Janny “Incompitano” Napolitano

November 22, 2010

Governor Ed Rendell [D-PA], so notoriously wrong in his predictions about the 2010 elections, was spot on in his assessment of Janet Napolitano.

The Secretary, AKA Janny “Incompitano” Napolitano, and let us pause and pay homage to the first “Janny”, Janet Reno, and wouldn’t we have to get on the Pioneer space probe to find a dumber, more incompetent Attorney General anywhere in this solar system or beyond, was the perfect choice for the job. “She has no life”, said Governor Rendell.

Janet Reno began her illustrious Federal career by charbroiling 7 dozen of her fellow citizens at Waco. It was downhill for the rest of her term The next time the Gods meet they will vote on whether or not to include her 8 years as AG as worthy of inclusion in the list that was exclusive to Hercules. The only positive thing she did was to make two of her predecessors, Mitchell and Palmer, into Thomas More-like characters.]

As the paradigmatic template of the modern American Liberal bureaucrat – scratch one any of them and you get a secret Nazi yearning to call the class to order – she would be just as comfortable keeping the line straight and moving briskly at Treblinka or Dachau as she is in ordering dirty old men or women to play stinky finger with nuns, 3 year olds, and double amputees.

The lesson of History must be taught yet again.

While it is true that not all Muslims are terrorists it is equally true that all terrorists in the 21st century have been Muslims.

Back in the 1980s my son Sean, nee “The World Famous Attorney”, lived in England. I told him to limit his flying to 3 airlines, [Aeroflot, British Air, & El-Al] The reasons were simple: No one ever hijacked a Russian airliner. If someone snatched the last two Margaret Thatcher and Menachem Begin were coming after you.

I worked with Milton Spatz for 5 years. We shared #6612 in the Empire State Building. His El-Al plane had just pulled away when it stopped and returned to the gate. A half a dozen agents got on the plane, walked past Miltie, and dragged a middle seat passenger from the plane. They gave him a beating as they dragged him, by the heels, up the aisle. Not one passenger – mostly American Jews returning home from the Jewish Haj – made one sound.

No 3 year old boys were strip searched. No colostomy survivors were made to pee in their pants. I daresay dreaded profiling techniques were used before we knew how bad they were.




There is picture of a TSA agent, a man with a moustache and look of approaching tingly tumescence, as he probes the pubic bone of a compliant passenger. He is looking for weapons of mass destruction. [BARs, bazookas, German 88s, Jimmy Carter’s inaugural address, weapons grade cholera, a “shovel ready” shovel, “Yes, We Can” stink bombs, a bag of Big Macs, inorganic endives, stuff like that.] This zombie could have been the model for those thick glasses, fake big nose, and upper lip bearded clam disguises so popular among bank robbers. You know that this guy’s favored method of relaxation involves a big box of candy, tickets to the ball game, a long rain coat, argyle socks, and a bag of boys’ underwear [slightly randy]

Milton Friedman gave us all a lesson in pronouns.

“What kind of people do they think we are?” was the question asked by an outraged politician over some long forgotten insult.

“What kind of people do we think we are?” was the lesson that day from the good Professor.

Why have we allowed these contemptible refugees from the 11th centur, “bug-eyed apes all”, to dictate how we can get on an airplane in our own country?

They fly planes into our buildings. They try to blow up planes over our cities. They shoot and kill American soldiers in this country. They outlawed balloons and whistling. They stone women.

And then they tell me that I must be sensitive to their culture?

Bullshit.

As free men we have acquiesced in this lunacy.

It is time to end it.

George Washington sent troops into Pennsylvania. Adams made criticism a capital crime. Lincoln suspended the writ of habeas corpus and exiled a Congressman to Canada. Wilson sent his Attorney General out with myriad “no knock” warrants. Roosevelt put American citizens into concentration camps because their eyes were almond shaped.

Free men have protected themselves by putting an iron fist into an iron glove.








They know that the solution to this problem is not to be found in patting down Granny. The solution is to be found in attacking the bad guys wherever they are. Yemen, MSNBC, Somalia , O’Hare Airport, Kafiristan, the New York Times. Wherever.

I have two artificial hips. My wife has a permanent chemotherapy port by her neck. O.J. Simpson, Osama Bin Laden, or Charles Manson would have a better chance of getting past security at the Fort Lauderdale Airport than we would.

Rule #1 – The next person whose genitals are to be groped will be Janet Napolitano. I know it is dark, lonely, and dangerous work but I volunteer to do it. It’s the least I can do for my country. Perhaps Senator Barbara Mikulski will volunteer as tunnel rat to get into every nook and cranny of her doubtless Guinness Book colon.

Rule #2 – Ellen DeGeneres and Rosie O’Donnell will arm wrestle to see who gets to examine Congresswoman Pelosi’s still impressive “sweater meat” rack. The loser gets an autographed copy of her beaver X-ray shot.

Rule #3 – We will have a national lottery, with all proceeds going to deficit reduction, to see who gets to examine Mrs. Obama’s burgeoning broadsiding backside. She could hide a Hum-Vee armed with IEDs, Sidewinder missiles, and a case of MREs there. Finally, a “shovel ready” project worthy of the name!

Modern American Liberals had no problem finding the “penumbras and emanations” in the Constitution that created the heretofore undiscovered Right to/of/for Privacy. I humbly submit that the rights to “domestic tranquility”, the “common defense”, and to “secure the blessings of liberty” are already there. There will be no need for any Black robed ohmadahn to spend 70 pages on an assault on Logic and History to find them. Try reading the preamble.

The Founders could not have envisioned airports, let alone airport pat-downs, but the sure as Hell knew something about “the right of the people to be secure in their persons”. William Pitt was madder than Hell and was not going to take it anymore when the prospect of the King “crossing the threshold of a ruined tenement” uninvited was thought to be imminent.

What would he have thought about probing pudendas or making 3 year olds cry before getting on the plane to see Granny?








President Grant said the best way to get rid of a bad law was to enforce it.

Let’s have a separate line for all members of Congress departing Reagan Airport on Wednesday.

It may be in a lame duck session but it will come down the home stretch like Secretariat at the Belmont Stakes.





Kevin Smith