August 9, 2017

Senator Bill Nelson

413 Clematis Street #210

West Palm Beach, FL 33401

Senator Nelson,

Sine I have been in Florida you have struck me as trying to becoming as publicly dumb as former Vice President Alpha Gump and how is his movie doing, and former Vice President Curley Biden and of course his hair is real, it just ain’t his.

Every now and then, e.g.; days ending in “y”, your office issues statements screaming that maybe you couldn’t find your ass using both hands. Even better, sometimes you give a live press conference, not quite breathlessly, in which you say that umbrellas cause rain or some such witless flapdoodle [I’ll end the suspense. Umbrellas don’t cause rain.]

Watch out, you boob. The other shoe, the one weighing 9 pounds, has been launched. It is on target, said target being the bridge of your nose.

In this morning’s Florida Politico by Mark Caputo you criticize Governor Scott for not criticizing Goldman Sachs for “buying” Venezuelan bonds. Let the record show that if a state does not do business with Goldman Sachs they are probably deficient in their fiduciary responsibilities.

 If they are buying them for a client what business is it of yours? If they are buying the deeply discounted Venezuelan bonds for their account, so what? It’s their money, isn’t it? One thing is certain. 

They are not underwriting them. I may have erred in assuming that you know the difference. The other side of that coin is that since you, in typical modern American Liberal fashion, favor raising both taxes and the minimum wage as the shibboleth ladenly-larded solution to any and all economic posers you may be the one to prove Dr. J wrong when he said “Such stupidity is not to be found in nature”. You go, guy

Did you have any objection when Secretary of State Wide-Bottomed Hillary allowed the sale of 20% of this country’s uranium to Russia? If you did could you send it to me.

Did the Treasury’s, [or more precisely put, the people of America] guarantee of $500,000,000 of Solyndra bonds cause you any agida? 

If doing business with Venezuela is malum per se why don’t you lead a boycott of

CITGO?

Why don’t you and your pal Senator SummerFallWinterWarren [D-MA] organize a SEAL Team 6 weekend reunion to take out the CITGO sign slouched behind the “Green Monster” at Fenway Park in Boston? Why don’t you offer her a compromise to the brouhaha of the Cleveland Indians’ Indian?

Put her picture on the ball cap in White face for the

 plaid rainbow crowd. Put a tasteful feather behind her ear.

Meanwhile, you would be well advised to keep your mouth shut because if you don’t open it people can only assume that you are a horse’s ass. If you open it you will remove all doubt. If you had been Henry the Fifth at Harfleur you never would have made it to Agincourt. Queen Simone Catorze would open Parliament every year by singing the catchy Bastille Day frog ditty. And, yes, widows would still be charbroiled in India. Who knows how many A.G. fundamentalist crispy critters Janet Reno could have gotten at Waco?

Kevin Smith

PS – Is it true that you need a GPS to get off a ladder?