Posts
July 29, 2013
Jim Stratton
The Orlando Sentinel
633 N. Orange Avenue
Orlando, FL 32801
RE: “Tourism Industry Raises Union Boogeyman” - Some comments on your unlinkable column/article in today’s Sun Sentinel
Mr. Stratton,
I am glad you were out when I called this morning.
I went back and reread your article/column.
When I finished it I began to hear strains of “I Dreamt I Saw Joe Hill”. That was followed by a dirge keening about the deaths at the Triangle Shirtwaist fire. Then Norma Rae rose up like a proletarian succubus and begged us to like her.
I thought your talents would have better used on the editorial page but when your company operates under the aegis of Chapter XI everybody has to double in brass.
Speaking of unions…I paid dues to Teamsters Local 560. That was the local run by Anthony Provenzano. I add from personal observation that whatever else he was he was a most gracious individual who would always ask if he could be of help. Plus, he would always buy the last unsold table for any recognized charity in Hudson County. Alas, the sight of 10 gorillas in rented suits on their best behavior was never photographed.
I mention the above because I want to know if you ever belonged to a Big Boys’ union. Not one of those Girly Man outfits like the Teachers or Reporters or the SEIU. [The SEIU likes to beat up 72 year old disabled guys in wheelchairs. George Meany and Samuel Gompers would be proud, right?]
The above leads to the following:
#1 – Since you write in the business section I am going to assume, foolishly perhaps, that you are aware of Section 10b5 of the Securities Act or 1934. If you aren’t someone in your group should be.
#2 – 10b5 sets the parameters for fraud. “Material misrepresentation, either by commission of omission, is how it is defined.
#3 – A case can be made alleging that you are guilty of civil fraud for making the following statement,
“My dad was a liquor-store clerk in Pennsylvania, He didn’t
make much money, but his union contract meant we could afford
doctor visits and kids’ braces [3 sets]. When my mother got
cancer, we knew we could pay for treatment.”
The Sun Sentinel
Today
You
#4 – Your father did not work for Total Wine or any of its antecedents. He worked for the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania. He was a state employee much the same as a social worker, an apparatchik at the DMV, a prison guard, or the tax collector. He was a state employee because, in Pennsylvania, the state was in charge of selling whiskey and whisky. [That probably is the best way to discourage drinking. Put a government in charge of the beach and in 2 years they are importing sand. Would a photo ID, something that is required to buy some Cardhu or Balvenie, be required to vote in a referendum to break up the monopoly?] One of the labor practices that cross state lines with remarkable ease was the willingness of governments to reward their supposedly underpaid employees with lavish benefits, including health care on the Cadillac level. The orthodontist and the oncologist were more than happy to provide their services. There was never a moment’s doubt that they would be paid.
#5 – Since your statement did not affect any transaction I hereby grant you a retroactive pardon. The uptick here is that you did not have to hire any of Hillary Clinton’s siblings. [They are churlish louts, aren’t they?]
#6 – Should the fickle wheel of Fortuna turn against you in Orlando you can apply for ideological asylum in Fort Lauderdale at the Sun Sentinel. Pollyanna rules –
Rules being both a verb and a noun – and belief that the repeal of laws surrounding gravity are the requirements for finding a home at the editorial aerie of the Sun Sentinel.
#7 – Come on down. I am always looking for new piñatas.
Kevin Smith
Monday, July 29, 2013
July 29, 2013
Jim Stratton
The Orlando Sentinel
633 N. Orange Avenue
Orlando, FL 32801
RE: “Tourism Industry Raises Union Boogeyman” - Some comments on your unlinkable column/article in today’s Sun Sentinel
Mr. Stratton,
I am glad you were out when I called this morning.
I went back and reread your article/column.
When I finished it I began to hear strains of “I Dreamt I Saw Joe Hill”. That was followed by a dirge keening about the deaths at the Triangle Shirtwaist fire. Then Norma Rae rose up like a proletarian succubus and begged us to like her.
I thought your talents would have better used on the editorial page but when your company operates under the aegis of Chapter XI everybody has to double in brass.
Speaking of unions…I paid dues to Teamsters Local 560. That was the local run by Anthony Provenzano. I add from personal observation that whatever else he was he was a most gracious individual who would always ask if he could be of help. Plus, he would always buy the last unsold table for any recognized charity in Hudson County. Alas, the sight of 10 gorillas in rented suits on their best behavior was never photographed.
I mention the above because I want to know if you ever belonged to a Big Boys’ union. Not one of those Girly Man outfits like the Teachers or Reporters or the SEIU. [The SEIU likes to beat up 72 year old disabled guys in wheelchairs. George Meany and Samuel Gompers would be proud, right?]
The above leads to the following:
#1 – Since you write in the business section I am going to assume, foolishly perhaps, that you are aware of Section 10b5 of the Securities Act or 1934. If you aren’t someone in your group should be.
#2 – 10b5 sets the parameters for fraud. “Material misrepresentation, either by commission of omission, is how it is defined.
#3 – A case can be made alleging that you are guilty of civil fraud for making the following statement,
“My dad was a liquor-store clerk in Pennsylvania, He didn’t
make much money, but his union contract meant we could afford
doctor visits and kids’ braces [3 sets]. When my mother got
cancer, we knew we could pay for treatment.”
The Sun Sentinel
Today
You
#4 – Your father did not work for Total Wine or any of its antecedents. He worked for the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania. He was a state employee much the same as a social worker, an apparatchik at the DMV, a prison guard, or the tax collector. He was a state employee because, in Pennsylvania, the state was in charge of selling whiskey and whisky. [That probably is the best way to discourage drinking. Put a government in charge of the beach and in 2 years they are importing sand. Would a photo ID, something that is required to buy some Cardhu or Balvenie, be required to vote in a referendum to break up the monopoly?] One of the labor practices that cross state lines with remarkable ease was the willingness of governments to reward their supposedly underpaid employees with lavish benefits, including health care on the Cadillac level. The orthodontist and the oncologist were more than happy to provide their services. There was never a moment’s doubt that they would be paid.
#5 – Since your statement did not affect any transaction I hereby grant you a retroactive pardon. The uptick here is that you did not have to hire any of Hillary Clinton’s siblings. [They are churlish louts, aren’t they?]
#6 – Should the fickle wheel of Fortuna turn against you in Orlando you can apply for ideological asylum in Fort Lauderdale at the Sun Sentinel. Pollyanna rules –
Rules being both a verb and a noun – and belief that the repeal of laws surrounding gravity are the requirements for finding a home at the editorial aerie of the Sun Sentinel.
#7 – Come on down. I am always looking for new piñatas.
Kevin Smith
Jim Stratton
The Orlando Sentinel
633 N. Orange Avenue
Orlando, FL 32801
RE: “Tourism Industry Raises Union Boogeyman” - Some comments on your unlinkable column/article in today’s Sun Sentinel
Mr. Stratton,
I am glad you were out when I called this morning.
I went back and reread your article/column.
When I finished it I began to hear strains of “I Dreamt I Saw Joe Hill”. That was followed by a dirge keening about the deaths at the Triangle Shirtwaist fire. Then Norma Rae rose up like a proletarian succubus and begged us to like her.
I thought your talents would have better used on the editorial page but when your company operates under the aegis of Chapter XI everybody has to double in brass.
Speaking of unions…I paid dues to Teamsters Local 560. That was the local run by Anthony Provenzano. I add from personal observation that whatever else he was he was a most gracious individual who would always ask if he could be of help. Plus, he would always buy the last unsold table for any recognized charity in Hudson County. Alas, the sight of 10 gorillas in rented suits on their best behavior was never photographed.
I mention the above because I want to know if you ever belonged to a Big Boys’ union. Not one of those Girly Man outfits like the Teachers or Reporters or the SEIU. [The SEIU likes to beat up 72 year old disabled guys in wheelchairs. George Meany and Samuel Gompers would be proud, right?]
The above leads to the following:
#1 – Since you write in the business section I am going to assume, foolishly perhaps, that you are aware of Section 10b5 of the Securities Act or 1934. If you aren’t someone in your group should be.
#2 – 10b5 sets the parameters for fraud. “Material misrepresentation, either by commission of omission, is how it is defined.
#3 – A case can be made alleging that you are guilty of civil fraud for making the following statement,
“My dad was a liquor-store clerk in Pennsylvania, He didn’t
make much money, but his union contract meant we could afford
doctor visits and kids’ braces [3 sets]. When my mother got
cancer, we knew we could pay for treatment.”
The Sun Sentinel
Today
You
#4 – Your father did not work for Total Wine or any of its antecedents. He worked for the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania. He was a state employee much the same as a social worker, an apparatchik at the DMV, a prison guard, or the tax collector. He was a state employee because, in Pennsylvania, the state was in charge of selling whiskey and whisky. [That probably is the best way to discourage drinking. Put a government in charge of the beach and in 2 years they are importing sand. Would a photo ID, something that is required to buy some Cardhu or Balvenie, be required to vote in a referendum to break up the monopoly?] One of the labor practices that cross state lines with remarkable ease was the willingness of governments to reward their supposedly underpaid employees with lavish benefits, including health care on the Cadillac level. The orthodontist and the oncologist were more than happy to provide their services. There was never a moment’s doubt that they would be paid.
#5 – Since your statement did not affect any transaction I hereby grant you a retroactive pardon. The uptick here is that you did not have to hire any of Hillary Clinton’s siblings. [They are churlish louts, aren’t they?]
#6 – Should the fickle wheel of Fortuna turn against you in Orlando you can apply for ideological asylum in Fort Lauderdale at the Sun Sentinel. Pollyanna rules –
Rules being both a verb and a noun – and belief that the repeal of laws surrounding gravity are the requirements for finding a home at the editorial aerie of the Sun Sentinel.
#7 – Come on down. I am always looking for new piñatas.
Kevin Smith
July 28, 2013
Letter to the Editor
The Miami Herald
3511 NW 91st Street
Miami, FL 33172
RE: Christmas in July! An early piñata of boobs, charlatans, mountebanks, and fakers as proclaimed in today’s Miami Herald.
Sirs,
I rubbed my eyes, first in disbelief, then in growing glee, at the prospect of an unprecedented Daily Double loomed large.
Andres Oppenheimer is the first of several jackanapes to be Gorilla Glued in the 10 ring.
“Granted, many of us, especially those born outside
the island, once saw the “Cuban Revolution”
with a dose of romantic admiration.”
The Miami Herald
Today
You
This boob’s first assignment should to learn the origins and the History of the term “useful idiot”. It shouldn’t take him long. Here’s a hint. Tell him to look in the mirror.
Since you pay him to kill trees you must tell him to familiarize himself with Walter Duranty. He took “romantic admiration” to the next level. He was awarded a Pulitzer Prize for his half lies, his whole lies, his blood libels, and his infamous perfidy.
Tell the knucklehead to follow this time line.
#1 – Stalin didn’t like Jews.
#2 – There were a lot of Jews, as many as 10,000,000, in the Ukraine.
#3 – He starved them to death. All of them.
#4 – Duranty told the world, through the New York Times, that Stalin didn’t do it.
#5 – No one knows how many Jews died.
#6 – Hitler saw that Western Democracies didn’t know and didn’t care.
#7 – The Germans kept better records.
`Tell him that since Castro took over Cuba has had 3 problems
#! – Breakfast
#2 – Lunch
#3 – Dinner
As long as horse’s asses like Oppenheimer still believe that water can be made to run uphill, that if we could get the sun to rise in the North to better help the beleaguered farmers, and if Kumbay becomes the international anthem Castro and his gang of ladrones will continue to thrive even if his country can’t prosper.
As the noted sportsman, the glamorous restaurateur, and now an outstanding public servant, the legendary Big Mike from Bayonne is wont to say, “That’s why you never see anybody swimming to Cuba”.
He should be stapled to a saddle facing backwards on a mule tethered on Calle Ocho. There, youngsters can hit whim with cream pies and water balloons. Older folks can throw flaming bags of cat scat at him.
Stronger note to follow.
Thank God there is only one Good Friday.
That gives Leonard Pitts the rest of the year to have sole possession of the spotlight on him as he hectors us from the Cross.
He chronicles the sad life of an employee of McDonald’s who, after 20 years in their employ, is making $8.25 an hour.
His column is on how it is impossible to live on $8.25 an hour. Further, it is the fault of rich White people who are opposed to raising taxes, some of which could be used to buy him some lottery tickets. Space constrained him from saying that if the Koch Brothers were to be executed this guy would be farting through silk.
It should be noted that the above-mentioned ongoing victim of corporate greed lives in Chicago. What he needs, needed, was a cadre of community activists who could speak truth to power – I always wanted to write that - and pay him what Pitts thinks he is worth.
I don’t know about the current CEO of McDonald’s but the company has had as many as 3 CEOs in a row whose first job was wiping tables at – you guessed it – McDonald’s.
If after 20 years he hasn’t gone from mopping and wiping at Mickey D’s to at least McMuffining it probably is his fault. It may be proof positive that the Peter Principle is still valid. It is a testament to him that if he didn’t mop or wipe well he would have been long gone. Has anyone told him that indentured servitude is no longer in effect in this country? How has Chicago been able to keep Wendy’s and Burger King out of Cook County Maybe he should become a community activist.
If $8.25 an hour is unacceptably unconscionable why not raise it to $36.50 an hour?
We can borrow some more money from the Chinese. Ben Bernanke can continue to throw $80,000,000,000 of Monopoly money a month from the back of a moving train.
Pretty soon the whole country can look like Detroit.
Listen up, Lenny
Use both your hands.
Try to find your ass.
Report back.
Some thoughts from a curmudgeonly, erudite, creepy - ass cracker
I always begin these notes by saying that my father’s father had 2 uncles who fought at Gettysburg. They were members of the Irish Brigade. One of them has been there since the afternoon of July 2, 1863, “wrapped in his faded coat of Blue”.
Somewhere in that Pennsylvania ossuary there is a bit of bone that has the same DNA markers as mine.
I mention that because should this country see fit to pay reparations to the children of slaves I want to use the above as a carry forward tax credit to cover my end of the bill.
The above, coupled with the fact that Ireland, the ancestral home of my forebears, was the first country to ban slavery – 16 centuries ago – always gives me a warm and fuzzy feeling that modern American Liberals strive for.
I’ll need it.
In Preacher Pitts’s printed peroration there is a picture of 5 people holding signs. There is a picture of Trayvon Martin in his hoodie; there is also a call for justice.
George Zimmerman, a “white Hispanic”, was found to be not guilty of all charges in the death of African American Trayvon Martin.
Should Aaron Hernandez, another “white Hispanic”, is found not guilty of killing…killing… what was the name of his African American?.... will there be protests and calls for justice? If not, why not?
Speaking of protests, it’s been a few years but do you remember if there were any protests after O.J. Simpson beat the rap? Did Short Hills, NJ or Wiscasset, ME or Lighthouse Point, FL erupt? If not, why not?
50 years ago this summer I was a lay missionary doing construction work in rural Mexico. To be precise, the town was Huejutla, Hidlago en Los Estados Unidos de Mexico.
Coming back from work the first day a few Indian kids followed us. One of them began to pick at the hair on my arm. He did this because Indians had no arm hair. I began to notice that some local women had visible hair in their arm pits. Also, their legs were never shaved.
Would you believe that they did this to show that they were White?
I vowed then and there that I would never again accept lectures from anyone on matters racial.
He eHHhesays that Judi, his“white assistant,” once e-mailed him asking “why you just don’t hate white people.”
I can send him a list of the White people I hate. We can have a hate-in.
He tells us how his “professional forebears”, presumably journalists, changed the world.
In the meantime he exhorts us to be guided by “the better angels of our nature”.
I think it would be wise to cast my lot with the Lord rather than Chris Matthews. Whatever else Matthews is he is at least a few rungs up from Al Sharpton.
Kevin Smith
WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET
Letter to the Editor
The Miami Herald
3511 NW 91st Street
Miami, FL 33172
RE: Christmas in July! An early piñata of boobs, charlatans, mountebanks, and fakers as proclaimed in today’s Miami Herald.
Sirs,
I rubbed my eyes, first in disbelief, then in growing glee, at the prospect of an unprecedented Daily Double loomed large.
Andres Oppenheimer is the first of several jackanapes to be Gorilla Glued in the 10 ring.
“Granted, many of us, especially those born outside
the island, once saw the “Cuban Revolution”
with a dose of romantic admiration.”
The Miami Herald
Today
You
This boob’s first assignment should to learn the origins and the History of the term “useful idiot”. It shouldn’t take him long. Here’s a hint. Tell him to look in the mirror.
Since you pay him to kill trees you must tell him to familiarize himself with Walter Duranty. He took “romantic admiration” to the next level. He was awarded a Pulitzer Prize for his half lies, his whole lies, his blood libels, and his infamous perfidy.
Tell the knucklehead to follow this time line.
#1 – Stalin didn’t like Jews.
#2 – There were a lot of Jews, as many as 10,000,000, in the Ukraine.
#3 – He starved them to death. All of them.
#4 – Duranty told the world, through the New York Times, that Stalin didn’t do it.
#5 – No one knows how many Jews died.
#6 – Hitler saw that Western Democracies didn’t know and didn’t care.
#7 – The Germans kept better records.
`Tell him that since Castro took over Cuba has had 3 problems
#! – Breakfast
#2 – Lunch
#3 – Dinner
As long as horse’s asses like Oppenheimer still believe that water can be made to run uphill, that if we could get the sun to rise in the North to better help the beleaguered farmers, and if Kumbay becomes the international anthem Castro and his gang of ladrones will continue to thrive even if his country can’t prosper.
As the noted sportsman, the glamorous restaurateur, and now an outstanding public servant, the legendary Big Mike from Bayonne is wont to say, “That’s why you never see anybody swimming to Cuba”.
He should be stapled to a saddle facing backwards on a mule tethered on Calle Ocho. There, youngsters can hit whim with cream pies and water balloons. Older folks can throw flaming bags of cat scat at him.
Stronger note to follow.
Thank God there is only one Good Friday.
That gives Leonard Pitts the rest of the year to have sole possession of the spotlight on him as he hectors us from the Cross.
He chronicles the sad life of an employee of McDonald’s who, after 20 years in their employ, is making $8.25 an hour.
His column is on how it is impossible to live on $8.25 an hour. Further, it is the fault of rich White people who are opposed to raising taxes, some of which could be used to buy him some lottery tickets. Space constrained him from saying that if the Koch Brothers were to be executed this guy would be farting through silk.
It should be noted that the above-mentioned ongoing victim of corporate greed lives in Chicago. What he needs, needed, was a cadre of community activists who could speak truth to power – I always wanted to write that - and pay him what Pitts thinks he is worth.
I don’t know about the current CEO of McDonald’s but the company has had as many as 3 CEOs in a row whose first job was wiping tables at – you guessed it – McDonald’s.
If after 20 years he hasn’t gone from mopping and wiping at Mickey D’s to at least McMuffining it probably is his fault. It may be proof positive that the Peter Principle is still valid. It is a testament to him that if he didn’t mop or wipe well he would have been long gone. Has anyone told him that indentured servitude is no longer in effect in this country? How has Chicago been able to keep Wendy’s and Burger King out of Cook County Maybe he should become a community activist.
If $8.25 an hour is unacceptably unconscionable why not raise it to $36.50 an hour?
We can borrow some more money from the Chinese. Ben Bernanke can continue to throw $80,000,000,000 of Monopoly money a month from the back of a moving train.
Pretty soon the whole country can look like Detroit.
Listen up, Lenny
Use both your hands.
Try to find your ass.
Report back.
Some thoughts from a curmudgeonly, erudite, creepy - ass cracker
I always begin these notes by saying that my father’s father had 2 uncles who fought at Gettysburg. They were members of the Irish Brigade. One of them has been there since the afternoon of July 2, 1863, “wrapped in his faded coat of Blue”.
Somewhere in that Pennsylvania ossuary there is a bit of bone that has the same DNA markers as mine.
I mention that because should this country see fit to pay reparations to the children of slaves I want to use the above as a carry forward tax credit to cover my end of the bill.
The above, coupled with the fact that Ireland, the ancestral home of my forebears, was the first country to ban slavery – 16 centuries ago – always gives me a warm and fuzzy feeling that modern American Liberals strive for.
I’ll need it.
In Preacher Pitts’s printed peroration there is a picture of 5 people holding signs. There is a picture of Trayvon Martin in his hoodie; there is also a call for justice.
George Zimmerman, a “white Hispanic”, was found to be not guilty of all charges in the death of African American Trayvon Martin.
Should Aaron Hernandez, another “white Hispanic”, is found not guilty of killing…killing… what was the name of his African American?.... will there be protests and calls for justice? If not, why not?
Speaking of protests, it’s been a few years but do you remember if there were any protests after O.J. Simpson beat the rap? Did Short Hills, NJ or Wiscasset, ME or Lighthouse Point, FL erupt? If not, why not?
50 years ago this summer I was a lay missionary doing construction work in rural Mexico. To be precise, the town was Huejutla, Hidlago en Los Estados Unidos de Mexico.
Coming back from work the first day a few Indian kids followed us. One of them began to pick at the hair on my arm. He did this because Indians had no arm hair. I began to notice that some local women had visible hair in their arm pits. Also, their legs were never shaved.
Would you believe that they did this to show that they were White?
I vowed then and there that I would never again accept lectures from anyone on matters racial.
He eHHhesays that Judi, his“white assistant,” once e-mailed him asking “why you just don’t hate white people.”
I can send him a list of the White people I hate. We can have a hate-in.
He tells us how his “professional forebears”, presumably journalists, changed the world.
In the meantime he exhorts us to be guided by “the better angels of our nature”.
I think it would be wise to cast my lot with the Lord rather than Chris Matthews. Whatever else Matthews is he is at least a few rungs up from Al Sharpton.
Kevin Smith
WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET
Friday, July 26, 2013
July 26, 2013
Bernie Machin – President
226 Tigert Hall
PO Box 113150
University of Florida
Gainesville, FL 32611
RE: Attention Gator Nation! – The presumption of innocence ain’t Sharia law. Check it out.
Mr. Machin,
What happens if Aaron Hernandez is acquitted? O.J. beat the rap, remember?
Will there be a public ceremony re-laying the brick bearing his name as a member of the national championship team? If any of the games won can be attributed to him directly would not Logic dictate that they be forfeited? Would it not be incumbent on you to return the accoutrements of both championships?
If he is found guilty is there any chance of him being executed at half time at the Florida State game?
I went to the UF website to get your mailing address. There I was confronted by the God-awful headline “Creating Women Leaders”. It is not said whether they are created out of whole cloth or whether they spring from someone’s forehead.
For the above offenses, you putz, I hereby name you
HORSE’S ASS OF THE WEEK
Some good news may come out of your SNAFUed, FUBARed actions. I will consult with my Board about creating a new award. If they agree I will retroactively name you
GATOR’S ASS OF THE WEEK
KEVIN SMITH
Bernie Machin – President
226 Tigert Hall
PO Box 113150
University of Florida
Gainesville, FL 32611
RE: Attention Gator Nation! – The presumption of innocence ain’t Sharia law. Check it out.
Mr. Machin,
What happens if Aaron Hernandez is acquitted? O.J. beat the rap, remember?
Will there be a public ceremony re-laying the brick bearing his name as a member of the national championship team? If any of the games won can be attributed to him directly would not Logic dictate that they be forfeited? Would it not be incumbent on you to return the accoutrements of both championships?
If he is found guilty is there any chance of him being executed at half time at the Florida State game?
I went to the UF website to get your mailing address. There I was confronted by the God-awful headline “Creating Women Leaders”. It is not said whether they are created out of whole cloth or whether they spring from someone’s forehead.
For the above offenses, you putz, I hereby name you
HORSE’S ASS OF THE WEEK
Some good news may come out of your SNAFUed, FUBARed actions. I will consult with my Board about creating a new award. If they agree I will retroactively name you
GATOR’S ASS OF THE WEEK
KEVIN SMITH
Thursday, July 25, 2013
July 15, 2013
Yasmine Bahrani
The Miami Herald
3511 NW 91st Street
Miami, FL33172
RE: “What Happened to Islam?” – Some comments on your op-ed in today’s Miami Herald that, alas, asks the wrong question.
Ms. Bahrani,
The heading should be “What Didn’t Happen to Islam”. The question should be “Why Didn’t It Happen”.
Here’s what I know.
25 centuries ago, the Muslim world – even before there was a Muslim world – tried to strangle Western Civilization in its crib. Marathon, Thermopylae, Salamis, Platea, the Wooden Wall, Hoplite phalanxes, all said no. Look them up. It makes for interesting reading. The tradition of “free men speaking with free tongues” began there. Is there a Muslim country anywhere on this planet where that is the law and the custom?
14 centuries ago Muslim hordes – And I don’t much care whether it was the Sunnis or the Shia – rampaged across Europe. They set standards for rape, looting, and pillaging that were most impressive, even for those days. They would have gone straight to Finland if it weren’t for Charles Martel, AKA “The Hammer”. He earned his name the old fashioned way: He killed the first Muslim thugs to invade Europe.
In the meantime, the entity oft times known as Western Civilization was stumbling its way to self-governance. It wasn’t pretty and Allah knows it wasn’t easy. In the parts of the world where it has taken root it is taken for granted as is the sun and the moon. In most of the world it is as welcome as a toxic fungating pox. Naturally, the people in charge, the ayatollahs, the imams, the whippers, inter alia, want to stay in charge. Thus, when a cartoon in Holland appears suggesting the Allah ain’t so Akbar and the prophet Mohammed, and blessed be his name, kept his dance card filled with pre-menstrual girls, all of whom were Muslim because you have to die to get the 72 infidel virgins, half of Pakistan burned down the other half. Both halves applauded. Slick.
In the end the legatees of the agora, of the forum, of Runnymede in 1215, of London in 1688, of Philadelphia in 1789 have something that most of the world secretly envies and openly resents.
Along the way we went to the moon, walked around the moon for a few days, picked up some cool souvenirs from the moon, and came back from the moon.
Bach, Mozart, Beethoven - where are their contemporaries from the Fertile Crescent?
The Zippo lighter. Child proof caps. MRIs. MREs. The Sidewinder missile. Chuck Yeager. Corduroy. Zippers. Lead free gasoline. Kipling. Kemmons Wilson. Picasso & Matisse. La Giaconda. Midway. Nessum dorma. The presumption of innocence. Russell Kirk. Single malt whisky. Walt Disney. The first ERA. Oranges year round. SPAM – both kinds. Grove’s Law. Radar. Winston Churchill. Zip-Loc bags. Saint Marcellin Champagnat, Twitter, Senior discounts. Hayden. The infield fly rule. Inside straights and the attempted filling thereof. Food for dogs; food for cats; food for birds; food for fish. Norman Podhoretz. Amazing Grace. Samuel Johnson. Cole Porter lyrics. Jumbo shrimp. National elections, vigorously contested, in 1864 and 1944. WD40. “But wait. There’s more.” Dante. IS95 and IS80. DDT. Inflight movies. The UT/OU October shoot out. Scrooge. “Where or When”. 50 months from pencil sketches to Fat Boy, Little Man, and blotto. Hula Hoops. The Concorde. Talbot ’79. Drive-thru Big Macs. The eternal Hostess Twinkie. Cable TV. Due process. Shakespeare.
After Omar Sharif your list dwindles.
How many symphony orchestras are in Riyadh? Will the touring company of Las Cages aux Folles be stopping in Medina this season? Why does Baylor Hospital in Dallas have an entire floor reserved for Saudis? They have a lot of money. Why don’t they have hospitals? What does the Islamic Silicon Valley do during Ramadan? If it weren’t for oil they would have eaten all their camels by now. [Maybe bacon ain’t so bad after all] Tell me again about “honor killings”. I lost my notes from the first lecture.
“Critics say Muslims have to deal with it on their own.
What does that require of the average Muslim? March in
the streets? Egyptians and Bahrainis did. Rise up? Check.
Demand rights from leaders? Check. Clearly non-political
Muslims need help.”
The Miami Herald
Today
You
When Napoleon learned – after Trafalgar – that Nelson exhorted, not commanded, his Jack Tars by signal flag that “England expects every man to do his duty” he ordered the same language run up on his remaining ships. What was missing was the centuries of repetitive DNA dousings of freedom being applied over and over to the warp and woof of these men that made them say “Of course. You don’t have to ask.”
If leaders can dispense rights would not Logic dictate that leaders can take those rights away?
“Rights” are not in a lockbox hidden behind a magic curtain that only the Wizard, and don’t we hope it’s a good Wizard, has the combination to.
“Arab springs” do not “create” rights.
Rights are ours at birth. They are “gifts from beyond the stars”. The only positive thing any government can do is to codify and defend them. It is inherent in the nature of all governments all the time to restrict, to deny, to control the rights of its citizens. Burke told us that the conflict between order and freedom is never ending. [Last week marked the 215th anniversary of the Alien & Sedition Act]
If you read the Declaration of Independence and the Constitution you will see a blueprint for self-governance. Those documents presuppose 2 millennia of turmoil, of debate, of bloodshed.
Architecture demands, inter alia, certain constants. Imagine a bridge or a building where pi differs according to the architect’s taste.
As to “What happened to Islam”, the die was cast – I am nothing if not an elitist – 25 centuries ago. You went for double or nothing 14 centuries ago. Losing again, you, your religion, and your culture began to turn inward. Absent any outside influence – consult an Augustinian monk named Mendel – you became gnarled and intransigent. Worse, you allowed that to become the model for generations yet unborn.
What are the accomplishments of Islam – literary, scientific, medical, cultural, ethical - in the past millennium?
The roll call of Islamic Nobel Prize winners would fill the back of an envelope if you wrote large.
It took T. E. Lawrence, a slightly mad Englishman, to get your immediate forebears to see past the closest wadi.
I am not sure even if you stop outlawing whistling, if you say that balloons are Kosher, if you stop blowing up people to make your point, if you stop beheading Catholic clerics, if you stop saying the Jews are descended from monkeys and pigs you would be worthy of an Islamic replay of the American Presidential election of 2000.
Perhaps you will continue to chew your limbs off. I don’t know if it’s still your choice.
Kevin Smith
Yasmine Bahrani
The Miami Herald
3511 NW 91st Street
Miami, FL33172
RE: “What Happened to Islam?” – Some comments on your op-ed in today’s Miami Herald that, alas, asks the wrong question.
Ms. Bahrani,
The heading should be “What Didn’t Happen to Islam”. The question should be “Why Didn’t It Happen”.
Here’s what I know.
25 centuries ago, the Muslim world – even before there was a Muslim world – tried to strangle Western Civilization in its crib. Marathon, Thermopylae, Salamis, Platea, the Wooden Wall, Hoplite phalanxes, all said no. Look them up. It makes for interesting reading. The tradition of “free men speaking with free tongues” began there. Is there a Muslim country anywhere on this planet where that is the law and the custom?
14 centuries ago Muslim hordes – And I don’t much care whether it was the Sunnis or the Shia – rampaged across Europe. They set standards for rape, looting, and pillaging that were most impressive, even for those days. They would have gone straight to Finland if it weren’t for Charles Martel, AKA “The Hammer”. He earned his name the old fashioned way: He killed the first Muslim thugs to invade Europe.
In the meantime, the entity oft times known as Western Civilization was stumbling its way to self-governance. It wasn’t pretty and Allah knows it wasn’t easy. In the parts of the world where it has taken root it is taken for granted as is the sun and the moon. In most of the world it is as welcome as a toxic fungating pox. Naturally, the people in charge, the ayatollahs, the imams, the whippers, inter alia, want to stay in charge. Thus, when a cartoon in Holland appears suggesting the Allah ain’t so Akbar and the prophet Mohammed, and blessed be his name, kept his dance card filled with pre-menstrual girls, all of whom were Muslim because you have to die to get the 72 infidel virgins, half of Pakistan burned down the other half. Both halves applauded. Slick.
In the end the legatees of the agora, of the forum, of Runnymede in 1215, of London in 1688, of Philadelphia in 1789 have something that most of the world secretly envies and openly resents.
Along the way we went to the moon, walked around the moon for a few days, picked up some cool souvenirs from the moon, and came back from the moon.
Bach, Mozart, Beethoven - where are their contemporaries from the Fertile Crescent?
The Zippo lighter. Child proof caps. MRIs. MREs. The Sidewinder missile. Chuck Yeager. Corduroy. Zippers. Lead free gasoline. Kipling. Kemmons Wilson. Picasso & Matisse. La Giaconda. Midway. Nessum dorma. The presumption of innocence. Russell Kirk. Single malt whisky. Walt Disney. The first ERA. Oranges year round. SPAM – both kinds. Grove’s Law. Radar. Winston Churchill. Zip-Loc bags. Saint Marcellin Champagnat, Twitter, Senior discounts. Hayden. The infield fly rule. Inside straights and the attempted filling thereof. Food for dogs; food for cats; food for birds; food for fish. Norman Podhoretz. Amazing Grace. Samuel Johnson. Cole Porter lyrics. Jumbo shrimp. National elections, vigorously contested, in 1864 and 1944. WD40. “But wait. There’s more.” Dante. IS95 and IS80. DDT. Inflight movies. The UT/OU October shoot out. Scrooge. “Where or When”. 50 months from pencil sketches to Fat Boy, Little Man, and blotto. Hula Hoops. The Concorde. Talbot ’79. Drive-thru Big Macs. The eternal Hostess Twinkie. Cable TV. Due process. Shakespeare.
After Omar Sharif your list dwindles.
How many symphony orchestras are in Riyadh? Will the touring company of Las Cages aux Folles be stopping in Medina this season? Why does Baylor Hospital in Dallas have an entire floor reserved for Saudis? They have a lot of money. Why don’t they have hospitals? What does the Islamic Silicon Valley do during Ramadan? If it weren’t for oil they would have eaten all their camels by now. [Maybe bacon ain’t so bad after all] Tell me again about “honor killings”. I lost my notes from the first lecture.
“Critics say Muslims have to deal with it on their own.
What does that require of the average Muslim? March in
the streets? Egyptians and Bahrainis did. Rise up? Check.
Demand rights from leaders? Check. Clearly non-political
Muslims need help.”
The Miami Herald
Today
You
When Napoleon learned – after Trafalgar – that Nelson exhorted, not commanded, his Jack Tars by signal flag that “England expects every man to do his duty” he ordered the same language run up on his remaining ships. What was missing was the centuries of repetitive DNA dousings of freedom being applied over and over to the warp and woof of these men that made them say “Of course. You don’t have to ask.”
If leaders can dispense rights would not Logic dictate that leaders can take those rights away?
“Rights” are not in a lockbox hidden behind a magic curtain that only the Wizard, and don’t we hope it’s a good Wizard, has the combination to.
“Arab springs” do not “create” rights.
Rights are ours at birth. They are “gifts from beyond the stars”. The only positive thing any government can do is to codify and defend them. It is inherent in the nature of all governments all the time to restrict, to deny, to control the rights of its citizens. Burke told us that the conflict between order and freedom is never ending. [Last week marked the 215th anniversary of the Alien & Sedition Act]
If you read the Declaration of Independence and the Constitution you will see a blueprint for self-governance. Those documents presuppose 2 millennia of turmoil, of debate, of bloodshed.
Architecture demands, inter alia, certain constants. Imagine a bridge or a building where pi differs according to the architect’s taste.
As to “What happened to Islam”, the die was cast – I am nothing if not an elitist – 25 centuries ago. You went for double or nothing 14 centuries ago. Losing again, you, your religion, and your culture began to turn inward. Absent any outside influence – consult an Augustinian monk named Mendel – you became gnarled and intransigent. Worse, you allowed that to become the model for generations yet unborn.
What are the accomplishments of Islam – literary, scientific, medical, cultural, ethical - in the past millennium?
The roll call of Islamic Nobel Prize winners would fill the back of an envelope if you wrote large.
It took T. E. Lawrence, a slightly mad Englishman, to get your immediate forebears to see past the closest wadi.
I am not sure even if you stop outlawing whistling, if you say that balloons are Kosher, if you stop blowing up people to make your point, if you stop beheading Catholic clerics, if you stop saying the Jews are descended from monkeys and pigs you would be worthy of an Islamic replay of the American Presidential election of 2000.
Perhaps you will continue to chew your limbs off. I don’t know if it’s still your choice.
Kevin Smith
Sunday, July 21, 2013
July 19, 2013
Kirsten Dudley – President
High School Government Association
Dillard High School
Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33311
RE: “serious errors” – Some comments on your comments in re Trayvon Martin in today’s Sun Sentinel.
Ms. Dudley,
“This is a very serious issue, and it could have
happened to any of us,” she said. “We are
Trayvon Martin, and we do have voices as well.”
The Sun Sentinel
Today
You
You’re right.
It is very serious.
My last gunfight was in 1993.
Up close and personal bullet holes are damnably ugly things.
The last one I saw was the size of a quarter. It went into the chest of an Essex County Sheriff’s deputy. He was White. He was shot by a Black man.
I saved his life.
Two and a half years later he danced at my daughter’s wedding.
I suggest that before you join RPO, the Ranks of the Perpetually Outraged, you consider that there are other “serious things”.
#1 – Black on Black crime – More Black children were shot to death in Chicago last year than were killed in Baghdad. Did Florida’s “Stand Your Ground” law contribute to that?
#2 – It’s easy to make a baby; it’s damn tough to be a father.
Having been a male teenager I can assure you that whatever is in vogue today was not discovered by today’s uber macho males. A combination of what a father would say or what he would do did have a tampering effect.
One year after my father died I walked away from a business closing at the last moment. I had the absurd thought that my father, having found out what I was about to do, would kick my ass. Honest.
#3 - Roe v Wade & Black genocide.
1,500,000 abortions a year since 1973.
60,000,000 deaths.
3/8ths of abortions since 1973 have been performed on Black women.
160 Black children are aborted every hour. If that isn’t “serious” then nothing is. And speaking of genocide, the back door of an abortion abattoir leads directly to Auschwitz.
Bracketing your “serious” comments were remarks from 3 elected officials. It is a sign of racial progress that being a public horse’s ass is no longer a strictly White entitlement. State Senator Christopher Smith [no relation] and State Representative Perry Thurston say some truly asinine things. County Attorney Michael Satz holds up the White end by saying some Homerically dumb things.
Your homework assignment is to find out who said the following statement.
“How sad of all the things that men endure
how few, laws or kings, can cause or cure.”
For extra credit find out the difference between Rhetoric and Sophistry.
Kevin Smith
PS – Can you imagine anything that George Zimmerman and Barack Obama have in common? Each has one White parent. Each may have had an “average” White grandmother. There may or there may not be a lesson there.
Kirsten Dudley – President
High School Government Association
Dillard High School
Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33311
RE: “serious errors” – Some comments on your comments in re Trayvon Martin in today’s Sun Sentinel.
Ms. Dudley,
“This is a very serious issue, and it could have
happened to any of us,” she said. “We are
Trayvon Martin, and we do have voices as well.”
The Sun Sentinel
Today
You
You’re right.
It is very serious.
My last gunfight was in 1993.
Up close and personal bullet holes are damnably ugly things.
The last one I saw was the size of a quarter. It went into the chest of an Essex County Sheriff’s deputy. He was White. He was shot by a Black man.
I saved his life.
Two and a half years later he danced at my daughter’s wedding.
I suggest that before you join RPO, the Ranks of the Perpetually Outraged, you consider that there are other “serious things”.
#1 – Black on Black crime – More Black children were shot to death in Chicago last year than were killed in Baghdad. Did Florida’s “Stand Your Ground” law contribute to that?
#2 – It’s easy to make a baby; it’s damn tough to be a father.
Having been a male teenager I can assure you that whatever is in vogue today was not discovered by today’s uber macho males. A combination of what a father would say or what he would do did have a tampering effect.
One year after my father died I walked away from a business closing at the last moment. I had the absurd thought that my father, having found out what I was about to do, would kick my ass. Honest.
#3 - Roe v Wade & Black genocide.
1,500,000 abortions a year since 1973.
60,000,000 deaths.
3/8ths of abortions since 1973 have been performed on Black women.
160 Black children are aborted every hour. If that isn’t “serious” then nothing is. And speaking of genocide, the back door of an abortion abattoir leads directly to Auschwitz.
Bracketing your “serious” comments were remarks from 3 elected officials. It is a sign of racial progress that being a public horse’s ass is no longer a strictly White entitlement. State Senator Christopher Smith [no relation] and State Representative Perry Thurston say some truly asinine things. County Attorney Michael Satz holds up the White end by saying some Homerically dumb things.
Your homework assignment is to find out who said the following statement.
“How sad of all the things that men endure
how few, laws or kings, can cause or cure.”
For extra credit find out the difference between Rhetoric and Sophistry.
Kevin Smith
PS – Can you imagine anything that George Zimmerman and Barack Obama have in common? Each has one White parent. Each may have had an “average” White grandmother. There may or there may not be a lesson there.
uly 13, 2013
Rachel Patron
The Sun Sentinel
RE: WOGs – Some comments on your unlinkable Sun Sentinel column today on how the Islamic terrorist hordes came to be, you know what I’m saying, terrorist hordes who outlawed whistling and balloons and, if they can’t find a prepubescent girl to sharpen, so to speak, their cliteroidectomy skills, thinks its o so Akbar to cut off the head of a Catholic priest. Plus, did I mention that they like to kill Westerners?
Ms. Patron,
First, some housekeeping tasks.
#1 – You said a while back that your husband flew with the Army Air Force in Europe during World War 2. [Let the record show that that was the last war that modern American Liberals really liked. Only a cad would mention that from August 22, 1939 to June 21, 1941 they thought that Hitler was an OK guy.] You said that he flew B-22s. No such plane ever flew in World War 2. You may want to do some homework.
#2 - “I’ll concentrate on events in Egypt in my next article. If by then the
situation is solved, I’ll write about kittens. Better yet,
I’ll eat an entire litter.”
The Sun Sentinel
Today
You
The only thing you must remember about lions and lambs cuddling at night is a new lamb is needed every night. I mean like each and every night.
As to pussy munching, unless you are planning a new chapter in Profiles in Courage, I may be able to save you from a dark and dangerous future. If you will remember 2 dates, one specific and one fuzzy-edged, all will be made clear.
The first date in 732 AD. Please note that I use AD on purpose. Year of the Lord is not a random choice.
Less than a century after Mohammed went to the mountain – because the mountain wouldn’t come to him – his peace loving followers were half way across Europe. It was time for looting, raping, and pillaging Fertile Crescent style. God Bless the French! It was the last time they won a war. Charles Martel, AKA Charles the Hammer, gave the great unwashed goat humping pedophiles a serious ass kicking and sent them back to the other side of the Pyrenees. It took the Spaniards more than 5 centuries to get them all across the Mediterranean. Dios bendiga El Cid! Dios bendiga Ferdinand and Isabella! Vaya con dios los WOGs!
About 10 centuries ago, in a time when European temperatures spiked upwards, a huge factor in the coming of the Renaissance – I presume you have no problems with Dante – Muslims of all sects and divisions turned inward, They began to eat their seed corn. They began to think that seeing through a key hole with both eyes wasn’t such a bad thing. When the roll of the Nobel Prize winners of the last century is called you won’t find 10 distinctly Muslim names. Look it up.
Cause and effect? Quien sabe? I report; you decide.
Why should October 7, 1571 be celebrated? One compelling reason is that it is my birthday. Also, 1000 ships filled with bad guys were sunk by a much smaller fleet manned by good guys. The bad guys, Muslims, were going to occupy Venice and then sack Rome. The churlish louts said that they would “stable their horses” in Saint Peter’s Basilica. Lepanto. Look it up.
It is said that if they occupied Vienna they would have wiped their heathen asses with sheet music by Bach. Now there’s a plan to advance civilization, don’t you think? Is it possible to imagine a world without Bach?
The intramural dustups between Sunni and Shias counts for naught.
Let them kill each other. Fairly soon, unless head up their sorry asses modern American Liberals screw up the ongoing non-stop wet dream of American energy independence – it’s coming, it really is – we won’t need their oil.
I understand that the lambs are getting a bit nervous when Momma tells a plump one to pack an overnight bag
I have one great Crusade left in me.
MECCA DELENDA EST!
As to Egypt, what have they done since the pyramids? Not that I have a problem with it if you don’t but I think I just saved you a lot of pussy munching.
KEVIN SMITH
WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET
Rachel Patron
The Sun Sentinel
RE: WOGs – Some comments on your unlinkable Sun Sentinel column today on how the Islamic terrorist hordes came to be, you know what I’m saying, terrorist hordes who outlawed whistling and balloons and, if they can’t find a prepubescent girl to sharpen, so to speak, their cliteroidectomy skills, thinks its o so Akbar to cut off the head of a Catholic priest. Plus, did I mention that they like to kill Westerners?
Ms. Patron,
First, some housekeeping tasks.
#1 – You said a while back that your husband flew with the Army Air Force in Europe during World War 2. [Let the record show that that was the last war that modern American Liberals really liked. Only a cad would mention that from August 22, 1939 to June 21, 1941 they thought that Hitler was an OK guy.] You said that he flew B-22s. No such plane ever flew in World War 2. You may want to do some homework.
#2 - “I’ll concentrate on events in Egypt in my next article. If by then the
situation is solved, I’ll write about kittens. Better yet,
I’ll eat an entire litter.”
The Sun Sentinel
Today
You
The only thing you must remember about lions and lambs cuddling at night is a new lamb is needed every night. I mean like each and every night.
As to pussy munching, unless you are planning a new chapter in Profiles in Courage, I may be able to save you from a dark and dangerous future. If you will remember 2 dates, one specific and one fuzzy-edged, all will be made clear.
The first date in 732 AD. Please note that I use AD on purpose. Year of the Lord is not a random choice.
Less than a century after Mohammed went to the mountain – because the mountain wouldn’t come to him – his peace loving followers were half way across Europe. It was time for looting, raping, and pillaging Fertile Crescent style. God Bless the French! It was the last time they won a war. Charles Martel, AKA Charles the Hammer, gave the great unwashed goat humping pedophiles a serious ass kicking and sent them back to the other side of the Pyrenees. It took the Spaniards more than 5 centuries to get them all across the Mediterranean. Dios bendiga El Cid! Dios bendiga Ferdinand and Isabella! Vaya con dios los WOGs!
About 10 centuries ago, in a time when European temperatures spiked upwards, a huge factor in the coming of the Renaissance – I presume you have no problems with Dante – Muslims of all sects and divisions turned inward, They began to eat their seed corn. They began to think that seeing through a key hole with both eyes wasn’t such a bad thing. When the roll of the Nobel Prize winners of the last century is called you won’t find 10 distinctly Muslim names. Look it up.
Cause and effect? Quien sabe? I report; you decide.
Why should October 7, 1571 be celebrated? One compelling reason is that it is my birthday. Also, 1000 ships filled with bad guys were sunk by a much smaller fleet manned by good guys. The bad guys, Muslims, were going to occupy Venice and then sack Rome. The churlish louts said that they would “stable their horses” in Saint Peter’s Basilica. Lepanto. Look it up.
It is said that if they occupied Vienna they would have wiped their heathen asses with sheet music by Bach. Now there’s a plan to advance civilization, don’t you think? Is it possible to imagine a world without Bach?
The intramural dustups between Sunni and Shias counts for naught.
Let them kill each other. Fairly soon, unless head up their sorry asses modern American Liberals screw up the ongoing non-stop wet dream of American energy independence – it’s coming, it really is – we won’t need their oil.
I understand that the lambs are getting a bit nervous when Momma tells a plump one to pack an overnight bag
I have one great Crusade left in me.
MECCA DELENDA EST!
As to Egypt, what have they done since the pyramids? Not that I have a problem with it if you don’t but I think I just saved you a lot of pussy munching.
KEVIN SMITH
WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET
Wednesday, July 17, 2013
July 2, 2013
Gina Barecca
The Hartford Courant
285 Broad Street
Hartford, CT 06115
RE: Turn them upside down and they all look alike – Some comments on your Op-Ed in today’s Sun-Sentinel.
Ms. Barecca,
A feminist English teacher at a New England university? God’s Holy Trousers, but I think I may have just hit, excuse the expression, the Mother Lode. “I know that my Redeemer liveth,”
First, your comment “I don’t think it was women who decided it was a good idea to start putting small print on tight V-necks” is spot on. The follow up fact, one that English teachers at New England universities seem to be incapable of grasping, is that only chicks with reasonably bodacious ta-tas buy “tight V-necks”. Does the term “Ruebenesque” come to mind?
I hear all the drivel about women being paid less than men – 79% seems to be the du jour amount of the unfairness of it all – and I wonder why a hard driving, aggressive, dare I say “pushy bitch”, didn’t grab the idea and run with it.
Speaking of gender caused pay inequity – Imagine the shame at being paid less because you can’t pee, gracefully, standing up – please tell me how you are able to cope with equally credentialed male contemporaries, you have no peers, being paid 25% more? What difference does it make which part of the tampon/condom machine you use in the uni-sex john/jane when it comes time to condemn Wordsworth for being a sexist? Paraphrasing Dr. Johnson, “He’s a pig and that’s an end to it”. Screw the daffodils.
Before I get to the subject of bumper stickers I have some questions.
Your bio says that you are both a “feminist scholar” and a “teacher of feminist theory”.
Inter alia I know why Oedipus went to Colonnus. Lysistrata sure had some set of balls doing what she did, particularly in the time she did it, Was Helen worth 1000 ships? Do you think Penelope knew that Ulysses was catting around on his way home? We know what happened to Abelard, Did Heloise think that was fair? Beatrice, What’s the story? Yes, I know about June 16th. I read a lot. Can I tell you that I can quote Kipling without you thinking ill of me? I know that Rachel Carson killed more Africans in the last 40 years then 10 Idi Amins. I have been trying to get a copy of Hillary Rodham’s senior thesis, the one about Saul Alinsky. Perhaps you can help. I am still sure that “Rosie O’Grady and the Colonel’s lady are sisters under the skin”.
What in the name of Antigone and Lear’s daughters is “feminist theory”? While you are at it, how about a few sentences explaining the difference[s] between “feminist scholar” and “female scholar”? Does pi know the gender of its teacher? Is your column published in any Muslim countries? Did you shatter any “glass ceilings” the way Mrs. Clinton did? Do you think “Women and children first” should be half changed? Have you ever been to a “Ladies Night”? How long do you think it will take to bring gender equity to Arlington Cemetery?
Back to the bumper stickers…
How about “I Hope You Get Raped”? That’s what passes for reasoned discourse on the part of Pro-Death supporters in the Texas legislative abortion brouhaha.
How about “Cut Obama’s Balls Off”? That’s what Jesse Jackson said in February, 2008.
How about “Sanger and Mengele - Perfect Together”? Do some homework.
How about “Show Us Your Tits”? If you are cruising on I95, in your polar bear drowning SUV, it’s safer than doing an up close and personal viewing of The Vagina Monologues.
How about “God Bless John Wayne”? It beats the Hell out of “I Miss Carter”.
How about “Mecca Delenda Est”? End game.
Dave Barry was right. You are funny for a broad.
Kevin Smith
Gina Barecca
The Hartford Courant
285 Broad Street
Hartford, CT 06115
RE: Turn them upside down and they all look alike – Some comments on your Op-Ed in today’s Sun-Sentinel.
Ms. Barecca,
A feminist English teacher at a New England university? God’s Holy Trousers, but I think I may have just hit, excuse the expression, the Mother Lode. “I know that my Redeemer liveth,”
First, your comment “I don’t think it was women who decided it was a good idea to start putting small print on tight V-necks” is spot on. The follow up fact, one that English teachers at New England universities seem to be incapable of grasping, is that only chicks with reasonably bodacious ta-tas buy “tight V-necks”. Does the term “Ruebenesque” come to mind?
I hear all the drivel about women being paid less than men – 79% seems to be the du jour amount of the unfairness of it all – and I wonder why a hard driving, aggressive, dare I say “pushy bitch”, didn’t grab the idea and run with it.
Speaking of gender caused pay inequity – Imagine the shame at being paid less because you can’t pee, gracefully, standing up – please tell me how you are able to cope with equally credentialed male contemporaries, you have no peers, being paid 25% more? What difference does it make which part of the tampon/condom machine you use in the uni-sex john/jane when it comes time to condemn Wordsworth for being a sexist? Paraphrasing Dr. Johnson, “He’s a pig and that’s an end to it”. Screw the daffodils.
Before I get to the subject of bumper stickers I have some questions.
Your bio says that you are both a “feminist scholar” and a “teacher of feminist theory”.
Inter alia I know why Oedipus went to Colonnus. Lysistrata sure had some set of balls doing what she did, particularly in the time she did it, Was Helen worth 1000 ships? Do you think Penelope knew that Ulysses was catting around on his way home? We know what happened to Abelard, Did Heloise think that was fair? Beatrice, What’s the story? Yes, I know about June 16th. I read a lot. Can I tell you that I can quote Kipling without you thinking ill of me? I know that Rachel Carson killed more Africans in the last 40 years then 10 Idi Amins. I have been trying to get a copy of Hillary Rodham’s senior thesis, the one about Saul Alinsky. Perhaps you can help. I am still sure that “Rosie O’Grady and the Colonel’s lady are sisters under the skin”.
What in the name of Antigone and Lear’s daughters is “feminist theory”? While you are at it, how about a few sentences explaining the difference[s] between “feminist scholar” and “female scholar”? Does pi know the gender of its teacher? Is your column published in any Muslim countries? Did you shatter any “glass ceilings” the way Mrs. Clinton did? Do you think “Women and children first” should be half changed? Have you ever been to a “Ladies Night”? How long do you think it will take to bring gender equity to Arlington Cemetery?
Back to the bumper stickers…
How about “I Hope You Get Raped”? That’s what passes for reasoned discourse on the part of Pro-Death supporters in the Texas legislative abortion brouhaha.
How about “Cut Obama’s Balls Off”? That’s what Jesse Jackson said in February, 2008.
How about “Sanger and Mengele - Perfect Together”? Do some homework.
How about “Show Us Your Tits”? If you are cruising on I95, in your polar bear drowning SUV, it’s safer than doing an up close and personal viewing of The Vagina Monologues.
How about “God Bless John Wayne”? It beats the Hell out of “I Miss Carter”.
How about “Mecca Delenda Est”? End game.
Dave Barry was right. You are funny for a broad.
Kevin Smith
July 14, 2013
Letter to the Editor
The Miami Herald
3511 NW 91st Street
Miami, FL 33172
RE: Pre-verdict editorial and post-verdict reality
Sirs,
I heard the dreaded “N” word, the word that White folk dare not use unless they are asking for a copy of Dick Gregory’s autobiography, early this AM when I went to get the Herald.
It was OK because a Black man used it.
When I entered the Stop & Shop the non-quota driven racial dynamic was two Whites of Northern European origin, one mildly 3rd Worldish Middle Eastern Semite, and one African-American.
I swear, on my honor as a melanin challenged, curmudgeonly disabled senior citizen who was a proud founder of the “vast Right-Wing conspiracy” and who, because of my views on GlobalCoolingGlobalWarmingClimateChange is about to become the chief spokesman for the renascent Flat Earth Society, that I heard the African-American say ”I don’t like the verdict because I am a dreaded “N” word”.
The other Northern European said that it’s OK. “Since I’m Irish that means I’m drunk”. I said, “I’m Irish too.” He asked me, “Are you drunk too?” “Not yet”, I replied. He also told the shopkeeper that he was a “terrorist”.
The absence of vitriol and billingsgate kept the temperature down. It precluded a SWAT raid by the Word Police of the Church of the Perpetually Outraged. There was much jocularity and badinage. Alas, my tutorial on the presumption of innocence did not keep the attention of two of the players as they both left. The shopkeeper was not going anywhere ‘til he was paid.
Can we construct a universal, in a way that does not offend Logic, from this particular? Of course not. Does it mean that the Voice of the Turtle will once again be heard in the land? Don’t be an ass.
On the other hand….
“Whatever the legal outcome, let there be no mistake:
Trayvon Martin’s short life has marked our national soul
and, in his death, we all have been forced to confront
how far we’ve come and how far we have to go – still”
The Miami Herald
Today
You
Before you ended your editorial with the above nonsense you hectored us earlier with admonitions about not resorting to violence should the verdict not meet with our approval.
That speaks volumes to the fundamental lower case racism that is the fuel that powers modern American Liberalism. The warning was aimed at the “African-American community…along with school officials, coaches, and youth center counselors”. You are telling “them” to bite their lip and not to burn down the liquor store, not because they shouldn’t, but because the “cause” will be set back. Sisyphus had it easy. Since the goal line, like the horizon, keeps moving there will be no end to troubled days.
Midnight Basketball helps “them” cope.
I don’t recall – I may be wrong so please check – any media outlet, print or electronic, advising White America to stay calm if O.J. Simpson were to be found innocent. If memory serves Short Hills, NJ did not burn down the post office. Highland Park, TX was a model of restraint. Lighthouse Point, FL actually had a bake sale to help single moms, women of color, with kids in need of a good Ritalin program.
I accept the possibility that I may be branded a racist for saying the above. If that means that I will have my ass Gorilla Glued to a Saturn rocket, alongside of Paul Deen, to colonize as many of Jupiter’s lesser moons as is possible in the next 50 years, so be it. [While not in the Jennifer Lopez/Pippa Middleton class I assure you our respective asses will speak well of Western Civilization when we get to Calisto.]
Speaking of the homicidal tendencies of white Hispanics would not Logic dictate
that the caravan of media whores and panderers now moves on to Boston? Forget about the not so whirling Dervish with the pressure cooker bombs. White Hispanic Aaron Hernandez is accused of the 1st degree murder of an African-American. Evidence and facts notwithstanding, the race of the toe-tagged guy and the race of the alleged perpetrator should be sufficient for the trolls and ghouls to gather in Boston. Even if the Frito Bandido is found guilty he will be eligible for weekend passes a la Willie Horton was a few years back.
I can tell you as a 2 state juror of felony trials that the first thing brought up when deliberations started was the six week delay between the incident and the arrest.
I am surprised they were out as long as they were.
Speaking of “marking our national soul”, why didn’t the horrific death of a much younger Jesse Dirkhising “mark our national soul”?
Are souls marked eclectically?
I am too old to even ask that question.
That I do is proof that not only will man endure but that “he will prevail”.
The camel shits; the caravan moves on.
Kevin Smith
Letter to the Editor
The Miami Herald
3511 NW 91st Street
Miami, FL 33172
RE: Pre-verdict editorial and post-verdict reality
Sirs,
I heard the dreaded “N” word, the word that White folk dare not use unless they are asking for a copy of Dick Gregory’s autobiography, early this AM when I went to get the Herald.
It was OK because a Black man used it.
When I entered the Stop & Shop the non-quota driven racial dynamic was two Whites of Northern European origin, one mildly 3rd Worldish Middle Eastern Semite, and one African-American.
I swear, on my honor as a melanin challenged, curmudgeonly disabled senior citizen who was a proud founder of the “vast Right-Wing conspiracy” and who, because of my views on GlobalCoolingGlobalWarmingClimateChange is about to become the chief spokesman for the renascent Flat Earth Society, that I heard the African-American say ”I don’t like the verdict because I am a dreaded “N” word”.
The other Northern European said that it’s OK. “Since I’m Irish that means I’m drunk”. I said, “I’m Irish too.” He asked me, “Are you drunk too?” “Not yet”, I replied. He also told the shopkeeper that he was a “terrorist”.
The absence of vitriol and billingsgate kept the temperature down. It precluded a SWAT raid by the Word Police of the Church of the Perpetually Outraged. There was much jocularity and badinage. Alas, my tutorial on the presumption of innocence did not keep the attention of two of the players as they both left. The shopkeeper was not going anywhere ‘til he was paid.
Can we construct a universal, in a way that does not offend Logic, from this particular? Of course not. Does it mean that the Voice of the Turtle will once again be heard in the land? Don’t be an ass.
On the other hand….
“Whatever the legal outcome, let there be no mistake:
Trayvon Martin’s short life has marked our national soul
and, in his death, we all have been forced to confront
how far we’ve come and how far we have to go – still”
The Miami Herald
Today
You
Before you ended your editorial with the above nonsense you hectored us earlier with admonitions about not resorting to violence should the verdict not meet with our approval.
That speaks volumes to the fundamental lower case racism that is the fuel that powers modern American Liberalism. The warning was aimed at the “African-American community…along with school officials, coaches, and youth center counselors”. You are telling “them” to bite their lip and not to burn down the liquor store, not because they shouldn’t, but because the “cause” will be set back. Sisyphus had it easy. Since the goal line, like the horizon, keeps moving there will be no end to troubled days.
Midnight Basketball helps “them” cope.
I don’t recall – I may be wrong so please check – any media outlet, print or electronic, advising White America to stay calm if O.J. Simpson were to be found innocent. If memory serves Short Hills, NJ did not burn down the post office. Highland Park, TX was a model of restraint. Lighthouse Point, FL actually had a bake sale to help single moms, women of color, with kids in need of a good Ritalin program.
I accept the possibility that I may be branded a racist for saying the above. If that means that I will have my ass Gorilla Glued to a Saturn rocket, alongside of Paul Deen, to colonize as many of Jupiter’s lesser moons as is possible in the next 50 years, so be it. [While not in the Jennifer Lopez/Pippa Middleton class I assure you our respective asses will speak well of Western Civilization when we get to Calisto.]
Speaking of the homicidal tendencies of white Hispanics would not Logic dictate
that the caravan of media whores and panderers now moves on to Boston? Forget about the not so whirling Dervish with the pressure cooker bombs. White Hispanic Aaron Hernandez is accused of the 1st degree murder of an African-American. Evidence and facts notwithstanding, the race of the toe-tagged guy and the race of the alleged perpetrator should be sufficient for the trolls and ghouls to gather in Boston. Even if the Frito Bandido is found guilty he will be eligible for weekend passes a la Willie Horton was a few years back.
I can tell you as a 2 state juror of felony trials that the first thing brought up when deliberations started was the six week delay between the incident and the arrest.
I am surprised they were out as long as they were.
Speaking of “marking our national soul”, why didn’t the horrific death of a much younger Jesse Dirkhising “mark our national soul”?
Are souls marked eclectically?
I am too old to even ask that question.
That I do is proof that not only will man endure but that “he will prevail”.
The camel shits; the caravan moves on.
Kevin Smith
Friday, July 12, 2013
July 11, 2013
Michael Mayo
The Sun Sentinel
RE: Thank you lifeguards! – Some comments on your unlinkable Sun-Sentinel column about the first responders to rip tides.
Mr. Mayo.
I second your motion to praise lifeguards, particularly those on ocean duty.
I saw some of them this morning. They all appeared to be in good shape what with their zinc-oxided noses offset by their red cheeks. They have an air of sang-froid about them that says they will save you even if you are Quebecois.
I noticed something else. I am glad that your column gives me a chance to bring it up.
They are all, 100%, with zero exceptions, “creepy assed crackers”. Every last one of them.
I am pretty sure that there were no “white Hispanics” either.
Brothers with doo rags? Say what?
Ramadan fans with worry beads? Nope
Serious Jews? Satmar or Lubavitcher? No way, Jose.
Turbaned Sikhs or saffron robed Buddhists?
Why not?
Would not the eternal quest for diversity and inclusion, as an end in itself, dictate that no more White guys be hired until the annual life guard ball resembles the universe these brave men swim into harm’s way for?
KEVIN SMITH
WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET
Michael Mayo
The Sun Sentinel
RE: Thank you lifeguards! – Some comments on your unlinkable Sun-Sentinel column about the first responders to rip tides.
Mr. Mayo.
I second your motion to praise lifeguards, particularly those on ocean duty.
I saw some of them this morning. They all appeared to be in good shape what with their zinc-oxided noses offset by their red cheeks. They have an air of sang-froid about them that says they will save you even if you are Quebecois.
I noticed something else. I am glad that your column gives me a chance to bring it up.
They are all, 100%, with zero exceptions, “creepy assed crackers”. Every last one of them.
I am pretty sure that there were no “white Hispanics” either.
Brothers with doo rags? Say what?
Ramadan fans with worry beads? Nope
Serious Jews? Satmar or Lubavitcher? No way, Jose.
Turbaned Sikhs or saffron robed Buddhists?
Why not?
Would not the eternal quest for diversity and inclusion, as an end in itself, dictate that no more White guys be hired until the annual life guard ball resembles the universe these brave men swim into harm’s way for?
KEVIN SMITH
WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET
Tuesday, July 9, 2013
July 9, 2013
Gena Barreca
The Hartford Courant
285 Broad Street
Hartford, CT 06115
RE: Even the movies! – Will there ever be relief for the long suffering sisterhood of perpetually dumped on feminist theorists who teach English literature at a New England university? Apparently not based on your column about how Lady Macbeth and Lucrezia Borgia were denied their rightful places in the movies.
http://www.courant.com/news/opinion/hc-op-barreca-hannah-arendt-heat-movies-about-wome-20130703,0,1297672.column
Ms. Barreca,
As a Board Certified Life Coach, a curmudgeonly combo of Dr. Phil and Oprah with a soupcon of Miss Lonelyhearts for leavening, I seek to expand my envelope. I read of the knicker knotting knavishness of testosterone laden movie folk who deprive you of a magical sisterhood sharing moment at the flicks. All I can do is help.
Before I offer you the solution to your du jour angst I must comment on another part of your article. [By the by, is narcissism a gender driven thing?]
You mention Mary McCarthy without mentioning Lillian Hellman.
Ms McCarthy loathed, I mean despised, Ms Hellman. That alone grants Ms McCarthy many indulgences for her sins both of commission and omission, both real or imagined. That Ms. Hellman was the most despicable, most loathsome artistic figure of the 20th century there can neither be dispute nor can there be doubt.
Since she swung from both sides of the plate she also became the first successful cross bred incubus/succubus. That was so she could work in the daytime.
When she died, and you may remember spontaneous Te Deums sweeping the nation, I began both a 501C3 and a 501C4 to pay for an armed guard at her grave. The difference here is that the bayonets were pointing in so as to keep her from sneaking out at night to further infect the Republic. “By any means necessary” became our watchword. Anything to keep this bruja, this Hecate, in the eternal clutches of Mother Earth.
This cuno had the cojones to be a model for Black Glama mink coats. If the critters had known whose back they would going to be on they would have flung themselves into the nearest Cuisinart.
I can see how being paid only 79% as much as an equally credentialed male counterpart could drive you mad. It is obvious from the uni-sex shower in the English Literature teachers’ lounge that the only thing different between the two of you is that he doesn’t shave his legs.
I can’t help you with that save to say that maybe you should try shaving only one leg.
I hope that should Wide-Bottomed Hillary take over in 2016 that she will be able to change that. Hope & Change. Get it? Like Trollope, I revel in the quotidian ordinariness of life unfolding. Keep your chin up. Keep your powder dry. Don’t trip over any clichés but help is on the way.
As to your rom-com, chick flick sharp stick in your genderized eye the solution is at hand.
“Women buy half of America’s movie tickets. Let’s get more
women writing scripts where women have lead roles and,
while we’re at it, let’s get more women into director’s chairs.
The Sun Sentinel
Today
You
Tell the ladies to take a cue from Lysistrata. She told the chicks in the agora to Gorilla Glue their knees together so as to get their Hoplite husbands’ full attention. I think Thucydides wrote that was when ice water first appears in literature.
Tell the ladies to stop buying tickets.
In about 6 weeks you will see Juanita Wayne, AKA “The Duchess”, and Steverina Spielberg leading a SWAT team to rip out all the urinals in Hollywood.
No need to say thank you.
Just trying to be of help.
About your last meat loaf….
Kevin Smith
PS – I would have used “directors’ chairs” rather than “director’s”. Surely there must be more than one Martina Scorsese or Frances Coppola out there, right?
Gena Barreca
The Hartford Courant
285 Broad Street
Hartford, CT 06115
RE: Even the movies! – Will there ever be relief for the long suffering sisterhood of perpetually dumped on feminist theorists who teach English literature at a New England university? Apparently not based on your column about how Lady Macbeth and Lucrezia Borgia were denied their rightful places in the movies.
http://www.courant.com/news/opinion/hc-op-barreca-hannah-arendt-heat-movies-about-wome-20130703,0,1297672.column
Ms. Barreca,
As a Board Certified Life Coach, a curmudgeonly combo of Dr. Phil and Oprah with a soupcon of Miss Lonelyhearts for leavening, I seek to expand my envelope. I read of the knicker knotting knavishness of testosterone laden movie folk who deprive you of a magical sisterhood sharing moment at the flicks. All I can do is help.
Before I offer you the solution to your du jour angst I must comment on another part of your article. [By the by, is narcissism a gender driven thing?]
You mention Mary McCarthy without mentioning Lillian Hellman.
Ms McCarthy loathed, I mean despised, Ms Hellman. That alone grants Ms McCarthy many indulgences for her sins both of commission and omission, both real or imagined. That Ms. Hellman was the most despicable, most loathsome artistic figure of the 20th century there can neither be dispute nor can there be doubt.
Since she swung from both sides of the plate she also became the first successful cross bred incubus/succubus. That was so she could work in the daytime.
When she died, and you may remember spontaneous Te Deums sweeping the nation, I began both a 501C3 and a 501C4 to pay for an armed guard at her grave. The difference here is that the bayonets were pointing in so as to keep her from sneaking out at night to further infect the Republic. “By any means necessary” became our watchword. Anything to keep this bruja, this Hecate, in the eternal clutches of Mother Earth.
This cuno had the cojones to be a model for Black Glama mink coats. If the critters had known whose back they would going to be on they would have flung themselves into the nearest Cuisinart.
I can see how being paid only 79% as much as an equally credentialed male counterpart could drive you mad. It is obvious from the uni-sex shower in the English Literature teachers’ lounge that the only thing different between the two of you is that he doesn’t shave his legs.
I can’t help you with that save to say that maybe you should try shaving only one leg.
I hope that should Wide-Bottomed Hillary take over in 2016 that she will be able to change that. Hope & Change. Get it? Like Trollope, I revel in the quotidian ordinariness of life unfolding. Keep your chin up. Keep your powder dry. Don’t trip over any clichés but help is on the way.
As to your rom-com, chick flick sharp stick in your genderized eye the solution is at hand.
“Women buy half of America’s movie tickets. Let’s get more
women writing scripts where women have lead roles and,
while we’re at it, let’s get more women into director’s chairs.
The Sun Sentinel
Today
You
Tell the ladies to take a cue from Lysistrata. She told the chicks in the agora to Gorilla Glue their knees together so as to get their Hoplite husbands’ full attention. I think Thucydides wrote that was when ice water first appears in literature.
Tell the ladies to stop buying tickets.
In about 6 weeks you will see Juanita Wayne, AKA “The Duchess”, and Steverina Spielberg leading a SWAT team to rip out all the urinals in Hollywood.
No need to say thank you.
Just trying to be of help.
About your last meat loaf….
Kevin Smith
PS – I would have used “directors’ chairs” rather than “director’s”. Surely there must be more than one Martina Scorsese or Frances Coppola out there, right?
July 7, 2013
Carl Hiaasen
The Miami Herald
3511 NW 91st Street
Miami, FL 33172
RE: Why does something missing stink? Some comments on your column in today’s Miami Herald about George Zimmerman and the possibility that he may…Yikes! ...walk.
Mr. Hiaasen,
Anthony Lewis, late of the New York Times, an institution that still honors Walter Duranty, coined the term “cultural arrogance” to describe rich White 1st worlders going Tsk Tsk! when Pol Pot killed 1/3rd – repeat – 1/3rd of his country so he could start over in his quest to build the perfect society.
Now we have another example of Pinch’s Folly, an institution kept alive by dirty money swag from the Frito Bandido and re-runs of the Discovery Channel, coining another term, white Hispanic, when describing George Zimmerman. Trayvon Martin, the alleged victim, was either Liberty Valance or a shy, sensitive African-American who liked macramé, modern dance, and gangsta rap haiku. I may be wrong. It could have been gangsta rap tofu. “What difference does it make” as Hillary the Beneficent and the Good told us.
If George Zimmerman is a “white Hispanic” what would that make Aaron Hernandez? Although Hernandez technically faces the death penalty the Willie Horton rule still prevails in Massachusetts. George Custer, even though he is still dead and will be dead for a very long time, is the only man who could possibly be executed in Massachusetts. If for no other reason it would be gift to Pocohantas Warren.
But that’s not why I write.
What’s missing from your column, as Harold Rumpole, he of the Old Bailey said, is one of the two great gifts from England to the rest of the world. The first was the traditional English breakfast, an institution that sacrosanct until the arrival of the dreaded food police.
The other, the presumption of innocence, is, alas, applied eclectically.
The Duke lacrosse team was as guilty as sin. If it wasn’t it should have been. White privileged racists – Who plays lacrosse other than White privileged racists who are the children of White privileged racists? – should have been guilty even if they weren’t?
Forget about the punishment fitting the crime. In this instance the narrative fit the crime. White privileged racists taking advantage of a single mom, a woman of color, with a child in need of a good Ritalin program and easier access to public transportation whose son is not old enough for Midnight Basketball. Enough tragedy there to silence Sophocles and Aeschylus.
I have an interesting 2 state history of jury duty.
Guilt must be proved; innocence need not be.
Just ask O.J.
Meanwhile, the lizard is frozen or it isn’t.
If it were a Black on Black crime, a White on White crime, or a Black on White crime the Grand Jury would have cleared its throat and said “Next”.
Kevin Smith
Carl Hiaasen
The Miami Herald
3511 NW 91st Street
Miami, FL 33172
RE: Why does something missing stink? Some comments on your column in today’s Miami Herald about George Zimmerman and the possibility that he may…Yikes! ...walk.
Mr. Hiaasen,
Anthony Lewis, late of the New York Times, an institution that still honors Walter Duranty, coined the term “cultural arrogance” to describe rich White 1st worlders going Tsk Tsk! when Pol Pot killed 1/3rd – repeat – 1/3rd of his country so he could start over in his quest to build the perfect society.
Now we have another example of Pinch’s Folly, an institution kept alive by dirty money swag from the Frito Bandido and re-runs of the Discovery Channel, coining another term, white Hispanic, when describing George Zimmerman. Trayvon Martin, the alleged victim, was either Liberty Valance or a shy, sensitive African-American who liked macramé, modern dance, and gangsta rap haiku. I may be wrong. It could have been gangsta rap tofu. “What difference does it make” as Hillary the Beneficent and the Good told us.
If George Zimmerman is a “white Hispanic” what would that make Aaron Hernandez? Although Hernandez technically faces the death penalty the Willie Horton rule still prevails in Massachusetts. George Custer, even though he is still dead and will be dead for a very long time, is the only man who could possibly be executed in Massachusetts. If for no other reason it would be gift to Pocohantas Warren.
But that’s not why I write.
What’s missing from your column, as Harold Rumpole, he of the Old Bailey said, is one of the two great gifts from England to the rest of the world. The first was the traditional English breakfast, an institution that sacrosanct until the arrival of the dreaded food police.
The other, the presumption of innocence, is, alas, applied eclectically.
The Duke lacrosse team was as guilty as sin. If it wasn’t it should have been. White privileged racists – Who plays lacrosse other than White privileged racists who are the children of White privileged racists? – should have been guilty even if they weren’t?
Forget about the punishment fitting the crime. In this instance the narrative fit the crime. White privileged racists taking advantage of a single mom, a woman of color, with a child in need of a good Ritalin program and easier access to public transportation whose son is not old enough for Midnight Basketball. Enough tragedy there to silence Sophocles and Aeschylus.
I have an interesting 2 state history of jury duty.
Guilt must be proved; innocence need not be.
Just ask O.J.
Meanwhile, the lizard is frozen or it isn’t.
If it were a Black on Black crime, a White on White crime, or a Black on White crime the Grand Jury would have cleared its throat and said “Next”.
Kevin Smith
July 7, 2013
Greg Cote
The Miami Herald
Re: Homer? – Some remarkably contained comments on your head up your ass reference to Homer in today’s MH
Dear dummy,
“The Reds’ HOMER BAILEY pitched the season’s first
no-hitter and the second of his career. How weird that a
pitcher would be named Homer. Heck, how weird that
anybody would be named HOMER.”
The Miami Herald
Today
You
Winslow Homer? Nah. Too many seascapes.
Homer Jones, #45 of the New York Giants, the inventor of the spike? Nah.
“Tell me o muse, of that ingenious hero who traveled far
and wide after sacking the famous city of Troy.”
That HOMER, you stupid bastard.
I was lecturing at an alternative high school, the alternative being that they listen to me, a curmudgeonly old White man, or they go to big guy prison. I told, forgive me, the captive audience that when you finish the Iliad, the world’s first war story, you get to read the Odyssey, the world’s first love story.
A somewhat somnambulistic feral Black youth, and should a paradigmatic template of that genre need to be struck he was the model, perked up and said, “Wasn’t that the story of the dude who took 20 years to get back to his old lady?”
3,000 years.
The story in its essence.
Genius.
That HOMER, you putz.
Kevin Smith
Greg Cote
The Miami Herald
Re: Homer? – Some remarkably contained comments on your head up your ass reference to Homer in today’s MH
Dear dummy,
“The Reds’ HOMER BAILEY pitched the season’s first
no-hitter and the second of his career. How weird that a
pitcher would be named Homer. Heck, how weird that
anybody would be named HOMER.”
The Miami Herald
Today
You
Winslow Homer? Nah. Too many seascapes.
Homer Jones, #45 of the New York Giants, the inventor of the spike? Nah.
“Tell me o muse, of that ingenious hero who traveled far
and wide after sacking the famous city of Troy.”
That HOMER, you stupid bastard.
I was lecturing at an alternative high school, the alternative being that they listen to me, a curmudgeonly old White man, or they go to big guy prison. I told, forgive me, the captive audience that when you finish the Iliad, the world’s first war story, you get to read the Odyssey, the world’s first love story.
A somewhat somnambulistic feral Black youth, and should a paradigmatic template of that genre need to be struck he was the model, perked up and said, “Wasn’t that the story of the dude who took 20 years to get back to his old lady?”
3,000 years.
The story in its essence.
Genius.
That HOMER, you putz.
Kevin Smith
July 6, 2013
Stephen L. Goldstein
The Sun Sentinel
RE: TU QUOQUE – Why didn’t someone tell me about this before?
Professor Screwtape, AKA “Peckerhead”
I know what you must be thinking.
What caused this abrupt change in me, your most gracious, indeed idyllic and irenic, critic? I was always a gentle, caring scold.
What made me change from being a mildly amusing decent fellow to a curmudgeonly, pole-axing, meaner than cat shit stalker of modern American Liberals?
You did, you dunce.
In your unlinkable column of June 5 you told us that argumentum ad hominem was OK as long as the right guy was getting hominemed as in “Borked”.
You told us how good it was that Bork became an eponym. Judge Bork was a triple threat. First, his name as a noun. Second, his name as a verb. Third, his name as a political strategy.
In your case, you vile turd, I would have preferred to use argumentum ad absurdum or argumentum ad captandum but since you told me that it was OK to look into Judge Bork’s garbage, into Judge Bork’s choices of rental movies, and of what he did to try to help his wife die a bit less unpleasantly I feel duty-bound to hit you with a bat – rhetorically speaking, of course.
Thus, when you speak of “settled law”, you cabeza de caca, I am delighted to tell you that Plessy v Ferguson was “settled law”.
I would like to have used petard as an example – hoist on one’s own petard – with its sexist overtones but I fear a night time visit by the dreaded modern American Liberal word police. The first bottom feeding slug to send the coppers – men with badges and guns, in this instance agents of the Florida Department of Law Enforcement, Agent Thomas and Agent Mineva to be precise – after me was Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman-Schultz. Since mALs of all stripes have no sense of humor I would like to staple her Julia Roberts lips to a 110 outlet and try to straighten her hair.
The great ending to the Bork story is that if he had been approved for the Supreme Court Vice President Alfred Arnold Gore, son of Albert Arnold Gore, Sr a man whose most notable achievement was being in the tank for Armand Hammer, a man whose nose was so far up Lenin’s ass, yes, that Lenin, that Al Sr. taught his son the words to the Internationale before the Star Spangled Banner, would have been President.
[Of course, if the dumb bastard had won Tennessee, his home state, a state where he set a record by flunking out of 2 graduate schools in one semester before going on to being a tobacco growing, slum landlording, serial polluting shit he would have been President even if he did not get one vote in Florida.] Maybe that explains why he sold out to the murdering thugs who blew up the World Trade Center.]
Since you mention Clarence Thomas in a way you would not mention Trayvon Martin – Does that make you a friggin’ hypocrite? It sure does, you dummy – I must mention Thurgood Marshall.
Perhaps the term “idiot savant” applies to him. Without doubt the best trial lawyer in the 20th century to serve on the Supreme Court his time as a Justice was excruciating.
It is rumored that the first time he put his robes on he tried to put his feet in first. If it hadn’t been for Justice Powell he would still be waiting for Diana Ross. The rumor that his shoes have directions “toes in first” cannot be confirmed.
Read his opinion on Roe V Wade. It could have been written by Dr. Mengele. Margaret Sanger, she of the “Cull the herd School of Eugenics” and the intellectual forebear of the Nuremberg Race Laws, would have patted him on the head for good luck. In its entirety it is the best argument for making abortion legal and retroactive
He got his job the old fashioned modern American Liberal way. Guilty White people gave it to him.
Did you know that Justice Bryer’s wife’ family is a “name” at Lloyd’s of London? That means that every time, every single time with no exceptions, the Court hears a case involving insurance or banking he is up to his lower lip in a conflict of interest.
One thing more, you pustule.
I want you to write the words vox populi in the little black book that all mALS carry. Then I want you to draw a line through it.
The people can’t be trusted. They’re all shmucks, right?
This is liberating. No more Mister Nice Guy. Thanks.
KEVIN SMITH
WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET
Stephen L. Goldstein
The Sun Sentinel
RE: TU QUOQUE – Why didn’t someone tell me about this before?
Professor Screwtape, AKA “Peckerhead”
I know what you must be thinking.
What caused this abrupt change in me, your most gracious, indeed idyllic and irenic, critic? I was always a gentle, caring scold.
What made me change from being a mildly amusing decent fellow to a curmudgeonly, pole-axing, meaner than cat shit stalker of modern American Liberals?
You did, you dunce.
In your unlinkable column of June 5 you told us that argumentum ad hominem was OK as long as the right guy was getting hominemed as in “Borked”.
You told us how good it was that Bork became an eponym. Judge Bork was a triple threat. First, his name as a noun. Second, his name as a verb. Third, his name as a political strategy.
In your case, you vile turd, I would have preferred to use argumentum ad absurdum or argumentum ad captandum but since you told me that it was OK to look into Judge Bork’s garbage, into Judge Bork’s choices of rental movies, and of what he did to try to help his wife die a bit less unpleasantly I feel duty-bound to hit you with a bat – rhetorically speaking, of course.
Thus, when you speak of “settled law”, you cabeza de caca, I am delighted to tell you that Plessy v Ferguson was “settled law”.
I would like to have used petard as an example – hoist on one’s own petard – with its sexist overtones but I fear a night time visit by the dreaded modern American Liberal word police. The first bottom feeding slug to send the coppers – men with badges and guns, in this instance agents of the Florida Department of Law Enforcement, Agent Thomas and Agent Mineva to be precise – after me was Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman-Schultz. Since mALs of all stripes have no sense of humor I would like to staple her Julia Roberts lips to a 110 outlet and try to straighten her hair.
The great ending to the Bork story is that if he had been approved for the Supreme Court Vice President Alfred Arnold Gore, son of Albert Arnold Gore, Sr a man whose most notable achievement was being in the tank for Armand Hammer, a man whose nose was so far up Lenin’s ass, yes, that Lenin, that Al Sr. taught his son the words to the Internationale before the Star Spangled Banner, would have been President.
[Of course, if the dumb bastard had won Tennessee, his home state, a state where he set a record by flunking out of 2 graduate schools in one semester before going on to being a tobacco growing, slum landlording, serial polluting shit he would have been President even if he did not get one vote in Florida.] Maybe that explains why he sold out to the murdering thugs who blew up the World Trade Center.]
Since you mention Clarence Thomas in a way you would not mention Trayvon Martin – Does that make you a friggin’ hypocrite? It sure does, you dummy – I must mention Thurgood Marshall.
Perhaps the term “idiot savant” applies to him. Without doubt the best trial lawyer in the 20th century to serve on the Supreme Court his time as a Justice was excruciating.
It is rumored that the first time he put his robes on he tried to put his feet in first. If it hadn’t been for Justice Powell he would still be waiting for Diana Ross. The rumor that his shoes have directions “toes in first” cannot be confirmed.
Read his opinion on Roe V Wade. It could have been written by Dr. Mengele. Margaret Sanger, she of the “Cull the herd School of Eugenics” and the intellectual forebear of the Nuremberg Race Laws, would have patted him on the head for good luck. In its entirety it is the best argument for making abortion legal and retroactive
He got his job the old fashioned modern American Liberal way. Guilty White people gave it to him.
Did you know that Justice Bryer’s wife’ family is a “name” at Lloyd’s of London? That means that every time, every single time with no exceptions, the Court hears a case involving insurance or banking he is up to his lower lip in a conflict of interest.
One thing more, you pustule.
I want you to write the words vox populi in the little black book that all mALS carry. Then I want you to draw a line through it.
The people can’t be trusted. They’re all shmucks, right?
This is liberating. No more Mister Nice Guy. Thanks.
KEVIN SMITH
WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET
Friday, July 5, 2013
Fred Grimm
July 4, 2013
Fred Grimm
fgrimm@miamiherald.com
RE: - “Growlers” – Why can’t we just drink our beer? – Some comments on your column in today’s Miami Herald on the unfairness of life, a theme that you find to be bottomless, in this instance when it comes to the size of take-out containers filled with craft beer.
Mr. Grimm,
At last! A teachable moment for a fire breathing, card carrying modern American Liberal, and on the 4th of July to boot.
First, a lesson in regional etymology. Since no one has yet come forward to replace Mencken a band of keen amateurs must do our best to keep his flame burning.
“Growlers” in Bayonne, New Jersey, when I was a youth, were the enamel lined, handled pots that fathers sent their sons to the corner saloon – Bayonne had 168 of them. An impressive number until you learn that Hoboken, 1/3rd the size of Bayonne, had 305 retail consumption licenses, to fetch some tap beer. Before you left your father would rub his finger across some butter and then rub the inside of the pot. That kept the head down thereby giving Dad a few ounces more of the brew. I don’t remember them being 64 ounces but I may be wrong.
Second, a lesson in beer drinking wedding reception etiquette.
At my daughter’s wedding reception, a memorable night at the High Lawn Pavilion in West Orange, New Jersey, any and all Anheuser-Busch products were banned. Also, anything labeled as Light or Lite beers were verboten. The banquet manager asked my why. I told him the rule of de gustibus applied to the latter while Shakespeare applied to the former. Just before Fat Jack says “The first thing we will do is kill all the lawyers” the warning “I’ll make it a crime to drink small beer” was pronounced. “Small beer” was what passed for Light beer in those days. The monitum and prohibition are still in force.
Budweiser was the worst beer in America. It being almost 40 years since I tasted it it may have gotten worse. Quien sabe? Its purchase by a Belgian company does not bode well for it. It’s been almost 21 centuries since anyone has said anything nice about the Belgae. Other than 2 famous battles fought on its soil, [neither of which they participated in], some decent chocolate, none of which is grown there, lace, and some really great dogs the place is Palookaville.
As to the “teachable moment”….
Legislative time spent over the size of beer containers speaks to our History.
In the Declaration of Independence, and may illuminations light up the sky in celebration thereof today, Jefferson writes of the things that the King has done, things
that caused us “to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another”.
“He has erected a multitude of new offices, and sent hither
swarms of new officers, to harass our people,
and eat out their substance.”
Can we not stipulate that the size of beer containers is not something that Western Civilization will rise or fall on? But haven’t said that can we not also stipulate that it is something that governments need not concern themselves with? And lastly, if free men choose to concern themselves with it why should it be interfered with?
Over the years, your columns, with a regularity that puts a nuclear powered metronome to shame, always – A – point out some real or imagined injustice and – B – say the only solution is to be found in some government agency, one that of course is on the side of the good guys, taking a hint from the President, “put its foot up some evildoer’s ass”.
Apparently the size of Florida “growlers” was a disputed point in the Florida legislature this year. Apparently some lobbyists – it is not known if the Koch Brothers or the NRA had a hand in this – convinced some legislators to deep-six the nagging question of 64 ounce craft beer containers.
The conundrum here is that when NARAL or the ACLU or the various teachers’ unions or pigs should have Constitutional protection or we should restore the Everglades due East on Commercial Boulevard until it is stopped by the Bahamas or bullying will end by legislative fiat or that teenage obesity should cease forthwith the same umbrella of protection for the latter is what enables the former to operate.
It is the only Constitutionally protected profession.
“Congress shall make no law…abridging,,,the right
of the people to peaceably to assemble, and to petition
the government for a redress of grievances.”
Article 1 – The Bill of Rights
It doesn’t list which grievances are “good” or “bad”. The Founders were smart that way.
It allows, indeed encourages by not banning, the edge groups to ask their legislators to consider the petitions of the Flat Earth Society, the Vegan menu in schools supporters, the banning of everyone from Quebec, the installation of literacy tests, not for voters but for candidates, the Can’t We All Just Get Along Society, the 2 guns in every house group, the promotion of the heartbreak of psoriasis society, the return of public floggings for certain offenses, NAMBLA, the “If Darwin was right why is it still a theory?” Marching Society, a $28.50 minimum wage, changing pi from 3.1416 to 3.0 to increase FCAT scores and to increase teenage self-esteem, the banning of profit from all contracts with any governmental agency to level the playing field, banning Spandex thongs on fat assed ladies, short pouring in beach bars, heroin for terminal cancer patients….my fingers tire and my eyes grow dim.
FREE MEN SPEAK WITH FREE TONGUES!
Will you join in my crusade to ban Michelob?
KEVIN SMITH
WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET
Fred Grimm
fgrimm@miamiherald.com
RE: - “Growlers” – Why can’t we just drink our beer? – Some comments on your column in today’s Miami Herald on the unfairness of life, a theme that you find to be bottomless, in this instance when it comes to the size of take-out containers filled with craft beer.
Mr. Grimm,
At last! A teachable moment for a fire breathing, card carrying modern American Liberal, and on the 4th of July to boot.
First, a lesson in regional etymology. Since no one has yet come forward to replace Mencken a band of keen amateurs must do our best to keep his flame burning.
“Growlers” in Bayonne, New Jersey, when I was a youth, were the enamel lined, handled pots that fathers sent their sons to the corner saloon – Bayonne had 168 of them. An impressive number until you learn that Hoboken, 1/3rd the size of Bayonne, had 305 retail consumption licenses, to fetch some tap beer. Before you left your father would rub his finger across some butter and then rub the inside of the pot. That kept the head down thereby giving Dad a few ounces more of the brew. I don’t remember them being 64 ounces but I may be wrong.
Second, a lesson in beer drinking wedding reception etiquette.
At my daughter’s wedding reception, a memorable night at the High Lawn Pavilion in West Orange, New Jersey, any and all Anheuser-Busch products were banned. Also, anything labeled as Light or Lite beers were verboten. The banquet manager asked my why. I told him the rule of de gustibus applied to the latter while Shakespeare applied to the former. Just before Fat Jack says “The first thing we will do is kill all the lawyers” the warning “I’ll make it a crime to drink small beer” was pronounced. “Small beer” was what passed for Light beer in those days. The monitum and prohibition are still in force.
Budweiser was the worst beer in America. It being almost 40 years since I tasted it it may have gotten worse. Quien sabe? Its purchase by a Belgian company does not bode well for it. It’s been almost 21 centuries since anyone has said anything nice about the Belgae. Other than 2 famous battles fought on its soil, [neither of which they participated in], some decent chocolate, none of which is grown there, lace, and some really great dogs the place is Palookaville.
As to the “teachable moment”….
Legislative time spent over the size of beer containers speaks to our History.
In the Declaration of Independence, and may illuminations light up the sky in celebration thereof today, Jefferson writes of the things that the King has done, things
that caused us “to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another”.
“He has erected a multitude of new offices, and sent hither
swarms of new officers, to harass our people,
and eat out their substance.”
Can we not stipulate that the size of beer containers is not something that Western Civilization will rise or fall on? But haven’t said that can we not also stipulate that it is something that governments need not concern themselves with? And lastly, if free men choose to concern themselves with it why should it be interfered with?
Over the years, your columns, with a regularity that puts a nuclear powered metronome to shame, always – A – point out some real or imagined injustice and – B – say the only solution is to be found in some government agency, one that of course is on the side of the good guys, taking a hint from the President, “put its foot up some evildoer’s ass”.
Apparently the size of Florida “growlers” was a disputed point in the Florida legislature this year. Apparently some lobbyists – it is not known if the Koch Brothers or the NRA had a hand in this – convinced some legislators to deep-six the nagging question of 64 ounce craft beer containers.
The conundrum here is that when NARAL or the ACLU or the various teachers’ unions or pigs should have Constitutional protection or we should restore the Everglades due East on Commercial Boulevard until it is stopped by the Bahamas or bullying will end by legislative fiat or that teenage obesity should cease forthwith the same umbrella of protection for the latter is what enables the former to operate.
It is the only Constitutionally protected profession.
“Congress shall make no law…abridging,,,the right
of the people to peaceably to assemble, and to petition
the government for a redress of grievances.”
Article 1 – The Bill of Rights
It doesn’t list which grievances are “good” or “bad”. The Founders were smart that way.
It allows, indeed encourages by not banning, the edge groups to ask their legislators to consider the petitions of the Flat Earth Society, the Vegan menu in schools supporters, the banning of everyone from Quebec, the installation of literacy tests, not for voters but for candidates, the Can’t We All Just Get Along Society, the 2 guns in every house group, the promotion of the heartbreak of psoriasis society, the return of public floggings for certain offenses, NAMBLA, the “If Darwin was right why is it still a theory?” Marching Society, a $28.50 minimum wage, changing pi from 3.1416 to 3.0 to increase FCAT scores and to increase teenage self-esteem, the banning of profit from all contracts with any governmental agency to level the playing field, banning Spandex thongs on fat assed ladies, short pouring in beach bars, heroin for terminal cancer patients….my fingers tire and my eyes grow dim.
FREE MEN SPEAK WITH FREE TONGUES!
Will you join in my crusade to ban Michelob?
KEVIN SMITH
WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET
Tuesday, July 2, 2013
Dahleen Glanton The Chicago Tribune
July 1, 2013
Dahleen Glanton
The Chicago Tribune
dglanton@tribune.com
RE: Paula Deen…inter alia
Ms. Glanton,
[If I were you I wouldn’t be buying any green bananas. Your tenure as an ink-stained wench, employed by the Chicago Tribune, is in jeopardy. The Tribune Company does not want to be in the newspaper business. Perhaps the Koch Brothers or K. Rupert Murdoch will rescue you. You heard it here first.]
First, some disclosures.
#1 – I have 2 relatives who fought at Gettysburg with the Irish Brigade 150 years ago tomorrow. One of them is still there “wrapped in his faded coat of Blue”. I mention this because if reparations for slavery ever become the law in this country I intend to use that as a tax credit carry-forward to pay my “fair” share.
#2 – I have been to Savannah and Charleston. The only mistake General William Tecumseh Sherman – “Uncle Billy” to his troops – made in his extremely successful “surge” was that he did not level Savannah and then obliterate and I mean flatten like the Romans did to Carthage, Charleston. The bumper sticker “No More Nagasakis” should always be followed by “No More Pearl Harbors”. If the “Mighty 8th” had bombed Dresden one more time the river would have disappeared. The same should have been Charleston’s fate. They started the War, didn’t they?
#3 – I spoke with a Black man dressed in white when last I dined at Uncle Bubba’s. We discussed oysters and the grilling thereof. He did not ask me for directions to the Underground Railroad.
I spent the better part of a decade under oath. United States Tax Court. United States Bankruptcy Court. United States Court of Appeals [5th and 10th Circuits] My name was on some papers that reached the Supreme Court of the United States where the vote was 9-0. Somehow I missed the United States Court of International Trade. Also, FISA.
I also was a 3rd party witness in a criminal investigation led by then United States Attorney Rudolph Giuliani. Although it was 1987 I was asked questions about what I did on November 1, 1961. Honest.
Because of the above and with all of the wounds being self-inflicted, and because of a confounding, constantly curmudgeonly concupiscence I find myself in perpetual “disfavor with fortune and men’s eyes”.
Of all the things I said in all those places there is one thing of which I am absolutely, with 100% metaphysical certitude, positive.
I did not commit perjury
It wasn’t particularly heroic. Thomas More said
“A man upon oath holds his soul in his hands as if it were water.
He opens his fingers at his own peril.”
If Paula Deen had perjured herself she would still be cholesterol’s best sales lady. The next convention of cardiac surgeons should begin with a moment of silence and then a glowing tribute to Paula Deen. She did more to help young cardiologists pay off their medical school loans than anyone else.
If Paula Deen had followed the example of another aging Southerner – And shades of Monica L. but why does Bill Clinton leap to mind – and perjured herself she still would be employing scores of poor Black Southerners in her privately funded Summer of Recovery
I propose that we put every White American under oath. I propose that we ask them if they ever used the dreaded “N” word, the word that White Americans dare not speak. I propose that we ask every White American under oath if they ever thought of the dreaded “N” word, the word that Americans dare not think.
“I did not have sex with that woman...Miss Lewinsky” was a lie. Presidents are expected to lie. 3 times in the 20th century 3 different Presidents, all of whom were, coincidentally I’m sure, Democrats said that they “would not send American boys to fight in foreign wars”. They did not perjure themselves. Neither did Paula Deen. Bill Clinton did.
Free speech is like pregnancy. Either you are or you aren’t. Either it is or it isn’t.
It is the same with uterine papillary serous carcinoma. Either you have it or you don’t. Benign or malignant. It can’t be both.
The American taxpayer subsidizes a “Trousered Ape” loose form sculpture called “Piss Christ”. It is a clear cylinder filled with piss in which is hung a crucifix. If someone shows the Mohammed cartoons, particularly the ones that show him buggering a goat or a pre-pubescent girl, Pakistan burns itself down.
Why is one acceptable and the other isn’t?
“Frankly Dahleen, I don’t give a damn”
If you have your knickers in a knot because Paula Deen didn’t perjure herself get over it. As to Pakistan, let it burn,
Jesse Jackson said he “wanted to cut Obama’s nuts off”, remember? Did anybody fire him?
About 30,000,000 Black babies have been aborted since 1973. Is that funny?
Here’s to Paula!
Pass the gravy and the corn bread, please, and save me some of that pecan pie
Kevin Smith
WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET
PS – Mick jokes, Heartbreak of Psoriasis jokes. Kike jokes, EyeTie jokes, Somewhat domesticated swarthy 3rd Worlder jokes, Hunchback jokes, Lawyer jokes, Polack jokes, Peckerhead jokes, Sweater meat jokes, Frog jokes, LGBT jokes, Economy/Pantyhose jokes, Ethiopians in the fuel supply jokes, Dot head jokes, Bearded clam jokes, Chink jokes, Blonde jokes, Liver spot jokes, Greaser jokes, Suicide jokes, Social Security jokes, Hershey Highway jokes….you name it and we can yuck it up. Most are available for immediate delivery. All major credit cards accepted. Send a SASE or visit our website www.LaughYourAssOff.com
Dahleen Glanton
The Chicago Tribune
dglanton@tribune.com
RE: Paula Deen…inter alia
Ms. Glanton,
[If I were you I wouldn’t be buying any green bananas. Your tenure as an ink-stained wench, employed by the Chicago Tribune, is in jeopardy. The Tribune Company does not want to be in the newspaper business. Perhaps the Koch Brothers or K. Rupert Murdoch will rescue you. You heard it here first.]
First, some disclosures.
#1 – I have 2 relatives who fought at Gettysburg with the Irish Brigade 150 years ago tomorrow. One of them is still there “wrapped in his faded coat of Blue”. I mention this because if reparations for slavery ever become the law in this country I intend to use that as a tax credit carry-forward to pay my “fair” share.
#2 – I have been to Savannah and Charleston. The only mistake General William Tecumseh Sherman – “Uncle Billy” to his troops – made in his extremely successful “surge” was that he did not level Savannah and then obliterate and I mean flatten like the Romans did to Carthage, Charleston. The bumper sticker “No More Nagasakis” should always be followed by “No More Pearl Harbors”. If the “Mighty 8th” had bombed Dresden one more time the river would have disappeared. The same should have been Charleston’s fate. They started the War, didn’t they?
#3 – I spoke with a Black man dressed in white when last I dined at Uncle Bubba’s. We discussed oysters and the grilling thereof. He did not ask me for directions to the Underground Railroad.
I spent the better part of a decade under oath. United States Tax Court. United States Bankruptcy Court. United States Court of Appeals [5th and 10th Circuits] My name was on some papers that reached the Supreme Court of the United States where the vote was 9-0. Somehow I missed the United States Court of International Trade. Also, FISA.
I also was a 3rd party witness in a criminal investigation led by then United States Attorney Rudolph Giuliani. Although it was 1987 I was asked questions about what I did on November 1, 1961. Honest.
Because of the above and with all of the wounds being self-inflicted, and because of a confounding, constantly curmudgeonly concupiscence I find myself in perpetual “disfavor with fortune and men’s eyes”.
Of all the things I said in all those places there is one thing of which I am absolutely, with 100% metaphysical certitude, positive.
I did not commit perjury
It wasn’t particularly heroic. Thomas More said
“A man upon oath holds his soul in his hands as if it were water.
He opens his fingers at his own peril.”
If Paula Deen had perjured herself she would still be cholesterol’s best sales lady. The next convention of cardiac surgeons should begin with a moment of silence and then a glowing tribute to Paula Deen. She did more to help young cardiologists pay off their medical school loans than anyone else.
If Paula Deen had followed the example of another aging Southerner – And shades of Monica L. but why does Bill Clinton leap to mind – and perjured herself she still would be employing scores of poor Black Southerners in her privately funded Summer of Recovery
I propose that we put every White American under oath. I propose that we ask them if they ever used the dreaded “N” word, the word that White Americans dare not speak. I propose that we ask every White American under oath if they ever thought of the dreaded “N” word, the word that Americans dare not think.
“I did not have sex with that woman...Miss Lewinsky” was a lie. Presidents are expected to lie. 3 times in the 20th century 3 different Presidents, all of whom were, coincidentally I’m sure, Democrats said that they “would not send American boys to fight in foreign wars”. They did not perjure themselves. Neither did Paula Deen. Bill Clinton did.
Free speech is like pregnancy. Either you are or you aren’t. Either it is or it isn’t.
It is the same with uterine papillary serous carcinoma. Either you have it or you don’t. Benign or malignant. It can’t be both.
The American taxpayer subsidizes a “Trousered Ape” loose form sculpture called “Piss Christ”. It is a clear cylinder filled with piss in which is hung a crucifix. If someone shows the Mohammed cartoons, particularly the ones that show him buggering a goat or a pre-pubescent girl, Pakistan burns itself down.
Why is one acceptable and the other isn’t?
“Frankly Dahleen, I don’t give a damn”
If you have your knickers in a knot because Paula Deen didn’t perjure herself get over it. As to Pakistan, let it burn,
Jesse Jackson said he “wanted to cut Obama’s nuts off”, remember? Did anybody fire him?
About 30,000,000 Black babies have been aborted since 1973. Is that funny?
Here’s to Paula!
Pass the gravy and the corn bread, please, and save me some of that pecan pie
Kevin Smith
WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET
PS – Mick jokes, Heartbreak of Psoriasis jokes. Kike jokes, EyeTie jokes, Somewhat domesticated swarthy 3rd Worlder jokes, Hunchback jokes, Lawyer jokes, Polack jokes, Peckerhead jokes, Sweater meat jokes, Frog jokes, LGBT jokes, Economy/Pantyhose jokes, Ethiopians in the fuel supply jokes, Dot head jokes, Bearded clam jokes, Chink jokes, Blonde jokes, Liver spot jokes, Greaser jokes, Suicide jokes, Social Security jokes, Hershey Highway jokes….you name it and we can yuck it up. Most are available for immediate delivery. All major credit cards accepted. Send a SASE or visit our website www.LaughYourAssOff.com
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