April 12, 2016

Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman Schultz

10100 Pines Blvd.

Pembroke Pines, FL

My dear Debbie, Debbie,

Sunday last you opined in the mini Op-Ed section of the Sun Sentinel about the horror, the horror of chicks only making 79% of what guys make for doing the same job.

Since today is Equal Pay Day I offer some comments and suggestions on it.

#1 – I much admire your discipline and composure when you are with Congressman Alcee Hastings [D-FL] I can imagine you biting right through your lower lip when you remember that he was a felon before he went to Congress. Then you realize that he was elected from a district that would send Willie Horton or Step-n-Fetchit to Washington. The only way that can be made worse is when you have to suffer the added indignity of earning .79 cents to his dollar. That would piss me off too.

#2 – Two good things that happened when Congresswoman Carrie Meek [D-FL] willed her seat to her son, Congressman Kendrick Meek [D-FL]. The first was that she didn’t have to die for possession to change hands and, second, he got an immediate pay raise just for showing up. Sometimes it pays to have a prostate gland.

#3 – 8 years ago we were promised that “the earth would cool and the seas will calm”. That has proved to be a bit of a stretch. Why didn’t the Big Guy just sign an Executive order so mandating it? Do you think he may be a closeted misogynist? Maybe a “clean and articulate” Ike Turner?

#4 – Should the Gods decide that our punishments are not sufficient to atone for our various misdeeds and that only the election of Hillary Clinton can wipe the slate clean do you think your mercantilist husband could get his bank to open an account where concerned citizens could send some money so that she is paid as much as her predecessor. I would like to be the first donor. I’ll send him a Benjamin. He promised that my health insurance premium would go down by at least $200 a month. It’s only fair, right?

Kevin Smith