November 26, 2017

Mayor Jim Kenney

City Hall

Philadelphia, PA 19107

RE: Verbal incontinence such as yours is worthy of a pog mo thoin greeting to which I add, as a show of diversity and multi-culturalism, kishin mein tuchis.

Mayor Kenney,

Can I call you Seamus? It brings out the Gael in me, plus I like things Erse.

Perhaps it was your 4 years with Spanish-oriented neo-ascetic Jesuits or your 4 years with French monks who go through life saying they are not those Christian Brothers; the res ipso loquitur, the QED, if you will, being Saint Joseph’s Prep followed by LaSalle University, but then your cart went into the ditch.

I looked at the official web site of Philadelphia and was flabbergasted to see the Mayor’s Office of Black Achievement sharing space with Parking Violations Bureau, the Cheese Steak Olympics, “Don’t Forget Shibe Park”, “It wasn’t Gene Mauch’s Fault” and “Thank God a Black Mayor, Wilson Goode, napalmed a Black Only Street”. Could you imagine if Frank Rizzo were still the Mayor and he ordered Tokyo/Hamburg saturation fire-bombing of a heretofore peaceful enclave of “unlucky in life’s lottery” non-Whites? There would have been a tax on White people crossing the Ben Franklin Bridge and the Walt Whitman Bridge to pay for the reparations.

Black Achievement? 

Other than setting the land speed record for getting out of town on Father’s Day and being willingly condescendingly patronized by rich modern American Liberals who will not send their children to the really fine inner city schools they insist that Black children go to and being the largest source of income to Planned Parenthood by virtue of the 35% to 40% of all abortions in this country being performed on Black women, what have they done?

But I digress.

You have cojones grandes, huevos magnificos, to say that Irish-American politicians, presumptively Roman Catholic, must vote to support Dreamers and their ilk or they will be lessened as Irish, as Americans, and as Roman Catholics. [Let me add that I had 2 relatives who fought at Gettysburg with the Irish Brigade, the New York 69^th.  One of them is still there, “wrapped in his faded coat of Blue”.] If you don’t know what “non-malodorous fecal matter syndrome” is first look in the mirror and then send a SASE, you boob, you stulty, yappy noddy.

Shall we seek guidance from the ghost of Cesar Chavez? He was the non-Gringo who took the L out of BLT sandwiches and who granted Kumbaya indulgences for eschewing corporate grapes. He also pre-dated Trump on border security. Not only did he want a wall on the Mexican border, he wanted armed guards on it with bayonets fixed pointing South to keep cheap Mexican labor out of American farms. Talk about Confederate statues? The United States Navy named a ship after him. Jingoistic xenophobe. Who next? Willie Horton? And yes, you can look it up.

Back to the fine art of squaring circles and drawing four sided triangles….” A statesman who forsakes his private conscience for the sake of his public duties leads his country by a short route to chaos”….how do purportedly Catholic politicians do the Michael Flatley two-step around abortion?

Maritain told us that “man is a bit of straw that God has breathed life into”

 I live in Broward County, Florida. Modern American Liberals would vote in a Democratic primary for Dr. Mengele for his enlightened views on 4^th and 5^th trimester abortions. Your abattoir keeper, Dr. Gosnell, a Philly guy who outnumbered Nicky Scarfo on the Murder for Hire list, would be the unanimous choice for perpetual Grand Marshall of the LGBTQU parade. 

It’s tough being a modern American Liberal politician, what with having to carry a portable fire extinguisher because your pants are always on fire and having to Gorilla Glue your nose to your upper lip lest you begin to look like a rutting macaw. And there is always the sound, the never-ending sound of the Hound, on your trail.

Augustine said, “Love God and do what you will”. He also said, “Make me strong. Lord. Tomorrow.” All those priests and brothers just standing there, Seamus, just standing there. And always with a gimlet eye. Is He gaining on you? Is it time for a Damascene moment? 

Kevin Smith