September 16, 2014
Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman-Schultz
19200 W. Country Club Drive
Aventura, FL 33180

RE: You are like herpes. A gift that keeps on giving

Ms Wasserperson-Schultz,

How tough must it be to be a modern American Liberal, particularly one who is daily in the public eye squaring the circle of lunacies that are demanded of tis votaries?

For example, any discussion of the First Amendment cannot go 2 paragraphs, indeed sometimes 2 sentences, with the obligatory obeisance to the twin Gods of “Slippery Slope” and “Chilling Effect”.

The contradiction is that no one dares to point out that the United States Senate, under the toxic thumb of Harry the Hack and his faithful companion, Little Dick, just spent 4 days trying to undo the First Amendment.

Who can forget, not I surely, that you sent the Florida Department of Law Enforcement, men with badges, men with guns, and men with the full majesty of the Law behind them, to my house, because of something I wrote.

“Free speech for thee but not for me” is the hallmark of wanabee Brown Shirts, AKA modern American Liberals.

There was a time when I thought you weren’t – How to say this delicately? – dumber than a box of hammers. I thought you had broken out of the tight circle of Broward County chick pols who couldn’t tell you what color an orange was.

Stacey Ritter, Miriam Oliphant, Beverly Gallagher, Phyllis Wasserman-Rubin, Sylvia Poitier, Kristin Jacobs leap to mind. What an argument for birth control!

I’ll say this for modern American Liberals.

THEY NEVER LET YOU DOWN





You say, with no fear of being pelted with flaming bags of cat shit, that 10 years of Coca-Cola and M&Ms gave you cancer.

That construct relies heavily on the reasoning that Global Warming causes hot summers which cause Global Warming which causes polar bears to drown and, you guessed it, more Global Warming. And to think that Leonidas and his loyal Spartan Hoplites died at Thermopylae defending critical thinking and Logic from the Persian feral thugs.

I suppose since you haven’t said whether it was M&M plain or M&Ms with nuts that caused all those carcinoid incubuses to visit you the jury is still out as whether you are a Horse’s Ass of truly Homeric proportions or just a regular Horse’s Ass with potential.

I’ll spare you the notion that correlation is not causation, it being a bit too much for the plate of a modern American Liberal since it demands the discipline of critical thinking. People who think raising the minimum wage and taxes will bring an economic resurgence are incapable of either critical thinking or reasoned discourse.

This morning’s attempt for automatic entry into the “What, me worry?” Hall of Fame is your kvetching about bureaucracy in the Army Corps of Engineers.

For a card carrying, fire breathing modern American Liberal, someone who believes that the horizon can be reached if enough good people work hard enough at it – Hey! The war on Poverty worked didn’t it? – to complain about bureaucracy is like the vixen complaining that there are too many chickens. In your case, it would be like Nagaina, the Queen Cobra, complaining that there were too many legs to bite.

You complain that it is taking too long to deepen the channel at Port Everglades so as to allow larger ships access. [Here’s a diabolically inconvenient fact to chew on. Since you are boycotting Chick-Fil-A for the odious practice saying what they believe and are contemplating boycotting Burger King for not drinking the Kool-Aid what in the name of Cesar Chavez are you are going to do after I tell you that half of the ships that will benefit from your disturbing manatees and damaging coral reef are carrying stuff bound for Wal-Mart? Since those Midwestern rich White guys stick together the expeditious widening of the ship channel will benefit the Koch Brothers also. Chew on that for a while.]

But here’s where it gets interesting.

Didn’t Candidate Obama pronounce in a most ex cathedra manner while standing in front of the faux Greek columns that he would make the oceans recede? Taking him at his word, after all Camp Gitmo is closed and we are now in our fifth Summer of Recovery, he has made the problem worse.

It will be task for an aquatic Sisyphus.

No matter how much the channel is deepened it will never be deep enough for the big ships to get through. The reason is simple. The damn water is receding. Didn’t the President tell us so? By the way, does anyone know where the water goes? Is this why polar bears are drowning? Did it inspire ISIS/ISIL? How about Ebola? Did it cause teen age bullying, the heartbreak of psoriasis, or discrimination against lactose intolerant transgendered Ritalin resistant ADHD inner city youth?

I guess the Army Corps of Engineers didn’t get the memo.

If the United States sends military personnel wearing Air Jordans to fight on the ground would that fall with the parameters of “No boots on the ground”?




FROM A PROUD GLOBAL WARMER!





Kevin Smith



PS – I hope your husband’s bank merger went smooth and easy. I would hate to think you would need to use Congresswoman Maxine Waters rules of engagement. She described TV shots of her constituents looting a 7-11 as “alternative shopping”, remember? She and her husband are known as Mr. & Mrs. Jesse James. She must have pictures of Obama and Holder doing the two-step in matching tu-tus while being two or three tokes over the line.