Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Letter to Senator Hillary Clinton

January 30, 2008

Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton

P.O. Box 273

Lowville, New York 13367

RE: Here’s a plan

Senator Clinton,

First. Congratulations on your win in Florida. I don’t know how much of it was due to you keeping your word to not campaign by appearing in Florida before the election but as your husband Big Bill once said, “Ya gotta do what ya gotta do”.

Second. Perhaps you could reach out to John Edwards. Make him your hairdresser.

Third. Obama needs to be dealt with. A solution is at hand.

Rezko, the notorious Chicago slumlord slum lord, is back in the pokey. He violated the terms of his release on bail so the judge remanded him, like OJ, until his trial. You should offer to stop campaigning if Senator Salama Bahama, as Tubby Teddy Kennedy calls him, wants to represent him again. He won’t but you get credit for the offer.

Here’s the plan.

Why don’t you get him the same lawyer who represented Ricky Ray Rector?

Ricky Ray may not be as fresh in everyone’s mind as Webster Hubble or Red Bone the broker or Johnny Chung or Norman Hsu so a quick primer is in order.

Ricky Ray Rector was, as modern American Liberals are wont to say, the paradigmatic template of evil. He was a most feral member of the nether world.

In a shoot out with police he tried to take his own life and failed. He managed to inflict enough brain damage that his post shooting IQ was about 60.

That’s about the temperature of a dish of apple pie and ice cream after it’s been sitting for a while.

Those are important items because he chose them to accompany a cheeseburger and fries for his last meal. He finished his main course and then decided to save his dessert for later. The guard on the “Dead ManWalking” detail told him he better finish it now. It would melt before he did.

Like Churchill said, when commenting on some unpleasantness in the Tower of London in his “History of the English Speaking World”, some stories are too good not to be true.

Part of the lore of Ricky Ray’s last night is that you were ready to give him a lap dance should he become “agitated” when he got to the chair. Like the Gatorade commercial says, “And the legend grows”.

Get Rezko Ricky Ray Rector’s lawyer.

Two things happened because of the self inflicted bullet wound.

#1 – Ricky Ray Rector was unable to understand the charges against him.

#2 – Ricky Ray Rector was unable to assist in his own defense.

Even under Arkansas law, a law that gives lex talionis a good name, a law that brought the term Draconian into the 20th century, a law that the Taliban envied, the trial never should have been held. That entire legal system in Arkansas went into the tank for you and your husband there can be no doubt. Whether it was just to get you and Big Bill out of the state or because they wanted to bring your version of ‘ethnic cleansing” to the rest of the country is uncertain.

OOPS! I forgot to mention that Ricky Ray Rector Rector was Black. What better way to show the world that you and your husband were tough on crime than to wire up and light up a Black man? It was a Sister Soljah moment carried to its Logical conclusion.

When you cross the state line welcoming you to Arkansas the sign says “Welcome” – Mississippi is worse. Not true.

Rezko has the oleaginous look of a Mideast terrorist. If I’m on line at an airport and I see him I’m heading for AMTRAK. You can’t show you’re tough on terror by railroading some WASP named Biff or Muffie into jail. Rezko is the perfect candidate. Get your flunkies in the press to dummy up a picture of him with worry beads bowing to Mecca while he eyeballs a nubile goat. Hire Ricky Ray Rector’s lawyer and Rezko is going to Devil’s Island.

And you’re going to the White House.

Monday, January 28, 2008

Any English Majors Out There?

"I did not have sex with that woman...Miss Lewinsky."

"I did not campaign in that state...Florida."

Can somebody break down the meter scheme?

Andres Oppenheimer, The Miami Herald

January 27, 2008

Andres Oppenheimer

The Miami Herald

One Herald Plaza

Miami, Florida 33132-1693

RE: Latin America, the economic summit at Davos and why isn’t Paraguay there? As reported by you in today’s Miami Herald.

Mr. Oppenheimer,

Short of a quota or some dude in a ski mask carrying a shot gun…no way.

I hate being the perpetual turn in the punch bowl – Scratch that. I loooovvee being the perpetual turd in the punch bowl – but there is a readily discernible “missing link” of Latin America’s perpetual underrepresentation at rarees such as the one at Davos.

There is a simple answer. It requires a broad brush to do it justice.

Take a large pot. Put the following into it. Heat. Stir. Wait.

#1 – The Rule of Law

#2 – Property rights so that the next thug on a white horse can’t undo a man’s gain.

#3 – Free market capitalism

Once India, a country that benefited greatly from 2 centuries of British rule, realized that “exporting surgeons and importing cement plants” was not the best path to happiness its economy exploded. Admittedly, a country that allows cows to meander down Main Street in Mumbai has a way to go. If the price of oil goes in the crapper India will put call centers in Caracas.

Argentina is the best example possible of why most of the place doesn’t work.

It is a country blessed by God when he was giving out natural resources. Its people are hard working. Its men are valiant and its women are virtuous. In almost 2 centuries of sovereignty it has two things that have entered the memory book of the Western Canon. Two hundred years; two things.

A – Evita, a hooker with a heart of gold. She could always tell the buttered side from the dry.

B – The tango. I am pretty sure they stole that from the Italians.

That’s it.

Nothing else.

Great polo players. Great race car drivers. Great steak.

Nothing else.

Perhaps 2 or 3 centuries of the dead hand of Spanish rule cannot be overcome. Even so, “He arado en el mar” [“I have plowed in the sea”] shouldn’t be a life sentence.

Countries don’t “get” to Davos because they give great cocktail parties. They don’t “get” to Davos because it’s their turn.

Maybe in a world where umbrellas cause rain there will be a Davos summer session in Asuncion. Just kidding.

Countries get to Davos because they stood aside and let their citizens prosper. Once they prospered they allowed them to keep the fruits of their labor.

“Juice” isn’t a gift. You have to earn it. Once you have earned it you can do whatever you want with it.

Leonard Pitts, Miami Herald

January 27, 2008

Leonard Pitts, Jr.

The Miami Herald

One Herald Plaza

Miami, Florida 33132-1693

RE: Obama’s “foes” – As described by you in your column in today’s Miami Herald

Mr. Pitts,

I read your column, watched some comments on the South Carolina primary on TV, and reread your column. Then I reached for my pen.

You mention, as a “non-friend”, Pat Robertson, as being “as scary as the scariest ayatollah in Iran”. I know of no ayatollah who was a Marine officer and a Yale Law School graduate. However “scary” he might be he wasn’t on TV this morning smarmily and sneeringly dismissing the winner of the South Carolina primary with the comment “Jesse Jackson won here twice” as if that cancels whatever effect a win would have on the rest of the campaign.

Those words were said by President Clinton the First.

Is he to be included in your enemies list? If not, why not?

I am not sure whether it was President Handsome Billy from Hot Springs or Czarina wanabee Hillary, the poster girl for abused and humiliated wives everywhere, who used the word “spade” when discussing Senator Obama’s candidacy.

I presume that in the pecking order of words that cannot be used “macaca” is worse than “spade”. A United States Senator, a man whose name escapes me, used it some 28 months ago and hasn’t been seen or heard from since.

Is “spade” OK? Has it passed muster with those who know about these things?

What would have happened if Pat Buchanan had used the word “spade” even if he was standing in a garden supply store? He would have been on the next space shuttle duck taped to the outside.

I do know that 2 weeks ago a TV gal used the word “lynch” in a way that the Word Police found to be inappropriate. She was duly flogged and then sent to the dunking pool for a week of reeducation. Hmmm? Could that be a colonial predecessor to waterboarding?

I do know that a disc jockey used inappropriate terms about a chickie basketball team. He was made to ride though town on an ass while tied to his saddle facing backwards. He had rotten fruit and vegetables flung at him by various fakers and hustlers. Then he was fired even though he had consumed 4 times his body weight in crow.

I’ve never made anybody’s enemies list. If you have some pull with the Obama campaign can you get me on it? It seems to me that he is a “clean and articulate” spokesman for the flapdoodle claptrap persiflage that gave us “midnight basketball” as s serious example of public policy. It is an inconvenient truth but smacking him around is like striking out the pitcher. It counts but not really.

I know it is audacious of me to hope that he will lean over and whack Big Bill right in his perpetually pulled pouting lip. But isn’t that what campaigns are all about? Hope and all that, right?

I never did congratulate you on your Pulitzer Prize. Walter Duranty, Janet Cook, and you. Perfect together.

Carl Hiassen, Miami Herald

January 27, 2008

Carl Hiaasen

The Miami Herald

One Herald Plaza

Miami, Florida 33132-1693

Mr. Hiaasen,

One of the books I still haven’t written still has a working title of “Major Premises”. As you can see I am still hung up on the nexus of Logic and Rhetoric.

In your column in today’s Miami Herald you imply – Surprise! – that “men are not Angels”. You mention “CRA” as if it were parallel to “BYOB”, “SNAFU”, or, worse, FUBAR. Others, like SOOL, TT, or KMA leap to mind. If you need help with the last 3 send a SASE.

I give you the benefit of my Hudson County years.

Anytime you see the letters CRA, short for Community Redevelopment Agency, it is always used as a cut out, a “plausible deniability” vehicle, for the “Court House gang”, the “City Hall gang”, or the “juice men”. The goal of any politician is power. One of the ways they use power is to get jobs for their friends. By so doing they punish their enemies. It is “what makes the mule plow”.

You mention Miami – “where anti-poverty money is seldom diverted to the ‘unglamorous’ mission of fighting poverty” - as if it is the only place where concupiscence is the prevailing religion and greed is the greatest of its virtues.

We know that anti-poverty flapdoodle purveyors and their unctuous nostrums about the “poor” poor are grifters, snake oil salesmen, poltroons, scroyles, and con artists who should be flogged and driven from any town that they try to set up shop.

They are not limited to Miami. They are not limited to South Florida. They are like cable TV. They are everywhere.

I prove my point by stressing the opposite.

What county, regardless of what state it is in, has an example of a successful CRA? A lack of scandals and indictments is not an example of success. Just because someone walks past a bank and doesn’t rob it does not make him worthy of a gold medal and the keys to the town.

Miami has earned, rightfully, all of its “slings and arrows”.

Don’t impale them with those that 49 other states should share.

As that noted political sage and keen observer of the human condition, Mr. Hinnisy, the noted publican, always said, “He seen his opportunities and he took’em”.

I did say “major premises”, didn’t I?

Friday, January 25, 2008

Jerry Adler, Newsweek

January 23, 2008

Jerry Adler

Newsweek

P.O. Box 2120

Radio City Station

New York, New York 10101-2120

RE: “Ending the Holdout” – Newsweek [January 28 issue]

Mr. Adler,

Two things – both which are “owed to the ledger”.

#1 – You say that Bush renounced “the existing greenhouse-gas treaty, the Kyoto Protocol”. It is my understanding, and please, please correct me if I am wrong, that for any international agreement to have the force of law in this country it must be approved by the Senate. The Kyoto Protocol was never submitted to the Senate as the Constitution requires. How could the President “renounce” something that never was?

We are now hectored that it is a “moral issue”. If it is so now it was so then. Why didn’t the Clinton Administration send it to Senate for its consideration? It would have been the right thing to do.

Let me share a secret with you.

I don’t care about polar bears drowning.

They eat baby seals.

On my warm and fuzzy scale baby seals are much higher than polar bears.

How many bears are worth one seal?

#2 – “If”, as you say in tones that rival Jeremiah, “the majority of climate scientists are right, it won’t be the just an ‘opportunity’ lost, it may be the last opportunity.”

About the coming of “the end of days” – Are you a fan of Huckabee? –I would usually tell you to relax. Rising temperatures makes land more arable. That means people eat better. When people eat better they get smarter. About 1000 years ago there was an upward spike in temperature in Europe. We got the Renaissance.

“The upturned neck awaits the ax.”

Do you have a problem with Dante?

The obverse is obvious.

Don’t buy any green bananas.

Because you are so smart you confused correlation with causation.

Sometimes people are so smart they are dumb.

Even if your name didn’t begin with an “A” you would still be at the head of the class.

Joan Fleischman, Miami Herald

January 23, 2008

Joan Fleischman

The Miami Herald

One Herald Plaza

Miami, Florida 33132-1693

RE: “…but words do hurt me” – A comment on your “Talk of the Town” column in today’s Miami Herald.

Ms. Fleischman,

As a recent convert to the ranks of the perpetually offended minorities – mine consists of rational adults who care about language and “eclectic indignation” – I take umbrage at your choice of words in today’s column. You call Steven Knight, a young man whose picture screams WASP, a gringo. You did not set the word off with quotation marks. I take that to mean that the word is sufficiently sanitized that no proscription attends to it.

Not so. Not so.

I am offended by it.

Further down in your column there is a story about Hank Greenberg. His picture screams too much chicken fat. In fact, his picture suggests that his briss was accompanied by a chicken fat IV. His picture shows that he has more chins than a Chinese phonebook.[Thanks Frank!] He could be a new category in the Guinness Book of Records: immeasurable cholesterol levels. His career as a double for Brad Pitt will go nowhere. His parents hung lamb chops around his neck so the dog would play with him.

Why didn’t you just call him “kike”?

This afternoon I am going to the taxpayer funded African-American library. Do you think it would be OK for me to ask for a copy of Dick Gregory’s autobiography by its title? Perhaps you’ve forgotten it. It’s “Nigger”.

Maybe I’ll go to the Stonewall, the taxpayer funded library that is dedicated to the Homosexual/ Lesbian Community. I’ll ask for all books with word “faggot” in their titles. That should go over well, don’t you think?

Wasn’t it Alice who said” those words mean what I want them to mean”. Would it be kosher to mention the Red Queen or would the Word Police be summoned?

What I do know is that I am offended, deeply offended, by your choice of words. Who will put balm on my wounds?


PS – If you’re not a shikska would that make you a macaca?

Hillary Clinton

January 23, 2008

Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton

P.O. Box 617

Nyack, New York 10530

Senator Clinton,

I hold no brief for Senator Bahama but I think you misspoke twice during your hissy-fit dustup with him.

#1 – What about the adage “If there weren’t bad people there wouldn’t be good lawyers”? Whatever his client did he didn’t “arrange” for Presidential pardons, did he? If you’re saying that poltroons like the notorious Rezko shouldn’t have any lawyer why don’t we just send him to Camp Gitmo and be done with him?

#2 – The thing about “ideas” in the political arena can be confusing. Take “midnight basketball” or, as Henny Youngman might have said, “Take midnight basketball…please”. If memory serves that was one of the principal ideas of your husband’s administration. That it didn’t gain traction doesn’t make it any less a good idea. Its time may yet come. Incidentally, the public person who first said that the Republican Party was “the party of ideas” was your predecessor, Senator Moynihan.

President Reagan had the marvelous ideas of winning the Cold War. Letting Americans keep more of what they earned, and rescuing us from the Gehenna of “malaise” that his predecessor consigned us to. If you repudiate his “ideas” does that mean that we should rebuild the Berlin Wall?

Speaking of good lawyers and bad clients, will there be a place in your administration for Webster Hubbell? Will the tent be big enough for Lani Guinier?


PS – Since you are a member of the Bar you are honor and duty bound to tell your husband and your daughter, neither of whom can practice Law, that having witnessed a crime, voter tampering in Las Vegas, they must inform the authorities. In this case the controlling legal authority would be the United Sates Attorney’s office in Las Vegas. If you don’t know the address ask Senator Reid.

Lil' Debbie

January 23, 2008

Congressperson Debbie Wasserman-Schultz

10100 Pines Boulevard

Pembroke Pines, Florida 33028

RE: A role model, a “paradigmatic template” if you will, should you decide to raise your “Liberal Fascist” standards.

Congressperson Wasserman-Schultz,

Let me tell you about Jon Corzine, the Governor of New Jersey.

As a proud son of the Garden State, born and raised in Bayonne, hard by Exit 14, I am pleased whenever a son of Area Code 201 does well.

He made a bundle on Wall Street and then he got bored. Since he was as thoroughly a modern American Liberal as you he always sought a wider audience for his nostrums. He decided that the United States Senate was a good a place as any to preach. He went about getting a seat there in a typical modern American Liberal dilettantish way. He bought it. He gave every Black minister in New Jersey who wasn’t dead or in prison an envelope with $25,000 in it. He wanted to be introduced to each minister’s congregation. It worked. He got elected.

Then he got bored again.

A few sacks of pelf were spread around and POOF! he was Governor of New Jersey. [There are some delightful side stories of a tossed aside wife, a va-voom lady friend, about a million dollars, a forgiven mortgage of $500,000, a few tuition bills and the willing suspension of disbelief but I’m saving them for the musical. It has a working title of “What a Country! That’s why you never see anybody swimming to Cuba”]

One of his ideas to get blood from a stone is the “monetization of assets” If he can’t do a sale-lease back of the venerable New Jersey Turnpike and the idyllic Garden State Parkway he intends to bond the bejeezuz out of both of them by pledging future tolls and future toll increases as collateral for income today. He will use the money to pay current expenses.

Some people in New Jersey don’t think this is a good idea.

The Governor, in true modern American Liberal fashion – think Woodrow Wilson, an adopted son of New Jersey, trying to convince the country that the League of Nations was a good idea, think Franklin Delano Roosevelt trying to convince the country that packing the Supreme Court was a good idea, think Jimmy Carter trying to convince the country that wearing a sweater and playing tonsil hockey with Brezhnev was a good idea – is traveling around my fair state trying to convince people that the best way to keep your feet warm in the winter is to cut a foot off the top of your blanket and sew it on to the bottom.

Enter Steve Lonegan.

He doesn’t think the Governor’s idea is a good one. In fact, he thinks it is a terrible idea. He also believes that “Free men speak with free tongues”. Unfortunately that is an idea that to modern American Liberals is like holy water to a vampire.

He went to a meeting in Cape May sponsored by the Governor to rally support for his plan. The meeting was held in a public school. He wanted to exercise his right, a right that is his from beyond the stars, to “petition for a redress of grievances”.

He never got into the public school.

He was handcuffed and held for 2 hours in the local police station.

The local police said they were acting on the Governor Corzine’s staff’s orders. The Governor’s staff said they knew nothing. In true Sgt. Schultz fashion the Governor said he knew nothing.

The principal of the public school told Mr. Lonegan that it was private property and that he couldn’t come to a public meeting in a public school presumably funded by the public.

To make sure he got the point the police arrested him. They took him in handcuffs to the local police station where they held him for 2 hours. It is not known if the police had time to waterboard him properly.

His arrest was witnessed by a New Jersey Superior Court Judge. If said Judge had tried that in his court room he would have had his black robed ass tossed down the front steps of the Court House faster than you can say “Liberal Fascist”.

As Nat Hentoff still says

“Free Speech For Me But Not For Thee”

I tell you this because I remember, “with advantages”, the morning of September 18, 2001. That was the day you sent Agents Thomas and Pineva of the Florida Department of Law Enforcement because of something I wrote about you. To be clear these men had badges and guns. Since I wasn’t arrested and handcuffed I guess I was lucky.

Did I just say “lucky”?

And to think we worry about those WOGs in Camp Gitmo!

As a member of Congress you have access to Federal “juice”. Should I get you mad again who knows what plans you have in store? Since I live on the Intracoastal I fully expect to be visited by a 4 man SEAL squad from the water and a Delta Force team from the land.

I think you’re a bit thin to don hob-nail boots. I bet you look smashing in a Brown shirt.

Monday, January 21, 2008

Letter to Michelle Singletary

January 20, 2008

Michelle Singletary

The Washington Post

1150 15th Street, NW

Washington, DC 20072

RE – How About A President Who Wants To Fix Debt? – What a marvelous idea! As outlined by you in this morning’s Miami Herald.

Ms. Singletary,

It was a dark and stormy morning when I got to your column. It was the first time I had read anything by you. I wasn’t half way through when I decided to resuscitate my comatose, indeed moribund, series of columns called “Cellos and Colonoscopies” – There is a Connection. Since I am neither a musician nor a proctologist you may well ask

what I am talking about.

Easy.

You know as much about debt and taxes as I know about fugues and polyps. One is “good” while the other is “bad”. Why can’t I have a national audience to hector on the relative common denominators of both? I tell you that life is so unfair.

I don’t know what your educational background is. I don’t know whether or not you have any real life business experience. Things like meeting a payroll, dealing with customers, and dancing with the bureaucrats tend to sharpen “the edge of husbandry”. As to your school time – if any – I know that you skipped a lot of History classes, slept through the Economics list, and shunned any classes on Economic History as if they were radioactive.

“It all sounds good, but history has shown that tax cuts

don’t cut it as the major driver of economic stimulus.”

The Miami Herald

Today

You

Logically, the next obvious question is “What does”? It will be left dangling.

What “History” [Clio is my favorite Muse. I always capitalize it] have you been reading?

Beginning with an aggressive supply side tax policy in 5th century Athens, continuing with the 5 Emperors [vide Gibbon], looking at the abatement of the Corn Laws, there is a palpable pattern that shows whenever the government takes “less” the people prosper. The corollary of that is that the government winds up getting “more”.

In the 20th century it is abundantly clear that tax cuts worked in America. They worked in 1921. They worked in 1961. They worked in 1981.

I’ll add an addendum. They worked in 2001.

Your first assignment is to look it up.

“And we know that trying to pump up the economy by boosting

business has often resulted in the rich getting richer.”

The Miami Herald

Today

You

Logically the obvious question of “Who cares”? will be left dangling.

Are you saying that if the rich get richer the poor get poorer?

Are you saying that we shouldn’t have rich people?

Are you saying that if we make the rich people poorer we will make the poor people richer?

Are you saying that there is a big pie, a pie that mysteriously fills itself up with “riches”, that you want to be divided more fairly?

Just what the Hell are you saying?

Then I got to the good part of your column. It was your conversation with Hillary Rodham Clinton about “debt”.

I think you both agree that debt is bad. It gets really bad if the borrower can’t meet his obligations. You’ll be surprised to know that lenders –A- lend money because they want to make money and –B- they want their money back...

You and Senator Clinton – and where did she find the time to do all that she did in the glorious 1990s? – have a two edged solution.

#1 – Better “debt” education from a public education system that is suffering from terminal artery hardening is a bit of a stretch. We know it can’t teach readin’ & ‘riting. Why do we think it can teach ‘rithmetic? Even if it could it sure can’t teach it retroactively.

#2 – A “community support fund of $5,000,000,000 to assist hard-hit communities and troubled owners”. [That’s B as in Billion] How about a special tax on really, really rich people that will only help really, really poor people?

Am I the only one who thinks this is Alice in Wonderland going through, again and again, a revolving door before she goes into the mirror on her way to Wonderland? That White Rabbit is a dangerous critter.

You say…

“With the right counseling, individuals can avoid foreclosure, eliminate

their debts and improve their credit worthiness. With good financial counseling,

marriages can be saved. Help the individual, you boost the economy.”

The Miami Herald

Today

You

“Barking mad”, can’t find your ass using both hands, window licker on the short yellow school bus, dumber than a box of hammers dumb would be the usual way I would label the above. Not today. My “grassy knoll” antennae are up and quivering. There is a plot afoot.

Should Mrs. Clinton get back to the White House this fall she is going to make Dr. Phil the head of the IRS. The watch word of the Clinton domestic policy will be “afternoon television”. We know she used to talk to Eleanor Roosevelt when she was First Lady. Oprah’s Senator Salama Bahama indiscretion will be forgiven. She’ll be the Secretary of Self Esteem. Every American will get a Cadillac Escalade as soon as its steam driven model is ready. In the back seat there will be a HDTV the size of an average Olympic high jump. Camelot will look like Darfur. By Labor Day we’ll all be farting through silk, the silk being available because of the altruistic commitment of environmentally sensitive worms.

Madness. Lunacy.

“I asked Mrs. Clinton: Is there such a thing as good debt?”

She answered by reaching rhetorical heights not seen since her namesake, Sir Edmund Hillary, climbed Mt. Everest [I know, I know. She was born 4 years before he climbed it. Don’t be so picky.] “My parents were very frugal. Me father did not believe in debt. …if you are in debt you basically undermine your ability to chart your own future.” Too bad her brother didn’t take that advice. If he had he wouldn’t owe $200,000 in child support and alimony.

Perhaps you can ask her why the Federal debt never went down by a single penny during her time in the White House. Not a single penny. Never once. Ever.

You say “…there isn’t any good debt.”

Pray tell, how is “a single mom, a woman of color, with a child in need of a good Ritalin program” supposed to get her son some Nikes and herself a car? How about a house for this hard working lady?

You say that debt has become too “dangerous a trap for too many people. It’s important that whoever is our next president be highly sensitive to that fact.”

“Sensitive”?

If your teeth are “sensitive” you give up ice cream.

If a poor person cannot access the capital markets how is she helped?

Loans are always paid. Most times the borrower pays them. If we follow your ideas the lender will pay them. He won’t pay them the second time because he won’t make them.

Maybe somebody should be “sensitive” to that.

Kevin Smith


P.S. – Pop Quiz. Who said “A national debt can be a national blessing”?

P.S.* – Just below your column there was a news item that said the Washington Post, your employer, increased its dividend from $2.05 a share to $2.15. Is that what you mean by the “rich getting richer”? The D.C. homeless shelter, the one made famous by Russ Snider, is right across the street from the United States Tax Court. Will more people be going there – the homeless shelter, not the Tax Court - because of your employer’s action? If so, will you resign? If not, why not?

P.S.# - Were you ever hired by a poor person?

Friday, January 18, 2008

Letter to Hillary Clinton

January 17, 2008

Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton

Keating Building

100 State Street #4109

Rochester, New York 14614

RE: Well I’ll be! We agree.

Senator Clinton,

Honest Injun, but we do, we do. Who would have thought it could happen?

I am a rational, literate adult who has both knowledge and sense of History. You are a politician would bomb an orphanage to get to the White House. The thing we agree on is the role Lyndon Johnson played in getting the major Civil Rights acts in 1964 and 1965 passed.

You said, in a calculated and controlled chickie hissy fit that while Martin Luther King set the tone Lyndon Johnson did the heavy lifting. As usual, you left out part of the story. You may recall your days at the Rose Law Firm. By omitting material matters, most assuredly known to you, you bumped up against the fraud statutes.

You made the obligatory obeisance at the altar of President Kennedy, you failed to mention Eisenhower, and you conveniently flushed harsh facts about your own party down the memory hole so beloved of modern American Liberals suffering from terminal eclectic indignation.

President Johnson got Senate approval because of Republican support. In fact, a higher percentage of Republican Senators voted for it than Democrats. Look it up.

In terms of legislation President Kennedy did nothing. You can look that up also. An argument could be made for submitting legislation to Congress knowing that it will not be approved. T.E. Lawrence, noted diversity champion, said that “not much could be gained from a sure win but a certain defeat could be a valuable thing”. [As an aside, in 1995 when you were secretly running the State Department – Don’t worry about Madeline Albright getting mad. She still hasn’t caught on. – why wasn’t the Kyoto Accord submitted to the Senate as the Constitution requires? It would have gotten 20 votes tops. It would have been the right thing to do. Now, with polar bears drowning, with melting icebergs causing tsunamis in Little Rock, and with people going mad over Global Warming robbing them of a future, you could have used it as a club. Too bad]

President Eisenhower, the man whose name you failed to mention, did a bit for Civil Rights. HE SENT THE UNITED STATES ARMY TO LITTLE ROCK TO ENFORCE A COURT ORDER. That’s the Little Rock in Arkansas. You may wish to ask your husband where Senator Fullbright was during all this. Forgive my choice of words but he was an intern for him, wasn’t he?

Should you get back to the White House the first thing – well, maybe not the first thing – will be to “channel” Eleanor Roosevelt and find out why her husband signed the Davis-Bacon Act into law. If at anytime in the 20th century a more bigoted, racist act than this was passed into law on the Federal level I would like to know of it.

It’s fun when we agree.

I am waiting for the argument that raising taxes is the best way to fight slow growth. Be careful when you say that because somewhere Keynes is listening.

If you give me an address I’ll send a few bucks to help your brother out with his back child support.

It probably is an inconvenient truth but it takes a village to care for an abandoned child. I’m sure your brother has his reasons but if those scoundrels who make up the detested “vast Right-Wing conspiracy” ever find out about it you know what they will do with it.

Letter to Alva James Johnson

January 12, 2008

Alvah James-Johnson

The Sun-Sentinel

200 East Las Olas Boulevard

Fort Lauderdale, Florida 33301

RE: “A target rich environment” – some comments on your column today on the Obama candidacy and its effect on the African-American community

Ms. James-Johnson,

Arguably, it would be audacious of me to hope that someone would be familiar with what the original Dr. J. said about hope, admittedly in an entirely different context, always being “triumphant over experience”.

You say “…Obama’s candidacy has exposed how pessimistic African-Americans have become the past 40 years”.

Would not the past 40 years coincide with the passage of several major Civil Rights bills? We soon will celebrate the 43rd anniversary of the War on Poverty. Are you telling me that it was begun without an “exit strategy”? We are 37 years into Government enforced “goals – not quotas” Affirmative Action”. Are you telling me that it too is a failure?

Are you telling me that all the economic programs that the United States government has sponsored since War was declared to help poor folk, disproportionately African-American, were doomed because they were incapable of working or because not enough money was spent on them?

It is well to note that two wars were fought in the 1960s. One of them ended. There is a stark monument to it in Washington. It has 58,197 names on it. The other one is still being fought. There is no end to its victims.

You bemoan the fact “too many black men are in prison”. A quick answer, perhaps too facile, would be to send more White men to prison. Perhaps some Yellow men should go inside also.

“Too many black families [are] living below the poverty line” suggests that perhaps a newly inaugurated President Obama would issue an executive order addressing that issue. One quick answer would be to lower the poverty line. A few million families who were below it would soon be above it. Would we not have a more contented black society knowing that their President had lifted them out of poverty on his first day in office?

When you do your homework on the legendary Dr. J you may wish to ponder another one of his adages. Maybe it’s an aphorism. I get confused.

“How sad of all the things that men endure how few

laws or kings can cause or cure.”

Two more points:

#1 – The Davis-Bacon Act was the most racist Federal law passed in the 20th century. An overwhelmingly Democratic Congress with the help of a few Republican Senators quickly passed it. An enthusiastic President signed it into law. Thus was the economic fate of millions of African-Americans settled.

Senator Obama is most vocal in his support of the law. Either he is ignorant of its history or he is in thralldom to some labor unions.

Either way, it does not bode well for those victims of our educational system that you say hasn’t “figured out how to close the education gap between black and white children”.

I can’t get any answers; perhaps you can.

#2 – Your last paragraph, in its entirety, reads

“No matter the outcome of the election, Obama’s

contagious optimism should inspire us to aim higher.

We’re obligated to do at least that much for

generations yet unborn.

I added the emphasis because I can’t figure out the following facts.

We have had 35 years of unlimited abortion in this country. African-Americans make up about 11% of the population. African-American women have about 1/3rd of the abortions performed annually. The math is appallingly genocidal. Why isn’t Senator Obama talking about this? Why isn’t the African-American community taking about this?

How many African-American Senators, how many African-American house painters, how many African-American teachers, how many African-American good people have been flushed down the abortionist’s abattoir septic system without a peep about genocide?

Maybe he’ll tell you. Maybe you’ll tell me.

Letter to Tom Moran

January 11, 2008

Tom Moran

The Star Ledger

Star Ledger Plaza

Newark, New Jersey 07102-1200

RE: And this year’s savior is…is…Senator Salama Bahama. I wonder if reading your column this morning is the same as touching the hems of their garments? If only their shadow would fall upon me.

Mr. Moran,

Some mornings you’re better than gin.

Your report of the conversation between the junior Senator from Illinois and the Newark wunderkind was like a dose of anti-Beta blockers.

That it predictably heralded “the triumph of hope over experience” was to be expected. Some people just never let you down.

One thing.

As card carrying modern American Liberal, a man who agonizes over his carbon footprint, I know you use mass transit. Here’s a reading assignment for you.

“They [Obama & Booker] steer clear of ideological fights

and conflicts. They focus on solving problems.”

Have you ever heard of the Davis-Bacon Act? It was passed by a Democratic Congress [with New England Republican help] and signed into law by an enthusiastic Democratic President. That it was the most racist piece of Federal legislation of the 20th century there is no doubt or debate. [Kind of like Global Warming]

Senator Obama goes out of his way to proclaim his support for it. It’s one constant effect, an effect that is more than 70 years old, is to make it deuced difficult for inner city youth – actually that ‘s a polite way of saying unemployed and unemployable [in case you haven’t noticed the schools don’t work] Black youth soon to be classified as “feral” – to get a job.

Why would a “clean, articulate” man, to quote Senator Biden, he of Chia pet hair, support a law whose intended effect is to keep Black folk in second class citizen mode? If there is a Logical reason it escapes me. Anything “escaping” a kid from Bayonne is irritating.

Your mission, should you accept it, is to read up on Davis-Bacon and then ask the “clean, articulate” Mayor of Newark why he doesn’t scream from the steps of City Hall for its repeal.

If Senator Bahama becomes President Mayor Booker will have, as is said in New Jersey circles, a “marker” on him.

Tell him to cash it in and get this abominable racist law repealed.

Get back to me on your progress with this.

Your next assignment will be to read about other successful “surges” in American History. The first two will be Sherman’s and “line abreast’ through Belleau Wood.

Michael Satz, Florida State Attorney

January 9, 2008

Michael Satz, Esq

Florida State Attorney

201 SE 6th Street

Fort Lauderdale, Florida 33301

RE: Foxes in the hen house

Mr. Satz,

Enclosed is a letter I sent to Broward County Commissioner cum Vice Mayor Stacy Ritter.

Upon further reflection I think I may have stumbled onto a crime. It does not rise to the level of malum per se but it most assuredly is malum prohibitum.

I make the distinction because the history of the Broward County Commission is less than stellar. It is a place where the edge always goes to the “inside” players.

Commissioner Poitier trying to backdoor money into a deal on which she would have to vote to approve; Commissioner Parrish acquiescing in her employer owing Broward County more than $300,000; Commissioner Cowan stealing from himself; Commissioner Eggelettion double dipping, triple billing, and then blaming his secretary; Commissioner Lieberman-Michelman or, if she is lobbying in Tallahassee, Special Interest Flack Michelman-Lieberman; Commissioner Rodstrom, voting as his latest bond prospectus dictates; Commissioner Wasserman-Rubin votes to put money into her husband’s grant writing pocket…My God, but what a coven of poltroons!

There is a classic scene from a movie that stars Jimmy Durante. He is tiptoeing out of a circus tent. He has one end of a 25 foot length of rope over his shoulder. The other end is attached to a 10 foot tall bull elephant. As he exits the tent a policeman asks him where he is going with that elephant. “Elephant? What elephant”?

I am originally from Hudson County so these things shouldn’t surprise me. I am reminded of my favorite aunt, the one from Hester Street, who used to pinch my cheeks while telling me, “Bad enough they pee on your back but don’t let them tell you it’s rain”.

#1 – I heard Commissioner/Vice Mayor Ritter say on her radio show Saturday morning last that she had” been in New Hampshire all week and that she would be there through Wednesday”.

#2 – Commissioner/Vice Mayor Ritter is paid by the people of Broward County.

#3 – Do her duties include being paid for partisan political activities 1400 miles away from Broward County?

#4 – At the very least shouldn’t she be made to return her salary for time spent not doing her job here?

#5 – Would a Broward County employee who digs ditches be given the same leeway?

#6 – I would rule out, rather reluctantly, the use of water boarding when you question her about taking money under false pretenses.

#7 – Her candidate of choice, Senator Barack Obama, seems like fine young man. One of his colleagues in the Senate said he was “clean and articulate”. These are estimable qualities with which I am in total agreement. Would I be thought to be audacious to hope that someone who wants to be President should have squeaky clean personal hygiene habits or be familiar with the rules governing syntax? I hope not. I hasten to add that he is not my candidate. Commissioner/Vice Mayor Ritter used my tax dollars, without my knowledge or consent, to support a candidate not of my choosing. I don’t know if it is illegal. I do know it is not right.

#8 – Should I wish to support Congressman Hunter or Congressman Kucinich in the primary election in Michigan will Broward County pay all or part of my expenses? If not, why not?

There is an elephant out there with many tethers and many handlers. And yes, I think it has now gone beyond breaking the law to breaking the law.

#8 - The courtesy of a prompt reply would be most appreciated.

Stacy Ritter

January 6, 2008

Vice Mayor of Vice Stacy Ritter

Broward County Commission

116 South Andrews Avenue

Fort Lauderdale, Florida 33301

RE: “Some people just never let you down.” Some comments on your radio show yesterday.

My dear vice Mayor,

It’s been a while.

“Stones are hard, water is wet, objects unsupported fall towards the earth’s center.” Some things never, never change. You, for example.

Vapid? Vacuous? As Homer Simpson, the noted political sage and pundit says, “Don’t make me choose!”

There I was driving along in my gas-guzzling SUV, trying to make my carbon footprint equal to Sasquatch, thinking good thoughts about WAL*MART, praying for the continued success of Bush’s “surge” [Remember Sherman’s? It freed the slaves. You don’t have a problem with that, do you?], trying to get manatees on the Teri Schiavo fast track, trying to figure out where I can buy inorganic vegetables, sobbing quietly over the problem of teenage obesity AND the heartbreak of psoriasis, railing at the FCATs, when I heard your voice on the radio.

I didn’t know that Senator Bahama or Salama or whatever Ted “Big Tosspot” Kennedy, AKA Senator Lard called him could A- Walk on water B- Make the lame walk C- Make people from Quebec nice and D – Do all the above while fixing the energy crisis, the tax crisis, the drug crisis and, hopefully, raise audacity to an art form before breakfast, a breakfast in which beer and pizza are no longer part of the basic food groups. Plus, he’ll make us sing better, right?

More importantly, do your employers, the people of Broward County, know that you are away from your job? Do they know that you are engaged in partisan politics? Did you take some vacation days? Did you take an unpaid leave of absence? If you are still on the payroll would it be true to say that you are taking money under false pretenses? Considering the general ethical tone of the scroyles and poltroons who make up the Broward County Board of Commissioners you are right on target for the Hall of Fame.

Thanks for telling me about your candidate. Also, thanks for telling me it’s cold in New Hampshire in January. Does that mean that Global Warming is over?

Does that mean you will be supporting Hillary for National Poster Girl for Abused and Publicly Humiliated Wives?

Correct me if I am wrong but Senator Mogambo Ottumwa has a foreign policy that says it’s OK to talk to the head Gomer in North Korea, it’s OK to talk to the head WOG in Iran, and that it’s OK to talk to his father’s cousin [by marriage] Ujamma Ben Lader in some cave in Kafiristan. His domestic policy is predicated on raising taxes and NOT talking to FOX NEWS. That’s about it, isn’t it?

Modern American Liberals, particularly those who are elected, people like you, are blessed in many ways. For example, the fact that you never let facts interfere with an argument is something that is priceless to any public servant. That, plus the fact that some secular G-d has blessed you with a short memory, enables you to proclaim, proudly, that plaid is your favorite color.

The question of “unincorporated areas” is alien territory to anyone not from Florida. Cities grew up around them. Basic services, police, fire, garbage, were provided on a helter-skelter basis. I realized that it was shorthand for where Black folk live. It was the Broward County version of Soweto. Since they had no elected officials to whom they could complain they were ignored. Since members of the “vast Right-Wing conspiracy” are not allowed to spend the night in Broward County it was all home grown. At least you stopped short of pass laws.

The Florida legislature passed a bill that the Governor signed. That made it the law of the land. It said that all unincorporated areas had to be incorporated by date certain. If voluntary compliance was not forthcoming the state would assign unincorporated areas to the nearest city.

The Broward county legislative delegation, which in a moment of high humor made you its spokeschick. did contortions worthy of the occupants of Dante’s lower circles. [Dante is an Italian poet]. All the good parts put themselves up for bid. All the bad parts were ignored like they had AIDS.

The good parts were all White. The bad parts were all Black.

Broward County is so modern American Liberal that it would vote for Dr. Mengele because of his progressive views on abortion. Broward County voted to tax itself extra for the children. Its concern for aging greyhounds and pregnant pigs is legendary. With the exception of Zabar’s on a Sunday morning, Barbra Streisand’s dinner table, and the 14 remaining “barking mad” listeners of the Keith Olberman raree there is no more mAL place in America.

Except for Black folk living too close.

You did a great job preventing that from happening.

Modern American Liberals don’t care how big Black folk get as long as they don’t get too close.

You did your job so well that your radio show told me that you were in New Hampshire trying to elect the junior Senator from Illinois.

He can live in the White House. That’s in Washington, DC. He can live in Camp David. That’s in Maryland. He can live in Camp Gitmo. That’s in Cuba. He can live anywhere he wants as long as it is not in Broward County. The comments from Imus about “nappy headed hos” were honest. You and your fellow coven members lacked even that saving grace.

Hypocrite. In your case, a cementheaded hypocrite.

You may want to do some research on what Dante has in store for you.

Friday, January 11, 2008

Letter to Tom Moran

January 11, 2008

Tom Moran

The Star Ledger

Star Ledger Plaza

Newark, New Jersey 07102-1200

RE: And this year’s savior is…is…Senator Salama Bahama. I wonder if reading your column this morning is the same as touching the hems of their garments? If only their shadow would fall upon me.

Mr. Moran,

Some mornings you’re better than gin.

Your report of the conversation between the junior Senator from Illinois and the Newark wunderkind was like a dose of anti-Beta blockers.

That it predictably heralded “the triumph of hope over experience” was to be expected. Some people just never let you down.

One thing.

As card carrying modern American Liberal, a man who agonizes over his carbon footprint, I know you use mass transit. Here’s a reading assignment for you.

“They [Obama & Booker] steer clear of ideological fights

and conflicts. They focus on solving problems.”

Have you ever heard of the Davis-Bacon Act? It was passed by a Democratic Congress [with New England Republican help] and signed into law by an enthusiastic Democratic President. That it was the most racist piece of Federal legislation of the 20th century there is no doubt or debate. [Kind of like Global Warming]

Senator Obama goes out of his way to proclaim his support for it. It’s one constant effect, an effect that is more than 70 years old, is to make it deuced difficult for inner city youth – actually that ‘s a polite way of saying unemployed and unemployable [in case you haven’t noticed the schools don’t work] Black youth soon to be classified as “feral” – to get a job.

Why would a “clean, articulate” man, to quote Senator Biden, he of Chia pet hair, support a law whose intended effect is to keep Black folk in second class citizen mode? If there is a Logical reason it escapes me. Anything “escaping” a kid from Bayonne is irritating.

Your mission, should you accept it, is to read up on Davis-Bacon and then ask the “clean, articulate” Mayor of Newark why he doesn’t scream from the steps of City Hall for its repeal.

If Senator Bahama becomes President Mayor Booker will have, as is said in New Jersey circles, a “marker” on him.

Tell him to cash it in and get this abominable racist law repealed.

Get back to me on your progress with this.

Your next assignment will be to read about other successful “surges” in American History. The first two will be Sherman’s and “line abreast’ through Belleau Wood.

Letter to a Presidential Candidate

January 11, 2008

Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton

726 Exchange Streeet

Buffalo, New York 14210

RE: No better time to ramp up your Niobe impersonation! Rich Little and Frank Caliendo ain’t got nothing on you.

Senator Clinton,

I read, with sadness, of the death of Sir Edmund Hillary, the first man – OOPS! – the first human to climb Mount Everest.

Even though you were born several years before he climbed the mountain I believed it when you said you were named after him. I believed it when you startled the world with the revelation of a “vast Right-Wing conspiracy”. That one was easy; I was one of the co-founders.

You have my permission to cry about this.

I suggest that you don’t cry in Florida because the carbon footprint fanatics, led by the evil Cheney, were able to convince the Democratic Party to disenfranchise all Democratic voters here. I’ll never know how they did that. Do you?

How are your brothers doing? What a pair of fun loving scamps! It must have been a ball growing up with them. I bet your Mom is so proud of them.

Say hello to Big Billy for me.

Thursday, January 10, 2008

Letter to Greg Cote

January 9, 2008

Greg Cote

The Miami Herald

One Herald Plaza

Miami, Florida 33136-1693

RE: “Clemens Hasn’t Proved Innocence” – The astonishing headline of January 7, 2008 concerning Roger Clemens.

Mr. Cote,

O.J. Simpson still “hasn’t proved his innocence” about filleting his wife... This may come as shock to you but he didn’t have to.

In addition to not proving his innocence he also “has not proved his innocence” about being a serial borborygomist. In this scandalous activity I understand that he told his cousin who told his dry cleaner who told his chimney sweep that he learned how to perform borborygomy from you. You should be aware that this syndrome has its own lapel ribbon. Its color is a gurry brown. Be advised that it can lead to terminal rhetorical incontinence which first manifests itself as verbal diorrhea.

Until you “prove your innocence” you should be barred from your PC.

With your newly found free time here are some things you can read about for the first time: the presumption of innocence; the 5th Amendment; the right to confront witnesses; and a vague thing called due process.

Quaff deeply at this Pierian spring. Look at them with wild surmise – Silent, upon a peak in Darien. If there is anything you don’t quite get, send a SASE.

Until then keep your mouth shut about such things. That way people will only think you to be a fool.

Tuesday, January 8, 2008

Letter to Stacy Ritter

January 6, 2008

Vice Mayor of Vice Stacy Ritter

Broward County Commission

116 South Andrews Avenue

Fort Lauderdale, Florida 33301

RE: “Some people just never let you down.” Some comments on your radio show yesterday.

My dear vice Mayor,

It’s been a while.

“Stones are hard, water is wet, objects unsupported fall towards the earth’s center.” Some things never, never change. You, for example.

Vapid? Vacuous? As Homer Simpson, the noted political sage and pundit says, “Don’t make me choose!”

There I was driving along in my gas-guzzling SUV, trying to make my carbon footprint equal to Sasquatch, thinking good thoughts about WAL*MART, praying for the continued success of Bush’s “surge” [Remember Sherman’s? It freed the slaves. You don’t have a problem with that, do you?], trying to get manatees on the Teri Schiavo fast track, trying to figure out where I can buy inorganic vegetables, sobbing quietly over the problem of teenage obesity AND the heartbreak of psoriasis, railing at the FCATs, when I heard your voice on the radio.

I didn’t know that Senator Bahama or Salama or whatever Ted “Big Tosspot” Kennedy, AKA Senator Lard called him could A- Walk on water B- Make the lame walk C- Make people from Quebec nice and D – Do all the above while fixing the energy crisis, the tax crisis, the drug crisis and, hopefully, raise audacity to an art form before breakfast, a breakfast in which beer and pizza are no longer part of the basic food groups. Plus, he’ll make us sing better, right?

More importantly, do your employers, the people of Broward County, know that you are away from your job? Do they know that you are engaged in partisan politics? Did you take some vacation days? Did you take an unpaid leave of absence? If you are still on the payroll would it be true to say that you are taking money under false pretenses? Considering the general ethical tone of the scroyles and poltroons who make up the Broward County Board of Commissioners you are right on target for the Hall of Fame.

Thanks for telling me about your candidate. Also, thanks for telling me it’s cold in New Hampshire in January. Does that mean that Global Warming is over?

Does that mean you will be supporting Hillary for National Poster Girl for Abused and Publicly Humiliated Wives?

Correct me if I am wrong but Senator Mogambo Ottumwa has a foreign policy that says it’s OK to talk to the head Gomer in North Korea, it’s OK to talk to the head WOG in Iran, and that it’s OK to talk to his father’s cousin [by marriage] Ujamma Ben Lader in some cave in Kafiristan. His domestic policy is predicated on raising taxes and NOT talking to FOX NEWS. That’s about it, isn’t it?

Modern American Liberals, particularly those who are elected, people like you, are blessed in many ways. For example, the fact that you never let facts interfere with an argument is something that is priceless to any public servant. That, plus the fact that some secular G-d has blessed you with a short memory, enables you to proclaim, proudly, that plaid is your favorite color.

The question of “unincorporated areas” is alien territory to anyone not from Florida. Cities grew up around them. Basic services, police, fire, garbage, were provided on a helter-skelter basis. I realized that it was shorthand for where Black folk live. It was the Broward County version of Soweto. Since they had no elected officials to whom they could complain they were ignored. Since members of the “vast Right-Wing conspiracy” are not allowed to spend the night in Broward County it was all home grown. At least you stopped short of pass laws.

The Florida legislature passed a bill that the Governor signed. That made it the law of the land. It said that all unincorporated areas had to be incorporated by date certain. If voluntary compliance was not forthcoming the state would assign unincorporated areas to the nearest city.

The Broward county legislative delegation, which in a moment of high humor made you its spokeschick. did contortions worthy of the occupants of Dante’s lower circles. [Dante is an Italian poet]. All the good parts put themselves up for bid. All the bad parts were ignored like they had AIDS.

The good parts were all White. The bad parts were all Black.

Broward County is so modern American Liberal that it would vote for Dr. Mengele because of his progressive views on abortion. Broward County voted to tax itself extra for the children. Its concern for aging greyhounds and pregnant pigs is legendary. With the exception of Zabar’s on a Sunday morning, Barbra Streisand’s dinner table, and the 14 remaining “barking mad” listeners of the Keith Olberman raree there is no more mAL place in America.

Except for Black folk living too close.

You did a great job preventing that from happening.

Modern American Liberals don’t care how big Black folk get as long as they don’t get too close.

You did your job so well that your radio show told me that you were in New Hampshire trying to elect the junior Senator from Illinois.

He can live in the White House. That’s in Washington, DC. He can live in Camp David. That’s in Maryland. He can live in Camp Gitmo. That’s in Cuba. He can live anywhere he wants as long as it is not in Broward County. The comments from Imus about “nappy headed hos” were honest. You and your fellow coven members lacked even that saving grace.

Hypocrite. In your case, a cementheaded hypocrite.

You may want to do some research on what Dante has in store for you.

Saturday, January 5, 2008

Letter to Little Debbie

September 18, 2001

State Senator Debbie Wasserman-Schultz

2500 Weston Road #101

Weston, Florida 33331

RE: Is it the “slippery slope” that causes the “chilling effect” or is it the opposite? Have Justice Douglas’s “penumbras” and “emanations” gone walkabout?

State Senator Wasserman-Schultz:

I had a visit this morning from Agent Pineva and Agent Thomas of the Florida

Department of Law Enforcement. They had badges, guns, and handcuffs. Policemen have a most difficult task. We ask them to keep the more feral members of society out of our sight. We ask them to form a “Thin Blue Line”, if you will. We ask them to accept the possibility of death as a condition of employment. There is no OSHA or EPA to “protect” them. Further, we ask them to remember the Constitution. Some politicians focus more on “whether the constable has blundered” than on the criminal, alleged or otherwise. The conflict in any society is between “order and freedom”, as Edmund Burke said. I’ll come back to him later. They told me that you had filed a complaint about against me because I had “threatened” you, said complaint having been filed perhaps as much as two months before the destruction of the World Trade Center.

I re-read a few of my notes to you. While I wish I could have had a good editor nearby with a blue pencil to crack my knuckles from time to time I will stand by every word I wrote. In one sense I can see how I could have “threatened” you. Modern American Liberals, of whom you are the Broward County standard bearer, suffer from “eclectic indignation”. They consider “non-malodorous fecal matter” to be a perquisite of office for those who labor to help the lesser breeds. [Let me, for the sake of this note, define the “lesser breeds” as those who believe that the Bill of Rights has served us well for more than two centuries. All ten of them.] Such gifts enable politicians, such as you, to square circles and defy gravity while offering nostrums like “balloon juice” and “rainbow stew” to the electorate.

I point this out in the hope that you will see the error of your ways. Failing that, I find - as do others - some amusement in saying that if some - such as you - say that “my favorite color is plaid” that should not be the basis for public policy. It is in my nature to confront rather than convert. That is why I am never far from a copy of the Constitution. That is why I named James Madison as “Man of the Year” last year.

And for this you called the cops?

Your resume says that you have a Masters degree in Political Science. Does the Alien and Sedition Acts ring any bells? Have you ever read “A Modest Proposal For

Preventing The Children Of Poor People From Being A Burden To Their Parents Or The Country”? For that matter, have you ever heard of it? Sometimes Swift is difficult to follow. I thought “A Theory of Justice” was the 20th century’s equivalent of it. Imagine how shocked, shocked I was when I found out that John Rawls meant every word!

Last week Michael Moore said, “I only wish that more Republicans had died”. Should a comment like that merit a visit from a Navy SEAL team or just a few Tomahawk missiles?

Of course, with you being the quintessential modern American Liberal, I wonder what took you so long. Beneath the surface of the “Why can’t we all get along?”, and “Let’s not be mean spirited”, and “Show me a victim and I’ll find you a villain”, and “Got a problem? No problem! I’ll pass a law! No problem”, lurks a power crazed fascist who regards the Rule of Law as an impediment to getting things done and, of course, “social justice”.

If that’s threatening then Edmund Burke and Thomas Paine - God’s Holy Trousers! [It’s still permitted to say “God”, isn’t it?] Imagine the two of them in the same sentence! - had better run for cover. Of course, I am assuming that you have read either of them.

My offer to teach your kids to swim still stands.

Pop Quiz. Complete this sentence. “Congress shall make no law....”.

Thursday, January 3, 2008

January 3, 2008 Letter to Stephen Goldstein

January 3, 2008

Special Correspondent Steven L. Goldstein

The Sun-Sentinel

200East Las Olas Boulevard

Fort Lauderdale, Florida 33301

RE: Addenda [That’s Latin] – Still more bad things in 2008 for which the Republicans must be blamed.

My dear Professor,

Since yesterday more proof of the evil actions of those cursed Republicans has come to light. Duty dictates that I add them to the list of never ending Jeremiads that you have identified so far in 2008.

#1 – The exploding volcano in Chile was caused by the Republican Party. After signing the Kyoto Accord Newt Gingrich, The Weekly Standard, and nasty rich guys convinced Monica Lewinsky to make a bee line for the Oval Office. There she – how to say this delicately – distracted, that’s the word, President Handsome Billy from Hot Springs. Big Bill sent Hillary to Kosovo where Evil Cheney waited with Stinger missiles left over the Iran-Contra affair. Alas, the best laid plans….”best laid”….forgive me but I couldn’t resist….went astray. Anyway the treaty was never submitted to the Senate as the Constitution requires. Kyoto was never ratified. The planet is very close to charbroiling. The polar bears and drowning. Now the volcano in Chile is spouting lava. Doubtless, it is part punishment for Pinochet but evil forces are afoot. The “smoking gun” leads right back to Eisenhower.

I am close to uncovering how Barbara Bush made Mount Saint Helen’s blow its top when Carter was President. Obviously he would have reelected, and not just by a landslide but probably unanimously, save for a successful GOP plot.

#2 – The 300 [and climbing] Kenyans were killed because of the tax cuts. First Reagan and then Bush 43. The rich getting richer in America caused such grief in East Africa that the idyllic and irenic impulses of Kwanzaa were overcome by the turmoil of conspicuous consumption in America. Even the Masai know that the reverse Robin Hood policies of the Bush years can only be addressed by violence.

Why they kill each is still a mystery but I am sure Fox News is somehow involved.

#3 – Oil is at $110 a barrel because Exxon-Mobil installed the world’s largest stealth air conditioner in Florida 3 days ago. Borrowing the technology of the B1, the B2, and the F-117 jets a 3 trillion, 478 billion, 735 million BTU air conditioner is somewhere South of Lake Okeechobee. There it is, despite melting icebergs and penguins dying from heat stroke all over the world, freezing the collective asses of everybody in Florida. The Brass Monkey that I keep to remind me of my nautical background has lost all its balls. The reason for this is simple.

The people who have come from all over to see this year’s Orange Bowl will return home saying “Forget all the claptrap about Global Warming. Do you know how cold it was in Florida? We had to go to Winona, Minnesota to warm up.”

Your task is to make the people, and sometimes they are so easily led by really bad people, realize that the only way to save themselves, are to follow the lead of really smart people, people like you. Once they do that they’ll all be farting through silk.

You go, guy!

PS – I must tell you that all the facts shown above were gotten after waterboarding five GOP operatives. That they were gun-totin’, snake handling, red neck homophobes didn’t make the task easier but it sure as Hell made it more enjoyable. As soon as made them wear camisoles and eye liner they gave up Senator Craig.

Wednesday, January 2, 2008

Notes on September 11

September 15, 2001

Not yet 4 days after buildings, bodies, families, and a piece of a nation’s soul were torn asunder the smirk is back. Hark back to the debates last fall. The Vice President of the United States, the author of “Earth in the Balance”, known to his close friends as “Cementhead”, would sigh, audibly, and would smirk, condescendingly, whenever Governor Bush would say something, anything. The Vice President, whose Secret Service moniker was “Dummy”, looked at his opponent with contempt.

There may yet be someone alive under the rubble. There may yet be a miracle waiting to happen. No matter. The New York Times has decided that time sufficient has passed that they can begin to hector the President with sound advice from the editorial pages and the news columns.

Anthony Lewis laments that we have not yet “eschewed unilateralism”.

Thomas Friedman says that we are all guilty so no one is guilty except for those who are always guilty and we all know who they are.

Paul Krugman suggests that tax cuts had a part in this.

Frank Rich somehow ties the administration’s lack of support for the Kyoto Accords and its enthusiasm for missile defence into an invitation to terrorists. He is still angry that “Angels in America” has not replaced “God Bless America” at picnics.

Buried in the news reports are the offhanded, backhanded remarks that are rather....fey.

There is a point that must be made.

As a Christian, as a Catholic, I am a spiritual descendant of Abraham. The New Testament makes no sense without the Old Testament. Priests wear garments that Melchizedech would recognize. There is a Catholic order which dates its founding to before the birth of Christ. Christ was a Jew.

Having said that it is necessary to add that if Israel did not exist the planes still would have hit the buildings. The Muslims use the Jews and Israel as a cover for their hatred and as a disguise for their real enemy. The “Great Satan” is not in Jerusalem. The “Great Satan” is Western Civilization. Islam is a religion and a culture that has produced nothing for 10 centuries. Admire the pyramids but what has come from there since. Note that they ended a period of growth. Chartres began it. Europe had the Renaissance. Our ships found the rest of the world. 800 year old thoughts, thoughts which were begun by people that “they” sought to crush 2500 years ago, are still debated. 500 year old statues and paintings still enthrall the imagination. 400 year old plays are still produced. 300 year old music is still played. Along the way, unevenly and sometimes savagely, we learned how to govern ourselves. We made the lame walk. We beat gravity. We went to the moon. We came back from the moon. Were it not for T.E. Lawrence and the discovery of oil “they “still would be using goat dung to heat their tents.

When we were doing these things “they” sat in those tents. “They” ate with one hand. “They” made their women chattel. For centuries “they” seethed with envy and hatred. “They” knew that while God is great he was somewhat lax in handing out the good stuff. Stuff like railroads and cellos and small pox vaccine and zip top plastic bags

and instant coffee and microprocessors and disposable lighters and nuclear fission and lo-fat mayonnaise and a way to govern, to rule, without using a club. “They” may as well have been on the moon.

I went out for the papers this morning at 5:50. Across the street is a church with a large greensward on which sits a 70 foot microwave transmission tower that does double duty as a flag pole. The flag, illuminated for night viewing as protocol requires, was at half mast.

This morning the flag pole had a crescent moon on its left and a very bright object - perhaps Venus - on its right. A commercial jet, the first one I’ve seen in 3 days, was approaching from the West. As it turned South it was between the flag and the shining objects.

A crescent moon and a bright star are symbols of Islam.

My uncle John died yesterday. He enlisted in the United States Army in December, 1940. A one year hitch and he would be home for Christmas, 1941. He got back to Jersey City in 1946. Wherever the United States Army was in the Pacific in World War 2 he was there. He was wounded grievously at Leyte Gulf. I would call him, too infrequently, to say “Thank you”.

Frank Rich, who earns a living “makin’ mock o uniforms that guard you while you sleep....”, as Kipling says, ends his column today with a quote from Shakespeare. He chose Hamlet, whose favorite color was plaid, to make his point.

Shakespeare also had a character who said, “your purpled hands reek and smoke”. He tells us that “the earth has not a hole to hide this deed”. Soon it will be

”....Saviour of his country when the guns begin to shoot” tho’ the thought of Mr. Rich selling bonds is difficult to imagine. The spiritually and morally bankrupt modern American Liberals, sitting in their hives trying to shape the edges of culture and society, have come face to face with something that they said did not, could not exist. They look at this evil uncomprehendingly. Step lightly over the wreckage of an age.

Loans are always paid. Most times the borrower pays them. Sometimes the lender pays them. It’s time to charge capital and put the “Paid” stamp on this one.

To An Athlete Dying Young

July 28, 2001

On The Death of Roscoe Harris

Marist High School

1992

I saw him make the three point shot against Seton Hall Prep in March, 1992. Brevin Knight had his hand on the ball when he shot from 30 feet out. The buzzer sounded. The ball went in. Tie game. Overtime. Marist won.

That was the year when the championship game was the one before. You could beat the Russians and the Chinese. That didn’t count. There was only one team that mattered. Marist 63. Saint Anthony 45. There is no banner for that one. It was the game. It was the championship. Marist split their next two games. No matter.

“The time you won your town the race

We chaired you through the marketplace....

I saw him make 8 points on one play. He was fouled as he was shooting. The shot went in. The player who fouled threw the ball. A technical foul was called. He made all the foul shots. On the inbound pass he scored a three point shot. 8 points.

Man and boy stood cheering by,

And home we brought you shoulder high....

I never met him. Our only connection was Blue and Gold. We wore those colors 4 decades apart yet they bind us still. He was far, far better at his sport than I was at mine. We both earned varsity letters. That makes us brothers.

Smart lad, to slip betimes away

From fields where glory does not stay....

The events surrounding his death at the age of 28 suggest something heroic. It was not over drugs. It was not over any of the vices associated with urban streets. He died half a block from where my uncle lived in a very different Jersey City. He died a few blocks from the church where my father was baptized 100 years ago. One of my classmates, and fellow varsity letter winner, is now the pastor of that church.

He died in defense of a woman. Death, a “necessary end”, comes for us all. He faced it, perhaps recklessly, but with gallantry. “We take our men as we find them.” He was a man.

Now you will not swell the rout

Of lads that wore their honours out....

He left his game on the field. He didn’t lose. His time ran out.

Runners whom renown outran

And the name died before the man

So set, before its echoes fade,

The fleet foot on the sill of shade,

And hold to the lintel up

The still-defended challenge-cup.

And round that early-laureled head

Will flock to gaze the strengthless dead,

And find unwithered on its curls

The garland briefer than a girl’s.”

ROSCOE HARRIS

MARIST HIGH SCHOOL

1992

Requiescat in Pace

Jersey Guys

“JERSEY GUYS”

September 11, 2002

“Goddammit, Admiral,” Buracker said with obvious exasperation, “You can’t start a private war of your own! Who’s going to take responsibility?”

From beneath thick eyebrows, the admiral’s eyes burned brightly as he said,

“I’ll take it. If anything gets in the way we’ll shoot first and argue afterwards.”

Nine days later, bombs cascaded from the skies over Pearl Harbor, ending America’s last period of innocence and plunging the nation headlong into the greatest war mankind has ever seen. The United States Navy as a whole was not prepared for what happened that day. But Task Force 8, under the command of

Vice Admiral William F. Halsey, was.

The above is taken verbatim from page 38 “The Battle of Leyte Gulf” by Thomas J. Cutler.

The North Tower. Boom!

The South Tower. Boom!

The Pentagon. Boom!

Two flights from Boston. Two buildings down. One flight from Washington. One building poleaxed. More than 3000 dead.

It’s as if you are on a bus. The center aisle is not as wide as a bus. The seats are not as wide as a bus. If you pull the cord the bus stops. The food that is supposed to be hot is hot; the cold food cold. Mom is not in the kitchen doing your favorite dish. You are on a plane. Spike shaped. Five hundred miles an hour. 7 miles up. “Fallible within the plane’s greater fallibility”, as Ian Fleming once said.

Who knows what the terror was like on the three planes that hit the three buildings? People are dead. Wives will never feel the life force of their husbands again. Children will never know how proud and happy a father can be. This was an unnatural act. It was an act born of 25 centuries - not 15 - of rage and frustration. This was an act for which there can be but one response; overwhelming, devastating, and, if possible, disproportionate. Since Jihad warriors look forward to infidel virgins to reward them for their deaths surely we can earn Allah’s blessing by speeding them on their way. After all, we were told by a President that, “....on earth, God’s work must surely be our own”. He also told us that we would “pay any price and bear any burden in the defense of liberty’.

What we do know about Flight 93 from Newark Airport is that it punched into a field in Shanksville, Pennsylvania. It was upside down and it was traveling in excess of 500 miles per hour.

What we do know about Flight 93 from Newark Airport is that it did not crash into the White House or the Capital building. It wound up in a trillion pieces in a dirt field

in Pennsylvania because some JERSEY GUYS said, “If we’re going, we’ll pick the place where we go. Not you, you bastards.”

“They” couldn’t understand the Spartans at Thermopylae. King Leonidas was told that the Persian arrows would block out the sun. “Good’, he said. “We’ll have our battle in the shade.” There is a tablet there. It says, “Go stranger. Tell the Spartans that we lie here obedient to their laws.”

“They” couldn’t understand the Franks at Tours. The Islamic hordes were crushed by free men.

“They” couldn’t understand the Venetians at Lepanto. Outnumbered 10 to 1 the smaller vessels of the Doge simply sailed around the larger vessels of the Turkish Pasha and slaughtered them.

“They” couldn’t understand the bakers of Vienna. What were they throwing at the Muslim invaders from the walls of their besieged city? Small bits of bread shaped like crescents. Just like the crescents on their flags. Again they were repulsed.

“They “ couldn’t understand why the British came to avenge one man 13 years after his death. “They” couldn’t understand why the small man on the large horse put away his saber and took out his Mauser when he led a charge against them. “They” were the men of the Mahdi, the Chosen One. Omdurman. Once more “they” were slaughtered.

And if “they” could have gotten to a radio before Flight 93 from Newark augered in “they” would have said, “Who are these “JERSEY GUYS”? They fight back.”

Soon, very soon, this country will begin the payback for 9-11-01.

Soon, very soon, History will repeat itself.

Soon, very soon, it will be “Saviour of ‘is country “ when the guns begin to shoot.

Soon, very soon, the “dogs of war” will be let loose.

Soon, very soon, we will criticize ourselves if some innocent Abdul or Fatima is slain. “After the first death there are no others.” There were no guilty ones at the World Trade Center, either. “Kill them all”, said the cleric to the general. “God will know his own.”

3000 dead Americans. Gone. Charbroiled. Incinerated. It is time to put the “paid” stamp on this year old bill.

Who knows how much worse the carnage could have been? Who knows how many more aching wives and sad children there would have been if it weren’t for the Boys of September, the Heroes of September? The men on Flight 93 from Newark Airport. “JERSEY GUYS”

“One example occurred as Enterprise steamed slowly into Pearl Harbor just hours after the attack. Halsey had surveyed the incredible damage in silence for a while, then was heard to growl, “Before we’re through with’em,

the Japanese language will be spoken only in hell!”....

“Finally, by war’s end, the Japanese had become to Halsey

“lousy yellow fucking rat monkey bastards”.

This too is from “The Battle of Leyte Gulf”.

Verbatim.

Tough language? Not even a little bit. Not as tough as what is coming. These are people who stone women and who slice off the genitals of 10 year old girls. These are people who come to our country and open their mosques and claim freedoms and the protection of our laws, such freedoms and protections that would not be extended to Americans in their native lands. Their civilization peaked a thousand years ago. Unable to comprehend why their society and culture is a failure they lash out at one - ours - that is a success. The people who drove the planes into the buildings and killed the people, our people, were not from Norway or Patagonia. Most were from the same country. All were members of the same faith. What they did was a Logical conclusion to what they believed. Racial profiling? Ethnic profiling? Ideological profiling? Geographical profiling? I certainly hope so. If I left any “profile” out please feel free to include it.

Admiral William F. Halsey, who would regularly broadcast his latitude and longitude to the Japanese navy lest they think he did not want them to find him....

Admiral William F, Halsey, a man of whom Admiral Arleigh Burke - a man for whom the word “hero” was invented - said he “would follow him anywhere in this world, or beyond”....

Admiral William F. Halsey - “JERSEY GUY”

The men of Flight 93 - “JERSEY GUYS”

New Jersey named a Turnpike Exit after Halsey. The state, my state, while saddened by their loss, is honored by their lives. We are humbled, we are awed, by their presence.

“When can their glory fade....”

Letter to Stephen Goldstein

January 2, 2008

Stephen L. Goldstein – A very special correspondent

The Sun-Sentinel

200 East Las Olas Boulevard

Fort Lauderdale, Florida 33301

RE: 30 hours into the new year and you’re already in mid-season form! Thank God for Little Nell or I would never know how bad things are. As reported by you in this morning’s Sun-Sentinel.

My dear Professor,

I am too old to fall for the old bait and switch routine but a cursory glance at your column and I was hooked.

I figured that any column beginning with Dante and ending with Walt Kelly can’t be all bad.

I was wrong.

It was all bad.

The template, the paradigmatic template, to snatch a phrase from the foetid well of modern American Liberalism, is that all things evil, be they political, social, moral, financial, culinary, meteorological, follicle, athletic, or musical comes from the evil axis of Bush, Cheney, and Halliburton. Somehow the people are duped into voting again and again for cads, bounders, and wowsers who are constantly bribed, corrupted and compromised by the storm troopers of the Evil Empire.

These “whited sepulchers” then thwart the will of the “good” people, the people who “care”, the people who wish to help the poor, the old, the lame, the halt, the calorically challenged, the gender challenged, the document challenged, and the poster child of the never ending War on Poverty, the single mom who is a woman of color with one child in need of a good Ritalin program and another about to enter the ranks of feral urban youth.

That and “I’ll go on a hunger strike to save polar bears from drowning” “Let’s not be too beastly to the WOGs who want to kill us” is all of it, isn’t it?

If your only tool is a hammer everything begins to look like a nail.

You may wish to acquaint yourself with the work from which you took your opening line, “Abandon all hope”. Its first line is “Halfway through my journey I found myself in the dark wood of error”. I’ll leave the line about coming “out of the cave and looking up and seeing the stars” for you to find in a journey of surprise and discovery.

As to Pogo and the time weary line about “the enemy is us” may I suggest a new poet?

Eliot said that man’s search for a society “so perfect that no one will have to be good” is, of course, doomed.

On the second day of the New Year you tell me that the problem with society is the people who are in it. Then you tell me that “men are not angels”. In your Utopia, a word whose meaning modern American Liberals always forget, a word that means “nowhere”, there is no end, no resolution to anything. It is like the horizon. It’s there. It’s just over, forgive me, the horizon. Thus the search for victims and villains is never ending.

The bounds of Liberal Logic are eminently flexible.

Cheney was on the “grassy knoll” in Dallas before he started AIDS, right? Then he blew up the levees in New Orleans because he doesn’t like Black folk, right? Then he got the voters in South Florida to fall for an Arts Center, a baseball stadium, and a tunnel while Haitians wash up on the beach to our official indifference, right?

Send up a flare if your theme changes. If not, it will be the same column again and again and again. I’ll try to get by without them.

Happy New Year!

Letter to Jeffrey Sachs

December 30, 2007

Jeffrey Sachs

@The Miami Herald

One Herald Plaza

Miami, Florida 33132-1693

RE: A small risk assumed for a greater cause – I ain’t the Queen but my year end Honors List beats hers by a 7 league carbon footprint. A comment on your article in today’s Miami Herald.

My dear Professor,

Having just completed a 3411 mile round trip in a SUV, a gas guzzling, CO2 belching, ice berg melting, polar bear drowning, rain forest destroying hunk of Detroit iron – xenophobically Buy American am I – I was going to slide gently into 2008.

Having read your column at dawn, and how grateful I am for each new day of consuming conspicuously without worrying about its effects on the various WOGs of whom you write, I am taking up the cudgels of “Culture Man”. It is an identity I assume when I see Western Civilization threatened, particularly by one who benefits from it so well and so hypocritically.

There went my weekend.

I am going to take a risk, a risk that can be described as Lilliputian, that between now and tomorrow at midnight a bigger horse’s ass will appear in the public arena. Should that happen it would be Brobdanaglia cubed.

I therefore declare you

HORSE’S ASS OF THE YEAR.

This is an honor not lightly given. That you have well and truly earned it there can be no doubt. Your award will be a series of 6 foot high mirrors that can be arranged in a circle. Like Stonehenge. Get some 3rd World Wormwood to assemble it with you inside the circle. There you will have to try to find your ass using both hands plus the mirrors. No easy task for you to be sure. I am comfortable that you will prevail around the time of the vernal equinox. Thank God for Leap Years. It gives you an extra day.

A close reading of your article is all the evidence needed. It is like a 21st century Q.E.D. That’s Latin. I hope there is somebody, anybody, left on Morningside Heights who can help you. If not, send a SASE.

#1 – “The world was sufficiently united that it forced the United States to end its intransigence.”

Are you saying that Paraguay, North Korea, and Burkina Faso, coupled with the stout Flems and the mighty Walloons, brought the Yankee colossus to its knees? Let’s not forget the Italianate hand of the Palestinians together with the wily Catalans when it was time for the short strokes.

Not for nothing did Marley’s partner say, “I’ll retire to Bedlam”.

You mention the “deadlock” of Kyoto. Why, a skeptic might ask, don’t you mention the fact that the Clinton administration never submitted it to the Senate for its advice and consent as the Constitution requires? Was there anyone in the United States Senate then who would have voted for it?

T.E. Lawrence, the noted multiculturalist and champion of diversity, said “Not much could be gained from a sure win but much could be gained from a sure loss”.

Why didn’t the Clinton administration and particularly its Vice President, Alpha Gump, AKA “Cementhead”, who gave us the immortal phrase “no controlling legal authority” demand an up or down vote?

#2 – “Poor countries do not and will not accept a system of climate control that condemns them to continued poverty.”

Do you know what you are saying?

I don’t.

If you live in Dahomey, where a knife and fork are signs of wealth, are you saying that aggressive air conditioning in Houston will send them over the edge? Are you saying that Dahomey wouldn’t be so poor if Houston weren’t air conditioned? Are you saying that Dahomey wouldn’t be so poor if Houston were poorer?

What, pray tell, is Dahomey going to do about it?

One thing you can do is to pick either July or August of 2008 to turn off your air conditioning.

Suffice to say this. Since the end of World War 2 the “rich” nations have been sending money to the “poor” nations. One thing is certain. It hasn’t worked.

Only an academic, a multi-degreed, internationally acclaimed academic, one like you, could look at the record of the last 60+ years and say, “Eureka! I got it! Let’s send more money! This time we’ll include mosquito nets!

#3 – “The most important challenge is to reduce and eventually nearly eliminate, carbon dioxide from burning fossil fuels such as oil, natural gas and coal.”

I doubt if the country can go nuclear by next year’s Rose Bowl. I doubt if I can get all the cows, sheep, and itinerant goats to stop their unregulated borborygymous activities.

Here’s a stop gap measure.

If carbon dioxide is the problem let’s all, starting with you, hold our breaths. As you go flat line you’ll have the warm, fuzzy feeling you really, really did something good for personkind.