Rosemary O’Hara – Editorial Page Editor The Sun Sentinel

March 31, 2018

Rosemary O’Hara – Editorial Page Editor

The Sun Sentinel

500 E. Broward Blvd.

Ft. Lauderdale, FL33394

RE: The unintended consequences of life being like a box of chocolates.

Ms. O’Hara,

The sun was doing its best Trump MAGA imitation. It had not yet burst past the restraints placed on it by the ca-ca for brains modern American Liberals who believe, deeply, unreservedly, and perpetually that raising taxes and the minimum wage in tandem is the one true path to eternal choruses of “Happy Days Are Here Again” with “Kumbaya” as the back-up ditty. Plus, as a serendipitous bonus, farting through silk.

There I was, motoring slowly through the McDonald’s drive-thru lane, when I heard your voice and Nancy Ancrum’s dulcet tones on WIOD. There was another Hecate, a harridan wannabee, whose name, a la Cervantes, “I chose not to remember”.

We can all learn from this teaching moment.

#1 – Exact change. Always. While not quite in the realm of imaginary numbers or pi slicing don’t try to “stretch the chain” by gong past ordering by the numbers and expecting a quick solution to the problems of addition and subtraction at the take-out window. That extra burden may be the one more brick on the load that will cause the hod carrier to stumble. And since we know that this particular wage slave is both over-worked and under-paid the trauma may be eternal. She may have to get out of the country and sneak back in pretending to be an illegal alien – Is that racist per se? – and qualify for all free stuff that my grandparents never got

But then, like Juliet and the sun, your voice flooded my gas guzzling, polar bear killing SUV – Is this the year the Sun Sentinel turns off all it’s A/Cs? I’ve been asking that for 20 years – telling me about this millennium’s Children’s Crusade, the one led by an academically challenged little shit from Douglas High School named Hogg. Perhaps a “Deus vult” moment is upon us. Lord knows, but now that Papa Francisco has made all my pre-paid indulgences worthless, all things are possible.

#2 – Somebody then said that ‘the conflict between the 1^st and 2^nd Amendments would be settled in Court”. That was quickly followed by her saying, “Trayvon Martin was murdered”. I must confess that the role of being the “turd in the punch bowl” falls gently on my broad shoulders. I take no joy in telling this lady boob – Would “boobette” pass the Fowler muster? – that since she believes the Court will settle all things, the matter of the supposed murder of Trayvon Martin has been settled. It has been res adjudicated, so to speak. The only one accused of his “murder” was acquitted, remember? It reminds me of the scene in the Pallisers, and thank God for Trollope, where Phineas Finn, MP, is accused and tried for murder most foul. Having been acquitted he is sent home by the Judge who tells him that there is no shame because he is the only man in the Kingdom who has been found not guilty of this homicide. The conflict that she expects the Court to settle, perhaps approaching the Antigone threshold, does not yet cover an open homicide. Too bad. That means the matter will always be in Purgatorio.

#3 – Beware of what you pray for. You may get it. Or may not. Prayers are always answered. Sometimes, alas, the answer is no. As Senator Lard Kennedy said at the Democratic Convention in Madison Square Garden in 1980, the one where Jimmy carter chased him around the podium trying to get a photo-op, “The fight is never over. It goes on and on. The dream never dies.”

Thus, the aspirations of modern American Liberalism are writ large. Think of the horizon. No hope of ever reaching it makes it the ideal ideal. To be judged on efforts rather than results makes Bernie Believers and Pocahontas Warren blood brothers and sisters uncomfortable when someone mentions the Super Bowl or the Final Four. The buzzer sounds; the game is over. Affirmative Action doesn’t count. Only the team with the most points. Don’t you hate that when it happens?

 Except at McDonald’s.

Kevin Smith

John Brennan – Ex Blue Jay

March 20, 2018

John Brennan – Ex Blue Jay

Former Head Spook at the CIA

parts unknown

Mr. Brennan,

As one Hudson County guy – Born and raised in Bayonne which is, as you know, the good end of Hudson County, and also a proud alumnus of Marist High School – to another, I admire your lack of “lack of candor” in your most recent twitters.

I will run the risk of ignoring Samantha Powers’ advice about “pissing off John Brennan”. Anybody who has to have a broad run interference for him is not exactly somebody to step aside from. Maybe even a bit of a poofter, no?

Who know who did what and to whom and when and where?

Has the “Vast Left-Wing Conspiracy” lapped the “Vast Right-Wing Conspiracy”?

What I want to do is reach out, hands across the aisle, so to speak, to find some common ground with which we can begin the healing process.

Will you join with me in condemning Mohammed as a goat-humping paedophile? He really was, you know. At least, how about we see the Mohammed cartoons? Freedom of speech is not the capstone of Sharia law but once it’s gone, it’s gone.

Maybe we two, Irish-Catholics both, can find succor in simple acts of charity. “Deus vult”, perhaps.

                                                             

                                                             Kevin Smith

WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET

PS – Despite Hecate Powers warning about “pissing you off”, and despite only having one good leg, I will kick your ass so hard you will have to take your socks down to take a dump. There may be some veterans of Molinari’s who can attest to that, you foetid bag of eel shit.

Senator Chris Smith, Esq.

March 13, 2018

Senator Chris Smith, Esq.

Tripp Scott

110 Seth 6^th Street

Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33301

Senator Smith,

Mark Caputo, co-editor of Florida Politico and part-time Nazi hunter, quoted you on gun control legislation in today’s screed thus:

“Floridians should have a right to vote on this. The

 Legislature had its vote and that’s about 160 people.

Now the rest of Florida should have its say.”

How about criminal trials? How about criminal trials for particularly heinous crimes?

Should O.J. have been tried in Beverly Hills or Watts? Still a unanimous vote to convict? 

Do we still need the electoral college? How about the Senate? Delaware has the same number of Senators as Florida. That doesn’t seem “fair”, does it?

Do you recall that 62% of Florida voters said no to same-sex marriage? In fact, not once, as in never, was it approved in any plebiscite, ever. Look it up.

Are you saying that “Florida should have its say” only on certain matters but not all? Who gets to pick which “things are bound up on earth” and which aren’t? A still dead Roman said, “Quis custodes custodiet”. Good advice then; good advice now.

You may wish to take a refresher course on the difference between a democracy and a republic. You may wish to take a peek at the 25 centuries old warnings against the perils of democracy. Allow me to introduce, by paraphrasing, Orwell.

“All votes are equal. Some votes are more equal than others.”

Kevin Smith

Congressman Ted Deutch

March 20, 2018

Congressman Ted Deutch

111 E. Las Olas Blvd.

Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33301

Congressman Deutch,

Even though I feel, and even though I have never once threatened you or used obscene language, entitled to a response to my “petition for a redress of grievances*”, I have never been extended the courtesy of a reply.

Here’s another – Sisyphean, perhaps – attempt to get a reply.

I heard Louis Farakhan, AKA “Calypso Louie” to those of us with long musical memories, speak about a “synagogue filled with Satans”. Then I heard 2 members of Congress – Don’t ask which party they belonged to. Democrats, of course. – defend him.

Then I heard Al Sharpton, he of Yankel Rosenbloom fame, say he would have a demonstration to defend him.

[Let the record show that of the 3 Americans murdered in Mississippi in the 1964 civil rights drive, 2 were White Jews]

I forget. Was it Al Sharpton or Jesse Jackson who called Jews “hook-nosed diamond merchants”?

If a Republican, any Republican, had been heard saying any of the above he would have had his ass welded to the next Pioneer rocket to be launched to get to the bottom of the Pluto contretemps. As the rocket took off, choirs of Pharisees would be chanting, “Never Again. Jewish lives matter.” Just kidding about that last part.

But I ask, yet again, why no Jewish politicians kvetching and kvelling about this?

And while I am bound and determined not to be cliché-ridden, would it be beyond the pale for me to say I used to think Jews were smart? Another shibboleth shattered? Did you know a Black DC councilman said that bad weather is caused by Jews? Honest to G-d. Wanna bet he’s a Democrat?

Kevin Smith

PS - * It’s in the Constitution. Look it up.

Clapper, James Center for a New American Security

March 16, 2018

Clapper, James

Center for a New American Security

1152 15^th St NW #950

Washington, DC 20005

Clapper, James,

I love eponyms. “Does she ‘Monica’?” “Nobody was ‘Borked’ like Bork was ‘Borked’, remember?”

Now comes “Clapper”.

Hindsight is always 20/20 but didn’t we have 3 Presidents, and would you believe they were all Democrats, who told the American people the same “Clapper 3 times in 48 years? “I will not send American boys to fight in foreign wars” was a big “Clapper” in 1916, in 1940, and yet again in 1964. 

A seasoned waiter, with the discipline not to turn his head when he drops the soup on someone’s lap, learned from Wilson, from Roosevelt, and from Johnson. The bill was closed out by some 650,000 American toe-tagged grunts. Compared to that your  “Clapper” is small potatoes.

Yet there is that nagging voice from the past, not quite shouting, “Character is destiny”.

I am sure that at some time you were made aware of, and as subsequent actions have shown, have chosen not to live by the following truism.

“An officer will neither lie, cheat, nor will he steal.

He will not tolerate that in others.”

In a world of not quite sharp angles, in a world filled with muted colors, it is simple and direct.

Do you remember when Thomas More would not take the oath because “A man upon oath holds his soul in his hands as if it were water. He opens his fingers at his own peril”? It may take a generation or 2 but school children will say that George Washington could not tell a Clapper. Immortality is yours and you got it the old-fashioned way: You earned it!

Judas, Benedict Arnold, Quisling, Clapper

A small but distinguished pantheon.

Accordingly, and as Committee Chairman, I waive the normal waiting period and

proclaim you

SMARMY BASTARD OF THE YEAR

Wear your honors well.

“Nothing lost save honor”

Kevin Smith

Sheriff Scott Israel Broward Sheriff’s Office

February 27, 2018

Sheriff Scott Israel

Broward Sheriff’s Office

2601 W. Broward Blvd.

Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33312

Sheriff Israel,

“Why us, Sarge, Why us?”

“Because we’re here lad, because we’re here.”

“Just that.”

“Here” was Rorke’s Drift Crossing. “Us” was 105 British soldiers from the South Wales Borderers, 2^nd Battalion of the 24^th Regiment of Foot.

On the other side of the mealie bag wall was an impi of at least 5,000 Zulu warriors. These warriors had just finished washing their spears at Ishandalwana. 1,500 British soldiers, the entire column, had been killed.

And the Zulu, a people for whom the word fierce was invented, were coming.

The British stood, carried the day, and won 11 Victoria Crosses.

One of my strongest memories of 9/11/01 came from Dick Oliver, a local NYC reporter. His comment, late in the afternoon, when it was obvious that a lot of firemen would not be going back to their houses, was simple and true: “You can always tell who the heroes are; They are the ones who run to the burning building.”

The men of Torpedo Squadron 8 and thank God for GOOGLE took off at Midway knowing that the return half of their ticket would not be used. They died “facing the front”.

A Spartan wife would tell her Hoplite husband to come home either with his shield or on it.

I shan’t mention the Alamo.

And now we cone to February 14, 2019.

Fish stink from the head.

1, possibly as many as 5 of your deputies, including one commander, showed the White Feather.

It is irrelevant why they failed to do their duty. Why they didn’t go “over the top” will be debated at a different time. There is always time for an autopsy. MacArthur said every losing battle can be explained and defined by 2 words: “Too late”

The United States fired the Admiral in charge of Pearl Harbor on December 7, 1941,

Save the people the spectacle of having your epaulets torn from your shoulders.

As Cromwell said, “In the name of God, go”.

Kevin Smith

PS – At the end of the day at Thermopylae Leonidas supposedly said, “Go stranger, and tell the Spartans we lie here obedient to their laws”. If you are not prepared to “see the elephant”, maybe alone, maybe outgunned, don’t put the badge on. Do something good. Go.

Abe Fortas! Call your office ASAP!

March 14, 2018

 Abe Fortas! Call your office ASAP!

The Vietnam Wall, the big one in Washington, the one with 58,318 names on it, began in 1948 in Duval County, Texas. [Full disclosure – I once owned mineral rights there and I “fracked” my first well there in January, 1974 just before the Dolphins won a Super Bowl in Houston.]

At least that war, one of Lyndon Johnson’s 2 wars, ended. The other one, the War on Poverty, was doomed ab ovum. That war, whose casualty list would require a wall as long as Interstate 95, is still ongoing. It is the “Ground Hog Day” of battles, the Somme and Hurtgen Forest rolled into one, played over and over and over, again and again, and yet still again.

“Key Largo” a film noir gem, has a classic scene where Thomas Gomez, a B grade thug in thralldom to Edward G. Robinson, explains the voting process in detail. “People vote and we count them. We keep counting them until our guy wins.” Simple, isn’t it?

Lyndon Johnson went from being down by 20,000 votes on election night in 1948 to being up by 87 in a week. After he won the Democratic primary for Senate he won the general election in a landslide in November. 16 years later he became the third Democratic President in 48 years – 1916, 1940, 1964 – to promise not to send American boys to fight in foreign wars.

Abe Fortas, Johnson’s bag man and hondler, yes, that Abe Fortas, found the last 200 votes in Duval County. Surprisingly, and I say “surprisingly”, because there will be people from places other than Hudson County, New Jersey who will say that those 200 votes miraculously found and being in alphabetical order maybe wouldn’t pass the bag test. Bag test? Send a SASE.

Which brings us to Pennsylvania.

600 votes out of several hundred thousand cast is what is stopping the Republicans from keeping the House seat in question. 

Alas, Republicans lack both the wit, the stealth, the brass balls, the big brass balls, and the panache to grasp the nettle and enlist the spectre of Thomas Gomez and count and count and count. 

Of course, the cacophony of atonal howling from Banshees about voter suppression and intimidation and just plain meanness and unfairness is a gift that Republicans cannot master.

Speaking of contested elections, I feel it is my duty to point out to modern American Liberals, those who are universally afflicted with terminal “non-malodorous fecal matter syndrome”, that the Florida 2000 election was decided by the Democratic Senate in 1987 when they “borked” Robert Bork. I love eponyms.

An accepted urban legend is that the SCOTUS vote that made George W. Bush President was 5 to 4. Not true. The vote was 7 to 2. The vote to accept the case for review was 5 to 4. The kidney stone, the ragingly aching eye-tooth of political life, is that if Bork had been confirmed the vote would have been 5 to 4 not to accept the case.

Which means that Alpha Gump would have been POTUS, Thumper Gump would have been FLOTUS, and we would have been overrun by baby Gumpsters.

God is great and life is good and the Kyoto Accords are fading, fading in the rear- view mirror of History. All that without any visible “controlling legal authority”.

Are we sure Lee Atwater is still dead?

KEVIN SMITH

WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET

Senator Chris Smith, Esq.

March 13, 2018

Senator Chris Smith, Esq.

Tripp Scott

110 Seth 6^th Street

Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33301

Senator Smith,

Mark Caputo, co-editor of Florida Politico and part-time Nazi hunter, quoted you on gun control legislation in today’s screed thus:

“Floridians should have a right to vote on this. The

 Legislature had its vote and that’s about 160 people.

Now the rest of Florida should have its say.”

How about criminal trials? How about criminal trials for particularly heinous crimes?

Should O.J. have been tried in Beverly Hills or Watts? Still a unanimous vote to convict? 

Do we still need the electoral college? How about the Senate? Delaware has the same number of Senators as Florida. That doesn’t seem “fair”, does it?

Do you recall that 62% of Florida voters said no to same-sex marriage? In fact, not once, as in never, was it approved in any plebiscite, ever. Look it up.

Are you saying that “Florida should have its say” only on certain matters but not all? Who gets to pick which “things are bound up on earth” and which aren’t? A still dead Roman said, “Quis custodes custodiet”. Good advice then; good advice now.

You may wish to take a refresher course on the difference between a democracy and a republic. You may wish to take a peek at the 25 centuries old warnings against the perils of democracy. Allow me to introduce, by paraphrasing, Orwell.

“All votes are equal. Some votes are more equal than others.”

Kevin Smith

March 7, 2018

Randy Schultz

Randy@bocamag.com

RE: Check the last line of my “rant”, as you call them, for the solution to the populi, reptiles all, voxing as you defiantly and with some lachrymosity talk of our deplorable shortcomings and the “unfairness” of it all in today’s unlinkable Sun Sentinel.

Tovarich Schultz,

“Florida wants a ban on military-style firearms and high-capacity magazines…”. Florida’s voters also wanted to ban same-sex marriage, remember?

One of the great benefits of being a card-carrying, fire-breathing modern American Liberal – “eclectic indignation” – is that it enables you to pick and choose which public mood swing to support. Better yet, it enables you to forget or forgive sins depending on who committed them. That’s why the “Permanent Things” are so very alien to you and your fellow travelers on the ideologically and morally bankrupt Left.

“Florida wants more help for traditional schools.” That’s inside baseball talk for more money, right? By that standard, the greatest school system in the universe is found in Washington, D.C. Nobody nowhere and at no time spends more money per student than is spent in D.C. Logic would dictate that the high schools should be churning out not just National Merit Scholars but Nobel Prize winners, right? The sound you hear is the other shoe dropping. Since 1993, 8 children of Presidents have been eligible to matriculate at the really fine D.C. schools. None of the parents chose to send them there. Do you know why? More money means better schools, right?

You say that “Teachers tend to vote for Democrats”. That is as classic an example of rational self-interest as you will see in the public arena. Modern American Liberals don’t care about results. Their only immutable standard is effort and expectations. You can use either Lucy holding the football or Sisyphus and that God Damn rock. Democrats favor a safety net for the less than great teacher. It’s called tenure. Tell me again how paying a less than great teacher more money will make him a better teacher. 

Being a modern American Liberal, particularly in the matter of education, means you get to combine two of the shining stars of mAL life: #1 - Utopia & #2 – the horizon. The literal translation of #1 is “nowhere” and #2 is quite unreachable. Perfect together.

You say that the rat bastard Speaker “Corcoran rammed through another education monstrosity that undercut public education”. 

Do you think he took a cue from Nancy Pelosi when she “rammed through” a medical monstrosity? That was the one that Obama said would save the average family $200 a month on premium costs. Some would say, not I, that $200 a month is but mere “crumbs”, to which I apply my Bayonne maxim, “If it fell off the table would I pick it up or leave it for the sweeper?” 2 Benjamins every 30 days. I’m picking it up.

[Speaking of Nancy, I know that she is close to being in the 1% of the 1% so money is not a problem but if she has one more face lift she will be peeing through her navel. Somebody should tell her.]

You mention “bullying” as a Right-Wing ruse to bring God back to schools. I have a solution for “bullying: that worked when my daughter was 9. Her youngest is now 13. Send a SASE.

Speaking of insurance costs…you say “Floridians would also like a break from ever-rising insurance costs”.

Have you ever heard a single Mom, usually an inner-city woman of color with a child whose only chance of not becoming a gang-banging feral thug is a good Ritalin program and the palliative effects of Midnight Basketball, complain about rising insurance premiums? When you find one send up a flare. 

The people who complain are overwhelmingly rich White males who use a highly subsidized type of insurance to let their property despoil nature and have poor people pay part of their premiums. That’s not right, is it? And nobody says Jack Shit about it.

As promised, here is the solution.

UNELECT THE BASTARDS!

Kevin Smith

March 7, 2018

Councilwoman Betsy Driver

38 Park Avenue

Flemington, NJ 08822

RE: Speech is free; some speech is freer than others.

Councilwoman Driver,

Enclosed is a copy of a letter sent to Taylon Tiamoyo Harris – and let say that that is the early leader for name of the year – in re the posting of a sign on a post office in your town. Placing a sign on a post office without securing the necessary permits may be a violation of Federal law. Other violations of Federal law include entering the country illegally. By the way, one of the benefits of being a sanctuary city is that you get to eclectically enforce laws. The genius of John C. Calhoun and his Theory of Nullification is yet again proclaimed! For more information on it and where it wound up send a SASE.

Back to the business at hand.

I send this because you have made a public spectacle of yourself. The thought of a rational [supposedly] adult “chastising a sign” is worthy of contemptuous ridicule. If I were to be in Flemington I would heap buckets of billingsgate on you. Alas, that is not to be. I will have to settle with giving you the first of my prestigious awards. Accordingly, I hereby name you

HORSE’S ASS OF THE WEEK

Which part of the First Amendment don’t you understand? Worse is the possibility that you do you do understand it and, as a modern American Liberal, loathe and detest it, because your agenda will not tolerate any opposition.

The redolent ordure of Fascism is rising from Flemington. And the main stinkpot, indeed the mother lode, is you.

        Kevin Smith

PS – The sign in question – “Stop Blaming White People – has spawned a crude response. The new Big Boss Man of South Africa, the HNIC, a dude who tramps the still unpaved streets of Soweto in Vuitton shoes and wears both a Rolex and a Breitling at the same time but on different wrists, has a campaign sign that says “Cut the Throat of Whiteness”. Would you “chastise” that or would it be “culturally arrogant” for you to so do?

March 3, 2018

Taylon Tiamoyo Harris

THARRIS @NJADVANCE MEDIA.com

MS. Harris,

I remember when your employer was known as the Newark Star Ledger but that was a long time ago, wasn’t it?

I read your article about the horror, the horror of someone putting a sign on a post office in Flemington saying “March is national stop blaming White people month”.

The Supreme Court has ruled that people can go to a veteran’s funeral and say that “God hates fags”. The vote was unanimous.

Your article says that Flemington Councilwoman Betsy Driver “chastized the sign”. How did she become the arbiter of speech, particularly political speech? Isn’t this the time that journalists begin chanting “slippery slope” followed quickly by “chilling effect”?

If I were to post a magnificent sentence, the one that starts with “Congress shall make no law” would she “chastise” me for that? If were to suggest that she should “get to a nunnery” as Hamlet told Ophelia would I be sent to Gehenna with Harvey Weinstein?

Martin Luther posted a sign on a public building. Thank God Councilwoman Driver wasn’t around to “chastise” him

You’re a reporter. Wake up.

Kevin Smith

PS – If I can see “Piss Christ” and “Corpus Cristi”, both of which have received Federal subsidies, why can’t I see the Mohammed cartoons? It takes a skilled hand to combine both bestiality and paedophilia.

March 3, 2018

Mayor Jack Seiler

City Hall

111 S. Andrews Avenue

Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33301

Mayor Seiler,

I have been following Mayor Schall and her decision to “nullify” Federal law, al la

John C. Calhoun, in Oakland. Also, I was awakened by a train at 3:17 this morning.

. And yes, there is a connection.

[By the way, I am positive of the exact time because of my digital clock. Should I thank former Vice President Alpha Gump for that also?]

If Mayor Schaal can tell the Feds to fuck off why can’t you put a SWAT unit on the border shared with Pompano Beach and stop the despoilers of my quality of life from honking their friggin’ horns?

Why not give a disabled senior citizen a good night’s rest?

Kevin Smith

PS – I know Justice Marshall said that no state can challenge the supremacy of Federal law but if Mayor Schaal can tell them to bugger off why can’t you?