Posts
April 26, 2013
Stephen L. Goldstein
The Sun Sentinel
RE: How higher and higher taxes alone will save us from Muslim terrorists – Did I just repeat myself? – and the horrors of bullying. Some comments on your column in today’s unlinkable Sun Sentinel
My dear Professor,
You may be on to something what with the superb way public servants performed at this century’s version of the Boston Massacre.
It is obvious that these brave people rose to extraordinary heights in proportion to their increases in marginal tax rates, A reverse supply side, if you will. If I can find some way to get the words “exponential” and “retroactive” into the last sentence these boys in blue will be able to leap tall buildings AND rescue the Post Office and the Department of Motor Vehicles. After doing that by next Tuesday they will cure the 3 year backlog at the Veterans’ Administration. And then, G-d willing, we will all be farting through silk. Then they will make Johnny read and will get the Croats and the Serbs to stop feuding like the Hatfields and McCoys. After they do that they will make les merdes Quebecois behave nicely. If not nicely then at least not unnicely.
I wonder if any part of the Boston Marathon went through a “gun free” zone. If it did why didn’t it stop the crazed Jihadists? Is it a question of education or are we just “culturally arrogant”? If only we could reach out to these people. I mention this because, as a former resident of Hudson County, I recall with chest bursting pride when Hoboken, the home of Frank Sinatra and “On the Waterfront” declared itself to be a nuclear free zone. There was some confusion when community activists broke into the hospital and tried to steal the X-ray machines but the out-reach reach out program solved that. Don’t bother Googling it. I can tell you that for the last 28 years no nuclear weapons have been used in or around Hoboken.
Don’t you love it when good things happen to good people?
You committed an unintentional gaffe when you spoke the truth about the priapristic desire that sits caged in the heart of every modern American Liberal.
You write…
“We can do without the tea party/GOP
before we do without them.”
The Sun Sentinel
Today
You
Since you are an alumnus and devoted zealot of the Professor Irwin Corey School of Reasoned Discourse I am not really sure what in the name of Strunck & White that sentence means. It seems to me that deep down, alongside your embarrassing shorts and curlies, you would looooooooove to have one party rule.
4th trimester abortion, Midnight Basketball, alternative shopping, no more veal, 105% tax rates, undrowned polar bears, all high school ball games ending in scoreless ties, manatee suffrage, “All them corn fields and Lenin at night”…all it would take is One Party.
You may wish to recall why the poet said the 1930s were “a low, dishonest decade”. At the beginning of it all modern American Liberals thought Mussolini had the right formula for enlightened governance. After all, he got the trains to run on time, didn’t he? It’s OK if you don’t believe me. Look it up.
Thomas Friedman, 3 time winner of the Pulitzer Prize from the New York Times, a laurel he shares proudly with Walter Duranty – Google him, please - and the head warlock of the ink stained wretches of the wing nut, “moon bat” battalion of modern American Liberalism, writes that a progressive carbon tax is the only way to honor the dead of the latest Boston Massacre.
That’s so Goddamned dumb it makes my hair hurt. If a school crossing guard were to say ca-ca like that you would Baker Act him into 2 weeks of Thorazine enemas while you tried to figure out if why his EEG looked like Death Valley. Not only is the emperor naked he couldn’t find his ass using both hands.
Much of Warrren Buffet’s speech about income tax rates and his secretary focused on the simple fact that she was paying a higher rate than he was.
Even though Mr.& Mrs. Barack Obama live rent free in the largest single occupant public housing project in Washington, even though dudes with Uzis mow his lawn, even though the only check he has picked up in 5 years is the golf shirt his soon to be steatyagonous wife got him for Ramadan, even though his kids go to private school – What the Hell is wrong with the really fine public schools in Washington? - in an Abrams tank, even though his kids go on spring break with almost as many armed men as those who invaded Vera Cruz, even though his mother-in-law is living rent free in the White House [Who pays for her meals?],…..Jeezus Haitch Keerist but that’s a lot of free stuff…. he paid taxes at the princely rate of 18%.
That ain’t fair.
Maybe for the Koch Brothers but not for a guy who wants to ”spread the wealth around”, remember? If you disagree send up a flare.
KEVIN SMITH
WARRRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET
Monday, April 29, 2013
April 22, 2013
Rachel Patron
The Sun Sentinel
RE: Pulitzer Prizes and what’s that smell? – Some comments on your oh so unctuous column in Saturday’s paper.
Ms. Patron,
Yes, Virginia, there is a terra incognita once you get past hubris, an ailment most common to card carrying, fire breathing modern American Liberals. It is filled with people reeking of “non-malodorous fecal matter syndrome”. Even though you are saturated with it you may not know its exact meaning. Send a SASE and I will explain it fully.
As to the ideological split between Fox News – full disclosure requires me to tell you that K. Rupert Murdoch was a limited partner of mine – and the rest of the gravity defying world of mAL electronic zombies – full disclosure again compels me to say that Ed Asner, that old Alger HIss loving lefty and Democratic Congressman Jack Brooks of Texas and Democratic Congressman Fernand St. Germain of Rhode Island were also limited partners of mine – the people have spoken.
If the ratings competition between Fox and everybody else were a prize fight it would have been stopped 3 rounds ago.
Roger Ailes has proven to be a burst of sunshine to the vampire-filled world of MSNBC, CNN, and former Vice President Alpha Gump’s cable TV station, the one he sold to the peace loving towel heads for a gazillion gas guzzling dollars. Ailes has done to those anti-intellectual droids what Sherman should have done to Savannah and Charleston. As is said in China, “That rice is cooked”.
[As an aside, exactly where and when, and most importantly, how did the Reverend Al Sharpton become a “Reverend”? Street smart anti-Semitic hustler? Absolutely. An heir to Edward R. Murrow? Absolutely not. Sometimes he is so God Damned dumb he makes my finger nails curl backward. He is meaner than cat shit which is why I named my last cat after him. The cat was OK; Al ain’t.]
Your disparagement of cable news, a sport that should have a daily limit, leads you to praise print journalism. You cite the winning of a Pulitzer Prize by the Sun Sentinel as proof that America may yet come to their senses by believing that the way to cure poverty is to make the poor rich by making the rich poor. Alas, as long as the name Walter Duranty remains undisturbed on the walls of the Hall of Fame of the New York Times, America’s leading newspaper, the Pulitzer Prize and print journalism remain on probation. You may want to Google his name. He is the best example of “eclectic indignation”, a mind-set without which the Progressives in this country would not live.
At least the Washington Post cursed the name of Janice Cook. You may want to Google her name.
There is some good news on the horizon.
The Koch Brothers may buy the Sun Sentinel.
That thought fills me with inestimable delight.
Statues of Milton Friedman, Russell Kirk, William F. Buckley, Jr. and a picture of Andrew Breitbart in the lobby. Readings from Calvin Coolidge in the cafeteria. An essay contest on Ronald Reagan’s speeches. All job applicants and those wishing to stay employed must memorize Kipling’s “Gods of the Copybook Headings”. Complete familiarity with James Madison and T.S. Eliot. A passing knowledge of La Commedia. Some employees will be required to write “Robert Bork was right; I was wrong” 100 times. At least 100 times. First time offenders of the new Code of Conduct will be required to listen to one hour of the best of Jimmy Carter Also listening to “We Are the World”, “Theme for the Common Man”, and “Don’t Stop Thinking About Tomorrow” until your brown eyes turn blue. Cigar smoking required. Concealed carry permits a must. The weekly barbecue of baby manatee shall be started by using shredded copies of the books of Margaret Sanger, Rachel Carson, and Margaret Mead as tinder. No brie or Chablis. Mandatory attendance at the weekly book burnings of “The Greening of America”, “A Theory of Justice”, and “The Population Bomb”. A rag doll resembling Howard Zinn tied backwards on a mule being pelted with pies and bags of flaming cat scat will be the reward for employee of the week. Weekly swimming lessons at the Mary Jo Kopechne Memorial Pool for all non-swimming scribes.
“I know that my Redeemer liveth.”
Kevin Smith
WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET
Rachel Patron
The Sun Sentinel
RE: Pulitzer Prizes and what’s that smell? – Some comments on your oh so unctuous column in Saturday’s paper.
Ms. Patron,
Yes, Virginia, there is a terra incognita once you get past hubris, an ailment most common to card carrying, fire breathing modern American Liberals. It is filled with people reeking of “non-malodorous fecal matter syndrome”. Even though you are saturated with it you may not know its exact meaning. Send a SASE and I will explain it fully.
As to the ideological split between Fox News – full disclosure requires me to tell you that K. Rupert Murdoch was a limited partner of mine – and the rest of the gravity defying world of mAL electronic zombies – full disclosure again compels me to say that Ed Asner, that old Alger HIss loving lefty and Democratic Congressman Jack Brooks of Texas and Democratic Congressman Fernand St. Germain of Rhode Island were also limited partners of mine – the people have spoken.
If the ratings competition between Fox and everybody else were a prize fight it would have been stopped 3 rounds ago.
Roger Ailes has proven to be a burst of sunshine to the vampire-filled world of MSNBC, CNN, and former Vice President Alpha Gump’s cable TV station, the one he sold to the peace loving towel heads for a gazillion gas guzzling dollars. Ailes has done to those anti-intellectual droids what Sherman should have done to Savannah and Charleston. As is said in China, “That rice is cooked”.
[As an aside, exactly where and when, and most importantly, how did the Reverend Al Sharpton become a “Reverend”? Street smart anti-Semitic hustler? Absolutely. An heir to Edward R. Murrow? Absolutely not. Sometimes he is so God Damned dumb he makes my finger nails curl backward. He is meaner than cat shit which is why I named my last cat after him. The cat was OK; Al ain’t.]
Your disparagement of cable news, a sport that should have a daily limit, leads you to praise print journalism. You cite the winning of a Pulitzer Prize by the Sun Sentinel as proof that America may yet come to their senses by believing that the way to cure poverty is to make the poor rich by making the rich poor. Alas, as long as the name Walter Duranty remains undisturbed on the walls of the Hall of Fame of the New York Times, America’s leading newspaper, the Pulitzer Prize and print journalism remain on probation. You may want to Google his name. He is the best example of “eclectic indignation”, a mind-set without which the Progressives in this country would not live.
At least the Washington Post cursed the name of Janice Cook. You may want to Google her name.
There is some good news on the horizon.
The Koch Brothers may buy the Sun Sentinel.
That thought fills me with inestimable delight.
Statues of Milton Friedman, Russell Kirk, William F. Buckley, Jr. and a picture of Andrew Breitbart in the lobby. Readings from Calvin Coolidge in the cafeteria. An essay contest on Ronald Reagan’s speeches. All job applicants and those wishing to stay employed must memorize Kipling’s “Gods of the Copybook Headings”. Complete familiarity with James Madison and T.S. Eliot. A passing knowledge of La Commedia. Some employees will be required to write “Robert Bork was right; I was wrong” 100 times. At least 100 times. First time offenders of the new Code of Conduct will be required to listen to one hour of the best of Jimmy Carter Also listening to “We Are the World”, “Theme for the Common Man”, and “Don’t Stop Thinking About Tomorrow” until your brown eyes turn blue. Cigar smoking required. Concealed carry permits a must. The weekly barbecue of baby manatee shall be started by using shredded copies of the books of Margaret Sanger, Rachel Carson, and Margaret Mead as tinder. No brie or Chablis. Mandatory attendance at the weekly book burnings of “The Greening of America”, “A Theory of Justice”, and “The Population Bomb”. A rag doll resembling Howard Zinn tied backwards on a mule being pelted with pies and bags of flaming cat scat will be the reward for employee of the week. Weekly swimming lessons at the Mary Jo Kopechne Memorial Pool for all non-swimming scribes.
“I know that my Redeemer liveth.”
Kevin Smith
WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET
April 28, 2013
Michael Mayo
The Sun Sentinel
RE: I’ll bet Lucy bamboozles Charley Brown again. I’ll bet she yanks the football out just as he is going to kick it. I’ll bet he winds up on his ass again, as he always does – Some comments on you achingly familiar, absolutely priceless and timeless column in today’s Sun Sentinel.
Mr. Mayo,
“How sad of all the things that men endure
how few laws or kings can cause or cure.”
An eternal line from Dr. Johnson – Samuel, not Lyndon. Hold your thought. I’ll get back to him.
I got to the end of your 3rd paragraph
“Once again, the poor are cannon fodder
for someone else’s fight.”
when it came to me in a flash.
Eureka! I had found it.
In the good old days, the days when the New York was a righteous paper, the days when Mrs. Schiff ran it like an ink stained soup kitchen, the days when publisher James Wechsler valiantly tried to stop D.A. Frank Hogan from turning Manhattan into a Stalag while remaining neutral on the vexing question of Gulags, the days when Pete Hamill wanted to Agent Orange poppy fields and carpet bomb heroin factories, the days when Jimmy Breslin said the Post had to survive because the city needed its “voice”, the days when Murray Kempton left his readers scratching their heads, the days before the arrival of K. Rupert Murdoch there was a columnist whose lamentations made Jeremiah sound like Jerry Lewis.
The perpetually outraged Harriet Van Horne never saw a Republican – with the exception of John Lindsay - that she liked or a tax that shouldn’t be raised. She had a mindset that was fueled by a continuous “Balloon Juice” enema. She was in favor of early springs, balmy summers, crisp falls, and snowless winters. Naturally, as the prototypical modern American Liberal, she thought these things were rights and that the legislature in Albany should guarantee them. She was an early volunteer in Lyndon Johnson’s wildly popular War on Poverty [49 years after it was begun would it make me mean spirited if I were to ask for a status report on it? Has an exit strategy ever been decided on? Can’t we just say “We Won” and go home?
To me, her most memorable line came at the end of a “de profundis” call to have Nixon kidnapped by the early version of Somali pirates, to give an annual ticker tape parade for Castro, to turn our weapons into plow shares and our plow shares into tofu, to have William F. Buckley flayed, to have eggs benedict for school breakfasts and New York rib-eye for lunch when she said that, absent the above, it would be
“another lash on the backs of the poor.”
As God is my witness she actually wrote that
How long did it take to find a worthy successor?
Far too long.
You, sir, are the first recipient of the
Harriet Van Horne
“ANOTHER LASH ON THE BACKS OF THE POOR”
Dunce Cap
It will shortly rank with my other rewards:
HORSE’S ASS OF THE WEEK
POMPOUS FART O F THE MONTH
SMARMY BASTARD OF THE YEAR
It will be given from time to time as earned. Preference will be given to anyone with a New York City frame of mind.
In lieu of a cash purse the recipient will be pleased to know that the grantor [me] will retire to a public house well stocked with single malt whisky. He shall reflect on why, yet again, the great Dr. Johnson is our guide, our fixed star, when he spoke of
“the triumph of hope over experience.”
Looking forward to enjoying this year’s Summer of Recovery, I remain
KEVIN SMITH
WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET
Michael Mayo
The Sun Sentinel
RE: I’ll bet Lucy bamboozles Charley Brown again. I’ll bet she yanks the football out just as he is going to kick it. I’ll bet he winds up on his ass again, as he always does – Some comments on you achingly familiar, absolutely priceless and timeless column in today’s Sun Sentinel.
Mr. Mayo,
“How sad of all the things that men endure
how few laws or kings can cause or cure.”
An eternal line from Dr. Johnson – Samuel, not Lyndon. Hold your thought. I’ll get back to him.
I got to the end of your 3rd paragraph
“Once again, the poor are cannon fodder
for someone else’s fight.”
when it came to me in a flash.
Eureka! I had found it.
In the good old days, the days when the New York was a righteous paper, the days when Mrs. Schiff ran it like an ink stained soup kitchen, the days when publisher James Wechsler valiantly tried to stop D.A. Frank Hogan from turning Manhattan into a Stalag while remaining neutral on the vexing question of Gulags, the days when Pete Hamill wanted to Agent Orange poppy fields and carpet bomb heroin factories, the days when Jimmy Breslin said the Post had to survive because the city needed its “voice”, the days when Murray Kempton left his readers scratching their heads, the days before the arrival of K. Rupert Murdoch there was a columnist whose lamentations made Jeremiah sound like Jerry Lewis.
The perpetually outraged Harriet Van Horne never saw a Republican – with the exception of John Lindsay - that she liked or a tax that shouldn’t be raised. She had a mindset that was fueled by a continuous “Balloon Juice” enema. She was in favor of early springs, balmy summers, crisp falls, and snowless winters. Naturally, as the prototypical modern American Liberal, she thought these things were rights and that the legislature in Albany should guarantee them. She was an early volunteer in Lyndon Johnson’s wildly popular War on Poverty [49 years after it was begun would it make me mean spirited if I were to ask for a status report on it? Has an exit strategy ever been decided on? Can’t we just say “We Won” and go home?
To me, her most memorable line came at the end of a “de profundis” call to have Nixon kidnapped by the early version of Somali pirates, to give an annual ticker tape parade for Castro, to turn our weapons into plow shares and our plow shares into tofu, to have William F. Buckley flayed, to have eggs benedict for school breakfasts and New York rib-eye for lunch when she said that, absent the above, it would be
“another lash on the backs of the poor.”
As God is my witness she actually wrote that
How long did it take to find a worthy successor?
Far too long.
You, sir, are the first recipient of the
Harriet Van Horne
“ANOTHER LASH ON THE BACKS OF THE POOR”
Dunce Cap
It will shortly rank with my other rewards:
HORSE’S ASS OF THE WEEK
POMPOUS FART O F THE MONTH
SMARMY BASTARD OF THE YEAR
It will be given from time to time as earned. Preference will be given to anyone with a New York City frame of mind.
In lieu of a cash purse the recipient will be pleased to know that the grantor [me] will retire to a public house well stocked with single malt whisky. He shall reflect on why, yet again, the great Dr. Johnson is our guide, our fixed star, when he spoke of
“the triumph of hope over experience.”
Looking forward to enjoying this year’s Summer of Recovery, I remain
KEVIN SMITH
WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET
April 28, 2013
Gary Stein
The Sun Sentinel
RE: Your “outrage” is not “wavering”, I think. – Some comments on your column in today’s Sun Sentinel.
Big Stein,
Phyllis Wasserman-Rubin, Broward County’s leading modern American Liberal Democratic Juban politician and du jour crook, pled guilty to counts of stealing form the public trough and, because she is sick and her husband just got out of jail, gets to keep both her pension and her freedom.
[Don’t you think it’s about time, it being a question of goals not quotas and of fundamental fairness, that a Republican get his dick or dickette caught in the “Steal a Hot Stove” review? One of the drawbacks of one party rule – Think Hudson County, think Cook County, think Wayne County, think Boston – is that the gene pool soon gets to the incest warning light. Maybe the Koch Brothers could sponsor some Republican crooks.]
I am glad you are not “wavering” in this because a few weeks back you also took the pledge against “wavering”. You wrote that you had finally made up your mind about the death penalty.
You said you were opposed to it with no exceptions.
I wrote to you and asked what about the Florida ax murderer who was up next for the hot shot. I asked you what about Adolph Eichmann. To date I have received no answer.
I wrote again asking you about the surviving Muslim terrorist in Boston. Modern American Liberals, having tried, convicted, and executed George Zimmerman, a “White Hispanic” according to the New York Times, have been strangely silent about whatever the Son of a Bitch Jihadist murderer’s name is. There is enough physical evidence to convict him in Mecca. [Mecca is another place where there is no “wavering’ about the death penalty either.]
Do you think he should be executed? Yes or No. “Wavering” is not allowed.
KEVIN SMITH
WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET
Gary Stein
The Sun Sentinel
RE: Your “outrage” is not “wavering”, I think. – Some comments on your column in today’s Sun Sentinel.
Big Stein,
Phyllis Wasserman-Rubin, Broward County’s leading modern American Liberal Democratic Juban politician and du jour crook, pled guilty to counts of stealing form the public trough and, because she is sick and her husband just got out of jail, gets to keep both her pension and her freedom.
[Don’t you think it’s about time, it being a question of goals not quotas and of fundamental fairness, that a Republican get his dick or dickette caught in the “Steal a Hot Stove” review? One of the drawbacks of one party rule – Think Hudson County, think Cook County, think Wayne County, think Boston – is that the gene pool soon gets to the incest warning light. Maybe the Koch Brothers could sponsor some Republican crooks.]
I am glad you are not “wavering” in this because a few weeks back you also took the pledge against “wavering”. You wrote that you had finally made up your mind about the death penalty.
You said you were opposed to it with no exceptions.
I wrote to you and asked what about the Florida ax murderer who was up next for the hot shot. I asked you what about Adolph Eichmann. To date I have received no answer.
I wrote again asking you about the surviving Muslim terrorist in Boston. Modern American Liberals, having tried, convicted, and executed George Zimmerman, a “White Hispanic” according to the New York Times, have been strangely silent about whatever the Son of a Bitch Jihadist murderer’s name is. There is enough physical evidence to convict him in Mecca. [Mecca is another place where there is no “wavering’ about the death penalty either.]
Do you think he should be executed? Yes or No. “Wavering” is not allowed.
KEVIN SMITH
WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET
April 28, 2013
Stephen L. Goldstein
The Sun Sentinel
RE: At last! The Gospel of Goldstein tells us why modern American Liberals knot their knickers whenever the NRA incubus appears.
My dear Professor,
If, as you say, “the first lesson of war is…don’t humiliate your opponent” Hitler would have lived to a ripe old age. He would have been quite a sight in lederhosen, humming some Wagner, and bellyaching about the Goddamn Jews.
I suppose that slavery would have ended of its own accord, hopefully before Wilson became President. I say that because if Justice Marshall is to be believed Wilson was the vilest, most bigoted, most racist President in the 20th century. He would have had whipping posts in the Rose Garden and my grandfather’s uncle would have died in vain on July 2, 1863 at Gettysburg. [The Irish Brigade. Look it up. Don’t bother looking up Wilson. I can tell you that he was a Democrat.] Anything to avoid “humiliating” Jefferson Davis, right?
Imagine if the Iron Duke had called off the Coldstream Guards for fear of “humiliating” that Corsican thug, Napoleon. Would the term “Pax Britannica” have any meaning today?
General John Pershing, “Black Jack” to his troops, did not want to stop fighting on November 11, 1918. He wanted to march to Berlin, destroying everything in his path, and then drag the Kaiser around tied to a horse, just like Julius Caesar did. Who knows? Maybe Hitler would have stayed as a house painter.
General William Tecumseh Sherman, “Uncle Billy” to his troops, shortened the Civil War by 18 months by “humiliating” the South. I think it would have ended quicker if he had leveled Savannah and Charleston but that’s for History to decide. He said that the place where the war started had not smelled gun powder for almost 4 years. He wanted to make up for lost time. By the time he got through with the Carolinas half the people in Virginia, half the White people in Virginia that is, were signing “The Battle Hymn of the Republic”. The other half memorized “Uncle Tom’s Cabin”.
Would America have better off if Patton had decided not to “humiliate” the Nazis at Bastogne?
You say in typical modern American Liberal fashion, a mode that permits no dissent or opposing views, one that is saturated in “non-malodorous fecal matter syndrome”, that “94 percent of Floridians support background checks”. I see a poll that says only 4 percent think gun control is the most important issue facing the country.
If we are going to be governed by polls and plebiscites can you tell where and when a majority of people have voted in favor of same-sex marriage? Shouldn’t vox populi be the deciding factor there? Why should it apply only to guns? You must remember that both Plato and Aristotle said that democracy was the worst form of government in that it leads to chaos and dictatorship. Why not have policy matters decided by a Twitter vote? Do you think that O.J. Simpson would have walked after he killed two people?
Lastly, and possibly the most important, is your champagne preference. My favorite quote from the great Lord Keynes was his last words. “My only regret is that I didn’t drink more champagne”. Since it falls under the subjective “de gustibus” category your choice of Dom Perignon should go unchallenged. Since you have sworn allegiance and undying fealty to a man who wants to “spread the wealth around” it becomes a question of fairness. As long as we have pimps and wannabe drug lords [real drug lords drink Cristal] there will never be enough to go around.
I suggest Vueve Cliquot, Pommery, or Pol Roget. If they were good enough for Churchill they should be good enough for all the nit-wits you know who think this is the year for the long delayed Summer of Recovery to appear. The only thing I’ve been waiting for longer is Godot.
KEVIN SMITH
WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET
Stephen L. Goldstein
The Sun Sentinel
RE: At last! The Gospel of Goldstein tells us why modern American Liberals knot their knickers whenever the NRA incubus appears.
My dear Professor,
If, as you say, “the first lesson of war is…don’t humiliate your opponent” Hitler would have lived to a ripe old age. He would have been quite a sight in lederhosen, humming some Wagner, and bellyaching about the Goddamn Jews.
I suppose that slavery would have ended of its own accord, hopefully before Wilson became President. I say that because if Justice Marshall is to be believed Wilson was the vilest, most bigoted, most racist President in the 20th century. He would have had whipping posts in the Rose Garden and my grandfather’s uncle would have died in vain on July 2, 1863 at Gettysburg. [The Irish Brigade. Look it up. Don’t bother looking up Wilson. I can tell you that he was a Democrat.] Anything to avoid “humiliating” Jefferson Davis, right?
Imagine if the Iron Duke had called off the Coldstream Guards for fear of “humiliating” that Corsican thug, Napoleon. Would the term “Pax Britannica” have any meaning today?
General John Pershing, “Black Jack” to his troops, did not want to stop fighting on November 11, 1918. He wanted to march to Berlin, destroying everything in his path, and then drag the Kaiser around tied to a horse, just like Julius Caesar did. Who knows? Maybe Hitler would have stayed as a house painter.
General William Tecumseh Sherman, “Uncle Billy” to his troops, shortened the Civil War by 18 months by “humiliating” the South. I think it would have ended quicker if he had leveled Savannah and Charleston but that’s for History to decide. He said that the place where the war started had not smelled gun powder for almost 4 years. He wanted to make up for lost time. By the time he got through with the Carolinas half the people in Virginia, half the White people in Virginia that is, were signing “The Battle Hymn of the Republic”. The other half memorized “Uncle Tom’s Cabin”.
Would America have better off if Patton had decided not to “humiliate” the Nazis at Bastogne?
You say in typical modern American Liberal fashion, a mode that permits no dissent or opposing views, one that is saturated in “non-malodorous fecal matter syndrome”, that “94 percent of Floridians support background checks”. I see a poll that says only 4 percent think gun control is the most important issue facing the country.
If we are going to be governed by polls and plebiscites can you tell where and when a majority of people have voted in favor of same-sex marriage? Shouldn’t vox populi be the deciding factor there? Why should it apply only to guns? You must remember that both Plato and Aristotle said that democracy was the worst form of government in that it leads to chaos and dictatorship. Why not have policy matters decided by a Twitter vote? Do you think that O.J. Simpson would have walked after he killed two people?
Lastly, and possibly the most important, is your champagne preference. My favorite quote from the great Lord Keynes was his last words. “My only regret is that I didn’t drink more champagne”. Since it falls under the subjective “de gustibus” category your choice of Dom Perignon should go unchallenged. Since you have sworn allegiance and undying fealty to a man who wants to “spread the wealth around” it becomes a question of fairness. As long as we have pimps and wannabe drug lords [real drug lords drink Cristal] there will never be enough to go around.
I suggest Vueve Cliquot, Pommery, or Pol Roget. If they were good enough for Churchill they should be good enough for all the nit-wits you know who think this is the year for the long delayed Summer of Recovery to appear. The only thing I’ve been waiting for longer is Godot.
KEVIN SMITH
WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET
April 14, 2013
Gary Stein
The Sun Sentinel
RE: Some comments on how right you say youj were then and how smarmy you may be now.
Big Stein,
Some questions followed, hopefully, by the same number of answers.
#1 – You say “the best demonstrations…were the anti-war ones”. “Ones” suggest that you were opposed to all wars. 1967 and 1973 were great years for wars in the Middle East. Were you opposed to those wars? If not, why not?
#2 – What was your draft status?
#3 – Did you “loathe” the military?
#4 – We know that all academic exercises are free. We also know that some academic exercises are more free than others. If the name Allah were to be substituted for Jesus would the pro-stompers, people like you, be as adamant in their support? Kind of like “I may oppose what you are stomping but I will fight to the death to support your right to stomp”. Perhaps some freedoms, like some indignations, are eclectically enforced. Clear this up for me, please.
#5 – Were your anti-war demonstrations, those with “girls”, conducted vertically or horizontally?
#6 – Do you think the Sun Sentinel should publish all the Muhammed, and blessed be his name, cartoons? I hear rumors that some of them show him cavorting with a goat and some pre-pubescent girls. If they do why not publish them so we all can stomp on them? If they don’t why not publish them anyway? How much lesser will we be if Pakistan burns itself down?
#7 - I am counting on your support when I wrap a bible and a Koran, a “sacred” Koran, in an American flag and burn them on the steps of the Federal Courthouse in Fort Lauderdale. I will keep a pot of pig pee close by should the fire get out of control.
#7 – I am still waiting for your “unwavering” response to the executions of Larry Mann and Adolph Eichman. Yes or no. Live or die. “Wavering” is not allowed.
#8 - Get back to me please lest I think that you have gone over to the smarmy side.
KEVIN SMITH
WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET
Gary Stein
The Sun Sentinel
RE: Some comments on how right you say youj were then and how smarmy you may be now.
Big Stein,
Some questions followed, hopefully, by the same number of answers.
#1 – You say “the best demonstrations…were the anti-war ones”. “Ones” suggest that you were opposed to all wars. 1967 and 1973 were great years for wars in the Middle East. Were you opposed to those wars? If not, why not?
#2 – What was your draft status?
#3 – Did you “loathe” the military?
#4 – We know that all academic exercises are free. We also know that some academic exercises are more free than others. If the name Allah were to be substituted for Jesus would the pro-stompers, people like you, be as adamant in their support? Kind of like “I may oppose what you are stomping but I will fight to the death to support your right to stomp”. Perhaps some freedoms, like some indignations, are eclectically enforced. Clear this up for me, please.
#5 – Were your anti-war demonstrations, those with “girls”, conducted vertically or horizontally?
#6 – Do you think the Sun Sentinel should publish all the Muhammed, and blessed be his name, cartoons? I hear rumors that some of them show him cavorting with a goat and some pre-pubescent girls. If they do why not publish them so we all can stomp on them? If they don’t why not publish them anyway? How much lesser will we be if Pakistan burns itself down?
#7 - I am counting on your support when I wrap a bible and a Koran, a “sacred” Koran, in an American flag and burn them on the steps of the Federal Courthouse in Fort Lauderdale. I will keep a pot of pig pee close by should the fire get out of control.
#7 – I am still waiting for your “unwavering” response to the executions of Larry Mann and Adolph Eichman. Yes or no. Live or die. “Wavering” is not allowed.
#8 - Get back to me please lest I think that you have gone over to the smarmy side.
KEVIN SMITH
WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET
Sunday, April 21, 2013
April 18, 2013
Joy-Ann Reid
The Miami Herald
RE: Not so fast – Some comments on your musings on guns in today’s Miami Herald
Ms. Reid,
I hate to be the one to tear asunder your anti-Historical journalistic daisy chain about evil White guys needing the Second Amendment to catch runaway slaves but if I don’t who will?
I shant bother you with inconvenient facts about George Mason or the anti-Federalists or even Benjamin Franklin announcing the product of the 1787 Constitutional Convention to be a Republic “if you can keep it”.
I could dazzle with Rhetoric – not Sophistry, mind you – about Post Hoc Ergo Propter Hoc but you might consider me to be both an elitist and a devotee of DWEMs. [That’s Dead White European Males] The thought of you thinking ill of me would be shattering.
The reason why I do nothing of the above is because you, as the du jour paradigmatic template of modern American Liberalism – ink stained wench division – are never allowed to let facts intrude with any argument, particularly those that deny your premise. [Premise? – Send a SASE]
It will come as a shock to those who, 238 years ago today, stood “on the rude bridge that arched the flood…and fired the shot heard round the world”. I always thought they were fighting the British. Who knew they were hunting runaway slaves? [By the way, wouldn’t shooting runaway slaves be contra-Logical? They are of no value dead.]
For the record…
#1 – I do not own a gun.
# 2 – My father’s father had 2 uncles who fought with the Irish Brigade. On July 2 they stepped off into the Wheat Field at Gettysburg. One of them is still there “wrapped in his faded coat of Blue”. I mention this because should salve reparations become the law I think I am entitled to a tax credit carry forward to offset any potential liability I may have. There is an interesting monument to the fallen members of the Irish Brigade there. It has a Celtic cross on a pedestal. At the foot of the cross is a sleeping Irish wolfhound. The inscription reads “Gentle when stroked. Fierce when provoked”. There is no mention of slaves, runaway or not.
#3 – I search my extensive vocabulary for words to describe your dishonesty. To cite Vice President Curley Biden you seem to be “a clean, articulate Black person” .I guess looks do deceive. Opinions vary; facts, particularly inconvenient ones, don’t.
Either you are incapable of defending your assertions, in which case you are unfit for your job, or, worse, you will mold the facts to fit your preconceived conclusions.
If I go with the latter it makes you dumber than a box of hammers. If I go with the latter it makes you a smarmy bastard.
I’ll compromise and take both,
KEVIN SMITH
WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET
Joy-Ann Reid
The Miami Herald
RE: Not so fast – Some comments on your musings on guns in today’s Miami Herald
Ms. Reid,
I hate to be the one to tear asunder your anti-Historical journalistic daisy chain about evil White guys needing the Second Amendment to catch runaway slaves but if I don’t who will?
I shant bother you with inconvenient facts about George Mason or the anti-Federalists or even Benjamin Franklin announcing the product of the 1787 Constitutional Convention to be a Republic “if you can keep it”.
I could dazzle with Rhetoric – not Sophistry, mind you – about Post Hoc Ergo Propter Hoc but you might consider me to be both an elitist and a devotee of DWEMs. [That’s Dead White European Males] The thought of you thinking ill of me would be shattering.
The reason why I do nothing of the above is because you, as the du jour paradigmatic template of modern American Liberalism – ink stained wench division – are never allowed to let facts intrude with any argument, particularly those that deny your premise. [Premise? – Send a SASE]
It will come as a shock to those who, 238 years ago today, stood “on the rude bridge that arched the flood…and fired the shot heard round the world”. I always thought they were fighting the British. Who knew they were hunting runaway slaves? [By the way, wouldn’t shooting runaway slaves be contra-Logical? They are of no value dead.]
For the record…
#1 – I do not own a gun.
# 2 – My father’s father had 2 uncles who fought with the Irish Brigade. On July 2 they stepped off into the Wheat Field at Gettysburg. One of them is still there “wrapped in his faded coat of Blue”. I mention this because should salve reparations become the law I think I am entitled to a tax credit carry forward to offset any potential liability I may have. There is an interesting monument to the fallen members of the Irish Brigade there. It has a Celtic cross on a pedestal. At the foot of the cross is a sleeping Irish wolfhound. The inscription reads “Gentle when stroked. Fierce when provoked”. There is no mention of slaves, runaway or not.
#3 – I search my extensive vocabulary for words to describe your dishonesty. To cite Vice President Curley Biden you seem to be “a clean, articulate Black person” .I guess looks do deceive. Opinions vary; facts, particularly inconvenient ones, don’t.
Either you are incapable of defending your assertions, in which case you are unfit for your job, or, worse, you will mold the facts to fit your preconceived conclusions.
If I go with the latter it makes you dumber than a box of hammers. If I go with the latter it makes you a smarmy bastard.
I’ll compromise and take both,
KEVIN SMITH
WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET
Sunday, April 14, 2013
March 29, 2013
Senator Harry Reid
600 E. William Street #304
Carson City, NV 89701
Senator Reid,
Now we know that the post-racial society promised to us by then candidate Obama in 2008 will take a bit more than a bit more than a few White House executive orders or some gentle out-reach reach out words from Reverend Wright.
The lasting joy of Lent is that it always offers the promise of redemption and salvation. What better way to spend Good Friday than be manning up to past sins and begging forgiveness?
Even a cursory reading of History of the politics of racism ion the 20th century screams that the Democratic party was the vilest, most bigoted national institution in the country.
I would run out of ink before I ran out of names. You may have known some of them. Senator Sam Ervin, Senator Robert Byrd, Senator James Eastland, Senator William Fullbright, Senator Herman Talmadge, Senator Strom Thurmond, Senator Albert Gore, Sr., Senator John Sparkman, Senator Alben Barkley,…a regular Murderers’ Row, no?
There are 2 common denominators that bind them.
#! – With one exception they spent their entire public lives dedicated to the proposition that little White girls would not have to go to grammar school with little Black boys.
#2 – They were Democrats, every one, every last one of them.
They are also all dead. Short of disinterring them and flogging them to the tune of Dixie before lynching them there is precious little that can be done to them. There are 3 I haven’t mentioned who are also dead.
One of them, President Woodrow Wilson, was, if we are to believe the personal testimony of Justice Thurgood Marshall, the most bigoted, the vilest elected Federal official in the 20th century. On top of his reputation as being the numero uno in the “meaner than cat shit” sweepstakes, he began the Democratic mantra of “I won’t send American boys to fight in foreign wars” that was used successfully by 2 of his successors. What worked for Wilson in 1916 worked for Roosevelt in 1940 and Johnson in 1964. The statute has run on holding him accountable for his crimes.
The other 2, Senator Richard Russell and Senator John Stennis, are people that you can do something about.
The Senate named its office building after Senator Russell. As the majority leader it would take you about an hour and half to unname it.
The United States Navy named a nuclear aircraft carrier after Senator John Stennis. The USS Stennis [CVN 74] is named after the last public figure to use the word “nigrah” with impunity. Of course, that was nothing compared to former Klan Deputy Kleagle, Senator Robert Byrd who twice used the dreaded “N” word, the word that White people dare no use, on national TV, remember?
I suggest that after you get the name Stennis sandblasted off the ship you rename it after Teddy Kennedy. His devotion to all things nautical [swimming, diving, drowning, murder] is the stuff of legend.
You and the country will feel much better after you do these healing things.
Kevin Smith
Senator Harry Reid
600 E. William Street #304
Carson City, NV 89701
Senator Reid,
Now we know that the post-racial society promised to us by then candidate Obama in 2008 will take a bit more than a bit more than a few White House executive orders or some gentle out-reach reach out words from Reverend Wright.
The lasting joy of Lent is that it always offers the promise of redemption and salvation. What better way to spend Good Friday than be manning up to past sins and begging forgiveness?
Even a cursory reading of History of the politics of racism ion the 20th century screams that the Democratic party was the vilest, most bigoted national institution in the country.
I would run out of ink before I ran out of names. You may have known some of them. Senator Sam Ervin, Senator Robert Byrd, Senator James Eastland, Senator William Fullbright, Senator Herman Talmadge, Senator Strom Thurmond, Senator Albert Gore, Sr., Senator John Sparkman, Senator Alben Barkley,…a regular Murderers’ Row, no?
There are 2 common denominators that bind them.
#! – With one exception they spent their entire public lives dedicated to the proposition that little White girls would not have to go to grammar school with little Black boys.
#2 – They were Democrats, every one, every last one of them.
They are also all dead. Short of disinterring them and flogging them to the tune of Dixie before lynching them there is precious little that can be done to them. There are 3 I haven’t mentioned who are also dead.
One of them, President Woodrow Wilson, was, if we are to believe the personal testimony of Justice Thurgood Marshall, the most bigoted, the vilest elected Federal official in the 20th century. On top of his reputation as being the numero uno in the “meaner than cat shit” sweepstakes, he began the Democratic mantra of “I won’t send American boys to fight in foreign wars” that was used successfully by 2 of his successors. What worked for Wilson in 1916 worked for Roosevelt in 1940 and Johnson in 1964. The statute has run on holding him accountable for his crimes.
The other 2, Senator Richard Russell and Senator John Stennis, are people that you can do something about.
The Senate named its office building after Senator Russell. As the majority leader it would take you about an hour and half to unname it.
The United States Navy named a nuclear aircraft carrier after Senator John Stennis. The USS Stennis [CVN 74] is named after the last public figure to use the word “nigrah” with impunity. Of course, that was nothing compared to former Klan Deputy Kleagle, Senator Robert Byrd who twice used the dreaded “N” word, the word that White people dare no use, on national TV, remember?
I suggest that after you get the name Stennis sandblasted off the ship you rename it after Teddy Kennedy. His devotion to all things nautical [swimming, diving, drowning, murder] is the stuff of legend.
You and the country will feel much better after you do these healing things.
Kevin Smith
March 29, 2013
Ken Kaye & Larry Barszewski
The Sun Sentinel
500 Broward Blvd.
Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33394
RE: “Manatee Deaths Spike” – Some comments on your unlinkable article about Florida’s beloved sea slugs.
Mr. Kaye,
Personally I would prefer to be descended from bears but, as a Right-Wing, homophobic, snake handling, Truther/Birther, red neck gun nut I have to subscribe to one of the basic tenets of the Church of Modern American Liberalism or I will lose my library card before I am cast into the bottomless pit named Avernus.
Ergo, I chose to believe in evolution. To be precise, Darwin’s Theory of Evolution. As a true believer in the validity of Chuckie’s writings I cannot, I will not ,comment on the disturbing fact – Damned inconvenient, if you will – that it has been a theory since before our Supreme Court decided to give Dred Scott a one-way ticket on the midnight train to Georgia.
That is a Hellaciously long time.
The end of the whale oil business, air brakes on trains. Gettysburg, repeating rifles, Mark Twain, the internal combustion engine, manned flight, unsinkable ships sinking, zippers, Mickey Mouse, talkies, E=MC2, vinyl records, night baseball, air conditioning, penicillin, TVs, automatic transmissions, frozen orange juice, microwaves, the Salk vaccine, six packs, Holiday Inns, instant replay, permanent press, “The Eagle has landed”, disco, Pioneer, “Non timere”, PCs, “Tear down this wall”, cell phones, virtual reality versus real reality, Hubble, debits still equaling credits, yet more jumbo shrimp, “hope and change”, the continuing “triumph of hope over experience” and the Damn thing still hasn’t been proved.
I know it’s hard. This country went from a few text books to Hiroshima and Nagasaki in less than 4 years. The only tools were slide rules and Dixon #2 pencils. That was hard.
If no one else is going to say that the emperor is need of some new trousers I sure as Hell ain’t. I am buying the whole nine yards.
Birds became dinosaurs that died and made oil. When T-Rex took a Pasadena it got warm before it got cold. Then it became really warm just before it became really cold. Then we lost track. Later some shrimp became coyotes and some peripatetic protozoae became Uncle Luke. Really old ferns became the Grand Canyon. The Gods of the Copybook Ledgers began to keep score and Chucking Charlie explained it all.
And we all believed.. We all bent our knees and pledged fealty, never ending fealty, because if you don’t count Ptolemy once science is settled it is settled. The Origin of the Species, a creed whose followers could give Torquemada and the beheading mullahs lessons if doubt raises its unclean head, settled all the questions, even ones that had not been asked. Survival of the Fittest became the Oratorio of the Modern Man.
Which brings me to the manatees.
Your story in today’s unlinkable Sun Sentinel tells us of the death of 409 manatees in just 3 months. It is a mammalian dirge unequaled in modern times. Where can find keeners equal to the task of lamenting such a loss?
We are on course for a record year for unscheduled manatee deaths. Jaclyn Lopez, an attorney with a “Who Needs People, Save the Whales” non-profit scam group – I say scam group because unless Jaclyn Lopez, Esq. works for free she is placing her interests above those of the more helpless of God’s creatures, presuming that it is still OK to say God even though today is Good Friday – hectors us in typical harridan style that “we need to do more to protect” these marine layabouts
Here’s where Chuckie’s ideas come in to play.
If “survival of the fittest” is Rule #1 would I become anathema if I were to suggest that it is time, it is past time, to say Hasta la Vista to these swimming dumpster divers?
If the high point in the life of the Alpha male is to swim into a whirling propeller maybe it is time for them to go. Not to a shelter, not to a manatee assisted living facility, not to a Jurassic Park for gummers but to a permanent listing in the newly updated Book of the Dead – quasi Flipper section.
If it weren’t for fuzzy minded, heads up their asses, tree hugging boobs tossing 2 week old balsamic vinegar drenched lettuce, arugula, and endives, tofu gone a bit gamey, out of date low fat organic yoghurt [as opposed to the inorganic kind, the one with the long strand polymers, don’t you know?], and wheat germ off our under-maintained bridges, honorable spans waiting for their Summer of Recovery, these sea horse wanabees would surely starve.
Wasn’t the first rule from the Federation to any Starship never to interfere with the life process on a new planet, with the natural order of things?
Why do we do it with these useless things? We can’t pet them. We can’t train them. We can’t water ski using them. They serve no useful function. Only the newly born can make a passable sushi. When a pod gets diarrhea dolphins and skip jacks jump into boats. Baby loggerheads are so traumatized that they become fatally constipated. Manatee scat may be useful in removing unwanted tattoos but you can never again eat meat. The tattoo comes off just before your fingers and toes.
If I were to mention 1,500,000 abortions a year since 1973 you would think poorly of me so I won’t.
If I were to suggest that Lake Okeechobee be turned into a manatee only refuge, one like what we have done for the furbish lousewort or the snail darter, you would say I am on the right path, right?
Before I get to my “final solution” for these useless creatures I have a question. Why don’t the alligators eat them?
Here’s my plan.
Find out what “sends a chill” up its flipper. Manatee musk, a picture of Cesar Chavez, a Judas bull, soft music, white wine, underwater incense, Rachel Carson arm wrestling with Margaret Sanger, perpetual tumescence, round the clock estrus, Whole Food salad bars dripping with Viagra, rotting succotash bushes, a case of Ranch Dressing…whatever.
Get them all to the New River.
We can make this a teachable moment.
Ring the dinner bell.
Get them to swim into a 20 foot wide underwater Cuisinart on perpetual puree.
We will have proved Darwin’s Theory. At least the part about “survival of the fittest”.
The serendipitous bonus is that we get sausage for the homeless.
I mention the homeless because there is a news story above yours about doing what is known in the sub-rosa world of accounting as a midnight Oklahoma transfer. It gets the homeless the Hell out of Dodge. It involves taking money out of one trust fund to use because another trust fund is empty. Kind of like Social Security and Medicare.
Whatever the Sun Sentinel has in its corporate soul satire is not on the list of contents. Unless the paper has a mole named Jay Swift straight from the Onion or the pages of John L. Carrot I must believe the story is correct.
Larry Barszewski, your fellow ink stained wretch, says that the city of Fort Lauderdale will provide bus fare for the Knights of the Road on 2 conditions.
#1 – Wherever the bus stops, be it Darmiscotta, Maine or Winona, Minnesota, a family member must pick them up. Unless racist photo IDs are used it will be difficult to guarantee that transaction. The city has no position on whether ungendered or non-gendered “significant others” can be part of the plan. The Chamber of Commerce just wants them 1400 miles away.
#2 – You have to have AIDS. Honest. You have to have AIDS. If you are a non-AIDS homeless dude or dudess you ain’t going nowhere
Am I the only one to note that it is still a bit chilly in my 2 destination cities? The French Judge was right when he said that the rich and the poor have an equal right to sleep under the bridges of Paris; the rich in the summer and the poor in the winter.
So if you are a permanent address-free pilgrim, doubtless part of the undeserving poor, a victim of life’s circumstances, and you want to get back to kith and kin your best bet is to spend a drug filled weekend doing the horizontal tango with a Haitian ape.
Since we know, it being settled science, that Darwin is right – It is unimaginable to even think that he may be wrong, right? – herd culling is required. Be they swimming or standing if they can’t contribute to society they must be denied their “fair share” of our planet’s diminishing resources. Those of us who are more fit, more productive, must be given preference, even second helpings, at the trough.
That’s Darwin in a nut shell, right?
Do you believe that before Good Time Charley came along some people thought the above ideas were bad? I’m glad he cleared that up.
Manatees and homeless AIDS carriers.
Perfect together.
A one-way, non-transferable, no refund ticket to Palookaville.
Kevin Smith
Ken Kaye & Larry Barszewski
The Sun Sentinel
500 Broward Blvd.
Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33394
RE: “Manatee Deaths Spike” – Some comments on your unlinkable article about Florida’s beloved sea slugs.
Mr. Kaye,
Personally I would prefer to be descended from bears but, as a Right-Wing, homophobic, snake handling, Truther/Birther, red neck gun nut I have to subscribe to one of the basic tenets of the Church of Modern American Liberalism or I will lose my library card before I am cast into the bottomless pit named Avernus.
Ergo, I chose to believe in evolution. To be precise, Darwin’s Theory of Evolution. As a true believer in the validity of Chuckie’s writings I cannot, I will not ,comment on the disturbing fact – Damned inconvenient, if you will – that it has been a theory since before our Supreme Court decided to give Dred Scott a one-way ticket on the midnight train to Georgia.
That is a Hellaciously long time.
The end of the whale oil business, air brakes on trains. Gettysburg, repeating rifles, Mark Twain, the internal combustion engine, manned flight, unsinkable ships sinking, zippers, Mickey Mouse, talkies, E=MC2, vinyl records, night baseball, air conditioning, penicillin, TVs, automatic transmissions, frozen orange juice, microwaves, the Salk vaccine, six packs, Holiday Inns, instant replay, permanent press, “The Eagle has landed”, disco, Pioneer, “Non timere”, PCs, “Tear down this wall”, cell phones, virtual reality versus real reality, Hubble, debits still equaling credits, yet more jumbo shrimp, “hope and change”, the continuing “triumph of hope over experience” and the Damn thing still hasn’t been proved.
I know it’s hard. This country went from a few text books to Hiroshima and Nagasaki in less than 4 years. The only tools were slide rules and Dixon #2 pencils. That was hard.
If no one else is going to say that the emperor is need of some new trousers I sure as Hell ain’t. I am buying the whole nine yards.
Birds became dinosaurs that died and made oil. When T-Rex took a Pasadena it got warm before it got cold. Then it became really warm just before it became really cold. Then we lost track. Later some shrimp became coyotes and some peripatetic protozoae became Uncle Luke. Really old ferns became the Grand Canyon. The Gods of the Copybook Ledgers began to keep score and Chucking Charlie explained it all.
And we all believed.. We all bent our knees and pledged fealty, never ending fealty, because if you don’t count Ptolemy once science is settled it is settled. The Origin of the Species, a creed whose followers could give Torquemada and the beheading mullahs lessons if doubt raises its unclean head, settled all the questions, even ones that had not been asked. Survival of the Fittest became the Oratorio of the Modern Man.
Which brings me to the manatees.
Your story in today’s unlinkable Sun Sentinel tells us of the death of 409 manatees in just 3 months. It is a mammalian dirge unequaled in modern times. Where can find keeners equal to the task of lamenting such a loss?
We are on course for a record year for unscheduled manatee deaths. Jaclyn Lopez, an attorney with a “Who Needs People, Save the Whales” non-profit scam group – I say scam group because unless Jaclyn Lopez, Esq. works for free she is placing her interests above those of the more helpless of God’s creatures, presuming that it is still OK to say God even though today is Good Friday – hectors us in typical harridan style that “we need to do more to protect” these marine layabouts
Here’s where Chuckie’s ideas come in to play.
If “survival of the fittest” is Rule #1 would I become anathema if I were to suggest that it is time, it is past time, to say Hasta la Vista to these swimming dumpster divers?
If the high point in the life of the Alpha male is to swim into a whirling propeller maybe it is time for them to go. Not to a shelter, not to a manatee assisted living facility, not to a Jurassic Park for gummers but to a permanent listing in the newly updated Book of the Dead – quasi Flipper section.
If it weren’t for fuzzy minded, heads up their asses, tree hugging boobs tossing 2 week old balsamic vinegar drenched lettuce, arugula, and endives, tofu gone a bit gamey, out of date low fat organic yoghurt [as opposed to the inorganic kind, the one with the long strand polymers, don’t you know?], and wheat germ off our under-maintained bridges, honorable spans waiting for their Summer of Recovery, these sea horse wanabees would surely starve.
Wasn’t the first rule from the Federation to any Starship never to interfere with the life process on a new planet, with the natural order of things?
Why do we do it with these useless things? We can’t pet them. We can’t train them. We can’t water ski using them. They serve no useful function. Only the newly born can make a passable sushi. When a pod gets diarrhea dolphins and skip jacks jump into boats. Baby loggerheads are so traumatized that they become fatally constipated. Manatee scat may be useful in removing unwanted tattoos but you can never again eat meat. The tattoo comes off just before your fingers and toes.
If I were to mention 1,500,000 abortions a year since 1973 you would think poorly of me so I won’t.
If I were to suggest that Lake Okeechobee be turned into a manatee only refuge, one like what we have done for the furbish lousewort or the snail darter, you would say I am on the right path, right?
Before I get to my “final solution” for these useless creatures I have a question. Why don’t the alligators eat them?
Here’s my plan.
Find out what “sends a chill” up its flipper. Manatee musk, a picture of Cesar Chavez, a Judas bull, soft music, white wine, underwater incense, Rachel Carson arm wrestling with Margaret Sanger, perpetual tumescence, round the clock estrus, Whole Food salad bars dripping with Viagra, rotting succotash bushes, a case of Ranch Dressing…whatever.
Get them all to the New River.
We can make this a teachable moment.
Ring the dinner bell.
Get them to swim into a 20 foot wide underwater Cuisinart on perpetual puree.
We will have proved Darwin’s Theory. At least the part about “survival of the fittest”.
The serendipitous bonus is that we get sausage for the homeless.
I mention the homeless because there is a news story above yours about doing what is known in the sub-rosa world of accounting as a midnight Oklahoma transfer. It gets the homeless the Hell out of Dodge. It involves taking money out of one trust fund to use because another trust fund is empty. Kind of like Social Security and Medicare.
Whatever the Sun Sentinel has in its corporate soul satire is not on the list of contents. Unless the paper has a mole named Jay Swift straight from the Onion or the pages of John L. Carrot I must believe the story is correct.
Larry Barszewski, your fellow ink stained wretch, says that the city of Fort Lauderdale will provide bus fare for the Knights of the Road on 2 conditions.
#1 – Wherever the bus stops, be it Darmiscotta, Maine or Winona, Minnesota, a family member must pick them up. Unless racist photo IDs are used it will be difficult to guarantee that transaction. The city has no position on whether ungendered or non-gendered “significant others” can be part of the plan. The Chamber of Commerce just wants them 1400 miles away.
#2 – You have to have AIDS. Honest. You have to have AIDS. If you are a non-AIDS homeless dude or dudess you ain’t going nowhere
Am I the only one to note that it is still a bit chilly in my 2 destination cities? The French Judge was right when he said that the rich and the poor have an equal right to sleep under the bridges of Paris; the rich in the summer and the poor in the winter.
So if you are a permanent address-free pilgrim, doubtless part of the undeserving poor, a victim of life’s circumstances, and you want to get back to kith and kin your best bet is to spend a drug filled weekend doing the horizontal tango with a Haitian ape.
Since we know, it being settled science, that Darwin is right – It is unimaginable to even think that he may be wrong, right? – herd culling is required. Be they swimming or standing if they can’t contribute to society they must be denied their “fair share” of our planet’s diminishing resources. Those of us who are more fit, more productive, must be given preference, even second helpings, at the trough.
That’s Darwin in a nut shell, right?
Do you believe that before Good Time Charley came along some people thought the above ideas were bad? I’m glad he cleared that up.
Manatees and homeless AIDS carriers.
Perfect together.
A one-way, non-transferable, no refund ticket to Palookaville.
Kevin Smith
April 2, 2013
Suzan Clary
The Sun Sentinel
500 E. Broward Blvd.
Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33394
RE: Sauce for the goose, sauce for the gander? Some comments on your unlinkable boilerplate modern American Liberal defense of Professor Deandre Poole’s “Let’s stomp on Jesus to show how free we are” raree in today’s Sun Sentinel. The term “eclectic indignation” leaps to mind.
Ms. Clary,
First, let me state the obvious.
It would be inconceivable in today’s super sensitive clime for Professor Poole to have substituted – Allah forefend! – the name of the prophet Mohammed, and blessed be his name, for his class room stomping contest.
Had he done so Pakistan would have set itself on fire. Then, President B.O. would have walked barefoot to its Washington embassy to apologize and beg to be scourged as atonement.
If it were to happen, doubtless in one of those fundamentalist, red neck Southern colleges, it would take less than a week for it to be uncovered as a Zionist plot funded by the notorious Koch Brothers. It would have taken a bit longer but the fingerprints of Sarah Palin, Rush Limbaugh, and Wal-Mart would have been uncovered. Before a fortnight had passed the DNA of Nixon and McCarthy would have been found.
If it were to happen Professor Poole would have been shot down the modern American Liberal academic memory hole at such a speed that his hair would quickly catch on fire.
Now comes a stickier point.
“Students do not have a right not to be offended
by classroom speech or assignments.”
The Sun Sentinel
Today
Page 8A
You
I believe it was Plato who said that “Something cannot be that which it is not.” Had he stumbled on your sentence he would have been felled as if he were struck by a Hoplite.
How can I confound thee?
Let me count the ways.
Professor Poole tells his class that Darwin was a boob.
Professor Poole tells his class that Global Warming is bunk.
Professor Poole tells his class that same sex marriage is wrong.
Professor Poole tells his class that gun control is stupid.
Professor Poole tells his class that Margaret Sanger inspired Hitler.
Professor Poole tells his class that the minimum wage is anti-Black.
Professor Poole tells his class that Papa Joe Kennedy was an anti-Semite.
Professor Poole tells his class that taxes are too high.
Professor Poole tells his class that abortion must be outlawed.
Professor Poole tells his class that he knows a very literate curmudgeon in Fort Lauderdale who wants to burn a Koran, a sacred Koran if you will, wrapped in an American flag on the steps of the Federal Courthouse on Broward Boulevard. This free speech extremist will have a pitcher of pig pee close by should the fire get out of control.
He then asks for student volunteers for crowd control. He tells them that there is a possibility of extra credit.
APRIL FOOL!
[Except for the part about burning the Koran]
Better late than never.
Would “Mecca delenda est” be an acceptable topic for a political science class at Florida Atlantic University? “Mecca delenda est”? Send a SASE.
When will Florida Atlantic University have a display of and a discussion about the cartoons featuring Mohammed, Allah, and a couple of dazed goats and pre-pubescent sobbing girls? Can you get me tickets for that?
“FREE MEN SPEAK WITH FREE TONGUES”
Can we stipulate that while all speech is free some speech is freer than others?
Kevin Smith
Suzan Clary
The Sun Sentinel
500 E. Broward Blvd.
Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33394
RE: Sauce for the goose, sauce for the gander? Some comments on your unlinkable boilerplate modern American Liberal defense of Professor Deandre Poole’s “Let’s stomp on Jesus to show how free we are” raree in today’s Sun Sentinel. The term “eclectic indignation” leaps to mind.
Ms. Clary,
First, let me state the obvious.
It would be inconceivable in today’s super sensitive clime for Professor Poole to have substituted – Allah forefend! – the name of the prophet Mohammed, and blessed be his name, for his class room stomping contest.
Had he done so Pakistan would have set itself on fire. Then, President B.O. would have walked barefoot to its Washington embassy to apologize and beg to be scourged as atonement.
If it were to happen, doubtless in one of those fundamentalist, red neck Southern colleges, it would take less than a week for it to be uncovered as a Zionist plot funded by the notorious Koch Brothers. It would have taken a bit longer but the fingerprints of Sarah Palin, Rush Limbaugh, and Wal-Mart would have been uncovered. Before a fortnight had passed the DNA of Nixon and McCarthy would have been found.
If it were to happen Professor Poole would have been shot down the modern American Liberal academic memory hole at such a speed that his hair would quickly catch on fire.
Now comes a stickier point.
“Students do not have a right not to be offended
by classroom speech or assignments.”
The Sun Sentinel
Today
Page 8A
You
I believe it was Plato who said that “Something cannot be that which it is not.” Had he stumbled on your sentence he would have been felled as if he were struck by a Hoplite.
How can I confound thee?
Let me count the ways.
Professor Poole tells his class that Darwin was a boob.
Professor Poole tells his class that Global Warming is bunk.
Professor Poole tells his class that same sex marriage is wrong.
Professor Poole tells his class that gun control is stupid.
Professor Poole tells his class that Margaret Sanger inspired Hitler.
Professor Poole tells his class that the minimum wage is anti-Black.
Professor Poole tells his class that Papa Joe Kennedy was an anti-Semite.
Professor Poole tells his class that taxes are too high.
Professor Poole tells his class that abortion must be outlawed.
Professor Poole tells his class that he knows a very literate curmudgeon in Fort Lauderdale who wants to burn a Koran, a sacred Koran if you will, wrapped in an American flag on the steps of the Federal Courthouse on Broward Boulevard. This free speech extremist will have a pitcher of pig pee close by should the fire get out of control.
He then asks for student volunteers for crowd control. He tells them that there is a possibility of extra credit.
APRIL FOOL!
[Except for the part about burning the Koran]
Better late than never.
Would “Mecca delenda est” be an acceptable topic for a political science class at Florida Atlantic University? “Mecca delenda est”? Send a SASE.
When will Florida Atlantic University have a display of and a discussion about the cartoons featuring Mohammed, Allah, and a couple of dazed goats and pre-pubescent sobbing girls? Can you get me tickets for that?
“FREE MEN SPEAK WITH FREE TONGUES”
Can we stipulate that while all speech is free some speech is freer than others?
Kevin Smith
March 31, 2013
Steven L. Goldstein
The Sun Sentinel
500 E. Broward Blvd.
Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33394
My dear Professor,
I was worried. It was the second Easter in a row, I hope it is only the second, that I couldn’t find my Easter eggs. I buried them. I think.
Then I got to your unlinkable column and the fuzzy world of senescence was replaced by your pixie dust, “moon bat” world of money being the solution for every problem, including undiscovered ones.
Who knew that “London Bridges Falling Down” was numero uno in Florida?
You did. .
$44,134,000,000. That’s 44 billion, one hundred and thirty four million dollars. And that’s only a down payment!
Compared to the “shovel ready” jobs that we borrowed a gazillion dollars from the Chinese to fund it’s a trifle, a trifle. And, hey, when the President snickered that the “shovel ready” jobs weren’t, you know what I‘m saying, “shovel ready” Secretary Clinton’s answer to the Benghazi deaths of 4 Americans, “In the long run what difference does it make”, applies retroactively.
In the world of modern American Liberalism results are irrelevant. It works, it doesn’t work. No big deal. In the long run what difference does it make? What counts are intentions. Sort of like a domestic “We are the World”.
Anyway, the $44,134,000,000 is the amount required to get Florida back from “If you cross that bridge you will die” to “Is your will with your solicitor” question asked by all bridge toll collectors. Methinks it is another fairy tale from one of the founding members of the Lockbox Marching and Chowder Society.
2 things stand out from your horizon reaching column.
#1 – “Denial that the bill always come due” – At first I was going to raise a Te Deum. Only someone who reads Milton Friedman and knows that he said “there is no such thing as a free lunch” could talk about markers being settled. On second thought that happed just after the Fort Lauderdale airport is closed because of a blizzard during the long awaited Summer of Recovery.
Your employer – The Tribune Company – has just come out of bankruptcy. Having danced at the Ball a few times I can absolutely guarantee you with 100% metaphysical certitude that if the Tribune Company had done any of the things the Feds do with our books the people wearing the green eye shades would have been dragged out by their heels and sent to Gitmo.
#2 – “create thousands of jobs” – There is no sense in being a half-assed modern American Liberal. If you drank the Kool-Aid of “hope and change” and asked for seconds that makes you a full-fledged, fire breathing, card carrying modern American Liberal.
How many jobs did the trillion dollar “Stimulus Program” create? Since we are about to enter the 5th Summer of Recovery” would I be revealing my Tea Party/Bastiat roots if I were to ask why none of that money ever got to Florida’s “failing infrastructure”?
For all we know Governor Crist [RID as in Republican Independent Democrat], in addition to playing tonsil hockey with President B.O., was taking long, warm showers with him in the early AM hours. Why did he fall for the “I’ll call you soon” routine? Why didn’t he get the money first, like a good hooker?
I think I know.
“Any public policy that involves robbing Peter to pay Paul will always have Paul’s support”. These poltroons will make Madoff look like a piker.
Kevin Smith
PS – Normally I would ascribe my e-mail fatal illness to the perversity of inanimate objects. This time I believe it was a classic Black-Op mission. Doubtless, it was funded by George Soros and carried out by Debbie Wasserman-Schultz’s brown shirts. I put 2 stamps on the envelope. If we all did that we could help the Post Office, no?
Steven L. Goldstein
The Sun Sentinel
500 E. Broward Blvd.
Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33394
My dear Professor,
I was worried. It was the second Easter in a row, I hope it is only the second, that I couldn’t find my Easter eggs. I buried them. I think.
Then I got to your unlinkable column and the fuzzy world of senescence was replaced by your pixie dust, “moon bat” world of money being the solution for every problem, including undiscovered ones.
Who knew that “London Bridges Falling Down” was numero uno in Florida?
You did. .
$44,134,000,000. That’s 44 billion, one hundred and thirty four million dollars. And that’s only a down payment!
Compared to the “shovel ready” jobs that we borrowed a gazillion dollars from the Chinese to fund it’s a trifle, a trifle. And, hey, when the President snickered that the “shovel ready” jobs weren’t, you know what I‘m saying, “shovel ready” Secretary Clinton’s answer to the Benghazi deaths of 4 Americans, “In the long run what difference does it make”, applies retroactively.
In the world of modern American Liberalism results are irrelevant. It works, it doesn’t work. No big deal. In the long run what difference does it make? What counts are intentions. Sort of like a domestic “We are the World”.
Anyway, the $44,134,000,000 is the amount required to get Florida back from “If you cross that bridge you will die” to “Is your will with your solicitor” question asked by all bridge toll collectors. Methinks it is another fairy tale from one of the founding members of the Lockbox Marching and Chowder Society.
2 things stand out from your horizon reaching column.
#1 – “Denial that the bill always come due” – At first I was going to raise a Te Deum. Only someone who reads Milton Friedman and knows that he said “there is no such thing as a free lunch” could talk about markers being settled. On second thought that happed just after the Fort Lauderdale airport is closed because of a blizzard during the long awaited Summer of Recovery.
Your employer – The Tribune Company – has just come out of bankruptcy. Having danced at the Ball a few times I can absolutely guarantee you with 100% metaphysical certitude that if the Tribune Company had done any of the things the Feds do with our books the people wearing the green eye shades would have been dragged out by their heels and sent to Gitmo.
#2 – “create thousands of jobs” – There is no sense in being a half-assed modern American Liberal. If you drank the Kool-Aid of “hope and change” and asked for seconds that makes you a full-fledged, fire breathing, card carrying modern American Liberal.
How many jobs did the trillion dollar “Stimulus Program” create? Since we are about to enter the 5th Summer of Recovery” would I be revealing my Tea Party/Bastiat roots if I were to ask why none of that money ever got to Florida’s “failing infrastructure”?
For all we know Governor Crist [RID as in Republican Independent Democrat], in addition to playing tonsil hockey with President B.O., was taking long, warm showers with him in the early AM hours. Why did he fall for the “I’ll call you soon” routine? Why didn’t he get the money first, like a good hooker?
I think I know.
“Any public policy that involves robbing Peter to pay Paul will always have Paul’s support”. These poltroons will make Madoff look like a piker.
Kevin Smith
PS – Normally I would ascribe my e-mail fatal illness to the perversity of inanimate objects. This time I believe it was a classic Black-Op mission. Doubtless, it was funded by George Soros and carried out by Debbie Wasserman-Schultz’s brown shirts. I put 2 stamps on the envelope. If we all did that we could help the Post Office, no?
April 14, 2013
Gary Stein
The Sun Sentinel
RE: Some comments on how right you say youj were then and how smarmy you may be now.
Big Stein,
Some questions followed, hopefully, by the same number of answers.
#1 – You say “the best demonstrations…were the anti-war ones”. “Ones” suggest that you were opposed to all wars. 1967 and 1973 were great years for wars in the Middle East. Were you opposed to those wars? If not, why not?
#2 – What was your draft status?
#3 – Did you “loathe” the military?
#4 – We know that all academic exercises are free. We also know that some academic exercises are more free than others. If the name Allah were to be substituted for Jesus would the pro-stompers, people like you, be as adamant in their support? Kind of like “I may oppose what you are stomping but I will fight to the death to support your right to stomp”. Perhaps some freedoms, like some indignations, are eclectically enforced. Clear this up for me, please.
#5 – Were your anti-war demonstrations, those with “girls”, conducted vertically or horizontally?
#6 – Do you think the Sun Sentinel should publish all the Muhammed, and blessed be his name, cartoons? I hear rumors that some of them show him cavorting with a goat and some pre-pubescent girls. If they do why not publish them so we all can stomp on them? If they don’t why not publish them anyway? How much lesser will we be if Pakistan burns itself down?
#7 - I am counting on your support when I wrap a bible and a Koran, a “sacred” Koran, in an American flag and burn them on the steps of the Federal Courthouse in Fort Lauderdale. I will keep a pot of pig pee close by should the fire get out of control.
#7 – I am still waiting for your “unwavering” response to the executions of Larry Mann and Adolph Eichman. Yes or no. Live or die. “Wavering” is not allowed.
#8 - Get back to me please lest I think that you have gone over to the smarmy side.
KEVIN SMITH
WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET
Gary Stein
The Sun Sentinel
RE: Some comments on how right you say youj were then and how smarmy you may be now.
Big Stein,
Some questions followed, hopefully, by the same number of answers.
#1 – You say “the best demonstrations…were the anti-war ones”. “Ones” suggest that you were opposed to all wars. 1967 and 1973 were great years for wars in the Middle East. Were you opposed to those wars? If not, why not?
#2 – What was your draft status?
#3 – Did you “loathe” the military?
#4 – We know that all academic exercises are free. We also know that some academic exercises are more free than others. If the name Allah were to be substituted for Jesus would the pro-stompers, people like you, be as adamant in their support? Kind of like “I may oppose what you are stomping but I will fight to the death to support your right to stomp”. Perhaps some freedoms, like some indignations, are eclectically enforced. Clear this up for me, please.
#5 – Were your anti-war demonstrations, those with “girls”, conducted vertically or horizontally?
#6 – Do you think the Sun Sentinel should publish all the Muhammed, and blessed be his name, cartoons? I hear rumors that some of them show him cavorting with a goat and some pre-pubescent girls. If they do why not publish them so we all can stomp on them? If they don’t why not publish them anyway? How much lesser will we be if Pakistan burns itself down?
#7 - I am counting on your support when I wrap a bible and a Koran, a “sacred” Koran, in an American flag and burn them on the steps of the Federal Courthouse in Fort Lauderdale. I will keep a pot of pig pee close by should the fire get out of control.
#7 – I am still waiting for your “unwavering” response to the executions of Larry Mann and Adolph Eichman. Yes or no. Live or die. “Wavering” is not allowed.
#8 - Get back to me please lest I think that you have gone over to the smarmy side.
KEVIN SMITH
WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET
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