April 21, 2016

Senator Richard Blumenthal

90 State House Square #10

Hartford, CT 06103-3708

RE: “Don’t make me choose”

Senator “Little Dick”,

“Don’t make me choose” is one of Homer Simpson’s basic life rules. It’s what helps him get through the quotidian minutiae of his day. Will this be the year the Summer of Recovery finally gets here? Is the earth cooling? Are the seas receding? If I Iike my Red Line can I keep it? 

I just saw you give a TV interview on MSNBC that was mind numbing. You said, I think, that Hillary Clinton is in favor of marriage equality. 

I’m not sure what that means but one thing is obvious. Get a vasectomy. If possible, make it retroactive. There are enough ohmadahns in the shallow end of our beleaguered gene pool now.

If the Gods decide to punish us again by making her President can we expect a 21 year old male intern to become the official Oval Office Rug Muncher? Forget about official flags, how about some East Wing Hair Pie?

I am the owner of several highly respected, much coveted awards. You qualify of them.

HORSE’S ASS OF THE WEEK

POMPOUS FART OF THE MONTH

Using Homer Simpson as my paradigmatic template, a term much favored by modern American Liberals, wing nut, moon bats such as you, I hereby declare you as a well-deserved winner of both. Enjoy your laurels. You got them the old fashioned way. You earned them!

Kevin Smith

PS- Thank god for Google! I remember when you forgot to remember that you weren’t a Marine in Vietnam. Your law suits banning trucks from using IS 95 in Connecticut were always a hoot, particularly to anyone with cursory knowledge of the Constitution. You’re the reason why Judges wear long robes. It would not be good for court room decorum to watch a Judge laugh his ass off while wetting his pants as you present your specious arguments. Accordingly, I hereby name you 

SMARMY BASTARD OF THE YEAR

You are this year’s first trifecta winner. Forgive me but I sealed the envelope before I put the winner’s check in. I’ll send it to Bernie. May be he’ll be able to straighten things out. Free college? Who needs it? Free Beer! Pan et arena redux.