

Tell me why $ from the Koch Brothers is verboten while $ from George Soros is good?

You know of course that if Tom Steyer, the modern American Liberal keening hypocrite du jour, had not sold all that dirty coal to China and India he wouldn’t have the $ to support the candidates who want to do away with air conditioning, plastic, and the Internet. 

Alas, the Constitution supports him too.

Allah Akbar, I think.

He’s exempt from the “establishment clause”, right?

He? That’s presumptive. Try to picture “he” as “”she”.

God’s Holy Trousers but the WOGs will burn down 

the Aswan Dam if they find out about this kaffir heresy.

Kevin Smith

WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET

PS – I am still waiting for the “all clear’ from Little Stein, your perpetual college student, about Wordsworth. Is he still on the chick-lit shit list? Get back to me, OK? I am getting sick of reading Maya Angelou.