November 29, 2017

George Will

The Washington Post

1301 K Street

Washington, DC 20071

Mr. Will,

“None, however, have excessive tryptophan”

The Washington Post

November 23, 2017

You

Either it is a sign of the coming end of days or perhaps it is further proof that only Allah can weave a perfect rug but when none is the subject have can never be the verb and I hope that I am not the only one to point it out.

Your reader from when the American Spectator was known as The Alternative and came from Bloomington, Indiana.

Kevin Smith

November 26, 2017

Broward Commissioner Tim Ryan

115 South Andrews Avenue

Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33301

RE: “One people, one county, one Mayor” – Some comments on your full-throated cry for power, the power to do good for the people, especially the children, as written by you in your mini Op-Ed in today’s unlinkable Sun Sentinel.

Commissioner Ryan, 

Kudos and congrats on showing your true colors!

Before manatee suffrage, before a $15 minimum wage, before the end of teenage bullying and obesity, modern American Liberals want, lust after, must have, power. How else can they do what they know is what the people need, even if they don’t know it. 

This primal call for power, like the opening of a Howard Fast novel, “from the barrel of a gun” as was told to us by Chairman Mao, the great agrarian reformer, would logically result in you being Mayor, primus inter pares, if you will.

Funny thing about History. It is like an inconvenient truth, a big old turd in the punch bowl, bobbing and weaving like Brer Fox, and coming back and popping up at the most inopportune time. Broward County had a referendum on a “strong” Mayor a while back. Sheriff Kenneth the Short supported it because he wanted to be on the big white horse telling people what to do. [This was before he went to prison for petty theft. I am from Hudson County, New Jersey. He was not a stand-up guy.] The people said no.

Scratch a modern American Liberal and you get a power crazed Cossack, like you.

Kevin Smith

November 26, 2017

Fred Grimm

The Sun Sentinel

RE: Darwin and, like Colombo, I have just one more question. Some comments on your Op-Ed piece in today’s Sun Sentinel on Darwin and why won’t those deplorables just go along with what their betters know is true. 

Mr. Grimm, 

I know about Linear B.

I know why Oedipus went to Colonnus.

I know the difference between Chiaroscuro, Caravaggio, and Carpaccio.

I know what Hamlet meant when he told Ophelia to “get thee to a nunnery”.

I can teach you about the 4 Source Theory of Pentateuch Composition.

I am an experienced Heimlicher.

I fracked my first oil well in January, 1974.

I was in a gun fight on June 3, 1993.

I’ve drunk ’61 Lafite, ’66 Margaux, ’66 Latour, and ’66 Petrus.

I’ve flown the Concorde and I am an alumnus of Outward Bound and Jeopardy.

I know that there are 58, 318 names on the wall in DC. At least that LBJ war ended.

I know that 2 Broward County modern American Liberal pols – Debbie Wasserman Schultz and Miriam Oliphant - sent policemen, men with badges and guns, to my house, because of something I wrote. “Slippery slope” or “Chilling effect”?

I know that my Redeemer liveth but I don’t know why, 159 years after he posited it, Darwin’s interesting theory, is, you know what I’m sayin’, still a theory.

In 159 years, we have harnessed electricity, cracked the atom, bitch slapped gravity and gone to the moon where we spent a few days picking up some interesting souvenirs and came back with some fab fotos. We also figured out DNA and its myriad genomes, perfected the Green Bay power sweep, survived disco, leisure suits, and Carter.Also,“MidnightBasketball”,“shovelready”jobs, disappearing and reappearing ozone layers, GlobalWarmingGlobalCoolingClimateChangeClimateDestruction, and are now enjoying the fruits of Obama’s post racial society. So why can’t somebody tie up all the loose ends and prove that man descended from the apes. Personally, I would prefer to be part of the bear line. Get back to me when the “consensus” settles on something, anything. Ya know, if you believe in nothing you’ll believe in anything.

Kevin Smith

PS – One of the obvious solutions to the problems caused by one man/one vote is to unelect those mountebanks and catamounts who don’t see things your way. It is also an
“inconvenient truth” but gerrymandering”, that evil institution funded by the Koch Brothers, is what enabled Florida to send felon Alcee Hastings to Congress, Carrie Meek to Congress where the only positive thing she did was to will her seat to her son Kendrick the Dull without dying, and Corrine Brown who, when she arrived in DC placed every hot stove and all the quarters on dead men’s eyes, in limitless peril.  You may wish to familiarize yourself with Federalist 10. Maybe “A Confederacy of Dunces” or some Seinfeld episodes.

You would think that after more than a century and a half of solidly empirical kicks in the ass, with dead people numbering in the hundreds of millions, that we could stipulate that Socialism, and call it what you will Bolshie Sanders and Lieawatha Warren, doesn’t work. Never has and, based on History, never will.

November 26, 2017

Mayor Jim Kenney

City Hall

Philadelphia, PA 19107

RE: Verbal incontinence such as yours is worthy of a pog mo thoin greeting to which I add, as a show of diversity and multi-culturalism, kishin mein tuchis.

Mayor Kenney,

Can I call you Seamus? It brings out the Gael in me, plus I like things Erse.

Perhaps it was your 4 years with Spanish-oriented neo-ascetic Jesuits or your 4 years with French monks who go through life saying they are not those Christian Brothers; the res ipso loquitur, the QED, if you will, being Saint Joseph’s Prep followed by LaSalle University, but then your cart went into the ditch.

I looked at the official web site of Philadelphia and was flabbergasted to see the Mayor’s Office of Black Achievement sharing space with Parking Violations Bureau, the Cheese Steak Olympics, “Don’t Forget Shibe Park”, “It wasn’t Gene Mauch’s Fault” and “Thank God a Black Mayor, Wilson Goode, napalmed a Black Only Street”. Could you imagine if Frank Rizzo were still the Mayor and he ordered Tokyo/Hamburg saturation fire-bombing of a heretofore peaceful enclave of “unlucky in life’s lottery” non-Whites? There would have been a tax on White people crossing the Ben Franklin Bridge and the Walt Whitman Bridge to pay for the reparations.

Black Achievement? 

Other than setting the land speed record for getting out of town on Father’s Day and being willingly condescendingly patronized by rich modern American Liberals who will not send their children to the really fine inner city schools they insist that Black children go to and being the largest source of income to Planned Parenthood by virtue of the 35% to 40% of all abortions in this country being performed on Black women, what have they done?

But I digress.

You have cojones grandes, huevos magnificos, to say that Irish-American politicians, presumptively Roman Catholic, must vote to support Dreamers and their ilk or they will be lessened as Irish, as Americans, and as Roman Catholics. [Let me add that I had 2 relatives who fought at Gettysburg with the Irish Brigade, the New York 69^th.  One of them is still there, “wrapped in his faded coat of Blue”.] If you don’t know what “non-malodorous fecal matter syndrome” is first look in the mirror and then send a SASE, you boob, you stulty, yappy noddy.

Shall we seek guidance from the ghost of Cesar Chavez? He was the non-Gringo who took the L out of BLT sandwiches and who granted Kumbaya indulgences for eschewing corporate grapes. He also pre-dated Trump on border security. Not only did he want a wall on the Mexican border, he wanted armed guards on it with bayonets fixed pointing South to keep cheap Mexican labor out of American farms. Talk about Confederate statues? The United States Navy named a ship after him. Jingoistic xenophobe. Who next? Willie Horton? And yes, you can look it up.

Back to the fine art of squaring circles and drawing four sided triangles….” A statesman who forsakes his private conscience for the sake of his public duties leads his country by a short route to chaos”….how do purportedly Catholic politicians do the Michael Flatley two-step around abortion?

Maritain told us that “man is a bit of straw that God has breathed life into”

 I live in Broward County, Florida. Modern American Liberals would vote in a Democratic primary for Dr. Mengele for his enlightened views on 4^th and 5^th trimester abortions. Your abattoir keeper, Dr. Gosnell, a Philly guy who outnumbered Nicky Scarfo on the Murder for Hire list, would be the unanimous choice for perpetual Grand Marshall of the LGBTQU parade. 

It’s tough being a modern American Liberal politician, what with having to carry a portable fire extinguisher because your pants are always on fire and having to Gorilla Glue your nose to your upper lip lest you begin to look like a rutting macaw. And there is always the sound, the never-ending sound of the Hound, on your trail.

Augustine said, “Love God and do what you will”. He also said, “Make me strong. Lord. Tomorrow.” All those priests and brothers just standing there, Seamus, just standing there. And always with a gimlet eye. Is He gaining on you? Is it time for a Damascene moment? 

Kevin Smith

November 19, 2017

Marty Kiar

Broward County Property Appraiser

115 S. Andrews Avenue

Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33301

RE: Some comments about your mini Op-Ed in today’s Suns Sentinel about the horror, the horror, of racist street names besmirching the pristine escutcheon of Broward County.

Mr. Kiar, 

Please note that I have not mentioned, nor will I mention, the name of Napoleon Broward who, whatever else he was or wasn’t, would not be heard humming “We Shall Overcome”. His name is on all the tax bills you send out, not to mention your paycheck.

First, and for the record, is Forrest Street named after the founder of the Ku Klux Klan, the social group that President Wilson invited to the White House to celebrate the premiere of “Birth of a Nation”? And yes, Wilson was a Democrat and in many ways the intellectual forebear of today’s modern American Liberals. Is it the same men’s scholarship and night riding club that Senator Hugo Black and later Supreme Court Justice Hugo Black that he was a proud member. And yes, he was a Democrat also. Is it the same KKK that Senator Robert Byrd, one time recruiter, robe inspector, and cross burner on his ascent to exalted Kleagle status, belonged to” And yes, he was a Democrat.

Wasn’t he the Senator who fulsomely eulogized as a modern-day Cicero by younger dumb Democrats? Yes, he was. Does anyone remember how Cicero cashed in his toga?

I don’t expect you to change Broward County to Willie Horton County, at least not until you get the official OK from the downtown boys. 

Here’s a name you can move on right away. Plantation.

The high school is nick-named the Colonels. Honest. The picture of a portly bearded courtly gentleman sitting on the porch with a few obeisant hounds at his feet waiting for the young field hands to walk by so he can pick one or two for the post-prandial entertainment is a bit more than today’s students shouldn’t have to see have to see when they enter or exit the school.

I expect you to do your duty before the Klan reclaims its heritage. Do it to spite Trump.

Kevin Smith

November 19, 2017

Anna Fusco – President

Broward Teachers’ Union

6000 North University Drive

Tamarac, FL 33321

RE: Some comments on your asinine, damn near imbecilic, mini Op-Ed in today’s Sun Sentinel.

Boss Fusco,

I’ve been out of school a long time.

Is putz too gender specific or is putzette needed to be more precise?

Either way, it’s you sweetheart.

You go, girl!

Kevin Smith

November 19, 2017

Mayor Walter Campbell

City Hall

9551 West Sample Road

Coral Springs, FL 33065

RE: “Unconscionable judicial nominations”. Some comments on your highly dudgeoned mini Op-Ed in today’s Sun Sentinel on, you guessed it, “unconscionable judiciable nominations”.

Mayor Campbell,

The pot calling the kettle black or is that adage verboten? How about sauce for the goose being sauce for the gander or would that make me a specieist?

Anyway, guess who was a 39-year-old lawyer with no, as in none, judicial experience – nada, zippo, zilch – who was nominated and confirmed to the Supreme Court? You remember him, don’t you? His name was William O. Douglas.

I won’t mention William Brennan, a proud son of New Jersey as am I, who was a recess appointment. There are some fascinating back stories about him, his father who was a Newark police department Captain, NJ Chief Justice Arthur Vanderbilt, and AG Herbert Brownell but they are for a different time.

As to the ABA seal of approval you must remember that Senator Schumer once said that it was the gold standard just before he smarmily and savagely destroyed a Bush 43 nominee

I guess it’s OK when a modern American Liberal pulls shit like that.

Kevin Smith

November 19, 2017

Fabiola Santiago

The Miami Herald

RE: Either “water is wet and stones are hard”, and I am sure you know who said that, or they aren’t. Read carefully. I will type slowly.

Sra Santiago,  

In my quest to point out the errors of your economic ways, a quest grounded in agape and caritas, in Christian charity if you will, I may have overlooked some double-helixed truths, things that “deplorables” have learned the hard way but have learned. Alas, when it comes to modern American Liberals, they have long reveled in the denial of Edmund Burke’s maxim that says “Experience is the only school where some people may learn”. 

Modern American Liberal economic thought is based on a blind obedience to au courant shibboleths, non-sequiturs, and tautologies. The premise that the best and quickest way to make the poor rich is by making the rich poor is stuff and nonsense. Progressive pinheads, in particular ink-stained scroyles such as you, can and do frequently get lost on a ladder. 

Let me, in the words of the immortal Ricky Ricardo, “splain” some things to you.

#1 – Realistically, the ideal minimum wage is zero. My lowest hourly wage was $1.05, a job from which I was fired 3 weeks after I was hired. I was paid $1.65 an hour to mop bathrooms. I learned that there is a good way and a dumb way to mop. I also learned an important lesson: to wit; I did not want to mop johns anymore. The point is why settle for $15.00 an hour? Why not $38.50 an hour? Of course, that would include full benefits, a 401k, and lunch on the Boss. That sounds kosher to me. What do you think?

#2 – Double the deduction for SALT – state and local taxes – and increase the interest deduction on all mortgages to 150% of the amount paid. We “pay” for this – and pray tell why must tax cuts be “paid” for? – by raising the maximum tax rate to 112.50%. Is there a household in America, with the exception of the West side of Manhattan and Malibu, where if a financial crisis occurs, the first thing, the instinctive thing, the correct thing, is to cut expenses? [Watch what will be in the Christmas stockings of up to 50,000 GE employees this year.] The obvious choices in the Swamp in D.C. are the Department of Education and the Department of Energy. In 1978 Johnny couldn’t read. 40 years later he still can’t read. He is now joined by Jose, Fatima, and Keisha. Yet the Wangs and the Chans both survive and prosper. I don’t know how that happens. Do you? Fire the whole lot of them. Take whatever money is left and distribute it pro rata through the states. The Department, in its 40 years of being wet-nursed at taxpayers’ expense, has yet to produce a ton of coal, a barrel of oil, or a single kilowatt of electricity. A second Trump term will guarantee that the USA, even now a major exporter of hydrocarbons, will be the dominant producer of same for decades to come. This came about because of unheard of drilling techniques and fracking, much of which the DOE opposed. Fire their sad-sacked sorry asses and give the America energy vouchers for the gross amount saved. They can be spent on anything to do with energy or they can be sold to 3^rd parties. Let the people choose. Wasn’t there a song that said “Everything’s Free in America”? Didn’t the Department of Agriculture give away cheese”?

#3 – How do you give a tax cut to someone with no taxable income?

#4 – Start with Herald. Try to find a CFO [Full disclosure. I was once one, and of a public company.] who does not come to work drunk. Ask them what they think of 10 year projections. Stand back as they laugh their asses off. Modern American Liberals believe them as if they were Holy Writ. Let me back that up a bit. Holy Writ is optional to mALs what with the 10 commandments being subjective or situational. Didn’t the Democrats boo God at their convention? Did you ever think that maybe, just maybe, that’s why Biscayne Boulevard and Broward Boulevard might soon be under water?

#5 – If Clinton “balanced” the budget why didn’t the national debt not go down by a single penny? Look it up.

#6 – Why are tax cuts bad if they are done by Trump but good if done by Kennedy?

#7 – Show me someplace, anywhere, anytime, anywhere a society taxed itself to prosperity? I’ll exclude Cuba, Venezuela, Zimbabwe, and North Korea.

#8 – Czarist Russia was a net exporter of durum wheat until 1917. Russia again  exported wheat in 1993. Might there be a pattern here? If Kansas, Nebraska, and the Dakotas did not exist there may not have been a need for the great Reagan. Possibly there would not have been a Cold War because the Russkies would have all starved to death. Agree? Disagree?

#9 – Why do all mALs suffer from “non-malodorus fecal matter syndrome”? Send a SASE if you are confused.

Kevin Smith

WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET

PS – Knowing of your abhorrence of “divisiveness” in American politics, do you think the Virginia TV ad showing a red neck “deplorable” trying to run down some Dreamer children in a pick-up truck festooned with a Confederate flag and Gillespie stickers was “divisive” or inclusive”? Also, Senator Schumer signed a money mailer saying that Republican tax cuts were Nazi-like. On a scale of 1 to 10 with 1 being the newly discovered 10^th  circle of Hell for those favoring “divisiveness” and 10 being the Utopian-like world of perpetual veganism and countless loops of “Imagine”, “Happy Days Are Hera Again”, and perpetual nocturnal emissions – non gender specific - caused by a phantasmagoric tableau of all the Kennedys and Eleanor Roosevelt taking a warm shower and swapping body fluids, what number would you assign to that letter?

November 19, 2017

Fred Grimm

The Sun Sentinel

500 E. Broward Blvd. 

Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33394

RE: Ugh! Those God-damned rich White guys, none of whom care for the down-trodden, those “unlucky in life’s lottery”, those who would surely perish save for the beneficence of the same good guys in D.C. who gave us the war in Vietnam, the post office, the IRS, and “Midnight Basketball”. And I guess they all own gazillion dollar boats, financed by the Bank of Sark, and domiciled on Gannymede. [Is that where Jay Forbes Kerry hid the yacht his 2^nd wife bought him? That was the boat built in New Zealand to beat the higher labor costs here. That’s the boat that although he had been a resident of Massachusetts  all his life he swore he lived in Rhode Island where the sales tax on boats with bowling alleys, koi ponds, and a Sanctuary Boat status was cheaper. That was made clear in your unlinkable Op-Ed in today’s Sun Sentinel.]

Mr. Grimm,

It was said the reason why Pecksniffian New Englanders were so adamantly opposed to bear baiting was not because of the bear but rather that someone, somewhere might be enjoying themselves. Your column this morning says that as much as you are opposed to the idle rich if they going to flaunt their wealth it may as well be here. It may be that some trickle-down dough could benefit single moms, usually women of color with sons who are in need of a good Ritalin program but lack public transit to get to the clinics. And, wonder of wonders, even though they are unemployable at $8.00 an hour, raising it to $15.00 dollars an hour will put them on the fast track to farting through silk at Apple or Amazon. Jeezus Haitch Keerist but that is Guinness Book dumb!

I leave you with one name. Judge Learned B. Hand. He said

“It is a patriot’s duty to arrange his affairs in such a way

that he pays the least amount of taxes possible.

At best, taxation is an enforced exactitude. It is 

not a voluntary contribution.”

Kevin Smith

PS -  Have you ever seen Spielberg’s yacht? It’s the one with the ski slope at the stern with 5 acres of organic tofu on the bow. He is a rapacious defender of $15 an hour. He’s a big modern American Liberal, isn’t he? Maybe Obama was right. Sometimes you don’t need any more money.

November 20, 2017

Rosemary O’Hara – Editorial Page Editor

The Sun Sentinel

500 E. Broward Blvd

Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33394

Editor O’Hara,

The thick part of the envelope comes from the deadly combination of no NFL and Maugham’s enervating elixir, “cheap red wine’. And yes, it pays to hunt where the ducks are. For that I am most grateful.

The thin enclosure comes from some late-night comments on your editorial on letting the people choose. The problem with that is that the bastards overwhelmingly chose to make same sex marriage the law in Florida. “Deplorable”, no?

Your editorial pandering for “fairness” in the revision of Florida’s Constitution is, of course, obscured, dog whistle stuff smoothing the road to the modern American Liberal road that reaches and crosses the horizon and enters the promised land of fairness, equality, inclusiveness, games played with none keeping score, low cholesterol, and higher test scores.

You seem to be calling for Congressional districts to be drawn by Google, Map Quest, drones, and the census. Very precisely, very scientifically, and with no regard to, ahem, “special situations”. Do you honestly think, Baker v Carr notwithstanding, That Alcee Hastings and Corinne Brown would have been elected to Congress other than by running in a district that would have elected Willie Horton and Step-N-Fetchit?

What would happen if the people passed an amendment outlawing abortion? The Cuomo exception, the one that says an elected official can personally oppose abortion but must obey it because of the primacy of Federal law, [US v Peters] is OK on abortion but not on Immigration. The “seamless web” of the law becomes unraveled when it is subject to individual interpretation and subjective judgment. There is a marvelous scene in “Gandhi” where the Mahatma, having been found guilty, has to tell the Judge what he must do. “You must send me to jail.” Saint Paul, Thomas More, Thoreau, and Martin Luther King said the same thing.

The overriding problem, the turd in the punch bowl, if you will, is that all non-deplorable, right-minded Progressives get their knickers knotted when the “people”, with all their base instincts get to, you know what I’m saying, choose.

The possibility of a Governor and the Attorney General being from different parties, a high ball express, pedal to the metal, “short route to chaos”, must be examined. The obvious answer, appointment of the AG by the Governor, might be too obvious.

When in doubt, vide Federalist X

Kevin Smith

November 19, 2017

Wayne Roustan

The Sun Sentinel

RE: The Broward County Fair

Mr. Roustan, 

Who owns the Broward County Fair?

Who does the books?

Who gets to see the books?

Who assumes the risk?

At the end of the day, who gets to keep the money?

Kevin Smith

November 17, 2017

Mayor Cathy Sheehan

City Hall

24 Eagle Street

Albany, NY 12207

RE: TV is good except when it is bad. Some comments on your Tucker Carlson appearance last night.

Mayor Sheehan,

Having read your bio I must do some housekeeping.

One of my 2 favorite teachers ever was Bernard Sternsher, Ph.D. He was a classmate of Coach Bear Bryant at Alabama. I had the pleasure of taking 6 credits of American History with him at Seton Hall University. This was back when Lyndon Johnson

led our country into 2 wars. One of them ended with 58,000 names on a wall in Washington while the other, the hugely popular and very successful War on Poverty, is still being fought. And yes, the term exit strategy is still valid.

Professor Sternsher wound up at Bowling Green from which you were graduated. Perchance, did you have him?

The other shot in the dark is Dick Campbell, Esq. His law degree is from Albany. He represented me faithfully in U.S. Tax Court during my travails with Uncle Sam’s bean counters. It did not end well. Since your degree is also from Albany the slim chance exists that you shared torts with him. Just asking.

Now comes the nettlesome part. 

How do Catholic politicians square the circle on abortion? And yes, it does apply to the chimeric Sanctuary City soufflé that had you phumphering on TV last night.

Since you are in Albany, I must tell you that I have been asking Governors Cuomo, pere et fils, a simple question. Mario, AKA the Hamlet of the Hudson, gave a speech at Notre Dame where he said that while he was personally opposed to abortion, he had no choice but to permit, allow, countenance, acquiesce, in it because it was the law of the land. 

I asked them both what would have happened if Dred Scott had been captured on their watch. Would they have honored the writ of rendition and put his fugitive ass on the midnight train to Georgia or would they have said, “Not on my watch”? I still await an answer. [The operative part of the Constitution is Article 4, Section 1. You may wish to familiarize yourself with it.]

Saint Augustine said, “Love God and do what you will.” It was Chesterton who said, “Catholicism has not been tried and not found wanting, rather it has been tried and found difficult.” Saint Thomas More said, “When statesmen forsake their private conscience for the sake of their public duties they lead their countries by a short route to chaos.” All of which brings me back to you last night doing the modern American Liberal 2 step on why not enforcing Federal law is a good thing, a moral thing.

Except when it isn’t.

“Eclectic indignation”, the illogical construct without which modern American Liberals would surely go mad, enabled you to appear on national TV and say that up is down and wet is dry. Hopefully, your pants did no go ablaze. Also, and it may have been an internal prosthetic device, but no one could call you Pinocchio.

The sound you hear may be the Hound of Heaven gaining on you.

Kevin Smith

PS – As one RC to another, have you made your Easter duty? [That’s inside baseball talk for Catholics only] If you did, how difficult was the walk up the aisle?

November 18, 2017

Fabiola Santiago

The Miami Herald

RE: “Divisive”? – O yah. Sez who?

Sra. Santiago,

In Houston, Texas, a disgruntled Hillary Clinton supporter – as if there were any other kind – festooned her pick-up truck with a “F#&K Trump” sign. She added “F#&K you if you voted for him”. Not exactly reminiscent of the Burke/Fox or the Webster/Calhoun debates but, more importantly, do you think it was “divisive”?

Forget his politics for the nonce. By any standards, standards being something not to be found in the typical modern American Liberal lock box, Congressman Carlos Curbelo is Hispanic. He was denied membership in the Hispanic Congressional Caucus

because he is a Republican. Do you think it was “divisive”?

Clio, my dominant Muse, commands me to go Historical. 3 times in 48 years American Presidents promised “to not send American boys to fight in foreign wars”. A case could obviously be made for lying but, worse, do you think it was “divisive”?

There is a billboard in New Jersey, my home state, thank you, that shows a shooter in the kneeling position aiming his rifle. The caption reads “the only time we take a knee”.

Naturally, the POO [Perpetually Outraged and Offended] are, you guessed it, outraged and offended. The NAACP, and when was the last time you could use the word “colored” without having a visit from the dreaded Word Police, says it is racist. Again, and more importantly, do you think it is “divisive”

Cuba, Venezuela, Zimbabwe, and North Korea have 2 things in common. Other than the 1% holding the whip handle they are disastrous, totally and abjectly, for the people living there. The other thing is that they are, top to bottom, front to back, Socialist. 

Senator Sanders and Senator Lieawatha Warren tell us of the inevitability of Socialism .Is it time to have Kumbaya replace the National Anthem? Again, do you think it is “divisive”?

Get back to me, por favor. I am here on my unicorn ranch and manatee sushi plant trying to get a bumper crop from my rainbow stew bushes and balloon juice trees. All organic, of course, with no carbon footprint. Just trying to undrown those baby seal eating polar bears. “Inclusive”, no?

Kevin Smith

WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET

November 14, 2017

Steve Strunsky

The Jersey Journal

RE: More on speech, political speech, hate speech and the Sikh Mayor of Hoboken.

Mr. Strunsky,

I don’t know if you remember when, in the height of the glorious reign of the great Reagan, all the Democrats, particularly those in the Senate who thought that they should be President or thought that they were President, couldn’t wait to collude with the Kremlin – Look it up – and Hoboken voted itself a nuclear free zone. 

I was in Hoboken as much as 8 times a week back then. I must tell you how much better that made me feel, knowing that the Kremlin would spare Hoboken the worst of a thermonuclear exchange. It was something that enabled Terry Malloy and Johnny Friendly to reach across the aisle and settle their differences. [You can look that up also]

Back to business.

Please tell me which law or laws have been broken in the election mailer pogrom about to begin. Please be specific. Cite the particular statute or statutes.

Does there exist a scintilla of suspicion, a soupcon of doubt, a feeling expressed by Poirot in “Murder on the Orient Express” when he said, “There are too many clues”.

Think about Tawana Brawley.

Think about the Duke lacrosse team.

Think about the UVA fraternity rape case.

Think about the Air Force Academy hate language brouhaha.

Yet again I cite an original DWEM

“FREE MEN SPEAK WITH FREE TONGUES”

We ignore this at our own peril.

Kevin Smith

November 14, 2017

Congressman Ted Deutch

111 Las Olas Blvd

Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33301

RE: More fallout from your mini Op-Ed in Sunday’s Sun Sentinel in which you bemoan the horror, the horror of Trump’s jobs program, the one that is coupled with an undiluted paean to “Let the people keep more of the money they make”.

Congressman Deutch,

So eager was I to point out a typical modern American fallacy, the one that says with a straight face, that tax cuts must be paid for or Grammy will be eating dog food on holidays and dumpster diving with her lead poisoned and rickets infected grandchildren on an odd/even schedule installed to prevent gun fights at the good locations that I overlooked the obvious gorilla in the room.

“Their plan to slash taxes for the biggest corporations and

 wealthiest Americans will add $1.7 trillion to budget deficits

 and trigger automatic and immediate cuts to vital

programs to cover the costs.”

The Sun Sentinel

Sunday

You

[A brief digression: Did you announce the above in person or did your office issue a press release? If you did it front of a microphone or TV camera were you wearing a diaper or rubber knickers? No supposedly intelligent adult could say something like the above without wetting his pants.]

If you are apoplectically opposed to Trump potentially adding $1.7 trillion dollars to the federal budget – Is it true that women and minorities suffer disproportionately when governments operate in the ether world of misfeasance, malfeasance, antifeasance, and. worst of all, just plain dirty rotten feasance, particularly when a Republican in in office? -  what did you do when Barack the Beneficent added $10 trillion to our burdensome deficit and debt. If memory serves he borrowed the first chunk of it from some clever Mandarin bankers. Let me spell it out. $10,000,000,000,000.

Did that bother you then and, if not, why not? Economic “eclectic indignation”?

Kevin Smith

November 7, 2017

Bruce Reed

The Broad Foundation

801 Brickell Avenue #2350

Miami, FL 33131

RE: Congratulations!

Mr. Reed,

I was watching you on C-SPAN yesterday talking, wistfully, about the good days about President Handsome Billy, the King of the One-Eyed Trouser Snakes, as he ducked ash trays flung at him by Wide Bottomed Hillary – What’s the word for female cuckold? – and played “Hide the Salami”, dreamed of new places to use Presidential privilege, and honed the fine edge of perjury.

“What”, said I? Where was the mention of Webb Hubbell? How about Lani Guinier? Has Craig Livingstone gone down the modern American Liberal memory hole? And has anyone yet figured out how George Stephanopoulos got the mortgage to buy the office building on DuPont Circle? To be precise, the 115% mortgage. That means the Riggs Bank lent him the down payment and working capital. His loan application showed 2 things: #1 His business address > 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue and #2 the name of his immediate supervisor > President William Jefferson Clinton, hopefully from Hope, Arkansas but really from Hot Springs, Arkansas. Just asking. [Try to find another similar loan where the borrower lived in the Anacostia section of D.C.

Anyway, I was enjoying it because, to paraphrase Samuel Johnson, “A man on political inscription is not under oath”.

Then I heard you say something that sounded like finger nails on the blackboard, said sound causing one to catch his embarrassing short and curlies in the zipper as you did an emergency zip up after, in true modern American Liberal fashion, you were pissing on some deplorable’s back while telling them it was rain. 

That kind of sound. OOOOOH!

You said the 1988 campaign was “hate-filled and racist”. Talk about dog whistles. That means but one thing and that thing is called Willie Horton.

That also means that you have lost your soul, your raison d’etre, in the amoral labyrinth known as modern American Liberalism.

Let us stipulate that Willie Horton was a rapist who murdered several people in Massachusetts. He was sentenced to life without parole. Massachusetts, a place that solved its chronic witch problem by hanging a few of them – and has Salem been bothered by witches since? No – locked him up forever in the Northeastern Correctional pokey in Concord, MA. Governor Michael Dukakis, [“Wee Mikey” to his friends] a firm believer in “There is no such thing as a bad boy”, gave him a weekend furlough. As difficult as this may be to believe, he went to Maryland where, so help me, he raped and murdered yet again. The families of the Maryland victims came to Massachusetts but, because of scheduling obstacles, the Governor could not see them. Willie is currently in jail in Maryland where he is not eligible for their furlough program.

A terrible story made worse by the politicization of it.

Did I mention that Willie was Black? Does it make me a racist if I do?

As to the “hate filled and racist” 1988 campaign you, as a card carrying, fire breathing modern American Liberal, perhaps better put by C.S. Lewis when he described your class as “men without chests”, did Goebbels proud by repeating and repeating the lie that it was Bush 41 who sent that ball down the chute.

Your repetition of that blood libel is why I began my note with Congratulations! When I found out who one of your past employers was I knew that you were going to be the winner of my most prestigious award:

SMARMY BASTARD OF THE YEAR

You worked for former Vice President Alpha Gump. [Again, a brief digression. Which of the really fine DC public schools did Alpha and Thumper Gump send their baby Gumpsters to?] I mention him because he was the one who introduced Willie Boy to the American public. He did it in the Democratic Primary in New York in 1988. He repeatedly told the story of how Governor Dukakis let the raping murderer out for a weekend. All he had to do was promise that he would not rape and murder again. Willie did not keep his promise. Your old Boss, that “crazed sex poodle”, thought that the Democratic voters of New York should be apprised of this. 

Let me stipulate that I am talking about former Senator Albert Arnold Gore, Jr. I want to distinguish him from his father, Senator Albert Arnold Gore, Sr who was the noted segregationist, tobacco farmer, slum lord, and the bought and paid for lap dog of Armand Hammer who was in Lenin’s and Stalin’s pocket. Talk about Kremlin collusion!

Anyway, it was your former boss who introduced the world to Willie Horton. He may well have been a victim of life’s circumstances as this is a country founded on slavery and racial oppression not to mention misogyny and the “White Man’s Burden” leading to the looting and pillaging of lands populated by “noble savages” just starting their climb up the ladder of civilization.

It is owed to the record to point out that 2 states found Willie guilty of rape and murder. The second state, Maryland, now is responsible for his creature comforts because the Byzantine rite, secular humanist Governor of the first state freed him for a long weekend and made him promise to be back by lunch Tuesday. Senator Gore pilloried and poleaxed Dukakis over this. I know because I heard him from my office at 11 Broadway in Manhattan.

For 30 years the meaner than cat shit reptiles who make up the Democratic party and their stooges in the media have promulgated the lie that Bush 41 and his principal pitchman, Lee Atwater, constructed the myth of Willie Horton out of whole cloth. It is inconceivable that anyone alive during the New York primary of 1988 would not have known this. Anyone suggesting otherwise should be flogged.

Let the record show that the ad telling the story of Willie the felon in 1988 had the advantage of being 100%, straight as a plumb line, true.  And it worked. Vide Bush 41. 

Do you think the lying ad in Virginia, the one showing a red neck cracker – you can tell by the mullet and, doubtless, a “bitter clinging deplorable” – driving a pick-up truck festooned by a Confederate flag and a Gillespie sticker trying to run over some minority and WOG kids, worked?

Perhaps an update on “Nothing lost save honor” but it’s business as usual for people who, at long last, have no shame.

I don’t want to get too melodramatic but “when statesmen forsake their private conscience for the sake of their public duties they lead their country by a short route to chaos”.

Anyway, Congratulations, you SMARMY BASTARD! No Affirmative Action here. You got it the old-fashioned way. You earned it.

Kevin Smith

November 9, 2017

Mitchell Berger, Esq,

Berger, Singerman

350 Las Olas Blvd

Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33301

Yo, Mitchie!

Your “scientific consensus”, the one that puts all theorems to a subjective vote, the one that will shortly make pi 3.0 rather than 3.1416 so that inner city youth can get better geometry scores, thereby increasing their self-esteem while decreasing their disproportionate reliance on bullying, has yet another mitzvah to perform.

I watched a show on NOVA, and since American taxpayers paid for a portion of it, I, as a taxpayer, should have been listed as a co-producer. It was about the formation of the Badlands of Western Montana. It left me confused.

We all “know” that, despite the promises of Barack the Beneficent to “cool the earth and calm the seas”, the sea is neither calm nor has the earth cooled. It is a well-known fact that modern American Liberals judge a claim on its expectations rather than its results. For example, why is there no after action report on the War on Poverty? 

Use 1964 as a base line. Use all the indices that go into the economic/cultural pie chart that Democratic illiterates adore, the reason being that it cuts out the thought part of the conclusion process. Modern American Liberals, by their very nature, exemplify and proselytize “the triumph of hope over experience”. It didn’t work.

Some notable examples would be 3 Democratic Presidents in 48 years promising not to send American boys to fight in foreign wars, remember? A more recent example would be “shovel ready jobs” and “If you like your doctor you can keep your doctor” and “I will draw a red line in the sand”, shit like that. And nobody but nobody, particularly true believers, say squat. The horizon, always there, always visible, never reachable, is the goal. For modern American Liberals, it is the journey rather than the destination. [There may be a bit too much Aquinas in the last statement to sit well with mAL secular humanists]

But enough of me limning your psychological & political shortcomings. 

An ice wall burst releasing some 500 cubic miles of water into Western Montana. How did the wall form? Global Cooling? How did the wall burst? Global Warming?

We know that there were no slave owning, misogynistic DWEMs lurking about when these things happened. We know that there were no coal fired power plants around spewing acid rain and drowning polar bears. [We do know that if there were, your hypocritical Green, lower than eel guvna buddy, Tom Steyer, would have sold them the dirty coal to burn in them.]

It comes down to some simple questions.

Where did the ice come from? Why didn’t it form earlier? Or later? Why did it melt causing a 1,000-foot-high tidal wave that fundamentally changed the geography of 4 states? Is the ice coming back? If you give up your limo and bike to work will that stop it? Or are we doomed regardless?

Favore, get your crack consensus working on this. Time is of the essence. I got rid of the last of my cashmere collection two Christmases ago. Should I try to retrieve it? I’m planning on dying in a few years and I want to be sure to cross over the “bar” to the “undiscovered country” properly clad.

The clock is ticking.

Kevin Smith

November 4, 2017

Mitchell Berger, Esq.

Berger Singerman

350 Las Olas Blvd

Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33301

RE: What’s a guy supposed to believe?

Mitchie,

I hate to bring bad news but did you know that “tofu comes from organic whale snot”? I say that because when you had dumber than a box of hammers, former VP Alpha Gump, over for dinner last week. your wife probably had tofu on the menu. [I hope she didn’t have carrots or broccoli because they were the original success stories on modifying, in a most profoundly genetic way, food. But you knew that, didn’t you?]

But that; not why I write. 

The ozone layer is closing.

Did you know that VP Alpha Gump had a unique Secret Service handle? “Cementhead” says it all., doesn’t it? “Angler” was Cheney’s because he liked to fish. “Curley” was Biden’s name because he reminded everyone of the smartest Stooge.

But enough of this idle chit-chat

I remember the head Gumpster telling the United States Senate in 1991 that we were all going to die horribly because the ozone layer was collapsing. The reason was simple: the rise of SUVs and the promiscuous use of aggressive air conditioning, with the non-vegan death of baby seals by meat eating polar bears being collateral damage.

26 years later and I still don’t know why we got that reprieve. Did he say what this year’s “scientific consensus”, like the trolls at Delphi or the grifters at a traveling circus, is telling us? Caesar dixit, eh?

Confusion, “like a wine dark sea”, is sweeping over me. Do I still need sun screen 45, or are you all just full of shit? That’s the consensus over here.

Get back to me, OK?

Kevin Smith

November 4, 2017

Craig McCarthy

New Jersey Advance Media

Mr. McCarthy,

“Authorities are looking into whether the MEGA [Make Edison Great Again]

anti-Indian and Anti-Chinese school board election mailers sent to 

township residents violated any campaign regulations or criminal laws.

The postcards, which read ‘The Chinese and Indians are taking over our

Town. Chinese school! India school! Cricket field! Enough is enough’, do not

Identify a group that footed the bill for the mailers.

Two Board of Education candidates, Jerry Shi and Falguni Patel, are

 pictured with a ‘deport’ stamp covering part of their faces.”

First things first:

#1 – Did the mailer have a union stamp on the bottom? If not, think Putin? 

#2 – Less than a week from the election I have a feeling that his outrage was maybe, just maybe, self-inflicted.

#3 – What ever happened to old fashioned billingsgate?

#4 – Did I tell you that I was born and raised in Bayonne, NJ and that I still have my built-in Hudson County bullshit detector?

#5 – At least the mailer didn’t say “Allah Akbar”, thank God.

KEVIN SMITH

WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET

November 4, 2017

April Ryan

American Urban Radio Network 

938 Penn Avenue #701

Pittsburgh. PA 15222

RE: If not genocide, then what?

MS. Ryan,

“Seriously”, your head is so far up your ass that all those shibboleths, tautologies, and non-sequiturs that modern American Liberals in general and modern American Liberal Black female journalists in particular, live by are beginning to make sense.

I say this because you can use it as a mitigating factor when you face the awful truth I am about to reveal.

Black women, who make up about 6% of the population, have between 35% and 40% of all abortions in this country.

Thurgood Marshall, surely the best trail lawyer in the 20^th century to sit on the Court, a fact that did not prevent him from being among the 9 worst Justices since John Jay swung the gavel, voted in favor of Toe v Wade.

His reasoning was simple. Abortion was good for Blacks because it meant that they did not have to grow up to face the horror, the horror of being Black in America. “Seriously” but that’s what he said. Would not Logic dictate that a reverse tontine in inner cities kill every 10^th urban youth when they get a driver’s license? How about tattooing DNR on their foreheads? How about harvesting them for spare parts?

Not to put too fine a point on it but since 1973 there have been about 66,000,000 abortions performed in this country. Of that egregiously ghastly number about 30,000,000 have been performed on Black babies being borne by Black women.

Thomas Sowell or Willie Horton? Ben Carson or H. Rap Brown?

“Seriously” when that blob of Black fetal tissue circles the abattoir’s drain, who cares?

Anyway, and thanks to the vision of Margaret Sanger, Hitler’s favorite American, the culling techniques of modern science are always improving. Best of all, there is no end of victims because they fight to get in line at the chopping block.

“Seriously” folks, I can’t make this stuff up.

How does this affect you?

You are, in today’s semi-literate world of quarte baked world of communications, a star. That you got there by being a seriously snarky and smarmy chick is irrelevant. You’re there. You have the stage. You have the mike and the red light is flashing.

Your choice is simple.

“Qui tacet consentire” – Another DWEM assault on Black folk

“Silence gives consent”

Either you acquiesce in the slaughter of your own kind, innocents all, or you don’t.

Seriously.

Kevin Smith

November 5, 2017

Congressman Ted Deutch

111 E. Las Olas Blvd.

Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33316

RE: Some comments on your mini Op-Ed on anti-Semitism in today’s Sun Sentinel.

Congressman Deutch,

How would you define a “New York lawyer”?

I imagine if Pat Buchanan had used that term.  Cries of pogrom and krisalnacht would have been heard. But when “unnamed White House sources” used “it” your then lanschmen just grabbed their ankles and said “Thank you sir, May I have another?” It is an admirable – scratch that – significant trait common to specific modern American Liberals. [For the record, Bernie Nussbaum, Esq. was the “New York lawyer” who cleaned up after Vince Foster, Esq. Wide Bottomed Hillary’s special friend, ate his gun, remember?]

Speaking of anti-Semitism…. where on the pecking order would you place Jesse Jackson? Al Sharpton? [Can I offer a late kaddish or a Mass for Yankel Rosenbloom?] Reverend Wright? Keith Ellison? Sheila Jackson Lee? Maxine Waters?

I think I see a pattern emerging here.

Any comments?

And yes, I am a constituent.

Kevin Smith

PS – Roman Catholics today are the most persecuted religious group in the world. As a Roman Catholic I would appreciate it if you, a Jewish Congressman, would at least raise this issue from your Congressional pulpit. And I am a righteous gentile

November 5, 2017

Fred Grimm

The Sun Sentinel

RE: Alas, my last New Year’s resolution has come a cropper. At least it lasted until Guy Fawkes Day.

Mr. Grimm, 

The last resolution to go was my blood oath to stop spiking, A La NFL end zone TD celebrations, bay seals, particularly injured bay seals.

Let’s start at the end.

“As Francesca Guerrera told me, along the 2400 block,

where sandbags are kept at the ready, the king tides

have washed away the debate about climate change.”

The Sun Sentinel

Today 

Page 21A

You

That you commit the typical modern American Liberal sin of confusingly conflating correlation and causality and by saying it enough times – think of Goebbels – dim bulb readers will believe it, is expected. Once again, it fails.

I am going to risk being labeled an elitist by citing a bunch of DWEMs by asking you if are you in any way familiar with Post Hoc Ergo Propter Hoc.

 I’m sorry. You are not. You could not go through life saying “Global Warming is caused by hot days which, you know what I’m saying, and hot days are caused by Global Warming because life is a circle that shows what goes around comes around eventually. Didn’t a really smart guy tell you that if it weren’t for tautologies and non-sequiturs you would never have to use your brain?

We’ll have to come back to the vexing questions of why, if sea levels are rising, why aren’t beach front or littoral property prices falling? Why, if the risk is obvious, do banks compete to grant mortgages to buy such properties? Why haven’t non-governmental insurance rates skyrocketed? Why, if the sea level rise in inexorable, is the Federal government still in the flood insurance business?

I am going to let you in on a little secret. I love Climate Change. 4 times a year, the next time will be just before Christmas, I gather an increasingly larger band of Merry Pranksters, and we celebrate the writings of our favorite Italian climatologist, Professor Antonio Vivaldi. Some decent potables are close at hand.

The other tradition is that the newest member of the group has to read from my 1969 copy of “The Population Bomb” by Professor Paul Ehrlich. You may find this hard to believe but he said then that we would either starve to death or freeze to death by the drop-dead date of 2000.

Then we play the tape of former VP Alpha Gump telling the United States Senate in 1991 when he occupied the seat that his father Senator Albert Gore, Sr., noted segregationist, gave him, not to worry about either starving or freezing because we were going have our asses fried because there was not going to be an ozone layer to protect us from an overload of Vitamin D or maybe Vitamin C. Whatever.

One of the great American words is “bullshit”.

No legitimate conversation about

  “GLOBALCOOLINGGLOBALWARMINGCLIMATECHANGECLIMATEDESTRUCTION”

can take place without the word

BULLSHIT 

being paramount.

You say earlier in your “Oh God, but I hate the 21^st century almost as much as I hated the 20^th century, electricity, the Industrial Revolution, plastic, CAT Scans, the Cassini space probe, keeping score at ballgames, teenage bullying and obesity but not “Imagine”, Midnight Basketball, and endless loops “We Shall Overcome” and “Kumbaya”, that “9 years ago, flooding has become an ever-worsening aggravation”.

This could be one of those uncomfortable “turd in the punch bowl” moments but didn’t Barack the Beneficent tell us “9 years ago,” that

A - “We are the ones that we have been waiting for” and

B – “I will cool the earth and calm the seas”

Yikes, but I took Professor Ehrlich at his word. Since the consensus of my scientist

 is that man is descended from the bears I stuffed myself. My favorite t shirt, the one that says 

SOUNDS LIKE BULSHIT TO ME

no longer fits. Naturally, I disposed of it in an environmentally sensitive manner.

Your open book extra credit assignment is to find our all you can about how the Shinnecock inlet came about. It wasn’t here before the hurricane of 1937. It’s still there. Fish and boats use it regularly. When it comes to barrier islands, the ocean always wins.

Kevin Smith