Letter to Senator Hillary Clinton

January 30, 2008

Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton

P.O. Box 273

Lowville, New York 13367

RE: Here’s a plan

Senator Clinton,

First. Congratulations on your win in Florida. I don’t know how much of it was due to you keeping your word to not campaign by appearing in Florida before the election but as your husband Big Bill once said, “Ya gotta do what ya gotta do”.

Second. Perhaps you could reach out to John Edwards. Make him your hairdresser.

Third. Obama needs to be dealt with. A solution is at hand.

Rezko, the notorious Chicago slumlord slum lord, is back in the pokey. He violated the terms of his release on bail so the judge remanded him, like OJ, until his trial. You should offer to stop campaigning if Senator Salama Bahama, as Tubby Teddy Kennedy calls him, wants to represent him again. He won’t but you get credit for the offer.

Here’s the plan.

Why don’t you get him the same lawyer who represented Ricky Ray Rector?

Ricky Ray may not be as fresh in everyone’s mind as Webster Hubble or Red Bone the broker or Johnny Chung or Norman Hsu so a quick primer is in order.

Ricky Ray Rector was, as modern American Liberals are wont to say, the paradigmatic template of evil. He was a most feral member of the nether world.

In a shoot out with police he tried to take his own life and failed. He managed to inflict enough brain damage that his post shooting IQ was about 60.

That’s about the temperature of a dish of apple pie and ice cream after it’s been sitting for a while.

Those are important items because he chose them to accompany a cheeseburger and fries for his last meal. He finished his main course and then decided to save his dessert for later. The guard on the “Dead ManWalking” detail told him he better finish it now. It would melt before he did.

Like Churchill said, when commenting on some unpleasantness in the Tower of London in his “History of the English Speaking World”, some stories are too good not to be true.

Part of the lore of Ricky Ray’s last night is that you were ready to give him a lap dance should he become “agitated” when he got to the chair. Like the Gatorade commercial says, “And the legend grows”.

Get Rezko Ricky Ray Rector’s lawyer.

Two things happened because of the self inflicted bullet wound.

#1 – Ricky Ray Rector was unable to understand the charges against him.

#2 – Ricky Ray Rector was unable to assist in his own defense.

Even under Arkansas law, a law that gives lex talionis a good name, a law that brought the term Draconian into the 20^th century, a law that the Taliban envied, the trial never should have been held. That entire legal system in Arkansas went into the tank for you and your husband there can be no doubt. Whether it was just to get you and Big Bill out of the state or because they wanted to bring your version of ‘ethnic cleansing” to the rest of the country is uncertain.

OOPS! I forgot to mention that Ricky Ray Rector Rector was Black. What better way to show the world that you and your husband were tough on crime than to wire up and light up a Black man? It was a Sister Soljah moment carried to its Logical conclusion.

When you cross the state line welcoming you to Arkansas the sign says “Welcome” – Mississippi is worse. Not true.

Rezko has the oleaginous look of a Mideast terrorist. If I’m on line at an airport and I see him I’m heading for AMTRAK. You can’t show you’re tough on terror by railroading some WASP named Biff or Muffie into jail. Rezko is the perfect candidate. Get your flunkies in the press to dummy up a picture of him with worry beads bowing to Mecca while he eyeballs a nubile goat. Hire Ricky Ray Rector’s lawyer and Rezko is going to Devil’s Island.

And you’re going to the White House.