November 27, 2019 Rosemary O’Hara – Editorial Page Editor The Sun Sentinel MS O, Sad news indeed about the coming kaddish for Eduardo de San Miguel. None of that Tex-Mex pub grub. Their sopa verde alone marked it as a great restaurant.

November 27, 2019

Rosemary O’Hara – Editorial Page Editor

The Sun Sentinel

MS O,

Sad news indeed about the coming kaddish for Eduardo de San Miguel. None of that Tex-Mex pub grub. Their sopa verde alone marked it as a great restaurant.

But I digress. 

About the rally for the great Trump last night…I have long said that Dr. Mengele would sweep any Democratic primary he ran in because of his progressive views on women’s reproductive rights and his strict adherence, to cite Margaret Sanger, to “culling the herd” of undesirables, be they Black, Jewish, deformed or disabled.

Did you see the paltry crowd that Brown-shirt wannabe Debbie Wasserman-Schultz – She sent the cops to my house because of something I wrote. I ask again if they, men with badges and guns, could be construed either as a “chilling effect” or its evil twin, the notorious “slippery slope”? – was able to muster contra Trump?

It reminded me of Labor Day,1984 when VP candidate Geraldine Zucchini-Fellini led the Dem Victory Parade down 5^th Avenue and no one, no one was there. I declared the election to be over and placed wagers accordingly.

Lest I forget, Margaret Sanger was Hitler’s favorite American with the possible exception of that old serial humper, that paragon of mendacity and meretriciousness, Ambassador Poppa Joe Kennedy.

I am sorry but my Sounds Like Bullshit To Me vintage tee shirt has gone walkabout.

Your Page 1 story about the weather screams tautologies, false data, and constructs that are offensive to Logic. No one in NYC can say today if the balloons will fly tomorrow because no one can predict the wind velocity. I mention that because we have omadhauns doubling as climatological Jeremiahs predicting with the metaphysical and moral certitude, not to mention the smugness of a Christian having drawn 4 aces in 5 card stud, what the temperature and sea level will be a friggin’ century from now.

Pop quiz: Did Global Warming end the last Ice Age? Was that good or bad?

Speaking of “settled science”, I am starting a “Go Fund Me” page to bring back Ptolemy and Fred Hoyle. 

Ptolemy’s views on where the earth was in relation to the sun and all those other things ruled the roost for a millennium and a half. That’s 1,500 years. Hoyle’s reign was not as long but just as ironclad. No dissent was allowed. Why do you think stakes were invented?

If, as you say, this year’s hurricanes were “devastating”, how would you characterize the hurricanes in 2005, in 2004, in 1992, 1969. 1962, 1954, 1937, 1935, 1925, the really big one in 1908, and the colossal one 600 years ago that saved the Japanese bacon from being fried by the Chinese and gave birth to the word kamikaze? Did Trump leaving the Paris Climate Accord cause them? 

I told you last week to get your resume in order and to update your c v particularly since those hedge fund corsairs will soon control the Sun Sentinel.

I see that you have paid public fealty and obeisance to the greed driven, profit motivated new keepers of the Exchequer by bumping the Wednesday price to the same as Sunday. The only thing extra is the big ad insert that you charged the advertisers to put in. How many trees and how much fracked petroleum was used to enable you to score Brownie points with the new wage slaves?

Keep your job.

You go, girl!

Kevin Smith

WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET

PS – Thanks for telling me not to wash the turkey. Also, “fairness”, the bitch Goddess worshipped by all modern American Liberal ink stained wenches and wretches, demands that you bang the drum loudly for Bob Kuechenberg going into the NFL HoF before Zach Thomas. Kooch helped win 2 Super Bowls. And what the Hell is Dan Dierdorf doing there? He never got to a Super Bowl, never got to a NFC Championship game. I don’t think he ever got to the playoffs. What’s fair is “fair”, right? Throw his sad sacked, sorry ass out. Put #67 in

November 24, 2019 “I saw an elephant in my pajamas.”

November 24, 2019

“I saw an elephant in my pajamas.” How he got into my pajamas is a story for a different time. The next sentence, ripped from the beating heart of the Miami Herald may not have the staying power of the pajama-clad elephant, but how often do they come along? 

“Last Sumatran rhino dies in Bali”

As George Carlin, noted amateur naturalist and cultural commentator said – “Get in the plane, not on it.” “If you live by a volcano, don’t be surprised if you have lava in your living room, said “More than 90%, way more than 90% of everything that has ever lived is gone, is extinct.”

What in the name of Darwin was the Sumatran Rhino doing in Bali? How the Hell did it get there? Did anyone mourn the 3-day weekend 55,000,000 years ago when T-Rex and his carnivorous reptile pals checked out forever? 56 years ago, outside of Huejutla, Mexico, I saw a 3-month-old die of malaria or dengue fever or one of those diseases that we had wiped out by the end of World War 2. The magic bullet was DDT. Spare me the stories about Peregrine falcons and how much they have contributed to the Western Canon. Just tell me how many 3-month-old baby corpses equal one friggin’ dead bird? God Damn Rachel Carson, along with Margaret Sanger and Margaret Mead.

And speaking of a lot of big things happening 55,000,000 years ago, why, after 160 years of debate and trial and error experiments, haven’t we closed the books on the Theory of Evolution? I mean we bitch slapped gravity, went to the moon, hung out, and came back with some cool recuerdos, didn’t we? MRIs, the Green Bay Packer sweep, frequent flyer miles, infomercials, Thalidomide becoming Revlamid, leisure suits, a Polish Pope, a Black President, and shouldn’t the science be settled like Ptolemy did for 1,500 years? Why is it hanging out there like a fart in church or a 4 day old latke?

The reptiles checked out; the mammals flourished. The rest is History.

The New Yorker announced a mew cartoon policy. One of my favorites shows 2 couples at the front door. One of them says, “Drink for drink, dinner for dinner, weekend for weekend, we’re even. Let’s call it quits.” “I said rich doctor, not witch doctor” has been sent after the Pioneer space probe. I can’t even mention the “Coon from Kuhn Loeb”.

The new policy is simple. Trump sucks, he must be destroyed, make it funny. It’s OK if you don’t.

Clint Eastwood makes and stars in great movies for more than 50 years. “The Eiger Sanction” is the best movie ever made about mountain climbing. It also reminds me of how much I miss New Mexico. I learned basic rock-climbing skills when I took an Outward Bound course at a Peace Corps training site in Puerto Rico, I learned enough to become mediocre. The penalty for being mediocre on a mountain, tethered to a 3/8^th inch rope 

running through a carabineer hanging from a piton that you have driven far enough, hopefully, into a crack in the mountain, is death. All that a mediocre cello player can do is offend the memory of Bach. I have a scar on my left elbow that proves the adage “Whether the elbow hits the mountain or the mountain hits the elbow it’s going to be the same for the elbow. Thus ended my last successful rappelling sortiet at Dos Bocas dam, close to Utuado. “Not on belay”.

Michael Bloomberg has announced his availability for the Presidency of the United States. After failing to convince a disinterested and thirsty public of the dangers, I daresay the existential dangers, of unempty Big Gulps he has decided to end “Stop and Frisk” and replace it with kale enemas. I want to see him do that in eastern Kentucky just after he takes their guns away, just after banning tobacco and hog cracklings. He will also continue the hugely successful Obama policy of telling Putin to “cut it out” when he does something shitty. Plus, snake handling is doomed.

Go Mikey!

Congressman Eric Swalwell [D-CA], the author of the now universally accepted Swalwell Theorem, the one that posits that any charge made against Trump must be believed in its entirety until Jesus Christ himself walks down the middle of the Intracoastal proclaiming “Ego te absolve” and Fat Jerry Nadler signs off on it, did fart and shit in his pants on national TV. I know this because I am a serial phantom shitter and chapter President of the “Fart Proudly” coven. He did it, the turdish toad.

Not since Hoboken, NJ declared itself a “nuclear-free zone” – excluding MRIs, of course – has an American city distinguished itself – actually 2 cities as has Berkeley, CA and Brookline, MA done by banning natural gas, specifically gas from fracking [Full disclosure requires me to reveal that I fracked my first well in Duvall County, Texas in January, 1974. Both I and the Republic have survived. Duval County was where the plans for the DC Vietnam Wall were begun. Vide LBJ & Abe Fortas] Hoboken also distinguished itself because Gerrino’s, a good NJ Eye-Tie bistro, was where Judge Geoffrey Gaulkin, a classmate of Jack Adams at Caldwell High School and a supposedly distinguished sitting NJ Appellate Court Judge, entered into a wager that, haven lost, he welshed on settling. Of course, it was an unenforceable contract which are the only kind that must be enforced. Anyway, Berkeley and Brookline, distinguished by their denizens, all moon-bat, bat shit crazy poltroons who want to open a contemplation center dedicated to the scientific achievements of the great Lysenko and the early or maybe later poetry of Rod McKuen with both schools featuring non-Iambic pentameter stuff. Moon, June, croon, loon, goon, inter alia.

Anyway, Congressman Eric Swalwell [D-CA], the distinguished farter and shitter will appear at the opening with ex-Congresswoman Katie Hill, the rug-munching Sapphic libertine switch hitter, who is available for short term “box lunches”. The Congressman has promised both to fart and shit, a rare double honor.

I couldn’t get my Keytruda last week due to a Medicare SNAFU bordering

 on FUBAR. Bernie and Lieawatha will fix that, won’t they?

I am leaving Chick-fil-A for a while.

Kevin Smith

WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET

PS – Hong Kong, 2019 Iran, 2009 – Should Trump abandon Hong Kong as Obama did Iran in 2009? Is it a case of “permanent interests over permanent allies”? We didn’t much care when the Serbs slaughtered the Muslims or the Hutus did in the Tutsis or the other way around, whatever, and nobody gave a rat’s ass when the New York Times acquiesced in Stalin’s slaughter of as many as 10,000,000 Kulaks with Kulak being a synonym for Jew. We have tons and tons of soy beans to sell. Not buy, as another Bayonne luminary, Tino DeAngelis did 56 years ago. Including ones he didn’t own. Vide Tino DeAngelis

•  

November 22, 2019 The hits keep coming in from California, including an update on Harvey Milk, but first I want to reach across the aisle in a gesture of non-partisanship and see if we can stipulate to the following press release.

November 22, 2019

The hits keep coming in from California, including an update on Harvey Milk, but first I want to reach across the aisle in a gesture of non-partisanship and see if we can stipulate to the following press release.

Hunter Biden – “Orion” to his chums at the elite, all male, Catholic Prep School, the same one his father went to, the school where his dad got his sobriquet, “Cheese Dick”, the old fashioned, he earned it, not the one that Justice Kavanaugh went to – is a foetid bag of rancid eel shit who is also a druggie, both user and dealer, who was stripped of his naval commission and had his sad sacked, sorry ass tossed out of the service and why did the Navy stop keelhauling, ‘cuz this sumbitch earned it – plus, and there’s no sense in going half way to Avernus because he got a leg over on his brother[;s widow in the limo on the way back from the cemetery where his brother had not yet gotten to room temperature, but wait, there’s more. He fathered a bastard child in Bug Fug, Whitewater County, Arkansas There, Clem or Orville, fill in the blank for last name, will have his teeth removed so he won’t outshine his classmates at the cat fish catching school. It is alleged that his Godfather is named “Red Bone”

And this poltroon got $50,000 or maybe $80,000 a month to be on the board of a gas pipe line company in Ukraine with no, none, zip, experience in the gas business save for when he has a wet fart every time he congratulates himself for being the local leader of the Lucky Sperm Club.

If she could, QE2 would send Randy Andy to Ascension Island or Pitcairn. 

Our homegrown limmering, vile scroyle, with the best part of him running down his mother’s leg, will be with us like that brown/yellow stain on his parents’ bed. 

I always said there would be no controversy, none whatsoever, about abortion, if it could be made retroactive. 

Flogging, strapado, bastinado, robo calls – All of them! Simultaneously, if possible. Canoeing with Wide Bottomed Hillary after fitting her with new foundation garments using Jaws of Life equipment, helping Fat Jerry Nadler floss, changing porcine, maybe orvine, Michael Moore’s soiled nappies ------ these must be considered. Let the punishment fit the crime!

While it is true that Slow Joe B9den’s whelp would fuck a snake if someone held its head, Let’s focus on Daddy. Slow Joe Biden, Curly in honor of the smartest stooge, gave a crystal-clear lesson in separating and distinguishing the damned elusive quids from the chimerically ephemeral quos. While at the Walter Duranty Center for Modern American Liberal Useful Idiots, of which there is an apparently never-ending supply, he threatened the pezzonovantes as only an alumnus of the mean streets of Wilmington, Delaware could. “Fire the friggin’ DA by noon or there will be no soup for you. I will take my country ’a money and do a Pasadena. Also, shred the file with my kid’s name on it, or 

else.” I mean it’s Do this and I’ll give you the swag. Don’t do this and I’ll give you bupkis, maybe ugotz. As Colonel Jessup asked, “Are we clear?” 

Breaking news from California

Not the usual “Take your pants down and shit in honor of diversity and multi-culturalism”, not the usual bankrupt PG&E and then blame them when the state burns down, but stuff from its legendary past. First, how far put does the envelope marked
“free speech” go? I know it’s OK for a member of Congress to call the President a “motherfucker”. I know it’s OK to say that the President gets hummers from hid daughter every morning.We know it’s OK for a skank, crack ho comedienne wanabee to walk around with a severed head of the President. I mean, “Sheeit, those 3 are on the short list for “Profile in Courage” laurels, right?” I mean can we talk about Harvey Milk without mentioning his case for sainthood? 35 0or 37 years after the alleged, supposed fact, in either Virginia or Maryland something happened involving sweater meat. Or it didn’t. The only tangible thing to have happened in the Kavanaugh hearings, eerily like when modern American Liberal template, Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman-Schultz sent cops to my house because of something I wrote, was scaring the ladies. In my case, my wife Amy. In Kavanaugh’s case his 2 daughters.

A ditzy broad, with advanced degrees in gestalt, phumfering and caterwauling and 2 years of psychotherapy mumbo-jumbo shows up and says it’s been downhill since concupiscence and that chicks suffer disproportionately. Can anyone imagine what a lawyer named Sol would have done to her on cross examination? I can. 

But back to Venerable Harry. 

Did you know that he was accused and by credible witnesses, of paedophilia? Several jurisdictions were about to toss a coin, draw straws – they were ethically neutral then. Manatees, baby seal killing polar bears, and divers furbish louseworts need not worry – to see who was going to sweat the slimy smarmy bastard. He was a sweetheart, no?

But I want to know why he got his mug on a stamp while his fellow victim, George Moscone, equally shot to shit and just as still dead as Percy Dovetonsils, has a bus stop named after him? 

Or is that a question “beyond the pale”? Get back to me, favore.

Kevin Smith

WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET

PS – Why is it OK to criticize Congresswoman Tulsi Gabbard’s whit pant suit while praising Wide Bottomed Hillary’s whole nine-yard white Kristo-like tarp from 3 years ago?

Skip quid pro quo. Go straight to tu quoque. 

November 21, 2019 Ambassador Sundland had given mixed signals on his testimony about Latin phrases.

November 21, 2019

Ambassador Sundland had given mixed signals on his testimony about Latin phrases. Quid pro quo, as any survivor of an all-male, Catholic Prep School can tell you, means something for something.

Then a Congressman, and I’ll bet you will be shocked, shocked when you learn that he is a run of the mill, modern American Liberal who believes in 4^th & 5^th trimester abortion,  that no tax is ever high enough, that man is perfectible because human nature can be changed by “fair” legislation and close regulation. [Honest to God, a word he would like to exile, he really, really does, like all his fellow conspirators, believe such chazzerai], in order to get his attention, started a boycott his wife’s business.

Congressman Blumenauer [D-OR], today’s template of non-malodorous fecal matter syndrome – Translation? Send a SASE – told his phalanx of Social Justice Warriors to boycott her hotel. Further, he told them to go into the lobby in waves, take their pants down or drop their drawers and shit by the registration desk. Also, they were to put 5 pounds of unrefrigerated, 5-day old gorgonzola and limburger by the air ducts, the ones with the blower. Toss a bag of flaming cat shit into the coffee shop and then, having gotten her attention, try to reason with her. “Call your husband and tell him to back off.”

When Ambassador Sundland gave his opening statement, Congressman Blumenauer texted him the following message” “Welcome to the Resistance”

I see things through a Hudson County perspective. If that ain’t witness intimidation, I don’t know what is. 

If you don’t do the desired quid – testifying to our satisfaction – we will do the promised quid; viz. Fuck up your wife’s business, and since you file a joint tax return, take money out of your pocket.

This gives me a chance to borrow a line from “A Man for All Seasons” and pontificate as only somebody comfortably on the sidelines can do.

“A man upon oath holds his soul in his hands as if it were water.

He opens his fingers at his own peril.”

Any word of this from the reptiles in the Main Stream Media? Silly you.

There is nothing in Congressman Blumenauer’s background to suggest that he would have any familiarity with Latin. 

I’ll type slowly as I introduce him to 2 Latin adages.

argumentum ad crumenum & argumentum ad absurdum

One is obvious, one isn’t.

And, by the by, if Ambassador Yovanovich felt:” intimidated” when her Boss told her to stop scratching her ass in public and get better fitting foundation garments, it’s a good thing she wasn’t posted to Benghazi where the local WOGs didn’t much believe in diplomatic courtesy.

Kevin Smith

WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET

PS – crumenum refers to money, as in “If you don’t do this I’ll take some of yours”

PPS – Congressman Swallwell [D-CA] did fart on national TV. It is further proof that modern American Liberals really do believe that their shit doesn’t smell. “Fart proudly,” as Ben Franklin said. 

Kevin Smith

WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET

November 20, 2019 Randy Schuiltz The Sun Sentinel RE: It’s been awhile – I didn’t want to exceed my annual bag limit – but today’s unlinkable whackaloon polemic with this particular one being filled to 108% of capacity, with 108% being, coincidentally, the bottom tax rate for your Plaid New Deal, led me, inexorably, to an unmatched teaching moment.

November 20, 2019

Randy Schuiltz

The Sun Sentinel

RE: It’s been awhile – I didn’t want to exceed my annual bag limit – but today’s unlinkable whackaloon polemic with this particular one being filled to 108% of capacity, with 108% being, coincidentally, the bottom tax rate for your Plaid New Deal, led me, inexorably, to an unmatched teaching moment.

Mr. Schultz,

“If the system ‘ain’t broke,’ why are 44% of Floridians living in

poverty or paycheck to paycheck? That was the conclusion

 of the United Way’s statewide report in 2017.”

The Sun Sentinel

Page 21A

Today

You

What to do? What to do?

For a moon-bat modern American Liberal loon, one who has never signed both sides of a paycheck, the solutions are obvious, right?

#1 – Raise taxes.

#2 – Raise the minimum wage.

#3 – Repeat #1 & #2 as many times as necessary.

#4 – Make it easier to fill you own teeth, do self-pneumonectomies, and learn how to play the cello by infomercial than it is to start your own business.

#5 – Turn Flower Power & Light into Pacific Gas & Electric

#6 – Eliminate all stock dividends because they proclaim White Privilege.

#7 – Bring back “Midnight Basketball”, with it being properly funded this time.

#8 – Bring back “shovel ready jobs” Have half the 44% living in poverty dig big ditches. Have half the 44% living in poverty fill the ditches with vehicles from “Cash for Clunkers”. Have the next half dig them out. Repeat #1 a new location. Use the non-felonious [misdemeanor allegations are acceptable] border jumpers do cleanup work while they wait for their Medicare for All and their scholarships to kick in. Support legislation giving them automatic Masters’ degrees when they become registered voters. Waive the requirement for photo IDs and the ban on firearms – with an exception for assault rifles, obviously – when getting on an airplane. 

#9 – Pay them to go to Nancy Pelosi’s house in San Francisco, Have them do a synchronized trou-drop and shit in her honor.

#10 – Unicorn ranches, Rainbow Stew canneries, balloon juice vending machines at cow fart refilling stations, “Peace in our Time, this time forever,” “All them corn fields and ballet at night” ….Why not? Particularly if men of good will come together to “Speed the Plow”, reach the horizon keeping us from entering Utopia and, as easily as water runs uphill and the leopard changes is spots, jump into the land of milk and honey.   

That sounds suspiciously like Bernie the Bolshie and Lieawatha Warren, doesn’t it? Sorry about that. I mean this to be as non-partisan as Joe Friday’s “just the facts.” Wait a minute. I did, didn’t?

I am going to give you, in anticipation of the Holy season of Advent, an early Christmas present. Alas, since you are a card-carrying, fire breathing, modern American Liberal you will like this as much as Dracula would like an hour of Outward Bound – I am an alumnus - drown proofing lessons in a pool illuminated by perpetual sunrises. [I was going to include a sigmoidoscope with ground glass, cucaracha beans, and inserting an 11-inch stent made of barbed wire but chose not to]

You mention corporations having to pay their “fair share” of taxes. [Putting corporations and “fair share: into the same sentence is almost as bad as putting “science  and consensus” into the same sentence is both non-complementary and contradictory, pus it is offensive to Logic, And yes, I will explain.] People living in what used to be known as the rea world know that “fairness” is like truth, beauty, equity, justice, and the American Way in that they lie strictly in the eye of the beholder. Herewith some puffballs. Jus like batting practice.

Define “fairness” without using tautologies.

Don’t tell me that summer is hot because winter is cold.

Give me the bid & asked of “fairness”

Post hoc ergo propter hoc is verboten

If the above sounds like a day trip to Babel on the 

Glossolalia Express send a SASE

Here comes the “smoking gun”. It is, to cite former Vice President, Alpha Gump, still the underappreciated inventor of the internet, and thus the guy most responsible for cyberbullying, an “inconvenient truth”.

I am sure you have heard about 3 Martini lunches, about companies paying lobbyists to buy Congressmen, about faceless, rapacious cabals despoiling the mortally wounded Mother Nature and her hand-maiden, the irenic Gaia, about private jets with polar bear killing carbon footprints, but I am willing bet that, absent satanic corporate concupiscence, they have another thing in common.

All of the supra activities are tax deductible. 

Let us turn to an unabashed judicial hero of the Progressive Left, Federal Circuit Judge Learned B. Hand. Among the many of his legal adages and maxims  that have entered the “seamless web” of the nexus of law and culture is the following:

“It is a patriot’s duty to arrange his affairs in such a manner that he

pays the least amount of taxes as possible. At best, taxes 

are an enforced exactitude, not a voluntary contribution.”

Speaking of tax dodges, why is the interest paid on municipal bonds exempt frpm Federal income taxes? Do you know nay of the 44% of Floridians “living in poverty: who own municipal bonds? Do you know any tenants of Section 8 housing who own municipal bonds? Do you know of any inner-city single Moms, almost always women of color, with children in need of a good Ritalin program but without access to cheap, reliable public transportation which we all know is woefully underfunded?

I don’t either. 

But I digress. 

POW! BOOM! ZAP!

Corporations don’t pay taxes, Never have; never will.

It is simply an additional expense, one more part of the cost basis of the product. It is paid by the end user or the customer. The heartless corporation merely becomes the collection agent for the state.

I was given a tour in the mid-80s of the new World HQ of an international law firm. The partner tour guide told me that they were going to have “a big monthly nut to crack”. [That’s dreaded private sector jargon] “Don’t worry,” I told him. “I’m going to pay it.”

Just like taxes, you ohmadhan.

Kevin Smith

PS – How many times can you debone a Golden Goose before you can’t? And what hell odes a Hedge Fund – Alden Capital-going to do with 25% of the Sun Sentinel. What happens if they like Trump? Are you familiar with the phrase “Whose wine I drink whose song I sing “” Should I send you a MAGA hat? I suggest that you get your resume in order and that you update your c.v.

November 19, 2019 Matt Downing NJ Advance Media RE: Questions and comments on your article on freedom of the press in today’s Star Ledger.

 November 19, 2019

Matt Downing 

NJ Advance Media

RE: Questions and comments on your article on freedom of the press in today’s Star Ledger.

Mr. Downing,

“Student charged after Snapchat photo of gun that

mentioned Columbine and NJ middle school.”

Some questions; some observations.

#1 – What was he charged with?

#2 – Congresswoman Tlaib [D-MN] called the President a “motherfucker’ Was she charged with hate speech?

#3 – Former skank ho Kathy Griffin walks around with a severed head of our beloved President. Absent bad taste and being humorless, was she ever charged with anything?

#4 – Now that we have exhausted Quid pro quo, how about we move on to Quis custodes custodiet? Translation? Send a SASE.

#5 – Edmund Burke, one of my favorite Irishmen – Your name seems Irish so I know that you too are familiar with him – said the conflict in any society is always between order and freedom.

#6 – I always thought, silly me, that journalists had Sophocles tattooed inside their eyelids. “Free men speak with free tongues.”

#7 – More Latin, a language learned at an all-male, Catholic prep school in NJ, just like Scalia and Kavanaugh. POST HOC ERGO PROPTER HOC. Translation? Use the same envelope as #4.

Kevin Smith

PS – Another headline says “1 Dead, 4 Injured in Pair of Newark Shootings on Same Block” How could that happen in a city with a Democratic Mayor, in a county with a Democratic Executive, in a city with 2 Democratic Congressmen, in a city where the only steady stream of Republicans is when they show up for jury duty? Speaking of jury duty, I was a witness and a participant in the court house activities on June 3, 1993. Later, I was witness at the trial  

November 19, 2019 “An Ambassador serves his President and may be recalled at anytime and for any reason.”

November 19, 2019

“An Ambassador serves his President and may be

recalled at anytime and for any reason.”

Those words were spoken by Ambassador Marie Yovanovitch. There are no additions, subtractions, or qualifiers.

Later on, she said that she felt “intimidated” when her Boss, a man who made a good living telling people that they were fired, told her that her ass was too fat or her hair needed hot water and shampoo or she should always have some Tic-Tacs handy.

Good thing she wasn’t posted to Benghazi. There, the Ambassador found out that the Marine Embassy Guards have real ammo for their real guns. He found out just before some “intimidators” sodomized and then burned him alive. Shortly thereafter, Wide Bottomed Hillary promised his family at Dover Air Force base, with his body not quite at room  

November 18, 2019 “My cup runneth over.”

November 18, 2019

“My cup runneth over.”

 In fact, as the good news begins in the pre-dawn hours of a to Hell with tree hugging Eco-Nazis who praise Global Warming because it gives them cover for their true goal, herd culling, with 4^th & 5^th trimester genocidal abortions that would make both Margaret Sanger and Josef Mengele proud and envious., it’s cold in South Florida.

Cold is a relative thing.

I worked for 2 summers in a frozen food company – minus 11 degrees F, hard by the Holland Tunnel, Jersey side – I was paid $3.27 an hour plus time and ½ for OT when the minimum wage was $1.05 an hour for which I still thank my Uncle, John Lonergan, who went everywhere MacArthur went in the Pacific. When I was born – 1943 – my Mom told her baby brother that I had such beautiful blond hair. “Don’t cut it ‘til I get back”, he asked. The problem was he took a few detours after VJ Day and didn’t get back to Jersey City until the middle of 1946. Now that I am folliclely challenged I guess I miss the good old days.

When the Berlin Wall went up, the 4 WW2 combat vets working there advised me not only which branch to join but which MOS to get into because “it was my turn.”

Also, when I was in the gold mining business, and there aren’t too many guys from Bayonne who have that on their c.v., I spent some time in Timmons, Ontario with Timmons being further north of Toronto then Toronto was north of Newark airport.

As Pete Rose once said, “Cold is in your mind. The it goes to your toes, your knees, your hips, and then your balls.” Cold is different in Timmons. Cold means cold.

[As an aside, I met a helicopter pilot there who had worked for Catholic Relief Services in Ethiopia. “We Are The World”, remember? He told me stories that made me regret the large sum of money I sent them.]

Anyway, before I was overcome with grief over my beloved manatees, av]bout 10 yards form my back door, trying to do what the Titanic couldn’t do; viz .avoid an iceberg the size of Delaware – I told you it was cold here -I sought surcease and succor from the internet.

Which brings me back to “my cup runneth over.”

One of my favorite authors * said, “Focus on the absurd lest reality drive you mad.”

When I close the door on coyote decorated man cave, I see a poster with pictures of Swift, Beckett, Yeats, Behan, Wilde, and Joyce. It’s as good as 3 fingers of Tullamore Dew. I want to add a picture of George Costanza to it but it I am a big believer in ethnic purity.

I watched the Greg Gutfled Show last night - Sorry, NFL – where one of his throwaway lines – “Where the Left goes, humor leaves” - is sure to become a pearl of precious price. Imagine Nancy Pelosi, Adam Schiff, and Maxine Waters doing some slapstick, maybe Black face, water balloons, and guffawing. I can’t either.

“Drop the chalupa”

“Chalupa”, being a quasi Tex/Mex cantina pub grub snack, in addition to being a word that Joyce would have proud to pen, will, if the impeachment proceeds to the Senate, be a witness called by the Republicans. Schiff, the Shithead, won’t call him because his testimony could be damaging to the modern American Liberals who run the place. The Constitution gives each House the absolutely unimpeachable, unrestricted power to do what it damns well pleases, Section 5 Part 2, to put a fine point on it, And, don’t forget, “politics ain’t beanbag” He is a bit player in the Biden/Biden quid pro quo bribery extortion plot in the Ukraine before Trump was President. 

Speaking of defenses, who remembers, besides me, Congressman Tom Lontos [D-CA] who asked Craig Livingstone, Wide Bottomed Hillary’s “special’ friend, and the gatekeeper to the White House in the early day of Big Bill’s reign, if, as an alternative to testifying, had ever thought of suicide? I do.

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“At a certain age, a man gets what he wants to be.”

John LeCarre

According to the Swalwell Theorem [Eric Swallwell D-CA] , one of Queen Victoria’s lesser children was Jack the Ripper. Swallwell posited a simple enough proposition against Trump. “Any accusation, however imbecilic or asinine must be believed until it is proved to untrue. And it must be proved to be untrue beyond the shadow of a doubt by people who hate and despise him. Deplorables are not allowed.”

Rumors swept Mayfair that Arthur was carving up the callets, the vizards, and the rumbelows because he didn’t much like Mom.

 Using the Swallwell Logic, the same construct that Speaker Foley used when he investigated the “October Surprise”, the one that had Bush 41 sneak a ride on a spare SR71, aka “The Blackbird” for a quick trip to Paris so he could put the kibosh on Carter’s, Clod Carter, the worst President in the 20th century, attempt to get the American hostages back from Teheran.

Confidential sources, which, of course, must remain confidential, tell me that on the way back the overflew the Bermuda Triangle looking for Atlantis. The results are in Area 51.

It’s a straight line from Arthur to Andrew. I liked him. Like his father, his grandfather, and his nephew, he had “seen the elephant” and returned – Amy’s uncle Leonard
“saw” him on Okinawa and didn’t return – to tell “with advantages” his Crispin’s saga. One of my UK pals knew him socially and said he was good guy, a stand-up guy. So what the Hell was he doing on TV talking about his cock watching pal?

The answer is inbreeding. 

36 years ago, I met a man in Kentucky, Judge Joe Johnson, who told me all I needed to know about Versailles, KY horse breeders and traders – and own there it’s pronounced Versails, none of the French argot for them good old boys - .when he said, “I don’t want say that first cousins were humping each other but a lot of them can look through a keyhole with both eyes.”

And why is haemophilia called the Royal Disease? And how did Rasputin get so far up Czarina’s royal ass? Simple. He convinced her he could stop her son, the Czarevich, from bleeding. 

I am sure DeBrett’s or Burke’s can work out the relationship between/among Arthur, Alexie, and Andrew, not quite alliterative but close enough for government work. Randy Andy wound up on TV because he had no relatives smart enough to say, “Don’t be a shmuck.”

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As long as I am in a shibboleth shattering mood, here’s a big one: Jews and Chinamen are smarter than the average bear.

#1 – I am not a Jew. The man who founded my church was. I am a legatee, a proud legatee, of the 3-legged stool of ‘Western Civilization. Jerusalem, Athens, Rome. If you take a glance at the list of Noble Prize winners there is a disparately disproportionate number of Jews on it. I mention this because, as Jackie Mason says, a lot of Jews don’t like Jews. I wonder why nationally prominent Jewish pols compete with each other to bash Israel. And further, why do Jewish non-pols sit on their hands? 

#2 – Wazupwid Chinamen and Hong Kong? Lenin and Stalin used Armand Hammer, a great friend of the Gore family, to keep $ lines open to the West. Common sense would counsel against taking a chain saw to your nose after you shoot both feet. I don’t know what the Sino equivalent of a Potemkin village is but if we do it will signal a return to the good old days of Chairman Mao. China needs us far, far more than we need them. Plus, we have better submarines.

Since Latin is the big thing these days – Quid pro quo, no? – Why not let the people speak? Let’s haver a referendum, not quite like we had on same-sex marriage, remember, since that one was ignored, but a much simpler one. Let’s change Cartago delenda est to Mecca delenda est.

Do you hear the people sing? Will you join in my crusade?

Kevin Smith

WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET

PS – Thanks again to Young Gene Bolan, as Tom Blauvelt, Esq. used to call him, for fixing my shower curtain. Until his serendipitous arrival Saturday last I was condemned to an eternity of sailors’ baths.

November 17, 2019 Rosemary O’Hara – Editorial Page Editor The Sun Sentinel RE: Almost worth the trip – Some comments on today’s unlinkable Sun Sentinel

November 17, 2019

Rosemary O’Hara – Editorial Page Editor

The Sun Sentinel

RE: Almost worth the trip – Some comments on today’s unlinkable Sun Sentinel

Ms. O,

It’s not quite like getting a “Message to Garcia” but I briefly yearned for any part of my vast, humanely disposed of, collection of cashmere, in the pre-dawn hours as I fired up my gas guzzling, polar bear drowning, who gives a rat’s ass about carbon footprints, Rain Forest defoliating SUV and crossed the river but not the woods and got to the other side where I got your paper. I returned without incident.

 

In the predawn chill – Didn’t Mother Nature get the memo on Global Warming? Is Nobel Prize winner and Tonight Show favorite Paul Krugman, a grifter who took the boy who cried wolf story and made a nice living, indeed a good, bordering on great living, predicting that the world was going to end by the year 2000, either by freezing or by starvation, whichever came first, or, Heaven forefend, in a dead heat – your paper provided a target-rich environment.

Let’s start with speech, free speech, particularly political speech.

Of course, I am biased and a bit soured when politicians piss on my back and tell me it’s rain, particularly when their verbal diarrhea includes twisted platitudes about speech. The reason is simple. I have twice been visited by policemen, men with badges, guns, and the full majesty of the law, because of something I wrote either to or about politicians. They were Broward County ladies – Debbie Wasserman Schutz and Miriam Oliphant – and that made them card carrying, fire breathing, tautologically hog tied as only modern American Liberals can be, didn’t lessen the “chilling effect” leading to the treacherous “slippery slope” of, as Orwell said, “boot in the face politics”. One of the officers, a man with a 15 shot + 1 up the spout, 9-millimeter, semi-automatic pistol on his hip, “for all the world to see,” told me I was “not in trouble”. “What do you mean I’m not in trouble? You have a badge and a fucking gun and you’re asking me about something I wrote. What do you mean I’m not in trouble?”

The thing about 2 modern American Liberal pols sending the police to my house may be coincidental and circumstantial and I forget whether it was Jeeves who said it to Bertie or the other way around, “like when you find a trout in the milk” bespeaks a pattern that my pal Nat Hentoff used as a title for one of his many books: “Free Speech For Me But Not For Thee”

I say this because even though it is anatomically impossible for either of them to ever be a “motherfucker”, like Congresswoman Rasuli Tlaib called the President. Also, I did not walk around with a severed head of either of them like failed skank crack ho wannabe and now a shitty failed comedienne, Kathy Griffin, did of our beloved President. 

An upset litigant calls Jude Carter a few names, some of which may have been toes over the line nasty. Were they as vulgar as saying the President gets a hummer from his daughter who has been called a “feckless cunt” on national TV?

Judge Carter was elected, not appointed. He chose to enter the arena when he fought for his job. BTB, the Marquis of Queensbury has not jurisdiction there. The only rule in a political campaign is that there are rules, save for the ones the voters impose or not. If Billingsgate bothers you stay out of the arena. One of my favorite DWEMS, a combat wounded veteran in the first war against Fertile Crescent terrorists said “Free men speak with free tongues”, my right from “beyond the stars” trumps your supposed right to a safe space and your imagined right not to be offended.

The guy went to jail, to the pokey for 30 days, in the clink for something he said? This son of a bitch should toughen his hide or go back to something honorable, like chasing ambulances or evicting widows.

I used to criticize a New Jersey Judge, particularly after he sentenced formerly “alleged perpetrators” who became convicted felons. I did this at a kitchen table with my children present and usually some potables from north of Hadrian’s Wall although not for kids. It usually worked out well for them and for the Judge, their grandfather, my father, and me.

He reminds me of a wimpy, wussy Pajama boy who still sucks his thumb and occasionally wets his drawers. He should be pelted with flaming bags of cat shit by someone who knows how to do it. A quick disclaimer. Since I am in good standing with the DWEMs who gave us the Trivium, the capstone of Western Civilization, I quickly add “rhetorically”, of course “rhetorically”.

On to Florida State Senator Lori Berman for whom I almost invoked the 35 point behind and we have a running clock – it is known as the mercy rule – but since upturned necks such as hers always await the descending ax anxiously, who am I to deny her one moment of clarity?

As far as I can tell, she is “outraged, shocked, and appalled” but not ”intimidated” by the rejection of 15 amendments she submitted for a committee vote on abortion. I am going to go out on a limb here but I am willing to bet a large sum of money the vote was along party lines, just like the upcoming vote on impeachment will be.

Sweetheart, here’s an Ockham’s razor solution.

Unelect the rat bastards

Pembroke Pines Mayor Frank Ortis, and I’ll double down on my previous wager, and place a black chip on him being a mAL, is a fervent believer in “I won’t tax you; you don’t tax me. Let’s tax that fellow behind the tree.” He wants to tax the Internet. [Isn’t that the McGuffin that former Vice President Alpha Gump invented. How’s he doing?]

I can see one small problem here. It is one that modern American Liberals, despite their allegiance to “settled law” and “stare decisis”, particularly since their favorite color is plaid, are able to overcome. “All things to all people”, right?

Almost 200 years ago, the Supreme Court ruled that no state can tax a transaction in another state. The case, Gibbons v Ogden, is a favorite of mine. It is a mirror of New Jersey, my home state. It featured politics, bribery, intrigue, venality, and corruption. Who said “What is past is prologue”? 

Again, we go back to Ockham. 

I issued an indulgence on January 23, 2016 – check my blog, WARRIORBARDIT.BLOGSPOT.COM - to all voters who were undecided about voting for Trump. In it I gave 2 reasons for voting for him. #1 – he wasn’t Wide-Bottomed Hillary and #2 – he gets to nominate the Judges, all the Judges. 

Simple, isn’t it?

Anna Fusco, President of the Broward Teachers Union – and why do they shun the much maligned but grammatically correct apostrophe? - bemoans the lack of money for her members here. The average salary in Chicago will shortly be twice that of Florida. Other than drive by shootings and close order drills with small arms, do Chicago kids get twice the education that Florida kids get? Will doubling the salary of a mediocre teacher make them better teachers. And don’t you think union teachers should be forced by law to send their kids to public school?

Richard Clark of Clark Leadership “predicts highly sophisticated outside influence in the upcoming 2020 election”. Do you mean George Soros? Do you mean Michael Blomberg, who hasn’t even decided if he is going to run, and his decision to spend $100,000,000 – that’s 100 million – on advocacy ads? Or do you mean the Russkies who convinced Wide-Bottomed Hillary, who lately has been dressing like she wants to be a walking ad for a Mexican cantina as a taco, burrito, tamale – not to campaign in Ohio, Michigan, and Wisconsin, actually good advice all around. And don’t forget “deplorable”. Nothing like insulting someone to get them to vote for you. He then says, apparently with a straight face, “Let’s not let foreign influence determine the outcome of our election.” Do you mean like Obama did in Israel in 2015 and in England in 2016? And BTB, who died and left you chief censor? Pop quiz: “Quis custodes custodiet?” Send a SASE.

Tell the rabbi that he is either the founding rabbi or the rabbi emeritus but he can’t be the Founding Rabbi Emeritus.

About your lead editorial, do you remember when Wide-Bottomed Hillary was asked why she got $200,000 for a speech to a group of rapacious investment bankers cum hedge fund 3 Card Monte Dealers? She said, as only someone who had a broker named “Red Bone” could say, “Because that’s what they offered.”

 

Trump Jr. got $50,000 from the University of Florida to sell his book. 

Sounds like a good deal, for him, to me.

Who reached out to whom? What is the standard fee? Was he the first to get it? If he gives it back should everyone else give it back also? I don’t know if Chelsea Clinton Mezvinsky can sing or dance but she got $600,000 + plus for doing nothing with MSNBC? Did she spend time with Matt Lauer or Charley Rose? Should she give it back?

So many asses to kick; so little time.

BASTA!

Kevin Psmith

WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET

November 16, 2019 Congressman Eric Swalwell [D-CA] is either full of shit or a friggin’ liar.

November 16, 2019

Congressman Eric Swalwell [D-CA] is either full of shit or a friggin’ liar. Worse, he could be both. Either way, he is this year’s first confirmed 

SMARMY BASTARD OF THE YEAR.

An aside about my 3 annual awards: They – Smarmy Bastard, Pompous Fart, Horse’s Ass, of the year, month, and week respectively sprung to life spontaneously in 1993 when I twice appeared before NJ Superior Court Judge Carole Ferentz in Newark, NJ. The second time was when I came back, pro se both times, with a court order vacating the original judgment against me issued by the New York Supreme Court. I reminded her, in as gentle a chastisement as I was capable of conjuring, of the magic words of James Madison, America’s little giant, about each state having to give full faith and credit to each other state’s public records, [Article 4, Section 1, to put a finely precise point on it] and I told her that, in this instance, the New York Appellate Court, having overturned the original judgment, the subsequent judgment against me in NJ was invalid. Remembering how mean and nasty she was to both lawyers and litigants, how much meaner than 4-day old cat she was, I am proud to say that I made this fat assed cuno miserable drool before she threatened me.

I decided to memorialize our brief encounter. Hence, the SBotY No Affirmative Action here, no gender, racial, or ethnic preferences here. You get it the old-fashioned way: You earn it. There is one prominent exception. All Kennedys, dead and/or alive are automatically given SBotY when they enter either the barrel, the yellow circle or the 10 ring or they are born. And I say this as a proud Irish-Catholic.

You may recall that, in typical snot nosed modern American Liberal fashion, he posited the Swalwell Theorem. It states, without any qualifiers, that any accusation, however egregiously outrageous, however Baron Munchausen-like it was, against il Magnifico, aka, Donald J. Trump, had to be believed unconditionally until a deus ex machina appeared out of the noon day sun and explicitly and line by line refuted it.

I choose the 3^rd option. Plus, he is so full of shit that flies come from miles away to nest in his pants for romantic weekends.

Here in the words of former Vice President Alpha Gump, ex-husband of Thumper Gump and father to all the baby Gumpsters – let me quickly add that I really miss him!
“Sex starved poodle” and “no controlling legal authority” have entered the national consciousness as much as “Remember the Alamo”, “I didn’t have sex with that woman…Miss Lewinsky” and “Vast Right-Wing Conspiracy” – is an “inconvenient truth”.

In December, 2008, President-elect BHO sent letters to all the Ambassadors this country had posted overseas. The letters said, “Hit the road, Jack, and do it before I get sworn in”. That sounds like he fired them all before he could. N.B. that nobody moved to impeach him. No one ever would because unless there were pictures of him throwing a big jump into Mother Teresa – not the mad cap Gypsy wife of Jay Forbes Kerry but the skinny Adriatic lady who took care of the lepers – nobody was going to lay a glove on him. Lest we forget the immortal words of Slow Joe Biden “he is a clean, articulate Black man who can speak Ebonics with the best of the community activists cum ‘hood rappers”

And that was before he fired all the U.S. Attorneys.

In fairness it must be noted that he was very busy on “shovel-ready jobs”, “cash for clunkers”, borrowing $10,000,000,000,000 from the Chinese to pay for “Midnight Basketball”, rehearsing drawing “Red lines in the sand”, and which of the really, really fine public schools in DC to send his snappy dish daughters to  - He did, didn’t he? I know how modern American Liberals just love public education – and “transforming American society”. Quite a full plate, don’t you know?

The chain of provenance as to how I came to be in possession of today’s Miami Herald is not quite as clear as a straight-up, bone dry Tanqueray see through though it does not fall under the aegis of Maxine Waters [D-CA] “alternative shopping” mantra but I turn your attention to Page 3A. 

“Feds Arrest 29 For Claiming to Have

Cows and Fake Losses””

  “She Bit Boyfriend in the Crotch

‘Out of Frustration,’

Police say”

“Lawyer Whose Pants Caught on Fire

Faces Suspension”

The Onion? – Nope

The Costanza School of Personal Probity and Public Policy” – Nope

Swift? Beckett? Toole? Carlin? Corey? – Nope

The Miami Herald

Page 3A

Today

Ambassador Marie Yovanovich has set the fight for chick equality back a full generation. Just when we were about to equalize life insurance rates for men and women although it would result in the ladies paying more, just when we were going to have the Wimbledon winners of both sexes play an all or nothing match to see who gets paid, just when we were going to have a moratorium on GI Joe funerals at Arlington until GI Josie plays substantial catch up ball, along comes a lady – and can you imagine her pussy whipping anybody? – and throws flaming bags of Tom Cat shit on the stature of non-mikvah bound Bella Abzug nursing Wide Bottomed Hillary while she was channeling Eleanor Roosevelt, who tells us she is “devastated, appalled, and intimidated” because her boss did not hold the door for her. 

I am woman, hear me whine and then hear me whimper.

I have been surrounded my entire life – so far – by 3 generations of strong, assertive, independent women. 

My 3 Texas Ladies, all of them, might turn out to be drug dealers or rough necks in the Permian Basin or poets but they will not turn out to be pansies. 

This broad says she felt intimidated because her boss didn’t send her flowers because menopause didn’t send her to the ER? Maybe he didn’t like her hair. Maybe he told her to wear a girdle. I don’t know, I don’t care. 

Too bad she wasn’t posted to Benghazi.

So many asses to kick, so little time

KS

WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET

PS - The caller ID said Gene Bolan, a high school – Seton Hall Prep – and college classmate – Fairfield University – of my son Sean. He wasn’t in New Jersey. He was at the Hard Rock Café in Hollywood. I gave him my address, he summoned a Uber and was here in 20 minutes. His father and I solved a lot of the world’s problems and settled some long-standing theological conundrums. Both the former and the latter were made easier by some potables, always from Scotland. Plus, Young Gene put my shower curtain back in its place of honor where it had been for 17 uninterrupted years until the curse of the perversity of inanimate objects kicked in.  A serendipitous visit that ended with him telling me that there was no chance of him getting married, at least this year. 

PPS – I watched Army West Point – and why is it necessary to stick West Point on to Army? Is it to distinguish it from Army Grosse Pointe or Army Blue Point? – beat up VMI. I go back to Army 1957 when Pete Dawkins, soon to be a Heisman Trophy winner, and Bob Carpenter, the “Lonely End”, coached by Earl “Red” Blaik. ran out to a big lead over Utah State and survived a furious comeback led by Lee Grosscup. In the ‘70s, my father took his son, me, who took his son, Sean, twice to West Point. We saw Army lose to Boston College and beat the Air Force Academy. The one thing that stands out, that is etched forever in the treasure trove, is the continuous loop of MacArthur’s last speech to the Army Corps of Cadets. It was a speech, according to eye-witnesses, given without notes or mechanical devices. He ends it by saying that his last conscious thought “will be of the Corps, and of the Corps”. Which is why you will never have to say “Army West Point”

PPS – The 3 greatest political speeches given in America in the 20^th century were given in a 3 year span within 250 miles of each other. Kennedy’s Inaugural in1961, MacArthur’s farewell at West Point in 1962, and Martin Luther King’s in 1964.

 It was said that when Athenians heard Pericles speak in the agora, they said “how well he speaks.” When the same people heard Demosthenes speak, they said, 

“Let us march”

November 13, 2019 Trump gave a great speech about the economy, the economy that Nobel Prize winner Paul Krugman said would tank if the “deplorables” elected him. A wise man once told me never to argue with a canceled check. Trump has a boat load of them.

November 13, 2019

Trump gave a great speech about the economy, the economy that Nobel Prize winner Paul Krugman said would tank if the “deplorables” elected him. A wise man once told me never to argue with a canceled check. Trump has a boat load of them.

I just saw Sidney Blumenthal, and if ever a man fit the criteria set down by Slow Joe Biden for taking someone out behind the gym for a well-deserved, long past due Texas-sized ass whupping, he is it. He was talking about impeachment etiquette. Let me add that Christopher Hitchens came to loathe him as only he could.

I created the term “smarmy bastard” for scum sucking bottom feeders such as he. He would be well advised to step aside should he see me coming. He is a man born to be harmed.

“Baby, It’s Cold Outside” has fallen afoul of the Word Police – Song Squad. If it gets the chop what are we to do with “Nessun Dorma”? The first song hints suggestively at what maybe might happen. The second one leaves nothing to the imagination. It’s all about getting a leg over en route to the horizontal tango. It’s what Caesar and Cleopatra, Romeo and Juliet, Hamlet and Ophelia, and Liz and Dick were known for.

“Those words mean exactly what I want them to mean”

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Page 1 of today’s Sun Sentinel features a story on DACA and its trip to the Supreme Court. Obama began it by Executive Order because Congress would not, could not, did not act on it legislatively, as the Constitution dictates. Even he felt he acted incorrectly. The issue is not the lachrymose tales of dreams denied but whether or not the Rule of Law is served. Without the Rule of Law, we would be like Trousered Apes. It is why you never see anyone swimming to Cuba.

STOP THE PRESSES!

SIERRA NEVADA CELEBRATION ALE IS BACK!

IT IS THE BEST BEER IN AMERICA

GOVERN YOURSELVES ACCORDINGLY

Day 1 of the Trump hearing has given a new lease on life to hearsay evidence. Hearsay evidence is simple to define. You didn’t see it; you heard it. Herschel told Fatima who told Jose who thinks he told Red Cloud who maybe told Dieter who definitely told you without telling you which link of the chain was “overserved” at lunch and which link is gaining on English as non-first language

There is an exception in New Jersey, maybe elsewhere.

.

My last gunfight was June 3, 1993. I was juror #2 in the Essex County Courthouse, Judge Leonard Ronco presiding when the first police officer was shot in the head and killed. The bailiff, Essex County Deputy Ralph Rizzolo, was shot in the chest. He stumbled into the courtroom where I saved his life [2 and ½ years later he danced at my daughter’s wedding] As I was administering First Aid, he gave me a description of the man who shot him. He had a hole the size of a quarter just slightly off his sternum. It was deemed to be a dying declaration what with the bullet entering his chest, traveling up to his right shoulder and coming to a stop at his right elbow. The “alleged perpetrator” was found guilty, avoiding the death penalty, and is still in jail in New Jersey. Not quite Willy Horton because this guy only had one turn at the plate.

One of my physicians asked me about my eating habits. I said I am like a coyote. Targets of opportunity, carrion, a 3-legged stray form the herd, a lot of junk food, a few potables. Decidedly non-Keto plus glutens and carbs. Many glutens and carbs. He suggested that I start a healthy eating routine. I told him I was 76 years old and that I have had more cancer operations this year than most people have had sit down Sunday dinners plus 3 titanium joints plus a scleral buckle along with a pacemaker and a defibrillator along with a wound on my leg that would have been found at Andersonville. I asked him what he thought about kale. He likes it so I told him to eat my portion. And hold the tofu which we all know is recycled whale snot.

Speaking of beer, I banned all Anheuser-Busch beers from my daughter’s wedding reception. Also, all light or lite beer. Shakespeare was my guide in this. Just before his famous line about killing the lawyer comes “I will make it a crime to drink small beer.” Even then he knew. I will never drink Stella Artois beer.  10 years ago, I was in Waxy O’Conner’s trying to avoid being overserved. I was offered a free pinto of Stella. It was then called the “wifebeater”. I said if I wanted to beat my wife, I didn’t need beer from Belgium to do it. I’ll drink beer from Iran before I drink any from there

Curling is back, thank God.

November 11, 2019 If I understand Mikey Bloomberg, a “good” billionaire,

November 11, 2019

If I understand Mikey Bloomberg, a “good” billionaire, unlike the Brothers Koch who are “bad” billionaires, including the dead one, especially the dead one. Bloomberg wants to fix things by Executive Order because Congress can be, oy, such a pain in the tuchis. His list includes, but Is not limited to, the following:

A – Big Gulps

B – refills, unlimited of A

C – water pistols

D – water balloons

E – spit balls

F – The Marlboro Man, having just died, is given a conditional commutation.

G – Any mentioning of my polar bear killing, to Hell with carbon foot printing, use of private jets is verboten. As to “conspicuous consumption”, as the late Max Bialystock said, “If you got it, flaunt it.”

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I was a semi-regular in the King Cole Room – the one with the Maxfield Parrish mural running the length of the surpassed only by the one at the 3^rd floor bar at the Downtown Athletic Club, the home of the Heisman – at the St. Regis Hotel known for the biggest pour in any saloon in Manhattan when Rockefeller was Governor and Lindsay [Lindslay, as Mike Quill used to call him]] Since Rockefeller never carried cash, all the quotidian $ requirements fell to Lindsay. I was told by hotel staff that used to really rankle his WASP ass.

FDR had Warm Springs. Truman had Key West. Ike had Camp David. JFK had various seraglios. LBJ had “The Biggest Little Whore House in Texas.” Carter had Plains. The Great Reagan had his ranch. He also had America. Enough of show and tell. If Mayor Petey Bootygoo becomes 46, just as any plane the President flies in becomes Air Force One, any place he goes will become Gomorrah One, a large supply of gerbils, industrial strength WD40, and variously sized butt plugs will be available. Discretely available, of course

As predicted, the Dolphins are now one toe over the line of mediocrity. Also, I watched part of the Green Bay game yesterday. Let me return to my last trip to Green Bay. It was late October, 1995 when the IRS was really closing in. They played and bested the Vikings. It was chilly but not death cold. Reggie White made on the 2 great defensive plays I have ever seen with the other being made by Lawrence Taylor against, surprisingly, the Packers of a different era. Some remembrances of Green Bay past:

A – It is always good to go to Green Bay for a football weekend

B – You can’t control the weather, and Global Warming notwithstanding, pack accordingly.

C – It’s good planning to be a guest of a Green Bay Packer. We stayed in an apartment sub-let from the Packer QB. Thank you, Lindsay Knapp, #65

D - It’s better planning to be with the #65’s future father-in-law. Thank you, Jimmy Williams, Sr.

E – Casey Stengel loved Billy Martin.  Casey played for John McGraw whose attitude was “Prisoners? Who needs prisoners?” He saw himself in Martin. Bill Parcells played for a coach who played for Lombardi at St. Cecilia’s. Lombardi Lives!

F – I stayed at 2805 Viking Drive #205 Green Bay, WI 54304.

I watched a bit of Father Brown. The original story was written by G.K. Chesterton. Dead more than 80 years, his influence grows. Plus, he introduced me to Thomas Aquinas. One question remains.

Everywhere this priest goes somebody is shot, garroted, knifed, or defenestrated. Is its sacerdotal penumbras or emanations that cause all these felonies?

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If it’s OK for Adam Schiff, the member of Congress who took the most beatings at lunch time in high school – and rightfully so, He wasn’t bullied for sport: he was bullied for cause. If he can limit or suppress testimony, can I go back and “revise and extend” the testimony I gave under oath, mind you, during my 7-year trial in U.S. Tax Court?

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I stumbled into 6 minutes of The Simpsons. Priceless. I move to make it part of the Western Canon.

Does anyone else remember when The Giants were really lousy for the first time? The Pisarcik fumble. People burning tickets. Airplanes with nasty banners. The reason why can now be revealed. It was payback time for Wellington Mara. His father and uncle bought franchise for $2,500 in the ‘20s. Big money? Not for a very successful pair of speakeasy operators, rum runners, bookmakers, unsecured loan specialists, inter alia. One thing every Irish-Catholic who has several toes over the line craves is respectability.

What better way than to call your son Wellington? Young Welly went to an Irish-Catholic grammar school. From the 5^th grade on it was tough. He went to an Irish-Catholic high school. It was brutal. It would have been worse at the Irish-Catholic university he went to save for an Eye-Tie kid from Brooklyn with a polished malochio when it came to his friends. His name was Vinny Lombardi. Yup. That Lombardi. Sue! Wellington? NO difference, Tough times, Trust me. Young Welly paid them all back with almost 20 years of shitty football. So much so that Pete Rozelle stepped in and with a broom that Hercules could have used cleaned house.

I saw John Mara bitch because of tough questions from reporters. He reminds me of a combination of Adam Schiff and Fredo. And why did he sell ½ of his team to the Tisches for chump change?

Off to the oncologist.

Kevin Smith

WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUHT.NET

November 10, 2019 Rosemary O’Hara – Editorial Page Editor The Sun Sentinel RE: Like herpes, I’m back. And always at the worst possible time. Some comments on your unlinkable paper this fine day, about a year from the tumultuous reelection of il magnifico.

November 10, 2019

Rosemary O’Hara – Editorial Page Editor

The Sun Sentinel

RE: Like herpes, I’m back. And always at the worst possible time. Some comments on your unlinkable paper this fine day, about a year from the tumultuous reelection of il magnifico.

MS O,

And how did I come by your nearly see-through paper this morning?

I am not too proud to say that I took a page from the illustrated and lavishly photographed guide book on how to be a grifter, a yegg, and a booster, written by Congresswoman Maxine Waters [D-CA]

I remember her snappy response when she saw video of some pf her constituents looting and pillaging a 7-11, prior to burning it down. As she watched her people dashing into and out of the stores, struggling with swag on the way out, she said without a hint of rebuke or condemnation, “Alternative shopping”. If you have a problem with what your lying eyes are seeing, you are a racist.”

It’s a straight line from that to “Midnight Basketball” and from there to looting a bank like she and her husband were doing until Barney Frank, another guy from Bayonne told them the security cameras were working. And oh yes, I knew Barney’s first teenage crush but my lips are sealed.

Anyway, who says you can’t learn from a conniving bat-shit crazy loon like Maxine? Not I.

I saw a news show last night featuring the first public showing of Wide-Bottomed Hillary doing her stand-up shtick. Let me say that she gets a C+ for effort – that’s all that counts for card carrying modern American Liberals because nobody cares about results, right? Lieawatha Warren will soon call for all ball games to keep the clock but do away with the score board because for every winner there is a loser, you betcha – and an F minus for content. Joan Rivers and Totie Fields have nothing to worry about. Her daughter, and by the way, I just found out that she did not go to any of the really fine public schools in DC, was auditioning for the Ed McMahon slot. Just Godawful. She made my baby Komodo dry heave. Her mother, in some weird toga-like outfit, looked she was a bag lady working the bus terminal johns looking for Johns with Johnsons.

Yet still I looked for a chuckle, a guffaw, in your paper.

The Page 1 story about the coming permanent traffic jam in Hollywood, one that will lead to OK Corral incidents at high noon, is worthy of note but it takes a back seat to the story about Curley Biden’s kid. 

He sounds like he learned from Jake the Gyp, Boss Tweed’s only known ancestor and yes, no hot stove or the pennies on a dead man’s eyes are safe when he is around. 2 things are certain:

#1 – None of his stuff passes the Bag Test. Bag Test? Send a SASE.

#2 – Change his name to Trump and we would soon be out of industrial strength Right Guard. The wretched reptiles, the witches and warlocks of the Main Stream Media, would be shitting through their arm pits trying to get him.

Of course he should testify. Of course he should be investigated.

He’s a doper who got a less than honorable discharge from the Navy. That bothers me because my wife’s father, Lt. Cdr Walter Chapman, MD was a combat veteran of the Atlantic. Also, I have a first cousin, a CPO with 30 years in who was buried at Arlington 2 Octobers ago. Also, he got a leg over on his brother’s widow n the limo on the way back from the cemetery and before the lunch.

The sniveling rat bastard should be horse whipped.

Does anyone remember Gary Sick? He posited a theory that around the middle of October,1980, that when Bush 43 was running against Walter Mondale for the Vice Presidency, he took a day off figuring that nobody would notice. He was the #3 guy on a garbage truck going to Andrews Air Force Base. There, he further disguised himself so that could board a fully fueled and piloted, including a white silk scarf and sufficient “skill and cunning” to get G.H.W. Bush to Paris and back on the same day.Only a SR71 could do that

I don’t think he picked up any ’79 Talbot or ’75 Lascombe what with the lack of overhead carriers on the Black Bird.  What he did do was meet with some of Khomenie’s hit men and put the fix in for the 1980 election, according to Professor Sick. He then wrote a book that attracted an audience who wanted to know what happened to Bridey Murphy and whether she is in Atlantis or the Bermuda Triangle with transfers to friggin’ Utopia.

It got the attention of House Speaker Tom Foley [D-WA] who ordered a House investigation of “The October Surprise”. When asked about the evidence for starting the investigation, Speaker Foley, in a rare encounter with truth and candor, said, “There is no evidence. That is why we must have an investigation.” God’s Holy Trousers and I will bet my one good eye but that’s what he said.

Anyway, keep digging. I know you won’t but it shows my naivete. It’s cheaper than cocaine and we get to keep our septums.

Page 7B tells of Lake County, doubtless a “deplorable, bitter clinging” political entity, declaring itself a “Sanctuary County” in re the 2^nd Amendment. Who says that John Calhoun and his Theory of Nullification are dead? Sauce for the goose, sauce for the gander, no?

In the same story, the term “settled law” is used. Alas, for 11^th hour strict constructionists, it is “settled” until it becomes “unsettled”. 2 examples would be the Dred Scott decision and Plessy v Ferguson. The first was overturned on the field of battle while the second was overturned when a Republican President appointed a Republican Governor with the political skills to be Chief Justice to get a unanimous ruling. 3 years later, the Republican President sent paratroopers, the 101^st to be exact, Easy Company’s home division, to enforce the decision because the Democratic Governor said “No”.

Also, in your mini Op-Ed section, Howard Simon, formerly head of the South Florida ACLU – I am looking at my expired ACLU membership card – caterwauls in typical modern American Liberal fashion about Citrus County “unsubscribing” from a $2,700 subscription to the New York Times. [For $2,700 I want the ghost of Walter Duranty to explain how Russian interference in an American Presidential election worked in 1932, It did, you know.

He also says, in an ominously chilling manner, “Will removing hard copies be far behind?” 

Would the African-American Library, an institution built by and maintained by all the people of Broward County without regard to race, religion, national origin or dietary preference have a copy of “The Nigger of Narcissus?” It was written by a Nobel Prize winner. How about Huckleberry Finn? “Sexual Suicide” by George Gilder? Any seminars or workshops on Shylock?

Don’t you love tu quoque?

I try to preface any comments on voting stories with2 asides.

#1 - I am from Bayonne, NJ. My wife Amy had many relatives who lived in Chicago and its posh suburbs. If they are not included in any voting story it would be akin to playing baseball without home plate.

#2 – Why is it presumptively racist, sexist, misogynistic, Islamophobic, Climate Change denying, and biased to transgendered vegans to ask for a photo ID to vote but not to get a cell phone, get non-prescription cough medicine at CVS, board an airplane, get or give blood, rent a car, apply for a mortgage, or rent an apartment ?

Almost the best for last.

Is your Page 11A story about White Power and Privilege suppressing our indigenous Abos – in this case, the Hopis of northeast Arizona – who had a nice deal going. They got a royalty for every ton of coal mined on their property. Also, since this is the way the Real-World works, they got first dibs on a whole bunch of jobs. Then the round-eyed White Devils who speak with forked tongue came up with slant drilling and fracking to bring gazillions of trillions of cubic feet of natural gas that slapped the snot out of the domestic coal market. The strong dollar argues against the capital expenditure needed for overseas delivery. [35 years ago, I helped sell $25,000,000 worth of coal in15 months to Italy and Turkey because the dollar was weak It was financed by Neste Bank of Finland. Ah, the good old days of Globalizatio444n!] 

The confluence of outside events has placed a disproportionately disparate burden on this long-suffering Noble Savage. Put differently, “creative destruction”, Schumpeter’s upbeat coroner’s report, kneecapped the domestic coal business jus like Colonel Drake’s wells n Titusville in 1859 was the death knell for the whale oil business. It was History in less than 4 years.

The news story owes it genesis to The Onion.

Congressman Tom O’Halloran – of course he’s a Democrat – wants to “create training programs for displaced workers”. Jeeszus Haitch Keerist but he actually said that.

An updated resume would include scalping, gauntlet running, buffalo skinning, firewater pillaging, and keeping Lieawatha Warren out of the tribal census.

“Displaced: Injuns are encouraged to start their own businesses. Why not bring back stagecoaches? We can always use skilled highwaymen, can’t we? The red dot Macaca Indians, the ones that Curley Biden says sell all the coffee in Delaware, have the call center business locked up. What the Hell is an American Indian to do?

Basta

Kevin Smith

WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET