Letter to Little Debbie

September 18, 2001

State Senator Debbie Wasserman-Schultz

2500 Weston Road #101

Weston, Florida 33331

RE: Is it the “slippery slope” that causes the “chilling effect” or is it the opposite? Have Justice Douglas’s “penumbras” and “emanations” gone walkabout?

State Senator Wasserman-Schultz:

I had a visit this morning from Agent Pineva and Agent Thomas of the Florida

Department of Law Enforcement. They had badges, guns, and handcuffs. Policemen have a most difficult task. We ask them to keep the more feral members of society out of our sight. We ask them to form a “Thin Blue Line”, if you will. We ask them to accept the possibility of death as a condition of employment. There is no OSHA or EPA to “protect” them. Further, we ask them to remember the Constitution. Some politicians focus more on “whether the constable has blundered” than on the criminal, alleged or otherwise. The conflict in any society is between “order and freedom”, as Edmund Burke said. I’ll come back to him later. They told me that you had filed a complaint about against me because I had “threatened” you, said complaint having been filed perhaps as much as two months before the destruction of the World Trade Center.

I re-read a few of my notes to you. While I wish I could have had a good editor nearby with a blue pencil to crack my knuckles from time to time I will stand by every word I wrote. In one sense I can see how I could have “threatened” you. Modern American Liberals, of whom you are the Broward County standard bearer, suffer from “eclectic indignation”. They consider “non-malodorous fecal matter” to be a perquisite of office for those who labor to help the lesser breeds. [Let me, for the sake of this note, define the “lesser breeds” as those who believe that the Bill of Rights has served us well for more than two centuries. All ten of them.] Such gifts enable politicians, such as you, to square circles and defy gravity while offering nostrums like “balloon juice” and “rainbow stew” to the electorate.

I point this out in the hope that you will see the error of your ways. Failing that, I find - as do others - some amusement in saying that if some - such as you - say that “my favorite color is plaid” that should not be the basis for public policy. It is in my nature to confront rather than convert. That is why I am never far from a copy of the Constitution. That is why I named James Madison as “Man of the Year” last year.

And for this you called the cops?

Your resume says that you have a Masters degree in Political Science. Does the Alien and Sedition Acts ring any bells? Have you ever read “A Modest Proposal For

Preventing The Children Of Poor People From Being A Burden To Their Parents Or The Country”? For that matter, have you ever heard of it? Sometimes Swift is difficult to follow. I thought “A Theory of Justice” was the 20th century’s equivalent of it. Imagine how shocked, shocked I was when I found out that John Rawls meant every word!

Last week Michael Moore said, “I only wish that more Republicans had died”. Should a comment like that merit a visit from a Navy SEAL team or just a few Tomahawk missiles?

Of course, with you being the quintessential modern American Liberal, I wonder what took you so long. Beneath the surface of the “Why can’t we all get along?”, and “Let’s not be mean spirited”, and “Show me a victim and I’ll find you a villain”, and “Got a problem? No problem! I’ll pass a law! No problem”, lurks a power crazed fascist who regards the Rule of Law as an impediment to getting things done and, of course, “social justice”.

If that’s threatening then Edmund Burke and Thomas Paine - God’s Holy Trousers! [It’s still permitted to say “God”, isn’t it?] Imagine the two of them in the same sentence! - had better run for cover. Of course, I am assuming that you have read either of them.

My offer to teach your kids to swim still stands.

Pop Quiz. Complete this sentence. “Congress shall make no law....”.