Letter to Greg Cote

January 9, 2008

Greg Cote

The Miami Herald

One Herald Plaza

Miami, Florida 33136-1693

RE: “Clemens Hasn’t Proved Innocence” – The astonishing headline of January 7, 2008 concerning Roger Clemens.

Mr. Cote,

O.J. Simpson still “hasn’t proved his innocence” about filleting his wife... This may come as shock to you but he didn’t have to.

In addition to not proving his innocence he also “has not proved his innocence” about being a serial borborygomist. In this scandalous activity I understand that he told his cousin who told his dry cleaner who told his chimney sweep that he learned how to perform borborygomy from you. You should be aware that this syndrome has its own lapel ribbon. Its color is a gurry brown. Be advised that it can lead to terminal rhetorical incontinence which first manifests itself as verbal diorrhea.

Until you “prove your innocence” you should be barred from your PC.

With your newly found free time here are some things you can read about for the first time: the presumption of innocence; the 5^th Amendment; the right to confront witnesses; and a vague thing called due process.

Quaff deeply at this Pierian spring. Look at them with wild surmise – Silent, upon a peak in Darien. If there is anything you don’t quite get, send a SASE.

Until then keep your mouth shut about such things. That way people will only think you to be a fool.