E. J. Dionne Washington Post Writers’ Group

November 26, 2010

E. J. Dionne
Washington Post Writers’ Group
1150 15th Street NW
Washington, DC 20017

RE: Year End Honors List and some comments on “Tackling the Runaway Deficit” as proclaimed by you in today’s Miami Herald.

Mr. Dionne,

Congratulations!

Even though it is still November I hereby name you

HORSE’S ASS OF THE YEAR

As much as I would like to I cannot grant you the exalted status of

POMPOUS FART OF THE YEAR
OR
SMARMY BASTARD OF THE YEAR

Your Logic would dictate that the quickest way to “balance” the budget would be to institute a much more progressive personal income tax rate. By your definition the lowest rate would be 116%.

You may wish to spend particular attention to the trusts created in 1936 by that “malefactor of great wealth” Joe Kennedy, a big fan of Hitler. Even then he knew that his youngest son would never be able earn a living on his own. Studies show that the public favors the President’s overseas jaunts. The thought is that if he is on a perpetual hadj he can’t do that much harm in Washington. If you were to break those trusts the proceeds would pay for a year’s worth of high test for Air Force 1.

As to balancing the budget through spending cuts try these on.

#1 – Stop buying oil for the Strategic Petroleum Reserve.
#2 – Start selling oil from the Strategic Petroleum Reserve.
#3 – Save for honor guards at cemeteries get all GIs out of Europe.
#4 – Give the Post Office to UPS and FedEx.
#5 – Crop prices are at historic highs. Shut down the Department of Agriculture.






#6 – You are sentenced to be tied to horse facing his. – You guessed it – ass. My grandfather, Jack Smith, always marveled at the fact that there were more horses’ asses than there were horses’ heads. Making allowances for Eyetie gangster movies the number should always be in balance.

One of the unintended consequences of modern American Liberalism is an argument against Darwin’s theories. [Incidentally, are there any other theories 150 years old that haven’t been proved?] That the asses outnumber the heads may be the Missing Link needed to convince the scientific community that man indeed has descended, not from apes, but from bears. Go figure.

Once you are secured to the saddle you are to be pelted with cream pies. In addition to the lactic fusillade your are to be serenaded by atonal Tea Partiers. It’s not a Gershwin tune but “You are a horse’s ass” has certain panache of jennysayqwa to it, don’t you think?

And this brings us to a “teachable moment”.

History and a whole pile of inconvenient facts are irrelevant when you preach Dionne’s upside down, inside out laws of pseudo-economics. Despite a wish fulfillment syndrome inspired by Peter Pan, and I almost hate to tell you this, corporations don’t pay taxes. It becomes a cost of doing business, like salaries, rent, and 3 martini lunches. The customer, the end user, pays it.

I’ll try to use cream pies made from milk from cows who swear they will not engage in bovine eructations. At least you’ll know that you did your part to save the polar bears.