Sunday, September 27, 2015

September 26, 2015
Paula McMahon
The Sun Sentinel

RE: “Prominent South Florida Admits $3.4M Tax Fraud” – Some comments on your unlinkable news story in today’s Sun Sentinel.

MS McMahon,

Absent the photograph of the self-confessed felon I would have thought, true to my cultural biases, that Pamela Watson was White.

In a perverse way it is a sign of great racial progress when a Black émigré can arrive here and climb the professional ladder to its top, Certified Public Accountant still being a coveted industry designation. It is also one where the ghouls of Affirmative action have not prevailed. Debits still equal credits or chaos reigns. That she fell from the greased ladder of success is yet more proof that meretricious mendacity is color-blind. 

And, in an almost Yes, you can gild certain lilies, she was a Republican!

Welcome to America, MS Watson. Everything is possible here.

That’s why, to cite the legendary Big Mike from Bayonne, you never see anyone swimming TO Cuba.






Kevin Smith

WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET
September 26, 2015
Gary Stein
The Sun Sentinel

RE: “Is the GOP Better Off?” – Some comments on your generous and gracious offer to advise Republicans how to conduct themselves, particularly in public, in today’s unlinkable Sun Sentinel.

Big Stein, 

Political parties, in representative Democracies, constantly renew and reinvent themselves.

Like the making of laws and sausages the sight of free men deciding how to govern themselves is sometimes best kept from the view of children.  It is something anathema to modern American Liberals who genetically are inclined being told what to do.

You seem to disapprove of Republican “earmarks” while remaining neutral, by virtue of omission on Democratic ones. Yet again, the hydra-like ogre called “eclectic indignation”, the one thing that enables modern American Liberals to get through days filled with cognitive dissonance of gargantuan dimensions.

My favorite rabbi, Paul nee Saul of Tarsus, chided his friend Alexander for not beating the bushes for more souls for Christ. [The Pope is still here, right?]

“How am I to know unless some man tells me?” was his answer.

Can you give me a specific example of a modern American Liberal “earmark”?

Shovel-ready jobs, Cash for Clunkers, Midnight Basketball, and the Godot-like Summer of Arrival are no longer eligible.

Speaking of “wacky ideas” Bernie Sanders is chock-a-block filled with them. I will give him this however. Unlike Hillary he can at least lie straight in bed. That is something that she in a role fit for her, that of being an oozing bag of foetid eel shit in a 3XXX pastel pant suit, is incapable of doing.

I’ll run your ideas past the Koch Brothers to see what they say.

Thanks for the help.


KEVIN SMITH

WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET
September 26, 2015
Randy Schultz
The Sun Sentinel

RE: “Republicans’ Internal Struggle Hurts Constituents and Themselves”. – Some comments on your unlinkable column about how, in the spirit of Papa Francisco and with the approbation of the Brothers Koch Republicans can come to know the Baby Jesus.

Mr. Schultz,

I take great umbrage and my dudgeon is greatly raised when you lump me into the uncaring, insensitive, and meaner than cat shit acolytes of Rush Limbaugh that you label as “65 and older whites”.

I plead guilty on both counts plus I will confess to another: I have a superbly functioning prostate gland.

That means that when it comes time to cross the bar I am guaranteed to be accepted into the last great fraternity, the one in “the undiscovered country from which no visitor ever returns”.

`I mean, of course, the Fraternal Order of DWEMs.

Dead White European Males

If I read your column correctly, no easy task, you seem to say that the only possible way Republicans can succeed in your eyes is to stop being Republicans. 

Send up a flare if you disagree with this.

Make sure it is environmentally sensitive, one that is solar powered or wind driven.

Today’s History lesson - Pay attention. There will be a test. – is that political parties in representative Democracies are constantly remaking themselves.

The Politburo, China, Cuba, Venezuela are incapable of doing this.

I hate to commit a modern American Liberal sin, that of confusingly conflating correlation and causality but why, pray tell, are the great migrating hordes, the “huddled masses yearning to be free” not going to any of these countries?

Please be specific about which Planned Parenthood videos were “doctored”. Do you mean the one where Dr. DeFarge expresses her desire for a gas guzzling, polar bear drowning Ferrari or the video of the intact, viable foetus before and after vivisection?

If, as you say, we have had since 2011 “automatic spending cuts that no one can repeal” would not the Federal budget gone down? Would not the expense side of the budget be less now than it was then?

Don’t bother looking. It isn’t.

You hereby qualify for my second most prestigious award

POMPOUS FART OF THE MONTH

Enjoy your well-deserved honor. You got it the old fashioned way.

You earned it!




Kevin Smith

WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET

Tuesday, September 22, 2015

September 22, 2015
Mitchell Berger, Esq.
Berger, Singerman
350 E. Las Olas Blvd.
Ft; Lauderdale, FL 33316

RE:  Sometimes a picture is worth 6,000,000 words. Some comments on today’s Wall Street Journal Page 1 above the fold picture of Netanyahu and Putin.

Mr. Berger, 

Let us stipulate that Netanyahu is from Israel and Putin is from Russia. I wouldn’t want any misunderstandings.

Putin is in a provocative manspread, one that would get him arrested if he tried it on the Lexington Avenue Express, looking like the Cheshire Cat right after he found out that he doesn’t have to smile anymore. Netanyahu, not quite hat in hand, looks like a salesman making his points who is not sure what he will get even if he makes the sale.

With the exception of Jimmy Carter it is impossible to imagine that picture being taken during any other Presidential term since 1947.

Let it be noted that Golda Meir, a Milwaukee native, said that of all the American Presidents she dealt with the only one who kept his word 100% of the time, every time, was Richard Nixon. Exhibit 1 is October, 1973.  I like to point out that if I were a Jew rather than a member of a Church started by a Jew how assured I would have been when Candidate Clinton’s husband said that if Israel were to be beset in time of limitless peril he would jump into a trench and grab a rifle. I gently reminded him that should he be called on to load said rifle that the sharp end of the cartridge goes up the spout first. You can never have too much information.

Would it be out of bounds to ask Candidate Clinton why, 7 years into her famous flubbed Russian “reset” moment, the duly elected leader of America’s longest continuous ally in the Middle East looks like he is sitting in the principal’s office hoping for the best but dreading the worst.

The President and his Secretary of State drew a red line in the Syrian sand. President Assad, like his father, is a skillful poker player. He is at this best when he has no chips.

He went over the line at Mach 2.2. He knew there would be no consequences. Indeed it was better for him to thumb his nose at America.


In 1994 the Republic of Ukraine gave up its nuclear arsenal in return for American guarantees of its sovereignty. How has that worked out?
4 Americans were butchered at Benghazi.

Everyone in that part of the world, a part not particularly influenced be either Burke or Jefferson, noticed that after lying about the cause, the United States did nothing.

[As an aside, I knew 2 blooded veterans – he form Britain, she from Greece – who were present at the birth of Israel. They told me that the bill, a bill that was always marked “Paid in Full”, was 10 executed Arabs for each murdered Jew. Kipling’s ratio was ten times that but let’s not get ahead of ourselves.]

The situation, always close to SNAFU, is now galloping to FUBAR. FUBAR? Send a SASE.

And you are sponsoring a love-in, chow-down for Hillary Clinton, a principal architect of the current chaos?

Here’s the best part.

YOU WANT HER TO BE PRESIDENT!

Talk about cojones grandes
Cuatros cojones grandes

2 things leap to mind.

#1 – My aunt from Hester Street always told me that I should never let anyone piss on my back and tell me it’s rain.

#2 – For telling us offhandedly that there will be “5 or 6 more Benghazis and more e-mail messes” but don’t worry, you are hereby named

SMARMY BASTARD OF THE YEAR

No Affirmative Action set asides for you. No quotacumgoals. You got it the old fashioned way. 

YOU EARNED IT


Accept this as notice that I will not be providing you with 100 pounds of unborn manatee filets, suitable for either sushi or on a gluten free bagel with a schmear.

Feed them yourself.







Kevin Smith
September 21, 2015


Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman-Schultz
10100 Pembroke Pines Blvd.
Pembroke Pines, FL 33026

RE: Better late than never – Happy Anniversary!

Dearest Darling Debbie, Debbie,

So busy was I trying to avoid the death clutches of the stealthily sinister ObamaCare Death Panels that I forgot to remind you of our anniversary. Please forgive me.

It was September 18, 2001 when Agent Thomas and Agent Mineva, bot stalwart members of the Florida Department of Law Enforcement, men with badges, guns, and the full majesty of the law, came to my house to “discuss” something that either I wrote to you or about you.

For a person who claims to have 2 degrees from the University of Florida in, would you believe it, Political Science, it was a lesson writ large of the moral and political bankruptcy without which card carrying, fire breathing modern American Liberals, with you being the paradigmatic template, could not exist. 

I ended my note to you with the following tease:

“Congress shall make no law…”

They are the opening words of the First Amendment. Anyone who claims to be liberal, anyone who wants “a thousand flowers to bloom”, anyone who claims to have 2 degrees in Political Science, should have those words tattooed on the inside of their eyelids so it is the last thing they see before sleep and the first thing they see in the morning as they go about the Lord’s work. 

I quoted a DWEM, a Dead White European Male, a man whose name and History would have been impossible for a Political Science major not to have been on intellectually intimate terms.

“Free men speak with free tongues”

Alas, but true to form for a public mAL, the lesson still has not been learned. Just as you could not tolerate dissent then your conduct as the head viper/vixen of the Democratic Party now says that you will, let no one interfere with Hecate Hillary and her road to the crown. 

As an aside, I think it is great sport and fabulous theatre when political parties piss on each other’s legs. May I suggest that as a distraction from keeping Sanders, O’Malley, and Webb – maybe Curley Biden, God willing – from getting national TV exposure you invite a prominent Muslim to give the invocation at the debate? Several Republicans have said the Muslims would not make an ideal President. Why not have Minister Louie Farrakhan invoke Allah’s blessings on the candidates? Just give it some thought. OK?

Here’s another big idea I want to share with you.

Should Hillary win the nomination why not push for Kareem Abdul Jabbar, nee Lew Alcindor, to be the Vice Presidential candidate? Just have him denounce defenestrating homosexuals, cliteroidectomies, stoning women taken in adultery, beheading Jewish journalists, kidnapping hundreds of 13 year old girls and selling them as sex slaves, crucifying Christians, blowing up 20 century old statues of Buddha, and last but certainly not least, flying jets into office buildings.

A small price to pay for being one heart beat from the Oval Office, no?

Could you, as the head shill for the Democratic Party, clear up some things for me?

I knew a cashiered US Navy officer back in the early ‘70s. He was sacked for cause. He had just docked a nuclear submarine without battening down all the hatches. That was how he became known as “Open Hatch Jack”. The process for getting the water out of the submarine is officially known as “dewatering”.  

I mention this because 10 days ago President Obama said that Russian military deployments in Syria “were doomed to fail”. Among other things that the Russians have deployed since then are supersonic Sukhoi fighters. As far as is known ISIS does not have an air force. A Pentagon spokesperson called these jets “mechanisms for deconfliction”.

Where is Mencken or Orwell now that we need him? For that matter, where is Professor Irwin Corey?

“Dewatering” and “deconfliction” are bad enough but now comes “delimbing”.

The faceless ObamaCare bureaucrats have decided that one quick way to save money was to drastically restrict the use of prosthetic devices. Things like titanium hips, titanium knees, and inorganic limbs are on the hit list. So much for Peg Leg Pete making it to Dancing With The Stars. I imagine the suicide rate for artificially limbed veterans who are Fred Astaire wanabees is approaching epidemic status. 

Wazupwidat?

Autumn comes late this year. Will it be enough of a grace period to be able to announce that the Summer of Recovery has finally come? Or will it be like the last 7 summers where we sit on a bench awaiting it like it was friggin’ Godot?

I suggest that if you are thinking of going to the private sector, a place where you have never been, that you consider a movie career. Your husband’s bank can finance a re-make of Rikki-Tikki-Tavi. 

It is not possible to imagine Rhett Butler being played by anyone other than Clark Gable. There is no one better suited to play Nagaina, the Queen Cobra than you. You were born for the role. I smell Oscar. 

Now that your pal is in the White House can I expect a surprise visit from Seal Team 6 to “discuss” my writings?

Breaking News!

Thanks for your vote to OK the Iran Nuclear Treaty…or at least that’s what Putin said to Netanyahu as they met in the Kremlin. As Curley Biden has said, “This is a big fucking deal”. Do you think so?





Kevin Smith




PS – I sent you a note a while back when your knickers were knotted about the difference between a modern American Liberal and a Socialist. You fell into a fumfering fit not equaled since you realized that “shovel ready jobs” were not really shovel ready and that Cash for Clunkers was about a popular as a fart in church. [Could I say “about as popular as a ham sandwich at a Jewish picnic” and not be accused of anti-Semitism? I can? Thank you.] The good news from England is that the new leader of the Labor Party is a Socialist. He thinks the Ayrabs are good guys and the Jews are the bane of the world. He wants to regulate the banks, the tides, full moons, and picking one’s nose. Compared to him Bernie Sanders sounds like he works for the Koch Brothers. Just kidding, just kidding.

Monday, September 21, 2015

September 17, 2015
Mitchell Berger, Esq.
Berger, Singerman
350 E. Las Olas Blvd 33316

RE: Hillary as Ananias? How about Baroness von Munchausen?

Mr. Berger,

You are quoted this AM in Marc Caputo’s Politico Florida Hot Line as telling Trolls for Hillary, a heretofore sly PAC for Hillary, one that you run out of your garage, that there will be no end to the troubled times awaiting your favorite Hecate.

 It should be no big deal for her. After all, she made 10,000% on her pork belly investment before she survived all that incoming Serbian artillery when she got off the plane in Macedonia. A remarkable chick. It took a bevy of Kardashians and Jenners to even challenge her accomplishments

After failing the District of Columbia Bar exam either 2 or 3 times, after being fired fromher Job on the House Nixon Lynching squad for, can you believe it, lying, after moving to Arkansas where she set the record for smashing glass ceilings as if they were pumpkins – only a cad would point out that her record of success tracked the political rise of her husband, Handsome Billy from Hot Springs – after serving as outside director at Wal-Mart, a company that went over to the Dark Side within hours of her leaving said Board, it finally dawned on her that she could lie like a rug because as a modern American Liberal it’s what you do to get through the day. 

The bum-kissing toads who make a living covering up for her and her ilk both in the press and on TV would forgive her anything up to and including a weekend in an organic sleeping bag on Fire Island.

A brief aside.

 Could you get me a copy of her senior thesis, the one that idolized Saul Alinsky, the intellectual mentor of Barack H. Obama?

I have read his wife’s thesis on how tough it was to be a Black woman at Princeton, even on scholarship. She managed to keep her student loan unpaid until her husband got her a $4,000 - repeat - $4,000 a week raise for running the 3rd shift, 3rd World dietary workers’ affirmative action think tank. I read Martin Luther King’s doctoral dissertation on Black preachers. That’s the one for which Boston University gave him a Doctorate. [It must be noted that he got it before the arrival of John Silber, the man who cleaned up after the circus animals] I have read the doctoral dissertation of Bill Cosby from the University of Massachusetts. It is absolutely astonishing. I have never read anything quite like it. 

That’s why I want to read what a potential President of the United States was thinking of when she stopped being a Goldwater Girl. That one. I would like to see how it stacks up against the others.

“There will be 5 or 6 more [self-inflicted] wounds. There will be 
new Benghazis and new emails.”
Today 
You

There is nothing quite as exhilarating as sending your troops into battle after telling them that the leader of the PAC couldn’t  lie straight in bed.

Do you remember James Madison? Here is a trivia point good if you ever engage in saloon bets. He was our shortest President. Honest. You can look it up.

 When asked what was the most important quality to look for in a candidate for public office his response from more than 2 centuries ago still rings true.

“CHARACTER. CHARACTER IS ALL.”

Alas, character is a word to be found neither in her DNA nor in her public service. The same deficiency seems to be present in her votaries.





Kevin Smith


PS – Don’t forget that I need at least 72 hours to get enough unborn manatees to have 100 pounds of 5 Star baby manatee sushi. The sows are getting on to my traps. They think they may be “volunteering” for Planned Parenthood. Also, if we have 5 or 6 new Benghazis does that mean that 4 more Americans have to die? And could you ask her if the film maker that she railroaded is still in the pokey? If so, how about some habeas corpus or did Obama executive order that out of the Constitution? Incidentally, today is the anniversary – 9/17/1787 – of said Constitution. That’s a pisser, isn’t it?





Monday, September 14, 2015

September 14, 2015

Governor Andrew Cuomo
NYS State Capitol Building
Albany, NY 12224

Governor Cuomo,

The fact, both inconvenient and undeniable, is that far, far more horses’ asses are afoot today than then are horses’ heads. The number, save for a remake of “The Godfather”, should always be in balance. Look in the mirror. To quote a still dead White European male, it is empirically self-evident.

Hank Williams, Jr performs a marvelous song that features his drinking, his drug usage, and his frequent trips to the dark side. Naturally enough it is called “It’s a Family Tradition”.

I wrote to your father when he was Governor about his speech on abortion at the graduation at Notre Dame.

In it he said that while he was personally opposed to abortion he had no choice but to uphold it because it was the law.

My question, of course never answered, concerned Dred Scott and the law.

What would he have done if Scott, a runaway slave, was captured in New York? Imagine that the Governor had received the outstanding warrants and the request for rendition of the prisoner back to the state from where he had escaped.

A brief aside.

You can thank James Madison for the following sentence.

“Full faith and credit shall be given in each state
to the public acts, and judicial proceedings of
every other state.”
Article 4
Section 1
The Constitution of the United States

I asked your father if, however reluctantly and certainly accompanied by a highly dudgeoned-filled protest, he would have put him on the midnight train to Georgia.

I am still waiting for an answer. Perhaps his estate….Nah. Being a modern American Liberal, even a dead one, means that you never have to say you’re sorry. Ever. For anything.

Now comes your turn in the barrel.

I saw you on TV this morning preaching the benefits of a $15 an hour minimum wage. You said that you would “knock down” anyone for opposing it.

Perhaps not the best example of reasoned discourse or civility in the public arena
but it certainly explains the difference between Rhetoric and Sophistry. I am thankful for even small blessings.

For the record…

Have you ever worked for the minimum wage?
Have you ever been fired from a job you held at the minimum wage? 
Have you ever had a job mopping johns?
Have you ever painted a closet in summertime?
Have you ever dug a ditch?
Have you ever swung a 9 pound hammer for wages?
Ditto a post hole digger
Have you ever belonged to the Teamsters’ Union?
Have you ever walked a picket line other than protesting the heartbreak of psoriasis?
Are your blue collars from Brooks Brothers, Ralph Lauren, or WalMart?

Perhaps someone explained to you how, if you are unemployable at $7, $8, $9, $10 an hour or more you suddenly become more employable at $15 an hour. If you are in possession of such knowledge I beg you to share it with me, with us, with people who live in the real world. That’s the world where “stones are hard and water is wet”. It is a world with which modern American Liberals are not familiar. If they are part owners of unicorn farms on which they have an environmentally sensitive balloon juice co-op and an organic rainbow stew commissary that doubles as a soup kitchen for the children of overweight transgendered, re-gendered, or ungendered victims of predatory lenders who were victims of intense, organized bullying it may not be too late for them. 

When you gave your call to arms, “Happy Days will soon be here” speech you were wearing a gold sash. I couldn’t read what it said but it would be a chalk bet that it either mentioned the Triangle Shirtwaist Fire or Jimmy Hoffa. Maybe Cesar Chavez, almost forgotten uncle of the legendary Hugo Chavez, was on the back side.

Pop quiz.

What is the literal meaning of the word “utopia”?

Answer later.

The only time I wrote to you was in the summer of 1998. That was the year when Big Bill Clinton, in between assignations, told a group of reporters in the Rose Garden that it was very hot out. Further, the heat was caused by Global Warming. Of course, the Koch Brothers profited obscenely from this. The worst part of the treacherous GW was that it caused more heat which caused, you guessed it, more GW.

 It was like the rat, cat, and snake farm. Each section supported the other section. It was a machine that went of itself. As soon as we can develop a market for low fat snake tid-bits – Any chance you could put the word with Michele to get me on the good vendor list? Just asking. I’m from Hudson County, just across the river form where you grew up. If I tell you that I know the buttered side from the dry I won’t Have to say anything else, right? – we will have a perpetual Summer of Recovery. Honest.

I say with all honesty and sympathy that if tautologies did not exist we would have to invent them lest modern American Liberals sneeze the brains out because they dried up from lack of use. 

The craftier among you have Post Hoc Ergo Propter Hoc genetically infused into their sperm and their eggs lest the line perish. 

Logic is to a mAL what holy water, sunlight, and a silver crucifix is to Dracula.

Anyway, when you were HUD Secretary in the hot summer of 1998 you had a sly agent in Pompano Beach, FL. He discovered the heretofore undiscovered “right’ to air conditioning. He arranged for 200 12,500 BTU A/Cs to be “lent” to residents of Section 8 Housing there. I tried, unsuccessfully, to find out if he bought them off the floor at COSTCO or if you had a warehouse filled with them awaiting further shipping instructions. I tried, unsuccessfully, to see if any of them were ever returned.

And, God dang it, you never answered my letter.

I stopped writing to you because of an unconnected fact.

We both attended and were graduated from high schools run by the Marist Brothers; I from Marist High School in Bayonne, NJ  and you from Archbishop Malloy in Queens, NY. I was worried that there might have been some pedagogical cross-pollination that would have caused embarrassment to any or all of our joint teachers.

One of my proudest achievements as a business man was “creating” more jobs in the 1980s than all the companies making up the Dow Jones Industrial Average. I am responsible for a bit more than 400 net new jobs. The companies in the DJIA “created” none. In fact there was a net loss of jobs from them.

There is no better example of the “triumph of hope over experience” than the repeated failure of modern American nostrums about wages and unemployment rates, particularly among urban inner-city youth. [That’s a euphemism for African-American teenagers – hopefully non-feral.]  The deadly combination of increasing the entry level wage while enforcing the Davis Bacon law, the most bigoted anti-Black law passed on the national level in the 20th century, is feloniously imbecilic.

Further, it doubly sins by promising that all it takes is when good people, good ideas, in a good government incubator come together and “speed the plow”, when they “force the spring”, and, yes we can, reach the horizon and pass over into the land of milk and honey where we will sleep ‘til noon, have free beer, and fart through silk.

All it will take is “designing a society so perfect that no one will have to be good”. 
Hey! We went to the moon, didn’t we?






Kevin Smith



PS – Utopia? “Nowhere”. Got it?
September 13, 2015
Chairman Mitch Caesar, Esq.
Broward County Democratic Party
1852 N. University Drive
Plantation, FL 33322

RE: I’m confused

Ave Chairman Mitch!

Like I said, I’m confused.

“If America wants to continue as a beacon
 of freedom for the world, we must remain
 a nation of laws.”
The Sun Sentinel
Today 
You

I am no longer confused.

You, as a believing, devoutly practicing modern American Liberal daily “quaff deeply of the Pierian spring” from whence the soothing waters of eclectic indignation flow.

People sit down in the middle of an intersection to protest an injustice, real or imagined. Would not your Logic dictate that they all be arrested forthwith? After all we are a nation of laws, aren’t we?

President Obama, on at least 17 different occasions, broke ObamaCare, his own law. What should we do, as a citizen of a nation of laws,  when the President breaks the law?

Don’t you become a Sanctuary City by announcing to everyone that you are going to break the law?

Is there a book somewhere that says which laws an elected official must enforce, should enforce maybe should enforce, or never enforce? If there is can you send me a copy before this year’s Summer of Recovery ends.




Kevin Smith
September 13, 2015
Mitchell Berger, Esq.
Berger, Singerman
350 Las Olas Blvd
Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33316

RE: A menu suggestion for Hillary’s big bucks chow down at your house – Something low-cal for her because she is getting an Oliver Hardy ass.

Mr. Berger,

#1 – I hope for a balmy night because I know that by now you have gotten rid of all you’re A/Cs because of the environmental carnage caused by burning coal to power them. Every degree below 72 kills one polar bear.
#2 – Your last big bucks dinner, the one for Tom Steyer, the dirty coal mining hedge fund manager who was a high school classmate of your wife, was vegan. May I suggest a change of menu? Not vegan but at least 100% organic.
I have quite a few manatee traps. The ideal catch is a pregnant cow. Then a partial birth abortion is induced [that way the placenta and the amniotic fluid are preserved. If any of the butchers at the Planned Parenthood abattoir are looking for some part-time work have them call me.
I will provide you with at least 100 pounds of perfectly filleted, surgically sliced manatee sushi. You can tell the squeamish that it is either darkened white fish or lightened lox.

It’s the least I can do to promote hands across the aisle, non-partisan civility. You should try it sometime. It makes you feel all warm and fuzzy inside. It’s as if you have calmed the seas and cooled the planet.

October 2nd, the date of your dinner for Hillary, might be the ideal time to announce that your firm will no longer handle any side of a real estate transaction on or near the water. 

It would be the right thing to do.

Somebody has to stand up for the polar bears, right?

Why not you?

Forgive me if I have asked this question before. If I have I know you haven’t answered it. 

Did your children attend public school or private school? I know the closest that Chelsea Clinton got to a public school was when the Secret Service drove her past one 


on the way to her ultra-posh lycee.

One more thing.

It will be difficult what with trying to steal your hot stove while she gets her IV line of crème Brule dripping but try to find out the name of her commodity broker. I can’t find Red Bone anywhere. 





Kevin Smith



PS -  Should Hillary falter, should the ankle biting “little dogs” bring her down, you will have to turn to Curley Biden, he of the chia-pet hair and the ivory teeth, as your savior. Modern American Liberals loooooove blue collar guys. Curley’s blue collars were from Brooks Brothers and Ralph Lauren. I call him Curley in honor of the smartest stooge. His classmates at his super exclusive, single sex, unbelievably expensive prep school used to call him “Cheese Dick”. Call him that. He loves it. Plus, don’t ask him anything about credit card companies domiciled in Delaware. The real world of mAL politicians suggests that he probably has some unopened fat white envelopes underneath the hearth in the modest beach house. That’s the house with the moat, the drawbridge, the trout stream, and the ski jump. 
September 12, 2015
Randy Schultz
The Sun Sentinel

RE: Free insurance – An idea whose time has come that is pointed out by you in this morning’s unlinkable Sun Sentinel

Mr. Schultz,

First things first.

I searched in vain for a Hurricane named Sandy in 2012. There was no such hurricane according to the National Weather Bureau. Look it up.

One of the advantages of being a modern American Liberal is that facts only matter if they fit the agreed upon narrative.

There was a big storm in October that, combined with an abnormally high tide and winds gusting to 58 MPH, led to literal littoral destruction, particularly in New Jersey. Sea Bright, the prototypical “down the jersey shore” town, and a place where I spent many summers as a lad, was particularly hard hit.

There is no more than 250 yards separating the Atlantic Ocean the confluence of the Navesink and the Shrewsbury Rivers. A decent golfer can tee up his Titleist on his river side dock and drive it 100 yards into the ocean. Usually such geography makes it almost impossible for permanent habitation. The citizens of Allen, TX and Wynona, MN have seen fit to subsidize the property insurance there making it palatable and mortgageable. Who needs King Canute when you have Uncle Sam?

I chastised Editorial Page Editor Rosemary O’Hara this morning for saying “special interests” and their pit bull lobbyists are securing favorable legislation by bribing the legislators. I said if she had even a hint of a “smoking gun” to tell any and all law enforcement agencies, both state and Federal. Further, writing about such chicanery would get a slew of Pulitzer Prizes for all involved.

Today’s tutorial on insurance is simple. Perhaps it is too simple for modern American Liberals who constantly and confusingly conflate co-relation and causation.

I’ll type slowly.

You wish to protect the value of your property should disaster befall it.  You give money to an entity that will pay you should such an event happen. You give some money to an entity that will pay you should such a disaster occur. They assume the risk. 
By assuming the risk they are betting you that it won’t happen. If they think it is going to happen they will not accept the risk.


Are you following me so far?
Am I going too fast for you?
If so, send a SASE.

Enter Federal flood insurance.

If the Feds did not guarantee the littoral structures no company, none whatsoever, would write the policy. As is oft-times said in Milan, “If no profit is possible the risk is obvious”.

If you want to lower insurance rates while undrowning the beleaguered polar bears and Florida’s useless sea slugs, the arugula, radicchio and endive eating manatees demand that waterfront property owners pay the full cost of their insurance.

President Obama said he would calm the seas, cool the world, save the furbish lousewort and the snail darter he would cause utility rates to rise so high that people could not use their A/Cs.

Don’t you love it when a plan comes together?

Madness. Lunacy.

As Wimpy, the noted climatologist and dear friend of Popeye always said, “I will gladly pay you on Thursday for a hamburger I eat on Monday”.

That way if you like your policy you can keep it.




Kevin Smith
WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET




September 13, 2015
Gary Stein
The Sun Sentinel

RE: Kim Davis and empirical proof that Pavlov was right particularly when it comes to modern American Liberals commenting on something, anything that the doesn’t fit the accepted narrative du jour.

Big Stein, 

Sometimes you make it too, too easy.

You may need to consult with Little Stein, the perpetual student. See if he can round up a copy of the New Testament, the Divine Comedy, and the Hound of Heaven.

The once private sins of Kim Davis are now public. As such she is fair game for scroyles and poltroons who buy ink by the barrel.

You take her to task for her doing what she says is her duty. See if Little Stein can dig up a copy of Antigone. She and Creon had a disagreement over rights. 25 centuries later and the conflict still isn’t resolved.

Atonement and redemption have been part and parcel of Western religions for 30 centuries.

Should it end here?

But enough about those irksome theological points.

“You break the law, you are a criminal.
That’s [pretty simple. And accurate.”
The Sun Sentinel
Today 
You

Your straight line, no parabolic curves allowed, Logic is on point. Of course, there is no sense of being a modern American Liberal without exceptions. For instance, how does a place become a Sanctuary City? Actually it is rather easy. All you have to do is break the law. When the Mayor of a city gets to pick and choose which Federal law either to obey or ignore the Rule of Law suffers. At the very least, the law is like a standard. There 32 ounces in a quart bottle. No more; no less. Go figure.
“The law is not a pick-and-choose buffet line.”
Either loc cit or op cit or both.

President Obama, and let me quickly add that he is the best President we have, on at least 17 separate occasions broke, either by commission or omission, broke ObamaCare, his own law. If the President can do it why can’t I? Further, I get to pick and choose which law to enforce and which law to ignore, right?

“Another right-wing beauty, Ted Cruz, was with him”
Ibid

Let the record show that Alan Dershowitz, the lawyer who got Klaus Van Bulow off when he killed his wife, Sunny, and a fan of nude sun bathing, and probably the best known law Professor in our fair land, has said on several occasions that Ted Cruz was his best student ever. That is just a useless factoid that adds to the conversation.

I hate to pile more stuff on Little Stein’s overflowing plate but see if he can track down the source of the following:

“When statesmen forsake their private 
conscience for the sake of their public duties
 they lead their country by a short route to chaos.”


Is the line between malum per se and malum prohibitum gone away? 

Call the role.

Galileo, Zenger, Thoreau, Gandhi, Martin Luther King, Kim Davis

She is in good company.




Kevin Smith

WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET

Sunday, September 13, 2015

September 10, 2015 
Letter to the Editor
The Star Ledger
Star Ledger Plaza
Newark, NJ 07102

RE: In the matter of Kim Davis and the “eclectic indignation” that is required of smarmy – as if there could be any other kind - modern American Liberal editorial writers as expressed in today’s editorial about the horror, the horror of following one’s conscience.

Sirs,

It is refreshing, indeed invigorating, to see a hubris of Homeric proportions, fueled by a wretched excess of “non-malodorous fecal matter syndrome”, that exists and thrives in the editorial offices of the Star Ledger, nee the Newark Star Ledger.

Let us stipulate to the fact that Kim Davis, [D] Clerk of Rowan County, Kentucky was put in the pokey for disobeying the “law”.

[Ralph Waldo Emerson visited Henry Thoreau when Thoreau was imprisoned for opposing the war with Mexico. Emerson said, “Henry, why are you in jail?” “Why aren’t you, Ralph?” was his reply.]

You call for “a discussion of the rule of law”.

Did you call for this discussion when county clerks began to issue marriage licenses to same sex couples when that was clearly a violation of exiting Federal law? Try to remember that the Defense of Marriage act was passed by both houses of Congress and signed, rather enthusiastically, into law by then President Clinton. It was, by any judicial standard, the law of the land.

“Sanctuary cities” exist in defiance of Federal law. Have you carped about the illegal behavior of the elected officials who stand in the doorway a la George Wallace and tell the intrusive Feds that their laws don’t count? Shades of John C. Calhoun!  Nullification lives!

[Gandhi broke the law about the tax on salt in a most public way. When he was tried and found guilty he would demand that the Judge send him to prison as the Law required. Any objections?]

In addition to the introduction by Boss Dailey of Chicago of the new math used in tallying ballots – 2 + 2 = 5 and death is no impediment to suffrage – the 1960 election may have turned on Senator Kennedy’s correspondence with Martin Luther King while King was in the Birmingham jail. Would you have supported his imprisonment? That he broke the law there is no doubt.

Would you have criticized the prisoner and the pol?

Speaking of double counting after the polls close, I can tell you as a true son of Hudson County that the funeral directors and the churches would try not to have any burials on Election Day. There were too many resurrections. Incoming hearses and outgoing buses filled with zombies with a blaring PA system proclaiming the virtues of “Row A All the Way” colliding would have made for carnage on West Side Avenue.

Another prisoner of conscience is supposed to have lectured his prosecutors thus: “When statesmen forsake their private conscience for the sake of their public duties they lead their country by a short route to chaos.”

On at least 17 occasions President Obama broke the law by unilaterally and peremptorily waiving parts of ObamaCare.

I will gladly pay the costs of you gathering up and mailing me your editorials condemning the President for this violation of the law.

Could not a case be made for a spirit of forgiveness for Kim Davis? In the world of tu quoque she may have taken her cue from the President. 

Let me end by paraphrasing Orwell,

“All laws are equal but some laws are more equal than others.”

Perhaps friggin’ hypocrisy would be better.

What do you think?





Kevin Smith
PS – Absent the soothing balm of “eclectic indignation” modern American Liberals, particularly editorial writers, would be driven quite mad by the cognitive dissonance that is required of votaries of this scurrilous creed.



September 10, 2015
Congressman Andre Carson
300 E. Fall Creek Parkway #30
Indianapolis, IN 46205

RE: Watch out for marauding Lubavitchers! They show no mercy.

Congressman Carson,

You say that “Islam does not have a monopoly on radicalization.” Further, you say that “so-called Christian groups And Jews are just as destructive.”

Perhaps you can help me.

Did Swedish Lutherans fly planes into the World Trade Center and the Pentagon? What exactly does Allah Akbar, the favorite phrase of feral swarthy thugs who are about to die, mean? If the Swedes, “ice people” if you will, did not do so who did? 

Did stout Flems in concert with the mighty Walloons blow up the train in Madrid?

Who was chasing Salman Rushdie for all those years? Buddhists? Mormons? Deranged Albijensians?

Who killed all those cartoonists in Paris? Devoted fans of Doonesbury? Lovers of Prince Valiant and Gary Larson? Pissed off Presbyterians?

When was the last time a Jew from Brooklyn killed a Muslim reporter? Scratch that. Beheaded a Muslim reporter. Is the televised beheading of a Jewish reporter proof of terrorism or is it proof of a youth in a “downward spiral”, as the New York Times says, and how society has failed him?

Is there proof of some Southern Baptists kidnapping 330 Nigerian Muslim girls and selling them into slavery?

Do Catholics routinely perform clitoroidectomies on pre-pubescent girls?

Is there a public official anywhere in this country who begins meetings by shouting “Death to Iran”?

I almost hate to bring this up but what in the name of Allah were ravaging hordes of Muslim terrorist doing half-way across Europe less than a century after the founding of their religion of peace? If you are not sure what I mean Google the Battle of Tours.



When you finish with Tours move on to Lepanto and then the battle of Vienna?

Of course I can’t construct a universal from any number of particulars but a prudent man would say that when a wild man says that he wants to come to my house and kill me, rape my wife, and enslave my daughter it would be folly to ignore him, particularly as he gets closer. 

If that is “radicalization” mark me down as a radical.

Let me end by saying that you are right when you say “Islam does not have a monopoly on radicalization”. 

A group of “Black Lives Matter” goons were parading to the chant “Kill the cops. Fry them like bacon.”

Do you think they may be a close second?








Kevin Smith