September 18, 2014
Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman-Schultz
10100 Pines Blvd
Pembroke Pines, FL 33026

RE: An award earned the old fashioned way

Debbie, Debbie,

After reading of your dispute with the Democratic National Committee over their refusal to buy your clothes I then read of your winning a lifetime achievement award from the Suzan G. Komen Breast Cancer Foundation

The only criterion for winning the award is a positive biopsy for malignancy and the ability to be upright and breathing when you receive it.

I enclose an autographed dollar bill. Please use it to offset the cost of whatever frock you wear you receive this award. I suggest you visit Nick’s Nearly New Shoppe. They have a great selection of – you guessed it – nearly new schmatta.

Lest you think I am a far worse lout than the one who caused you to send the police to my house 13 years ago today – If memory serves that was for something I wrote. So much for the vaunted modern American Liberal love of the First Amendment –
for using cancer as a spring board for scorn and ridicule I too am a cancer survivor.

If you were afflicted with terminal glossolalia you would still be worthy of scorn and ridicule. Come to think of it you are showing some of the symptoms, most notably your ability to sound like different persons when talking about Israel. In Washington you sound like Neville Chamberlain. In Broward County you sound like a cross between Ari ben Canaan, Moshe Dayan, Meir Kahane, and Hyman Roth. So much for the shibboleth that all Jews are smart.

Since 2004 I have had 6 surgeries, a month of radiation and 2 rounds of chemo.

And here’s something I cannot make up.

I am currently being treated for breast cancer.

Were I to win an award for getting cancer and being able to talk about it I promise to pay for whatever clothes I would wear when receiving it

Smarmy, as in smarmy bastard, is a word that usually cannot be modified, quantified, or qualified.

I have spoken to the Elders of the Shrine of Fowler, Strunck & White. They have allowed me the privilege of one specific exception for one today and only if it applies to you.

We know that you are the paradigmatic template used to construct a working model of smarmy bastards, gender bias free and lactose intolerant LGBT friendly.

I add a well and truly earned addition to your crown.


ALL HAIL LITTLE DEBBIE!

THE DOYENNE OF SPENDING OTHER PEOPLE’S MONEY!

CHEAP SMARMY BASTARD!





KEVIN SMITH