April 28, 2013
Stephen L. Goldstein
The Sun Sentinel

RE: At last! The Gospel of Goldstein tells us why modern American Liberals knot their knickers whenever the NRA incubus appears.

My dear Professor,

If, as you say, “the first lesson of war is…don’t humiliate your opponent” Hitler would have lived to a ripe old age. He would have been quite a sight in lederhosen, humming some Wagner, and bellyaching about the Goddamn Jews.

I suppose that slavery would have ended of its own accord, hopefully before Wilson became President. I say that because if Justice Marshall is to be believed Wilson was the vilest, most bigoted, most racist President in the 20th century. He would have had whipping posts in the Rose Garden and my grandfather’s uncle would have died in vain on July 2, 1863 at Gettysburg. [The Irish Brigade. Look it up. Don’t bother looking up Wilson. I can tell you that he was a Democrat.] Anything to avoid “humiliating” Jefferson Davis, right?

Imagine if the Iron Duke had called off the Coldstream Guards for fear of “humiliating” that Corsican thug, Napoleon. Would the term “Pax Britannica” have any meaning today?

General John Pershing, “Black Jack” to his troops, did not want to stop fighting on November 11, 1918. He wanted to march to Berlin, destroying everything in his path, and then drag the Kaiser around tied to a horse, just like Julius Caesar did. Who knows? Maybe Hitler would have stayed as a house painter.

General William Tecumseh Sherman, “Uncle Billy” to his troops, shortened the Civil War by 18 months by “humiliating” the South. I think it would have ended quicker if he had leveled Savannah and Charleston but that’s for History to decide. He said that the place where the war started had not smelled gun powder for almost 4 years. He wanted to make up for lost time. By the time he got through with the Carolinas half the people in Virginia, half the White people in Virginia that is, were signing “The Battle Hymn of the Republic”. The other half memorized “Uncle Tom’s Cabin”.

Would America have better off if Patton had decided not to “humiliate” the Nazis at Bastogne?

You say in typical modern American Liberal fashion, a mode that permits no dissent or opposing views, one that is saturated in “non-malodorous fecal matter syndrome”, that “94 percent of Floridians support background checks”. I see a poll that says only 4 percent think gun control is the most important issue facing the country.

If we are going to be governed by polls and plebiscites can you tell where and when a majority of people have voted in favor of same-sex marriage? Shouldn’t vox populi be the deciding factor there? Why should it apply only to guns? You must remember that both Plato and Aristotle said that democracy was the worst form of government in that it leads to chaos and dictatorship. Why not have policy matters decided by a Twitter vote? Do you think that O.J. Simpson would have walked after he killed two people?

Lastly, and possibly the most important, is your champagne preference. My favorite quote from the great Lord Keynes was his last words. “My only regret is that I didn’t drink more champagne”. Since it falls under the subjective “de gustibus” category your choice of Dom Perignon should go unchallenged. Since you have sworn allegiance and undying fealty to a man who wants to “spread the wealth around” it becomes a question of fairness. As long as we have pimps and wannabe drug lords [real drug lords drink Cristal] there will never be enough to go around.

I suggest Vueve Cliquot, Pommery, or Pol Roget. If they were good enough for Churchill they should be good enough for all the nit-wits you know who think this is the year for the long delayed Summer of Recovery to appear. The only thing I’ve been waiting for longer is Godot.






KEVIN SMITH
WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET