Wednesday, April 27, 2016

April 26, 2016
Frank Loconto
County Line

Dear Frank,

First, let me congratulate you for your show last Saturday, the one that highlighted the astonishing effects of the art of debate on the Broward county school system. The show had Robert Runcie, the Big Boss man of Broward Education, former Senator George Lemieux, and Ms. Levinson, a typically strident member of the Board of Education.

The Trivium – Grammar, Logic, Rhetoric – is the great crown jewel of Western Civilization. Everything flows from it. Rules, construction, and exposition are the things that enabled us to leave the caves of savagery where we found ourselves in some 25 centuries ago. The ability to think, to know that we are thinking, and the great gift of being able to act on same gave us the construct on which our way of life moved out of the darkness and saved the world.

Debate, particularly for young people, gives a sense of discipline on an individual level that is invaluable and, I daresay, incalculable in the maturation of its practitioners.
Team sports always can make an allowance for a weak performance from one of its members.  That’s why it is called a team.

In debate, you are like a gymnast starting her routine on the beam. You are out there by yourself. There are no nets. There are no “mulligans”. There are no “gimmees”. What you did to get there is in many ways a collective process. Good coaching, competitive practices, the mental striving to be on top of the pole, but to be out there where the regular buses don’t go, “to risk all on one turn of pitch and toss”, are the threads common to competitors, be they debaters or gymnasts.

[Let me digress for a brief minute. The gymnast I am referring to is Julia Hanson, my youngest granddaughter. She is a state champion gymnast, the state being Texas. She competed in 3 national meets this year, winning 2 of them. The one she finished second in was by .002 of a point.  She practices in a manner that is alien to me. I have told her that if she wants to make “withdrawals” she has to make “deposits”. Just like a debater. She wants to go to Tokyo in 2020. That’s just one more reason to stay a step ahead of the Obama “death panels”.]

I said I had some follow-up thoughts on education, thoughts that your show triggered. To wit;

#1 – If money is the one thing that makes schools better why aren’t the public schools in Washington turning our Pulitzer Prize winners in grammar school and Nobel Prize winners in high school? No place in the country, no place on the planet spends more per pupil than Washington, DC. Why hasn’t this made it a system that is demonstrably the best ever? I am glad that the Obamas live rent free in public housing. Since neither has ever held a real job the only other way they could handle the $130,000.00 tuition bills for their daughters – I don’t know if have to “brown bag” their lunch - would require them to wear ski masks and be familiar with Saturday Night specials. Knowledge of where all the 7-11s are would be helpful.  They could be the first non-Caucasian Bonnie & Clyde. Maybe we could bring back the Clinton Secret Service Executive Privilege ploy that he used when he was playing “Hide the Salami” with the zoftig intern. Maybe they could scout out some potential take downs and provide the getaway vehicles.

As a stop gap before demanding that English teachers know who Shakespeare was, not necessarily what he wrote and that pi is still 3.1416 how about demanding that all elected officials send their children to public school? No exceptions. None whatsoever.

#2 – Runcie uses the word “investment” as if he knows what it means.

He doesn’t. 

The Board of Education borrowed $800,000,000.00 November last. The money was supposedly for capital improvements. All he has to show for it is 10 pounds of cancelled checks. There is a section all prospectuses, prospectuses being documents used to convince people to buy the security being offered. It is called “Use of Proceeds”. It states in boring detail what the money being raised is going to be used for. Since the term of the bond is 30 years good husbandry would dictate that the money raised not be used for buying organic kale or low-carb tofu, the kind that Mrs. Obama favors. Those are expense items and must never be capitalized. Imagine the outrage if it were to be found out that in 1986 the Board of Education bought state of the art computers and took 30 years to pay for them. Can you say IBM Peanut PC? How about Gateway 2000? The 30 year old Apple, the one that Steve Jobs personal installed, is a big hit in the underfunded “inner city”, “super-predator” breeding  schools, right?

Why didn’t someone think to include the hugely successful tactic of the Obama recovery plan? You remember “shovel ready jobs, don’t you? It certainly worked before. Why not do it again. 5 months into the clicking interest clock and the only measurable progress is the continued success of attorneys, architects, bankers, insurance agents, and. so help me, consultants.

Perhaps Broward County has an enterprising underemployed attorney with a background in Securities Law, particularly the 1934 Act. Sounds like fraud to me. Perhaps a Federal Judge could help in this.

#3 – Mrs. Levinson, to be charitable, is a horse’s ass. OK, OK. To keep the dreaded Word Police from paying me another visit I’ll change that to mare’s ass. No matter the problem she has but one solution for it. More Money, more money, and still more money. After all, it’s for the children, isn’t it? She should be flogged.

As long as you have tenure you must use 130% of capacity to achieve mediocrity. If tenure is so good why is it denied to football coaches here?

It is not a question of why bad teachers are paid as much as good teachers but, rather, why are they paid at all. Paying bad teachers more money will not make them better teachers. There is one thing it will guarantee: sloth

Here’s a plan:

A – It worked well for Jack Welch and Al Neuharth. Identify the “underperforming schools”. Shit-can as many of the administrators and teachers as necessary to get the attention, a la Napoleon, before a battle.  Offer big bonuses as hazard pay to attract the best and brightest [Just because the “best and brightest” put the country on a one-way, express lane to the shit house in Vietnam doesn’t mean it is of no value]. Facts are inconvenient things for card-carrying modern American Liberal members of the Poverty-Industrial Complex.

We know that Johnny can’t read. We know that Consuela is weak in Geometry [If I were to ask why anyone named Patel or Wong is absent from that list would that be racism per se?] Quantify those deficiencies. Pay teachers extraordinary bonuses as the curve improves.

Try it. The worst that can happen is that we are back where we started.



Kevin Smith
WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET



PS – It’s a small thing but it is important. The only way your Saturday show could have been better would have been if you wore one of my ties.






Monday, April 25, 2016

April 21, 2016
Senator Richard Blumenthal
90 State House Square #10
Hartford, CT 06103-3708

RE: “Don’t make me choose”

Senator “Little Dick”,

“Don’t make me choose” is one of Homer Simpson’s basic life rules. It’s what helps him get through the quotidian minutiae of his day. Will this be the year the Summer of Recovery finally gets here? Is the earth cooling? Are the seas receding? If I Iike my Red Line can I keep it? 

I just saw you give a TV interview on MSNBC that was mind numbing. You said, I think, that Hillary Clinton is in favor of marriage equality. 

I’m not sure what that means but one thing is obvious. Get a vasectomy. If possible, make it retroactive. There are enough ohmadahns in the shallow end of our beleaguered gene pool now.

If the Gods decide to punish us again by making her President can we expect a 21 year old male intern to become the official Oval Office Rug Muncher? Forget about official flags, how about some East Wing Hair Pie?

I am the owner of several highly respected, much coveted awards. You qualify of them.

HORSE’S ASS OF THE WEEK
POMPOUS FART OF THE MONTH

Using Homer Simpson as my paradigmatic template, a term much favored by modern American Liberals, wing nut, moon bats such as you, I hereby declare you as a well-deserved winner of both. Enjoy your laurels. You got them the old fashioned way. You earned them!


Kevin Smith

PS- Thank god for Google! I remember when you forgot to remember that you weren’t a Marine in Vietnam. Your law suits banning trucks from using IS 95 in Connecticut were always a hoot, particularly to anyone with cursory knowledge of the Constitution. You’re the reason why Judges wear long robes. It would not be good for court room decorum to watch a Judge laugh his ass off while wetting his pants as you present your specious arguments. Accordingly, I hereby name you 

SMARMY BASTARD OF THE YEAR

You are this year’s first trifecta winner. Forgive me but I sealed the envelope before I put the winner’s check in. I’ll send it to Bernie. May be he’ll be able to straighten things out. Free college? Who needs it? Free Beer! Pan et arena redux.






April 21, 2016
Marc Zuckerberg – CEO
Facebook
Menlo Park CA 94025

Mr. Zuckerberg,

I know the difference between Caravaggio and Chiaroscuro. My last gun fight was June 3, 1993. I’ve flown the Concorde. I “created” more jobs in the ‘80s than all the companies on the Dow Jones Industrial Average. I have been 1,000 feet underground mining coal. I am a recovering wine snob. I know how to attack a 2 deep zone. I have signed 10Ks. Willie Nelson and Y0-Yo Ma are electronic companions on long car rides. I was on Jeopardy. I led a protest at Midnight Mass on Christmas Eve in London. I once got $5,000 for having lunch, a lunch I did not pay for. I am a proud legatee and fierce defender of all the stuff that the DWEMs have gathered up. I put cigars in my father’s coffin in case he met someone he knew. I know that “the sins we do two by two we pay for one by one”.

What in the name of Professor Irwin Corey do you mean when you tell me to start “importing” my email contacts on my confusing Facebook account? Having come to the conclusion that I will never find a Rosetta Stone I will settle for today’s Holy Grail, the elusive Austrian/English dictionary. Maybe that will help me “import” my contacts.






Kevin Smith




PS – Ain’t America great? You gave $100,000,000 to the Newark, NJ public school system doubtless with the hope that you could help Johnny read. It was your money, money that you came by fair and square. It’s OK by m if you want to throw it off the back of a moving train. That’s why, as the immortal Big Mike from Bayonne still says, “You never see anybody swimming TO Cuba.”
PPS – Tomorrow, Earth Day, means I get to wear my PROUD GLOBAL WARMER cap.





April 24, 2016
Gary Stein
The Sun Sentinel

Big Stein,

It’s happening right in front of my eyes. You, one of the keepers of the flame of modern American Liberalism, may be having a lower case Whittaker Chambers moment. Shades of Dante! “Halfway through my journey I found myself in the dark wood of error”.

De profundis, amigo, but you, the uber modern American Liberal, may be having a Damascus moment in public.

“Survey sez, Yup”

Apparently John Galt and Howard Roarke have led a night time assault into the aerie of non-thinking modern American Liberals where you were, until recently, were so comfortably perched.

It must have been a disturbing moment, what with you saddled  on Kumbaya, the stalwart steed of “Midnight basketball” “alternative shopping”, and the long delayed Summer of Revival, to have your ass flung violently to the unforgiving earth where the “Gods of the Copy-Book Headings” still rule.

Twice now, both times in print in the bully pulpit of the Op-Ed page of the unlinkable Sun Sentinel, you have praised UBER, the ride company, as the answer to the rude mannered cum foetid smelling aromas of the government protected taxi industry.
 
I switched my 5 or 6 times a month trip for early AM coffee from McDonald’s to Dunking Donuts.

I have one basic retail rule. It makes no difference whether it is fast food, transesophageal echocardiograms, funerals, or seminars on the 4 source theory of Pentateuch composition. I AM PROFIT. Everyone else in the joint, be they indentured servants, wage slaves, unctuously aspiring middle managers, or the robber baron malefactors of great wealth – except for the Kennedys – whose names are on the door is OVERHEAD. Once that is understood on both sides of the transaction great things can happen.

I had some problems at the local Mickey D’s. They were not resolved to my satisfaction. I went to Dunking Donuts where I noticed 2 immensely, profoundly different things.


#1 – When I walked in everybody, but I mean everybody, said hello;
#2 – There was a tip jar by the cash register.

Yo Biggie! It’s what makes the dog hunt.

Page 1 of today’s Sun Sentinel tells us the sad tale of the Broward County Board of Education and $850,000,000 of unspent bond money. It probably qualifies as a 10b5 violation of the 1934 Securities Act. Not to comment on it would be the same as ignoring a big old bobbing turd in the punch bowl.

Part of any prospectus, said prospectus consisting of written reasons why you should give money to the offeror, is the use of proceeds. The money raised was to be used for the following reasons with those reasons being listed. Logic would dictate that you don’t borrow money for 30 years to buy something whose use life is measured in months or days. Capital items versus expense items, anyone?

Imagine the uproar today if the Broward County board of Education had used 30 year bond money in 1986 to buy state of the art computers? Gateway 2000 anyone? How about an IBM Peanut PC? I am sure the 1986 Apple, the one that in a bow to the fledgling Green movement, was steam powered, is a big hit in the underfunded by racism, inner city schools, petri dishes for super predators, right?

The reason for the above, dear Stein, is not in the stars. It is hard wired into the genes of modern American Liberal aparatchiks. Since failure is never punished success cannot be rewarded.

Honest Injun but it can be as simple as that.

I suggest an adult beverage of choice, a comfortable chair, good lighting, and a copy of “Property and Freedom” by Richard Pipes. I envy you the journey.




KEVIN SMITH

WAARIORBARDIT@BELLSOIUTH.NET
April 24, 2016
Katy Sorenson OP-ED
The Sun Sentinel
500 E. Broward Blvd.
Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33394

MS Sorenson,

“FPL may be able to buy off elected officials with 
campaign contributions and some environmental 
organizations with donations and seats 
on their boards.”
The Sun Sentinel
Today
You

The number for the State’s Attorney’s office in Broward County is 954 xxx xxxx. If you think you need the US Attorney’s number look it up.

Your role as the chief harridan of the Good Government Initiative of the University of Miami demands that if you have knowledge of a felony, of white envelopes changing hands in parking lots, of quids being swapped for quos, you must report this to the nearest competent legal authority. If no one will listen to you you must go to the people who run the Sun Sentinel. This is why Pulitzer Prizes are given out. Big business bribes public officials. That’s boffo box office. Plus, and this is very important for a card carrying, fire breathing modern American Liberal, someone like you, to get the lumpenproles worked up. You can lead them, they with their pitchforks glistening in the sun, you occupying the high ground of moral authority, cloaked with the special power of “non-malodorous fecal matter syndrome” to expose the crooks and send their perfidious asses to jail. How about Gitmo? It’s going to be empty soon, isn’t it?

Facts are like holy water to a vampire for knotted knickered mAL chicks, If you know whodunit you must come out and say it. Names, dates, places. If you don’t know, shut your God Damn mouth lest you be thought of, as the original Dr. J said, “a wretched un-idea’d girl”. 



Kevin Smith



PS – “non-malodorous fecal matter syndrome”? Send a SASE

April 23, 2016
Curt Schilling, he of the bloody sock in the World Series, a game that earned him entry into the Pantheon of American sports, was fired by ESPN for saying that men should urinate in urinals in men’s rooms and that women should urinate in toilets in ladies’ rooms.
It was an Orwellian moment.
Orwell, in between warning us of the Fatal Conceit that afflicts men who believe they know what is best for everyone, said “the obvious and true have to be defended. Stones are hard. Water is wet.”
And for this Schilling got the chop?
My Texas ladies, Caitlin, Caroline, Julia, and Courtenay, their Mom, will be here in June to see the beach trees. Texas only has pictures of them. For a variety of reasons, their age, my age, the sands of time, Fortuna, some blood tests, and the old order always changes, this will probably be the last time we will all be here together.
Since all my capital is tied up in debt and since I am in “perpetual disfavor with fortune and men’s eyes” the box will be empty when the will is read. 
There are several things I can give them.
#1 – Their “fair share” of Western Civilization.
#2 – Their “fair share” of all the stuff those generations of DWEMs has amassed.
#3 – The right to privacy, the one so loved by modern American Liberals, shall be enforced by me for their benefit.

When a group of men are sitting around a table in a public place and one of them has to go the John he stands up and says, “I have to go to the John.” He seeks neither the assent nor the approbation of the others. He gets up; he goes to the John; he goes; he returns.

When a group of ladies are sitting around a table in a public place individual micturation becomes a group activity, one replete with its own rules and rubrics. It is perhaps an example of, as Chesterton remarked, “God’s sense of mirth”, that such things fill up our senses.

The “Let’s reach and cross the horizon” goal of gender equity in bodily functions, a goal that can never be reached, is hampered by empirical toilet traits. I don’t think I ever objected to the herd activity of group urination. Commented on, of course, Objected to, never. Period.

Now it appears that this too will be verboten.

My goal is to make the 6:00 PM News. Hopefully, nationally.

If I am with my Ladies and they decide to gather in the WC I shall be on guard.

If someone wearing a peacock feather festooned flop hat with a vibrant cape and boots to his knees focusing attention on his multi-colored – I dare say motley colored and kaleidoscopic would apply – codpiece attempts to enter the Ladies” room I shall prevent him. No nonsense about LGBTQU rights. He just ain’t getting in. Period.

If someone who uses mayonnaise as a substitute for shampoo who is wearing a Colombo raincoat 6 sizes too big for him tries to get in I will beat him senseless. Period.
I shall gladly bear the wrath of Bruce Springsteen, a fellow Jerseyite. who, now that he is safely in the 1/10th of the 1%, has easily forgotten the rules enforced at the diners he frequented on Route 9. Imagine the reaction in the Stone Pony if Patrick followed Patricia into the Ladies’ Loo around the time Born to Run had just come out.

I am an old guy with 3 titanium joints, a pacemaker, a scleral buckle, and last week, a bit too much chemo. I am leaving a few things out because young adults may be reading. Allow me to date myself. There was a phrase used by Wall Street types way back when. “Clock a ticket”. It meant something was going to happen. 

I shall be like brave Horatius at the bridge.

I shall “face fearful odds” willingly. The tour guides to Avernus must be confronted. Alas, if they include the government, so be it. 

For 25 centuries we have celebrated Antigone. The conflict of rights is never over. Whether it be her versus Creon, the Little Sisters of the Poor versus Leviathan, or a curmudgeonly grandfather who knows what his duty is it goes on.

Any volunteers for this Crusade?

Meanwhile, good on you, Curt.





KEVIN SMITH
WARRIORBARDIT @BELLSOUTH.NET










Friday, April 15, 2016

April 14, 2016
53 years ago I was a lay missionary, construction worker, and coach in Huejutla, Mexico.
 I learned how to thread a pipe because I quickly tired of carrying buckets of water up a hill, buckets that have gotten bigger with the years passing and the hill getting steeper, like a Chinaman wearing a yoke. I helped to build a 6 bed clinic where I learned that nobody, but nobody, works as hard as a Mexican. I painted a jail, I coached volleyball, and I learned to love la cerveza Mexicana, particularly in the saloon where the fight scene in “The Treasure of the Sierra Madre” was filmed. I spent several seconds in a ring with a 6 month old toro that convinced me that Hemingway was right about all that.
 And I saw a 5 month old child die of malaria.
The first big, count to 34, that the Luddite, eco-Nazi, antinomianalistic poltroons won was the banning of DDT. Guilt ridden 1%ers, entirely Caucasian, believed Rachel Carson, as false a prophet as can be found in the 20th century – When the dust settles and “The Gods of the Copybook Headings” put pen to paper on the list of serial killers her name will rival Hitler and Stalin -  a woman who disdained 25 centuries of reasoned discourse, the scientific method, and a healthy skepticism that contributed to getting us out of the caves of ignorance was the Madame Barnum who led us to substitute  feelings for thought and ideas.
Once that fight had been won the rest was easy.
DDT was good because it killed the mosquito that carried malaria. It became bad because maybe it wasn’t good for Peregrine falcons. It was banned in this country during the Nixon administration. Worse, not satisfied with making it verboten here, its export, even under license, was banned.
Fast forward to 2,000,000 sub-Saharan babies, none of whom is remotely Caucasian, dying each year from malaria.
It is a fundamental error of Logic to conflate causation and correlation. Also, a universal cannot be constructed from a particular no matter how many there are. I mention this because what is sauce for the goose is, indeed, sauce for the gander. Using the tu qouque style of Sophistry, one that says absence of proof against can become evidence of proof for - Atlantis? ET? ALAR? The Bermuda Triangle? Nessie? Sasquatch? YK2000? Bambi? – the genocide caused by banning DDT is incalculable. All those dead babies so 1st Worlders can feel good about themselves. Madness. Lunacy.
Come now the Zika carrying mosquito to America.
In a bow to old wives’ tales I am never without a bottle of Schweppes Tonic. It may or may not work against malaria but it works superbly well with Tanqueray, lime, ice, and good friends with whom it can shared.
I suggest that the first time a White woman delivers an otherwise healthy baby save for its thimble sized head there will be a national lynch mob formed to kill all Peregrine falcons forthwith.
I hope there are contingency plans to cover the swamp West of Saw Grass Mall and North and South of Alligator Alley with at least 12 inches of DDT. I understand that it is bad for pythons so that just becomes another plus
When they come, hand held cans filled with environmentally sensitive organic gluten free flit ain’t going to cut it.
The last temperature of the dead bebe was 108 degrees. Its stomach was so distended from dehydration that it took a while to determine its sex. I don’t know where she was buried.
Let freedom ring? Of course.
Let reason rule.
AFTER ALL, IT’S FOR THE CHILDREN, ISN’T IT?



KEVIN SMITH
WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET



Thursday, April 14, 2016

April 13, 2016
Debbie Wasserman-Schultz
DNC Big Boss Lady
430 S. Capitol St – SE
Washington, DC 20003

Dear Debbie Darling,

Do you remember Cindy Sheehan?

Her son was killed in battle in Iraq. She became the face and voice of opposition to war in general, the Iraqi war in particular, and in the most personal of terms, the Presidency of George W. Bush,

Maureen Dowd of the New York Times said “the moral authority of parents who have buried children killed in battle is absolute”. Thus armed, she became the favorite of
modern American Liberals and their lap dogs, the mainstream media, in their quest to make George W. Bush into an amalgam of Attila, Hitler, and John Dillinger.

Do you remember in the days before the Great Reagan beat the Russkies and won the Cold War? If an aparatchick fell into disfavor the Commies didn’t just shoot him, his family, and his dog but they erased his memory. Photos of him standing with the Bosses suddenly appeared with a blank space where he had stood applauding the new 5 year Plan for agriculture or the success of the Soviet weightlifting team. 

Thus, when Cindy Sheehan ran against Nancy Pelosi in the Democratic Primary she became a non-person. Doubtless there is a file somewhere in your office with hard evidence showing that she worked for the Koch Brothers for years and was a member of the NRA when she was in the wholesale cocaine business. Plus, she was latent Right to Lifer. 

4 Americans were killed in Libya on September 11, 2012. One of them was killed in a most savage, gruesome manner because he was thought to be a homosexual. In this country the death of any homosexual, be he killed by AIDS or by homophobia, causes the nation to hold its breath and mourn and never, never to forget. Harvey Milk and Matthew Shepherd leap to mind.

When the bodies were returned to Dover AFB Secretary Clinton was there. In view of the flag draped coffins she told the mothers that the murders were caused by an anti-Islamic video and that the United States would “get him”.

When one of the mothers relayed the conversation Hillary Clinton said that she lied. Not her but, rather, the mother.

Using the Logical and Rhetorical construct so artfully presented by Maureen Dowd the media should have been ablaze with this story.  They were not.
The only conclusion a reasonable observer can come to is that the media, print or electronic, are so smitten with Hillary Clinton that they would rather give themselves colonoscopies with white hot steel wool than to criticize her. After all, no obstacle must be allowed to impede her ascent to the throne. After all, she earned it. After all, she was the ‘90s poster girl for abused and humiliated wives. After all, she and her good buddy Red Bone the Broker made a lot of money. After all, she was on the Board of Directors of Walmart. After all, she got her husband to execute Ricky Ray Rector, a retarded Black man, to show that modern American Liberals could be tough on crime. Nobody was going to miss him. After all, he wasn’t Julius Rosenberg. Some chick.

I write to you, not in anticipation of you taking up the cudgels of righteous indignation – Think of the tumescent squeals of modern American Liberals in defense of the release of the purloined Pentagon Papers – because my note to you in re the record of institutional perfidy so perverse that honest men must retch will live forever in the electronic ether world that former Vice President Alpha Gump invented. Forgive me but I never did thank him.

I have to leave you now. I don’t run on Colored people’s time like Hillary.


Kevin Smith




PS – In order to cement her Pro-Choice, Pro-Death chops there is a rumor that her first executive order will be to permit 4th trimester abortions. Also, 276 Nigerian Christian girls were kidnapped 2 years ago. How is the #BringBackOurGirls campaign going? Do you think she may label this “Islamic Terrorism”, at least retroactively?
April 12, 2016
SOME THINGS ARE OWED TO THE LEDGER

Willie Horton’s name came up this morning.

For 30 years his name has been used by modern American Liberals or Democrats, the names being fully synonymous and interchangeable, to bludgeon Republicans, if not into recantation, at least into embarrassed silence lest they be labeled Racist, this generation’s Scarlet Letter.

Can we stipulate to the following?

#1 – Willie Horton is Black.
#2 - Willie Horton was a Massachusetts rapist and murderer who was the modern American Liberal paradigmatic template for the ideal feral Black predator long before Hillary Clinton coined the term. Willie Horton was sentenced to multiple life terms with the stipulation that he would only have to serve one of them.
#3 – If he lived in Arkansas when Bill Clinton ran the place he would have been executed. Hillary would have given him a lap dance to keep him still when they were attaching the electrodes. 
#4 – Despite the 6th and 8th Amendments Ricky Ray Rector, an absolutely feral Black predator who, by the time of his trial and execution, had the mental capacity of a 4 day old melon went to the “undiscovered country” to show that modern American Liberals could be tough on crime.
#5 – At least Bill Clinton didn’t execute Sister Souljah.
#6 – On Governor Dukakis’s watch Willie Boy was granted a weekend furlough. He went to Maryland where, Surprise, he raped and murdered again. The Maryland victims’ relatives came to Massachusetts where Governor Dukakis refused to see them because it would have interfered with his regular tank driving lesson.
#7 – In 1988 “Wee Mikey” ran for President. Lee Atwater, “off late and happy memory”, produced a commercial featuring #1 thru #6.
#8 – In a 1988 Presidential debate, “Wee Mikey” was asked a question for which “I would hunt the son of a bitch down and kill him” was the only answer to the hypothetical  question “What would you do if someone raped and killed your wife or your daughter”? Mikey phumfered about needing more information on the “alleged” killer. The American people thought otherwise.
#9 – For 30 years mALs and their complacent media lap dogs have used the above to proclaim the DNA infused racism of Republicans and Conservatives and their wish to undo the Civil War and to repeal the 13th Amendment

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Mel Reynolds was arrested in Atlanta when he got off an airplane from Africa on the orders of a Federal Judge. He did not show up for his trial on failing to file Federal tax returns for 2009, 2010, 2012, and 2013.

Let the record show that he spent 6 years in prison for rape. His preferred targets were 15 year old Catholic high school girls who wore school uniforms. The fact that he did this when he was member of Congress did not heighten the severity of his crime but rather the outrage at it. When he was released from prison he was hired by Congressman Jesse Jackson, Jr. with the stipulation that he would limit his sexual activities to people his own age with gender being voluntary.

Let the record show that Junior Jackson went to prison for the socially acceptable crime of stealing from the public trough. It should be said in his defense that when he spent $4,000 for a hat worn by Michael Jackson he did not use personal funds but rather those of happy constituents.

Reynolds and Jackson are Black. 

Does that make me a Racist?




KEVIN SMITH
WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET





PS – In Walter Laquer’s marvelous book, “The Last Days of Europe”, the author cites Lee Jasper, the race advisor to Ken Livingstone, the former Mayor of London. “You have to treat people differently to treat them equally.” Who says the Mother country can’t learn from the colonies?
April 12, 2016
Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman Schultz
10100 Pines Blvd.
Pembroke Pines, FL

My dear Debbie, Debbie,

Sunday last you opined in the mini Op-Ed section of the Sun Sentinel about the horror, the horror of chicks only making 79% of what guys make for doing the same job.

Since today is Equal Pay Day I offer some comments and suggestions on it.

#1 – I much admire your discipline and composure when you are with Congressman Alcee Hastings [D-FL] I can imagine you biting right through your lower lip when you remember that he was a felon before he went to Congress. Then you realize that he was elected from a district that would send Willie Horton or Step-n-Fetchit to Washington. The only way that can be made worse is when you have to suffer the added indignity of earning .79 cents to his dollar. That would piss me off too.

#2 – Two good things that happened when Congresswoman Carrie Meek [D-FL] willed her seat to her son, Congressman Kendrick Meek [D-FL]. The first was that she didn’t have to die for possession to change hands and, second, he got an immediate pay raise just for showing up. Sometimes it pays to have a prostate gland.

#3 – 8 years ago we were promised that “the earth would cool and the seas will calm”. That has proved to be a bit of a stretch. Why didn’t the Big Guy just sign an Executive order so mandating it? Do you think he may be a closeted misogynist? Maybe a “clean and articulate” Ike Turner?

#4 – Should the Gods decide that our punishments are not sufficient to atone for our various misdeeds and that only the election of Hillary Clinton can wipe the slate clean do you think your mercantilist husband could get his bank to open an account where concerned citizens could send some money so that she is paid as much as her predecessor. I would like to be the first donor. I’ll send him a Benjamin. He promised that my health insurance premium would go down by at least $200 a month. It’s only fair, right?





Kevin Smith

Tuesday, April 12, 2016

April 10, 2016
Irela Bague
The Bague Group
15 Madeira Way #6
Coral Gables, FL  33134

MS. Bague,

The anniversary of the sinking of the RMS Titanic is fast upon us. I mention that because the first sentence of your mini Op-Ed in today’s Sun Sentinel forces me to reach out, in a metaphorical way, to this gallant lady to describe what you said. In its entirety…

“A recent study from the University of Miami reports that
flooding in Miami Beach has increased exponentially.
The study shows that flooding has increased 400%
from high tides and 33% from rainfall. Additionally, the 
speed at which the seas are rising in South Florida 
may surpass global projections.”
The Sun Sentinel
Today 
You

If, as you say, “flooding has increased exponentially”, you will need a bathyscaphe like the one that went down 12,500 feet  to the bottom of the Atlantic Ocean to see the Titanic, to find the 50 yard line at Dolphins Stadium.

Your website says you are in the communications business. I guess that nothing succeeds like excess in that business.

Further, your “rising seas” scenario should demand a degree of skepticism sadly missing in all discussions concerning drowning polar bears and suicide by fossil fuels.

If the sea is rising why are prices for water front properties increasing at a staggering, if not exponential rate?

Did not an acre and a quarter of waterfront property in Biscayne Bay just change hands recently at $125,000,000? 

I do not know the financing terms but why would a bank give a mortgage on property that soon will have haddock, hake, and hopefully, halibut as the only tenants? It’s tough to foreclose on owners who have gills and don’t take phone calls.

We were promised 8 years ago that the “earth will cool and the seas will calm”. If, as you say, the water is rising why have not insurance premiums risen faster than the oceans?
Do you think it would be common sense for the United States government to get out of the business of providing property flood insurance for littoral properties?

You mention “solutions” to the crisis du jour. I have a question that no one in Miami Beach wants to answer.

Miami Beach has mitigated their flooding problem by installing highly effective pumps. Where does the water go? It can’t go East because it would be back as quickly as it was pumped. It must be pumped West. Was an environmental impact statement concerning the effects that this would have on the flora and fauna in Biscayne Bay and the Everglades? If not, why not?

You end by saying…

“At a recent conference the Miami Chamber of
Commerce, business leaders discussed solutions
rather than the cause. The business community 
agreed that the focus should be on collaboration
and consensus with local communities, building
resiliency by modifying codes and improving 
flood protection measures. The time to act is now.”
loc cit

That can mean something, anything, everything, or nothing. Better yet, all of the above.

You have raised obfuscatory persiflage to an exponential level of ohmadahnish balderdash heretofore not seen.

I suggest that while you wait for the oceans to rise you read some Orwell and Chicken Little.


Kevin Smith




PS – Acting locally while thinking globally is a mantra much favored by people who are pissed off by the Industrial Revolution. May I suggest that you turn off all your A/Cs and used only public transportation?  Then you can think about boycotting plastic.

Thursday, April 7, 2016




April 5, 2016

Dr. Rosalynd Osgood
Broward Board of Education
600 SE 3rd Avenue
Ft. Lauderdale, FL  33301

RE: Hiding in plain sight?

Dr. Osgood, 

While researching a note to Board member Heather Brinkworth, a copy of which is enclosed, I came across some strange, I daresay disturbing, facts about the Broward Board of Education.

Your own figures say that the student body is 49.1% non-Caucasian. You are the only person of color on the Board. The other 8 members are emphatically White. Further, and I don’t know what the breakdown sexually – NB that I did not say “sexual breakdown” – is but I couldn’t help but notice that there is a notable absence of testicles and prostate glands on the Board. “Absence” being defined as none, be they transgendered, regendered, crossgendered, or ungendered.

I don’t know what can be done about this but it certainly surpasses the boundaries for low grade “micro-aggressions”.

Perhaps we should let a Judge sort this out.

Get back to me with your thoughts.








Kevin Smith
April 5, 2016

Heather Brinkworth
Board of Education
600 SE 3rd Avenue
Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33301

RE: I thought that it’s for the children because they are our future.

Ms. Brinkworth,

Never, never vote to OK any public bond issue, particularly one that involves school construction.

The first reason to vote against is simple. In my adult life, and I am comfortably on the back nine of same, I have never seen a bond issue that complies with the Federal “Truth in Lending” law. 

If a suede-shoed used car salesman on Route 7 were to use selling tactics such as those used by education bond advocates he would face criminal charges. At the very least the buyer would get the car for free. 

By itself that would be bad enough but a tsunami of dollars flowing from a perpetually lactating public mammary upon which no constraints are placed is terrible husbandry that allows, indeed encourages designs from committees whose members consist of unemployed East German kindergarten architects.

In hindsight, we didn’t have to water board all those burnoosed murderers.  We should have made them listen to the modern American Liberal mantra of why Johnny can’t read. The answer is obvious. We don’t spend enough money. If we were to spend just a bit more, an amount approaching the mythical “fair share”, an amount that is like the horizon in that it can never be reached, we would be graduating Rhodes Scholars from grammar school and Nobel prize winners form high school.

Pop quiz.

Jimmy Carter owed his election in 1976 to various Teachers’ unions [Doesn’t the term “Teachers’ unions” sound a bit too much like tinkling brass?] He covered that marker by “creating” the Department of Education. Using 1977 as the base year how well was Johnny reading then and how well is he reading now. Take the amount of money spent on all public education and divide it by the number of students. Do the same for the school year ending in June of 2015. As my cousin, Governor Al Smith, used to say, “Let’s look at the record”.

Who is accountable? Why are there not bands of pissed-off parents with pitchforks impaling teachers and administrators who propagate such dreck and suffer no consequences for so doing?

I assure you that any high school football coach with a record approaching that would have been put into the Witness Protection program for his own safety, his family’s safety, and for the safety of Bowser, Tabby, the unnamed fish and the plants in front of his house.

“If the commitment is from the staff that this is going to 
bring us a better product for a better price then I will accept
this slight delay,” she said. “But that better be the case.”
The Sun Sentinel
Today
You

[Memo to Heather: First, there will be a 5th Gospel followed quickly by the earth cooling and the seas calming.]

I drive to Northeast High School to see if anyone has read about Howard Roarke. It is as ugly a public building as I have ever seen. By the time a freshman is a senior his soul has gone walkabout. It is such a dreary place that truckloads of daffodils worthy of Wordsworth could not bring life to this educational Gehenna.

I don’t know what your work experience is but this morning’s news about Disney may explain why some dogs hunt and some dogs don’t. As Orwell said “The obvious and the true have got to be defended….Stones are hard, water is wet….”

Because Disney punishes failure it can reward excellence. 

Having GMed several multi-million dollar construction projects I know what works and I know what doesn’t. Before a battle Napoleon used to pick 3 soldiers at random and court-martial them for cowardice. He then executed them. He said it was “to encourage the others”. It worked for him until Waterloo, Even then the Iron Duke said, “It was a damn close run thing”.

It is simply intolerable that some 20 months after having the money in hand the only tangible result is 10 pounds of cancelled checks. A whole bunch of people should have been fired. A lot of them should have been arrested. Some of them should been flogged. Those not fired or flogged must be encouraged to have their resumes up to date. A better future awaits them in Cuba or Venezuela.

It appears that Disney is about to smash the glass ceiling and put a chick in charge of everything. Going under the bus is the dude who 2 years ago was labeled the crown prince. So much for gender sensitivity in an empire that came about because people liked a mouse not quite 90 years ago. 



Here’s a plan that will be, in typical, lock step, brain dead modern American Liberal style, declared DOA, Dead on Arrival.

In 1888 Proctor & Gamble introduced profit sharing for its employees. Rule #1 should be self-evident. If there is not profit there is no sharing. 128 years later it is still going.

I suggest that you put your people into the bidding, planning, and building process. Whatever they can save becomes the “profit” that you can share with them. If some of them are corrupted arrest them, There is no tenure here.

I remember seeing some figures 12 years ago stating that 3 times as much that had been spent building Dillard High School had been spent on capital costs reconstructing it. That is unacceptable. People should still be in jail for that. 

What’s the worst that can happen?

You’re back where you starte. Johnny still can’t read in a building that is falling down

Try it.


Kevin Smith




PS – Why does the President get a pass on his daughters’ education? No place on earth spends more per pupil than Washington, DC. Even though they live in public housing he spends about $130,000 a year on tuition for them. They still live rent free at the White House. What’s wrong with that picture? 


April 5, 2016
Secretary Jay Forbes Kerry
Department of State
Washington, DC 20521

RE: Why I can’t write fiction

Mr. Secretary,

I ain’t Frog Hollande. You can’t delete my words. Ignore them? Of course. But you do so at your and the country’s peril.

The Armenians and the Azerbeganians at at each other’s throats with hammer and tong, just like the good old days. Since the words “Islamic terrorist” are about as welcome in Foggy Bottom as 5 pounds of lard, 10 pounds of pulled pork, 20 pounds of sow’s ears, and a 40 pound suckling pig complete with an apple in its mouth would be in Mecca, an alternative must be found.

Can we say “non-Islamic terrorist” without having to worry about an uninvited visit from SEAL Team 6, the Verboten Words squad?

Tell me, please, if James Taylor has pictures of you lopping off the ears of Vietnamese agrarian reformers, AKA the Viet Cong?

I can think of no other earthly reason why else you would inflict him on France while they were mourning the loss of 130 of its citizens at the hands of, and forgive me for denying your narrative, “Islamic terrorists”?

The picture of this nit-wit, a man so ashamed of his folliclely challenged head that he had his vintage Uncle Floyd-style hat both Gorilla Glued and stapled to said skull while he plucked at his guitar and warbled the 20th century’s 2nd worst song – “You Have a Friend” - to a grieving nation. Let the record show that absent John Lennon’s “Imagine” it would have been #1.

In addition to pictures of you cutting off VC ears maybe he has a few of you doing the horizontal tango with Mrs. Cong.

France has suffered enough. Put him in Gitmo.

I suggest a “leading from behind” way to end the Armenian/Azabarjanian brouhaha.

Send B-52s loaded with replicas of Taylor’s hat, said hat attached to a CD of every song he ever wrote or sang. Carpet-bomb both countries. Drop this gift from America on Ground Zero. The protagonists will put the hat on and listen to his songs. about 12 minutes into it hey will kill themselves. If they kill themselves they will be precluded from killing each other.

Put that one in the win column.

One more thing before I mix the hemlock.

You said, and judging from the telecast you were in complete control of your faculties, that the bombings of the Belgian airport and train station by feral WOGs, all of whom share the same mosque, is proof that we are winning the war against terrorism whatever its religious background.

My God but that is dumb. 

On the other hand, someone who runs for President in 2004 disguised as a big pink rabbit and proclaims that he voted for something before he voted against it may have a diminished capacity due to too much lead eaten when you were a child
.
One of the joys of being a fledgling polemicist is that you can safely project such balderdash meanderings to its Logical conclusion. 

If they are winning because they are blowing up public places and killing people randomly would it not prove that if we were to have dropped 6 more A-Bombs on Japan we, not they, would have surrendered on September 2, 1945?

Keep me in the loop. Glad to help.





Kevin Smith



PS – Any chance of my getting an autographed picture of you in the pink bunny suit? I am still waiting for one from Wee Mikey Dukakis driving a tank in 1988




Monday, April 4, 2016

April 3, 2016
Mitchell Berger, Esq.
350 E. Las Olas Blvd
Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33301

RE: Some comments on your really dumb, head up your ass comments in the mini Op-Ed section of today’s unlinkable Sun Sentinel.

Mr. Berger, 

Perhaps I spoke too soon. The possibility of identity theft cannot be discounted. A scroyle, doubtless in the employ of the Koch Brothers, tip-toed into your office when no one was looking and duplicated all your personal data. Nah. If someone did thathe would have gone for a big score rather than running around screaming “Look at me! I am a friggin’ moron!”

Having ruled out the possibility that your evil twin has captured your word processor I go with the firm belief that you really do want Florida to sue ExxonMobil for failing to disclose what it knows GCGWCCCD. That’s an acronym for Global Cooling, Global Warming, Climate Change, Climate Destruction.

That is like an off speed chest high batting practice [pitch to Babe Ruth or henry Aaron. [Did I just date myself?] It is possible to hit it into a different zip code, and if there is a good following wind, into a different area code.

The only way you don’t do either is by overswinging.

A quick review is in order.

You entered the 10 ring, an area reserved for public horses’ asses, folks such as you, when your wife hosted a vegan dinner for her classmate Tom Steyer.

Let the record show that before Steyer became an acolyte of Gaia he sold a gazillion dollars’ worth of “dirty” coal to struggling 3rd Worlders who were jut trhying to feed themselves. It is indeed fitting and proper to state that he got over all that “White Man’s Burden” balderdash very quickly. When Mammon calls like Siren who among us can say that he would not answer?

It is said that he has so much money that should he ever decide to kill himself he need only jump off his wallet. Further, he has decided that he will spend his own money to undo the Industrial Revolution. That, plus the undrowning of a few polar bears – not a good thing for the cute little baby seals – should keep him going for years.

I am a firm believer in “Thinking Globally and Acting Locally”.

First, I must disclose some material facts, the absence of which would constitute civil fraud on my part.

#1 – I read “The Population Bomb” by Professor Paul Ehrlich, Ph.D. in 1970. It had an interesting thesis: The race was on to see if we would freeze to death or starve. The finish line was the year 2000. The only unknown factor was what the Roman Catholic Church could do to speed this up. Honest. Read the book. My calendar says April, 2016. My A/C is on and I am still calorically challenged.
#2 – Bullshit such as the above brings out the rascal in me. Every morning in the ‘70s I would step out from the shower, open the window, and bomb Guernica-like, the beleaguered ozone layer with my can of Right Guard deodorant spray. Sometimes I would use shaving cream, such cream powered by a toxic, mocking bird killing, inorganic fossil fueled based gas, to write on the mirror, “Stop me before I do this again”.
#3 - I fracked my first oil well 150 miles from where the Miami Dolphins won their last Super Bowl.
#4 – I cut coal in Kentucky and West Virginia for 10 years. Unlike Saint Steyer I had no benighted 3rd Worlders to peddle my wares to. I sold “steam coal”, less than 1% sulfur industrial coal. If it did not meet that standard the utility could not burn it to make at one time more than half the electricity produced i9n this country. It is an inconvenient truth that Steyer sold such a schmutzy coal to Chinamen and Red Dot Indians that had he sold it in this country he would have been arrested. Thank God for WOGs! Without them Steyer would be preaching to himself.
#5 – Tony Vivaldi is my favorite climatologist.
#6 – All of which leads me to the fact that I am very, very disappointed in you.

You have a very successful law practice that enables you to lecture to the point of incessant hectoring those of us for whom the 1% life style is a vanishing dream. [Should Bernie replace the soon to be indicted Hillary he will tax the dream to death]

I suggested a course of action, a mixed metaphor Patrician noblesse oblige moment if you will.

#1 – Turn off all the A/Cs in your offices.
#2 – Require that all associates use public transportation only.
#3 – Refuse to do any legal work for any buyer, seller, or lender on any property that has access to a canal that leads to the Intracoastal that will make it easier for the rising sea levels to inundate us. It goes without saying which is why it must be said that women and minorities will suffer disproportionately and, as such, must be offered more protection than the law would normally allow. Details to follow. 

President Obama, and let me say again that he is the best President we have, told us that if we “liked our health plan we could keep it”. He also told us that he would “Cool the earth and calm the seas”.

I’ll say this for him. He’s consistent. While he is still “clean and articulate” he is a boob of Brobdanaglian boundaries who would be hard pressed to find his ass using both his hands. His wife’s ass and Hillary’s ass are different. They show up on radar. SEAL Team 6 could rappel off them.

Now you want Florida to join New York in suing Exxon Mobil for failing to disclose to investors that – Mirabile dictu! – both cli9mate and weather change.

As soon as I see you on a skateboard I’ll thing netter of you, you putz.


Kevin Smith



PS – Today’s useless factoid quiz is to for you to plumb the etymological depths of the word Greenland. Get back to me, OK?









April 4, 2016
Is it possible that the plight of the Cape Sable seaside sparrow, a greatly underappreciated, vastly unheralded endangered species, will toss the unnamed scourge of Western Civilization, Islamic terrorism, off the front pages?
First of all, I don’t give a shit about the Cape Sable seaside sparrow. I cared, deeply, about the furbish lousewort and the Delhi smelt. I am constantly told that there is to be zero, as in zilch, nada, zippo deviation from the rules concerning the worship of the Theory of Evolution. To even ask why it is still called a theory 158 years after it was frits posited has been considered to be a flogging offense. It says that all God’s creatures have a time to be and a time not to be
Maybe it is time for the winged munchkin to go. Since it is the size of a ping-pong ball its main enemies are the wind and the rain. 
I mention this because the South Florida Water management District, an obscure agency with immense power, is giving us a classic example of how bureaucracies operate, particularly when independent judgment is needed. They do nothing thereby guaranteeing that everybody will be mad at them. 

Their job is simple. Regulate the flow of water into and out of the Everglades. The Everglades is a pet name for the expanse of soggy marsh land, filled with perpetually rutting Burmese pythons, opportunistic alligators, Redskin casino operators and peripatetic panthers that is West of Sawgrass Mall and East of Naples. In Jersey, from whence I came 20 years ago, it would be called a swamp and treated accordingly

The water techies can’t do their job as they have in the past because of “how critical a couple of centimeters of water can be for the environment” or so says USGS hydrologist Paul Conrads, one of the project’s lead scientists at the agency’s South Atlantic Water Science Center. It is acceptable for these nasty foragers to be eaten by snakes and birds but someone flushing a toilet 25 miles away will bring Seal Team 6 to your house. 
Maybe it is time for the WOGs to take over. If you were to say stuff such as the above at Friday prayers the Imams would toss you right quick into the stoning pit.
Secretary of State Jay Forbes Kerry, a worthy successor to William Jennings Bryan, has done several things superbly well in his life.
#1 – He managed to erase all copies of his DD214. That’s the record of your last day in military service. It says where you have been, what you have done both good and bad and what your commanding officers thought of you.


#2 – He married up twice. His “second wife used her first husband’s money to buy a $7,000,000.00 yacht in New Zealand to avoid the higher wages in New England”.
They then registered it in Rhode Island hoping to dodge a $62,000 tax bullet that should have been paid to Massachusetts. Is this what Bernie the Bolshie means when he talks about the rich not paying their “fair share”? #3 – His Presidential campaign in 2004 featured 2 memorable things. He kept saying that he voted for the war before he voted against it. Honest. Then, when he realized that he was too tall to fit in a tank a la Governor Wee Mikey in 1988, he disguised himself as a big pink bunny to show he was tough on Brer Fox.
#3 – He went to Paris after feral Muslim thugs killed 130 Froggies because they were insufficiently enthusiastic about pre-pubescent female genital mutilation. Let me say that I am envious of his hair. 72 year old men should not have hair like that. 27 year old men should not have hair like that. That’s why his traveling companion, James Taylor, was so odd. We can stipulate to one thing. The bowling balls featured in “The Big Lebowski” have more hair than he does. The last time that head had hair was when he decided to be an English Judge for a day. That’s why that pompous fart wore a hat. “No one will think I am as bald as Yul Brynner.” Honest. Thank God for John Lennon singing “Imagine”. If it weren’t for that his song “You have a Friend” would surely be the worst song of the entire 20th century. That he was traveling with the Secretary of State as this country’s official troubadour should be sufficient to put them both in stocks for a week. The burden of pedaling a $3,400 bike was a bit too much for him. Even his form fitting Spandex couldn’t save him from breaking his femur. Hey Jay! You’ve got enough money to have someone else pedal for you, you dummy.
#4 – His pomposity approaches smarminess. “Non-malodorous fecal matter syndrome” also serves as a sun screen when he wind sails, I can neither prove noe disprove the rumor that Kerry’s mad-cap gypsy wife Tereza had a great ,grandfather who was in the packaging and transportation business in East Africa. One of his partners was named Obama. 
The best basketball team in Houston this weekend was the Husky Ladies. They handled the Lady Beavers most convincingly. Please note that I did not say the Ladies’ Beavers. There was no question who was the pitcher and who was the catcher. The chicks on top was a question settled early on. The 2 announcing chicks were terrible.
Do you remember Shannon Faulkner? She was the first female to attend The Citadel, previously a same-sex, the sex being male, military school in South Carolina. That she chose to attend while disguised as the Pillsbury Dough Girl hastened her departure. Getting out of bed winded her. Her main physical activity for the 3 months leading up to her arrival was reaching for seconds of biscuits and gravy. I mention this because being in top physical condition is prerequisite for being a champion in any sport. The Husky Ladies could have run all night.
On the wall of the Metroplex, a state of the art gymnastics training facility in Allen, TX is a saying attributed to Coach Paul “Bear” Bryant.  “It is not the will to win that is important. Everyone has that. It is the will to prepare to win that makes champions.”
My youngest granddaughter, Julia Hanson, trains there. On Saturday in Houston, TX she became the Texas B3 state champion. She got it the old fashioned way: She earned it. Tokyo, 2020! Here we come!

KEVIN SMITH
WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET


PS – A bird that may cause incalculable damage to Florida;  basketball; a politician who is a world class horse’s ass; my granddaughter, AKA Julia Hanson, Texas state champion gymnast. 2 out of 4 is pretty good
April 3, 2016
Gary Stein
The Sun Sentinel

RE: Some comments on your unlinkable column in today’s Sun Sentinel on the prospects for a Donald Trump/Governor Rick Scott traveling show.

Big Stein, 

When you’re right, you’re right. The idea of a Donald Trump/Governor Rick Scott show is spot on. Shades of Rowan & Martin; Ferrante & Teicher; Abbot & Costello, but not Laurel & Hardy.

The Donald’s hair and his orange complexion coupled with Governor Scott’s always evolving “This is my first day with my new tongue cum jobs creation” would be unstoppable. I smell Grammy. Or Emmy. Or whichever oppressed female the White power structure chooses to honor.

I missed a chance to be a $ backer of “Sugar Babies” because of foul weather. I say now that I will plow through whatever the rightfully pissed off Mother Nature, the pissed off itness being caused by fossil fuels, Islamophobia, and the Koch Brothers, throws at me to be a backer of the to be formed Alpha Gump/Curley Biden song and dance raree.

I now that Gump, nee Gore, Jr, was a tobacco growing, slum lord, industrial polluter whose father was a segregationist who also was a bag man for Armand Hammer who was in thralldom to the Russkies and Commies in the Kremlin. I also know that he sold his vote on Desert Shield/Desert Storm to the highest bidder. As a soupcon he is the only person I know of who flunked out of 2 graduate schools in the same semester, no mean feat by itself. You can have Little Stein look it up.

When he was on the bus with Bill & Hillary and his wife Thumper Gump heading to DC for the inauguration he really came into his own. Do you remember when they stopped at Monticello? Ask Little Stein to do some homework on Jefferson. For instance, why did he choose to exclude the fact that he was President of the United States from his tombstone? Ask him to find out how he dealt with the ISIS of the early 19th century. The Marines still sing about it.

To me the highlight was when he stopped at a bust of Benjamin Franklin, the guy on the C-note, and said with the wonder reserved for someone who just discovered what he can do with his thumbs, “Whodat”?

But like pastrami needs mustard, like Burns needed Allen, it is impossible to think of Vice President Alpha Gump without thinking of Vice President Curley Biden. [I call him Curley not because of his Chia-Pet hair plugs but rather as a way to honor Curley, the smartest Stooge.
Forget about his plagiarisms. Forget about his hypocrisy in re things judicial. The man is colossally dumb that he makes Ricky Ray Rector seem like the head of Mensa.

The 2 of them would be like Bonnie & Clyde, pillage and plunder, Scylla & Charybdis and Pancho & Lefty.

Alpha doing the Macarena and Curley doing his Professor Irwin Corey impersonation, the one that makes him sound like William F. Buckley, Jr. would be boffo box office.

If Evita, a song and dance show about a hooker banging her way to the top can be made in a fabulously successful show business enterprise now its 45th year of positive cash flow a show featuring those 2 jackasses could run for a century.



KEVIN SMITH
WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET





PS – If Little Stein isn’t too busy recovering from the travails of Spring Break have him take a peek at the 2000 election. It still must be a gigantic kick in the ass to realize that if VP Gump had won Tennessee, his home state, the Wascally Wepublicans in Florida could have stolen every single vote here and he still would have been elected President. There is a very fine line between comedy and tragedy, dontcha know.