August 27, 2017

Howard Saltz – Publisher & Editor-in-Chief

The Sun Sentinel

500 E. Las Olas Blvd.

Ft. Lauderdale, FL33394

RE: Time for the “Last Post & Chorus”?

Mr. Saltz,

There will be “no mourning at the bar when you put out to sea”.

Sports News Alert!

Saint Thomas Aquinas beat Saint John Bosco 9 to 3 on Friday, August 25, 2017. Your sports section on Sunday, August 27, 2017 had an action photo that read “The game was not complete for this edition”.

And that was after your Page 1 told me that Delray Beach is going after parking ticket scofflaws. Not pederasts or spouse abusers or Congressional ITers maybe selling government stuff to the Russkies but serial overtime parkers. Another story told me of   the outrage of pajama-clad snowflake POOs [Perpetually Outraged & Offended] being, you know what I’m saying, outraged & offended by street names. [As an aside, and in the spirit of us all coming together, can we all join hands in a long overdue Kumbaya moment and forbid any government vehicle from using Dixie highway? Gridlock for the masses. Move over Gandhi & King.] Then you had a Page 1 promotion of a restaurant promotion aimed at the upper middle class. Section 8 tenants can’t afford the restaurants that you feature. Maybe those who are “fighting for $15” know these restaurants from the kitchen and the slop chute/dumpster connection but from where the starched table cloth sections are. I hope you were paid for Page 1 product placement or didn’t a stint in Chapter X1 bankruptcy teach you anything? And then there was tiny toss-away for a little storm in Texas, a storm that would cause Noah to soil his knotted knickers.

Put differently, I ain’t buying your paper anymore. It doesn’t mean I’ll stop reading it. I have sympathetic neighbors who encourage my mooching. I am trying to expand my mooching list to include single malt whisky but, alas, not successfully.

Your editorial on medical marijuana shows how to ugh it is to be an ink-spattered modern American Liberal today. I know, I know 72% of those who voted favored the legalization of pot. [62% of those who voted on same sex marriage oppose it but that’s different, right? Referenda are good but only when the right thing wins, right?] Possession of marijuana is a violation of Federal law. Thank God for John C. Calhoun, the slave owning architect of the theory of nullification. It is a straight line from him saying the Feds could not tell states what to do in re slavery to sanctuary cities. In for a pence, in for a pound.  Get Cheech & Ching down here to do a reverse Anita Bryant. Stoned Gator wrestling. One Toke Over the Line colonoscopies by the sea. Bongs for LQBGTUs. Page 1 promotes upscale meals for upscale folks – mostly White. You editorialize in favor of weed for the working man. Blue collar Hawaiian Gold.

Your editorial feature the polls and votes – vox populi? – on the subject. Why not have the trials of all heinous crimes decided that way? All kidnap/rape/torture/murder cases – Think Matthew Shepherd and Jesse Dirkhising – will be decided by the people gathered on the steps of the courthouse. Seems like a good idea to me.

Your paper is so thin, both figuratively and literally, that I can almost read my 2 favorite summer books: The Wit & Wisdom of Debbie Wasserman-Schultz & The Fun Side of Little Debbie with an introduction by Bernie Sanders. I mention her because if she were a Republican and “I am Debbie, hear me roar because I am a modern American Liberal who is a liar, liar, pants on fire fan of 4^th & 5^th trimester abortions and please don’t throw me into the briar patch of my husband’s bank business” you would have flayed her over and over and over and over and over ad nauseam. And deep dpwn, you know I’m right, right?

Kevin Smith

PS – And thanks for telling me on Sunday morning which sport shows I could watch on Saturday.